All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s01e28 I Look Better in Basic Black.eng

CBS presents this program
in color.

( theme song playing )

SCHULTZ:
All right, everybody. All right.

Mach schnell, schnell, schnell,

schnell, schnell,
schnell, schnell!

All right, everybody.
Everybody, all right.

Hey, Schultz, what's
going on here?

We're not
having a party.

Order of Colonel Klink,

all prisoners from Barracks 3
have to be moved in here.

Do these guys have
a reservation?

This is no way
to run a hotel.

I'm writing a letter
to the Red Cross.

And I'm going to
write a letter

to The Times,
straightaway.

( all talking at once )

HOGAN:
All right, all right, hold it, hold it.

Hold it. Hold it.

What's our jolly innkeeper
up to now?

Komm...
Well...

Kommandant Klink
wants to make room

for three more prisoners.

That's all I know.

Is that all?

For goodness sakes.

Oh, I'm sorry, Schultz,
would you care for some?

I can't eat it all--
I'm on a diet.

On you, it wouldn't show.

Chocolate, huh?

Mm, chocolate.

What about those three
new prisoners, Schultz?

Three Americans.

They're on their way

to a maximum security prison
in Berlin.

They need a whole
barracks for that?

The Gestapo doesn't want them
to talk to anyone.

They must know something
pretty important, huh?

Maybe they do,
but me, I know nothing.

Noth...

Mmm, nothing.

( knocking on door )

Come in, come in.

Ah, Hogan.

I understand you wish
to register a compliant

because we're moving more men
into your barracks?

Yes, sir.

Well, if you're not happy here,

why don't you try another
foolish escape?

Escape?

Who'd want to
leave all this?

Hogan, you're wasting my time.

Your men will have to suffer
a little inconvenience.

You know, overcrowding is
against the Geneva convention.

Also under the rules
of the Geneva convention,

I am not obliged
to share my cookies with you.

I forgot to read
that part, sir.

( knocking on door )
Come in, come in.

Herr Kommandant.

Captain Heinrich is here

and the three Americans
are waiting in the truck.

( whistles )
What? What?

Women.

Women?

Women!

Women.

The prisoners are women?

We are not set
up for women.

Why wasn't I notified?

This is impossible.

Always Berlin sends
their problems to Klink.

That's what you get
for being Mr. Nice Guy.

Schultz, take these women
off the truck

and move them to Barracks 3.

There's plenty of room
in my place, Schultz.

Move the girls in with me.

Jawohl...
Schultz!

When do I get
to interrogate them, sir?

You seem to forget
they are my prisoners.

Now, Schultz,

I want you to put them
under maximum security,

and send Captain Heinrich in.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Hogan, dismissed.

( all talking at once )

Hold it a minute, will ya?!

Come on.

It's only temporary.

Say, who are those three
new prisoners, anyway?

Well, they've got
to be officers.

Blimey, they always get
the icing off the cake.

No offense, sir.

They're not officers.

They're maximum security
prisoners.

They must have
some valuable information

or the Krauts wouldn't
be moving them to Berlin.

Information
about what?

We won't know
until we make contact.

How are we going
to do that?

By digging out that old tunnel
to Barracks 3.

( all protesting )

Dig and dig.
That's all we do.

All right, hold it,
hold it, will ya?

Now we've dug an
ingenious tunnel system,

and I'm proud of you.

And I know you'll pitch in

and dig just one more
with the proper spirit.

I didn't join the RAF
to become a ruddy gopher.

I hate tunnels.

I never even rode
on the Metro.

Look, I can't order you
to dig this tunnel.

I'm asking for volunteers.

Oh, I see.

That's the way it's
going to be, huh?

All right, I'll just have
to figure another way

to make contact with
those three girls.

Girls?
Girls? Girls?

Sir, I hereby volunteer
for King and Empire.

Moi aussi.

Lafayette, I am here.

I could be trampled to death

by this sudden
display of patriotism.

We British, sir,
have always felt very friendly

towards you people
in the colonies.

Oh, yeah?

Where were you
when we sent them

the Statue of Liberty?

How long did it take us

to dig that tunnel to
the barbed wire fence?

Well, we used eight men,
and as I remember,

it took us about...
16 hours.

Yeah, 16 hours.

All right,
this is twice the distance.

How long will it take
to get to the girls?

About an hour-and-a-half, sir.

I wouldn't let you
dig this alone.

Well, with help, 20 minutes.

Look,
this is a military mission,

not a friendship club.

So, I'm going
to talk to the girls.

That's a bit cheeky,
even for an officer.

Do you know how long its been
since I've seen a woman?

It's been even longer
for me.

Yeah, but I'm French.

Couldn't we just shake hands
with them?

It would be the firing squad

if you fellows were caught
with the girls.

You weren't...
I'm not going to let you risk your lives.

You weren't that worried

when you sent me out there
to cut that barbed wire.

Making contact
with those girls

could be the turning
point in the war.

It would be for me.

Then I can count on you
to dig the tunnel?

You can count on me, sir.

With me bare hands
if necessary.

Me, too.

Just digging
within four feet of a woman

is better
than never to have loved at all.

I'd sure like to know what
they're going to do with us?

I wouldn't.

I'd feel a lot better
if we didn't have

that Captain Heinrich
for a den mother.

Yes, he's seen too many
Erich von Stroheim movies.

Who's Erich von Stroheim?

He was before
your time, dear.

( thumping )
Shh.

Quiet.

( thumping )

Okay, come on.

Hey!

Wait a minute, hold it.

I'm an American and a veteran.

We thought you were a German.

Germans come through the door.

Americans come through
the floor.

Now look,
mister, we... Hold it, hold it.

Hi. Colonel Robert E. Hogan,

U.S. Army Air Corps,
semiretired.

I'm Charlene Hemsley,
adagio dancer.

I'm Ginger Wilson, and
this is Kathy Pruitt.

She certainly is.

Has anybody
interrogated you yet?

That one guard
sort of got a little fresh.

No, they just

dumped us in here,
and we haven't seen anybody yet.

Good. Look, according to
the Geneva convention,

you're not required
to give anything but your name,

your unit
and the key you sing in.

Should I tell them
I'm double-jointed?

Only under extreme torture.

How long will they keep us here?

They'll be moving you out
any minute.

All right, now, listen,
this is important.

Why are the Krauts
so interested in you three,

aside from the obvious reasons?

Beats me.

We don't know.

We really can't figure it out.

You see, we were doing our act
for this infantry outfit

when there was an attack.

Well,
we jumped into a jeep,

and we thought we were heading
for headquarters.

Well, the next thing we knew,
there we were

hiding in an underground shelter
surrounded by Germans.

What was in the shelter?

A lot of very fresh soldiers.

Boy, was it scary.

There were these
long, thin shells.

They looked
like torpedoes.

Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

With, like,
little wings on them.

Sort of like something
out of Buck Rogers.

Torpedoes with wings...

Buck Rogers...

( snaps fingers )

Rockets.

I was with them for two years.

Not Rockettes, dear.

Rockets.

A rocket base.

That's what the Krauts
are hiding.

Where was it?
Don't ask me.

I couldn't even find my way
out of a telephone booth.

How long did it take you
to get here?

It was about
four hours. Yeah, right.

By autobahn?
Highway?

It was
a very bumpy road.

A few minutes after we started,
we passed through a small town.

There was a cathedral
with, like, a real tall spire.

Yeah, that's Hofberg.

It's about 80 miles
due east of here.

By truck, four hours would be
just about right.

Welcome to Stalag 13, ladies.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Newkirk's the name, ladies,
but you can call me Peter.

Voilà.

A little bouquet
to brighten up your room.

He's a magician.

I was held over two weeks
in Blackpool.

Don't tell me, I know.

Back in the tunnel.

( singing in French )

* Yankee Doodle came to town *

* Riding on a pony. *

We don't need
a concert, LeBeau.

Both of you,
back in the tunnel.

Now, sir,
I'm not going to let you

take the risk all on your own.

We're in this together--

the Union Jack
and the Star Spangled Banner.

And let's not forget
the Statue of Liberty.

You're cute.

Hey, Colonel,

are you authorized
to perform wedding ceremonies?

Newkirk?

Will you give
the bride away?

My pleasure...
( knocking on door )

( knocking continues )

( whispers ):
The door.

KATHY:
Who is it?

SCHULTZ:
It's me, Sergeant Schultz.

Oh. Oh, come in, Sergeant.

Guten Morgen, Frauleins.

I'm Sergeant Schultz.
( clicks heels )

Very happy to meet you,
Sergeant.

( giggles )

Eins... zwei...

Where is drei?

Oh, uh, well, she's
changing, Sergeant.

I brought you a bottle of wine

to make your stay here
more pleasant.

GINGER:
It was very thoughtful of you, Sergeant.

( giggling )

Eins... zwei...

drei... vier.

Drei is here.

Oh, Schultz,
you're too late.

We already voted.

Colonel Hogan,

what are you
doing in here?!

Schultz, we heard the guards
were having a party.

Thank you for
bringing the wine.

Please,
Colonel Hogan.

I'll bet you
Commandant Klink

would take a very dim view
of this, Schultz.

But if you don't tell
him we were here,

we won't tell him
you were here.

Where's the corkscrew?

The corkscrew.

No corkscrew!

Back to the barracks
where you belong.

Back, back,
back, back! ( knocking on door )

( knocking continues )

( muttering )

KLINK:
Frauleins, this is Kommandant Klink.

Come in.

Good morning,
Frauleins.

Good morning, Kommandant.

I hope you're enjoying
your stay with us?

Oh, yes, yes,
it's a very nice place to visit,

but we'd really hate
to live here.

You see, I think we're allergic
to barbed wire, dogs

and German guards.

Ah, ah, ah!

It's all necessary
to maintain the reputation

of Stalag 13

as the toughest
POW camp in all of Germany.

( gasps )

Trick or treat.

What are you
doing here?

K-Kommandant,

I-I was inspecting
the barracks.

With a bottle
of wine?

You came for
funny business

with these girls?

Sure, and I suppose you're here

to hold a religious service?

Colonel Hogan,
I am holding you

personally
responsible for this.

And you, Schultz,
will be...

( door opening )

Ah, Captain Heinrich!

Captain Heinrich, I-I...

( chuckles )

I suppose you're wondering

why I'm holding this bottle
of wine in my hand.

You are aware, Colonel,

of the non-fraternization
regulations?

I was just explaining that

to these women,
Captain Heinrich.

Say, why don't we all drink
to that regulation?

Silence!

In the interests
of security, Colonel,

I think it is wiser

if I take these girls out
of this camp

as soon as possible.

HEINRICH:
We will leave tomorrow.

And by whose orders?

They are my prisoners.

I get my orders directly
from Berlin!

Oh, I know him.

He wrote
"God Bless America."

I can also tell you,
Colonel Klink,

that my report to Headquarters
will not be flattering to you.

I thought
they'd never leave.

Hey, the wine steward is here.

Did you bring the glasses?

Raus!

Killjoy.

Raus!

Last time you
work at one of my parties.

Raus!

Do drop in again.

Raus!

I, uh, just got
radio confirmation

from London, Colonel.

It's all set.

Good. When do they bomb
the rocket site?

Tomorrow at
2300 hours.

Colonel, if they bomb
the emplacement,

they're sure to know

the information came
from the girls.

It won't matter by them.

The girls will be out the tunnel
on their way to London.

Yeah, as soon as
the sub calls in,

I'll arrange for
a rendezvous.

Good, good.

You know, I kind of hate
to see them go.

I like the idea
of a coed POW camp.

( explosion )

Hey...
Come on up.

Uh-huh.
What happened?

It's a cave-in, sir.

Oh.
Oh.

( coughing )
Here, sit down.

( coughing continues )

Are you hurt?

( coughing )

Boy. Where?

It's the new section
of the tunnel,

right near
the girls' barracks.

HOGAN:
How bad is it?

Complete washout.

You guys didn't brace it enough.

With girls at
the other end?

Who stopped
for braces?

Can we still reach 'em?

Not without a ruddy bulldozer

you can't, sir.

It'll take days to clear.

If they're going
to bomb tomorrow,

how are we going
to get those girls out tonight?

Well, don't look at me.

I can't help us.

When all else fails,
there's always Colonel Klink.

Schultz, here
is a list

of punishments
and restrictions

for the prisoners.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

And they can thank you for that.

Shouldn't you check that
with Captain Heinrich?

Check with Captain Heinrich?

You don't want to go
over his head, do you?

Hogan, may I remind you

that I am the Kommandant
of this camp.

Don't remind me.

Remind him.

Dismissed.

Ah, it's no skin
off my nose,

if your men are laughing
behind your back.

Hogan, no one laughs

behind Colonel
Klink's back!

Look, face the facts.

Since Captain Heinrich has been
running this camp, your men...

Captain Heinrich
has not been running this camp.

All right,
but he doesn't care

if those women cause trouble
and ruin Stalag 13's reputation.

What? What?

Forget it.

So what if he did
go over your head

and order those girls
to Berlin tomorrow.

When you know
it would be smarter

to have them shipped out
tonight.

What? What?

It's not important
if those girls cause a riot.

Important?

I will decide
what's important.

They're going
out tonight!

Schultz, tell
Captain Heinrich

that I order him
to move those girls

to Berlin, tonight!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

As for you, I...

Evening, Fritz.

Lovely weather
we're having.

Nice night for a raid
on Berlin, what?

( chuckles )

( speaking German )

Schnell, schnell!

All right, no need
to get huffy, mate.

( dog whining )

Just hope to stay
alive, that's all.

All set?

Worked like a charm.

All right.
Let's get going

before they
load the girls in the truck.

( sizzling )

( whimpering )

Sergeant, a bomb!

Sergeant!

GUARD:
A bomb, a bomb.

Sergeant...

( speaking German )

( both speaking German )

Turn off the...

( barking )

Oh, come on, Bearheart.

Shame on you.

What's all
that jazz

about man's
best friend?

( whining and whimpering )

Don't pad your part.

Hi.
Oh, hi, fellas.

You're just in time
for the going-away party.

You're not going.

Tell that
to Captain Heinrich.

What do you mean,
we're not going?

Look, I think we can help you
to escape to England

if you're willing
to take a chance.

Anything's better
than being booked

in a German prison camp
for three years.

I'll go along
with that.

Me, too.

What's the plan, Colonel?

This is the way
it stacks up.

We're going to
change places with the girls.

What?

The three of us
go out in the truck tonight

while the girls
hide back here.

Brilliant.

Fantastic. He always
comes up with...

Colonel, what
good does it do the girls

if you guys
escape?

Yeah.

After we escape,
we sneak back into camp.

We arrange to have the girls

go out
in the dog truck tomorrow.

Of course.
I said it was brilliant.

Don't you see?
It will be easy.

Because half the guards will be
out looking for you.

He's a ruddy
genius,

even if he
is an officer.

Can you get away
with this?

I mean, yeah.

Uh, I may not be Miss America,
but, uh,

I don't look like a fella.

You can say that again.

Ma'am.

All right, let's get going.

No, no, no.
Wait, wait.

If-If we change places

with the girls tonight,

then that
means that...

I just got it.

So did I.

You want us
to wear their clothes?

You know a better way
to look like women?

Well... Well,
that's out.

Forget it.

The articles
of war do not require me

to wear ladies'
clothing.

Will you wait a minute?

There's no danger.

It's dark out.

And besides,
look what I've got.

Private Ninowski, our wigmaker,
does beautiful work.

Look, Colonel,

I'd rather grab
a machine gun

from the guards and
blast our way out.

I'll help
you, LeBeau.

Come on.

All right!

I didn't want to do it this way,
but I order you.

Put on their clothes
and these wigs.

And if I disobey the order?

Court-martial
and firing squad.

Well, no bandage
for my eyes.

Vive la France.

Sir, you can
hang me from the highest yardarm,

but under no
circumstances

will we dress
as women.

Hey, you guys look
pretty convincing.

Shut up!

Oui, shut up!

If you tell anybody
about this,

I will personally
poison your food.

All right, easy, men.

Look, Carter,
after we leave,

take the girls back
to our barracks.

R-Right, Colonel.

Keep them out of sight
as much as possible,

because we don't...

You know, Newkirk...

What?
You look good in basic black.

( speaking German )

Jawohl.

( speaking German )

( speaking German )

Fresh!

( groans )

( grunts )

What's the
matter, dear?

( Hogan groaning )

It must be her appendix!
Stop the truck!

Stop the truck!

Tell them to
stop the truck!

Kathy is sick!

I believe I'm going to faint!

Quick, quick!

( speaking German )

( groaning )

What is this?
( Hogan groaning )

LeBEAU:
It's Kathy! She's not well!

I think she has the vapors,
whatever that is!

( groaning )

Keep her quiet for the rest
of the trip, or you will...

Oh!

Come on.
It's all right?

Yeah, we did
pretty well.

You did a great job.

Fine. Let's go!
All right...

Wait. Hey, wait a minute.

What's the matter?

Is my mascara running?

Oh.

I don't know. Maybe they ran
into some sort of trouble.

Maybe something happened.
I don't know.

Yeah, maybe
his garter belt snapped.

I don't think
that would have slowed him down.

Well, it's hard
to win a war

when your stockings
are falling down.

We're home!

How'd it go?

NEWKIRK:
Oh, piece of cake. Fine, fine.

LeBEAU:
Yeah, fine.

Oh, my God.

Colonel...

how can we ever
thank you?

Leave your names and addresses,
and after the war,

I'm sure
we can work something out.

( laughs )

Come in.

Now, Colonel Hogan,
you asked permission to see me?

Right, sir.

Request permission
for my men

to have extra
rations tomorrow.

Why do you want extra rations?

Don't tell me
you've forgotten.

It's a holiday.

What holiday?

Armistice Day.

It's the day we beat the Germans
in the First World...

Sorry, sir.

It's in bad taste.

Permission refused.

Colonel, you're invited
to the party.

The men insisted.

Request denied.

I hate a poor loser.

Oh, uh...

what do you hear
from your old boss,

Captain Heinrich?

The Captain
you admire so much, Hogan,

has met with disgrace.

No!

He allowed the three
lady prisoners to escape.

I can't believe it.

And I heard that he was...

( stifling laughter )

overpowered by a lady's handbag.

( laughs )

Did you ever see
what a woman carried

in her purse?

If headquarters would have left
those women with me,

this never would have happened!

What harm can
three girls do?

Because of them,
the enemy bombed one

of our most important
experimental stations.

Dismissed.

Rockets?
Yes.

Who said rockets?

You did.

( whispers ):
But your secret's safe with me.

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