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00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:07,601
CBS presents this programin color.
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00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:27,300
( theme song playing )
3
00:01:05,234 --> 00:01:05,334
Mmm, mmm!
4
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:07,734
Smells
delicious.
5
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,400
Crepe Suzettes,
but not quite ready yet.
6
00:01:09,467 --> 00:01:10,501
You know, since the war,
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00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:11,934
the service here
has been terrible.
8
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,601
I know, it's very...
Boy, it sure has.
9
00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:14,901
All right, all right.
10
00:01:14,968 --> 00:01:17,100
Tomorrow night I'm going
to serve a gourmet dinner:
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00:01:17,167 --> 00:01:18,934
pâté de foie gras,poulet rôti de jardinière,
12
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,133
and fraises du bois.
13
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,767
Good. I think
I'll eat in.
14
00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:24,601
Well, all I have
to do is steal a chicken,
15
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:27,100
a goose and four pounds
of wild strawberries.
16
00:01:27,167 --> 00:01:28,467
SCHULTZ:
Achtung!
17
00:01:28,534 --> 00:01:28,601
Come on, Schultz!
18
00:01:30,033 --> 00:01:31,968
How many times have I told you
to knock first?
19
00:01:32,033 --> 00:01:34,367
His Achtung made me bruise
the batter.
20
00:01:34,434 --> 00:01:35,534
All right,
Schultz, Schultz,
21
00:01:35,634 --> 00:01:36,734
I honestly think
22
00:01:36,801 --> 00:01:38,501
you owe LeBeau
an apology.
23
00:01:38,567 --> 00:01:39,868
LeBeau, I didn't mean it.
24
00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:41,033
What are you cooking?
25
00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:42,267
Crepe Suzettes.
26
00:01:42,334 --> 00:01:44,501
And if you're real nice,
I'll give you one.
27
00:01:44,567 --> 00:01:47,567
I'm a very nice fellow
for a guard.
28
00:01:47,634 --> 00:01:47,701
Okay, okay.
29
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,634
Here it is.
30
00:01:50,701 --> 00:01:53,834
Mmm, it smells good.
31
00:01:53,901 --> 00:01:55,033
Mmm!
32
00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:57,434
Delicious!
33
00:01:57,501 --> 00:02:00,400
LeBeau and I are going
to open a little beer garden
34
00:02:00,467 --> 00:02:01,901
after the war.
35
00:02:01,968 --> 00:02:03,901
Hmm. What am I saying?
36
00:02:03,968 --> 00:02:07,467
Kommandant Klink is going to be
here any minute for inspection.
37
00:02:07,534 --> 00:02:08,634
Oh, don't tell me
38
00:02:08,701 --> 00:02:09,934
Berlin is sending
more officers
39
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,100
to study Stalag 13!
40
00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:12,367
I know nothing,
nothing!
41
00:02:12,434 --> 00:02:13,667
Where is Kinchloe?
42
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,834
Well, he'll be back.
43
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:16,434
He's in Hamilburg
shopping for dinner.
44
00:02:16,501 --> 00:02:18,300
Oh, please,
Colonel Hogan!
45
00:02:18,367 --> 00:02:20,367
Look, is it my fault
Klink always has open house
46
00:02:20,434 --> 00:02:21,567
for the Berlin brass?
47
00:02:21,634 --> 00:02:23,234
Colonel Hogan,
one of these days,
48
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,200
Kommandant Klink is
going to come here
49
00:02:25,267 --> 00:02:27,000
and make a thorough
roll call.
50
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:29,100
And you know what's going
to happen with Schultz?
51
00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:30,434
Right to the
Russian Front!
52
00:02:30,501 --> 00:02:32,834
Don't tell me
you're afraid of a bunch of guys
53
00:02:32,901 --> 00:02:34,033
who dance
sitting down?
54
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:36,467
( laughing )
55
00:02:36,534 --> 00:02:38,200
Newkirk, what are you doing?
56
00:02:38,267 --> 00:02:40,000
Cleaning your gun.
57
00:02:40,067 --> 00:02:42,234
You see,
Newkirk has the proper spirit.
58
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,367
He's cleaning my gun...
59
00:02:44,434 --> 00:02:46,367
My gun!
60
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:48,501
You stole my gun!
61
00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:49,801
Klink's coming.
62
00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:04,834
Achtung!
63
00:03:04,901 --> 00:03:06,901
Everything is
in order, Herr Kommandant!
64
00:03:06,968 --> 00:03:08,901
( sniffing )
65
00:03:08,968 --> 00:03:11,000
As it should be.
66
00:03:15,834 --> 00:03:17,601
I understand
we have another visitor
67
00:03:17,667 --> 00:03:18,868
coming to Stalag 13 tomorrow.
68
00:03:18,934 --> 00:03:20,033
That's right.
69
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,367
Another
prison camp commander
70
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:22,467
coming to take a course
71
00:03:22,534 --> 00:03:24,000
under the great
Professor Klink?
72
00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:25,300
Colonel Hogan,
73
00:03:25,367 --> 00:03:28,000
Berlin considers this
the perfect prison camp,
74
00:03:28,067 --> 00:03:30,234
and with all due modesty,
75
00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:32,234
considers me
the perfect commandant.
76
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:35,267
Schultz, I want a close watch
kept on those men
77
00:03:35,334 --> 00:03:38,067
until the arrival
of Major Bonacelli.
78
00:03:38,133 --> 00:03:39,267
Bonacelli.
79
00:03:39,334 --> 00:03:40,501
Italian.
80
00:03:40,567 --> 00:03:41,667
That's right.
81
00:03:41,734 --> 00:03:43,167
He is being sent
here from Capezio
82
00:03:43,234 --> 00:03:45,067
to study my methods
of discipline,
83
00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:47,834
organization
and security.
84
00:03:47,901 --> 00:03:49,834
Do you give away your secrets
to a foreigner?
85
00:03:49,901 --> 00:03:51,968
Colonel Hogan,
may I remind you
86
00:03:52,033 --> 00:03:54,300
that the Italians
are our allies.
87
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,267
Don't remind me,
remind them.
88
00:03:56,334 --> 00:03:57,968
( grunts )
89
00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:11,167
Goldilocks calling Momma Bear.
90
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:13,033
Goldilocks calling Momma Bear.
91
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:13,868
Come in.
92
00:04:15,834 --> 00:04:17,634
Well, nice to hear from you,
Goldilocks.
93
00:04:17,701 --> 00:04:19,868
Been trying to get in touch
with you since Monday.
94
00:04:19,934 --> 00:04:23,167
We've been on a three day pass
and couldn't get to a phone.
95
00:04:23,234 --> 00:04:24,534
Never mind the sarcasm.
96
00:04:24,601 --> 00:04:26,100
Anything to report?
97
00:04:26,167 --> 00:04:27,267
No, we've had to lay low.
98
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:28,834
Things are kind of hot
around here.
99
00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:31,033
Commandant Klink is training
POW commanders,
100
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:33,067
sort of an earn
while you learn program.
101
00:04:33,133 --> 00:04:34,334
Is it clear now?
102
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:35,968
Can we resume
getting the prisoners out?
103
00:04:36,033 --> 00:04:37,133
Can't do it yet.
104
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,534
We've got a new trainee
arriving,
105
00:04:38,601 --> 00:04:40,267
an Italian major from Capezio.
106
00:04:40,334 --> 00:04:41,634
Capezio? The Allies are going
107
00:04:41,701 --> 00:04:43,267
to be making a landing
there soon.
108
00:04:43,334 --> 00:04:45,400
Good, it'll be easier
for you now.
109
00:04:45,467 --> 00:04:47,300
They'll be one Italian short.
110
00:04:47,367 --> 00:04:48,701
G-2 reports growing friction
111
00:04:48,767 --> 00:04:50,567
between the Italians
and the Germans.
112
00:04:50,634 --> 00:04:52,234
Maybe you can get some
information
113
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:54,200
regarding the defenses
at Capezio, huh?
114
00:04:54,267 --> 00:04:55,701
We'll give it the old
college try.
115
00:04:55,767 --> 00:04:57,567
But his being
a prison camp commander means
116
00:04:57,634 --> 00:04:59,834
he'll be a rough,
tough character.
117
00:04:59,901 --> 00:05:02,334
You will do exactly
as I say, Corporale.
118
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,300
The road to the prison
camp is straight ahead.
119
00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:05,901
We are not going
to the prison camp.
120
00:05:05,968 --> 00:05:07,200
We are going to Switzerland.
121
00:05:07,267 --> 00:05:08,934
Schweinehund!
122
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,367
You're a deserter.
123
00:05:10,434 --> 00:05:11,434
That's right.
124
00:05:11,501 --> 00:05:12,534
Now, get driving.
125
00:05:12,601 --> 00:05:15,200
No. You can shoot me first.
126
00:05:15,267 --> 00:05:17,234
Why you want me to shoot you?
127
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,400
Come on, we go to Lake Lugano,
128
00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:21,667
we forget about the war, eh?
129
00:05:21,734 --> 00:05:22,968
No.
130
00:05:23,033 --> 00:05:24,367
All right, Lake Lucerne.
131
00:05:24,434 --> 00:05:27,400
But remember, the food is not
so good as Lugano.
132
00:05:27,467 --> 00:05:29,300
Don't move, I shoot you!
133
00:05:29,367 --> 00:05:30,434
I warn you, stay away.
134
00:05:31,968 --> 00:05:32,033
I warn you.
135
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,067
( bombers droning )
136
00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:38,300
BONACELLI:
A raid, a raid!
137
00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:40,400
( high-pitched droning whistle )
138
00:05:42,767 --> 00:05:44,400
( explosion )
139
00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:50,267
( explosion )
140
00:05:57,934 --> 00:05:59,801
( airplanes receding )
141
00:06:04,367 --> 00:06:07,000
( engine not turning over )
142
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,234
Major Bonacelli.
143
00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:12,000
Si, Corporale.
144
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:14,100
We are your escort
from Stalag 13.
145
00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:15,334
Grazie, grazie.
146
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,767
Really I don't need an escort
147
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:19,033
because I have a wonderful sense
of direction.
148
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:20,300
Where's your driver?
149
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:21,567
He ran away.
150
00:06:21,634 --> 00:06:23,000
He got frightened--
the air raid.
151
00:06:23,067 --> 00:06:24,567
He was very young,
just a bambino.
152
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,767
We will follow you.
153
00:06:25,834 --> 00:06:27,033
But, really, I don't need...
154
00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:28,968
We have our orders.
Heil Hitler.
155
00:06:29,033 --> 00:06:31,000
Heil Hitler.
156
00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:40,367
( shouting )
157
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,167
Hi, Schultz.
158
00:06:44,234 --> 00:06:45,667
Hi.
159
00:06:45,734 --> 00:06:47,434
Why don't you
get into the game?
160
00:06:47,501 --> 00:06:48,701
( laughs ):
Jolly joker.
161
00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:50,734
Come on, the exercise
will do you good, Schultz.
162
00:06:50,801 --> 00:06:52,300
You're getting
a little pudgy there.
163
00:06:52,367 --> 00:06:53,667
Old German saying:
164
00:06:53,734 --> 00:06:55,834
"Man with fat waistline
never catch pretty fraulein."
165
00:06:55,901 --> 00:06:57,167
Well, I catch
pretty fraulein.
166
00:06:57,234 --> 00:06:58,200
( laughter )
167
00:06:58,267 --> 00:06:59,601
Hey, fellas,
let Schultz in, huh?
168
00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:00,734
NEWKIRK:
All right.
169
00:07:00,801 --> 00:07:02,200
Oh, no, no, no...
Come on, come on.
170
00:07:02,267 --> 00:07:03,200
No, I-I cannot do it.
171
00:07:03,267 --> 00:07:04,367
It's against regulations.
172
00:07:04,434 --> 00:07:05,334
I'll hold your gun.
173
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,534
Go, go.
174
00:07:06,601 --> 00:07:07,868
NEWKIRK:
Let's see you go.
175
00:07:07,934 --> 00:07:11,467
( cheering )
176
00:07:11,534 --> 00:07:14,667
Come on, Schultzy,
head it up!
177
00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:14,801
Oh!
178
00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:18,267
( laughs )
179
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:19,234
Colonel Hogan.
180
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:20,434
Oh, Colonel
Klink.
181
00:07:20,501 --> 00:07:22,334
This is Major Bonacelli
of the Italian Army.
182
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,467
Colonel Hogan, our ranking
American officer here.
183
00:07:24,534 --> 00:07:25,567
Oh.
184
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:27,534
Always nice to meet one
of our Allies.
185
00:07:27,601 --> 00:07:29,467
They're our Allies.
186
00:07:29,534 --> 00:07:31,634
I keep forgetting.
187
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,133
Colonel Klink,
188
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,000
you Germans
run your prison camps differently
189
00:07:35,067 --> 00:07:36,434
than we Italians.
190
00:07:36,501 --> 00:07:37,834
Oh, um, how is that?
191
00:07:37,901 --> 00:07:39,968
Well, in our camps,
we have one firm rule.
192
00:07:40,033 --> 00:07:42,801
No prisoner is allowed
to carry a gun.
193
00:07:42,868 --> 00:07:46,200
That is an excellent rule.
It...
194
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:48,801
Schultz!
195
00:07:51,734 --> 00:07:53,334
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
196
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,567
Are you crazy?
197
00:07:54,634 --> 00:07:56,300
Allowing a prisoner
to hold your gun?
198
00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:58,133
There is no danger,
Herr Kommandant.
199
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,667
The gun is not loaded.
200
00:08:00,734 --> 00:08:01,901
That's our second rule.
201
00:08:01,968 --> 00:08:04,767
All guards must
carry loaded guns.
202
00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:08,267
Schultz, load your gun
and report to my office
203
00:08:08,334 --> 00:08:09,934
immediately.
204
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,667
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
205
00:08:11,734 --> 00:08:13,601
HOGAN:
Uh, Schultz.
206
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,000
You forgot the gun.
207
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,834
Major, don't
judge the rest
208
00:08:22,901 --> 00:08:24,534
of Colonel
Klink's men by Schultz.
209
00:08:24,601 --> 00:08:26,834
The other guards
have bullets and everything.
210
00:08:26,968 --> 00:08:28,267
Have they?
211
00:08:28,334 --> 00:08:31,300
Hogan, you do not have
to give me a vote of confidence.
212
00:08:31,367 --> 00:08:35,400
I'm sure that Major Bonacelli
is very impressed by Stalag 13.
213
00:08:35,467 --> 00:08:36,834
HOGAN:
Oh, this is a rough camp.
214
00:08:36,901 --> 00:08:38,534
And you know how tough
the Germans can be.
215
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,167
Look at the way
Hitler treats Mussolini.
216
00:08:40,234 --> 00:08:41,434
Hogan!
217
00:08:41,501 --> 00:08:42,601
HOGAN:
Come on, admit it, Colonel.
218
00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:43,968
You know he pushes him around.
219
00:08:44,033 --> 00:08:45,968
Ever see a picture
of the two of them together?
220
00:08:46,033 --> 00:08:47,434
Benito is always to the back.
221
00:08:47,501 --> 00:08:48,868
But not for long.
222
00:08:48,934 --> 00:08:50,868
You know you can
push a people so far.
223
00:08:50,934 --> 00:08:52,634
One day, we
Italiani, go...
224
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:55,767
Heil Hitler.
225
00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:57,601
Heil Hitler.
226
00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:01,367
Major, first shall we inspect
the guard towers?
227
00:09:01,434 --> 00:09:01,634
Oh.
228
00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:05,300
LANGENSCHEIDT:
Herr Kommandant,Herr Kommandant!
229
00:09:05,367 --> 00:09:07,133
Yes, Langenscheidt,
what is it?
230
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,701
The Mess sergeant
would like to know
231
00:09:08,767 --> 00:09:10,734
what you and your guest
would like for dinner.
232
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,100
( speaking Italian )
233
00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:14,968
Antipasto, minestrone,
a pasta al dente...
234
00:09:15,033 --> 00:09:16,467
Langenscheidt!
235
00:09:16,534 --> 00:09:18,567
We will have potato soup,
boiled potatoes,
236
00:09:18,634 --> 00:09:21,634
potato pancakes,
sauerkraut and sauerbraten.
237
00:09:21,701 --> 00:09:23,701
Ja, Herr Kommandant.
238
00:09:25,167 --> 00:09:26,200
Bon appetite.
239
00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:33,901
I think we can get to Bonacelli.
240
00:09:33,968 --> 00:09:35,434
How are you going
to do that?
241
00:09:35,501 --> 00:09:36,701
We'll work on
his weaknesses.
242
00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:38,334
Italians are
very sentimental.
243
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:39,601
Yeah,
they love music.
244
00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:41,200
Well, anybody
know the words
245
00:09:41,267 --> 00:09:42,434
to "Santa Lucia?"
246
00:09:42,501 --> 00:09:44,300
Food is the clincher.
247
00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:46,000
LeBeau, how are you on pizza?
248
00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:47,167
Pizza?!
249
00:09:47,234 --> 00:09:48,534
You would ask a Frenchman
250
00:09:48,601 --> 00:09:50,801
to cook a piece of cardboard
with tomato sauce?
251
00:09:50,868 --> 00:09:52,901
We swear not to tell anybody.
252
00:09:52,968 --> 00:09:54,200
Ask me to dig a tunnel, yes.
253
00:09:54,267 --> 00:09:56,200
To climb a barbed wire, yes.
254
00:09:56,267 --> 00:09:58,434
But to make a pizza, no.
255
00:09:58,501 --> 00:10:01,634
We all have
to make sacrifices.
256
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,200
Okay. You'll have
to get me a recipe.
257
00:10:03,267 --> 00:10:04,400
All right,
anybody here know
258
00:10:04,467 --> 00:10:05,601
how to make a pizza?
259
00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:07,467
Hey, my father got
a pizza parlor in Newark.
260
00:10:07,534 --> 00:10:08,767
Oh, great, Garlotti.
261
00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:10,000
Give LeBeau the recipe.
262
00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:11,367
I don't know it,
but I'd be glad
263
00:10:11,434 --> 00:10:12,567
to write to him and get it.
264
00:10:12,634 --> 00:10:14,267
Forget it. We don't
have that much time.
265
00:10:14,334 --> 00:10:15,434
Look, everybody scatter.
266
00:10:15,501 --> 00:10:17,200
Check every prisoner,
and don't come back
267
00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:18,467
without a recipe
for pizza.
268
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:19,634
All right, sir.
269
00:10:19,701 --> 00:10:22,067
Newkirk, do you have a recipe
for pizza?
270
00:10:24,634 --> 00:10:26,767
Goldilocks calling Momma Bear.
271
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,334
Goldilocks calling Momma Bear.
Come in.
272
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,934
( beeping )
273
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,300
Colonel, you mean to tell me,
in this whole prison camp
274
00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:35,367
you couldn't find a recipe
for pizza?
275
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:37,534
No. I got a recipe
for shish kabob,
276
00:10:37,601 --> 00:10:39,534
egg foo yong,
enchiladas,
277
00:10:39,601 --> 00:10:41,534
Yorkshire pudding
and matzo balls.
278
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:47,033
You want to get through
to Garlotti's Pizzeria
279
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:48,601
in Newark?
280
00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:49,601
That's right.
281
00:10:49,667 --> 00:10:52,000
May I ask what for?
282
00:10:52,067 --> 00:10:53,534
We'd like to
make reservations
283
00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:54,767
for dinner tonight.
284
00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:56,834
There'll be 103 at 7:30.
285
00:10:56,901 --> 00:10:58,234
You know, Hogan,
286
00:10:58,300 --> 00:10:59,868
if you weren't one
of their prisoners,
287
00:10:59,934 --> 00:11:01,868
you'd be one of ours.
288
00:11:01,934 --> 00:11:02,000
Look, we're trying to
get some information
289
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:05,701
out of that Italian
major I told you about.
290
00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:06,934
We need a recipe
for pizza.
291
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,634
Maybe you'd like
to have us send you over
292
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:10,267
a couple of bottles of red wine.
293
00:11:10,334 --> 00:11:11,501
You don't have to bother.
294
00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:13,234
We already made that
this afternoon.
295
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:14,534
All right, we'll call London.
296
00:11:14,601 --> 00:11:16,868
Stand by, Goldilocks.
297
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,067
CAPTAIN:
Momma Bear calling Poppa Bear.
298
00:11:22,133 --> 00:11:24,234
Momma Bear calling Poppa Bear.
299
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:25,901
( sirens droning )
300
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,434
This is Poppa Bear.
301
00:11:29,501 --> 00:11:30,934
Go ahead, Momma Bear.
302
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,133
We want to get in touch
303
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,100
with Garlotti's Pizzeria
in Newark.
304
00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:36,367
Right.
305
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:39,100
Stand by, Momma Bear.
306
00:11:39,167 --> 00:11:40,300
Captain Henderson?
307
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,501
Yes, Sergeant?
308
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,601
I just got a call
from Momma Bear
309
00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:45,367
wanting to be put in touch
310
00:11:45,434 --> 00:11:47,801
with a Garlotti's Pizzeria
in Newark.
311
00:11:47,868 --> 00:11:49,968
Garlotti's Pizzeria?
312
00:11:50,033 --> 00:11:51,534
Shall we alert G-2?
313
00:11:51,601 --> 00:11:54,501
Perhaps we ought to send over
a man to decode this message.
314
00:11:54,567 --> 00:11:57,267
We haven't got any pizzerias
in our code.
315
00:11:57,334 --> 00:11:59,300
Try again.
316
00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:02,734
Momma Bear, this is Poppa Bear.
317
00:12:02,801 --> 00:12:04,734
Repeat, please.
318
00:12:04,801 --> 00:12:06,133
We want to get in touch
319
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,467
with Garlotti's Pizzeria
in Newark.
320
00:12:09,534 --> 00:12:13,000
Is that really
you, Momma Bear?
321
00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:14,400
It's really me.
322
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,667
Now, get us through
to the pizzeria.
323
00:12:16,734 --> 00:12:18,868
Look here, Momma Bear,
you'll just have to eat
324
00:12:18,934 --> 00:12:21,701
the same rations
as the rest of us.
325
00:12:21,767 --> 00:12:23,834
We don't want the pizzas.
326
00:12:23,901 --> 00:12:26,033
We just want the recipe.
327
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:29,133
I think you've been
under water too long.
328
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,200
I suggest you surface.
329
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:34,167
The recipe is not for us.
It's for Goldilocks.
330
00:12:34,234 --> 00:12:37,834
Oh. I should have known.
331
00:12:41,133 --> 00:12:44,334
( phone ringing )
332
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:53,400
Garlotti's Pizzeria.
Garlotti speaking.
333
00:12:53,467 --> 00:12:55,400
London calling?
334
00:12:55,467 --> 00:12:59,400
Yes, this is Captain Henderson,
Supreme Allied Headquarters.
335
00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:02,400
No, Mr. Garlotti,
your son is fine.
336
00:13:02,467 --> 00:13:04,400
Yes, he's still
in the prison camp,
337
00:13:04,467 --> 00:13:06,834
but he's in good health
and good spirits.
338
00:13:06,901 --> 00:13:09,767
Oh, thank you,
thank you very much.
339
00:13:09,834 --> 00:13:14,434
What? You want my recipe
for pizza?
340
00:13:14,501 --> 00:13:16,934
Sure. Well, first...
341
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,267
you take two cloves of garlic,
342
00:13:19,334 --> 00:13:22,100
a half a pound
of Italian sausage,
343
00:13:22,167 --> 00:13:26,801
two tablespoons oregano
and a pinch more garlic...
344
00:13:26,868 --> 00:13:30,734
Half cup mushroom
ends and pieces...
345
00:13:30,801 --> 00:13:34,200
A half a cup mushroom ends
and pieces.
346
00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:36,400
One can of tomato paste...
347
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:39,100
three tablespoons
of parmesan cheese,
348
00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:40,334
uh, grated...
349
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,968
Two tablespoons
of shortening,
350
00:13:42,033 --> 00:13:44,968
one cup of flour,
teaspoon of olive oil.
351
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:50,200
Got it. Now, ask him
if he knows the words to "Santa Lucia".
352
00:13:50,267 --> 00:13:52,734
"Santa Lucia"?
353
00:13:52,801 --> 00:13:54,234
"Santa Lucia"?
354
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:55,767
"Santa Lucia"?
355
00:13:55,834 --> 00:14:00,400
* Santa Lucia *
356
00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:07,434
* Santa... Lucia. *
357
00:14:10,801 --> 00:14:13,267
Major, did you
enjoy your dinner?
358
00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:15,100
I couldn't eat.
359
00:14:15,167 --> 00:14:17,100
For some reason,
I wasn't hungry.
360
00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:18,601
Too bad.
361
00:14:18,667 --> 00:14:22,267
It has been a long
time since I had potato soup,
362
00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:25,267
boiled potatoes,
potato pancakes,
363
00:14:25,334 --> 00:14:30,734
sauerkraut and
sauerbraten.
364
00:14:30,801 --> 00:14:33,734
( men singing "Santa Lucia" )
They're playing our song.
365
00:14:33,801 --> 00:14:36,367
Yeah, our prisoners
are very happy.
366
00:14:36,434 --> 00:14:41,434
( singing in Italian )
367
00:14:47,868 --> 00:14:51,767
Mamma mia. Pizza.
368
00:14:51,834 --> 00:14:53,434
Smells good.
369
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:55,801
Yes. Seems to be coming
from those barracks over there.
370
00:14:55,868 --> 00:14:57,767
Yeah.
S-Sergeant,
371
00:14:57,834 --> 00:15:00,434
I think I'm going to inspect
those barracks...
372
00:15:00,501 --> 00:15:02,501
Yeah.
alone.
373
00:15:06,667 --> 00:15:08,501
Here he comes.
Everybody in position.
374
00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:14,067
Signori...
375
00:15:14,133 --> 00:15:15,901
Oh, hi, Major.
Bona sera.
376
00:15:15,968 --> 00:15:17,067
What can we do for you?
377
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:19,100
Uh... I know
this sounds absurd,
378
00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:22,767
but I thought
I smelled... pizza.
379
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,300
Pizza?
380
00:15:24,367 --> 00:15:25,300
Oh, oh, really?
381
00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:26,434
And as a matter of fact,
382
00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:29,434
it smells just
like the pizza...
383
00:15:29,501 --> 00:15:31,267
Mama used to make.
384
00:15:31,334 --> 00:15:32,901
One of the regrets
of my life
385
00:15:32,968 --> 00:15:34,767
is I wasn't shot down
over Italy.
386
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:37,067
Now, listen, I know
there's a pizza in these barracks.
387
00:15:37,133 --> 00:15:38,234
If it's a matter
of money...
388
00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:39,701
Money?
389
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:41,901
I'll bet even the
Germans in Capezio
390
00:15:41,968 --> 00:15:43,367
eat a lot of
pizzas, don't they?
391
00:15:43,434 --> 00:15:45,501
Oh, yes, they do.
392
00:15:48,467 --> 00:15:51,534
Yes, they do.
393
00:15:53,334 --> 00:15:55,934
Now, offhand,
how many pizzas
394
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,934
would you say
the German soldiers eat a day,
395
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,601
figuring two per soldier?
396
00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:02,601
Well, that's a secret.
397
00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:07,434
Oh, uh... t-t-two pizzas,
one soldier, uh...
398
00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:11,567
106,000 pizzas.
399
00:16:11,634 --> 00:16:15,067
Hundred and six thousand....
400
00:16:15,133 --> 00:16:16,834
Divide by two.
401
00:16:16,901 --> 00:16:21,067
Sit down, Major.
Garcon! Wine steward!
402
00:16:21,133 --> 00:16:24,234
Oh, garlic,
like a breath of home.
403
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:27,100
Wait till you taste
the wine. Oh?
404
00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:31,934
It's a vintage wine,
aged almost two weeks.
405
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,767
( saluting in Italian )
406
00:16:33,834 --> 00:16:36,200
Never I think I'm going to find
something like this here.
407
00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:37,434
We have a master chef.
408
00:16:37,501 --> 00:16:38,934
Oh, I can't take
all the credit.
409
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,434
We got a recipe
from his father.
410
00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:41,934
GARLOTTI:
My father owns Garlotti's Pizzeria
411
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,434
in Newark.
Oh, good.
412
00:16:43,501 --> 00:16:45,267
You give me the address--
I'm going to look him up, uh,
413
00:16:45,334 --> 00:16:46,667
right away I get
to America, huh?
414
00:16:46,734 --> 00:16:48,334
Oh, you plan on going
to the States after the war?
415
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,567
What after? During!
416
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,400
Wait a minute.
417
00:16:52,467 --> 00:16:54,334
You're not going back to Italy?
418
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,400
And fight for the Germans?
Never.
419
00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:58,133
Uh, why don't you fight for us?
420
00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,834
Join your army?
421
00:16:59,901 --> 00:17:03,868
No, no, no. Go back to Capezio
and be an agent for us.
422
00:17:03,934 --> 00:17:05,767
I could be shot
for being a spy.
423
00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:08,267
Well, you're not really a spy.
You're in uniform.
424
00:17:08,334 --> 00:17:10,934
In uniform, they're going
to shoot me for being a traitor.
425
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,701
Please, not while I'm eating.
426
00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:14,634
Just think what you could be
doing for your country.
427
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,033
You could help shorten the war
in Italy.
428
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:18,400
Could also shorten my life.
429
00:17:19,634 --> 00:17:21,567
Men.
430
00:17:21,634 --> 00:17:24,267
( humming "Santa Lucia" )
431
00:17:27,167 --> 00:17:29,434
Think of the
children laughing and playing again
432
00:17:29,501 --> 00:17:30,767
in the streets
of Milano.
433
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:33,133
The donkey carts
once more clattering
434
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,601
along the cobblestones
in Portofino.
435
00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:39,434
And the pigeons returning
to the Piazza San Marco.
436
00:17:39,501 --> 00:17:43,801
And your mama mia standing
in the doorway, holding a pizza.
437
00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:47,734
You had to say that, huh?
438
00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,767
It's for your country
as well as ours.
439
00:17:50,868 --> 00:17:52,334
All right, I gonna do it.
440
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,634
You'll be our contact.
441
00:17:53,701 --> 00:17:55,567
Si, but on one condition.
What's that?
442
00:17:55,634 --> 00:18:01,234
That your papa give my mama
the recipe for this pizza. Oh!
443
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:07,100
* Santa Lucia! *
444
00:18:08,501 --> 00:18:10,100
Thank you, Colonel Klink,
445
00:18:10,167 --> 00:18:12,601
for the kindness
you've extended to me during my visit.
446
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:14,767
Major Bonacelli,
I hope that your stay here
447
00:18:14,834 --> 00:18:16,601
has been both informative
and pleasant.
448
00:18:16,667 --> 00:18:20,601
And now you know
how a prison camp should be run.
449
00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:26,234
Of course, I could never hope
to be a commander such as you.
450
00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:29,400
( laughs ):
That's true. There is only one Klink.
451
00:18:29,467 --> 00:18:31,567
Well, I'm on to Germany.
I may as well get started.
452
00:18:31,634 --> 00:18:35,067
Arrivederci.
Traitor! Deserter!
453
00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:37,234
This man obviously needs
medical attention.
454
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,100
I'm sure you want
to get on with it. Ciao.
455
00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:42,334
Just a minute! Corporal,
what is the meaning of this?
456
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,501
What's going on?
457
00:18:43,567 --> 00:18:45,501
Our friend Bonacelli's
in trouble.
458
00:18:45,567 --> 00:18:48,100
This coward was
trying to desert to Switzerland.
459
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:50,267
He thought I was
killed in the air raid.
460
00:18:50,334 --> 00:18:51,434
Arrest that man!
461
00:18:51,501 --> 00:18:53,267
Would you believe a man
with a head wound?
462
00:18:53,334 --> 00:18:54,934
Of course.
He's a German soldier.
463
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,634
Take him to the cooler.
464
00:18:57,701 --> 00:19:00,267
Well, there goes
our man in Capezio.
465
00:19:00,334 --> 00:19:03,100
You think there's a chance
Bonacelli can clear himself?
466
00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:06,767
No chance. It's his word
against the German.
467
00:19:06,834 --> 00:19:09,100
Let's try and get him out
to the sub.
468
00:19:09,167 --> 00:19:11,767
That's a possibility, but he's
more valuable to us in Italy.
469
00:19:11,834 --> 00:19:13,601
But he can't go
back to his camp in Italy.
470
00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:15,467
They think
he's a traitor. That's the point.
471
00:19:15,534 --> 00:19:18,133
We've got to convince Klink
that he's a loyal officer.
472
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,300
Colonel, why don't
we reopen tunnel five?
473
00:19:21,367 --> 00:19:23,300
I could go out under
the wire in the fence,
474
00:19:23,367 --> 00:19:24,801
and then we could
get Bonacelli...
475
00:19:24,868 --> 00:19:26,634
( all talking over each other )
476
00:19:26,701 --> 00:19:29,767
Hold it, hold it,
hold it!
477
00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:33,400
That's not it, Carter,
but you're warm.
478
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,934
Oh... Colonel Hogan.
479
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,467
Shh! Follow me.
480
00:19:59,534 --> 00:20:00,634
We escaping?
481
00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:02,200
Temporarily.
You'll be coming back.
482
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:04,968
Coming back? You must be crazy.
483
00:20:05,033 --> 00:20:06,200
There's going to be
a big escape,
484
00:20:06,267 --> 00:20:07,467
and you're going to capture us.
485
00:20:07,534 --> 00:20:09,133
I'm going to make you a big hero
in Germany.
486
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,534
I'd rather be a little coward
in Switzerland.
487
00:20:12,734 --> 00:20:13,767
Come on.
488
00:20:17,834 --> 00:20:20,467
Yes, Herr General,
we suspect the Italian major
489
00:20:20,534 --> 00:20:21,968
of attempting desertion.
490
00:20:22,033 --> 00:20:23,968
Mm-hmm. Good, sir.
491
00:20:24,033 --> 00:20:25,801
I shall give you
a complete report
492
00:20:25,868 --> 00:20:27,634
as soon as I finish
my investigation.
493
00:20:27,701 --> 00:20:29,300
Yes, sir. Yes.
494
00:20:29,367 --> 00:20:31,133
Herr Kommandant,
Herr Komm... Shh! Schultz,
495
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,467
I'm talking to Berlin
on the telephone.
496
00:20:33,534 --> 00:20:36,934
Yes, Herr General, it was
all done in the line of duty.
497
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,267
Herr Kommandant!
Shh! Schultz!
498
00:20:39,334 --> 00:20:43,100
I, uh, hope you will mention
this to Headquarters
499
00:20:43,167 --> 00:20:46,100
the next time
they discuss promotions.
500
00:20:46,167 --> 00:20:48,267
Mm-hmm. Yes, sir.
501
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:50,934
Thank you, Herr General,
thank you.
502
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,801
Now, Schultz, what is it?
503
00:20:52,868 --> 00:20:55,300
Herr Kommandant, there...
504
00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:57,067
has been an escape!
505
00:20:58,133 --> 00:20:59,133
What?
506
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,868
I don't know how it happened.
507
00:21:00,934 --> 00:21:02,934
Do you know what that means
to my reputation
508
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,200
if one of my prisoners escapes?
509
00:21:05,267 --> 00:21:07,934
It was not one, Herr Kommandant.
510
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,767
You mean two
of my prisoners escaped?
511
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:10,467
Ten.
512
00:21:11,868 --> 00:21:14,267
Ten prisoners escaped?
513
00:21:14,334 --> 00:21:16,767
Eleven, if you count
the Italian major.
514
00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:21,434
Do you know what
happens when Berlin finds out about this?
515
00:21:21,501 --> 00:21:24,467
They will make
me a prisoner!
516
00:21:31,901 --> 00:21:33,467
CARTER:
Hey, buddy, where you been?
517
00:21:33,534 --> 00:21:35,267
What took you so long?
Where's Bonacelli?
518
00:21:35,334 --> 00:21:37,400
Well, he should be here.
He was the first one out.
519
00:21:37,467 --> 00:21:39,501
Well, he's not here.
I hate to say this, Colonel,
520
00:21:39,567 --> 00:21:41,901
but I think we might've made
a mistake about Bonacelli.
521
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:43,601
He's probably on his way
to Switzerland.
522
00:21:43,667 --> 00:21:45,767
But he promised.
523
00:21:45,834 --> 00:21:48,100
You can't win a man over
with a pizza
524
00:21:48,167 --> 00:21:51,234
and eight bars
of "Santa Lucia"! Bonacelli!
525
00:21:51,300 --> 00:21:53,300
Am I glad
to see you fellows. Are you all right?
526
00:21:53,367 --> 00:21:55,000
Uh, just let me sit down,
rest a minute.
527
00:21:55,067 --> 00:21:57,267
You can't sit down--
you got to march us back to camp.
528
00:21:57,334 --> 00:21:59,133
I'll never make it.
You've got to make it.
529
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,400
The whole woods's crawling
with krauts looking for us.
530
00:22:01,534 --> 00:22:02,901
I can't move another step.
531
00:22:02,968 --> 00:22:05,133
Kinch, Newkirk, pick
him up, carry him back, come on.
532
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,567
( all talking over each other )
533
00:22:12,701 --> 00:22:13,834
KLINK:
Well, Langenscheidt?
534
00:22:13,901 --> 00:22:15,567
No sign of the prisoners,
Herr Kommandant.
535
00:22:15,634 --> 00:22:19,033
And you call yourself
a German Shepherd?
536
00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:20,300
( barking )
537
00:22:20,367 --> 00:22:22,734
He's doing the best he can,
Herr Kommandant.
538
00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:26,000
Mm-hmm. He couldn't find
a can of dog food.
539
00:22:26,067 --> 00:22:27,267
( barking and snarling )
540
00:22:27,334 --> 00:22:29,100
Mm! Put him on report!
541
00:22:29,167 --> 00:22:30,033
Take him away.
542
00:22:32,367 --> 00:22:33,968
Schultz, I can't believe it.
543
00:22:34,033 --> 00:22:37,133
My men cannot find even one
of the ten escaped prisoners.
544
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,300
Eleven, if you include
the Italian major.
545
00:22:39,367 --> 00:22:42,133
Schultz, always a big mouth.
546
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:46,934
Uh, Herr Kommandant,
maybe I go out and look.
547
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:51,100
You couldn't find your way
back to the camp.
548
00:22:51,167 --> 00:22:53,534
( whistling )
549
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:00,868
Hold up.
550
00:23:00,934 --> 00:23:02,334
( speaks Italian )
551
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,634
Major Bonacelli
returning your prisoners.
552
00:23:07,267 --> 00:23:09,467
I really have to hand it to you,
Klink-- you outsmarted me.
553
00:23:09,534 --> 00:23:11,601
I did?
Yeah, staging that phony arrest
554
00:23:11,667 --> 00:23:13,634
so we'd think the major
was on our side.
555
00:23:13,701 --> 00:23:17,467
They make the mistake
of thinking I was a traitor to the Fuhrer.
556
00:23:17,534 --> 00:23:19,067
Heil Hitler.
557
00:23:19,133 --> 00:23:20,801
Heil Hitler. Schultz!
558
00:23:20,868 --> 00:23:22,934
These men are to be thrown
in the cooler,
559
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,601
and Colonel Hogan will be
confined to the barracks.
560
00:23:25,667 --> 00:23:29,901
I will show you that no one
escapes from Stalag 13.
561
00:23:29,968 --> 00:23:31,133
We should've known better.
562
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,267
We couldn't even escape
from your star pupil.
563
00:23:33,334 --> 00:23:35,267
What chance have we got
against the old master?
564
00:23:35,334 --> 00:23:37,200
All right, men,
565
00:23:37,267 --> 00:23:39,300
forward, hut!
566
00:23:39,367 --> 00:23:41,634
( whistling )
567
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,367
You sent for me, Colonel?
568
00:23:47,434 --> 00:23:50,100
Mm-hmm. I have a letter
here from Italy.
569
00:23:50,167 --> 00:23:51,934
Thanks. I don't save stamps.
570
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,100
I think Kinch does.
571
00:23:53,167 --> 00:23:56,400
It's from Major Bonacelli.
572
00:23:56,467 --> 00:23:59,567
Bonacelli? Oh, yeah,
yeah, your star pupil.
573
00:23:59,634 --> 00:24:01,400
Hey, is there going to be
a class reunion?
574
00:24:01,467 --> 00:24:05,267
I think you will be
very interested in what he has to say.
575
00:24:05,334 --> 00:24:07,634
Well, if it's
military secrets, I don't want to hear it.
576
00:24:07,701 --> 00:24:09,033
You know what a
big mouth I have.
577
00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:10,567
He has asked me
to tell you
578
00:24:10,634 --> 00:24:14,801
that all his American prisoners
are working 16 hours a day.
579
00:24:14,868 --> 00:24:16,801
What kind of work
are the prisoners forced to do?
580
00:24:16,868 --> 00:24:18,033
Making pizzas.
581
00:24:18,100 --> 00:24:18,234
Pizzas?
582
00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:21,601
And he insisted
that I read you this:
583
00:24:21,667 --> 00:24:22,834
"Last week,
584
00:24:22,901 --> 00:24:26,601
"my prisoners made
110,000 pizzas,
585
00:24:26,667 --> 00:24:30,734
and next week, we will push them
to 120,000 pizzas."
586
00:24:34,701 --> 00:24:38,734
You see, Hogan,
never underestimate your enemy.
587
00:24:38,801 --> 00:24:42,234
Some people think the Italians
aren't with you all the way.
588
00:24:42,284 --> 00:24:46,834
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