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1
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,373
[SLURPING]
2
00:00:07,776 --> 00:00:14,716
NICE! NICE!
NICE!
3
00:00:14,749 --> 00:00:16,751
I'M NOT GOING
TO LIE TO YOU FELLAS.
4
00:00:16,785 --> 00:00:19,353
DON LIKES THE LADIES.
5
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:20,655
IN ADDITION
TO LIKING 'EM,
6
00:00:20,689 --> 00:00:23,792
DO YOU EVER
GET THE COURAGE
TO TALK TO ONE?
7
00:00:23,825 --> 00:00:25,359
NOT REALLY.
8
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:27,128
FORTUNATELY,
THE GOOD LORD CREATED
9
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:30,899
A NICE LITTLE ICEBREAKER
CALLED JAYWALKING TICKETS.
10
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:33,835
YOU KNOW,
I JUST REALIZED
11
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,670
SOMETHING
ABOUT THESE LADIES.
12
00:00:35,704 --> 00:00:37,706
NOT ONE OF THEM
IS MARY ALBRIGHT,
13
00:00:37,739 --> 00:00:39,908
AND YET I'M
INCREDIBLY TURNED ON
BY THEM.
14
00:00:39,941 --> 00:00:41,342
OH. WELL,
GOOD FOR YOU, DICK.
15
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,310
I DON'T KNOW
WHETHER TO KISS THEM
16
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:45,847
OR GET ON MY KNEES
AND BARK LIKE A DOG.
17
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,081
WELL,
AS A POLICE OFFICER,
18
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:51,152
I MUST TELL YOU
THAT EACH APPROACH
HAS ITS STRENGTHS.
19
00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:54,455
[EVERYONE SLURPING]
20
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,658
NICE! NICE!
NICE!
21
00:00:57,826 --> 00:00:58,526
HEY...
22
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,461
LOOK...
23
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,063
I DROPPED MY WALLET.
24
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:02,831
YOU DON'T HAVE
A WALLET.
25
00:01:02,864 --> 00:01:05,133
HEY!
I FOUND A WALLET.
26
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,268
OOH! AND IT'S GOT
200 BUCKS IN IT.
27
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,703
OOH, IT'S
YOUR LUCKY DAY.
28
00:01:08,737 --> 00:01:10,471
WELL, SHOULDN'T WE
RETURN IT?
YEAH.
29
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:14,909
SURE. THAT'S...
KIND OF WHAT I WAS...
30
00:01:14,943 --> 00:01:18,512
[EVERYONE SLURPING]
31
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:21,783
NICE!
NICE!
32
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:22,483
[WOOF WOOF]
33
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,218
[WOOF WOOF WOOF
WOOF WOOF]
34
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,856
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS,
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
35
00:01:27,889 --> 00:01:29,924
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
36
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,623
MARY! NINA!
HEY, MARY!
37
00:02:02,657 --> 00:02:04,125
GOOD MORNING,
DR. SOLOMON.
38
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,494
OH! THE MOST AMAZING
THING HAPPENED TO ME.
39
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:10,131
I TOLD YOU,
THE SUPERMARKET DOOR
OPENS FOR EVERYBODY.
40
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:10,832
NO!
41
00:02:10,865 --> 00:02:11,733
NO! NO!
42
00:02:11,766 --> 00:02:13,501
NO. I WAS OUT
WITH THE BOYS,
43
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:16,337
AND I ACTUALLY NOTICED
OTHER WOMEN!
44
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,439
THE SKINNY ONES
HAD BEAUTIFUL CHEEKBONES,
45
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,408
AND THE MORE AMPLE ONES--
46
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,711
WELL, LET'S JUST SAY,
47
00:02:22,744 --> 00:02:24,913
BABY GOT BACK!
48
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,150
THAT'S FASCINATING.
49
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:32,020
OH, DID YOU SEE ANY
WITH BIG GAZONGAS?
50
00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:34,355
SOME.
51
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:35,389
THE POINT IS,
52
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,692
UP UNTIL NOW,
THE SIGHT OF A WOMAN
OTHER THAN YOU
53
00:02:37,726 --> 00:02:41,830
HELD THE SAME APPEAL
TO ME AS, SAY,
A PLATE OF EGGS.
54
00:02:41,863 --> 00:02:45,566
NUTRITIOUS, YES,
BUT ULTIMATELY
WAY TOO GASSY.
55
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,335
NOW ALL THAT'S CHANGED.
56
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:48,469
IT HAS?
MM-HMM.
57
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,437
I FINALLY
FEEL READY
58
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:51,272
TO GO ON
MY FIRST NEW DATE.
59
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:52,907
WOMEN OF RUTHERFORD,
60
00:02:52,941 --> 00:02:58,179
LOOK OUT!
61
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,614
SALLY, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN
THE LOOK ON THIS GUY'S FACE
62
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,016
WHEN WE RETURNED HIS WALLET.
63
00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:06,220
IT WAS THE MOST
SATISFYING EXPERIENCE
OF MY LIFE.
64
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:08,857
WHAT KIND OF REWARD
DID YOU GET?
65
00:03:08,890 --> 00:03:10,892
REWARD?
66
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:14,228
YEAH. YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE SOMETHING
TO SHOW HIS APPRECIATION.
67
00:03:15,864 --> 00:03:17,899
WE GOT NOTHING.
68
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,902
HE UNAPPRECIATED US.
69
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:22,136
THAT TOOL!
70
00:03:22,170 --> 00:03:23,872
GUYARR!
71
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,641
OK, DICK, I RECOMMEND
YOU START WITH
THE SELF-HELP SECTION.
72
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:30,178
NOW THE WOMEN THERE
ARE NUTTY,
BUT VULNERABLE.
73
00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:31,245
ENOUGH SAID.
74
00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:32,446
SALLY...
75
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,382
LET'S SAVOR
THESE LAST MOMENTS
76
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,017
BEFORE I MEET
MY NEW GIRLFRIEND,
77
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,251
BECAUSE WHEN I DO,
78
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:38,586
I'M NOT GOING TO SHOW
ANY INTEREST IN YOU
79
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:42,223
OR THE REST OF THE FAMILY
EVER AGAIN.
80
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:44,225
THAT SADDENS ME.
81
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,129
HELLO, I'VE...
82
00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:50,899
HAD SEX BEFORE.
I KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
83
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,403
SHE OBVIOUSLY
DOESN'T SPEAK A WORD
OF ENGLISH.
84
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,038
HI,
I'M DICK SOLOMON.
85
00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:58,506
I'M TIGHT
WITH THE MONEY,
86
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:01,342
BUT NEVER
WITH THE LOVIN'.
87
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:03,744
IT'S GOING DOWN.
HOW SAD.
88
00:04:03,778 --> 00:04:07,949
DICK, I THINK YOU NEED TO BE
A LITTLE MORE CASUAL, OK?
UM...
89
00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,717
WATCH.
90
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,819
HI.
91
00:04:10,852 --> 00:04:11,719
HI.
92
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:12,821
WANT TO GET
SOME COFFEE?
93
00:04:12,854 --> 00:04:13,321
NO.
94
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,389
SEE? IT'S EASY.
95
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:16,490
YOU GOT TO BE
DOING SOMETHING WRONG,
96
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,827
'CAUSE I CAN PRACTICALLY GRUNT
AND THEY'RE INTERESTED.
97
00:04:18,860 --> 00:04:19,627
GRUNT?
98
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,429
YEAH. HERE, WATCH.
99
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,265
HUHH!
100
00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:25,766
WANT TO GET
A CUP OF COFFEE?
101
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,435
NO.
102
00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:31,072
HUHH!
103
00:04:36,811 --> 00:04:39,547
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN
WHY I STRUCK OUT LAST NIGHT
104
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,916
WHEN ALL SALLY HAD TO DO
WAS GRUNT?
105
00:04:41,950 --> 00:04:42,884
I DON'T KNOW, DICK.
106
00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:45,319
COULD BE THE BOOBS.
107
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:48,222
THEY ARE TERRIFIC.
108
00:04:48,256 --> 00:04:50,124
YOU'RE SO LUCKY
TO BE THE WOMAN.
109
00:04:50,158 --> 00:04:52,026
OH, HEY, MEN ARE WEIRD,
YOU KNOW.
110
00:04:52,060 --> 00:04:53,194
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE NICE
TO THEM AT ALL,
111
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:55,563
AND THEY'RE PRACTICALLY
GROVELING AT YOUR FEET.
112
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:56,697
HELLO, SALLY.
113
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:57,698
WATCH THIS.
114
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,367
HEY, DON, THAT'S
A TERRIBLE HAIRCUT.
115
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,569
UH-HUH.
YOU WANT TO GO WITH ME
TO THE POLICEMEN'S BALL?
116
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,671
SEE?
I'M JUST KIDDING.
117
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,506
I SEE. YOU WANT
TO GO WITH ME TO
THE POLICEMEN'S BALL?
118
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:08,242
NO.
119
00:05:08,276 --> 00:05:09,377
LOOK, IF YOU'LL JUST
WALK IN WITH ME,
120
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:10,244
I'LL BUY YOUR TICKET,
121
00:05:10,278 --> 00:05:12,813
AND I'LL GIVE YOU
25 BUCKS IN CASH.
122
00:05:12,847 --> 00:05:13,114
OK.
123
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:14,482
HEE HEE.
124
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,151
I'D BUY A TICKET,
125
00:05:17,185 --> 00:05:21,489
BUT "MR. GENUINE COWHIDE"
DIDN'T GIVE ME NO REWARD.
126
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,124
WE GOT STIFFED.
127
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,092
HOW ABOUT YOU, DICK?
128
00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:25,393
WILL THERE BE LADIES?
129
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:27,695
HOW DOES A ROOMFUL OF
DRUNKEN METER MAIDS SOUND?
130
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:28,662
VERY PROMISING.
131
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,632
HEE HEE. YEAH.
132
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,902
[MUSIC PLAYS]
133
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,243
I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU.
134
00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:45,513
FOR A LARGER WOMAN,
YOU HARDLY SWEAT AT ALL.
135
00:05:48,983 --> 00:05:50,718
HEY, JACKASS,
WANT TO DANCE?
136
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,320
SURE.
137
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,959
SHE LOOKS NICE.
138
00:05:57,992 --> 00:05:58,826
HELLO.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO--
139
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,295
NO.
140
00:06:01,329 --> 00:06:03,631
Bandleader: OK, MEN,
THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE
BEEN WAITING FOR.
141
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:05,033
IT'S A LINEUP.
142
00:06:05,066 --> 00:06:07,701
THIS NEXT ONE
IS LADIES' CHOICE.
143
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,538
COME ON, LADIES,
144
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,373
CHOOSE YOUR PARTNERS.
145
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:15,009
[MUSIC BEGINS]
146
00:06:29,991 --> 00:06:33,327
DICK, HAVE I TOLD YOU
THAT I'VE BEEN IN THERAPY
FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS?
147
00:06:33,361 --> 00:06:34,996
NO. IS IT HELPING?
148
00:06:35,029 --> 00:06:37,298
NOT RIGHT NOW IT ISN'T.
149
00:06:37,331 --> 00:06:39,233
WELL, DON, AT LEAST
WE HAVE EACH OTHER.
150
00:06:39,267 --> 00:06:40,969
YEAH.
151
00:06:41,002 --> 00:06:41,569
DANCE?
152
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:42,270
OH, YES!
153
00:06:42,303 --> 00:06:43,204
NOT YOU.
154
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:45,139
LATER, DICK!
155
00:06:55,183 --> 00:06:55,950
HI.
156
00:06:55,984 --> 00:06:57,251
HI.
157
00:06:57,285 --> 00:06:58,286
YOU'RE ON MY COAT.
158
00:06:58,319 --> 00:06:59,653
OH.
159
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,598
WELL, UH, YOU COULD PUT
AN AD IN THE PERSONALS.
160
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:13,834
YOU JUST DESCRIBE YOURSELF
AND THE KIND OF WOMAN
YOU WANT TO MEET.
161
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,236
OK. HERE, UH,
162
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,504
TAKE THIS DOWN.
163
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,840
UH, DESPERATE, LONELY
WHITE GUY...
164
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:22,176
SEEKS
ACCLAIMED BEAUTY QUEEN.
165
00:07:22,210 --> 00:07:24,178
RUNNERS-UP
NEED NOT APPLY.
166
00:07:25,313 --> 00:07:26,847
YOU TAKE
THE RUNNERS-UP...
167
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:30,251
JUST NO "MISS CONGENIALITY."
168
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:31,952
HERE...
169
00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:33,421
HOW ABOUT THIS?
170
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,456
"IF YOU BELIEVE
IN MIRACLES,
171
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,558
"LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT,
AND BREAKFAST IN BED,
172
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,960
CONTACT ME FOR
ADVENTURES IN TRUTH."
173
00:07:39,994 --> 00:07:41,929
[GASPS]
174
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,632
WHAT A WONDERFUL LINE!
LET'S PRINT IT!
175
00:07:53,174 --> 00:07:54,742
YEAH? WHAT'S UP?
176
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,277
IT'S US.
177
00:07:58,046 --> 00:07:59,547
THE GUYS WHO RETURNED
YOUR WALLET.
178
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,582
RIGHT. WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU?
179
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:03,651
WELL, UH,
WE WERE JUST WONDERING
180
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:07,921
HOW YOU AND YOUR WALLET
WERE DOING.
181
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:08,889
GREAT.
182
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,724
SO THEN IT'S, UH,
WORKING OUT?
183
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:11,925
HAVING YOUR WALLET
BACK AND ALL?
184
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:12,926
YEAH.
185
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:13,761
AND, UH, TELL ME,
186
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:14,895
WHEN YOU DID GET
YOUR WALLET BACK,
187
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,930
DID YOU FEEL
A HUGE SENSE OF...
188
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:17,631
RELIEF?
189
00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:19,300
MAYBE EVEN,
OH, I DON'T KNOW,
190
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,369
SAY...GRATITUDE?
191
00:08:21,402 --> 00:08:22,670
I SURE DID.
THANKS, GUYS.
192
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:25,639
OH, THERE GOES MY PHONE.
I GOTTA GO. BYE.
193
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,644
I DIDN'T HEAR
HIS PHONE RINGING.
194
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,347
THAT GUY IS GOOD.
195
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:38,819
OH, GOOD NEWS, DICK.
196
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,254
YOUR AD
IS GETTING RESPONSES.
197
00:08:40,288 --> 00:08:41,355
OOH.
HOW--HOW MANY?
198
00:08:41,389 --> 00:08:43,724
5, BUT 3 OF THEM
WERE HANGUPS.
199
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,560
OK. UM, "SUCCESSFUL,
SELF-MADE BUSINESSWOMAN.
200
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:49,597
ENJOYS CLASSICAL MUSIC,
LONG WALKS, AND THE ARTS."
201
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:50,831
OH, I LOVE THE ARTS!
202
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,833
"PASSIONS INCLUDE KARATE
AND REVENGE."
203
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:53,401
YES!
204
00:08:53,434 --> 00:08:55,169
NO.
THAT'S A RED FLAG.
205
00:08:55,203 --> 00:08:58,739
OK. SO THE SECOND ONE
IS, "YOUR WORDS
OPENED MY HEART.
206
00:08:58,772 --> 00:08:59,807
"IF YOU WANT
TO HEAR MORE,
207
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,942
"MEET ME
AT JOHNNY FOAM'S
TONIGHT AT 8:00.
208
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,712
"I'LL BE WEARING
A WHITE CARNATION.
YOU WEAR ONE, TOO.
209
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:05,646
MUST HAVE JOB."
210
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,315
I HAVE A JOB! OH!
211
00:09:07,348 --> 00:09:08,816
THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
212
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:12,052
WHAT A SPECTACULAR STORY
THIS WILL MAKE
FOR OUR GRANDCHILDREN!
213
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:17,725
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME COFFEE?
214
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,728
THAT'S SWEET OF YOU
TO OFFER, BUT I
ALREADY HAVE A DATE.
215
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:25,299
HELLO, MARY.
216
00:09:25,333 --> 00:09:26,834
OH, HELLO, DICK.
217
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:27,968
I'D ASK YOU
TO SIT DOWN...
218
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,171
BUT I'M
MEETING SOMEONE.
219
00:09:30,204 --> 00:09:33,607
[WHISPERING]
So am I.
220
00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:37,511
OH, NO!
221
00:09:37,545 --> 00:09:38,279
OH, NO!
222
00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:39,513
UGHHH!
223
00:09:39,547 --> 00:09:42,250
MARY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ANSWERING A PERSONAL AD?
224
00:09:42,283 --> 00:09:45,119
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT
ONLY TWISTED WEIRDOES
PLACE THOSE THINGS?
225
00:09:45,153 --> 00:09:47,755
WELL, I DO NOW!
226
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,423
OK...
227
00:09:49,457 --> 00:09:50,558
HERE'S THE DEAL:
228
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,360
WE SPEAK OF THIS...
229
00:09:52,393 --> 00:09:53,461
TO NO ONE!
230
00:09:53,494 --> 00:09:55,663
I DON'T EVEN WANT
TO SPEAK OF THIS
TO YOU!
231
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,131
OHHH! UGHHH!
232
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:00,368
UH, MISS,
233
00:10:00,401 --> 00:10:02,035
DO YOU STILL WANT
TO HAVE THAT CUP
OF COFFEE WITH ME?
234
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,804
I'M THE WAITRESS.
235
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:04,972
I KNOW.
236
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:07,141
[SOBBING]
237
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,281
HEY.
238
00:10:13,314 --> 00:10:14,815
WHAT'S WITH
THE NERD KIT?
239
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:17,518
WELL, SINCE I'M DESTINED
TO BE ALONE
THE REST OF MY LIFE,
240
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,753
I--I THOUGHT I NEEDED
SOMETHING TO KEEP ME BUSY,
241
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,355
SO I STOPPED BY
THE HOBBY SHOP.
242
00:10:21,389 --> 00:10:22,556
OHH! CHOO-CHOOS!
243
00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:24,192
HANDS OFF!
244
00:10:24,225 --> 00:10:25,293
YOU CAN ONLY PLAY WITH THEM
245
00:10:25,326 --> 00:10:26,727
WHEN YOU'VE COMPLETELY
LOST THE ABILITY
246
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,929
TO ATTRACT
THE OPPOSITE SEX.
247
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,898
I'M GOING TO GO SEE
A MOVIE.
248
00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:34,067
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
249
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,372
HELLO?
250
00:10:38,406 --> 00:10:39,440
WHO?
251
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:40,641
PAUL?
252
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,376
OH. YEAH,
YOU CAN COME OVER.
253
00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:45,713
I DON'T KNOW
IF I'LL BE HERE. WHATEVER.
254
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:46,914
THAT SHOULD BE INTERESTING.
255
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,015
WHO'S PAUL?
256
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,184
SOME BOZO I MET AT
THE POLICEMEN'S BALL.
257
00:10:50,218 --> 00:10:51,419
HE'S COMING OVER
TOMORROW.
258
00:10:51,452 --> 00:10:52,653
WELL,
IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM,
259
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:54,188
WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM
COME OVER?
260
00:10:54,222 --> 00:10:55,055
RESEARCH.
261
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:55,989
I WANT TO SEE
IF THERE'S ANY LIMIT
262
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,491
TO THE ABUSE
A MAN WILL TAKE
ON THIS PLANET
263
00:10:57,525 --> 00:11:00,060
BEFORE HE FINALLY TELLS ME
TO GO TO HELL.
264
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:03,564
AH, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
JUST BEING MEAN.
265
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:05,199
NOT THIS TIME.
266
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:28,556
HEY, RICK, UM...
267
00:11:28,589 --> 00:11:30,824
DID YOU BY ANY CHANCE
SEE A WALLET
ANYWHERE AROUND HERE?
268
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,326
OH, YEAH.
269
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,428
OH, GOD,
THANK YOU!
270
00:11:34,462 --> 00:11:37,765
AND NOW WHAT BETTER WAY
TO EXPRESS MY THANKS
THAN, UH,
271
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:41,302
WITH AN ALWAYS-WELCOME
CASH REWARD.
272
00:11:41,335 --> 00:11:43,036
THANKS.
273
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,475
ONCE AGAIN, I'M
A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.
274
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:52,913
HELLO, SALLY.
275
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:53,814
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE ON DUTY.
276
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:54,982
I AM, BUT DICK ASKED ME
TO PICK UP
277
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:58,252
SOME LITTLE PLASTIC MEN
AT THE HOBBY SHOP.
278
00:11:58,286 --> 00:11:59,253
HE SAID IT WAS URGENT.
279
00:11:59,287 --> 00:12:01,755
OH, DON,
I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT HIM.
280
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:03,557
NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT.
281
00:12:03,591 --> 00:12:05,326
HE NEEDS A CHICK, SALLY...
282
00:12:05,359 --> 00:12:06,360
AND FAST.
283
00:12:06,394 --> 00:12:07,595
COULD YOU FIX HIM UP,
DON?
284
00:12:07,628 --> 00:12:10,731
WELL, I DON'T
KNOW ANYONE, BUT...
285
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,801
MAYBE B.B. DOES.
286
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,403
B.B., DON?
287
00:12:15,436 --> 00:12:17,170
B.B., BABY.
288
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:22,209
I...MET HER AT
THE POLICEMEN'S BALL.
289
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,378
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
290
00:12:24,412 --> 00:12:25,313
[TOOT TOOT]
291
00:12:25,346 --> 00:12:27,881
I GOT THE STUFF, DICK.
WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY?
292
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,283
WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY?!
293
00:12:29,317 --> 00:12:31,218
I'VE GOT A COMMUTER LINE
DUE AT 6:13
294
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,688
AND NO ONE'S THERE TO
BOARD THE TRAIN!
295
00:12:34,722 --> 00:12:37,224
OH, NO!
THE ERIE-LACKAWANNA'S
RIGHT ON TIME!
296
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,659
HERE, DON, HAND ME
THOSE COMMUTERS!
297
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:40,227
OK...
298
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,763
OK, JUNIOR, YOU HOLD
THE VICAR'S HAND NOW.
299
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:44,432
PORTER! PORTER!
300
00:12:44,465 --> 00:12:46,900
OH, GOOD. WE MADE IT.
301
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:49,437
UH...DICK,
302
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:51,038
WHY DON'T WE TAKE
A LITTLE BREATHER
303
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,272
AND GET
A COUPLE OF DRINKS?
304
00:12:52,306 --> 00:12:53,407
OH, WHEN?
305
00:12:53,441 --> 00:12:56,844
I GOT TO GLUE
THE ORANGE ROOF
ON MY HOWARD JOHNSON'S.
306
00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,379
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND,
BUT, YOU KNOW,
307
00:12:58,412 --> 00:13:00,013
MAYBE THINGS WILL
SLOW DOWN A BIT.
308
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,582
OH. NOT LIKELY.
309
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:02,483
*
*
310
00:13:02,516 --> 00:13:03,283
ALL ABOARD!
311
00:13:03,317 --> 00:13:04,818
NEXT STOP WHITE PLAINS!
312
00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:06,354
CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO...
313
00:13:06,387 --> 00:13:07,988
*
*
314
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,561
DR. SOLOMON,
THIS ARRIVED IN THE MAIL.
315
00:13:13,594 --> 00:13:14,662
OH, GOOD.
316
00:13:14,695 --> 00:13:17,398
MY HOSPITAL'S HERE.
317
00:13:17,431 --> 00:13:20,968
YOUR TINY LITTLE DOCTORS
WILL BE SO RELIEVED.
318
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:24,004
HMM. I GUESS.
319
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,839
DICK,
WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU?
320
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:27,641
WELL, NOBODY LIKES ME.
321
00:13:27,675 --> 00:13:29,743
OH, I FIND THAT
HARD TO BELIEVE.
322
00:13:29,777 --> 00:13:30,711
YOU DO?
323
00:13:30,744 --> 00:13:31,979
WELL, SURE.
324
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,314
OH, OK,
SO WE BROKE UP,
325
00:13:34,348 --> 00:13:37,885
BUT--BUT I SAW
SOMETHING IN YOU ONCE.
326
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:42,055
SURELY SOMEONE ELSE
WILL SEE THAT, TOO.
327
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:43,524
REALLY?
328
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:44,558
THAT MEANS A LOT,
329
00:13:44,592 --> 00:13:48,128
COMING FROM SOMEONE
WHO'S PRETTY GREAT
HERSELF.
330
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,797
WELL, I MEANT IT.
331
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,231
I MEANT IT, TOO.
332
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,767
THANK YOU.
333
00:13:53,801 --> 00:13:54,768
YOU WANT TO DO IT?
334
00:13:54,802 --> 00:13:56,570
NO!
335
00:13:56,604 --> 00:13:58,639
I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.
336
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,077
HAVE A GOOD TIME,
SALLY.
337
00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:05,145
I HOPE SHE LIKES YOU.
338
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:05,879
THANKS.
339
00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:07,047
I HOPE HE TELLS YOU
TO PISS OFF.
340
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:10,083
I'VE GOT
MY FINGERS CROSSED.
341
00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:10,851
SALLY?
342
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:14,121
YEAH, I'M UP HERE,
GENIUS.
343
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,122
THROW THOSE
OVER THERE,
WOULD YOU?
344
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,990
OK.
345
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,225
I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY,
'CAUSE I MADE DINNER.
346
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,226
OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.
347
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,260
WELL, ACTUALLY,
348
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:21,762
YOU SHOULD TASTE IT FIRST
BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING.
349
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:23,196
BRING IT OUT.
I'M STARVING.
350
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:26,233
OK. ACTUALLY, I WAS HOPING
YOU'D SCRUB THE STAINS
OUT OF MY CARPET FIRST.
351
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:27,701
OK, AND THEN DINNER?
352
00:14:27,735 --> 00:14:28,436
AND THEN LAUNDRY.
353
00:14:28,469 --> 00:14:30,471
OH. SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.
354
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:32,940
Don: SO--SO--SO...
355
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,142
I'M READING
THE MIRANDA RIGHTS
TO THIS GIRL
356
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:37,411
WHOSE NAME ACTUALLY
TURNS OUT TO BE...
MIRANDA!
357
00:14:37,445 --> 00:14:38,979
HA HA HA HA!
358
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,614
HA HA HA HA!
359
00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:42,550
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
360
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:48,889
ANYTHING...
361
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:49,757
ANYTHING
FUNNY LIKE THAT
362
00:14:49,790 --> 00:14:52,125
EVER HAPPEN
TO YOU, DICK?
363
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:54,294
[SILENCE]
364
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,263
NO.
365
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:57,931
WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT!
WE'RE OUT OF JICAMA.
366
00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,433
WE NEED TO GET
SOME JICAMA.
367
00:14:59,467 --> 00:15:00,968
COME ON, DICK,
LET'S GET SOME JICAMA.
368
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,903
JICAMA.
LET'S GET SOME JICAMA.
369
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:05,305
WHICH ONE
IS JICAMA?
370
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,441
I DON'T KNOW!
371
00:15:07,475 --> 00:15:09,409
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
372
00:15:09,443 --> 00:15:10,678
I'M THROWING YOU
SLOW BALLS,
373
00:15:10,711 --> 00:15:13,747
AND YOU'RE--YOU'RE DOING
YOUR RAIN MAN IMPRESSION.
374
00:15:13,781 --> 00:15:15,949
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY TO WOMEN.
375
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:17,084
IF YOU GET IN TROUBLE
376
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,987
YOU JUST TAKE
A SIP OF YOUR DRINK.
A SIP OF YOUR DRINK.
377
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,889
I'LL NOTICE, AND OLD DONNIE
WILL COME TO THE RESCUE.
378
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,390
OK.
379
00:15:24,792 --> 00:15:25,926
Don: AH...
380
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,394
SO, UH, DICK,
381
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,396
CELIA TELLS ME THAT
SHE FINDS PHYSICS
382
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,131
TO BE A
FASCINATING SUBJECT.
383
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,166
OH, YES!
384
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,871
FETA! OH,
WE'RE OUT OF FETA!
385
00:15:37,905 --> 00:15:38,706
WE NEED TO GET
SOME FETA.
386
00:15:38,739 --> 00:15:40,941
LET'S GET SOME FETA.
387
00:15:43,577 --> 00:15:44,478
WHICH ONE IS FETA?
388
00:15:44,512 --> 00:15:47,414
I DON'T KNOW!
389
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,616
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
390
00:15:48,649 --> 00:15:50,283
LOOK,
YOU HUNG ME OUT
TO DRY THERE.
391
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:51,885
HUNG YOU OUT TO DRY?
YOU'RE A PHYSICS PROFESSOR.
392
00:15:51,919 --> 00:15:53,320
I JUST GET SO NERVOUS!
393
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,221
YOU'RE NERVOUS?
394
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:57,558
I GOT PEN STAINS
THE SIZE OF DINNER PLATES!
395
00:15:57,591 --> 00:16:00,360
LOOK, I'M JUST STARTING OUT
HERE WITH B.B., YOU KNOW?
396
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:01,629
YOU GOT TO HELP ME OUT,
OK?
397
00:16:01,662 --> 00:16:03,731
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY.
ALL RIGHT.
398
00:16:08,869 --> 00:16:11,572
SO, DICK, UM...
399
00:16:11,605 --> 00:16:13,106
DO YOU HAVE ANY...
400
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:14,575
HOBBIES?
401
00:16:14,608 --> 00:16:15,108
HOBBIES?
402
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,043
HOBBIES?
NO, NO--
403
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,210
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I DO!
404
00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:18,245
CROUTONS!
405
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,147
COME ON!
406
00:16:21,949 --> 00:16:23,684
THERE HE IS.
407
00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:24,885
HERE'S THE PLAN.
408
00:16:24,918 --> 00:16:28,121
YOU TAKE A BITE OF BISCOTTI
AND ACT LIKE YOU'RE CHOKING,
409
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:30,390
AND WHEN HE COMES OVER
TO GIVE YOU
THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER,
410
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:34,027
I'LL PICK HIS POCKET.
411
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:37,531
AND THIS TIME,
WE DON'T GIVE IT BACK
TILL WE GET A REWARD.
412
00:16:37,565 --> 00:16:40,133
JUST, UH,
WAIT FOR ME TO GET
OVER TO THE COUNTER.
413
00:16:46,707 --> 00:16:48,308
[GASPING]
414
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,243
[GASP]
415
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,415
[SPLUTTERING]
416
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:58,085
[CHOKING]
417
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,153
[CALLING OUT]
418
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,354
MISS, YOU DON'T--
419
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:02,823
NO, YOU DON'T...
420
00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:13,567
YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!
421
00:17:13,601 --> 00:17:16,036
JUST SITTING HERE
WHILE THIS MAN WAS CHOKING!
422
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:19,640
I WAS CHOKING!
423
00:17:19,673 --> 00:17:21,909
WHAT HAVE I GOT TO DO
TO GET YOU TWO GUYS
OFF MY BACK?
424
00:17:21,942 --> 00:17:24,645
WELL, HOW ABOUT COUGHING UP
A REWARD, TIGHTWAD?
425
00:17:24,678 --> 00:17:25,979
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
426
00:17:26,013 --> 00:17:28,515
HERE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
YOUR THOUGHTFUL DEED.
427
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,317
PLEASE.
PLEASE HAVE $20.
428
00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,652
ACTUALLY...
429
00:17:31,685 --> 00:17:36,156
THANK YOU,
BUT WE CAN'T
ACCEPT THIS.
430
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:39,426
YEAH. GOODNESS IS
ITS OWN REWARD.
431
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,328
WHATEVER.
432
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,333
THAT WAS
A CLASSY MOVE THERE,
NOT TAKING THE MONEY.
433
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:48,001
YEAH. MOST GUYS
WOULD HAVE TAKEN
THE MONEY.
434
00:17:48,035 --> 00:17:49,603
WELL, MOST GUYS
DON'T HAVE CLASS.
435
00:17:49,637 --> 00:17:51,304
I FEEL WARM INSIDE.
436
00:17:54,642 --> 00:17:57,177
NICE!
NICE!
437
00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:02,449
SALLY, YOU PUT
THE CHICKEN IN THE OVEN,
LIKE, A MINUTE AGO.
438
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,351
I DON'T THINK IT'S DONE.
439
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:07,120
YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO EAT IT?
440
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,825
YES, OF COURSE.
441
00:18:12,793 --> 00:18:14,261
MMM-MMM!
442
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,997
OK, WELL, GOOD,
'CAUSE I HAVE A SURPRISE
FOR YOU.
443
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:17,798
YEAH.
444
00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:18,966
YOU REMEMBER
WHEN I SAID
445
00:18:18,999 --> 00:18:22,435
THAT I HAVE
A CHEST OF DRAWERS
FILLED WITH LINGERIE?
446
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,237
OH, YEAH.
447
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:25,472
WELL, I WAS WONDERING
448
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,074
IF YOU WOULD MIND
LIFTING IT UP
449
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:30,010
AND HAULING IT
TO THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE HOUSE...
450
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:32,079
AND BACK.
451
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,781
RIGHT NOW.
452
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,215
UH...
453
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,149
NO PROBLEM.
454
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:39,052
HA HA HA--OH, GOSH.
455
00:18:39,086 --> 00:18:41,755
GOD, I'M SO HOT,
I KILLED HIM.
456
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,258
LATELY, I'VE BEEN
SPENDING A LOT OF TIME
457
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,493
FOOLING AROUND
WITH MODELS--
458
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:47,928
[TAPPING CUP]
DICK...
459
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,529
DON THINKS I SHOULDN'T
TALK ABOUT IT.
460
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,899
HE THINKS MODELS
ARE DUMB.
461
00:18:51,932 --> 00:18:55,502
BUT, ACTUALLY,
MOST OF THEM ARE
VERY EXCITING AND FUN.
462
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,739
WHY IS IT THE FANTASY
OF EVERY LOSER
TO DATE MODELS?
463
00:18:58,772 --> 00:19:00,407
DATE? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
464
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,242
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
465
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:05,145
MODEL TRAINS.
466
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:06,413
OH, MY GO--
467
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:07,214
I'M SO--
468
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:08,215
I--I--I--
469
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,349
I THOUGHT
YOU MEANT MODELS.
470
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,418
YOU KNOW...WOMEN.
471
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:12,652
OH, MODELS!
472
00:19:12,686 --> 00:19:14,855
TALL, LEGGY MODELS!
473
00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:15,889
NO! NO!
474
00:19:15,923 --> 00:19:17,057
HA HA HA HA!
475
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:18,625
NO, I WAS TALKING
ABOUT--
476
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:19,727
HA HA HA HA!
477
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:23,063
DICK WITH BEAUTIFUL MODELS.
THAT'S A FUNNY ONE.
478
00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:25,098
YEAH. IF I WAS
HANGING AROUND WITH MODELS,
479
00:19:25,132 --> 00:19:27,935
WHY WOULD I
BE HERE TONIGHT?
480
00:19:30,971 --> 00:19:32,205
OH, I--I AM SO SORRY.
481
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:33,440
THAT CAME OUT ALL WRONG.
482
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:36,777
YOU SEE, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHY I'M SUCH A LOSER!
483
00:19:36,810 --> 00:19:37,978
I'M NOT SUAVE...
484
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,247
WITH ALL THE SLICK LINES
AND THE RIGHT THINGS TO SAY.
485
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,349
I'M LUCKY TO BE HERE
WITH ANYBODY,
486
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,617
ESPECIALLY WITH WOMEN
AS NICE AS THE TWO OF YOU.
487
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,353
OH, YOU'RE NOT THAT BAD.
488
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:47,454
NO, REALLY, I--I'M SORRY.
489
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:49,823
I HAVE RUINED
YOUR WHOLE EVENING.
490
00:19:49,857 --> 00:19:52,092
I'VE JUST COME OUT OF
A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN
491
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:53,660
THAT I GAVE
MY HEART AND SOUL TO,
492
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,329
AND I-I-I-I'M JUST NOT
VERY GOOD AT THIS.
493
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,365
OH!
OH!
494
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,603
OH, NO, YOU'RE DOING
JUST FINE.
495
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:04,671
I AM?
496
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:05,172
HE IS?
497
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:07,607
YES.
498
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,376
YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT SUAVE.
499
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:11,178
OH, DON.
500
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,546
I'M NOT. I'M
KIND OF A LOSER.
501
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,315
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
502
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:18,618
I'M...TOO SHY
AND SENSITIVE AND...
503
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:19,953
I GOT
THIS TERRIBLE RASH.
504
00:20:19,987 --> 00:20:21,989
PICKLED BEETS!
505
00:20:27,027 --> 00:20:28,228
DICK...
506
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,463
THAT CELIA WOMAN
CALLED FOR YOU
AGAIN.
507
00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:32,099
OH,
I'M NOT SURPRISED.
508
00:20:32,132 --> 00:20:35,335
I'VE DISCOVERED
THE MOST POWERFUL
APHRODISIAC THERE IS.
509
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:36,603
WHAT,
SELF-CONFIDENCE?
510
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:39,172
NO. SELF-LOATHING.
511
00:20:39,206 --> 00:20:41,674
WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS
2 TICKETS TO AN
EDDIE MONEY CONCERT
512
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:44,644
AND A BOTTLE OF
JAEGERMEISTER.
513
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,646
NO. NO.
AS I SEE IT,
514
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,882
WOMEN DON'T WANT
A FINISHED PRODUCT.
515
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,951
THEY CRAVE
A FIXER-UPPER.
516
00:20:50,984 --> 00:20:52,485
THAT IS SO WEIRD.
YOU KNOW,
517
00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:54,855
WOMEN DON'T WANT MEN
WHO ARE PERFECT,
518
00:20:54,888 --> 00:20:57,224
BUT ALL MEN
WANT A WOMAN WHO IS.
519
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,827
WELL, PAUL FOUND
A PERFECT WOMAN AND IT
ALMOST KILLED HIM.
520
00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:01,194
OH, THANKS, SWEETIE.
521
00:21:01,228 --> 00:21:03,130
YOU KNOW, HE CALLED...
FROM THE HOSPITAL.
522
00:21:03,163 --> 00:21:03,563
HMM.
523
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:04,998
WHAT A NICE GUY.
524
00:21:05,032 --> 00:21:06,266
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
525
00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:08,735
MY PERFECT WOMAN
ISN'T PERFECT AT ALL.
526
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,070
SHE COULD BE SHORTISH,
527
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,404
SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC,
528
00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:12,639
PERHAPS A BIT BITTER,
529
00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:14,141
SOMEONE LIKE...
530
00:21:14,174 --> 00:21:15,075
OH, I DON'T KNOW--
531
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,109
MARY ALBRIGHT.
532
00:21:16,143 --> 00:21:17,945
OH, GOD!
533
00:21:17,978 --> 00:21:20,981
IT'S JUST
AN EXAMPLE.
534
00:21:27,254 --> 00:21:30,523
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS,
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
535
00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:31,892
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
536
00:21:31,925 --> 00:21:34,361
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
537
00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:37,164
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS
PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
538
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:42,135
URGGH!
539
00:21:42,169 --> 00:21:45,005
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
540
00:21:50,743 --> 00:21:53,713
IT WAS BROKEN
WHEN I GOT HERE.
35761
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