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ADULT ADAM: The '80s was
a golden age of advertising,
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00:00:02,273 --> 00:00:04,273
- filled with famous faces.
- Oh, hi, Vern.
3
00:00:04,319 --> 00:00:06,530
They talked fast and pitched
to us every day.
4
00:00:06,609 --> 00:00:08,367
Hello. I'm Orville Redenbacher.
5
00:00:08,438 --> 00:00:10,208
- Mikey liked it!
- He liked it!
6
00:00:10,286 --> 00:00:11,739
And the "Where's the Beef?" lady
7
00:00:11,775 --> 00:00:13,681
needed to know
exactly where the beef was.
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00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,040
Hey, where's the beef?
9
00:00:15,079 --> 00:00:17,243
And there were local pitchmen,
like Crazy Eddie.
10
00:00:17,322 --> 00:00:19,189
It's Crazy Eddie's greatest
Fourth of July sale ever!
11
00:00:19,224 --> 00:00:21,658
Even Jenkintown had
its own commercial celebrity...
12
00:00:21,693 --> 00:00:23,860
my dad's competition, the Formica King.
13
00:00:23,895 --> 00:00:25,662
Are you looking for a bed,
14
00:00:25,697 --> 00:00:27,297
a table, a wall unit?!
15
00:00:27,332 --> 00:00:28,704
ADULT ADAM: He was wild, kooky,
16
00:00:28,759 --> 00:00:30,333
and the bane of my dad's existence.
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00:00:30,369 --> 00:00:34,104
Come see me, Formica Mike,
the Formica King!
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00:00:34,139 --> 00:00:36,006
We got deep discounts
on all your favorite
19
00:00:36,041 --> 00:00:39,109
brightly-colored furniture
in space-age laminates!
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00:00:39,144 --> 00:00:41,745
And we're slaying the competition!
21
00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:44,948
? Furniture deals on everything ?
22
00:00:44,983 --> 00:00:47,984
? Come on down to the Formica King ?
23
00:00:48,020 --> 00:00:50,720
Ask for me! Mike! Or Luis.
24
00:00:50,756 --> 00:00:52,022
He works here, too!
25
00:00:52,057 --> 00:00:54,078
ANNOUNCER: The Formica King's an
authorized Formica laminate dealer.
26
00:00:54,148 --> 00:00:56,693
? Do-do, do-do-do, do-do, do... ?
27
00:00:56,728 --> 00:00:58,795
Are you humming the jingle
of my sworn enemy?
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00:00:58,830 --> 00:01:01,064
No. Totally unrelated.
29
00:01:01,099 --> 00:01:02,399
? Formica King ?
30
00:01:02,434 --> 00:01:05,035
All right, that's it.
I'm sleeping on the couch.
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00:01:05,070 --> 00:01:06,670
ADULT ADAM: My dad
hated the Formica King
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00:01:06,705 --> 00:01:08,071
and couldn't get away from him.
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00:01:08,106 --> 00:01:11,007
Look! The Formica King
has a regal summer sale!
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00:01:11,043 --> 00:01:13,243
Big kingdom furniture
for lil' kingdom prices.
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00:01:13,278 --> 00:01:15,578
- [GROANS]
- Murray, you gotta hit this schmuck back
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00:01:15,614 --> 00:01:17,414
before he drives us out of business.
37
00:01:17,449 --> 00:01:18,615
Dammit, I know!
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00:01:18,650 --> 00:01:20,150
My dad had to make his own commercial,
39
00:01:20,185 --> 00:01:21,818
and there was only one geek
who could save him.
40
00:01:21,853 --> 00:01:25,188
I never thought I'd say this,
but bring me Adam.
41
00:01:25,223 --> 00:01:27,257
I've been waiting for
this moment my entire life.
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00:01:27,292 --> 00:01:29,392
I know your taste.
It'll be quick and simple.
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00:01:29,428 --> 00:01:30,593
Also, you'll be sitting.
44
00:01:30,629 --> 00:01:32,295
Oh, I like this idea.
45
00:01:32,330 --> 00:01:34,631
Or... and I'm just
talking out loud here...
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00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:38,368
what if instead of simple, we
made it incredibly complicated?
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00:01:38,403 --> 00:01:39,903
- Ooh, I'm listening.
- No, no.
48
00:01:39,938 --> 00:01:41,404
Do not encourage him.
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Yep, my dad's brother and
unreliable employee Marvin.
50
00:01:44,076 --> 00:01:45,208
Let the selling begin!
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00:01:45,243 --> 00:01:46,543
He was full of bad ideas,
52
00:01:46,578 --> 00:01:48,678
and my dad hated all of them.
53
00:01:48,714 --> 00:01:50,246
We have an opportunity here
to make the biggest,
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00:01:50,282 --> 00:01:52,649
most expensive
furniture commercial ever, okay?
55
00:01:52,684 --> 00:01:55,952
I'm talking about explosions,
car chases, furniture girls.
56
00:01:55,987 --> 00:01:58,121
There's no such thing
as furniture girls.
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00:01:58,190 --> 00:02:00,123
Uncle Marvin's right.
We should probably go big.
58
00:02:00,158 --> 00:02:01,424
- So big!
- And loud!
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00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:02,959
- And sexy!
- Go away!
60
00:02:02,994 --> 00:02:04,494
Ooh! We can set it in space!
61
00:02:04,529 --> 00:02:06,296
- ? Spaaaace ?
- No space!
62
00:02:06,331 --> 00:02:07,797
And animals. We need animals.
63
00:02:07,833 --> 00:02:08,798
The deadlier the better.
64
00:02:08,834 --> 00:02:10,100
Yes, people respond to fear.
65
00:02:10,135 --> 00:02:11,668
Not furniture buyers.
66
00:02:11,703 --> 00:02:13,002
And we need epic stunts.
67
00:02:13,038 --> 00:02:15,138
How many sleeper sofas can
you jump in a monster truck?
68
00:02:15,173 --> 00:02:17,207
Well, if we load it up with
rocket fuel, an infinite amount!
69
00:02:17,242 --> 00:02:19,075
When you're done, we'll do it my way.
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00:02:19,111 --> 00:02:20,477
Knock yourselves out.
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[GASPS] That's it.
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00:02:22,214 --> 00:02:23,146
We wrap the whole thing up
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00:02:23,181 --> 00:02:24,948
with a Rocky Balboa/ Apollo Creed
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00:02:24,983 --> 00:02:26,716
- final freeze frame.
- Let's rehearse it.
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00:02:26,752 --> 00:02:28,685
[IMITATING SYLVESTER STALLONE]
Well, I don't usually rehearse, but okay.
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00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:29,886
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
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? I'm twisted up inside ?
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00:02:31,590 --> 00:02:34,958
? But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ?
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00:02:34,993 --> 00:02:37,427
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:37,462 --> 00:02:38,795
? I don't know the future ?
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00:02:38,830 --> 00:02:42,966
? But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ?
82
00:02:43,001 --> 00:02:45,068
It was November 1, 1980-something,
83
00:02:45,103 --> 00:02:47,370
and my brother was about
to bust some moves.
84
00:02:47,405 --> 00:02:49,005
- Yo, yo!
- Look at this.
85
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,708
The KFC has come to hang out
under the bleachers.
86
00:02:51,743 --> 00:02:53,743
- No, it's the JTP.
- TOGETHER: JTP!
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00:02:53,779 --> 00:02:55,745
And it's your lucky day,
'cause Big Tasty
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00:02:55,781 --> 00:02:57,413
cordially invites you
to have dinner with him
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00:02:57,449 --> 00:02:59,849
at Jenkintown's most
exclusive, romantic eatery.
90
00:02:59,885 --> 00:03:02,051
Tony Roma's! Place for ribs!
91
00:03:02,087 --> 00:03:03,453
All right, bleacher creatures.
92
00:03:03,488 --> 00:03:05,555
Stop being all sketchy and get to class.
93
00:03:05,590 --> 00:03:06,923
Nice try, dude.
94
00:03:06,958 --> 00:03:08,158
Mr. Glascott,
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00:03:08,193 --> 00:03:10,794
I was about to go out
with Jamie Weisman for ribs.
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00:03:10,829 --> 00:03:13,163
Everyone knows that's the most
romantic part of the pig.
97
00:03:13,198 --> 00:03:14,264
Except for the heart.
98
00:03:14,299 --> 00:03:15,532
Actually, I saved you.
99
00:03:15,567 --> 00:03:17,767
Seriously, man, you were
going down in flames.
100
00:03:17,803 --> 00:03:19,202
Trust me, I know.
101
00:03:19,237 --> 00:03:20,270
You do know.
102
00:03:20,305 --> 00:03:22,505
Hey, it's different when I say it.
103
00:03:22,541 --> 00:03:25,775
Gah! That's the third girl
this week who shot me down.
104
00:03:25,811 --> 00:03:27,277
Don't these smoking hot scrubs
105
00:03:27,312 --> 00:03:28,812
know I dated Lainey for three years?
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00:03:28,847 --> 00:03:30,079
Don't ask me, dude.
107
00:03:30,115 --> 00:03:31,714
I haven't talked to a girl
since my piano teacher
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00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,183
told me to stop calling her.
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00:03:33,218 --> 00:03:35,084
It's like the only people who
see me naked now are you guys.
110
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:36,719
I used to have great luck with women,
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00:03:36,755 --> 00:03:38,621
but it all dried up when I started
hanging out with you dudes.
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00:03:38,657 --> 00:03:40,156
Coincidence, Matthew.
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00:03:40,192 --> 00:03:41,624
Man, I do not miss being single.
114
00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:43,393
I'm just so happy I have Erica, ya know?
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00:03:43,428 --> 00:03:44,994
- You're so lame, Geoff.
- We don't have to hear it.
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00:03:45,030 --> 00:03:46,429
Wait, that's it!
117
00:03:46,464 --> 00:03:48,731
It's been in this house the whole time!
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00:03:48,767 --> 00:03:50,800
Erica's bedroom.
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00:03:50,836 --> 00:03:52,869
There has to be some answers in here.
120
00:03:52,904 --> 00:03:53,937
Okay, guys, this is, like,
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00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:55,505
a huge invasion of Erica's privacy.
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00:03:55,540 --> 00:03:57,073
Dude, she's my sister.
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00:03:57,108 --> 00:03:58,508
I know her better than anyone.
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00:03:58,543 --> 00:04:00,343
She'd do anything to help us out here.
125
00:04:00,378 --> 00:04:01,882
Erica's very upset
and wants to talk to you.
126
00:04:01,907 --> 00:04:02,813
Really, dude?
127
00:04:02,814 --> 00:04:04,781
I know you're her brother,
but she's really pretty.
128
00:04:04,816 --> 00:04:07,517
- [SIGHS]
- Barry. I will say this once.
129
00:04:07,552 --> 00:04:10,320
Leave my room, or I will end you.
130
00:04:10,355 --> 00:04:12,121
Aww. You are so sweet.
131
00:04:12,157 --> 00:04:14,123
Guys! She said, "Go for it."
132
00:04:14,159 --> 00:04:15,225
We're good to go.
133
00:04:15,260 --> 00:04:16,960
Put Geoff back on the phone right now!
134
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:18,761
Yo, Geoff, she says she loves you,
135
00:04:18,797 --> 00:04:20,096
and you're, like, totally the one.
136
00:04:20,131 --> 00:04:21,664
I've been waiting for this moment!
137
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:23,233
If you don't get out right now,
138
00:04:23,268 --> 00:04:25,668
so help me God,
I will get on a bus and...
139
00:04:25,704 --> 00:04:27,170
No, you're the best.
140
00:04:27,205 --> 00:04:28,304
Geoffrey, tackle Barry!
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00:04:28,340 --> 00:04:30,273
- Love you.
- Punch him in the nards!
142
00:04:30,308 --> 00:04:31,908
We officially have Erica's blessing.
143
00:04:31,943 --> 00:04:33,142
Let's do this!
144
00:04:33,178 --> 00:04:35,245
Naked Rob, you and I
shall play the board game
145
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:36,946
where you literally become a woman...
146
00:04:36,982 --> 00:04:38,081
"Girl Talk."
147
00:04:38,116 --> 00:04:40,083
Matthew, you take this Caboodle
148
00:04:40,118 --> 00:04:41,584
and make friendship bracelets for all.
149
00:04:41,620 --> 00:04:43,586
One of you lucky bros
is gonna get an anklet.
150
00:04:43,622 --> 00:04:45,455
Andy, you read these Judy Blume books.
151
00:04:45,490 --> 00:04:47,323
Soak up all the teenage lady writing
152
00:04:47,359 --> 00:04:49,025
and see if God
ever responds to Margaret.
153
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:50,126
I hope it's a yes.
154
00:04:50,161 --> 00:04:52,295
Geoff Schwartz, you take Erica's diary
155
00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:54,264
and read her inner-most
secret girl thoughts.
156
00:04:54,299 --> 00:04:55,999
She's never let me read it before!
157
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:57,233
She finally trusts me!
158
00:04:57,269 --> 00:05:00,637
Gentlemen, our world changes today.
159
00:05:00,672 --> 00:05:02,572
Let's get feminine.
160
00:05:02,607 --> 00:05:05,541
?
161
00:05:05,577 --> 00:05:08,544
Okay, our big commercial's all done.
162
00:05:08,580 --> 00:05:11,381
Yep. There's no story,
there's no effects,
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00:05:11,416 --> 00:05:13,449
there's no artistic
expression whatsoever.
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00:05:13,485 --> 00:05:15,351
I've never been more proud
of the kid in my life!
165
00:05:15,387 --> 00:05:18,655
Are you looking for
high-quality furniture
166
00:05:18,690 --> 00:05:20,456
at low prices?
167
00:05:20,492 --> 00:05:22,425
Come on down to the Ottoman Empire...
168
00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:25,828
Huh! Where I will personally
fight high prices.
169
00:05:25,864 --> 00:05:27,964
I am the Sofa Samurai,
170
00:05:27,999 --> 00:05:31,134
and I will erase the bloodlines
of the competition!
171
00:05:31,169 --> 00:05:33,169
- [GRUNTS]
- What the hell was that?
172
00:05:33,204 --> 00:05:35,738
Don't ask me!
Marvin taped over my commercial!
173
00:05:35,774 --> 00:05:37,540
ADULT ADAM: And that's
when things got weird.
174
00:05:37,575 --> 00:05:39,776
My Uncle Marvin hijacked the commercial.
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00:05:39,811 --> 00:05:41,544
- He was a space man...
- [LASER BLASTS]
176
00:05:41,579 --> 00:05:42,545
...who was a lifeguard...
177
00:05:42,580 --> 00:05:44,213
No credit? No problem!
178
00:05:44,249 --> 00:05:45,248
I'll save you!
179
00:05:45,283 --> 00:05:46,749
ADULT ADAM: ...who had a cyborg arm.
180
00:05:46,785 --> 00:05:48,351
And I've been rebuilt by the government
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00:05:48,386 --> 00:05:49,719
to fight crime and high prices.
182
00:05:49,754 --> 00:05:50,920
ADULT ADAM: It was a disaster.
183
00:05:50,956 --> 00:05:53,056
So, come on down to the Ottoman Empire.
184
00:05:53,091 --> 00:05:54,390
And bring the kids.
185
00:05:54,426 --> 00:05:57,026
They can swing my sword
around and chop up stuff.
186
00:05:57,062 --> 00:05:58,361
Ding! Freeze, freeze.
187
00:05:58,396 --> 00:06:00,730
?
188
00:06:00,765 --> 00:06:01,864
ADULT ADAM: It was classic Marvin,
189
00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:03,533
and my dad had seen enough.
190
00:06:03,568 --> 00:06:04,634
How do you do it, Marvin?
191
00:06:04,669 --> 00:06:06,970
How do you literally
screw up everything?
192
00:06:07,005 --> 00:06:08,004
What?!
193
00:06:08,039 --> 00:06:09,939
If anything, I spiced it up with swords
194
00:06:09,975 --> 00:06:11,674
and time travel and furniture girls.
195
00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:12,909
What's their story?
196
00:06:12,944 --> 00:06:14,644
Tiffany and Megan.
They're actually good people.
197
00:06:14,679 --> 00:06:16,279
I hope you don't mind.
I had to pay them in chairs.
198
00:06:16,314 --> 00:06:17,246
I do mind!
199
00:06:17,282 --> 00:06:18,681
You can't just give away our furniture
200
00:06:18,717 --> 00:06:20,550
and promise that kids
can play with swords!
201
00:06:20,585 --> 00:06:22,018
This is insane!
202
00:06:22,053 --> 00:06:23,786
I'm not airing this stupidity. Ever.
203
00:06:23,822 --> 00:06:25,288
Oooooooooh.
204
00:06:25,323 --> 00:06:27,156
"Ooh"? What do you...
What do you mean, "ooh"?
205
00:06:27,192 --> 00:06:28,791
What if I told you there was a world
206
00:06:28,827 --> 00:06:31,194
where people will see it
or have absolutely seen it?
207
00:06:31,229 --> 00:06:32,428
- Which is it?
- Both.
208
00:06:32,464 --> 00:06:34,330
I knew that you wouldn't
understand my vision, Mur,
209
00:06:34,366 --> 00:06:35,665
so I had to go "behind your back,"
210
00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,433
and I handed it off
to the local affiliates.
211
00:06:37,469 --> 00:06:38,901
Wait. This already aired?!
212
00:06:38,937 --> 00:06:41,771
Okay, calm down. The man means well.
213
00:06:41,806 --> 00:06:43,272
You realize that's the worst thing
214
00:06:43,308 --> 00:06:44,440
you can say about a person.
215
00:06:44,476 --> 00:06:46,843
How is it bad if a man means well?
216
00:06:46,878 --> 00:06:48,644
Because it means he doesn't do well.
217
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,747
He's too busy being a moron.
218
00:06:50,782 --> 00:06:52,048
That's it!
219
00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:54,350
I refuse to work for someone
who thinks so little of me!
220
00:06:54,386 --> 00:06:55,785
Great. Then don't come in tomorrow.
221
00:06:55,820 --> 00:06:57,487
- Are you firing me?
- No, you just quit.
222
00:06:57,522 --> 00:06:59,255
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm just refusing to work.
223
00:06:59,290 --> 00:07:01,157
- That is quitting.
- Which I didn't do!
224
00:07:01,192 --> 00:07:02,358
Then fine. You're fired.
225
00:07:02,394 --> 00:07:03,760
No, no, you can't fire me.
I already quit.
226
00:07:03,795 --> 00:07:04,994
Too late. I fired you first.
227
00:07:05,030 --> 00:07:06,462
Okay, so rehire me so I can quit.
228
00:07:06,498 --> 00:07:07,730
You're rehired. Go ahead and quit.
229
00:07:07,766 --> 00:07:09,065
- I'm staying.
- Then you're fired.
230
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,433
You would fire your own brother?
231
00:07:10,468 --> 00:07:11,501
I quit!
232
00:07:11,536 --> 00:07:13,436
- He means well.
- [GROANS]
233
00:07:13,471 --> 00:07:14,771
As my uncle was quitting,
234
00:07:14,806 --> 00:07:16,973
Barry and his pals
were ready to give up on girls.
235
00:07:17,008 --> 00:07:18,374
Dude, "Girl Talk" sucks.
236
00:07:18,410 --> 00:07:19,709
The only thing
I've gotten from this game
237
00:07:19,744 --> 00:07:20,977
is a bunch of zit stickers.
238
00:07:21,012 --> 00:07:23,079
And I admitted I had a crush
on the hunky quarterback,
239
00:07:23,114 --> 00:07:24,547
and he's so not my type.
240
00:07:24,582 --> 00:07:26,449
You need a guy who makes you laugh, man.
241
00:07:26,484 --> 00:07:28,751
Andy? You have better luck
with that Judy Blume book?
242
00:07:28,787 --> 00:07:31,220
You have no idea what women
go through each month.
243
00:07:31,256 --> 00:07:32,655
I mean, it's crazy.
244
00:07:32,690 --> 00:07:34,724
It still won't help us get dates, but...
245
00:07:34,759 --> 00:07:35,858
it's crazy.
246
00:07:35,894 --> 00:07:37,427
Maybe the ol' Bevernator can help you
247
00:07:37,462 --> 00:07:38,661
with your lady troubles.
248
00:07:38,696 --> 00:07:40,830
Mom! Stop invading our privacy
249
00:07:40,865 --> 00:07:42,865
while we're invading Erica's privacy!
250
00:07:42,901 --> 00:07:44,734
Maybe this is a chance
for our relationship
251
00:07:44,769 --> 00:07:46,836
- to change for the better.
- It can't change.
252
00:07:46,871 --> 00:07:48,704
Once you're a lame mom,
you're always a lame mom.
253
00:07:48,740 --> 00:07:50,373
Well, once you graduate
from high school,
254
00:07:50,408 --> 00:07:51,874
you're not gonna need a mom anymore.
255
00:07:51,910 --> 00:07:54,043
You're gonna need a friend
who knows things.
256
00:07:54,079 --> 00:07:55,678
I want to be that friend.
257
00:07:55,713 --> 00:07:56,913
Your lady bro.
258
00:07:56,948 --> 00:07:58,981
Dude, a lady bro
is exactly what we need.
259
00:07:59,017 --> 00:08:00,583
No. Last thing we need is for you
260
00:08:00,618 --> 00:08:02,919
to mom us up with corny mom advice.
261
00:08:02,954 --> 00:08:04,587
That is quite possibly
the most hurtful thing
262
00:08:04,622 --> 00:08:05,588
you've ever said to me.
263
00:08:05,623 --> 00:08:07,290
I am so much more than just a mom.
264
00:08:07,325 --> 00:08:08,558
Now eat your prunes
265
00:08:08,593 --> 00:08:10,126
so you can get
your tummy engine cookin'.
266
00:08:10,161 --> 00:08:11,094
No prunes!
267
00:08:11,129 --> 00:08:12,895
They're just so... wet.
268
00:08:12,931 --> 00:08:14,197
It's been four days, Barry.
269
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:15,364
You need to make.
270
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,466
Mom. I'm fine.
271
00:08:16,501 --> 00:08:18,267
You know, Essie Karp's nephew's son
272
00:08:18,303 --> 00:08:19,335
held it in for that long,
273
00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:21,304
and then he got on a ferry
to Nantucket...
274
00:08:21,339 --> 00:08:23,106
I don't wanna hear
this stupid mom story.
275
00:08:23,141 --> 00:08:25,608
They had to turn the boat around, Barry.
276
00:08:25,643 --> 00:08:27,677
I don't care about Essie's nephew's son!
277
00:08:27,712 --> 00:08:30,613
- A Coast Guard chopper was involved.
- Mom.
278
00:08:30,648 --> 00:08:33,116
- People were jumping into the ocean.
- Mom!
279
00:08:33,151 --> 00:08:35,084
They had to decommission the boat.
280
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,653
- Mom!!
- Because he didn't eat his prunes.
281
00:08:37,689 --> 00:08:38,921
I think you've proven my point.
282
00:08:38,957 --> 00:08:40,123
Well, suit yourself.
283
00:08:40,158 --> 00:08:42,692
But just know that the most
attractive trait in a man
284
00:08:42,727 --> 00:08:44,794
is when he makes on schedule.
285
00:08:44,829 --> 00:08:46,762
No, Naked Rob! Drop the prunes!
286
00:08:46,798 --> 00:08:48,598
Oh, sorry, dude. I need these prunes,
287
00:08:48,633 --> 00:08:50,800
and I need a lady bro
to help me get a lady, bro.
288
00:08:50,835 --> 00:08:53,836
My mother is not the answer, Naked Rob.
289
00:08:53,872 --> 00:08:55,972
Okay, see, that's
the problem right there.
290
00:08:56,007 --> 00:08:57,840
This whole naked thing, Robert.
291
00:08:57,876 --> 00:08:59,575
Girls don't like it
when you run up to them
292
00:08:59,611 --> 00:09:00,643
with no pants on.
293
00:09:00,678 --> 00:09:01,944
Don't listen to her!
294
00:09:01,980 --> 00:09:04,247
Your nudity is
your most redeeming quality.
295
00:09:04,282 --> 00:09:05,648
So you're saying if I get
dressed in the morning
296
00:09:05,683 --> 00:09:06,816
and stay that way all day,
297
00:09:06,851 --> 00:09:08,618
then women will be less revolted by me?
298
00:09:08,653 --> 00:09:10,887
I'm not just saying it. I know it.
299
00:09:10,922 --> 00:09:13,723
Fine! But I guarantee
this will not work.
300
00:09:13,758 --> 00:09:15,858
?
301
00:09:15,894 --> 00:09:17,527
Dude. I can't believe it.
302
00:09:17,562 --> 00:09:19,128
My mom actually helped the guy.
303
00:09:19,164 --> 00:09:21,297
Um, could you tell your friends to go?
304
00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:23,866
No, Debbie! I'm watching and learning.
305
00:09:23,902 --> 00:09:25,635
Guys, please. This is
a big moment for me.
306
00:09:25,670 --> 00:09:27,970
Do you guys actually think
my mom isn't just a mom?
307
00:09:28,006 --> 00:09:29,005
Accept it, man.
308
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:30,873
She's the answer to all our problems.
309
00:09:31,976 --> 00:09:33,376
While Barry had to admit defeat,
310
00:09:33,411 --> 00:09:36,112
Uncle Marvin was ready
to take a victory lap.
311
00:09:36,147 --> 00:09:37,180
What's going on?
312
00:09:37,215 --> 00:09:38,915
Why are you here? I thought you quit.
313
00:09:38,950 --> 00:09:41,083
[LAUGHS] Don't worry about me, Mur-Man.
314
00:09:41,119 --> 00:09:42,151
I'm just here to let you know
315
00:09:42,187 --> 00:09:43,853
that I landed a sweet new job.
316
00:09:43,888 --> 00:09:44,820
Oh, did you, now?
317
00:09:44,856 --> 00:09:46,322
Oh, yes, I did.
318
00:09:46,357 --> 00:09:48,558
And I finally have a real boss...
319
00:09:48,593 --> 00:09:50,326
one that I can respect.
320
00:09:50,361 --> 00:09:53,763
[PLAYS FANFARE]
321
00:09:53,798 --> 00:09:54,764
Make way...
322
00:09:54,799 --> 00:09:57,433
? For Formica Michael Mikowitz ?
323
00:09:57,468 --> 00:09:59,435
Well, well, well.
324
00:09:59,470 --> 00:10:01,037
What do we got here?
325
00:10:01,072 --> 00:10:03,973
A whole lot of crappy furniture
with no one to buy it.
326
00:10:04,008 --> 00:10:05,341
So, you're working for this putz now?
327
00:10:05,376 --> 00:10:07,843
That's right.
I just snaked your top salesman.
328
00:10:07,879 --> 00:10:09,478
- Must be killin' ya.
- No, I'm good.
329
00:10:09,514 --> 00:10:10,613
No, but he's your brother,
330
00:10:10,648 --> 00:10:11,914
and now he's working for me...
the enemy.
331
00:10:11,950 --> 00:10:13,015
Yeah, well, things happen.
332
00:10:13,051 --> 00:10:14,350
Wow. That's, uh...
333
00:10:14,385 --> 00:10:16,252
That's not the reaction I was expecting.
334
00:10:16,287 --> 00:10:17,253
[CHUCKLES] Look at him.
335
00:10:17,288 --> 00:10:18,788
It's eating him up inside.
336
00:10:18,823 --> 00:10:21,023
I don't know. He doesn't seem
so put out by the whole thing.
337
00:10:21,059 --> 00:10:23,259
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
You don't know him like I do.
338
00:10:23,294 --> 00:10:24,794
He is dying to take me back.
339
00:10:24,829 --> 00:10:26,362
Okay. I'll come back.
340
00:10:26,397 --> 00:10:28,431
Bup bup! Nope, you see the sign.
341
00:10:28,466 --> 00:10:30,967
Says "no refunds on damaged goods."
342
00:10:31,002 --> 00:10:32,368
Hoo-hoo!
343
00:10:32,403 --> 00:10:36,172
[LAUGHING] Oh, he's such a faker.
344
00:10:36,207 --> 00:10:38,207
This is gonna be great!
345
00:10:38,243 --> 00:10:40,343
I got concerns.
346
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:43,943
It had been two days since my
Uncle Marvin's crazy commercial
347
00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:45,975
had aired, and when my dad
arrived to work,
348
00:10:46,022 --> 00:10:47,992
he was surprised to find
business was booming.
349
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:49,797
What's with all the people?
350
00:10:49,837 --> 00:10:51,604
It's Marvin's farkakte commercial.
351
00:10:51,647 --> 00:10:53,313
I think it actually worked!
352
00:10:53,349 --> 00:10:56,216
No way. No one's here
to see a sweaty samurai.
353
00:10:56,252 --> 00:10:57,551
Hey, where's the Sofa Samurai?
354
00:10:57,586 --> 00:10:59,319
My kid wants to take
a whack at this recliner
355
00:10:59,355 --> 00:11:00,354
with that katana.
356
00:11:00,389 --> 00:11:02,956
Unfortunately, the Samurai is sick.
357
00:11:02,992 --> 00:11:05,092
What? I drove two hours to get here.
358
00:11:05,127 --> 00:11:06,827
Uh, which is why...
359
00:11:06,862 --> 00:11:09,997
you're looking at the Mattress Magician!
360
00:11:10,032 --> 00:11:12,699
What's that behind your ear, huh?
361
00:11:12,768 --> 00:11:14,268
Don't touch my son.
362
00:11:14,303 --> 00:11:16,303
Uh... give us a second.
363
00:11:17,339 --> 00:11:19,072
You gotta get your brother back.
364
00:11:19,108 --> 00:11:20,040
We need him.
365
00:11:20,075 --> 00:11:21,642
You know, we're talking about Marvin.
366
00:11:21,677 --> 00:11:23,076
I've never once needed him.
367
00:11:23,112 --> 00:11:24,378
Until now.
368
00:11:24,413 --> 00:11:27,547
His terrible ideas,
turns out, are great.
369
00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:29,483
- [GROANS]
- Fine.
370
00:11:29,518 --> 00:11:30,884
You don't want Marvin's help.
371
00:11:30,919 --> 00:11:32,552
I'll work on my magic.
372
00:11:32,588 --> 00:11:34,855
- Say, what's that behind your...
- Aah! Stop it.
373
00:11:34,890 --> 00:11:36,256
I'll go talk to him.
374
00:11:36,292 --> 00:11:37,958
That day, my dad wasn't the only one
375
00:11:37,993 --> 00:11:40,160
who was asking for help
from the least likely person.
376
00:11:40,195 --> 00:11:41,528
Double coupon?
377
00:11:41,563 --> 00:11:43,230
Don't mind if I do-pon.
378
00:11:43,265 --> 00:11:44,898
Yep, the unthinkable happened.
379
00:11:44,933 --> 00:11:47,234
Barry went to my mom for some girl talk.
380
00:11:47,269 --> 00:11:49,670
- Hey, Boofaloo.
- [SIGHS]
381
00:11:49,705 --> 00:11:52,172
As much as it shocks me to say it,
382
00:11:52,207 --> 00:11:54,675
you're not just a big-haired,
mom-shaped sweater lady.
383
00:11:54,710 --> 00:11:56,043
Hurtful, but continue.
384
00:11:56,078 --> 00:11:58,412
You helped Rob, which means
you're not only a mom.
385
00:11:58,447 --> 00:11:59,713
You could actually be a lady bro
386
00:11:59,748 --> 00:12:00,847
and help me get girls.
387
00:12:00,883 --> 00:12:02,649
Shut your delicious little face!
388
00:12:02,685 --> 00:12:04,017
You asked for my help!
389
00:12:04,053 --> 00:12:05,485
- Forget it! Forget it. This is a mistake.
- Wh...
390
00:12:05,521 --> 00:12:08,855
No, Barry, look into my eyes.
391
00:12:08,891 --> 00:12:10,590
I will take this more seriously
392
00:12:10,626 --> 00:12:13,327
than anything I've ever done in my life.
393
00:12:13,362 --> 00:12:15,996
I just wanted some advice on
how to impress Jamie Weisman.
394
00:12:16,031 --> 00:12:17,898
I've already tried
both aggressive rapping
395
00:12:17,966 --> 00:12:19,700
and casual flexing in a yellow tank top.
396
00:12:19,735 --> 00:12:21,134
Uh-huh.
397
00:12:21,170 --> 00:12:23,103
Have you considered something simpler?
398
00:12:23,138 --> 00:12:24,871
You mean like eating
an entire apple in one bite?
399
00:12:24,907 --> 00:12:27,207
Or. What if you just talk to her?
400
00:12:27,242 --> 00:12:29,309
- Like with a bullhorn?
- For now, just be yourself.
401
00:12:29,345 --> 00:12:31,011
That's all women really want.
402
00:12:31,046 --> 00:12:32,145
Sincerity.
403
00:12:32,181 --> 00:12:33,814
Be sincere.
404
00:12:33,849 --> 00:12:36,116
So I speak with a British
accent and wear a monocle?
405
00:12:36,151 --> 00:12:37,951
We'll get you there.
406
00:12:37,986 --> 00:12:39,553
And she did.
407
00:12:39,588 --> 00:12:41,355
After a little training
from his lady bro,
408
00:12:41,390 --> 00:12:43,957
Barry was ready to win over his lady.
409
00:12:43,992 --> 00:12:46,460
Whoa, whoa. What am I looking at here?
410
00:12:46,495 --> 00:12:47,961
Just a boy who took my advice
411
00:12:47,996 --> 00:12:50,597
and is now chatting
to his future girlfriend.
412
00:12:50,632 --> 00:12:52,299
- Are you nuts?
- What? What's wrong?
413
00:12:52,334 --> 00:12:55,068
Jamie Weisman hangs with
the no-good bleacher creatures.
414
00:12:55,104 --> 00:12:57,003
They spend every lunch
under there smoking
415
00:12:57,039 --> 00:12:59,106
and listening to that awful ska music.
416
00:12:59,141 --> 00:13:02,008
- And don't get me started on the truancy.
- Truancy?
417
00:13:02,044 --> 00:13:04,511
Well, that's a gateway to being
late for everything in life!
418
00:13:04,546 --> 00:13:07,314
And the worst part is, they're
always sassing off at the mouth,
419
00:13:07,349 --> 00:13:09,383
saying things like "[Bleep] this school"
420
00:13:09,418 --> 00:13:11,017
and "[Bleep] Mr. Glascott."
421
00:13:11,053 --> 00:13:12,519
Kids can't speak that way.
422
00:13:12,554 --> 00:13:13,987
This is un-[Bleep]-believable.
423
00:13:14,022 --> 00:13:15,655
Barry will not be a part of that group.
424
00:13:15,691 --> 00:13:17,324
Now, there's the woman I know and fear.
425
00:13:17,359 --> 00:13:19,326
Now get in there and break up
that boy's good time!
426
00:13:19,361 --> 00:13:20,694
Well, I just became his bro.
427
00:13:20,729 --> 00:13:22,462
I can't go back to being his mom.
428
00:13:22,498 --> 00:13:24,865
But you're the mommiest mom
of all the mom I've ever met.
429
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:25,999
I don't know what to do!
430
00:13:26,034 --> 00:13:27,200
What you always do.
431
00:13:27,236 --> 00:13:28,335
Ruin things.
432
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:29,936
Well, I'd love to,
but I just can't get...
433
00:13:29,972 --> 00:13:31,338
Oh, hey. What's up, bro?
434
00:13:31,373 --> 00:13:32,572
Your advice totally worked!
435
00:13:32,608 --> 00:13:34,408
Jamie's coming over
after school to study!
436
00:13:34,443 --> 00:13:37,677
Ohh. She's already
coming over to study, huh?
437
00:13:37,713 --> 00:13:39,212
That worked better than I thought.
438
00:13:39,248 --> 00:13:40,714
I'm sorry I said you're just a mom.
439
00:13:40,749 --> 00:13:42,749
You made this happen. You.
440
00:13:42,785 --> 00:13:45,752
[LAUGHS] And I feel
big feelings about it.
441
00:13:45,788 --> 00:13:47,320
I gotta go buy some Drakkar
442
00:13:47,356 --> 00:13:48,822
so I smell awesome when we study.
443
00:13:48,857 --> 00:13:49,856
[CHUCKLES] Bye.
444
00:13:49,892 --> 00:13:51,191
Drakkar?!
445
00:13:51,226 --> 00:13:53,927
That is the musk
of Europeans on holiday!
446
00:13:53,962 --> 00:13:55,095
What have I done?
447
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:56,496
The worst thing any mom could do.
448
00:13:56,532 --> 00:13:58,498
You became your son's bro.
449
00:13:58,534 --> 00:14:00,000
While my mom was realizing her mistake,
450
00:14:00,035 --> 00:14:02,736
my dad was gonna try to win
back the Formica King's jester.
451
00:14:02,771 --> 00:14:05,439
- [BELLS JINGLING]
- Hey, uh, Marvin. You got a sec?
452
00:14:05,474 --> 00:14:07,140
Uh, not for you.
453
00:14:07,176 --> 00:14:09,109
I'm in the middle
of a top-secret project
454
00:14:09,144 --> 00:14:10,143
for Formica Mike.
455
00:14:10,179 --> 00:14:12,412
J-Just stop jingling and...
456
00:14:12,448 --> 00:14:14,147
You can come back to my store.
457
00:14:14,183 --> 00:14:15,382
I knew it!
458
00:14:15,417 --> 00:14:17,551
Sales have plunged
since your top salesman left.
459
00:14:17,586 --> 00:14:19,386
Sure. If that's what you want to hear.
460
00:14:19,421 --> 00:14:20,954
Oh, I want a lot more than that.
461
00:14:20,989 --> 00:14:22,556
I shall return to your employ
462
00:14:22,591 --> 00:14:24,324
should you meet the following demands.
463
00:14:24,359 --> 00:14:25,559
Demand number one.
464
00:14:25,594 --> 00:14:27,527
I want stock options. All of them.
465
00:14:27,563 --> 00:14:29,162
We're not a public company, moron.
466
00:14:29,198 --> 00:14:30,530
There is no stock.
467
00:14:30,566 --> 00:14:32,265
I want 100 paid vacation days.
468
00:14:32,301 --> 00:14:33,433
That's three months!
469
00:14:33,469 --> 00:14:34,835
- I want my own parking spot...
- No.
470
00:14:34,870 --> 00:14:35,802
- ...toilet...
- No.
471
00:14:35,838 --> 00:14:37,037
- ...office...
- No.
472
00:14:37,072 --> 00:14:38,605
...and I'm going to change
the name of the store
473
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,841
to Marvin and Brother Furniture Place.
474
00:14:40,876 --> 00:14:41,975
All right, forget I asked.
475
00:14:42,010 --> 00:14:43,176
[STAMMERING LOUDLY]
476
00:14:43,212 --> 00:14:44,311
Hold on. Fine.
477
00:14:44,346 --> 00:14:47,547
All you have to say is that you need me.
478
00:14:47,583 --> 00:14:49,316
I'm not gonna do that.
479
00:14:49,351 --> 00:14:51,618
Just say it, and
all your dreams will come true.
480
00:14:51,653 --> 00:14:53,286
- I'm not gonna say it.
- Just say the words!
481
00:14:53,322 --> 00:14:56,189
I don't need you, and I never will!
482
00:14:56,225 --> 00:14:57,624
[SCOFFS]
483
00:14:59,127 --> 00:15:00,460
Fine.
484
00:15:00,496 --> 00:15:02,195
We're finished here. [BREATHES DEEPLY]
485
00:15:02,231 --> 00:15:03,396
Leave your basement!
486
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,733
Or... fine.
487
00:15:06,768 --> 00:15:07,934
I will leave.
488
00:15:07,970 --> 00:15:10,937
[BELLS JINGLING]
489
00:15:10,973 --> 00:15:12,639
As my dad showed Marvin the door,
490
00:15:12,674 --> 00:15:14,474
my mom was showing Jamie Weisman
491
00:15:14,510 --> 00:15:15,575
Barry's baby book.
492
00:15:15,611 --> 00:15:17,177
And now here's Barry with his head
493
00:15:17,212 --> 00:15:18,812
- stuck in the banister.
- Ooh.
494
00:15:18,847 --> 00:15:21,047
And now there he is with
his head stuck in the fence.
495
00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:22,148
[WHISTLING]
496
00:15:22,184 --> 00:15:23,450
What?!
497
00:15:23,485 --> 00:15:26,019
We took a two-minute study break
so I could get snacks!
498
00:15:26,054 --> 00:15:27,621
How did this happen so fast?
499
00:15:27,656 --> 00:15:30,257
Relax. I'm just showing
your new friend some photos.
500
00:15:30,292 --> 00:15:31,525
Bro. A word?
501
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:32,526
Sure thing, bro.
502
00:15:32,561 --> 00:15:33,693
Feel free to peruse.
503
00:15:33,729 --> 00:15:34,761
There's some great pictures
504
00:15:34,796 --> 00:15:36,563
of little Barry making on the potty.
505
00:15:36,598 --> 00:15:37,564
[BOTH LAUGH]
506
00:15:37,599 --> 00:15:39,132
Or close to the potty. You know.
507
00:15:39,167 --> 00:15:40,433
Enjoy.
508
00:15:40,469 --> 00:15:41,902
What did you do?
509
00:15:41,937 --> 00:15:43,703
I just showed her a photo album.
510
00:15:43,739 --> 00:15:44,771
Like a mom.
511
00:15:44,806 --> 00:15:46,172
What happened to being my bro?
512
00:15:46,208 --> 00:15:47,407
I am your bro.
513
00:15:47,442 --> 00:15:50,110
But not when it comes to
cool girls with bad intentions.
514
00:15:50,145 --> 00:15:52,746
I was right!
All you'll ever be is a mom.
515
00:15:52,781 --> 00:15:55,148
Dammit, I want to be more! I do!
516
00:15:55,183 --> 00:15:57,017
But I just can't stop myself.
517
00:15:57,052 --> 00:15:58,118
Well, I can.
518
00:15:58,153 --> 00:16:00,253
This is the last time
I ask for your help.
519
00:16:00,289 --> 00:16:01,254
Ever.
520
00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:02,756
- Everything cool?
- Yeah.
521
00:16:02,791 --> 00:16:04,157
I'm all studied out.
522
00:16:04,192 --> 00:16:06,092
I'll see you tomorrow.
523
00:16:06,128 --> 00:16:08,061
Just leave the door open when you go.
524
00:16:08,096 --> 00:16:10,263
We need to air out the Drakkar stink.
525
00:16:10,299 --> 00:16:12,766
?
526
00:16:13,836 --> 00:16:15,828
After refusing to tell Marvin
he needed him,
527
00:16:15,867 --> 00:16:18,745
my dad got a surprise visit
from a guy who did.
528
00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:20,143
Oh, God.
529
00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:21,256
I came to say "bravo."
530
00:16:21,292 --> 00:16:22,737
You pulled it off perfectly.
531
00:16:22,792 --> 00:16:24,158
What... What...
What are you talking about?
532
00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:25,693
- Sabotage.
- What?
533
00:16:25,728 --> 00:16:27,495
- Sabotage!
- What about it?
534
00:16:27,530 --> 00:16:29,597
- [WHISPERING] Sabotage.
- Stop saying "sabotage"!
535
00:16:29,632 --> 00:16:31,666
You let me steal your brother
knowing full well
536
00:16:31,701 --> 00:16:34,068
that he would destroy
my store from the inside.
537
00:16:34,103 --> 00:16:35,303
Ohh. What'd he do?
538
00:16:35,338 --> 00:16:37,805
First, he mistook the display toilet
539
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,107
- for "the real deal."
- Oh, geez.
540
00:16:40,143 --> 00:16:42,443
Then he wants to rearrange
the stock room.
541
00:16:42,478 --> 00:16:44,078
He loses control of the forklift.
542
00:16:44,113 --> 00:16:45,413
He pops three water beds.
543
00:16:45,448 --> 00:16:47,982
Now I gotta shut down
because he flooded my showroom.
544
00:16:48,017 --> 00:16:49,984
Formica Mike, listen to me.
545
00:16:50,019 --> 00:16:52,653
- This isn't sabotage.
- That wasn't sabotage?
546
00:16:52,689 --> 00:16:55,056
No. I'm not smart enough,
and I know Marvin isn't.
547
00:16:55,091 --> 00:16:57,692
Okay. Then, first,
I'm gonna fire the putz.
548
00:16:57,727 --> 00:16:59,927
Then I'm gonna make him pay
for the water beds.
549
00:16:59,963 --> 00:17:01,862
Don't do that.
550
00:17:01,898 --> 00:17:03,564
I'll pay for it.
551
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,499
Why would you do that?
552
00:17:05,535 --> 00:17:08,235
Because... he really does mean well.
553
00:17:08,271 --> 00:17:10,171
You do know that that is the worst thing
554
00:17:10,206 --> 00:17:11,472
that you could say about a person?
555
00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:13,007
Oh, I'm aware.
556
00:17:13,042 --> 00:17:14,942
Here ya go, Ad.
557
00:17:14,978 --> 00:17:16,777
Sorry I stole your camera.
558
00:17:16,813 --> 00:17:19,246
I guess that's the end
of my illustrious film career.
559
00:17:19,282 --> 00:17:20,881
It had a lens cap and a case.
560
00:17:20,917 --> 00:17:23,784
It sure did, pal.
561
00:17:23,820 --> 00:17:26,354
Marvin? Can we, uh, talk? Again?
562
00:17:26,389 --> 00:17:27,455
I don't think it's a good idea
563
00:17:27,490 --> 00:17:28,923
for me to fraternize with the enemy.
564
00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:30,257
Just shut up and listen.
565
00:17:30,293 --> 00:17:31,993
I made a deal with Formica Mike.
566
00:17:32,028 --> 00:17:34,895
You're coming back to work
on Monday at twice the pay.
567
00:17:34,931 --> 00:17:36,764
- He tell you about the forklift incident?
- Yes.
568
00:17:36,799 --> 00:17:38,289
And the miscommunication with the toilet?
569
00:17:38,351 --> 00:17:39,700
- Yeah.
- He's gonna fire me, isn't he?
570
00:17:39,736 --> 00:17:40,968
Do you want to come back or don't you?
571
00:17:41,004 --> 00:17:41,969
I don't get it.
572
00:17:42,005 --> 00:17:43,738
Why would you take me back with a raise
573
00:17:43,773 --> 00:17:46,040
when I'm just your dumb
kid brother who "means well"?
574
00:17:46,075 --> 00:17:47,508
Well, this time you didn't mean well.
575
00:17:47,543 --> 00:17:48,676
You did well.
576
00:17:48,711 --> 00:17:50,978
Your stupid commercial is a hit.
577
00:17:51,014 --> 00:17:52,316
[Tears for Fears' "Everybody
Wants to Rule the World" plays]
578
00:17:52,341 --> 00:17:56,550
And... I really need you.
579
00:17:56,586 --> 00:17:58,653
You said it? He said it.
580
00:17:58,688 --> 00:18:00,788
What do you say
we make another commercial?
581
00:18:00,823 --> 00:18:02,256
Together.
582
00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,659
In the end, turns out
all my Uncle Marvin
583
00:18:04,694 --> 00:18:06,527
really wanted was to be needed.
584
00:18:06,562 --> 00:18:08,095
And he was.
585
00:18:08,131 --> 00:18:11,766
?
586
00:18:11,801 --> 00:18:13,200
Hey, booper.
587
00:18:13,236 --> 00:18:14,702
Brought you a snacky.
588
00:18:14,737 --> 00:18:16,937
- Not a prune in sight.
- Not hungry.
589
00:18:16,973 --> 00:18:19,640
You got a 98 on your Econ test?
590
00:18:19,676 --> 00:18:21,208
That's why I studied with Jamie.
591
00:18:21,244 --> 00:18:22,643
She gets straight "A's."
592
00:18:22,679 --> 00:18:23,944
Hmm.
593
00:18:23,980 --> 00:18:28,315
Guess I made a snap judgment
based on some bleachers.
594
00:18:28,384 --> 00:18:31,719
I just... got worried,
and the mom in me kicked in.
595
00:18:31,754 --> 00:18:32,720
Whatever.
596
00:18:32,755 --> 00:18:33,921
It's my fault for letting you in.
597
00:18:33,956 --> 00:18:36,924
No. I want you to let me in.
598
00:18:36,959 --> 00:18:37,958
You guys are getting older.
599
00:18:37,994 --> 00:18:39,827
You don't need a mom like you used to.
600
00:18:39,862 --> 00:18:41,462
But if I'm your friend...
601
00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:43,564
then I can still be there for you.
602
00:18:43,599 --> 00:18:45,332
I got plenty of friends.
603
00:18:45,368 --> 00:18:46,901
But I only got one mom.
604
00:18:46,936 --> 00:18:49,070
That night, our mom
realized she could shine
605
00:18:49,105 --> 00:18:51,639
just as bright in Barry's life
by being his mom,
606
00:18:51,674 --> 00:18:53,808
- while Uncle Marvin...
- Like that?
607
00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:56,377
...was enjoying his time
in the spotlight.
608
00:18:56,412 --> 00:18:58,279
He really does mean well.
609
00:18:58,314 --> 00:19:00,114
He really does.
610
00:19:00,149 --> 00:19:01,248
Huh!
611
00:19:01,284 --> 00:19:03,384
And sometimes the people who mean well
612
00:19:03,419 --> 00:19:05,686
end up being the best surprises of all.
613
00:19:05,722 --> 00:19:07,655
Mom?
614
00:19:07,690 --> 00:19:08,956
What are you doing here?
615
00:19:08,991 --> 00:19:10,291
Schmoopie, you were right.
616
00:19:10,326 --> 00:19:11,459
I can't be your friend.
617
00:19:11,494 --> 00:19:13,394
I'm your mom, and that's what you need,
618
00:19:13,429 --> 00:19:15,696
and I am gonna mom it up
like you have never seen.
619
00:19:15,732 --> 00:19:17,665
- Now?
- I've had enough, mister!
620
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:19,200
You're failing half of your classes
621
00:19:19,235 --> 00:19:21,168
because of all your wild partying.
622
00:19:21,204 --> 00:19:22,803
What are you doing?
623
00:19:22,839 --> 00:19:24,572
Oh, you just party so wildly.
624
00:19:24,607 --> 00:19:26,040
But it stops today!
625
00:19:26,075 --> 00:19:28,509
The same with
your cool-but-dangerous stunts!
626
00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:31,312
And your antics,
which are equally as wild.
627
00:19:31,347 --> 00:19:33,314
- Mom!
- And you.
628
00:19:33,349 --> 00:19:35,716
You're the one who tutored
my can't-be-tamed son
629
00:19:35,752 --> 00:19:36,817
- the other day, right?
- Mm.
630
00:19:36,853 --> 00:19:37,952
Um, yeah.
631
00:19:37,987 --> 00:19:39,386
Great. Well, now you're gonna tutor him
632
00:19:39,422 --> 00:19:40,988
in all his subjects, huh?
633
00:19:41,023 --> 00:19:43,090
- [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
- Don't argue with me.
634
00:19:43,126 --> 00:19:45,326
What I say is final.
635
00:19:46,963 --> 00:19:48,062
Moms, huh?
636
00:19:48,097 --> 00:19:49,730
[SIGHS] Yeah.
637
00:19:52,001 --> 00:19:53,434
They're the worst.
638
00:19:53,469 --> 00:19:55,703
? I can't stand this indecision ?
639
00:19:55,738 --> 00:19:56,871
Hai!
640
00:19:56,906 --> 00:19:58,839
Come on down to the Ottoman Empire,
641
00:19:58,875 --> 00:20:00,241
where the Sofa Samurai
642
00:20:00,276 --> 00:20:02,076
is slashing all our prices in half!
643
00:20:02,111 --> 00:20:04,979
And I am but a simple radish farmer.
644
00:20:05,014 --> 00:20:06,313
Oh, noble warrior,
645
00:20:06,349 --> 00:20:08,916
won't you protect us from high prices?
646
00:20:08,951 --> 00:20:10,217
ADULT ADAM:
That's the thing about family.
647
00:20:10,253 --> 00:20:12,119
Everyone has a part to play.
648
00:20:12,155 --> 00:20:14,355
And when the people you love
are playing themselves,
649
00:20:14,390 --> 00:20:17,124
well, that's a show
you don't want to miss.
650
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:18,726
[GRUNTS]
651
00:20:18,761 --> 00:20:20,628
[SHRIEKS]
652
00:20:20,663 --> 00:20:22,329
?
653
00:20:22,365 --> 00:20:24,965
Crazy Eddie's having a pillow sale!
654
00:20:25,001 --> 00:20:27,201
Every pillow you can see...
655
00:20:27,236 --> 00:20:30,838
big pillows, large pillows,
throw pillows, every pillow!
656
00:20:30,873 --> 00:20:32,863
And it's only for this special month!
657
00:20:32,953 --> 00:20:33,980
Oh!
658
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,363
Call a guy and tell him something gross.
659
00:20:38,433 --> 00:20:40,133
Ew. Never. I'll take a zit sticker.
660
00:20:40,168 --> 00:20:41,801
I knew you'd still be here!
661
00:20:41,837 --> 00:20:43,303
Erica! You came home to see me!
662
00:20:43,338 --> 00:20:46,373
No, I came home to fight you all
for invading my privacy!
663
00:20:46,408 --> 00:20:47,807
But Barry said you were fine with it.
664
00:20:47,843 --> 00:20:49,676
That is not what I said, Erica.
665
00:20:49,711 --> 00:20:51,878
What I told them was... Run, JTP!
666
00:20:51,913 --> 00:20:54,147
TOGETHER: JTP!
667
00:20:54,182 --> 00:20:55,415
Okay, I get you're mad,
668
00:20:55,450 --> 00:20:57,917
but can I at least get a kiss
before you flip out?
669
00:20:57,953 --> 00:20:59,586
Yeah, I'm going back to school.
670
00:20:59,621 --> 00:21:00,887
Wait. That's not... But I didn't...
671
00:21:00,911 --> 00:21:02,311
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
672
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:06,911
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