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1
00:00:01,759 --> 00:00:02,679
Emma: No!
2
00:00:02,730 --> 00:00:04,781
Emma, come on, it's time for bed.
3
00:00:04,783 --> 00:00:06,667
I'm putting my foot down.
4
00:00:06,701 --> 00:00:07,768
You gotta put your pajamas on.
5
00:00:07,802 --> 00:00:08,819
No!
6
00:00:08,870 --> 00:00:11,154
What if Daddy gives you a cookie?
7
00:00:11,189 --> 00:00:13,073
Yes!
8
00:00:13,107 --> 00:00:15,092
Congratulations, Emma.
9
00:00:15,126 --> 00:00:17,995
You're already manipulating
men at a third grade level.
10
00:00:19,097 --> 00:00:20,897
You're the parent.
11
00:00:20,932 --> 00:00:22,082
You need to stand up to your daughter.
12
00:00:22,116 --> 00:00:23,934
Okay, you know what? Fine.
13
00:00:23,968 --> 00:00:25,902
If you're so good at this,
you get her into pajamas.
14
00:00:25,904 --> 00:00:27,004
- All right?
- Okay. Yeah, I will.
15
00:00:27,038 --> 00:00:28,021
All right, Emma.
16
00:00:28,056 --> 00:00:32,726
Listen, this behavior has got to stop.
17
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:33,844
When I say it's bedtime,
18
00:00:33,895 --> 00:00:35,696
it's bedtime.
19
00:00:37,899 --> 00:00:40,717
And when I say it's cookie time,
20
00:00:40,768 --> 00:00:42,102
it's cookie time.
21
00:00:42,136 --> 00:00:44,121
Mm, who do you love the most?
22
00:00:44,155 --> 00:00:46,106
- Bon-Bon.
- Bon-Bon. That's right.
23
00:00:46,157 --> 00:00:48,075
And Bon-Bon loves you the most.
24
00:00:50,161 --> 00:00:52,129
(theme music playing)
25
00:00:52,163 --> 00:00:55,132
It's amazing how the unexpected
26
00:00:55,166 --> 00:00:58,168
Can take your life
and change directions
27
00:00:58,473 --> 00:01:02,239
- Sync and corrected by TheDelta -
- www.addic7ed.com -
28
00:01:04,142 --> 00:01:06,059
- She's coming, she's coming!
- (Screams)
29
00:01:07,979 --> 00:01:09,062
Danny!
30
00:01:09,097 --> 00:01:11,064
- Who's coming?
- My mom.
31
00:01:11,099 --> 00:01:13,150
Ever since Brad left,
she can't be alone.
32
00:01:13,184 --> 00:01:14,685
I don't know if you know this,
33
00:01:14,687 --> 00:01:16,103
but she can be kind of annoying.
34
00:01:17,188 --> 00:01:19,940
She hasn't let me out of
her sight in over a week,
35
00:01:19,991 --> 00:01:22,075
and now she wants to hang
out today and tonight.
36
00:01:22,110 --> 00:01:24,695
No! No! Tonight is our special night.
37
00:01:24,697 --> 00:01:26,029
Clash of Dragons is on.
38
00:01:26,031 --> 00:01:28,949
I know. That's why I'm
trying to avoid her.
39
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,000
(doorknob rattling)
40
00:01:30,034 --> 00:01:32,035
Bonnie: Hey, why is this door locked?
41
00:01:32,037 --> 00:01:33,954
(door unlocking)
42
00:01:34,005 --> 00:01:35,088
- Oh!
- Hey, guys.
43
00:01:35,123 --> 00:01:36,123
I just wanted to...
44
00:01:41,212 --> 00:01:43,013
Oh. Mom...
45
00:01:43,047 --> 00:01:44,014
do you mind?
46
00:01:44,048 --> 00:01:46,016
Kind of in the middle of something here.
47
00:01:46,050 --> 00:01:47,050
Sorry.
48
00:01:47,052 --> 00:01:49,019
Yeah, I can come back.
49
00:01:49,053 --> 00:01:50,187
Well, actually, if you're
anything like your dad,
50
00:01:50,221 --> 00:01:52,189
I can just wait in the hall
for a couple of minutes.
51
00:01:54,142 --> 00:01:56,026
Will you just tell her?
52
00:01:56,060 --> 00:01:58,145
Yeah, you're right.
53
00:01:58,196 --> 00:02:01,064
Mom, there's something I
need to talk to you about.
54
00:02:01,115 --> 00:02:02,949
But first, I gotta go to practice,
55
00:02:02,984 --> 00:02:04,651
so I'll see you later, okay? Bye.
56
00:02:04,702 --> 00:02:05,952
Danny, Danny, Danny!
57
00:02:05,987 --> 00:02:07,070
(groans)
58
00:02:07,121 --> 00:02:08,989
So...
59
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,657
what are you up to today?
60
00:02:10,708 --> 00:02:12,075
I'm just going to work.
61
00:02:12,077 --> 00:02:13,960
I don't suppose you
could bring a friend.
62
00:02:13,995 --> 00:02:14,995
- Not really.
- Oh.
63
00:02:18,049 --> 00:02:19,049
Oh, Tuck! Hey!
64
00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:21,001
Here's that salad you ordered for Mary.
65
00:02:21,052 --> 00:02:22,919
I know the show's paying for it.
66
00:02:22,970 --> 00:02:24,054
That's why it's a $53 salad.
67
00:02:25,106 --> 00:02:27,874
Finally. Mary's blood sugar's crashing.
68
00:02:29,877 --> 00:02:31,828
Oh, my God. Are there
cranberries on this?
69
00:02:32,830 --> 00:02:34,097
These look like cranberries!
70
00:02:34,148 --> 00:02:36,783
Calm down. She can just pick
them off like any normal person.
71
00:02:36,818 --> 00:02:39,736
Mary Hart is not a normal person.
72
00:02:39,738 --> 00:02:40,704
Okay?
73
00:02:40,738 --> 00:02:41,738
She's a star.
74
00:02:41,773 --> 00:02:43,140
It's a completely different beast.
75
00:02:44,759 --> 00:02:46,693
Please don't tell anyone you
heard me call her a beast.
76
00:02:46,727 --> 00:02:49,079
Dude, you gotta stand up
to her once in a while.
77
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:50,113
Don't let her walk all over you.
78
00:02:50,148 --> 00:02:51,681
Look, Ben, I don't have time.
79
00:02:51,732 --> 00:02:53,116
Look, I don't have time
for this right now, okay?
80
00:02:53,118 --> 00:02:54,968
What is wrong with
you? Look at yourself.
81
00:02:55,002 --> 00:02:56,136
- You're a mess.
- I'm fine! Okay?!
82
00:02:56,187 --> 00:02:57,954
- Look, I'm fine!
- (Shutter clicks)
83
00:02:57,989 --> 00:02:59,990
- I'm fi...
- Does this look fine to you?
84
00:03:00,024 --> 00:03:02,826
Look, man, we're just... we're all
under a lot of stress, all right?
85
00:03:02,877 --> 00:03:05,762
This week, it's our big
Mary Hart SweetHarts Special,
86
00:03:05,764 --> 00:03:07,764
and everything just needs to be perfect
87
00:03:07,799 --> 00:03:09,766
because Mary likes perfect.
88
00:03:09,801 --> 00:03:10,767
Mary: Tucker!
89
00:03:10,769 --> 00:03:12,652
Oh, my God! She's
coming! Save yourself! Go!
90
00:03:13,788 --> 00:03:15,088
It's about time.
91
00:03:15,123 --> 00:03:17,073
I didn't realize you actually had
92
00:03:17,108 --> 00:03:19,676
to go to a farm and plant
the vegetables first.
93
00:03:21,028 --> 00:03:23,980
And could you possibly
be more incompetent?
94
00:03:24,015 --> 00:03:26,917
I said I wanted to
give away Crock-Pots.
95
00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:28,985
You forgot the "Crock"
part of the "Pot".
96
00:03:29,020 --> 00:03:31,788
There's 50 pounds of weed
sitting on my loading dock!
97
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:36,760
And...
98
00:03:37,829 --> 00:03:39,796
are these cranberries?
99
00:03:40,848 --> 00:03:45,769
You know how much I hate cranberries.
100
00:03:45,771 --> 00:03:48,054
I know, Mary. I'm so sorry, Mary.
101
00:03:48,089 --> 00:03:50,173
How does this sound to you, Tucker?
102
00:03:50,175 --> 00:03:54,010
Hello, America. I'm Mary Hart.
103
00:03:54,012 --> 00:03:56,963
On tonight's show, the
death of a senior producer
104
00:03:56,998 --> 00:03:58,932
who gave me cranberries!
105
00:03:58,966 --> 00:03:59,983
Idiot!
106
00:04:00,034 --> 00:04:01,952
How could you not know after
all these years together
107
00:04:02,003 --> 00:04:04,905
that I hate cranberries?! I hate them...
108
00:04:07,708 --> 00:04:09,860
Ah, my good Lord Craigmore,
109
00:04:09,894 --> 00:04:12,696
bastard son of Leon Ravenhelm,
110
00:04:12,730 --> 00:04:14,764
to what do I owe this honor?
111
00:04:14,799 --> 00:04:17,751
Ah, Lady Zelda Dragonbreast,
112
00:04:18,803 --> 00:04:20,770
I have come to avenge thee...
113
00:04:20,805 --> 00:04:23,073
and perhaps do some ravaging?
114
00:04:23,075 --> 00:04:26,009
Well, the ravaging will hate to wait
115
00:04:26,011 --> 00:04:27,277
because seriously, the
show's about to start.
116
00:04:27,311 --> 00:04:29,963
I couldn't find mutton, so
chicken wings will have to do.
117
00:04:29,997 --> 00:04:31,915
(knocking)
118
00:04:31,949 --> 00:04:33,066
Bonnie: Open up! It's me!
119
00:04:33,117 --> 00:04:34,918
I found mutton!
120
00:04:36,020 --> 00:04:37,988
What is she doing
here? How did she know?
121
00:04:38,039 --> 00:04:40,874
Well, she either figured
it out on her own,
122
00:04:40,908 --> 00:04:42,943
or she guilted me into inviting her.
123
00:04:42,977 --> 00:04:44,794
I'm honestly not sure.
124
00:04:44,796 --> 00:04:45,812
Just...
125
00:04:45,846 --> 00:04:46,863
just tell her to go away.
126
00:04:46,898 --> 00:04:47,864
Okay, fine.
127
00:04:47,915 --> 00:04:49,766
I'll tell her that it's just us tonight.
128
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,151
Yeah.
129
00:04:51,185 --> 00:04:52,752
I mean, sure. Yeah.
130
00:04:52,787 --> 00:04:56,056
I was devastated when
Brad left, you know,
131
00:04:56,090 --> 00:04:58,174
but now, I'm just lonely.
132
00:04:58,176 --> 00:05:00,944
You know, and I can't
go get all un-lonely
133
00:05:00,995 --> 00:05:02,095
because I'm married.
134
00:05:02,129 --> 00:05:03,847
Stupid morals.
135
00:05:05,917 --> 00:05:08,802
Mary: Hello, America. I'm Mary Hart.
136
00:05:08,836 --> 00:05:11,755
On tonight's show, the
death of a senior producer
137
00:05:11,806 --> 00:05:13,740
who gave me cranberries!
138
00:05:14,859 --> 00:05:16,760
Yeah, thanks for the instant replay,
139
00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:17,844
but I'm still picking
140
00:05:17,895 --> 00:05:20,680
the cranberries out of
my ears, so I'm good.
141
00:05:20,715 --> 00:05:23,099
Dude, I'm trying to show
you how pathetic you look.
142
00:05:23,134 --> 00:05:25,118
You know, I wish I had
physical proof of my mistakes.
143
00:05:25,169 --> 00:05:26,136
Ben!
144
00:05:26,138 --> 00:05:28,104
Not now, Emma.
145
00:05:28,106 --> 00:05:30,974
Ben, why is this such a big deal?
146
00:05:30,976 --> 00:05:34,995
All I see is a completely normal
employee-employer relationship.
147
00:05:35,046 --> 00:05:36,096
Oh? Oh, is that what you see?
148
00:05:36,130 --> 00:05:37,981
Oh, okay. Then maybe
we should take a survey
149
00:05:38,032 --> 00:05:38,999
and find out what other people think.
150
00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:40,850
How about I just post it online
151
00:05:40,885 --> 00:05:41,918
and get some feedback for you?
152
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,036
- Oh, you do that.
- Oh, I will.
153
00:05:43,070 --> 00:05:44,771
- Good.
- Here I go.
154
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:45,889
- I'm waiting.
- So doing it.
155
00:05:45,923 --> 00:05:46,873
- So not caring.
- All right.
156
00:05:46,924 --> 00:05:47,958
- Three, two, one...
- Give it to me.
157
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:48,959
Nope. No. Stop.
158
00:05:48,993 --> 00:05:49,893
No, no.
159
00:05:51,862 --> 00:05:54,731
Fine. Yes, Mary is a horrible person.
160
00:05:54,765 --> 00:05:56,149
She's also a compulsive gambler
161
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,084
and a philanderer, so what's your point?
162
00:05:58,135 --> 00:05:59,135
You're better than this!
163
00:05:59,186 --> 00:06:01,638
You've gotta stand up for yourself, man.
164
00:06:01,672 --> 00:06:02,088
(sighs)
165
00:06:03,658 --> 00:06:04,958
Fine. I'll talk to her.
166
00:06:06,127 --> 00:06:07,927
You're a good friend.
167
00:06:07,979 --> 00:06:08,945
I know.
168
00:06:08,996 --> 00:06:09,996
You're really lucky.
169
00:06:11,115 --> 00:06:13,833
How about I buy you a
beer to celebrate, huh?
170
00:06:13,868 --> 00:06:14,951
Come on.
171
00:06:18,906 --> 00:06:19,906
On tonight's show,
172
00:06:19,957 --> 00:06:21,808
- the death of a senior producer
- (Tablet beeps)
173
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,860
who gave me cranberries!
174
00:06:23,894 --> 00:06:25,679
Idiot! How could you not
175
00:06:25,713 --> 00:06:26,813
remember after all of these years...
176
00:06:29,116 --> 00:06:30,667
(Ben laughing)
177
00:06:30,701 --> 00:06:31,768
Look! The kitty doesn't even know
178
00:06:31,802 --> 00:06:33,687
the bunny's in the basket.
179
00:06:33,721 --> 00:06:35,038
Cats are stupid.
180
00:06:39,043 --> 00:06:40,126
I think we lost her!
181
00:06:40,177 --> 00:06:41,978
I knew your mom was fast,
182
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:44,914
but she actually scissor-kicked
over the subway turnstiles.
183
00:06:44,916 --> 00:06:46,816
You guys are amateurs.
184
00:06:46,867 --> 00:06:47,951
Always run through a bar.
185
00:06:48,002 --> 00:06:48,968
She has to stop.
186
00:06:50,821 --> 00:06:51,771
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
187
00:06:51,822 --> 00:06:52,806
Wait, wait, wait. This isn't good.
188
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:53,957
Cranberries? Idiot!
189
00:06:54,008 --> 00:06:56,810
How could you not remember
after all of these years
190
00:06:56,861 --> 00:06:58,675
of working together how
much I hate cranberries?!
191
00:06:58,701 --> 00:06:59,154
What?
192
00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:00,697
No!
193
00:07:00,731 --> 00:07:02,682
Oh, my God! How is this online?!
194
00:07:02,717 --> 00:07:03,717
A million views?!
195
00:07:03,751 --> 00:07:05,101
Oh, my God. I have to warn Tucker.
196
00:07:05,136 --> 00:07:06,653
Oh, no. Come on.
197
00:07:06,704 --> 00:07:07,987
Come on, sweetie. Let's go.
198
00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:10,090
Aah, pick up. Pick up,
pick up, pick up, pick up.
199
00:07:10,141 --> 00:07:11,074
Oh, God.
200
00:07:13,044 --> 00:07:14,894
- Aah, come on. Voicemail?
- (Elevator dings)
201
00:07:14,929 --> 00:07:15,895
(sighs)
202
00:07:15,930 --> 00:07:17,030
Mom! Hey, perfect.
203
00:07:17,081 --> 00:07:18,882
Can you please take Emma to daycare?
204
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,850
I have an emergency.
Mary's about to kill Tucker.
205
00:07:20,852 --> 00:07:21,985
Oh. Yeah. Tell me when that's on.
206
00:07:21,987 --> 00:07:22,952
I want to record it.
207
00:07:24,872 --> 00:07:25,872
Riley: Oh, my God, Danny. Please!
208
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,724
Your mother is driving me crazy!
209
00:07:27,726 --> 00:07:28,875
Danny: Don't get mad at me!
210
00:07:28,909 --> 00:07:30,844
You're the one who invited
her over last night!
211
00:07:30,911 --> 00:07:34,664
Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's only because
you couldn't stand up to her.
212
00:07:34,666 --> 00:07:36,099
She spent the night at my place
213
00:07:36,150 --> 00:07:37,767
and then she went to breakfast with us,
214
00:07:37,802 --> 00:07:39,669
and now she's gonna go
to the movies with us?
215
00:07:39,703 --> 00:07:41,054
Oh, my...
Oh, do not.
216
00:07:41,105 --> 00:07:42,238
Do not think for one second
217
00:07:42,273 --> 00:07:44,007
that she's going to Mary
Hart's SweetHart show
218
00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:45,125
tomorrow because we
only have two tickets
219
00:07:45,159 --> 00:07:47,043
and I already planned to
give the free Crock-Pot
220
00:07:47,078 --> 00:07:48,078
to my mom for Christmas!
221
00:07:48,129 --> 00:07:50,847
Well, what am I supposed to do?
222
00:07:50,898 --> 00:07:52,916
Tell her I'd rather spend
time along with my girlfriend
223
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,884
than with my own mother?!
224
00:07:54,886 --> 00:07:55,935
Yes.
225
00:07:55,986 --> 00:07:58,738
Danny, that's exactly
what you're supposed to do.
226
00:07:59,757 --> 00:08:00,890
I mean, if you don't
stand up to her now,
227
00:08:00,941 --> 00:08:02,792
this is only going to get worse.
228
00:08:02,827 --> 00:08:04,794
I mean, today it's a Crock-Pot,
229
00:08:04,845 --> 00:08:06,646
tomorrow it's our anniversary.
230
00:08:06,697 --> 00:08:08,081
Wait, tomorrow's our anniversary?
231
00:08:09,133 --> 00:08:10,717
I mean...
232
00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:12,068
tomorrow's our anniversary.
233
00:08:12,119 --> 00:08:14,003
Hope you didn't forget.
234
00:08:18,008 --> 00:08:20,059
No, Danny.
235
00:08:20,111 --> 00:08:22,962
I am saying that this
is about our future,
236
00:08:23,013 --> 00:08:25,815
and I'm not saying that you
have to choose between us,
237
00:08:25,866 --> 00:08:26,966
but at some point,
238
00:08:27,001 --> 00:08:29,853
you're gonna have to choose between us.
239
00:08:30,955 --> 00:08:34,891
Oh, I think we both know
how this is gonna end.
240
00:08:34,893 --> 00:08:37,877
Someone is about to get schooled...
241
00:08:37,928 --> 00:08:39,779
and it ain't gonna be me.
242
00:08:39,814 --> 00:08:41,714
High five it.
243
00:08:41,749 --> 00:08:42,749
Fist it.
244
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:43,766
Woogidy woogidy.
245
00:08:48,775 --> 00:08:51,101
Care to explain what this is?
246
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:52,766
Oh. You know what?
247
00:08:52,850 --> 00:08:54,785
It's basically just a really big phone.
248
00:08:56,738 --> 00:08:57,738
You know what I mean?
249
00:08:57,740 --> 00:08:59,723
No, this.
250
00:08:59,757 --> 00:09:02,659
There's 50 pounds of
weed on my loading dock.
251
00:09:04,512 --> 00:09:06,496
Oh, no, no, no. This is not happening.
252
00:09:06,531 --> 00:09:07,581
(inhales deeply)
253
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,434
(breathes deeply)
254
00:09:10,485 --> 00:09:13,503
They're saying, "Mary has no Hart."
255
00:09:13,538 --> 00:09:17,391
I wish that didn't sound so
evil because it's catchy as hell.
256
00:09:17,425 --> 00:09:19,393
No! No, no, no.
257
00:09:19,427 --> 00:09:20,744
No, of course you have a heart!
258
00:09:20,778 --> 00:09:22,796
No, Mary puts the Hart in heart.
259
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:23,797
Mary
260
00:09:23,848 --> 00:09:25,649
Right?
261
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,768
Obviously someone is jealous
262
00:09:27,802 --> 00:09:30,704
of our close, professional relationship.
263
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:33,523
Perhaps I overreacted
with the cranberries.
264
00:09:34,609 --> 00:09:36,543
I'm... I'm sorry,
are you apologizing?
265
00:09:36,545 --> 00:09:38,395
Oh, my God, no.
266
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,515
But seeing this made me realize
267
00:09:41,566 --> 00:09:44,785
just how much I... appreciate you.
268
00:09:44,836 --> 00:09:48,872
So, I want to make you
an executive producer...
269
00:09:48,923 --> 00:09:51,775
as long as you find out who did this,
270
00:09:51,809 --> 00:09:54,678
publicly humiliate them, and fire them.
271
00:09:54,729 --> 00:09:55,729
I'm on it.
272
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:56,697
Thank you, Mary.
273
00:09:56,731 --> 00:09:58,799
Tucker, hey! Whatever you do, don't...
274
00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:00,801
What's up, Mary?
275
00:10:00,835 --> 00:10:03,670
Well, hello there, stranger.
276
00:10:05,556 --> 00:10:07,607
Wait, why do you look so familiar?
277
00:10:07,642 --> 00:10:09,676
I work here.
278
00:10:09,711 --> 00:10:11,495
I'm, um...
279
00:10:11,529 --> 00:10:12,612
I'm Jason.
280
00:10:12,647 --> 00:10:14,598
What do you do here, Jason?
281
00:10:17,585 --> 00:10:19,453
I make the melon balls.
282
00:10:21,456 --> 00:10:23,440
Well, make them smaller next time.
283
00:10:23,474 --> 00:10:25,909
It's bad for my face to chew.
284
00:10:30,748 --> 00:10:31,798
Danny: Mom?
285
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:33,684
(door closes)
286
00:10:33,735 --> 00:10:35,736
Oh, hey, Ma.
287
00:10:35,738 --> 00:10:37,587
Mamacita.
288
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,523
Best mom in the world.
289
00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:40,640
I was hoping we could
have a little chat...
290
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:42,626
Are you crying?
291
00:10:43,678 --> 00:10:44,928
It's nothing.
292
00:10:46,564 --> 00:10:49,516
I was just sitting here thinking
about you, and, you know,
293
00:10:49,567 --> 00:10:53,854
how amazing you've been during
this painful, awful time.
294
00:10:53,888 --> 00:10:55,489
You're not just my son.
295
00:10:56,808 --> 00:10:57,891
You're my best friend.
296
00:11:00,712 --> 00:11:02,763
And all my friends,
you know, they complain
297
00:11:02,814 --> 00:11:05,665
that their kids never want
to spend any time with them,
298
00:11:05,667 --> 00:11:07,768
but not me. No.
299
00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:12,556
I always say, "I have the
best son in the world."
300
00:11:13,608 --> 00:11:15,459
- What about Ben?
- What about Ben?
301
00:11:19,530 --> 00:11:20,514
Listen, honey.
302
00:11:20,548 --> 00:11:22,866
I know that I have been
very intrusive lately,
303
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:26,853
but you have honestly saved my life.
304
00:11:26,855 --> 00:11:28,905
You know I'd do anything for you, Mom.
305
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,424
I know.
306
00:11:30,475 --> 00:11:33,693
And you know what would really help me?
307
00:11:33,745 --> 00:11:35,796
Make me feel whole again?
308
00:11:35,847 --> 00:11:39,750
I would just really love
to go to that Mary Hart
309
00:11:39,801 --> 00:11:42,569
whatever-she-calls-it
thing with you.
310
00:11:42,603 --> 00:11:44,504
Wait, the SweetHart Special?
311
00:11:44,539 --> 00:11:45,705
But I've only got two tickets
312
00:11:45,740 --> 00:11:47,524
and Riley's got her heart set on it.
313
00:11:47,558 --> 00:11:49,593
I mean, we've got our costumes
picked out and everything.
314
00:11:51,562 --> 00:11:53,497
That is a problem...
315
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,517
but I know you'll do the right thing.
316
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,720
Look at myself.
317
00:12:02,740 --> 00:12:04,708
Dude, I'm gonna get my
own Tucker to scream at!
318
00:12:04,759 --> 00:12:06,810
But don't you still have to
find a fall guy and fire someone?
319
00:12:06,844 --> 00:12:09,646
Oh, please. Believe me, I've got a list.
320
00:12:10,715 --> 00:12:12,666
Enjoy your last stolen yogurt, Todd.
321
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:14,668
Payback for my applesauce, bitch.
322
00:12:20,525 --> 00:12:21,541
Hey!
323
00:12:22,593 --> 00:12:24,511
What about Jason?
324
00:12:24,545 --> 00:12:25,729
I have the advantage
of actually being guilty
325
00:12:25,763 --> 00:12:28,432
and I don't actually work here,
so no one actually gets hurt.
326
00:12:28,483 --> 00:12:29,433
Yeah!
327
00:12:29,467 --> 00:12:30,450
Yeah, that's genius!
328
00:12:30,485 --> 00:12:32,452
Mary!
329
00:12:32,454 --> 00:12:34,438
After an extensive investigation
330
00:12:34,472 --> 00:12:36,523
I've traced the video to Jason's phone.
331
00:12:36,557 --> 00:12:39,810
Well, Jason, why don't you just
take that pretty face of yours
332
00:12:39,861 --> 00:12:43,630
and your melon baller
and get out? You're fired!
333
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:46,700
(gasps)
334
00:12:46,751 --> 00:12:48,802
I can't believe we just
got away with that, man!
335
00:12:48,804 --> 00:12:49,803
We're geniuses!
336
00:12:49,805 --> 00:12:52,706
I mean, Mary is kind of a moron, right?
337
00:12:52,757 --> 00:12:55,675
I mean, like, a big, dumb blond.
338
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:57,527
That thing's not actually on, is it?
339
00:12:57,562 --> 00:12:58,545
No. This?
340
00:12:58,547 --> 00:12:59,546
I'm not an idiot.
341
00:12:59,597 --> 00:13:01,448
Mary: Tucker!
342
00:13:03,885 --> 00:13:05,485
Yeah, I guess it is on.
343
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,805
What flavor do you want
your goodbye cake to be?
344
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:09,840
(chuckles)
345
00:13:09,891 --> 00:13:12,492
- No!
- No, no, no...
346
00:13:15,525 --> 00:13:16,659
Fired.
347
00:13:16,693 --> 00:13:18,510
Man, I did not see that coming.
348
00:13:20,513 --> 00:13:22,331
You shot the video,
349
00:13:22,382 --> 00:13:24,350
your kid posted it online,
350
00:13:24,401 --> 00:13:26,468
and it was your idea to fire Jason.
351
00:13:26,503 --> 00:13:28,437
You were in charge of it coming.
352
00:13:30,290 --> 00:13:30,838
Oh, yeah?
353
00:13:30,938 --> 00:13:32,358
Well, I worked in TV for one hour,
354
00:13:32,392 --> 00:13:34,410
and even I know how the headsets work.
355
00:13:34,461 --> 00:13:37,396
I know how the headsets work, okay?!
356
00:13:37,430 --> 00:13:39,648
And I also know how friends work.
357
00:13:39,650 --> 00:13:40,633
And if you weren't so busy
358
00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:42,668
trying to teach me some stupid lesson,
359
00:13:42,702 --> 00:13:44,270
none of this would have happened.
360
00:13:44,321 --> 00:13:45,254
(sighs)
361
00:13:45,288 --> 00:13:47,473
This is my career, Ben.
362
00:13:47,507 --> 00:13:48,607
And you just destroyed it.
363
00:13:50,493 --> 00:13:51,427
(sighs)
364
00:13:56,499 --> 00:13:58,350
Oh, hey. How am I doing?
365
00:13:58,401 --> 00:14:00,369
Funny you should ask. Um, not well.
366
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:02,304
Because despite my talking
367
00:14:02,339 --> 00:14:04,440
about the Mary Hart Special
for the last six months,
368
00:14:04,442 --> 00:14:06,342
I am now not going.
369
00:14:06,376 --> 00:14:08,310
Am I supposed to have any
idea what you're talking about?
370
00:14:09,362 --> 00:14:10,379
Shiver me timbers!
371
00:14:10,413 --> 00:14:12,314
Who's ready to hunt some dragons?
372
00:14:12,349 --> 00:14:13,315
Tally ho!
373
00:14:17,203 --> 00:14:19,521
No one on Clash of
Dragons has said that.
374
00:14:19,572 --> 00:14:20,539
Ever.
375
00:14:21,675 --> 00:14:23,192
Is Danny ready?
376
00:14:23,226 --> 00:14:24,560
This corset's got about four hours on it
377
00:14:24,611 --> 00:14:26,462
before m'ladies explode.
378
00:14:26,496 --> 00:14:28,514
(giggles) Thanks for the ticket, Riley.
379
00:14:30,483 --> 00:14:33,502
Your mom stole my boyfriend.
380
00:14:33,504 --> 00:14:37,373
Uh, kind of the one woman I didn't
think I'd have to worry about.
381
00:14:37,375 --> 00:14:39,391
Well, Tucker gave me two
tickets. You can have 'em.
382
00:14:39,426 --> 00:14:41,226
Really? Oh, my God!
383
00:14:41,277 --> 00:14:42,361
Well, will you go with me?
384
00:14:42,395 --> 00:14:43,412
Because you can only get in
385
00:14:43,414 --> 00:14:45,297
if you're dressed as a
famous couple from history.
386
00:14:45,332 --> 00:14:46,348
Please, please, please?
387
00:14:46,399 --> 00:14:48,200
Uh, well, won't me going
with you make Danny...
388
00:14:48,234 --> 00:14:49,335
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
389
00:14:49,386 --> 00:14:52,204
And that's what us
girlfriends call a win-win.
390
00:14:53,656 --> 00:14:55,591
No, no, no. I can't. I can't.
391
00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:57,526
Do you have any idea what
Mary would do if she sees me?
392
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,194
I mean, after she hits on me of course.
393
00:15:00,547 --> 00:15:01,597
She may not like my melon balls,
394
00:15:01,599 --> 00:15:03,499
but she definitely likes
my... You get the point.
395
00:15:06,419 --> 00:15:07,403
You know what?
396
00:15:07,454 --> 00:15:09,338
That's genius!
397
00:15:09,372 --> 00:15:10,472
Yes, yes! I will go with you!
398
00:15:10,507 --> 00:15:11,690
Okay. Yay!
399
00:15:11,725 --> 00:15:14,326
All right, what's a costume that
we can do at the last minute?
400
00:15:14,377 --> 00:15:16,428
Um, I've got a black
wig and some 60s clothes.
401
00:15:16,479 --> 00:15:17,429
Sonny and Cher?
402
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,281
Yes!
403
00:15:19,283 --> 00:15:21,200
Oh, my God, that's perfect!
404
00:15:21,234 --> 00:15:23,252
Plus, they were great
friends after their breakup,
405
00:15:23,286 --> 00:15:24,353
and you know, it's... it's just like us!
406
00:15:24,355 --> 00:15:26,655
Yeah, so totally like us! Yeah!
407
00:15:26,689 --> 00:15:27,639
(chuckles)
408
00:15:39,602 --> 00:15:40,569
Really?
409
00:15:42,405 --> 00:15:43,555
How was I supposed to
know you wanted to be Cher?
410
00:15:45,375 --> 00:15:48,394
Uh, again, I'm gonna go with, "Really?"
411
00:15:55,268 --> 00:15:57,302
Riley? What are you doing here?
412
00:15:57,337 --> 00:15:58,353
And why are you with my brother?
413
00:16:00,206 --> 00:16:03,175
I don't know, because Ben
didn't dump me for his mother?
414
00:16:03,226 --> 00:16:05,227
Because Ben is a true friend.
415
00:16:05,229 --> 00:16:07,229
Because Ben would never abandon me.
416
00:16:07,263 --> 00:16:08,180
Ben's gotta go.
417
00:16:08,214 --> 00:16:09,631
See you later, Riles. Wish me luck.
418
00:16:09,666 --> 00:16:11,617
- Hey, Sonny.
- Hey, Mom.
419
00:16:14,587 --> 00:16:15,604
Oh, hey, Riles.
420
00:16:15,606 --> 00:16:17,406
Ever hear the expression,
421
00:16:17,457 --> 00:16:20,509
"Two is company, three is a pathetic
girl dressed as Cher with no partner"?
422
00:16:21,528 --> 00:16:22,444
Tucker?
423
00:16:24,531 --> 00:16:26,381
What are you doing?
424
00:16:26,383 --> 00:16:29,284
I found this costume on the couch.
425
00:16:29,286 --> 00:16:31,437
Figured it was the perfect
way to get past security.
426
00:16:31,471 --> 00:16:34,189
Don't you work here?
427
00:16:34,224 --> 00:16:36,325
Oh. Oh, when I'm done with this show,
428
00:16:36,359 --> 00:16:38,627
nobody is gonna work here.
429
00:16:38,661 --> 00:16:39,628
Okay?
430
00:16:39,662 --> 00:16:42,181
It's time I got my dignity back.
431
00:16:47,637 --> 00:16:49,571
Hey, Mary. It's me, Jason.
432
00:16:51,591 --> 00:16:53,475
What are you doing here?
433
00:16:53,477 --> 00:16:55,410
I think we both know
what I'm doing here.
434
00:16:55,462 --> 00:16:56,528
I saw how you looked at me before.
435
00:17:01,334 --> 00:17:03,385
Oh, you're here to seduce me just like
436
00:17:03,436 --> 00:17:06,455
the real Sonny did in '79.
437
00:17:06,489 --> 00:17:08,223
You bet I am.
438
00:17:08,274 --> 00:17:10,392
Should we lock the doors so your
husband doesn't walk in on us?
439
00:17:10,426 --> 00:17:13,262
Please, I've done this 100 times before
440
00:17:13,313 --> 00:17:14,613
and he never found out.
441
00:17:14,647 --> 00:17:16,148
He's about as in the dark
442
00:17:16,182 --> 00:17:18,150
as the IRS is about my Swiss accounts.
443
00:17:18,184 --> 00:17:19,184
Now...
444
00:17:19,235 --> 00:17:22,504
why don't you make a
deposit at Infidelity Bank?
445
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,507
- Gotcha!
- Mary: Now...
446
00:17:25,542 --> 00:17:28,644
why don't you make a
deposit at Infidelity Bank?
447
00:17:28,678 --> 00:17:30,646
What do you want?
448
00:17:30,648 --> 00:17:32,531
I want you to give Tucker his job back
449
00:17:32,582 --> 00:17:34,383
unless you want this to get out too.
450
00:17:34,434 --> 00:17:36,368
You know he deserves it.
451
00:17:36,402 --> 00:17:37,486
He does everything to please you
452
00:17:37,537 --> 00:17:39,471
and all you've ever
done is crush his spirit.
453
00:17:39,506 --> 00:17:41,390
Fine.
454
00:17:41,441 --> 00:17:43,325
I actually need Tucker.
455
00:17:43,376 --> 00:17:46,278
His little revenge video
doubled the show ratings.
456
00:17:46,312 --> 00:17:48,197
So he can have his job back?
457
00:17:48,199 --> 00:17:49,181
Sure.
458
00:17:49,215 --> 00:17:50,315
Now put the mustache on
459
00:17:50,350 --> 00:17:53,585
and take me back to 1979.
460
00:17:56,673 --> 00:17:58,524
Okay, SweetHarts,
461
00:17:58,575 --> 00:18:00,158
let's do this.
462
00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:01,159
Hey, hey.
463
00:18:01,194 --> 00:18:02,177
Where's your partner?
464
00:18:02,228 --> 00:18:03,478
Oh, he was just here.
465
00:18:03,513 --> 00:18:04,580
Sorry, couples only.
466
00:18:04,614 --> 00:18:06,415
Desperate singles is next week.
467
00:18:06,466 --> 00:18:08,025
If you could just give me a
minute, he'll be right back.
468
00:18:08,051 --> 00:18:08,600
Rules are rules.
469
00:18:08,635 --> 00:18:11,453
- I swear.
- You two, you two, next.
470
00:18:11,455 --> 00:18:12,554
Riley, I am so sorry.
471
00:18:12,589 --> 00:18:14,306
Danny, come on! Hurry up.
472
00:18:14,357 --> 00:18:16,325
The gay pirate boys
are taking our seats!
473
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,377
As soon as this is over, I'm
going to make it up to you.
474
00:18:18,428 --> 00:18:20,379
Danny, come on! I gave you life!
475
00:18:20,413 --> 00:18:22,231
She's just giving you a hard time.
476
00:18:22,282 --> 00:18:24,333
- Can you give me a minute?
- No, Danny. It's fine. Not now.
477
00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:26,301
- Yeah, Danny. Not now.
- Mom, enough!
478
00:18:26,352 --> 00:18:29,238
You've been controlling, bossy,
and honestly, a pain in my neck.
479
00:18:29,289 --> 00:18:30,622
I'm sorry that you're lonely,
480
00:18:30,673 --> 00:18:32,307
but you're not the woman that I love.
481
00:18:32,309 --> 00:18:33,575
Riley is.
482
00:18:33,610 --> 00:18:36,178
So, you need to back up out
of my life and get your own.
483
00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:42,551
Well, it's about time!
484
00:18:43,686 --> 00:18:44,653
Both: What?
485
00:18:46,422 --> 00:18:49,408
Danny, I have been in your
face the last two days,
486
00:18:49,442 --> 00:18:51,526
trying to get you to push me away.
487
00:18:51,528 --> 00:18:53,378
No man should let his
mother come between
488
00:18:53,429 --> 00:18:54,513
him and the love of his life.
489
00:18:54,547 --> 00:18:57,332
And no woman wants to be with a guy
490
00:18:57,367 --> 00:18:58,450
who can't stand up to his mother.
491
00:19:00,303 --> 00:19:02,271
Now, if you'll excuse me,
492
00:19:02,322 --> 00:19:04,373
I was right about this corset
493
00:19:04,407 --> 00:19:08,176
and my m'ladies are about to blow, so...
494
00:19:10,163 --> 00:19:11,280
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
495
00:19:12,382 --> 00:19:14,182
Tucker?
496
00:19:14,217 --> 00:19:15,200
How many times do I have to tell you
497
00:19:15,234 --> 00:19:16,285
to stop stealing my clothes?
498
00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:19,137
It doesn't matter. I got great news.
499
00:19:19,172 --> 00:19:20,138
So do I, man.
500
00:19:20,189 --> 00:19:22,140
Look, I finally realized you were right.
501
00:19:22,175 --> 00:19:25,227
This job, this humiliation,
it's beneath me.
502
00:19:25,261 --> 00:19:27,179
I am better than Mary Hart.
503
00:19:27,213 --> 00:19:28,530
- I got your job back.
- Oh, my God! You did?!
504
00:19:28,581 --> 00:19:30,465
That's amazing!
505
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:31,516
I love this job!
506
00:19:31,551 --> 00:19:33,602
Man over speaker: And
we're live in five seconds.
507
00:19:33,636 --> 00:19:36,355
(theme music playing)
508
00:19:36,389 --> 00:19:37,372
Mary
509
00:19:37,423 --> 00:19:38,473
No, no, no, no.
510
00:19:38,508 --> 00:19:40,342
I slipped something to my
buddy in the audio booth.
511
00:19:40,393 --> 00:19:41,393
I gotta stop him.
512
00:19:41,427 --> 00:19:42,477
(auto-tuned)
Hello, America
513
00:19:42,512 --> 00:19:44,563
I'm Mary Hart, Hart, Hart
514
00:19:44,597 --> 00:19:46,348
50 pounds of
515
00:19:46,399 --> 00:19:47,566
50 pounds of weed
516
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,520
Are these cranberries?
517
00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:53,438
I hate, I hate cranberries!
518
00:19:53,489 --> 00:19:55,357
I hate them as
much as I hate you
519
00:19:55,408 --> 00:19:56,575
And that's a lot!
520
00:19:56,609 --> 00:19:58,360
Keep throwing
521
00:19:58,411 --> 00:19:59,411
Keep throwing
522
00:19:59,445 --> 00:20:01,446
Keep throwing cranberries!
523
00:20:01,497 --> 00:20:02,531
Tucker!
524
00:20:05,501 --> 00:20:06,451
(clears throat)
525
00:20:06,502 --> 00:20:08,420
Hey, man, uh...
526
00:20:08,454 --> 00:20:09,538
how'd you get my job back?
527
00:20:09,589 --> 00:20:11,540
Any chance it'll work again?
528
00:20:13,426 --> 00:20:14,426
I'll be right back.
529
00:20:21,330 --> 00:20:23,198
Hey, Mom, watch this.
530
00:20:23,249 --> 00:20:25,200
Emma, it's time for bed.
531
00:20:25,251 --> 00:20:26,284
Let's go put your pajamas on, okay?
532
00:20:26,335 --> 00:20:27,335
Okay.
533
00:20:27,370 --> 00:20:29,287
(chuckles) Yeah.
534
00:20:29,338 --> 00:20:31,256
Now who's standing
up to a two-year-old?
535
00:20:31,290 --> 00:20:32,290
Mm-hmm.
536
00:20:33,376 --> 00:20:34,426
All right, my little monkey.
537
00:20:34,460 --> 00:20:36,294
Come on.
538
00:20:36,345 --> 00:20:38,296
There we go. All right.
539
00:20:38,347 --> 00:20:40,215
Let's get your jammies on.
540
00:20:40,217 --> 00:20:41,216
Okay.
541
00:20:41,267 --> 00:20:43,218
Oh, right.
542
00:20:43,220 --> 00:20:44,219
Sorry.
543
00:20:44,270 --> 00:20:46,039
Here's your cookie, sweetheart.
544
00:20:46,089 --> 00:20:50,639
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