All language subtitles for Safe.Men.1998.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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[Man Narrating] A part of me still
believes Eddie and I could have been--

[ Men Grunting Rhythmically ] one
of the more popular recording acts...

of the mid-to-late '90s,

but it's clear to me now that things
happened the way they did for a reason.

Sometimes when a man is lost,

his situation needs to get
worse before it can get better.

- [ Screaming ]
- [ Screaming ]

My name is Samuel,
and this was my situation.

[ Man Whispering ]
Time?

[Man #2]
9:42.

Spin left five degrees.
Spinning. Spinning.

- And back a revolution.
- Backing, backing.

It's so good to be us.

'Cause we da men.

We're the men.
What?

We're good men for this job.

Oh.

It's us, baby.
It's all about us.

We gonna get it on! We're
gonna turn this mother out!

Yeah!

9:47. Would you
focus, please? Time?

I'm focused.
You seem unfocused.

Back off, Mitchell.

You hungry?
I'm starving.

Me too. I'm Hamlisch.
What does that mean?

I'm starvin' like Marvin--
Hamlisch, the composer.

He wrote
"They're Playing Our Song."

Why don't you make
the call? All right.

I'm gonna make the call.
[ Phone Beeping ]

[Phone Rings] Casa de Taco.
Thirty minutes or it's free.

[ Watch Ticking ]

[ Man ] Okay. Philip will be
ringing your doorbell at exactly 10:17.

Let's do this on my count.

In five, four,

three to the two, one--
and synchronize.

All right. We're locked and
loaded over here. We'll see ya in 30.

♪♪' [ Both Vocalizing ]

♪ Bring it on up with me ♪

♪ I'm bringing it on up ♪'

♪' [ Vocalizing Continues]

10:13, Frank.
Spinning, spinning.

[ Both Whispering ]
And let it rain.

You sick bitch!

Your head's up in goddamn
Skylab. Now we're in a situation.

This is not a
situation. 10:14, Frank.

Get your eyes on the
prize. It isn't a situation.

F.Y.I., it is a situation.

[ Mitchell ]
What are you doing?

I'm going freestyle.

♪ Yeah, put ya hands
in the air ♪

♪ And wave 'em
like you just don't care ♪

♪ Let me hear ya say oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ on it:
All right!

[Bell Ringing]

10216233.

Come on, honey,
tell me something good.

[Bell Ringing]

[Together]
♪ Friendship ♪

♪ Friendship ♪♪

[Sighs]

16:38, Francis.

[Lock Clicks]

[ Panting ]

We're home.

Let's go get some tacos.

[ Electronic Beeping ]

[ Gasps ]
Whoa!

Sorry about that, kid.

[Man]
♪ I once had a life ♪

♪ Or rather, life had me ♪

♪ I was one among many ♪

♪ Or at least I seemed to be ♪

♪ But I read an old quotation ♪

♪ In a book just yesterday ♪

♪ Said gonna reap
just what you sow ♪

♪ The debts you make
you'll have to pay ♪

♪ Can you get to that ♪
♪ Can you get ♪

♪ I wanna know ♪
♪ I wanna know ♪

♪ I wanna know if you can
get to that ♪ ♪ Can you get ♪

♪ Can you get ♪
♪ Can you get to that ♪

♪ I wanna know
if you can get to that ♪

♪ I recollect
with mixed emotions ♪

♪ AH the good times
we used to have ♪

♪ But you were makin' preparations
for the comin' separation ♪

♪ And ya blew
everything we had ♪

♪ When you base your love
on credit ♪

♪ And your lovin' days
are gone ♪

♪ Checks you sign
with “love and kisses later“ ♪

♪ Come back signed
“insufficient funds“♪

♪ Oh, get to that ♪'

You know what, Samuel?
That is what we've been doing'.

We've been kidding ourselves.

Th-Th-That's not true,
Eddie.

Nobody cares.
Do you understand that?

I'm singing
my fucking heart out,

- and the audience is literally giving me nothing.
- Eddie.

Eddie, it is a Polish tradition to
show appreciation through silence.

We're dealing with
a cultural difference.

Did you think this
was a positive career move?

Is that what's
going through your head?

At the time, it seemed like
a good chance...

for some exposure
in the international community.

What, the matching slacks
and sweaters?

They just kind of add to
our whole mystique, right?

Yeah, they do, Eddie.
Yeah.

The people like to see
the outfits.

It shows that some thought
went into the act.

Some preparation.
Mmm-hmm.

There's a look
that people get...

when they're seeing something
they've never seen before.

[Whispering ] We rocked
these fucking Polish tonight.

We frea--
We freaked these people out.

This lodge knew that they were seeing a
Simon and Garfunkel for the millennium.

They had the look.

But you know what,
Sam?

Arthur Garfunkel
knew the words to his songs.

Okay, Sam?
Garfunkel knew the words.

I'm going through a minor
lyric situation right now.

It doesn't go any deeper
than that.

Yes, it does, Sam.

We are in a two-person group, and
one of us doesn't know the lyrics.

I know the words.
I know the words, Eddie.

- Show me.
- What?

Dire Straits, "Walk of Life."

Prove me wrong.
[ Scoffs ]

"Walk of Life." You want
me to sing "Walk of Life."

♪ Here-- Here come Johnny
He's down in the kitchen ♪

♪ He's makin' breakfast
all the livelong day ♪

♪ He's got the action reaction ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, the boy can play ♪

♪ Hesitation, devotion ♪

♪ You turn it
on the nighttime ♪

♪ Time at the end of the day ♪

♪ And you do the walk
You do the walk of life ♪

♪ You do the walk of life ♪'

Those aren't the words. No,
they're not the words, Eddie.

They're not even close to them.
No, they're different words.

You know, five years is such a long
time to go without some kind of reward.

- [ Mouthing Words]
- It's a long fucking time.

Thank you.
He's not talking to you.

[ Frank ] Tough safe.
I wanna carry the bag.

You cannot carry the bag. But you said
it was heavy and I asked you to carry it.

Let me tell you something.
You watch me-- What?

One day you're gonna be
ready to carry the bag, okay?

All right.

What are you doin'?

Uh, breakin' tradition.
You can't break tradition.

Look, man.
[ Sighs]

I'm not in the mood
for a sloe gin fizz.

If you want one,
go and get it yourself.

I'm going to look like a fucking
asshole if I go into this bar alone...

and order myself
a sloe gin fizz.

I know it's breaking tradition, but I don't
feel like I can go through with it tonight.

She's not gonna take you back,
all right? Move on.

But Hannah's the only one
that I care about.

There are a ton of ladies in this
town dying to get into your trap.

I know, man.

Now, raise it up!

Give me somethin' sky high.

- Okay.
- I'm not thirsty.

Damn it!

They come in here
just about every night,

order a couple of
sloe gin fizzes.

Always carryin'
a duffel type of bag, huh?

[ Man #1 ]
That's right.

You don't remember anymore
what they look like?

[ Man #1 ]
In my condition, friend,

some days, I can hardly
remember my first name.

I hear that one, old school.

All right,
I appreciate the help.

Here. Get yourself
something imported.

Put that dime towards a
decent haircut, thick man.

[ Muttering ]
Take your money.

All right, fine, pal.

Sam, I could eat 20 to 25
cocktail shrimp in a single sitting,

and people are giving me a quarter
to a fifth of my total shrimp capacity.

It is an insult.

See, that's interesting, because
I've always viewed the appetizer...

as just sort of a teaser
to the main course.

No, I think it's different
when you're talkin' about shrimp.

Shrimp aren't filling.
They're a snack food.

Hey, you guys talkin'
about shrimp?

Is that something that you have
a problem with? No,no,no,no,no.

I just overheard your argument.
I thought it was a good one.

See, check this out. I go to
a party, right, with a raw bar.

Now, I'm eatin' 30 shrimp,
maybe more,

dependin' how I'm feelin'
that particular day.

You know, I'm dousing those
fuckers with the cocktail sauce too.

Now, I go to a restaurant, some
monkey suit's bringing me five shrimp.

He's charging me eight bucks
for the pleasure.

I mean, I need that like I need
a fuckin' broom shoved up my ass.

You know?
[Snickering ]

Okay. You convinced me.

I'm not ordering
shrimp cocktail anymore.

I could go get myself
a hand job for eight bucks.

Hey, how ya doin'?
Veal Chop.

- Uh-uh.
- No, it's--

It's like a nickname.

Oh, cool.
I-I'm Samuel.

Samuel.

[ Pops Lips]

- Eddie.
- Eduardo.

Hey, it's good to meet you,
gentlemen. I'm very sorry to interrupt.

It's just, you know,
it's like,

all the little things in life
that really get to me.

You know, for every shrimp cocktail
rip-off, there are 150 swindles...

just like it.

The system is trying
to fuck you any chance you get.

- So, you know what I do?
- What?

I fuck right back.
- [ Laughing ] [ Laughing ]

Ooh. Hey, what line
of work are you guys in?

Ooh. We're actually in business
for ourselves. We have a--

I don't think we really have
to get into that right now.

Oh. [ Pops Lips] Hey,
enough said. All right.

Hey, let me get you guys
a couple of refreshers.

What are you workin' on
there, huh? Sloe gin fizzes?

Sure, if you--

- Yeah, we'll have a couple of sloe gin fizzes.
- [ Mouthing Words]

I'll be right back. Okay,
two sloe gin fizzes comin' up.

Ah, but that's
what I'm ea yin'.

Carpe diem. Take the bull
by the horns and twist.

- You're right.
- You think I'm gonna wait for my ship to come in?

Bullshit! I'm gonna sail out
to sea the first chance I get.

Ah, you don't seem like
the seafaring type to me.

- Meaning what?
- Meaning when opportunity presents itself,

I'll bet you pussy out
just like the rest of us.

- "Veal Chop."
- [ Both Chuckling ]

Strong words, daddy bear.

But let me try
to talk to that there.

- You mind hearing a little story?
- No, not at all.

Good. 'Cause I think
you're gonna like this story.

What about me? Everyone
is gonna love this story.

This is a good story.

See, a couple of months ago
a buddy of mine, a male nurse,

he starts to work for this old,
eccentric type of guy.

Now, one day, my guy is doing some
light dusting around the basement,

and he finds that
this old coot has a safe.

Now, my buddy, he knows
that I am up for anything,

so he says to me,
"Hey, Chop,

why don't you break
into Pappy's"--

All right?
They call him Pappy.

"Why don't you break
into Pappy's house...

and see what he's got
in that little safe of his?"

So I break in the house,
right?

About 6:00 in the p.it.,

'cause Pappy goes to bed at like,
I don't know, 4:00 in the afternoon.

I crack that safe, which is as
easy as opening a can of Fresca,

and, gentlemen,
it is raining cash in there.

Man, I'm talkin'--
I-I could make, like,

a six-foot hoagie sandwich outta all
the dough that is sittin' in that safe.

I mean, this guy--

This guy, he's like
one of these guys--

He saved up, like,
90 years' worth of paychecks,

and they're just sittin'
in that little unit,

waitin' to be taken.
[ Kisses ]

[ Laughs ]

Now, you see,
the only problem is...

all I brought
for transportation...

is like a little
backpack-type of thing.

Now, if I'd had that kind
of valise-- [ Chuckles ]

Oh, gentlemen, I would be a whole
heck of a lot richer than I am right now.

By the time I get home, I flip
on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman,

and I'm holdin'
$36,000 dollars,

and Methuselah doesn't even
know he's missin' the dough.

Jesus Christ.

You cracked this guy's safe
and you made $36,000 dollars?

You have to remember, right, I'm
gonna split it up with my buddy. Right?

So, after tax time, yeah.

I'm lookin' at 21,600
in hot, hard cootchie-coo.

So, why don't you
go back for more?

Eduardo, here's the twist.

And you're not
going to believe this.

Are you ready, Eddie?

All of the sudden my buddy has to go
out of town for a family-type situation.

Asks me if I'll look after Pappy
while he's gone.

You know, it's just a
temporary kind of thing.

You know, I figure, look, I've done
my share of male nursing in the past,

and it's the least I can do
for the old guy, you know?

Considering I just stole 40 grand
of his hard-earned female deer.

[ Laughs ] And I'm gonna take
more the next chance I get!

- So, you're in?
- Oh, I'm in. [Pops Lips]

But I'm out.

Apparently, gentlemen, there's a
phenomenon that develops in male nurses--

It's called
"Lawrence Nightingale Syndrome."

I've heard of that. [ Eddie
] You haven't heard of that.

Well see,
what happens is,

you become attached to your
patients on an emotional level,

and that is what starts
happening with me and Pappy.

Let me show you
something here.

Yeah. Pappy.

It's Pappy, man.

He's a real sweet old man.

You know, his wife died
a couple of years ago,

you know, so he's
real lonely and whatnot.

Well, a lot of times,

he'll just be lying there
in a-a--

In a puddle
of his own make.

I just kind of cradle him
and stuff. You know?

You couldn't steal from Pappy?

No, I could not, Sambo.

No, I could not.

Thanks.

Oh, PAPPY-

So, I mean--
[ Laughs ]

That's where I'm at right now.

My buddy's still out of town
for another three weeks, right?

And I'm livin'
in this old guy's house.

I'm sniff in' up the fumes
of a fucking fortune...

my goddamn conscience
won't let me touch.

[ Grunts]

God bless Pappy.

Who knows how long that
old fucker's gonna hang on?

And there's $311,000
just sittin' in that safe,

waiting for a man named...

Da Chop.
[ Pops Lips]

[Man On Jukebox]
4' Yeah, baby a'

♪ Hey, babe I'

♪ Let me just say
that Jesus is waiting ♪

Who'd care for another spirit?

[ Grunts ] He's setting us
up. He's not setting us up.

He's got
Lawrence Nightingale Syndrome.

The guy gets 50%
for giving us an address.

Hey, we don't know
Veal Chop.

We don't even know if
his name is Veal Chop.

[ Chuckling ] It's not
his name. It's a nickname.

Like, you know, Meat Loaf. Wait,
you don't see anything morally wrong...

by stealing money
from this old guy?

I'm not trying to upset you,
but your father's a crook.

Why are you grilling me on
the moral angle? You know why.

'Cause you come from a
good family. [ Groans ]

I mean, do you have any idea what your parents
would think if they knew you stooped to this?

My fucking parents
haven't called me...

since we did our act
at my Dad's 60th birthday party.

They think I'm a freak.

We're not thieves,
Eddie, we're singers.

And I like to think of Pappy as a
very generous patron of the arts.

Hey, don't kid yourself.

If we do this thing, we are
thieves. We're not thieves.

This isn't quite as simple
as Mr. Veal Chop described.

Come on, sugar,
open sesame.

I think we should get
outta here. All right.

Give me a second here,
I'm close.

Let me get in there.

It's open.
It's wide open.

Look at that.
It's open.

- It's open?
- Peppy?

Time to make the doughnuts,
gentlemen.

[ Panting ]
Shit!

You're not happy?

What did I say to you? I said,
"Veal Chop is setting us up."

You walked right into this house without too
many any arguments, if I recall correctly.

[ Eddie] I said, "Sam,
Veal Chop is setting us up!"

What the fuck
is your real name, anyway?

It's Veal Chop.

- Listen, Veal Chop, I think I speak
for Eddie here-- - Hey, don't speak for me.

This is-- This is clearly
a misunderstanding,

so I think you should
probably get Pappy out here,

and we can all
just sort this thing out.

We can just walk away.

You know what, Sam?

I'm actually
not gonna let you go.

See, 'cause if I let you go,

my boss'll
get very upset with me.

And when he gets upset,
terrible things start to happen.

[ Panting ]
Who the hell do you work for?

You wanna know
who I work for?

Me.

My name is Bernie Gayle.

You're
Big Fat Bernie Gayle.

Mm-mmm. Really prefer
people not use the "fat" part.

Okay.

The important thing is,

you recognize me.

Well, there's not too many
Jewish gangsters in Providence.

Oh, no.
There are a couple of us.

Look.
I could talk all night...

but I'd really like to get
in a steam bath before dinner,

so here's the thing
with this whole thing.

I think we can all agree
that there's no Pappy...

and, since there's no Pappy,
then this is clearly my home.

Are you not a male nurse?

Sorry, son.

This is my home,
and you broke into it.

And now it's time
for a little payback.

Sir, uh, I'm not tr yin'
to be a dick here,

but what are you--
what are you talking about?

You broke into my house
and tried to steal from me.

- You tried to take what is mine.
- [ Moans]

You tried to make me
look like a fuckin' idiot.

This had nothin' to do
with you.

Do you think you can take
from Big Fat Bernie Gayle?

- Is that what you think? Because you cannot.
- I thought you were Pappy.

You cannot take
from the home...

where my late wife and I
raised the child that I love.

- [ Samuel Whimpering] - You
cannot upset the natural order...

of the way things work...

- by stealin' from me or Pappy or anyone else.
- [ Samuel Moans]

- I work!
- Please, please!

Do you understand that?
I fuckin' work!

Please!
Please, God! Please!

Eh. Not gonna kill ya.

[ Sobbing ]

I said, I'm not gonna kill ya.
Relax. He's not gonna kill you.

I love you, Big Fat Bernie.
I love you. I love you.

Shut up! He said he's
not gonna kill us.

Christ! For somebody in your
field, you act like a fuckin' sissy.

What?

These are
the legendary safe men?

These are the guys, yeah.
Hmm.

- [ Veal Chop Chuckles]
- The what?

You're not gonna
come clean, are you?

Why do you think
we set you up?

Um, 'cause--

Now you have a debt
to pay off.

Is there a better commodity
than two guys...

who can crack any safe
in the city of Providence?

Oh, we're not safe crackers.

Well, you sure could've
fuckin' fooled me.

Cracking into that fine piece of
Finnish finery in the other room.

It was open.

[Sighs]

Thank you, Eddie.

You left the safe open?
It was an accident.

How can I know these guys are
the guys if you left the safe open?

- How am I gonna know that?
- I don't know.

Well, you and I are going to have a
long discussion about responsibility...

after you dispose of these two.

We're the best.

What was that?

It's not our fault that
Veal Chop left the safe open.

We're the best.

Big, they had the duffel
bag, the drinks. They kept--

You guys are the guys?

We're the best.
We're good.

[ Grunts]

To repay your debt to me, I'm
gonna give the two of you one week...

to crack three safes
of my own personal choosing.

And if you don't do this,

then we are going
to find ourselves...

in a very
uncomfortable situation.

Uh, Mr. B-Big F-- Bernard.

I'm gonna suggest that we all
just, like, go out for a late supper--

Maybe a couple of sambucas--

And just forget about
this whole thing.

I'm gonna go take a shit,
then I'm gonna have a shvitz.

Chop, is it too much to ask you to
tell these guys where the first safe is?

[Veal Chop Laughs]

I didn't mean
to leave it open, Big.

I've had it
up to my tits with you.

Maze! tov, gentlemen.
Best of luck.

[ Sniffing ]

[Samuel Whispering ]
What do you think?

Hmm? Hmm?
[ Sniffing ]

It's too pungent.

What is this?
Is this peppermint?

No, that's actually a
really mild mandarin orange.

And your name is?
Sherry.

Sherry, where am I finding
country jams?

Country jams and preserves
are just to your left.

Apricot or raspberry?

Whatever, Sam.

I kinda feel like
everybody does raspberry,

so maybe we should
go with apricot.

Raspberry has a fuller flavor at
this time of year. [Bell Jingles]

[Whispering ]
That's a good point.

All right.
I think we're good.

And you can put this together nicely
with crepe paper and ribbon and stuff?

We're gonna make it
look super special, sir.

Great. So, it's going
to a Bernard Gayle...

at 119 Hope Street,
which is--

Can I talk to you for a
minute? What's goin' on?

This man is in the Mafia, Sam.
Do you understand that?

He's not gonna
let us off the hook...

because we send him a
fucking basket of sundry goods.

He's in the Jewish Mafia.

I'm sure that's much more like a
club than an actual organization.

[ Scoffs ]
Let me explain somethin' here.

You and I are pussies.

We don't have a chance of
cracking one safe, let alone three.

[Whispers ] Which is why-- But
you know who can do stuff like that?

Tough guys-

Guys that Veal Chop thought
we were. [ Clears Throat]

How much?
[ Squeaks ]

[Whispering ]
Sixteen.

[ Samuel ] Which is why
I think we should see...

how he responds to the gift basket
and then play it out from there.

No. You're gonna have to call him
and tell him that we can't do it.

Why can't you just call your fucking
father and ask him for some help?

Don't turn this into a thing
about my father. I'm not.

I just don't see why you can't
call him. Because it's not an option.

Well, I don't feel
comfortable calling Bernie.

So, it's going to a
Bernard Gayle. Call him, Sam.

[Whispering ] Back
off. [Whispers] Don't!

- [Whispers] I'm gonna hit you.
- [ Samuel ] Ow!

So, it's going
to a Bernard Gayle. Okay.

♪♪' [TV Theme]

[Male Voice On TV] Do you wish
further information on Silicon Valley?

[Man] Hell, no. I wanna know
who you are-- [Phone Ringing]

[ Male Voice ] I am the voice
of Knight Industry 2,000's...

microprocessor.

[ Ringing Continues]

Hello. [Samuel] Hi. Who's this?

This is
Big Fat Bernie Gayle Jr.

[ Chuckling ]
Well, hello Little Big Fat.

Can you put Big Fat Bernie
Gayle Sr. on the phone? Okay.

Daddy! Telephone.

[ Shouts ] No shouting
in the house, Bernard.

[ Phone Beeps]
Yeah.

- Hi, Bernie. It's Samuel.
- Who?

- The safe guy from last night.
- What is it? I'm exercising.

Listen.
Eddie and I talked it over,

and we really think that because
of the Pappy technicality...

and, um, scheduling
and everything,

we're gonna kind of pass
on doin' the safe thing.

Samuel, I'm gonna put you
on hold for a minute here.

[Whispering ] I'm on
hold. [Whispering ] Oh.

[ Phone Beeps]
If you don't crack the safes,

I'm gonna come over
to where you live,

I'm gonna saw
both your legs off,

then I'm gonna beat you
over the head with the stumps.

[Samuel Narrating] At this point, I
was frightened like a little infant.

Though Eddie's father was
some kind of master criminal,

he and I were
singer-songwriters.

And our situation had just
taken a turn for the worse.

[ Exhales]

See the skylight?
[ Coughs ]

Hey! Hey- What?

I can't believe you.
What?

What's goin' on back there?
Nothin'. Nothin'.

Why would you wear that
tonight? I'm not wearing it.

Sam, I could feel it
back there.

If you had to deal with
like half of the shit...

that I've been through
in the past year,

you'd strap on
one of these fuckers.

Just like me,
you'd strap it right on.

[ Grunts ]
Let's open the fucking skylight.

I wanna get off now. [Frank
On Phone] Okay. Um, Why?

Because I'm tired...

and I wanna make
some juice...

and we're not
going out anymore?

Okay. I hear that.
I hear that.

Uh, so, then, maybe I should
probably call you back in the morning.

[ Woman ]
You know what?

I don't think
that's a good idea.

Well, what if I still like you
more than just a friend?

Frank, I really don't need
to deal with this anymore.

I'm sure Mitchell would love
to hear about your problems.

I'm wearin' a mustache now.

Wow. That's really great.
It's growin' in pretty well.

Frank, I'm gonna very gently
put down the receiver now.

It's gettin' pretty thick and hairy
and stuff. I'm hanging up the phone.

Really? Okay. 'Cause, um--
Did you get my gift basket?

Yes.
I thought you'd be into, like,

the mustards and the
peppercorn salami and shit.

- It was really nice, Frank.
- Maybe you could use it in your cookin' or--

I'm gonna talk to you some other
time, okay? Say hi to Mitchell.

Okay, or maybe, you know-- Maybe in
the near future we could go on a picnic--

[Dial Tone]
Hello?

I'm getting close.
I can taste it.

I'm chafing like an idiot.
Shh. Be quiet for a second.

[ Grunts]

What are these, polyester?

I got a good price
on a polycotton blend.

Damn. Do you realize
how high these are riding?

They're irregular.
Yes.

I am chafing
like a fucking idiot.

Like grated Parmesan
between my legs. Hey. Hey.

[Samuel Whispering ] Eddie,
you think I don't chafe?

You think I don't
feel the high ride?

I don't know what you feel.
I chafe.

I'm sick,
I'm chafing so much.

Plus, I'm wearing a fake
fucking ass over my ass.

But that's not what I'm thinking
about at this particular moment in time.

Well, I am thinking
about the thigh-high...

chicken Parmesan sandwich
between my legs.

Well, you should be thinking
about-- Maybe I don't--

I can't think about this
stuff-- Well, good God.

Hello.
Hey.

How are you?
I'm pretty good.

I just came down
for a fruit drink.

Okay, then.

Um, you guys are breaking
into my dad's safe.

No.
[ Scoffs ]

This is not-- This is--
This is different.

Well, from over here it kinda looks
like you're tr yin' to crack the safe.

Okay. Here's the thing.

We are cracking the safe--
[ Laughs ]

But it has no personal
connection to you at all.

It's not about you.

No, it's about us and stuff
we're dealing with.

Even though
that's really a relief,

I feel like maybe I should
go wake up my dad.

- Don't do that.
- You don't think I should wake him up?

I think it's beneath you.

You know
what I'm saying?

I feel like--
like you win and we lose,

and there's nothin' more
to say.

Um--

- Hannah.
- Samuel.

Hi. This is Eddie.

- Hi, Eddie.
- Hey.

Uh, there's no way--
[ Chuckles ] No.

- What?
- No. It's ridiculous.

I just had a question.
I was--

- What?
- There's no way that you could just give us...

the combination
to the safe?

I'm not gonna tell you
the combination to the safe.

Uh, I'm sorry. That was
a really stupid question.

- We should go.
- Okay.

Right there?

Oh.

Do you guys want some juice
or something for the road?

We should go. But I'd
love to take a rain check.

I can't.

- You're involved with someone.
- No. I try not to date thieves.

[ Scoffs, Whispers ]
I'm not a thief. We're not--

My dad works with thieves, and
my last boyfriend was a thief.

Is your dad a cop
or something?

- No, he's a fence.
- What's a fence?

You're breaking into my house
and you don't know what a fence is?

They operate
kind of like a ♪-store.

Um, thieves will
bring in, uh,

stolen merchandise,
uh, sell it to a fence,

who in turn sells it back
to, uh, educated consumers...

who know they're
purchasing quality,

albeit hot, products...

at a competitive price.

Okay. Because I thought you
were talking about a-a lence.

That's a little different.
What's a lence?

They're, uh,
woodworking, primarily.

So, what do you do?

My dad's store
is on Wick end on Street.

That's where I work.

Well, so, then you're a
fence too? No, I'm a chef.

I make
homemade hors d'oeuvres...

and I kinda pass 'em around
the store throughout the day.

- That's really cool.
- I enjoy it.

Yeah. So, let me go over
a couple of things here.

Actually, I really kinda
want you guys to go.

Okay. No. Because that--
Okay. Hey. Okay. No. Let's go.

Okay.

Sorry.

[Bernie Yelling]

- You're killing me!
- [ Both Grunting, Yelling]

[ Grunts, Pants]

[ Laughs Nervously]

[ Veal Chop ] Hey, we're
back, Bernie. Gunter.

- [ Speaks German ]
- [ Speaks German ]

[ Laughs ]
Jawohl.

[ Chuckles ]
[Gunter] Was ist los?

[ Veal Chop ] Eh--
[ Speaking German ]

Danke.

He Rolfs me a couple of
times a week. I love it.

- Oh, nice.
- Helps keep the weight down.

Where's the loot?

Uh, here's the thing.

There was this daughter, and she
almost caught us. It was a real fluke.

- They couldn't crack the safe.
- [ Samuel Chuckles] Whoa.

It's not that we couldn't crack the safe,
it's just that we never really got the chance.

- So you didn't crack the safe?
- Nope.

Well, according to the rules
of gangster etiquette,

I could, you know, kill you.

You don't wanna do that.

Oh, no.
I didn't say I would.

I was just thinkin'
out loud here, Edward.

But there is a saving grace.

I know that daughter. Set her
up on a date with Veal Chop once.

I tried to put my tongue in her
mouth. She punched me in the penis.

She's got a thing for bad guys. It's
like forbidden fruit. Turns her on.

- Not Veal Chop actually?
- Fuck off, Eddie.

Point is, she's got a sixth
sense when thieves are around.

Without some kind
of telekinesis,

there's no way that she could've
known that we were in that house.

Eddie and I were tomcats
in there. We were invisible.

I'm gonna let you go
with a stern warning this time,

but if you screw up on the next
two safes, then I'm gonna kill ya.

Let's get these guys outta here.
Bernie Jr. has a Hebrew lesson at 5:00.

Yeah.

My kid is getting bar mitzvahed
on Saturday.

Hey. Hey. Have you
got a suit picked out?

[ Chuckling ] You're not
gonna believe this kid.

He worships his daddy.

Kid insists
on wearing a sweat suit.

Really. Oh.

Eh, we're gonna do a theme
type of thing.

You know, father and son
in matching workout gear.

All Sergio Tacchini.

Wow.
Wow. That's fantastic.

[ Samuel ]
Yeah. Great. Yes.

- Is it nylon?
- Stop kissin' my ass, Samuel.

Chop--
[ Clears Throat]

Do you think you can learn these
two guys where the next safe is?

It's done and "doner."

Why can't you just say fucking
yes when I ask you a question?

[Whispering ]
Sorry.

[ Man ] You are gonna
love this haircut.

Just love it.
Look at this.

Do you guys want some gravlax
on a bed of beef tartar?

[ Man #1 ] This looks
good. [ Man #2 ] Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, that looks terrific.
Ooh, lookin' good.

- T-Tr yin' to rob your house.
You came in.

- Samuel.
- Hannah.

Hey.
Hi.

What are you doin' here?

Um, I thought
you said to come by.

No.

Oh. 'Cause I came by.
[ Chuckles]

Is this your dad's store?
Um, yeah. Sort of.

- You guys can stop pretending.
- That's a good piece of fish, Hannah.

It makes a nice sandwich.

No. Come in.
You should see our place.

Okay.

[ Man Mutters]

Psst. Who's the hippie?
I have no idea.

♪♪' [Woman Singing Aria]
[People Talking, Faint]

Holy shit.

Here, take a gravlax.
Oh, thanks.

[Woman ] Oh, my God! I
think it's real rabbit!

These are fantastic.
Thank you.

They're going over
pretty well.

I've already moved over 80 of
them, and it's not even lunchtime yet.

Oh. That's a--
That's a lot.

That's a good number.

Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]

So, I'm sorry
about the other night.

No. I feel bad. I totally
screwed up you guys' break-in.

Well, on those lines, would you
be interested in casually dating?

Hannah, sweetie.

Do you think we could move some
more of the gravlax before lunch?

- I've got people starving inside.
- Yeah.

I'm kinda in the middle
of something right now, Dad.

This is Sam. Sam, this
is my dad, Good Stuff Leo.

- Is he a crook?
- Honestly, Dad.

Sorry.

Hello, Samuel.
Hi, Good Stuff.

- Hello. I love your store.
- That's very nice.

Feel free to browse when you're
done flirting with my daughter.

Okay. Sweetie, when
you get a minute,

it wouldn't kill you
with the salmon.

Let's go out. Just like
a friend type of thing.

So, tonight?

[ Laughs ]
Whoa.

Tonight? I--
Actually, I can't do it tonight.

- Because you're robbing someplace.
- Please. I'm insulted.

Tomorrow my dad and I are having a bunch
of people over to celebrate Rosh Hashanah.

- What's that?
- It's the Jewish New Year.

I guess it would be sort of
harmless if you came to that.

Okay. Very cool.

Okay.
Bye, Sam.

Good luck
with your next robbery.

Oh, I told you, I'm done--
I-I have a function tonight.

I'm not robbing anymore.

Okay. [ Chuckling ] I'm serious.

I'm an honest man.

Okay-
Okay-

Okay.
All right.

Ooh.

[ Grunts ]
[ Bernie Jr. Reciting Hebrew]

[Veal Chop] Ba-ba-ba
ba-ba-ba. All right.

This is your
Torah portion, B.J.

Now don't be afraid to push
it a little bit. All right?

Listen to me for a sec.

[ Reciting Hebrew]

Join me.

[Together, Reciting Hebrew]

Bring it up
a little higher.

Emphasize the-- [
Hocking ] Go for it.

[Together, Reciting Hebrew]

We got a long way
to go here, Beej.

Oh, oh, oh.

[ Groans ]
Sweet shot!

[ TV: Crowd Cheering]

Whoo!

[ Chuckles ] So you
psyched to become a man?

I don't know. Your mom would
have been real proud of you.

I guess so.

[ Sighs]
Your dad's pumped up.

He's been... a little
on edge and stuff.

[ Chuckles ]
You know, it's weird.

Sometimes I feel like,
you know,

he thinks I'm no good
or whatever, you know?

Okay.

You're a lucky fuck,
Bernie Jr.

You fuck.

All right.
Shit.

That's game.

Good convo, big man.
Oh! Bye, Veal Chop.

[ TV: Male Sportscaster,
indistinct]

[TV.' Whistle BIOWS]

Hey.

What say you call me
by my real name.

All right.

All right. Now, can
you keep a secret?

Yeah.
Yeah?

It's Sasha.

[Bell Ringing]
All right.

Okay. I've got to give
your dad a liniment rubdown.

Adios, tough turf.
Bye, Sasha.

All right.

All right.
Here we go.

Spinning the dial--
What?

Uh, three revolutions.

Spinning, spinning, spinning"

And nothing.

Fuck. Okay. Not a problem.

Going back two spins
to the left and--

Wait a minute.

Wait one good goddamn
second here, Eduardo,

because... it is--

What?

No, it's nothing.
Shit.

[Sighs]

[Whispering ]
They're geniuses.

They're not geniuses. The
raccoon is hands down...

the smartest animal in
the entire animal kingdom.

That's fact. People
acknowledge that shit.

It's not smarter
than a pig.

It's in a different
league than the pig.

I just don't think it
could be smarter than a pig.

[Clicks]

[ Exhales ]
I heard the click.

All right. Okay. All right.
Uh, "First pin being engaged"--

Three more and we're
home free. Okay.

Contact.

You're getting a little bit
excited out here, aren't you?

I'm not getting excited.

It's just...
nice to hear a click.

[Thud 1

This is an animal that's
gonna walk up to your driveway,

know exactly
when you're asleep.

They're nocturnal
by nature.

No, man. This genius
knows when you're asleep.

He knows how
to untie your trash,

how to separate the edible
products from the nonedibles.

He's doing all kind of
work with the recycled shit.

It's the fucking bomb.

I read in Omni last month
that there's a guy in Finland...

who taught his pig
how to speak Finnish.

A pig is a smart
little bastard, Frank.

Nobody's arguing that.

But the raccoon's
a genius.

♪ Who heard
the second click ♪

♪ I heard
the second click ♪

♪ You heard
the second click ♪

[ Together] ♪ We heard
the second click ♪♪'

Come on, Frank.
Don't be shy.

Okay. For me, it'd be Farrah
Fawcett, uh, Jaclyn Smith--

And then who's the one that
replaced Farrah, the first one?

Tanya Roberts. Yeah, that's
my pick. Tanya Roberts.

Given the choice, I'd make
love to Farrah Fawcett first...

and then Kate Jackson, because I
always found her very sexually attractive.

And last? My last angel would
be... the last angel, Shelley--

What the hell was her
last name? Uh, Duvall.

No, that's not right.
Uh--

Shelley.

Shelley.

Okay.
We're done.

Let's go get
a sloe gin fizz.

[ Mitchell ]
Shelley Hack.

What did you say?
What?

Shelley Hack. Don't
call me Shelley Hack.

No, you just called
me Shelley Hack.

I didn't say anything
close to Shelley Hack.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure
that you did.

Jaclyn Smith.

What?
What?

Why did you just call me
Jaclyn Smith?

I didn't just call you
Jaclyn Smith.

Look, get over it, okay? I
didn't call you Shelley Hack.

I heard you say her name
very clearly.

Oh, yeah.
Well, I didn't. Okay?

Kate Jackson.
[ Mouths Words ]

You know, I'm glad that we're
not gonna crack this safe.

Why?

Because that means
somebody's gonna kill you.

Yeah, well, they're
going to kill you too.

Yeah. Well, you give and you
take, Samuel. You give and take.

[ Mouthing Word ]

[ Bernie ]
I'm not fuckin' kiddin' anymore.

I'm gonna kill the both
of you right fuckin' now.

Do you think that I care that
my kid is standing next to me?

I don't give a fucking shit!
It's good for him to see this.

Let him learn a thing
or two about tough love.

- Bernie, please, just give us--
- Shut up, Sam, you ass less fuck.

Please.

[Sighs]

I'm giving you guys two days
to break into the next safe,

and if you don't do that, then I'm gonna
shoot you so hard through the skull...

that your cock is gonna go spinning
around like a fuckin' Skilsaw.

Understood?

No.

What?

I honestly.

Don't get the part
about the saw.

It's a metaphor.

- I don't get that.
- It's a little vague.

It is?

All right.
I'm sorry.

I'll make it clearer
next time.

Just clarify it
a little.

Hmm?

Ow!
[ Grunts, Gasps]

Come on.

Why didn't you kill
those guys, Daddy?

Because, Bernie Jr., those are men
with balls the size of casaba melons.

- I don't follow, Big.
- Open your eyes, Chop. [ Slurping ]

My office guy said they
made off with $67,000 bucks.

[ Bernie Jr. ] How come
they didn't tell you about it?

They are true thieves,
Bernie Jr.

When you crack a tough
safe like they just did,

they're not gonna part
with the goods.

They're too connected
to it.

[ Bernie Chuckles,
Snickers]

- [ Playful Growling]
- Hey, uh, Big,

do I get fitted out
for a sweat suit too?

You see
a third tailor here?

Uh, no. [ Bernie ] Honey,
how do your pants fit?

Well, they're kind of tight
on my tushie.

Hyman,
keep 'em like that.

Let the ladies know
he's a Gayle.

Hey, uh, you gonna
be back in 15 minutes?

Less. I'm gonna give Hannah
a quick hello.

I'm gonna take
a lap around the party,

I'm gonna get a light supper
and then I'm out.

When you, uh, come back, we're
gonna prepare for the next safe.

Yeah. And you're definitely
sure that's the best thing to do?

It is just the only
thing to do, Sam.

These fucking guys
are gonna kill us...

if we come back to them
empty-handed a third time.

Okay. Guys like Bernie
do not play around.

Okay, give me 10 minutes
to say hi to Hannah,

and then I'll come back and
we'll do a little preparation. Fine.

I'll be back in a minute.

I'm gonna wait right here.

[Approaching Footsteps ]
Uh, well, you know--

Got some things
in the works.

Uh, projects, primarily.

I'm just, uh,

you know,
talking to Eddie.

Would you like, uh--
You want a Halls?

You look very nice.
That's a very nice dress.

Hey-
Hey-

Hey.

Thank you.

Come in.
Everybody's out back.

You remember the
house, right? Hey.

You understand, I am in
a kind of a business where...

I'm constantly getting
shipments of merchandise--

Merchandise that I'm not,
uh, in control of, per se,

but merchandise that I'm gonna try
and move off of my shelves nevertheless.

Sam knows what you do
for a living, Dad.

Six days a week I'm moving serious
swag outta my store onto the street,

and I pride myself
on my ability to do this.

The man is good, Samuel.
He's good at what he does.

[ Leo] A year ago, this
shine I used to deal with, uh--

Guy's been down on his luck.
He's working at a pants factory.

He comes to me. He's been
manufacturing slacks, all kinds,

uh, Sansabelts,
Chinos, whatnot.

He swiped a carton
of slacks.

The good stuff, not any of
that, uh, polycotton bullshit.

I say, "Fine."
He says, "There is a catch."

Seems these slacks
had been discontinued.

The material they're made out of
has been found to be flammable.

The pants are flammable?
They were flammable.

So who cares? 'Cause usually
what that means is that, uh,

it didn't pass some government
regulation, something like that.

But you're not really gonna
have a problem with the pants.

So, I buy the carton. I put
the word out on the street.

Good Stuff Leo's got designer
slacks at a major discount.

The buzz is big. All of a sudden a
lady comes in, a regular customer of mine.

She comes in
and she tries on the slacks.

Now this lady has
what you call a...

funny kind of a figure.

- [ Man ] Funny-figured?
- [ Leo ] Yes. She's, uh--

She's funny-figured.
She tries on these slacks.

On her
these slacks look great.

They look great. She
loves 'em. She buys a pair.

Two weeks later she tells me
she's never felt better.

She's wearing those pants
three, four times a week.

I am so moved by her happiness
that I invite her here...

to celebrate Rosh Hashanah
with us just like we're doing now.

Hannah smoked her fish.

I made a couple
of other dishes.

Bob and Harry are there. Cousin
Ira is here, the whole gang.

This lady comes.
Let's call her Joyce.

Joyce comes and she brings a
package of Kobe steaks as a thank you.

She's wearing the pants.
And you know what?

- She looks great.
- She looked really good.

All right. Make fun. Make
all the fun you want, people.

The fact is,
this woman looks terrific.

Those pants, they fit her
like a second skin.

We're having a fantastic party.
The food's good. The company's good.

She's kissing me. She's
hugging me. She's so happy.

"Leo,Leo, let me make
you another steak."

"No," I tell her.
"Joyce, I can't."

But the truth is, that Kobe
steak, it cuts like butter.

I wouldn't mind
another piece of that beef.

So she insists. She goes over
and she fires up the grill.

It's one of those grills, the gas
grills like everybody got now, uh,

with a butane tank
underneath.

She fires up the grill. She turns
to me. She points to the pants.

She gives me, so help me to God, a
thumbs up in appreciation of the pants,

when all of a sudden,
Samuel, I don't know--

There must have been a little
spark or something, because that's it.

- What?
- Poof!

[ Explosion ]
She explodes.

She explodes, Samuel. The woman
goes up in a ball of flames,

and I swear to God,
I think to myself,

I don't know, at that moment,
it's gotta be nothing but...

the pants.

So you ask if I've ever
killed someone.

And the answer is
yes and no, Samuel.

I once sold a woman a pair
of exploding slacks.

Did I know they were gonna
ignfite? Of course not.

But to some people...

it's as bad as if
I pulled the trigger.

Hannah, sweetheart,
when you get a chance,

you'll talk to
your cousin Ira.

He's having
emotional problems.

[Sighs]

[ Man's Voice ] Eddie, if you're
reading this, I'll know you've arrived.

Just remember, the last click
is always in your heart.

Love, Dad.

Mmm. Mmm.

Sam. Hmm? What's up?

Are you wearing
some kind of padding?

No. Maybe just
pretty thick boxers.

Yeah.

Huh. Hey. Why are you wearing
padding around your ass?

I'm not. I'm just--
I just--

Like a really thin layer
of foam. It's nothing.

[ Nervous Laugh ]
I have a--

I have a very small,
uh, butt.

[Clicks Tongue]

My old girlfriend used to
tease and ridicule me about it.

You don't find the size
of it to be--

Do you find the size of it
to be silly?

This may come as a shock to you,
but I think your padded ass is silly.

Your real one is just...

small.

Oh, yeah?

[Man] I' Baby come
back I' I' Oh, darlin' ♪

♪ Any kind of fool
could see ♪

♪ There was something
in everything about you ♪

♪ Baby come back I'
a' Listen, baby ♪

♪ You can blame it
all on me ♪

♪ I was wrong and I just can't live
without you ♪ What are you doing here?

Frank, turn the music off. ♪'
I was wrong and I just can't-- ♪

♪♪ [Clicks off]

That's how I'm feeling,
Hannah.

Please don't
do this right now.

Who's this guy?

This is Sam.
Sam, this is Frank.

- Sweet 'stache, man.
- Thanks, bro.

- You can't be here.
- Are you having sex with this guy?

[Whispering ]
Actually--

All right. I gotta go. I don't
have to feel bad about this, you know.

- We're not together anymore.
- Okay, you're right.

This actually works out
much better for me.

Good yontiff.

It: [ Resumes ]

♪ How I wish to God
that you were here a'

♪ Baby come back I'
a' Oh, baby a'

♪ Any kind of fool
could see it:

[Veal Chop]
What are you doing?

- Reading.
- You should be studying your Torah portion, man.

- I should?
- You know how bad that's gonna look if you screw that up?

No.

You're supposed to be
becoming a man tomorrow.

Now, that's a big deal,
B.J.

You mess up during
that ceremony...

and your dad is going
to have a heart attack.

- He will?
- Definitely, dude.

Hey, is that girl from your
social studies class still coming?

The one that you've been
crushing on? Denise Schneider?

Sweet Denise Schneider.

She still coming?
Yeah.

- You better know that Torah portion cold.
- Okay.

Now, you get to work,
you lazy little baboon!

[ Laughs] I'm just
kidding. All right.

Now, I am gonna check
on you in a few though.

[Clicks Tongue]

Bye, Sasha.

[ Bernie Jr.
Chanting In Hebrew]

[ Kissing ]

Sure you want
to do this?

Let's go.

[ Chanting Continues]

[Chanting Continues]

This guy is sick.

Yeah, his choice
of venueu.

Is definitely...

questionable.

[ Click]
Okay, first click.

Oh.

[ Chanting Resumes ]

It: [ Organ 1

[ Click] Ahh. Second click.

One more, baby.
A little bingo here.

Give me a little bit
of bingo.

Go check 'em out
downstairs. All right.

♪♪' [ Organ Continues]

[ Eddie's Dad ]
Eddie, remember,

the last click is always
in your heart. [Bell Dings ]

♪♪' [ Singing In Hebrew]

[Bernie Jr. ] ♪ Hear, O
Israel ♪ [Lock Clicking]

♪ The Lord our God ♪

♪ The Lord is one ♪

♪♪' [ Continues in Hebrew]

[Clicks]

[Sighs]

[ Congregation Applauding ]

[Sighing]
Oh, boys.

[ Laughing ]
Yes.

Oh, yes!
oh, baby!

[ Shouting ]
Whoo! Ow!

♪♪ [Hip-hop] [Man] ♪ Ow ♪

♪ Shake it ♪

♪ Yeah I'
a' Oh, you lookin' sweet, baby ♪

♪ Yes, indeedy ♪ You're
doing great, sweetheart.

♪ Funky ♪ Shake your
booty there, BA. baby.

Where you goin', Fats? Need a
minute here to deal with these guys.

[Women ] ♪ We was on a dance
floor shakin' our thing ♪

♪ To a funky beat with a go-go
swing ♪♪' Come on, little Bernie.

Victor is helping Bernie Jr.
with some moves...

for his bar mitzvah party
tomorrow night. [ Samuel ] Ah, sweet.

[ Eddie] He looks
good. Ah, he's all right.

- So, I'm really proud of you guys.
- You doubted us.

Chop, what'd I say when they
wouldn't pay me after the second safe?

"Veal Chop, those two guys have
nuts the size of casaba melons.

- They're the best."
- [ Bernie Laughing]

Choppy was worried that
you weren't the guys.

- Hey, I didn't know.
- That's why I am the boss man, Chop Shop.

That is why I am
the boss. All right.

You know, uh,
I gotta tell you, though,

I'm a little upset
with the two of you.

Why? Why?

You withheld a very important
piece of information from me.

- What's that?
- You sing!

- [ Chuckling] - The guy
I buy my kielbasa from,

Janusz, he tells me he booked
you into his lodge about a week ago.

- Yes, we do sing a little.
- Hey, let me cut to the chase.

Like I said, tomorrow night I'm
throwing Bernie Jr. his bar mitzvah party.

I got Victor lined up with the
dancing-- a couple other surprises.

So, I was kinda thinking
here, you know--

He looks up to you guys. Well,
with you being safe men and all.

So, maybe if he knew you were gonna
perform at his bar mitzvah party--

Make him feel
a little more secure.

Sure, man, we'll sing
some songs. Let's do it.

Thanks, guys.
Thank you.

♪ [ Continues ] Oh, oh, oh. I
forgot. Um, there's one last thing.

- Victor!
- ♪ Walk and walk that-- and do that pimp ♪

All right, Victor, enough!
Turn this crap off.

- ♪ Uh, just pimp limp and
pimp limp ♪♪' - Like I said,

Bernard Jr.
became a man yesterday.

To celebrate this occasion, there's a
very special gift I would like to give him.

We can't crack
another safe.

I want you to crack one
more safe. Please, Bernie.

Why? You only cracked one safe.
Yeah, but it was a good safe.

Yeah, but that was only a test of
your abilities. This one is the kahuna.

We'll get you one more safe, but then
we're gonna really have to break the cord.

It's completely understood.
Now, as luck would have it,

the gift for Bernie Jr. resides in the
office safe of a man named Good Stuff Leo.

Uh, all right, look.

Let me tell you something,
you big fat bitch.

- Sam.
- Whoa, let me do this.

I totally understand what your
kid is going through right now.

I was pretty awkward
in middle school as well,

and if you want us to sing at the
party, we'll be happy to perform.

But as far as the safes go--
That's it, okay?

We're the best, Mr. Gayle. We gave
you the goods, and now we're done.

Unlike Mr. Veal Chop here,
we're not your little cabana boys.

What the fuck is that
supposed to-- Chop!

You both are gonna break
into Leo's safe...

and steal a very
special cup for me,

because if you don't, you're both
gonna find yourselves extremely dead.

And this time,
I am not fuckin' shitting.

I'm sorry, okay? I clearly didn't
understand the whole situation.

It's okay.

She does this thing
with white fish...

where she just kind of
lightly smokes it.

It's so, uh--
[ Loud Sigh ]

It's really delicious?
Yeah, it's really delicious.

[Samuel Narrating] Thanks to a
strange and fairly awful twist of fate,

I now found myself caught between
the two Jewish gangsters in Providence.

Though I can't say I looked
forward to telling Hannah...

that someone was gonna kill us
if we didn't rob her dad's safe,

I hoped, naively perhaps,

that she would understand
that my return to crime...

was a situation
beyond my control.

[No Audible Dialogue]
♪ Tell me something good ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Tell me that you love me
Yeah ♪'

♪ Tell me something good ♪

♪ Tell me
that you like it ♪

[Whispering ] Okay, we got a chair.
Sam, we got a chair. Chair, okay.

So, I got something
pretty serious on my mind.

What's up, bro? Thinkin'
about leaving town.

[ Beeps]

[Clicking]

So once I factored in
my desire for warm weather,

I sort of settled
on Key West.

Yeah. Good town,
Frank. Buffett country.

[ Eddie]
Hey, this could be it.

It's that it? That's not a cup. That's
more like a shot glass or something.

[ Eddie] I mean, it's a
cup. Essentially, a cup.

- [ Samuel ] What's that over there?
- That's a cup.

Listen, it's not like
I'm definitely going, man.

I'm just thinking
about it. I know, Frank.

[Samuel Whispering ]
I got it.

Hey, man.

Huh. Pappy? Oh, hi!
Hi! Who the fuck are you?

I know who I am, guy, but what
I don't know is who you are.

F-Frank?

What's up, bro?

This is the guy I told you
about-- Hannah's new boyfriend.

They beat us to the cup.

Okay. What are we
holding here?

You didn't fucking know you
were stealing the Stanley Cup?

No, we knew.

[ Crying 1 She told me she
wasn't dating thieves anymore.

I just--

I guess I always just
assumed we were the best, man.

[ Sobbing ]

Ah! Fuck!

[ Both Shouting,
Wailing ]

Careful, those slacks
are flammable.

[ Exhales, Sniffles]

All right.
Good score, guys.

Great score, man.
Give me some juice. Ow!

" Ow!
- I: 1

Sweet 'stache.
Ow.

Thanks, bro.
Let's go, Mitchell.

Hey! You take good care
of her, all right?

She broke up with me.

- What?
- Yeah. I told her I had to crack into her dad's safe,

and she--
she broke up with me.

Hey, maybe we should,
you know, leave,

and let these guys
have their time, 'cause--

Wait a second.
Wait a second.

[Samuel Narrating] It was at that
moment that I thought of a plan.

Do you guys know
Big Fat Bernie Gayle?

- I went to high school with Sasha.
- Who?

- Veal Chop.
- Bernie's intern.

And for the first time
since I can remember--

Can I ask you to hang out
for a minute?

I had a clear vision
of the right thing to do.

This idea just kinda
ran through my head.

Sure, Sam.

It's '94. The Rangers
win the championship.

They're taking the cup
with them all over town.

Benefits, rallies.
Jamborees.

The works. One night,
it's the goalie,

Mike Richter-- it's
his turn to take the cup.

So, he's at the Palladium
dancing away,

passing the cup around
like crazy.

He goes to take a shit, puts the Stanley
Cup right in front of him in the stall.

Some shine, one of Leo's guys,
happens to be in the city that night,

steals the Stanley Cup from
right between Richter's legs.

[Samuel Chuckling ] So you've set this
entire thing up for us to steal from Leo,

and give the cup
to Bernie Jr.?

[ Chuckles]
Yes, Samuel. Yes.

He's a raccoon, this guy.
He's quick. He's a genius.

Bernie Jr. loves hockey.

The kid is obsessed
with it.

Legend has it that the cup
is sitting in Leo's safe.

So, that's where
you guys came in.

I'm gonna have it put
in a Lucite casing,

present it to Bernie Jr.
after the party...

in a kinda private-like
type of setting.

[Veal Chop] Maybe I could, uh,
help prepare some finger foods.

Mmm. You call
my Lucite guy?

Hey, he's coming the day
after tomorrow. Not to worry.

We got it.
The cup's in the safe.

I love this guy.

He gets upset
because he thinks...

I pay more attention
to Little Big Fat, you know?

Don't you?
Ooh, you big baby.

Yeah, right. I
guess, I guess. Yeah.

Beep, beep! I know you're gonna hate
me, but I really need you outta here.

Guys, be right back. I gotta
deal with the coordinator. [Sighs]

Hey, how's it going?

Hey. You're
good people, Sam.

Come here. Come here. Hey. Yeah.

[Sighs]
Come on, Eddie.

Come on. Try a little
tenderness, huh?

[ Mutters ]

[ Both Grunting,
Laughing ]

Here, take this.

What the shit is this?
It's nothing.

It's just a little present.
A little present... for me.

Hey, Eduardo.
Huh?

Whoa. Man!

Oh, Eddie.
These are nice, man.

Whoa, Big! Hey, look at
the slacks Eddie gave me.

Oh. Wow!
Wow, look at that.

Oh, that's a nice
weave, Eddie. Yeah.

I guess I'm kinda
touched, you know.

Dankeschén, Eddie.
You're welcome.

Come here.
Come here.

There's a lot of love
in this room right now.

[All Laughing]

[All]
Whoa! Hey'

Leflore, “stem to me. [
Leflore ] Wait a minute.

No, no, no. Listen to
me. That was my last job.

No, that was not your last job,
because this is your last job.

I'm hemming now.
And when the time is right,

I'm gonna help you
open that tailor shop.

AH right.
You want 'em dead?

[ Sighs] No,I need
these guys alive.

That's no fun.

I am sensitive to the fact that
it's less enjoyable for you, but, uh,

Hannah was romantically involved
with one of them, so--

[Laughs] Big surprise.
Yeah, right. Big surprise.

Can I break something at least?
Yeah, fine. Break something.

Only, uh, make it something
that you don't use every day.

The coccyx? Coccyx? Can't you
do like a shinbone or something?

All right, collarbone.
There ya go, baby. Collarbone.

You know why I love you.
I'm the best.

That's right. 'Cause
you're the best. Thanks, Leo.

I'll speak to you tomorrow.

[ Beeps]

[Victor] From the floor to
the ceiling, how ya feeling?

From the bris to this,
he can't miss.

From the Wailing Wall to the
social hall to all of y'all,

welcome to Bernie Gayle Jr.'s
big B-mitzvah bash.

Bring it on. [Man] ♪ Bust it ♪

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

♪ Next day's function,
high-class luncheon ♪

♪ Food is served and you're
stone-cold munchin' ♪

♪ Music comes on
People start to dance ♪

♪ But then you ate so much
you nearly split your pants ♪

♪ A girl starts walking
Guys start gawking ♪

♪ Sits down next to you
and starts talking ♪

♪ Says she wanna dance
'cause she likes to groove ♪

♪ So come on, fatso,
and just bust a move ♪

[Woman]
a' Oh, hey, yeah, oh a'

[ Faint] a' Oh, hey,
yeah, oh ♪♪' Hey. What'?

♪♪ [ Continues, Faint]

I was actually thinking about
not going out there tonight, Sam.

Chill out, 'cause
it's about that time...

for the Gayle family
all-stars.

Kicking things off
is the man behind the man,

spreading the Ten Commandments
of love from above.

Nobody laugh
on the baby calf.

Show your love
for Ve-e-eal Cho-a-op!

[ Crowd Cheering,
Whistling ] Come on, baby.

♪♪ [ Disco Intro ]

Frank and Mitchell
asked if I wanted...

to join up with them.

Yeah. Really?

Get together
and do some safes.

♪♪ [ Continues ] [
Woman ] ♪ To be real ♪

♪ What you think, ah? I'

[ Crowd Chanting ] Veal Chop!
Veal Chop! Veal Chop! Veal Chop!

♪ What you feel, now? ♪
Veal Chop! Veal Chop! Veal Chop!

Oh.

You had a really
good plan, Sam.

♪ >A' To be real ♪♪'

You think they'll-- they'll bring
the cup back to Leo? Definitely.

You're telling me that you took
this from Bernie Gayle's house?

Yep. Um-hmm. A-And you're
giving it back to me.

You don't want nothing
in return for it?

Here. Here you go.

- How did you know the cup was at Bernie's?
- I guess, like, intuition?

- Sam told us.
- What?

Nothing. That guy,
Sam? He told us.

Samuel told you to take the cup from
Bernie Gayle... and bring it back to me?

- Yes.
- Oh, shit!

Leflore.
What?

I'm taking the car.

Stand up and wail...

for Big Fat Bernie Gayle!

[ Crowd Cheering ]
it: [Disco Beat]

So, I guess
maybe I'll just take off.

[ Chuckling ]
Okay. Okay-

I may just go
congratulate Bernie Jr.

All right.
Okay.

Hey, do you--
Do you wanna--

[ Both Chuckle] What, you
want a hug or something?

Yeah, it'd be okay.
[ Chuckles ] Okay.

- ♪' Well, those cars never seem to
stop coming ♪' - ♪' Work and work ♪

♪ Keep those rags and machines
humming a' a' Work and work a'

♪ My fingers to the bone ♪'
[ Muttering ]

it: [ Continues, Faint]

I stopped--

[ Chuckles ] I stopped
wearing the ass.

♪ Fill up
and you don't have to pay a'

You're gonna be fine.

All right.

Well, I'll see ya.
Okay. [ Clears Throat]

I'll see ya.

[ Laughs ]
Yep.

[Victor]
And finally--

Can we bring it down,
please?

[Whispering ]
Shh! Come on. Come on.

♪ Yesterday
he became a man ♪

♪ And tonight
he takes the stand ♪

♪ Won't you give him
a ha-ha-hand? ♪♪'

[ Woman ]
It's Bernie.

You the man.
You the man.

You the man.
You the man.

Tonight,
like a phoenix,

he rises through
the arena floor.

Leflore.

- I want you to put the mallet down.
- I can't do that, baby.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I give to you...

the one and only...

Little Big Fat himself,

Bernie Gayle Jr.!

[ Crowd Cheering ]

Leflore, would you please
listen to me?

- This is between me and your dad, Hannah.
- Leflore!

[ Cheering Continues]

[ Shouting ]

You like this guy?

I really like him a lot.

All right, baby.
Thanks.

- B.J., yes!
- [ Cheering Continues]

[ Victor]
And now, baby Bernie,

would you grab
that special someone...

as you take the floor for
your first dance as a man.

Hey.
Hey!

[Victor] Ladies and gentlemen,
would you please help me-- Hey!

Welcome the honorable
Mr. Bernard Gayle ll.

Come on, Little Bernie.
Did you get the--

♪♪' [Pop Ballad]

[ Man ] 4' I'm lying alone
with my head on the phone ♪

♪ Thinking of you
till it hurts ♪

♪ I know you hurt too
but what else can we do? ♪

♪ Tormented and torn apart ♪

I'm not really a good dancer.
♪ I wish I could carry ♪

♪ Your smile in my heart ♪

♪ For times when my life
seems so low ♪

♪ It would make me believe
what tomorrow could bring ♪

[Samuel Narrating] As Hannah
and I swayed on the dance floor,

I thought about
the last seven days.

About Little Big Fat--
a' I'm all out of love a'

who had recently become a man.
♪ I'm so lost without you ♪♪

And Veal Chop,

who, though he might suffer a
minor explosion in the next few weeks,

seemed so touched by his role
in this Gayle family celebration.

And Bernie, the fat man, who had gotten
us into this situation to steal a cup...

that had since been returned
to its rightful owner.

And though I could no longer
speak for Eddie,

who had gone off
to fulfill his destiny,

of all things, I think that
right then and there,

for the first time
in a long time,

I actually felt safe.

♪♪[ Disco Intro ]

♪ Shake it, shake it ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now
Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Let's show the world
we can dance ♪

♪ Bad enough
to strut our stuff ♪

♪ The music gives us a chance ♪

♪ We do more out on the floor ♪

♪ Groovin' loose
or heart to heart ♪

♪ We put in motion
every single part ♪

♪ Funky sounds wall to wall ♪

♪ We're bumpin' booties
Havin' us a ball, y'all ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪♪ [ Instrumental]

♪ We got the rhythm tonight ♪

♪ AH the rest know
we're the best ♪

♪ Our shadows crash
in the light ♪

♪ Twistin', turnin'
We keep burning ♪

♪ Shake it high
or shake it low ♪

♪ We take our bodies
where they wanna go ♪

♪ Feel that beat
Never stop ♪

♪ Oh, hold me tight
Spin me like a top ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ There's nothing more
that I'd like to do ♪

♪ Than take the floor
and dance with you ♪

♪ Keep dancin' ♪

♪ Let's keep dancin' ♪

♪ Shake it, shake it ♪

♪ Shake it,
shake it ♪

♪ Groovin' loose
or heart to heart ♪

♪ We put in motion
every single part ♪

♪ Funky sounds wall to wall ♪

♪ We're bumpin' booties
Havin' us a ball, y'all ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Shake it
Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Shake it
Shake it ♪

♪ Shake it ♪

♪ Doo, doo-doo, wow ♪

♪ Shake it ♪

♪ Doo, doo-doo, wow ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Shake your
groove thing ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Let's get on down ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪'

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Shake it, shake it ♪

♪ Shake it, shake it♪
♪ A bumpin' booty now ♪

♪ Shake it, shake it ♪

♪ Shake it, shake it ♪
♪A little freaky now ♪

♪ Shake it, shake it ♪

♪ A-shake it, shake it
A-shake it, shake it ♪

♪ A-do it to it, y'all ♪'

[Urinal Flushing]

Hey, how are ya?