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1
00:00:34,803 --> 00:00:38,973
I'VE BEEN THERE...
AND THERE...
2
00:00:39,007 --> 00:00:40,241
AND I'VE BEEN THERE.
3
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:44,045
AH. THE LONG,
BORING STORIES
YOU MUST HAVE.
4
00:00:44,946 --> 00:00:46,981
I HAVE ANOTHER DESTINATION
FOR YOU, TOMMY--
5
00:00:47,015 --> 00:00:47,649
HIGH SCHOOL.
6
00:00:47,682 --> 00:00:49,417
WHY? I FINISHED
MY EDUCATION
7
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:53,121
WHEN YOU WERE STILL
A SNOT-NOSED GAS BALL.
8
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,956
THAT SOUNDS
VERY DANGEROUS.
9
00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:56,057
SHOULDN'T I TAKE THAT?
10
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,026
NO. WE HAVE
TO ASSUME THE ROLES
11
00:00:58,059 --> 00:00:59,961
OF A REGULAR
HUMAN FAMILY.
12
00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:02,163
TOMMY'S THE ADOLESCENT--
HE'LL GO TO SCHOOL.
13
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:05,600
YOU'LL EXPLORE BEING
A YOUNG ADULT WOMAN.
14
00:01:05,634 --> 00:01:07,969
I, AS THE BENEVOLENT
FATHER FIGURE,
15
00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:09,537
WILL PROVIDE THE MAJOR
SOURCE OF INCOME
16
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,641
AND GIVE YOU
CUTE NICKNAMES.
17
00:01:12,674 --> 00:01:13,341
DICK?
18
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:15,543
WHAT IS IT, KITTEN?
19
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,281
WHAT'S MY ROLE
IN THE FAMILY?
20
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,951
YOU'RE THE BROTHER
WHO TRIES HARD
21
00:01:22,984 --> 00:01:25,720
BUT DOESN'T HAVE
THE NERVE TO MOVE
OUT ON HIS OWN,
22
00:01:25,754 --> 00:01:27,789
BUT WE LOVE YOUR PLUCK
AND DETERMINATION.
23
00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:29,691
BUT I CAN
DO MORE.
24
00:01:29,724 --> 00:01:33,494
SEE? THAT'S THE PLUCK
THAT WE LOVE.
25
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,965
LET'S JUST BE THE WARM,
HUMAN FAMILY THAT WE ARE.
26
00:01:36,998 --> 00:01:37,565
AFTER YOU.
27
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,867
WHY ARE YOU
DOING THAT?
28
00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:40,568
I'VE SEEN MEN DO IT.
29
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:44,005
APPARENTLY WOMEN
DON'T KNOW HOW
TO OPERATE DOORS.
30
00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:46,474
WELL, I DO.
31
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:49,644
OH, DICK, I'VE THOUGHT
OF A JOB FOR MYSELF.
32
00:01:49,678 --> 00:01:51,279
I CAN CATALOG
THE DANGERS
33
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,314
THAT SURROUND US
ON THIS PLANET.
34
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,016
FOR EXAMPLE,
35
00:01:55,049 --> 00:01:59,520
GETTING YOUR FINGERS
CRUSHED IN A CAR DOOR.
36
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,723
OW.
37
00:02:01,756 --> 00:02:03,858
OW.
38
00:02:03,892 --> 00:02:04,492
OW.
39
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,695
* HEY, MR. SPACEMAN
40
00:02:08,697 --> 00:02:12,734
WHY ARE YOU LISTENING
TO THE SERPENT?
41
00:02:12,767 --> 00:02:14,368
DON'T EAT THE FRUIT.
42
00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,604
DON'T EAT THE FRUIT.
43
00:02:19,007 --> 00:02:22,576
WOMEN.
44
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:24,345
DEAN SUMNER'S
OFFICE CALLED.
45
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:25,513
YOU PARKED
IN HIS SPACE.
46
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,082
YES. IT'S SO MUCH
CLOSER THAN MINE.
47
00:02:28,116 --> 00:02:29,517
MOVE IT, LADY!
48
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:30,819
AND YOUR SISTER'S HERE.
49
00:02:30,852 --> 00:02:32,687
SALLY, I LEFT YOU
AT HOME.
50
00:02:32,721 --> 00:02:36,524
YOU FORGOT YOUR SHOES.
51
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,026
WHAT'S WITH THE GUY
IN 114?
52
00:02:38,059 --> 00:02:40,795
HE KEEPS FOLLOWING ME
AND TALKING TO ME.
53
00:02:40,829 --> 00:02:43,832
I THINK SOMEBODY
HAS AN ADMIRER.
54
00:02:43,865 --> 00:02:47,068
GREAT. NOW CAN WE
TALK ABOUT ME?
55
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:49,170
SALLY, ARE YOU
SEEING ANYONE NOW?
56
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,873
I'M LOOKING AT YOU,
AREN'T I?
57
00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:56,210
FOR GOD'S SAKES, HE'S TRYING
TO ASK YOU ON A DATE.
58
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,346
IT'S A PERFECT
OPPORTUNITY.
YOU'LL GO.
59
00:02:58,379 --> 00:02:59,180
NO, I WON'T.
60
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,849
I KNOW WHAT'S BEST.
61
00:03:00,882 --> 00:03:02,583
WHY ARE YOU
TREATING ME LIKE THIS?
62
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,119
"THIS"? WHAT
AM I DOING?
63
00:03:05,153 --> 00:03:08,156
ACTING LIKE I CAN'T
DECIDE FOR MYSELF.
64
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,824
ONE OF US HAS
TO EXPERIENCE SEX,
65
00:03:09,858 --> 00:03:14,395
AND I'M GETTING
NOWHERE WITH HER.
66
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,397
WHY DIDN'T
YOU SAY SO?
67
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,431
IF SEX IS SO IMPORTANT,
68
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:21,870
YOU AND I CAN DO IT
HERE ON THE DESK.
69
00:03:21,903 --> 00:03:24,038
OK...
70
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,040
I'LL LEAVE
YOU CLAMPETTS ALONE
71
00:03:26,074 --> 00:03:28,777
TO YOUR BANJO LESSON.
72
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:34,883
"WHEN BEETLES
FIGHT THESE BATTLES
73
00:03:34,916 --> 00:03:35,817
"IN A BOTTLE
WITH THEIR PADDLES
74
00:03:35,850 --> 00:03:36,918
"AND THE BOTTLE'S
ON A POODLE
75
00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:39,487
"AND THE POODLE'S
EATING NOODLES,
76
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,155
"THEY CALL THIS
A MUDDLE-PUDDLE
TWEETLE-POODLE
77
00:03:41,189 --> 00:03:43,591
BEETLE-NOODLE
BOTTLE-PADDLE BATTLE."
78
00:03:46,094 --> 00:03:48,229
THIS MAN IS A GENIUS.
79
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,631
[FOOTSTEPS
STOMPING]
80
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:53,301
IF IT ISN'T OUR PROUD
LITTLE STUDENT.
81
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,969
WHAT DID YOU LEARN
ON YOUR FIRST DAY?
82
00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:56,470
I'M WEARING THE WRONG
KIND OF SNEAKERS,
83
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,172
GIRLS ONLY LIKE SENIORS,
84
00:03:58,206 --> 00:04:04,145
AND, MAN, YOU CAN'T
COMPLIMENT ANYBODY
IN THE SHOWER.
85
00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:07,115
SEE? AND YOU THOUGHT
YOU KNEW EVERYTHING.
86
00:04:07,148 --> 00:04:07,949
SALLY!
87
00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:10,118
YOU'RE GOING TO BE
LATE FOR YOUR DATE.
88
00:04:10,151 --> 00:04:12,653
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO WEAR.
89
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,459
IS THIS
APPROPRIATE?
90
00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:20,895
YES.
VERY.
91
00:04:20,929 --> 00:04:22,931
WHAT DO WE DO
ON A DATE?
92
00:04:22,964 --> 00:04:24,933
I READ ABOUT IT.
I'LL WALK YOU THROUGH.
93
00:04:24,966 --> 00:04:26,300
I'LL BE YOUR DATE!
94
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:29,270
YOU'VE GOT HOMEWORK,
OLD MAN.
95
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,704
SO YOU GUYS GET
TO TALK ABOUT SEX
96
00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:34,375
WHILE I MAKE
AN AZTEC VILLAGE
OUT OF MACARONI?
97
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,811
THIS IS FAIR.
98
00:04:36,845 --> 00:04:38,880
OK, HARRY, YOU'RE BRAD.
99
00:04:38,913 --> 00:04:41,449
THE TWO OF YOU ARE AT
A ROMANTIC RESTAURANT.
100
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:42,917
HERE.
101
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,555
OK. NOW GO AHEAD.
102
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,958
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
103
00:04:49,991 --> 00:04:51,725
GAZE INTO HIS EYES
104
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,494
THE WAY DR. ALBRIGHT
GAZES INTO MINE.
105
00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:55,196
YOU KNOW...
106
00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:00,434
OH, THAT'S PERFECT.
107
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:01,435
NOW BREAK THE ICE
108
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,504
BY TELLING HIM SOMETHING
PERSONAL ABOUT YOURSELF.
109
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:06,474
WELL, UH, BRAD...
110
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:07,608
ONCE EVERY
LUNAR CYCLE,
111
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,543
MY UTERINE LINING
SLOUGHS ITSELF,
112
00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:10,278
THEREBY CAUSING--
113
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:11,880
WHOA! WHOA!
HOLD IT!
114
00:05:11,913 --> 00:05:13,848
NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT...
115
00:05:13,882 --> 00:05:15,850
NO....
116
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,788
THAT MAY BE
TOO PERSONAL.
117
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,656
WELL, IT DOES.
118
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:23,624
ONE MINUTE,
I'M FINE.
119
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,193
THE NEXT, MY UTERUS
STARTS THROBBING...
120
00:05:25,226 --> 00:05:27,996
WAH-WAH-WAH
WAH-WAH-WAH!
121
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,134
THERE IS SOMETHING
TO BE SAID
122
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,970
FOR KEEPING SOME MYSTERY
IN A RELATIONSHIP.
123
00:05:36,004 --> 00:05:38,772
WHEN DO I GET
TO TOUCH YOUR BREASTS?
124
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:42,410
RIGHT BEFORE
YOU DIE.
125
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:45,079
FAIR ENOUGH.
126
00:05:45,113 --> 00:05:48,349
OW. OW. OW. OW.
127
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,184
* RAINBOWS,
DAISIES *
128
00:05:50,218 --> 00:05:53,521
* SNOWFLAKES,
THAT GIRL *
129
00:05:55,957 --> 00:05:57,291
MY BOYS.
130
00:05:57,325 --> 00:05:59,827
[GIGGLING]
131
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:05,833
SHE SWALLOWED
A TINY MONKEY.
132
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,869
SO, LIEUTENANT,
GIVE US A FULL REPORT
ON YOUR ASSIGNMENT.
133
00:06:08,903 --> 00:06:10,604
HE WAS WONDERFUL.
134
00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:12,140
HE THINKS
I'M WONDERFUL.
135
00:06:12,173 --> 00:06:14,275
HE ASKED ME WHERE I'D
BEEN ALL HIS LIFE.
136
00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:15,376
YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM?
137
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,211
ALL THE COORDINATES.
138
00:06:17,245 --> 00:06:18,179
THANK GOODNESS
HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME,
139
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,514
SO I DIDN'T HAVE
TO KILL HIM.
140
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:21,615
WHAT THEN?
141
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:24,285
WELL, HE WANTED
TO SLEEP WITH ME.
142
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:25,186
I WANTED SEX,
143
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:29,790
BUT SINCE HE WAS TIRED,
I LET HIM GO HOME.
144
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:33,227
BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS...
145
00:06:33,261 --> 00:06:36,164
HE'S GONNA CALL ME.
146
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:42,703
I WISH I COULD MEET
A GUY LIKE THAT.
147
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:47,675
COME ON, SPORT.
148
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,978
I'LL DRIVE YOU
TO SCHOOL.
149
00:06:51,212 --> 00:06:51,980
BITE ME.
150
00:06:52,013 --> 00:06:53,414
"BITE ME" WHAT?
151
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,950
BITE ME, DADDY.
152
00:06:56,985 --> 00:06:58,652
THAT'S BETTER.
153
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,021
SEE YOU TONIGHT,
SLUGGER.
154
00:07:00,054 --> 00:07:02,090
NO, YOU WON'T...
155
00:07:02,123 --> 00:07:03,757
'CAUSE I'LL BE OUT
WITH BRAD...
156
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,127
HAVING FUN.
157
00:07:09,030 --> 00:07:09,763
ALL RIGHT.
158
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:11,966
GOOD JOB.
159
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,167
LET'S KEEP IT
MOVING, SOLOMON.
160
00:07:13,201 --> 00:07:14,568
CLIMB THE ROPE.
161
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:16,737
WHAT'S AT THE TOP
OF THE ROPE?
162
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,373
YOUR SELF-RESPECT
IS AT THE TOP
OF THE ROPE.
163
00:07:19,407 --> 00:07:20,841
RUN THIS BY ME
AGAIN.
164
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:25,146
I CLIMB UP THERE,
AND THEN I...
165
00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:28,049
YOU CLIMB DOWN.
166
00:07:28,082 --> 00:07:31,019
AND THIS GIVES ME
SELF-RESPECT
BECAUSE...
167
00:07:31,052 --> 00:07:32,520
YOU DON'T WANT
TO CLIMB THE ROPE,
168
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:37,725
YOU CAN GO SIT
WITH THE GIRLS.
169
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,360
SO IF I DON'T
CLIMB THE ROPE,
170
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:40,961
THEN I SIT
WITH THE GIRLS.
171
00:07:40,995 --> 00:07:42,796
THAT'S RIGHT.
172
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:43,497
HELP ME OUT HERE.
173
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:46,600
I'M NOT SEEING
THE DOWN SIDE.
174
00:07:53,241 --> 00:07:53,907
[BIP]
175
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:57,311
MUST YOU MAKE
SUCH A RACKET?!
176
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,151
OK. YOU'VE BOSSED
ME AROUND
177
00:08:03,184 --> 00:08:05,619
FOR THE LAST TIME.
178
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:11,992
OH, I'M SORRY
I BLEW UP LIKE THAT.
179
00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:13,627
[BIP]
180
00:08:24,405 --> 00:08:26,740
THERE HE IS.
181
00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:28,709
THERE HE IS.
182
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:31,179
THERE HE IS.
183
00:08:31,212 --> 00:08:33,547
WHAT GOES ON OUTSIDE
OF THIS OFFICE
184
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,682
IS REALLY
NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
185
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,151
THERE HE IS.
186
00:08:37,185 --> 00:08:39,120
JUST BECAUSE I SET
SALLY UP WITH BRAD,
187
00:08:39,153 --> 00:08:42,056
YOU'RE NOT OBLIGATED
TO TELL ME HOW IT WENT.
188
00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:43,591
THERE HE IS.
189
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:44,958
I'M NOT EVEN CURIOUS.
190
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,994
RIGHT THERE.
191
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,062
SALLY'S DATE--
192
00:08:48,096 --> 00:08:49,830
START TALKING.
193
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:52,733
IN HER OWN WORDS,
"IT WAS WONDERFUL."
194
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:53,601
MM-HMM?
MM-HMM?
195
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:56,470
SHE OVER-ATE, AND HE
FOUND HER CHARMING.
196
00:08:56,504 --> 00:08:58,772
HE'S GOING
TO CALL HER.
197
00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:01,041
MM.
MM.
198
00:09:02,076 --> 00:09:03,644
WHAT?
199
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,683
ORANGE JUICE.
200
00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:13,987
NONTOXIC.
201
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,326
TABASCO.
202
00:09:21,095 --> 00:09:23,231
[CLENCHED TEETH]
ALSO NONTOXIC.
203
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:24,732
HE SAID HE'D CALL.
204
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:25,699
YES, I KNOW.
205
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:28,536
HE PROMISED.
HE SAID HE'D CALL.
206
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,771
I CAN TAKE MORE PAIN
THAN ALL OF YOU
PUT TOGETHER,
207
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:35,443
BUT RIGHT NOW
I FEEL SO...ICKY.
208
00:09:36,244 --> 00:09:37,945
GIVE ME SOME PAIN
I CAN DEFINE.
209
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:41,249
I'M NOT GOING
TO JAM YOUR HAND
IN THE TOASTER AGAIN.
210
00:09:41,282 --> 00:09:44,985
YOU JUST CAN'T IMAGINE
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.
211
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,154
IT'S LIKE
HE REACHED IN
212
00:09:46,187 --> 00:09:49,823
AND PULLED ALL THE BONES
OUT OF MY BODY.
213
00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:54,762
[SOB]
214
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:55,329
MY GOD!
215
00:09:55,363 --> 00:09:57,265
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
216
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,270
APPARENTLY,
I'M LEAKING.
217
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,174
WELL, STOP IT!
218
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,944
ALL RIGHT, COMMANDER.
219
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,113
[STIFLED SOB]
220
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,785
WINE COOLER.
221
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:22,122
I COULD GO
EITHER WAY.
222
00:10:23,491 --> 00:10:24,758
LIEUTENANT,
WE NEED TO TALK.
223
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:25,893
THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
224
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,828
I DIDN'T WANT
TO BE THE WOMAN.
225
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,630
YOU'RE A VETERAN.
I THOUGHT YOU
COULD HANDLE IT.
226
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,165
WELL, I CAN'T.
227
00:10:31,199 --> 00:10:32,966
THIS IS HARD.
228
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,402
FOR GOODNESS SAKE,
DON'T...
229
00:10:34,435 --> 00:10:35,736
NO. NO.
230
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:36,737
PLEASE, DON'T.
231
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:37,705
IT WENT SO GREAT.
232
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:39,173
BRAD SAID HE LIKED ME.
233
00:10:39,207 --> 00:10:42,710
WHY WON'T HE CALL?
234
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:43,577
THERE, THERE.
235
00:10:43,611 --> 00:10:46,046
AH!
236
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,348
MAYBE HE CAN'T CALL.
237
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:48,549
MAYBE HIS PHONE IS OUT.
238
00:10:48,582 --> 00:10:50,918
MAYBE HE INJURED HIMSELF
RUNNING WITH SCISSORS
239
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:55,323
OR USED A DRY-CLEANING
BAG AS A TOY.
240
00:10:55,356 --> 00:10:57,024
DICK...
241
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,392
I'VE LOST
ALL FEELING
242
00:10:58,426 --> 00:11:02,430
IN THE LEFT SIDE
OF MY BODY.
243
00:11:02,463 --> 00:11:06,267
COULD SOMEBODY
PLEASE CALL 116?
244
00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:07,601
DO NOT TOUCH
THAT PHONE.
245
00:11:07,635 --> 00:11:08,936
OH, DAD?
246
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:09,803
NOW WHAT?
247
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,138
MY TEACHERS WANT
TO TALK TO YOU
248
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,640
ABOUT MY ATTITUDE,
249
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,975
AS IF I HAVE
AN ATTITUDE.
250
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,510
JUST PERFECT.
251
00:11:16,544 --> 00:11:19,447
I TRY TO MOLD A FAMILY
THAT BLENDS IN.
252
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,481
WHAT DO I GET?
253
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,650
A SURLY TEENAGER,
A SISTER OBSESSED
WITH A MAN,
254
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,585
AND A BROTHER
WHO DRINKS TOO MUCH.
255
00:11:24,618 --> 00:11:27,087
IS THERE ANOTHER FAMILY
IN THE WORLD LIKE THIS?
256
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,691
I DON'T THINK SO.
257
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,793
I CAN'T TAKE IT
ANYMORE.
258
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,194
ME NEITHER.
259
00:11:34,228 --> 00:11:35,896
I'VE GOT TO FIND OUT
WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAD.
260
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:39,733
"INDUCE VOMITING"--
THERE'S AN IDEA.
261
00:11:41,369 --> 00:11:41,969
IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME,
262
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,305
I'LL BE IN THE GARAGE...
263
00:11:44,338 --> 00:11:47,441
PUTTING UP PEGBOARD.
264
00:11:56,417 --> 00:11:57,251
HELLO, BRAD.
265
00:11:57,285 --> 00:11:59,052
SALLY.
266
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:02,423
I'VE COME
TO CHECK YOUR PHONE.
267
00:12:08,429 --> 00:12:10,531
SALLY, PLEASE,
CALM DOWN.
268
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:13,534
NO, YOU MAY NOT
MAIM HARRY.
269
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,904
FIND SOMEONE
ON THE STREET.
270
00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:19,273
TROUBLE AT HOME?
271
00:12:19,307 --> 00:12:21,742
NO. WHY WOULD YOU
SAY THAT?
272
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:22,910
HE DIDN'T CALL,
DID HE?
273
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,211
NOT YET.
274
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,114
MM.
MM.
275
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:30,551
I JUST WISH SALLY HAD
SOME WOMEN FRIENDS
TO TURN TO.
276
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:31,819
ARE YOU ASKING
FOR MY HELP?
277
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:32,720
YOU OFFERING?
278
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:34,722
I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU'RE ASKING.
279
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:36,690
I DON'T NEED HELP.
280
00:12:36,724 --> 00:12:37,491
THEN I'M NOT OFFERING.
281
00:12:37,525 --> 00:12:39,627
FINE WITH ME.
282
00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:41,895
YOU CAN'T SAY IT,
CAN YOU?
283
00:12:43,364 --> 00:12:46,467
HELP ME!
284
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:47,267
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
285
00:12:47,301 --> 00:12:49,570
I CAN'T STAND
TO SEE HER
LIKE THIS.
286
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,238
THERE. THAT
WASN'T SO HARD.
287
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:51,905
THEN YOU'LL HELP?
288
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,674
NO.
289
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,243
CAN'T YOU TAKE OUT
AND TALK TO HER?
290
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,045
NINA COULD JOIN YOU.
291
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,012
OH, I'M SORRY.
292
00:12:59,046 --> 00:12:59,880
TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT
293
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:03,183
I'M HAVING MY EYES
GOUGED OUT.
294
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,386
CAN'T YOU
RESCHEDULE IT?
295
00:13:05,419 --> 00:13:06,554
PUT YOURSELF
IN HER POSITION.
296
00:13:06,587 --> 00:13:07,955
YOU'RE OUT ON A DATE,
297
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:11,892
AROUSING STIMULI
FLY BACK AND FORTH
ACROSS THE TABLE,
298
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,561
AND THEN HE DOESN'T CALL.
299
00:13:13,594 --> 00:13:15,295
HOW WOULD YOU
REPAIR YOURSELF?
300
00:13:15,329 --> 00:13:18,799
I'D GET TOASTED
AND CALL HIM
FILTHY NAMES.
301
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:21,702
GREAT. GO DO THAT
WITH SALLY.
302
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,170
YOU'RE BUYING.
303
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,673
OF COURSE.
304
00:13:25,706 --> 00:13:29,377
OH, SHE'S WAY MORE
UPSET THAN THAT.
305
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,384
DR. SOLOMON,
LET ME BE BLUNT.
306
00:13:36,417 --> 00:13:38,486
TOMMY HAS A PROBLEM
WITH AUTHORITY.
307
00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:40,388
IN GYM, HE REFUSED
TO CLIMB THE ROPE.
308
00:13:40,421 --> 00:13:42,690
WHAT WAS AT THE TOP
OF THE ROPE?
309
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:48,562
IF HE WERE MY BOY,
310
00:13:48,596 --> 00:13:51,499
I'D WARM UP
HIS LITTLE BOTTOM.
311
00:13:51,532 --> 00:13:52,533
YOU'RE THE ONE
312
00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:56,169
WHO DIDN'T WANT HIM SITTING
WITH THE GIRLS, RIGHT?
313
00:13:59,707 --> 00:14:00,641
HE'S JUST JEALOUS
314
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:03,343
BECAUSE I'VE DONE
SO MUCH BETTER
THAN HE HAS.
315
00:14:03,377 --> 00:14:06,079
NOBODY EVER SAID
BEING A FATHER
IS EASY.
316
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,548
YOU'RE TELLING ME?
317
00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:10,150
SOME OF YOU
MUST HAVE CHILDREN...
318
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,587
AS FRIGHTENING
AS THAT THOUGHT IS.
319
00:14:13,621 --> 00:14:14,988
WHAT DO YOU DO?
320
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:18,058
YOU NEED TO SET
A GOOD EXAMPLE
FOR YOUR SON.
321
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:21,929
SINCE WHEN DID MY SON
BECOME MY RESPONSIBILITY?
322
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,897
YOU'RE THE ONES WHO ARE
FALLING DOWN ON THE JOB.
323
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:26,133
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE EDUCATING HIM.
324
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,034
KNOWLEDGE
IS THE ONLY CHANCE
325
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:29,069
THIS PLANET HAS
FOR SURVIVAL.
326
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:33,173
ONE DAY, YOU'LL NEED
SOMEONE TO SAVE YOUR
COLLECTIVE BUTTS,
327
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,009
AND ALL YOU'LL HAVE
TO PICK FROM ARE
ROPE CLIMBERS.
328
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:39,413
DR. SOLOMON,
YOU'RE AVOIDING
THE REAL PROBLEM--
329
00:14:39,447 --> 00:14:40,948
THE HOME
ENVIRONMENT.
330
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,382
OF COURSE
I'M AVOIDING IT.
331
00:14:42,416 --> 00:14:45,453
IT'S FULL
OF CRAZY PEOPLE.
332
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,192
OH, COME ON, SALLY.
333
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,694
I KNOW YOU'RE IN PAIN,
334
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:56,497
BUT HOLDING IT IN
WON'T DO ANY GOOD.
335
00:14:56,530 --> 00:14:58,031
YOU'VE GOT
TO LET IT OUT.
336
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,501
COME ON, OPEN UP.
337
00:15:00,534 --> 00:15:03,937
AAH!
338
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,876
THAT REALLY HELPED.
339
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:11,378
THIS CAN'T BE THE FIRST
BAD DATE YOU'VE EVER HAD.
340
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,615
A COUPLE YEARS AGO,
A FRIEND SET ME UP
341
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:15,616
AND MY DATE
TURNED OUT TO BE
342
00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:18,418
THIS GIANT
SLIMY YOLK SAC.
343
00:15:18,452 --> 00:15:19,753
YEAH. I'VE BEEN THERE.
344
00:15:19,787 --> 00:15:21,354
WHO HASN'T?
345
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,791
I ONCE DATED THIS
CHEMISTRY PROFESSOR.
346
00:15:23,824 --> 00:15:25,258
DR. ABRAMS.
347
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,728
SHE'S STARTING
WITH THE As.
348
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:28,929
HE INVITED ME
TO PORTAGE LAKES
349
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,330
FOR A ROMANTIC WEEKEND
350
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,100
AND THEN JUST
NEVER SHOWED UP.
351
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,101
DID YOU KILL HIM?
352
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,269
I DON'T BELIEVE
IN VIOLENCE.
353
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,271
VIOLENCE DOESN'T
DO YOU ANY GOOD.
354
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:40,240
HOWEVER, A GAS TANK
FULL OF SUGAR
355
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:43,210
AND A FLAMING BAG
OF DOG POOP WILL.
356
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,914
AND YOU
TAKE THAT ORALLY?
357
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,620
TOMMY, YOUR TEACHERS
THINK I'M NOT ACTING
358
00:15:52,653 --> 00:15:54,522
ENOUGH LIKE
A FATHER TO YOU.
359
00:15:54,555 --> 00:15:55,689
YOU'RE NOT
MY FATHER.
360
00:15:55,723 --> 00:15:57,658
WELL, THAT'S TRUE,
361
00:15:57,691 --> 00:15:59,893
BUT I WANT TO TRY
TO ACT LIKE ONE.
362
00:15:59,927 --> 00:16:02,796
FINE. WHAT DO FATHERS
AND SONS DO TOGETHER?
363
00:16:02,830 --> 00:16:05,633
OH, UH...
THEY DO THIS.
364
00:16:08,736 --> 00:16:11,471
YES. I'VE
SEEN THAT.
365
00:16:11,505 --> 00:16:13,406
OH. YEAH.
366
00:16:16,944 --> 00:16:18,078
EXCELLENT.
367
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,780
WE'RE
ROUGHHOUSING.
368
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,481
SON.
369
00:16:23,751 --> 00:16:25,586
HA HA HA HA!
370
00:16:25,619 --> 00:16:27,955
ERRRGH!
371
00:16:44,772 --> 00:16:47,775
THIS HAS TAKEN
A WRONG TURN
SOMEWHERE.
372
00:16:47,808 --> 00:16:49,076
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
373
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,443
WE CAN DO WHAT
THE GUY DOWNSTAIRS
374
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:51,979
DOES WITH HIS SON.
375
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,615
THEY WATCH TV
FOR 18 HOURS STRAIGHT.
376
00:16:54,648 --> 00:16:59,152
YES. IT'S THE CLASSIC
MALE BONDING RITUAL.
377
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:00,453
OH, LOOK.
378
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:01,955
MONDAY NIGHT
FOOTBALL.
379
00:17:01,989 --> 00:17:05,225
ALL RIGHT!
YAY!
ALL RIGHT!
380
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,295
WHAT IS IT?
381
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,531
ISN'T THERE SOMEPLACE
WHERE PEOPLE CAN HAVE
MEANINGLESS SEX
382
00:17:11,565 --> 00:17:13,300
WITH VARIOUS PARTNERS?
383
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:16,236
YES. IT'S CALLED
THE SEVENTIES.
384
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:20,307
WELL, HOW LATE
IS IT OPEN?
385
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:23,543
HEY. CHECK OUT
THE BARTENDER.
386
00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:25,879
OOH. GOD'S GIFT
TO WOMEN.
387
00:17:25,913 --> 00:17:28,415
I HOPE HE KEPT
THE RECEIPT.
388
00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:37,891
GET A LOAD OF THE GUY
IN THE VEST.
389
00:17:37,925 --> 00:17:40,493
I HOPE HE KEPT
THE RECEIPT.
390
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:44,598
SEE, SALLY?
391
00:17:44,632 --> 00:17:45,899
YOU ARE NOT
THE PROBLEM.
392
00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:47,134
GUYS ARE JERKS.
393
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,269
YOU'LL JUST NEVER
FIND THE PERFECT MAN.
394
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:52,873
THE PERFECT MAN WOULD
HAVE BILL GATES' MONEY,
395
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,474
JIMMY SMITS' ASS,
396
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:55,876
LIAM NEESON'S SHOULDERS,
397
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:58,378
MICHAEL JORDAN'S THIGHS...
398
00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,546
AND WE NEED A BRAIN.
399
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,982
NO, WE DON'T.
400
00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:03,917
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
401
00:18:03,951 --> 00:18:05,653
THEN HE'D THINK
LIKE A MAN.
402
00:18:05,686 --> 00:18:07,354
SEE? THERE'S JUST
NO DEALING
403
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,657
WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX.
404
00:18:09,690 --> 00:18:11,424
YES, THE
OPPOSITE SEX!
405
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:14,127
I DIDN'T DO
ANYTHING WRONG.
406
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:15,395
IT'S MEN.
407
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:19,166
THEY'RE A COMPLETELY
OPPOSITE SEX.
408
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:20,500
THEY HUNT,
WE GATHER.
409
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,035
THEY SWEAT,
WE GLOW.
410
00:18:22,069 --> 00:18:25,205
THEY SHAKE,
WE WIPE.
411
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:26,506
YOU!
412
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:27,440
YOUR SEXUAL ORGANS
413
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:30,277
ARE IN TOTAL DIAMETRIC
OPPOSITION TO MINE.
414
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,146
SO...CAN I GIVE YOU
A CALL SOMETIME?
415
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:35,282
OH, YEAH. I'LL BE
WAITING BY THE PHONE.
416
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:38,952
HA HA HA HA!
417
00:18:38,986 --> 00:18:40,120
HAVE WE
POISONED HER?
418
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:42,756
NO. NOW SHE'S A BUXOM,
419
00:18:42,790 --> 00:18:46,626
LEGGY, POUTY-LIPPED
BITCH WITH ATTITUDE.
420
00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:49,296
I THINK
SHE'LL DO JUST FINE.
421
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:53,200
[DOORBELL]
422
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,434
HELLO, BRAD.
423
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,603
S-SALLY.
424
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,540
I CAME HERE TO TELL YOU
425
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:03,677
THAT I UNDERSTAND
YOUR LIMITATIONS.
426
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,980
I EXPECTED TOO MUCH.
427
00:19:07,014 --> 00:19:09,316
I'M SO SORRY.
428
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,918
ALL THE BEST.
429
00:19:11,719 --> 00:19:13,153
OOPS.
430
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,655
GOT YOUR KNOB.
431
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:19,727
HASN'T TONIGHT
BEEN GREAT?
432
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,795
JUST US BOYS
DRINKING BEER,
433
00:19:21,829 --> 00:19:22,796
YELLING LIKE IDIOTS,
434
00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:25,999
EMITTING
VARIOUS GASSES.
435
00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:27,500
OH, LOOK.
436
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:29,803
THEY'RE DOING
THAT THING AGAIN.
437
00:19:29,837 --> 00:19:32,039
LOOK OUT.
OH...
438
00:19:32,072 --> 00:19:33,540
WHOA...
WHOA...
WHOA...
439
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,042
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH!
440
00:19:35,075 --> 00:19:37,811
THAT WAS GREAT.
441
00:19:37,845 --> 00:19:38,545
SALLY'S BACK.
442
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:39,246
PARTY'S OVER.
443
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,180
THANK GOD.
444
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,515
SALLY, YOU'RE SMILING.
445
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:45,953
YOU'RE FIXED.
446
00:19:45,986 --> 00:19:47,721
BECAUSE I WAS
NEVER BROKEN.
447
00:19:47,755 --> 00:19:50,290
I'M SUPPOSED
TO BE THIS WAY.
448
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:51,859
I'M A WOMAN.
449
00:19:51,892 --> 00:19:53,026
YES, AND...
450
00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:54,928
WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO
DO YOU USE?
451
00:19:54,962 --> 00:19:56,096
I DON'T KNOW.
452
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:58,198
EXACTLY. AND DO YOU
FEEL THE URGE
453
00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:00,633
TO HAVE AN 8-POUND
SCREAMING LARVA
454
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,503
RIP ITS WAY OUT OF
YOUR LOWER ABDOMEN?
455
00:20:05,939 --> 00:20:08,475
NO. I THINK I COULD DO
WITHOUT THAT.
456
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:09,676
YOU SEE?
457
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:10,577
YOU AND I ARE
458
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,345
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
LIFE FORMS.
459
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,915
AND IT'S JUST SOME
SICK COSMIC JOKE
460
00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:17,885
THAT WE HAVE
TO SHARE A PLANET.
461
00:20:17,918 --> 00:20:19,219
I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT YOUR ASSIGNMENT.
462
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,354
MAYBE IT WASN'T FAIR
MAKING YOU THE WOMAN.
463
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,156
I'M ALL RIGHT.
464
00:20:23,190 --> 00:20:24,825
I CAN HANDLE
THE MOOD SWINGS,
465
00:20:24,858 --> 00:20:27,694
THE EMOTIONAL ISSUES,
THE CAT CALLS,
466
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,763
THE PUNITIVE UNDERWEAR,
467
00:20:29,797 --> 00:20:30,597
BECAUSE, FRANKLY,
468
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:34,802
WHEN I THINK
OF THE ALTERNATIVE...
469
00:20:34,835 --> 00:20:38,438
I JUST HAVE TO LAUGH.
470
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,582
MOTHER EARTH.
471
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:51,518
FATHER TIME.
472
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,487
LADY LUCK.
473
00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:56,556
GENTLEMEN'S
QUARTERLY.
474
00:20:57,891 --> 00:21:00,727
DAUGHTERS OF
THE AMERICAN
REVOLUTION.
475
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,429
SON OF KONG.
476
00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:04,832
FAIRY GODMOTHER.
477
00:21:04,865 --> 00:21:07,000
THE GODFATHER OF SOUL.
478
00:21:10,170 --> 00:21:16,376
MISSISSIPPI.
479
00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:18,946
MR. SIPPI.
31227
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