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1
00:00:18,903 --> 00:00:20,938
The five most truly
free moments of a human's life
2
00:00:20,972 --> 00:00:24,342
in ascending order--
leaving his parents' home,
3
00:00:24,376 --> 00:00:26,678
dumping a girl hard,
4
00:00:26,711 --> 00:00:28,212
deciding to eat
a whole pizza,
5
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:29,714
hammocks...
6
00:00:29,747 --> 00:00:32,216
and finishing
a writing project.
7
00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:34,285
Jimmy, did you finish
8
00:00:34,318 --> 00:00:36,153
your book proposal?
9
00:00:36,187 --> 00:00:38,322
Your sarcasm
10
00:00:38,356 --> 00:00:40,324
is but an impotent
fusillade of arrows
11
00:00:40,358 --> 00:00:43,395
plinking off the Sherman tank
that is my relief.
12
00:00:43,428 --> 00:00:44,829
Nay, it is
13
00:00:44,862 --> 00:00:48,132
a Verdi aria to my brand-new
cochlear implants,
14
00:00:48,165 --> 00:00:50,868
for it means
'tis true I indeed
15
00:00:50,902 --> 00:00:52,704
finished my book proposal.
16
00:00:52,737 --> 00:00:55,507
Also I am exceedingly drunk
and cannot trust
17
00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:57,174
my grip on the truth.
18
00:00:57,208 --> 00:00:59,010
"Grip."
(chuckles)
19
00:00:59,043 --> 00:01:01,345
Oh...
20
00:01:02,747 --> 00:01:04,081
Um...
21
00:01:04,115 --> 00:01:05,550
Uh, sorry.
22
00:01:05,583 --> 00:01:06,918
I just need to grab my, um...
23
00:01:10,254 --> 00:01:12,189
(alarm beeping)
(groans)
24
00:01:15,593 --> 00:01:16,594
Oh, what are those?
Gimme.
25
00:01:16,628 --> 00:01:17,862
Uh, they're boring.
26
00:01:17,895 --> 00:01:19,030
I finally saw that
psychiatrist.
27
00:01:19,063 --> 00:01:20,432
He put me on these.
28
00:01:20,465 --> 00:01:22,667
He's making me see
this stupid therapist
29
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,402
for the talky-talky.
30
00:01:24,436 --> 00:01:27,171
I always wondered, what
exactly is the difference
31
00:01:27,204 --> 00:01:28,440
between a psychiatrist
and a therapist?
32
00:01:28,473 --> 00:01:30,875
A psychiatrist is like,
33
00:01:30,908 --> 00:01:32,844
"Here, take this pills, ho."
34
00:01:32,877 --> 00:01:35,447
A therapist is all,
"Oh, tell me your shit.
35
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:36,948
I couldn't make it
as an actor."
36
00:01:36,981 --> 00:01:38,015
I'm bored.
37
00:01:38,049 --> 00:01:39,917
Let's go to the bar.
Ugh.
38
00:01:39,951 --> 00:01:42,186
I have to go to that
stupid therapist.
39
00:01:42,219 --> 00:01:43,721
Don't worry,
it won't take long.
40
00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:45,723
I'll go in there,
she'll wave her magic wand,
41
00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:47,792
and boom,
Gretchen's 100.
42
00:01:47,825 --> 00:01:49,226
(gasps)
Oh, you're moving out.
43
00:01:49,260 --> 00:01:50,361
Thank God.
44
00:01:50,394 --> 00:01:51,395
Make sure you leave
your mattress
45
00:01:51,429 --> 00:01:52,464
on the curb
before you go.
46
00:01:52,497 --> 00:01:54,632
And spray paint
"unclean" on it,
47
00:01:54,666 --> 00:01:55,900
in Spanish.
48
00:01:55,933 --> 00:01:58,936
No, Dorothy found a place.
49
00:01:58,970 --> 00:02:00,638
Thanks for
letting me crash.
50
00:02:00,672 --> 00:02:02,774
I will leave a check
for all the stuff I broke.
51
00:02:02,807 --> 00:02:03,908
Kidding.
52
00:02:03,941 --> 00:02:05,443
(Jimmy sighs)
53
00:02:09,747 --> 00:02:11,148
Edgar, why in God's name
54
00:02:11,182 --> 00:02:12,383
haven't you been opening
the mail?
55
00:02:12,416 --> 00:02:13,651
You made mail Gretchen's,
56
00:02:13,685 --> 00:02:15,820
as you said,
"one little chore."
57
00:02:15,853 --> 00:02:18,089
Well, I already have
one little chore.
58
00:02:18,122 --> 00:02:19,624
Aw, Jimmy's dick-- ya burnt.
59
00:02:19,657 --> 00:02:21,225
No, he's right.
60
00:02:21,258 --> 00:02:23,094
"Gretchen opens the mail"
is on the chore list.
61
00:02:23,127 --> 00:02:25,563
Right under
"Jimmy takes out trash,
62
00:02:25,597 --> 00:02:27,665
i.e.: his own butt."
63
00:02:27,699 --> 00:02:30,602
Fine. I'll get to it.
64
00:02:30,635 --> 00:02:32,103
Never.
65
00:02:32,136 --> 00:02:33,738
Damn. Big day for burns.
66
00:02:33,771 --> 00:02:34,572
Ooh.
67
00:02:34,606 --> 00:02:36,774
Ugh.
Hey, um,
68
00:02:36,808 --> 00:02:38,342
I just wanted to say thank you
69
00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,911
for valuing my opinion.
I don't.
70
00:02:39,944 --> 00:02:40,978
Never have.
71
00:02:41,012 --> 00:02:42,480
Worse than a dog's opinion.
72
00:02:42,514 --> 00:02:43,515
What are you talking about?
73
00:02:43,548 --> 00:02:44,816
Your book proposal.
74
00:02:44,849 --> 00:02:46,317
First of all,
75
00:02:46,350 --> 00:02:47,919
it's a really great start.
76
00:02:47,952 --> 00:02:50,021
I love the world.
77
00:02:50,054 --> 00:02:53,090
But I thought I'd do
the 10,000-feet notes first,
78
00:02:53,124 --> 00:02:54,826
and then we'd go page by page,
hmm?
79
00:02:54,859 --> 00:02:58,663
Hmm. How about you literally
throw them in the trash?
80
00:02:58,696 --> 00:03:00,131
The proposal went out already.
81
00:03:00,164 --> 00:03:01,365
Well, then, why did you
have me read it?
82
00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:02,634
Because I wanted you to go,
83
00:03:02,667 --> 00:03:04,502
"Wow, you're so smart, Jimmy.
84
00:03:04,536 --> 00:03:07,138
I could never do that;
I'm a stupid baby."
85
00:03:07,171 --> 00:03:08,540
(paper rustling)
86
00:03:19,483 --> 00:03:22,286
* I'm gonna leave you anyway
87
00:03:22,319 --> 00:03:25,022
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
88
00:03:25,056 --> 00:03:28,359
* Gonna leave you anyway.
89
00:03:32,329 --> 00:03:33,798
I understand your frustrations,
90
00:03:33,831 --> 00:03:35,733
but sometimes
hearing others' opinions can,
91
00:03:35,767 --> 00:03:38,803
at worst, make us feel more
confident in our decisions.
92
00:03:38,836 --> 00:03:40,237
Wow.
93
00:03:40,271 --> 00:03:43,507
For a therapist,
you are a wretched listener.
94
00:03:43,541 --> 00:03:45,142
I didn't ask him for notes,
95
00:03:45,176 --> 00:03:47,511
because one, my proposal
went out already,
96
00:03:47,545 --> 00:03:48,846
though I've heard nothing,
97
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,514
which is potentially worrisome.
98
00:03:50,548 --> 00:03:53,517
And two, I don't even know
for sure that he can read,
99
00:03:53,551 --> 00:03:56,353
let alone comprehend
the sui generis,
100
00:03:56,387 --> 00:03:59,190
unabashedly erotic,
multigenerational,
101
00:03:59,223 --> 00:04:00,925
literary family epic.
102
00:04:00,958 --> 00:04:03,227
Gretchen,
you said you wanted Jimmy here
103
00:04:03,260 --> 00:04:05,496
because he can help tell
the story of your depression.
104
00:04:05,529 --> 00:04:07,098
Sorry, what?
105
00:04:07,131 --> 00:04:08,566
Can you tell me why you're here?
106
00:04:09,934 --> 00:04:11,502
No. Can you?
107
00:04:11,535 --> 00:04:13,004
I thought the happy pills
were supposed to fix me.
108
00:04:13,037 --> 00:04:14,105
He had notes.
109
00:04:14,138 --> 00:04:15,372
What notes?
110
00:04:15,406 --> 00:04:17,108
The proposal is perfect.
111
00:04:17,141 --> 00:04:19,711
Talk therapy
along with medication
112
00:04:19,744 --> 00:04:21,412
is the most effective
long-term approach
113
00:04:21,445 --> 00:04:22,546
to managing depression.
114
00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:23,715
You mean, beating depression.
115
00:04:23,748 --> 00:04:25,216
Winning depression.
Oh, I like that.
116
00:04:25,249 --> 00:04:27,084
That's not a thing.
Winning it.
117
00:04:27,118 --> 00:04:28,853
Let's start here.
118
00:04:28,886 --> 00:04:32,223
Name one small thing
you've been avoiding.
119
00:04:32,256 --> 00:04:34,692
I already did one small
thing this morning.
120
00:04:34,726 --> 00:04:36,560
Aw, rough day
for Jimmy's dick.
121
00:04:37,662 --> 00:04:38,863
So, we done?
122
00:04:38,896 --> 00:04:39,897
THERAPIST:
We can be done,
123
00:04:39,931 --> 00:04:42,266
or you can do the next thing.
124
00:04:42,299 --> 00:04:44,035
Self-improvement
is a lifelong process.
125
00:04:44,068 --> 00:04:46,370
How is this a
real profession?
126
00:04:46,403 --> 00:04:48,272
This feels
like a scam.
It's not a scam.
127
00:04:48,305 --> 00:04:49,941
I calls 'em
like I sees 'em.
128
00:04:49,974 --> 00:04:51,275
JIMMY:
I still don't understand
129
00:04:51,308 --> 00:04:52,543
why my issues are unimportant
130
00:04:52,576 --> 00:04:53,577
to you people.
131
00:04:53,611 --> 00:04:55,446
I want you to make a to-do list,
132
00:04:55,479 --> 00:04:57,581
but with just one thing on it
at a time.
133
00:04:57,615 --> 00:04:59,250
I don't have anything
I need to do.
134
00:05:02,787 --> 00:05:04,656
You want to fight?
135
00:05:04,689 --> 00:05:07,324
Oh, are you trying
to fight me?
136
00:05:07,358 --> 00:05:08,626
'Cause we can go.
137
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:14,999
Can't you just assign me
the one thing?
138
00:05:15,032 --> 00:05:16,133
Oh, I will.
139
00:05:16,167 --> 00:05:17,234
Launder your clothes.
140
00:05:17,268 --> 00:05:18,936
Don't wear your shoes
to bed.
141
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,471
Stop giving Killian food.
142
00:05:20,504 --> 00:05:22,974
Titty massages for Jimmy.
143
00:05:23,007 --> 00:05:24,742
That's when the girl runs
her dangling titties
144
00:05:24,776 --> 00:05:25,910
up and down your body.
145
00:05:25,943 --> 00:05:27,078
It's quite nice.
146
00:05:27,111 --> 00:05:28,479
Wash your legs.
147
00:05:28,512 --> 00:05:29,847
What?
I don't wash my legs.
148
00:05:31,315 --> 00:05:32,449
Okay. Fine.
149
00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:33,517
Mail.
150
00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:34,585
There is a stack of mail
151
00:05:34,618 --> 00:05:35,753
that I have been avoiding.
152
00:05:35,787 --> 00:05:37,521
Why?
They always want money,
153
00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:39,123
or you have jury duty,
154
00:05:39,156 --> 00:05:41,325
or your grandma sent you a check
for your birthday,
155
00:05:41,358 --> 00:05:43,160
and then you feel guilty
that you never call her,
156
00:05:43,194 --> 00:05:45,129
and then you can't get
out of bed for a month.
157
00:05:48,499 --> 00:05:50,601
Anyway... mail.
158
00:05:50,634 --> 00:05:52,269
Does that count
for your stupid-ass...?
159
00:05:52,303 --> 00:05:53,504
Ugh, sorry.
160
00:05:53,537 --> 00:05:55,639
It's all right,
I'm a professional.
161
00:05:55,673 --> 00:05:56,841
You can say anything you want
in here.
162
00:05:56,874 --> 00:05:58,876
Hmm.
163
00:06:00,411 --> 00:06:01,946
Anything?
164
00:06:01,979 --> 00:06:03,147
Really?
165
00:06:03,180 --> 00:06:05,116
Does opening
the mail count
166
00:06:05,149 --> 00:06:06,884
for your one little
asshole thing,
167
00:06:06,918 --> 00:06:08,452
you goddamn cock?
168
00:06:08,485 --> 00:06:10,221
You suck-balls
dumb dick?
169
00:06:10,254 --> 00:06:11,789
Sure.
Fine,
170
00:06:11,823 --> 00:06:13,624
jizz-magnet.
171
00:06:13,657 --> 00:06:15,559
I will open
one piece of mail.
172
00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:16,560
Say "whore."
173
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,129
Whore.
Whore.
174
00:06:18,162 --> 00:06:20,064
I'm regretting giving you
license to say anything.
175
00:06:20,097 --> 00:06:21,298
Plus I do kind of want
176
00:06:21,332 --> 00:06:22,633
to fight you right now.
Too late.
177
00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:24,001
No take-backsies.
178
00:06:26,337 --> 00:06:28,172
Titty-sucking bitch.
179
00:06:29,506 --> 00:06:30,742
PAUL (whining):
Ow.
180
00:06:30,775 --> 00:06:32,977
Lindsay, it hurts.
181
00:06:33,010 --> 00:06:34,145
I know.
182
00:06:34,178 --> 00:06:35,646
It'll be over soon.
183
00:06:35,679 --> 00:06:37,348
(groans)
Well,
184
00:06:37,381 --> 00:06:40,351
it's not often I get
to fill your holes, huh?
185
00:06:40,384 --> 00:06:42,219
(chuckles)
(grunts)
186
00:06:42,253 --> 00:06:44,221
Oh, I'm falling
so far behind
187
00:06:44,255 --> 00:06:45,689
on my big year.
188
00:06:45,723 --> 00:06:47,424
Rhett Gherkins has spotted
189
00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:49,193
a paint-billed crake,
Lindsay.
190
00:06:49,226 --> 00:06:51,328
A paint-billed crake!
I know,
191
00:06:51,362 --> 00:06:52,830
but his wife has no tits
192
00:06:52,864 --> 00:06:54,431
and looks like a Gila monster.
193
00:06:54,465 --> 00:06:55,767
(laughing)
194
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,401
(groaning):
Ow.
195
00:06:57,434 --> 00:06:58,569
No, don't make me laugh.
196
00:06:58,602 --> 00:06:59,837
Ow!
197
00:06:59,871 --> 00:07:01,873
(whimpering):
I'm sorry.
198
00:07:01,906 --> 00:07:03,240
I'm so annoying.
199
00:07:03,274 --> 00:07:04,608
You're fine, bear.
200
00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,010
I'm a terrible patient.
201
00:07:06,043 --> 00:07:07,211
When I had the mumps,
202
00:07:07,244 --> 00:07:08,379
Mother threatened to send me
203
00:07:08,412 --> 00:07:09,513
to foster care.
204
00:07:09,546 --> 00:07:11,515
Pill time, hmm?
205
00:07:11,548 --> 00:07:13,951
And wash it down
with this.
206
00:07:15,252 --> 00:07:17,088
This is so much medicine.
207
00:07:17,121 --> 00:07:19,023
Well, maybe you shouldn't
have backed into my knife.
208
00:07:19,056 --> 00:07:20,858
(gagging):
It's just like me
209
00:07:20,892 --> 00:07:22,259
to go backing into things.
210
00:07:22,293 --> 00:07:25,629
I crawled in reverse
until I was two.
211
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:27,965
(crying):
I'm so stupid.
212
00:07:29,333 --> 00:07:31,568
I'd better go refill
these again.
213
00:07:31,602 --> 00:07:33,570
Credit card, please?
214
00:07:33,604 --> 00:07:36,573
I don't remember
taking all that.
215
00:07:37,975 --> 00:07:40,244
You keep taking extra
and you don't remember it.
216
00:07:40,277 --> 00:07:42,079
(sighs)
217
00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:43,380
(crying)
Bye, now.
218
00:07:43,414 --> 00:07:45,983
(whining):
Please hurry back.
219
00:07:50,922 --> 00:07:51,956
(groans)
220
00:08:00,832 --> 00:08:02,800
This is on Paul, right?
Yes.
221
00:08:02,834 --> 00:08:05,903
What a poor
little patient he is.
222
00:08:05,937 --> 00:08:08,239
I was so caught up
preparing the mise en place,
223
00:08:08,272 --> 00:08:09,240
I didn't see him.
224
00:08:09,273 --> 00:08:10,741
He ran right
into my knife.
225
00:08:10,774 --> 00:08:13,210
I didn't even push that deep.
226
00:08:15,112 --> 00:08:16,347
Lindsay.
227
00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:17,348
How are your pancakes?
228
00:08:17,381 --> 00:08:19,483
Are you saying that you,
on purpose,
229
00:08:19,516 --> 00:08:21,819
like murderer-style,
stabbed Paul?
No.
230
00:08:21,853 --> 00:08:23,020
What? No.
231
00:08:23,054 --> 00:08:24,021
I loved him.
232
00:08:24,055 --> 00:08:24,989
Love?
233
00:08:25,022 --> 00:08:26,023
Right.
234
00:08:26,057 --> 00:08:27,959
He's my current husband.
235
00:08:27,992 --> 00:08:30,027
I love him now.
I do.
236
00:08:30,061 --> 00:08:32,663
Now I'm wishing
I got the pancakes.
237
00:08:34,798 --> 00:08:37,835
I can't believe that bitch
gave me homework.
238
00:08:37,869 --> 00:08:39,503
No, you fix me, dummy.
239
00:08:39,536 --> 00:08:41,438
You know what?
240
00:08:41,472 --> 00:08:43,474
I'm a goddamn A.F. adult.
241
00:08:43,507 --> 00:08:44,508
I quit.
242
00:08:44,541 --> 00:08:46,310
She can suck it.
(laughs)
243
00:08:46,343 --> 00:08:47,611
Fine. (clears throat)
244
00:08:47,644 --> 00:08:49,646
Since you won't let it go,
245
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,115
tell me one
of your stupid notes.
246
00:08:51,148 --> 00:08:52,749
Okay.
247
00:08:55,519 --> 00:08:57,788
Ah, macro.
248
00:08:57,821 --> 00:09:00,624
Uh, was the sex supposed
to be erotic or disturbing?
249
00:09:00,657 --> 00:09:02,193
Both. Dumb note. Next.
250
00:09:02,226 --> 00:09:04,295
Yeah, I wasn't sure
the "randy, Bohemian aunt"
251
00:09:04,328 --> 00:09:05,529
made sense as a character.
252
00:09:05,562 --> 00:09:07,198
You don't make sense
as a character.
253
00:09:07,231 --> 00:09:09,333
Very one-note. Next.
254
00:09:09,366 --> 00:09:11,802
Why do Kitty and Simon
install a two-way mirror?
255
00:09:11,835 --> 00:09:12,636
Right, give me those.
256
00:09:12,669 --> 00:09:14,571
Okay.
257
00:09:14,605 --> 00:09:17,508
Actually, I have to move Dorothy
into her new apartment today
258
00:09:17,541 --> 00:09:19,911
and... I could use some help.
259
00:09:23,547 --> 00:09:24,916
I'll come.
260
00:09:24,949 --> 00:09:25,917
Oh, thanks, Jimmy.
261
00:09:25,950 --> 00:09:27,218
I've been a little rocky lately,
262
00:09:27,251 --> 00:09:28,419
and I could really
use the support.
263
00:09:28,452 --> 00:09:29,420
Oh, I'm not helping.
264
00:09:29,453 --> 00:09:30,854
I'm coming so that I can
265
00:09:30,888 --> 00:09:32,156
eviscerate your notes,
266
00:09:32,189 --> 00:09:35,492
one by one, to show you
how dumb you are.
267
00:09:35,526 --> 00:09:37,028
Oh, and if you must know,
268
00:09:37,061 --> 00:09:39,230
they install the mirror
because they're siblings.
269
00:09:39,263 --> 00:09:41,365
So, obviously, they can't
partake in each other's
270
00:09:41,398 --> 00:09:44,068
tight, little bodies,
but this way, at least,
271
00:09:44,101 --> 00:09:47,771
they can observe each other's
erotic dalliances.
272
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:50,374
Duh.
273
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,278
I just want you to know
274
00:09:54,311 --> 00:09:56,080
I am not coming back!
First of all...
275
00:09:56,113 --> 00:09:57,414
I am with a patient.
276
00:09:57,448 --> 00:09:59,316
Wait, what?
277
00:10:00,384 --> 00:10:01,752
No, I'm angry!
278
00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:02,786
Get out.
279
00:10:11,762 --> 00:10:14,098
I'm so sorry.
280
00:10:18,102 --> 00:10:20,137
DOROTHY:
So, last night,
281
00:10:20,171 --> 00:10:22,639
guess your body adjusted
to the new pills, after all.
282
00:10:22,673 --> 00:10:24,108
Yeah, guess so.
283
00:10:24,141 --> 00:10:25,576
Good, because that
whole thing that I said
284
00:10:25,609 --> 00:10:26,910
about non-penetrative sex,
285
00:10:26,944 --> 00:10:28,445
check, please.
286
00:10:28,479 --> 00:10:31,248
So, the apartment
could be cute, right?
287
00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:32,883
If I pick up some
288
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:34,718
extra Chore Monkey shifts
to buy a couch,
289
00:10:34,751 --> 00:10:36,453
and figure out how
to hide those weird pipes.
290
00:10:36,487 --> 00:10:37,888
The baby handprints
on the ceiling
291
00:10:37,921 --> 00:10:38,956
are a little
disconcerting,
292
00:10:38,990 --> 00:10:41,892
but you can't
see them at night.
293
00:10:41,925 --> 00:10:43,094
Edgar?
294
00:10:43,127 --> 00:10:44,661
Have you noticed how many more
295
00:10:44,695 --> 00:10:46,130
tent cities there are lately?
296
00:10:46,163 --> 00:10:48,165
Do you know
any of them?
297
00:10:48,199 --> 00:10:51,268
Any ex-hobo girlfriends
that I need to beat up?
298
00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:53,470
Sorry, bad time for comedy?
299
00:10:53,504 --> 00:10:55,806
No, it's-it's fine.
300
00:10:55,839 --> 00:10:57,975
No, I'm sorry.
301
00:10:58,009 --> 00:10:59,743
This is your big day.
302
00:10:59,776 --> 00:11:01,312
Yeah!
303
00:11:01,345 --> 00:11:04,948
I am moving into a beautiful
studio in WeHoCa.
304
00:11:04,982 --> 00:11:07,251
That's L.A.'s newest,
hip neighborhood:
305
00:11:07,284 --> 00:11:09,153
West of Homeless Encampment.
306
00:11:09,186 --> 00:11:10,621
Hey.
307
00:11:10,654 --> 00:11:12,123
I think it could
be so cute.
308
00:11:12,156 --> 00:11:13,757
Right? I think so.
309
00:11:13,790 --> 00:11:15,459
Thanks.
I mean...
310
00:11:15,492 --> 00:11:18,495
it's obviously
an idiotic note,
311
00:11:18,529 --> 00:11:21,598
but, gun to my head,
I could show the origin
312
00:11:21,632 --> 00:11:23,167
of Malcolm and Sally's
erotic coupling.
313
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,935
Well, if I did that,
314
00:11:24,968 --> 00:11:28,939
then I'd be introducing a
soupçon of narrative Anschauung,
315
00:11:28,972 --> 00:11:32,009
which would allow me to get
inside Clementine's head
316
00:11:32,043 --> 00:11:34,378
when she allows the punk rock
bassist she's just met
317
00:11:34,411 --> 00:11:35,512
urinate on her britches.
318
00:11:37,214 --> 00:11:38,982
This is so stupid.
319
00:11:42,853 --> 00:11:45,222
(classical music playing)
320
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:01,338
(classical music stops playing)
321
00:12:01,372 --> 00:12:02,973
Okay.
322
00:12:03,006 --> 00:12:04,175
How can I help you, Gretchen?
323
00:12:04,208 --> 00:12:06,177
Nice magazines.
324
00:12:06,210 --> 00:12:08,679
So boring, I almost died
rather than read them.
325
00:12:08,712 --> 00:12:11,482
You obviously want very badly
for me to understand something.
326
00:12:11,515 --> 00:12:14,485
You told me there were things
I could do, insinuating that
327
00:12:14,518 --> 00:12:16,187
I could have fixed myself
any time I wanted,
328
00:12:16,220 --> 00:12:18,155
and that is
negating my story.
329
00:12:18,189 --> 00:12:19,656
It is tired.
330
00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:22,326
It is patriarchal,
and it is rape culture-y.
331
00:12:22,359 --> 00:12:25,196
You are basically
a rape apologist.
332
00:12:25,229 --> 00:12:27,398
I don't believe you don't
believe therapy can help.
333
00:12:27,431 --> 00:12:30,901
Why don't you don't tell me more
about how I don't feel?
334
00:12:30,934 --> 00:12:32,603
You really want to quit?
Yes.
335
00:12:32,636 --> 00:12:34,605
Okay, then.
336
00:12:34,638 --> 00:12:36,006
It was nice to have met you.
337
00:12:36,039 --> 00:12:38,275
You are memorable.
338
00:12:38,309 --> 00:12:42,179
You know... I'm proud of you for
standing up for what you want.
339
00:12:42,213 --> 00:12:43,214
(chuckles lightly)
340
00:12:43,247 --> 00:12:44,448
Who are you, my mom?
341
00:12:44,481 --> 00:12:45,682
Joke's on you.
342
00:12:45,716 --> 00:12:46,917
My mom would never say that.
343
00:12:46,950 --> 00:12:48,051
I know you're not my mommy.
344
00:12:48,085 --> 00:12:49,220
Like, what if I started
345
00:12:49,253 --> 00:12:51,054
calling you "Mommy"?
346
00:12:51,088 --> 00:12:54,225
(chuckling):
How weird would that be?
347
00:12:54,258 --> 00:12:56,059
I'm gonna go in now.
348
00:12:56,093 --> 00:12:58,129
Good luck, Gretchen.
349
00:12:59,163 --> 00:13:00,331
(whispering):
Bitch.
350
00:13:08,071 --> 00:13:09,606
I really like
the adjustments.
351
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,075
Well, your asinine notes
started a thought process
352
00:13:12,109 --> 00:13:14,044
of actual, usable fixes.
353
00:13:14,077 --> 00:13:16,247
I had to cut the scene
in the cockpit of the plane
354
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,881
where Joachim Kirschner
masturbates
355
00:13:17,914 --> 00:13:19,916
during his bombing
run on London,
356
00:13:19,950 --> 00:13:21,618
but the section
is still highly erotic.
357
00:13:21,652 --> 00:13:23,754
Did you take out the thing
with Roger spanking his nephew?
358
00:13:23,787 --> 00:13:26,457
What, you let Dorothy read it?!
359
00:13:26,490 --> 00:13:28,459
I thought the sample
chapters were great...
360
00:13:28,492 --> 00:13:29,493
Thank you.
361
00:13:29,526 --> 00:13:31,061
It's so nice to hear from fans.
362
00:13:31,094 --> 00:13:33,330
...just potentially
very alienating to women.
363
00:13:34,365 --> 00:13:36,500
This is literature, okay?
364
00:13:36,533 --> 00:13:38,335
It shall sing its own song,
365
00:13:38,369 --> 00:13:41,472
uncaring if sensibilities
are too delicate.
366
00:13:41,505 --> 00:13:43,640
Anyway, it feels like
we keep forgetting
367
00:13:43,674 --> 00:13:45,075
the proposal's in already.
368
00:13:45,108 --> 00:13:46,076
It's done.
369
00:13:46,109 --> 00:13:47,344
Okay.
370
00:13:47,378 --> 00:13:49,480
Just so many descriptions
371
00:13:49,513 --> 00:13:51,948
of semen on stockings.
372
00:13:51,982 --> 00:13:54,585
Stockings are a sign
both of the deprivation
373
00:13:54,618 --> 00:13:57,454
of the Second World War
and how much the repressed
374
00:13:57,488 --> 00:14:01,425
Kitty's slutty little legs
wanted semen on them!
375
00:14:01,458 --> 00:14:03,960
What is alienating about that?
376
00:14:03,994 --> 00:14:05,662
(indistinct conversations)
377
00:14:05,696 --> 00:14:07,664
EDGAR:
Uh, hey.
378
00:14:07,698 --> 00:14:10,467
Uh... are people being
generous today?
379
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:12,603
Man, I ain't got
jack shit yet today.
380
00:14:12,636 --> 00:14:15,138
Hmm, well, you know,
I was noticing that, um,
381
00:14:15,172 --> 00:14:16,507
y-your sign's
a little confusing.
382
00:14:16,540 --> 00:14:17,808
It looks like
you need money
383
00:14:17,841 --> 00:14:19,276
for dog food for yourself.
384
00:14:19,310 --> 00:14:21,178
No, I-I need money
385
00:14:21,212 --> 00:14:23,113
for my dog,
food, and beer.
386
00:14:23,146 --> 00:14:24,114
May I?
387
00:14:24,147 --> 00:14:26,517
Yeah, please.
388
00:14:30,387 --> 00:14:32,389
Oh, that is clearer.
Thanks, man.
389
00:14:32,423 --> 00:14:34,057
Yeah.
MAN:
How's mine?
390
00:14:35,492 --> 00:14:38,329
Between you and me,
civvies feel super guilty
391
00:14:38,362 --> 00:14:39,463
around us veterans,
so they've trained
392
00:14:39,496 --> 00:14:40,497
themselves to ignore us.
393
00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:42,366
So, um...
394
00:14:42,399 --> 00:14:43,734
uh, you know may-maybe
395
00:14:43,767 --> 00:14:44,735
write something
funny instead.
396
00:14:44,768 --> 00:14:46,169
Like what?
397
00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:48,405
Well, can I get a...
398
00:14:48,439 --> 00:14:50,140
like, a suggestion
399
00:14:50,173 --> 00:14:52,142
of a topic
from one of you guys?
400
00:14:52,175 --> 00:14:53,143
You know, something light.
401
00:14:53,176 --> 00:14:55,546
Cookies.
Demon rape.
402
00:14:55,579 --> 00:14:57,214
I heard "cookies."
403
00:14:57,248 --> 00:14:59,683
Um... oh, all right.
404
00:14:59,716 --> 00:15:02,919
How about, uh,
"Can only afford Hydrox,
405
00:15:02,953 --> 00:15:05,556
need money for Oreos."
406
00:15:05,589 --> 00:15:06,857
(laughs)
407
00:15:06,890 --> 00:15:09,192
Because they're
discount-ass Oreos.
408
00:15:09,226 --> 00:15:10,561
Yeah, that's funny.
Wr-Write that.
409
00:15:10,594 --> 00:15:12,363
All right.
410
00:15:16,032 --> 00:15:18,068
To think you know
how other people
411
00:15:18,101 --> 00:15:19,102
should think and feel.
412
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,170
That is someone
with something
413
00:15:20,203 --> 00:15:21,204
seriously wrong
with them.
414
00:15:21,238 --> 00:15:22,706
That's psychopath
behavior.
415
00:15:22,739 --> 00:15:24,541
So what do we do
when she finally comes out?
416
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:27,210
We follow her home
and egg her house. Duh.
417
00:15:27,244 --> 00:15:29,446
I had a better plan,
but apparently pig's blood is,
418
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,047
like, 12 bucks a quart.
419
00:15:31,081 --> 00:15:34,050
Can I have some more of those?
Those are good.
420
00:15:34,084 --> 00:15:36,987
Gretchen...
421
00:15:38,322 --> 00:15:41,224
...tell me what I may
or may not have...
422
00:15:41,258 --> 00:15:45,262
maybe did by sorta-or-
not-mistake is okay.
423
00:15:45,296 --> 00:15:47,063
I'm not gonna absolve you
for stabbing Paul.
424
00:15:47,097 --> 00:15:48,965
What?! I didn't!
425
00:15:48,999 --> 00:15:51,067
Are you crazy?
426
00:15:51,101 --> 00:15:52,736
Who's watching Paul, anyway?
427
00:15:52,769 --> 00:15:55,739
He's fine. I set him up
with a pile of DVDs
428
00:15:55,772 --> 00:15:57,308
and yummy sandwiches.
429
00:15:58,942 --> 00:16:01,812
(panting):
Please.
430
00:16:01,845 --> 00:16:03,113
(grunts)
431
00:16:03,146 --> 00:16:04,681
Please go in.
(grunts)
432
00:16:05,449 --> 00:16:06,283
Please.
433
00:16:06,983 --> 00:16:07,818
Please.
434
00:16:07,851 --> 00:16:09,252
Please go in.
435
00:16:09,286 --> 00:16:10,621
(panting)
436
00:16:10,654 --> 00:16:12,255
Last one.
437
00:16:15,592 --> 00:16:17,328
Please!
(grunts)
438
00:16:17,361 --> 00:16:19,496
(TV chimes)
439
00:16:19,530 --> 00:16:20,431
Yes.
440
00:16:20,464 --> 00:16:22,333
Yes!
441
00:16:22,366 --> 00:16:24,901
Where's the thing? (panting)
442
00:16:24,935 --> 00:16:27,170
Where's the...
443
00:16:31,808 --> 00:16:33,810
(screaming)
444
00:16:38,281 --> 00:16:40,684
(sighs)
445
00:16:44,054 --> 00:16:46,457
(squeals, exhales)
446
00:16:48,492 --> 00:16:50,026
What are you doing?
447
00:16:50,060 --> 00:16:52,463
Nothing. What? Me and my
girlfriend were just making out.
448
00:16:52,496 --> 00:16:53,464
No.
449
00:16:53,497 --> 00:16:54,931
Don't-- no.
450
00:16:54,965 --> 00:16:56,933
Okay.
451
00:16:56,967 --> 00:16:58,335
(sighs)
452
00:16:58,369 --> 00:16:59,936
I don't know. Nothing.
453
00:16:59,970 --> 00:17:01,672
I was just gonna follow you home
or whatever.
454
00:17:01,705 --> 00:17:02,706
Why?
455
00:17:02,739 --> 00:17:03,774
To egg you.
456
00:17:03,807 --> 00:17:06,176
Not necessarily!
457
00:17:06,209 --> 00:17:08,679
I just wanted, you know,
to prove that you don't have
458
00:17:08,712 --> 00:17:10,947
any right to judge me.
Obviously.
You're right.
459
00:17:10,981 --> 00:17:13,316
I don't. Good night.
460
00:17:13,350 --> 00:17:16,720
Being vulnerable makes me angry!
461
00:17:18,722 --> 00:17:20,957
(sighs)
462
00:17:20,991 --> 00:17:23,293
I get that.
463
00:17:23,326 --> 00:17:25,161
Being vulnerable
is scary.
464
00:17:25,195 --> 00:17:27,297
But most people
don't even try.
465
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:30,701
Like my boyfriend. He never
wants to talk about his stuff.
466
00:17:30,734 --> 00:17:33,670
He just squashes it down
and keeps it all on lock.
467
00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:36,206
Okay. So what happens to people
like your boyfriend?
468
00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:37,808
Oh, no... I don't know.
469
00:17:37,841 --> 00:17:39,543
We'll see, I guess.
470
00:17:39,576 --> 00:17:42,212
Hopefully he stops wearing
zip-up cargo shorts.
471
00:17:42,245 --> 00:17:45,716
But I know locked-down shit
472
00:17:45,749 --> 00:17:48,151
eventually becomes
unlocked-down.
473
00:17:48,184 --> 00:17:51,021
Eventually, a person has
to start taking responsibility
474
00:17:51,054 --> 00:17:52,255
for their own life.
475
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:54,257
(gasps)
See? There it is.
476
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:55,559
You're-you're blaming me again.
477
00:17:55,592 --> 00:17:57,327
Calls 'em like I sees 'em.
478
00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,062
(sighs)
479
00:17:59,095 --> 00:18:00,897
What was that you were saying
480
00:18:00,931 --> 00:18:03,667
about taking responsibility?
Ow.
481
00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:05,502
Look, I can guide,
482
00:18:05,536 --> 00:18:08,104
but a patient
has to do the work themselves.
483
00:18:08,138 --> 00:18:11,341
Eventually we all have to take
responsibility for our own life.
484
00:18:11,374 --> 00:18:13,977
So, I'll see you next week,
maybe?
485
00:18:15,412 --> 00:18:17,113
And don't stalk me again.
486
00:18:17,147 --> 00:18:19,149
'Cause you guys suck at it.
487
00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:23,887
I am so wet right now.
488
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,590
Back off, bitch.
489
00:18:26,623 --> 00:18:28,692
(indistinct police transmission)
That part
you just read,
490
00:18:28,725 --> 00:18:31,628
it sounds too fancy. Like, just
make the language more regular.
491
00:18:31,662 --> 00:18:34,064
Tristan and Iris
are from upper-crust,
492
00:18:34,097 --> 00:18:36,132
early 20th century London.
493
00:18:36,166 --> 00:18:38,401
Why can't he just say
something like,
494
00:18:38,435 --> 00:18:40,604
"Iris, your twat's
driving me up the wall"?
495
00:18:40,637 --> 00:18:42,539
Okay. Anything else?
Shouldn't Simon
496
00:18:42,573 --> 00:18:44,240
and... the redhead...
497
00:18:44,274 --> 00:18:45,075
Kitty.
498
00:18:45,108 --> 00:18:46,977
Yeah. Kitty.
499
00:18:47,010 --> 00:18:49,379
Shouldn't they end up together
so people are happy?
500
00:18:49,412 --> 00:18:51,982
But theirs is
a taboo love forbidden
501
00:18:52,015 --> 00:18:55,486
by our current, ironically
more repressive society.
502
00:18:57,087 --> 00:18:58,489
Okay. That's a good note.
503
00:18:58,522 --> 00:19:01,324
All right.
Find a different ending,
504
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:03,994
colloquialize the language
in the first third,
505
00:19:04,027 --> 00:19:06,630
find motivation
for the face-sitting,
506
00:19:06,663 --> 00:19:11,067
a few other tweaks.
All right, thank you, everybody.
507
00:19:11,101 --> 00:19:14,538
Here we are.
Also, there's
too much sex.
508
00:19:22,178 --> 00:19:24,548
*
(indistinct chatter)
509
00:19:29,352 --> 00:19:31,321
Edgar?
510
00:19:31,354 --> 00:19:32,455
What are you doing?
511
00:19:32,489 --> 00:19:34,457
So, I was thinking,
512
00:19:34,491 --> 00:19:36,793
"From future.
Time machine's broken.
513
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:39,195
Need money for plutonium."
Then, in parentheses,
514
00:19:39,229 --> 00:19:42,132
"FYI, the Cowboys win
the Super Bowl next year."
515
00:19:42,165 --> 00:19:43,366
What do you think?
516
00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:44,501
What is going on with you?
517
00:19:47,237 --> 00:19:49,840
I got out of it.
But they're still here.
518
00:19:49,873 --> 00:19:53,043
Plus, I have useful
comedic skills and a Sharpie.
519
00:19:53,076 --> 00:19:55,546
I think that it's really nice
that you want to help them,
520
00:19:55,579 --> 00:19:57,514
but how 'bout helping
your girlfriend?
521
00:19:57,548 --> 00:19:59,349
Isn't that why
you're here?
You don't need it,
522
00:19:59,382 --> 00:20:01,384
not like they do.
You have a place to live.
523
00:20:03,019 --> 00:20:06,222
Maybe we could get the rest
of my stuff upstairs,
524
00:20:06,256 --> 00:20:09,693
and then we could use the boxes
to help you make some signs.
525
00:20:12,395 --> 00:20:14,030
Thank you.
526
00:20:15,498 --> 00:20:17,467
(fly buzzing)
527
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:20,403
LINDSAY:
Paul? Sweetheart?
Wha...
528
00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:23,039
Lindsay?
Is that you?
529
00:20:23,073 --> 00:20:25,508
(grunting)
530
00:20:28,511 --> 00:20:30,814
It is.
531
00:20:30,847 --> 00:20:32,849
Poor dear.
532
00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:35,886
(grunting)
533
00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:38,221
Paul?
534
00:20:38,254 --> 00:20:39,522
Hmm?
535
00:20:39,556 --> 00:20:41,491
I'm sorry I was
gone all day.
536
00:20:41,524 --> 00:20:43,894
I'm prepared to...
537
00:20:43,927 --> 00:20:47,898
take responsibility for that.
538
00:20:47,931 --> 00:20:49,499
Do you forgive me?
539
00:20:49,532 --> 00:20:51,835
Of course I forgive y...
Great!
540
00:20:51,868 --> 00:20:53,670
(groans)
I took responsibility,
541
00:20:53,704 --> 00:20:55,405
and now it's in the past.
542
00:20:55,438 --> 00:20:57,340
Whoosh! Gone.
543
00:20:57,373 --> 00:20:59,342
I'll make us Red Napkin.
544
00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:01,077
I love you.
545
00:21:01,111 --> 00:21:02,545
Of course.
546
00:21:02,579 --> 00:21:04,748
We're family.
547
00:21:04,781 --> 00:21:06,516
(grunts)
Ow.
548
00:21:06,549 --> 00:21:08,952
*
549
00:21:14,791 --> 00:21:16,760
Should we just give up?
550
00:21:16,793 --> 00:21:20,030
Yeah, guess so.
(grunts)
551
00:21:20,063 --> 00:21:22,599
I just keep thinking
about my book.
552
00:21:22,633 --> 00:21:25,035
Therapist all up
in my cabeza.
553
00:21:25,068 --> 00:21:26,536
We're better than this!
554
00:21:26,569 --> 00:21:28,739
I don't know why I'm
so scared of doing
555
00:21:28,772 --> 00:21:31,407
some stupid,
Dr. Phil bullshit task.
556
00:21:31,441 --> 00:21:33,877
She's the one making it seem
like this Miyagi test.
557
00:21:33,910 --> 00:21:36,412
That's it. I'm gonna open
this goddamn mail.
558
00:21:36,446 --> 00:21:40,817
Then I'm gonna call my agent and
tell him to pull the proposal.
559
00:21:40,851 --> 00:21:43,820
Maybe this isn't even the book
that I want to write.
560
00:21:43,854 --> 00:21:45,689
Who knows?
561
00:21:46,757 --> 00:21:49,159
(exhales)
562
00:21:59,602 --> 00:22:01,571
(exhales)
563
00:22:01,604 --> 00:22:04,574
Gas bill. Easy.
564
00:22:04,607 --> 00:22:07,310
(laughs)
565
00:22:10,546 --> 00:22:13,549
Oh. Yeah, right, electricity.
I'm not paying you.
566
00:22:15,151 --> 00:22:16,787
No, I don't want
your stupid magazine!
567
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:18,521
Nope.
568
00:22:20,657 --> 00:22:21,725
(exhales)
569
00:22:39,142 --> 00:22:40,844
No.
570
00:22:40,877 --> 00:22:44,514
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
571
00:22:44,547 --> 00:22:46,683
JIMMY:
Gretchen!
572
00:22:46,717 --> 00:22:49,019
My book! My book!
573
00:22:49,052 --> 00:22:50,653
The proposal sold!
574
00:22:50,687 --> 00:22:53,656
Ha! Suck it,
Edgar and-and Dorothy
575
00:22:53,690 --> 00:22:56,659
and that cop, old lady,
and businesswoman.
576
00:22:56,693 --> 00:22:57,994
I did it. Ha!
577
00:22:58,028 --> 00:23:00,030
I did it!
(yelps)
578
00:23:00,063 --> 00:23:01,998
Oh, my God, that's-that's great.
579
00:23:02,032 --> 00:23:04,000
Um, have you... have you talked
to your family recently?
580
00:23:04,034 --> 00:23:05,501
Mwah!
581
00:23:05,535 --> 00:23:07,503
Hell no. I blocked
all their numbers
582
00:23:07,537 --> 00:23:09,572
after their
disastrous visit. Why?
583
00:23:09,605 --> 00:23:10,807
Nothing.
584
00:23:10,841 --> 00:23:12,342
We get the offer on Monday.
585
00:23:12,375 --> 00:23:13,844
God, I love being a writer!
586
00:23:13,877 --> 00:23:15,411
I mean, not that
I'm surprised.
587
00:23:15,445 --> 00:23:17,914
This one felt so
good, you know?
588
00:23:17,948 --> 00:23:20,150
I sure left it all on the page
with this one.
589
00:23:20,183 --> 00:23:22,719
And my faith in it
never wavered. Not really.
590
00:23:22,753 --> 00:23:25,889
Nope, never wavered at all.
591
00:23:25,922 --> 00:23:28,358
*
592
00:23:38,434 --> 00:23:39,903
* My eyes are tired
593
00:23:39,936 --> 00:23:43,506
* And I'm a liar
594
00:23:43,539 --> 00:23:46,509
* I wish I had grace
595
00:23:46,542 --> 00:23:50,080
* But I can re-erase.
596
00:23:50,113 --> 00:23:52,548
*
597
00:24:04,427 --> 00:24:07,430
(dog barks)
598
00:24:10,566 --> 00:24:12,468
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