All language subtitles for Baby Daddy s05e14 Not So Great Grandma.eng

Yes! Finally a shot of
your Grandma Bon-Bon

without a glass of wine in her hand.

We're making your family
tree, not your family vineyard.

Stupid paste.

Hey! Whatever you do, don't try to
get it off with the other hand...

then your shoe... then the
wall. It's just a vicious cycle.

I'm just helping Emma
out with a school project.

And from the looks of
this, I think everyone will know

the Wheelers are a pretty classy bunch.

Bam! Guess who just punched
an 80-year-old for this baby?

Hey, if you're old
enough to hit the sales rack,

you're old enough to
take a hanger to the head.

I will definitely be the hottest mom

at the preschool's Family Night.

First of all, you're not Emma's mom,

and second of all, we
already voted, and it's Lacey's mom.

Hey, do we have any pictures
of Nana Lyle?

My mother? God, no. She
doesn't show up on film.

I love Nana Lyle.

Danny, how could you? You
met her like four times.

She always sends me cards for
my birthday and Christmas.

And that one time I got really sick,

she sent a get well card, then I did!

She's magical. Why do you hate her?

I don't hate her. I
just wouldn't be wrecked

if she shriveled up and blew away.

So... want some help?

Pretty sure I can handle doing a
two-year-old's homework on my own.

See?

Oh, hey!

You found a picture of me

without a glass of wine in my hand.

Must've been pregnant.

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --

- (both laughing)
- Okay. Play it again, play it again.

So, expect just a few
clouds early in the day.

I'm Tucker Dobbs, the
forecast machine on your TV screen.

Back to you, Pamela.

That's Tucker Dobbs with the weather.

Uh, Tucker, any big
plans for the weekend?

Nope.

Back to you, Pamela.

Well, maybe you'll head to the beach?

I said, "Back to you, Pamela."

Well, it sounds like the
weather's gonna be pretty nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
literally what I just said.

Time for you to do your job now!

- Pamela: Okay.
- Do not attempt

to adjust your television screens.

Tucker Dobbs really is horrible.

Back to you, Bonnie.

Oh, I can't talk
good. Back to you, Riley!

Hey! Hey! I told you
guys to stop watching this.

All right, and it's not even my fault.

Nobody told me I had to chit chat.

You want spontaneous,

you have to give me some warning.

Oh my god, you know
what? I can help you with that.

I just signed up for this improv class

to help with my courtroom repartee.

Totally my decision.

It's not at all forced on me.

100 percent everybody does it.

Okay, yeah, well, I don't
even need to take improv class

because I'm...

Well, the reason is... is...

Okay, maybe I do need to take improv.

We can sign up online at my place.

Hey, Mom, don't forget
tomorrow is Family Day,

so I'm gonna need you on time, sober,

and dressed at least PG-13.

Mild nudity, got it.

But I also wanted to give you

a little heads-up that we're gonna have

at least one small
addition to Family Day.

If your father brings his new
wife, Steve, I get to dress R-rated.

And it's "hell no" to sober.

What? No. Nana Lyle is coming.

What have you done?

Well, you didn't have her
picture, so I invited the real deal.

She needs to meet Emma.

Okay, okay, fine. Just
make sure that you give me

a little warning before she gets here.

Cancel your plans, boys, you've got
a hot date with your Nana Lyle.

I brought a gift for Emma,

but I didn't bring
anything for you boys.

Wait a minute. What's this?

All: Yay!

Why am I not shocked they're all ones?

Oh my god, look at you
boys, you're so beautiful.

And how's my little angel?

Oh, you know, I'm good.

- I meant this one.
- Okay.

The only angel you have

is tattooed on your ass, sweetie.

Oh, you're just gorgeous.

Oh my goodness. She looks just like you.

And you look just like
me, so, you're welcome.

(high-pitched) Can I
see you boys for a sec?

You two wouldn't understand what
it's like to have a terrible mother,

because you have me!

But there are a lot of people out
there who don't like their mothers.

- Well, we...
- Pick your battles, bro.

You need to get rid of her.

No. You need to suck it up or suck it
in, or suck whoever needs to get sucked,

so we can have a beautiful weekend

where Emma gets to hang out
with her wonderful great-grandmother.

She gave us cash, Mom,

And you know that carries a
lot of weight in this family.

Okay. Fine. But when
Emma is emotionally scarred

by that ice cap in
spandex, don't blame me.

Wow. What a monster.

- You never sang to me.
- Shut up.

Okay, everybody, here we
go, deep breaths and...

ooh, let's warm it up.

It's banana time!

Form banana, form a banana.

Peel banana, peel a banana.

Go bananas! Go, go bananas!

What fresh fruit-themed hell
have you brought me to?

- I'm out.
- Tucker, come on.

It's a great way for
us to challenge ourselves.

Plus, it's non-refundable.

Come on in, guys, don't be shy.

I'm Stanley, your fearless guide

to the wonderful world of improvisation.

In just one week, you'll learn

to talk your way out of any situation.

Oh, cool. Can I get a
refund on this improv class?

Cute.

Okay, everybody, we need to warm up

our instruments, all right?

You're a slice of bacon, now sizzle!

(giggles)

Are you kidding me?

How is being bacon
gonna help me be a weatherman?

God, Tucker, come on, just try it.

This bacon is
guilty... of being delicious!

I already feel like a better lawyer.

Nice sizzle. Oh, come on... more sizzle.

More. Just sizzle!

Oh, you're in a pan and
you're sizzling bacon!

Good. Even more!

I am so impressed with you
boys owning your own bar.

I hope you set a limit on free drinks

or somebody here is gonna
gluggity glugg you right out of business.

- Am I right?
- (Danny and Ben laugh)

Ooh, oh, and what's that?

You just carry that around

in the off chance you
might need to strip paint?

Huh?

I am a sipper. Oh, add a
"T" and an "R" to that,

and we have your mother's first job.

Mom... you were a sippsterr?

Stripper, Danny. Mom was a stripper...

Mom, you were a stripper?

No! I was a model.

For who? Planned Parenthood?

Now, where's the ladies'?

Not sittin' here.

Right that way, Nana, take your time.

Whoa, she's just like you! I
always wanted a second mom.

Now it's okay if we break one.

Please... I am nothing like my mother.

You're right. She gives us stuff.

Other than a bad time.

Look, just make it through this
lunch, and you'll be done for the day.

Nana's grabbing Emma from
preschool and taking her shopping.

What? You can't leave that
woman alone with Emma.

Unless you think "How I
got to Third Base with Sinatra"

is an appropriate
story for a two-year-old.

It's not.

And what's a "sippsterr"?

What's a Sinatra?

Next stop, fourth
floor... handbags and old bags.

For the love of God, Mother, the
girls are out of the barn. Zip up.

- (elevator bell dings)
- Hold my purse.

Mom? Mom? Mom?

Now you decide to answer my prayers?

I'm gonna get blamed for this, aren't I?

I don't understand. How
do you lose an entire person?

She lost me in the
grocery store when I was 10.

And accidentally drove
off with a 20-year-old.

You guys were exactly the same size.

Well, you need to call
the store and find her.

I did! I also went
to the lost and found,

and was very specific about
what I was looking for.

About yay big, no soul, smells like gin,

repelled by garlic, has no shadow,

answers to "Hey, old bitch!"

Don't worry, she will call eventually.

With what? You have
her purse and her phone.

Oh, you did this on purpose because
you're jealous of her.

She's honing in on your
grandma territory and Emma loves her.

Jealous? Of what?

She's a booze-soaked bottle blonde who's

never met a man she couldn't bed

or a bar she couldn't close down.

Wait, who are we talking about again?

Wait, guys, I really think we're
nailing this improv thing.

Quick, give me an
occupation and a location.

You're an annoying
roommate with bad timing.

Got it. I'm Ben. I work at a bar,

and I make all my
friends babysit my kid.

Dude, that was spot on.

Maybe we should go work
on our scenes, like...

let's write some
amazing stuff to ad lib.

Seriously, they own the joint.

So, drink up, Hanky, and
then we'll get to the panky.

My god, there you are.

I was so worried about you.

Worried, casket shopping... same thing.

Hey, guys, pull up a chair.

This is my new friend, Hank.
Hank, these are my sons,

and this is my older sister.

Be cool.

Okay, let's grab a suggestion from the

hat and see where this scene takes us.

Hey. Ah!

The location is the WNY-8 weather desk.

You guys, this is a good one.

This feels fresh.

Okay, guys, improvise!

What are the chances that a weatherman
would need a lawyer?

I murdered my co-worker Pamela
for talking too much.

Well, perhaps I can
help you win your case,

because I'm an amazing attorney.

Stop! Stop, stop.

Did you two actually
pre-write your scene?

Yeah, how else are we supposed
to make it good?

Perhaps missing the point.

Let's try something else.

You two start a scene, and
when you hear the bell,

whoever spoke last has to change

- what they said...
- (dings)

- has to come up with something new...
- (dings)

- has to alter their lines.
- (dings)

I don't charge enough for these classes.

Here we go.

The location... the moon.

Did you say "courtroom"?

Moon! Go.

Um, uh, don't open the
hatch or we'll die!

I can't believe you ate the
manual, and we can't fly home!

- (dings)
- What? That was a great line.

You have to do a new
line when the bell rings.

Yeah, but my line was good, hers sucked.

- Make her do another line.
- (bell dings)

- Oh, that's how we playing it?
- (bell dings)

- Ring it again. I dare you.
- (rings bell)

I remember doing this with
your mom when she was a little girl.

Well, then, I
must've had a secret sister,

because you sure as
hell aren't talking about me!

Hi, Emma. Ready to
take your family picture?

Gosh, you can see how much she
really loves her grandma.

Great-grandma.

Actually not great, just old.

Not really grandma,
either. More like an acquaintance.

Let's just call her Old
Lady Acquaintance.

- Let me hold her.
- I was holding her.

Okay, how about we just let go
of the innocent baby, all right?

I'm the grandmother.

- I'm the great-grandmother.
- You heard him, let go.

I don't want to let... oh!

Oh my god! Nana Lyle, are you okay?

It's Family Day, for God's
sake, can't you just keep it together?

Me? What about her?

Well... obviously, I'm
not wanted by my own family.

But that's all
right... I'm just a poor old lady

who hasn't been feeling very well
lately and doesn't have much time.

- You're dying?
- No, my plane leaves tomorrow.

- Nana, wait!
- But...

What are you lookin' at, Parker?

Like you've never seen an old
lady get her ass kicked before?

It's fine. I'll just go
back home where I'm wanted.

But we all want you here, all of us.

Every single one of us.

- Tell her, Danny.
- Yep. Totally. All of us.

For sure, 100 percent. Just not Mom.

You know, I've just learned to laugh

at all her craziness, so it's okay.

I'll wait 'til it
passes, it always does.

Now I'll go say goodbye to Emma.

Oh, I wanna tell her my
Sinatra story before I leave.

I don't know what's so hard
about being nice to the person

who gave you life. Mom's such as ass.

Okay... so what if I'm a
lawyer who stuck in a washing machine,

and I have to argue my way out?

'Ello, matey. Care for a dryer sheet?

I just ad-libbed all of that.

(Tucker laughs) Yes.

Hey, don't forget about our
performance tonight, guys.

It's completely free, but
there's a two-drink minimum.

Also, admission is 10 bucks. You know, I

don't even know why I said it was free.

You know what, Danny? That's the answer.

We just need to get Mom
and Nana in one place,

and get them calm enough to
have an honest conversation.

And they'll find a
way to laugh it all off.

Okay, you take Mom and I'll take Nana.

- Why do I always get Mom?
- Because you're her favorite.

I didn't know you knew.

I always assumed, but
now I know for sure.

I'm tired of being her favorite.

I know, but I've
worked really hard not to be.

Danny.

Wait a second. This isn't a free,
all-you-can-drink wine tasting.

What are you doing here?

What is she doing here? You
said she wasn't coming.

What? Like it's the first
time somebody was manipulated

into being in the same room as you?

How is Dad, by the way?

Well, I for one, think we are
all gonna laugh about this one day.

Soon. Hopefully real soon.

Hey, what do you say we all go
out for a drink after this,

and have a nice chat?
Who's in? I know I am.

Oh, look, the show's starting.

(applause)

Thank you. And welcome, family
and friends, to our student showcase.

My name is Stanley Dexenberry,

though I'm quite sure all
of you already know me...

thanks to my one-man show,
"Stanley Dexenberry, a One-Man Show."

Thank you.

Now, let's kick things
off with the Director's Cut.

Can I have the name of a fairy tale?

Oh, right here, I know...

Cinderella. It's Riley's favorite.

Now, because our students are
new, let's help them out

and suggest characters for them to play.

How about a cold, distant
mother, who never gave her daughter

a moment of support?

So the actual character from Cinderella.

And for Riley?

How about an ungrateful daughter,

who's always upset about
something stupid and meaningless?

Why do I even try?

Okay, guys, let's improvise!

All I wanna do is go to the ball,

and you won't let me.

I should probably get a lawyer.

The last time you went to
a ball, you came home drunk

and barfed in my car.

But tomorrow the sun will come out,

and it should be in the low 70s.

It sure is nice to be
spending time with the family.

Something I wasn't allowed to do before.

- Here we go.
- Here we go where?

Here we go rewriting history.

Honestly, Bonnie, I have
done nothing but support you.

All I've ever wanted is
to be part of this family.

I love the boys, I love Emma,

I just don't know what your problem is.

Uh-huh. My problem?

You don't know what my problem is?

Well... here's a hint.

It's you.

You think you supported and loved me?

When? How?

Yes, mother, I got
pregnant when I was 17,

not exactly the highlight of homecoming.

But I did the best I
could for a terrified teenager.

And what did you, my mother, do? Hmm?

You threw me out of the house.

Thankfully, Ray's family took me in.

But even that wasn't
enough for you, was it?

I've had enough.

Oh, I am just getting
started, old woman.

You didn't come to my wedding,

because you said I was an embarrassment.

And then you simply disowned me.

Oh, I believe your words
were, "You don't have a mother."

You refused to see
Danny until he was four.

And then when Ben
came along, you told me

that I was ruining my
life, and adding another dumbo

to an already stupid family tree.

Oh, but the true icing on the
crap cake was what you said to me

when I told you that Ben was a
father to a beautiful little girl.

Do you remember that
lovely letter you sent, Ma?

Huh? "The rotten apple

"doesn't fall far from the rotten tree.

He's a dummy... just like his mommy."

So guess what, you cold, heartless,

liquor-filled excuse for a mother?

You don't get to have this
family. It is mine!

Can we take a five? I'm
gonna call my mother.

Mom. I'm sorry, we had no idea.

Why didn't you tell us?

I didn't want you to know.

What about all the
cards and letters she sent us?

I sent them.

I was just trying to
protect you from her.

And you did. I am so sorry.

You deserve a great mom,

because you've always been one to us.

And don't worry about Nana
Lyle. We don't need her.

Look... I know I'm not perfect,
but I did the best that I could.

I didn't know how to raise kids.

Yeah, well... I
didn't either. Right, boys?

- The worst, absolutely terrible.
- No idea.

Okay.

Look... I am gonna
try to be the perfect nana

to Emma, and put
family first from now on.

- (phone rings)
- Oops. That's me.

Hey, Hanky Panky.

No, I'm not doing anything important.

See you in 20.

Well... this was a really good
talk. I'll see you folks at home.

You were right, Mom.

You're nothing like Nana
Lyle. We love you.

I love you both. So much.

Hey, should we go back inside?

- Get out! Never come back!
- (bell dinging)

No refunds! You fail!

I'll take that drink now.

I'm Tucker Dobbs.

And in rain, sleet, snow or hail,

count on me, your weather male.

(laughs) I just improvised that!

- Back to you, Pamela!
- Thanks, Tucker.

And that is all that
we have time for tonight...

Whoa! Whoa, whoa
whoa, hold up now, Pamela.

What about a little chit chat?

Some witty banter, some
ad libs, repartee?

Come on, now, hit me with a question.

I'm sorry, we're literally out of time.

Out of time?

How is that even
possible? We're never out of...

(high-pitched tone)

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0