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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Subtitles : RaceMan
www.forom.com
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♪ Love and marriage ♪
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00:00:18,467 --> 00:00:20,934
♪ Love and marriage ♪
4
00:00:20,934 --> 00:00:22,734
♪ Go together like ♪
5
00:00:22,734 --> 00:00:25,200
♪ A horse and carriage ♪
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00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:29,200
♪ This I tell ya, brother ♪
7
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,133
♪ You can't have one ♪
8
00:00:31,133 --> 00:00:34,033
♪ Without the other ♪
9
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,334
♪ Love and marriage ♪
10
00:00:36,334 --> 00:00:38,934
♪ Love and marriage ♪
11
00:00:38,934 --> 00:00:40,334
♪ It's an institute ♪
12
00:00:40,334 --> 00:00:42,734
♪ You can't disparage ♪
13
00:00:42,734 --> 00:00:46,501
♪ Ask the local gentry ♪
14
00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:51,067
♪ And they will say
It's elementary ♪
15
00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:55,868
♪ Try, try, try
To separate them ♪
16
00:00:55,868 --> 00:00:59,567
♪ It's an illusion ♪
17
00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:04,701
♪ Try, try, try
And you will only come ♪
18
00:01:04,701 --> 00:01:08,133
♪ To this conclusion ♪
19
00:01:08,133 --> 00:01:10,234
♪ Love and marriage ♪♪
20
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,000
Al, I'm doing
the lottery.
21
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,501
I need a number.
22
00:01:21,501 --> 00:01:22,501
Twenty-three.
23
00:01:22,501 --> 00:01:24,033
I don't like 23.
24
00:01:24,033 --> 00:01:27,033
Why? It was
your waist size....
25
00:01:27,033 --> 00:01:28,234
once.
26
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,334
Come on, Al.
Give me a real number.
27
00:01:31,334 --> 00:01:32,734
Twenty-three
is a real number.
28
00:01:32,734 --> 00:01:34,133
What have you got
against 23?
29
00:01:34,133 --> 00:01:36,200
Well, you were born
on the 23rd
30
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,267
and we married
on the 23rd.
31
00:01:38,267 --> 00:01:40,133
Seventeen.
32
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:41,634
No, Kelly
already picked 17.
33
00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:44,100
I need something
closer to 20.
34
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:46,133
Yeah, so do I.
35
00:01:46,133 --> 00:01:48,801
Okay, fine.
I'll pick it myself.
36
00:01:48,801 --> 00:01:50,801
But I'm telling
you something,
37
00:01:50,801 --> 00:01:53,300
when we win
the $38 million,
38
00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:54,801
I am keeping every penny.
39
00:01:54,801 --> 00:01:57,334
Yeah, you'd live
a long time, Peg.
40
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:58,701
What are you reading?
41
00:01:58,701 --> 00:01:59,901
I'm not gonna tell you.
42
00:01:59,901 --> 00:02:01,334
Every time I'm
reading a magazine,
43
00:02:01,334 --> 00:02:03,334
and I see something
I think you might like
44
00:02:03,334 --> 00:02:04,767
and I say,
"Peg, look at this,"
45
00:02:04,767 --> 00:02:06,100
you know what you do?
46
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:08,334
You take the magazine,
you look at what I showed you,
47
00:02:08,334 --> 00:02:09,934
then you sit down
and read the magazine
48
00:02:09,934 --> 00:02:11,334
and I never
get it back.
49
00:02:11,334 --> 00:02:13,334
Not this time.
50
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,834
Ah, Peg,
look at this.
51
00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:19,167
Oh, another
fishing catalog.
52
00:02:19,167 --> 00:02:21,234
What am I looking at, Al?
53
00:02:21,234 --> 00:02:22,834
The apron that says,
54
00:02:22,834 --> 00:02:25,334
"He catches 'em,
I cook 'em,
55
00:02:25,334 --> 00:02:27,834
he eats 'em,
I love him"?
56
00:02:27,834 --> 00:02:30,834
You'd wear it,
but you wouldn't mean it.
57
00:02:30,834 --> 00:02:32,801
I was talking
about the 5 1/2 foot
58
00:02:32,801 --> 00:02:34,701
linear graphite
bait casting rod
59
00:02:34,701 --> 00:02:37,133
with the high-speed
star drag level wind reel.
60
00:02:37,133 --> 00:02:39,801
Yippy skip.
61
00:02:39,801 --> 00:02:41,801
And a mere $275.
62
00:02:41,801 --> 00:02:43,801
Oh, Al, let's buy it.
63
00:02:43,801 --> 00:02:47,701
We can do without food
and heat for a year.
64
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,467
You wouldn't mind?
65
00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:51,300
Al, you want everything.
66
00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:54,100
When was the last time
you bought me something?
67
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:57,167
Oh, I suppose these pots
and pans are mine.
68
00:02:58,801 --> 00:03:00,801
I'm sorry, Al.
69
00:03:00,801 --> 00:03:02,801
It's been so long
since I wore them dancing,
70
00:03:02,801 --> 00:03:05,701
I forgot they
were even here.
71
00:03:05,701 --> 00:03:07,234
[DOORBELL RINGS]
72
00:03:07,234 --> 00:03:08,634
I'll get it.
73
00:03:09,801 --> 00:03:12,167
Ooh, they have clothes
in here.
74
00:03:14,167 --> 00:03:15,734
Morning.
Hi, Steve.
75
00:03:15,734 --> 00:03:18,067
Hi, Al. Glad I caught you
before you left for work.
76
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,434
I need a ride
home tonight.
77
00:03:19,434 --> 00:03:21,067
Why can't
Marcie take you?
78
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:23,868
Saddle in the shop?
79
00:03:23,868 --> 00:03:25,934
Marcie needs the car tonight
for a women's group meeting.
80
00:03:25,934 --> 00:03:30,200
What do they do, all pile in
and look for men to run over?
81
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,367
Room for one more?
82
00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:34,834
What do you say, Al?
83
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:37,367
Ah, sure, why not.
Meet me at the store.
84
00:03:37,367 --> 00:03:39,033
Oh, wait a second, Steve.
I can't.
85
00:03:39,033 --> 00:03:40,801
I'm coming home late.
I'm playing poker tonight.
86
00:03:40,801 --> 00:03:42,467
Oh, gee, Al, that's great.
87
00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:44,934
Another night I don't get
to go out and do anything.
88
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,067
Thank you, honey.
89
00:03:46,067 --> 00:03:48,634
Honey, you don't want to go out
on Friday night.
90
00:03:48,634 --> 00:03:51,501
Everyone and his wife
is out on Friday.
91
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:56,300
Well, if it's okay with you,
I don't mind tagging along.
92
00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:57,501
Since we moved in, I haven't
93
00:03:57,501 --> 00:03:59,601
met a lot of guys in the
neighborhood, besides you.
94
00:03:59,601 --> 00:04:03,667
And it might be nice to meet
somebody...besides you.
95
00:04:03,667 --> 00:04:06,801
Fine. And you might pick
up a few pointers
96
00:04:06,801 --> 00:04:09,868
watching
the old master play.
97
00:04:09,868 --> 00:04:12,868
Oh, yeah. Why don't you
ask the old master
98
00:04:12,868 --> 00:04:14,834
about the time
they picked him so clean,
99
00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:18,367
he had to push
the old car home.
100
00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:20,934
Peg, now, I was off
my game that night.
101
00:04:20,934 --> 00:04:23,133
I was nervous, I couldn't
concentrate on my cards
102
00:04:23,133 --> 00:04:25,434
what with you
being in the hospital
103
00:04:25,434 --> 00:04:26,667
having Bud and all.
104
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,467
This time will
be different.
105
00:04:28,467 --> 00:04:29,934
This time
I have a goal.
106
00:04:29,934 --> 00:04:31,334
See, all the money
that I make
107
00:04:31,334 --> 00:04:33,133
is gonna go towards
that fishing rod and reel.
108
00:04:33,133 --> 00:04:35,334
You ought to see it, Steve.
Peg, give me the catalog.
109
00:04:35,334 --> 00:04:36,834
I'm reading it, Al.
110
00:04:36,834 --> 00:04:38,834
You ought to see it.
111
00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:41,834
It's great, Steve,
and it's only $275.
112
00:04:41,834 --> 00:04:43,767
Al...
113
00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:46,300
This is none of my
business or anything,
114
00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:48,801
but if you really
want something,
115
00:04:48,801 --> 00:04:51,801
I've found the best way
to get it is through saving.
116
00:04:51,801 --> 00:04:54,801
At the bank we have
a little saying:
117
00:04:54,801 --> 00:04:56,968
"If you want
to save money...
118
00:04:56,968 --> 00:04:59,968
Save money."
119
00:04:59,968 --> 00:05:01,834
Thank you, Steve.
120
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:04,901
You're so much wiser than all
the other tellers I've met.
121
00:05:06,767 --> 00:05:08,968
All except
the automated ones.
122
00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:12,901
I'm not gonna be
a teller for long.
123
00:05:12,901 --> 00:05:15,267
You may laugh at me--
And I do.
124
00:05:15,267 --> 00:05:17,501
but I have a way
with money.
125
00:05:17,501 --> 00:05:19,501
I know how to save,
I know how to invest
126
00:05:19,501 --> 00:05:21,133
and I know how
to make money grow.
127
00:05:21,133 --> 00:05:22,701
Give me five dollars,
128
00:05:22,701 --> 00:05:27,000
and I can find opportunities
other people miss with hundreds.
129
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:31,100
Yeah, give Al five dollars and
you've just cashed his paycheck.
130
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:36,868
Yeah. Anybody been
to Gus' Diner lately?
131
00:05:36,868 --> 00:05:38,868
The new waitress.
132
00:05:38,868 --> 00:05:41,167
Yeah, like, what is she,
man, like 25?
133
00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:42,567
Yeah, it's
a great age.
134
00:05:42,567 --> 00:05:44,567
Just before
their butts start to sag
135
00:05:44,567 --> 00:05:47,400
and they start
wearing Reeboks.
136
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,467
Bet a dollar.
137
00:05:49,467 --> 00:05:51,200
She's perfect.
138
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,200
She's great,
but not perfect.
139
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,701
Her eyes are a little
too close together.
140
00:05:55,701 --> 00:05:58,367
They're vacant enough,
but they're not perfect.
141
00:05:59,701 --> 00:06:01,434
Pair of queens bets.
142
00:06:01,434 --> 00:06:02,868
Yeah, if you want
a perfect woman
143
00:06:02,868 --> 00:06:04,367
you gotta build her
in your head.
144
00:06:04,367 --> 00:06:06,200
It gives you something
to do
145
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,234
when you're
making love to your wife.
146
00:06:09,701 --> 00:06:11,501
I like that Connie Chung.
147
00:06:13,868 --> 00:06:16,868
I like Connie Mack, too,
148
00:06:16,868 --> 00:06:20,300
but neither one have any
place in this conversation.
149
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:22,300
Now, for the
perfect woman...
150
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:24,534
Let's start out
with...the legs.
151
00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:25,968
Catherine Bach.
152
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:27,701
I'd say Tina Turner.
153
00:06:27,701 --> 00:06:30,334
A little too
muscular for me.
154
00:06:30,334 --> 00:06:32,567
Jamie Lee Curtis.
155
00:06:32,567 --> 00:06:34,834
Ah!
Ah!
156
00:06:34,834 --> 00:06:36,834
Okay, now
let's talk tush.
157
00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:38,334
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
158
00:06:38,334 --> 00:06:39,501
Sigourney Weaver.
159
00:06:39,501 --> 00:06:42,267
Nope, nope.
Monster touched it.
160
00:06:44,467 --> 00:06:46,834
Jamie Lee
Curtis.
161
00:06:46,834 --> 00:06:48,901
Ah!
Ah!
162
00:06:48,901 --> 00:06:50,901
Okay, it's hooter time.
163
00:06:50,901 --> 00:06:52,100
My favorite.
164
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:53,300
My time, baby.
165
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:55,033
Jacqueline Big-set.
166
00:06:55,033 --> 00:06:57,634
A young Brigitte Bardot.
167
00:06:57,634 --> 00:07:00,033
Ah!
Ah!
168
00:07:00,033 --> 00:07:02,100
Now that's
our perfect woman.
169
00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:04,634
Nope. Got
to have a brain.
170
00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:06,434
Why?
A brain?
171
00:07:11,501 --> 00:07:13,367
Vanna White!
Vanna White!
172
00:07:17,801 --> 00:07:19,434
I fold.
173
00:07:19,434 --> 00:07:21,033
$5.00.
174
00:07:21,033 --> 00:07:22,033
I'm out.
175
00:07:22,033 --> 00:07:23,567
You're bluffing,
Barney.
176
00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:25,734
Al, he's got
two pair showing.
177
00:07:25,734 --> 00:07:27,234
E.J.'s got his 10
178
00:07:27,234 --> 00:07:29,234
and both queens
are gone.
179
00:07:29,234 --> 00:07:32,968
No way he's got
that third 10.
180
00:07:32,968 --> 00:07:34,901
I call.
181
00:07:34,901 --> 00:07:37,033
Say hi
to the third 10.
182
00:07:40,534 --> 00:07:42,767
I'm getting another beer.
Who wants one?
183
00:07:42,767 --> 00:07:45,767
You've given me
enough already, Al.
184
00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:47,767
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
185
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,267
Russ here.
186
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:51,133
Gee, Al, you stink.
187
00:07:52,767 --> 00:07:54,267
Thanks a lot, pal.
188
00:07:54,267 --> 00:07:57,267
Come on. I can't believe
you are losing to these guys.
189
00:07:57,267 --> 00:07:58,667
I've only been watching
for an hour,
190
00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:00,467
I got the whole rhythm
of the game down.
191
00:08:00,467 --> 00:08:01,534
What rhythm?
192
00:08:01,534 --> 00:08:02,667
It's pretty obvious.
193
00:08:02,667 --> 00:08:06,300
Take Russ.
Whenever he's got a bad hand,
194
00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:09,033
he shuffles his hole card as if
he thinks it's gonna change.
195
00:08:09,033 --> 00:08:11,634
Whenever Barney bluffs,
he taps his chips.
196
00:08:11,634 --> 00:08:13,701
Dead giveaway.
Norris? He never bluffs.
197
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:16,801
He won't stay in the game
unless he's got three of a kind.
198
00:08:16,801 --> 00:08:18,601
And you, Al. You stink.
199
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,734
Gee, Steve, you're a real
Cincinnati kid.
200
00:08:22,734 --> 00:08:26,234
I think he walked home
after a game too.
201
00:08:26,234 --> 00:08:29,267
If we're such suckers,
why don't you sit in?
202
00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:31,300
Oh, no. I just cash
my paycheck
203
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:33,000
and I give that money
to Marcie.
204
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,234
The mortgage
is due Monday.
205
00:08:34,234 --> 00:08:35,634
Besides,
I don't gamble.
206
00:08:35,634 --> 00:08:38,634
Steve, we're married men.
We all gamble.
207
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:42,267
I got to run, guys.
208
00:08:42,267 --> 00:08:45,067
Uh...wife is real sick.
209
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:46,868
Ah, bull!
Listen to this!
210
00:08:46,868 --> 00:08:48,234
Where are you going?
211
00:08:48,234 --> 00:08:49,868
BARNEY:
Come on, come on.
What is it?
212
00:08:49,868 --> 00:08:54,234
I promised my wife
I'd take her to the ballet.
213
00:08:59,868 --> 00:09:02,734
The ballet, huh?
Better take Norris along.
214
00:09:02,734 --> 00:09:03,968
Show them what you do
215
00:09:03,968 --> 00:09:05,868
when they're up in the air
doing those splits.
216
00:09:05,868 --> 00:09:07,434
[HUMS BLUE DANUBE WALTZ]
217
00:09:07,434 --> 00:09:08,934
[MAKES FARTING SOUND]
218
00:09:18,234 --> 00:09:21,167
RUSS:
It's up to you, Steve.
219
00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:22,400
Uh, excuse me.
220
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,868
Oh, uh, look,
I'm not playing.
221
00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:27,100
I don't believe
in gambling.
222
00:09:37,534 --> 00:09:38,767
I'm in.
223
00:09:40,868 --> 00:09:42,934
Sure you wouldn't
like some cake or something?
224
00:09:42,934 --> 00:09:44,434
No, thanks.
225
00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:47,400
After our meeting, we stopped
at Gus' Diner for a bite.
226
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,400
They have the dumbest
waitress I've ever seen,
227
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,901
wiggling around
in this short skirt,
228
00:09:52,901 --> 00:09:55,033
as if anyone was looking.
229
00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:58,067
She got our orders wrong,
she got our change wrong.
230
00:09:58,067 --> 00:10:00,567
Thank God our club president
had enough nerve to complain
231
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,400
and get her fired.
232
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:06,901
What are you doing?
233
00:10:06,901 --> 00:10:09,400
Oh, Al was admiring
this fishing rod this morning.
234
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,400
So when he comes in
broke from poker,
235
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,400
I like
to leave it out,
236
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,901
you know,
just to remind him
237
00:10:15,901 --> 00:10:18,934
of yet another thing
he'll never get.
238
00:10:18,934 --> 00:10:21,434
I hope they
get home soon.
239
00:10:21,434 --> 00:10:23,467
Steve and I usually go over
our budget tonight.
240
00:10:23,467 --> 00:10:25,367
It's getting late.
Maybe we should call.
241
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:27,968
Mm. We can't. Al says
there's no phone there.
242
00:10:30,868 --> 00:10:33,868
Well, I'm glad Steve's out
having a good time.
243
00:10:33,868 --> 00:10:35,868
I know he doesn't
gamble or anything,
244
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:38,367
but it's good that he's out
there trying to meet new people.
245
00:10:38,367 --> 00:10:41,234
Maybe he'll invite some of
the guys over to our house.
246
00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:42,868
Ha, ha. Oh, yeah.
247
00:10:42,868 --> 00:10:45,367
That would make for quite
a stimulating evening.
248
00:10:45,367 --> 00:10:48,367
I wonder which one
he'll bring home.
249
00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:49,534
Let's see.
250
00:10:49,534 --> 00:10:51,567
There's Norris,
who can make
251
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,567
obscene sounds
with his armpit.
252
00:10:53,567 --> 00:10:56,501
He is naturally
a welcome guest
253
00:10:56,501 --> 00:10:58,400
at any occasion.
254
00:10:58,400 --> 00:10:59,901
Oh, and then
there's Barney,
255
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:02,400
the man no deodorant
could tame.
256
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,901
And if you're
really lucky,
257
00:11:05,901 --> 00:11:07,901
you'll get Russ,
the invincible.
258
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:11,267
He hasn't met a toilet yet
he couldn't overflow.
259
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,434
Poor Steve.
260
00:11:18,901 --> 00:11:22,334
Yeah. These guys are
a real bunch of losers.
261
00:11:22,334 --> 00:11:24,834
Well, then, Steve will just
have to find friends elsewhere.
262
00:11:24,834 --> 00:11:27,868
Because if there's
one thing my Steve is,
263
00:11:27,868 --> 00:11:29,400
it's a winner.
264
00:11:30,868 --> 00:11:32,868
How you doing,
Steve?
265
00:11:32,868 --> 00:11:35,367
Are you okay?
266
00:11:35,367 --> 00:11:36,868
Come on, Steve.
267
00:11:36,868 --> 00:11:39,868
You had a good time,
you met some good people...
268
00:11:39,868 --> 00:11:43,567
and you lost $300
to a good friend.
269
00:11:48,133 --> 00:11:50,901
I can't believe I lost my share
of the mortgage payment.
270
00:11:50,901 --> 00:11:52,133
What am I gonna
tell Marcie?
271
00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:55,734
Steve, you're a man.
Lie like a dog.
272
00:11:55,734 --> 00:11:59,000
Tell her you got mugged.
We got jumped by four guys.
273
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,267
I fought off three,
274
00:12:00,267 --> 00:12:02,033
but the little guy
beat you silly
275
00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:04,100
and took your money.
276
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:06,067
You're enjoying this,
aren't you, Al?
277
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:09,100
Well, you're the one had
the rhythm of the game.
278
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:12,234
Wasn't my fault you couldn't
stop mouthing your hole card.
279
00:12:12,234 --> 00:12:14,467
I gotta tell
her the truth.
280
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:15,534
I got no choice.
281
00:12:15,534 --> 00:12:16,834
Well, I wouldn't.
282
00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:18,267
I have to.
She's gonna ask.
283
00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:19,634
Here's what I do.
284
00:12:19,634 --> 00:12:22,100
I walk in the door,
before Peg can say a word--
285
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,734
which means
I gotta be quick--
286
00:12:23,734 --> 00:12:25,467
I tell her
how great she looks.
287
00:12:25,467 --> 00:12:26,601
Then if it's real rough,
288
00:12:26,601 --> 00:12:28,767
I grit my teeth
and throw her a quick one.
289
00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:31,801
She's so grateful, she forgets
what she's gonna ask me,
290
00:12:31,801 --> 00:12:34,667
and even if she says something
later on, I'm asleep.
291
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,634
Can't do it.
292
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:42,934
Our relationship
is based on honesty.
293
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,434
And the buns
of Mel Gibson.
294
00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:50,467
Ooh!
295
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,934
That is our
perfect man.
296
00:12:54,934 --> 00:12:56,934
Wait,
we need a brain.
297
00:12:56,934 --> 00:12:58,901
Why? It's a man.
298
00:13:01,367 --> 00:13:03,701
PEG:
Hi, honey!
299
00:13:03,701 --> 00:13:04,868
Steve!
300
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,901
I was worried
about you.
301
00:13:06,901 --> 00:13:09,234
Did you have
a good time?
302
00:13:09,234 --> 00:13:10,901
Well, you know...
303
00:13:10,901 --> 00:13:12,400
Kinda...
you know...
304
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:13,767
Considering...
305
00:13:14,901 --> 00:13:16,267
Oh.
306
00:13:16,267 --> 00:13:19,501
Well, I'm sure it was hard
on you being the only one there
307
00:13:19,501 --> 00:13:21,234
with the strength
not to gamble.
308
00:13:26,767 --> 00:13:28,100
Marcie...
309
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,167
I have to tell you
something.
310
00:13:36,601 --> 00:13:38,801
You look
beautiful.
311
00:13:38,801 --> 00:13:41,801
More beautiful than
I've ever seen you.
312
00:13:41,801 --> 00:13:43,968
Oh, Steve.
313
00:13:43,968 --> 00:13:47,834
Your lips are like wine,
and I want to get drunk tonight.
314
00:13:51,567 --> 00:13:52,734
Badly.
315
00:13:52,734 --> 00:13:55,234
But Steve, we need
to finish our budget.
316
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:58,400
Damn the budget!
A man has needs.
317
00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,501
Oh, Steve!
318
00:14:07,734 --> 00:14:10,734
Has all this talk done
something for you, Al?
319
00:14:10,734 --> 00:14:13,634
Yeah. I'm thirsty.
Get me a beer.
320
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,100
Oh, Al.
321
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:19,100
So how'd you do
tonight?
322
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:20,601
Lose as usual?
323
00:14:20,601 --> 00:14:21,767
Yeah.
324
00:14:21,767 --> 00:14:22,934
Oh, darn.
325
00:14:22,934 --> 00:14:25,934
Now you won't
be able to buy
326
00:14:25,934 --> 00:14:28,434
that beautiful fishing
pole you wanted.
327
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:29,801
[BOTH LAUGHING]
328
00:14:33,934 --> 00:14:35,934
When will I ever learn?
329
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,267
No!
330
00:14:42,267 --> 00:14:44,767
Look, you don't
seem to understand me.
331
00:14:44,767 --> 00:14:47,801
I want something that
goes with this dress.
332
00:14:48,968 --> 00:14:50,467
A bubbling caldron?
333
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:54,934
You've got a lot
of nerve.
334
00:14:54,934 --> 00:14:58,434
I need it to get
this close to your feet.
335
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,801
Uh...hi, Al.
336
00:15:07,801 --> 00:15:09,200
Hi, Steve.
How's it going?
337
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,534
Hey, did Marcie ever
bring up the budget again?
338
00:15:11,534 --> 00:15:13,033
Yes, Al, she did.
339
00:15:13,033 --> 00:15:14,534
And every time she did,
340
00:15:14,534 --> 00:15:17,901
I told her how
beautiful she looked.
341
00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:19,467
And showed her.
342
00:15:20,767 --> 00:15:23,634
I showed her till
8:00 this morning, Al.
343
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:26,968
She's out cold,
344
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,601
and I don't remember
how I got here.
345
00:15:29,601 --> 00:15:31,601
Then it worked.
346
00:15:31,601 --> 00:15:33,968
Yeah, but I'm afraid
it'll never work again, Al.
347
00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:41,000
I don't know how
to ask you this,
348
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,067
but I gotta ask you
for a big favor.
349
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,534
Whoa, Steve, I can't!
350
00:15:44,534 --> 00:15:45,868
She's your wife!
351
00:15:47,567 --> 00:15:49,801
I don't like
touching mine.
352
00:15:52,434 --> 00:15:55,434
Al, I know this is something
that isn't normally done,
353
00:15:55,434 --> 00:16:00,200
but I was wondering if you could
kind of give me my money back.
354
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,200
Wait a second.
This is over the line.
355
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,701
Okay. How about this?
356
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,501
Just loan it to me.
357
00:16:05,501 --> 00:16:08,100
You're just gonna take it back
to the poker game next week
358
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:09,901
and lose it,
because you stink.
359
00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:12,067
I stink? I tell you
what we'll do, Steve.
360
00:16:12,067 --> 00:16:13,400
You're real good
with money.
361
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,434
You know how to invest it
and make it grow.
362
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:17,434
How much was it
you said you needed
363
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:20,434
to find those opportunities
other people miss?
364
00:16:20,434 --> 00:16:21,567
$300, Al.
365
00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:23,701
No, it was
$5.00, Steve.
366
00:16:23,701 --> 00:16:25,167
Make it grow, buddy.
367
00:16:26,767 --> 00:16:28,968
This is how
you treat me?
368
00:16:28,968 --> 00:16:30,534
This is how you treat
a neighbor,
369
00:16:30,534 --> 00:16:31,901
a man who calls you friend?
370
00:16:31,901 --> 00:16:33,334
Yes, it is, Steve.
371
00:16:33,334 --> 00:16:34,934
Give me the 5.
372
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:37,767
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
373
00:16:37,767 --> 00:16:40,634
I need a plan.
Let's see.
374
00:16:40,634 --> 00:16:42,634
I work in a bank.
If I took a quarter
375
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:43,667
out of every
quarter roll...
376
00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:45,167
Why don't you do this?
377
00:16:45,167 --> 00:16:47,234
Why don't you go home,
wake up Marcie,
378
00:16:47,234 --> 00:16:50,734
say, "I lost all my money.
I screwed up.
379
00:16:50,734 --> 00:16:52,734
I'm sorry.
What's for dinner?"
380
00:16:52,734 --> 00:16:55,734
That's what being
a man's all about, Steve.
381
00:16:55,734 --> 00:16:57,601
Making mistakes
and not caring.
382
00:16:59,133 --> 00:17:00,934
Well, I do care, Al.
383
00:17:00,934 --> 00:17:04,300
Excuse me. Could you
spare some change
384
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:06,667
for a decent meal?
385
00:17:09,167 --> 00:17:10,467
Thank you.
386
00:17:10,467 --> 00:17:11,801
Hey,
wait a minute.
387
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:15,834
Thanks.
388
00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:17,334
Thanks a lot.
389
00:17:17,334 --> 00:17:18,267
Sure.
390
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,100
Well, Steve, you're
a real decent guy.
391
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:24,968
You're about as sharp
as a bag of wet hair,
392
00:17:24,968 --> 00:17:27,100
but you're a decent guy.
393
00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:28,400
You know, Al,
394
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,567
that $5.00 wasn't going
to do anything for me,
395
00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:33,501
but it'll do a lot
of good for him.
396
00:17:36,167 --> 00:17:37,701
You see...
397
00:17:37,701 --> 00:17:39,200
I believe
something, Al.
398
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,200
I believe that if you
do something good,
399
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:46,367
something good will always
happen to you in return.
400
00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:48,200
You'll see, Al.
401
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,601
You'll see.
402
00:18:03,133 --> 00:18:06,901
Steve, it's been real nice
having you here all day.
403
00:18:08,901 --> 00:18:10,801
So, uh, as the hostess here,
404
00:18:10,801 --> 00:18:12,834
I guess it's up
to me to ask...
405
00:18:12,834 --> 00:18:15,968
What are you doing here?
406
00:18:15,968 --> 00:18:18,000
Waiting for something
good to happen.
407
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,367
And it will too.
408
00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:21,434
I walked around
most of the morning.
409
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,734
Nothing good happened.
410
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:25,234
But I know that when Al
gets home,
411
00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:27,801
something good
is gonna happen.
412
00:18:27,801 --> 00:18:29,901
Well, that'll be a first.
413
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:32,901
You know, I haven't seen
Marcie all day.
414
00:18:32,901 --> 00:18:34,767
Is she okay?
415
00:18:34,767 --> 00:18:37,133
Sure. I did
all the work.
416
00:18:40,667 --> 00:18:42,200
Are you okay?
417
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,367
Oh, yeah.
Everything's fine.
418
00:18:43,367 --> 00:18:45,868
Marcie decided
to sleep in today,
419
00:18:45,868 --> 00:18:50,167
And me...I'm happy
as a duck in orange sauce.
420
00:18:50,167 --> 00:18:52,167
Oh, Marcie's light
just came on.
421
00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:53,534
She must be up.
422
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,133
Peg, listen very
carefully to me.
423
00:19:01,267 --> 00:19:06,200
[WHINING]
I lost my paycheck
to Al in the poker game.
424
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,534
He won't
give it back.
425
00:19:08,534 --> 00:19:10,033
Marcie's gonna
kill me,
426
00:19:10,033 --> 00:19:12,133
if she
hasn't already.
427
00:19:16,634 --> 00:19:18,901
How much did he win?
428
00:19:18,901 --> 00:19:20,467
$300. Oh.
429
00:19:20,467 --> 00:19:23,968
I haven't had a new
bra for two years,
430
00:19:23,968 --> 00:19:27,701
and that baboon
is sitting on 300 bucks?
431
00:19:27,701 --> 00:19:30,634
I'm gonna have to tell Marcie.
It's the right thing to do.
432
00:19:30,634 --> 00:19:33,501
Yeah, you go tell Marcie,
and then bring her over here.
433
00:19:33,501 --> 00:19:34,801
Al will be home soon,
434
00:19:34,801 --> 00:19:36,667
and believe me,
you'll get your money back.
435
00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:38,434
I'll see to that.
436
00:19:38,434 --> 00:19:40,167
Really?
437
00:19:40,167 --> 00:19:41,734
Oh, thank you, Peggy.
Thank you.
438
00:19:41,734 --> 00:19:42,901
See?
439
00:19:42,901 --> 00:19:45,300
I knew something good
was gonna happen.
440
00:19:47,167 --> 00:19:50,701
So you lost again
at poker, huh, Al?
441
00:19:50,701 --> 00:19:53,634
So I can buy a new bra
442
00:19:53,634 --> 00:19:56,200
when we can afford it,
huh, Al?
443
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,567
Enjoy Daddy's dinner.
444
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:03,767
Hi.
445
00:20:05,033 --> 00:20:06,100
What's for supper?
446
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:07,367
Filthy pig!
447
00:20:07,367 --> 00:20:09,534
We had that last night.
448
00:20:11,367 --> 00:20:15,467
Al, Steve told me that you won
his money in the poker game.
449
00:20:15,467 --> 00:20:17,367
You cannot
keep the money.
450
00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:20,033
Where did this rule
come from?
451
00:20:20,033 --> 00:20:22,033
When I lose, I lose.
452
00:20:22,033 --> 00:20:24,767
You don't play cards and then
sit down and when it's finished
453
00:20:24,767 --> 00:20:26,701
you say, "Hey, give me
my money back."
454
00:20:26,701 --> 00:20:27,901
That's no fun.
455
00:20:27,901 --> 00:20:29,334
If that's
the way it worked,
456
00:20:29,334 --> 00:20:31,868
I may as well
stay home with you.
457
00:20:31,868 --> 00:20:33,801
You know, it's bad enough
458
00:20:33,801 --> 00:20:35,701
you lied to me
about winning the money,
459
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:38,868
but, Al, these are
the only friends I've got.
460
00:20:38,868 --> 00:20:40,667
I like having people
to talk to.
461
00:20:40,667 --> 00:20:43,067
You know, people that will
come over to the house
462
00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:45,367
even though you're here.
463
00:20:45,367 --> 00:20:47,367
That makes them
special, Al.
464
00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:51,267
Now, I want you to give him
back his money, for me.
465
00:20:51,267 --> 00:20:52,968
I can't. I spent it.
466
00:20:52,968 --> 00:20:54,734
Oh, Al, you are
the lowest!
467
00:20:54,734 --> 00:20:57,334
Now, what did you waste
that money on?
468
00:20:58,534 --> 00:21:00,200
I got you this.
469
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,367
Ohh!
470
00:21:02,367 --> 00:21:04,534
Oh, Al!
471
00:21:04,534 --> 00:21:06,033
It's beautiful.
472
00:21:06,033 --> 00:21:07,534
I love it.
473
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:10,033
Oh, honey, I don't
deserve this.
474
00:21:10,033 --> 00:21:14,534
I felt kind of bad about
not ever getting you anything.
475
00:21:14,534 --> 00:21:18,367
Oh, you are
the sweetest man...
476
00:21:18,367 --> 00:21:19,868
in the whole world.
477
00:21:19,868 --> 00:21:23,367
Now, honey, I'm just gonna go
upstairs and try this on,
478
00:21:23,367 --> 00:21:26,200
and then I'll come make you
a nice juicy steak,
479
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,501
just like the dog had.
480
00:21:43,634 --> 00:21:46,133
PEG:
Oh, it's
priceless, Al!
481
00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:48,334
[QUIETLY]
No. It was 15 bucks.
482
00:21:50,234 --> 00:21:53,567
But you, my love,
were 275.
483
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,033
Peg, I'll be down
in the basement!
484
00:21:58,033 --> 00:21:59,067
Okay, honey!
485
00:22:02,601 --> 00:22:04,934
You better get
that money back!
486
00:22:04,934 --> 00:22:06,767
It's all
taken care of.
487
00:22:06,767 --> 00:22:08,133
[DOORBELL RINGS]
488
00:22:12,601 --> 00:22:14,467
[RING]
489
00:22:16,434 --> 00:22:18,801
Al? Peggy?
490
00:22:20,167 --> 00:22:22,300
Ha, ha...
491
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:26,234
Guys?
492
00:22:27,534 --> 00:22:28,868
It's me!
493
00:22:28,868 --> 00:22:30,300
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
494
00:22:31,868 --> 00:22:33,601
MARCIE:
Where's our money,
Steven?
495
00:22:34,734 --> 00:22:36,734
STEVE:
Marcie!
496
00:22:36,734 --> 00:22:38,100
You look beautiful!
497
00:22:53,267 --> 00:22:55,100
[***]
34506
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