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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:34,803 --> 00:00:38,973 I'VE BEEN THERE... AND THERE... 2 00:00:39,007 --> 00:00:40,241 AND I'VE BEEN THERE. 3 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:44,045 AH. THE LONG, BORING STORIES YOU MUST HAVE. 4 00:00:44,946 --> 00:00:46,981 I HAVE ANOTHER DESTINATION FOR YOU, TOMMY-- 5 00:00:47,015 --> 00:00:47,649 HIGH SCHOOL. 6 00:00:47,682 --> 00:00:49,417 WHY? I FINISHED MY EDUCATION 7 00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:53,121 WHEN YOU WERE STILL A SNOT-NOSED GAS BALL. 8 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,956 THAT SOUNDS VERY DANGEROUS. 9 00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:56,057 SHOULDN'T I TAKE THAT? 10 00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,026 NO. WE HAVE TO ASSUME THE ROLES 11 00:00:58,059 --> 00:00:59,961 OF A REGULAR HUMAN FAMILY. 12 00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:02,163 TOMMY'S THE ADOLESCENT-- HE'LL GO TO SCHOOL. 13 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:05,600 YOU'LL EXPLORE BEING A YOUNG ADULT WOMAN. 14 00:01:05,634 --> 00:01:07,969 I, AS THE BENEVOLENT FATHER FIGURE, 15 00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:09,537 WILL PROVIDE THE MAJOR SOURCE OF INCOME 16 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,641 AND GIVE YOU CUTE NICKNAMES. 17 00:01:12,674 --> 00:01:13,341 DICK? 18 00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:15,543 WHAT IS IT, KITTEN? 19 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,281 WHAT'S MY ROLE IN THE FAMILY? 20 00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,951 YOU'RE THE BROTHER WHO TRIES HARD 21 00:01:22,984 --> 00:01:25,720 BUT DOESN'T HAVE THE NERVE TO MOVE OUT ON HIS OWN, 22 00:01:25,754 --> 00:01:27,789 BUT WE LOVE YOUR PLUCK AND DETERMINATION. 23 00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:29,691 BUT I CAN DO MORE. 24 00:01:29,724 --> 00:01:33,494 SEE? THAT'S THE PLUCK THAT WE LOVE. 25 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,965 LET'S JUST BE THE WARM, HUMAN FAMILY THAT WE ARE. 26 00:01:36,998 --> 00:01:37,565 AFTER YOU. 27 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,867 WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? 28 00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:40,568 I'VE SEEN MEN DO IT. 29 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:44,005 APPARENTLY WOMEN DON'T KNOW HOW TO OPERATE DOORS. 30 00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:46,474 WELL, I DO. 31 00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:49,644 OH, DICK, I'VE THOUGHT OF A JOB FOR MYSELF. 32 00:01:49,678 --> 00:01:51,279 I CAN CATALOG THE DANGERS 33 00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,314 THAT SURROUND US ON THIS PLANET. 34 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,016 FOR EXAMPLE, 35 00:01:55,049 --> 00:01:59,520 GETTING YOUR FINGERS CRUSHED IN A CAR DOOR. 36 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,723 OW. 37 00:02:01,756 --> 00:02:03,858 OW. 38 00:02:03,892 --> 00:02:04,492 OW. 39 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,695 * HEY, MR. SPACEMAN 40 00:02:08,697 --> 00:02:12,734 WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO THE SERPENT? 41 00:02:12,767 --> 00:02:14,368 DON'T EAT THE FRUIT. 42 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,604 DON'T EAT THE FRUIT. 43 00:02:19,007 --> 00:02:22,576 WOMEN. 44 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:24,345 DEAN SUMNER'S OFFICE CALLED. 45 00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:25,513 YOU PARKED IN HIS SPACE. 46 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,082 YES. IT'S SO MUCH CLOSER THAN MINE. 47 00:02:28,116 --> 00:02:29,517 MOVE IT, LADY! 48 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:30,819 AND YOUR SISTER'S HERE. 49 00:02:30,852 --> 00:02:32,687 SALLY, I LEFT YOU AT HOME. 50 00:02:32,721 --> 00:02:36,524 YOU FORGOT YOUR SHOES. 51 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,026 WHAT'S WITH THE GUY IN 114? 52 00:02:38,059 --> 00:02:40,795 HE KEEPS FOLLOWING ME AND TALKING TO ME. 53 00:02:40,829 --> 00:02:43,832 I THINK SOMEBODY HAS AN ADMIRER. 54 00:02:43,865 --> 00:02:47,068 GREAT. NOW CAN WE TALK ABOUT ME? 55 00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:49,170 SALLY, ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE NOW? 56 00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,873 I'M LOOKING AT YOU, AREN'T I? 57 00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:56,210 FOR GOD'S SAKES, HE'S TRYING TO ASK YOU ON A DATE. 58 00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,346 IT'S A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY. YOU'LL GO. 59 00:02:58,379 --> 00:02:59,180 NO, I WON'T. 60 00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,849 I KNOW WHAT'S BEST. 61 00:03:00,882 --> 00:03:02,583 WHY ARE YOU TREATING ME LIKE THIS? 62 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,119 "THIS"? WHAT AM I DOING? 63 00:03:05,153 --> 00:03:08,156 ACTING LIKE I CAN'T DECIDE FOR MYSELF. 64 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,824 ONE OF US HAS TO EXPERIENCE SEX, 65 00:03:09,858 --> 00:03:14,395 AND I'M GETTING NOWHERE WITH HER. 66 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,397 WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? 67 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,431 IF SEX IS SO IMPORTANT, 68 00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:21,870 YOU AND I CAN DO IT HERE ON THE DESK. 69 00:03:21,903 --> 00:03:24,038 OK... 70 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,040 I'LL LEAVE YOU CLAMPETTS ALONE 71 00:03:26,074 --> 00:03:28,777 TO YOUR BANJO LESSON. 72 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:34,883 "WHEN BEETLES FIGHT THESE BATTLES 73 00:03:34,916 --> 00:03:35,817 "IN A BOTTLE WITH THEIR PADDLES 74 00:03:35,850 --> 00:03:36,918 "AND THE BOTTLE'S ON A POODLE 75 00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:39,487 "AND THE POODLE'S EATING NOODLES, 76 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,155 "THEY CALL THIS A MUDDLE-PUDDLE TWEETLE-POODLE 77 00:03:41,189 --> 00:03:43,591 BEETLE-NOODLE BOTTLE-PADDLE BATTLE." 78 00:03:46,094 --> 00:03:48,229 THIS MAN IS A GENIUS. 79 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,631 [FOOTSTEPS STOMPING] 80 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:53,301 IF IT ISN'T OUR PROUD LITTLE STUDENT. 81 00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,969 WHAT DID YOU LEARN ON YOUR FIRST DAY? 82 00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:56,470 I'M WEARING THE WRONG KIND OF SNEAKERS, 83 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,172 GIRLS ONLY LIKE SENIORS, 84 00:03:58,206 --> 00:04:04,145 AND, MAN, YOU CAN'T COMPLIMENT ANYBODY IN THE SHOWER. 85 00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:07,115 SEE? AND YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW EVERYTHING. 86 00:04:07,148 --> 00:04:07,949 SALLY! 87 00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:10,118 YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR YOUR DATE. 88 00:04:10,151 --> 00:04:12,653 I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR. 89 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,459 IS THIS APPROPRIATE? 90 00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:20,895 YES. VERY. 91 00:04:20,929 --> 00:04:22,931 WHAT DO WE DO ON A DATE? 92 00:04:22,964 --> 00:04:24,933 I READ ABOUT IT. I'LL WALK YOU THROUGH. 93 00:04:24,966 --> 00:04:26,300 I'LL BE YOUR DATE! 94 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:29,270 YOU'VE GOT HOMEWORK, OLD MAN. 95 00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,704 SO YOU GUYS GET TO TALK ABOUT SEX 96 00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:34,375 WHILE I MAKE AN AZTEC VILLAGE OUT OF MACARONI? 97 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,811 THIS IS FAIR. 98 00:04:36,845 --> 00:04:38,880 OK, HARRY, YOU'RE BRAD. 99 00:04:38,913 --> 00:04:41,449 THE TWO OF YOU ARE AT A ROMANTIC RESTAURANT. 100 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:42,917 HERE. 101 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,555 OK. NOW GO AHEAD. 102 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,958 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 103 00:04:49,991 --> 00:04:51,725 GAZE INTO HIS EYES 104 00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,494 THE WAY DR. ALBRIGHT GAZES INTO MINE. 105 00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:55,196 YOU KNOW... 106 00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:00,434 OH, THAT'S PERFECT. 107 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:01,435 NOW BREAK THE ICE 108 00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,504 BY TELLING HIM SOMETHING PERSONAL ABOUT YOURSELF. 109 00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:06,474 WELL, UH, BRAD... 110 00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:07,608 ONCE EVERY LUNAR CYCLE, 111 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,543 MY UTERINE LINING SLOUGHS ITSELF, 112 00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:10,278 THEREBY CAUSING-- 113 00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:11,880 WHOA! WHOA! HOLD IT! 114 00:05:11,913 --> 00:05:13,848 NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT... 115 00:05:13,882 --> 00:05:15,850 NO.... 116 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,788 THAT MAY BE TOO PERSONAL. 117 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,656 WELL, IT DOES. 118 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:23,624 ONE MINUTE, I'M FINE. 119 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,193 THE NEXT, MY UTERUS STARTS THROBBING... 120 00:05:25,226 --> 00:05:27,996 WAH-WAH-WAH WAH-WAH-WAH! 121 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,134 THERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID 122 00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,970 FOR KEEPING SOME MYSTERY IN A RELATIONSHIP. 123 00:05:36,004 --> 00:05:38,772 WHEN DO I GET TO TOUCH YOUR BREASTS? 124 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:42,410 RIGHT BEFORE YOU DIE. 125 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:45,079 FAIR ENOUGH. 126 00:05:45,113 --> 00:05:48,349 OW. OW. OW. OW. 127 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,184 * RAINBOWS, DAISIES * 128 00:05:50,218 --> 00:05:53,521 * SNOWFLAKES, THAT GIRL * 129 00:05:55,957 --> 00:05:57,291 MY BOYS. 130 00:05:57,325 --> 00:05:59,827 [GIGGLING] 131 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:05,833 SHE SWALLOWED A TINY MONKEY. 132 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,869 SO, LIEUTENANT, GIVE US A FULL REPORT ON YOUR ASSIGNMENT. 133 00:06:08,903 --> 00:06:10,604 HE WAS WONDERFUL. 134 00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:12,140 HE THINKS I'M WONDERFUL. 135 00:06:12,173 --> 00:06:14,275 HE ASKED ME WHERE I'D BEEN ALL HIS LIFE. 136 00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:15,376 YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM? 137 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,211 ALL THE COORDINATES. 138 00:06:17,245 --> 00:06:18,179 THANK GOODNESS HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME, 139 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,514 SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO KILL HIM. 140 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:21,615 WHAT THEN? 141 00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:24,285 WELL, HE WANTED TO SLEEP WITH ME. 142 00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:25,186 I WANTED SEX, 143 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:29,790 BUT SINCE HE WAS TIRED, I LET HIM GO HOME. 144 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:33,227 BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS... 145 00:06:33,261 --> 00:06:36,164 HE'S GONNA CALL ME. 146 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:42,703 I WISH I COULD MEET A GUY LIKE THAT. 147 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:47,675 COME ON, SPORT. 148 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,978 I'LL DRIVE YOU TO SCHOOL. 149 00:06:51,212 --> 00:06:51,980 BITE ME. 150 00:06:52,013 --> 00:06:53,414 "BITE ME" WHAT? 151 00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,950 BITE ME, DADDY. 152 00:06:56,985 --> 00:06:58,652 THAT'S BETTER. 153 00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,021 SEE YOU TONIGHT, SLUGGER. 154 00:07:00,054 --> 00:07:02,090 NO, YOU WON'T... 155 00:07:02,123 --> 00:07:03,757 'CAUSE I'LL BE OUT WITH BRAD... 156 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,127 HAVING FUN. 157 00:07:09,030 --> 00:07:09,763 ALL RIGHT. 158 00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:11,966 GOOD JOB. 159 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,167 LET'S KEEP IT MOVING, SOLOMON. 160 00:07:13,201 --> 00:07:14,568 CLIMB THE ROPE. 161 00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:16,737 WHAT'S AT THE TOP OF THE ROPE? 162 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,373 YOUR SELF-RESPECT IS AT THE TOP OF THE ROPE. 163 00:07:19,407 --> 00:07:20,841 RUN THIS BY ME AGAIN. 164 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:25,146 I CLIMB UP THERE, AND THEN I... 165 00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:28,049 YOU CLIMB DOWN. 166 00:07:28,082 --> 00:07:31,019 AND THIS GIVES ME SELF-RESPECT BECAUSE... 167 00:07:31,052 --> 00:07:32,520 YOU DON'T WANT TO CLIMB THE ROPE, 168 00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:37,725 YOU CAN GO SIT WITH THE GIRLS. 169 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,360 SO IF I DON'T CLIMB THE ROPE, 170 00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:40,961 THEN I SIT WITH THE GIRLS. 171 00:07:40,995 --> 00:07:42,796 THAT'S RIGHT. 172 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:43,497 HELP ME OUT HERE. 173 00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:46,600 I'M NOT SEEING THE DOWN SIDE. 174 00:07:53,241 --> 00:07:53,907 [BIP] 175 00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:57,311 MUST YOU MAKE SUCH A RACKET?! 176 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,151 OK. YOU'VE BOSSED ME AROUND 177 00:08:03,184 --> 00:08:05,619 FOR THE LAST TIME. 178 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:11,992 OH, I'M SORRY I BLEW UP LIKE THAT. 179 00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:13,627 [BIP] 180 00:08:24,405 --> 00:08:26,740 THERE HE IS. 181 00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:28,709 THERE HE IS. 182 00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:31,179 THERE HE IS. 183 00:08:31,212 --> 00:08:33,547 WHAT GOES ON OUTSIDE OF THIS OFFICE 184 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,682 IS REALLY NONE OF MY BUSINESS. 185 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,151 THERE HE IS. 186 00:08:37,185 --> 00:08:39,120 JUST BECAUSE I SET SALLY UP WITH BRAD, 187 00:08:39,153 --> 00:08:42,056 YOU'RE NOT OBLIGATED TO TELL ME HOW IT WENT. 188 00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:43,591 THERE HE IS. 189 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:44,958 I'M NOT EVEN CURIOUS. 190 00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,994 RIGHT THERE. 191 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,062 SALLY'S DATE-- 192 00:08:48,096 --> 00:08:49,830 START TALKING. 193 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:52,733 IN HER OWN WORDS, "IT WAS WONDERFUL." 194 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:53,601 MM-HMM? MM-HMM? 195 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:56,470 SHE OVER-ATE, AND HE FOUND HER CHARMING. 196 00:08:56,504 --> 00:08:58,772 HE'S GOING TO CALL HER. 197 00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:01,041 MM. MM. 198 00:09:02,076 --> 00:09:03,644 WHAT? 199 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,683 ORANGE JUICE. 200 00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:13,987 NONTOXIC. 201 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,326 TABASCO. 202 00:09:21,095 --> 00:09:23,231 [CLENCHED TEETH] ALSO NONTOXIC. 203 00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:24,732 HE SAID HE'D CALL. 204 00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:25,699 YES, I KNOW. 205 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:28,536 HE PROMISED. HE SAID HE'D CALL. 206 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,771 I CAN TAKE MORE PAIN THAN ALL OF YOU PUT TOGETHER, 207 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:35,443 BUT RIGHT NOW I FEEL SO...ICKY. 208 00:09:36,244 --> 00:09:37,945 GIVE ME SOME PAIN I CAN DEFINE. 209 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:41,249 I'M NOT GOING TO JAM YOUR HAND IN THE TOASTER AGAIN. 210 00:09:41,282 --> 00:09:44,985 YOU JUST CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. 211 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,154 IT'S LIKE HE REACHED IN 212 00:09:46,187 --> 00:09:49,823 AND PULLED ALL THE BONES OUT OF MY BODY. 213 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:54,762 [SOB] 214 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:55,329 MY GOD! 215 00:09:55,363 --> 00:09:57,265 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 216 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,270 APPARENTLY, I'M LEAKING. 217 00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,174 WELL, STOP IT! 218 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,944 ALL RIGHT, COMMANDER. 219 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,113 [STIFLED SOB] 220 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,785 WINE COOLER. 221 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:22,122 I COULD GO EITHER WAY. 222 00:10:23,491 --> 00:10:24,758 LIEUTENANT, WE NEED TO TALK. 223 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:25,893 THIS IS YOUR FAULT. 224 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,828 I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE WOMAN. 225 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,630 YOU'RE A VETERAN. I THOUGHT YOU COULD HANDLE IT. 226 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,165 WELL, I CAN'T. 227 00:10:31,199 --> 00:10:32,966 THIS IS HARD. 228 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,402 FOR GOODNESS SAKE, DON'T... 229 00:10:34,435 --> 00:10:35,736 NO. NO. 230 00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:36,737 PLEASE, DON'T. 231 00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:37,705 IT WENT SO GREAT. 232 00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:39,173 BRAD SAID HE LIKED ME. 233 00:10:39,207 --> 00:10:42,710 WHY WON'T HE CALL? 234 00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:43,577 THERE, THERE. 235 00:10:43,611 --> 00:10:46,046 AH! 236 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,348 MAYBE HE CAN'T CALL. 237 00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:48,549 MAYBE HIS PHONE IS OUT. 238 00:10:48,582 --> 00:10:50,918 MAYBE HE INJURED HIMSELF RUNNING WITH SCISSORS 239 00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:55,323 OR USED A DRY-CLEANING BAG AS A TOY. 240 00:10:55,356 --> 00:10:57,024 DICK... 241 00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,392 I'VE LOST ALL FEELING 242 00:10:58,426 --> 00:11:02,430 IN THE LEFT SIDE OF MY BODY. 243 00:11:02,463 --> 00:11:06,267 COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE CALL 116? 244 00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:07,601 DO NOT TOUCH THAT PHONE. 245 00:11:07,635 --> 00:11:08,936 OH, DAD? 246 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:09,803 NOW WHAT? 247 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,138 MY TEACHERS WANT TO TALK TO YOU 248 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,640 ABOUT MY ATTITUDE, 249 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,975 AS IF I HAVE AN ATTITUDE. 250 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,510 JUST PERFECT. 251 00:11:16,544 --> 00:11:19,447 I TRY TO MOLD A FAMILY THAT BLENDS IN. 252 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,481 WHAT DO I GET? 253 00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,650 A SURLY TEENAGER, A SISTER OBSESSED WITH A MAN, 254 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,585 AND A BROTHER WHO DRINKS TOO MUCH. 255 00:11:24,618 --> 00:11:27,087 IS THERE ANOTHER FAMILY IN THE WORLD LIKE THIS? 256 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,691 I DON'T THINK SO. 257 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,793 I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. 258 00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,194 ME NEITHER. 259 00:11:34,228 --> 00:11:35,896 I'VE GOT TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAD. 260 00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:39,733 "INDUCE VOMITING"-- THERE'S AN IDEA. 261 00:11:41,369 --> 00:11:41,969 IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME, 262 00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,305 I'LL BE IN THE GARAGE... 263 00:11:44,338 --> 00:11:47,441 PUTTING UP PEGBOARD. 264 00:11:56,417 --> 00:11:57,251 HELLO, BRAD. 265 00:11:57,285 --> 00:11:59,052 SALLY. 266 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:02,423 I'VE COME TO CHECK YOUR PHONE. 267 00:12:08,429 --> 00:12:10,531 SALLY, PLEASE, CALM DOWN. 268 00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:13,534 NO, YOU MAY NOT MAIM HARRY. 269 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,904 FIND SOMEONE ON THE STREET. 270 00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:19,273 TROUBLE AT HOME? 271 00:12:19,307 --> 00:12:21,742 NO. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? 272 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:22,910 HE DIDN'T CALL, DID HE? 273 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,211 NOT YET. 274 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,114 MM. MM. 275 00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:30,551 I JUST WISH SALLY HAD SOME WOMEN FRIENDS TO TURN TO. 276 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:31,819 ARE YOU ASKING FOR MY HELP? 277 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:32,720 YOU OFFERING? 278 00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:34,722 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE ASKING. 279 00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:36,690 I DON'T NEED HELP. 280 00:12:36,724 --> 00:12:37,491 THEN I'M NOT OFFERING. 281 00:12:37,525 --> 00:12:39,627 FINE WITH ME. 282 00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:41,895 YOU CAN'T SAY IT, CAN YOU? 283 00:12:43,364 --> 00:12:46,467 HELP ME! 284 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:47,267 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 285 00:12:47,301 --> 00:12:49,570 I CAN'T STAND TO SEE HER LIKE THIS. 286 00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,238 THERE. THAT WASN'T SO HARD. 287 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:51,905 THEN YOU'LL HELP? 288 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,674 NO. 289 00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,243 CAN'T YOU TAKE OUT AND TALK TO HER? 290 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,045 NINA COULD JOIN YOU. 291 00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,012 OH, I'M SORRY. 292 00:12:59,046 --> 00:12:59,880 TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT 293 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:03,183 I'M HAVING MY EYES GOUGED OUT. 294 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,386 CAN'T YOU RESCHEDULE IT? 295 00:13:05,419 --> 00:13:06,554 PUT YOURSELF IN HER POSITION. 296 00:13:06,587 --> 00:13:07,955 YOU'RE OUT ON A DATE, 297 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:11,892 AROUSING STIMULI FLY BACK AND FORTH ACROSS THE TABLE, 298 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,561 AND THEN HE DOESN'T CALL. 299 00:13:13,594 --> 00:13:15,295 HOW WOULD YOU REPAIR YOURSELF? 300 00:13:15,329 --> 00:13:18,799 I'D GET TOASTED AND CALL HIM FILTHY NAMES. 301 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:21,702 GREAT. GO DO THAT WITH SALLY. 302 00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,170 YOU'RE BUYING. 303 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,673 OF COURSE. 304 00:13:25,706 --> 00:13:29,377 OH, SHE'S WAY MORE UPSET THAN THAT. 305 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,384 DR. SOLOMON, LET ME BE BLUNT. 306 00:13:36,417 --> 00:13:38,486 TOMMY HAS A PROBLEM WITH AUTHORITY. 307 00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:40,388 IN GYM, HE REFUSED TO CLIMB THE ROPE. 308 00:13:40,421 --> 00:13:42,690 WHAT WAS AT THE TOP OF THE ROPE? 309 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:48,562 IF HE WERE MY BOY, 310 00:13:48,596 --> 00:13:51,499 I'D WARM UP HIS LITTLE BOTTOM. 311 00:13:51,532 --> 00:13:52,533 YOU'RE THE ONE 312 00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:56,169 WHO DIDN'T WANT HIM SITTING WITH THE GIRLS, RIGHT? 313 00:13:59,707 --> 00:14:00,641 HE'S JUST JEALOUS 314 00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:03,343 BECAUSE I'VE DONE SO MUCH BETTER THAN HE HAS. 315 00:14:03,377 --> 00:14:06,079 NOBODY EVER SAID BEING A FATHER IS EASY. 316 00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,548 YOU'RE TELLING ME? 317 00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:10,150 SOME OF YOU MUST HAVE CHILDREN... 318 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,587 AS FRIGHTENING AS THAT THOUGHT IS. 319 00:14:13,621 --> 00:14:14,988 WHAT DO YOU DO? 320 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:18,058 YOU NEED TO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR YOUR SON. 321 00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:21,929 SINCE WHEN DID MY SON BECOME MY RESPONSIBILITY? 322 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,897 YOU'RE THE ONES WHO ARE FALLING DOWN ON THE JOB. 323 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:26,133 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE EDUCATING HIM. 324 00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,034 KNOWLEDGE IS THE ONLY CHANCE 325 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:29,069 THIS PLANET HAS FOR SURVIVAL. 326 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:33,173 ONE DAY, YOU'LL NEED SOMEONE TO SAVE YOUR COLLECTIVE BUTTS, 327 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,009 AND ALL YOU'LL HAVE TO PICK FROM ARE ROPE CLIMBERS. 328 00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:39,413 DR. SOLOMON, YOU'RE AVOIDING THE REAL PROBLEM-- 329 00:14:39,447 --> 00:14:40,948 THE HOME ENVIRONMENT. 330 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,382 OF COURSE I'M AVOIDING IT. 331 00:14:42,416 --> 00:14:45,453 IT'S FULL OF CRAZY PEOPLE. 332 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,192 OH, COME ON, SALLY. 333 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,694 I KNOW YOU'RE IN PAIN, 334 00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:56,497 BUT HOLDING IT IN WON'T DO ANY GOOD. 335 00:14:56,530 --> 00:14:58,031 YOU'VE GOT TO LET IT OUT. 336 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,501 COME ON, OPEN UP. 337 00:15:00,534 --> 00:15:03,937 AAH! 338 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,876 THAT REALLY HELPED. 339 00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:11,378 THIS CAN'T BE THE FIRST BAD DATE YOU'VE EVER HAD. 340 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,615 A COUPLE YEARS AGO, A FRIEND SET ME UP 341 00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:15,616 AND MY DATE TURNED OUT TO BE 342 00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:18,418 THIS GIANT SLIMY YOLK SAC. 343 00:15:18,452 --> 00:15:19,753 YEAH. I'VE BEEN THERE. 344 00:15:19,787 --> 00:15:21,354 WHO HASN'T? 345 00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,791 I ONCE DATED THIS CHEMISTRY PROFESSOR. 346 00:15:23,824 --> 00:15:25,258 DR. ABRAMS. 347 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,728 SHE'S STARTING WITH THE As. 348 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:28,929 HE INVITED ME TO PORTAGE LAKES 349 00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,330 FOR A ROMANTIC WEEKEND 350 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,100 AND THEN JUST NEVER SHOWED UP. 351 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,101 DID YOU KILL HIM? 352 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,269 I DON'T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE. 353 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,271 VIOLENCE DOESN'T DO YOU ANY GOOD. 354 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:40,240 HOWEVER, A GAS TANK FULL OF SUGAR 355 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:43,210 AND A FLAMING BAG OF DOG POOP WILL. 356 00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,914 AND YOU TAKE THAT ORALLY? 357 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,620 TOMMY, YOUR TEACHERS THINK I'M NOT ACTING 358 00:15:52,653 --> 00:15:54,522 ENOUGH LIKE A FATHER TO YOU. 359 00:15:54,555 --> 00:15:55,689 YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER. 360 00:15:55,723 --> 00:15:57,658 WELL, THAT'S TRUE, 361 00:15:57,691 --> 00:15:59,893 BUT I WANT TO TRY TO ACT LIKE ONE. 362 00:15:59,927 --> 00:16:02,796 FINE. WHAT DO FATHERS AND SONS DO TOGETHER? 363 00:16:02,830 --> 00:16:05,633 OH, UH... THEY DO THIS. 364 00:16:08,736 --> 00:16:11,471 YES. I'VE SEEN THAT. 365 00:16:11,505 --> 00:16:13,406 OH. YEAH. 366 00:16:16,944 --> 00:16:18,078 EXCELLENT. 367 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,780 WE'RE ROUGHHOUSING. 368 00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,481 SON. 369 00:16:23,751 --> 00:16:25,586 HA HA HA HA! 370 00:16:25,619 --> 00:16:27,955 ERRRGH! 371 00:16:44,772 --> 00:16:47,775 THIS HAS TAKEN A WRONG TURN SOMEWHERE. 372 00:16:47,808 --> 00:16:49,076 I'VE GOT AN IDEA. 373 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,443 WE CAN DO WHAT THE GUY DOWNSTAIRS 374 00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:51,979 DOES WITH HIS SON. 375 00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,615 THEY WATCH TV FOR 18 HOURS STRAIGHT. 376 00:16:54,648 --> 00:16:59,152 YES. IT'S THE CLASSIC MALE BONDING RITUAL. 377 00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:00,453 OH, LOOK. 378 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:01,955 MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL. 379 00:17:01,989 --> 00:17:05,225 ALL RIGHT! YAY! ALL RIGHT! 380 00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,295 WHAT IS IT? 381 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,531 ISN'T THERE SOMEPLACE WHERE PEOPLE CAN HAVE MEANINGLESS SEX 382 00:17:11,565 --> 00:17:13,300 WITH VARIOUS PARTNERS? 383 00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:16,236 YES. IT'S CALLED THE SEVENTIES. 384 00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:20,307 WELL, HOW LATE IS IT OPEN? 385 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:23,543 HEY. CHECK OUT THE BARTENDER. 386 00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:25,879 OOH. GOD'S GIFT TO WOMEN. 387 00:17:25,913 --> 00:17:28,415 I HOPE HE KEPT THE RECEIPT. 388 00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:37,891 GET A LOAD OF THE GUY IN THE VEST. 389 00:17:37,925 --> 00:17:40,493 I HOPE HE KEPT THE RECEIPT. 390 00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:44,598 SEE, SALLY? 391 00:17:44,632 --> 00:17:45,899 YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. 392 00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:47,134 GUYS ARE JERKS. 393 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,269 YOU'LL JUST NEVER FIND THE PERFECT MAN. 394 00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:52,873 THE PERFECT MAN WOULD HAVE BILL GATES' MONEY, 395 00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,474 JIMMY SMITS' ASS, 396 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:55,876 LIAM NEESON'S SHOULDERS, 397 00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:58,378 MICHAEL JORDAN'S THIGHS... 398 00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,546 AND WE NEED A BRAIN. 399 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,982 NO, WE DON'T. 400 00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:03,917 YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 401 00:18:03,951 --> 00:18:05,653 THEN HE'D THINK LIKE A MAN. 402 00:18:05,686 --> 00:18:07,354 SEE? THERE'S JUST NO DEALING 403 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,657 WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX. 404 00:18:09,690 --> 00:18:11,424 YES, THE OPPOSITE SEX! 405 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:14,127 I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. 406 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:15,395 IT'S MEN. 407 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:19,166 THEY'RE A COMPLETELY OPPOSITE SEX. 408 00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:20,500 THEY HUNT, WE GATHER. 409 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,035 THEY SWEAT, WE GLOW. 410 00:18:22,069 --> 00:18:25,205 THEY SHAKE, WE WIPE. 411 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:26,506 YOU! 412 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:27,440 YOUR SEXUAL ORGANS 413 00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:30,277 ARE IN TOTAL DIAMETRIC OPPOSITION TO MINE. 414 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,146 SO...CAN I GIVE YOU A CALL SOMETIME? 415 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:35,282 OH, YEAH. I'LL BE WAITING BY THE PHONE. 416 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:38,952 HA HA HA HA! 417 00:18:38,986 --> 00:18:40,120 HAVE WE POISONED HER? 418 00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:42,756 NO. NOW SHE'S A BUXOM, 419 00:18:42,790 --> 00:18:46,626 LEGGY, POUTY-LIPPED BITCH WITH ATTITUDE. 420 00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:49,296 I THINK SHE'LL DO JUST FINE. 421 00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:53,200 [DOORBELL] 422 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,434 HELLO, BRAD. 423 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,603 S-SALLY. 424 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,540 I CAME HERE TO TELL YOU 425 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:03,677 THAT I UNDERSTAND YOUR LIMITATIONS. 426 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,980 I EXPECTED TOO MUCH. 427 00:19:07,014 --> 00:19:09,316 I'M SO SORRY. 428 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,918 ALL THE BEST. 429 00:19:11,719 --> 00:19:13,153 OOPS. 430 00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,655 GOT YOUR KNOB. 431 00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:19,727 HASN'T TONIGHT BEEN GREAT? 432 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,795 JUST US BOYS DRINKING BEER, 433 00:19:21,829 --> 00:19:22,796 YELLING LIKE IDIOTS, 434 00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:25,999 EMITTING VARIOUS GASSES. 435 00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:27,500 OH, LOOK. 436 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:29,803 THEY'RE DOING THAT THING AGAIN. 437 00:19:29,837 --> 00:19:32,039 LOOK OUT. OH... 438 00:19:32,072 --> 00:19:33,540 WHOA... WHOA... WHOA... 439 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,042 YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! 440 00:19:35,075 --> 00:19:37,811 THAT WAS GREAT. 441 00:19:37,845 --> 00:19:38,545 SALLY'S BACK. 442 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:39,246 PARTY'S OVER. 443 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,180 THANK GOD. 444 00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,515 SALLY, YOU'RE SMILING. 445 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:45,953 YOU'RE FIXED. 446 00:19:45,986 --> 00:19:47,721 BECAUSE I WAS NEVER BROKEN. 447 00:19:47,755 --> 00:19:50,290 I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY. 448 00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:51,859 I'M A WOMAN. 449 00:19:51,892 --> 00:19:53,026 YES, AND... 450 00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:54,928 WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? 451 00:19:54,962 --> 00:19:56,096 I DON'T KNOW. 452 00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:58,198 EXACTLY. AND DO YOU FEEL THE URGE 453 00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:00,633 TO HAVE AN 8-POUND SCREAMING LARVA 454 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,503 RIP ITS WAY OUT OF YOUR LOWER ABDOMEN? 455 00:20:05,939 --> 00:20:08,475 NO. I THINK I COULD DO WITHOUT THAT. 456 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:09,676 YOU SEE? 457 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:10,577 YOU AND I ARE 458 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,345 COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LIFE FORMS. 459 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,915 AND IT'S JUST SOME SICK COSMIC JOKE 460 00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:17,885 THAT WE HAVE TO SHARE A PLANET. 461 00:20:17,918 --> 00:20:19,219 I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOUR ASSIGNMENT. 462 00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,354 MAYBE IT WASN'T FAIR MAKING YOU THE WOMAN. 463 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,156 I'M ALL RIGHT. 464 00:20:23,190 --> 00:20:24,825 I CAN HANDLE THE MOOD SWINGS, 465 00:20:24,858 --> 00:20:27,694 THE EMOTIONAL ISSUES, THE CAT CALLS, 466 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,763 THE PUNITIVE UNDERWEAR, 467 00:20:29,797 --> 00:20:30,597 BECAUSE, FRANKLY, 468 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:34,802 WHEN I THINK OF THE ALTERNATIVE... 469 00:20:34,835 --> 00:20:38,438 I JUST HAVE TO LAUGH. 470 00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,582 MOTHER EARTH. 471 00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:51,518 FATHER TIME. 472 00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,487 LADY LUCK. 473 00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:56,556 GENTLEMEN'S QUARTERLY. 474 00:20:57,891 --> 00:21:00,727 DAUGHTERS OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION. 475 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,429 SON OF KONG. 476 00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:04,832 FAIRY GODMOTHER. 477 00:21:04,865 --> 00:21:07,000 THE GODFATHER OF SOUL. 478 00:21:10,170 --> 00:21:16,376 MISSISSIPPI. 479 00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:18,946 MR. SIPPI. 31227

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