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1
00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:04,671
♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪
2
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,139
♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪
3
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:08,007
♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪
4
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:09,609
♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪
5
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,211
♪ So that you can know
Left from right ♪
6
00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:14,214
♪ I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ♪
7
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,715
♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪
8
00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:16,816
♪ To call your brother sun ♪
9
00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:18,118
♪ The story that just begun ♪
10
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:19,519
♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪
11
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:20,854
♪ And I'm 'a remain a soldier ♪
12
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,889
♪ Till the war is won ♪
13
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,525
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
14
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:28,161
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
15
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:30,630
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
16
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,064
♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪
17
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,503
[GANGSTALICIOUS' "THUGGIN' LUV"
PLAYING ON STEREO]
18
00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:39,506
RUMMY:
Man, I don't get that.
19
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:40,540
ED:
Get what?
20
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:42,175
That textin' shit.
21
00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:44,210
And what's wrong
with textin'?
22
00:00:44,277 --> 00:00:45,678
You mean,
aside from the fact
23
00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:48,181
that it's the stupidest
fuckin' thing in the world?
24
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,083
I mean, why would anyone
in their right minds
25
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:52,118
spend 15 minutes tryin'
to type some shit
26
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,654
they could have called
and said in five seconds?
27
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,490
Plus, it involves typin'
with your thumbs,
28
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,125
which I just don't
approve of.
29
00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:01,895
Shit. I don't know
about you,
30
00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:03,229
but I don't have time
to read
31
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,598
nothin' that a motherfucker
typed with his thumbs.
32
00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:08,168
Fun fact: nothin' typed
by someone's thumbs
33
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,803
has ever been important.
34
00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:12,338
It's all just nigga
technology, anyway.
35
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:13,506
What you call it?
36
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,676
"Nigga technology."
Technology for niggas.
37
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:19,212
Only don't start trippin'
and shit, callin' me a racist.
38
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:21,514
'Cause I don't mean nigga
in a disrespectful way.
39
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:24,551
I-I mean it as a general term
for ignorant motherfucker.
40
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:27,987
Anybody of any race could be
an ignorant motherfucker.
41
00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:30,356
Shit, I be textin'
my ass off.
42
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,825
Shit. Bitches like textin'.
43
00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:34,360
I be textin' them all the time.
Matter of fact,
44
00:01:34,426 --> 00:01:36,729
I also be textin'
my weed man too,
45
00:01:36,795 --> 00:01:38,765
'cause, you know, he don't like
to be on the phone.
46
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:40,133
So I text him.
47
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,535
Case in point.
48
00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,571
So basically,
49
00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:45,939
nigga technology
is anything
50
00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:47,539
that doesn't plug
into a printer.
51
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:48,908
Does that plug
into a printer?
52
00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:49,908
No.
53
00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:51,511
Know why?
54
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:54,814
'Cause niggas never
have anything to print.
55
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:56,883
[♪♪♪]
56
00:01:59,485 --> 00:02:01,621
Excuse me, sirs,
57
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:04,090
would you like to buy
some candy
58
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:07,627
to keep urban youth
off of drugs and gangs?
59
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:08,862
Uh, how much?
60
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:09,929
Three.
61
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:13,333
You hear that?
I said, three.
62
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:18,004
All right, all right, all right,
we got it. Now, beat it.
63
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:21,107
A'ight. Three guards
ain't too bad.
64
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:23,576
Don't forget your earplugs
this time, Ed.
65
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:24,577
Let's go.
66
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,980
Hold up, my nigga.
Hold up.
67
00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:29,048
Go time, nigga!
Let's go!
68
00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:31,384
I sent that bitch
a smiley face.
69
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,486
Bitches love smiley faces.
70
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,722
Okay, let's
roll.
71
00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:37,490
[MADVILLAIN'S "STRANGE WAYS"
PLAYING]
72
00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:39,058
Nobody move
a goddamn muscle!
73
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:41,561
Best start actin' like you're
a mannequin or something.
74
00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:43,129
Like you wanna stand
in the window--
75
00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:44,364
Agh!
76
00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:47,534
Everybody get on
the ground, now! Now!
77
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:48,735
[PEOPLE WHIMPERING]
78
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:51,671
Nobody make
a goddamn sound.
79
00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,006
[DOG BARKING]
80
00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:54,140
[DOG WHIMPERS]
81
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:57,577
Hurry up, now!
I ain't got all day! Move it!
82
00:02:57,644 --> 00:03:00,046
♪ Who's the real thugs
Killers and gangsters? ♪
83
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:02,215
I said, let's go!
84
00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:06,853
[MAN COUGHS]
85
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,187
[WOMAN WHISPERING]
86
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:11,357
Do you want us to
take you to the safe?
87
00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:13,459
Hm? Oh, right. Right.
88
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:16,429
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, the safe. Yeah.
89
00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,364
Move it! Move it!
♪ It's like makin' a soldier ♪
90
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:19,999
♪ Drop his weapon
Shootin' him ♪
91
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:21,634
♪ And tellin' him
To get to steppin' ♪
92
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,837
♪ Obviously, they came
To portion up his fortune ♪
93
00:03:24,904 --> 00:03:28,608
♪ Sounds to me like
That old robbery-extortion ♪
94
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,209
Hurry up!
95
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:31,277
Come on!
96
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:32,946
♪ You can't reform 'em ♪
97
00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:34,614
[ENGINE STARTS]
98
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,616
Twenty-two minutes.
99
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:38,785
We suck.
We fuckin' suck, man.
100
00:03:38,851 --> 00:03:41,087
And I forgot to ask
for the money again.
101
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,289
I always forget to ask
for the money.
102
00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:46,459
I don't think
22 minutes is so bad.
103
00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:47,793
Not so bad?
104
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,896
That's a whole episode
of Seinfeld.
105
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,832
It takes us a whole episode
of Sein-fuckin'-feld
106
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:53,966
to rob a bank!
107
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:55,969
Stop being
a perfectionist.
108
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:57,203
Ed, we both know
109
00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:59,238
if your grandfather
didn't own this bank,
110
00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:01,641
we'd never have gotten away
with this shit.
111
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:04,110
Shut up, Riley!
Rummy, you the man.
112
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,579
Excuse me. But will you
be needing anything else
113
00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,648
from me today,
Mr. Wuncler, sir?
114
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:10,984
Nah, you can go on
and take the bags back in.
115
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:12,819
Thank you, sir.
And for what it's worth,
116
00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:15,254
I thought you all did very well.
117
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:18,224
See? An unbiased
opinion.
118
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:21,293
So you honestly think that
was a well-executed robbery?
119
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:23,296
[CHUCKLES]
I sure do.
120
00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:25,798
And you wouldn't just be saying
that 'cause I got a loaded gun
121
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:27,000
pointin' at you, would ya?
122
00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,736
'Cause we need honest
feedback, for real.
123
00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:31,938
No, sir. I would not.
124
00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:37,010
[♪♪♪]
125
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:41,514
That's bullshit.
We fuckin' suck, man.
126
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,518
HUEY [NARRATING]:
The life of a black hero
127
00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:48,087
has never been
for the meek of heart.
128
00:04:48,154 --> 00:04:51,391
You will not
get out of here alive!
129
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:52,659
Do you hear me?
130
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:57,063
[♪♪♪]
131
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,965
I'm goin' to Ed's house!
132
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,566
And I said, no!
133
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:05,204
Aagh!
Ugh-ugh!
134
00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:13,946
Ugh!
135
00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:18,751
[GRUNTS]
136
00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:21,421
You little bitch!
137
00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:24,323
[GRUNTING]
138
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,676
Ugh! Agh!
139
00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:45,511
[GRUNTING]
140
00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:47,547
[GROANING]
141
00:05:47,613 --> 00:05:48,748
Uh-oh.
142
00:05:48,815 --> 00:05:51,084
[HUEY & RILEY SHOUTING,
BLOWS LANDING]
143
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:53,252
Ow!
144
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:01,260
GRANDDAD:
Boys!
145
00:06:01,327 --> 00:06:02,528
What the hell?
146
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:04,530
I ain't doing nothin',
Granddad.
147
00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:06,632
I was just gonna go
to Ed's house,
148
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:10,103
and Huey said I couldn't go
'cause he a hater.
149
00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:12,138
What the hell is wrong
with you, Huey?
150
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,841
If your brother wants to play
with Ed and Rummy,
151
00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:15,942
that's his business.
152
00:06:16,008 --> 00:06:17,810
[PANTING]
Granddad...
153
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,879
Ed and Rummy are
international criminals.
154
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:22,115
There he go,
hatin' again.
155
00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:23,382
Boys, stop hatin'!
156
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,118
What about the time
when Riley and Ed
157
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:26,886
were playing
with a loaded shotgun,
158
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:30,056
and Riley shot Ed out of
a second-story window?
159
00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:33,092
Huaagh!
160
00:06:34,393 --> 00:06:35,995
Ohhh.
161
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,097
That did happen, didn't it?
162
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:41,868
Okay. So just 'cause Ed believes
in his Second Amendment right
163
00:06:41,933 --> 00:06:43,870
to bear arms,
we can't be friends?
164
00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:46,305
What you got against
the Bill of Rights, Huey?
165
00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:48,407
Okay. How 'bout the time
they stopped for gas
166
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,276
and ended up robbin'
the mini-mart?
167
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:53,446
MAN:
Agh.
168
00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:55,281
RILEY:
They was fighting terrorism.
169
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,618
Makin' the world safe for the
freedoms that we enjoy today.
170
00:06:58,683 --> 00:07:01,954
That's messed up. You don't
support the troops, Huey.
171
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:04,090
That is kind of
messed up, Huey.
172
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,725
Be back by dinner.
173
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,260
Ha!
174
00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:08,895
[♪♪♪]
175
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:12,331
I'm just sayin'
we can do better.
176
00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:14,167
We're not realizing
our potential.
177
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:15,935
This is some bullshit.
178
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,003
The game cheatin'!
179
00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:18,838
Nigga, the game ain't cheatin'.
180
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:20,239
Start the game over.
181
00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:22,909
Why you always gotta cheat
when you lose, Ed?
182
00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:24,510
Let him have it.
183
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:27,446
It's not wise to upset
a Wuncler.
184
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,521
Restart the game now!
185
00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:41,561
And Oprah fans get ready.
186
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:44,430
The queen of daytime talk
will be in the Woodcrest area
187
00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:46,232
tomorrow for a book signing,
188
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,701
before taping her show
the following evening.
189
00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:52,438
Hundreds of Oprah faithfuls
have been camping out
190
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,307
for days in anticipation.
191
00:07:54,373 --> 00:07:56,242
[SNIFFLING]
I just think she is--
192
00:07:56,308 --> 00:07:58,778
She is
the most wonderful spirit.
193
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:01,547
I just don't know what
I would do without her.
194
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:03,783
RUMMY:
Oh, snap!
195
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:06,152
What if we kidnap Oprah?
196
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,253
And do what?
197
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,822
Control of Oprah
is control over women.
198
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:12,091
Wait. I see where
you're goin'.
199
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,861
See, 'cause, like,
control over women
200
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,563
is control over bitches.
201
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,599
Oprah Winfrey
taps directly into
202
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,033
the emotions, beliefs,
203
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,935
buying habits
and summer reading patterns
204
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,304
of billions of women
all over the world.
205
00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:27,907
Oprah Winfrey has the power
to lay waste
206
00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:31,310
to an entire industry
with a mere utterance.
207
00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:33,479
She's a completely
invincible,
208
00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:35,448
unstoppable
force of nature.
209
00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:40,186
And with her under our control,
nobody will be able to stop us.
210
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:43,856
Who's trying to stop you?
Nobody ever tries to stop you.
211
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:44,957
Yes, they do.
212
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:46,525
No, they don't.
213
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:49,028
Hey, just because we don't know
anyone tryin' to stop us,
214
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:51,364
don't mean ain't nobody
out there tryin' to stop us.
215
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:54,700
The absence of evidence is
not the evidence of absence.
216
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:56,335
Seems to me like everyone
217
00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:58,137
just let's y'all
do whatever you want.
218
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,872
That's why y'all
always get away.
219
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:03,542
We get away because
I'm a criminal mastermind.
220
00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:05,278
Whatever, nigga.
221
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,046
Get ready.
222
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,547
We get her
at the bookstore.
223
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:10,316
We gonna need some
video surveillance.
224
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,519
And we gonna need
advanced communication.
225
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:16,255
Two-way pagers
for everybody.
226
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:17,456
Yeah!
227
00:09:17,523 --> 00:09:19,926
[♪♪♪]
228
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:22,261
Whatever you guys
are plannin',
229
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:23,930
you're not gettin' away
with it.
230
00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:26,198
Nobody can stop
Ed and Rummy.
231
00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:27,667
Maybe not.
232
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:29,402
But if I catch you
with 'em,
233
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:30,870
I'm gonna take you down.
234
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:33,539
Unless I take you
down first.
235
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:35,908
[MOCKING]
"Unless I take
you down first."
236
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:37,209
Is that the best you can do?
237
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:38,711
Shut up, punk.
238
00:09:40,279 --> 00:09:42,014
WOMAN:
I just saw--
I saw a glimpse of her.
239
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,316
Oh, my God.
She's in there.
240
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,420
MAN:
Oh, she looks fantastic.
241
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:48,554
RILEY:
Okay.
242
00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:52,158
There's two guards
by the front door.
243
00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:53,726
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
244
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:58,164
RILEY:
Another on the east wall.
245
00:09:58,230 --> 00:09:59,832
ED:
Well, excuse me
246
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:03,069
for being into computers
and shit, all right?
247
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:04,704
First of all,
motherfucker,
248
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,439
just because you put
a two-way pager
249
00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:07,940
in the middle
of your desk,
250
00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:09,575
don't make it a computer.
251
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:11,477
It's a two-way pager,
all right?
252
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,646
Okay. Then what's
the difference?
253
00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:15,614
The difference is
a computer is something
254
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,116
that does actual work.
255
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:20,019
Nigga technology don't do much
more than let dumb niggas
256
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,587
talk to other dumb niggas
257
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:23,789
about dumb-nigga shit.
258
00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:25,124
WOMAN:
She even smells good.
259
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,593
RILEY:
Hey. I see Oprah.
260
00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:32,965
Okay, her security
just left her alone. Go.
261
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:34,533
Let's roll.
262
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,535
[MADVILLAIN'S "RAID LYRICS"
PLAYING]
263
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:41,007
♪ How Doom hold heat
And preach non-violence ♪
264
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:43,376
♪ Shh, he about to start
The speech, come on, silence ♪
265
00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:45,544
♪ On one scary night
I saw the light ♪
266
00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:47,013
Oh!
267
00:10:47,079 --> 00:10:48,881
♪ Heard a voice that sound
Like Barry White ♪
268
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:49,949
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
269
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:50,950
Get down!
270
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:52,718
RUMMY:
Everybody get down, now!
271
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:53,953
♪ Fly a kite in a firefight ♪
272
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,755
♪ During tornado time
With no coat ♪
273
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,957
ED:
Where's Oprah?
274
00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,625
RUMMY:
Well? Where she at?
275
00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:02,361
ED:
Where's Oprah?
276
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:04,730
RUMMY:
I'm gonna start bustin'
some caps in some ass.
277
00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:06,032
ED:
Where's Oprah, punk?
278
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:07,566
[WHIMPERS]
279
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:09,635
Kee-yah, bitch!
280
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:11,904
RUMMY:
Don't look. Just tell me
where that bitch is!
281
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,406
Somebody needs to tell me
282
00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:15,708
where Oprah is
on the count of three, or--
283
00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:19,545
Or-- Or I'm gonna kill
the oldest bitch up in here!
284
00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:23,482
That's real fucked up,
Agnes.
285
00:11:23,549 --> 00:11:25,084
ED:
I found her!
286
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,752
No! Help me!
287
00:11:26,819 --> 00:11:28,020
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
288
00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:31,624
Body Snatcher Three
to Body Snatcher Two,
289
00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:32,725
where are you?
290
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:33,859
We're in the bookstore.
291
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,561
We're about to extract
the package.
292
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:36,896
RILEY:
What bookstore?
293
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:39,498
The Borders next to Starbucks.
294
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,434
No, it's the Barnes & Noble
295
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,135
next to The Coffee Bean.
[GUNFIRE]
296
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:45,471
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
297
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,872
Kee-yah, bitch!
298
00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:48,908
♪ Uh, yeah, now ♪
299
00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:51,710
♪ How Med hold heat
Like Clint East is reborn ♪
300
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:53,245
Rummy, wait!
301
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:55,714
That's not Oprah! Hello?
302
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:56,849
Damn it.
303
00:11:57,783 --> 00:11:59,118
RUMMY:
Body Snatcher Two
304
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,686
to Body Snatcher Three,
you read me?
305
00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:01,921
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
306
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:03,956
Hey. Kick me again--
Oh! goddamn it.
307
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:06,025
[BEEPS]
RUMMY: I'm gonna bust your ass.
308
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:07,560
"Dear Ed...
309
00:12:07,626 --> 00:12:11,497
"that...is not...Oprah.
310
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,698
Riley."
311
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:15,501
Yo, Rummy. Riley said
that ain't Oprah.
312
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,536
What? Well, then
who the hell is she?
313
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:18,904
Oh! Goddamn it!
314
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:20,206
It's, uh,
315
00:12:20,272 --> 00:12:22,808
"Maya...Angelou."
316
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:25,277
Maya "And I rise" Angelou?
317
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:27,980
Mm-hm.
318
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:29,448
[TIRES SCREECH]
319
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:31,484
[GRUNTS]
320
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:35,087
[MUFFLED]
I am so mad at you. Hmph!
321
00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:40,893
at the Woodcrest
Borders bookstore,
322
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,528
where two unknown assailants
323
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:45,764
kidnapped Maya Angelou
during a book signing.
324
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:47,299
It was all
Rummy's fault!
325
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:49,602
Ed ran into the wrong store.
I was followin' Ed.
326
00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:52,171
How was I supposed to know
which bookstore to go into?
327
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:54,907
They look exactly the same,
and they both got books.
328
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:57,610
There was a giant crowd
of people outside of one.
329
00:12:57,676 --> 00:12:59,245
That don't mean
Oprah was in there.
330
00:12:59,311 --> 00:13:02,581
There was a large sign outside
that said, "Welcome Oprah."
331
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:05,117
Y'all are lucky Ed's grandfather
owns the cops.
332
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:07,786
Just what are you tryin'
to imply?
333
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:09,955
Look, we escaped capture
334
00:13:10,022 --> 00:13:13,092
because of planning,
teamwork and execution.
335
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:15,027
[♪♪♪]
336
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:16,929
This officer wanted
to see you,
337
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:19,865
Mr. Wuncler, sir.
338
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:22,868
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Wuncler,
I-I just--
339
00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:25,538
Well, y-- You dropped
this today at the bookstore
340
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:27,973
during the-- Y-you know.
The unpleasant, uh...
341
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:32,711
Th-- Thank you, Mr. Wuncler,
sir. Thank you.
342
00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:34,713
Uh, I'm so sorry
to disturb you.
343
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,282
I-- I hope you're
not upset with me.
344
00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:38,150
Why don't we just get
Oprah tomorrow?
345
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:39,985
Anybody know where
they're taping?
346
00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:43,489
Maybe we could
try and find out?
347
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,357
I'm down with that.
348
00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:48,027
Oh. This is beautiful.
349
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:50,129
It's like we back again.
350
00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:52,598
Hey, man, look, I'm sorry.
You know, uh,
351
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,301
sometimes I just let my emotions
get the best of me.
352
00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:57,102
No, no, no, no,
I understand.
353
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,205
You passionate
about what you're doin'.
354
00:13:59,271 --> 00:14:02,041
I just wish you'd be a little
more sensitive to my feelings.
355
00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:03,976
It was my fault, man.
356
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:07,346
No, no, no, it was my fault
for grabbing...
357
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,715
the poet triumvirate,
whatever her name--
358
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,150
Maya-- Maya.
359
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:16,956
Y'all niggas are gay.
360
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:21,160
Hey, why y'all
leave me out here?
361
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:22,728
One of y'all motherfuckers
362
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:24,597
better come out here
and get me, I know that.
363
00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:27,533
Or you will be living
in a haunted house tonight.
364
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,968
Swim, bitch!
365
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,837
Now, this is the studio where
they be taping the show.
366
00:14:31,904 --> 00:14:34,840
What we need to worry about is
Oprah's personal security team.
367
00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:36,809
Do we have any intel on that?
368
00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:38,544
Any what?
Intel.
369
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,013
Intelligence, nigga.
Keep up.
370
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,315
The bookstore
security footage.
371
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,451
Help!
372
00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:47,519
[♪♪♪]
373
00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:49,855
RUMMY:
Whoa. Bushido Brown.
374
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,023
Aw, damn,
375
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:52,358
I was afraid of this.
376
00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:53,692
Who's Bushido Brown?
377
00:14:53,759 --> 00:14:56,962
A bona fide bad motherfucker,
that's who.
378
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:58,864
You remember when Oprah
made them comments
379
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,699
about the beef industry?
No.
380
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:02,668
Okay. Well, a few years back,
381
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,536
Oprah said some shit
on her show about beef.
382
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:06,405
You know, mad cow disease,
or some shit.
383
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:10,109
Anyway, the beef industry didn't
exactly find that shit amusing.
384
00:15:10,175 --> 00:15:12,411
They thought they would send
a crew of armed Texans
385
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:14,346
to go teach Oprah a lesson.
386
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,414
[ALL JEERING]
387
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,850
Ex-Marines, ex-Texas Rangers,
388
00:15:17,916 --> 00:15:19,318
rogues, that kind of shit.
389
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:21,687
But Oprah hired Bushido Brown
390
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,422
as her personal bodyguard.
391
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:25,557
MAN:
Come on.
Come on, Jay-Z.
392
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,697
MAN 2:
We got him.
393
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,798
[GRUNTING]
394
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,200
RUMMY:
Apparently,
395
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,236
only one dude was able
to actually lay a hand
396
00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:38,404
on Oprah's office door.
397
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:39,738
Yahhh!
398
00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:41,173
They say...
399
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,609
Bushido Brown
kept that hand.
400
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,346
I think
I just shit myself.
401
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:49,248
No, no.
402
00:15:49,315 --> 00:15:51,283
We can't just stroll up
in there
403
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:53,485
if Bushido Brown is there.
404
00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:55,454
We need a plan.
405
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:56,789
And, um...
406
00:15:56,855 --> 00:15:59,358
go change your pants.
407
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:00,859
HUEY:
Pretty strange, huh?
408
00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:04,530
Armed gunmen assault
a bookstore
409
00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:06,965
to kidnap Maya Angelou.
410
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:09,068
Hey, I heard she had enemies.
411
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:11,970
Even stranger,
Oprah Winfrey
412
00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:14,473
was right across the street
when it happened.
413
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,643
I don't know anything about
no plot to kidnap nobody.
414
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:20,813
So Ed and Rummy do have
a plan to kidnap Oprah.
415
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:23,215
["THUGGIN' LUV"
PLAYING IN CAR]
416
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,785
[♪♪♪]
417
00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,731
Damn.
418
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:48,307
[BEEPS]
419
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:52,411
HUEY:
I call it the Black Power Fist.
420
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:55,414
The Black Power Fist
is actually a stun glove
421
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,983
that I made with instructions
I found on the Internet.
422
00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,618
It delivers
thousands of volts
423
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,887
of imperialism-stopping
electricity
424
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:03,555
without the need
of superpowers
425
00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:05,457
or secret alien technology.
426
00:17:05,523 --> 00:17:08,560
And it's inexpensive enough
to fit well within
427
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:11,663
even the most frugal
revolutionary's defense budget.
428
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,412
Okay, so we're gonna enter
at the rear service entrance.
429
00:17:26,478 --> 00:17:28,747
They'd never expect us
to go through there,
430
00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:30,215
because it's in back.
431
00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:32,584
Whoa. Hm.
432
00:17:32,651 --> 00:17:34,887
Didn't think
they'd put guards there.
433
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:36,422
They really covered
their bases.
434
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,957
So that's it?
That's the plan?
435
00:17:39,024 --> 00:17:40,492
Now what?
436
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,828
I didn't think they'd think
to put guards at the rear.
437
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,396
That was a unknown unknown.
438
00:17:44,463 --> 00:17:48,233
It was a bad plan.
You plan things badly.
439
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,768
Isn't this
your brother?
440
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:52,337
[♪♪♪]
441
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:56,708
What's he
doin' here?
442
00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:58,544
He's tryin' to stop you.
443
00:17:58,610 --> 00:17:59,545
Really?
444
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:01,647
Why? What we ever
do to him?
445
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:03,482
Sound like
a hater to me.
446
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:05,250
Hello?
447
00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:08,520
Yes. There's a little boy coming
right now to hurt Oprah.
448
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,890
He's got a big stupid afro
and a very poor disposition.
449
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:13,759
He's on the east side
of the building.
450
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,027
A'ight, peace.
451
00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:18,864
Okay, we're
on the move.
452
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,699
Let's go.
453
00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:26,271
All right, the game's up.
It's over.
454
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:28,207
You're not going anywhere.
It's all right.
455
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,843
[MADVILLAIN'S "ALL CAPS"
PLAYING]
456
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:33,712
Oprah's in danger.
457
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,881
Not while I'm here.
458
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,583
I have to get into
that studio,
459
00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:39,451
even if it means
goin' through you.
460
00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:42,654
Man, you come straight
out of a comic strip.
461
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,963
♪ So nasty that it's probably
Somewhat of a travesty ♪
462
00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:52,231
[GRUNTS]
463
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,900
♪ You can call me
"Your Majesty" ♪
464
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,535
Uh!
465
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,871
Hooo...
466
00:18:58,937 --> 00:18:59,938
ya!
467
00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:02,007
All right.
WOMAN:
No running in here.
468
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:04,076
Aagh!
469
00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:08,413
♪ And you know I know
That's a bunch of snow ♪
470
00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:11,984
Yaaa...hoo!
471
00:19:12,584 --> 00:19:14,019
[GUARDS YELL]
472
00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,521
GUARD:
Why me?
473
00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:17,422
♪ Sometimes he rhyme slow
And vice versa ♪
474
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,825
♪ Whip up a slice
Of nice verse pie ♪
475
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:20,893
[GROWLS]
476
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:22,928
[GRUNTING]
477
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,496
Huh?
[GASPS]
478
00:19:26,632 --> 00:19:28,934
Okay, Oprah's dressing room
should be up here
479
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,269
and to the left.
Let's go.
480
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,838
[BOTH GRUNTING]
481
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:39,144
Aah!
482
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:42,381
Ugh! Ugh! Wha--?
483
00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:45,250
[SCREAMING]
484
00:19:48,186 --> 00:19:49,488
Agh!
485
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,058
[PHONE RINGING]
Say what?
486
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:54,459
Intruders in the studio?
487
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,094
I am on my way.
488
00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:58,196
GUARD: Let's go.
GUARD 2: I'm comin'.
489
00:19:58,263 --> 00:20:00,232
ED:
Kee-yah, bitch!
490
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,834
Pull up your pants,
491
00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:05,270
you little ghetto hooligan.
492
00:20:05,337 --> 00:20:07,272
Damn. Is that
who I think it is?
493
00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:11,176
This ain't Oprah.
It's Bill Cosby.
494
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:12,844
I guess we were supposed to
take a left.
495
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:14,680
COSBY:
What's the matter
with you?
496
00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:16,982
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
497
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,350
Kicking in the doors
498
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,953
with the big boots
and the guns.
499
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,589
Damn, Rummy. I'm sick
of playing with y'all.
500
00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:25,457
Y'all two are pathetic.
[COSBY MUMBLING]
501
00:20:25,524 --> 00:20:28,026
Hey, in Iraq we was in
Special Ops.
502
00:20:28,093 --> 00:20:30,762
Y'all niggas should have been
in the Special Olympics.
503
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:32,130
I'm goin' home.
504
00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:35,601
Oh, come on, man. Look,
we'll kidnap Bill Cosby.
505
00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:37,035
It'll still be fun.
506
00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:38,904
Yeah, man, it's only 4:00.
507
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:41,139
Come on. We can write
the ransom note together.
508
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:44,309
I don't think so, guys.
I gotta get home for dinner.
509
00:20:44,376 --> 00:20:46,411
RILEY: Later.
COSBY:
...with their parents...
510
00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:48,080
Don't listen to him,
he's just a hater.
511
00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:49,481
You a good planner.
512
00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:53,185
Look, you about to
kidnap Bill Cosby.
513
00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:54,886
How many motherfuckers
can say
514
00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:57,055
that they did some shit
like that, huh?
515
00:20:57,122 --> 00:21:00,225
You gotta start lookin'
at the bright side.
516
00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:02,694
Yeah. Sure
you're right.
517
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,596
I am a pretty good
planner, huh?
518
00:21:04,663 --> 00:21:06,665
RILEY:
And y'all niggas are gay.
519
00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:09,501
COSBY:
--to the wall. I--
520
00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:11,670
You know, I just--
Oh, no.
521
00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:14,506
Man. This-- This reminds me
of when I...
522
00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:17,142
HUEY:
Ed and Rummy kidnapped
Bill Cosby.
523
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:20,812
[COSBY MUMBLING]
524
00:21:20,879 --> 00:21:22,280
But he was really annoying,
525
00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:24,483
so they returned him
to the studio 15 minutes later.
526
00:21:24,549 --> 00:21:26,852
COSBY:
I'm upset with you
for comin' in here...
527
00:21:26,918 --> 00:21:30,288
HUEY:
As usual, nobody even
thought about stopping them.
528
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,858
What the fuck
y'all lookin' at?
529
00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:35,527
Riley had gotten away,
but returned
530
00:21:35,594 --> 00:21:37,429
several hours later
when he realized
531
00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:39,865
he had dropped
his two-way pager.
532
00:21:43,602 --> 00:21:45,671
Okay, okay, okay.
533
00:21:45,737 --> 00:21:48,774
Let me explain.
534
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,809
You must have lost your mind!
Ow! Oh! Ow!
535
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:52,611
You do not--
Hey, man! Just let me-- Ow!
536
00:21:52,678 --> 00:21:54,613
--kidnap Oprah!
537
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,415
[♪♪♪]
538
00:22:01,386 --> 00:22:03,321
[♪♪♪]
37876
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