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1
00:00:00,980 --> 00:00:02,515
Okay, people. I need you to focus.
2
00:00:02,516 --> 00:00:03,920
This is a critical birthday decision.
3
00:00:04,706 --> 00:00:05,878
Traditional.
4
00:00:07,963 --> 00:00:10,395
- Tiara.
- Oh...
5
00:00:12,234 --> 00:00:14,054
Or my personal favorite...
6
00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:15,686
Viking warrior princess?
7
00:00:16,028 --> 00:00:18,417
- Oh!
- All: Warrior princess!
8
00:00:19,437 --> 00:00:20,891
Oh, and also, can we please vote
9
00:00:20,892 --> 00:00:22,413
on whether or not we're getting a pony?
10
00:00:22,414 --> 00:00:23,940
I still think we can
fit one in the elevator.
11
00:00:24,447 --> 00:00:25,521
(Door opens)
12
00:00:25,522 --> 00:00:27,357
Well, I measured.
13
00:00:27,678 --> 00:00:30,585
And we can totally fit
a pony in that elevator.
14
00:00:30,586 --> 00:00:33,468
- Yes! Yup, knew it.
- Bonnie: Yeah.
15
00:00:33,469 --> 00:00:38,663
Oh, my God, I can't believe it
is already Emma's first birthday.
16
00:00:39,328 --> 00:00:42,452
I remember I pulled out
all the stops for you boys.
17
00:00:42,453 --> 00:00:45,869
Really? Because I pulled out
all our old birthday DVDs.
18
00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:49,207
- You care to explain this?
- (Laughter)
19
00:00:49,854 --> 00:00:52,002
Okay, Ray, let's try
to make this fast, okay?
20
00:00:52,003 --> 00:00:54,159
I've got a hangover bigger than my hair.
21
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,037
And I cannot get that
Vanilla Ice out of my brain.
22
00:00:57,038 --> 00:00:59,712
Man, that guy is gonna be big, huh?
23
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:02,774
Hey, Ray. Ray! Hey!
24
00:01:02,775 --> 00:01:04,430
Honey, we're over here.
25
00:01:04,826 --> 00:01:09,219
Danny. Danny, I told you
not to eat this, okay?
26
00:01:09,220 --> 00:01:11,295
Oh, you know what?
Benji... he'll never notice.
27
00:01:11,296 --> 00:01:12,730
- Okay, here we go.
- (Fusses)
28
00:01:12,731 --> 00:01:14,767
All right, all right, let's
get this over with, people.
29
00:01:14,768 --> 00:01:16,218
"The Cosby Show" is gonna be on.
30
00:01:16,219 --> 00:01:19,036
Man, and look, that Rudy...
that girl is gonna be big!
31
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,135
Okay, blah-da blah blah blah blah.
32
00:01:21,136 --> 00:01:23,848
Here we go and happy...
33
00:01:23,849 --> 00:01:26,738
- (whistle tweets)
- Bonnie: Come on, Danny! Crush him!
34
00:01:26,739 --> 00:01:28,910
I can't believe you taped
over my first birthday.
35
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:32,842
Yeah, well, since you're onto me,
I also taped over your next three.
36
00:01:33,264 --> 00:01:35,989
Well, unlike me, Emma's gonna
have the best birthday party ever.
37
00:01:35,990 --> 00:01:38,060
- We are gonna make some memories.
- Yeah.
38
00:01:38,061 --> 00:01:41,208
(Bonnie, seductively) Come
on, Ray. Everyone's doing it.
39
00:01:41,209 --> 00:01:43,882
- Mom!
- Hey, we were making some memories!
40
00:01:43,883 --> 00:01:45,583
- (Mutters)
- (Theme music playing)
41
00:01:46,414 --> 00:01:49,431
It's amazing how the unexpected
42
00:01:49,432 --> 00:01:52,368
can take your life
and change direction.
43
00:01:52,369 --> 00:01:56,381
Synced and corrected by Nantinha
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
44
00:01:56,382 --> 00:01:58,068
- (Laughs)
- Don't worry, Emma.
45
00:01:58,069 --> 00:01:59,618
You're gonna have the best birthday ever,
46
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:03,272
because we're having it at Frankie
& Bobbie's ice cream parlor.
47
00:02:03,273 --> 00:02:05,603
- Oh!
- Wait, so you're not even
48
00:02:05,604 --> 00:02:07,835
gonna acknowledge my petting zoo idea?
49
00:02:08,631 --> 00:02:11,027
That's where we had all our
special events growing up.
50
00:02:11,028 --> 00:02:12,870
Yeah, Ben and I worked
there in high school...
51
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,019
Till Ben got banned...
52
00:02:16,107 --> 00:02:17,339
For life.
53
00:02:18,092 --> 00:02:21,695
(Chuckles) Okay, Ben, you've
been banned from the mall,
54
00:02:21,696 --> 00:02:25,109
six bars and the Statue of Liberty crown.
55
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:28,565
How do you get banned
from an ice cream parlor?
56
00:02:35,035 --> 00:02:36,318
Hey, Ben. (Chuckles)
57
00:02:36,319 --> 00:02:38,731
God, this hat makes me
look like such a dork.
58
00:02:39,032 --> 00:02:42,265
- I hate it.
- You always say that.
59
00:02:42,266 --> 00:02:44,920
Can't you just enjoy the
positive side to this job?
60
00:02:44,921 --> 00:02:47,428
(Inhales deeply) One free sundae per shift.
61
00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:50,410
I'm calling this one "the kitchen sink."
62
00:02:51,098 --> 00:02:53,164
And I'm calling this one "boobs."
63
00:02:53,165 --> 00:02:55,272
Get it? Boobs.
64
00:02:57,362 --> 00:02:58,889
Hey, you have a little something right...
65
00:02:58,890 --> 00:03:00,760
oh, no no, that's my new 'stache.
66
00:03:00,761 --> 00:03:03,328
You like it? I've been
working on it all summer.
67
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,889
- You look so mature.
- (Door opens)
68
00:03:06,317 --> 00:03:08,170
- (Bell jingles)
- Hey, Riles.
69
00:03:08,171 --> 00:03:10,236
Looking pretty styling in that uniform.
70
00:03:10,237 --> 00:03:12,801
- Thanks.
- Ben, you look like a dork.
71
00:03:13,345 --> 00:03:15,135
It's the hat.
72
00:03:15,136 --> 00:03:18,097
No, I'm pretty sure
it's the face. (Chuckles)
73
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:23,139
Hey, Ben-Ben, isn't it time for our break?
74
00:03:23,140 --> 00:03:24,410
He just got here.
75
00:03:24,753 --> 00:03:26,823
You've been on a break
since your last break.
76
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,563
Well, when your dad
owns an ice cream parlor,
77
00:03:29,564 --> 00:03:31,424
you can tell me what to do.
78
00:03:31,425 --> 00:03:33,582
It's okay. We're just taking inventory...
79
00:03:34,621 --> 00:03:37,550
In my pants. Cover for me.
80
00:03:39,991 --> 00:03:41,991
(Exasperated sigh) I hate
having a shift with Jenny.
81
00:03:41,992 --> 00:03:44,236
You know, she thinks she can
just get away with anything.
82
00:03:44,237 --> 00:03:46,700
All I do is just work work work.
83
00:03:47,931 --> 00:03:51,458
Perrin! Stop eating the profits.
84
00:03:52,245 --> 00:03:53,969
Where is everybody? Where's Jenny?
85
00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:57,179
Oh, I'm not sure.
86
00:03:57,180 --> 00:03:58,877
I think they might be in the back.
87
00:03:58,878 --> 00:04:00,649
They said something about inventory...?
88
00:04:05,502 --> 00:04:07,552
So, we're going to the movies tonight.
89
00:04:07,553 --> 00:04:09,902
- I was thinking maybe you and I could...
- No thanks, I can't.
90
00:04:09,903 --> 00:04:12,776
I have to work a double.
Ooh, second sundae.
91
00:04:13,845 --> 00:04:16,396
- (Clattering)
- Frankie: What the... I warned you, Wheeler!
92
00:04:16,397 --> 00:04:17,841
Now get out!
93
00:04:21,078 --> 00:04:22,116
(Bell jingles)
94
00:04:22,419 --> 00:04:23,915
Jenny DeLuca.
95
00:04:23,916 --> 00:04:26,121
That girl was two scoops of awesome.
96
00:04:27,605 --> 00:04:28,950
I hated that girl.
97
00:04:28,951 --> 00:04:31,601
She's the one who instituted
the one sundae per shift rule.
98
00:04:32,448 --> 00:04:33,422
(Chuckles) Well, we gotta kick
99
00:04:33,423 --> 00:04:34,901
this Emma party plan into high gear.
100
00:04:34,902 --> 00:04:36,653
Riley, you're in charge of decorations;
101
00:04:36,654 --> 00:04:38,069
Tucker, food and beverages;
102
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,308
- and Danny...
- Just name it. I'll do anything.
103
00:04:40,309 --> 00:04:42,593
- Will you be the clown?
- Anything but that!
104
00:04:43,590 --> 00:04:45,317
You know clowns freak me out!
105
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:46,883
I can never tell if they're gonna squirt me
106
00:04:46,884 --> 00:04:49,429
with a flower or stab me in my sleep.
107
00:04:49,986 --> 00:04:52,345
The only thing a clown will stab you with
108
00:04:52,346 --> 00:04:54,067
is joy and merriment.
109
00:04:54,725 --> 00:04:57,174
Don't worry, big guy. You're in good hands.
110
00:04:57,175 --> 00:04:59,824
I may have dabbled in mimery in college.
111
00:05:01,443 --> 00:05:03,274
(Sputters) Mimes freak me out.
112
00:05:04,413 --> 00:05:06,032
Mom, come with me to Frankie & Bobbie's.
113
00:05:06,033 --> 00:05:07,682
Wait, you still wanna have it there?
114
00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,777
I mean, don't you remember
what Frankie said to you?
115
00:05:09,778 --> 00:05:11,142
- Uh-uh.
- Ben: It doesn't matter.
116
00:05:11,143 --> 00:05:12,673
It's all water under the bridge.
117
00:05:12,674 --> 00:05:13,988
No, what he said was,
118
00:05:13,989 --> 00:05:15,599
"I'll bury you under the bridge."
119
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,150
(Thuds)
120
00:05:18,008 --> 00:05:19,300
(Bell jingles)
121
00:05:19,799 --> 00:05:22,167
Oh, my God. I can't believe it.
122
00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:23,684
This place looks exactly the same.
123
00:05:24,273 --> 00:05:26,919
Well, you're wearing
pants, so that's different.
124
00:05:30,062 --> 00:05:33,155
- Ben Wheeler?
- Jenny DeLuca?
125
00:05:33,156 --> 00:05:35,082
Oh, my God, you look amazing.
126
00:05:35,083 --> 00:05:36,859
What the hell are you doing here?
127
00:05:36,860 --> 00:05:40,364
Well, well, well, look who's here!
128
00:05:40,365 --> 00:05:42,135
I didn't know it was garbage day.
129
00:05:44,182 --> 00:05:46,686
That pony's looking pretty
good right now, isn't it?
130
00:05:48,799 --> 00:05:52,173
(Laughs) Honestly, I can watch
you smash that cake all day.
131
00:05:52,174 --> 00:05:53,806
All right, get that backup cake ready!
132
00:05:53,807 --> 00:05:55,832
He's tearing through this one pretty fast!
133
00:05:56,301 --> 00:05:58,069
Yeah!
134
00:05:58,070 --> 00:05:59,703
I love cake.
135
00:05:59,704 --> 00:06:01,279
Happy Birthday, Danny.
136
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,119
Can you wave? Wave to daddy.
137
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,913
- Can you wave to daddy?
- Wait a minute.
138
00:06:04,914 --> 00:06:06,794
Wait a minute. That's
my aunt Margot, right?
139
00:06:06,795 --> 00:06:09,779
Uh, yeah. Why does she
look like she's pregnant?
140
00:06:09,780 --> 00:06:11,916
Riley: Because she is.
141
00:06:11,917 --> 00:06:16,137
Oh my God. She couldn't have
been much more than like 16.
142
00:06:16,531 --> 00:06:18,895
So? Isn't being a teen mom
143
00:06:18,896 --> 00:06:21,217
kind of a rite of passage for you people?
144
00:06:22,268 --> 00:06:24,962
But Margot doesn't have
any kids, all right?
145
00:06:24,963 --> 00:06:26,432
She said she didn't want to be tied down.
146
00:06:26,433 --> 00:06:28,049
Oh, my God. How did I not know this?
147
00:06:28,050 --> 00:06:30,228
Should I just tell her that I know,
148
00:06:30,229 --> 00:06:31,770
or I could kinda hint at it,
149
00:06:31,771 --> 00:06:34,270
or say I saw your old video? Oh, my God.
150
00:06:34,271 --> 00:06:37,291
I can't believe my family
finally has a juicy dark secret.
151
00:06:37,292 --> 00:06:38,884
I'll... I'll talk to you guys later.
152
00:06:39,963 --> 00:06:41,922
- (Door closes)
- Wait, hold up.
153
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:44,431
Why do scandalous secrets have to be dark?
154
00:06:44,432 --> 00:06:46,376
I mean, that's just racist. (Chuckles)
155
00:06:46,377 --> 00:06:49,043
What's wrong with a juicy white secret?
156
00:06:49,928 --> 00:06:52,485
Yeah, I don't think
that's their only secret.
157
00:06:52,486 --> 00:06:54,552
That might be Riley's aunt Margot,
158
00:06:54,553 --> 00:06:56,863
but that very unpregnant woman
159
00:06:56,864 --> 00:06:59,229
- is Riley's mom.
- So?
160
00:06:59,632 --> 00:07:02,973
So? Riley was born just two
weeks after my first birthday.
161
00:07:02,974 --> 00:07:04,787
Her mom should be ready to explode.
162
00:07:05,145 --> 00:07:08,637
- So you're saying...
- I think Riley's mom is her aunt
163
00:07:08,638 --> 00:07:10,291
and her aunt is her mom.
164
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,553
Oh, that is one juicy white secret.
165
00:07:14,582 --> 00:07:16,541
See? It totally works.
166
00:07:18,144 --> 00:07:20,396
Jenny, come on. You don't
give somebody freezer burn
167
00:07:20,397 --> 00:07:21,972
over half their body and then pretend
168
00:07:21,973 --> 00:07:23,576
like it's not nice to see them again.
169
00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:26,336
Yeah, fine, it's nice to see you again.
170
00:07:26,337 --> 00:07:28,174
And you know what would be even nicer?
171
00:07:28,496 --> 00:07:29,818
Seeing you go.
172
00:07:30,267 --> 00:07:32,399
Please, your dad still can't be mad.
173
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,808
- It's been almost seven years.
- Ben, you don't know my dad.
174
00:07:34,809 --> 00:07:36,647
He never met a grudge he didn't like.
175
00:07:37,225 --> 00:07:38,634
Okay okay, fine.
176
00:07:38,635 --> 00:07:40,860
How about you just let us
have Emma's birthday here then?
177
00:07:41,367 --> 00:07:42,969
It's not really up to me.
178
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,013
You have got a lot of nerve
coming in here like this.
179
00:07:47,014 --> 00:07:50,913
Come on. It is my
granddaughter's first birthday.
180
00:07:50,914 --> 00:07:54,531
If you had any grandkids, you would
understand how important this is.
181
00:07:54,532 --> 00:07:56,620
Are you... you're kidding me, right? You...
182
00:07:56,621 --> 00:07:58,714
Hey, grandpa, come on!
Help me make a sundae!
183
00:07:58,715 --> 00:08:00,140
Okay, all right. Hey, hold up.
184
00:08:00,141 --> 00:08:01,559
I want to introduce you to somebody.
185
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,108
This is my grandson... Ben.
186
00:08:07,968 --> 00:08:09,408
- Ben?
- Yeah.
187
00:08:09,409 --> 00:08:11,894
She wanted to name him after the father.
188
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,485
Ben?
189
00:08:17,851 --> 00:08:20,144
Seriously, I can't believe he
threw me out of there again.
190
00:08:20,145 --> 00:08:23,174
I'm pretty sure I wasn't the first
person to defrost Jenny DeLuca.
191
00:08:24,364 --> 00:08:27,242
So, Ben, take me back.
192
00:08:27,243 --> 00:08:29,449
Exactly how long ago were you banned
193
00:08:29,450 --> 00:08:30,799
from Frankie & Bobbie's?
194
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,569
I don't know, like seven years ago.
195
00:08:32,570 --> 00:08:34,706
How does six years and nine months sound?
196
00:08:34,707 --> 00:08:36,030
About right.
197
00:08:36,579 --> 00:08:38,422
I don't suppose when you and Jenny were
198
00:08:38,423 --> 00:08:41,419
rolling around in that
freezer you covered up?
199
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:44,020
Well, it was pretty cold in there,
so I definitely had a coat on.
200
00:08:44,847 --> 00:08:47,716
- On the part that counts?
- I was 16...
201
00:08:48,048 --> 00:08:49,522
And an idiot...
202
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,020
And in a rush, so no, probably not.
203
00:08:53,804 --> 00:08:55,363
Why are you asking me all these questions?
204
00:08:55,364 --> 00:08:58,841
Because Jenny has
a six-year-old son...
205
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,811
Oh! Glad I dodged that bullet.
206
00:09:02,015 --> 00:09:03,561
Named Ben.
207
00:09:03,562 --> 00:09:06,315
Wow. I can't believe she named
her kid after me. That's really...
208
00:09:08,951 --> 00:09:11,130
- Oh, my God!
- Exactly!
209
00:09:11,131 --> 00:09:12,547
No, there's no way.
210
00:09:12,548 --> 00:09:14,378
Well, I guess there was a way.
211
00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:16,333
- There were several ways.
- Oh, God, don't tell me!
212
00:09:16,334 --> 00:09:18,477
- Are you sure?
- Well, Frankie DeLuca is.
213
00:09:18,478 --> 00:09:21,125
- Well, what am I gonna do?
- Well, either build a time machine
214
00:09:21,126 --> 00:09:23,442
so you can fix your
mistakes or take 30 seconds
215
00:09:23,443 --> 00:09:25,725
and read the instructions
on the back of a condom!
216
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:33,025
- Put it on.
- No. I'm not gonna put it on.
217
00:09:33,336 --> 00:09:34,837
I said put it on.
218
00:09:36,353 --> 00:09:37,632
Fine.
219
00:09:40,503 --> 00:09:41,937
How do you feel?
220
00:09:42,538 --> 00:09:44,633
My palms are sweating a little bit,
221
00:09:44,634 --> 00:09:46,028
but my nose is warm.
222
00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:48,973
(Chuckles) Now let's do
something about your cold feet.
223
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,994
(Scoffs) I don't see
what's so funny about that.
224
00:09:53,995 --> 00:09:55,891
It's basically just a pair of my shoes.
225
00:09:56,403 --> 00:09:57,940
Slightly smaller.
226
00:09:59,810 --> 00:10:01,883
No more Mr. nice clown, Danny.
227
00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:03,827
It's time to pull on your big Bozo pants
228
00:10:03,828 --> 00:10:05,162
and clown up.
229
00:10:25,927 --> 00:10:06,902
Do it for Emma.
230
00:10:06,903 --> 00:10:08,779
(Cellphone buzzes)
231
00:10:11,318 --> 00:10:13,945
It's Riley. She's with Margot.
232
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,784
What if Riley asks her about the baby?
233
00:10:15,785 --> 00:10:17,774
What if Margot tells
her that she's her mom?
234
00:10:18,899 --> 00:10:21,378
I mean, I guess I would wanna know.
235
00:10:21,379 --> 00:10:23,127
Well, if I grew up with your mom
236
00:10:23,128 --> 00:10:25,187
and there was a chance
that I could get a new one,
237
00:10:25,188 --> 00:10:28,632
- I'd wanna know too.
- But what if Riley's devastated?
238
00:10:28,633 --> 00:10:30,600
I should be there for her. I gotta go.
239
00:10:31,468 --> 00:10:33,045
(Yelps)
240
00:10:33,046 --> 00:10:35,277
Yeah, still super creepy.
241
00:10:35,827 --> 00:10:37,934
(Sighs) I love Emma,
242
00:10:37,935 --> 00:10:39,647
and I shall prove it by purchasing
243
00:10:39,648 --> 00:10:41,574
a very extravagant gift.
244
00:10:42,221 --> 00:10:43,463
I'm thinking puppy.
245
00:10:44,650 --> 00:10:47,420
Well, here, take this to cheer Riley up.
246
00:10:49,051 --> 00:10:50,557
I believe it's a donkey.
247
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:56,294
I didn't think a teenager
with a 10:00 curfew
248
00:10:56,295 --> 00:10:59,822
and a hamster named Luke Perry
should be raising a child.
249
00:11:00,657 --> 00:11:03,142
Hey, ladies, what are we talking about?
250
00:11:03,143 --> 00:11:04,630
Anyone need a shoulder to cry on?
251
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:05,878
I brought two.
252
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,236
You are not gonna believe
what aunt Margot just told me.
253
00:11:08,237 --> 00:11:11,364
She gave up a baby for adoption
when she was a teenager.
254
00:11:11,934 --> 00:11:13,648
It's okay if I tell people, right?
255
00:11:14,783 --> 00:11:17,372
Wow, really? Is that all she told you?
256
00:11:17,749 --> 00:11:21,763
Well, I also mentioned I had a out
of body experience in a sweat lodge,
257
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,336
but the baby was kinda the big news.
258
00:11:25,636 --> 00:11:28,895
It was a girl and she never saw her again.
259
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,413
- (Inhales deeply)
- God, it's so crazy to think
260
00:11:30,414 --> 00:11:31,623
that I have a cousin out there somewhere
261
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,872
who's almost exactly the same age as me.
262
00:11:34,184 --> 00:11:35,511
- (Margot chuckles)
- I mean, how weird would it be
263
00:11:35,512 --> 00:11:37,873
- if I actually knew her?
- Danny and margot: Very.
264
00:11:38,836 --> 00:11:41,869
Oh, Riley, you've got a
little stain on your blouse.
265
00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:43,762
- Oh, where?
- Right there.
266
00:11:44,764 --> 00:11:46,429
Oh. Eww. Sorry, I'll be right back.
267
00:11:47,853 --> 00:11:51,169
(Loudly) So, Margot, how you been?
268
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:52,460
Haven't seen you in a couple...
269
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,136
(softly) I know the
truth about you and Riley.
270
00:11:54,891 --> 00:11:56,886
Oh, I don't suppose you're talking about
271
00:11:56,887 --> 00:11:59,929
that time we got arrested
at a Van Halen concert?
272
00:11:59,930 --> 00:12:02,501
My bad. I totally made
her hold my backpack.
273
00:12:03,351 --> 00:12:05,142
No, that she's your daughter.
274
00:12:05,143 --> 00:12:07,796
(Sighs) And that's what I was afraid of.
275
00:12:08,582 --> 00:12:10,225
How did you figure it out?
276
00:12:10,226 --> 00:12:11,456
It wasn't that hard.
277
00:12:11,457 --> 00:12:12,844
I just put two and two together.
278
00:12:12,845 --> 00:12:14,419
I thought you were the slow one.
279
00:12:15,394 --> 00:12:17,201
You have to tell her. She deserves to know.
280
00:12:17,202 --> 00:12:20,139
Actually, I don't. It's
not my place to tell her.
281
00:12:20,597 --> 00:12:21,886
It's her mom's,
282
00:12:21,887 --> 00:12:24,399
my sister, the woman who raised her.
283
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:26,700
I promised I would never tell,
284
00:12:26,701 --> 00:12:28,441
and now you have to promise, too.
285
00:12:28,845 --> 00:12:30,219
Can you do that?
286
00:12:30,587 --> 00:12:32,752
You know, between this and the clown thing,
287
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:34,307
you people are really asking a lot.
288
00:12:35,734 --> 00:12:37,480
Wait... I'm the slow one?
289
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:40,989
(Bell jingles)
290
00:12:40,990 --> 00:12:42,003
We're closed.
291
00:12:42,004 --> 00:12:44,437
And I already got the 9 and
the 1 pushed on my phone.
292
00:12:45,484 --> 00:12:47,005
Hey, it's me again.
293
00:12:47,006 --> 00:12:48,079
I think we need to talk.
294
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:49,466
Seriously?
295
00:12:49,467 --> 00:12:51,595
How many times I gotta
throw you out of here?
296
00:12:51,957 --> 00:12:53,252
Like a cockroach.
297
00:12:54,558 --> 00:12:56,638
Daddy, please. I can handle him.
298
00:12:56,639 --> 00:12:59,430
(Scoffs) Handling him is why
you are here in the first place.
299
00:13:01,639 --> 00:13:03,995
Fine. I'm going to give you two minutes.
300
00:13:03,996 --> 00:13:05,419
Then I'm going to call the cops.
301
00:13:05,420 --> 00:13:07,798
Also known as my cousin Tony.
302
00:13:10,142 --> 00:13:11,551
Ben, what are you doing here?
303
00:13:11,552 --> 00:13:12,645
You're going to get me in trouble.
304
00:13:13,014 --> 00:13:14,590
I think we've pretty much established
305
00:13:14,591 --> 00:13:15,991
that I've already done that.
306
00:13:16,767 --> 00:13:19,194
Now is really not a good time to talk.
307
00:13:19,195 --> 00:13:21,521
What about the last seven years? Busy?
308
00:13:22,375 --> 00:13:24,332
You want to have your kid's
birthday party here? Fine.
309
00:13:24,333 --> 00:13:25,746
My dad won't even be here tomorrow.
310
00:13:25,747 --> 00:13:27,477
Honestly, that's not really why I'm here.
311
00:13:27,787 --> 00:13:29,948
Although I will take the 2:00 to 4:00 slot.
312
00:13:31,069 --> 00:13:32,394
One minute!
313
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:35,461
And I already got the 9 and
the 1 pushed on my phone.
314
00:13:36,187 --> 00:13:37,808
Ben, we were fine without you.
315
00:13:37,809 --> 00:13:39,225
We'll be fine when you leave.
316
00:13:39,226 --> 00:13:41,416
Seriously, you gotta get out.
317
00:13:41,890 --> 00:13:43,834
If only you'd told me that seven years ago.
318
00:13:48,936 --> 00:13:50,316
Oh, hey!
319
00:13:50,317 --> 00:13:51,669
That's a good idea.
320
00:13:51,670 --> 00:13:53,031
Numbering your kids.
321
00:13:54,082 --> 00:13:55,551
Mom, what am I gonna do?
322
00:13:55,552 --> 00:13:56,990
Jenny won't even talk to me about it.
323
00:13:56,991 --> 00:13:59,385
Well, let's just make
sure that we give Emma
324
00:13:59,386 --> 00:14:02,728
a memorable first birthday, all right?
325
00:14:02,729 --> 00:14:04,884
And then, we will welcome little Ben
326
00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:07,928
into this freak show we
insist on calling a family.
327
00:14:09,311 --> 00:14:10,559
Why do women keep having babies
328
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,208
and not telling me about them?
329
00:14:12,209 --> 00:14:13,824
It's starting to hurt my feelings.
330
00:14:14,738 --> 00:14:15,863
(Bell jingles)
331
00:14:16,195 --> 00:14:17,360
All right.
332
00:14:18,298 --> 00:14:20,225
Where do you want Tuck-Tuck the clown?
333
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:21,905
- Tuck-tuck?
- I know.
334
00:14:21,906 --> 00:14:23,972
Can you believe "Tuckles"
was already taken?
335
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:28,162
Can I interest you in either a snake
336
00:14:28,522 --> 00:14:29,866
or a hot dog?
337
00:14:31,093 --> 00:14:33,067
Oh, in a minute. I got a
little unfinished business.
338
00:14:36,889 --> 00:14:38,286
(Both exclaim)
339
00:14:39,132 --> 00:14:40,094
Really?
340
00:14:40,095 --> 00:14:41,401
You couldn't have told
me you changed your mind
341
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:43,299
before I got on the subway like this?
342
00:14:43,710 --> 00:14:45,884
I realized I had to do it for Emma.
343
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,099
Do you know how long it takes
344
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:48,694
to explain to a transit cop
345
00:14:48,695 --> 00:14:50,847
why you've got a rubber
chicken in your pants?
346
00:14:51,653 --> 00:14:53,773
Actually... I do.
347
00:14:57,501 --> 00:14:58,655
Oh, hey, Riley.
348
00:14:58,656 --> 00:15:00,417
- Hey!
- Oh, nice timing.
349
00:15:00,418 --> 00:15:01,765
Does somebody send you an alert
350
00:15:01,766 --> 00:15:03,052
when fresh cake arrives?
351
00:15:04,016 --> 00:15:05,484
Oh, my God. How great would that be?
352
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,517
So I can't believe you never told me
353
00:15:08,518 --> 00:15:10,074
about the whole baby thing.
354
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,743
Honey, if I had to tell you every time
355
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,635
Ben does something stupid, we
would never leave the house.
356
00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:18,725
No, I had dinner with
my aunt Margot last night
357
00:15:18,726 --> 00:15:20,239
and she told me everything.
358
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:21,775
(Sighs, laughs)
359
00:15:21,776 --> 00:15:23,080
Thank God.
360
00:15:23,081 --> 00:15:25,478
I've been keeping that
one locked up for years.
361
00:15:26,677 --> 00:15:28,129
I just... I don't understand
362
00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:29,450
why it was such a secret.
363
00:15:29,984 --> 00:15:31,817
I feel bad for aunt Margot.
364
00:15:32,378 --> 00:15:34,210
Well, I feel bad for you.
365
00:15:34,211 --> 00:15:36,830
You're the one who lost
out on having a cool mom
366
00:15:36,831 --> 00:15:38,822
and got stuck with the, well...
367
00:15:38,823 --> 00:15:40,401
You know her better than anyone.
368
00:15:42,644 --> 00:15:44,408
I'm sorry, what are you saying?
369
00:15:44,409 --> 00:15:45,678
Well, I was just trying to avoid
370
00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:47,136
calling your mom a bitch.
371
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:51,015
Are you saying aunt Margot's my mom?
372
00:15:53,436 --> 00:15:54,831
No...
373
00:15:58,421 --> 00:16:01,583
So Margot had a baby and that baby was me?
374
00:16:01,983 --> 00:16:03,358
What?!
375
00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:07,389
Excuse me.
376
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:11,250
Well, I kept my mouth shut for 25 years.
377
00:16:11,251 --> 00:16:12,769
Any points for that?
378
00:16:14,491 --> 00:16:16,778
Jenny, we can't pretend
like nothing happened.
379
00:16:16,779 --> 00:16:18,690
Sure we can. Watch me.
380
00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:21,592
See? Doing it right now.
381
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:23,526
Well, I can't.
382
00:16:23,527 --> 00:16:26,421
Mostly because I know
something happened... he's 6,
383
00:16:26,422 --> 00:16:28,601
his name is Ben, and quite frankly,
384
00:16:28,602 --> 00:16:30,890
I think you're letting him have
a little bit too much ice cream.
385
00:16:32,212 --> 00:16:33,960
Ben, I am begging you.
386
00:16:33,961 --> 00:16:35,622
Have your party and go home.
387
00:16:36,389 --> 00:16:37,539
Bonnie: Okay.
388
00:16:37,540 --> 00:16:40,868
I think our little
princess is almost ready.
389
00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:43,781
So, what do you say we throw
my little girl a party, huh?
390
00:16:43,782 --> 00:16:44,982
- All right.
- (Chuckling)
391
00:16:45,315 --> 00:16:46,911
Oh, my God.
392
00:16:46,912 --> 00:16:49,707
It's so hard to believe that
you're already a year old.
393
00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:51,611
No one thought we'd make it.
394
00:16:51,612 --> 00:16:52,864
Mostly me.
395
00:16:54,371 --> 00:16:56,070
But there were moments
where I could see you too
396
00:16:56,071 --> 00:16:57,386
had your doubts.
397
00:16:58,377 --> 00:17:00,027
Emma, before you came along,
398
00:17:00,028 --> 00:17:02,776
a lot of people would have
described me as selfish...
399
00:17:02,777 --> 00:17:04,000
Narcissistic.
400
00:17:04,001 --> 00:17:06,140
- Ooh, unreliable.
- Oh! Inconsiderate.
401
00:17:07,789 --> 00:17:09,700
I was just going to say "immature,"
402
00:17:09,701 --> 00:17:11,033
but fine.
403
00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:14,802
Emma, dare I say,
404
00:17:14,803 --> 00:17:16,988
being your father has made me a better man.
405
00:17:17,707 --> 00:17:18,762
(Murmurs)
406
00:17:24,862 --> 00:17:27,373
And when I think that I could
have lived my life without you...
407
00:17:28,434 --> 00:17:29,804
It breaks my heart.
408
00:17:31,435 --> 00:17:34,477
Hey! What the hell is going on here?
409
00:17:35,198 --> 00:17:36,488
Um...
410
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:39,213
Balloons, clowns, cakes...
411
00:17:39,214 --> 00:17:40,985
it's a birthday party, dude.
412
00:17:43,781 --> 00:17:45,333
Balloon baguette?
413
00:17:46,423 --> 00:17:47,783
(Mouthing)
414
00:17:50,990 --> 00:17:52,853
Jenny, you can't keep my son from me.
415
00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:54,462
I want to be a father to little Ben.
416
00:17:54,463 --> 00:17:56,300
- Son?
- Wait, little Ben?
417
00:17:56,301 --> 00:17:57,827
Keep his son from him?
418
00:17:57,828 --> 00:18:00,301
You told me he didn't want to
have anything to do with you.
419
00:18:00,635 --> 00:18:02,930
Because it was easier
than telling you the truth.
420
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,300
Ben's not the father.
421
00:18:05,624 --> 00:18:07,141
I'm not? Are you sure?
422
00:18:07,142 --> 00:18:08,650
'Cause that kid looks just like me.
423
00:18:10,201 --> 00:18:11,849
Well, then, who is the father?
424
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,377
Bobby Junior.
425
00:18:14,056 --> 00:18:16,702
(Stammers) My old
partner's kid, the convict?
426
00:18:16,703 --> 00:18:18,291
Oh, ho! That's great!
427
00:18:18,292 --> 00:18:20,293
He's even a worse choice than this idiot.
428
00:18:20,294 --> 00:18:23,078
Hey! Frankie DeLuca, you would be lucky
429
00:18:23,079 --> 00:18:25,214
if my son impregnated your daughter.
430
00:18:25,215 --> 00:18:26,101
Eh!
431
00:18:27,095 --> 00:18:28,694
But I didn't, right?
432
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,216
No.
433
00:18:31,217 --> 00:18:32,466
When I told you I was pregnant,
434
00:18:32,467 --> 00:18:33,783
you just assumed it was Ben's,
435
00:18:33,784 --> 00:18:35,599
- so I let you think that.
- Well, yeah!
436
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,206
I never thought he'd be dumb
enough to come back here.
437
00:18:38,207 --> 00:18:40,783
You'd be shocked at the
things he's dumb enough to do.
438
00:18:41,874 --> 00:18:42,890
I'm sorry.
439
00:18:43,231 --> 00:18:44,646
But I gotta say...
440
00:18:44,647 --> 00:18:46,148
Emma's a lucky girl.
441
00:18:47,354 --> 00:18:49,565
She's also a very sleepy girl.
442
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,271
I think we might have missed
our birthday window, people.
443
00:18:53,917 --> 00:18:56,188
Hey, where's Riley?
444
00:18:56,189 --> 00:18:58,231
Saw her headed for the freezer
445
00:18:58,232 --> 00:19:00,055
with a very big spoon.
446
00:19:06,996 --> 00:19:08,041
(Sighs)
447
00:19:12,546 --> 00:19:13,915
Riley, it's gonna be okay.
448
00:19:13,916 --> 00:19:15,939
No! It's not.
449
00:19:15,940 --> 00:19:18,586
I mean, I don't even know who I am.
450
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,609
You're Riley Perrin.
451
00:19:22,610 --> 00:19:24,104
The sweetest girl I know.
452
00:19:24,495 --> 00:19:26,032
No offense, but...
453
00:19:26,604 --> 00:19:28,921
It's kind of hard to take
you seriously right now.
454
00:19:32,427 --> 00:19:33,924
I mean, I just don't get it.
455
00:19:34,711 --> 00:19:37,106
You know, why didn't she want me?
456
00:19:37,107 --> 00:19:39,736
Why did she give me up? Didn't she love me?
457
00:19:39,737 --> 00:19:41,583
She loved you so much
458
00:19:41,584 --> 00:19:43,691
she had to let you go.
459
00:19:44,312 --> 00:19:45,988
What are you doing here?
460
00:19:45,989 --> 00:19:47,315
I called her.
461
00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:48,692
I thought you two should talk.
462
00:19:48,693 --> 00:19:50,666
And I'll never say no to ice cream.
463
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:53,038
I mean, I am your mom.
464
00:19:55,022 --> 00:19:57,922
Yeah. So I've heard.
465
00:20:07,421 --> 00:20:09,028
I'm sorry I couldn't tell you.
466
00:20:09,771 --> 00:20:11,738
It's just that I saw how happy you were
467
00:20:12,215 --> 00:20:15,088
and how beautiful and how smart and...
468
00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:18,133
And I knew I'd made the right decision.
469
00:20:19,917 --> 00:20:21,510
But we could have been together.
470
00:20:23,067 --> 00:20:24,548
You could have been with me.
471
00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:27,025
I'm with you now.
472
00:20:30,017 --> 00:20:31,886
Please let that be enough.
473
00:20:33,477 --> 00:20:34,964
See?
474
00:20:36,464 --> 00:20:38,275
Isn't this nice?
475
00:20:39,831 --> 00:20:41,093
(Shouts)
476
00:20:42,539 --> 00:20:44,893
Yep, still creepy.
477
00:20:48,930 --> 00:20:50,508
Okay, people, let's do this.
478
00:20:51,056 --> 00:20:52,820
- Hi, sweetie.
- Where's the cake?
479
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,471
Oh. Was this for Emma?
480
00:20:58,472 --> 00:21:00,155
Yes, it's for Emma.
481
00:21:00,156 --> 00:21:02,824
You know how you know?
It says "Emma" on it.
482
00:21:02,825 --> 00:21:05,606
See? Now you know how these things happen.
483
00:21:06,693 --> 00:21:07,774
Well, baby,
484
00:21:07,775 --> 00:21:09,386
maybe this isn't what you signed up for.
485
00:21:09,387 --> 00:21:11,663
But you're stuck with us.
486
00:21:12,266 --> 00:21:13,288
(Soft chuckling)
487
00:21:13,289 --> 00:21:15,288
All: Happy Birthday, Emma.
488
00:21:15,289 --> 00:21:17,526
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489
00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:22,126
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