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1
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:12,627
Papa, I need to
use the bathroom!
2
00:01:12,694 --> 00:01:13,862
Come on, get out!
3
00:01:17,332 --> 00:01:20,034
* I like to party
with my peeps
4
00:01:20,101 --> 00:01:21,603
* Cruise and creep
5
00:01:21,670 --> 00:01:23,305
* Playing three-card monte
on these crazy streets
6
00:01:23,372 --> 00:01:25,474
* Straight hustler,
I pull a scam in a minute
7
00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:27,642
* So low to the floor
Pick the pocket on a midget
8
00:01:27,709 --> 00:01:30,145
* Slick shyster,
the Pest-meister
9
00:01:30,212 --> 00:01:32,046
* Living life in Miami's vice
10
00:01:32,113 --> 00:01:33,148
* Ma, see?
11
00:01:33,215 --> 00:01:34,949
* Nobody messes
with the frog, see?
12
00:01:35,016 --> 00:01:36,518
* Where's your
Messiah now? *
13
00:01:38,086 --> 00:01:42,824
(HUMMING)
14
00:01:42,891 --> 00:01:45,327
Nice lady,
I'm hurting, I'm hurting.
15
00:01:45,394 --> 00:01:47,762
I'm sexy but I'm hurting.
16
00:01:47,829 --> 00:01:50,165
* All right already,
I'm ridiculiculous
17
00:01:50,232 --> 00:01:52,634
* Like a booger,
I stick to this
18
00:01:52,701 --> 00:01:53,802
* Take a whiff of this
19
00:01:53,868 --> 00:01:56,738
(FARTING)
One stinky dinky.
20
00:01:56,805 --> 00:02:00,141
Two stinky dinky.
21
00:02:02,477 --> 00:02:06,114
CHORUS:
* Voodoo mambo,
chili Congo
22
00:02:06,181 --> 00:02:08,883
* Old-school beat
meets Latin freak
and you don't stop
23
00:02:08,950 --> 00:02:11,019
* That's a mean mambo
24
00:02:11,085 --> 00:02:14,723
* Voodoo mambo,
chili Congo
25
00:02:14,789 --> 00:02:16,891
* When the old-school
beat meets Latin freak
26
00:02:16,958 --> 00:02:19,027
* And you don't quit
and you don't stop
27
00:02:19,093 --> 00:02:22,897
* Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Who is the slickest
of them all?
28
00:02:22,964 --> 00:02:25,700
* It's the schemingest,
keenest scam artist
29
00:02:25,767 --> 00:02:27,536
* God, it's so hard
to be modest!
30
00:02:27,602 --> 00:02:29,604
* Jack may be nimble,
but I'm a sex symbol
31
00:02:29,671 --> 00:02:31,806
* So slick I stole the wick
from his candlestick
32
00:02:31,873 --> 00:02:35,977
* I'm in the mood to scam
simply because I can
33
00:02:36,044 --> 00:02:38,046
* I'm the Latin Houdini
34
00:02:38,112 --> 00:02:41,516
* Disappear in a flash
with your cash
and I'm back like a genie
35
00:02:41,583 --> 00:02:44,853
Lucy, I'm home!
Don't do that to me, Lucy!
36
00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:46,621
* Freak to the east,
freak to the west
37
00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:48,923
* Freak big booties
and big chest
38
00:02:48,990 --> 00:02:50,925
* Yes, yes, y'all,
and it's like that!
39
00:02:50,992 --> 00:02:53,061
* Why, certainly!
40
00:02:53,127 --> 00:02:57,399
* Get stupid, get retarded
'Cause Pest'll get
the party started
41
00:02:57,466 --> 00:03:01,836
Which way did he go, George?
Which way did he go?
42
00:03:01,903 --> 00:03:04,072
* Funkadocious,
groovilocious, atrocious
43
00:03:04,138 --> 00:03:05,173
PARROT: What a maroon!
44
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:08,343
What a maroon! What a freak!
45
00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:10,211
What a sucker-butt!
46
00:03:10,279 --> 00:03:12,080
* I'm the man of
a million disguises
47
00:03:12,146 --> 00:03:13,682
* I'm as crazy
as they make 'em
48
00:03:13,748 --> 00:03:15,284
* Or shake 'em or break 'em
49
00:03:15,350 --> 00:03:18,019
* So scientific,
hate to be specific
E is equals MC-squared
50
00:03:18,086 --> 00:03:19,588
* You still there?
51
00:03:19,654 --> 00:03:22,023
* Multiply, divide it
slide up inside it,
blend it, mix it
52
00:03:22,090 --> 00:03:23,224
* Damn, I'm terrific
53
00:03:23,292 --> 00:03:24,359
FELIX: Pestario!
54
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,629
Did somebody summon me?
55
00:03:27,696 --> 00:03:29,130
Hello, Cleavers.
56
00:03:29,197 --> 00:03:30,799
Hello, June.
57
00:03:30,865 --> 00:03:33,234
Hello, Ward.
58
00:03:33,302 --> 00:03:36,037
Oh, I see
Eddie Haskell is here.
59
00:03:37,939 --> 00:03:40,809
I'm so proud.
My son, the delivery boy.
60
00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:43,144
You know, your mom's
birthday is coming up.
61
00:03:43,211 --> 00:03:45,280
What are you gonna
steal for her this year?
62
00:03:45,347 --> 00:03:47,048
I don't know.
I haven't decided it yet.
63
00:03:47,115 --> 00:03:48,750
Ma, what do you want?
64
00:03:48,817 --> 00:03:50,184
Surprise me.
65
00:03:50,251 --> 00:03:51,586
I will! I will!
66
00:03:51,653 --> 00:03:55,757
Pestario, you're just
a common hustler, man.
67
00:03:55,824 --> 00:03:57,659
What?
68
00:03:57,726 --> 00:04:00,261
There is nothing common
about the way I dance!
69
00:04:02,664 --> 00:04:04,232
Shall we?
70
00:04:04,299 --> 00:04:06,768
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
71
00:04:14,843 --> 00:04:15,877
Mom!
72
00:04:16,811 --> 00:04:18,313
Great.
73
00:04:18,380 --> 00:04:20,515
(GROANS IN DISGUST)
That was nasty.
Ooh! Look at the time.
74
00:04:20,582 --> 00:04:23,184
So long, family of mine.
I have to go to work.
75
00:04:23,251 --> 00:04:24,753
Love, peace
and chicken grease.
76
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:33,662
Good morning, Pestario.
77
00:04:46,908 --> 00:04:50,379
Mr. Shank, we've been
searching for hours.
78
00:04:50,445 --> 00:04:54,849
I don't think anyone
in this neighborhood
will fulfill our needs.
79
00:04:54,916 --> 00:04:57,386
Perhaps we should
just return home?
80
00:04:57,452 --> 00:04:59,220
You're too impatient, Leo.
81
00:04:59,287 --> 00:05:01,890
A good hunter
must always remember
82
00:05:01,956 --> 00:05:06,227
the most challenging
prey is often the
most difficult to find.
83
00:05:06,294 --> 00:05:08,062
(HONKS HORN)
84
00:05:09,764 --> 00:05:11,400
(HUMMING)
85
00:05:12,467 --> 00:05:13,502
Pestario.
86
00:05:13,568 --> 00:05:14,903
Ah! Father Shillelagh.
87
00:05:14,969 --> 00:05:16,538
How are your Blarney Stones?
88
00:05:19,173 --> 00:05:22,176
Pestario, I just wanted
to thank you personally
89
00:05:22,243 --> 00:05:24,446
for helping out at
the annual church
bazaar last weekend.
90
00:05:24,513 --> 00:05:26,080
It was bizarre,
wasn't it?
91
00:05:26,147 --> 00:05:28,016
Yes, it was.
92
00:05:28,082 --> 00:05:30,919
You know, your booth
made more money
than any other.
93
00:05:30,985 --> 00:05:32,954
What can I say?
Yeah.
94
00:05:33,021 --> 00:05:36,891
It was impossible
to knock down
those milk bottles.
95
00:05:36,958 --> 00:05:39,428
You don't suppose it
was divine intervention,
now do you?
96
00:05:39,494 --> 00:05:42,163
Shh. Father, if this is
the way you keep secrets,
97
00:05:42,230 --> 00:05:46,134
I'm gonna save all
my juicy confessions
for Father Garcia.
98
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,869
I'll make a boat
and sail away now.
99
00:05:47,936 --> 00:05:50,304
Lucky Charms,
they're magically
delicious!
100
00:05:50,371 --> 00:05:51,640
Bless you, my son.
101
00:05:53,241 --> 00:05:54,976
I think.
102
00:05:55,043 --> 00:05:57,612
Children! Such
carefree exuberance.
103
00:05:57,679 --> 00:06:00,248
Such pure innocence at play.
104
00:06:00,314 --> 00:06:02,684
(PEST EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
105
00:06:02,751 --> 00:06:04,953
Those little runts.
I'm gonna teach them a lesson.
106
00:06:05,019 --> 00:06:06,220
(MUTTERING)
Hey, moron,
107
00:06:06,287 --> 00:06:08,623
we need one more
for basketball.
108
00:06:08,690 --> 00:06:10,425
You're with
the fat loser-boy.
109
00:06:11,993 --> 00:06:13,628
Why do they call
you fat loser-boy?
110
00:06:13,695 --> 00:06:16,465
I don't know.
I think because I'm fat
and I never win.
111
00:06:16,531 --> 00:06:18,399
Well, we're gonna
change that.
112
00:06:18,467 --> 00:06:20,168
I mean the part
about never winning.
113
00:06:20,234 --> 00:06:22,437
All right,
bet your lunches.
First point wins.
114
00:06:26,307 --> 00:06:27,609
All right,
you son of a freak,
115
00:06:27,676 --> 00:06:30,479
no fouls,
no calls, no outs.
All right? Check.
116
00:06:30,545 --> 00:06:31,913
Sucker!
117
00:06:58,406 --> 00:06:59,407
What?
It's all your fault!
118
00:06:59,474 --> 00:07:00,509
Dude, this whole
thing's your fault!
119
00:07:00,575 --> 00:07:02,076
God! I could've
got past him!
120
00:07:02,143 --> 00:07:03,377
If you'd actually
be a good player,
maybe we would've won!
121
00:07:03,444 --> 00:07:04,613
It's all your fault!
122
00:07:04,679 --> 00:07:07,315
We won! We won!
Give me your lunches.
123
00:07:07,381 --> 00:07:08,883
That'll teach you
a lesson, punks.
124
00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:10,118
Get out of here!
125
00:07:12,253 --> 00:07:15,389
Don't worry, kid.
They'll never call
you a loser again.
126
00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:17,959
Thanks, mister.
127
00:07:18,026 --> 00:07:19,828
Hey, mister,
wait a minute!
128
00:07:20,662 --> 00:07:22,664
I'm stuck. Mister!
129
00:07:27,669 --> 00:07:30,071
(HORN HONKING)
CHUBBY: Is that the mack
daddy pimp there?
130
00:07:30,138 --> 00:07:31,840
What's up?
What's up, man?
131
00:07:31,906 --> 00:07:34,776
Lunch is on me, freaks.
132
00:07:34,843 --> 00:07:39,681
All right! So where
is my super-scam
shell game apparatus?
133
00:07:39,748 --> 00:07:42,817
Come on, Pest,
don't doubt me.
We got it.
134
00:07:44,586 --> 00:07:45,887
Mad excellent,
mad excellent.
135
00:07:45,954 --> 00:07:48,256
You know, this scam
is fool-proof.
136
00:07:48,322 --> 00:07:51,760
I'm gonna be
the King of Corruption,
the Duke of Deception. The...
137
00:07:51,826 --> 00:07:53,361
Hold up.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Pest.
138
00:07:53,427 --> 00:07:55,463
That's what you say
about all your scams.
139
00:07:55,530 --> 00:07:57,666
What about your bets
with the Scottish mob?
140
00:07:57,732 --> 00:08:00,969
Yeah! Now you
owe them $50,000!
141
00:08:01,035 --> 00:08:03,004
What are you guys,
my accountants?
142
00:08:03,071 --> 00:08:05,039
For God's sakes,
have a little faith
in the Pest.
143
00:08:05,106 --> 00:08:06,307
A little faith, please.
144
00:08:06,374 --> 00:08:08,142
I got all my bases covered.
145
00:08:08,209 --> 00:08:10,712
I got all my
contingency plans...
Pest.
146
00:08:10,779 --> 00:08:12,947
Hey, listen, man,
all we're saying is that
147
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:15,083
this whole scamming thing
is getting kind of dangerous.
148
00:08:15,149 --> 00:08:16,818
All right. All right.
149
00:08:16,885 --> 00:08:19,621
If it's gonna make
my bestest of friends
feel any better, all right,
150
00:08:19,688 --> 00:08:22,156
I'm gonna promise
I'm never ever
gonna scam again
151
00:08:22,223 --> 00:08:23,925
as long as I live!
152
00:08:24,893 --> 00:08:26,227
Yo, Pest, that
would be good, man.
153
00:08:26,294 --> 00:08:27,962
That'll be real
good for you.
I'm proud of you, man.
154
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:29,363
We can stop getting you
out of trouble already.
155
00:08:29,430 --> 00:08:30,932
Exactly.
Now,
156
00:08:30,999 --> 00:08:35,203
the key to this scam
is to convince people
that I am blind!
157
00:08:36,437 --> 00:08:38,039
You're never
gonna learn, man.
158
00:08:41,442 --> 00:08:44,746
MAN ON PA: Welcome to
the festival of Miami.
159
00:08:57,358 --> 00:08:58,860
(HORN HONKING)
160
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,169
(CROWD CHATTERING)
161
00:09:08,236 --> 00:09:11,239
These people
are all so teeny!
162
00:09:13,441 --> 00:09:15,710
There must be
a worthy candidate here.
163
00:09:21,015 --> 00:09:23,117
Oh, yo, Pest. Look, man.
There's Xantha over there.
164
00:09:23,184 --> 00:09:25,053
Hey, baby! Hey, baby!
165
00:09:25,119 --> 00:09:28,222
Hey, hey, Pest,
we'll catch up to
you later, all right?
166
00:09:28,289 --> 00:09:30,992
Hey, baby. How's my
Nubian bucket of love?
167
00:09:31,059 --> 00:09:33,594
My ebony delight,
my Africanicus romanticus.
168
00:09:33,662 --> 00:09:36,364
Where was your sorry
white-Latin buttocks
last night?
169
00:09:36,430 --> 00:09:38,432
Hey, baby! Easy with
the nagging, all right?
170
00:09:38,499 --> 00:09:41,169
You missed dinner
with my parents
last night, Pest!
171
00:09:41,235 --> 00:09:44,739
Yeah! You missed
dinner with her parents
last night, loser!
172
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,177
Do you mind if I talk
to my girlfriend alone?
173
00:09:49,243 --> 00:09:50,645
Anything you
have to say to me,
174
00:09:50,712 --> 00:09:52,013
you can say it in
front of Malaria.
175
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,114
Anything?
176
00:09:53,181 --> 00:09:54,883
BOTH: Anything!
177
00:09:54,949 --> 00:09:57,418
Fine. Malaria's got
mossy teeth, dandruff
and a fat butt!
178
00:09:57,485 --> 00:09:58,586
Pest!
179
00:09:58,653 --> 00:10:00,288
These jeans make
me look fat.
180
00:10:00,354 --> 00:10:01,522
No, Malaria.
181
00:10:01,589 --> 00:10:04,125
Your fat butt
makes you look fat.
182
00:10:04,192 --> 00:10:06,094
Oh! Baby, baby!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry, baby!
183
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,428
There's nothing more
I want to do than
184
00:10:07,495 --> 00:10:08,997
spend time with my
girlfriend's parents.
185
00:10:09,063 --> 00:10:10,765
So, come on!
Can't we just reschedule
186
00:10:10,832 --> 00:10:12,466
for tomorrow night,
huh, curly locks?
187
00:10:12,533 --> 00:10:14,635
NINJA: Can't do it.
Why not?
188
00:10:14,703 --> 00:10:20,608
(SPEAKING CODE LANGUAGE)
189
00:10:20,675 --> 00:10:22,811
Dag, baby! What a dufus!
What a freak!
190
00:10:22,877 --> 00:10:24,078
I totally forgot that...
191
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:25,714
Just forget it.
I'm outta here.
192
00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:28,649
Oh, no, Xanthy-poo,
come on!
Come on, baby!
193
00:10:28,717 --> 00:10:30,651
I'll skip my
previous commitment,
all right?
194
00:10:30,719 --> 00:10:33,254
Really?
You'll come to dinner?
195
00:10:33,321 --> 00:10:35,389
Absofreakinglutely.
And I'm gonna
make your parents
196
00:10:35,456 --> 00:10:36,991
fall in love with me
and ask me to marry you.
197
00:10:37,058 --> 00:10:38,226
How you gonna do that?
198
00:10:38,292 --> 00:10:39,861
I'm gonna tell them
you're pregnant.
199
00:10:39,928 --> 00:10:41,429
What?
BOTH: He's gonna tell
them you're pregnant.
200
00:10:41,495 --> 00:10:44,198
What? Hey, Pest, man,
we gotta go. Sorry!
201
00:10:44,265 --> 00:10:46,234
Love, peace
and chicken grease.
Baby, I love...
202
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,468
Bye, honey.
203
00:10:47,535 --> 00:10:48,903
You're pregnant?
204
00:10:48,970 --> 00:10:50,071
Oh, Malaria.
205
00:11:00,548 --> 00:11:01,883
Step right up.
206
00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:03,184
Money is flying
right out of my pocket.
207
00:11:03,251 --> 00:11:05,253
Just play the lucky
coconut shell game.
208
00:11:05,319 --> 00:11:07,188
There's a winner
born every minute.
209
00:11:07,255 --> 00:11:10,558
Yo, man. I got $20 that says
I can find that ball.
210
00:11:10,624 --> 00:11:12,861
Okay, people,
we've got a taker.
211
00:11:12,927 --> 00:11:14,929
Come on! I cross my hand,
I fool the man,
212
00:11:14,996 --> 00:11:17,732
the rich man, the poor man,
but not the policeman.
213
00:11:17,799 --> 00:11:18,933
Okay, which shell's it under?
214
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:24,572
It's up to you to tell
me because I'm blind.
215
00:11:24,638 --> 00:11:27,275
Hey, soccer boy,
come here. Yeah, you.
I'm talking to you.
216
00:11:27,341 --> 00:11:28,709
Oh, there you are.
217
00:11:28,777 --> 00:11:29,978
If you're blind,
how'd you catch the ball?
218
00:11:30,044 --> 00:11:32,113
Telepathy.
You lose one sense,
you gain another,
219
00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:33,447
huh, ladies
and gentlemen?
220
00:11:33,514 --> 00:11:34,783
So how'd you know
that I was a male?
221
00:11:34,849 --> 00:11:36,417
I could hear
your gonads shaking.
222
00:11:36,484 --> 00:11:39,220
You know,
you should really wear
more support, shorty.
223
00:11:40,288 --> 00:11:41,622
(LAUGHING)
224
00:11:42,791 --> 00:11:46,394
Maybe, maybe.
Yeah, that's more like it.
225
00:11:47,395 --> 00:11:49,831
That is the specimen I want.
226
00:11:49,898 --> 00:11:51,632
Find out all
you can about him,
227
00:11:51,699 --> 00:11:53,434
and I'll make
the necessary preparations.
228
00:11:53,501 --> 00:11:54,635
Yes, Mr. Shank.
229
00:11:55,569 --> 00:11:58,840
(PEST SHOUTING)
230
00:11:58,907 --> 00:12:01,609
LEO: Oh, what
a pathetic choice.
231
00:12:02,510 --> 00:12:04,846
Which shell is it under?
232
00:12:04,913 --> 00:12:07,148
Sorry, sucker, you lose.
233
00:12:07,215 --> 00:12:09,283
No, you lose, bro!
234
00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:11,552
Did I hear something fall?
235
00:12:11,619 --> 00:12:13,187
Knock, knock. Who's there?
236
00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:15,689
We work for Angus.
Are you Pest Vargas?
237
00:12:15,756 --> 00:12:17,591
Are you the doctor?
238
00:12:17,658 --> 00:12:20,261
Oh, my, Grandma,
what large pores you have.
239
00:12:20,328 --> 00:12:22,663
Definitely not
a plastic surgeon,
that's for sure.
240
00:12:22,730 --> 00:12:23,998
Oh, my God, you're hideous.
241
00:12:24,065 --> 00:12:25,299
Repulsive, even!
242
00:12:25,366 --> 00:12:27,001
And you have a lump!
243
00:12:27,068 --> 00:12:28,636
You poor misshapen creature!
244
00:12:28,702 --> 00:12:30,805
We can still profit
from your misfortune.
245
00:12:30,872 --> 00:12:33,307
Step right up, folks!
For $1 take a picture
with a freak!
246
00:12:33,374 --> 00:12:34,608
Elephant Man in a kilt!
247
00:12:34,675 --> 00:12:35,944
Get him!
248
00:12:37,745 --> 00:12:39,713
Do something!
You know karate!
249
00:12:39,780 --> 00:12:41,515
(PEST YELLING)
250
00:12:43,317 --> 00:12:45,286
Angus wants his money.
251
00:12:45,353 --> 00:12:47,021
You wouldn't hit
a blind man, would you?
252
00:12:47,856 --> 00:12:49,090
(CROWD GASPS)
253
00:12:49,157 --> 00:12:50,291
How do you feel
about asthmatics?
254
00:12:50,358 --> 00:12:51,459
(WHEEZING) I can't breathe!
255
00:12:52,793 --> 00:12:54,863
Emotionally-challenged people?
256
00:12:54,929 --> 00:12:56,297
(PRETENDS TO CRY)
257
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:03,171
What about epileptics?
Hold my tongue!
258
00:13:03,237 --> 00:13:04,805
Get them, Bruce!
You guys are in trouble now.
259
00:13:04,873 --> 00:13:06,140
Get him, midget!
260
00:13:06,207 --> 00:13:07,341
Chubby and I will
take care of them!
261
00:13:07,408 --> 00:13:08,742
"Chubby and I"?
262
00:13:10,478 --> 00:13:12,680
Let's air out our
differences, fellas.
263
00:13:12,746 --> 00:13:14,983
(CROWD CHEERING)
264
00:13:44,112 --> 00:13:46,714
Ah. My favorite delivery boy.
265
00:13:46,780 --> 00:13:48,582
What happened to you?
You late!
266
00:13:48,649 --> 00:13:50,751
(PRETENDS TO SPEAK CHINESE)
267
00:13:50,818 --> 00:13:54,422
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
268
00:13:54,488 --> 00:13:57,558
Me love you long time.
Me so horny...
269
00:13:57,625 --> 00:14:00,761
Why I don't understand
any of your Chinese?
270
00:14:00,828 --> 00:14:02,530
I from south.
It's a different
dialect, right?
271
00:14:02,596 --> 00:14:04,432
Everybody know that.
Different dialect.
272
00:14:04,498 --> 00:14:06,634
So am I.
I am from south, too.
273
00:14:07,601 --> 00:14:10,871
But I from far,
far, far south!
274
00:14:10,939 --> 00:14:12,773
Eat some grits, y'all.
Okay, okay, okay.
275
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,943
Wherever you come from,
you late for last time.
276
00:14:15,009 --> 00:14:16,610
You know, you don't
even look Chinese.
277
00:14:16,677 --> 00:14:18,046
You look like Moe
from Three Stooges.
278
00:14:18,112 --> 00:14:19,380
I fire your ass!
279
00:14:19,447 --> 00:14:22,016
But, please,
give me another chance!
280
00:14:22,083 --> 00:14:24,118
I'll never do it again,
I promise.
281
00:14:24,185 --> 00:14:25,853
You don't know
the troubles I've seen!
282
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,788
I've got
a sick grandmother!
283
00:14:27,855 --> 00:14:30,791
Listen, I've got
a good excuse this time.
Listen to this.
284
00:14:30,858 --> 00:14:34,228
I was taking a walk
with my pet dog...
285
00:14:34,295 --> 00:14:35,829
Duck. My pet duck!
286
00:14:35,896 --> 00:14:38,199
When he ranned off from me,
and I was about to...
287
00:14:38,967 --> 00:14:40,701
Oh, my God!
288
00:14:40,768 --> 00:14:42,336
Quacky! Quacky!
289
00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:44,138
What have they
didded to you?
290
00:14:45,273 --> 00:14:46,840
Which one is he?
291
00:14:47,775 --> 00:14:48,977
I don't know.
292
00:14:49,043 --> 00:14:52,080
Oh, God,
they all look the same!
293
00:14:52,146 --> 00:14:54,448
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
294
00:14:54,515 --> 00:14:56,084
I have to hate
to call my lawyer
295
00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:57,785
and tell him that
I can't find my Quacky.
296
00:14:57,851 --> 00:14:59,053
Lawyer?
297
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,589
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
298
00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:04,125
This must be Quacky,
with that sweet little smile.
299
00:15:04,192 --> 00:15:05,493
Gimme that!
300
00:15:05,559 --> 00:15:07,195
Poor little Quacky.
Don't worry.
301
00:15:07,261 --> 00:15:10,098
I'm going to bury
you in France just
like you always wanted.
302
00:15:10,164 --> 00:15:13,501
You kill Quacky?
No! No!
I... I might have.
303
00:15:13,567 --> 00:15:16,670
But why? Why? Why?
I'm sorry.
304
00:15:16,737 --> 00:15:19,173
I loved little Quacky.
305
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,409
Mr. Cheung?
Yes?
306
00:15:21,475 --> 00:15:23,244
Can I talk to
you here, please?
Yes.
307
00:15:23,311 --> 00:15:25,046
Can I talk to you
over here?
Yes.
308
00:15:25,113 --> 00:15:26,814
No, over here.
Okay.
309
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,117
No, over here.
Okay.
310
00:15:29,183 --> 00:15:30,818
Can I use your office phone?
311
00:15:30,884 --> 00:15:32,253
You're not calling
your lawyer?
312
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,721
Not yet.
313
00:15:33,787 --> 00:15:37,258
First I have to
call my family
and tell them about...
314
00:15:37,325 --> 00:15:39,427
About Quacky.
315
00:15:39,493 --> 00:15:41,895
Yes, of course,
of course.
316
00:15:41,962 --> 00:15:43,531
Don't worry.
I take care of you.
317
00:15:43,597 --> 00:15:44,932
Anything you need,
just let me know.
318
00:15:44,999 --> 00:15:48,269
Okay, there is one thing.
Yes?
319
00:15:48,336 --> 00:15:50,738
Quacky always wanted
to be served extra-crispy.
320
00:15:50,804 --> 00:15:51,872
Yes.
321
00:15:51,939 --> 00:15:53,574
Could you do that?
No problem.
322
00:15:53,641 --> 00:15:54,908
No MSG?
No MSG.
323
00:15:54,975 --> 00:15:56,877
An extra order of rice?
Yes.
324
00:15:56,944 --> 00:15:58,412
Thank you.
You're very welcome.
325
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:01,282
Don't worry,
my boy, okay?
I take care of you.
326
00:16:01,349 --> 00:16:03,651
You're wonderful. Really.
327
00:16:07,855 --> 00:16:08,856
(PHONE RINGS)
328
00:16:08,922 --> 00:16:10,391
(BAGPIPES PLAYING)
329
00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:13,261
(BAGPIPES STOP)
330
00:16:15,329 --> 00:16:16,897
(PEST LAUGHS)
Hello.
331
00:16:16,964 --> 00:16:18,299
PEST: Angusie?
332
00:16:19,133 --> 00:16:20,401
Pest!
333
00:16:20,468 --> 00:16:23,304
You rapscallion, you!
You naughty man, you!
334
00:16:23,371 --> 00:16:25,773
You know, I'm hurted
that you sent your
ruffians after me.
335
00:16:25,839 --> 00:16:27,675
I was gonna surprise you
with a checkerooni.
336
00:16:27,741 --> 00:16:30,778
You listen up.
You've owed me $50,000
for three weeks!
337
00:16:30,844 --> 00:16:33,714
You'd show more respect
if we were the Italian mob.
338
00:16:33,781 --> 00:16:35,683
Oh, please,
don't start that again.
339
00:16:35,749 --> 00:16:38,486
Just because we're Scottish,
people don't
take us seriously.
340
00:16:38,552 --> 00:16:39,753
(BURPS)
341
00:16:39,820 --> 00:16:40,888
But people are finally
going to take us seriously
342
00:16:40,954 --> 00:16:42,723
when they see
what we do to you.
343
00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:44,792
Angusie, homeinsky!
344
00:16:44,858 --> 00:16:46,827
All I just need is some time.
345
00:16:46,894 --> 00:16:48,329
Do you know what
day it is today?
346
00:16:49,763 --> 00:16:50,964
The first day of
the rest of our lives?
347
00:16:51,031 --> 00:16:52,466
No.
348
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:53,734
Sean Connery's birthday?
349
00:16:53,801 --> 00:16:55,703
"Sean Connery's birthday"?
350
00:16:55,769 --> 00:16:57,905
Sean Connery's birthday!
351
00:16:57,971 --> 00:17:01,342
(PLAYING
FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW)
352
00:17:06,614 --> 00:17:07,781
(MUSIC STOPS)
353
00:17:07,848 --> 00:17:09,883
Listen.
Today is Monday.
354
00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:11,419
I want all the money
you owe me by Wednesday,
355
00:17:11,485 --> 00:17:13,387
or I'm going to kill
your whole family.
356
00:17:13,454 --> 00:17:15,456
How about Thursday,
and you just
take out a cousin?
357
00:17:16,424 --> 00:17:18,792
Oh, bad connection.
358
00:17:18,859 --> 00:17:22,896
(MIMICKING STATIC)
I bring you the... I can't...
359
00:17:23,364 --> 00:17:24,932
Whatever.
360
00:17:24,998 --> 00:17:28,936
Extra-crispy.
Just like you wanted.
361
00:17:29,002 --> 00:17:30,571
My poor Quacky.
362
00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:35,075
Poor Quacky.
363
00:17:35,143 --> 00:17:36,744
Can I get some
extra plum sauce?
364
00:17:36,810 --> 00:17:40,047
You have no time for this.
You have delivery to do!
Go! Hurry up!
365
00:17:40,114 --> 00:17:41,315
Plum sauce!
366
00:17:54,862 --> 00:17:56,830
GUSTAV: Soon I shall return
367
00:17:56,897 --> 00:17:59,900
to the glorious dank
splendor of the homeland
368
00:17:59,967 --> 00:18:03,904
and be away from all
this nauseating pastel.
369
00:18:03,971 --> 00:18:06,174
Excuse me, Mr. Shank.
370
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,642
Your Chinese food
has arrived.
371
00:18:08,709 --> 00:18:10,278
Yummy! Where?
372
00:18:13,547 --> 00:18:16,049
Oh, got it, got it, got it!
373
00:18:16,116 --> 00:18:17,618
What is that?
374
00:18:17,685 --> 00:18:21,155
That's the one you requested,
you know, the blind Latino.
375
00:18:21,222 --> 00:18:22,656
I most certainly did not!
376
00:18:22,723 --> 00:18:24,992
I wanted
the athletic Latino!
377
00:18:25,058 --> 00:18:27,127
But you pointed at him.
378
00:18:27,195 --> 00:18:29,297
But why would I
pick a blind man?
379
00:18:29,363 --> 00:18:34,067
Sir, he's not really blind.
He's a scam artist,
380
00:18:34,134 --> 00:18:36,304
a very fast and agile one.
381
00:18:37,771 --> 00:18:39,873
Mr. Vargas here
runs numbers out of his
382
00:18:39,940 --> 00:18:42,009
Chinese restaurant,
but unfortunately
383
00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:44,712
some of his own
bets turned sour.
384
00:18:44,778 --> 00:18:45,913
How sour?
385
00:18:45,979 --> 00:18:48,416
He owes the
Scottish mob $50,000.
386
00:18:48,482 --> 00:18:51,285
I didn't know there
was a Scottish mob!
387
00:18:51,352 --> 00:18:53,987
If he doesn't pay
in two days,
they'll kill him.
388
00:18:55,289 --> 00:18:56,290
Hmm.
389
00:19:11,539 --> 00:19:14,174
Hello!
Hi!
390
00:19:14,242 --> 00:19:16,510
Just doing our
complimentary MSG test.
391
00:19:16,577 --> 00:19:18,612
Everything seems to
pass inspection, Mr. Man.
392
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:20,348
That's $52.23 for the food,
393
00:19:20,414 --> 00:19:22,015
$100 delivery charge,
394
00:19:22,082 --> 00:19:24,485
'cause we don't normally
come out to this
neighborhood, all right?
395
00:19:24,552 --> 00:19:27,087
Why is that?
You afraid of white people?
396
00:19:28,155 --> 00:19:29,723
(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)
397
00:19:29,790 --> 00:19:32,660
'Cause y'all carry
diseases my people don't
have immunities for.
398
00:19:32,726 --> 00:19:35,796
Perhaps you're
just being paranoid.
399
00:19:35,863 --> 00:19:37,298
Dag! Could you back off?
400
00:19:37,365 --> 00:19:39,267
You spit when you talk,
401
00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:41,101
and I'm very susceptible
to airborne syphilises
and whatnot.
402
00:19:41,168 --> 00:19:43,704
"Pest."
Is that your name,
403
00:19:43,771 --> 00:19:45,806
or a personality trait?
404
00:19:45,873 --> 00:19:48,576
Well, my real name
is Pestario Rivera
Garcia Espinosa...
405
00:19:48,642 --> 00:19:51,745
(BLABBERS INCOHERENTLY)
...Vargas.
406
00:19:51,812 --> 00:19:54,081
But you can
call me Pestario.
407
00:19:54,147 --> 00:19:56,016
Pest, for shorter.
408
00:19:56,083 --> 00:19:57,885
Now we're even.
409
00:19:57,951 --> 00:20:01,555
What is a Latin boy doing
delivering Chinese food?
410
00:20:01,622 --> 00:20:03,223
Chinese food?
411
00:20:05,192 --> 00:20:07,094
Oh, my God!
412
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,863
The MSG, the chopsticks,
the disappearing dogs!
413
00:20:09,930 --> 00:20:13,601
Now it all makes sense.
And I just thought
they were eccentric Mexicans.
414
00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:17,271
What a fool! What a...
What a sucker-butt!
415
00:20:17,338 --> 00:20:20,341
Oh, a hot wench! Yeah, baby!
416
00:20:20,408 --> 00:20:21,442
(WHOOPS)
417
00:20:21,509 --> 00:20:23,043
She's...
My wife!
418
00:20:23,110 --> 00:20:24,545
Oops! My bad.
419
00:20:24,612 --> 00:20:25,946
Sorry.
420
00:20:26,013 --> 00:20:29,016
You know,
I saw you earlier
today on the street.
421
00:20:29,082 --> 00:20:30,384
You did?
422
00:20:30,451 --> 00:20:31,752
Of course, you probably
didn't see me,
423
00:20:31,819 --> 00:20:35,022
because you were
blind at the time.
424
00:20:35,088 --> 00:20:39,092
Oh, so you unearthed
my horrible secret.
425
00:20:39,159 --> 00:20:41,028
I am blind! I am!
426
00:20:41,094 --> 00:20:44,164
I am blind!
427
00:20:44,231 --> 00:20:46,934
I've been blind to
other people's faults.
428
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,871
Please don't tell!
I was going to become
dumpling boy next week.
429
00:20:50,938 --> 00:20:53,907
Why isn't a smart
boy like you
430
00:20:54,808 --> 00:20:56,076
in college?
431
00:20:56,143 --> 00:20:58,045
Well, it's a little
painful to discuss, really.
432
00:20:58,111 --> 00:20:59,413
I hit puberty in
the first grade,
433
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:00,714
and there's only
so many times
434
00:21:00,781 --> 00:21:03,584
a seven-year-old can
be called "fire hose"
435
00:21:03,651 --> 00:21:06,286
before he cracks.
You know what I mean?
436
00:21:06,354 --> 00:21:11,291
You know, that's really
too bad because, you know,
my family provides
437
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:15,529
a $50,000 cash scholarship
438
00:21:15,596 --> 00:21:17,531
to minority students,
and I thought perhaps...
439
00:21:17,598 --> 00:21:19,367
$50,000?
Yeah.
440
00:21:19,433 --> 00:21:20,568
$50,000?
441
00:21:20,634 --> 00:21:21,902
Yup, that's it.
442
00:21:21,969 --> 00:21:23,236
Well, look at that.
Look at that!
443
00:21:23,303 --> 00:21:24,672
Will you touch it?
444
00:21:24,738 --> 00:21:27,975
The fire hose is gone!
It's a miracle.
445
00:21:28,041 --> 00:21:30,478
Hallelujah!
Praise the Lord!
I want to learn!
446
00:21:30,544 --> 00:21:32,045
I want to go to school!
447
00:21:32,112 --> 00:21:33,280
You do?
Yes.
448
00:21:33,347 --> 00:21:36,517
Oh, good! I'm so glad
you're so eager!
449
00:21:36,584 --> 00:21:38,652
Oh, let us celebrate,
all right?
450
00:21:38,719 --> 00:21:40,854
Yeah, I'd like some lessons.
Here.
451
00:21:40,921 --> 00:21:43,357
Of course, you know,
I have to administer
452
00:21:43,424 --> 00:21:45,626
a few small tests
before you qualify.
453
00:21:46,427 --> 00:21:47,595
Tests?
454
00:21:50,431 --> 00:21:53,233
Hey, yo, can I get
one of these tables
in my dorm room?
455
00:21:53,300 --> 00:21:55,035
Turn it up!
This is fun. Come on.
456
00:21:55,102 --> 00:21:56,103
(WHOOPS)
457
00:21:57,838 --> 00:21:59,540
All right, Leo.
Crank it up.
458
00:22:03,310 --> 00:22:04,478
Yeah!
459
00:22:07,581 --> 00:22:09,349
(GROANING)
460
00:22:10,350 --> 00:22:12,219
Wait a minute.
461
00:22:12,285 --> 00:22:13,854
I don't feel so well.
462
00:22:13,921 --> 00:22:15,689
I feel kinda...
463
00:22:21,194 --> 00:22:22,730
You will do as
many repetitions
464
00:22:22,796 --> 00:22:25,265
as you can manage
in one minute. Go!
465
00:22:25,799 --> 00:22:26,800
(SCREAMS)
466
00:22:28,569 --> 00:22:29,570
One.
467
00:22:30,337 --> 00:22:31,605
Are you ready?
468
00:22:34,041 --> 00:22:35,042
(EXCLAIMS)
469
00:22:36,844 --> 00:22:38,712
Okay, I wasn't ready.
Let's try it again.
470
00:22:42,049 --> 00:22:44,084
Okay, try one more time.
471
00:22:44,151 --> 00:22:47,488
(PEST EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
472
00:22:47,555 --> 00:22:48,856
Oh, Mommy!
473
00:22:57,230 --> 00:23:00,000
GUSTAV: He's the worst
candidate we have ever had.
474
00:23:02,736 --> 00:23:04,538
I'm gonna show you
the shot that won me
475
00:23:04,605 --> 00:23:06,339
the reform
school championship
476
00:23:06,406 --> 00:23:08,576
and the tag
"Eight-Ball Kid."
Are you watching?
477
00:23:08,642 --> 00:23:10,478
Yeah, yeah.
Pest!
478
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:16,083
Oops, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
479
00:23:16,149 --> 00:23:17,951
But I know you don't care
480
00:23:18,018 --> 00:23:19,887
because you guys
are the greatest,
you German people.
481
00:23:19,953 --> 00:23:22,723
Next time that
somebody says the Germans
are humorless people
482
00:23:22,790 --> 00:23:25,392
I'm gonna tell them
to come to this house,
all right?
483
00:23:25,459 --> 00:23:26,960
Pest, I have to
tell you that...
484
00:23:27,027 --> 00:23:29,663
So you started
a few wars, all right?
485
00:23:29,730 --> 00:23:31,765
Sorry, actually,
you started every war.
I mean, who's counting?
486
00:23:31,832 --> 00:23:33,266
It's not like you
ever won one, right?
487
00:23:35,235 --> 00:23:37,270
We kicked France's ass.
488
00:23:37,337 --> 00:23:39,607
Oh, please!
And who doesn't, right?
Who doesn't? You kill me.
489
00:23:39,673 --> 00:23:41,909
Pest, your scores
were so abysmal that...
490
00:23:41,975 --> 00:23:43,110
And your women.
491
00:23:43,176 --> 00:23:44,912
Your women.
So, you dig fat chicks.
492
00:23:44,978 --> 00:23:46,880
What do the rest of us care?
We don't have to touch them.
493
00:23:46,947 --> 00:23:47,981
You know what it's like?
494
00:23:48,048 --> 00:23:49,349
It's like riding a moped.
495
00:23:49,416 --> 00:23:51,218
It's fun till your friends
catch you doing it, right?
496
00:23:51,284 --> 00:23:52,620
Don't tell me that,
laughing boy! Tell me...
497
00:23:52,686 --> 00:23:53,887
You failed the test!
498
00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:55,122
You lost the scholarship.
You can't go.
499
00:23:55,188 --> 00:23:56,790
Lost the scholarship.
You can't go.
500
00:23:56,857 --> 00:23:58,025
Stop repeating
what I'm saying.
501
00:23:58,091 --> 00:23:59,059
Stop repeating
what I'm saying.
502
00:23:59,126 --> 00:24:00,494
I mean it!
I mean it!
503
00:24:00,561 --> 00:24:03,430
(BOTH SPUTTERING)
504
00:24:03,497 --> 00:24:05,398
All right! All right! Okay!
All right! All right! Okay!
505
00:24:05,465 --> 00:24:09,069
BOTH:
You're the ideal candidate
for the scholarship.
506
00:24:09,136 --> 00:24:11,138
(BOTH LAUGH)
507
00:24:15,075 --> 00:24:16,176
(EXCLAIMS)
508
00:24:16,243 --> 00:24:19,446
I am? I am?
Oh, snap! Oh, joy!
509
00:24:19,513 --> 00:24:23,083
Get stupid.
Get... Get... Get...
510
00:24:23,851 --> 00:24:26,053
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
511
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,488
I can't think of anything
I would rather do
512
00:24:28,556 --> 00:24:30,023
before returning
to the homeland
513
00:24:30,090 --> 00:24:32,960
than ridding the Earth
of this creature!
514
00:24:33,026 --> 00:24:35,128
(SINGING)
515
00:24:35,195 --> 00:24:36,964
Go get the contract.
516
00:24:39,633 --> 00:24:40,868
GUSTAV: Pest!
517
00:24:40,934 --> 00:24:43,370
Time to sign the contract.
518
00:24:43,436 --> 00:24:45,205
Sign right there
on the dotted line.
519
00:24:45,272 --> 00:24:47,007
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right there.
520
00:24:48,909 --> 00:24:50,611
Yo.
521
00:24:50,678 --> 00:24:53,781
I took a legal
correspondence course,
and I'm only two credits away.
522
00:24:53,847 --> 00:24:55,248
And I don't know
what all this stuff
523
00:24:55,315 --> 00:24:56,684
about accidental
maiming and death is.
524
00:24:56,750 --> 00:24:59,086
It's just legal
mumbo jumbo.
525
00:24:59,152 --> 00:25:00,387
All right. All right.
526
00:25:00,453 --> 00:25:01,521
Just sign.
527
00:25:01,589 --> 00:25:03,056
Wait a... Yo, yo!
528
00:25:03,123 --> 00:25:06,927
What's all this stuff about
"I waive my legal rights"
and whatnot?
529
00:25:06,994 --> 00:25:08,896
Some kid
sued us last year
530
00:25:08,962 --> 00:25:11,031
over a stubbed toe,
so we had to add it.
531
00:25:11,098 --> 00:25:12,299
Just sign.
532
00:25:12,365 --> 00:25:13,433
All right.
533
00:25:14,467 --> 00:25:15,769
What's all this
stuff about...
534
00:25:15,836 --> 00:25:18,071
Okay, so you don't
want the $50,000.
535
00:25:18,138 --> 00:25:19,673
I do want the $50,000!
536
00:25:19,740 --> 00:25:21,074
College is a big commitment.
537
00:25:21,141 --> 00:25:22,242
I should be committed.
538
00:25:22,309 --> 00:25:23,343
We'll give it
to someone else.
539
00:25:23,410 --> 00:25:24,712
No, give it to me!
540
00:25:24,778 --> 00:25:26,413
I want it!
Forget it!
541
00:25:26,479 --> 00:25:28,148
Perhaps a toast?
542
00:25:33,053 --> 00:25:34,421
(BLOWING RASPBERRIES)
543
00:25:34,487 --> 00:25:36,089
I'm in like sin.
544
00:25:37,190 --> 00:25:40,327
Now, we have
a little tradition
545
00:25:40,393 --> 00:25:42,362
that all the winners
join me for a little
546
00:25:42,429 --> 00:25:45,398
gentlemanly hunt on
my private island.
547
00:25:45,465 --> 00:25:47,434
Goody. What are
we going to hunt?
548
00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:49,036
Deer.
Goose.
549
00:25:49,102 --> 00:25:50,638
Goose.
Deer.
550
00:25:50,704 --> 00:25:51,805
Deergoose.
551
00:25:51,872 --> 00:25:53,707
Yeah, deergoose.
Yeah.
552
00:25:53,774 --> 00:25:55,943
We hunt a deergoose. It's...
553
00:25:56,009 --> 00:25:58,746
Indigenous.
Indigenous to my island.
554
00:25:58,812 --> 00:26:00,347
To the hunt!
GUSTAV: To the hunt!
555
00:26:00,948 --> 00:26:03,016
(BUGLE CALLS)
556
00:26:07,220 --> 00:26:08,388
Sorry.
557
00:26:09,623 --> 00:26:10,958
Yo, come on. Hurry up!
558
00:26:11,024 --> 00:26:13,493
I can't wait to
bag me a deergoose!
559
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:15,929
I hear their
meat's a delicacy.
Nobody fricassees
560
00:26:15,996 --> 00:26:18,666
like I fricassee, boy.
I'll fricassee it silly.
561
00:26:18,732 --> 00:26:20,500
Dag, this is the bomb, y'all.
562
00:26:20,567 --> 00:26:22,302
I'm going to
kill him right now!
563
00:26:22,369 --> 00:26:24,672
Remember the
joy of the hunt.
564
00:26:24,738 --> 00:26:26,306
Yo, can I fly it?
Can I fly it, please?
565
00:26:26,373 --> 00:26:28,075
No, just sit down
and be quiet.
566
00:26:28,141 --> 00:26:29,843
Yo, you can't
talk to me like that.
567
00:26:29,910 --> 00:26:32,412
GUSTAV: No, you gotta
keep the concentration
here for the pilot.
568
00:26:33,613 --> 00:26:35,148
PEST: He's the pilot?
569
00:26:48,929 --> 00:26:51,364
* 23,099 bottles
of beer on the wall
570
00:26:51,431 --> 00:26:53,300
* 23,099 beers
on the wall
571
00:26:53,366 --> 00:26:55,235
* Take one down,
pass it around... *
572
00:26:55,302 --> 00:26:56,436
There's the island.
573
00:26:56,503 --> 00:26:57,805
(SCREAMS)
574
00:26:57,871 --> 00:27:00,708
We made it!
At last! We're there!
575
00:27:00,774 --> 00:27:02,743
So you'll let me fly?
Come on, let me fly!
576
00:27:02,810 --> 00:27:04,277
No.
There's so many buttons.
577
00:27:04,344 --> 00:27:05,779
How do you know
which one's the one?
578
00:27:09,850 --> 00:27:12,385
LEO: Mr. Vargas,
you can change for
the hunt in the study.
579
00:27:12,452 --> 00:27:13,586
Thank you very much.
580
00:27:13,653 --> 00:27:15,188
Try not to
break anything.
581
00:27:18,391 --> 00:27:20,994
(PEST READING)
582
00:27:21,061 --> 00:27:23,030
Somebody's a sore loser.
583
00:27:26,199 --> 00:27:27,200
Oops!
584
00:27:28,368 --> 00:27:30,270
Books! I love to read.
585
00:27:32,740 --> 00:27:36,810
The Rise and Fall
of The Third Reich.
586
00:27:36,877 --> 00:27:38,946
Mein Kampf.
587
00:27:39,012 --> 00:27:40,914
Sex Be Nimble, Sex Be Quick.
588
00:27:43,050 --> 00:27:46,954
(PRETENDING TO READ GERMAN)
589
00:27:52,592 --> 00:27:54,261
You speak German?
590
00:27:58,165 --> 00:28:00,033
(PRETENDING TO SPEAK GERMAN)
591
00:28:00,100 --> 00:28:02,903
So you're the new
scholarship student.
592
00:28:02,970 --> 00:28:04,637
You know, I'm just here
for the traditional hunt,
593
00:28:04,704 --> 00:28:06,239
then I'm off to Harvard.
594
00:28:06,306 --> 00:28:07,607
You really believe that?
595
00:28:07,674 --> 00:28:10,143
I would settle
for Yale, but...
596
00:28:10,210 --> 00:28:12,412
I love Boston in the spring,
597
00:28:12,479 --> 00:28:15,916
rowing on the Charles,
gathering the leaves
in the quad,
598
00:28:15,983 --> 00:28:17,284
the color wars.
599
00:28:17,350 --> 00:28:19,853
Norman, is that you?
600
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,756
My father tells you
you're going to college,
and you believe him?
601
00:28:22,823 --> 00:28:25,859
Oh, snap.
You're Shank Junior, huh?
602
00:28:27,094 --> 00:28:29,096
My name is Himmel.
603
00:28:29,162 --> 00:28:30,764
Well, heil Himmel!
604
00:28:30,831 --> 00:28:32,766
I mean, hi, Himmel. Hi.
605
00:28:32,833 --> 00:28:35,668
Your father seems
like a great guy for
a disturbed individual.
606
00:28:35,735 --> 00:28:37,871
No offense.
But I trust him.
607
00:28:37,938 --> 00:28:41,608
What makes you think
he would tell you the truth,
when I am his own son
608
00:28:41,674 --> 00:28:45,745
and he's been lying
to me his entire life?
609
00:28:45,813 --> 00:28:51,484
Yeah, well, it seems like
the two of you have
some issues to work out.
610
00:28:51,551 --> 00:28:53,520
Well, you know,
I'm just gonna go outside
and get some fresh air.
611
00:28:53,586 --> 00:28:55,989
Do you know what
he used to do to me
when I was a child?
612
00:28:56,056 --> 00:28:57,624
No, but it seems
like a great story.
613
00:28:57,690 --> 00:28:59,126
Why don't we get
Leo and tell him?
614
00:28:59,192 --> 00:29:01,661
He would lock me in a room
with a boa constrictor
615
00:29:01,728 --> 00:29:04,264
and tell me I couldn't
get out until I killed it.
616
00:29:05,765 --> 00:29:07,901
(LOCK CLICKING)
617
00:29:07,968 --> 00:29:10,737
Well, you know,
the important thing is that
you got out and you're fine.
618
00:29:10,804 --> 00:29:12,272
You know what I'm saying?
I think that's what...
619
00:29:12,339 --> 00:29:14,574
He kept me in that
room for six weeks!
620
00:29:14,641 --> 00:29:18,045
(GASPS) But look
at the wonderful
complexion you have.
621
00:29:18,111 --> 00:29:21,148
Don't be afraid.
I loved that snake.
622
00:29:21,214 --> 00:29:22,449
You share too much.
623
00:29:22,515 --> 00:29:23,516
(SCREAMS IN PANIC)
624
00:29:26,553 --> 00:29:27,654
Help.
625
00:29:34,661 --> 00:29:38,198
So tell me, what was
your snake's name?
626
00:29:38,265 --> 00:29:39,900
Cocteau.
627
00:29:39,967 --> 00:29:41,568
Cocteau?
628
00:29:41,634 --> 00:29:43,503
Like the French playwright?
629
00:29:43,570 --> 00:29:44,771
(SPEAKS GERMAN)
630
00:29:44,838 --> 00:29:46,974
After my two
favorite body parts.
631
00:29:54,114 --> 00:29:56,649
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!
632
00:29:56,716 --> 00:29:58,418
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!
633
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:01,488
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!
634
00:30:01,554 --> 00:30:02,956
You're it.
635
00:30:04,591 --> 00:30:06,326
Gustav! Gustav!
636
00:30:06,393 --> 00:30:07,627
Hi.
637
00:30:07,694 --> 00:30:10,497
Now we
are locked in together,
just like me and snake.
638
00:30:10,563 --> 00:30:13,733
Oh, great! Just great.
639
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,236
Okay...
640
00:30:16,303 --> 00:30:17,871
You seem like
a reasonable type.
641
00:30:17,938 --> 00:30:19,206
Don't flatter me!
642
00:30:19,272 --> 00:30:21,942
Okay. You have a big nose,
your feet stink,
643
00:30:22,009 --> 00:30:23,944
and your mother
dresses you funny.
644
00:30:24,978 --> 00:30:26,947
There is no scholarship.
645
00:30:27,014 --> 00:30:30,050
You are only here
because my father
wants to hunt you.
646
00:30:30,117 --> 00:30:32,719
My God, you'll say
anything, won't you?
647
00:30:32,785 --> 00:30:35,322
Now, how do you sound,
your father
wanting to hunt me?
648
00:30:35,388 --> 00:30:40,060
Why would he give me this
fancy deergoose hunting outfit
if he wanted to hunt me?
649
00:30:40,127 --> 00:30:41,294
Explain yourself.
650
00:30:41,361 --> 00:30:42,562
I can protect you.
651
00:30:43,630 --> 00:30:45,132
(PEST SCREAMING)
Hey! Don't go!
652
00:30:48,635 --> 00:30:49,970
(PIANO PLAYING)
653
00:30:50,037 --> 00:30:52,005
(PEST GRUNTING)
654
00:30:53,173 --> 00:30:54,241
Oh, you play!
655
00:30:54,307 --> 00:30:55,542
Yeah.
656
00:30:55,608 --> 00:30:58,278
Listen, I just met
your insane, crazy,
freak of a son.
657
00:30:58,345 --> 00:30:59,579
No offense, all right.
658
00:30:59,646 --> 00:31:02,882
But he maded up
the wackest story about
659
00:31:02,950 --> 00:31:04,985
you wanting to hunt me.
660
00:31:05,052 --> 00:31:07,120
Can you believe that?
661
00:31:07,187 --> 00:31:08,688
Ridiculous, isn't it?
662
00:31:08,755 --> 00:31:11,925
I mean,
can you imagine the demons
that kid's working out?
663
00:31:11,992 --> 00:31:14,661
You hunting people?
664
00:31:14,727 --> 00:31:17,897
My God. It would almost
be funny, you know,
if it wasn't so...
665
00:31:20,367 --> 00:31:22,002
If it wasn't so...
666
00:31:26,673 --> 00:31:28,175
(CRYING) If it wasn't so...
667
00:31:35,282 --> 00:31:37,484
(SCREAMING)
668
00:31:47,894 --> 00:31:51,531
This is the most
disgusting thing
669
00:31:51,598 --> 00:31:53,300
that I have ever seen.
670
00:31:54,534 --> 00:31:57,604
Those heads haven't
been dusted in months!
671
00:31:57,670 --> 00:31:59,539
I'm just going to get
a nice little wet rag,
672
00:31:59,606 --> 00:32:01,274
and I'll be right back.
Bye-bye.
673
00:32:02,275 --> 00:32:04,177
(SCREAMS)
674
00:32:05,412 --> 00:32:07,080
PEST: I don't wanna die!
I'm too young!
675
00:32:07,147 --> 00:32:09,082
I haven't experienced
the miracle of life yet!
676
00:32:12,585 --> 00:32:14,887
Get off me, you big
freakazoid. Come on!
677
00:32:14,954 --> 00:32:17,157
You want a piece of me?
Get a piece of me.
678
00:32:20,260 --> 00:32:22,129
(EXCLAIMS) My springbok pelt!
679
00:32:22,195 --> 00:32:23,496
I'm sorry.
680
00:32:23,563 --> 00:32:25,365
I couldn't make it
to the newspaper.
681
00:32:26,866 --> 00:32:29,536
I bagged this on
my ninth birthday.
682
00:32:29,602 --> 00:32:31,638
He was a prodigy.
683
00:32:31,704 --> 00:32:33,073
By the time I was 30,
I had hunted
684
00:32:33,140 --> 00:32:35,475
nearly every animal
there was to be hunted.
685
00:32:35,542 --> 00:32:39,479
Yeah? You won't be so
cocky when I report
you to the ASPCA!
686
00:32:39,546 --> 00:32:40,847
I was bored.
687
00:32:40,913 --> 00:32:41,981
Bored, sir?
688
00:32:42,049 --> 00:32:44,717
Yeah. All right!
So, I was depressed!
689
00:32:44,784 --> 00:32:46,119
I needed a challenge.
690
00:32:46,186 --> 00:32:47,487
Have you tried Parcheesi?
691
00:32:47,554 --> 00:32:49,689
It's a game of skill
as well as chance.
692
00:32:49,756 --> 00:32:51,924
Here on this island,
I have successfully
693
00:32:51,991 --> 00:32:54,461
hunted every ethnicity
of human except one.
694
00:32:54,527 --> 00:32:55,995
Oh, my God!
695
00:32:56,063 --> 00:32:58,165
Haven't the Jewish
people suffered enough?
696
00:32:58,231 --> 00:32:59,899
You are Puerto Rican,
aren't you?
697
00:32:59,966 --> 00:33:03,536
What, me? Oh, no. No.
698
00:33:05,805 --> 00:33:08,475
(SPEAKING BROKEN SPANISH)
699
00:33:10,043 --> 00:33:12,145
I am French!
700
00:33:12,212 --> 00:33:17,817
(PRETENDING TO SPEAK FRENCH)
701
00:33:23,423 --> 00:33:28,161
Look at me. I'm brooding,
yet craving rich sauces.
702
00:33:28,228 --> 00:33:31,998
You are next, Mr. Vargas.
703
00:33:32,065 --> 00:33:34,334
But I break out
when I'm shellacked.
704
00:33:34,401 --> 00:33:37,537
And what's more embarrassing
than a zitty head on the wall?
705
00:33:37,604 --> 00:33:38,938
And besides,
706
00:33:39,005 --> 00:33:42,142
I'll make a nasty face,
and I'm gonna destroy
your display.
707
00:33:45,345 --> 00:33:49,782
If you survive for 24 hours,
you get your $50,000.
708
00:33:50,850 --> 00:33:52,719
$50,000?
709
00:33:52,785 --> 00:33:55,021
Oh, my God!
Why didn't you say so?
710
00:33:55,088 --> 00:33:56,923
Hunt away,
great white hunter!
711
00:33:57,524 --> 00:33:59,058
Hunt...
712
00:33:59,126 --> 00:34:00,793
Hunt away.
713
00:34:00,860 --> 00:34:03,830
And if you don't,
it's the shelf.
714
00:34:11,304 --> 00:34:13,440
Father, I don't want
to participate in this.
715
00:34:13,506 --> 00:34:14,841
I think it's wrong.
716
00:34:14,907 --> 00:34:16,776
You have to learn sometime.
717
00:34:16,843 --> 00:34:20,680
Why would I
ever have to learn
how to hunt people?
718
00:34:20,747 --> 00:34:23,416
The hunt is just a metaphor
719
00:34:23,483 --> 00:34:28,555
for the glorious cycle
of endless life and rebirth.
720
00:34:28,621 --> 00:34:33,293
And remember,
always, always, always
shoot him in the brain.
721
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,027
I hate you.
Shut up.
722
00:34:35,094 --> 00:34:36,929
I'm getting more tea.
723
00:34:38,165 --> 00:34:42,302
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me, but...
724
00:34:42,369 --> 00:34:44,070
(EXCLAIMS)
725
00:34:44,137 --> 00:34:46,306
Why do I have to
look like something
out of Jungle Book
726
00:34:46,373 --> 00:34:49,442
and you guys all get the nice
Banana Republic stuff?
727
00:34:49,509 --> 00:34:51,511
Does that seem
fair to you, huh?
728
00:34:51,578 --> 00:34:55,515
We thought you'd like it.
It's the costume of
your ancient ancestor people.
729
00:34:55,582 --> 00:34:57,584
My what?
730
00:34:57,650 --> 00:34:59,352
I think it adds
a nice element of theater
to the whole occasion.
731
00:34:59,419 --> 00:35:01,321
No, no, you stay out of this,
snake boy, all right?
732
00:35:01,388 --> 00:35:04,056
Look, I just wanna
get some of those boots.
I want some of those khakis,
733
00:35:04,123 --> 00:35:06,193
and then I want
some turtlenecks
and some...
734
00:35:07,594 --> 00:35:10,129
You guys have guns.
That's not fair.
735
00:35:10,197 --> 00:35:11,598
That's it. I'm not
gonna play. That's it.
736
00:35:11,664 --> 00:35:12,999
I'm not playing
till I get something.
737
00:35:13,065 --> 00:35:14,367
No, I can't hear you.
738
00:35:14,434 --> 00:35:15,868
(HUMMING)
739
00:35:17,970 --> 00:35:19,472
This is it?
Yeah!
740
00:35:20,106 --> 00:35:21,541
This is it?
741
00:35:21,608 --> 00:35:22,709
All yours!
742
00:35:22,775 --> 00:35:25,245
Oh, well, well.
Why don't we just get
743
00:35:25,312 --> 00:35:27,214
a candlestick and
we can all play Clue?
744
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,148
I'll be Colonel Mustard,
and you be Mrs. Peacock.
745
00:35:29,216 --> 00:35:32,619
First we start with
a traditional toast.
746
00:35:35,388 --> 00:35:37,524
To you, Mr. Vargas.
Good luck.
747
00:35:38,391 --> 00:35:40,126
And good luck to you, too.
748
00:35:40,193 --> 00:35:41,394
Well, actually,
I take that back.
749
00:35:41,461 --> 00:35:43,396
I hope you don't
do well at all.
750
00:35:43,463 --> 00:35:45,932
Now that I think about it,
I hope you get violated by
pig-monkey men in the woods.
751
00:35:54,006 --> 00:35:56,209
All right, now I've got
the upper hand, gentlemen.
752
00:35:56,276 --> 00:35:58,578
What's to keep me from
shooting you right now?
753
00:36:03,082 --> 00:36:04,684
Other than that.
754
00:36:06,286 --> 00:36:08,020
PEST: What are you doing?
755
00:36:10,723 --> 00:36:12,492
(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
756
00:36:12,559 --> 00:36:15,428
Your 24 hours
have begun. Go.
757
00:36:15,495 --> 00:36:17,129
I have one thing
to add, all right?
758
00:36:17,196 --> 00:36:18,231
What is it?
759
00:36:18,298 --> 00:36:20,066
I lieded on the form.
760
00:36:20,132 --> 00:36:22,569
I'm not the perfect
specimen I appear to be.
761
00:36:22,635 --> 00:36:28,040
I have the public
school gypsy curse,
stuttering dyslexia.
762
00:36:28,107 --> 00:36:30,243
I bead rackwards.
763
00:36:30,310 --> 00:36:33,012
I get mords wixed up.
764
00:36:33,079 --> 00:36:34,647
I'm narcoleptic.
765
00:36:34,714 --> 00:36:36,115
(PRETENDS TO SNORE)
766
00:36:36,182 --> 00:36:37,183
(SIGHS)
767
00:36:38,117 --> 00:36:40,920
And you are? See? See?
768
00:36:40,987 --> 00:36:42,622
I have Tourette's!
Tourette's! Yes.
769
00:36:42,689 --> 00:36:45,258
Nice, German, nice.
Freak. Weirdo. Freak.
770
00:36:45,325 --> 00:36:47,627
Freak. Freak. Weirdo.
771
00:36:47,694 --> 00:36:49,296
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
772
00:36:49,362 --> 00:36:51,298
Those things
don't grow on trees!
773
00:36:53,900 --> 00:36:55,268
I'm scared of you!
774
00:36:55,335 --> 00:36:57,337
I'll come back
when you're feeling
a little better.
775
00:37:09,181 --> 00:37:10,650
(GUN FIRING)
776
00:37:22,829 --> 00:37:25,064
Think, Pest.
Think, think, think!
777
00:37:25,131 --> 00:37:27,099
Think, old buddy.
778
00:37:27,166 --> 00:37:29,001
Come on, your people
came from the rain forest,
for God's sakes.
779
00:37:29,068 --> 00:37:31,070
You must've inherited some
of their survival skills.
780
00:37:38,978 --> 00:37:41,548
Okay. Now I'm nice and limber.
781
00:37:43,316 --> 00:37:45,084
(HISSING)
782
00:37:56,463 --> 00:37:58,030
(SCREAMS)
783
00:38:21,654 --> 00:38:23,356
That's more like it.
784
00:38:23,423 --> 00:38:27,059
My animalistical instincts
are finally kicking in.
785
00:38:27,126 --> 00:38:31,698
(MIMICKING TARZAN)
786
00:38:31,764 --> 00:38:37,236
Himmel, when we find him,
I want you to make the kill.
787
00:38:37,303 --> 00:38:38,304
I don't...
788
00:38:39,138 --> 00:38:41,574
I don't want to
make the kill.
789
00:38:41,641 --> 00:38:43,976
I want to be a hairdresser,
or write musicals.
790
00:38:45,244 --> 00:38:46,245
What?
791
00:38:46,312 --> 00:38:47,847
You'd love it
if it were true.
792
00:38:47,914 --> 00:38:49,549
You'd tell all
your friends about
your hairdresser son
793
00:38:49,616 --> 00:38:51,951
who sits around
all day listening
to Ethel Merman.
794
00:38:54,253 --> 00:38:57,490
Will you look at
the size of that snake?
795
00:38:57,557 --> 00:38:58,691
GUSTAV: Himmel!
796
00:38:59,692 --> 00:39:02,429
You and your snake obsession!
797
00:39:02,495 --> 00:39:03,896
If you don't
like my obsession,
798
00:39:03,963 --> 00:39:05,565
then maybe you shouldn't
have locked me in a room
799
00:39:05,632 --> 00:39:07,434
with a snake for six weeks!
800
00:39:08,601 --> 00:39:10,369
Are you on that again?
801
00:39:10,437 --> 00:39:12,405
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to bore you
802
00:39:12,472 --> 00:39:14,340
with the defining
trauma of my life.
803
00:39:16,275 --> 00:39:18,044
It's not dry enough.
804
00:39:21,414 --> 00:39:23,315
I can never please him.
805
00:39:29,155 --> 00:39:31,223
Something is wrong.
806
00:39:31,290 --> 00:39:33,025
What could be wrong?
807
00:39:33,092 --> 00:39:34,894
We're hunting
a human being.
808
00:39:34,961 --> 00:39:38,465
Other fathers take their sons
to baseball games, but no...
809
00:39:38,531 --> 00:39:40,567
Tell it to Ricki Lake.
810
00:39:40,633 --> 00:39:42,001
I can see it now.
811
00:39:42,068 --> 00:39:45,304
"Nazi Fathers and Their
Snake-Obsessed Sons."
812
00:39:46,038 --> 00:39:47,707
What is this?
813
00:39:51,678 --> 00:39:54,180
(SCREAMING)
814
00:40:01,754 --> 00:40:02,789
Get me down.
815
00:40:02,855 --> 00:40:05,492
Oh, this Pest is good.
816
00:40:05,558 --> 00:40:06,926
Get me down!
817
00:40:06,993 --> 00:40:08,928
Don't be such a sissy!
818
00:40:08,995 --> 00:40:12,565
I don't know if you've
noticed lately, Father,
but I am a sissy!
819
00:40:12,632 --> 00:40:15,101
(GUN COCKING)
820
00:40:15,167 --> 00:40:16,402
What you doing?
821
00:40:16,469 --> 00:40:17,870
Putting you out
of your misery.
822
00:40:19,606 --> 00:40:20,973
Come on.
823
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:22,041
(LOUD SPLASH)
824
00:40:23,409 --> 00:40:24,410
(MOANING)
825
00:40:25,144 --> 00:40:26,779
(MOANING IN DISTANCE)
826
00:40:26,846 --> 00:40:28,414
Do you hear that moaning?
827
00:40:28,481 --> 00:40:29,516
It's me.
828
00:40:29,582 --> 00:40:30,950
No, the other moaning.
829
00:40:31,017 --> 00:40:32,919
(MOANING CONTINUES)
830
00:40:38,190 --> 00:40:39,191
(FARTING)
831
00:40:39,258 --> 00:40:41,227
Oh, my stomach is funky.
832
00:40:42,595 --> 00:40:44,664
Thank God for
some privacy, yo.
833
00:40:46,999 --> 00:40:49,201
My back hurts from
where the tree hit me.
834
00:40:49,268 --> 00:40:50,637
Quiet.
835
00:40:53,205 --> 00:40:56,075
"Whether 'tis
nobler in the mind
836
00:40:56,142 --> 00:40:58,177
"to suffer the slings
and arrows
837
00:40:59,646 --> 00:41:02,148
"of outrageous fortune..."
838
00:41:02,214 --> 00:41:05,718
Shoo! Shoo. Scat. Shoo.
839
00:41:05,785 --> 00:41:08,420
I can't concentrate
when I'm being watched.
840
00:41:10,122 --> 00:41:11,323
Of course, I farted.
What do you think,
841
00:41:11,390 --> 00:41:12,592
I smell like this
all the time?
842
00:41:15,995 --> 00:41:17,697
What's that smell?
843
00:41:21,033 --> 00:41:23,069
Look. There.
844
00:41:24,671 --> 00:41:26,238
PEST: Oh, my horoscope.
845
00:41:26,305 --> 00:41:28,240
"Beware of strangers offering
846
00:41:28,307 --> 00:41:30,042
"phony scholarships."
847
00:41:31,711 --> 00:41:33,713
Guess I'll have
to use my socks.
848
00:41:33,780 --> 00:41:35,381
At least
they're cottony soft.
849
00:41:37,650 --> 00:41:39,552
I want you
to take him out.
850
00:41:40,319 --> 00:41:41,854
Why me?
851
00:41:41,921 --> 00:41:45,958
I want you to experience
the utter ecstasy that comes
852
00:41:46,025 --> 00:41:50,062
from feeling the hot,
throbbing force
of a man's life
853
00:41:50,129 --> 00:41:51,931
when it's in your hands.
854
00:41:51,998 --> 00:41:53,600
I'm sold. Poison darts?
Perfect.
855
00:41:53,666 --> 00:41:55,802
Just a second. Oops.
856
00:42:06,412 --> 00:42:07,647
Himmel!
857
00:42:17,957 --> 00:42:19,792
What a mess!
858
00:42:19,859 --> 00:42:22,361
The explosion blew him
right out of his sneakers.
859
00:42:24,130 --> 00:42:26,465
Well, it looks like
your hunt is over.
860
00:42:26,532 --> 00:42:29,501
I'm going back to the house
before I miss Hogan's Heroes.
861
00:42:40,847 --> 00:42:43,282
He's alive.
862
00:42:43,349 --> 00:42:44,951
MAN ON TV: Colonel Hogan,
would you do us the honor
863
00:42:45,017 --> 00:42:46,686
of joining us
for dinner tonight?
864
00:42:46,753 --> 00:42:48,988
Colonel Baker is
going to tell us the truth
865
00:42:49,055 --> 00:42:52,424
about the German army's
glorious campaign
on the Russian front.
866
00:42:52,491 --> 00:42:54,160
Why kill all your appetites?
867
00:42:54,226 --> 00:42:55,895
(PEOPLE LAUGHING ON TV)
868
00:43:07,539 --> 00:43:09,976
Pest, you're supposed
to be dead!
869
00:43:10,777 --> 00:43:12,044
I can't.
870
00:43:12,812 --> 00:43:14,080
I won't.
871
00:43:14,146 --> 00:43:15,547
I shouldn't.
872
00:43:17,850 --> 00:43:19,919
All right, I will.
873
00:43:19,986 --> 00:43:21,453
You've got to be quiet.
874
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:23,155
You! You!
875
00:43:24,556 --> 00:43:28,194
You tried to hunt me.
876
00:43:28,260 --> 00:43:29,862
You tried to hunt me!
877
00:43:29,929 --> 00:43:31,463
Get back!
878
00:43:31,530 --> 00:43:33,666
What is that?
What are you trying to do,
perfume me to death?
879
00:43:33,733 --> 00:43:36,035
These are sex
secretion pheromones.
880
00:43:36,102 --> 00:43:38,871
Father uses them
to lure horny animals
into traps.
881
00:43:38,938 --> 00:43:40,807
Here. Watch the tape.
882
00:43:45,878 --> 00:43:47,646
That's disgusting.
883
00:43:49,081 --> 00:43:53,285
I'm gonna take some
of these for my girlfriend.
884
00:43:53,352 --> 00:43:56,022
She hates when I go away
and I don't bring her nothing.
885
00:43:56,088 --> 00:43:58,657
They only work on males.
Can I fix you one?
886
00:43:58,725 --> 00:44:01,560
No, you've done
enough for one day.
887
00:44:01,627 --> 00:44:04,196
So, you're still mad
that we tried to
cut your head off?
888
00:44:04,263 --> 00:44:08,267
I'm not mad.
Do I look mad to you?
889
00:44:09,769 --> 00:44:11,838
Look, Himmel-poo,
890
00:44:11,904 --> 00:44:15,007
I know you're not into
all this Wild Kingdom
kind of stuff, okay?
891
00:44:15,074 --> 00:44:18,110
So why don't you and I
escape back to Miami
892
00:44:18,177 --> 00:44:22,048
and get away from your
crazy, ugly, psychotic
father, no offense,
893
00:44:22,114 --> 00:44:26,853
and you and I
will play snaky-wakey
whenever you want to.
894
00:44:26,919 --> 00:44:27,954
Really?
895
00:44:28,020 --> 00:44:29,989
Certainly.
896
00:44:31,123 --> 00:44:32,524
GUSTAV: Himmel!
897
00:44:32,591 --> 00:44:34,160
Come on, we'll take
your father's speedboat.
898
00:44:34,226 --> 00:44:35,594
I get seasick.
899
00:44:36,395 --> 00:44:37,930
You'll be fine.
900
00:44:53,512 --> 00:44:55,748
I told you,
I get seasick.
901
00:44:56,515 --> 00:44:58,918
Well, no duh!
902
00:44:58,985 --> 00:45:00,486
(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)
903
00:45:00,552 --> 00:45:02,088
PEST: All those seagulls,
what are they doing?
904
00:45:02,154 --> 00:45:03,622
They've come to
eat the vomit.
905
00:45:04,891 --> 00:45:07,259
Will you stop that?
906
00:45:07,326 --> 00:45:11,063
Fine. But I'd
watch out for those
seagulls if I was you.
907
00:45:11,898 --> 00:45:12,932
Why?
908
00:45:14,100 --> 00:45:15,401
I'll be leaving now.
909
00:45:15,467 --> 00:45:16,869
It stings.
910
00:45:16,936 --> 00:45:18,838
Oh, I'm blind!
911
00:45:18,905 --> 00:45:20,739
Pest, where'd you go?
912
00:45:21,307 --> 00:45:23,910
(GROANING)
913
00:45:23,976 --> 00:45:26,512
Pest! My father's
gonna kill me!
914
00:45:32,584 --> 00:45:34,954
You don't know
what the hell you're
talking about, man.
915
00:45:35,021 --> 00:45:37,990
Let me tell you something.
You know the reputation
about Latino men, right?
916
00:45:38,057 --> 00:45:39,959
They didn't have
any Latino man
917
00:45:40,026 --> 00:45:41,861
on the show
because everybody knows
918
00:45:41,928 --> 00:45:43,662
that he would've
been having his way
919
00:45:43,729 --> 00:45:46,498
with Ginger, Mary Ann,
Mrs. Howell
920
00:45:46,565 --> 00:45:48,367
and the Professor,
if the mood hit him,
Chubby.
921
00:45:48,434 --> 00:45:50,202
Okay. All right.
Well, then, let me
ask you a question.
922
00:45:50,269 --> 00:45:52,404
If you had to choose,
who would you pick?
923
00:45:52,471 --> 00:45:54,206
Mary Ann or Ginger?
924
00:45:55,607 --> 00:45:57,576
NINJA: Ginger. No contest.
925
00:45:58,277 --> 00:46:00,880
Pest.
Hey, Pest.
926
00:46:00,947 --> 00:46:02,248
Pest, is that you, man?
927
00:46:02,314 --> 00:46:03,415
Are you all right?
928
00:46:03,482 --> 00:46:05,517
What happened?
929
00:46:05,584 --> 00:46:07,553
I can't go on.
930
00:46:07,619 --> 00:46:10,689
Must have dry land.
Must have...
931
00:46:10,756 --> 00:46:12,058
Oh, dry land!
932
00:46:12,124 --> 00:46:13,259
Yo, you okay, buddy?
933
00:46:13,325 --> 00:46:14,360
What happened?
934
00:46:14,426 --> 00:46:16,929
What happened? Oh, God!
935
00:46:16,996 --> 00:46:18,597
The room is spinning!
936
00:46:20,299 --> 00:46:21,700
What happened?
"What happened?"
937
00:46:21,767 --> 00:46:24,670
"What happened?"
I'll tell you what happened.
938
00:46:24,736 --> 00:46:27,907
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
939
00:46:27,974 --> 00:46:31,343
Contract.
"I want to hunt you.
I want to hunt."
940
00:46:33,212 --> 00:46:36,182
"Pet my snake! Pet my snake!"
941
00:46:36,248 --> 00:46:39,618
"Little playmate,
come out and play."
Seagulls!
942
00:46:39,685 --> 00:46:42,321
He made doody-doody.
It was horrible.
943
00:46:42,388 --> 00:46:44,290
Don't let them take me back.
944
00:46:44,356 --> 00:46:45,557
Don't let them take me back!
945
00:46:45,624 --> 00:46:47,626
What are you saying, man?
What are you saying?
946
00:46:47,693 --> 00:46:49,828
Listen, listen, listen.
Maybe you should
947
00:46:49,896 --> 00:46:50,930
just go and take
a swim in the pool.
948
00:46:50,997 --> 00:46:52,164
It'll help you relax.
949
00:46:52,231 --> 00:46:53,532
Trust me.
A swim?
950
00:46:53,599 --> 00:46:55,367
A splash.
Obviously,
951
00:46:55,434 --> 00:46:57,937
you haven't been listening
to what I'm saying!
952
00:46:58,004 --> 00:47:00,172
I've been swimming
for five hours!
953
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,875
What don't you understand?
954
00:47:07,379 --> 00:47:08,881
Maybe one lap?
955
00:47:12,551 --> 00:47:15,587
Then there were 20
of them. Did I say 20?
956
00:47:15,654 --> 00:47:17,289
I meant an army.
957
00:47:17,356 --> 00:47:19,358
Hey, man,
don't be faking jacks
for these girls, man.
958
00:47:19,425 --> 00:47:22,028
There's no scammification
going on here, Chubbs.
959
00:47:22,094 --> 00:47:23,729
Yo, Pest, you're not
being hunted, all right.
960
00:47:23,795 --> 00:47:24,830
I am too being hunted.
961
00:47:24,897 --> 00:47:26,032
Are not.
962
00:47:26,098 --> 00:47:28,400
Am too.
Am not.
963
00:47:28,467 --> 00:47:29,735
Am.
Not.
964
00:47:29,801 --> 00:47:30,903
Am.
Not.
965
00:47:30,970 --> 00:47:32,104
Am, am, am!
966
00:47:33,372 --> 00:47:35,441
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
967
00:47:35,507 --> 00:47:39,478
See? See? I told you.
I am being hunted.
968
00:47:39,545 --> 00:47:42,081
Give up, Pest!
There's nowhere to hide.
969
00:47:42,148 --> 00:47:44,416
Thank the Lord
he's here to kill me!
970
00:47:44,483 --> 00:47:46,418
He's here to kill me!
971
00:47:49,555 --> 00:47:51,857
Oh, snap. Run! Run!
972
00:47:56,862 --> 00:47:59,531
Man, that guy's psycho.
Why is he after you, Pest?
973
00:47:59,598 --> 00:48:01,000
I don't know, Chubb.
974
00:48:01,067 --> 00:48:02,568
It must be my
animal magnetism.
975
00:48:02,634 --> 00:48:04,270
Get in, man.
Hurry up. Let's go,
let's go.
976
00:48:04,336 --> 00:48:05,938
Come on, let's get
the hell out of here.
977
00:48:09,408 --> 00:48:10,742
PEST: I told you
I was being hunted.
978
00:48:10,809 --> 00:48:12,278
But would you
believe me? No.
979
00:48:12,344 --> 00:48:14,246
Because no one
ever believes me.
980
00:48:14,313 --> 00:48:16,915
CHUBBY: All right, all right,
Pest, we believe you.
Now, who's got the plan?
981
00:48:16,983 --> 00:48:18,750
Okay, I got
the master plan.
982
00:48:18,817 --> 00:48:20,019
All right,
kick it, kick it, kick it.
983
00:48:20,086 --> 00:48:21,988
Check it out.
Remember my cousin Roger?
984
00:48:22,054 --> 00:48:23,122
The mad fool?
985
00:48:23,189 --> 00:48:24,223
The mad fool.
The mad cool guy.
986
00:48:24,290 --> 00:48:25,924
We could just go
over to his place,
987
00:48:25,992 --> 00:48:27,826
lay low till the morning,
and everything will be cool.
988
00:48:27,893 --> 00:48:29,428
Perfect... I can't.
989
00:48:29,828 --> 00:48:31,430
What?
990
00:48:31,497 --> 00:48:33,265
We just gotta make
one little, stupid,
meaningless...
991
00:48:33,332 --> 00:48:34,967
You won't even know
the car stopped,
all right?
992
00:48:35,034 --> 00:48:36,602
Where, Pest? Where?
993
00:48:36,668 --> 00:48:39,171
No place special.
You know, Xantha's.
994
00:48:39,238 --> 00:48:40,506
(BOTH GROAN)
995
00:48:40,572 --> 00:48:41,707
What the hell's
wrong with you, man?
996
00:48:41,773 --> 00:48:43,475
I'm in love.
997
00:48:43,542 --> 00:48:45,844
Pest, I'm pretty sure
her parents
are gonna understand
998
00:48:45,911 --> 00:48:47,346
if you just explain to
them that tonight's not
999
00:48:47,413 --> 00:48:49,281
a good night 'cause
you're being hunted.
1000
00:48:49,348 --> 00:48:52,584
Yo, they're black.
They'll understand.
1001
00:48:52,651 --> 00:48:54,386
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Yeah?
1002
00:48:55,254 --> 00:48:56,622
Yo, what's up, freak?
1003
00:48:59,091 --> 00:49:00,526
Yo, baby, it's me.
1004
00:49:02,094 --> 00:49:03,862
Yeah, you better recognize,
baby. Come on.
1005
00:49:03,929 --> 00:49:05,731
Don't act like
you don't know me.
1006
00:49:05,797 --> 00:49:08,234
Yo, Mrs. Kent.
I'm not sweating you
or nothing, baby,
1007
00:49:08,300 --> 00:49:11,137
but you're one
fine heifer, you,
hoochy baby, yeah.
1008
00:49:11,203 --> 00:49:13,105
What's up,
daddy mack
or mack daddy?
1009
00:49:13,172 --> 00:49:14,506
We live in fear of
a black plague, you know
what I'm saying?
1010
00:49:14,573 --> 00:49:15,841
Kill whitey.
Free Angela Davis.
1011
00:49:15,907 --> 00:49:17,443
Say it loud.
"We black and we proud."
1012
00:49:17,509 --> 00:49:19,145
Yes, Lord! Yes, Lord!
1013
00:49:19,211 --> 00:49:21,113
XANTHA: Why don't we go
into the dining room?
1014
00:49:21,180 --> 00:49:24,850
That boy's on drugs.
Who's Angela Davis?
Oh, come on, dear.
1015
00:49:24,916 --> 00:49:28,720
GUSTAV: Of all the cars
you could get,
why did you pick this one?
1016
00:49:28,787 --> 00:49:31,390
HIMMEL:
I thought you'd like it.
It's German.
1017
00:49:31,457 --> 00:49:34,160
Did you ever hear
of BMW, idiot?
1018
00:49:34,226 --> 00:49:37,529
(TRACKER RINGING)
I'm sorry I can
never please you!
1019
00:49:37,596 --> 00:49:40,132
I'm getting something.
Here, have a look.
1020
00:49:42,301 --> 00:49:46,004
LEO: The tracking device
I placed in his underwear
seems to be working.
1021
00:49:46,072 --> 00:49:48,207
Why does Leo get
all the good jobs?
1022
00:49:49,608 --> 00:49:51,810
We have a fix
on him, sir.
Go west!
1023
00:49:55,013 --> 00:49:57,616
What's with
the African getup?
1024
00:49:57,683 --> 00:50:00,486
Oh, all this is for you,
baby, Xanthy-poo.
1025
00:50:00,552 --> 00:50:03,155
I'm trying to
impressify your parents.
1026
00:50:03,222 --> 00:50:05,191
What?
Does it scare you
that I arouse
1027
00:50:05,257 --> 00:50:07,493
the unsettling passions
of the Dark Continent?
1028
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:09,761
(IMITATING AFRICAN DANCERS)
1029
00:50:10,896 --> 00:50:13,332
No. No, no, no.
1030
00:50:13,399 --> 00:50:16,102
It scares me
that you're wearing
a dress to dinner.
1031
00:50:16,168 --> 00:50:18,837
Oh, my God, this is
nothing compared to
my morning ensemble.
1032
00:50:18,904 --> 00:50:19,971
How about a little kissy?
1033
00:50:20,038 --> 00:50:21,373
Come on, suck face, come on.
1034
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:22,941
Not right now.
Not right now.
1035
00:50:23,008 --> 00:50:26,612
Well, I've prepared
an authentic Cuban meal.
1036
00:50:26,678 --> 00:50:29,715
(SPEAKING BROKEN SPANISH)
1037
00:50:32,284 --> 00:50:34,086
Why Cuban?
1038
00:50:34,153 --> 00:50:35,821
Do I look Cuban to you?
1039
00:50:35,887 --> 00:50:39,591
Do these look like
Cuban features to you?
Do they?
1040
00:50:39,658 --> 00:50:41,193
What does a brother
have to do to
1041
00:50:41,260 --> 00:50:42,661
get some respect
around here, biatch?
1042
00:50:42,728 --> 00:50:43,962
(SCREAMS)
1043
00:50:44,029 --> 00:50:45,997
You know,
I'm this close to rioting.
1044
00:50:46,064 --> 00:50:49,801
This close.
If I wasn't so hungry,
I'd leave.
1045
00:50:49,868 --> 00:50:52,938
Can you pass me
the platanos, please?
1046
00:50:53,004 --> 00:50:56,275
(TRACKER BEEPING)
Something's gone wrong
with the location tracker.
1047
00:50:56,342 --> 00:50:58,477
It seems to be overheating.
1048
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:03,382
Honey, are you all right?
You're dripping wet.
1049
00:51:05,117 --> 00:51:06,485
It's from being
next to you, baby.
1050
00:51:06,552 --> 00:51:07,919
I'm burning up
with passion.
1051
00:51:07,986 --> 00:51:10,088
And you know what
I'm saying, right?
1052
00:51:10,156 --> 00:51:12,458
Oh, come on, don't act like
you haven't been there, dawg.
1053
00:51:12,524 --> 00:51:13,892
Not lately.
1054
00:51:14,926 --> 00:51:16,695
I think it's burning out.
1055
00:51:19,298 --> 00:51:22,268
GUSTAV: That bastard's
gonads are sweating.
1056
00:51:22,334 --> 00:51:25,404
Boost the power!
Boost the power!
1057
00:51:25,471 --> 00:51:26,972
(ALARM WAILING)
1058
00:51:28,940 --> 00:51:30,342
(PEST GRUNTING)
1059
00:51:30,409 --> 00:51:31,843
I'm burning up!
1060
00:51:32,911 --> 00:51:34,346
I told the guy
at Africans 'R' Us
1061
00:51:34,413 --> 00:51:35,614
that I wanted
summer-weight robes.
1062
00:51:35,681 --> 00:51:36,915
Oh, God!
1063
00:51:36,982 --> 00:51:38,184
Drugs.
1064
00:51:38,250 --> 00:51:41,420
Oh, my God. It burns!
Oh, my God, it burns!
1065
00:51:41,487 --> 00:51:43,655
It's burning!
1066
00:51:43,722 --> 00:51:46,158
(SCREAMING)
1067
00:51:48,594 --> 00:51:49,861
It burns!
1068
00:51:52,130 --> 00:51:55,000
That boy's got syphilis!
1069
00:51:56,835 --> 00:51:57,969
Don't be cruel!
1070
00:51:58,036 --> 00:51:59,505
Get them off me!
Get them off me!
1071
00:51:59,571 --> 00:52:00,906
Get them off me!
1072
00:52:06,044 --> 00:52:07,646
Oh, my balls!
1073
00:52:16,822 --> 00:52:21,260
If you was abducted
by a space alien chick,
1074
00:52:21,327 --> 00:52:25,664
would you or would you not
have your way with her?
1075
00:52:25,731 --> 00:52:28,133
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
1076
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:31,303
Before it cut off,
the signal came
from this house.
1077
00:52:32,671 --> 00:52:35,307
I'm going in there.
You two stay here.
1078
00:52:35,374 --> 00:52:39,311
Here, Mr. Shank,
I have prepared a dosage
1079
00:52:39,378 --> 00:52:42,381
which will immediately
render him unconscious.
1080
00:52:42,448 --> 00:52:45,351
Then we can
take him with us,
1081
00:52:45,417 --> 00:52:47,786
and at our leisure,
cut off his head.
1082
00:52:47,853 --> 00:52:51,457
Oh, Leo, you're a saint.
1083
00:52:51,523 --> 00:52:52,758
LEO: Be careful, sir.
1084
00:52:52,824 --> 00:52:54,793
(GUSTAV GRUNTING)
1085
00:52:54,860 --> 00:52:57,229
These Volkswagens are smaller
than they used to be.
1086
00:52:57,296 --> 00:52:59,064
CHUBBY: Man, check
it out, all right.
1087
00:52:59,130 --> 00:53:03,602
She's got the body parts
of a hot Earth woman.
1088
00:53:10,008 --> 00:53:11,677
(EXCLAIMS)
1089
00:53:12,778 --> 00:53:15,481
Fear not, the Pest
line shall continue.
1090
00:53:15,547 --> 00:53:17,516
My childrens have been saved.
1091
00:53:18,617 --> 00:53:20,819
Yeah!
1092
00:53:20,886 --> 00:53:23,422
That'll teach me
not to spring for
extra-strength fungal spray.
1093
00:53:23,489 --> 00:53:24,756
You know
what I'm saying?
1094
00:53:28,594 --> 00:53:30,729
Look, man.
Look over there.
1095
00:53:33,031 --> 00:53:35,233
That's Colonel Klink!
1096
00:53:35,301 --> 00:53:37,969
And he's climbing through
Xantha's window, man!
1097
00:53:38,036 --> 00:53:39,805
Wait right here, man.
I'll be right back.
1098
00:53:40,472 --> 00:53:42,841
Karate time.
1099
00:53:42,908 --> 00:53:44,576
PEST: Yo, Mrs. Kent,
my sister.
1100
00:53:44,643 --> 00:53:47,045
Let me explain
the origins of my blackness
one more time, all right.
1101
00:53:47,112 --> 00:53:51,983
My Spanish ancestors
came and haded sex with
my Indian ancestors.
1102
00:53:52,050 --> 00:53:54,786
And then they haded sex
with my black ancestors.
Right?
1103
00:53:54,853 --> 00:53:57,088
Who then had more sex
with the Indians.
1104
00:53:57,155 --> 00:54:00,826
And there's rumor
that somebody slept
with a Jew. Fancy that!
1105
00:54:00,892 --> 00:54:02,328
I think that's enough...
1106
00:54:05,997 --> 00:54:07,733
XANTHA: Pest!
Mrs. Kent, it's kosher.
1107
00:54:07,799 --> 00:54:10,402
It's all right.
He was an Ethiopian Jew.
1108
00:54:10,469 --> 00:54:12,070
Pest!
1109
00:54:12,137 --> 00:54:13,138
(XANTHA EXCLAIMS)
1110
00:54:14,306 --> 00:54:17,275
MR. KENT: I can't find
my pills anywhere!
1111
00:54:17,343 --> 00:54:19,778
You know how Latin
food gives me gas!
1112
00:54:20,746 --> 00:54:22,247
What happened?
1113
00:54:23,114 --> 00:54:25,617
What did you do to my family?
1114
00:54:25,684 --> 00:54:26,952
I don't know.
I mentioned that I might
1115
00:54:27,018 --> 00:54:28,320
be prone to celebrate
Rosh Hashanah
1116
00:54:28,387 --> 00:54:31,923
and, bam, prejudice rears
its ugly little head again!
1117
00:54:35,927 --> 00:54:37,796
Oh, I see,
you're gonna try
and kill me.
1118
00:54:37,863 --> 00:54:39,365
Try it, because...
1119
00:54:44,302 --> 00:54:45,471
Could I do that again?
1120
00:54:45,537 --> 00:54:46,672
I was looking through
the wrong thingy.
1121
00:54:48,807 --> 00:54:50,642
You're a pretty lousy
shot for a criminal.
1122
00:54:51,677 --> 00:54:53,311
Hello.
1123
00:54:53,379 --> 00:54:55,747
(MOANING)
1124
00:54:57,082 --> 00:54:59,485
(NINJA SCREAMING)
1125
00:55:00,886 --> 00:55:01,887
(GROANING)
1126
00:55:03,555 --> 00:55:05,424
Any more surprises?
1127
00:55:08,894 --> 00:55:10,829
I really hate you.
1128
00:55:14,099 --> 00:55:16,735
Let's just get this
little game over,
shall we?
1129
00:55:18,404 --> 00:55:19,405
(GUN CLICKS)
1130
00:55:22,508 --> 00:55:24,109
You missed me!
1131
00:55:24,175 --> 00:55:27,679
* You can't hit me,
you're a big sucker-butt
1132
00:55:29,448 --> 00:55:31,483
* I can't believe
you're German *
1133
00:55:31,550 --> 00:55:32,551
(SHOUTS)
1134
00:55:33,585 --> 00:55:34,786
(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
1135
00:55:47,365 --> 00:55:49,935
Where were you?
Where were you?
1136
00:55:50,001 --> 00:55:51,102
Where the hell were
you when I needed you?
1137
00:55:51,169 --> 00:55:53,338
Yo, I am so glad
you're here. Check it.
1138
00:55:53,405 --> 00:55:57,543
Would you or would
you not have sex with
a space alien chick?
1139
00:55:57,609 --> 00:55:58,977
What?
1140
00:56:03,248 --> 00:56:05,717
Mr. Shank, we have no way
of tracking him anymore.
1141
00:56:05,784 --> 00:56:08,420
Just shut up!
Give me the phone.
1142
00:56:11,122 --> 00:56:12,190
Hello?
1143
00:56:12,257 --> 00:56:15,661
Oh, yo!
What's up, yo?
Listen up.
1144
00:56:15,727 --> 00:56:20,599
I got the 411
on Pest Vargas,
mamacita.
1145
00:56:20,666 --> 00:56:21,833
Who is this?
1146
00:56:21,900 --> 00:56:25,036
This is the bomb
and all that.
1147
00:56:25,871 --> 00:56:27,172
You know what? Listen.
1148
00:56:27,238 --> 00:56:31,743
The word up is that
Pest Vargas has
ghosted your nugget
1149
00:56:31,810 --> 00:56:35,013
and is gonna skip the hood
in the morning, homey.
1150
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:36,114
Why are you telling me this?
1151
00:56:36,181 --> 00:56:38,116
What's he done to you?
1152
00:56:38,183 --> 00:56:41,520
Well, you know,
he called my mother
a big fat Scottish slut.
1153
00:56:43,021 --> 00:56:44,289
We'll take care of it.
1154
00:56:46,091 --> 00:56:50,061
Fellows, put all the
men out on the street
looking for the Pest.
1155
00:56:50,128 --> 00:56:51,630
He's out there somewhere,
and I wanna find him.
1156
00:56:51,697 --> 00:56:53,331
Aye, sir.
Aye.
1157
00:56:53,398 --> 00:56:56,301
They're putting
the word out.
1158
00:56:56,367 --> 00:56:59,571
I'll be able to monitor
all their incoming calls.
1159
00:56:59,638 --> 00:57:03,809
So we'll know where he is
as soon as they do.
1160
00:57:03,875 --> 00:57:06,645
Yeah?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
1161
00:57:06,712 --> 00:57:09,080
(BOTH LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY)
1162
00:57:15,220 --> 00:57:16,588
PEST: We gotta find
a place to hide.
I'm serious.
1163
00:57:16,655 --> 00:57:18,023
We gotta find
a place to hide.
1164
00:57:18,089 --> 00:57:20,759
Where's the last place
you think Gustav
would think of looking?
1165
00:57:20,826 --> 00:57:21,893
Think! Think!
Use your head!
1166
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:23,361
All right! Calm down!
1167
00:57:25,597 --> 00:57:28,133
Yo! Yo, Pest.
Check it out.
1168
00:57:31,236 --> 00:57:34,405
Oh, no. Oh, no!
1169
00:57:34,472 --> 00:57:37,442
Hello, Jews!
Hello, Jews!
1170
00:57:37,509 --> 00:57:39,410
(PRAYING IN HEBREW)
1171
00:57:39,477 --> 00:57:41,479
Would you relax?
Nobody's gonna see
us here. What are you...
1172
00:57:47,052 --> 00:57:48,319
(SPEAKS IN HEBREW)
1173
00:57:48,386 --> 00:57:52,691
And mazel tov,
my little gefiltes
and yentas.
1174
00:57:53,291 --> 00:57:55,026
And you are?
1175
00:57:55,093 --> 00:57:57,629
I am a meshugener,
but of course.
1176
00:57:57,696 --> 00:57:59,164
Let me introduce myself.
1177
00:57:59,230 --> 00:58:02,801
My name is Rabbi
Vargassteenstine.
1178
00:58:02,868 --> 00:58:05,571
And this is my
farkakt associate,
1179
00:58:05,637 --> 00:58:10,241
Rabbi Chubby
Bergbaumsteenstine.
1180
00:58:10,308 --> 00:58:14,546
Oh, yes, I know!
He's an Ethiopian Jew
from Ethiopia, of course.
1181
00:58:14,613 --> 00:58:16,381
Really?
Where in Ethiopia?
1182
00:58:16,447 --> 00:58:18,850
Yo, man,
I'm from South Bay...
1183
00:58:18,917 --> 00:58:21,352
Unfortunately,
the Lord saw fit to
take away his voice box.
1184
00:58:21,419 --> 00:58:24,089
But he has a canasta game
to die for, for real.
1185
00:58:24,155 --> 00:58:25,356
We'd like to
stay and schmooze,
1186
00:58:25,423 --> 00:58:27,258
but I got a pain in my
tshatshkes. I gotta...
1187
00:58:29,427 --> 00:58:33,231
Angus, Laphroig.
I think I've found our man.
1188
00:58:34,465 --> 00:58:35,533
LEO: Oh, sir, look.
1189
00:58:35,601 --> 00:58:38,069
It seems our Latino
has found religion.
1190
00:58:38,136 --> 00:58:39,270
GUSTAV: Oh, yeah?
1191
00:58:39,337 --> 00:58:41,439
He appears to be
leaving a synagogue.
1192
00:58:41,506 --> 00:58:42,608
Oh, yeah!
1193
00:58:42,674 --> 00:58:43,809
Yeah!
1194
00:58:46,612 --> 00:58:49,247
PEST: So, funny looking,
you got any more
genius ideas?
1195
00:58:49,314 --> 00:58:50,381
CHUBBY:
Yo, man... My idea...
1196
00:58:50,448 --> 00:58:51,482
Look, I'll pick
another place.
1197
00:58:51,549 --> 00:58:54,052
No, thanks.
I'm picking the place.
1198
00:58:54,119 --> 00:58:56,121
Right here
at the Paris Club.
1199
00:58:56,187 --> 00:58:57,488
There's a private
party going on.
1200
00:58:57,555 --> 00:58:59,958
All right? Just pull
into the parking lot.
1201
00:59:00,759 --> 00:59:03,161
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
1202
00:59:04,930 --> 00:59:07,633
Hey, yo, it's all lovely.
It's all lovely.
1203
00:59:07,699 --> 00:59:10,736
Yo, I hear there's
a mad-sick party going on.
1204
00:59:10,802 --> 00:59:13,004
Can you hook up
a brother and his brother?
1205
00:59:13,071 --> 00:59:16,742
"Mad"? Dude,
parties are never mad.
1206
00:59:17,876 --> 00:59:19,911
They're angry! Duh!
1207
00:59:19,978 --> 00:59:22,313
Anyway, ese, the thing is,
1208
00:59:22,380 --> 00:59:25,917
this is a private
party, Cheech!
1209
00:59:25,984 --> 00:59:27,018
I can't believe this.
1210
00:59:27,085 --> 00:59:28,119
Now, now.
Come on, dudes,
seriously,
1211
00:59:28,186 --> 00:59:30,221
I bet you could get in
the servants' entrance.
1212
00:59:31,957 --> 00:59:33,591
You guys are harsh!
1213
00:59:33,659 --> 00:59:35,761
Yeah, you guys
are harsh!
1214
00:59:35,827 --> 00:59:38,196
PEST: Actually,
you guys suck.
1215
00:59:38,263 --> 00:59:41,633
Yo, Chubbs, get stupid.
1216
00:59:41,700 --> 00:59:42,768
I can get stupid.
1217
00:59:42,834 --> 00:59:45,203
You know what to do.
Spank them, brother!
1218
00:59:45,270 --> 00:59:47,438
Let's party till we're dudes!
1219
00:59:47,505 --> 00:59:50,408
Go, white boy!
Go, white boy!
Don't break it!
1220
00:59:50,475 --> 00:59:51,843
Crank it, dude!
1221
00:59:54,112 --> 00:59:56,447
* I love rock 'n' roll
1222
00:59:56,514 --> 00:59:59,117
* So put another dime
in the jukebox baby
1223
00:59:59,184 --> 01:00:01,386
* I love rock 'n' roll
1224
01:00:01,452 --> 01:00:05,691
* So come and take the time
and be with me
1225
01:00:05,757 --> 01:00:08,593
* I saw her
standing there... *
1226
01:00:24,542 --> 01:00:26,678
* Come and get your spank
1227
01:00:26,745 --> 01:00:28,814
(MOUTHING)
* Come and make it spank
Make it sick
1228
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:31,049
* How you like that baby?
1229
01:00:31,116 --> 01:00:34,385
* Let's get nasty
till it's happening
Spank it, baby
1230
01:00:36,354 --> 01:00:38,824
* How you like that baby?
1231
01:00:43,661 --> 01:00:45,530
* How you like that baby?
1232
01:00:47,265 --> 01:00:48,599
* How you like that baby?
1233
01:00:54,806 --> 01:00:56,607
* Spank it all around
1234
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:11,056
(ALARM BEEPING)
1235
01:01:22,300 --> 01:01:25,136
Oh, snap. Oh, dag.
This one fainted.
1236
01:01:25,203 --> 01:01:26,805
Now, you know
I'm not gonna let you
have any white people
1237
01:01:26,872 --> 01:01:28,573
unless you
take care of them.
1238
01:01:32,477 --> 01:01:35,313
Shall we go clubbing,
or shall we go clubbing?
1239
01:01:35,380 --> 01:01:36,815
Yeah, yeah,
let's go clubbing.
1240
01:01:36,882 --> 01:01:37,916
Let's go clubbing.
1241
01:01:46,191 --> 01:01:47,192
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
1242
01:01:47,258 --> 01:01:49,260
There's a party over here!
1243
01:01:50,161 --> 01:01:51,296
Pest...
And Chubb
1244
01:01:51,362 --> 01:01:52,630
in the house!
...in the house!
1245
01:01:52,697 --> 01:01:56,601
It's all good, baby.
You know how it is.
1246
01:01:56,667 --> 01:01:58,870
Snap. Okay, Chubb,
is that one of
1247
01:01:58,937 --> 01:02:00,038
Angus' men, over there,
right there?
1248
01:02:00,105 --> 01:02:01,306
Yeah, yeah,
what's he doing here?
1249
01:02:01,372 --> 01:02:02,607
Let's not wait
to find out.
1250
01:02:02,673 --> 01:02:03,975
Let's Houdini
out of here.
1251
01:02:04,042 --> 01:02:05,443
Yeah, let's just leave.
1252
01:02:07,946 --> 01:02:09,981
Plaid! Plaid everywhere!
1253
01:02:10,048 --> 01:02:11,616
Plaid here, plaid there.
1254
01:02:11,682 --> 01:02:12,683
I'm gonna have to
get reinforcements.
1255
01:02:12,750 --> 01:02:13,785
You gotta call Ninja.
1256
01:02:13,852 --> 01:02:15,020
Ninja, for reinforcements?
1257
01:02:15,086 --> 01:02:17,322
(PHONE RINGING)
1258
01:02:24,629 --> 01:02:25,797
Hello?
1259
01:02:25,864 --> 01:02:26,998
(HOWLS)
1260
01:02:27,065 --> 01:02:28,733
Wakey, wakey.
1261
01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:30,668
Hey, yo, Sleeping Beauty,
do you realize that
while you're napping,
1262
01:02:30,735 --> 01:02:33,638
your bestest of friends
are being stalked
here at the Paris Club? Huh?
1263
01:02:33,704 --> 01:02:34,973
That's nice.
1264
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:36,942
Hey, how's my Xanthy-poo?
1265
01:02:37,008 --> 01:02:39,911
Well. She has a tranquilizer
dart in her butt.
1266
01:02:39,978 --> 01:02:42,347
Oh, thank God.
That'll suck up
all the poison.
1267
01:02:42,413 --> 01:02:44,649
Yo, Ninja, we need you
to come to the Paris Club,
like, right now.
1268
01:02:44,715 --> 01:02:45,884
All right?
Okay.
1269
01:02:45,951 --> 01:02:47,218
Meet us in
the karaoke room,
all right?
1270
01:02:47,285 --> 01:02:48,453
Okay.
1271
01:02:48,519 --> 01:02:49,487
All right.
Later, masturbator.
1272
01:02:51,556 --> 01:02:52,891
Hi, there!
1273
01:02:56,494 --> 01:02:57,662
Hey, big guy.
1274
01:02:57,728 --> 01:02:58,729
Oh, yeah.
1275
01:02:58,796 --> 01:02:59,898
Excuse me.
1276
01:02:59,965 --> 01:03:01,132
We gotta split up
and find Vargas
1277
01:03:01,199 --> 01:03:02,433
before the Scottish
gentlemen do.
1278
01:03:02,500 --> 01:03:04,302
Just go split up.
1279
01:03:07,505 --> 01:03:08,706
See ya.
1280
01:03:13,344 --> 01:03:14,645
(GIRLS EXCLAIMING)
1281
01:03:14,712 --> 01:03:16,247
Excuse me,
have you seen that
little Latin boy?
1282
01:03:16,314 --> 01:03:17,648
This is the models'
changing room!
1283
01:03:17,715 --> 01:03:19,350
Get out of my face!
1284
01:03:19,417 --> 01:03:21,019
What do you think
you're doing?
1285
01:03:22,287 --> 01:03:23,754
Excuse me.
1286
01:03:23,821 --> 01:03:26,024
Excuse me. Good day.
1287
01:03:26,091 --> 01:03:28,559
Yo, Chubby.
I'm gonna get Ninja
in the karaoke room,
1288
01:03:28,626 --> 01:03:30,161
and I'm gonna
meet you in the
Jeep, all right?
1289
01:03:30,228 --> 01:03:32,063
All right, man.
Go for it.
1290
01:03:35,066 --> 01:03:36,634
Oh, shit.
1291
01:03:37,835 --> 01:03:40,738
I'm so sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
1292
01:04:04,996 --> 01:04:08,733
* You got a lifetime to share
1293
01:04:09,968 --> 01:04:12,904
* So much to say
1294
01:04:13,704 --> 01:04:15,506
* For only time...
1295
01:04:16,807 --> 01:04:18,476
Oh, my God, you suck!
1296
01:04:18,543 --> 01:04:19,777
And I'm not just
saying it lightly.
1297
01:04:19,844 --> 01:04:21,012
You really suck!
1298
01:04:21,079 --> 01:04:23,348
I wanna put a hot poker
through my ears!
1299
01:04:23,414 --> 01:04:25,083
God, what'd you do
with all you singing...
Get off me.
1300
01:04:25,150 --> 01:04:26,851
You don't know me, mister.
Your breath smell.
1301
01:04:26,918 --> 01:04:28,353
Let me show you to a chair.
Don't show me nothing.
1302
01:04:28,419 --> 01:04:31,189
Show me the way out of here.
1303
01:04:31,256 --> 01:04:32,991
Goodness gracious!
Good show, yeah?
1304
01:04:34,592 --> 01:04:36,928
Yeah,
this is a good show.
1305
01:04:36,995 --> 01:04:38,997
Yeah, could you go away,
little man? You bother me.
1306
01:04:39,064 --> 01:04:40,298
He wants a tip.
1307
01:04:40,365 --> 01:04:42,300
A tip?
Why didn't you
say so?
1308
01:04:42,367 --> 01:04:43,868
You buy Honda stock.
Okay, get away.
1309
01:04:43,935 --> 01:04:45,370
Your breath smell.
Get outta here.
1310
01:04:45,436 --> 01:04:48,439
Okay, he's too sucky.
I can't...
1311
01:04:49,807 --> 01:04:52,143
(CALLING INCONSPICUOUSLY)
1312
01:04:52,210 --> 01:04:54,245
PEST: Ninja! Ninja!
1313
01:04:54,312 --> 01:04:56,281
Ninja. Ninja. Ninja.
1314
01:04:56,347 --> 01:04:57,848
(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)
1315
01:04:57,915 --> 01:04:59,985
Ninja.
I am a ninja warrior.
1316
01:05:00,051 --> 01:05:01,452
Really?
1317
01:05:01,519 --> 01:05:03,288
All right,
who would like to be next?
1318
01:05:03,354 --> 01:05:04,655
Don't be shy now.
Ninja.
1319
01:05:04,722 --> 01:05:07,025
All right, sir,
there you go.
1320
01:05:07,092 --> 01:05:08,093
Come on up.
1321
01:05:08,159 --> 01:05:09,460
MAN: You go.
1322
01:05:09,527 --> 01:05:10,828
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no.
1323
01:05:10,895 --> 01:05:12,297
HIMMEL: Get up, get up.
1324
01:05:12,363 --> 01:05:13,698
That's right.
Don't be bashful.
Come on.
1325
01:05:13,764 --> 01:05:15,433
You make mistake.
No. I go. It's okay.
1326
01:05:15,500 --> 01:05:17,135
I can't, I can't.
1327
01:05:17,202 --> 01:05:18,436
Come on up, sir.
1328
01:05:18,503 --> 01:05:20,638
I can. I can.
Okay, I can, I can.
1329
01:05:21,739 --> 01:05:23,741
All right!
1330
01:05:23,808 --> 01:05:25,210
I was hoping to
see my family.
1331
01:05:25,276 --> 01:05:26,644
You know,
shoguns and all that.
1332
01:05:28,379 --> 01:05:30,115
It's a dangerous crowd
out there, isn't it?
1333
01:05:30,181 --> 01:05:33,018
Which karaoke selection
are you going to do for us?
1334
01:05:33,084 --> 01:05:34,819
What selections do
we have today, sir?
1335
01:05:34,885 --> 01:05:36,121
They're on the monitor.
1336
01:05:36,187 --> 01:05:37,522
(PRETENDS TO SPEAK JAPANESE)
1337
01:05:40,025 --> 01:05:42,093
"TV Favorites."
Why not? Okay.
1338
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:45,463
All right, TV Favorites.
Take it away.
1339
01:05:47,432 --> 01:05:49,567
I didn't know they
had words to this!
1340
01:05:49,634 --> 01:05:52,637
* We got a right
to pick a little fight
Bonanza!
1341
01:05:52,703 --> 01:05:56,874
* If anyone fights anyone
He's gotta fight with me!
1342
01:05:56,941 --> 01:05:59,744
* He might not want
to saddle up in one
Bonanza! *
1343
01:05:59,810 --> 01:06:01,146
(GASPS)
What are you doing?
1344
01:06:01,212 --> 01:06:04,249
I'm taking a break.
1345
01:06:04,949 --> 01:06:06,184
MAN: You suck!
1346
01:06:06,251 --> 01:06:08,186
No, you suck!
Okay? I kick your...
1347
01:06:10,088 --> 01:06:12,857
Do you recognize
the little Japanese guy?
1348
01:06:13,758 --> 01:06:15,593
No.
You sure?
1349
01:06:18,996 --> 01:06:21,199
(EXCLAIMS)
1350
01:06:21,266 --> 01:06:23,301
Thank you very much.
Thank you, okay.
1351
01:06:23,368 --> 01:06:27,105
That is Pest Vargas,
you idiot!
1352
01:06:28,073 --> 01:06:29,974
Pest!
1353
01:06:30,041 --> 01:06:33,278
Well, I'm going to
sing another song,
something from my childhood.
1354
01:06:33,344 --> 01:06:37,048
(PRETENDS SINGING IN JAPANESE)
1355
01:06:37,115 --> 01:06:39,350
You annoying little
weasel, Pest Vargas!
1356
01:06:39,417 --> 01:06:41,619
You know, you a big
irritate, round eye.
1357
01:06:41,686 --> 01:06:43,954
I am not Pest!
1358
01:06:44,021 --> 01:06:47,758
I am Uni Wasabi...
1359
01:06:49,427 --> 01:06:51,862
I had the pleasure
of hunting Uni Wasabi,
1360
01:06:51,929 --> 01:06:54,265
and you, sir,
are no Uni Wasabi.
1361
01:06:54,332 --> 01:06:55,866
I am, too!
1362
01:06:55,933 --> 01:06:58,603
(EXCLAIMING)
1363
01:06:58,669 --> 01:07:01,772
Perhaps this will
help you decide.
1364
01:07:01,839 --> 01:07:04,175
Perhaps this
1365
01:07:04,242 --> 01:07:06,544
will help you decide.
1366
01:07:09,847 --> 01:07:14,352
You defend yourself
with a puny vile of cat piss?
1367
01:07:14,419 --> 01:07:15,986
Leo, go get him.
It's the sex pheromones.
1368
01:07:16,053 --> 01:07:17,255
What?
1369
01:07:18,856 --> 01:07:20,591
Gustav,
1370
01:07:20,658 --> 01:07:23,861
I find myself
strangely drawn to you.
1371
01:07:23,928 --> 01:07:25,096
What?
1372
01:07:25,163 --> 01:07:26,997
Father, I feel funny.
What?
1373
01:07:27,865 --> 01:07:30,435
(MEN GASPING)
1374
01:07:32,770 --> 01:07:34,272
Let me at him.
1375
01:07:34,339 --> 01:07:35,373
Come on, Ninja.
1376
01:07:35,440 --> 01:07:36,541
You horny little dog.
1377
01:07:36,607 --> 01:07:38,243
I knew I should've
had you fixed.
1378
01:07:38,309 --> 01:07:40,111
What are you doing?
Let me go.
Put me down.
1379
01:07:40,178 --> 01:07:41,479
(HORN HONKING)
NINJA: You got
mad skills, man.
1380
01:07:41,546 --> 01:07:42,680
I didn't know you could sing.
1381
01:07:42,747 --> 01:07:45,015
Stick with me, son,
and I'll learn you.
1382
01:07:45,082 --> 01:07:46,717
Hey, yo, where's Gustav?
1383
01:07:46,784 --> 01:07:48,686
He's meeting some new people.
1384
01:07:48,753 --> 01:07:49,954
Where are we going?
Let's go.
1385
01:07:50,020 --> 01:07:51,722
I think you
should come with us.
1386
01:07:51,789 --> 01:07:55,293
No, thanks. My mother
said never to go out
with strangers.
1387
01:07:55,360 --> 01:07:57,962
But you seem nice.
1388
01:08:03,334 --> 01:08:07,305
Pest, Pest, Pest,
you're a great disappointment.
1389
01:08:07,372 --> 01:08:09,407
You thought I was
gonna be taller, right?
1390
01:08:09,474 --> 01:08:11,276
I get that a lot, don't I?
1391
01:08:11,342 --> 01:08:14,312
Why don't you do
that impression
I like so much?
1392
01:08:14,379 --> 01:08:16,080
Come on,
I don't want to.
1393
01:08:16,147 --> 01:08:18,583
You know,
the Italians never make
me do impressions.
1394
01:08:18,649 --> 01:08:20,117
Do it.
1395
01:08:20,185 --> 01:08:21,619
Captain, I cannot do it.
1396
01:08:21,686 --> 01:08:23,421
The dilithium crystals
are breaking up.
1397
01:08:23,488 --> 01:08:24,855
She's gonna blow.
1398
01:08:35,866 --> 01:08:37,067
Not so fast.
1399
01:08:38,903 --> 01:08:40,037
Where's my money?
1400
01:08:40,104 --> 01:08:41,706
Look, I'll have
the money for you...
1401
01:08:41,772 --> 01:08:43,007
What's the day after today?
1402
01:08:43,073 --> 01:08:44,275
Tomorrow.
1403
01:08:44,342 --> 01:08:45,576
Tomorrow.
My word is my bond.
1404
01:08:45,643 --> 01:08:47,011
I don't trust your word.
1405
01:08:47,612 --> 01:08:50,981
Okay. Then...
1406
01:08:51,048 --> 01:08:53,884
Take as collateral
that which is the mostest
1407
01:08:53,951 --> 01:08:56,020
precious to me
in the entire world.
1408
01:08:56,086 --> 01:08:58,756
And what would
that be, Mr. Vargas?
1409
01:08:59,324 --> 01:09:01,125
Well,
1410
01:09:01,192 --> 01:09:03,828
it's my best friend...
1411
01:09:06,964 --> 01:09:08,333
Ninja.
Yes!
1412
01:09:09,934 --> 01:09:11,135
Pest, Pest,
don't leave me, man.
1413
01:09:11,202 --> 01:09:13,438
They've got skirts
and hairy legs!
1414
01:09:13,504 --> 01:09:15,640
Don't worry,
little friend.
1415
01:09:17,208 --> 01:09:19,744
I can't believe
you just did that.
1416
01:09:19,810 --> 01:09:21,746
Chubbs, don't worry.
I got it all covered, man.
1417
01:09:21,812 --> 01:09:23,248
The 24 hours is almost up.
1418
01:09:23,314 --> 01:09:24,515
Then we'll get
Gustav's money.
1419
01:09:24,582 --> 01:09:26,016
Then we'll pick
him up like that.
1420
01:09:26,083 --> 01:09:27,485
I'm not talking
about that, Pest!
1421
01:09:27,552 --> 01:09:30,054
What are you
talking about?
1422
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:32,990
You said he was
your best friend, man.
1423
01:09:33,057 --> 01:09:35,293
I thought I was
your best friend.
1424
01:09:36,193 --> 01:09:39,163
Chubby-wubbsy.
1425
01:09:39,230 --> 01:09:40,498
You are my best friend.
1426
01:09:40,565 --> 01:09:42,066
That's why I picked Ninja.
1427
01:09:49,540 --> 01:09:51,008
(PHONE RINGING)
1428
01:09:51,075 --> 01:09:52,209
PEST: Hello.
1429
01:09:52,277 --> 01:09:53,778
Hello, Pest.
1430
01:09:53,844 --> 01:09:55,212
The one and only.
1431
01:09:55,280 --> 01:09:57,282
And you are?
Wait, don't tell me.
1432
01:09:57,348 --> 01:09:59,183
You'll spoil the moment.
1433
01:09:59,250 --> 01:10:00,451
Gustav.
1434
01:10:00,518 --> 01:10:04,255
You know, Pest, you hav
e a marvelous family.
1435
01:10:04,322 --> 01:10:07,625
Gustav, my family was never,
ever a part of the contract.
1436
01:10:07,692 --> 01:10:11,061
Well, neither was
your girlfriend's family
or her best friend,
1437
01:10:11,128 --> 01:10:14,599
but I don't care.
I'm gonna kill them all!
1438
01:10:14,665 --> 01:10:16,367
He's gonna kill my family.
1439
01:10:16,434 --> 01:10:19,337
You do that
and you're gonna be
in big trouble, mister.
1440
01:10:19,404 --> 01:10:22,573
Jail even.
Can you say
"prison bitch"?
1441
01:10:24,475 --> 01:10:26,711
Tomorrow I return
to my homeland
1442
01:10:26,777 --> 01:10:29,580
where I regain my status
as a citizen of Germany.
1443
01:10:29,647 --> 01:10:32,417
But first I have to
settle up with you.
1444
01:10:32,483 --> 01:10:34,985
No, Gustav.
You're always
thinking of others.
1445
01:10:35,052 --> 01:10:36,554
Don't worry, we're even.
1446
01:10:36,621 --> 01:10:38,789
Go back to Germany.
Don't even worry
about saying goodbye.
1447
01:10:38,856 --> 01:10:41,292
Send me a postcard.
Fax if you can.
1448
01:10:41,359 --> 01:10:45,062
You better get to
the freighter at
Pier 16 in 20 minutes,
1449
01:10:45,129 --> 01:10:49,300
or you're gonna be
one lonely little Latino.
1450
01:10:49,367 --> 01:10:50,735
All right,
I'll be there, Gustav.
1451
01:10:50,801 --> 01:10:53,237
But for any reason I'm late,
could you start with Malaria?
1452
01:10:55,005 --> 01:10:56,641
Gustav?
1453
01:10:56,707 --> 01:10:58,909
Yo, Chubbs,
head to Liberty Ship
on Pier 16.
1454
01:10:58,976 --> 01:11:01,178
All right, step on it,
double it, man!
1455
01:11:01,245 --> 01:11:02,313
(GUN CLICKING)
1456
01:11:02,380 --> 01:11:03,548
(MIMICS GUNFIRE)
1457
01:11:03,614 --> 01:11:04,615
(SCREAMING)
1458
01:11:06,250 --> 01:11:07,718
Don't be so jumpy.
1459
01:11:07,785 --> 01:11:09,454
I'm not arguing
with a man with a gun.
1460
01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:11,188
He's got a gun
in his hand.
1461
01:11:12,523 --> 01:11:14,792
Why are you doing this?
1462
01:11:14,859 --> 01:11:17,595
Why are you
hunting my Pest?
1463
01:11:17,662 --> 01:11:20,765
The man you know as "Pest"
is actually a highly-valued
1464
01:11:20,831 --> 01:11:23,501
operative in
your secret service.
1465
01:11:23,568 --> 01:11:27,672
The underworld has placed
a high price on his head.
I intend to collect.
1466
01:11:29,374 --> 01:11:32,477
You see, Felix?
I told you that my Pest
wasn't just a bum!
1467
01:11:32,543 --> 01:11:35,079
Actually, I lied.
I'm just hunting him
1468
01:11:35,145 --> 01:11:40,284
because no one will miss
an inconsequential piece
of flotsam like him.
1469
01:11:40,351 --> 01:11:41,819
That makes a little
more sense, you know.
1470
01:11:41,886 --> 01:11:43,521
How could you agree
with this monster?
1471
01:11:43,588 --> 01:11:45,390
Be quiet.
Sit down. He gets angry.
1472
01:11:57,402 --> 01:12:00,405
You stay here
and guard them.
1473
01:12:00,471 --> 01:12:02,272
I'm going to go
look around.
1474
01:12:10,347 --> 01:12:15,786
Oh, Jack! Oh, snap,
Chubbs, we finally get
the good stuff, kid.
1475
01:12:17,054 --> 01:12:18,255
Be all you can be!
1476
01:12:18,322 --> 01:12:20,057
Yeah. Don't ask,
don't tell, right?
1477
01:12:20,124 --> 01:12:22,026
What's that
supposed to mean?
1478
01:12:22,092 --> 01:12:24,595
Nothing.
Well, just checking.
1479
01:12:28,933 --> 01:12:30,134
HIMMEL: You have
to believe me.
1480
01:12:30,200 --> 01:12:31,335
None of this was my idea.
1481
01:12:35,806 --> 01:12:38,776
I feel you understand.
I get seasick!
1482
01:12:38,843 --> 01:12:40,711
Why would I want
to be on a boat?
1483
01:12:40,778 --> 01:12:44,682
Chubbs. Chubbs,
snake boy's got everybody
I care about down there.
1484
01:12:44,749 --> 01:12:46,951
Yo, Pest,
we gotta think
of something fast.
1485
01:12:47,017 --> 01:12:50,588
All right, Chubbs,
I'm gonna give Gustav
a little attitude adjustment.
1486
01:12:50,655 --> 01:12:51,856
So, you're just gonna...
1487
01:12:51,922 --> 01:12:53,958
HIMMEL: I'm not a bad person.
1488
01:12:54,024 --> 01:12:57,962
To tell you the truth,
I don't think he's my father.
1489
01:12:59,396 --> 01:13:01,999
Gustav, where are you?
1490
01:13:02,066 --> 01:13:03,734
I have arrived!
1491
01:13:04,802 --> 01:13:06,403
Ouch! Goosey!
1492
01:13:06,471 --> 01:13:09,339
Welcome to the Love Boat.
I'm your waiter, Isaac.
1493
01:13:10,307 --> 01:13:14,144
Gustav, come on,
where are you?
1494
01:13:14,211 --> 01:13:15,746
Don't be shy.
1495
01:13:15,813 --> 01:13:19,016
Goosey,
I can see your bald spot.
1496
01:13:19,083 --> 01:13:21,786
You're getting warmer.
Oh, you're getting hot.
1497
01:13:21,852 --> 01:13:24,388
You're getting really hot.
You're boiling!
You're on fire!
1498
01:13:26,390 --> 01:13:28,859
Goosey, look, I'm over here.
1499
01:13:28,926 --> 01:13:31,395
I'm a shadow of
my former self.
1500
01:13:31,462 --> 01:13:33,731
(PEST SINGING SINGSONG)
1501
01:13:33,798 --> 01:13:35,232
(SPUTTERING)
1502
01:13:35,966 --> 01:13:37,234
Sucker!
1503
01:13:39,069 --> 01:13:40,938
(NASALLY)
I'm the great Cornholio.
1504
01:13:41,772 --> 01:13:44,274
I need TP for my bungholio.
1505
01:13:44,341 --> 01:13:46,076
Oh, woe is me, Gustav.
1506
01:13:46,143 --> 01:13:48,178
Someone's turned me
into a walkie-talkie.
1507
01:13:48,245 --> 01:13:51,782
Help me! Help me! Help me!
1508
01:13:51,849 --> 01:13:54,384
Oh, why don't you
come out, Pest?
1509
01:13:54,451 --> 01:13:56,521
Hey, Gustav,
what do you got left
1510
01:13:56,587 --> 01:13:59,323
after smoking a huge cigar?
A big butt!
1511
01:14:01,058 --> 01:14:02,059
(LAUGHING)
1512
01:14:24,782 --> 01:14:26,483
Where are you, Pest?
1513
01:14:26,551 --> 01:14:27,885
(PEST GROANING IN PAIN)
1514
01:14:27,952 --> 01:14:30,621
Oh, you got me, Gustav!
1515
01:14:30,688 --> 01:14:32,156
You got me laughing at you.
1516
01:14:32,222 --> 01:14:34,458
My father is insane.
1517
01:14:34,525 --> 01:14:37,294
Do you know
what he used to do
to me as a child?
1518
01:14:40,064 --> 01:14:42,633
All right, funny boy.
1519
01:14:44,334 --> 01:14:48,873
If you don't come out,
your girlfriend gets it.
1520
01:14:48,939 --> 01:14:50,307
PEST: All right, saggy cheeks.
1521
01:14:50,374 --> 01:14:52,076
But if I come out,
you gotta let her go.
1522
01:14:52,142 --> 01:14:53,243
Deal!
1523
01:14:59,449 --> 01:15:00,985
Let her go, Leo.
1524
01:15:07,124 --> 01:15:08,158
Pest, you're all right!
1525
01:15:08,225 --> 01:15:09,594
Everything's okay.
1526
01:15:09,660 --> 01:15:11,495
Now come closer.
1527
01:15:11,562 --> 01:15:14,031
Any closer and I'd be
intimate with you.
1528
01:15:14,832 --> 01:15:16,066
Pest!
1529
01:15:16,133 --> 01:15:18,235
There's only one Pest
that can't be exterminated.
1530
01:15:18,302 --> 01:15:19,503
But I thought...
1531
01:15:22,339 --> 01:15:23,974
Now drop your weapons.
1532
01:15:25,275 --> 01:15:27,712
No.
No.
1533
01:15:27,778 --> 01:15:30,214
Well, I don't know
how long I can keep
this thing from firing.
1534
01:15:34,084 --> 01:15:35,853
I loved it.
1535
01:15:35,920 --> 01:15:39,189
Now, I guess
we just sit here and wait
till I become a rich man.
1536
01:15:41,792 --> 01:15:42,960
I meant to do that.
1537
01:15:43,628 --> 01:15:45,395
(HUMMING)
1538
01:15:47,765 --> 01:15:49,266
Let me ask you
a question.
1539
01:15:50,400 --> 01:15:53,470
How do you feel?
1540
01:15:53,537 --> 01:15:57,507
Fine.
Why, do I look bloated?
Am I bloated?
1541
01:15:57,574 --> 01:16:00,845
Do you remember
our little toast
on the island, Pest?
1542
01:16:00,911 --> 01:16:03,480
How could I forget?
It gave me indigestion
and whatnot.
1543
01:16:04,615 --> 01:16:06,116
I poisoned your drink.
1544
01:16:06,183 --> 01:16:08,252
What?
What?
1545
01:16:08,318 --> 01:16:10,655
And the poison kills
in exactly 18 hours.
1546
01:16:12,790 --> 01:16:14,558
You are so diabolical, sir.
1547
01:16:14,625 --> 01:16:17,427
Yeah. You've got
15 seconds, Pest.
1548
01:16:17,494 --> 01:16:18,863
LEO: Enjoy it.
1549
01:16:23,167 --> 01:16:28,305
And by the way,
the safe deposit box is
in the Miami Central Bank.
1550
01:16:28,372 --> 01:16:31,208
LEO: Yeah.
Your $50,000 is in there.
1551
01:16:31,275 --> 01:16:33,410
Not that it would
do you any good.
1552
01:16:38,048 --> 01:16:40,184
What are you talking about?
Hold this, Chubby.
1553
01:16:40,250 --> 01:16:42,853
I never felt
better in my life!
1554
01:16:42,920 --> 01:16:45,489
If I was poisoned,
could I do this?
1555
01:16:47,357 --> 01:16:49,626
Or this? Or this?
1556
01:16:50,661 --> 01:16:53,263
Or this? Or this?
1557
01:16:55,132 --> 01:17:00,337
Or this? Or this? Or this?
1558
01:17:00,404 --> 01:17:03,841
Or this? Or this?
1559
01:17:05,509 --> 01:17:06,877
Or...
1560
01:17:10,347 --> 01:17:12,316
I got the head bag, boss.
1561
01:17:12,382 --> 01:17:14,685
Nah, forget it.
That face would
just annoy me.
1562
01:17:14,752 --> 01:17:16,253
You cheated!
1563
01:17:16,320 --> 01:17:19,089
Not now, Himmel.
We'll discuss this
at home.
1564
01:17:19,156 --> 01:17:20,758
You'd have to shoot me first.
1565
01:17:23,127 --> 01:17:24,494
I can't believe you shot him!
1566
01:17:24,561 --> 01:17:26,363
Oh, he's wearing
a bulletproof vest.
1567
01:17:28,032 --> 01:17:30,400
It doesn't mean
it doesn't hurt.
1568
01:17:30,467 --> 01:17:33,771
All right, fine!
Himmel, you stay here
amongst the losers.
1569
01:17:33,838 --> 01:17:35,005
Come on, Leo.
1570
01:17:36,874 --> 01:17:38,175
LEO: Where to?
1571
01:17:38,242 --> 01:17:39,643
GUSTAV:
We have much to do.
1572
01:17:39,710 --> 01:17:41,578
We're on our way
to the homeland.
1573
01:17:47,317 --> 01:17:52,189
Good morning, my dear.
I need to get into my
safety deposit box, please.
1574
01:17:52,256 --> 01:17:54,591
Of course, Mr. Shank.
The guard will let you in.
1575
01:17:54,658 --> 01:17:56,493
Yeah.
1576
01:17:56,560 --> 01:17:57,862
Andy.
1577
01:18:04,234 --> 01:18:05,836
I'll just be a minute, Andy.
1578
01:18:30,494 --> 01:18:31,962
(PHONE RINGING)
1579
01:18:38,668 --> 01:18:40,037
Hello?
1580
01:18:40,104 --> 01:18:42,072
PEST: Surprise!
1581
01:18:42,139 --> 01:18:43,774
Pest!
Yup.
1582
01:18:43,841 --> 01:18:46,310
But the poison should've...
1583
01:18:46,376 --> 01:18:47,912
PEST: Killed me?
1584
01:18:47,978 --> 01:18:50,647
Not likely,
since I puked up
all the poison
1585
01:18:50,714 --> 01:18:53,117
on that thrilling boat
ride with your Himmel.
1586
01:18:53,183 --> 01:18:57,387
And with the help of my
close personal friend,
the German Ambassador,
1587
01:18:57,454 --> 01:18:59,656
I was able to
liberate all your money.
My money?
1588
01:18:59,723 --> 01:19:03,393
That's right. And you know,
there was a lot more
than $50,000 in there.
1589
01:19:03,460 --> 01:19:04,895
Oh, and check this.
1590
01:19:04,962 --> 01:19:07,231
The Ambassador also
spoke with the authorities
about your...
1591
01:19:07,297 --> 01:19:11,301
How should I put it?
Eccentric hunting activities.
Hello, fellows. Goodbye.
1592
01:19:11,368 --> 01:19:13,703
Don't forget to write.
You're going away
for a long time!
1593
01:19:13,770 --> 01:19:15,105
Pest, I'll get you!
1594
01:19:15,172 --> 01:19:17,007
(SCREAMS)
1595
01:19:17,074 --> 01:19:20,177
No! No!
I do not recognize
your authority.
1596
01:19:20,244 --> 01:19:24,581
* Go, Pest!
P to the E to
the S to the T *
1597
01:19:24,648 --> 01:19:26,951
Yes!
1598
01:19:27,017 --> 01:19:29,753
There he is!
I'm gonna kill you!
I'll kill you!
1599
01:19:29,820 --> 01:19:32,589
How dare you?
I'm sorry, Mr. Ambassador.
1600
01:19:32,656 --> 01:19:34,791
He's not the Ambassador.
He's an impostor!
1601
01:19:34,859 --> 01:19:38,428
How dare you
question my authority?
1602
01:19:39,429 --> 01:19:43,133
If I wasn't the Ambassador
1603
01:19:43,200 --> 01:19:46,136
would I have
the confidence
to do this?
1604
01:19:47,504 --> 01:19:48,672
And this?
1605
01:19:50,640 --> 01:19:51,641
And this?
1606
01:19:53,710 --> 01:19:56,947
Would I have the downright
perverse impudence
1607
01:19:57,014 --> 01:19:59,283
and lack of love
for my fellow man
to do this?
1608
01:19:59,349 --> 01:20:01,285
Wedgie!
God!
1609
01:20:01,351 --> 01:20:04,121
Therefore I must
be the Ambassador.
1610
01:20:04,188 --> 01:20:06,123
He is not even German.
1611
01:20:06,190 --> 01:20:07,691
Our feet are the same.
1612
01:20:07,757 --> 01:20:10,394
Goodbye to you
and you and you!
1613
01:20:10,460 --> 01:20:12,329
(SNARLING)
Let's take him away!
1614
01:20:22,306 --> 01:20:24,942
Vargas,
here's your garbage back!
1615
01:20:25,009 --> 01:20:28,812
Oh, Ninja, you all right?
What's up, man?
What's up?
1616
01:20:28,879 --> 01:20:30,680
I knew you were my
best friend, right?
I'm your best friend.
1617
01:20:30,747 --> 01:20:32,449
Me and Chubbs
always talked about it...
I know.
1618
01:20:32,516 --> 01:20:33,850
He stole my clothes, man...
1619
01:20:33,918 --> 01:20:36,353
Pest, get your white
behind in this Jeep.
1620
01:20:36,420 --> 01:20:37,922
How many times do
I have to tell you?
1621
01:20:37,988 --> 01:20:39,589
I'm half-black buttocks.
1622
01:20:39,656 --> 01:20:41,058
Honey, get over yourself.
1623
01:20:48,698 --> 01:20:51,435
* I like to party
with my peeps
1624
01:20:51,501 --> 01:20:53,003
* Cruise and creep
1625
01:20:53,070 --> 01:20:54,371
* Playing three-card monte
on these crazy streets
1626
01:20:54,438 --> 01:20:56,473
* Straight hustler,
I pull a scam in a minute
1627
01:20:56,540 --> 01:20:58,508
* So low to the floor
Pick the pocket on a midget
1628
01:20:58,575 --> 01:21:01,078
* Slick shyster,
The Pest-meister
1629
01:21:01,145 --> 01:21:03,180
* Living life in Miami's vice
1630
01:21:03,247 --> 01:21:04,381
* Ma see?
1631
01:21:04,448 --> 01:21:06,183
* Nobody messes
with the frog, see?
1632
01:21:06,250 --> 01:21:08,018
* Where's your Messiah now?
1633
01:21:08,085 --> 01:21:11,621
CHORUS:
* Voodoo mambo,
chili Congo
1634
01:21:11,688 --> 01:21:14,458
* Old-school beat
meets Latin freak
and you don't stop
1635
01:21:14,524 --> 01:21:16,593
* That's a mean mambo
1636
01:21:16,660 --> 01:21:20,264
* Voodoo mambo,
chili Congo
1637
01:21:20,330 --> 01:21:22,799
* Old-school beat
meets Latin freak
and you don't stop
1638
01:21:22,866 --> 01:21:25,602
* That's a mean mambo
1639
01:21:26,303 --> 01:21:28,939
(HUMMING)
1640
01:21:30,540 --> 01:21:32,776
* I'm hurting
All right already
1641
01:21:32,842 --> 01:21:34,278
* I'm ridiculous
1642
01:21:34,344 --> 01:21:36,413
* Like a booger,
I stick to this
1643
01:21:36,480 --> 01:21:37,914
(FARTING)
* Take a wiff of this
1644
01:21:37,982 --> 01:21:40,650
* One stinky dinky
1645
01:21:40,717 --> 01:21:44,688
* Two stinky dinky
1646
01:21:44,754 --> 01:21:50,194
* Three stinky dinky
1647
01:21:50,260 --> 01:21:54,331
* Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who is the slickest
of them all?
1648
01:21:54,398 --> 01:21:56,933
* It's the schemingest,
keenest scam artist
1649
01:21:57,001 --> 01:21:59,303
* God it's so hard
to be modest!
1650
01:21:59,369 --> 01:22:01,071
(LAUGHING)
1651
01:22:01,138 --> 01:22:03,507
Put up your fisty cuffs even.
1652
01:22:03,573 --> 01:22:06,443
Put 'em up. Put 'em up even.
1653
01:22:08,012 --> 01:22:11,648
* Voodoo mambo,
chili Congo
1654
01:22:11,715 --> 01:22:14,451
* Old-school beat
meets Latin street
and you don't stop
1655
01:22:14,518 --> 01:22:16,653
* That's a mean mambo
1656
01:22:16,720 --> 01:22:20,224
* Voodoo mambo,
chili Congo
1657
01:22:20,290 --> 01:22:23,427
* Old-school beat
meets Latin street
and you don't stop
1658
01:22:23,493 --> 01:22:25,162
* That's a mean mambo
1659
01:22:25,229 --> 01:22:26,830
* Jack might be nimble
but I'm a sex symbol
1660
01:22:26,896 --> 01:22:28,865
* So slick I stole the wick
from his candlestick
1661
01:22:28,932 --> 01:22:32,836
* I'm in the mood to scam
simply because I can
1662
01:22:32,902 --> 01:22:34,704
* I'm the Latin Houdini
1663
01:22:34,771 --> 01:22:38,408
* Disappear in a flash
with your cash
and I'm back like a genie
1664
01:22:38,475 --> 01:22:41,711
Lucy, I'm home!
Don't do that to me, Lucy!
1665
01:22:41,778 --> 01:22:43,913
* Freak to the east,
freak to the west
1666
01:22:43,980 --> 01:22:46,083
* Freak big booties
and big chest
1667
01:22:46,150 --> 01:22:47,951
* Yes, yes, y'all,
and it's like that!
1668
01:22:48,018 --> 01:22:50,187
* Why, certainly!
1669
01:22:50,254 --> 01:22:54,624
* Get stupid, get retarded
'Cause Pest'll get
the party started
1670
01:22:54,691 --> 01:22:58,695
Which way did he go, George?
Which way did he go?
1671
01:22:58,762 --> 01:23:01,098
* Funkadocious,
groovilocious, atrocious
1672
01:23:01,165 --> 01:23:03,767
(SINGING IN SPANISH)
1673
01:23:07,437 --> 01:23:09,439
* I'm the man of
a million disguises
1674
01:23:09,506 --> 01:23:10,674
* I'm as crazy
as they make 'em
1675
01:23:10,740 --> 01:23:12,276
* Or shake 'em or break 'em
1676
01:23:12,342 --> 01:23:14,978
* So scientific,
hate to be specific
E is equals MC-squared
1677
01:23:15,045 --> 01:23:16,546
* You still there?
1678
01:23:16,613 --> 01:23:19,416
* Multiply, divide it
slide up inside it,
blend it, mix it
1679
01:23:19,483 --> 01:23:21,518
* Damn, I'm terrific
1680
01:23:24,754 --> 01:23:27,324
Hippity-hoppity.
Think properly.
1681
01:23:27,391 --> 01:23:28,825
Suffering succotash.
1682
01:23:28,892 --> 01:23:30,960
I'm smaller
than the average man, hobo.
1683
01:23:31,027 --> 01:23:32,829
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
1684
01:23:42,038 --> 01:23:43,307
Wait!
1685
01:24:06,563 --> 01:24:07,964
Like this and
like that, right?
1686
01:24:08,031 --> 01:24:09,633
Like this and like that.
1687
01:24:09,699 --> 01:24:11,101
You know what they say,
right, Chubby?
1688
01:24:11,168 --> 01:24:12,502
Never trust a big
butt and a smile.
1689
01:24:12,569 --> 01:24:13,770
That's what you trust.
184663
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