Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:03,937
-(stomps)
-(fingers snapping rhythmically)
2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:09,343
ANNOUNCER: Better Things.
All new Thursdays at 10:00
on FX.
3
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:16,350
FXX presents You're the Worst.
4
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:20,654
(bicycle bells dinging)
5
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,656
(man singing opera)
6
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:26,194
(children giggling)
7
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:29,897
When I saw the images from the
Eagle Nebula, my God, Leonard.
8
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:32,333
Swirling, almost pulsating
9
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,768
elephant trunks of dust and gas
10
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:37,037
700 light-years away. Oh.
11
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:39,440
Ah, the Pillars of Creation.
12
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,709
Spitzer observed a cloud of
13
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:44,678
supernova shock waves,
suggesting the pillars
14
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,881
Hubble had just photographed
may have actually been destroyed
15
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:49,883
6,000 years ago.
16
00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:52,553
Oh, what better captures
17
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:56,090
both the pathetic insignificance
of humanity
18
00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:59,460
and our own tragic nobility
19
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:02,062
than to fall in love
with the ghost of something
20
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:04,064
we had no chance
21
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:06,434
of ever knowing
in the first place.
22
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,436
(doorbell plays 2001's
"Also Sprach Zarathustra" theme)
23
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,838
Ah.
24
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,146
What up, space nerds?
25
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,948
You must be Paul's family.
Welcome.
26
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,916
-(chuckles)
-Oh. Thank you.
27
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,452
Okay!
28
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,954
Paul forgot to mention
how ravishing you are.
29
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:29,089
-Oh, well, thank you.
-(door slams)
30
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:32,760
And... Vernon. Paul described
you pretty accurately.
31
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,929
-Thanks.
-(clears throat)
Uh, I'm Leonard Gilmartin,
32
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:38,499
but please, call me Gilly.
Everyone does.
33
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:41,602
-Oh.
-Copy that, Gillbo.
-Just Gilly.
34
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:44,572
I'm the president of
the Pasadena Astronomy Society.
35
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,674
I won an auction
on Eeebs for these.
36
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:49,076
Hundred bones for a set of four.
37
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,611
Bit pricey, but as a surgeon,
38
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:53,514
I know how important it is
to be able to see good.
39
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:56,817
Oh, fabulous. Of course,
you know it's a lunar eclipse.
40
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,522
Agree to disagree.
41
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:02,956
(Becca softly chuckles)
42
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:05,493
-Oh, joy! You made it!
-Oh, good.
43
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,795
I'll let you show them
to their room. (chuckles)
44
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:11,299
Wow, Paul,
this place is trés classy.
45
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:14,302
Yeah, it's like we're getting
to crash at a Pier 1 Imports,
46
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:17,471
or something not quite as fancy,
but still good, like a CB2.
47
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,807
I'm so glad you guys came!
48
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,343
I look forward to
the once-a-year family weekend
49
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:24,878
here at Gilly's
more than just about anything.
50
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:27,181
Aside from the McRib.
51
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:30,651
What is it about that sandwich
that haunts me so?
52
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,686
Where's Tallulah?
53
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,022
Becca asked Lindsay to watch her
while we were away.
54
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:36,857
You said
you were gonna ask her.
55
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,859
Oh. Right.
56
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,894
-I did... and she said yes.
-Huh.
57
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,496
-So, that's all set.
-Ah.
58
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,832
I got to shoot off a text
real quick, unrelated.
59
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:48,068
-Follow me to your quarters.
-(Becca chuckles)
60
00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:01,549
* I'm gonna leave you anyway *
61
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,684
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
62
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:06,053
* Gonna leave you anyway. *
63
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,695
-(gentle piano music playing)
-(Becca gasps)
64
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,166
Ah!
65
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,336
Blankets and pillows.
Ka-ching!
66
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:25,673
And I'm right next door.
We share a bathroom.
67
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,275
Gross.
68
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:30,177
I'll let you two settle in.
69
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:33,581
I'm supposed to help some of the
little ones make a moon cake.
70
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:38,552
It's actually a sponge cake
with powdered sugar. Shh.
71
00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:40,187
(Becca sighs)
72
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,022
We play our cards right, Bec,
73
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,758
I think we can milk this con
into a European vacay.
74
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,860
Ew.
75
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:49,129
Paul probably wants us
to do the insemination
76
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:51,465
during the eclipse,
like a freaky.
77
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:54,568
-For sure.
What a dingus. (gasps)
-Ugh.
78
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,704
I bet I can make
my own sandwich here.
79
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,939
Like, they'll probably have one
of those fancy sandwich bars
80
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,208
with all the fixins.
Can you imagine, Bec?
81
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,977
(chuckles)
Me with fixins?
82
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:07,648
I can't even picture it.
83
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:21,962
Come on, sport with us.
Tallyho!
84
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,434
BECCA:
Get it, honey.
85
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,168
That's out.
86
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,270
-(cheering, laughing)
-Yeah! Nice serve, buddy!
87
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:32,940
Oh, honey.
88
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,743
-(bicycle bells dinging)
-(Becca whoops)
89
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,311
Come and get me, Vern.
90
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,548
VERNON:
Oh! Shitballs.
91
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:02,002
-Did you feel it?
-I did.
92
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,037
(indistinct chatter)
93
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,113
Fixins.
94
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,683
(playing classical music)
95
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:38,406
I just want to address something
so that there isn't any
96
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:42,376
dark cumulonimbus sullying
this weekend.
97
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:46,847
I've been doing some
soul-searching, and I think
98
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,916
we should press pause
on the insemination protocol.
99
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:53,020
But we're making progress.
100
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:56,690
I-I feel us getting closer
with every attempt.
101
00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:58,759
Come on,
let's give it one more shot
102
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,328
when the moon eats the sun
or whatever the frig.
103
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,031
The truth is, our primitive
insemination technique,
104
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,899
combined with Rebecca's
105
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:09,336
geriatric womb, has me
convinced success is improbable.
106
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,239
Did you just call my womb
geriatric?!
107
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:14,675
-Primitive technique?
-Sometimes,
108
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,310
it's just harder
for women of your advanced age.
109
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,716
We faked it!
110
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,952
-What do you mean?
-Nothing! She doesn't
mean anything.
111
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,588
I think her geriatric womb
has spread to her brain.
112
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,223
We've never put any
of your semen into my vagina.
113
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,859
We've only been pretending
in order
114
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,961
to string you along
and make more money.
115
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:36,964
My womb works. It works
like gangbusters, mister.
116
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,766
What did you do with my...?
117
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:41,535
Your gunk?
I squirted it out the window.
118
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,136
But if it makes you feel
any better,
119
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,205
the ficus in Lindsay's alley
has grown, like, a foot.
120
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,207
BECCA:
This time, we'll actually do it.
121
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,043
And we'll bake you up
a bouncing baby in no time.
122
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:53,947
Come on. There were mistakes
made on both sides.
123
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,983
On both sides.
124
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,989
Now that the the cold,
hard truth is coming out...
125
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,458
I've already lined up
another surrogate.
126
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:05,993
She's 24,
127
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:09,129
is getting her master's,
and was a Division 1
128
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,398
fencing champion.
And the best part?
129
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:15,102
She's not a no-good,
rotten liar!
130
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,970
You're cheating on us?
Dude...
131
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:19,507
this is a lot to take in
right now. We trusted you!
132
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,642
Calling all stargazers!
133
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:24,645
Lunch is ready!
134
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,514
(indistinct chatter)
135
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,816
This is a pleasure for me
to be with all of you.
136
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:31,852
(indistinct chatter continues)
137
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:40,160
GILMARTIN: Oh, well,
you're in for it now.
138
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,763
Let's eat, everybody.
139
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,365
Enjoy the cheese, it's imported.
140
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,375
The Mayans believed that
141
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:58,011
during an eclipse, jaguars would
come out of the earth
142
00:07:58,045 --> 00:08:01,348
and eat the pale people,
pale people like you.
143
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:04,518
At least my little dick's not
hanging out of my shorts.
144
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:05,886
Ha! Stupid.
145
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,221
(laughs)
146
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:09,523
Mmm.
147
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,163
(fire crackling)
148
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:27,207
I'm actually glad you found
that 24-year-old.
149
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,877
She sounds great.
150
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,345
Just... be careful, though.
151
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:34,682
It can be complicated
for a woman,
152
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,685
especially a young one
without children.
153
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,253
Once you see that baby...
(sighs)
154
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,956
it's hard not to be attached.
155
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,927
I see what you're trying to do.
156
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,398
Our trust has been
irrevocably shattered, Becca.
157
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,667
It's over.
158
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:55,669
I know we betrayed you,
159
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:58,772
but when it came down to it,
that has never really seemed
160
00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:01,041
like the right way
to create a life--
161
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,543
the bathroom, the cold baster.
162
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,245
Vernon.
163
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,447
I mean...
164
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:11,318
what if we eliminated
the intermediary device?
165
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:21,795
Are you suggesting
that you and I...?
166
00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:23,463
Yes.
167
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,599
I am.
168
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,868
Give us that come, bro!
We'll do it for real this time!
169
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,438
-We promise!
-What is wrong with you two?
170
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:34,407
She offers to have sex with me,
then you try to intimidate me?
171
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,710
I don't know what type
of reindeer games
172
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,947
you're playing,
but I don't want to join in.
173
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,949
Not in any of them!
174
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,219
Great job, turd.
175
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,156
I was this close to getting
our fish back on the line.
176
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,458
-By offering him your bod?
-You got greedy,
177
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:54,561
and now our golden goose thinks
my eggs have expired!
178
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,129
Don't blame this on me.
179
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:58,265
You were enjoying the scam
just as much as I was.
180
00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:59,733
You said you felt like
Annette Bening
181
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:00,801
-in The Grifters.
-You're the one
182
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,602
that blew up our lives
and put us
183
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,104
in this situation
in the first place!
184
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,572
You didn't just nick an artery.
185
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,475
You nicked any chance
of us being happy again.
186
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:12,012
You were always a bitch,
but you just got mean, Bec.
187
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,247
Why'd you even marry me
in the first place?
188
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,116
I could be married to Téa Leoni!
189
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:19,987
You were in line with her
at Jamba Juice! One time!
190
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,989
We shared a moment!
She said, "Cool jacket."
191
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,857
Who knows where
it could have gone.
192
00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:26,126
But instead, I ended up
with a blackhearted witch
193
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:27,961
who wants nothing to do with me!
194
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:29,763
I only married you
because you were a doctor
195
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,164
and I wanted
to make Jimmy jealous.
196
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,700
But you even ruined that
197
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:36,536
by becoming a giant,
worthless zero!
198
00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,759
(exhales)
199
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:03,530
What?
200
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,132
Do you want to play
a game with me?
201
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,836
Yeah, okay, but no pussin' out
when I stomp you.
202
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,171
I'm an adult grown-up.
That means some shit.
203
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,310
This game?
204
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,379
-Are you even
for real right now?
-Mm-hmm.
205
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,414
(chuckles)
Look at you.
206
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,683
You're just a chill little dude
who hasn't been kicked
207
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,352
in the nards by life yet.
208
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,987
But you will.
209
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,989
One day when you're
least expecting it-- blam!
210
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,858
One second you're the envy
of all the other docs,
211
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,862
'cause you got a hot wife,
vanity plates, two Apple watches
212
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,330
and a podcast in the top
three hundy on Stitcher.
213
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,666
And the next thing you know,
everything's taken away
214
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,602
because your scalpel
accidentally sliced open
215
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,004
-a woman's...
-(gasps)
216
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,172
...juice box.
217
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,573
So you quit. End of story.
218
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:47,640
Deal the things.
219
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,612
Ooh, I got "chip on shoulder."
220
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:56,583
(giggles)
221
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:58,952
"Brain freeze."
222
00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,520
No prob.
223
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,123
-(buzzes)
-Damn it!
224
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,959
-My turn.
-That's not... Come on, let me
get these brain shits out.
225
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:08,728
-But it buzzed.
-The shit's rigged!
226
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,563
Let me go again!
You're being awful!
227
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:13,300
-But it's my turn! No!
-Getting the brains!
I'm getting the brains.
228
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,602
-But it's my turn!
-I'm getting the brains.
I am a grown-up!
229
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,841
("Nocturne in E-flat Major"
by Frédéric Chopin playing)
230
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:27,414
-(clears throat)
-(children laughing)
231
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,129
Oops.
232
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,264
If you already have
that 24-year-old lined up,
233
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,633
why'd you ask us
to come for the weekend?
234
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,803
You were the only people
235
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:52,305
I wanted to share
this weekend with.
236
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:54,174
I thought we were family.
237
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,277
I'm sorry, Paul.
238
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,180
(sighs)
239
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:02,115
Here.
240
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:03,716
Let me recalibrate it for you.
241
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:09,256
You know, at the end of the day,
242
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,757
it's probably for the best.
243
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,826
I mean, if I had your baby,
244
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:15,128
we'd probably end up
on Jerry Springer.
245
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:18,832
"Woman pregnant with
sister's ex-husband's child."
246
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:21,468
Also, you divorced Lindsay
for a reason--
247
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:24,504
not to then have her
in your life forever.
248
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,942
You're right.
249
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,378
This probably is for the best.
250
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:39,987
(buzzes)
251
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,822
(panting)
252
00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:45,325
(buzzes)
253
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,060
(monitor beeping)
254
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:52,065
(buzzes)
255
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:54,567
NURSE:
Doctor! What did you do?
256
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,036
(buzzing)
257
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,371
We're losing her!
258
00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,839
Doctor!
259
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,175
Dr. Barbara! Dear God!
260
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:05,578
BECCA: Giant, worthless zero!
I wish I'd never married you.
261
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,047
...just to make Jimmy jealous.
262
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,748
TEA LEONI (echoing):
Hey, cool jacket.
263
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:10,217
I'm Téa Leoni.
I'm Téa Leoni.
264
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,851
Cool jacket.
265
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:14,387
So sexy.
266
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:17,157
(monitor flatlining)
267
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,825
Is that really Mercury?
268
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,261
Believe it or not, it's
actually one of the few planets
269
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,363
that's easier to see
in daylight.
270
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,732
Want to see
the stunning siren herself,
271
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,400
Venus?
272
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,405
There she is.
273
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,407
Let me see. I want to see.
274
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:37,210
-(laughs)
-Here.
275
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:39,246
Amazing.
276
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:44,251
You have the same
anti-helical folds as Lindsay.
277
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,419
How would you know that?
278
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:48,555
(laughs)
No. It's your ears.
279
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,058
-Oh.
-Right here.
280
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,559
(Becca clears throat)
281
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,962
Let me show you
its terrestrial functions.
282
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,363
-Hmm.
-We actually have
a fighting chance
283
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,065
of seeing your house from here.
284
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,567
I mean... former house.
285
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:06,806
(gasps)
286
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,947
I think I just saw...
287
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,448
I got to go.
288
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,685
(Becca scoffs)
289
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,821
(panting)
Vernon!
290
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:22,822
Nerd!
291
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,624
Good Lord! What did you do?
292
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:25,925
I threw this heavy-ass rock in,
293
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,894
but then changed my mind
at the last sec,
294
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,930
so now I'm doing this,
which sucks! Help me!
295
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,501
(both straining)
296
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:38,138
If I don't make it,
I need you to do me a favor.
297
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,606
You're gonna make it.
298
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,608
Listen, it's
for Becca and Tallulah.
299
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:44,177
I want them to know
I was a good man.
300
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:46,179
-(straining)
-Which is why I need you
301
00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:48,848
to delete my browser history
and all my bookmarks
302
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,317
and my Dropbox,
303
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,119
-maybe burn the laptop.
-Huh?
304
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:55,989
Please, Paul! First thing,
maybe even before you call 911.
305
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,090
Pull harder!
306
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,426
(both straining)
307
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,660
Okay.
308
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,968
(both grunting)
309
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,543
-Ah.
-Thanks for saving my life.
310
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:19,612
Fam.
(chuckles wearily)
311
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,115
(panting): That really
should've been easier for you.
312
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,884
I'll hook you up
with some Joe Rogan supplements.
313
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,619
Family discount.
314
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,488
(panting, laughing)
315
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,961
You're right.
316
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,829
I'm worthless.
317
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:39,132
I thought at least
if I was dead,
318
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,733
then you'd get
the life insurance money.
319
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,669
But then I 'membered
I never switched the auto-pay
320
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,704
to the new card
after I left the old one
321
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,906
at that churro stand
at Six Flags.
322
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,975
Also, the new card
would've bounced
323
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,010
on account of we're broke.
324
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:53,680
So I guess I'm worthless,
dead or alive.
325
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,584
You're worth something to me.
326
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,088
I'm so pathetic.
327
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,722
Being pregnant is the only time
328
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,457
I've ever really felt special.
329
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,428
I mean, since I stopped
playing Clarissa
330
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:09,829
on the Nickelodeon cruise.
331
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,431
You're always special.
332
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,100
Even when you're being
a huge bitch.
333
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,834
Aw.
334
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,436
Remember before
when you said that thing
335
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,338
about only wanting
to get knocked up
336
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,672
because it made you
feel special?
337
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,675
Well, if we're keeping it 100...
338
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,744
I was stalling.
339
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:27,680
Yeah, at first just for
the money, but then I realized
340
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:31,184
the idea of you being preggers
with someone else's kiddo
341
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,186
kind of made me feel...
342
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:36,223
like not a man or whatnot.
343
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:40,227
Anyjunk, feelings are stupid.
344
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:44,197
Vernon, the fact that you were
even open to the idea
345
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,799
in the first place
just shows how confident
346
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,436
-and secure you are.
-(children laughing)
347
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,037
And that's really sexy.
348
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,240
Sexy, huh?
349
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,408
-Very.
-GIRL: Here.
350
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,746
Aw.
351
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:02,048
Things are gonna get better
for us, just you wait.
352
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,717
Once I get funding for
my Korean medical food truck,
353
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,620
everything's gonna be
coming up Vernon. And Becca.
354
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:11,057
And Tallulah. Shit.
355
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:15,328
Well, I believe in you, honey.
356
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:19,632
I mean, I have to.
357
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:22,735
-(laughs)
-Ow!
358
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,405
-Shitballs.
-Oh! Aw.
359
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,840
Poor baby. Here.
360
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,978
One hour to the eclipse!
I repeat,
361
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,513
one hour to the ecl...
362
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:44,757
Ladies and gentlemen, boys
and girls, this is the moment
363
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,826
we've all been waiting for.
Are you ready?
364
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,761
-CROWD: Yes!
-Well, then,
365
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,096
look to the skies!
366
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,569
(giggles)
367
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:04,010
It's so neat.
368
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,246
(indistinct chatter)
369
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:19,359
(crowd cheering)
370
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,229
GILMARTIN:
Yes!
371
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:27,967
Brilliant! Brilliant!
372
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,203
Absolutely brilliant.
373
00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:32,239
Ah, wonderful.
374
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:48,821
GILMARTIN:
Eclipses never fail
375
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,190
to cast their magic spells,
do they?
376
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,826
-Indeed, they do not.
-(both chuckle)
377
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,094
Please, have a seat.
378
00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,732
Did your guests
enjoy themselves?
379
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:03,536
I think so. It's complicated.
380
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:07,173
Oh, must be nice to have family.
381
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,377
It's always just been me
and the cosmos.
382
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,579
And the prostitutes.
383
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,080
Well...
384
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:16,516
I've come to understand
that the main attraction
385
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:20,620
of having Becca as my surrogate
was so, in some small way,
386
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:24,557
my marriage wouldn't have been
a total waste.
387
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:27,294
Well, there is no waste
in the universe.
388
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:31,364
When something comes to an end,
be it a galactic age,
389
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:34,801
a star or a weekend away,
390
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:38,638
it is simultaneously
the beginning of something else.
391
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:42,875
Loss can be hard, but you might
be mourning something
392
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,912
that was never actually there
in the first place.
393
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:49,816
Yes, maybe this idea you had
of making a new family
394
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,051
slipped through your fingers,
395
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:55,388
but perhaps there's
something else already there
396
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,424
that you've failed to see.
397
00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:08,835
(spits)
398
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,443
-BECCA: Ooh!
-(Vernon chuckles)
399
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,445
(Becca whispering indistinctly)
400
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,480
(Becca and Vernon chuckle)
401
00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:25,017
BECCA:
Oh!
402
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:33,393
(quiet chatter)
403
00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:38,598
Yeah. Oh, there.
404
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:41,601
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
405
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,603
(laughs):
Doctor.
406
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:46,038
Yeah. Oh.
407
00:21:46,072 --> 00:21:48,475
(Becca moaning)
408
00:21:49,509 --> 00:21:52,011
(clears throat)
409
00:22:28,715 --> 00:22:31,818
-(Paul grunts softly)
-Ooh.
410
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,853
(all moaning)
411
00:22:40,527 --> 00:22:43,262
-Oh.
-(Becca exhales)
-Uh-uh.
412
00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:46,198
Uh, uh... (clears throat)
413
00:22:46,232 --> 00:22:48,034
Um...
414
00:22:48,067 --> 00:22:51,538
I got you, bro.
415
00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:53,239
Oh.
416
00:22:53,272 --> 00:22:57,677
-(Becca moans)
-Oh, this is really happening.
417
00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:59,078
(all moaning)
418
00:23:00,647 --> 00:23:02,114
-Oh, yeah.
-(moaning continues)
419
00:23:09,922 --> 00:23:14,627
(all shouting)
420
00:23:16,463 --> 00:23:18,297
(laughs)
421
00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:19,966
Epic!
422
00:23:19,999 --> 00:23:21,901
(sighing)
423
00:23:21,934 --> 00:23:25,271
(all chuckle)
424
00:23:25,304 --> 00:23:27,306
(Becca sighing)
425
00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:33,079
Did you know there was
an eclipse last night?
426
00:23:33,112 --> 00:23:34,614
No. Who cares?
427
00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:37,149
I don't know. Dipshits like...
428
00:23:37,183 --> 00:23:40,620
Oh, shit.
I conjured them.
429
00:23:40,653 --> 00:23:41,954
Hey, guys.
430
00:23:41,988 --> 00:23:43,756
What are you doing in our diner?
431
00:23:43,790 --> 00:23:45,424
Your diner? I didn't know
432
00:23:45,458 --> 00:23:47,894
you'd gotten into
the restaurant business, Jimmy.
433
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:50,563
(laughter)
434
00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:52,331
We're just getting b-fast.
Nothing weird about that.
435
00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:54,133
So don't try
to make it weird, okay?
436
00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:56,503
Okay, well,
great bumping into you. Not.
437
00:23:58,538 --> 00:24:00,740
(all chuckling)
438
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:02,642
* Hold me. *
439
00:24:29,035 --> 00:24:32,004
(dog barks)
440
00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:36,976
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
441
00:24:39,646 --> 00:24:41,581
(rock music playing)
442
00:24:43,750 --> 00:24:47,887
-How do I look?
-Like Mickey Rourke
was stung by bees.
443
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,856
Perfect. (sniffs)
444
00:24:49,889 --> 00:24:52,058
ANNOUNCER: You're the Worst.
The final season.
445
00:24:52,091 --> 00:24:54,393
All new.
Wednesdays at 10:00 only on FXX.
446
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:57,664
(grunts)
How did this happen? Uh!
447
00:24:59,532 --> 00:25:01,133
Have you been under
a lot of stress lately?
448
00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:03,369
There's mean-girl issues
with my youngest,
449
00:25:03,402 --> 00:25:05,037
and birth control
with my oldest.
450
00:25:05,071 --> 00:25:06,906
My boyfriend broke up with me.
451
00:25:06,939 --> 00:25:08,474
-Which one?
-Um...
452
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:10,677
-And some mornings, I just...
-Oh, my God.
453
00:25:12,044 --> 00:25:14,313
Fun mom! Hey!
454
00:25:14,346 --> 00:25:16,749
Can you please arrange
for a pleasant dream
while I'm under?
455
00:25:16,783 --> 00:25:19,485
-It's my specialty, dear.
-Guess what my specialty is.
456
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:20,519
(wheezing laugh)
457
00:25:20,553 --> 00:25:22,321
ANNOUNCER: Better Things.
458
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:24,991
All new
Thursdays at 10:00 on FX.
459
00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:30,529
(eerie chanting)
460
00:25:32,064 --> 00:25:34,100
(high-pitched screaming)
461
00:25:34,133 --> 00:25:36,936
(chanting continues)
462
00:25:38,437 --> 00:25:42,508
(singing in foreign language)
463
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:45,612
(woman warbling)
464
00:25:45,645 --> 00:25:47,614
(blowing)
465
00:25:47,647 --> 00:25:48,514
(flames roaring)
466
00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:49,716
-Oh!
-Aaah!
467
00:25:49,749 --> 00:25:52,852
(up-tempo music)
468
00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:54,486
(roaring)
469
00:25:55,287 --> 00:25:56,522
FX!
470
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,559
-MAN: Five, six, seven, eight.
-(fingers snapping)
471
00:26:00,593 --> 00:26:03,362
(drumming)
472
00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:04,797
(horns playing)
473
00:26:13,505 --> 00:26:16,575
-Again.
-(fingers snapping)
33575
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.