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1
00:00:05,907 --> 00:00:09,744
[LAUGHTER]
2
00:00:09,778 --> 00:00:12,246
SO I SAID TO HER,
"HEY, MOM, YOUR BIRTHDAY
WAS LAST MONTH.
3
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,615
HOIST IT UP YOURSELF."
4
00:00:13,648 --> 00:00:15,917
[LAUGHTER]
5
00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,586
I DON'T GET IT.
WHAT ARE THEY
LAUGHING AT?
6
00:00:17,619 --> 00:00:19,854
ANYWAY. I'M NOT SAYING
MY MOM IS OVERWEIGHT,
7
00:00:19,888 --> 00:00:21,690
BUT SHE'S GOT
THAT FLABBY SKIN
UNDER HER ARM.
8
00:00:21,723 --> 00:00:22,724
YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.
9
00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:24,258
WELL, THE OTHER DAY,
THIS WIND PICKS UP.
10
00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:26,127
THIS STUFF
STARTS JIGGLING.
11
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,897
OUT DROPPED THE TRICYCLE
I LOST WHEN I WAS 7.
12
00:00:28,930 --> 00:00:30,699
[LAUGHTER]
13
00:00:30,732 --> 00:00:32,533
EXCUSE ME.
YOUNG MAN.
14
00:00:32,567 --> 00:00:34,102
PERHAPS YOU CAN
HELP ME OUT.
15
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:35,804
THOSE THINGS YOU SAID
ABOUT YOUR MOTHER.
16
00:00:35,837 --> 00:00:38,239
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY THEY'RE CONSIDERED
FUNNY.
17
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:40,508
WELL...
UM...
IS IT BECAUSE
18
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,311
THE TONED ARMS
THAT ONCE CRADLED YOU
SECURELY
19
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:47,015
NOW HAVE LARGE
DEPOSITS OF CELLULITE
HANGING FROM THEM?
20
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:48,382
IS AGING FUNNY?
21
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:50,451
IF YOU THINK
ABOUT IT--
AND YOU!
22
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,553
IS IT ALL THE ALCOHOL
YOU'RE CONSUMING
23
00:00:52,587 --> 00:00:56,124
THAT MAKES IT OK
TO LAUGH AT THE EXPENSE
OF YOUR LOVED ONES?
24
00:00:56,157 --> 00:01:00,328
HE'S RIGHT!
I LOVE MY FAT MAMA.
25
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,463
AND YOU'RE
A BAD MAN!
26
00:01:06,835 --> 00:01:08,402
DR. ALBRIGHT...
27
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:11,305
HAVE YOU EVER
LOST A TRICYCLE
IN YOUR MOTHER?
28
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:15,877
PLEASE, DICK.
I AM IN A CRUDDY MOOD.
29
00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:19,380
THIS FUND-RAISER'S
TURNING OUT TO BE
A NIGHTMARE.
30
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,682
[CHUCKLES]
31
00:01:20,715 --> 00:01:22,050
[CHUCKLES]
32
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:27,121
HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA!
33
00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:29,490
WELL...WHY
ARE YOU LAUGHING?
34
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,025
YOU JUST SAID YOU
WERE IN A CRUDDY MOOD.
35
00:01:31,059 --> 00:01:35,596
OH...IT'S THESE JOKES
BEN LITTMEYER GAVE ME
AT LUNCH.
36
00:01:35,630 --> 00:01:37,699
BEN LITTMEYER
FROM THE SOCIOLOGY
DEPARTMENT?
37
00:01:37,732 --> 00:01:40,735
YES. OH, HE HAS
THE BEST SENSE OF HUMOR.
38
00:01:40,769 --> 00:01:43,571
I FINALLY CONVINCED HIM
TO HOST THE FUND-RAISER.
39
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,406
WHY DIDN'T YOU
ASK ME TO DO IT?
40
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:48,176
I HAVE A WONDERFUL
SENSE OF HUMOR. UH...
41
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,244
NINA, COME IN HERE!
42
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:52,681
I HAVE A WONDERFUL
SENSE OF HUMOR,
DON'T I?
43
00:01:52,714 --> 00:01:54,282
HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA!
44
00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,150
OH...
45
00:01:58,619 --> 00:01:59,087
SEE?!
46
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,822
OH...DICK, YOU KNOW,
47
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:03,391
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT
FUND-RAISER FOR PENDLETON.
48
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:06,560
AND BEN CAN GET
THOSE FAT CATS TO
COUGH UP SOME CASH.
49
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:10,098
WELL, I CAN MAKE
A FAT CAT COUGH.
50
00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:13,034
I CAN EVEN
MAKE HIM VOMIT.
51
00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:15,136
THANKS, DICK, BUT
BEN ALREADY SAID YES.
52
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,838
YOU DON'T THINK
I'M FUNNY?
53
00:02:16,871 --> 00:02:19,240
OH, DICK,
YOU'RE...YOU'RE...
54
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:22,476
LOVING AND INTELLIGENT
AND SEXY AND--
55
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:24,245
AND FUNNY?
56
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,380
OH! I HAVE A CLASS!
57
00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:27,615
I | FUNNY!
58
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:28,983
I | FUNNY!
59
00:02:29,017 --> 00:02:30,051
I AM!
60
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:07,221
HARRY.
61
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:09,290
WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR COAT?
62
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:11,492
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED TO IT.
63
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,128
SO MRS. DUBCEK LET ME
BORROW THIS ONE.
64
00:03:16,164 --> 00:03:17,665
SWEET WOMAN.
65
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,201
OH, SO YOU
LOST YOUR COAT.
TOUGH BREAK.
66
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:25,439
I LOST MORE
THAN A COAT, TOMMY!
67
00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:27,575
I LOST A FRIEND...
68
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,343
A BUDDY...
69
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:32,781
A COMPANION
WHO KEPT ME WARM
WHEN IT WAS COLD
70
00:03:32,814 --> 00:03:36,017
AND WARMER WHEN IT WAS
REALLY SORT OF TOO HOT
71
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,952
TO BE WEARING CLOTHES.
72
00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:42,223
TOMMY.
73
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:45,193
YOU'RE THE INFORMATION
OFFICER.
74
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:46,260
WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT THIS THING
75
00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:47,862
THEY CALL
A SENSE OF HUMOR?
76
00:03:47,896 --> 00:03:50,531
ALL I KNOW IS,
THAT'S NOT IT.
77
00:03:51,866 --> 00:03:53,701
LIEUTENANT,
I NEED YOUR HELP.
78
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,336
I NEED YOU
TO FIND OUT
WHAT'S FUNNY.
79
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:58,139
OH, I CAN'T.
I GOTTA BUILD A SHELF
FOR THE CLOSET.
80
00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:00,108
I RAN OUT OF ROOM
FOR MY SHOES.
81
00:04:00,141 --> 00:04:02,743
THIS IS
MORE IMPORTANT!
IT'S ABOUT ME!
82
00:04:02,777 --> 00:04:05,880
HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY?
83
00:04:05,914 --> 00:04:08,382
WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT
ABOUT A SENSE OF HUMOR,
ANYWAY?
84
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:11,185
OH, COME ON, TOMMY.
HAVING A SENSE OF HUMOR
85
00:04:11,219 --> 00:04:12,153
IS HAVING THE POWER
86
00:04:12,186 --> 00:04:14,989
TO TRANSFORM...
SOMEONE'S MOOD...
87
00:04:15,023 --> 00:04:17,458
TO LIFT HIS SPIRIT.
88
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:20,428
YOU GIVE IT
TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE WHEN
SHE REALLY NEEDS IT.
89
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,629
AND I JUST
FOUND OUT TODAY
90
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:25,967
THAT MARY'S
BEEN GETTING IT
FROM ANOTHER MAN.
91
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,537
DICK, I THINK THIS
WHOLE BEING FUNNY THING
IS JUST...INNATE.
92
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:30,805
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
THINK, LIEUTENANT?
93
00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:33,808
WHAT DO I THINK? UH...
94
00:04:33,842 --> 00:04:36,177
I THINK
EITHER YOU GOT IT
OR YOU DON'T.
95
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:37,478
LOOK WHAT
YOU JUST DID!
96
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:37,745
HEY!
97
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:41,149
OOH!
98
00:04:41,182 --> 00:04:42,984
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOU GUYS?
99
00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:45,253
COME ON!
WAKE UP, YOU TWO!
100
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:46,988
COME ON! COME ON!
101
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:52,093
HOW AM I EVER GOING TO
FIND OUT WHAT'S FUNNY?
102
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,366
NO, I DON'T GET IT.
GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE
OF WHAT'S FUNNY.
103
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,534
I THOUGHT
THE MOVIE EMMA
WAS REALLY FUNNY.
104
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:05,673
WHAT WAS FUNNY ABOUT IT?
105
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,341
IT WAS FULL OF IRONY.
106
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:09,677
OK. SO IRONY'S FUNNY.
107
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,479
SURE, BECAUSE
SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING
108
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:12,914
AND THE OPPOSITE
IS ACTUALLY TRUE.
109
00:05:12,947 --> 00:05:14,548
OH, OK, LI-LIKE
WHEN YOU TOLD ME
110
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:16,050
EMMA WAS GONNA BE
A REALLY GREAT MOVIE,
111
00:05:16,084 --> 00:05:19,921
WHEN ACTUALLY
IT SUCKED OUT LOUD?
112
00:05:19,954 --> 00:05:23,824
WELL, APPARENTLY,
IRONY IS A LITTLE TOO
SOPHISTICATED FOR YOU.
113
00:05:23,858 --> 00:05:26,427
EITHER THAT,
OR YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S FUNNY, EITHER.
114
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:27,495
I...
115
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:28,930
DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S FUNNY?
116
00:05:28,963 --> 00:05:29,898
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW,
117
00:05:29,931 --> 00:05:34,468
AT CAMP I WAS VOTED
"MISS WHIMSY."
118
00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:37,505
WHY? WAS
"MISS IRONY" KILLED
IN A CANOE ACCIDENT?
119
00:05:44,979 --> 00:05:45,479
HI, DICK.
120
00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:47,481
OH, UH, MARY.
121
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,083
JUST DOING SOME READING.
122
00:05:49,117 --> 00:05:52,120
SOME...PHYSICS READING.
YOU KNOW.
123
00:05:52,153 --> 00:05:54,122
THAT'S NICE.
124
00:05:54,155 --> 00:05:55,556
UH, SAY, UM...
125
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,825
AN AMUSING JOKE, UH,
JUST CAME TO ME.
126
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,028
UH, YOU KNOW,
OUT OF THE BLUE.
127
00:06:00,061 --> 00:06:01,963
UM...
128
00:06:01,996 --> 00:06:03,564
KNOCK KNOCK.
129
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,168
OK.
130
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,570
WHO'S THERE?
131
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,872
UH...
132
00:06:11,906 --> 00:06:13,975
UM...UH...
133
00:06:14,008 --> 00:06:15,276
"WHO'S THERE,"
YOU SAY?
134
00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:15,876
UM...
135
00:06:15,910 --> 00:06:17,511
UM...
136
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,080
UH...UM...
137
00:06:19,113 --> 00:06:21,549
UH, NINA.
138
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:22,683
NINA WHO?
139
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,784
OUR NINA!
140
00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:25,153
UH, SHE'S RIGHT HERE!
141
00:06:25,186 --> 00:06:27,956
HA HA HA
HA HA HA!
142
00:06:27,989 --> 00:06:31,225
SHE--HA HA!
PLEASE LET ME HOST
THAT FUND-RAISER!
143
00:06:31,259 --> 00:06:34,028
NO!
144
00:06:34,062 --> 00:06:37,098
BEN LITTMEYER JUST CALLED.
HE'S GONNA BE A FEW MINUTES
LATE FOR LUNCH.
145
00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:38,933
OH. ANOTHER LUNCH
WITH BEN.
146
00:06:38,967 --> 00:06:40,634
I SEE.
147
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:44,172
HOW FUNNY FOR YOU.
148
00:06:44,205 --> 00:06:46,907
WELL, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO JOIN US? WE COULD
MAKE IT A THREESOME.
149
00:06:46,941 --> 00:06:48,342
I DON'T GO
THAT WAY, MARY.
150
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,618
FINE.
151
00:06:57,651 --> 00:07:00,989
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
GARLIC GUM.
152
00:07:01,022 --> 00:07:02,991
UH...OH, UH,
UH, HARRY,
153
00:07:03,024 --> 00:07:03,992
HOW'D YOU LIKE
A NICE PIECE
154
00:07:04,025 --> 00:07:06,961
OF PERFECTLY
ORDINARY GUM?
OK.
155
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,399
MMM! GARLICKY.
156
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:12,800
[THUMPING ON STAIRS]
157
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:13,701
I HAD A GREAT DAY.
158
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,036
I HAVEN'T
LEARNED A THING
ABOUT COMEDY,
159
00:07:15,069 --> 00:07:16,937
AND AUGUST AND I HAD
A HUGE FIGHT.
160
00:07:16,971 --> 00:07:20,208
HOW'D YOU LIKE
A NICE DOUGHNUT
FROM THIS BAG,
161
00:07:20,241 --> 00:07:21,976
UH, LABELED,
UM, "DONUTS"?
162
00:07:22,010 --> 00:07:25,813
OHHH! YOU TOUCHED
DOGGY DOODIE!
163
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,181
OHHH!
164
00:07:27,215 --> 00:07:29,617
SINCE WHEN
IS DOGGY DOODIE
MADE IN TAIWAN?
165
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:32,386
WELL...THEY HAVE
DOGS IN TAIWAN.
166
00:07:32,420 --> 00:07:33,754
BIG ONES!
167
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:34,755
FUNNY, RIGHT?
168
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,757
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU KNOW...
169
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,360
I DON'T THINK
I'M EVER GONNA SEE
MY COAT AGAIN.
170
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:41,462
OH...UH, HARRY...
WHY DON'T YOU
SIT DOWN?
171
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:42,963
YOU'LL FEEL
A LOT BETTER.
172
00:07:42,997 --> 00:07:44,465
RIGHT HERE.
173
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,834
[FARTING SOUND]
174
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,169
EXCUSE ME.
175
00:07:48,202 --> 00:07:48,636
OH!
176
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:49,903
DAMN!
177
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:56,210
YOU KNOW...I MEAN,
AT LEAST I CAN TAKE COMFORT
178
00:07:56,244 --> 00:07:58,712
IN KNOWING THAT
I TREATED MY COAT WELL.
179
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:02,016
SUCH AS YESTERDAY.
IT WAS HOT ON THE BUS,
180
00:08:02,050 --> 00:08:04,218
AND I TOOK IT OFF
AND FOLDED IT NEATLY
181
00:08:04,252 --> 00:08:06,720
AND PLACED IT
UNDER THE SHADE
OF MY FEET.
182
00:08:09,090 --> 00:08:10,158
WHAT?
183
00:08:10,191 --> 00:08:11,592
YOU LEFT IT
ON THE BUS.
184
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,661
NNNO!
185
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,563
THEY HAVE
A LOST AND FOUND,
HARRY.
186
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,666
OH, YOU MEAN I MIGHT
SEE MY COAT AGAIN!
187
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,001
OH, I AM SO HAPPY--
188
00:08:21,035 --> 00:08:23,003
DOWN!
AAH!
AAH!
189
00:08:23,037 --> 00:08:25,773
DICK. I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT THIS HUMOR THING.
190
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,808
WHY DON'T YOU TRY
WHAT THOSE GUYS
ON TV DO?
191
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,043
EVERYBODY SAYS
THEY'RE FUNNY.
192
00:08:29,077 --> 00:08:30,711
OH, YEAH!
THOSE GUYS!
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
RIGHT.
193
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,280
YOU KNOW...
194
00:08:32,313 --> 00:08:33,047
HA HA!
195
00:08:33,081 --> 00:08:38,086
OOH!
NYAH, NYAH, NYAH!
196
00:08:38,119 --> 00:08:39,387
OHHH...
197
00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:41,489
WHOO WHOO!
WHOO WHOO!
198
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:48,796
THE McLAUGHLIN GROUP? NO.
199
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:50,298
THEY'RE NOT FUNNY AT ALL.
200
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:01,409
OH, HELLO, DICK.
201
00:09:01,442 --> 00:09:02,543
HELLO, BEN.
202
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:03,577
I'M WAITING FOR MARY.
203
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:06,347
I'M SLEEPING
WITH MARY.
204
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:07,248
OH.
205
00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:09,850
O...K.
206
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:10,718
SO FROM WHAT
I'VE HEARD,
207
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,254
YOU'RE QUITE
THE PROFESSOR
FUNNYPANTS.
208
00:09:13,287 --> 00:09:14,455
WELL, I--
209
00:09:14,488 --> 00:09:15,956
IT SEEM THAT
YOU HAVE MARY
210
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:19,227
WRAPPED AROUND YOUR
LITTLE FUNNY BONE.
211
00:09:19,260 --> 00:09:20,561
BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU,
212
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:23,197
I'M A FAR TOUGHER...
213
00:09:23,231 --> 00:09:25,766
BONE WRAPPERER.
214
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:28,702
I THINK
I'LL WAIT OUTSIDE.
215
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:31,172
MAKE ME LAUGH,
FUNNYMAN.
216
00:09:31,205 --> 00:09:33,073
WELL, I'M
NOT A COMEDIAN.
217
00:09:33,107 --> 00:09:36,144
IT'S JUST THAT
FUNNY THINGS JUST SEEM
TO HAPPEN TO ME.
218
00:09:36,177 --> 00:09:38,078
OH, REALLY? LIKE WHAT?
219
00:09:38,112 --> 00:09:39,880
LAST WEEK I WAS
AT A BUS STOP,
220
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,650
AND IT SUDDENLY
STARTED RAINING.
POURING!
221
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:46,987
AND I LOOK OVER,
AND I SEE THIS
GORGEOUS GRAD STUDENT,
222
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,556
AND SHE'S LOOKING AT ME
223
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:51,825
LIKE A KID WITH BRACES
LOOKING AT A CANDY
APPLE.
224
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:53,494
NO. NOT FUNNY.
225
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:55,729
WELL, I'M ABOUT
TO SAY HELLO
226
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:59,900
WHEN I SUDDENLY REALIZE
THAT MY HAIR
HAS FLIPPED FORWARD.
227
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,669
WELL, THERE I AM,
STANDING IN THE RAIN
228
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,937
WITH MY VERY OWN AWNING.
229
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,606
WELL...
230
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,275
FINALLY,
THE BUS ARRIVED,
231
00:10:07,308 --> 00:10:09,009
AND...AND
THE DOOR OPENED,
232
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,245
THE--THE COMPRESSOR
KICKED IN,
233
00:10:11,279 --> 00:10:14,615
AND THIS--
THIS EUROPEAN WEAVE
OF MINE
234
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,917
GOT SUCKED
RIGHT INTO THE BUS!
235
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,752
HO HO HO.
236
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:21,389
THERE I WAS,
IN FRONT OF THIS
BEAUTIFUL GIRL,
237
00:10:21,422 --> 00:10:24,358
AND THERE
I'M CHASING THAT BUS
238
00:10:24,392 --> 00:10:26,126
AND CHASING MY HAIR!
239
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,262
UP AND DOWN...
CHASING...
240
00:10:28,296 --> 00:10:31,131
HA HA HA HA!
AND I COULDN'T--
I JUST--AAH!
241
00:10:31,165 --> 00:10:32,233
OHH!
242
00:10:32,266 --> 00:10:33,201
OHH...
243
00:10:33,234 --> 00:10:35,303
THIS IS...NOT GOOD.
244
00:10:35,336 --> 00:10:37,037
YES! YES, IT IS!
245
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,472
THE BUS STOLE YOUR HAIR!
HA HA HA!
246
00:10:38,506 --> 00:10:42,109
GO...CALL...911!
247
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,143
[CALLING]
911!
248
00:10:43,177 --> 00:10:44,412
HA HA HA HA!
249
00:10:44,445 --> 00:10:46,480
MARY WAS SO RIGHT
ABOUT YOU, BEN!
250
00:10:46,514 --> 00:10:48,949
HA HA HA
HA HA HA!
251
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,284
WHAT'S GOING ON?
Ben: OHHH...
252
00:10:50,318 --> 00:10:53,621
BEN'S BEEN TELLING ME
THE FUNNIEST STORY ABOUT
THE BUS AND THE GIRL
253
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,256
AND THE RAIN--
OH!
254
00:10:55,289 --> 00:10:57,258
OH! CALL 911!
255
00:10:57,291 --> 00:11:00,394
YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE
BEFORE! HA HA HA HA!
256
00:11:00,428 --> 00:11:02,630
HA HA HA HA HA!
257
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,104
I--I'M TELLING YOU,
BEN'S HEART
STOPPING TEMPORARILY
258
00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:13,941
WAS THE BEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
259
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,676
HE'S GETTING SOME
MUCH-NEEDED BED REST,
260
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:18,279
AND I'M EMCEEING
THE FUND RAISER
TOMORROW NIGHT.
261
00:11:18,312 --> 00:11:19,112
HOW'D YOU
MANAGE THAT?
262
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:20,681
I PROMISED
DR. ALBRIGHT
263
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:21,915
THAT I WOULD STICK
TO BEN'S SCRIPT.
264
00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:22,416
ARE YOU GONNA?
265
00:11:22,450 --> 00:11:24,818
NO.
266
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,186
ALL RIGHT. NEXT UP
ON OPEN MIC NIGHT,
267
00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:30,090
VERY FUNNY MAN.
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
FOR DICK SOLOMON.
268
00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:36,497
[SHOUTING]
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
269
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:39,433
THANKS A LOT!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
270
00:11:39,467 --> 00:11:41,602
NOW.
271
00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:44,238
I'M GONNA TELL YOU
SOME JOKES.
272
00:11:44,272 --> 00:11:46,206
JOKE ONE.
273
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,342
I WENT FISHING LAST WEEK.
274
00:11:48,376 --> 00:11:51,044
MY PERMIT SAID
I COULD ONLY CATCH 5.
275
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:54,448
OH, I CAUGHT 5,
ALL RIGHT, AS IN 35.
276
00:11:54,482 --> 00:11:56,049
HAA...
277
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:58,586
[SOFTLY]
haaaaa...
278
00:11:58,619 --> 00:11:59,620
WAS THAT FUNNY?
279
00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:02,823
NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.
280
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:03,991
HA HA HA.
BUT YOU KNOW...
281
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:07,461
HA HA HA HA.
POT STICKERS. WHAT
ARE THEY ALL ABOUT?
282
00:12:07,495 --> 00:12:09,430
HAAA...
283
00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:11,465
HAAA!
284
00:12:11,499 --> 00:12:14,602
O-OK. JOKE NUMBER 2.
285
00:12:14,635 --> 00:12:16,437
SOME TERMITES...
286
00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:19,773
I--I MEAN,
HUGE TERMITES...
287
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,642
ATE MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT.
288
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,648
UH, IT'S GONE.
289
00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:30,183
IT'S COMPLETELY GONE.
290
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,785
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S THE JOKE.
291
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,687
YOU REALLY SUCK.
YEAH, REALLY.
292
00:12:33,721 --> 00:12:34,922
HEY, WHERE
YOU GOING?
293
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:38,392
HEY. WAIT. WAIT.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
294
00:12:38,426 --> 00:12:40,561
UH...HEY! LOOK!
A BALD GUY!
295
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,330
AM I RIGHT?
296
00:12:42,363 --> 00:12:43,697
HAAA...
297
00:12:43,731 --> 00:12:44,865
HAA!
298
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,738
SO. WHO DO YOU THINK'S
FUNNY IN OUR CLASS?
299
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,606
UM...
300
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,008
ALAN GIMBEL.
301
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,610
ALAN GIMBEL? WHY?
302
00:12:56,644 --> 00:12:58,546
'CAUSE HE'S 20.
HA HA HA.
303
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:04,352
OH, SO...SO YOU THINK
DUMB PEOPLE ARE FUNNY?
304
00:13:04,385 --> 00:13:07,488
IF THEY'RE
THAT DUMB, YEAH.
305
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:09,723
YOU KNOW WHO I
THINK IS FUNNY?
DAVID BARRISH.
306
00:13:09,757 --> 00:13:11,058
OH, YEAH.
HE'S HYSTERICAL.
307
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,660
HE IS SO CLEVER.
308
00:13:12,693 --> 00:13:15,463
OH, I MEANT
JUST 'CAUSE HE LOOKS
LIKE A BIG DORK.
309
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,532
WHAT?
310
00:13:18,566 --> 00:13:20,200
ALL RIGHT, LET'S
INSTALL THIS BABY.
311
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:21,735
SWEET!
312
00:13:31,779 --> 00:13:33,146
DID YOU MEASURE
THE SHELVES?
YES.
313
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,615
DID YOU MEASURE
THE CLOSET?
YES.
314
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:38,952
DID YOU MEASURE
THE DOOR?
DAMN!
315
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,621
IF IT'S STORAGE
YOU'RE AFTER,
316
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:43,156
YOU CAN PUT IT
IN THE HALL CLOSET
DOWNSTAIRS.
317
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,692
LET ME--LET ME
GET THE DOOR FOR YOU.
318
00:13:44,725 --> 00:13:46,827
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
HARRY, KEEP IT SIDEWAYS.
319
00:13:50,464 --> 00:13:51,264
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
320
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,401
OH, SHOOT. UH, DUBCEK,
HOLD THIS.
321
00:13:53,434 --> 00:13:54,802
JA. I--
I GOT IT.
322
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:57,104
I GOT IT.
NO PROBLEM.
[RING]
323
00:13:57,137 --> 00:14:00,641
I GOT IT.
OK. NO PROBLEM.
324
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:01,642
HELLO.
325
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:04,011
YEAH, JUST A SECOND.
HARRY. FOR YOU.
326
00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:12,119
HELLO.
327
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:13,387
WRONG NUMBER.
328
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:17,491
HMM. SHE TOOK IT
DOWN HERSELF.
329
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,361
AHH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
330
00:14:21,395 --> 00:14:23,564
YOU--YOU HAD THE GUTS
TO GET UP THERE.
331
00:14:23,597 --> 00:14:24,832
YOU KNOW?
IT TAKES TIME.
332
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:27,300
I HAVE TO BE FUNNY
BY TOMORROW NIGHT!
333
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,737
YOU'RE NOT
GONNA MAKE IT.
334
00:14:29,770 --> 00:14:31,405
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO!
335
00:14:31,439 --> 00:14:34,141
WELL...DON'T
OVERTHINK IT.
YOU KNOW?
336
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:37,144
JUST TALK ABOUT
THINGS YOU KNOW.
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
337
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:41,749
YEAH? YOU MAKE FUN
OF YOUR POOR MOTHER'S
FLABBY ARMS.
338
00:14:41,782 --> 00:14:44,418
HEY, THOSE FLABBY ARM
JOKES MADE HER
THE MOST POPULAR SENIOR
339
00:14:44,452 --> 00:14:46,219
IN FORT MYERS, FLORIDA.
340
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:51,124
YOU...
YOU MEAN SHE DOESN'T
HATE YOU FOR IT?
341
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:53,260
HATE ME? NO.
342
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,496
SHE LOVES ME FOR IT.
343
00:14:55,529 --> 00:14:57,364
[DELIBERATELY]
IT'S A JOKE.
344
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,500
YOU MEAN...
345
00:14:59,533 --> 00:15:02,436
TRICYCLES DON'T REALLY
FALL OUT OF HER ARMS?
346
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,806
UH, NO.
347
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:09,543
OH, MY GOD!
OF COURSE THEY DON'T!
348
00:15:09,577 --> 00:15:12,480
I MEAN...JUST THINK
HOW FLABBY HER ARMS
WOULD HAVE TO BE
349
00:15:12,513 --> 00:15:14,915
FOR A TRICYCLE
TO BE UP THERE.
350
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,450
AND--AND FOR
SO MANY YEARS!
351
00:15:16,484 --> 00:15:20,854
AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE
IT, NOT EVEN WHEN
SHE TOOK A SHOWER.
352
00:15:20,888 --> 00:15:22,556
THAT'S HYSTERICAL.
353
00:15:22,590 --> 00:15:24,424
I GET IT.
354
00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:26,193
I GET THE JOKE!
355
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:26,794
OK.
356
00:15:26,827 --> 00:15:28,161
OK.
THANK YOU.
357
00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:29,597
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
ALL RIGHT.
358
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,035
THIS SHOULD BE FUN.
359
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:39,573
UM...I'D LIKE
TO WELCOME YOU ALL
HERE TONIGHT.
360
00:15:39,607 --> 00:15:41,408
BEFORE WE GO
ANY FURTHER,
361
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,644
I THINK THAT WE SHOULD
ALL ACKNOWLEDGE
362
00:15:43,677 --> 00:15:46,614
THE SENSATIONAL JOB
THAT MY ESTEEMED COLLEAGUE
363
00:15:46,647 --> 00:15:48,782
DR. MARY ALBRIGHT
HAS DONE
364
00:15:48,816 --> 00:15:52,953
IN ORGANIZING THIS
TRULY WORTHWHILE
EVENT. BRAVO.
365
00:15:57,190 --> 00:16:00,027
DON'T YOU LOVE DR. ALBRIGHT?
I KNOW I DO.
366
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,696
NOW...I KNOW MANY
OF YOU ARE WONDERING,
367
00:16:02,730 --> 00:16:05,666
UM...WHAT'S WITH
HER LONG SLEEVES?
368
00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:07,501
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU.
369
00:16:07,535 --> 00:16:10,170
IT'S TO COVER UP
HER FLABBY ARMS.
370
00:16:13,874 --> 00:16:15,208
SHE SHOOK THEM
THE OTHER DAY,
371
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,845
AND THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS
FELL OUT...
372
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:20,948
AS SHE'S, UH...
373
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:24,785
SHE'S QUITE OLD ALSO,
YOU SEE.
374
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,120
BUT, YOU KNOW, AS
SWEET AND WONDERFUL
375
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,356
AS--AS DR. ALBRIGHT IS,
376
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:33,360
SHE CAN ALSO BE SOMEWHAT
DOMINEERING, POWER-HUNGRY,
AND HOSTILE,
377
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,829
AND I THINK I'VE FINALLY
FIGURED OUT WHY.
378
00:16:35,863 --> 00:16:40,000
DR. ALBRIGHT,
WHILE YOU MAY NOT HAVE
A MAN'S GENITALIA,
379
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:43,103
AT LEAST YOU HAVE
HIS RAZOR STUBBLE.
380
00:16:50,911 --> 00:16:53,413
OH, OH, OH, OH! AND--
AND THERE'S NINA!
381
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:56,584
NINA IS DR. ALBRIGHT'S
ASSISTANT. NINA,
382
00:16:56,617 --> 00:16:59,219
STAND UP. STAND UP.
COME ON, STAND UP.
383
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:02,322
SHOW EVERYBODY
HOW YOU PUT THE "ASS"
IN "ASSISTANT."
384
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,625
HA HA HA HA!
385
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,429
I LEFT MY COAT
ON THE BUS.
386
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,463
CAN YOU
DESCRIBE IT?
387
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:12,633
YES. IT HAD 8 WHEELS,
HARD PLASTIC SEATS,
388
00:17:12,666 --> 00:17:16,503
AND WHEN IT STOPPED,
IT WENT SSSS!
389
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:17,971
HARRY, HE MEANS
THE COAT.
390
00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:20,440
OH! OH. WELL, UM,
IT KINDA LOOKED
LIKE THIS ONE,
391
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:24,077
ONLY IT WAS
FURRY AND--
DON'T HAVE IT.
NEXT.
392
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:24,912
Man: NIGHT, EDDIE.
393
00:17:24,945 --> 00:17:27,615
SEE YOU MONDAY.
394
00:17:27,648 --> 00:17:29,249
HE'S GOT MY COAT.
395
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:30,550
HARRY...
396
00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:31,952
BE A MAN.
397
00:17:38,859 --> 00:17:41,028
HEY, MISTER.
398
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:43,363
THAT'S MY COAT.
399
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:43,931
NO, IT ISN'T.
400
00:17:43,964 --> 00:17:46,033
YEAH.
THAT'S HIS COAT.
401
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:50,137
IF IT'S HIS COAT,
HOW COME
I'M WEARING IT?
402
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,504
GOOD POINT.
403
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:52,806
UNH!
404
00:17:56,677 --> 00:17:58,311
HEY, BABES.
405
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,247
GOOD MORNING, DICK.
GOOD MORNING.
406
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,514
DID YOU SLEEP WELL?
407
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:05,018
ONCE THE ADRENALINE
WORE OFF, LIKE A BABY.
408
00:18:05,052 --> 00:18:07,788
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'VE
BEEN RIDING THE BULLET
TRAIN TO YUK-VILLE,
409
00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:09,489
IT'S KINDA HARD
TO SLOW DOWN.
410
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:13,661
I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT
FAXING JOKES TO LENO.
411
00:18:13,694 --> 00:18:15,663
WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
412
00:18:15,696 --> 00:18:19,266
11 BANANA CREAM PIES...
413
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,501
ONE FOR EVERY LETTER
IN MY NAME.
AM I RIGHT?
414
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:22,970
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
415
00:18:23,003 --> 00:18:25,272
AW, GIRLS...
416
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:26,707
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
417
00:18:26,740 --> 00:18:29,710
OH...
WE HAD TO.
418
00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:31,945
REALLY!
419
00:18:31,979 --> 00:18:34,915
YOU WERE SO FUNNY
LAST NIGHT.
420
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,784
I WAS WONDERING IF
YOU COULD HELP US OUT.
421
00:18:36,817 --> 00:18:40,520
OH, I'D BE
DELIGHTED TO SHARE
MY COMEDIC EXPERTISE.
422
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,323
WE WHO ARE CLOWNS
ARE KNOWN FOR OUR
GENEROSITY.
423
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:46,326
MAYBE YOU COULD HELP US
SETTLE AN ARGUMENT
WE WERE HAVING.
424
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,061
SHOOT.
425
00:18:48,095 --> 00:18:50,698
WHAT'S FUNNIER...
426
00:18:50,731 --> 00:18:54,902
THIS...
427
00:18:54,935 --> 00:18:58,371
OR THIS?
428
00:18:58,405 --> 00:18:59,973
OR...
429
00:19:00,007 --> 00:19:04,812
IS 2 AT ONCE
FUNNY?
430
00:19:04,845 --> 00:19:08,782
HOW ABOUT...
431
00:19:08,816 --> 00:19:10,818
THIS?
432
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,489
IS THIS FUNNY?
433
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,129
I THINK...
434
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,031
THIS IS FUNNY.
435
00:19:24,064 --> 00:19:25,632
YOU ARE
JUST SO...
436
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,468
FUNNY. HEE HEE HEE!
437
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:32,272
HA HA HA HA HA!
THAT IS FUNNY!
438
00:19:49,990 --> 00:19:52,692
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR HELPING US.
439
00:19:52,726 --> 00:19:55,562
I'M GLAD I COULD
BE OF SERVICE.
440
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:58,198
NOW, IF YOU'LL
EXCUSE ME...
441
00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:01,101
I...HAVE A CLASS
TO TEACH.
442
00:20:12,079 --> 00:20:13,513
YOU KNOW, IT'S
A REMARKABLE FEELING
443
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,916
TO BE ABLE TO MAKE
SOMEONE ELSE LAUGH.
444
00:20:15,949 --> 00:20:17,450
IT'S ALMOST AS IF
YOU HAVE THE POWER
445
00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:20,420
TO GET
INSIDE THEIR BRAIN
AND--AND TICKLE IT.
446
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:24,024
PSSH. I COULD DO THAT
WITH A CHOPSTICK.
447
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,725
IMAGINE HOW DIFFERENT
WAR WOULD BE
448
00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:27,227
IF INSTEAD OF TRYING
TO KILL EACH OTHER,
449
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,662
PEOPLE JUST SHOWED UP
ARMED WITH JOKES.
450
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:31,331
BUT YOU COULD
STILL HAVE GUNS,
RIGHT?
451
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:32,499
BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW,
452
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,001
EVENTUALLY YOU'D
STOP LAUGHING
453
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:37,237
AND WANT
TO GET ON WITH
THE KILLING.
454
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,406
YOU KNOW
WHAT I FOUND OUT.
HUMOR IS SUBJECTIVE.
455
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:40,473
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
456
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:42,475
I THOUGHT
THE FACT THAT NO ONE
WAS LAUGHING AT YOU
457
00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:44,544
AT THE COMEDY CLUB
WAS HYSTERICAL.
458
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,445
I LOVED THAT.
459
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,447
NO. NO,
THAT WASN'T FUNNY.
SEE?
460
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,016
WHICH IS
ALSO IRONIC.
461
00:20:49,049 --> 00:20:52,619
YOU WERE AT A COMEDY CLUB,
AND NOOOO ONE WAS LAUGHING.
462
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,687
HA HA!
HA HA!
463
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:57,024
SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!
464
00:20:57,057 --> 00:21:00,193
I THINK I'M GONNA
TAKE MY FURRY LITTLE
FRIEND FOR A WALK.
465
00:21:00,227 --> 00:21:03,596
HE'S BEEN LOCKED
IN THE BASEMENT ALL
WEEK. YOU KNOW...
466
00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:06,066
WHY DO THEY CALL IT
A "FUR COAT," ANYWAY?
467
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:09,769
IT'S NOT MADE OF FUR,
AND IT'S NOT A COAT.
468
00:21:09,803 --> 00:21:12,973
UH...ACTUALLY, HARRY,
IT'S BOTH THOSE THINGS.
469
00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:15,408
IT WAS A JOKE.
470
00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:18,545
OH. HA HA!
OH. HA HA!
OH. HA HA!
32059
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