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1
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:11,312
I HAVE GOT
THE PERFECT
PRESENT FOR YOU.
2
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:12,681
A PRESENT? WHAT FOR?
3
00:00:12,714 --> 00:00:13,615
CHRISTMAS.
4
00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:19,087
WHAT, YOU DIDN'T
GET ME ANYTHING?
5
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,856
HA. NO,
ARE YOU KIDDING? NO.
6
00:00:21,890 --> 00:00:23,224
NOT GET YOU ANYTHING?
7
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,593
OF COURSE
I GOT YOU SOMETHING.
8
00:00:24,626 --> 00:00:26,961
I, UH, I GOT YOU
THE PERFECT SOMETHING.
9
00:00:26,995 --> 00:00:29,130
IT'S PERFECT,
AND IT'S, UH,
10
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:31,566
IT'S REALLY
SOMETHING. YEAH.
11
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,702
YOU'RE SO SWEET.
12
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,042
ALL RIGHT,
WE ARE WIRED.
13
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,611
CAN I PLUG IT IN?
CAN I PLUG IT IN?
14
00:00:42,644 --> 00:00:44,345
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
15
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:49,483
IT'S MAGNIFICENT.
16
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,786
YEAH. YOU AIN'T
SEEN NOTHING YET.
17
00:00:51,820 --> 00:00:53,287
BY THE TIME
I'M THROUGH
WITH THIS JOINT,
18
00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:56,490
THEY'RE GONNA
BE ABLE TO SEE IT
FROM THE SHUTTLE.
19
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,092
TOMMY!
20
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:02,330
LOOK WHAT I GOT.
21
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:03,331
A STICK?
22
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,166
NO.
23
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:08,202
IT'S A CHRISTMAS TREE.
24
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:09,237
YOU'LL SEE.
25
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,005
ALL IT NEEDS
IS A LITTLE LOVE.
26
00:01:11,039 --> 00:01:14,508
Sally: DICK!
DICK, YOU ARE
NOT GONNA BELIEVE
27
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:15,509
WHAT WE GOT
AT THE MALL.
28
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:17,245
A STICK?
29
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,114
IT'S A CHRISTMAS TREE.
30
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:21,616
THAT THING?
31
00:01:21,650 --> 00:01:23,117
WE ARE SOLOMONS,
HARRY.
32
00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:26,187
WE SHOULD HAVE
THE BIGGEST, NOBLEST
TREE IN ALL OF OHIO.
33
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,722
FORGET THE STICK, DICK.
34
00:01:27,756 --> 00:01:30,024
WE FOUND JOBS.
35
00:01:30,058 --> 00:01:33,094
THE MALL IS FULL
OF THEM, CHRISTMAS JOBS.
36
00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:35,730
YOU ARE LOOKING
AT A PROFESSIONAL
GIFT WRAPPER.
37
00:01:35,764 --> 00:01:40,268
AND I AM THE
EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT
TO MR. SANTA CLAUS.
38
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,470
I'VE HEARD OF HIM.
39
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,873
HE'S THE MUCKIE-MUCK
IN CHARGE OF THE
WHOLE SHEBANG.
40
00:01:44,906 --> 00:01:48,576
YEAH. WELL, I'M KIND OF
HIS RIGHT-HAND ELF.
41
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,411
THIS IS WONDERFUL.
IT'S A CELEBRATION.
42
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,246
TOMMY, WHEN
DID WE FIRST LAND
ON THIS PLANET?
43
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,216
JANUARY 9.
IT WAS A TUESDAY,
EXACTLY 8:30 P.M.
44
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:56,951
7:30 CENTRAL.
45
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,790
YOU REALIZE
WE'RE COMING UP
ON OUR ANNIVERSARY.
46
00:02:01,823 --> 00:02:04,192
AN EARTH-YEAR ON EARTH,
47
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:05,760
AND EVERYTHING IS
FINALLY COMING TOGETHER.
48
00:02:05,794 --> 00:02:09,097
IT'S AS IF
ALL THE EARTH WERE
THROWING US A PARTY.
49
00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:11,866
SUDDENLY, I FEEL
SO--SO--
50
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:13,567
HUMAN.
51
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,804
OH, GUYS.
52
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:24,746
OH, GREAT.
53
00:02:24,779 --> 00:02:26,781
NOW IT'S A STICK.
54
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,257
WEEDS.
55
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,359
OK, DICK,
IT'S TIME TO PICK
YOUR SECRET SANTA.
56
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,828
IT'S TIME TO WHO
FOR WHAT-WHAT?
57
00:03:13,862 --> 00:03:15,897
PICK A NAME.
THAT'S WHO YOU BUY
A PRESENT FOR.
58
00:03:15,930 --> 00:03:18,066
PRESENTS?
FOR CHRISTMAS?
59
00:03:18,099 --> 00:03:20,101
THE BOWL IS HEAVY.
60
00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:24,939
LET'S PLAY
SECRET SANTA.
61
00:03:27,742 --> 00:03:30,078
DR. ANTHONY?
I BARELY KNOW HIM.
62
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:33,514
FLANSBURGH,
63
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,783
CHILTON,
64
00:03:34,816 --> 00:03:35,984
LINNELL.
65
00:03:36,017 --> 00:03:39,153
DICK, YOU DON'T
GET TO CHOOSE YOUR
PERSON. IT'S RANDOM.
66
00:03:39,187 --> 00:03:41,990
YOU PICK ONE NAME,
AND IT'S A SECRET
UNTIL THE PARTY.
67
00:03:42,023 --> 00:03:43,524
OH.
68
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,977
WELL, I'VE
PICKED MY NAME,
69
00:04:03,011 --> 00:04:07,381
AND WHOEVER IT IS
HASN'T THE
FOGGIEST IDEA.
70
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,050
FROM NOW
UNTIL THE PARTY,
71
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:14,588
THEIR LIFE WILL BE
A TOPSY-TURVY LABYRINTH
OF MYSTERY AND INTRIGUE.
72
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:19,861
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,
LET HIM DRAW AGAIN.
73
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:28,769
WELL, HELLO-HO-HO,
EVERYBODY,
74
00:04:28,803 --> 00:04:31,472
AND WELCOME
TO SANTA'S TOYLAND.
75
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:34,508
PRESENTS, TOYS, AND FUN
FOR CHILDREN 1 TO 91.
76
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:41,415
OH, UH, PLEASE NOTE
THAT CHILDREN 16 TO 91
77
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:44,485
SHOULD NOT SIT
ON SANTA'S LAP.
78
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,955
DAMN.
79
00:04:48,923 --> 00:04:51,025
THANK YOU AND HAVE
A HAPPY AND SAFE HOLIDAY
80
00:04:51,059 --> 00:04:55,596
FROM ALL OF US HERE
AT THE RUTHERFORD GALLERIA.
81
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,299
WOW, YOU'VE BEEN
SHOPPING YOUR BUTT OFF.
82
00:04:59,267 --> 00:05:00,501
IT'S CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?
83
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:01,769
OH, IT'S GREAT,
ISN'T IT?
84
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,805
PEOPLE BUYING STUFF,
LUGGING BAGS AROUND,
85
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,975
MAXING OUT
THEIR CREDIT CARDS.
86
00:05:07,008 --> 00:05:09,243
IT'S LIKE EVERYONE
IN THE WHOLE WORLD
HAS JOINED TOGETHER
87
00:05:09,277 --> 00:05:11,545
TO EMBRACE FINANCIAL RUIN.
88
00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:15,016
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
89
00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:17,418
THANK YOU, AND HAVE
A HAPPY AND SAFE HOLIDAY
90
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,288
FROM ALL OF US HERE
AT THE RUTHERFORD GALLERIA!
91
00:05:22,891 --> 00:05:24,558
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
92
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,565
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
93
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:34,235
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
94
00:05:34,268 --> 00:05:35,236
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
95
00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:36,938
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
96
00:05:42,944 --> 00:05:44,612
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
97
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,781
SHE'S COIN-OPERATED.
98
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,418
SHE SAYS
SHE HAS THE PERFECT
GIFT FOR ME,
99
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,486
AND I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT TO GET HER.
100
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,755
HER NAME IS
AUGUST LEFLER.
101
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,590
HO HO HO HO.
102
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,492
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
AUGUST, BUT--
103
00:05:58,526 --> 00:05:59,727
WELL, AREN'T YOU
SUPPOSED TO HAVE
104
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,696
SOME KIND OF LIST
OR SOMETHING?
105
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,465
HO HO HO HO.
106
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:07,401
WELL, I'M AFRAID
I LEFT MY LIST UP
IN THE NORTH POLE.
107
00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:08,469
OH, GREAT.
108
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,504
CAN'T YOU HAVE
YOUR WIFE FAX IT
TO YOU OR SOMETHING?
109
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:12,473
I CAN'T
SCREW THIS UP.
110
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:16,444
HO HO HO.
WELL, TOMMY...
111
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,079
LOOK...
112
00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:20,814
YOU WANNA MAKE
THIS AUGUST CHICK HAPPY,
113
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,151
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DROP
SOME COLD HARD CASH,
114
00:06:23,184 --> 00:06:24,285
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
115
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:25,819
ON WHAT?
116
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:30,158
LISTEN, PORK BUTT,
I NEED MODEL NUMBERS
HERE.
117
00:06:30,191 --> 00:06:30,925
GET A HAIRCUT.
118
00:06:30,959 --> 00:06:33,094
YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL.
119
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,037
AGAIN?
120
00:06:43,071 --> 00:06:45,673
THE ROOT MUST BE
SOMEWHERE UPSTAIRS.
121
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:50,444
OOH. IS THAT THE GIFT
YOU GOT FOR JUDITH?
122
00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:51,312
OOH.
123
00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:54,215
OR WHOEVER IT WAS
YOU HAPPENED TO PICK.
124
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,449
YES.
125
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,618
THERE'S A $20 LIMIT.
126
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,387
I KNOW. I WENT
A LITTLE OVER,
127
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:02,923
$120 OVER.
128
00:07:02,957 --> 00:07:05,626
IT'S EASY TO GET
CARRIED AWAY, ISN'T IT?
129
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:06,961
YOU KNOW,
A FEW YEARS AGO
130
00:07:06,995 --> 00:07:11,565
I MADE A BATCH
OF MY FAMOUS RUMBALLS
FOR CHRISTMAS.
131
00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:15,003
THEY WERE SO POPULAR,
THAT THIS YEAR,
JUST ON A WHIM,
132
00:07:15,036 --> 00:07:17,871
I MADE 20 BATCHES, ENOUGH
FOR THE WHOLE DEPARTMENT.
133
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:22,310
MMM. IT'S FUNNY
THAT YOU WOULD HAVE
THAT MUCH RUM AROUND.
134
00:07:22,343 --> 00:07:23,311
IT'S THE HOLIDAYS, NINA.
135
00:07:23,344 --> 00:07:26,614
YES, NINA,
IT'S THE HOLIDAYS.
136
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:27,548
MY DAD WOULD
GO OUT AND GET
137
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:30,751
THE BIGGEST
CHRISTMAS TREE
HE COULD FIND.
138
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,386
WE'D GO CAROLING,
139
00:07:32,420 --> 00:07:34,955
OPEN OUR HOUSE
TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
140
00:07:34,989 --> 00:07:37,125
ALL THAT SHARING
AND GENEROSITY.
141
00:07:37,158 --> 00:07:39,527
[SOBS]
142
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,096
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
143
00:07:42,130 --> 00:07:44,698
LOOK HOW GENEROUS
I AM.
144
00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:47,568
I | CHRISTMAS.
145
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,239
HELLO, AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS
FROM ALL--
146
00:07:51,272 --> 00:07:52,473
WHERE'S MY PACKAGE?
147
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:53,941
I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY
THE WHOLE THING.
148
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,376
HELLO, AND
HAPPY HOLIDAYS--
149
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:57,578
EXCUSE ME, I
WAS HERE FIRST.
150
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,747
EXCUSE ME. I'M
JUST PICKING UP.
151
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:00,714
HEY, HEY,
COME ON, PEOPLE.
152
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:03,684
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY.
THIS IS SHOPPING.
153
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:04,918
YEAH, WELL,
I'M FED UP.
154
00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,887
WHERE THE HELL'S
JANUARY ALREADY?
155
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,657
HEY, COULD YOU
CUT THE CHITCHAT
SO SHE CAN WRAP?
156
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,293
WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
157
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,795
THIS ISN'T ABOUT
BUYING GIFTS AT ALL.
158
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:19,333
THIS IS ABOUT VICIOUSNESS,
AND RUTHLESSNESS,
AND AGGRESSION, AND...
159
00:08:19,367 --> 00:08:21,869
USUALLY I LIKE
ALL THOSE THINGS, BUT...
160
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,305
NOW...
161
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:26,840
IT'S JUST REALLY
RUINING CHRISTMAS.
162
00:08:29,243 --> 00:08:31,245
JUST WRAP.
163
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:36,917
Kids: AW.
164
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:40,020
OH, DON'T WORRY,
BOYS AND GIRLS.
165
00:08:40,054 --> 00:08:41,755
SANTA WILL
BE RIGHT BACK
166
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:45,093
AFTER HE TAKES CARE
OF SOME PERSONAL
BUSINESS...
167
00:08:47,328 --> 00:08:49,163
ON THE TOILET.
168
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:58,239
AH, WHAT ARE THEY
FEEDING THESE KIDS?
THEY WEIGH A TON.
169
00:08:58,272 --> 00:08:59,840
WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK
PART OF THE PROBLEM
170
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,775
IS WE'RE
FEEDING THEM CANDY.
171
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,377
MAYBE IF WE COULD
GIVE THEM CELERY
172
00:09:03,411 --> 00:09:06,080
OR SOME KIND OF...
173
00:09:07,115 --> 00:09:09,450
OH. SANTA...
174
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:11,785
WHAT ARE YOU--
175
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:13,087
I MEAN--
176
00:09:13,121 --> 00:09:14,322
IT'S--
177
00:09:14,355 --> 00:09:16,224
YOU--
178
00:09:16,257 --> 00:09:18,926
NOOOO!
179
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:25,666
* O TANNENBAUM,
O TANNENBAUM *
180
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:29,837
* THAT'S CHRISTMAS TREE
IN GERMAN *
181
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,540
THIS IS
A CHRISTMAS TREE.
182
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,007
HEY--HEY, BUDDY,
CAN I HELP YOU?
183
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,009
UH, NO, THANKS.
I HAVE A CHAIN SAW.
184
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,378
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
185
00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:48,055
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
OFFICER.
186
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:54,094
PEACE ON EARTH.
GOODWILL TOWARD MEN.
187
00:09:54,128 --> 00:09:55,829
WHAT A CROCK.
188
00:09:57,131 --> 00:10:02,035
$900 IN FINES,
AND THEY CONFISCATED
YOUR CHAIN SAW?
189
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,238
AND HAVE YOU EVER
FELT A TASER?
190
00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:10,378
IT'S NOT NEARLY
AS MUCH FUN
AS IT LOOKS.
191
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,915
WHAT A BUNCH
OF HYPOCRITES.
192
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,650
APPARENTLY, THE
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
193
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:21,155
DOESN'T APPLY WHEN
YOU'RE "TRESPASSING"
AND "VANDALIZING."
194
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,491
LET'S FACE IT,
195
00:10:23,524 --> 00:10:25,293
CHRISTMAS IS A SHAM.
196
00:10:25,326 --> 00:10:27,895
HOW CAN HUMANS
TAKE SOMETHING
LIKE SHOPPING--
197
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:30,898
SOMETHING PURE,
AND NATURAL, AND GOOD--
198
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,966
AND TURN IT INTO
SOMETHING SO UGLY?
199
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,135
THIS IS NOT A HOLIDAY.
THIS IS TORTURE.
200
00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:37,605
THEY KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT THEY WANT, BUT
THEY WON'T TELL YOU.
201
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,541
NO-HO-HO,
THEY MAKE YOU GUESS.
202
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:42,876
THIS IS JUST
SO EARTH.
203
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:43,911
HUMANS.
204
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,847
I DON'T WANT TO PLAY
ANY OF THEIR
REINDEER GAMES.
205
00:10:48,449 --> 00:10:50,484
[CAROLERS]
* FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA *
206
00:10:50,518 --> 00:10:52,152
* 'TIS THE SEASON
TO BE JOLLY *
207
00:10:52,186 --> 00:10:53,587
AH, LISTEN TO THEM,
208
00:10:53,621 --> 00:10:55,423
SINGING LIKE IDIOTS.
209
00:10:55,456 --> 00:10:57,057
WHY DID WE WANT
TO BE LIKE HUMANS
ANYWAY?
210
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,293
* FA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA *
211
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:10,003
[CAROLERS SCREAMING]
212
00:11:14,442 --> 00:11:16,944
THAT'S BETTER.
213
00:11:22,316 --> 00:11:26,086
AND SO WE SEE THAT
B = 2A OVER DELTA,
214
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:30,858
WHICH EQUALS K x MASS
OVER 2 PI DELTA,
215
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,227
AND THEREFORE...
216
00:11:33,261 --> 00:11:34,562
LEON.
217
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,464
WHAT ARE YOU
PASSING AROUND?
218
00:11:36,497 --> 00:11:38,131
OH, CARYN MADE THEM.
219
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,467
YEAH, THEY'RE
CHRISTMAS COOKIES.
220
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,969
OH, HOW CHRISTMASY.
221
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,705
ALL SPARKLY
RED AND GREEN.
222
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,006
OH, LOOK.
223
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,808
ONE OF SANTA'S
REINDEER.
224
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,677
WATCH HIM FLY.
225
00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:53,981
OH, LOOK, A LITTLE
CHRISTMAS BELL.
226
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:55,883
DING DONG!
227
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:58,652
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT THIS IS.
228
00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:02,122
IT WAS A SNOWMAN.
229
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,692
NO. IT WAS BUTTER
AND SUGAR AND SPRINKLES
230
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:07,895
ALL WRAPPED UP
IN EMPTY SENTIMENT
AND HOLIDAY HYPOCRISY.
231
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,096
[BELL RINGS]
232
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:10,298
All: WHOO! YAY!
233
00:12:10,331 --> 00:12:13,767
HO. HO HO. HO HO
HO HO HO HO HO.
234
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:14,802
WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?
235
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,036
* IT'S
CHRISTMAS BREAK *
236
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,738
IT IS NOT
* CHRISTMAS BREAK
237
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:19,740
UNTIL I SAY IT IS,
238
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:20,941
NOT UNTIL
YOU'VE COMPLETED
239
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,377
THE FOLLOWING
REMEDIAL ASSIGNMENT.
240
00:12:23,411 --> 00:12:26,414
YOU WILL WRITE
A 15-PAGE DISSERTATION
ON WAVE PHYSICS
241
00:12:26,447 --> 00:12:28,849
AND ITS RELATION
TO ELECTROMAGNETIC
RADIATION.
242
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:31,585
OH, AND A 5-POINT BONUS
IF YOU CAN TELL ME
243
00:12:31,619 --> 00:12:35,155
HOW THE HELL SANTA
DELIVERS ALL THOSE TOYS
IN ONE NIGHT!
244
00:12:36,557 --> 00:12:38,592
IT'S TO BE TYPEWRITTEN
AND ON MY DESK
245
00:12:38,626 --> 00:12:40,461
NO LATER THAN 6:00.
246
00:12:40,494 --> 00:12:40,994
TONIGHT?
247
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:42,730
BUT IT'S DECEMBER 23.
248
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,798
YEAH, IT'S
CHRISTMAS EVE EVE.
249
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:48,001
OH, IT IS?
250
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:50,203
WELL, TOUGH TINSEL.
251
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,708
THANK YOU AND HAVE
A HAPPY AND SAFE HOLIDAY
252
00:12:54,742 --> 00:12:57,345
FROM ALL OF US HERE
AT THE RUTHERFORD GALLERIA.
253
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,881
BYE-BYE NOW.
254
00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:03,817
HEY, TOMMY.
255
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,886
I FINALLY FOUND
SOMETHING FOR AUGUST.
256
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:06,954
PERFUME. IS THIS
WHAT SHE WANTS?
257
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,121
I DON'T KNOW,
258
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,457
SO I ALSO GOT
A PORTABLE CD PLAYER.
259
00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:10,491
OH. SHE LIKES CDs?
260
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,292
I DON'T KNOW,
SO I GOT HER EARRINGS,
261
00:13:12,326 --> 00:13:15,295
AND A CELLULAR PHONE,
AND A BELT.
262
00:13:15,329 --> 00:13:16,864
HOW DID YOU AFFORD
ALL THIS STUFF?
263
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,632
YOU KNOW THAT JAR
OF PENNIES I HAVE
IN MY ROOM?
264
00:13:18,666 --> 00:13:19,467
YEAH.
265
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:21,902
IT'S WHERE I HIDE
DICK'S CREDIT CARD.
266
00:13:27,475 --> 00:13:28,509
BARTENDER.
267
00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:30,878
2 FINGERS, NO FAT.
268
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:33,647
I BELIEVED IN HIM.
269
00:13:33,681 --> 00:13:37,518
I THOUGHT WE
WERE BRINGING JOY
TO THE WORLD.
270
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:39,420
I WAS GONNA MOVE
TO THE NORTH POLE
271
00:13:39,453 --> 00:13:42,222
TO WORK
IN HIS TOY FACTORY.
272
00:13:44,425 --> 00:13:45,593
WELL...
273
00:13:45,626 --> 00:13:48,962
LOOK WHAT THE CAT
DRAGGED IN.
274
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:52,833
YOU GOT A LOT OF GUTS
COMING IN HERE, FAT BOY.
275
00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:55,135
DO I KNOW YOU?
276
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:59,740
OH, DON'T GET CUTE
WITH ME, KRINGLE,
277
00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:02,042
IF THAT IS
YOUR REAL NAME.
278
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:04,945
HEY, WHAT'S
YOUR PROBLEM?
279
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,614
YOU'RE MY PROBLEM!
280
00:14:06,647 --> 00:14:08,416
SO, WHAT
ARE YOU GONNA DO,
281
00:14:08,449 --> 00:14:11,485
GET ONE OF YOUR REINDEER
TO KICK ME TO DEATH?
282
00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:12,686
Man: HEY,
TAKE IT EASY.
283
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,187
OH, MIND YOUR OWN--
284
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,689
WHOA.
285
00:14:15,723 --> 00:14:17,090
WAIT A SECOND.
286
00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:19,259
BUT, YOU...
287
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:19,760
HE...
288
00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:21,695
IS THERE A PROBLEM?
289
00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:24,064
AAH!
290
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,899
AAH!
291
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:32,339
* JINGLE BELL, JINGLE BELL,
JINGLE BELL ROCK *
292
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,341
YOU KNOW, THIS IS
THE ONLY TIME OF YEAR
293
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,710
I LIKE WHITE MUSIC.
294
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,549
WHAT DO
YOU THINK, NINA?
295
00:14:41,582 --> 00:14:43,216
MMM.
296
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,418
TOO MUCH EGG.
297
00:14:44,452 --> 00:14:46,386
NEEDS MORE NOG.
YUP.
298
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:53,561
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
299
00:14:53,594 --> 00:14:55,563
MMM.
300
00:14:55,596 --> 00:14:56,396
RUMBALL?
301
00:14:56,430 --> 00:14:58,365
UH, SPARE ME.
302
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:03,170
YOU BETTER BE NICE
TO ME IF YOU WANT
YOUR STOCKING STUFFED.
303
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,207
[TURNS MUSIC OFF]
HEY.
304
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,942
THERE WILL BE NO
HOLIDAY CHEER, NINA,
305
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,511
WHILE THERE'S WORK
TO BE DONE.
306
00:15:10,544 --> 00:15:11,712
ON CHRISTMAS EVE EVE?
307
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:14,247
I'LL NEED ALL THE GRADES
FROM MY 10:00 CLASS
308
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,750
BROKEN DOWN
AND RETABULATED
FOR THE WHOLE SEMESTER.
309
00:15:16,784 --> 00:15:18,218
ON CHRISTMAS EVE EVE?
310
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,420
YES.
311
00:15:20,454 --> 00:15:21,922
Mary: DICK, WE NEED
SOMEBODY TALL
312
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,491
TO HANG THE BOUGHS
OF HOLLY.
313
00:15:23,524 --> 00:15:26,393
FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA NO.
314
00:15:29,897 --> 00:15:31,098
I GUESS I'D LIKE
THE PLAID--
315
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:34,535
WE'RE OUT OF EVERYTHING
BUT GREEN FOIL
AND HAPPY SNOWMEN.
316
00:15:34,568 --> 00:15:36,470
WELL, IT'S
FOR MY MOM, SO--
317
00:15:36,504 --> 00:15:39,239
YOU GOT YOUR MOM
A DUST MISER?
318
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,240
HOW NICE.
319
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,943
THE GIFT
THAT KEEPS ON SUCKING.
320
00:15:44,812 --> 00:15:46,714
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO GET HER.
321
00:15:46,747 --> 00:15:48,749
APPARENTLY NOT.
322
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,818
WAIT A SECOND.
WHERE WAS THAT...
323
00:15:50,851 --> 00:15:52,352
HERE YOU GO.
A FOOT MASSAGER.
324
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:55,155
THE WOMAN NEEDS A BREAK,
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
325
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,389
GOSH, THANKS.
326
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:57,090
YOU'RE WELCOME.
327
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,626
HEY, THAT'S MY
FOOT MASSAGER.
328
00:15:58,659 --> 00:15:59,727
AW, POOR BABY.
329
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:00,928
WHO'S IT FOR?
330
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:01,862
MY WIFE.
331
00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:03,864
WOW, REAL ROMANTIC.
332
00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:05,265
HERE, WAIT A SECOND.
333
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:08,201
HERE, AH, SOME
EXOTIC BATH OILS.
334
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,738
YOU CAN TURN YOUR WIFE
INTO A SLIP-AND-SLIDE.
335
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,374
THAT--THAT WAS
FOR MY BOYFRIEND,
336
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:17,244
UNLESS YOU HAVE
A BETTER IDEA.
337
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:18,846
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I DO.
338
00:16:18,879 --> 00:16:21,749
HERE, UH,
INTERNATIONAL BEER BASKET
339
00:16:21,782 --> 00:16:23,383
FROM THE LIQUOR LOCKER.
340
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,819
OH. YEAH.
THANK YOU.
341
00:16:25,853 --> 00:16:26,620
YOU'RE WELCOME.
342
00:16:26,654 --> 00:16:27,187
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
343
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,822
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
344
00:16:28,856 --> 00:16:30,457
THIS IS FUN.
345
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:33,160
HEY, UH, DIAMOND
TENNIS BRACELET.
346
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:33,827
WHO WANTS ONE?
347
00:16:33,861 --> 00:16:35,162
Crowd: I DO! I DO!
348
00:16:38,866 --> 00:16:41,168
[LAUGHING]
349
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,536
LISTEN TO THEM
LAUGHING,
350
00:16:42,570 --> 00:16:45,773
OPENING THEIR
LITTLE PRESENTS.
351
00:16:45,806 --> 00:16:47,608
WHO NEEDS CHRISTMAS
ANYWAY?
352
00:16:47,641 --> 00:16:50,043
I SAY "BUG HUMBAR."
353
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,414
YOU MEAN "BAH HUMBUG."
354
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,716
BAH WHAT?
355
00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:57,751
YOU SAID "BUG HUMBAR."
356
00:16:57,785 --> 00:16:58,518
AND?
357
00:16:58,552 --> 00:17:00,453
WELL, WHAT DOES
"BUG HUMBAR" MEAN?
358
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:01,989
WHAT DOES
"BAH HUMBUG" MEAN?
359
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,024
FORGET IT.
360
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:12,432
HERE. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
361
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,967
YOU GOT ME A GIFT?
362
00:17:14,001 --> 00:17:14,902
YEAH.
363
00:17:14,935 --> 00:17:16,637
SO YOU WERE
MY SECRET SANTA?
364
00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:18,338
I WAS NOT
YOUR SECRET SANTA.
365
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,607
I JUST HAPPEN
TO LOVE CHRISTMAS.
366
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,142
NOW OPEN
YOUR DAMN PRESENT.
367
00:17:27,815 --> 00:17:28,782
WELL, WHAT IS IT?
368
00:17:28,816 --> 00:17:30,150
IT'S A TRAVEL MUG.
369
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,653
WHAT'S IT FOR?
370
00:17:32,686 --> 00:17:35,656
SO YOU DON'T SPILL
COFFEE IN YOUR LAP
EVERY MORNING.
371
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:38,726
YOU NOTICED?
372
00:17:41,762 --> 00:17:44,097
UH, YEAH.
373
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,766
I NEED THIS.
374
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:47,801
YOU'RE WELCOME.
375
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:51,071
NINA...
376
00:17:51,972 --> 00:17:52,773
FORGET THE WORK.
377
00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:54,241
GO TO THE PARTY.
378
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:55,609
ARE YOU SURE?
379
00:17:55,643 --> 00:17:57,911
YES. HAVE A GOOD TIME.
380
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,850
AND NINA...
381
00:18:02,883 --> 00:18:06,553
M-MERRY CHRISTMAS.
382
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,522
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
DR. SOLOMON.
383
00:18:16,864 --> 00:18:18,365
WHERE ARE THOSE
RUM DREIDELS
384
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,134
I MADE FOR DR. SCHWARTZ?
385
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,237
MARY, LOOK WHAT
NINA GAVE ME.
386
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:25,405
I'M NOT
TALKING TO YOU.
387
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,774
YOU'RE RUINING
MY CHRISTMAS.
388
00:18:26,807 --> 00:18:28,642
NO, NO. THAT
WAS THE OLD DICK.
389
00:18:28,676 --> 00:18:29,910
I THINK I'VE ACTUALLY
GOT THE SPIRIT.
390
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,945
I WANT TO BE A PART
OF CHRISTMAS NOW.
391
00:18:31,979 --> 00:18:35,482
WELL, PAH-DOM,
PAH-DOM, BOMP.
392
00:18:37,685 --> 00:18:38,518
DR. SOLOMON.
393
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:39,753
DR. SOLOMON.
394
00:18:39,787 --> 00:18:40,453
SORRY WE'RE LATE.
395
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:41,822
WE WORKED AS HARD
AS WE COULD.
396
00:18:41,855 --> 00:18:42,856
YOUR PAPERS?
397
00:18:42,890 --> 00:18:44,324
SORRY WE'RE LATE.
DON'T TAKE POINTS OFF.
398
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:46,493
HO HO HO HO HO.
399
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:47,761
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
400
00:18:47,795 --> 00:18:48,996
WE WORKED ON THOSE.
401
00:18:49,029 --> 00:18:50,097
AND IN THE SPIRIT
OF CHRISTMAS,
402
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,598
I'M NOT EVEN
GOING TO READ THEM.
403
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,500
I'M GONNA
GIVE YOU ALL Cs.
404
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,068
Cs!
YES. Cs.
405
00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:57,838
OH, WHAT THE HELL,
IT'S CHRISTMAS.
"C" PLUSES.
406
00:18:57,871 --> 00:18:59,372
YAY! ALL RIGHT.
407
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,141
GO, GO ALL OF YOU.
408
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:03,643
TRIM YOUR STOCKINGS
AND STUFF YOUR TREES.
409
00:19:03,677 --> 00:19:05,713
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
410
00:19:05,746 --> 00:19:09,616
GOD BLESS US,
EVERY ONE.
411
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,518
JUDITH!
412
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,353
JUDITH, COME IN HERE!
413
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,689
JUDITH, I'M
YOUR SECRET SANTA.
414
00:19:15,723 --> 00:19:17,557
GET OUT.
415
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:20,728
HERE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
416
00:19:20,761 --> 00:19:21,729
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
417
00:19:21,762 --> 00:19:22,662
AND HAPPY NEW YEAR.
418
00:19:22,696 --> 00:19:23,430
SAME TO YOU.
419
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:24,664
MAY YOUR HOLIDAY
BE FILLED
420
00:19:24,698 --> 00:19:26,666
WITH LORDS A-LEAPING,
LADIES DANCING,
421
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,736
PIPERS PIPING,
DRUMMERS DRUMMING,
422
00:19:28,769 --> 00:19:29,703
GEESE A-LAYING,
SWANS A-SWIMMING--
423
00:19:29,737 --> 00:19:31,404
THAT WILL DO.
424
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:36,810
* FIVE GOLDEN RINGS
425
00:19:36,844 --> 00:19:40,981
I KNOW I'VE HAD
A LOT OF RUMBALLS,
426
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:43,116
BUT THAT WAS
REALLY SWEET.
427
00:19:43,150 --> 00:19:44,484
TH-THIS IS WONDERFUL.
428
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,486
I THOUGHT CHRISTMAS
WAS ALL ABOUT STRESS
429
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,990
AND HOSTILITY
AND HANDCUFFS
AND MIRANDA RIGHTS,
430
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:52,592
BUT NO, IT'S MORE.
IT'S SO MUCH MORE.
431
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,228
IT'S ABOUT GIVING
AND SHARING AND JUST...
432
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:57,297
BEING HUMAN.
433
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,099
COME ON, THE PARTY'S
STILL GOING ON,
434
00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:02,970
AND I'VE SAVED
A SPECIAL DANCE FOR YOU.
435
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,605
OH.
436
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,941
THAT WEED
GREW BACK AGAIN.
437
00:20:07,975 --> 00:20:09,142
IT'S MISTLETOE.
438
00:20:09,176 --> 00:20:10,310
MISTLETOE?
439
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:10,710
YEAH.
440
00:20:10,744 --> 00:20:11,779
WHAT'S IT FOR?
441
00:20:11,812 --> 00:20:14,147
OH, I'LL SHOW YOU.
442
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:17,851
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
443
00:20:17,885 --> 00:20:19,519
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU,
444
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,289
BUT WHAT'S
THE MISTLETOE FOR?
445
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,124
DICK.
446
00:20:24,792 --> 00:20:27,060
OH.
447
00:20:41,942 --> 00:20:42,910
HMM.
448
00:20:42,943 --> 00:20:44,477
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
HOW THE REAL SANTA'S
449
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:48,148
GONNA SLIDE
DOWN THIS THING,
450
00:20:48,181 --> 00:20:49,817
BUT HE WILL.
451
00:20:49,850 --> 00:20:51,184
AH, WHAT
A LOVELY WAY
TO MARK
452
00:20:51,218 --> 00:20:52,719
OUR FIRST
ANNIVERSARY
ON EARTH,
453
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,388
OUR FIRST
ANNIVERSARY
AS HUMANS.
454
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:56,356
DO YOU THINK
WE'LL EVER REALLY KNOW
455
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:59,692
EVERYTHING
THERE IS TO KNOW
ABOUT BEING HUMAN?
456
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:01,528
* SILENT NIGHT, OH
457
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,263
* HOLY NIGHT, OH
458
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:04,998
* ALL IS CALM, WHOO
459
00:21:05,032 --> 00:21:06,766
* ALL IS BRIGHT, OH
460
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:08,568
* ROUND YOUNG VIR-GIN
461
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,237
* MOTHER AND CHILD, OH
462
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:11,939
* HOLY IN-FANT
463
00:21:11,972 --> 00:21:13,874
* TENDER AND MILD, AH
464
00:21:13,907 --> 00:21:15,142
* SLEEP IN HEAV-EN
465
00:21:15,175 --> 00:21:17,510
* LY PEACE, YO
466
00:21:17,544 --> 00:21:19,579
* SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE
467
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,148
YI YI YI YI.
468
00:21:21,181 --> 00:21:23,183
* SILENT NIGHT, HO
469
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:33,260
MERRY CHRISTMAS, TOMMY.
470
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,295
THIS?
471
00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:36,463
I MADE IT MYSELF.
472
00:21:36,496 --> 00:21:38,531
IT'S THE 2 OF US, SEE.
473
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:41,869
WHAT I GOT FOR YOU
474
00:21:41,902 --> 00:21:45,238
IS SO MUCH BETTER
THAN THIS.
475
00:21:45,272 --> 00:21:46,606
I MEAN, IT IS A JOKE
476
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:51,478
HOW MUCH BETTER
MY STUFF IS THAN THIS.
477
00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:53,346
WHICH I LOVE.
478
00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:54,982
I LOVE THIS.
31664
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