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1
00:00:06,608 --> 00:00:07,942
ALL RIGHT,
LISTEN UP, PEOPLE.
2
00:00:07,976 --> 00:00:12,280
TODAY, WE'RE GONNA
TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS
DURING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.
3
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,215
UM, ARE WE GONNA
BE CHOOSING
LAB PARTNERS?
4
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,751
'CAUSE IF SO,
I GOT DIBS ON
DONNA HAGEN.
5
00:00:16,785 --> 00:00:19,020
NO, WE'RE NOT CHOOSING
LAB PARTNERS, TOMMY.
6
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:23,091
THEN WE'RE GONNA NEED
A MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE
C.P.R. DUMMY.
7
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:28,029
ALRIGHT, NOW, THE MALE AND
FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE CELLS
EACH CARRY HALF--YES?
8
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:31,633
I'M SORRY, BUT
THIS MATERIAL JUST
LACKS A CERTAIN, UM...
9
00:00:31,666 --> 00:00:33,668
I DON'T KNOW...
HOTNESS.
10
00:00:33,702 --> 00:00:36,905
LET'S TALK ABOUT
CELLULAR MEIOSIS.
11
00:00:36,938 --> 00:00:39,373
THERE ARE 5 STAGES--
UH, YES?
12
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:43,544
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA
TEACH US HOW TO
UNHOOK A BRA?
13
00:00:43,578 --> 00:00:44,879
WE'RE NOT LEARNING THAT.
14
00:00:44,913 --> 00:00:47,916
OK. WELL,
ALL THIS STUFF IS
VERY INTERESTING,
15
00:00:47,949 --> 00:00:51,085
BUT I'M NOT GONNA
GET TO ANY OF IT IF
I CAN'T UNHOOK A BRA.
16
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,556
SALLY, IS
MY SHIRT READY?
17
00:00:55,590 --> 00:00:56,424
IN A MINUTE.
18
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,392
SALLY, I'M STARVING.
WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
19
00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:00,028
OH, I MADE YOU
SOME HAMBURGERS.
20
00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,529
THEY'RE DOWN AT
THE HAMBURGER PLACE.
21
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,665
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS GO THERE, ORDER,
AND PAY FOR 'EM.
22
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,437
HI, THERE, SKIPPER.
BAD DAY AT SCHOOL?
23
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,506
YEAH. THEY DON'T
TEACH YOU ANYTHING
YOU CAN USE.
24
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:13,608
I HAD SEX ED
TODAY...
25
00:01:13,642 --> 00:01:17,511
OH. DID THEY TEACH YOU
HOW TO TAKE OFF A BRA?
26
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:18,913
NO. THAT'S
THE THING.
27
00:01:18,947 --> 00:01:22,183
IT'S ALL "ED"
AND NO SEX.
28
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:26,154
OH, TOMMY, HOW I
WISH WE COULD AFFORD
PRIVATE SCHOOL FOR YOU.
29
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:28,857
WELL, I'M GOING TO
DON'S. WE'RE GONNA
HAVE SEX TONIGHT.
30
00:01:28,890 --> 00:01:30,091
THAT SOUNDS
LIKE FUN.
OK.
31
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:32,360
HEY, SALLY,
ARE YOU OVULATING?
32
00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:37,398
NO. ARE YOU?
33
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,568
NO. BUT YOU OUGHT
TO BE CAREFUL
TONIGHT AT DON'S.
34
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,137
YOU KNOW, HE'S GOT
MILLIONS OF SPERM.
35
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,775
WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
36
00:01:46,808 --> 00:01:47,776
I JUST
LEARNED IT.
37
00:01:47,809 --> 00:01:49,043
I'M JUST SAYING
YOU DON'T WANNA
GET PREGNANT.
38
00:01:49,077 --> 00:01:51,145
PFFT! YOU CAN'T
GET PREGNANT
LIKE THAT.
39
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:53,514
YOU GET PREGNANT
FROM SITTING ON
A TOILET SEAT
40
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:56,818
OR SWIMMING IN A POOL
WITH SOME GUYS.
41
00:01:56,851 --> 00:01:58,753
OH, NO.
42
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,692
NO, THAT'S NOT
HOW IT HAPPENS.
43
00:02:03,725 --> 00:02:04,993
IT'S CAUSED
BY SEX.
44
00:02:05,026 --> 00:02:07,028
LIEUTENANT, YOU ARE
THE SECURITY OFFICER.
45
00:02:07,061 --> 00:02:11,199
IF YOU GOT PREGNANT,
IT WOULD SERIOUSLY
JEOPARDIZE OUR MISSION.
46
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,701
YOU NEVER SAID
ANYTHING BEFORE.
47
00:02:12,734 --> 00:02:15,069
WELL, YOU WEREN'T
GETTING THE REGULAR
NOOKIE BEFORE.
48
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,876
AND IT'S AN ENDLESS
RESPONSIBILITY.
49
00:02:21,910 --> 00:02:24,445
IT'LL MAKE YOUR FEET
SWELL UP.
50
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:28,983
GOD, YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT.
I CAN'T GET PREGNANT.
51
00:02:29,017 --> 00:02:30,952
I JUST GOT NEW SHOES.
52
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,360
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH YOUR CHANGE.
53
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:15,496
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T
BELIEVE HOW FLAKY
THAT SOLE WAS.
54
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,531
MM. YOU KNOW WHAT
I CAN'T BELIEVE?
55
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:18,967
THAT YOU'VE NEVER
BEEN PREGNANT.
56
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,602
WHAT?
57
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,972
CONSIDERING HOW MANY
"GENTLEMEN CALLERS"
YOU'VE HAD,
58
00:03:24,005 --> 00:03:26,140
IT'S KIND OF
A MIRACLE.
59
00:03:26,174 --> 00:03:28,309
DICK, I CAN'T
HAVE CHILDREN.
60
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:31,179
OH, MARY...
WHY NOT?
61
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:33,347
BECAUSE I HATE THEM.
62
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:35,984
OH, WELL...
WE'RE OK THEN.
63
00:03:36,017 --> 00:03:37,585
THANK YOU.
64
00:03:44,926 --> 00:03:46,160
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
65
00:03:46,194 --> 00:03:50,098
I'M JUST TAKING
THE LITTLE EXTRA MONEY
YOU ALWAYS LEAVE FOR ME.
66
00:03:50,131 --> 00:03:52,967
OH, MY GOD!
NO WONDER WE'RE
TREATED LIKE CRAP
67
00:03:53,001 --> 00:03:55,036
EVERYWHERE WE GO!
68
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:56,670
HOW CAN YOU BE
SO CHEAP?
69
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:57,638
I-I'M NOT CHEAP.
70
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,008
THEN PUT THE TIP
BACK ON THE TABLE.
THE WHAT?
71
00:04:00,041 --> 00:04:02,443
THE TIP.
IT WAS $10.
PUT IT BACK.
72
00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:05,179
UH, OF COURSE.
THE TIP.
73
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,317
GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU.
74
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:11,419
OH. THANK YOU.
75
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:16,624
MARY! THAT WAITRESS
JUST STOLE OUR TIP!
76
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:23,364
DON, THIS IS
SO SPECIAL--
77
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,733
THE WINE,
THE CANDLES...
78
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,803
THE FISH STICKS.
79
00:04:28,837 --> 00:04:30,905
I KNOW YOUR WEAK SPOT.
80
00:04:30,939 --> 00:04:32,140
RRAHHRR!
81
00:04:32,173 --> 00:04:34,475
HA HA HA HA!
82
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:39,113
YOU KNOW...
WE DON'T HAVE TO EAT
RIGHT NOW.
83
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,616
OH, YEAH?
84
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:46,520
WHY DON'T I FIRE UP
THE LAVA LAMP?
85
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:49,357
THE RED ONE?
86
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,259
OH, YEAH, BABY.
87
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:54,228
WILL YOU TURN ON
THE BLACK LIGHT
IN THE AQUARIUM?
88
00:04:54,262 --> 00:04:55,363
SURE, BABY.
89
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:58,632
DID YOU TAKE OUT
THE DEAD ANGEL FISH?
90
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,401
I WILL, BABY.
91
00:05:06,107 --> 00:05:07,541
WHAT?
I CAN'T!
92
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,910
IS IT BECAUSE
OF THE FISH STICKS?
93
00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:10,144
BECAUSE I COULD
BRUSH MY TEETH.
94
00:05:10,178 --> 00:05:11,479
NO, NO.
I LOVE FISH STICKS.
95
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:14,682
IT'S JUST...
I CAN'T HAVE SEX
WITH YOU TONIGHT.
WHY?
96
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:18,987
TOMMY GAVE ME
MILLIONS OF REASONS.
97
00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:20,889
THAT LITTLE BASTARD.
98
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,295
DID YOU FIND IT YET?
99
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:28,863
NO. WHY DIDN'T
YOU TELL ME
100
00:05:28,897 --> 00:05:31,933
THERE WAS A
RUSTY MEAL SURPRISE
GIFT IN THE BAG?
101
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,768
OH. WAIT A SECOND.
102
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,704
AH! THERE WE GO!
103
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:39,140
YEAH, I FOUND IT!
104
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:40,141
[ICE RATTLING]
105
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,443
[ICE RATTLING]
106
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,947
UM...
EXCUSE ME...
107
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,051
[ICE RATTLING]
108
00:05:50,084 --> 00:05:53,754
[CHANGE RATTLING]
109
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,698
DUDE, I'VE GOT,
LIKE, 40 BUCKS HERE.
110
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,167
HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE?
111
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,137
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE COUNTING?
112
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,308
HEY, WHERE DID
ALL THAT MONEY
COME FROM?
113
00:06:14,342 --> 00:06:16,077
PEOPLE GAVE IT
TO US.
114
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:18,746
FOR WHAT?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
115
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,181
YOU WERE GREAT
AT IT.
116
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:22,583
YOU WERE BETTER,
MY MAN.
117
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,552
THIS MAKES
NO SENSE.
118
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,220
YOU'RE GETTING PAID
TO DO NOTHING.
119
00:06:26,254 --> 00:06:28,056
MEANWHILE, I'M
EXPECTED TO PAY
TIPS TO PEOPLE
120
00:06:28,089 --> 00:06:30,258
FOR DOING THINGS
I'M ALREADY PAYING
THEM TO DO.
121
00:06:30,291 --> 00:06:34,028
IT'S ONLY FAIR, DICK.
IT'S A REWARD FOR
GOOD SERVICE.
122
00:06:34,062 --> 00:06:35,396
YOU KNOW
ABOUT TIPPING?
123
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,765
SURE. THAT'S HOW I
MAKE MOST OF MY MONEY
DOWN AT THE BAR.
124
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:38,967
BUT I NEVER TIP YOU.
125
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,134
AND THAT'S
WHY YOUR DRINK
126
00:06:40,168 --> 00:06:42,236
ALWAYS HAS
THAT FUNNY TASTE.
127
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:49,610
MARY THINKS I'M CHEAP.
128
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,046
YOU'RE NOT CHEAP.
YOU'RE THRIFTY.
129
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:53,047
FRUGAL.
ECONOMICAL.
130
00:06:53,081 --> 00:06:53,747
CHEAP.
131
00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:56,684
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE CHEAP.
132
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,752
I CAN'T LET HER
THINK THAT.
133
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:02,690
FROM NOW ON, I'M TIPPING
A GENEROUS 3% TO 5%.
134
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:03,657
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
135
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:05,826
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
136
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:09,030
I AM NOT CHEAP!
137
00:07:09,063 --> 00:07:10,999
DICK, WE'RE HAVING
GIRL TALK HERE.
138
00:07:11,032 --> 00:07:13,867
OHH...GIRL TALK!
139
00:07:15,103 --> 00:07:17,938
ANYWAY, DON AND I
HAVE BEEN TOGETHER
FOR A WHILE NOW,
140
00:07:17,972 --> 00:07:19,307
AND SO FAR,
I'VE BEEN LUCKY,
141
00:07:19,340 --> 00:07:21,309
BUT HOW LONG CAN
I STAY LUCKY?
142
00:07:21,342 --> 00:07:25,846
HONEY, WHAT KIND
OF BIRTH CONTROL
ARE YOU USING?
143
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,881
BIRTH CONTROL?
144
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:31,419
I CAN CONTROL BIRTH?
145
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:33,721
SURE, YOU CAN.
YOU KNOW, WITH
BIRTH CONTROL.
146
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:36,190
DO NOT COME IN HERE
CLAIMING YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT IS.
147
00:07:36,224 --> 00:07:38,859
BUT I DO.
I KNOW THAT,
I KNOW TIPPING,
148
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,861
I KNOW
EVERYTHING.
149
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,396
AND I'M
NOT CHEAP.
150
00:07:42,430 --> 00:07:45,333
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
151
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:49,737
THANKS.
152
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,905
DICK, YOU DID
NOT HAVE TO
COME WITH ME
153
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,374
TO THE
GYNECOLOGIST'S
OFFICE.
154
00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:56,877
I'VE BEEN WITH YOU
FOR ALL YOUR
WOMANLY MILESTONES.
155
00:07:56,910 --> 00:08:01,982
I WAS WITH YOU
WHEN YOU GOT YOUR
FIRST BIKINI WAX.
156
00:08:02,016 --> 00:08:02,816
NO, YOU WEREN'T.
157
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,186
YES, I WAS.
YOU JUST COULDN'T SEE ME.
158
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:10,258
OK, SALLY.
SORRY TO KEEP
YOU WAITING.
159
00:08:10,291 --> 00:08:11,859
NICE TO SEE YOU.
YOU, TOO.
160
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:12,660
HELLO.
161
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:15,796
WELL, LET'S TALK
ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL.
162
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:16,930
WHAT HAVE YOU USED
IN THE PAST?
163
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:17,931
NOTHING.
164
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:19,267
IT NEVER REALLY
OCCURRED TO US
TO USE ANYTHING.
165
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:23,471
OH. WELL, UH,
HOW LONG HAVE THE TWO
OF YOU BEEN MARRIED?
166
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:26,140
MARRIED? OH,
HE'S MY BROTHER.
167
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:30,311
OH, NO, NO, NO.
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
168
00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:32,846
I'M NOT EVEN
ATTRACTED TO HIM.
169
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,849
THANKS FOR THE
GRATUITOUS SLAM, SALLY.
170
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:39,587
OK. WELL,
WHAT METHOD WERE YOU
INTERESTED IN EXPLORING?
171
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:42,856
WELL, I DON'T WANT
HIM TO KNOW I'M
USING IT,
172
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:45,859
SO I DON'T WANT
ANYTHING LOUD.
173
00:08:48,096 --> 00:08:48,862
LOUD?
174
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,464
YEAH. I MEAN, IT
WOULD JUST CRUSH HIM
175
00:08:50,498 --> 00:08:52,800
IF HE KNEW I DIDN'T WANT
TO HAVE HIS KIDS.
176
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:53,567
OH, RIGHT.
177
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:55,269
WELL, UH...
THIS IS
THE SPONGE.
178
00:08:55,303 --> 00:08:57,838
IT'S SMALL
AND HIGHLY
EFFECTIVE.
179
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,941
SPONGE?
180
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,444
OH, I GET IT.
IT'S SO SMALL,
181
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:05,913
THAT BY THE TIME
YOU'RE DONE DOING
THE DISHES,
182
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:09,850
YOU'RE TOO EXHAUSTED
TO HAVE SEX, RIGHT?
183
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:14,588
DO THEY COME WITH
A SCOURING SIDE?
184
00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:17,491
NO, NO.
YOU SEE, THE SPONGE,
THE DIAPHRAGM,
185
00:09:17,525 --> 00:09:18,792
THESE ARE
BARRIER METHODS.
186
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,428
YOU INSERT THEM
BEFORE SEX.
187
00:09:20,461 --> 00:09:21,429
OOH, MOOD KILLER.
188
00:09:21,462 --> 00:09:23,631
IT'S NOT FOR US.
189
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:28,102
LOOK, DON'T YOU HAVE
ANYTHING SIMPLE, EASY,
LIKE--I DON'T KNOW--
190
00:09:28,136 --> 00:09:29,069
A PILL OR SOMETHING?
191
00:09:29,103 --> 00:09:32,039
WELL, OF COURSE,
THERE IS THE PILL.
192
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,143
DON'T MOCK ME.
193
00:09:35,176 --> 00:09:36,944
NO. THE
BIRTH CONTROL PILL.
194
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,180
IT'S VERY SAFE
AND HIGHLY
EFFECTIVE.
195
00:09:39,213 --> 00:09:41,615
THERE ARE
A FEW SIDE EFFECTS,
HOWEVER:
196
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,551
BLOATING, ANXIETY,
MOOD SWINGS...
197
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:47,721
MOOD SWINGS.
I CAN HANDLE THAT.
BRING IT ON.
198
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:51,992
I CAN'T SWALLOW THIS.
199
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,661
MAYBE IF YOU
MASH IT UP WITH
SOME BANANAS.
200
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,830
OH, THAT'S
A GOOD IDEA--
I'LL TAKE IT.
201
00:10:01,569 --> 00:10:03,637
SOMEBODY ORDERED
A PIZZA?
202
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:04,305
NOBODY HERE.
203
00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:07,175
OH...YES,
THEY DID.
204
00:10:07,208 --> 00:10:10,578
LUNCH IS ON ME
TODAY, GIRLS.
205
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,947
MONEY IS NO OBJECT,
SO PUT AWAY
THOSE WALLETS.
206
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,317
I AM PAYING
FOR THIS PIZZA--
207
00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:20,821
A PIZZA BEING
PAID FOR...BY ME.
208
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,523
THANKS, DICK.
THANK YOU,
DR.SOLOMON.
209
00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:23,791
OH, IT'S MY PLEASURE.
210
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:24,658
THAT'LL BE $12.
211
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,660
AND THERE
YOU ARE.
212
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:27,528
AND HERE'S
YOUR CHANGE.
213
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:29,363
MM-HMM.
LET'S SEE,
214
00:10:29,397 --> 00:10:33,000
4.5% OF 12
WOULD BE...
215
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,502
UH, EXCUSE ME.
216
00:10:34,535 --> 00:10:36,069
WHERE'S THE LITTLE
PATIO TABLE
217
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:39,407
THAT KEEPS THE CHEESE
FROM STICKING TO THE LID?
218
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,210
WE RAN OUT.
219
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,347
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE
A CHEESE LOVER'S DELIGHT,
220
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,882
AND CHEESE LOVERS DO NOT
DELIGHT IN LOSING
HALF THEIR CHEESE
221
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:50,618
TO THE BOX TOP.
222
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:51,552
IT'S JUST A LITTLE BIT.
223
00:10:51,585 --> 00:10:52,886
YOU CAN SCRAPE IT
RIGHT OFF.
224
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,622
SORRY, MAN.
225
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:57,157
THANK YOU.
226
00:10:58,025 --> 00:11:00,761
I SAID THANK YOU,
MY GOOD MAN.
227
00:11:04,198 --> 00:11:06,099
YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE.
228
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,669
WHAT? I SPRANG
FOR THIS PIE.
229
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,504
YOU HAVE TO GIVE
THE GUY SOMETHING.
230
00:11:10,538 --> 00:11:13,941
WHY? A TIP IS
SUPPOSED TO BE A REWARD
FOR GOOD SERVICE.
231
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,709
HE BROUGHT THE PIZZA
ALL THE WAY UP HERE.
232
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:18,712
BUT THAT'S HIS JOB.
WE HAVE A BUSINESS
ARRANGEMENT.
233
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,781
I'M NOT HIS MOMMY!
234
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:26,420
COME ON! COME ON!
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON!
235
00:11:26,454 --> 00:11:28,256
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON! COME ON!
236
00:11:28,289 --> 00:11:28,956
COME ON!
COME ON!
COME ON!
COME ON!
237
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,791
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON!
238
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:31,859
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
239
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,060
THAT'S REALLY
NICE OF YOU.
240
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,262
COME ON!
WHADDAYA GOT?
HEY, COME ON!
241
00:11:34,295 --> 00:11:35,263
WHADDAYA GOT?
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON!
COME ON!
242
00:11:35,296 --> 00:11:36,864
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON!
COME ON!
243
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:39,333
COME ON, LADY!
WHADDAYA GOT?
244
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,909
WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
245
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:51,312
THE MOVIE'S SO SAD.
246
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:56,617
IT'S CADDYSHACK.
247
00:11:56,650 --> 00:12:00,087
YEAH, BUT THE GOPHER'S
MAKING FUN OF EVERYBODY.
248
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:04,958
YOU'RE RIGHT, SALLY.
I'M--I'M SORRY.
249
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:06,960
I SHOULD'VE RENTED
SOMETHING ELSE.
250
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:11,332
YEAH, YOU COULD'VE,
BUT YOU DIDN'T,
DID YOU?
251
00:12:11,365 --> 00:12:13,200
DID YOU?!
252
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,603
WELL, WHY DON'T WE
JUST TURN IT OFF?
253
00:12:15,636 --> 00:12:18,138
OH, THANKS, DONNIE.
254
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,907
I LOVE YOU.
255
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,643
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
256
00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:24,412
PLAYING
"KISS THE COW"?
257
00:12:24,445 --> 00:12:25,379
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
258
00:12:25,413 --> 00:12:27,315
OH, PLEASE,
LOOK AT ME.
259
00:12:27,348 --> 00:12:28,982
I'M SO FAT
AND DISGUSTING,
260
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,684
MY BOOBS ARE SORE...
261
00:12:30,718 --> 00:12:33,821
I DON'T KNOW HOW
YOU CAN LOOK AT ME.
262
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:34,755
KISS ME AGAIN.
263
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:37,190
UH, S-SALLY...
YOU'RE ALL OVER THE MAP.
264
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:38,426
WHAT'S GOING ON?
265
00:12:38,459 --> 00:12:40,661
OH, NOTHING.
NOTHING AT ALL.
266
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:42,229
PFFT! HA HA...
267
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,665
I'M GONNA GO TO
THE FRIDGE AND GET
MYSELF A BROWNIE,
268
00:12:44,698 --> 00:12:46,334
AND WHEN I
COME BACK...
269
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:50,270
[SADLY] I WANT
YOU TO TAKE IT
AWAY FROM ME.
270
00:12:50,304 --> 00:12:53,073
OH, BOY. I THINK I ATE
THE LAST BROWNIE.
271
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,576
NOOOOO!
272
00:12:59,380 --> 00:13:01,615
NOW, YOU HAVE 2
DIFFERENT KINDS
OF CHROMOSOMES:
273
00:13:01,649 --> 00:13:04,552
THE "X" AND THE "Y,"
AND EACH ONE HAS
A PARTICULAR--
274
00:13:04,585 --> 00:13:06,186
THERE YOU ARE.
OH, MY GOD.
275
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,288
YES?
LISTEN, MY GYNO'S
AT LUNCH,
276
00:13:08,322 --> 00:13:09,423
AND YOU'RE
THE BIG SEX EXPERT--
277
00:13:09,457 --> 00:13:11,859
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW
HOW TO UNHOOK A BRA.
278
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:14,328
TOMMY, HE'S
MY ONLY HOPE, OK?
279
00:13:14,362 --> 00:13:15,663
EXCUSE ME.
WHO ARE YOU?
280
00:13:15,696 --> 00:13:16,730
A STRANGER.
I'M HIS AUNT.
281
00:13:16,764 --> 00:13:19,733
CAN I GO TO
THE BATHROOM?
NO. SIT DOWN.
282
00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:21,502
I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF TEACHING A CLASS HERE.
283
00:13:21,535 --> 00:13:22,903
BUT I NEED ANSWERS.
YOU SEE,
284
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:26,039
I WENT ON THE PILL,
BUT THE PILL'S MAKING
ME ACT CRAZY,
285
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,775
AND MY BOYFRIEND
THINKS I'M NUTS
286
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:30,110
'CAUSE HE DOESN'T
KNOW I'M ON THE PILL,
AND I CAN'T TELL HIM,
287
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,945
SO I JUST REALLY
NEED YOUR HELP.
288
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,881
WELL, UM...
289
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,517
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED
BEING HONEST WITH
YOUR BOYFRIEND?
290
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:39,687
THAT'S NOT
AN OPTION.
291
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,689
HOW ABOUT ABSTINENCE?
292
00:13:41,722 --> 00:13:43,223
ABSTINENCE?
WHAT'S THAT?
293
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,927
THAT'S...THAT'S NOT
HAVING SEX AT ALL.
294
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,196
YEAH!
295
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:54,402
HONESTY! HONESTY
WILL WORK!
296
00:13:54,435 --> 00:13:55,869
HONESTY. ABSTINENCE.
297
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:58,305
DO YOU SEE WHAT THEY'RE
TEACHING US AT THE
SCHOOLS THESE DAYS?
298
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,840
SALLY,
WHILE YOU'RE HERE,
299
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,909
CAN YOU AT LEAST
SHOW US HOW TO
UNHOOK A BRA?
300
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,343
HEY, EASY, SOLOMON.
301
00:14:03,377 --> 00:14:05,413
IT'S OK.
I'LL HANDLE IT.
302
00:14:05,446 --> 00:14:08,015
ALL RIGHT,
LISTEN UP, CLASS.
303
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:11,885
YOU GOT YOUR FRONT-LOADIN',
AND YOUR BACK-LOADIN'.
304
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:13,754
I'LL NEED
A VOLUNTEER.
305
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,962
AH...THANK YOU.
306
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,366
HELLO. WOULD YOU
LIKE SOMETHING
FROM THE BAR?
307
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,636
YES. I'LL HAVE
A GLASS OF MERLOT,
308
00:14:28,669 --> 00:14:31,905
AND A CHARDONNAY
FOR THE LADY WHO
WILL BE JOINING ME.
309
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:35,375
OH, AND, UH...
CAN WE ESTABLISH
SOMETHING FIRST?
310
00:14:35,409 --> 00:14:39,079
YOU ARE, I ASSUME,
EXPECTING A TIP?
311
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,148
WELL...YES.
312
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,249
ALL RIGHT.
313
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,918
NOW, THIS PILE
OF ONE-DOLLAR BILLS
314
00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:49,022
REPRESENTS YOUR
POTENTIAL TIP.
315
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:54,728
EVERY TIME YOU PLEASE ME,
YOU'LL SEE THE PILE GROW.
316
00:14:54,762 --> 00:14:56,797
HOWEVER, IF I
AM UNSATISFIED--
317
00:14:56,830 --> 00:15:00,333
IF YOU'RE SLOW,
MOUTHY, OR SNEEZE
INTO YOUR HANDS--
318
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:03,804
YOU'LL NOTICE THE PILE
SHRINKING. AGREED?
319
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:05,305
YES, I GUESS--
320
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,541
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD LUCK.
321
00:15:10,511 --> 00:15:11,344
DICK!
322
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,346
OH, HI, MARY...
323
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,415
HI. MWAH!
324
00:15:15,449 --> 00:15:16,617
SO, THIS
IS NICE.
325
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:17,651
MM-HMM. TRUST ME.
326
00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:21,489
I HAVE TAKEN CARE
OF EVERYTHING.
327
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:24,191
OK...
THANK YOU.
328
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,726
HERE WE GO.
329
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:28,295
UH...NO.
330
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:35,569
SORRY.
331
00:15:35,603 --> 00:15:37,505
ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE
SPECIALS TONIGHT.
332
00:15:37,538 --> 00:15:40,440
THERE'S A TRI-COLORED SALAD
WITH CANDIED WALNUTS
AND GOAT CHEESE.
333
00:15:40,474 --> 00:15:41,509
IT'S VERY, VERY LIGHT--
334
00:15:41,542 --> 00:15:44,244
WHAT KIND OF DRESSING
COMES WITH THAT?
335
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,879
[SIGHS]
I'LL HAVE TO CHECK.
336
00:15:45,913 --> 00:15:48,148
OUCH.
337
00:15:49,483 --> 00:15:50,618
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
338
00:15:50,651 --> 00:15:55,088
DON'T WORRY, MARY.
EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL.
339
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,658
THERE YOU GO.
HMM...
340
00:15:57,691 --> 00:15:59,527
NO.
341
00:16:02,596 --> 00:16:05,733
MMM!
342
00:16:05,766 --> 00:16:07,635
ALL RIGHT, DICK,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
343
00:16:07,668 --> 00:16:11,672
MARY, I HAVE
REINVENTED TIPPING.
344
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:12,673
OH, GOD.
345
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:14,174
NO. I'M BEING GENEROUS,
346
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,610
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,
I'M BEING HONEST.
347
00:16:16,644 --> 00:16:19,146
I'M BRINGING TIPPING
OUT OF ITS DARK,
LITTLE CAVE
348
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:21,081
AND INTO THE LIGHT.
349
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,182
IT'S DEMEANING.
350
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:23,784
IT'S THE TRUTH, MARY.
351
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:28,055
TRUST ME, IN THE FUTURE,
ALL TIPPING WILL BE
DONE THIS WAY.
352
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,890
OK. JUST TO
LET YOU KNOW,
353
00:16:29,923 --> 00:16:31,458
THE SOUP DU JOUR IS
BUTTERNUT SQUASH,
354
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:35,328
AND, UH...WE'RE OUT
OF THE MONKFISH.
355
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,830
UH-OH.
356
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,800
YOU DON'T EVEN
LIKE MONKFISH!
357
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,702
THAT'S NOT
THE POINT, MARY.
358
00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:44,538
COULD YOU GIVE US
A SECOND?
359
00:16:44,572 --> 00:16:47,140
OK, THAT'S IT.
CUT IT OUT.
360
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,442
FROM NOW ON,
I'M PAYING
FOR DINNER.
361
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,511
FINE!
362
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,717
MY WINE TASTES FUNNY.
363
00:17:01,955 --> 00:17:03,290
[MUMBLING IN SLEEP]
364
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,458
AH...ER...
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT...
365
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,864
DON?
366
00:17:10,898 --> 00:17:12,332
WHAT?
367
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,702
SALLY...WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?
368
00:17:14,735 --> 00:17:16,970
WE NEED TO TALK.
369
00:17:17,004 --> 00:17:19,006
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
YELL AT ME AGAIN,
ARE YOU?
370
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,208
NO, DON. I...
371
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,443
I HAVE TO TELL
YOU SOMETHING.
372
00:17:25,813 --> 00:17:27,581
I'VE BEEN TAKING PILLS.
373
00:17:27,615 --> 00:17:30,651
PILLS!
I SHOULD'VE KNOWN.
374
00:17:30,684 --> 00:17:32,653
WHAT ARE THEY,
UPPERS? DOWNERS?
375
00:17:32,686 --> 00:17:35,889
LUBIES? BEANBALLS?
376
00:17:35,923 --> 00:17:37,725
WORSE.
377
00:17:37,758 --> 00:17:40,227
BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.
378
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:42,262
THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN
ACTING SO CRAZY.
379
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:43,964
YOU BEEN TAKING
BIRTH CONTROL PILLS?
380
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:45,032
WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME?
381
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,433
I JUST DIDN'T WANT
YOU TO THINK
382
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:47,801
I DIDN'T WANT
TO HAVE YOUR BABY
383
00:17:47,835 --> 00:17:51,271
'CAUSE I DO--
IF I WANTED TO HAVE
A BABY, WHICH I DON'T.
384
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:54,642
WELL, THAT'S
ALL RIGHT, SALLY.
NEITHER DO I.
385
00:17:54,675 --> 00:17:57,077
THAT'S WHY I...
USE PROTECTION.
386
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,880
YOU DO?
387
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:03,851
OF COURSE. WHAT'D YOU
THINK WAS IN THOSE
LITTLE FOIL PACKETS?
388
00:18:03,884 --> 00:18:06,754
I THOUGHT THOSE WERE
AIRPLANE PEANUTS.
389
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:11,291
AIRPLANE PEANUTS?
390
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,192
YEAH.
391
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,394
AND I USED TO WONDER
WHY, BEFORE SEX,
392
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,998
YOU'D GO INTO THE BATHROOM
AND EAT PEANUTS BY YOURSELF,
393
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:23,203
BUT I FIGURED,
"HEY, WHATEVER GETS
YOU IN THE MOOD," RIGHT?
394
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,939
NO, SALLY,
NOT AIRPLANE PEANUTS.
395
00:18:25,973 --> 00:18:27,540
WAIT A SECOND.
396
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,811
IF WE'RE BOTH USING
BIRTH CONTROL,
397
00:18:30,844 --> 00:18:34,047
THEN ONE OF US
CAN STOP.
398
00:18:34,081 --> 00:18:36,249
BUT WHO?
399
00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:37,217
DEFINITELY YOU.
400
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:40,520
ARE YOU SURE?
DEFINITELY YOU.
401
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,690
YOU'RE SO SWEET.
402
00:18:42,723 --> 00:18:44,224
YOU KNOW...
403
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:48,729
NOW THAT I KNOW
WE'RE BOTH..."SAFE,"
404
00:18:48,762 --> 00:18:52,299
MAYBE WE COULD...
YOU KNOW.
405
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:53,066
I THINK I DO.
406
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:56,236
HEH HEH HEH...
407
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,871
HA HA HA HA!
408
00:18:57,905 --> 00:19:01,574
[CRACKING UP]
409
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,313
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
410
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,448
[NOW CRYING]
NOTHING!
411
00:19:11,819 --> 00:19:14,221
THIS ISN'T GONNA
HAPPEN, IS IT?
412
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,890
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
413
00:19:24,698 --> 00:19:27,200
COME ON!
WHADDAYA GOT?
HEY! COME ON!
414
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:30,804
COME ON!
WHADDAYA GOT?
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON!
415
00:19:30,838 --> 00:19:31,739
HEY, RICO.
416
00:19:31,772 --> 00:19:33,741
COME ON!
WHADDAYA GOT?
417
00:19:33,774 --> 00:19:35,642
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING OUT HERE?
418
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,944
MAKING
A NICE LIVING.
419
00:19:36,977 --> 00:19:40,247
YEAH, SO MOVE ALONG.
YOU'RE SCARING AWAY
ALL THE PHILANTHROPISTS.
420
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,316
ALL RIGHT. YOU JUST
EARNED YOURSELVES
A CITATION.
421
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,585
FOR EXCELLENCE IN
CHANGE GATHERING?
422
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:48,756
[EMOTIONAL]
IT'S ALL HAPPENING
SO FAST.
423
00:19:48,789 --> 00:19:50,123
HI, GUYS.
HOW'S BUSINESS?
424
00:19:50,157 --> 00:19:52,059
GREAT! WE'RE BEING
HONORED BY RICO.
425
00:19:52,092 --> 00:19:53,593
THEY'RE GETTING
A CITATION.
426
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:57,064
CONGRATULATIONS,
BOYS!
427
00:19:57,097 --> 00:19:58,498
THE TICKET'S $75.
428
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,901
WHA..?
OH, WELL...OK.
429
00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:03,904
AND I SUPPOSE
YOU'LL WANT 15%
430
00:20:03,937 --> 00:20:06,639
AS YOUR OWN
PERSONAL CUT, HUH?
431
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:07,540
EXCUSE ME?
432
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:10,110
DON'T WORRY.
I KNOW HOW THESE
THINGS WORK.
433
00:20:10,143 --> 00:20:11,979
THIS SHOULD
TAKE CARE OF IT.
434
00:20:12,012 --> 00:20:14,782
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
GET IN THE SQUAD CAR.
435
00:20:14,815 --> 00:20:16,116
WE'RE GOING DOWNTOWN.
436
00:20:16,149 --> 00:20:18,651
AH...NOW THAT'S
SERVICE.
437
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:21,154
SEE YOU DOWN THERE,
BOYS!
438
00:20:21,188 --> 00:20:22,923
COME ON!
HEY!
439
00:20:28,028 --> 00:20:29,496
OH, MAN...
440
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:30,998
THIS PEZ SUCKS.
441
00:20:36,036 --> 00:20:39,840
THAT IS NOT PEZ.
IT'S PROGESTERONE.
442
00:20:39,873 --> 00:20:42,009
WELL, THEN THIS
PROGESTERONE
SUCKS.
443
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:44,978
THE CALENDAR
FUNCTION IS NICE.
444
00:20:45,012 --> 00:20:46,179
YEAH.
445
00:20:46,213 --> 00:20:47,080
SALLY...
446
00:20:47,114 --> 00:20:49,349
DO YOU TIP YOUR
GYNECOLOGIST?
447
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:52,652
COME ON. WITH HIS JOB,
HE SHOULD BE TIPPING ME.
448
00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:55,823
YEAH, BUT IT'S STRANGE,
THOUGH.
449
00:20:55,856 --> 00:20:57,825
YOU TIP THE GUY
WHO DELIVERS YOUR PIZZA,
450
00:20:57,858 --> 00:20:59,592
BUT NOT THE GUY
WHO DELIVERS YOUR BABY.
451
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:03,230
THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU
WANT YOUR PIZZA
TO BE HOT.
452
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:08,068
IF HE DELIVERS YOUR BABY
IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS,
THOUGH...
453
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:09,769
THEN YOU TIP HIM!
454
00:21:09,803 --> 00:21:12,372
WELL, THAT'S
JUST GOOD SERVICE.
455
00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:14,141
MORE PEOPLE WOULD
HAVE BABIES
456
00:21:14,174 --> 00:21:16,309
IF THEY CAME WITH
FREE GARLIC BREAD.
457
00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:17,144
NO, THEY WOULDN'T.
458
00:21:17,177 --> 00:21:18,178
YEAH. YOU DON'T
KNOW THAT.
459
00:21:18,211 --> 00:21:18,979
YES, I DO.
460
00:21:19,012 --> 00:21:22,015
NO!
GIVE ME THAT.
32196
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