All language subtitles for Dark.Web.Cicada.3301.2021.1080p.BluRay.x264-PiGNUS-English

[footsteps]

[man] There he is.

Who paid you?

- [man 2] I don't know. I don't...
- [man 1] Who fucking paid you?

[man 2] I don't know! It was all online!
I never saw them! I don't wanna die!

[crying] I don't know, put it down.

[man 1 ] So there I was,

having the time of my life
at the party of the century.

Fuck!

- Singing, dancing.-.
- Shit.

...making merry in a fine borrowed tux,

when I remembered I hadn't
checked my email in quite some time.

Suddenly, everyone and their
dog needs to use the computer.

So, I log out, just to make sure

I didn't leave any private information
on someone else's desktop.

I take a little stroll outside,
because you know what?

I actually read somewhere that fresh
air can boost your serotonin levels,

by like, 300%, for real.

Anyway, next thing you know.-.

Boom! Rocked by a sudden explosion.

Completely caught off-guard.

I mean, believe it or not,

I'm falling through the sky like
an apple over Newton's head.

By the time I hit the
ground, it's lights out.

And, uh, things have been
a little fuzzy ever since.

[female judge] Need I remind you

of the severity of the charges
you're facing right now?

High treason, espionage,
terrorism, murder.

Huh? Murder? I mean...

- Charles Bundwig.
- [chuckles]

Charles Bundwig?

Uh, Your Honor, how is that my fault?

Uh, you can blame that
on penis envy over here.

Your Honor, are you
going to put up with this?

May we please just walk
you through the evidence?

It'll be obvious that he's guilty.

Yeah, lay out the evidence, Mike.

Can you believe the
audacity of this little prick?

Do you have any idea who
you are addressing in this court

and the experience
that these people have?

Order.

Mike, true,

this is not the most ideal way to go
about this unprecedented hearing.

Explosions?

But apparently,
Mr. Black is the evidence.

So albeit extreme, if you
want this court's assistance,

you're gonna have to wait till
our questions have been satisfied.

Yes, Your Honor.

When you're ready, Mr. Black,
take us back to the beginning.

How did you first get
involved with Cicada 3301?

And let's make sure
we stick to the facts.

♪♪

[Connor] Actually,
actually, back it up a few.

You're probably wondering
which one of us started it.

[man whistles]

- I hate that guy.
- Hello? Snap to, bitch.

- [mumbling]
- [man] What is taking so long?

William J. Edwards III.

Tori, don't let that guy see
you sweat. Come on, girl.

Next time, move your ass.

[man laughing]

Fifty cents? Are you kidding me?

[woman] Stop it. Stop. Stop.

Oh, shit. Hey, Brooks Brother.

No disrespect, but I can tell

by your, uh, Bob Ross the painter,
little vest jacket thing you got going on,

you're probably not from around here,
but what my colleague was trying to say

is people around here on most
nights, tip about 20% for quality service.

Which is really important to her

because that's how she keeps the
light bulbs flickering, you get me, pal?

Yeah. And I guess I'm telling
you I didn't get quality service.

- [woman scoffs]
- Fair enough. I get it.

Maybe she had an off night.

But still, on average, I'd
say 15% is pretty standard.

Okay. And then what would that equate to?

About $12.65 on the bill totaling $96.96.

In which case I'll say, Tori...

[claps hands] Come on,
baby, put some pep in your step.

But no, you dropped 50 cents.

Equating to what, .593%
on a bill that's $84.31?

That's just not fair, man. Come on.

Are you some kind of
walking calculator freak?

[woman chuckles]

Yeah, something like that.

Count this.

[man] Keep your elbow at
a 90-degree angle, Connor.

- [pool balls clatter]
- [man 2] The table's ours.

You didn't hear what
I said? [voice echoes]

[man 1 ] My boy can outshoot
the both of you with his eyes closed.

[man 2] You wanna put your
money where you mouth is?

[man 1 ] You rack 'em.

There it is.

Yes. [laughing]

[man 1 ] What the fuck was that?

[young Connor] I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I think I figured it out, William.

[blows]

♪♪

[woman screams]

[Connor] Uh, I'm sure you get the idea.

[door unlocking]

[keys clatter]

[water running]

[exhales]

[computer beeps]

[Connor] ls having an
eidetic memory a crime?

Eight-nine-seven-six,
William J. Edwards III.

So I have perfect recall.

Told a couple of kind
strangers on the dark net

about some douchebag's credit card.

It's not my fault that they go
maxing it out without consent.

And, yes, I cyber-stalked the guy

and sent him a virus
ridden email. Big deal.

Let he who has not gained access to
someone else's computer by malware

throw the first stone, am I right?

Fucking guy deserved it. Fifty cent tip.

Fucking Bruce Lee.

That douchebag was, like,
this close to getting killed.

I know, I know. You're so merciful-

[Connor] Now, even I was
surprised by the whole Bitcoin thing.

It's not my fault his wallet
wasn't in cold storage.

Holy shit.

I had theories about K-1 algorithms
that could hack into Bitcoin.

But I didn't think it
would actually work.

So I considered taking his
Bitcoin an act of God, if you will.

If we're bringing insurance into this.

[laughing]

Now, the Cicada files.

That's a click of the
mouse I sincerely regret.

I should've backed out of his
computer and called it a night.

Curiosity kills-

A quick search showed Cicada 3301

had been headhunting super
geniuses from around the world for years

using this kind of
intellectual scavenger hunt.

Kinda dark, but, okay.

I thought I'd give the test a try.
It was a simple Caesar cipher.

Took two seconds to crack.

Out popped a giant middle finger.

[computer beeping]

Not smart enough. Fuck face.

Fuck! Shit! Shit!

Goddammit!

Goddammit.

That little outburst would haunt me.

[exhales]

♪♪

[knocking on door]

Yeah?

[girl] I ain't got all day.

Pay your shit, Connor.

What?

- Well, I will. I just, you know...
- Pay your shit.

Language, please.

Let me get my keys.

Shh.

[door opens]

Shit.

Dude, come on, man.

Look, got a little lady here.

Seen him say way worse.

Hey, I'm gonna pay
you tonight. I promise.

Come on, dude.

Tonight, I promise.

[landlord grunts]

- Mm-hmm.
- Come on.

- Tonight... [mumbles]
- I will.

[female judge] We're aware no one in your
building had anything to do with this.

[clears throat]

Such a dick.

How did you become involved with
your deceased accomplice, Gwen Schafer?

Tsk. That's funny you should ask.

I was just getting to her.

[Connor] The worst librarian ever.

What happened to Gladys?

She croaked.

Mm. Ulysses.

Ostentatious as hell.

So what, he created
stream of consciousness.

The portrait of the
reader as a bored woman?

Hm.

Unless you're just gonna
pretend to read it in a cafe

so you can get some barista
booty. Yeah, thought so.

- Celine writes his ass off.
- Hey.

I'm pretty sure you can't
use ass in front of a kid.

Ass.

She's reading island
of the Blue Dolphins.

I think she's mature
enough to hear the word ass.

- Ass.
- See?

Careful. This book might
make you wanna move

to a deserted island
for the rest of your life.

[girl] Sounds fun.

Personal time on the computer, huh?

I'm pretty sure that's frowned upon. Hm.

Okay. Next.

Tell me, is the Cicada
thing for real or not?

- Cicada, the bug?
- Cicada, the secret society.

Sounds cool. What do they do?

Yeah, Gwen. What do they do?

It's all conjecture. They're elusive,

kind of like the IT
Department of the Illuminati.

But everyone who knows them
knows that they wanna change the world.

[male judge] And your other accomplice?

Avi had nothing to do with this.

It's all my fault. I
dragged Avi into this.

Lying sack of shit. [coughs]

Did you hear that? He's got
dick hair stuck in his throat.

- Fuck you, man.
- [female judge] Gentlemen.

You and Avi Baginsky were
close friends growing up.

We're best friends.

So you expect us to believe that
he had no idea what you were up to?

♪♪

[Connor] You know, when most
guys hang out with their buddies,

it means drinks at the bar, chasing tail.

Not Avi. Our paths didn't
exactly cross by chance.

I see what you did there.
I see what you did there.

But not today. Mm-mm.

Today, the title of park grand
champion belongs to me.

- Queen is mine.
- [man] Oh, my God.

[Connor] Hey, Avi.

Oh, hey!

What's up, man?

It's gonna be a minute.

It's important.

Avi, important, hurry up, man.

Shh.

[man groans]

Hey, can you move it along?

'Cause we have some life
and death shit to discuss.

Will you shut up for a second?

Sorry, guys.

Check.

Avi, queen to G2 in
seven. Game over, let's go.

- Hey, hey.
- Why would you do that, man?

- Hey, who the hell are you?
- Man, why would you...

Such a ding-a-ling.

Come on.

Say hi to Dino.

I don't... I don't even
really know him. Honest.

Do you know how long I've been
trying to get to... on that center table?

They'll be dead tomorrow.

Well, I hope, that's the
only way you can get in.

One of them has to die.

Look, the shit that I've
been telling you about,

it's been going on for
a couple of years now.

It seems like every year

the very few will get to the
end of this game just disappear.

But it's not like it's a nefarious
thing, it's-it's like an ascension.

They find something great to
be a part of on a societal plane.

It's like the apple and the worm, right?

You ever wonder how the
worm gets inside the apple?

- Mm-mm.
- There's no hole.

Same thing, man. Thanks.

I wonder how this hot dog
is gonna get into my mouth,

but I-I got the answer to that.

Hey, can I get some extra
napkins? Thanks, man.

Shit...

Appreciate it.

- He got it.
- To cover the soda.

The female fly impregnates
the apple on a microscopic level,

imperceptible to the world around it,

and then when a larva hatches, it
infiltrates the apple through its core.

But if I'm right about this,

then I'm right about what
Cicada is really all about,

metaphorically speaking, you understand?

So I could bring about change the way
I really want in this motherfucking world.

- [inhales]
- Thirty-four seconds.

[exhales deeply] What?

Oh, that's how long you've
been talking since your last breath.

I was keeping track.

What? You're not even
listening to what I'm saying.

Of course I'm listening, man.
That's all you're letting me do is listen.

With all these apples and
worms, and secret societies.

But what I truly wanna know
is what are you running from?

Who's running away from what?

What are you talking about?

Avi, I'm not... I'm-I'm... I told
you something I'm excited about,

and you tell me I'm running
away from my problems.

This is just like you. I hit you with
the truth and you got to attack me.

What truth, man? Come on.

What happened to your hand?

Some ketchup on it.

No, it's not ketchup.
Who'd you beat up this time?

[Connor] Come on, man.

[Avi] Look, man, maybe you're
not ready to be out of jail, man.

You can't be with civilized people.
Maybe jail is the best thing for you.

What the fuck, Avi?

I come to the park to see my best
friend, spend some quality time with you,

come help you out with
a couple of chess moves.

I try to open up to you

about something I've just discovered
that might be quite important

and you shit on me, man,

tell me I'm fucking running
away from my problems

and... I'm going back to jail, whatever.

What the fuck you talking
about? You're unreal.

Just wondering if I could
borrow some money.

This is the part where you
ask me for money. Yeah.

- What do you need?
- Computer crashed.

Computer crashed? That's it?

I mean, how much could
a new computer cost?

- That can't be too much.
- Ah...

About 900.

- Nine hundred?
- Mm.

You're doing all this
talking over for $900?

- Man, of course...
- Yeah, man.

- Exactly.
- That's important. You need that.

But it's a lot for me
and not a lot for you.

That's important. I can't have my
man out there with no computer.

Yeah, no problem. Hold on.
It's somewhere right here, okay?

That's for you. See you next time.

[keys jingling]

[lock clicks]

[door opens, closes]

Oh, God. No, no, no.

Come on, man.

- [door thumps]
- [dogs barking in distance]

You've gotta be kidding me, man.

Come on, you can't do that.

Please, let me just go
inside, grab my things.

[laughs]

[sighs]

[knocking on door]

- What's up, old-timer?
- The hell are you doing here?

- What, I can't just check up on you?
- I'm fine. I'm making dinner.

Oh, yeah? What's that? Lucky Charms?

[chuckles] Your mom home?

Nope. Why?

Soph, I got to use your
computer. My computer exploded.

I got to fire off one email, please,
please, please, please, please.

- Use your phone.
- My phone's in the car.

[phone chimes]

[exhales]

When you lie, it robs me of the
chance to be a real friend to you.

Which means you really
only steal from yourself.

Soph, can I just... Please,
just... I'll be quick. Please.

All right. The computer's in there.

Ah. You're the man.

- Just pay your shit, Connor!
- I'm gonna pay my shit.

The card wasn't working
when I was withdrawing money.

Why am I even telling you this?

Yes. Come here, baby.

Come to me, mama.

[Connor] I had to find
a tumbler and quick.

Cash would fix everything for me,
but without doing some laundry first,

those Bitcoins I had were worthless.

Fucking thief. Fucking 50%.

[static buzzing]

No, no, no, no.

- What the fuck is this?!
- No, no, no, no.

- I'm fixing this.
- Oh, hell no!

- It's not what it seems. I'm fixing this!
- Get the hell out of my house!

- I'm trying to fix the computer!
- Mama, wait! Mama, wait!

- Don't worry, I got this.
- I'm trying to fix the computer.

Get the fuck out! Get
the fuck out! [grunts]

Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, damn.

[winces] Fuck!

[knocking on door]

[grunts]

[knocking continues]

- That's him.
- That's him.

We have eyes on the suspect.

Don't run.

Oh, don't-don't do this.

- He's a runner.
- He just said don't fucking run.

♪♪

[grunts]

Put your hands in the air, bitch.

Shit.

I told you not to run, boy.

Bullshit. What are you arresting me for?

[man] You know what
this is for, you little bitch.

Oh, hell yeah! Karma, bitch! Karma!

Fuck the motherfucker up!

Oh, yeah, we're gonna
fuck this guy real good.

You're all mine now.

- Hey, hey, hey.
- [man] Come on.

You can have him when I'm done.

[moaning]

- [groans]
- Hey.

Sophie, don't watch.

[man] Oh, yeah.

Charlie, get your dick
inside of him, yeah.

The fuck that happened!

- That is...
- Your Honor!

- Your Honor, this is...
- Fuck you, man. That did not happen.

[female judge] Have
a seat, Agent Sullivan.

- You try that shit again...
- Have a seat, now!

- That never happened, I just wanted...
- Did you hear me?

- Sit down. Sit down.
- I didn't take my...

- My pants off.
- Sit down!

Fuck.

- Mr. Black?
- Yes?

You make a mockery
of this courtroom again

and we will end these
proceedings immediately.

Now, I'd wager that you'd prefer

to continue a dialogue
with the United States.

Am I correct in that assertion?

Your Honor, I'm terribly
sor... I've been through tons.

It's-it's been stressful.

I might be misremembering
a couple things.

The prosecution would
like to note for the record,

that Mr. Black just declared under oath

that he is unable to accurately
remember the facts of this case.

- [male judge] Noted.
- Shit.

Continue with your testimony,
and no more misremembering...

for your sake.

Mr. Black.

Yeah?

Let's do this all over again, shall we?

I'm Agent Sullivan, this is
my partner, Agent Carver.

- Oh, we've met.
- Hi.

- How's it going?
- Good, how are you?

Um, we'd love to chat for a
second if you're not too busy.

No, now is actually perfect.

Oh, great. Oh, great, great, because, uh,

we've been watching you like a
goddamn hawk for the last couple days.

Like what you see?

[Sullivan laughs]

Let's see how cute you are
when I bash your fucking face in!

Jesus, Carver. Carver,
take it down a notch.

Just take it down a notch.

I thought you said I was bad cop?

No. No. I said...

I said you're a bad cop.

Do your bosses know you've kidnapped me?

Waylaid. Big difference. And yes.

Waylaid. Mm, okay. So
you legally kidnapped me.

Look, we're trying to give you the
chance to not go to prison, all right?

God, I wanna fucking
hit you so bad right now.

- Carver...
- You're so fucking st...

- You're stupid.
- Carver.

[sighs]

We would like your help with something.

[chuckles] Is that how
you ask people for help?

Look, you got two choices here:

Choice numero uno, you say goodbye
to that pointless little life you live,

and we throw your ass
back in prison right now.

We hold you without bail
on, I don't know, 60 charges?

One or two of which may
or may not be true. [chuckles]

And then... and this is my favorite part.

Mm-hmm?

I crawl in a-a little fucking hole
in your cell while you're sleeping,

and I gnaw your tiny, little dick off...

- Carver! What the fuck?!
- ...for all fucking times.

Carver, what the fu...?

That's completely inappropriate!

What the fuck? Why
you talking about his dick?

It was meant... it was
a torture reference.

It's not fucking torture. It's
fucking weird. Isn't that weird?

Why does it always have
to be sexual with you?

- It's fucking embarrassing.
- I thought that would hurt really bad...

No. It-it's just fucking weird.

What's option number two?

Choice number two, you get
your ass back to hunting Cicada...

What's with the ass, man?

No, but mine was a whole different thing.

- Yeah, how come you can say it? No, no...
- No, no, no, no.

You can't say it if I can't say it.

You didn't wait for me to finish.
My thing wasn't sexual, right?

- Leave my ass out of it.
- Okay. You get your...

Butt.

Okay, thanks. You get your
butt back to hunting Cicada 3301.

You make contact.

You get us close enough
to make some arrests,

and we are gonna give you a ton of
money if you help us bring them down.

- Tax-free, of course.
- It's our little secret.

How much for me to deliver them?

Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

- How much?
- Five mil.

- Five mil?
- [Carver] Yeah, yeah.

How do I know you're not gonna fuck me?

- You don't.
- Yeah, you don't.

[Sullivan] You don't know that, actually.

- [Carver] You got to trust us.
- [Sullivan] Yeah, you'll get that money.

[Carver] We're with the
government, you can trust us.

It's five million.

I'm your fucking man.

I'm a company man from here on out.

I'm your ace.

- You're gonna do it?
- Fuck yeah, man.

- That's really nice of you.
- We're gonna...

We're gonna make a great fucking team.

I think so, too, actually. [chuckles]

Oh, my God. I didn't think
it was gonna be that easy.

- That actually was kind of easy. Yeah.
- This was...

- This went well.
- Yeah.

Listen, man, while
we're on the subject...

[Sullivan] Yeah, man?

I'm a little short on cash.
I'm on way to getting evicted.

If you can front me some
money to kind of solidify the deal,

you know, this bond we made. Cool?

Mm.

[groans] Shit!

[groans]

Shit.

[doorbell rings]

- [Connor] Come on.
- Who is it?

- No, I gotta go...
- No, no, no...

No, no, I got nothing for you.

Please, I'm in trouble,
just... I just need your...

You're so strong. [grunts]

You can't just break into
people's houses like that.

Avi, I'm in deep shit. Real deep shit.

Well, why am I not surprised?

Sent some asshole's Bitcoins.

I know I shouldn't have, but I
did and it triggered something,

next thing you know
I'm in a van with the NSA,

they proposed I take down
Cicada, a secret society, or they...

They're gonna throw me in Guantanamo Bay.

And then you came straight here.

[sighs] Yeah, I got
evicted. I forgot to tell you.

Secret societies, Guantanamo
Bay. Okay, I've heard enough.

Mr. Snuggles, I'm sorry,
sweetie, but it is time to go.

This house is no longer safe.

Avi. Avi, please, you
gotta help me disappear.

And we want nothing to do with this.

Avi, I'll make this up to you, I promise.

I know I've been fucking
up, I'm a shitty friend.

Tumbling out of vans, I'm fucking
using third graders computers,

I got fucking NSA dudes riding my ass.

Fucking up, man. I know this. I
know this is affecting you, I'm sorry.

You know that's the first time
you've ever apologized to me?

You must really be in trouble.

- Yeah.
- All right, we'll help you.

I'm not gonna help you run
away, but we'll help you face this.

[Connor] Pause.

What the hell is he doing?

- [Connor] Calm down, guys.
- Your Honor.

- Mike, just take it easy. Calm down.
- Can we restrain the witness, Your Honor?

We will defend ourselves,
I'm telling you right now.

- Where do you think you're going, son?
- What is happening?

- I come in peace, I'm just...
- Is he allowed to do that?

- Take your seat, Mr. Black.
- I wanna just grab...

- Your Honor...
- ...a quick piece of paper.

- How you doing, sugar tits?
- Why are you giving him this evidence?

- Fuck you, man.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Your Honor, please.
- Come and fucking say that to my face!

- Order!
- He just called me "sugar tits."

Order, sit down.

- Why am I getting in trouble?
- Why don't you tell him to sit down?

- This is my court, sit down.
- Why the fuck am I getting in trouble?

- He just...
- Order!

Sit down, now, sit down.

You are pressing your
luck, Connor. Get back to it.

We have the big picture so
help us piece it all together,

3301 and your colleagues.

Think you got the big picture, huh?

Things are just starting to get weird.

What do you mean, weird?

♪♪

Hey.

Jump on that computer in the corner?

Where's your little friend?

It's just me today.

What's your deal with her?

With who, with Sophia?

No, no, the other ten-year-old
that you bring on library dates.

You just some kind of pedo?

What, do you talk to everybody
who walks in here like this?

Well, everybody who walks in
here is usually a pedo, so, yeah.

She lives in my building.

Mom's never around, works like
19 hours, at least I never saw her.

No dad. Met her in a
laundry room, actually.

Told me, "Connor, you can't mix
the black socks with the white socks."

Crazy, huh? Told her
if she needs anything,

she can knock on my door,
and she has every Saturday.

Come here, hangout with the pedophiles.

The hell do you want?

I wanna jump on the internet, thanks.

Yeah, you're not
allowed to jerk off here.

What?

I'm just saying most people that
come here come for free porn.

Oh. Well, I promise I won't jerk
off in front of your pedophile friends.

Let me get on a computer, please.

Please.

- Fine.
- Thanks.

So, how far did you get in
the hunt for Cicada, huh?

Is that what you're here to do?

So?

Hey, look, you know what? No,
I don't want any trouble, okay?

- What trouble?
- Just back up...

- What trouble? There's no trouble.
- I don't know,

you could be a fucking NSA
agent or some kind of saboteur,

I don't fucking know.
Get out of the library.

What NSA agent? Pop a
lithium and just chill, please?

Just log me in, let me get to work.

I'm not gonna bother
you, you won't bother me,

the smartest person wins. Deal?

Don't even think of asking me for help.

♪♪

You again.

Good luck.

[Connor] The good news
was I wasn't all worked up

from punching some douche in a bar.

Most libraries have a
zero-tolerance policy for sour ones,

so the hardware was safe.

The bad news, the image
had to be run through

a steganographic tool called Outguess.

It finds information hidden
between the image's data.

What kind of information
hides in pictures?

It was a quote with some code.

In other words, this wasn't
gonna be over any time soon.

Anyway, these people weren't
just testing our abilities to think,

they were teaching us.

Did that guy just lick his hand?

Oh, my cookies, she was right.

People do jerk off to free library porn.

- Psst.
- Shh.

Good for him.

[whispering] Hey. Psst.

[whispering] I said I'm not
fucking helping you, freak.

[whispering] Dick and balls.

[Connor] And me-

Fuck me.

[Connor] This ought to
keep her distracted for a bit.

♪♪

[boy yells]

[seagulls squawking]

[grunts]

I told you you're not
allowed to jerk off here!

- Jesus Christ.
- [sighs]

What? Kids come here.

[Connor] They'd hidden a deep web link

inside Ralph Waldo
Emerson's Self-Reliance.

The code pointed the
chapter, line word, and letter,

which took us even
further down the rabbit hole.

Self-reliance, huh? I'm starting
to like University of Cicada.

Can I help you?

What?

You traumatized from a
little homeless self-love?

It's the circle of
life, dude, get over it.

Where does it go?

The dark web link, where does it go?

- Goes over there.
- Oh, okay.

- Hey, can you...
- Hey, hey.

- Use your own computer.
- Get off.

I have to log into admin if you're
gonna get an onion router up.

- GPS coordinates.
- Yeah.

Let's see where.

Paris, Tokyo, Los
Angeles, London, Boston.

Holy shit. What's that, like
an hour away from here?

Yeah. Okay, we don't
close for half an hour.

No, no, no, no, no, we had a deal.

- You have to wait for me, please.
- I'm not waiting for you.

You don't understand
how much I need this, okay?

It means a lot to me too, sorry.

What?

- Yeah, I'll wait.
- Cool.

- I'll wait.
- [stammers] Sit right there.

[hip hop music playing]

So, if we're gonna be
friends with benefits,

I mean, at least you could tell
me a little something about yourself.

- We're not friends with benefits.
- We're not?

No, I just didn't want you to
leave without me, obviously.

You still liked it.

I'm a lesbian, so...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Whatever, dude.

- Okay. Who's the better kisser, me...
- Like every other girl.

- Every other girl?
- Every single one.

- Okay, what's your girlfriend's name?
- Never said I had a girlfriend.

Oh, yeah? That's interesting.

Hey, dick. What the fuck?

What the...

Get off my ass, buddy.
Fucking hate city drivers.

Look, our street is right up
here, so just make the next right.

You sure you got the right coordinates?

What? I'm just asking, you know.

♪♪

Maybe this shit up here, right?

- Maybe the art itself is a clue?
- Say what?

I don't know, maybe the
art... maybe that's the clue.

I don't know what any of this means.

Maybe it's this stuff on the
wall, there's a lot of stuff here.

[exhales sharply] It's like
a needle in a haystack.

- What next, genius?
- You're the expert.

God, are you always this grating?

Fuck, you're like living sandpaper, man.

I don't mean to be. It's just...

Sometimes you just...

- You get callous after years of...
- Found it.

...abuse and neglect.

- You sure?
- Yeah. Come look.

- Let me see.
- Okay.

[Connor] Is it working?

[phone beeps]

Nothing.

Just try... just keep...
Try it maybe horizontal.

- I did, just...
- [phone beeps]

- Fuck!
- Nope.

- Uh, Gwen?
- What?

[chuckles, whistles]

- [chuckles]
- Yup.

[Connor mutters]

[phone beeps]

[phone ringing]

Pick it up.

- Okay, okay.
- Answer, answer, answer it.

[automated voice on phone] You
have done well to come this far.

We've sent you a picture.

If you like what you see, we should meet.

[message alert]

- Okay, well, that's fucking creepy.
- Let me see.

Shit.

- They're watching.
- What the fuck is that?

Hey, come on, get in the car.

Ever heard this happening before?

No, I've never gotten
this far in the game.

I don't know, maybe it's Cicada
trying to track our progress?

[Connor] I don't fucking know,
I thought you would know.

Where are we going?

To get help with the
next piece of the puzzle.

Now, let's look again at
Mantegna's Crucifixion.

Well, notice the west
facing themes here, as well.

[bell ringing]

Now we see here the viewer is
set on the western end of Golgotha.

And as the hill rises away
from us and down the other side,

it executes both the event
and our perspective active.

Till next time. All right.

Face west, my soldiers.

Stay active. [chuckles]

Professor, I've got one
question regarding...

No. No, no, no, no, no, you
are not allowed to come here.

Avi, this is Gwen. Gwen,
this is my best friend Avi.

Hi.

Avi Begensky, pleasure to
make your acquaintance, my dear.

- Oh.
- My dear.

- Okay.
- We're not friends.

- Best friends.
- Okay. Anyway.

Um, it's nice to meet you, Avi.

Connor mentioned you could
help us identify a piece of art.

Well, Connor says a lot of things.

And unfortunately, I'm late for a
meeting, so you'll have to excuse me.

Just... get him.

Yup.

Whoa.

[Connor] Knew you'd like it.

Where did you find it?

It's the next clue in the secret
society recruitment game.

[scoffs] You too?

'Fraid so.

These are actually all
works from William Blake.

He was considered by many to be a
madman, but by others, a-a genius.

But it looks like here someone's just
done a mash-up of his greatest works.

I mean, the hands are actually

from two different prints
of the Nebuchadnezzar.

King of Babylon?

King's hands? Look like
my Grandma Connie's feet.

Is that supposed to be the
compass of God or something?

Urizen.

It's actually one of Blake's mythological
creations and his proudest work.

I mean, he referenced him a lot.

He was like a facet of God, a
creator, sometimes the devil.

He warred against imagination,

tried to set laws and
rules upon all creation.

But eventually, he became a slave

to the very constraints he
tried to force upon the universe.

I get it. This piece represents everything
anti-science, anti-establishment,

pretty much anti-everything
we know today, right?

Yeah. I'm just wondering why
they used a mirror image, though.

- [Connor] They flipped it?
- Yeah.

And the bottom piece is
both flipped and upside down.

It's almost like they made a Thelema
star. A Masonic square and a compass.

Yeah, but there's no G.
Every masonic symbol has a G.

Yeah, but what I wanna know

is why the composition is drawing
the viewer to the nothing in the center.

It's like the finger is pointing
to where the G would be.

Is that... is that something?

Where?

Hold on.

It's... it's a reverse Roman numeral.

- Hey-hey, Avi, flip the picture.
- Hold on.

Flip the picture.

- [Avi] "MMMCCI."
- [Connor] Got it.

3301. That's it.

That's them. Maybe there's something...

Can't make this shit up.

♪♪

Look at that.

Yup. They're all prime numbers.

Except for...

You guys need to stop now.

They're representing the fall of
man and nihilism, transcendentalism.

These are the type of things
that lead to mass genocide,

bu-buckets of poisonous Kool-Aid.

If what they're saying is
what they believe, stop.

Can't stop now.

♪♪

All right, Alpha Team,
we're going back to Avi's,

we're gonna crack this case open.

- Oh, no, we will not. We will not.
- We'll order Chinese...

I have nothing to
do with this. I'm sorry.

But I am not getting murdered
by some crazy ass cult leader.

I have a meeting to attend.

No offense to you, madam, you're lovely.

- Thank you.
- See you in a bit, Avi.

No, you will not! I don't know you!

- He's cute.
- [door closes]

[Avi] Mmm...

Boop.

Now, I'm sorry they're so sloppy.

If I had known you were coming,

I would've had the time to
make a proper lavender, but voila.

- Mm. Mm, mm, mm.
- I'm trying not to eat sugar.

Okay, okay. Well, that's fine.

You know, there's just
more for us. Right, buddy?

Okay, so...

So, I've been doing some
research on this image.

Mm-hmm.

At first, I thought it
was a moth. It's not.

It's from De humani corporis fabrica.

This anatomy book that
was published in 1543.

- What can I do to help? What?
- Hey, shh.

There's only one hand-colored
volume left of De humani corporis fabrica.

- Where?
- Oh, so now you can talk?

- What?
- I didn't know any...

I thought, since I couldn't
talk, you couldn't talk.

I don't speak cupcake.

It's in the archives of some
museum a couple of hours away.

All the clues seem to
be regionally tailored.

What am I? What am I? What
am I? What is it asking for, huh?

I don't know. That's what
I'm trying to figure out.

Mm, I'm sorry.

- That's it.
- [Connor] What?

Buttercream?

The color.

We need to know the chemical composition
of the pigment that's used in this region.

What am I?

Why don't you just call and ask?

How many colors in
buttercream can you make?

Millions. I've done golds, mauves,

I've done this satiny
periwinkle. [laughs]

It's exactly my point.

We need to scrape off
some of the ink and analyze it.

- They're testing our resolve.
- Yeah.

Seeing what we're made of.

I know what we're made of.

We need your professor
card. You're gonna get us in.

- No, no, no, no. No way. No way.
- Oh, no, no, it's not that bad, Avi.

No, no, no, no, no. You
guys ain't getting me in trouble.

- It's not a big deal.
- No!

- Avi, we're in and out.
- Not putting my job on the line.

You can just go straight
to hell. Not happening.

[Gwen muttering]

- Just try to fit in.
- I've never done this before.

[overlapping dialogue]

No, no, no, no. What do I do?

- Hi.
- Hi.

[laughing]

Um...

- Mr. Professor.
- Boston.

Boston. Wow.

Uh, my students and I,

we were just hoping we could have a
little peek at your rare book archives.

- Uh, I don't know.
- Please. Please.

- Come on, come on, come on.
- You're so cute.

Look, see, the thing is,

I just need a little look because
I'm actually publishing a book.

- Publish? You?
- Yes. Yes!

[both screaming]

Oh, my God!

I know! I'm so excited!

So! About those archives?

Oh, yeah.

I wish I could.

But, unfortunately, you would
need permission from the archive lady

and she isn't here on Sundays.

I'm-I'm so sorry. Please.

- Oh, my God.
- Jesus, watch your shit, lady!

Whoa! Don't call me lady.

Whoa, whoa, guys, please,
please, please. One moment, please?

Yeah. Can you please
take care of your students?

[Connor chuckles]

Talk to you for a minute.
What the hell, man?

All you have to do is sweet talk the guy.

I don't do that. I've
never done this before.

- You stole that?
- Hey. Keep your voice down.

This is perfect.

While Connor and I break into
the archives, you go distract him.

How am I supposed to distract him?

[both] Flirt.

Flirt... what?

- [Connor] Yup.
- [Gwen] Yes.

[Avi chuckles]

I-I wouldn't even know where to start.

I-I, you know, I've
never done this before.

Sure, I thought about it,
but I-I don't swing both ways.

I do. It's pretty great.

- Oh, so you did love kissing me?
- No.

- No, I didn't.
- You guys kissed?

- If you wanna call it that.
- She loved it.

- She didn't love it.
- She loved it.

- Disgusting.
- Mm-mm.

Can I have a kiss?

I mean, if you're giving them out.

Sure, you can get a kiss.

You can get a kiss right
over there. Go get him.

- Hi. You're back.
- Hi.

- [chuckles]
- I couldn't stay away. [laughs]

Come on.

The old clumsy pickpocket routine, huh?

- Not bad for a librarian.
- Yeah, well, at least I did something.

Even if you had thought
of it, which you didn't,

you probably would've been too
chickenshit to go through with it.

I actually would beg to differ.

What'd you steal?

Your heart.

Oh, shit.

Damn.

The only hope now is that
clerk is sucking on Avi...

[lock clicks]

Yeah... let's hope.

Okay. Start looking
over there or something.

Try not to break anything.

Hmm. Damn.

Cherry oak.

Focus for like 30 seconds, please.

"There's no friend as loyal as a book."

I hear you talking.

That's not me. That's Hemingway.

♪♪

Hello?

Is anybody there?

No one is authorized
to be in this location.

- Come on, librarian.
- Fuck.

- Found it.
- No shit.

- [metallic grid rattling]
- Shh.

[Gwen] Calm down.

Careful. You know how old this thing is?

You're ripping through it
like it's a fucking magazine.

♪♪

Gentle. Check this one. Check this one.

- You sure that's it?
- Yes.

- You sure?
- Yes. Wait...

What are you doing? What are you doing?

- What the fuck are you doing?
- I'm borrowing it.

- You're borrowing...?
- Shh, shh-

[guard] Hey!

- Sorry, just got a little lost.
- Die, bitch!

- Oh, my God! Come on.
- [Connor screams] Shit!

[groaning]

[Avi mutters]

Time to go, loverboy!

- I'm coming, I'm coming!
- What the hell did you guys do?!

Asshole!

I was never good enough for you.

- What was that?
- Oh, man.

You tore that... Oh, you're
wiping your face with it?

The face is fine. Don't worry about it.

Well, you deserve it!

Okay, could you two figure
this out in marriage counseling?

We cannot stay here! Fuck!

- [groans] Oh, shit.
- Going to counseling,

I'm not going anywhere
with you guys ever again.

- Oh, God, Avi, just calm down, please.
- Don't tell me to calm down!

I mean, you might be okay living
your life like some type of wrecking ball,

but some of us have things to
lose! I might lose my job over this!

My jilted lover, he knows my
address, he knows about my cat.

What if he kidnaps Mr. Snuggles?!

- No. No one's getting kidnapped.
- [Avi screaming muffled]

Stop being ridiculous.
It's just a piece of paper.

We'll put it back tomorrow.

If you don't wanna do it,
me and Gwen will do it.

- It will be fine.
- [Gwen screaming muffled]

No big deal.

Yeah, huh?

[Avi screaming]

Hello?

[Avi screaming]

Avi...

♪♪

- [Connor grunting]
- [Avi shuddering]

[Gwen] What the fuck is going on?

- [Connor] Guys?
- [Gwen] What?

One second.

[Gwen] I can't see shit.

Shh. Don't yell!

- Shut the fuck up.
- [Avi crying]

Avi, calm down. We've been through worse.

- Who the fuck were they?
- [Avi mumbling]

- Guys, please calm down.
- Oh, you want me to fucking calm down?

In these situations,
you go with the flow.

With the flow? Since when
are you the zen fucking master?

[Avi] I don't wanna die here.

No one's gonna fucking
die. Avi, just shut the fuck up.

Seriously, shut the
fuck up. Breathe. Okay?

It might be not that bad.

- Might be not that bad. Shh. Quiet.
- [car doors open and close]

[footsteps approaching]

[trunk rattles]

[Gwen] What the fuck?

- [Avi yelps]
- [Connor] Shit.

[grunts]

[Connor] Come on, man. Don't do this.

[Avi yelling indistinct]

Oh, shit!

Please, I'm a great cat-dad!

They love me so much,
they're gonna miss me.

They're gonna miss me,

they're gonna miss
me, come on... Please...

[Avi screams]

What the fuck is happening?

[Avi and Connor yelling indistinct]

- Are you kidding me?
- Not again.

Your Honor...

That-that never happened.

We weren't dressed
like... sexy gun babies.

I mean, that's not how I remember it.

Mr. Black, were the NSA agents
dressed in baby costumes or not?

Killer Rugrats, Your
Honor. Killer Rugrats!

We're done here.

[Connor] Okay, Your
Honor, fine, fine, fine, fine.

They weren't dressed up
like ugly, baby cosplays.

- I would not be ugly as a baby.
- Okay, Carver...

- Nor did we open fire, Your Honor.
- [Carver] Or have diapers.

[Sullivan] We followed procedure
to the letter. It's all in the report.

I still contend things could've
gone in an entirely different direction

if Mr. G.I. Joe wouldn't have intervened.

Yeah, damn straight.

You'd be in a cardboard box six
feet under if we hadn't intervened.

[female judge] That's enough.

- That's not true.
- It's true.

We're all dressed up here because of you.

I'm dressed nicer.

Right.

The deer people were
other Cicada hopefuls?

Yeah.

They wanted to steal the page
we took from the tome and bury us.

[Gwen] That's ours.

I'm afraid we're gonna have to
collect this for evidence, miss.

We'll take your accounts
and get you on your way soon.

[Carver] Hey, Sully. Give
me a hard drive. Bang, bang!

What the fuck are you doing?

Fuck... take that fucking thing off!

It's... It's fucking evidence, you idiot.

- Okay.
- Put it down! What the fuck?

Sorry. Cool.

No, but it's fuckin'...
It's every single day!

All right. Deadly
serious... from here on out.

The fuck you looking at?

[Sullivan] You seen that...
You seen this before?

- [Carver] Yeah.
- Yeah?

- Looks like a brain vagina.
- Yeah.

Fucking idiot.

[Connor] I never meant for
things to turn out the way they did.

You know, Gwen and Avi wanted nothing
to do with me and Cicada after that.

I was on my own.

Was that the last piece of the puzzle?

NSA ran a lab on the page.
It turned out to be cinnabar.

Stuff cost a fortune in the 16th Century.

Only suitable for kings.

The word was a key to unlock
another piece of the puzzle.

It's all it was.

And what was that?

♪♪

[Connor] It was a message that said,

"In order to see the light,
you must shine the dark."

I spent days trying to decipher the text.

But then I realized there
was a different kind of test.

They wanted to see what I was capable of.

["Savage" playing]

It took five hours for the lights to
come back in some parts of the city.

Looting tore through
the area almost instantly.

The scales fell off my eyes.

They were no more enlightened than dogs.

I guess I couldn't blame them.

I mean, who's the animal?

The dog in the cage or the
one who keeps them locked up?

It wasn't about shutting down the power.

We're just one light switch away
from tearing each other apart.

[sirens wailing]

♪♪

All right.

You got me chasing
puzzles, show yourself!

Fuck you!

Think you're so great.

So enlightened.

[chuckles]

Fuck you!

Fucking nobody... like everybody else,

an emperor with no clothes.

♪♪

[beeping in Morse code]

♪♪

[phone beeps]

[phone beeps]

[dog barking in distance]

[doorbell ringing rapidly]

- Uh-uh!
- Hey, Avi, let me in.

- No, no!
- Pl... Avi.

[groans] No. No means no!

- Avi, can we just talk? Come on.
- Gwen, help!

- Wait, Gwen's here?
- Yeah, she is.

And she's gonna be my new best friend.

- Let's just talk.
- No. Nothing to say to you.

[Gwen] Is this really what
you're like when you date, too?

No, he's being ridiculous.
Would you help me here?

Hmm, I don't know.

How do we know you're
not having deer or rabbit...?

Dog people.

- That would be scary.
- That would be scary, yeah.

How do we know you
don't have any dog people

following you trying to fucking kill us?

- [Avi grunts]
- That's not my fault.

- Nice.
- Can we just be adults about this?

[laughing] What is this?

[Avi] None of your beeswax.

Yeah, be adults about it. If you can.

Avi told me that he would
teach me how to play chess.

[Avi] Mm-hmm.

No, no, don't you dare.
Don't, don't... just don't do it.

King side castle, bishop A4, queen...

[exhales] D3. You're
good. [snaps fingers]

- You are not a nice person.
- No, he's not.

Avi, can I talk to you for a second?

No. Anything you have to say to me,
you can say in front of my new friend.

We don't keep any secrets. Do we?

No. Hm.

[scoffs] All right. Well,
I came to say goodbye.

- You broke in just to say goodbye?
- You couldn't text?

I got in... to Cicada.

- At least to their party.
- Hold on a second.

You got in and you weren't gonna tell me?

After everything that you put us through?

You wanna come to England

and watch me choke
some bitch out, be my guest.

Wait, how do you know it's just one?

I don't know if it's just
one. Avi, you were right.

These people need to be
stopped. I'm gonna end this.

What happened?

Yeah, there's something
you're hiding from us.

- I'm going.
- You're not invited.

Um, technically, she was
invited. I'm coming, too.

You're not gonna leave me
behind like some fuddy-duddy

while you guys go off on
some epic spy adventure.

Avi... everyone who finished
this game disappeared.

And they wanted in, okay?

Uh, I-I-I can't... I can't
risk you getting hurt.

These people are far too powerful.

You heard the lady. Send the invitation.

Time for us to kick
some secret insect booty.

[sighs] All right.

We decided if we're gonna
go to Oz to unmask the Wizard,

it'd be better to work as a team.

So Avi bought the tickets for the flight,

Gwen got the spy gear,
my job was to rent the tuxes.

Yeah. I look dumb.

Together, we would be unstoppable.

♪♪

Hey, Avi. You got your earpiece?

- Secret Agent Avi, to the rescue!
- Jesus!

- Oh, my God. Really?
- Hey, man. Come on.

I'm sorry, I've never been a spy.

- Oh, my heart is racing, guys.
- [Gwen] Yeah.

- Well, what's our safe word gonna be?
- Safe word?

Yeah, you know, in case things go
haywire, we have to abort mission.

Every great spy movie has one.

[Gwen] It's not a BDSM sex orgy
party, okay? It's a black-tie affair.

We don't need a safe
word, password, guys. Stop.

Okay, Mr. Optimistic Pants.

But just in case, I say
we make it Mr. Snuggles.

- I'm not saying Mr. Snuggles.
- No. Don't say Mr. Snuggles.

- Bad idea.
- [Avi] Okay.

- Okay, shall we?
- Yup.

[Avi] Mask up, y'all.

What the fuck is on your face?

It's-it's a masquerade party.

- The fuck...
- [Avi] Did you not read the invitations?

Am I the only one who
read the invitations?

Oh, my God. I...

- [man] IDs.
- [radio chatter indistinct]

I'm gonna lose line of sight
in 60 seconds or less. Over.

[man] All right. Go ahead.

♪♪

C'mon in.

You're not on the list.

Uh...

Uh, are-are you sure?
My-my friends are on the list.

You're not on the list.

Well... Hey, do you mind?

I'm just gonna use the
bathroom real quick...

Don't. No. Please.

Okay. There's no issue, there's no issue.
There's no issue, I'll be on my way.

Please. Excuse me.

You're very strong.

♪♪

It's pretty great, huh?

- Say again?
- This is pretty great, huh?

Yeah, I guess you could say that.

I mean, after what we had
to go through to make it here,

the least they could do is
throw us a crazy party, eh?

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I mean, I wouldn't expect
anything less from Cicada, huh.

I'm Patrick.

Hey. Connor.

[music pulsating]

[grunting]

Ow! Ow, ow.

Any idea what we're
supposed to be doing here?

Nope.

But if it's 3301 we're talking about,

I guess anything's possible.

- Everything's a test, huh.
- Yeah.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna freshen
up. I'll see ya around, Connor.

Hmm. Yeah, everything's a test, huh?

Anyone else seeing holograms?

Holograms? No! What-what
the hell are you talking...

No, I don't see holograms.

Why are you so out of breath?

Oh, no reason, really, I... I'm
just having a lovely evening,

smelling flowers, looking
at the constellations.

- You didn't get in?
- Negative.

I am outside.

- [Gwen] Outside?
- Yeah.

Apparently, they don't like pirates
crashing their black-tie function, Connor.

Avi, it's not my fault
you can't fit in a tuxedo.

Hey. I'm gonna go try and
find him and sneak him in.

No, no, I need you to stay here.

There's a little more to this party
than just rabbits and boys in dog outfits.

There's no knowing how
long this party is gonna go.

I feel bad leaving him out there.

Look, I can't have you locked
outside and slowing me down.

I'm going. Just wait here.

[man] Mock on, mock on.

Mock on, mock on.

Mock on.

Mock on, mock on, Voltaire, Rousseau.

You blow your sand against the wind,

and the wind blows it back again.

And every sand becomes a
Gem reflected in the beams divine.

Blown back, they blind...

the mocking Eye.

You've done well to
come this far, Connor.

- For everything that lives...
- Is holy.

[glass shattering]

♪♪

[scoffs]

Good luck.

[chuckles]

Ah, shit!

[man] Lend me your
mind and feast on the prize.

Uh...

[flaps lips] That's an interesting test.

Uh, a painting of a
skeleton smoking a cigarette.

- Avi?
- That's easy. That's easy.

Head of a Skeleton
With a Burning Cigarette.

- [woman] Cigarette?
- Vincent Van...

- Would you like a cigarette?
- ...Gogh.

I know what this is. Uh...
[snaps fingers] Van Gogh.

Head of a Skeleton
with a Burning Cigarette.

♪♪

[indistinct chattering]

- I love this place.
- I love your flavors. It's hilarious.

[chattering indistinct]

♪♪

[dance music playing]

[woman moans]

What the fuck?

[whispering] Connor? Gwen?

- Gwen?
- Who are you talking to?

Mr. Snuggles.

[laughs]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. He doesn't like...
He doesn't like talking to new people.

- You're so funny.
- What can I say?

[Connor] Hey, did you say Mr. Snuggles?

- Oh, this is not happening.
- Hey, what was that?

Did you say Mr. Snuggles, or what?

- [woman chuckles]
- Guys?

Hey, Gwen, are you there?

- Um...
- Okay.

[woman moaning]

[exhales deeply]

♪♪

[woman] So predictable.

Politicians, global bankers,
all chasing the same thing.

Power?

[chuckles] Punishment.

- Uh, what are you doing? [chuckles]
- Sorry. My bad.

No holograms in here.

Only freethinkers,

poets, politicians, and kings.

The only decision you have to make

is if your drug of choice is pain...

or pleasure.

Good evening, my most esteemed friends!

Hmm. Phillip Dubois,
Cicada 3301 in the flesh.

Tonight, we celebrate both
the initiated and the unreformed,

with our own odd bits
of magical wisdom...

that we may be reminded that it is
not the price of our professions we seek,

but rather the crucible of
our liberated consciousness.

[crowd cheering]

Eat, drink, dance, free your minds.

For the enlightened, there
can be no denial of self, yes?

- Bon appétit.
- [crowd cheering]

You heard the man.

[grunts] Hey, Phillip.

♪♪

- Hey, you see where that guy...
- Get your hands off me.

- Hey.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I-I know you. Connor.
How are you, friend?

These women sure are ripe, eh?

- Hey, man. Come here. Come here.
- I'm good, man.

[muttering indistinct]

- [woman moaning]
- Shh...

[door opens]

[door opens]

Hey. What are you doing here?

Um... I was just... I was
looking for the bathroom.

Mr. Snuggles.

Mr. fucking Snuggles.

Hey, I think the head honcho
of Cicada's here somewhere,

so I'm gonna have a look around.

Gwen?

Avi?

Awesome.

I don't... Uh, just one second.

[whispers] Guys, where are you?

I haven't heard from you in a
long time, and I'm starting to worry.

Do not come and get me.

Do not come and get me. I'm-I'm okay.

Is everything okay?

Um, I'm not sure.

I think it might have shorted out
when you took it out of my head,

which was very sexy.

[chuckles] Are you really a spy?

Yeah...

I'm actually a super spy
for the US government.

And my friend's in the party.

I'm supposed to be helping him spy
on people, but he never listens to me,

which is why I'm out
here and he's in there.

He's so egotistical. He thinks
he's the best in the world.

He doesn't know anything.
He barely knows art. Art, chess.

He thinks he knows chess, but he doesn't.

And he's put me in a little big
mess and I'm a little pissed off,

but please don't tell anybody.

Well, if you hadn't have gotten in this
mess, you never would have met me.

That is true.

[both moaning]

Hey, Phillip?

- [man groans]
- Ooh, my bad.

- Hey...
- [woman moaning]

Ooh...

How many more of these
orgy rooms were there?

[exhales] About 12. Yeah.

Then just skip ahead.

[Phillip] Not bad for a bartender.

Self-taught, outcast,
overlooked, late bloomer.

Despite the mountains in your
past, despite the thorns in your veins,

you have ascended and
made a crown of them.

And here we stand.

With every move we make,
something moves within you.

And like some distant ballet
of quantum entanglement,

that still small voice
within you whispers,

"I'm home."

Don't try to think for
me. You're gonna lose.

You poor thing.

You poor, poor boy.

You have been deprived of so much.

You still think the world is so small.

There is a war raging above and
below you, and through you at all times.

And when we simply illuminate that
you have been told you were a pawn,

when you are in fact a queen,

you spit at me for
simply shining the light!

You can spew all the poetry you want,

you won't persuade me to think that
spreading that level of chaos is okay.

Draw the line, then, Connor.

Tell me, please.

When poverty causes a
father to strike his own son.

When that ignorance is
guaranteed by the banks

and the corporations
and the governments...

When beautiful young minds are crushed
under the weight of that oppression.

And before you rise
in your righteous wrath,

they tighten the noose
around your passions.

So where is it, Connor?
Where is this line, huh?

Is it here?

Should they remain in the dark, huh?

What about... what about them, hmm?

Should they stay in chains?

Shackled to the
depravity of their leaders?

And what-what of... what of these, huh?

Or these? What of them?

What good would they do
awake? Empowered? Enlightened?

No good at all, right?

So then just let them sleep!

Make no mistake about it, Connor.

We are at war.

It's up to you whether
you are a pawn or a queen.

You and no one else.

It is finally time for us to emerge

and unleash a chorus
of ideas upon the world.

Connor, are you ready for a promotion?

I'm thinking about it. No, thanks.

To the final test.

Shit.

- Have a seat.
- What is this?

Sit.

Cicada 3301... is sacred.

And both of you tried
to poison the holy well.

Not me.

[chuckles]

NSA.

Hmm?

It's not obvious by now,

we know you have both
been working with them.

What?

Oh, wait.

You two didn't know.

[laughing] That is too cute.

You have this all wrong.

Oh, do I, Gwen?

My dear, why don't you
tell Connor your real name?

How do you know that?

Wait, Gwen's not your real name?

What's your name?

I work for the NSA, yes,

but I brought you files that
could change everything.

I've been trying to get
you these for months. I...

I thought that Cicada would
protect me, give me amnesty.

No.

No? I'm trying to tell
you that I'm a traitor.

- Yeah, no shit.
- To the US. Not you.

- Gwen.
- [Phillip] Olivia.

Olivia?

Olivia is your name?

You've been lying to me this whole time.

So did you.

I'm not in fucking NSA. They
used me to get to Cicada.

- They don't even know I'm here.
- Oh, actually, they do.

I'm sorry.

So none of it was real?

[pats lap]

[whispers] Are you a lesbian or not?

[whispers] Are you serious?

[Phillip] Oh, please. You primate.

Before you devolve anymore,

can we please just get
back to the final test?

Now, you have both proven
yourselves adept in a myriad of ways,

and so...

what lies in the center
of your treasonous square

is the only chance you
get at making things right.

Sins must be paid for in blood.

There is one bullet in this pistol.

Gwolivia, if you wish to join our cause,

you must put it in Connor
before he puts it in you.

And, Connor, vice versa.

If I shoot myself, will you spare Connor?

That is adorable, but no.

As in life, doing nothing
is saying something too.

If you leave it to us,

both of your heads will paint
the floor like a Jackson Pollock.

Yes? Gentlemen, please.

♪♪

Ready... aim...

fire!

[woman indistinct]

[woman crying]

♪♪

[gunfire]

[man] Shots fired. Shots
fired. East wing, second floor.

♪♪

How's that for adorable, huh?

- [gasps]
- [Connor] Oh...

- Hey. Hey.
- [Gwen] I'm so sorry.

Hey, don't say anything.

I'm so sorry.

Don't say anything. Come on.

It's all on there.

I-I-I don't understand
what you're saying.

Oh, God, you can take down
anyone in the world with this.

- What? You sneaky librarian.
- [panting]

I knew there was more to you than that.

- Here.
- I thought that I could pull it off

and no one would get hurt.

- I'm so sorry.
- No, no, don't talk. Don't apologize.

Just hold this.

Listen to me, if you don't get
this somewhere safe right now,

I die for nothing and the world
hegemony goes on forever.

Listen, they're gonna kill you
too once they have it, okay?

You need to go.

Go, you idiot!

[Connor mutters indistinct]

♪♪

There he is.

Tell me why I shouldn't
kill you right now.

- Wait! [stammers] Just wait.
- Huh?!

My name is not Phillip Dubois.

It's Charles Bundwig.

Uh... I'm just an actor.

- You're fucking lying.
- I'm not.

You're fucking lying!

I'm not lying!

I've got a wife and I've got two
kids! I live in Coventry, I do theater!

Look, look!

They've been feeding me the
lines. They put money in my account.

I thought it was an
experimental theater thing!

I didn't know the
bullets were fucking real!

Who paid you?

- I don't know. I never...
- Who fucking paid you?!

I don't know! It was all
online, I never saw them!

[crying] I don't wanna
die. I don't wanna die.

Fuck!

Shit.

Sit down.

All right. Okay.

Fuck. Shit.

♪♪

[beeping]

Fuck.

Come on.

[grunts] Goddamnit.

Yes.

What are you typing?

What are you doing?

Waiting for your big break, huh?

- [gunshots]
- [crowd screaming]

- Shit.
- Can you get us out of here?

[crying]

[Connor] I'm gonna hide this
information where no one can find it.

This is mine. It's mine. That's it.

You're gonna leave me alone,
I'm gonna leave you alone. Deal?

Fucking deal.

Ah... that's it. Come on.

[groaning]

- [man] Open the goddamn door!
- Come on!

- [groans]
- [knocking continues]

- Come on!
- [beeping]

Let's go.

[man] All right, open up.

- Open the door, now!
- Shit.

[man yelling indistinct]

- They're coming in the door!
- [door banging]

Shit.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Where are you going?

If you wanna live, you gotta jump.

[grunts]

Come on!

I'm just terribly afraid of heights!

- [yelling]
- [screaming] No!

[slow-motion] He's got a gun.

[screaming]

- Fuck yeah!
- Oh, my God!

- We fucking got him!
- Yeah! Yeah!

Fuck yeah!

[chuckles] It's... That's fuckin'...

Unbelievable.

How would I even pee?

[Connor] All right, Connor.

Just don't die. Come on.

[grunting]

Fuck.

- Fuck.
- [sirens wailing in distance]

Mr. Snuggles.

[straining] Mr. fucking Snuggles.

I don't even know if I have
my goddamn earpiece.

Come on.

Shit. Fuck.

Goddamnit.

Oh, shit. [yells]

[groans]

So I fudged a little on
how I got down. Big deal.

Mr. Bundwig was an actor?
Did I understand that correctly?

Yup. That's what he told me
before dipshit blew his brains out.

I'll be the first to admit
I don't fully understand

all the technical jargon
you've discussed here today,

but you have brought up some issues

about the NSA's alleged use of
information-gathering techniques.

Fake charges, assault,
sexual harassment, torture.

I mean, I could go on
and on and on and on.

- That is very concerning.
- Absolutely.

And not something that was
discussed in the original FISA request.

You also have just incriminated
yourself in so many felonies,

I wouldn't know which
life sentence to begin with.

And the only evidence you claim to
have, in your words, "would set you free,"

as I understand it, right
here in this high heel?

Tell me what I'm missing?

Come on.

- [phone ringing]
- Yes!

[phones ringing]

What the... I shut my ringer off.

You guys, man...

[chuckles] Fucking morons.

I mean, floating fish in
the middle of the room.

You guys really believe that?

[judge] Did you just
admit to lying under oath?

Oath? What is this, the
mafia? You guys and the oath.

It's a creative license
in telling a story.

The homeless guy who was
masturbating? That really happened.

Wait. What the hell is going on?

That phone call you just
received is a bot I created.

One out of 25 you're set to receive.

In a couple hours, you're gonna hear
about some breaking news around the world

about some documents that were leaked.

Needless to say,

the Vice President will be
sleeping on the couch tonight, baby.

Countless others, including
you, will suffer the same fate

unless you transfer
some funds in my account.

Transfer? What...

I... are you trying to extort us?

How dare you?

[female judge] Mike,
get security in here now.

- Your Honor, I think you better hold...
- Mike, sit down.

You guys authorize unlawful
information mining every day.

I'm just cutting out the middleman.

I want one million for every
batch you don't want released.

The schedule is for every
30 days unless I check in.

If I don't check in... [whistles]

So don't press your luck.

Oh, one more thing.

And Avi, I need him released immediately.

He's my best friend.

I'll do anything for him.

What about Cicada 3301?

Maybe they'd bring a
little balance to the world.

I like what they're about.

Do I think we could get there
in a more cost-effective way?

Absolutely. But, hey,
it's not my war to fight.

I'll let you guys dig in.

I'mma bring about change my own way.

And-and-and how do you
plan on doing that exactly?

One sheep at a time.

Give us a moment to discuss this.

Mike, Sullivan, Carver.

["Bygones" by Huxley Ware,
Dexter French & Ceezlin playing]

[chains rattle]

- [whistles]
- [clattering]

[woman] Mmm, yummy.

[Connor] I call this the Wet Cicada.

- [Avi] Let's check it out...
- Yeah. [laughs]

Cheers.

- Mm.
- Mm.

[Avi] Mm. Mm-mm.

[smacks lips, coughs] Nope.

- What?
- I don't like that one.

No?

Wow, I thought you'd like that one.
Put some bitters in there and everything.

- Taste like soap.
- What?

- Nice soap.
- Right.

- Oh, you're so cute.
- Oh, actually, no tipping.

[Connor] Anyway...

- Your friend's here.
- [groans]

- I'll take over.
- Okay.

Thank you, Tori.

Hey, you put an order in?

[Tori] Nope.

What is it?

Nothing. It's all good.

See you in a bit. Thank you, babe.

Institutions grab power by wrapping their
hands around the necks of individuals

and claiming ignorance to inequalities
because no one is making any noise.

And if Cicada isn't the
answer, it's the spotlight.

Our power comes in unity,

in being a voice for another
when they can't yet speak.

["Bygones" continues playing]

[song ends]

♪♪

[whistling]

Hello?

Is anybody there?

Oh, God. Not again.

Hey!

- Die, bitch!
- [screaming]

Fuck! [screaming] Oh, God!

[groaning]

- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- No!

[taser zapping]

Oh, my God!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Oh, God!

[dialogue muffled]

Jesus Christ!

[grunts]

No! Not the book!

Fucking cool it, man.

[grunts]

[panting]

I just came to return a
page of your book, okay?

Now you're really dead meat.

[grunts]

- Uh, your book.
- Oh.

♪♪