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1
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:07,173
CBS presents this programin color.
2
00:00:23,021 --> 00:00:24,814
( theme song playing )
3
00:01:04,476 --> 00:01:06,394
Halt!
4
00:01:06,436 --> 00:01:09,022
Easy, Schultz,
it's only me, Carter.
5
00:01:09,063 --> 00:01:11,274
Oh. You scared me.
6
00:01:11,315 --> 00:01:13,025
Light.
7
00:01:17,655 --> 00:01:19,865
Hold this.
8
00:01:35,671 --> 00:01:38,882
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
My rifle.
9
00:01:38,924 --> 00:01:40,425
Sorry, Schultz.
10
00:01:44,429 --> 00:01:45,430
I don't keep it loaded.
11
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:49,809
Thanks for the light,
Schultz.
12
00:02:10,578 --> 00:02:13,748
Hello, Mama Bear.
Hello, Mama Bear.
13
00:02:13,789 --> 00:02:14,707
This is Goldilocks.
14
00:02:17,418 --> 00:02:20,545
Mama Bear to Goldilocks,
stand by for transmission.
15
00:02:20,587 --> 00:02:22,672
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
16
00:02:22,714 --> 00:02:24,341
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
17
00:02:24,382 --> 00:02:26,926
All the King's horses
and all the King's men
18
00:02:26,968 --> 00:02:29,887
could not put Humpty Dumpty back
together again,
19
00:02:29,887 --> 00:02:33,516
even though they tried
for two days. Over and out.
20
00:02:33,683 --> 00:02:34,683
What's it mean?
21
00:02:34,683 --> 00:02:36,018
Yeah, what is it?
22
00:02:36,060 --> 00:02:38,103
He'll finish.
Hold it, hold it one minute, one minute, one minute.
23
00:02:38,145 --> 00:02:39,688
What?
24
00:02:39,730 --> 00:02:43,650
All right. "Probing raid,
repeat probing raid.
25
00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:46,111
"Not an invasion.
26
00:02:46,152 --> 00:02:49,447
"Sector Q-19, 48 hours.
27
00:02:49,489 --> 00:02:51,782
"Birthday present for Adolf.
28
00:02:51,782 --> 00:02:54,660
"Need latest information troop
movements your area.
29
00:02:54,702 --> 00:02:56,662
"Last transmission 1500 hours
tomorrow.
30
00:02:56,704 --> 00:02:58,372
"Following that, radio silence.
31
00:02:58,414 --> 00:03:02,417
Cease all escape activity.
Surprise essential."
32
00:03:02,459 --> 00:03:03,502
What a birthday
present, huh?
33
00:03:03,543 --> 00:03:05,003
We're really going
to give it to 'em, huh?
34
00:03:05,045 --> 00:03:06,046
See how the
Krauts like it.
35
00:03:06,087 --> 00:03:07,005
Hold it, hold it!
36
00:03:07,046 --> 00:03:08,631
This is a reconnaissance job.
37
00:03:08,673 --> 00:03:10,967
I need a volunteer
who's got plenty of guts
38
00:03:11,008 --> 00:03:11,968
and can move fast.
39
00:03:12,009 --> 00:03:13,386
Oh, you can depend
on us, Colonel.
40
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,054
Oh, yeah, we'll figure
somebody to send.
41
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,138
Sure, one of us
will be glad to go.
42
00:03:16,180 --> 00:03:17,222
Come on. I said volunteer.
43
00:03:17,222 --> 00:03:18,557
I can't order you to go
on a mission like this.
44
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:21,977
Now, who's going to step forward
and take this job?
45
00:03:22,019 --> 00:03:23,103
Thank you, LeBeau.
46
00:03:24,563 --> 00:03:25,939
I didn't move a muscle.
47
00:03:25,980 --> 00:03:27,482
You've got that
volunteer look.
48
00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:31,861
That's how I got married.
49
00:03:31,903 --> 00:03:33,696
"Volunteer" the same way.
50
00:03:59,428 --> 00:04:00,846
( crickets chirping )
51
00:04:28,079 --> 00:04:31,541
Goldilocks calling Mama Bear.
Goldilocks calling Mama Bear.
52
00:04:31,541 --> 00:04:34,877
Come in, Mama Bear, come in.
53
00:04:34,919 --> 00:04:37,546
It's no use, Colonel.
They've shut down.
54
00:04:37,588 --> 00:04:40,924
They warned us: radio silence
till after the raid.
55
00:04:40,966 --> 00:04:42,551
Missed them
by less than two hours.
56
00:04:42,592 --> 00:04:44,761
Gee, I couldn't
help from being late, Colonel.
57
00:04:44,803 --> 00:04:45,762
A patrol
stopped me.
58
00:04:45,804 --> 00:04:47,805
The area was
crawling with Krauts.
59
00:04:47,805 --> 00:04:49,640
I had to make
a big detour to get back.
60
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,058
You could have moved
a little faster.
61
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:52,727
Oh, yeah?
I'm dressed like an old woman.
62
00:04:52,768 --> 00:04:54,186
And why would
a little old woman
63
00:04:54,228 --> 00:04:55,187
be running through
the woods?
64
00:04:55,229 --> 00:04:56,230
You tell me that.
65
00:04:56,272 --> 00:04:57,356
You could always say
66
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,816
you were being chased
by a little old man.
67
00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:01,276
All right.
All right, all right.
68
00:05:01,276 --> 00:05:02,360
Knock it off.
69
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:03,361
We got a problem.
70
00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:04,154
Headquarters doesn't know
71
00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:06,489
they've moved in
a gun emplacement
72
00:05:06,531 --> 00:05:08,866
and we don't have any
communications.
73
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:09,951
The map.
74
00:05:09,992 --> 00:05:13,079
Shmeckhausen
is the reference point, Colonel.
75
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:19,209
All right, Schmeckburg,
Schmeckhof, Shmeckstadt.
76
00:05:19,251 --> 00:05:21,878
Here it is,
Shmeckhausen.
77
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,381
That battery commands
a whole section of the beach.
78
00:05:24,422 --> 00:05:26,091
Exactly. They'll
smash the raid
79
00:05:26,132 --> 00:05:28,218
before it
gets started.
80
00:05:28,259 --> 00:05:29,344
Sitting ducks.
81
00:05:29,385 --> 00:05:30,386
How many guns?
82
00:05:30,428 --> 00:05:33,806
I counted twelve; all 88s.
83
00:05:33,848 --> 00:05:35,057
Oh, murder.
84
00:05:35,099 --> 00:05:36,850
If only we could
knock 'em out.
85
00:05:36,892 --> 00:05:39,561
Hey, maybe hand grenades
would do a little damage.
86
00:05:39,603 --> 00:05:42,314
It's 15 miles from
here at least.
87
00:05:42,314 --> 00:05:43,857
I'll warm up
my pitching arm.
88
00:05:43,899 --> 00:05:45,066
Well, let's face it.
89
00:05:45,108 --> 00:05:47,652
Adolf's going to have a nice
present for his birthday:
90
00:05:47,694 --> 00:05:50,363
Allied landing knocked out
before it starts.
91
00:05:50,405 --> 00:05:53,115
If only we could...
92
00:05:53,115 --> 00:05:54,658
LeBeau.
93
00:05:54,742 --> 00:05:56,535
Did I volunteer
for something again?
94
00:05:56,577 --> 00:05:57,536
You're beautiful!
95
00:05:57,578 --> 00:05:58,620
I am?
96
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:01,707
You said the magic word,
"Adolf's birthday."
97
00:06:01,748 --> 00:06:03,458
What are the
forgery boys working on?
98
00:06:03,458 --> 00:06:04,501
Fake raffle tickets.
99
00:06:04,542 --> 00:06:06,461
We've been selling them
to the Krauts.
100
00:06:06,461 --> 00:06:07,629
Raffle tickets?
101
00:06:07,629 --> 00:06:09,172
Yeah. It's an all-expense-
paid trip to New Orleans
102
00:06:09,213 --> 00:06:09,964
for the Mardi Gras.
103
00:06:10,006 --> 00:06:11,424
It's for after the war.
104
00:06:11,424 --> 00:06:13,092
All right, look,
tell them I need a set of orders
105
00:06:13,092 --> 00:06:14,427
for the commander
of that gun battery.
106
00:06:14,468 --> 00:06:15,469
You got it.
107
00:06:15,511 --> 00:06:16,595
Newkirk, I need
a motorcycle
108
00:06:16,595 --> 00:06:17,846
and a sidecar
from the car pool.
109
00:06:17,888 --> 00:06:19,056
You got it.
110
00:06:19,056 --> 00:06:20,265
I need some
German uniforms.
111
00:06:20,307 --> 00:06:22,392
Uh, make 'em infantry,
enlisted men for a change.
112
00:06:22,392 --> 00:06:23,518
You got it.
113
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:24,728
All right,
let me see:
114
00:06:24,769 --> 00:06:26,980
we got uniforms, orders,
transportation.
115
00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:28,022
Did I forget anything?
116
00:06:28,022 --> 00:06:29,941
Yeah, how about assigning
a couple of guys
117
00:06:29,982 --> 00:06:31,067
to help me off
with my girdle?
118
00:06:31,109 --> 00:06:32,068
You got 'em.
119
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,453
"In keeping with orders
from the Commanding General,
120
00:06:43,495 --> 00:06:44,579
"Fourth Army Group,
121
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:46,790
"military units will show
respect and affection
122
00:06:46,831 --> 00:06:50,001
"for our beloved Fuhrer
with proper celebration
123
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,003
"to be enjoyed by all ranks.
124
00:06:52,003 --> 00:06:54,797
"Details for your relief
for this purpose
125
00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:56,882
"are to be worked out
with the bearer,
126
00:06:56,924 --> 00:06:58,842
"Captain Hoganburg.
127
00:06:58,884 --> 00:07:01,970
Signed, Colonel commanding..."
128
00:07:02,012 --> 00:07:04,014
I can hardly make out
this signature.
129
00:07:04,055 --> 00:07:05,598
The Colonel's
a very busy man,
130
00:07:05,598 --> 00:07:06,766
administrative
details and...
131
00:07:06,808 --> 00:07:07,809
Hoopleman!
132
00:07:07,851 --> 00:07:10,395
Who gave you permission
to be at ease?
133
00:07:10,436 --> 00:07:11,771
Stand at attention!
Achtung!
134
00:07:11,771 --> 00:07:14,398
Jawohl, Herr Kapitan!
135
00:07:14,398 --> 00:07:16,442
You have to keep after them
every minute.
136
00:07:16,483 --> 00:07:17,860
As you were saying, Major.
137
00:07:17,943 --> 00:07:19,194
According to these orders,
138
00:07:19,236 --> 00:07:21,613
you are to relieve me for the
Fuhrer's birthday celebration.
139
00:07:21,655 --> 00:07:23,240
Yes, sir.
I have a small detachment
140
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,866
on temporary patrol
in Shmeckhausen.
141
00:07:24,908 --> 00:07:26,701
At your service, sir.
142
00:07:26,743 --> 00:07:30,413
Ah! Does Headquarters expect
a squad of infantry
143
00:07:30,455 --> 00:07:33,207
to relieve
experienced artillery men?
144
00:07:33,249 --> 00:07:39,254
Major, may I suggest you confirm
the orders with headquarters?
145
00:07:39,296 --> 00:07:41,131
Ja, an excellent idea.
146
00:07:41,173 --> 00:07:42,549
I will do just that.
147
00:07:45,427 --> 00:07:46,928
Hello, this is
148
00:07:46,970 --> 00:07:49,806
Wilhelmstrasse Zwei calling
Bismarck Vierzehn.
149
00:07:49,806 --> 00:07:53,267
Hello, this is
Bismarck Vierzehn.
150
00:07:53,309 --> 00:07:54,310
This is Major Keitel.
151
00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:56,103
I wish to speak
with Colonel Stimmer.
152
00:07:56,145 --> 00:07:58,856
Jawohl, Herr Major.
153
00:07:58,897 --> 00:08:00,774
Colonel, it's Major Keitel
154
00:08:00,816 --> 00:08:01,983
of Wilhelmstrasse Zwei.
155
00:08:02,025 --> 00:08:03,777
Colonel Stimmer speaking.
156
00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:04,986
Heil Hitler.
157
00:08:05,028 --> 00:08:05,945
Heil Hitler.
158
00:08:05,987 --> 00:08:07,864
Heil Hitler.Heil Hitler.
159
00:08:07,906 --> 00:08:09,324
Hoopleman!
160
00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:11,701
Colonel, I have your orders,
161
00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:14,036
and I wish to confirm
the Fuhrer's birthday.
162
00:08:14,078 --> 00:08:18,248
Ah, you wish to confirm
our beloved leader's birthday.
163
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:21,251
That is very kind of you, Major.
164
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:24,838
I only hope for your sake
the Gestapo is not listening.
165
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,464
Sir, you misunderstood...
166
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:31,010
You will carry out your orders
to the letter.
167
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:32,345
That is an order. Understood?
168
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,221
And Major,
169
00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:36,390
it has been reported to me
170
00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:39,059
that the buildings on your post
need attention.
171
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:43,480
Well, sir, we could use
a little fixing up and...
172
00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:47,609
See that it is done before the
beloved Fuhrer's birthday party.
173
00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:50,194
There may be press here
from Berlin.
174
00:08:50,236 --> 00:08:51,988
And Major...
175
00:08:52,029 --> 00:08:53,447
that is an order, understood?
176
00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:54,573
Understood, sir!
177
00:08:54,615 --> 00:08:55,824
Heil Hitler.
178
00:08:55,824 --> 00:08:56,700
Heil Hitler.
179
00:08:56,742 --> 00:08:57,785
Heil Hitler.
180
00:08:57,826 --> 00:08:58,535
Heil Hitler!
Hoopleman!
181
00:09:00,412 --> 00:09:02,622
Let me talk
to Captain Hoganburg.
182
00:09:02,622 --> 00:09:04,165
Yes, sir. Heil Hitler.
183
00:09:04,207 --> 00:09:07,460
The Colonel wants you, Captain.
184
00:09:08,962 --> 00:09:10,171
Hello?
185
00:09:10,213 --> 00:09:12,381
Captain Hoganburg speaking.
186
00:09:12,423 --> 00:09:14,091
Oh, yes, sir.
Fine, thank you, sir.
187
00:09:15,718 --> 00:09:19,513
A case of Rhine wine
and a case of schnapps.
188
00:09:20,806 --> 00:09:22,599
Quarts, not the fifths.
189
00:09:22,641 --> 00:09:24,142
I understand, sir.
190
00:09:24,184 --> 00:09:25,268
To your headquarters.
191
00:09:26,436 --> 00:09:27,896
Consider it done, sir.
192
00:09:27,937 --> 00:09:30,023
Heil Hitler.
193
00:09:30,064 --> 00:09:32,024
May I tell you something
in confidence, sir?
194
00:09:32,066 --> 00:09:33,192
Of course.
195
00:09:35,819 --> 00:09:37,946
There is a
drinking problem.
196
00:09:37,988 --> 00:09:39,323
Pressure of the war.
197
00:09:39,364 --> 00:09:41,199
Really?
198
00:09:41,241 --> 00:09:42,534
That would account
199
00:09:42,576 --> 00:09:44,703
for the strange way
he sounded.
200
00:09:44,703 --> 00:09:46,371
Has Berlin been told?
201
00:09:46,413 --> 00:09:48,456
Bah! You know their answer.
202
00:09:48,498 --> 00:09:49,499
"What kind of schnapps
does he like?
203
00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:51,709
We'll send him a case."
204
00:09:51,751 --> 00:09:52,793
Extraordinary.
205
00:09:52,835 --> 00:09:55,921
Yes. And a tough man.
They know it.
206
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,631
Ja, so do I.
207
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,299
He's ordered me
to clean up my post
208
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,843
in time for the Fuhrer's
birthday celebration.
209
00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:03,178
Impossible!
210
00:10:03,220 --> 00:10:06,014
I have no men to spare
for this kind of work.
211
00:10:06,056 --> 00:10:09,517
Major, you have heard
of Luft Stalag 13?
212
00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:12,144
A prisoner of war camp
a few miles from here, isn't it?
213
00:10:12,186 --> 00:10:16,065
Crowded with able-bodied
prisoners of war.
214
00:10:16,106 --> 00:10:17,232
Might I suggest
215
00:10:17,274 --> 00:10:19,359
that you borrow
a few to do the work?
216
00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:22,988
Excellent suggestion,
Captain.
217
00:10:23,029 --> 00:10:25,198
( chuckles )
218
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,117
Enemies of the Third Reich help
with preparations
219
00:10:28,159 --> 00:10:30,495
for the Fuhrer's birthday.
220
00:10:30,536 --> 00:10:31,787
Nice touch, eh?
221
00:10:31,829 --> 00:10:34,373
Be good to put the
schwein to work.
222
00:10:34,415 --> 00:10:38,043
Tell me, Captain, do you happen
to know the Commandant's name
223
00:10:38,085 --> 00:10:39,253
at Stalag 13?
224
00:10:39,294 --> 00:10:40,379
I'll call him.
225
00:10:40,420 --> 00:10:43,632
Klink, Colonel Wilhelm Klink.
226
00:10:43,673 --> 00:10:45,508
Full Colonel?
227
00:10:45,508 --> 00:10:47,594
Yes, but a typical
desk officer.
228
00:10:47,635 --> 00:10:49,387
He's never been in combat.
229
00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:52,848
I think he would faint
at the sight of a rare steak.
230
00:10:52,890 --> 00:10:54,308
( both laugh )
231
00:10:55,684 --> 00:10:57,186
Hoopleman!
232
00:10:57,186 --> 00:10:59,396
Who gave you permission
to laugh?
233
00:10:59,438 --> 00:11:01,398
Wipe that smile
off your face!
234
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,817
Achtung!
235
00:11:03,859 --> 00:11:06,069
( clears throat )
236
00:11:06,111 --> 00:11:07,654
If you have no further
need for me, sir...
237
00:11:07,695 --> 00:11:09,697
Captain Hoganburg,
a great pleasure.
238
00:11:09,739 --> 00:11:11,157
You have been
very helpful.
239
00:11:11,199 --> 00:11:13,826
Danke, sir. I've tried.
Auf Wiedersehen.
240
00:11:13,868 --> 00:11:15,035
Auf Wiedersehen.
241
00:11:15,077 --> 00:11:18,747
Hoopleman! Right face!
242
00:11:18,789 --> 00:11:23,084
Achtung! Forward march!
243
00:11:27,422 --> 00:11:28,756
My wife's brother.
244
00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:42,811
Mmm...
245
00:11:45,397 --> 00:11:48,983
This is the only way to fight
the war. You know that.
246
00:11:49,025 --> 00:11:53,112
Yeah, but I wish
that we would be on the same side.
247
00:11:53,154 --> 00:11:54,196
I'll come over.
248
00:11:56,949 --> 00:11:59,826
I only see you
a few minutes at a time.
249
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:05,790
Helga, how would you like
to go to a party tomorrow night?
250
00:12:05,790 --> 00:12:06,791
Wunderbar!
251
00:12:06,833 --> 00:12:08,543
Oh, I love parties.
252
00:12:08,585 --> 00:12:10,211
But what
is the occasion?
253
00:12:10,253 --> 00:12:11,879
Hitler's birthday.
254
00:12:11,921 --> 00:12:14,131
Oh.
255
00:12:14,131 --> 00:12:16,467
Well, maybe we'll have
a good time anyway.
256
00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:19,386
I was thinking...
257
00:12:19,428 --> 00:12:22,764
Perhaps if you invited
some of your girlfriends--
258
00:12:22,806 --> 00:12:25,850
blondes, brunettes, redheads,
a nice assortment, you know--
259
00:12:25,892 --> 00:12:27,602
I'd arrange
to have you all picked up
260
00:12:27,644 --> 00:12:29,145
and taken over
to Shmeckhausen.
261
00:12:29,187 --> 00:12:30,313
Shmeckhausen?
262
00:12:30,354 --> 00:12:33,065
But there's nothing
in Shmeckhausen.
263
00:12:33,107 --> 00:12:36,402
We're arranging something
right now.
264
00:12:36,402 --> 00:12:38,570
And how will you get
out of camp?
265
00:12:41,281 --> 00:12:42,949
Don't go away.
266
00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:50,081
Major Keitel, it is impossible.
267
00:12:50,123 --> 00:12:53,084
I cannot let any of my prisoners
out of camp for such a purpose.
268
00:12:55,127 --> 00:12:58,964
It's being arranged right now.
269
00:12:59,006 --> 00:13:01,008
No one has ever
escaped Stalag 13
270
00:13:01,008 --> 00:13:03,844
because I just simply
do not take such risks.
271
00:13:03,844 --> 00:13:06,721
No, I don't care
what the occasion is...
272
00:13:06,763 --> 00:13:09,724
Whose birthday?
273
00:13:09,766 --> 00:13:12,184
Well, why didn't you say so?
274
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:14,520
Of course I can
arrange it, Major Keitel.
275
00:13:14,562 --> 00:13:16,730
Good-bye... What?
276
00:13:16,772 --> 00:13:18,232
Oh, yes. Heil Hitler.
277
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:24,696
Every time I turn around, you
are having another birthday.
278
00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:26,322
( groans )
279
00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,450
Call Colonel Hogan!
You called?
280
00:13:29,492 --> 00:13:30,284
Hogan!
281
00:13:30,326 --> 00:13:33,162
Hogan, come in.
282
00:13:33,204 --> 00:13:35,498
Colonel Hogan, you
wanted to see me?
283
00:13:35,539 --> 00:13:37,499
Yes, sir. I'd like
to make a request.
284
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,293
Request denied.
285
00:13:39,334 --> 00:13:40,586
What is it?
286
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:42,421
I like a man
with an open mind.
287
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:44,422
Sir, tomorrow's
Hitler's birthday.
288
00:13:44,464 --> 00:13:45,382
Yes.
289
00:13:45,423 --> 00:13:47,425
And I wondered if you'd
care to celebrate
290
00:13:47,467 --> 00:13:50,553
by giving us two extra hours of
electric light in the barracks.
291
00:13:50,595 --> 00:13:51,554
Mm-hmm.
292
00:13:51,596 --> 00:13:53,222
So you can have
more time
293
00:13:53,264 --> 00:13:55,391
for digging your
escape tunnel?
294
00:13:55,432 --> 00:13:57,059
We've already
finished the tunnel.
295
00:13:57,101 --> 00:13:58,352
We're working
on an elevator now.
296
00:13:58,352 --> 00:14:00,062
You're being
impertinent.
297
00:14:00,103 --> 00:14:03,648
Yes, sir. I do
the best I can.
298
00:14:03,690 --> 00:14:05,483
Colonel Hogan.
299
00:14:05,483 --> 00:14:08,027
From time to time,
prisoners of war
300
00:14:08,069 --> 00:14:11,280
are asked to work,
for which they are paid.
301
00:14:11,322 --> 00:14:13,032
Well, according
to the Geneva
302
00:14:13,074 --> 00:14:15,493
Prisoner-of-War
Convention, we can refuse.
303
00:14:15,534 --> 00:14:17,077
Now, I need
one hour's work
304
00:14:17,119 --> 00:14:19,496
at a military
installation outside of camp.
305
00:14:19,496 --> 00:14:21,248
Request denied.
306
00:14:21,289 --> 00:14:22,707
It's not heavy labor.
307
00:14:22,749 --> 00:14:24,334
Is there any other kind?
308
00:14:24,376 --> 00:14:25,877
Very well.
309
00:14:25,919 --> 00:14:28,213
Assign a work party
and I'll give you...
310
00:14:28,254 --> 00:14:31,174
40 minutes of additional
electric light in the barracks.
311
00:14:31,215 --> 00:14:32,341
An hour and a half.
312
00:14:32,383 --> 00:14:33,301
50 minutes?
313
00:14:33,342 --> 00:14:34,468
An hour and a quarter.
314
00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:35,553
One hour,
not a second more.
315
00:14:35,594 --> 00:14:36,637
Throw in two
extra ball games
316
00:14:36,679 --> 00:14:37,596
and you got
yourself a deal.
317
00:14:37,638 --> 00:14:38,722
One extra ball game.
318
00:14:38,764 --> 00:14:40,390
Forget it. I'll take my
business elsewhere.
319
00:14:40,390 --> 00:14:41,600
All right, all
right, all right.
320
00:14:41,641 --> 00:14:43,727
One hour of extra
electric light
321
00:14:43,768 --> 00:14:45,520
and two extra ball games.
322
00:14:45,562 --> 00:14:46,729
You got yourself a deal.
323
00:14:46,729 --> 00:14:47,856
I'll assign
a work party.
324
00:14:47,897 --> 00:14:50,733
Just one moment,
Colonel Hogan.
325
00:14:50,775 --> 00:14:53,736
You know that eventually
326
00:14:53,778 --> 00:14:57,448
I'm going to find that
escape tunnel of yours.
327
00:14:57,489 --> 00:14:59,074
Oh, I hope so,
because it leads
328
00:14:59,116 --> 00:15:00,534
direct to the
Russian front
329
00:15:00,534 --> 00:15:02,536
and we need somebody
to lead the way.
330
00:15:02,536 --> 00:15:03,703
Dismissed.
331
00:15:12,003 --> 00:15:14,004
Don't forget the
girls for the party.
332
00:15:14,004 --> 00:15:15,339
I won't.
333
00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:17,007
( Klink yelling )
334
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:18,300
Sounds like a direct hit.
335
00:15:36,859 --> 00:15:38,193
Where do I put it?
336
00:15:38,277 --> 00:15:39,570
Over there.
337
00:15:39,611 --> 00:15:40,862
Hey, Carter.
338
00:15:40,904 --> 00:15:42,447
It's time to move.
339
00:15:42,489 --> 00:15:43,657
Pass the word.
340
00:15:43,698 --> 00:15:44,824
Gotcha. I'm on my way.
341
00:15:46,743 --> 00:15:48,286
Uh, Schultz!
342
00:15:48,578 --> 00:15:50,038
Hey, Schultz!
343
00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:51,080
We, we've finished.
344
00:15:52,748 --> 00:15:54,583
Nice. Very nice.
345
00:15:54,625 --> 00:15:57,419
Very, very nice.
346
00:15:57,461 --> 00:16:00,297
Now, let us go home!
347
00:16:00,464 --> 00:16:01,840
Huh! "Home," he says.
348
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,175
Out, out, out, out!
349
00:16:03,175 --> 00:16:04,509
Everybody, raus!
350
00:16:04,509 --> 00:16:06,511
Raus, schnell,schnell, schnell,
351
00:16:06,511 --> 00:16:08,179
schnell, schnell, schnell.
352
00:16:08,179 --> 00:16:09,514
Everybody raus!
353
00:16:09,555 --> 00:16:10,807
Roll call!
354
00:16:10,848 --> 00:16:12,725
Everybody out!
355
00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:14,643
Raus! Raus!
356
00:16:14,685 --> 00:16:17,646
Schnell, schnell, schnell,schnell, schnell, everybody in.
357
00:16:17,688 --> 00:16:19,815
Halt, halt, halt, halt, halt!
358
00:16:19,815 --> 00:16:23,735
Eine moment. One moment. Halt!
359
00:16:23,777 --> 00:16:24,486
Eins!
360
00:16:24,486 --> 00:16:25,695
Zwei!
361
00:16:25,737 --> 00:16:26,738
Drei!
362
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:29,657
Vier! Funf!
363
00:16:29,866 --> 00:16:31,367
Sechs! Sieben!
364
00:16:31,409 --> 00:16:32,660
Acht!
365
00:16:32,702 --> 00:16:34,203
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
366
00:16:34,245 --> 00:16:35,621
Haven't I seen
you before?
367
00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:36,664
I don't know.
368
00:16:36,747 --> 00:16:37,706
Ever been
to Milwaukee?
369
00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:38,874
Right here.
370
00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:40,667
Hey, pal, have you
ever seen me before?
371
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:41,668
Never.
372
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,753
There, you see?
And he's been to Milwaukee.
373
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:46,506
Sure, and I've also
been to Dusseldorf and...
374
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:48,841
Say, didn't I meet you
in Dusseldorf?
375
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:49,550
Dusseldorf?
376
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,385
Bah! Go in!
377
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,511
Zwanzig.
378
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:53,512
Danke.
379
00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:54,930
Einundzwanzig,zweiundzwanzig
380
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:57,516
drieundzwanzig,vierundzwanzig
381
00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:00,519
funfundzwanzig,sechsundzwanzig...
382
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,648
We're almost
ready, Colonel.
383
00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:06,816
All right, all right.
384
00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:07,859
Make it quick.
385
00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:08,985
The girls
are on the way.
386
00:17:09,027 --> 00:17:09,986
We're right on schedule.
387
00:17:10,027 --> 00:17:11,529
Hey, look at me.
I'm a Kraut corporal.
388
00:17:11,571 --> 00:17:12,655
I wish you were.
389
00:17:12,697 --> 00:17:14,031
The war might
be over by now.
390
00:17:14,073 --> 00:17:15,824
Get ready to move out,
and no talking.
391
00:17:15,866 --> 00:17:17,493
Okay if we whistle
at the dames?
392
00:17:17,534 --> 00:17:18,702
Only in German.
393
00:17:21,955 --> 00:17:23,665
( dance music playing )
394
00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:33,466
Major, you don't
seem to understand.
395
00:17:33,507 --> 00:17:35,342
My orders are
to relieve you.
396
00:17:35,384 --> 00:17:38,178
Ja, I know. You may
post your men at the guns,
397
00:17:38,220 --> 00:17:40,514
but I will remain
in command personally.
398
00:17:40,555 --> 00:17:41,765
But don't you
want to enjoy
399
00:17:41,807 --> 00:17:42,891
the Fuhrer's birthday
party, sir?
400
00:17:42,891 --> 00:17:45,769
Captain, I have thought it over,
401
00:17:45,769 --> 00:17:49,439
and I feel it is my duty
as an officer to remain
402
00:17:49,439 --> 00:17:52,441
in active command
of the guns at all times,
403
00:17:52,483 --> 00:17:54,735
regardless
of the circumstances.
404
00:17:54,735 --> 00:17:56,237
I understand, sir.
405
00:17:56,570 --> 00:17:57,488
Excuse me.
406
00:17:57,529 --> 00:17:58,697
Hoopleman!
407
00:17:58,739 --> 00:18:00,449
How many times
must I tell you
408
00:18:00,490 --> 00:18:01,742
to stand at attention?
409
00:18:01,783 --> 00:18:02,242
Achtung!
410
00:18:07,539 --> 00:18:08,831
Forgive me, Major.
411
00:18:08,831 --> 00:18:12,752
Ever since I made him corporal,
I can't do a thing with him.
412
00:18:12,793 --> 00:18:14,003
Now, you were saying?
413
00:18:14,045 --> 00:18:16,046
I was saying, post your men,
414
00:18:16,088 --> 00:18:17,631
but I will remain in command.
415
00:18:17,673 --> 00:18:20,801
Sir, your orders
are to have a good time!
416
00:18:20,842 --> 00:18:23,386
Ja, ja, ja. I know, I know,
417
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,971
but I am sure that if he
418
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:28,683
were here, the Fuhrer himself...
419
00:18:28,725 --> 00:18:31,811
would approve of my actions
as being absolutely correct
420
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:34,146
and in line with...
421
00:18:34,188 --> 00:18:34,814
with...
422
00:18:38,525 --> 00:18:40,277
Call me if you need me, Captain.
423
00:18:48,576 --> 00:18:50,244
All right, let's
wrap it up fast here.
424
00:18:50,244 --> 00:18:51,537
LeBeau, you
stand guard here.
425
00:18:51,579 --> 00:18:52,663
Nobody in or out.
426
00:18:52,747 --> 00:18:53,789
Carter, back
up the truck
427
00:18:53,831 --> 00:18:54,999
and keep the
motor running.
428
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,542
The rest of you
guys come with me.
429
00:18:56,542 --> 00:18:57,876
Hey, Colonel,
what do we do
430
00:18:57,876 --> 00:18:59,044
if the girls
come back?
431
00:18:59,086 --> 00:19:00,587
Leave 'em alone,
and that's an order.
432
00:19:00,837 --> 00:19:01,963
Oh, it sure is.
433
00:19:02,005 --> 00:19:03,381
I can't get a break
in either army.
434
00:19:31,491 --> 00:19:34,285
Colonel, this is
the wine for Klink.
435
00:19:34,326 --> 00:19:35,953
It's not our best
stuff, is it?
436
00:19:35,995 --> 00:19:37,371
For him?
Are you kidding?
437
00:19:37,413 --> 00:19:38,747
It's practically vinegar.
438
00:19:38,789 --> 00:19:40,457
Looks real.
439
00:19:40,499 --> 00:19:41,792
Believe me,
you'd be better off
440
00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:42,793
drinking the label.
441
00:19:42,834 --> 00:19:43,919
Wait a minute.
442
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,587
I have to
drink with him.
443
00:19:45,628 --> 00:19:47,172
Well, Colonel,
this is war.
444
00:19:47,213 --> 00:19:49,173
You can't expect
to live forever.
445
00:19:49,215 --> 00:19:50,383
Thanks a lot. Pour.
446
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:06,523
Very kind of you to help us
celebrate, Colonel Hogan.
447
00:20:06,523 --> 00:20:08,941
Why not? We don't want
to be enemies
448
00:20:08,983 --> 00:20:10,860
just because we're enemies.
449
00:20:10,860 --> 00:20:13,362
Good health
and a short war.
450
00:20:23,121 --> 00:20:25,915
Schultz, this
is a good wine.
451
00:20:25,957 --> 00:20:28,167
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
452
00:20:28,209 --> 00:20:30,044
It's a gay,
saucy little wine
453
00:20:30,086 --> 00:20:32,171
we call "Hussy
of the Vineyards."
454
00:20:32,171 --> 00:20:33,214
So?
455
00:20:35,424 --> 00:20:37,926
Hogan, tell me...
456
00:20:37,968 --> 00:20:41,221
how do prisoners-of-war
get wine?
457
00:20:41,263 --> 00:20:42,389
Come on, Colonel.
458
00:20:42,973 --> 00:20:45,767
Does Macy tell Gimbel?
459
00:20:45,767 --> 00:20:47,101
Macy? Gimbel?
460
00:20:47,101 --> 00:20:48,770
Schultz, do you
know these men?
461
00:20:48,770 --> 00:20:51,272
No, Herr Kommandant!
462
00:20:51,272 --> 00:20:53,899
I want you to check
the roll call
463
00:20:53,941 --> 00:20:55,734
very carefully tomorrow.
464
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:58,404
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
465
00:20:58,404 --> 00:20:59,780
Sorry I mentioned it.
466
00:21:30,266 --> 00:21:32,560
So.
467
00:21:32,602 --> 00:21:35,896
The traveling salesman
says to the farmer,
468
00:21:35,938 --> 00:21:40,234
"My car broke down, and I'll
have to stay for the night."
469
00:21:40,275 --> 00:21:43,236
The farmer says,
"I have to tell you something.
470
00:21:43,278 --> 00:21:45,071
I don't have a daughter."
471
00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:52,495
Let's go back
to Macy and Gimbel.
472
00:22:10,887 --> 00:22:13,889
( siren blaring )
473
00:22:13,889 --> 00:22:15,516
The invasion alarm.
474
00:22:15,558 --> 00:22:16,517
Achtung!
475
00:22:16,517 --> 00:22:18,018
To the guns!
Schnell! Schnell!
476
00:22:23,148 --> 00:22:24,190
Schnell! Schnell!
477
00:22:33,074 --> 00:22:35,201
Range, 1,500 yards.
478
00:22:40,455 --> 00:22:42,791
Range, 1,500 yards.
479
00:22:42,791 --> 00:22:43,667
Ready?
480
00:22:43,708 --> 00:22:46,252
Ready.
481
00:22:46,294 --> 00:22:47,045
Fire!
482
00:22:47,086 --> 00:22:48,588
Fire!
483
00:22:54,468 --> 00:22:57,846
"Happy birthday, Adolf"?
484
00:23:03,602 --> 00:23:08,481
Schweinhund! Schweinhund!
485
00:23:16,864 --> 00:23:19,533
KLINK:
I know where every prisoner is at all times!
486
00:23:19,533 --> 00:23:22,077
KEITEL:
I am sorry to disagree with you, Colonel,
487
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,663
but I happen to know
that every one of my men
488
00:23:24,829 --> 00:23:26,206
is thoroughly reliable.
489
00:23:26,206 --> 00:23:27,665
KLINK:
The fact remains, Major...
490
00:23:27,665 --> 00:23:28,833
That's what
I like to hear.
491
00:23:28,833 --> 00:23:30,877
They're fighting amongst
themselves now.
492
00:23:30,918 --> 00:23:34,130
...and got away because you
were unable to stop them.
493
00:23:34,171 --> 00:23:37,466
And I say, it is because your
prisoners sabotaged my guns.
494
00:23:37,466 --> 00:23:38,842
Hah! That's ridiculous.
495
00:23:38,884 --> 00:23:41,428
All of my prisoners were
accounted for at roll call.
496
00:23:41,470 --> 00:23:43,430
You asked for a working
party. I gave you one.
497
00:23:43,471 --> 00:23:45,098
Did they do a good job?
498
00:23:45,140 --> 00:23:46,099
Yes.
Good.
499
00:23:46,099 --> 00:23:47,433
But that is not
the point.
500
00:23:47,475 --> 00:23:50,103
Good! That ends the matter
as far as I'm concerned.
501
00:23:50,144 --> 00:23:51,229
Dismissed.
502
00:23:51,270 --> 00:23:52,605
Yes, sir.
But I assure you,
503
00:23:52,605 --> 00:23:56,066
Berlin will favor
my version of this affair.
504
00:24:06,951 --> 00:24:08,161
The nerve of that man,
505
00:24:08,202 --> 00:24:10,830
trying to shift the blame
for his own inefficiency.
506
00:24:10,872 --> 00:24:13,290
The Third Reich has no
place for a man like that.
507
00:24:13,332 --> 00:24:15,543
Sounds like
a drinking problem.
508
00:24:15,584 --> 00:24:17,378
Undoubtedly.
509
00:24:17,419 --> 00:24:18,378
By the way, Colonel,
510
00:24:18,420 --> 00:24:19,922
I understand that
your working party
511
00:24:19,963 --> 00:24:22,174
did an excellent job in
cleaning up the gun battery.
512
00:24:22,174 --> 00:24:23,383
Thank you.
513
00:24:23,425 --> 00:24:25,844
During my inspection
this morning, I noticed
514
00:24:25,885 --> 00:24:27,178
that our own buildings
515
00:24:27,178 --> 00:24:29,180
could use some
extra repair work.
516
00:24:29,222 --> 00:24:30,848
Request denied.
517
00:24:30,890 --> 00:24:33,809
I offer one extra hour
of electric light,
518
00:24:33,809 --> 00:24:36,312
and one more slice of
bread per man a week.
519
00:24:36,312 --> 00:24:38,021
Two extra
hours of light,
520
00:24:38,063 --> 00:24:40,565
and two
slices of bread.
521
00:24:40,565 --> 00:24:43,860
One and a half
extra hours of light,
522
00:24:43,902 --> 00:24:45,570
and one and a quarter
slices of bread...
523
00:24:45,620 --> 00:24:50,170
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