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1
00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:04,503
And so the delicate
Balance of the ecology
2
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,672
Is about to be upset again,
3
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,908
And that which have
Always taken for granted
4
00:00:09,976 --> 00:00:12,143
May no longer be.
5
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:16,148
I refer, of course,
To the lowly rutabaga.
6
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:20,185
Experts predict that
Within this century,
7
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,887
The rutabaga will disappear
From the national diet.
8
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:24,789
- no.
- and why, you ask?
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,758
Why?
10
00:00:26,826 --> 00:00:28,860
Consumer disinterest, apathy,
11
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:31,541
And in some cases, believe
It or not, open contempt.
12
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,165
No!
13
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,845
- how have we arrived
At this pretty pass?
- tell us, lester!
14
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:39,471
Listen all this week for my five-part,
Gloves-off, no-holds-barred commentary:
15
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,140
"Rutabaga, the
Vanishing vegetable."
16
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:45,109
Say hallelujah,
Brother! I believe!
17
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:46,911
Hallelujah!
18
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,414
Now the johnny
Fever radio broadcast.
19
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,616
Amen, and thank
You, lester nessman,
20
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,985
Patron saint of the
Perpetually strange
21
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,120
♪♪- here on wkrp.
22
00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,234
Now that you've got all
Us vegetable worshippers
23
00:00:58,258 --> 00:00:59,902
Whipped into a frenzy,
24
00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:02,126
Let's take a little
Ride, shall we?
25
00:01:03,963 --> 00:01:06,498
This one goes out to
A special little tomato
26
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,500
That's dear to
The doctor's heart.
27
00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:13,049
Les, you're supposed
To clear these little
28
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,507
Surprise documentaries
With me first, remember.
29
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,843
Then they wouldn't be
Surprises, would they?
30
00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:20,946
He's really on to
Something this time, travis.
31
00:01:21,015 --> 00:01:24,082
Do you know they are
Clubbing baby rutabagas
32
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:25,884
For their skins?
33
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,455
- this is serious, john.
- that's debatable, les.
34
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:34,259
Les, your stories always
Seem to have kind of a.. A...
35
00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:36,305
- how should I put this?
- barnyard aroma?
36
00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:40,298
Yeah. You never seem to
Do any people stories, les.
37
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:43,068
- like what?
- like this.
38
00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:46,049
- what's this?
- the number for the north side
Children's clinic.
39
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:48,313
They've got some sort of
Money crisis down there.
40
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:51,976
- well, so what?
- well, so I want you
To do a story on that.
41
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:55,647
Oh, give me a break.
42
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:58,249
Les, it's a chance to
Do something nice.
43
00:01:58,318 --> 00:01:59,896
It'll keep us looking good
During the rating period,
44
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,654
And it'll make a poor
Little old lady very happy.
45
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:07,025
This is a pet project
Of mother carlson.
46
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,071
- andy...
- lester, I know
It's hard to believe
47
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:11,863
She's more interested in
Sick kids than rutabagas,
48
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:14,433
But it is her station,
So let's make her happy.
49
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:17,836
Who knows? Maybe she'll put
Some walls up for your office.
50
00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:20,639
I'll find a way to work it in.
51
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:23,575
What a guy. John, play the hits.
52
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:28,446
You know, I like to
Eat those things raw
53
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:31,282
With a little salt.
54
00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:35,386
♪ baby, if you've
Ever wondered ♪
55
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:39,457
♪ wondered whatever
Became of me ♪
56
00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:43,995
♪ I'm livin' on the
Air in cincinnati ♪
57
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:48,566
♪ cincinnati, wkrp ♪
58
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:52,670
♪ got kind of tired of
Packin' and unpackin' ♪
59
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:56,975
♪ town to town, up
And down the dial ♪
60
00:02:57,043 --> 00:03:01,079
♪ maybe you and me
Were never meant to be ♪
61
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:04,916
♪ just maybe think
Of me once in a while ♪
62
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:10,955
♪ I'm at wkrp in cincinnati ♪
63
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,395
Puzzle...
64
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:20,198
Oh, venus, would you
Help me with this, please?
65
00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:23,045
- what is it? It's my
Convention kit - checklist.
66
00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:24,969
Here, just read that off.
67
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:29,118
- "Joy buzzer"?
- right.
68
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:31,243
Joy buzzer.
69
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:33,378
- "Tie that lights up"?
- gotcha.
70
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,813
Tie that lights up. Huh?
71
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,350
- "Duck call."
- duck call.
72
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:39,595
- duck call?
- duck call.
73
00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:45,056
- "Whoopie cushion"?
- whoopie cushion.
74
00:03:45,124 --> 00:03:47,492
Where is the whoopie cushion?
75
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,494
Uh-oh.
76
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,107
Well, you've still got enough time to
Pick up one on the way to the bus station.
77
00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:54,499
Right. I need a ride.
78
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,402
Okay. I'll tell jennifer
To call you a cab.
79
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,139
Thanks.
80
00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:04,275
Oh.
81
00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:09,781
There you are, you little devil.
82
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:14,452
Well, "Au reservoir," nessman.
83
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,166
Oh, bye, herb.
84
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:23,840
I'll tell you what. I'll be thinking
Of you poor working stiffs
85
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,675
While I'm whooping
It up in akron, okay?
86
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:30,401
What a sap.
87
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,971
I think whooping is
Against the law in akron.
88
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,508
That was a joke.
89
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:41,046
Is something wrong, les?
90
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,615
I'm working on something
Really important now.
91
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,428
It's going to be this year's
Entry for the buckeye
92
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,752
News hawk awards competition.
93
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:51,089
And andy wants me on some
Depressing hospital story.
94
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,357
Oh, I'll do it.
95
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:54,426
You're not ready
For field reporting.
96
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:57,495
Who's not ready?
97
00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:59,998
I just meant it's a...
98
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,844
Pretty dull story, that's all.
99
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:04,235
There are no dull stories,
100
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,370
Only dull reporters.
101
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,909
Well, that's true.
102
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,945
Um, tell you what, bailey.
103
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,481
Why don't you write
Something up, and, uh,
104
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:18,216
I'll look it over.
105
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:20,952
If it's good enough, maybe
I'll let you do it on the air.
106
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,355
"Good enough"?
107
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:27,191
This'll be the best darned
Story you ever saw.
108
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,694
We'll see.
109
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,541
Thank you, les.
You won't be sorry.
110
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,931
Just wait till you read
It. You are gonna love it.
111
00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:40,939
Now to save the rutabaga.
112
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,541
I don't care.
113
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:46,410
At those prices, I could buy the
Laundromat across the street
114
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,813
And wash them myself!
115
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,316
- hello.
- hi.
116
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:54,186
I came at a bad time, didn't I?
117
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,788
Sure. But there's never a
Good time around here anyway.
118
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,757
Are you miss nichols?
119
00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,658
Quarters, bailey.
120
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,763
Perkins, edna.
121
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:08,199
On behalf of the station,
I would like to send a...
122
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,069
- sit down.
- yes, ma'am.
123
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,908
Well, it must be rating time.
124
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:20,023
- I beg your pardon?
- well, isn't that when
You radio and tv people
125
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,425
Crawl out of the woodwork and
Get interested in the community?
126
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:24,783
Would I be rude in pointing out
127
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:27,018
That that's just the
Teeniest bit cynical?
128
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:30,021
No, no. Cynicism kind of
Goes with the territory.
129
00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:31,901
Edna, accounting's
On line two for you.
130
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,603
Tell him I'll call
Him right back.
131
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,267
So, why are you here?
132
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:38,341
I would like to find out everything
I can about your operation.
133
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:40,198
- you would?
- yes.
134
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,001
Then I will be able to write my
Story and solve your problem.
135
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:50,475
We have 12 wards full of
Sick and damaged children,
136
00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:53,578
And barely enough
Money to care for them.
137
00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:55,447
There's your story.
138
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:57,515
Go solve our problem.
139
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:03,188
- contributions are down?
- mm-hmm.
140
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:06,892
But I thought people always
Gave money to crippled children.
141
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,160
Oh, well, they did.
142
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,363
But now they waste
It on frivolous stuff
143
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,298
Like food and clothes, rent...
144
00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:15,667
- more goodies, edna.
- uh-huh. Thanks so much.
145
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:18,670
- it's tough all over, you know?
- yes, I know.
146
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:22,040
But I think my story will make
More people aware of the problem...
147
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,910
Excuse me, but there's
Nothing your station can do
148
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,022
That's gonna bring the
Kind of money that we need.
149
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:28,691
I don't see why you can't...
150
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:31,016
We need a research lab.
151
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,785
We need hundreds of thousands
Of dollars in equipment.
152
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,822
We need somebody
To answer the phone!
153
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,692
We need to be able to
Do the kind of work here
154
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,772
That's really gonna help these kids
And not just put band-aids on them.
155
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:46,998
Yes. But a story on the
Radio can really help.
156
00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:50,602
Excuse me, but we have had
Umpteen stories written about us.
157
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:52,971
Do you think one more will hurt?
158
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:54,984
No. I just don't
Believe it will help.
159
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,909
- well, I do.
- you do, do you?
160
00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:01,579
- yes.
- because if it won't,
I really don't have time.
161
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,250
Trust me.
162
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,855
Oh, what the hell. Come
On. I'll show you around.
163
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,590
Hold my calls.
164
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,025
Have you ever been to a
Children's hospital before?
165
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:16,961
- hmm-mm.
- mm.
166
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,575
Bailey, how about lunch?
167
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,977
- hmm?
- you know, lunch.
168
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:35,946
It's that light meal
People eat around noon.
169
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:39,049
- how about it?
- how about what?
170
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:41,386
Maybe I'll go see
What andy's doing.
171
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:46,224
Jennifer, have you had lunch?
172
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,026
No.
173
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,962
Well, how about it?
174
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,331
I need more time with
This story anyway.
175
00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:55,433
Good idea.
176
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:58,002
Jennifer, I went to north
Side children's clinic today,
177
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,504
And you will not
Believe what I saw.
178
00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,051
- good morning.
- hi.
179
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,908
I took a tour of the ward...
180
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,758
Les: in 1927. And finally,
181
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,094
there's the story
Of floyd lattimore
182
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:29,200
of "Terry hou-tee,"
Indiana, who, in 1939,
183
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,369
grew a rutabaga that
Looked exactly like
184
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:34,205
franklin delano roosevelt.
185
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:37,408
in my 4:00 p.M. Report, I'll
Examine the root causes...
186
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:54,526
Rutabaga?
187
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,193
Hello, andy.
188
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:58,541
I thought we agreed not to
Mention vegetables on your newscast
189
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,342
Until after you did
The hospital story.
190
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,512
- as a matter of fact...
- I told you this was
Important to mother carlson.
191
00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:04,313
That makes it
Important to me, les.
192
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,604
So you will not mention
Rutabagas on this station
193
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:08,718
Till after you've done
The other story, got it?
194
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,686
But I promised my
Fans that at 4:00...
195
00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:14,378
All right, all right. Hospital
At 2:00, rutabagas at 4:00. Deal?
196
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,882
- well...
- a nice set of walls sure
Would look good in here, les.
197
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:20,985
Deal.
198
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,320
Thank you.
199
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,055
Andy...
200
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:41,605
Ooh!
201
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,455
Les: my tour of the
Wards was something
202
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,512
I'll not soon forget.
203
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,048
everywhere I looked
Were young faces
204
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,350
filled with promise
205
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,886
that will not be realized,
206
00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:58,189
dreams that will
Never come true.
207
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,960
But the event that summed up
The experience for this reporter
208
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:05,730
Came as I was about to leave.
209
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:08,733
I felt a tug on my skirt...
210
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:20,711
At-at my shirt and looked down
211
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,682
Into the face of a
Little boy named bobby.
212
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:28,720
he's ten years old
And unable to speak,
213
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,722
but he reached up,
214
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:34,225
and he handed me a
Picture he had drawn...
215
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:37,262
a crude rendering of a flower.
216
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:40,030
Oh, jennifer, that
Was sensational.
217
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:43,100
Lithuanian food always is.
Would you turn him down for me?
218
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:46,437
- sure.
- for in thisprimitive drawing,
219
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:49,807
bobby had managed to convey
A sense of the true beauty
220
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,276
that dwells within his soul.
221
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,379
Oh, my god.
222
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:58,149
Speaking as someone who
Someday hopes to bear children...
223
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:08,827
To bear children
On my shoulders...
224
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:13,297
Men do that, you know...
225
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:16,067
I would like to say that
226
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:18,770
I'll never forget little bobby,
227
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:25,409
And I'll cherish
His flower always.
228
00:12:25,479 --> 00:12:28,046
This is les nessman reporting.
229
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:31,983
- you mean,
Les stole your story?
- word for word.
230
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:35,230
Well, I'm going back there right now
And tell him exactly what I think of that.
231
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:38,756
- no. Don't do that.
- you're right. You should do that. Boy!
232
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:42,104
I'm not gonna tell him. And, jennifer,
I wish you wouldn't say anything.
233
00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:44,429
Bailey, you have to
Stand up for what's yours!
234
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,097
The story's a fake.
235
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,166
What?
236
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:52,302
I made it up.
There's no picture,
237
00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:56,474
No flower, and no... Bobby.
238
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:57,542
Right.
239
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,444
Oh, bailey,
240
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,679
We could lose our
License over this.
241
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,082
I know.
242
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:10,555
Nessman? He did?
243
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,890
I mean, I know he did.
244
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,603
I knew all about that.
245
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,862
Matter of fact, I was kind of
Behind the whole thing myself.
246
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,298
Y-you do? Oh, sure.
247
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,367
Anything you want...
248
00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:25,870
Hello?
249
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,809
Bye, mom.
250
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:34,245
She wants me to
Give les a raise.
251
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,880
Excuse me.
252
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:37,960
I just got off the phone
With several contractors.
253
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,695
Here are three competitive bids.
254
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:42,587
- for what?
- walls, of course.
255
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,324
- walls?
- well,
256
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:49,271
Andy promised them to me in
Exchange for that hospital piece I did.
257
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:51,362
Look, I don't know
About walls, les,
258
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,598
But I do know that
You're going to be earning
259
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,600
An extra $25 a week,
Effective right now.
260
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,302
Okay.
261
00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:05,743
You know, I think walls
For him would be a good idea.
262
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:08,379
Big, padded ones
About that thick.
263
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:13,444
The cincinnati
Enquirer just called.
264
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:17,021
They want to run
Bai... Our hospital story
265
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,290
In tomorrow morning's
Feature section.
266
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,760
Verbatim?
267
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:26,397
All except the part
About les bearing children.
268
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,499
Hot dog, we're finally gonna get
269
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:30,012
This thing on the
Map in this town.
270
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,436
Did you tell les?
271
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:34,038
No, I thought I'd
Better tell you first.
272
00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:37,085
This could be just the public service
Campaign thing we need to tie into.
273
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:38,921
- this could be
Very, very big.
- oh, yeah, yeah.
274
00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:41,212
- or not.
- well, why not?
275
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,616
Well, we might just be
Exploiting that little boy.
276
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,484
- oh, no.
- oh, heck, no.
277
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,163
- best thing that
Ever happened to him.
- oh, yeah.
278
00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:50,299
We get him up here and
Take some pictures of him...
279
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:53,535
- right under the call letters.
- heck, we can probably even
Take him out to lunch.
280
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:56,127
I have something to tell you.
281
00:14:56,195 --> 00:15:00,197
However, I promised
That I wouldn't,
282
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,667
So I guess I shouldn't,
Even though I should.
283
00:15:06,672 --> 00:15:09,006
Did you understand that?
284
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,674
Perfectly.
285
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,912
What's this about
Les having babies?
286
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:21,297
That was a rotten thing to
Do, les. That was my story.
287
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:22,964
I never said you
Could do it on the air.
288
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:25,148
Yes, you did, if it was
Good enough, remember?
289
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:27,291
Well... It needed work.
290
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,761
Hogwash. You didn't
Change a comma.
291
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,796
Boy, you guys.
292
00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:33,905
Have we got some
Good news for you, les.
293
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,911
Your story about little
Bobby is gonna appear
294
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,002
In tomorrow's
cincinnati enquirer.
295
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:40,271
And it's gonna read,
"By les nessman,
296
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:42,473
News director, wkrp radio." huh?
297
00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:45,677
- oh, my gosh!
- isn't that terrific, bailey?
298
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:48,079
Congratulations, les.
299
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,750
You know, bailey helped me
With some of the basic research.
300
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,938
Perhaps I should share
The byline with her.
301
00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:57,300
- that's very nice
Of you, lester.
- oh, no, no, no, no.
302
00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,324
That's okay. I didn't
Do all that much.
303
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,136
- of course you did.
- no, I didn't.
304
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:01,893
- did.
- didn't.
305
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,138
- did.
- did not.
306
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:05,196
Both of you, play
Nice, now, kids.
307
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:07,642
I've got to call mom back, let
Her know what's happening here.
308
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:09,667
- oh, boy!
- you know, bailey,
309
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:13,137
If you did have something to do with
This, you should take part of the credit.
310
00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:14,805
Yeah.
311
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,609
What's wrong with her?
312
00:16:18,677 --> 00:16:22,547
Perhaps she's not
Ready for the limelight.
313
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:24,026
I'll talk with her about it.
314
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:25,627
No, no, no, no.
That's all right.
315
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:28,011
I'm the news director. I know
How to handle my reporters.
316
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:31,823
Then you do it, les. And once
Again, thanks a lot. Hey, super job.
317
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,891
Believe me, andy,
It was nothing.
318
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,654
- bailey...
- you shouldn't have
Done it, les.
319
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,446
It's just that travis had
Me up against the wall.
320
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,226
When someone mentions walls,
321
00:16:57,250 --> 00:17:00,184
I guess I go a little crazy.
322
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:02,953
I mean, you really
Shouldn't have done it, les.
323
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,022
I've never done it before,
324
00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:07,425
And I promise I'll
Never do it again.
325
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:10,261
But now the
Newspaper's involved.
326
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:12,841
Do you know how long I've been
Trying to get something into print?
327
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,709
Oh, you can't let them
Run that story, les.
328
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:17,133
Look, I'll tell andy the truth
As soon as the story runs.
329
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,348
But you don't know the
Truth. Do you want to hear it?
330
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:23,040
No. What I really want
Is bobby's flower picture.
331
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:25,086
- what?
- that picture
He drew for you.
332
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:27,088
It would make a great
Companion piece for the article.
333
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:29,079
Well, you can't have it, les.
334
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:31,682
I said I'd share the
Byline with you, and I will.
335
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:32,731
I don't have it.
336
00:17:32,755 --> 00:17:35,319
Okay, what do you
Want? The sky's the limit.
337
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:38,789
- nothing.
- I'll give you $10.
338
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,261
- les...
- $13.50.
339
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:47,231
Les, the story is a lie.
340
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,771
Kidding.
341
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,840
This is kidding.
342
00:17:58,044 --> 00:17:59,721
Darn it all, I never know
343
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,745
When you people
Are trying to kid me.
344
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,418
This isn't kidding?
345
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,255
Oh, my.
346
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:14,191
- oh, my.
- oh, my, my, my, my.
347
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,861
Well, I was gonna rewrite it.
348
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,097
- I think.
- you think?
349
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,199
Well, I'm pretty
Sure I would've,
350
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,067
If he hadn't stolen it.
351
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:25,135
Objection.
352
00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,772
One does not steal
What is on one's desk.
353
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,441
- les...
- did you or did you not
354
00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:34,045
Knowingly commit
Falsehoods to paper?
355
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,147
- I did.
- there you have it.
356
00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:39,584
The journalistic integrity of my
News department has been compromised.
357
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,530
While we're on the subject
Of journalistic integrity,
358
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,988
I want you to go to your
Desk, get out your dictionary,
359
00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:46,357
And look up the
Word "Plagiarism."
360
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:47,859
All right.
361
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,571
And as for you, young lady,
362
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:05,409
Do you have any idea
How serious this is?
363
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,511
How serious is it, travis?
364
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,515
I think it can be
Straightened out
365
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,962
If you'll just give bailey and
Myself a few moments alone.
366
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,854
All right. Just make it quick.
367
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,991
Sir, in here.
368
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,169
I'll be, uh,
369
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:34,672
Right outside, you
Know, if you need me.
370
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,978
Excepting for the
Moment the idea
371
00:19:41,046 --> 00:19:43,881
That you think you wouldn't
Have run that story...
372
00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:46,595
- that is the truth.
- then why did you even
Write it that way?
373
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,463
Because I didn't
Know any other way.
374
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:49,899
There must've been a
Dozen ways to write it.
375
00:19:49,923 --> 00:19:51,763
Why didn't you use a real kid?
376
00:19:55,294 --> 00:19:57,928
I went down there
Expecting to see little kids
377
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,698
With high temperatures
And casts on their arms.
378
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:02,200
And?
379
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:05,002
I saw a four-year-old
Burn victim.
380
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:08,105
I saw a six-year-old
Girl with leukemia.
381
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:11,275
I saw a little boy who was
Allergic to his own skin.
382
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:13,722
- oh, bailey...
- I couldn't
Pick out just one,
383
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,724
And I couldn't begin
To describe them all,
384
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:19,450
So I just put them
All into... Bobby.
385
00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:21,118
I see.
386
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:24,021
The only thing I really made up
Was that stupid flower picture.
387
00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:26,049
It was a nice touch,
Though, bailey.
388
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:31,329
"Plagiarism.
389
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,231
"An act or instance
Of plagiarizing.
390
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,300
Something plagiarized."
391
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,574
So,
392
00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:45,821
Do you want my two weeks'
Notice, or do I leave now?
393
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,455
What the hell are
You talking about?
394
00:20:47,479 --> 00:20:50,381
It seems to me that this came
Up at the washington post.
395
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:54,017
Oh, yeah. A woman made up a story
About an eight-year-old junkie.
396
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,987
Right. And I believe the
Woman was fired for it.
397
00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:59,056
- yes.
- they had to fire her.
398
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:00,903
Journalistic integrity.
399
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,871
- you don't understand.
- bailey... Bailey!
400
00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:06,196
Bailey, sit down over
Here a second, will you?
401
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,148
I don't know how
To break this to you,
402
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:15,083
But this is not the
Washington post.
403
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:17,686
- so?
- so there's washington post
Integrity,
404
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:20,978
- there's wkrp integrity.
- I don't see the difference.
405
00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:24,214
The difference is, we have our
Own brand of the stuff around here.
406
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:27,362
This is the station that has employed
Herb tarlek for the last 16 years.
407
00:21:27,386 --> 00:21:31,154
Don't talk to me
About integrity.
408
00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:33,423
But I want our news to
Have real weight to it.
409
00:21:33,492 --> 00:21:37,260
Well, so do I, but we have captain
Rutabaga here for a news director.
410
00:21:37,329 --> 00:21:39,140
- let's not go off
The deep end, bailey.
- but...
411
00:21:39,164 --> 00:21:40,898
You screwed up.
412
00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:44,802
And around here,
That makes you normal.
413
00:21:49,274 --> 00:21:51,976
So what do we do
About the license?
414
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:53,777
We keep our mouths shut,
415
00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:56,446
And we never mentioned it again.
416
00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:58,749
- and the newspaper?
- I'll take care of that.
417
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:01,986
Are you sure you
Want to do this?
418
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:04,688
- absolutely.
- okay.
419
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,590
- bailey?
- hmm?
420
00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:08,425
You ever do that again,
421
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:10,839
You'll be the best-looking
Reporter on the unemployment line.
422
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:12,463
Right.
423
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:16,867
"Best-looking"?
424
00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:22,017
Travis, what did
You do to nessman?
425
00:22:22,041 --> 00:22:23,774
Huh? Nothing. Why?
426
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:25,653
He came in this
Morning, he said he was
427
00:22:25,677 --> 00:22:27,812
Through with vegetable
Stories forever.
428
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,413
Oh, fantastic.
429
00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:33,551
The blood of the rutabaga's
On your hands, pal.
430
00:22:33,619 --> 00:22:36,687
- good morning.
- oh, bailey, did you see it?
431
00:22:36,755 --> 00:22:38,922
- see what?
- your byline.
432
00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:40,969
I thought you said
You took care of it.
433
00:22:40,993 --> 00:22:44,094
I did. I wrote that little
Prologue right there.
434
00:22:45,565 --> 00:22:49,700
"The following article by
Wkrp reporter bailey quarters
435
00:22:49,768 --> 00:22:51,880
"Describes her thoughts
And feelings after touring
436
00:22:51,904 --> 00:22:54,071
"North side children's clinic.
437
00:22:54,139 --> 00:22:56,307
"The character of bobby
Is actually a composite
438
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:59,042
Of all the children miss
Quarters met that day."
439
00:22:59,111 --> 00:23:01,022
- and they still
Wanted to run it?
- yep.
440
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:02,446
Ooh.
441
00:23:02,514 --> 00:23:04,915
- bailey.
- edna.
442
00:23:04,984 --> 00:23:07,418
Everybody, this is edna
Perkins from north side.
443
00:23:07,486 --> 00:23:09,264
- nice to meet you.
- hi. Hi.
444
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:12,066
I just wanted to thank you
For the story. We loved it.
445
00:23:12,090 --> 00:23:15,760
Oh. Well, I'm sorry about
That part about the flower.
446
00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:18,195
"Sorry"? That flower picture
447
00:23:18,264 --> 00:23:20,965
Was worth six thou in
Contributions this morning.
448
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:24,235
- well, I didn't even get one.
- no.
449
00:23:24,303 --> 00:23:27,137
You got about 87
Of 'em right here.
450
00:23:27,206 --> 00:23:29,172
Yeah, I taped the
Show when it ran,
451
00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:31,609
And then I visited the wards
And played it for the kids,
452
00:23:31,677 --> 00:23:33,597
So they wanted to
Do these for you.
453
00:23:33,645 --> 00:23:35,879
- oh, that's terrific!
- oh, uh,
454
00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:38,615
They also sent some
For the funny man
455
00:23:38,684 --> 00:23:41,351
Who read your story.
456
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,220
That would be les.
457
00:23:43,288 --> 00:23:46,724
Speaking of les, does anyone have
Any idea how he's taking the article?
458
00:23:46,792 --> 00:23:49,927
I'll bet he's suicidal.
459
00:23:49,996 --> 00:23:51,461
Not really.
460
00:23:51,530 --> 00:23:53,175
When he came in the
Booth a few minutes ago,
461
00:23:53,199 --> 00:23:55,832
He said we should watch
For his byline tomorrow.
462
00:23:58,704 --> 00:24:01,449
Les: it's difficult to
Describe the feelings
463
00:24:01,473 --> 00:24:03,406
this reporter had as he walked
464
00:24:03,475 --> 00:24:05,976
through the pens,
465
00:24:06,045 --> 00:24:09,813
but I felt a tug on my pant leg,
466
00:24:09,882 --> 00:24:12,415
and I looked down into the face
467
00:24:12,484 --> 00:24:17,054
of harold, a little
Razorback hog,
468
00:24:18,657 --> 00:24:21,158
blind since birth!
35925
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