All language subtitles for Surviving.The.Game.1994.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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[Lauren Manning] It's
almost got worse, I think...

over time.

I go into a mode of...

complete irrational thinking.

This fear and this panic
comes over me...

knowing that just like that
something can happen.

There always is that question
of why did I make it out,

why did I escape?

It's become a huge part
of who I am.

I started working
on this painting in 2002.

It's a recreation of the
painting that I lost that morning.

I loved the whole experience of being away up
there at the top of the World Trade Center,

that high up.

I'd often go for sunrise and
because of the slats of the windows,

you have this big fan of reds
and yellows and oranges,

and things sort of fanning out across
the whole floor, which is amazing.

It's a view
that no longer existed

but I'd been there that morning
and I needed to recreate it.

I don't think it will
ever be finished now.

[male newsreader 1] Good morning, 64
degrees on this Tuesday, September 11th.

I'm James Faraday
and here's what's happening.

It appears Michael Jordan will
indeed be coming out of retirement

to return to play to the NBA.

Giants lose the opener following
the Monday night game at Denver.

Yankees and Red Sox
reigned out of the stadium.

[male newsreader 2]
I'm Stephen...

[Rich Eichen] Just another
typical day at work.

I walked into the train station in town
to pick up the express into the city.

I sat next to a guy I knew
from the country club.

We're just talking about the food in
the club and that it wasn't very good.

So life was, you know,
either unexciting or trivial,

depending upon how badly
you want to classify it.

[Lauren] Growing up
during the '70s and '80s,

what I wanted most was what was espoused
in the pages of Glamour and Cosmopolitan,

to have it all, to be it all,
to do it all.

In 2001,

I was running the worldwide division
of market data for Cantor Fitzgerald.

The towers represented a place
of great promise and great hope.

It was my home.

[Rich] This was like awesome.
I mean, you know,

I've never been
on the 90th floor of anything.

We had pushed our desks
up against the windows,

okay, because it was always
fun to sit there

and look down at the
Empire State Building, right.

That was pretty cool.

[Vanessa Laurence]
I'd been at art school

and I applied for the artist
residency in the Twin Towers.

It was just a big raw
30,000 square foot space

on the 91st floor
of the North Tower.

I woke up at four, got the five o'clock
ferry and got to the studio for six.

I had actually made it in early because
I wanted to work on sunrise painting

that I've been working on.

The light, everything was just
so perfect for the painting

that I didn't... I didn't want to
stop. I wanted to keep going.

But I... I knew I needed to
get a drink or something.

And so I thought,
no, I'll go now.

Took a break and went down.

[Lauren] I was still a new mom filled
with the joys of everyday new worlds

opening for this little boy.

At the same time, I was
anxious to get to work,

uh, because the projects I had at hand there
were exciting and it was a place of peace.

Got [inaudible] and then went
to make my way back up.

I remember the guy in the
elevator holding the door.

And I still remember him pressing
the 93rd and me pressing the 91st.

I pushed through the doors,
the revolving doors,

and on my right there were two
women standing and laughing,

and I looked at them and smiled
and they smiled back at me,

and I turn left
to head to the elevator.

Here I am in the 90th floor,
I'm eating a bagel

and I'm holding a piece
of newspaper against the wall

reading about Dell computers

because at the time they... they
were hot and new, and everything else.

[man 1]
What the hell was that?

[man 1]
Well, what is that?

- Something... Somebody hit the World Trade Center or the...
- [man 2] The Trade Center.

Trade Center.
It's just an explosion.

Suddenly the woman's washroom,
which was over here,

the door slammed open...
slammed open against its hinges

and out came what looked like
a blow torch

and I remember
ducking down like this

and screaming for myself,
"Okay, this is it, I'm done."

Literally the second I, um,
stepped out the elevator,

it was just like a big poof,
and the building shook,

and smoke and debris came
blasting down the corridor.

The elevator, as soon as we'd
been thrown out of it,

it went into a fireball
and dropped.

There was
an extraordinarily loud,

louder piercing,
whistling sound.

The explosion, uh, that had pummeled
down those elevator shafts blew out

and enveloped everything and everyone
in its path, and I was in its path.

I looked over to where the two women were
and they were laying on the ground on fire.

And like them, I was on fire.

The guy who was the system
administrator office manager,

he was really ticked off
because all his servers went down

and he said, "I'm going to be here till
midnight rebooting all these servers," right.

And I said, "Well, I'm from the tech
industry, I'll be glad to help you out."

None of it... I mean, you
don't think that a building

that's been around this long,
this size is going to fall.

You just...
Never even a thought.

And I'm really... Obviously
I'm in shock, right.

I'm obviously not okay
even though I think I'm okay.

And I'm trying to figure out
what's going on here.

And this guy from one of the
banks down... down that hall

came out like this
begging for help,

face planted and between
my legs and died.

[police siren chirps]

[man 3] It's the tower behind
it but... There! There it is!

And look at the size
of that thing. That was no...

You could see it from the
Lincoln Tunnel and everything

where we were pulling into the Lincoln
Tunnel and everybody stood up on the bus.

I'm sorry for whatever amount of
people was up on that floor, you know.

Yeah, I know, it's destroyed.

[interviewer] What do you
think would have happened

if you hadn't gone down
to the lobby to get a drink?

I would have seen the plane
coming right... right towards me, um...

because it was right at that window
from the direction it was coming.

Yeah, it would probably have all happened
so quickly that you don't get a chance

to really take in what's coming towards
you and what's actually happening.

[Bill Spade] I remember coming into
the door to the firehouse that morning

and the radio is blasting.

There's French vanilla coffee, mate,
and there's a dozen bagels there.

So now without even looking I know Doug
Miller's working, I know Nikki's working,

and cooking on the stove
is Joe Mascali,

and he's making French toast
that morning.

I remember telling him, "Joe, I
want the first piece that comes off,

I gotta taste this."

[man 4 on radio] We just
had a plane that's crashed

into upper floor
of the World Trade...

[Bill] I get a phone call
from the off-duty fireman

and he tells me, "Bill, I just saw
a plane hit the Trade Center."

He says, "It sounds like it's
going to be something.

You better head out also."

All of a sudden this woman,
Lucy,

she just pointed up
and we looked up,

and we saw that our ceiling
was starting to smolder.

So we knew we had to leave.

[horns honking]

[Bill] I get on the expressway,
clear beautiful day,

and I could see smoke
coming from the Tower.

And then I went only a couple
more blocks...

and there was body parts
everywhere, strewn about the street.

At first I tried
to drive around them.

It was just impossible.

And I remember
saying the prayer, I said...

"Please forgive me."

And I dropped and I rolled,

and the flames were primarily
out but I was still burning.

As this was all unfurling,

the building in front of me trailed the
black snake-like smoke from the upper stories

and you could begin to hear the steel wailing
and bending and glass breaking all over.

The instinct was to just make...

make your way down
because you're so high up.

Made way to the stairwells and
I... I remember them just being dark.

Obviously lights... lights were all out, so
they were just dark. Sprinklers were on.

It felt like a really
small... small space.

There'd be certain points
that...

I'd... A panic
would kind of kick in

and you suddenly realize that
you can't see what's going on,

you don't know what's going on, but
everyone's making their way down very slowly.

[man 4 on radio] We have
a number of floors on fire,

that look like the plane was
aiming towards the building.

Transmitted very long...

[Bill] I... I had popped on
the corner of Liberty and West,

I got my gear on, I made sure
I had everything I wanted.

Two good flashlights, uh,
and a heavy-duty rope.

But as I crossed those
six lanes of highway...

I couldn't believe
what I was seeing.

Bodies are dropping
right in front of us.

One lady coming down
screaming...

hitting the ground...

and then there's really
nothing left.

Um...

[interviewer] This is right
in front of you?

Within three feet.

I remember...

a man and woman jumping...

hugging each other.

And they still had their arms
around each other...

as they landed and that's
the way it remained.

The color of someone scared,

their body color
was taken right out of them...

and they were like
ashen grayish blue,

that type of color instantly.

[man 5 on radio] Hopefully
[inaudible] attack... [bleep].

And channel six has been
designated a command [inaudible].

Right now [inaudible] [bleep],

it's [inaudible] confusion

[Malcolm Campbell]
I had three very clever sons.

When they were young, we were young
parents, we weren't particularly wealthy.

So we'd have a lot of
camping holidays.

Matthew, my oldest son, was very
industrious, doing this and doing that.

Whereas Geoff would be
spending most of his time sulking

because he didn't want to do
these things.

And Robert,
he's only young then.

I taught them all to read
while they were camping.

I remember little hot heads
you could touch

and they're sitting there
reading their book.

In 2001, my middle son was in New
York where he worked for Reuters.

The whole world watched
Geoff being killed.

It's been a very strange
and difficult 20 years.

This is a map of the Rhinog
area in Southern Snowdonia.

It's where I was when
the attack happened.

I was leading a group
across Rhinog Fawr.

We'd got to summit.

I had a message on my mobile
from my youngest son Robert,

who was in London to say something
serious had happened and he was worried.

All I knew was
Geoff worked for Reuters,

he'd been invited to a freebie lunch event
in the Windows on the World restaurant.

Geoff was just under the impact
of that plane in the North Tower

and he may have been killed outright,
he may have been severely injured,

but everyone sees it and that
was the point, he was killed.

When the first anniversary
came around in 2002,

it seemed absolutely
perfectly natural to me

to go back to Rhinogs where I
was when the attack happened.

It's a beautiful area and I've
been back every year since.

And it's absolutely remote...

and I don't see anybody at all.

And I just like to remember what
happened and remember Geoff...

just quietly by myself.

There's a gap in the family,
every day there's a gap.

It doesn't quite work
as well as it did before.

Geoff was the fulcrum
of the family,

he was in the middle...

and the effect on the family
was disastrous.

[Matt Campbell] Some of
his remains came back...

and they had, uh, identified
through DNA, um, his collarbone,

which I know for my mum had, um, significance
because he'd broken his collarbone.

It just felt it was like him reminding her
that he needs to come home kind of thing.

That you should be able to see, you
know, that they name what the body part is.

Yeah, these... these used to
have a really...

I never knew
if it was a death smell

or whether it was just whatever
chemicals they treated the bones to...

to clean them before, they obviously
tried to extract DNA and stuff.

And then out of the blue, uh,
we had more remains in 2008

his hair and his scalp and a
bit of his face and his jaw.

You know, it didn't feel like him but it
was... Obviously it's that last contact with...

you know, him.

For most people I think,
you know, you just...

you move on and life
carries on, doesn't it?

But you really don't know
his last moments.

You've got people at the windows
desperately trying to get air.

[woman 1] There's no one here yet,
and the floor is completely engulfed.

We're on the floor
and we can't breathe.

And it's very, very, very hot.

[man 6] So how many
people are with you right now?

[woman 2]
It's like five people...

[Matt] The resolution is very
grainy on some of the... the video

but, you know, occasionally
it's like, "God, is that Geoff?

Is that what he was wearing?
Is that where he was?

Is it the right floor?"

I was reading and researching more
about events surrounding his death

but things didn't
sit well at all.

I just started to... to feel that, um, you
know, we weren't being told the truth.

If... I know that a document
exists, I want to see it.

Particularly if it's known to
be something that doesn't fit in

with that official narrative that
everyone's been spun over the years.

This was the grid
of World Trade Center.

My brother's remains
were found in, um, K-12,

so show you there
where the black dot is

some 20 to 40 meters, um,
south of the North Tower.

Um, you know, that for me is not a normal
gravity-driven collapse of a building.

[interviewer] If it's not a normal
gravity collapse, what is it?

I mean, I'm convinced it's...
They used explosives.

- [interviewer] Who's they?
- Oh, I don't know.

Afghanistan - that was the first thing
to get me to question the events of 9/11.

All wars start with lies.

Uh, history is
riddled with that.

There are conspiracy theories,
whatever out there,

I don't really think I've sat down
with dad and talked about them.

I understand that
wanting to be on your own...

It's just easier for dad to deal
with without talking about it.

There's an element of
sweeping it under the carpet.

It has taken up a lot of my...
my time over the years.

Perhaps on a subconscious
level I'm channeling energy

to either deal
or not deal with my grief.

[Nancy Suhr]
I could see the smoke.

I looked at Brianna
and I said, "Oh, boy,"

I says, "Daddy's going to be
tired when he comes home tonight."

I said, "This is going to be
a long day for him."

So I drove home, and by the time I drove
home I had missed a phone call from him.

And he left a message
on the machine.

He was like,
"Yeah, baby, it's me.

Just called to tell
you that I love you.

I'll talk to you later."

Danny loved being a firefighter.

He would say if we won the
lottery, if I wanted to quit my job, fine,

but he was never quitting
the fire department.

He just loved
every minute of it.

There's a little bit of...
of... of crazy in all of them.

And there was a little part
of him that liked the fire.

He would be on vacation and I
would hear him call the firehouse

and be like, "Did I miss
anything? I miss a good job?"

I put the TV on...

and I was like, "This...
this is going to be bad."

[Rich]
Here I am, 90 floors up.

I said, "All right, let's all go,
no one's gonna get left behind."

And this woman Lucy
said, "I'm not leaving."

And it's like, "No, Lucy,
you're leaving."

And I said, "Put your hands
on my shoulder."

So she put her two hands on my
shoulder sort of like this in reverse

and I grabbed... I held them like this
because she wasn't going to get away.

[N. J. Burkett] As soon as I got to
the door, there's a security guy there,

grabs me by my arm,
drags me through

and he says, "They need you
in the newsroom."

I get in the elevator.

The elevator is
four floors, right.

The elevator doors open up, I step
off the elevator, I walk five paces,

I step into the newsroom,
huge gasp goes up.

[explosion]

[man 7] Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

Oh, [bleep] my.

[man 8] That's the other one.
That's terrorists.

[man 8]
That's terrorist, bro.

The assistant news director
turned to me and he said,

"Grab the next cameraman
out of the garage, go downtown."

[interviewer] Was there
any [inaudible] on your part?

No, I... I wanted to go.

No, I... No, no, no, that...
that's the job, you go.

I looked up and saw the
second plane hit the South Tower.

I could see the flames, but most of
all I could feel them burrowing deeper

and deeper and deeper, and
through my clothes, and through...

my skin.

I began to feel my
consciousness slipping away

and I screamed to my son,
"Tyler, I can't leave you now.

I won't leave you now."

-[woman 3] Let's go back a little more.
-[Lauren] I really can't.

[woman 3]
You like about this.

[Lauren] We're watching
some really graphic footage

that I don't think
you've seen before,

although you were there
for a lot of it.

I couldn't stand seeing
the pity in their eyes.

It's all in a day's work, huh?

They diagnosed me with an 82.5
percent total body burn,

most of it third
and fourth degree.

A fight that no one thought I
would be able to come out of.

The three months in the ICU,

I learned to walk again,

uh, to do things like sit up
through extraordinary pain

and open wounds
that did not heal for years.

I felt then the way I feel today,
which is incredibly grateful and strong.

I have so much to do with my life
but I feel so sorry for that person.

She was...
It's tough to look at.

I got beat up pretty bad.

Usually while I'm standing, I do
some movements to keep limber.

I was happier
in a sense back then.

Life was simple.

I've spent so much time in bed.

I had, through my injury,
that beautiful moment

of being able to be strong
and unabashedly myself,

whereas in business, uh,

there wasn't a time that
there weren't unwanted passes,

there wasn't a time where
a role wasn't most often

given to, um, a man
before a woman.

Finally had a moment
where I could be myself.

You had one goal, and it was
to get back on your feet.

- [Lauren] Yeah, it was really easy.
- And you did it.

Now the... the world has
rushed back in, in so many ways

and all the, uh...
all the debris,

of all the side effects
of everything that happened

that hit this family have, uh...

come home in a sense.

I think of my son and, uh...

I just think that, you know,
in summation it's all really...

for him.

Put it down, Tyler.
Hello kid.

Hi.

[Tyler] You know, what happened
with my mom obviously took a toll on me.

- It's mommy. See?
- He knows.

[Tyler] Like, I've had, you know,
my own emotional bouts, so to speak.

I had PTSD but, in my mind,
I didn't think it was as severe.

But my PTSD, I don't think
it generates sadness,

I think it generates just
extreme levels of anger.

[Lauren] I think though that what
you've done is be incredibly brave.

I mean, yeah, as I said like I try to model
myself after you, be incredibly brave.

But when you've seen someone that
has gone through an attempted murder

and who is physically
torn apart...

[Tyler] It doesn't make me sad,
it gets me really, really angry.

- [Lauren] Yeah.
- [Tyler] I know who that man is.

I'll say his name freely as much
as I want, I don't know, you know,

if it would be appropriate
to say what I really think

- about that man on this camera but...
- [interviewer] Who's that?

Osama bin Laden. I would do
ungodly things to that man's body.

I would not let him die
for a single second of it.

I would not, you know, let his eyes close
or let him try and kill himself. Like...

That man would suffer
greatly by my hands.

You know, I wish they brought him
here just so I could torture this man.

It shouldn't be like a hobby.

I... I despise...

him to such an extent, like,

it's unbelievable the lengths
I'd go just...

to, like, inflict
physical pain on him. Like...

Yeah, I'd hurt him.
I'd really hurt him.

I guess my mere presence
is sometimes a trigger.

Anger about why were you
there, why weren't you faster?

How could you not understand
what was happening?

Why are you the mother
that looks like this?

You know,
why didn't you die that day?

Maybe you should have, it
would have just been easier for us.

[man 9 on radio] Morning Cleveland,
it's United 93 with you at 350.

Intermittent light chop here
at 35. Any weather reports?

[man 10 on radio]
United 93, Cleveland 13337.

[man 9]
13337 get [inaudible].

[Melody Homer] Leroy specifically had
always wanted to work for United Airlines.

That was his dream job.

Even before he met me,
he probably had photo albums

filled of all the places
he'd been.

And he would, like, write on the
back of them where the place was.

And I'm like, "Why are you
writing on the back of them?"

He's like, "Well, what if
I forget when I'm old?"

He would send me postcards from places that
would come two weeks after he came home.

[laughs]

At some point I turned on
the television, um,

my phone started ringing
incessantly

with people wanting to know
where Leroy was.

And that's when I started
to just feel panicked.

They didn't know what was going on and
how many more planes had been hijacked.

I had called the
United Airlines flight office.

They said everything was okay
with his flight

and specifically the phrase
the person said,

"Don't worry, I promise you
everything is okay."

She said to me, um,

"Would you like me to send a
message to him in the cockpit?"

And I said, "Yes, um...

please just tell him that I just wanted
to make sure that he was okay."

That... that point he would have wondered,
"What... what in the world is going on?"

[man 11] [inaudible] are
you watching the [inaudible]?

[voice continues indistinctly]

[siren wailing]

[N. J. Berkett]
So the plan on the way down

was for us to get into
one of the towers.

I want to be there with the firemen, I
want to document these heroic rescues,

I want to see the heroism and
the bravery of the firefighters.

We parked a block
from the North Tower.

You know, I come around
the corner, I look up...

I couldn't believe
what I was seeing.

There was just no way
we could get close enough...

to the... to the towers
to get inside.

And I went over to the chief
and he directed me to the...

to work out of the North Tower.

I took out the fact
that it was a plane.

To me was a fire in a
high-rise, we got to get up there,

we got to try to put out the fire
and save as many people as we can

above and below the fire.

[Rich] Everybody in the stairwell
was very focused on getting out.

Because I was slower
with Lucy...

I would be three or four steps
below and she would lean into me.

Right, and I would
take... Go down like this.

And then we went down
slow, slow, slow.

And then as we got down lower,
I saw the first firefighter come up.

And I still remember the faces on
firemen as they're making their way up,

you know, as we're going down.

You know, their job was just
to come up and help people

and there wasn't panic
on their faces.

People didn't know
what was going on,

but they did, um,

but didn't let that
on to anybody.

[N. J. Berkett] You had these
guys standing there,

I mean they're standing like...
like soldiers waiting to go into battle.

Some of them who were just sort of
staring up at the towers unblinking...

wondering if they were going
to be sent in clearly.

[man 12] Is there anything that the fire
department can do about a fire that high up?

They're up 80, 90 stories.

[woman 4] My gut feeling
is no, there... there are...

[Mike Walter] So I worked for USA
Today at the time here in Washington, DC.

I was thinking this is probably
the biggest story of my lifetime.

And if I get to New York, you know,
this is going to be a huge story to cover.

I was cussing like, "God, I
wish the traffic would move."

And you're kind of hitting the
steering wheel and you're just stuck.

That's when I decided, you know,
you need to roll down the window

and kind of calm down, you're
going to have a heart attack,

you're acting
like an idiot and stuff.

And that's when
I put my arm out.

[Sheila Moody] It was my
first day at the Pentagon.

I, um, had gotten online
with an email

and had just, um, pulled up some
of my old co-workers from New York,

and sent them an email just to
let them know that I was online.

I think I probably put in the text,
"Hey, I'm a small fish in a big pond

but, heh... but I'm here."

And it was such a crystal blue sky
that day and it was a brisk kind of feel.

And that's when I heard
the jet and then I looked up,

and I saw it as it started
to turn and bank and dive.

And... and it's just
so astonishing.

Holy [bleep], the Pentagon.

[man 13]
Where is it? Oh!

[Mike]
Leave those cameras running!

A fireball just goes
right beside me.

I'm sitting in my cubicle and the
first thought that popped in my mind is,

"What kind of
a place is this?"

Things were on fire around us,
I could hear people moaning.

I heard one lady scream,
"I can't move."

And then it was like silence.

[Mike] They say, you know,
things are in slow motion.

It really did seem like
it was in slow motion.

Everybody on that plane is dead.

All those areas where people
were sitting at desks or at their job

or, you know, or maybe they're
getting a cup of coffee or whatever,

they're all incinerated.

[Sheila] There was another
lady behind me named Antoinette.

Antoinette had this beautiful purple
sweater that she had worn to work that day.

And I caught a quick glimpse of
her silhouette through the smoke

and I could see that it
looked like her sweater

had kind of melted
or burned on her.

She said she... she said
"My skin is on fire."

She says, "I feel like I'm just
burning. My skin is on fire."

And I told her, I said, "I know
it hurts, baby, I know it hurts,

but we have got to find
a way to get out of here."

And then I heard a voice,
"Is there anybody in here?"

And I called back, "Yes, we're
here!" He says, "I can't see you."

I was like, "I can't see you
either," I said, "but we're in here.

We're in here."

And as I'm reaching out
through the smoke,

there's a hand on the other
side and he grabs me,

and he pulls me
and he pulls me out.

I mean it was like a cruise
missile with wings went right there

and slammed
right into the Pentagon.

And the toughest thing
for me right now is,

I've got a 14-year-old daughter

and a lot of her friends have
parents who work in the Pentagon

and I just talked to her
on the phone

and those kids are going
through agony tonight.

They don't know if they're okay.

At some point a public affairs guy from
the Air Force came up to me and he said,

"I heard that you witnessed
the plane going to the Pentagon."

I just started like
sobbing uncontrollably.

I was just like... I dissolved into tears
and I was really kind of embarrassed about it

because here's this guy in uniform and,
you know, quite buff, and very military,

and here I am this kind of
like weak-kneed, uh, guy crying.

And I said to him, I said,
you know, "This isn't like me,"

you know, and, "I've been...
Went to Somalia

and I've covered all these stories, I
don't know why I'm acting like this."

And I'll never forget this, he, uh, threw
his arms around me and started hugging me,

and he's like,
"You're in a state of shock,"

you know,
"This is perfectly natural.

You shouldn't be ashamed
of anything."

[Katie Walter] Man, this is
really good with this tomato.

[Mike] It's really good
with the basil just incredible.

[Katie]
Just incredible.

[Mike] So we had a guy who
lived two doors over, right.

He'd been in Iraq and in
these kind of situations.

He said the problem was,
you know, you weren't activated.

He goes, "When I get activated
to go overseas,

- I'm activated, I'm prepared for that." And, uh...
- [Katie] I agree.

Yeah, and he said, you know,
"You just weren't activated that day,

so, um, that's why it was
so shocking and jarring."

We've had conspiracy theorists
say that he...

It just was an illusion to him, that
it was really a papier-mache bomb.

-[interviewer] Are you serious?
-Oh, my God, you haven't...

he unfortunately invited him
to our house.

[Mike]
Okay, all right, all right.

[Katie]
Truly he was fascinated.

Yeah, because I mean to me
it was just like it's all out there,

it's so easy to understand
that this really happened

for somebody to kind of
question it at all.

I just kind of wanted
to understand why.

So... Uh, so she's right,
she was really mad at me,

the kids were really mad at me
I had these people over.

We barbecued some chicken and
stuff and sat there with them.

But I was just trying to,
you know, understand them.

I mean, to me
it was fascinating.

So I told him what I saw
that day and he said,

"Well, you know, sometimes
your eyes can play tricks on you."

[Katie scoffs]

Really, really sad stuff.

[Mike] The result is, you know, somebody
invites you to do an interview like this

and you have an opportunity to talk, you
talk because their narrative's out there.

And if your narrative isn't out there
competing against their narrative, then...

You know, if this is the space
and they're occupying most of it,

then people start thinking that way,
they start drifting in that direction.

And you don't want
that to happen.

Look at the time...

it's 9:11.

- Oh, it's that's so funny.
- [Mike laughs]

[Bill]
I'm in the North Tower.

I saw a bunch of civilians
that were exiting a staircase.

My thinking was,
"Let's go to that staircase,

find out how we can direct the people the
quickest way to get out of this building."

And... and it looked like, uh, a bunch
of little ants coming out of an ant hole

and they didn't know
where they were going.

I still remember so vividly that point
of turning around the last stairwell

and seeing flash of light coming in
because you now finally made it out.

[Bill] I wanted to know how much
of the building we were evacuating

to see how well we were doing.

I remember the highest number
I was told was the 70th floor.

"What floor you're from?"
And they are 70th.

And I said,
"We're doing a good job."

And then, uh,
only moments later...

it seemed I heard... I heard a
loud rumble coming from above.

Take two.
Take two and two, one.

This is as close as we can get to
the base of the World Trade Center.

You can see the firemen assembled
here, the police officers, FBI agents,

and you can see the two towers, a huge
explosion, raining debris on all of us.

Got to get out of the way!

[sirens blaring]

[rumbling]

[Bill] I remember I'm thinking it was the
building I was in that was coming down.

It was the loudest noise
you ever heard in your life.

The twisting metal and the building
coming down as eight subway cars

coming into a train station at the
same time with their brakes squealing.

In my memory,
it was silent and slow motion

but it must have been so, so loud
because this noise made me look up.

And I look up to see
the South Tower collapse,

this big cloud coming down.

There was a fire engine
on the other side of the road.

I hadn't even made it
and it was down.

It was 110-story building.

It bought us a couple
of seconds.

I turned around
and there was a door.

The door wasn't locked.

Go through the door...

and we ran through the door.

There were people who...

There were people who, um,
did not, um, get to the door

that, um...

that... that...
that did not survive.

[Vanessa] To even see the sun
sort of coming through this haze,

an officer had come up to me and said, "Do
you want me to take you away from this?"

I'd seen my flip-flop
peering out of the rubble

and I turned and said, you
know, "I need to get my flip-flop."

He said to me, "I think you've got
more important things to worry about."

We just walked away.

[man 14]
Marty, I'm [inaudible].

We don't know
what's happened inside.

What we know we have to do is
just keep running the other way.

The firemen are going this
way, so are the police officers.

We don't know what's happening.

The only light around
was my flashlight.

Now I heard these people
screaming on the other side of that door

"Help! Help!" and all.

I said, these are the same people
I just told, "Good job, you made it."

And I felt so responsible
for them.

Plus, the people that are
inside the stairwell were with me.

I tried getting that
doorway open

and I couldn't,
it seemed blocked.

I was watching
everything unfold on TV

and I just got this wave of... of...
of... panic and just sheer terror.

And then the phone clicked and
it was Brian from the firehouse.

And he said to me, um,
"Nancy, Danny's been hurt.

I'm coming to get you."

And you know that's not good.

Like, they're not coming to
get you if he broke his arm.

[indistinct dialogue]

[N. J. Berkett]
I said to Marty, I said,

"You know what,
you got to roll on everything.

Roll on everything."

And I said roll
until you run out of tape...

because this is history.

And this is literally
the first draft of history.

Just tell me, what... What did
you see? What did it look like?

Clearly people
could not even form words.

[crying]

That was my first real moment

where I stood back from it

and began to process

the enormity
of what had happened.

I was in newsman mode
for the, you know...

the... the hour leading up
to all of that.

[Nancy]
Brian picked me up.

We didn't speak the whole ride.

But there was not one car
on the road,

just us.

It was eerie.

We pull up to Bellevue

and there are nurses
and doctors,

and they're standing outside.

No one was coming.

And I ran inside.

They were lined up
in the hallway,

all of the guys
from his firehouse.

And Chief Jankowski stood up.

And I said, "Where is he?"

And he just looked at me
and he was like, um...

"Nancy..."
And I'm like, "Where is he?"

And he was like, "He's gone."

I looked up
and there was Chris Barry,

another guy who was
with Dan that day,

and he was gray...

and no one would look at me.

No one would look at me.

[Bill] John D'Allara,
this emergency service cop,

was coming down
the stairs at that point

and he asked me, "What's up?"

Just like that, like,
"What's up?" And I said, uh,

"I think we're
trapped in here."

I said,
"Get all these civilians."

I said,
"The door seems blocked."

And then he and I, we just
started pounding against that door.

And each time we hit it,

we got it open a little bit more

and finally we got it open
wide enough.

And I remember telling him,
"You stay here at the door

and keep this door open
and I'm going to go out

in that area with my flashlight

and I'm going to bring those
people back to this doorway."

And I remember telling them, "If
you could see my light, I'm a fireman,

come to my light."

About 15 people came to my light

and I remember putting
a hand on the wall,

and said, "Follow this wall
back, it goes to a doorway

and go in that doorway,"
and they did.

And it seemed
to evacuate that area.

And John came over to me.

I said, "Where do you work?" And
he says, "ESU, too, up in Harlem."

And I said, "We come
from opposite ends of the city

basically to respond here."
And, yeah, we have. And...

And then out of nowhere...

he says to me,
"My wife's name is Carol."

I remember, I said to him,
"My wife's name is Cynthia."

And then he says he has
a seven-year-old boy.

I said I got a six-year-old boy.

And I believe he said that he
had a two-year-old boy.

And I have a two-month-old
boy, I said.

That's what we talked about

for the next ten minutes
or so, our family.

I don't know whatever
brought that upon us

to be talking
about our families.

That's never happened
in an emergency situation.

It's almost like...

you're telling
the other person...

your eulogy or something.

Apparently
what had happened was...

somebody who, uh,
had fallen from the building

landed on him...

as he and his group were
going into the South Tower.

It cracked
his forehead in half...

broke his nose,

broke his eye socket,

broke his neck.

I just remember
they brought me in

and he was covered up to here.

I remember just kissing him
on the cheek

and whispering in his ear...

and telling him
that I would always love him,

and I would make sure
Brianna knew him.

And she would know
that he was a wonderful man...

and he would be part
of our lives forever.

He was so proud of the fact

that he played football
since he was six years old

and never broke his nose.

And I remember thinking, "God, he's
got to be [bleep] off he broke his nose."

From what I understand, the person
who ended up hitting him was a woman.

Um...

People have asked me,
you know, like,

aren't you angry and I'm like,
"Are you kidding me?"

What... what... what was
her last thoughts?

What... The nightmare...
The nightmare.

But he was going
into the South Tower.

The South Tower collapsed.

He was going to die
one way or the other that day.

I just remember thinking
I have to go home.

I have to do laundry.

I have to get Brianna.

I need it normal.
I need to go home.

I need to get my daughter
and I need to go home.

And then it's going
to be okay if I go home.

If I just go home,
it's going to be okay.

And here comes Brianna.

"Where's Daddy?
Where's Daddy?"

And I knelt down,

and I looked her straight
in the face and I said,

"He went to heaven
to be with God."

And she said, "Why?"

And I said, "Because
a bad thing happened today

and God needed good people
to help Him."

And she was
kind of like, "Okay,"

and she walked away.

It's been a while.

[recorded voice]
Tuesday, 9:06 a.m.

[indistinct dialogue]

It's like,
"Hey babe, just called...

called to say that I'm...
I love you.

Everything's fine.
I'll talk to you later."

[indistinct dialogue]

In the beginning,
right after he died,

I'd listen to it
a hundred times a day.

[indistinct dialogue]

[recorded voice]
End of messages.

It was just about me
holding it together...

making sure she gets to school,

making sure she goes to parties,

making sure her home life
is warm and loving and...

and she was
always going to have me.

It was... It didn't matter, she
was always going to have me.

Where's Brianna?
In her beautiful room?

I am.

- Where are you?
- I'm right here.

And sometimes there was guilt.

I would... I would feel guilty

that I am getting the chance
to watch her grow.

And people would be like,
"Well, you should enjoy it,

you know, twice as much
for him." And I'm like,

"Yeah, that's...
That's not a thing."

I wore black for a long time.

Crazy Italian lady.

Um, but everything
that I wore with him,

I packed away

with his clothes because
that was my life with him.

[interviewer] How long
did you wear black for?

Till 2005.

[interviewer]
You only wore black?

I only wore black.

[interviewer] Wow.

Yeah.

It feels disloyal...

to not be in excruciating pain
every day like you were.

It hurt to breathe.

Some people actually
have full other lives.

They... they remarry.

They have children
with that person.

They... they have
the dream again.

So does that make me pathetic?

I think it just makes me
heartbroken.

I think it just makes me
somebody who lost

her favorite person
in the whole world.

When we join the military
and raise our right hand

and take our oath of service
or oath of office,

we understand

that there's the potential
for us to lose our lives.

All of us shared
the same emotion

of urgency to get airborne,

to protect and defend.

It was after
the Pentagon was hit

that Vice President Cheney said,

"Aren't there fighters
at Andrews?"

Like, "Someone
get them airborne."

And that orders came from him
through the Secret Service.

But we were still configured
for training.

You know, I've had people say,

"Well, how come you didn't
have missiles on board?"

We don't fly around
with hot missiles.

We don't fly around
with hot bombs.

We don't even store them
all made up together.

They live in the bomb dump
way like

far off beyond the golf course
and the fishing lake.

They believed
there was an aircraft

that had turned around

and was coming
down the Potomac River,

which would mean headed for the
White House or the Capitol Building.

That aircraft had been
taken over by terrorists.

The fate of those passengers
was sealed.

In that sense,
they were already dead.

And our job was simply
to prevent more deaths.

So we knew then

that was when we would
have to ram the jet.

We're airborne.

And Sass says,
"I'll take the cockpit,"

and I would take the tail.

Like a kamikaze,

neither one of us
would be coming back.

[Rick King] Shanks was just a nice
small town about 200 people, I think.

Great place to raise children.

You know, it's a small town
but still a lot of things to do.

You know, have a great little
league baseball program

that, you know,
the community has...

and sports like that.

This isn't going well.

[chuckles]

In 2001, September,

my wife and I owned
Ida store on main street.

Then I'm back and forth,
you know, through the morning

from the store to the house,
you know,

around, I don't know,
nine o'clock or so,

turned TV on and was watching,
these things were unfolding.

[man 15] The plan that they
hope they never have to implement,

the plan that they spent
years...

[Rick] Right around ten
o'clock, I called my sister Jody.

As we were talking,
she said to me,

"Rick," she said.
"I hear a plane."

And I said, "Okay."

Didn't really think much of it.

And she said,
"No, it's... it's loud."

[whirring]

Immediately I heard the plane,
I heard the engine's roaring.

Seconds later,

it hit and my porch
just rumbled and shook,

and I saw the fireball
going up in the sky.

Jody said to me,

"Oh, my God, it crashed!"

And I said, "I know,"
and I said, "I got to go."

[man 16 on radio] Somerset
County, all units responding.

Plane down.

Switch to central operation.

[Rick] I was the assistant
fire chief at the time,

but we've never trained for
commercial airline crashes.

[Melody] Someone from
United Airlines called again.

He asks me, "Are you alone?"

And he said, "I think
that last plane was LeRoy's."

And...

I was, um, next to the window.

I remember just slamming
my hand against the glass.

I was... I was just beating it
and I was...

I was just saying,
"No, no, no."

I... I just said, "You pro...

you promised me
that he was okay."

[crying]

[Rick] I remember pulling up,
you know, seeing the scene.

I just remember
getting out and walking

and I'm wondering,
"Where is this plane?"

There was no fuselage,
there were no wings,

there were no...
there was no tail.

There's nothing, you know,

just debris through the...
through the trees,

you know, into...

into the woods but, you know,
there are no people.

[Melody]
What we were explained is that

with all the jet fuel
and the fire,

the human body is so made up
of liquid that...

You know...

there wasn't very much
left of anything.

[Rick] As I was walking
down the power line,

I was looking
on the ground and...

and then I did start to see
some small pieces, body parts.

Bone fragments, um, some skin,

a little bit of blood
here and there,

But nothing that I could recognize
that it was a human being.

[interviewer]
In the days after,

the focus became the story

of the fight back on Flight 93.

[man 17] The voice recorder
picked up the sound of the passengers

outside the cockpit door.

One yelled, "In the cockpit!
If we don't, we'll die!"

We have seen it
in the courage of passengers,

who rushed terrorists
to save others on the ground.

Passengers
like an exceptional man

named Todd Beamer.

And would you please help me
welcome his wife,

Lisa Beamer, here tonight?

[applause]

It was a story that everyone
probably needed to hear

and wanted to hear.

He said that a group of them

were getting ready
to do something

and then he hung up
and he never called back.

He went down fighting.

[Melody] But it wasn't just
the passengers.

Everybody had
their role to play.

None of the crew are mentioned
in their narratives.

People would say to me,

"There was a black pilot
on that flight?"

That's how little they knew

about who was in the cockpit.

And that's a huge part
of the story.

But the heroes
had been identified

at that point
in everybody's mind...

and nobody wants
to sort of rewrite history.

It felt like
that was a hijacking

of everybody else's stories
and everybody else's grief.

I feel protective of Leroy

and I feel protective
of his legacy.

[Rick] Life kind of turned
upside down.

Visitors coming through,

wanting to know the story,
what happened.

You know, as they're driving by,

if you're on the...
on the street

or on your porch, um,
you know, talking to you.

I'm not saying it was a burden,
you know, we were gracious.

It was just something that,
you know,

you dealt with on a daily basis,

especially myself, you know,

being one
of the first responders.

I mean it definitely was a
life-changing event for all of us.

[interviewer] And where...
where do you work now?

[Rick]
I work at Snyder of Berlin,

just about five miles from here.

It's a potato chip factory,
snacks, um, popcorn,

cheese curls, things like that.

Very less stressful
than jobs I've had before.

Yeah, I enjoy it.
It's close to home.

It's probably somewhere
I'll just stay until I retire.

[Heather]
The passengers on Flight 93

should never have been put
into a position

to have to make that choice.

We failed Americans

because of so many layers.

Soviet Union falls and...

and suddenly we believe
it's the end of history...

and we just let our guard down.

If you look back
at the timeline,

Flight 93 was already down
by the time we took off.

There was no way that
we could have intercepted it.

If the passengers had not made
the choices that they did

and took the actions
that they did,

that aircraft would have
crashed into the Capitol Building.

I was 26 when 9/11 happened,
I was really young.

I wasn't anybody.

In the years that followed,

I was just simply doing...

what everyone else in my
fighter squadron was doing,

doing training missions,
deploying overseas.

Going to Iraq in '03,
I was a nighttime Scud hunter.

I was flying at night
wearing night vision goggles,

uh, hunting mobile Scud
ballistic missiles.

I finally had to leave the jet

because I just couldn't
balance everything

as a single mom.

[interviewer] You sort of
worry about the world

that your daughter's
growing up in

compared to the one
you grew up in?

[Heather] I do.

9/11 was the gestation,

really the... the very
beginning of the forever wars

that... that America
has found itself embroiled in.

Obviously there's all
the blood and treasure

that has been spent
on those wars...

but there's no doubt in my mind

that, uh,
9/11 was a turning point,

not just for America's history
but for...

for the globe in general.

[Rich]
We get down to the lobby level

and that's when I started to
realize that this was something big.

I remember looking out like this

and particularly to my left because
that was the really main lobby,

uh, and the windows
were all broken,

it was completely covered in ash

and there were these
security guards, I'll never forget.

[people clamoring]

They're walking towards the exit

and they go, "No, run!
Run! Run!"

So, you know,
what I grabbed Lucy's hand

and, you know,
and... and the two of us run.

One of the
security guards goes, uh,

"Don't look right!
Don't look right!"

So obviously first thing
you do is you look right.

And I look out

and that was the plaza
between the two buildings.

It looked like a battlefield.

And all I saw
were debris and bodies.

And the one I remember
in particular,

there was a man about my age,

uh, with dark hair
wearing a white shirt,

dark pants, black shoes.

That day I was wearing
a white shirt,

dark pants, black shoes.

You're almost looking
into destiny's mirror.

[Bill]
I looked around the room,

it was me and three other
firemen that were left.

And his sergeant was there,
Sergeant Curtin.

And he pointed right at me,
he pointed his finger,

I remember him saying, "I think we
should get out of this building now."

And the EMT started to grab me

because I was covered in blood,

and I said,
"No, no, no, it's her.

She has... she has a breathing thing
going on, you better take care of her."

So they took Lucy that way

and the EMT took me
by my wrist this way,

and then we were just about
to get into the ambulance

when someone yelled,
"Watch out!"

And I remember turning around
like this and thinking myself,

I mean, come on, I mean,
what do you mean watch out?

What... what could happen
now, right?

And he looked up
and I looked up,

and I could see the top of one
World Trade, the antenna,

it started to wobble.

And then I saw sheets
of concrete or something

coming out like, being ejected.

And next thing I know, I see it

right over my right shoulder
start to implode.

And I just ran
from the falling building.

Oh, my God, there it goes!

[rumbling]

At this point in time when we
were exiting the building,

I did not notice South Tower
had come down.

I didn't know all the
destruction around us already.

I took one step,
I got blown about 40 feet.

But I crawled into a window...

I just kind of tumbled
into the room.

I went under a desk,
I got into like a ball.

I felt so vulnerable
as I was getting buried.

And I see this cloud, look like
a tornado coming towards me,

this as tall as the buildings

swirling with what looked like
debris in there,

uh, coming towards me.

We stood behind the pillar
and we just covered our eyes.

I remember at one point
looking up like this.

I couldn't see my fingertips.

It was completely pitch black.

It was cold and it was quiet.

And I remember
thinking to myself,

"All right, this is what
it's like to be dead.

I can handle this."

[Bill] The image of them
flashed in front of me,

my older son, my younger son.

And when the image of my
younger son flashed in front of me...

I said, "Man,
you'll never know your dad."

Now it was for sure I was
never going to see him again.

[Rich]
I remember looking up again

and then it went
from black to gray

to like a beigey-looking thing,

um, and then it cleared up.

But then I suddenly realized

that my throat
was completely blocked

by the... by this cloud,
the debris in the cloud,

and I put my fingers
in my mouth,

and I dug my mouth out.

And poked...
poked my finger down my throat

to make an airway.

[man 18] What did you see?

Everything. I saw chaos.

It's just chaos out here,
really is.

I saw the Twin Towers fall.

It's amazing, it's crazy.

I can't believe it's
[bleep] happening.

I really can't.

Nightmares.
Armageddon right here.

[Bill] We're still alive

and I remember trying to take
a breath and I couldn't.

Police officer, he said,
"Are you all right?"

I said, "No, I can't breathe
and I can't see."

And he washed me off with
some bottled water they had.

We walked further up the block

and there was a chief there
who I knew.

I remember I walked up to him,
pretty beaten up,

I saluted, I said, "Chief,
there's been a collapse.

We've lost some men back there.

I got some guys, I know
where they went down."

And he said to me, "Bill, we
lost a lot of men here today."

He said, "Get in the ambulance
and get out of here."

John D'Allara went down

right in that area
where we were.

Every guy I had breakfast with
that morning,

there was 12 of us
working that day

and I was the only one to
live, the only one to come home.

People have asked me
in the past...

"Did people have time to worry?

People have time to think?"

It was so quick, it just came
down and that was it.

Wow.

[Malcolm]
The events of 9/11

seeing it on television
all the time,

it is pretty horrific.

I would not like to be
in any public service at all.

Obviously we had lots of them

after the actual event
that first year.

I much rather be on my own.
It's my son.

I'll think about him,
you know, quietly myself.

Every year on the anniversary,

I go back
to the Rhinog mountains.

I've done for 20 years.

I find it means more to me
being here on my own.

You look around, this
is a beautiful place to be.

Beautiful place to be.

The one time of the year
I can concentrate on Geoff

and I can really think
deeply about Geoff,

be upset all I want,
to be on my own.

It's a concentration
of grief at that time.

Remember quite clearly
Geoff's first words.

We lived in the countryside
with the fields all round

and his very first words
were "combine harvester".

He was very, very full of fun

and used to bridge
all the gaps between people.

I certainly miss

what he would have been now,
what he would have achieved.

He should have been alive today.

He would have been...

He would have been a real
essential character today.

Matthew tends to be so occupied,

trying to refine the details
of how Geoff got killed.

He almost thinks
about nothing else.

[Matthew] So this is actually
only about 50 percent

of the books that I bought
to do with 9/11.

It's extremely hard
to connect the dots

and actually see that there is
a much bigger picture

than the initial story
we were first told.

But it's an attempt
I've got to try.

And it totally consumes you.

I was probably just
overstepping a mark

and spending too much time
on this stuff, you know.

[Malcolm] I think it is
a bit unhealthy, yes.

Uh, I mean I'm trying to balance

this fine line
between supporting him,

on the other hand
trying to stand back a bit

and think, "Matthew,

you sure Geoff
would want this?"

Or, would he not say look,

"We can't recover what happened,

so get on with your life.

Try and think about that."

[Matthew] If it had been a lot
more transparent in terms of,

you know, the investigation,

there weren't all these
unanswered questions,

it would have been way easier
just to move on.

But because I sort of opened
this can of worms,

it's not easy to put back.

We've never spent
an anniversary together.

I don't know if I'd be
any closer to my dad

with or without Geoff dying.

You sort of find
your own way in life,

don't you, as a... as a bloke.

And that's the way I am
and it's the way my dad is.

And that's partly
just not having

those conversations with dad,

but it's also him
not offering it.

[interviewer]
Would you've wanted Malcolm

to put an arm around you
after September 11?

Um...

I don't.

[stammers]
Well... But... I mean, you're,

you know, a strong character
is the way you are.

You... You know,
I don't know how you've...

you've coped over the...

I said I don't know
what it'd be like to...

to lose a... a child
but, you know, um...

[Malcolm] I've always been
sort of self-dependent and,

you know,
inward looking somewhat,

I suppose that might...
might be the result of that.

I don't know.

But, uh...

But we haven't really
sat down as,

certainly not us
and not really as a family,

sat down and talked
about the impact of,

- you know...
- [Malcolm] Not in 20 years.

what happened and...
and, you know...

- [interviewer] Never?
- No.

[Malcolm]
Not as a family, no.

I don't know whether
it'd achieve anything, do you?

Um...

I think I probably would have
avoided ten years of depression.

[both laugh]

Ready?

- You ready?
- [man 19] Yeah.

Was it clear to you

that the firemen were seeking
shelter inside the rigs?

On 9/12, I covered the story,

slept in the satellite truck
at Ground Zero.

On 9/13,

covered the news all day,

slept in
the satellite truck again.

Covered the news on 9/14,

did the six o'clock news
and then went home.

At the time I thought 9/11
was just the beginning.

That we were going to have
suicide bombers in Broadway shows,

suicide bombers on the subways.

I thought that this was
sort of the...

the opening salvo

of an ongoing series

of terrorism attacks
on New York.

Started to rule my world.

When is the next event
going to happen?

We are, all of us,
survivors of 9/11.

If you were alive on 9/12,
you're a survivor of 9/11.

I'm out of the car

and my wife is there,
and we hugged and hugged.

So I said to my wife, I said,
"Where's Jay?"

She said, "Oh,
he's up in his room."

Went upstairs,
poked my head into his room,

I said, "Jay!"

He looks up at me
and he says, "Hi, Dad."

And my son was not even four.

He had built towers
with his wooden blocks

and had a model plane

that he was smashing
into the... into the blocks.

[scoffs]

[interviewer]
When you saw that,

was there any part of you
that regretted

not having come home sooner?

No, and, you know what,
it's interesting, Arthur,

because nobody's ever
asked me that question.

Should I've come home sooner?

Maybe so.

[Nancy] They brought
me down to Ground Zero.

That day they found someone
and you watch them...

flag, stand at attention.

The respect,
everything stopped dead...

and they bring the person up.

It was just beyond
anyone's comprehension

of what was going on.

These firefighters
are so damaged.

Certain things,
once you've seen them...

you could just never not see.

My heart is broken
for all of them.

[Bill] The group is made up
of retired firemen.

Just like the firehouse
kitchen would be.

It's the same type
of joking around

that goes on
and the same on the course.

[Nancy]
Danny's funeral was on Monday

and people waited
for hours to see me.

People just kept coming
and coming,

thousands and thousands
of people.

It was the
most incredible thing.

Firefighters
in their turnout gear,

covered in dust,
had come from Ground Zero.

Just... they just kept coming.

[interviewer] Do you think in a
way, Bill, going to all those funerals,

it must have been really
traumatizing experience?

Yeah, you kind of lose emotion.

It was just one after another

one week after another
and lasted 11 weeks.

There's just so many guys.

I realized
it wasn't healthy for me.

So I just was going
to one... one a day.

I never thought I'd live more
than two years after 9/11,

two, three years at the most

due to my breathing,
so many difficulties.

At least it was positive.

I was going to see
my boys for some time.

So every day it goes by now,
it's... it's all good, yeah.

And my two boys are doing great.

I... I couldn't
ask more from them, uh...

I'm glad I got to experience
these last 20 years.

And if I wake up tomorrow,
it'll be... it'll be good again.

- [Bill] Yeah!
- [man 20] Oh, yes!

There's a difference between
moving forward and moving on.

I've moved forward.

I haven't moved on.

Daddy will catch you.
Daddy will catch you.

There's a part of me
that will always be that day.

In a blink of an eye,
I'm back there.

[Rich] I was numb.

My survival mechanism
was... I just turned numb.

I used to feel like a visitor
from another planet.

I would come home
and it'd be like

returning back to a life
that no longer existed for me.

[grunting]

If you weren't
a first responder,

you were just a civilian
like I was.

And you have the same
psychological needs.

You have the same
physical needs.

You have to deal with medical
and government systems

that you normally
would never deal with, right?

You don't even know
what you're supposed to do.

You're part of a great unwashed.

If you were a civilian,
an office worker

or a tradesman
or worked in a store...

it's very real for you.

But we were just forgotten.

We became a footnote
in the story.

[Vanessa] I wanted to
stay there more than ever.

But I then just got to a point

that I actually couldn't
handle the way I was feeling

and the fear that I had.

And the sort of panics, that
noises and sounds and smells.

I called a friend because I...

I think I said to her,
"I'm scared.

What I'm going to do if...

if I don't leave?"

Because I couldn't...
I couldn't keep, um...

It was that thing
of I can't live with,

this fear and this emotion and
this feeling that I have right now.

Um, so, we literally booked a flight,
she came... She flew home with me.

Um, which was amazing.

I was scared

because I couldn't cope with
feeling the way I was feeling.

I loved that city. Loved it.

Such amazing friends there.

I had... Yeah,
I had a great life there.

Even with the studio space
in the towers,

I'm still so thankful

of having an opportunity
to be in a space like that.

[Bill]
My dad was a printer.

He worked in downtown Manhattan.

And when I got to be
about 13 years old,

my dad and mom would let me
travel to the city by myself.

I always said to myself,

"People from all over
the world travel many miles,

they spend a lot of money
to vacation here in New York,

and I'm a boat ride away."

Every time I traveled
on the ferry,

I took a picture
of those towers.

I cherish them.

It brings back the memories of
when they still dominated the skyline.

[melancholy music playing]