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1
00:00:00,876 --> 00:00:01,951
Adult Adam: Back in the '80s,
2
00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:03,804
you couldn't keep up
with all the new dance styles.
3
00:00:03,915 --> 00:00:06,991
There was breakin', poppin'
and lockin', the running man,
4
00:00:07,054 --> 00:00:09,531
and something called
the electric boogaloo.
5
00:00:09,559 --> 00:00:11,968
Unfortunately, I had two left feet.
6
00:00:11,986 --> 00:00:14,988
I often found walking
a hard enough challenge.
7
00:00:14,289 --> 00:00:16,907
- You okay?
- Me? Yeah...
8
00:00:16,941 --> 00:00:18,709
[chuckles]
been working out a lot.
9
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:21,345
My quads locked up on me.
That ever happen to you?
10
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:24,197
- Um, no.
- Das coo', das coo'.
11
00:00:24,215 --> 00:00:29,536
- [chuckles] Here you go.
- Well, thanks for the help.
12
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:32,689
Hey, um, you going
to the dance Friday?
13
00:00:32,724 --> 00:00:34,625
- Are you going?
- Yeah, maybe.
14
00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:38,428
- Save me a dance?
- Oh, definitely. Sounds scrumptious.
15
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:41,231
Dana was amazing.
16
00:00:41,316 --> 00:00:43,100
She wanted to dance with me,
and she didn't care
17
00:00:43,151 --> 00:00:45,018
that I used words like "scrumptious."
18
00:00:45,036 --> 00:00:46,803
Nothing was gonna bring me down.
19
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,121
Beverly: Adam!
20
00:00:48,155 --> 00:00:50,491
Hurry up! We're late
for your dentist appointment!
21
00:00:50,525 --> 00:00:51,625
Well, almost nothing.
22
00:00:51,659 --> 00:00:54,711
Do you need to make...?
Make poo-poos?
23
00:00:54,762 --> 00:00:56,730
I know you refuse to go at school,
24
00:00:56,764 --> 00:00:58,015
but we don't have time
to stop at home,
25
00:00:58,049 --> 00:00:59,933
so if you have to make poo-poos,
then make poo-poos here.
26
00:00:59,968 --> 00:01:02,653
Oh, my god! I'm fine!
Just let me in and let's go!
27
00:01:02,704 --> 00:01:05,105
- Well, first, tell me who that girl was.
- What girl? There was no girl.
28
00:01:05,139 --> 00:01:06,356
You were talking
to Dana Caldwell.
29
00:01:06,407 --> 00:01:08,425
Why do you ask me a question
if you already know the answer?
30
00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:09,676
Unlock the door!
31
00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:11,261
[singsong voice]
What were you talking about?
32
00:01:11,296 --> 00:01:12,963
- Nothing!
- What were you talking about?
33
00:01:13,014 --> 00:01:14,381
- Nothing!
- Were you talking about the dance?
34
00:01:14,399 --> 00:01:16,967
- Tell me everything.
- Let's just go to the dentist already!
35
00:01:17,018 --> 00:01:18,752
- What were you talking about?
- Oh, my god!
36
00:01:18,786 --> 00:01:20,370
I'm the one kid in this world
37
00:01:20,405 --> 00:01:22,406
who's looking forward
to getting his teeth drilled.
38
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:26,126
Sheesh.
All right, Captain no fun.
39
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:29,413
With a smother like mine,
you have to shut her down fast.
40
00:01:29,447 --> 00:01:31,315
You can't open the door,
even a crack.
41
00:01:31,349 --> 00:01:32,799
Drive!
42
00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:36,469
So, then, Dana asked Adam
if he was going to the dance,
43
00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:40,224
and Adam said yes. So, then,
she said to save her a dance.
44
00:01:40,275 --> 00:01:43,210
How do you know all this
if you were in the car?
45
00:01:43,244 --> 00:01:45,112
Sometimes a mother just knows.
46
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:47,764
And I trained myself
to read lips a little bit.
47
00:01:47,799 --> 00:01:49,700
Huh. Read my lips.
48
00:01:49,751 --> 00:01:53,119
- You need help.
- Murray, this is a big deal.
49
00:01:53,137 --> 00:01:55,439
Our baby has his first girlfriend.
50
00:01:55,473 --> 00:01:57,040
I think you know what that means.
51
00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:59,893
- It's time for the talk.
- What talk?
52
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,828
You know,
about the birds and the bees
53
00:02:01,846 --> 00:02:04,564
and what they do when they've
had a couple of white wines
54
00:02:04,616 --> 00:02:07,300
and put on a Lionel Richie record?
55
00:02:07,318 --> 00:02:08,585
Yeah, that talk.
Not for me.
56
00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,287
Not for you?
You're his father.
57
00:02:10,321 --> 00:02:12,389
Just give him the same talk
you gave Barry.
58
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:13,490
[sighs]
59
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:16,176
Ooh, here's the thing ...
I never did that.
60
00:02:16,194 --> 00:02:20,113
What?! You were supposed
to talk that talk with him
61
00:02:20,147 --> 00:02:22,716
- about three years ago!
- I know. I know. What can I say?
62
00:02:22,734 --> 00:02:24,484
- It got away from me.
- Well, do it now.
63
00:02:24,502 --> 00:02:25,619
What's the rush?
64
00:02:25,653 --> 00:02:27,904
There's not, like, a line
outside of his bedroom.
65
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,840
- Murray!
- Fine!
66
00:02:29,874 --> 00:02:32,259
[mimicking, no audio]
67
00:02:32,293 --> 00:02:34,678
No, you are a pain in my ass!
68
00:02:34,729 --> 00:02:37,106
That's right. I read lips.
69
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,932
[title music]
I'm twisted up inside
70
00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:43,120
but nonetheless
I feel the need to say
71
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,623
I don't know the future
72
00:02:46,658 --> 00:02:50,443
but the past keeps getting
clearer every day
73
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:52,296
It was November 22,
1980-something,
74
00:02:52,330 --> 00:02:54,414
and I was gonna learn to dance.
75
00:02:54,448 --> 00:02:56,633
What do you mean
you don't know how to dance?
76
00:02:56,668 --> 00:02:59,636
You're my grandson.
You've got rhythm in your blood!
77
00:02:59,671 --> 00:03:02,339
I'm an open book.
Teach me.
78
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:03,507
As always, my Grandfather would
79
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:04,825
give me
all the answers I needed.
80
00:03:04,859 --> 00:03:07,311
He had never failed me before.
81
00:03:07,345 --> 00:03:09,146
A-shuffle and a-cha!
82
00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:11,148
A-shuffle and a-cha!
83
00:03:11,182 --> 00:03:13,333
A-squibbidy bee,
a-squibbidy boo!
84
00:03:13,368 --> 00:03:14,985
A-squibbidy bee,
a-squibbidy boo!
85
00:03:15,019 --> 00:03:19,606
And we take a break
'cause my foot is swollen!
86
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,108
There was a first time
for everything.
87
00:03:21,142 --> 00:03:22,693
I had to find another teacher.
88
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:25,028
Erica, teach me to dance, and fast!
89
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:28,532
W-what did he say?
Come on! Then what did he say?
90
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:31,635
Please! I need to learn
how to move my body to music!
91
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:32,969
Lainey's in crisis.
92
00:03:33,021 --> 00:03:35,739
Her parents bought her a
new car and it's yellow!
93
00:03:35,773 --> 00:03:36,957
Barry: What's the matter,
little buddy?
94
00:03:36,991 --> 00:03:39,026
- Got a problem Narry can solve?
- No.
95
00:03:39,060 --> 00:03:43,146
- You'll just make fun of me.
- What? I would never do that.
96
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,265
Fine. I need someone
to teach me how to dance.
97
00:03:45,299 --> 00:03:47,891
Ha! Loser.
98
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:49,803
But you came to the right guy.
99
00:03:49,837 --> 00:03:51,571
- But I'm not coming to you.
- Let's do this.
100
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,726
[dance music plays]
101
00:04:08,189 --> 00:04:11,891
[beat-boxing]
102
00:04:11,909 --> 00:04:13,243
When are you gonna
start dancing?
103
00:04:13,277 --> 00:04:16,730
Shut up! My body's
becoming one with the beat.
104
00:04:16,748 --> 00:04:20,500
[beat-boxing]
105
00:04:20,535 --> 00:04:22,753
Airplane!
106
00:04:22,787 --> 00:04:25,238
The wave!
107
00:04:25,256 --> 00:04:27,874
[beat-boxing]
Crab legs!
108
00:04:27,908 --> 00:04:30,177
Helicopter!
109
00:04:30,211 --> 00:04:33,597
And turtle spin!
110
00:04:33,631 --> 00:04:36,216
- Breakin'.
- How does any of this help me?
111
00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:37,934
I need to learn how to dance
with a girl!
112
00:04:37,969 --> 00:04:40,954
Yeah...
can't help you with that.
113
00:04:40,988 --> 00:04:43,314
But I can help you with this.
114
00:04:43,758 --> 00:04:46,727
The worm!
115
00:04:46,761 --> 00:04:47,944
Ow!
116
00:04:47,979 --> 00:04:50,814
After I got an ice pack
for Barry's face,
117
00:04:50,865 --> 00:04:53,483
I decided to teach myself
how to dance
118
00:04:53,534 --> 00:04:56,620
because time was running out.
119
00:04:56,654 --> 00:04:58,655
[dance music plays]
120
00:05:02,326 --> 00:05:05,796
Mm, get funky,
snuggle monkey.
121
00:05:05,830 --> 00:05:08,849
[panting] Wait, what?
T-this isn't "the A-team."
122
00:05:08,883 --> 00:05:11,651
No, leave it on.
We dance to that in jazzercize.
123
00:05:11,669 --> 00:05:14,420
Maybe I was desperate,
or maybe I was just hypnotized
124
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:17,357
by my Mom's
surprisingly sweet moves.
125
00:05:19,544 --> 00:05:20,844
Mom...
126
00:05:20,878 --> 00:05:22,913
do you think you could teach me
how to do that?
127
00:05:22,964 --> 00:05:26,500
I let her in the door.
128
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,034
Get over here.
129
00:05:28,052 --> 00:05:29,719
For the first time,
my Mother and I
130
00:05:29,754 --> 00:05:31,421
were on the same team
with the same goal.
131
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:35,862
[Men Without Hats'
"the Safety Dance" plays]
132
00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:38,995
There you go. Perfect.
133
00:05:39,030 --> 00:05:41,921
And feel free to jazz it up
with some head movements.
134
00:05:41,956 --> 00:05:43,250
we can dance if we want to,
we can leave your friends behind
135
00:05:43,284 --> 00:05:45,302
No one's gonna tell you you're
moving your head too much.
136
00:05:45,336 --> 00:05:47,270
'cause your friends don't dance,
and if they don't dance
137
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,523
well, they're no friends of mine
138
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,920
say, we can go where we want to
139
00:05:51,955 --> 00:05:54,010
a place where they will never find
140
00:05:54,045 --> 00:05:55,312
and we can act like we come
from out of this world
141
00:05:55,346 --> 00:05:57,897
- Look ... we're kid 'n play!
-
leave the real one far behind
142
00:05:57,915 --> 00:06:01,802
- # we can dance , come see #
- John Travolta. There you go.
143
00:06:01,836 --> 00:06:05,689
It was awesome... until this.
144
00:06:05,723 --> 00:06:07,624
[Survivor's "the Search is Over" plays]
145
00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,075
Well, this has been great.
See ya!
146
00:06:09,109 --> 00:06:10,560
- # how can I convince you #
- Wait a minute, mister.
147
00:06:10,595 --> 00:06:13,096
I'm not letting you go before
I teach you how to slow dance.
148
00:06:13,130 --> 00:06:14,331
- # what you see is real? #
- No. No way. Not interested.
149
00:06:14,382 --> 00:06:16,099
Sweetie, I know you
better than anyone.
150
00:06:16,150 --> 00:06:18,251
I know this is
what's stressing you out ...
151
00:06:18,286 --> 00:06:20,203
- # who am I to blame you #
- hand placement, where do you look,
152
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,422
- How do you keep from stepping on her feet?
-
for doubting what you feel?
153
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,591
Those are all valid questions, yes.
154
00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:27,460
- I had come this far. I couldn't turn back now.
-
I was always reachin'
155
00:06:27,495 --> 00:06:30,196
- Screw it. Let's do this.
-
I was living for a dream
156
00:06:30,214 --> 00:06:32,966
- First, you, uh, put your hands on my waist.
-
loving for a moment
157
00:06:32,984 --> 00:06:35,252
- No, thank you.
- Adam, I'm your mother.
158
00:06:35,286 --> 00:06:36,303
That's the point!
159
00:06:36,337 --> 00:06:39,606
taking on the world
160
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,209
- # that was just my style #
- Just rock back and forth, very gently.
161
00:06:42,243 --> 00:06:44,861
- Right... and left.
-
now I look into your eyes
162
00:06:44,896 --> 00:06:47,581
- Right... left.
-
I can see forever
163
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:50,673
What are you doing?! Ohh!
164
00:06:50,708 --> 00:06:51,618
- [muffled] No snuggies! No snuggies!
-
the search is over
165
00:06:51,652 --> 00:06:53,103
- # you were with me all the while #
- You smell like the dryer.
166
00:06:53,137 --> 00:06:55,188
- No snuggies!
- Honey, you're so yummy!
167
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:57,424
That's not cool.
I'm out of here.
168
00:06:57,458 --> 00:07:00,427
- # now the miles stretch out behind me #
- But thanks for the help!
169
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:02,896
And just to be clear,
I know I'm yelling,
170
00:07:02,930 --> 00:07:04,814
- but I'm actually very appreciative!
-
loves that I have lost
171
00:07:04,849 --> 00:07:06,266
While I was learning to dance,
172
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,168
my dad was ready to do
some teaching of his own.
173
00:07:08,202 --> 00:07:10,921
- What are you doing?
- Eating boo berry.
174
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:14,274
Good for you.
Very smart.
175
00:07:14,292 --> 00:07:16,660
Feed your body.
176
00:07:16,694 --> 00:07:17,944
[laughter]
177
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:21,598
So, your mom found out
that I never got around
178
00:07:21,599 --> 00:07:23,984
- to giving you the talk.
- What talk?
179
00:07:24,018 --> 00:07:26,636
The..."people making people" talk.
180
00:07:26,687 --> 00:07:30,640
- Ohh, that talk!
- Exactly!
181
00:07:30,675 --> 00:07:33,910
So, if she asks,
tell her we just had it.
182
00:07:33,961 --> 00:07:35,478
- But we didn't.
- We don't need to.
183
00:07:35,513 --> 00:07:39,215
I mean, you're a grown man,
and you know everything.
184
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,584
- Of course!
- Yeah!
185
00:07:40,618 --> 00:07:42,359
I do have one question.
186
00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:44,471
Is it true
you can get a girl pregnant
187
00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:46,139
if you french kiss her
after midnight?
188
00:07:46,173 --> 00:07:48,975
- What are you talking about?
- Like in the movie "Gremlins."
189
00:07:49,009 --> 00:07:51,645
If you kiss after midnight,
the saliva goes into her tummy,
190
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,313
and 'cause of her hormones
and the moon,
191
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:55,332
six weeks later, a baby comes out.
192
00:07:55,366 --> 00:08:00,954
Gremlins? You think ...
how could you even ... ugh!
193
00:08:00,988 --> 00:08:04,074
- Where are you going?
- I got to regroup!
194
00:08:04,075 --> 00:08:06,859
I wasn't prepared for this!
I need to prepare.
195
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:10,463
Turns out, my Dad's world
wasn't the only one caving in.
196
00:08:10,498 --> 00:08:13,550
Do you want the rad news
or the totally rad news?
197
00:08:13,584 --> 00:08:15,368
- Don't say "rad."
- I got these on sale and thought
198
00:08:15,386 --> 00:08:17,721
they'd be perfect
to wear to the dance.
199
00:08:17,755 --> 00:08:20,707
- You like 'em?
- They made a parachute into clothing!
200
00:08:20,725 --> 00:08:22,425
Damn right, I like 'em!
201
00:08:22,476 --> 00:08:26,563
And the even better news is
I will be joining you at the dance!
202
00:08:26,597 --> 00:08:29,232
- What?!
- I know! [giggles]
203
00:08:29,266 --> 00:08:31,101
I signed up to be a chaperone.
204
00:08:31,152 --> 00:08:33,886
That way, I'll be there
to help with your moves.
205
00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:36,406
I don't need help. ?Don't help me!
206
00:08:36,490 --> 00:08:38,491
All kids are embarrassed
by their parents.
207
00:08:38,526 --> 00:08:41,828
But don't think of me as your mom.
Think of me as your coach.
208
00:08:41,862 --> 00:08:44,164
I don't want to think of you at all
when I'm dancing with Dana.
209
00:08:44,198 --> 00:08:45,665
You won't even know I'm there.
210
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:48,501
And if I'm lucky, I'll get to see
211
00:08:48,536 --> 00:08:51,755
my little baby have
his first slow dance!
212
00:08:51,789 --> 00:08:55,115
Mwah!
[giggles]
213
00:08:57,467 --> 00:08:59,485
I'd done the unthinkable.
214
00:08:59,519 --> 00:09:02,524
I opened the door, and my Mom
had burst right through it!
215
00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:03,814
What did he say?
216
00:09:03,849 --> 00:09:07,467
- Have you lost your mind?!
- I slow-danced with mom!
217
00:09:07,502 --> 00:09:08,994
- What?
- You heard me.
218
00:09:09,028 --> 00:09:12,180
What do you mean?
What are you saying?
219
00:09:12,214 --> 00:09:14,783
I... slow-danced...
with Mom.
220
00:09:14,817 --> 00:09:16,718
You slow-danced with Mom?
221
00:09:16,752 --> 00:09:18,954
- This doesn't concern you!
- What the hell it doesn't!
222
00:09:18,988 --> 00:09:21,556
You can't go slow-dancing
with Mom and not expect me
223
00:09:21,557 --> 00:09:24,125
to have lots of opinions on
this controversial matter.
224
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,927
It was a moment of weakness,
and she taught me how to dance,
225
00:09:25,978 --> 00:09:27,261
and now she's gonna be
a chaperone tonight
226
00:09:27,279 --> 00:09:28,563
and totally humiliate me!
227
00:09:28,581 --> 00:09:30,332
- Now you've opened the door.
- I know.
228
00:09:30,366 --> 00:09:34,202
- Just tell me how to close it.
- There is no way!
229
00:09:34,236 --> 00:09:36,537
Once the door's open,
it stays open forever!
230
00:09:36,555 --> 00:09:38,974
I sent her a letter
from camp saying I was homesick.
231
00:09:39,008 --> 00:09:41,309
And the next night,
she showed up in the top bunk.
232
00:09:41,344 --> 00:09:44,947
Look, this is a picture of us
in a canoe together!
233
00:09:44,982 --> 00:09:47,915
Never again, Adam.
Never again!
234
00:09:47,933 --> 00:09:52,754
This is all so upsetting.
I got to go. I can't be here.
235
00:09:52,772 --> 00:09:54,823
Okay. There's got to be
a way out of this.
236
00:09:54,857 --> 00:09:57,976
Yes! Lies and deception ...
that's your department.
237
00:09:58,027 --> 00:10:00,128
I'll think of something ...
I promise.
238
00:10:00,162 --> 00:10:01,463
- I love you.
- Don't say that.
239
00:10:01,497 --> 00:10:05,734
Look into my eyes and
know that I... love... you.
240
00:10:05,768 --> 00:10:07,602
Get out!
241
00:10:10,388 --> 00:10:12,574
Love you!
242
00:10:14,493 --> 00:10:17,612
- Again with the boo berry.
- You know it.
243
00:10:17,630 --> 00:10:20,915
All right. Here we go.
Time for the talk.
244
00:10:20,950 --> 00:10:24,335
All right, before we get down
to the nuts and bolts...
245
00:10:24,387 --> 00:10:26,021
[laughs] Nuts.
246
00:10:26,055 --> 00:10:28,990
[groans] All right,
instead of talking about
247
00:10:29,008 --> 00:10:32,694
male and female body parts,
we're gonna use the names
248
00:10:32,728 --> 00:10:36,181
of our favorite baseball players
as code words.
249
00:10:36,215 --> 00:10:38,950
Look, you have a Mike Schmidt.
250
00:10:38,984 --> 00:10:40,701
Ladies have a Wade Boggs.
251
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,420
And... why are we doing this?
252
00:10:42,455 --> 00:10:45,874
This way, we won't be
talking about anything horrible.
253
00:10:45,908 --> 00:10:48,593
We're just gonna be
talking about baseball ...
254
00:10:48,627 --> 00:10:51,079
like, when a man loves a woman,
255
00:10:51,097 --> 00:10:54,065
Mike Schmidt steps up to
the plate against Wade Boggs.
256
00:10:54,116 --> 00:10:56,051
Wade Boggs plays third.
Why is he pitching?
257
00:10:56,085 --> 00:10:58,970
Fine! Wade Boggs
is now Steve Carlton.
258
00:10:59,004 --> 00:11:01,122
Steve? That's clearly
a dude's name.
259
00:11:01,156 --> 00:11:04,692
Okay, the girl's parts
are gonna be, uh, Bo Jackson.
260
00:11:04,727 --> 00:11:06,911
- That makes no sense.
- Bo's a girl's name!
261
00:11:06,962 --> 00:11:10,198
It's wintertime. That's when
Bo Jackson plays football.
262
00:11:10,232 --> 00:11:12,500
He'd never be on the same field
as Mike Schmidt.
263
00:11:12,534 --> 00:11:15,403
I never thought that I would
ever say this to you,
264
00:11:15,438 --> 00:11:17,789
but you're over-thinking this,
you moron.
265
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,390
I'm a moron?
266
00:11:19,425 --> 00:11:20,692
Well, you're a Mike Schmidt!
267
00:11:20,726 --> 00:11:22,494
- Take that back!
- Never!
268
00:11:22,528 --> 00:11:24,462
Get your head
out of your orel hershiser
269
00:11:24,513 --> 00:11:26,247
and come back here right now!
270
00:11:26,265 --> 00:11:28,850
[crunching]
271
00:11:28,868 --> 00:11:30,034
For what it's worth,
272
00:11:30,069 --> 00:11:33,371
I found that whole baseball
thing very confusing.
273
00:11:33,405 --> 00:11:35,240
- That bad, huh?
- It was bad.
274
00:11:35,274 --> 00:11:37,658
What kind of 16-year-old boy
doesn't even know
275
00:11:37,676 --> 00:11:39,477
the basics of the birds and the bees?
276
00:11:39,512 --> 00:11:41,446
Murray, he knows everything.
277
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:45,183
I gave him the talk three years
ago when you dropped the ball.
278
00:11:45,217 --> 00:11:49,921
- He's just messing with you.
- So he wants a sex talk, huh?
279
00:11:49,972 --> 00:11:52,824
Well, I'm gonna give him
a sex talk, but good.
280
00:11:52,858 --> 00:11:56,144
Or, instead of trying to spite him,
281
00:11:56,178 --> 00:11:59,047
you actually have
a real conversation about it,
282
00:11:59,081 --> 00:12:00,982
which would mean the world to him.
283
00:12:01,016 --> 00:12:03,601
No, I'm gonna go with my thing.
284
00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:05,637
As my Dad was putting
his plan into motion,
285
00:12:05,671 --> 00:12:09,440
I was praying Erica was, as well.
286
00:12:09,492 --> 00:12:11,342
Oh, balls.
287
00:12:11,377 --> 00:12:13,962
Hey, boopie.
Look what mama bought.
288
00:12:13,996 --> 00:12:18,333
- Now we're parachute pals.
- No! That's not a thing. Take 'em off.
289
00:12:18,367 --> 00:12:20,135
- I paid for the pants.
- Don't wear the pants.
290
00:12:20,169 --> 00:12:22,871
- I'm wearing the pants.
- Don't wear the pants.
291
00:12:22,905 --> 00:12:25,056
- Hey, Mom?
- Oh, look, it's Erica.
292
00:12:25,090 --> 00:12:27,108
Check out this box of old photos
that I found in the basement.
293
00:12:27,143 --> 00:12:28,776
Man, such good memories.
294
00:12:28,794 --> 00:12:32,046
We should, like, organize these
in some sort of way.
295
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,866
- Maybe in, like, a book?
- That would be fun.
296
00:12:34,917 --> 00:12:37,985
Holy [bleep] Erica.
I have been begging you
297
00:12:38,003 --> 00:12:40,605
to make a scrapbook
with me for years!
298
00:12:40,656 --> 00:12:42,907
- Well, let's make it right now.
- Oh, now?
299
00:12:42,958 --> 00:12:45,343
God, no. I've got to chaperone
Adam's dance tonight.
300
00:12:45,394 --> 00:12:46,961
Tomorrow morning,
we'll wake up at dawn
301
00:12:46,979 --> 00:12:49,247
and really hit it hard.
What do you say?
302
00:12:49,281 --> 00:12:52,183
Eh...
I'm kind of losing interest.
303
00:12:52,218 --> 00:12:54,302
Oh, no, no.
Don't lose interest.
304
00:12:54,336 --> 00:12:56,621
Um... I can do both.
305
00:12:56,672 --> 00:12:59,474
Adam, I'll meet you at the dance.
Erica, don't move.
306
00:12:59,508 --> 00:13:02,160
I'm just gonna run upstairs
and get my smock and glue gun.
307
00:13:04,029 --> 00:13:06,598
There's 1,000 pictures in this box.
308
00:13:06,632 --> 00:13:08,700
There's no way she's gonna
make it to that dance.
309
00:13:08,734 --> 00:13:10,802
Have I mentioned that I love you?
310
00:13:10,836 --> 00:13:12,770
Say it one more time,
and I won't help you.
311
00:13:12,805 --> 00:13:14,739
Erica had
actually pulled it off.
312
00:13:14,773 --> 00:13:17,358
My Mom was gonna be
stuck home all night!
313
00:13:17,376 --> 00:13:19,510
All right, got our cocoa.
314
00:13:19,545 --> 00:13:21,495
Let's cozy up and
spend the next few hours
315
00:13:21,513 --> 00:13:26,301
- reliving my entire life.
- And... done!
316
00:13:26,335 --> 00:13:29,771
What?
How did you do this?
317
00:13:29,805 --> 00:13:32,540
Please, I've had this whole thing
mapped out in my mind for years.
318
00:13:32,574 --> 00:13:35,510
You... pressed flowers...
319
00:13:35,544 --> 00:13:38,546
and put my favorite music
lyrics beneath each photo.
320
00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:41,482
Take some time with it.
[chuckles]
321
00:13:41,517 --> 00:13:43,935
It's like a beautiful
kaleidoscope of my life.
322
00:13:43,969 --> 00:13:45,353
[chuckles]
Yeah, touching stuff.
323
00:13:45,371 --> 00:13:46,804
Now, I've got to get to that dance.
324
00:13:46,839 --> 00:13:49,440
The jam's not gonna
pump itself up. [chuckles]
325
00:13:49,475 --> 00:13:50,909
While Erica's plan had failed,
326
00:13:50,943 --> 00:13:53,261
my Dad was giving his one more shot.
327
00:13:53,296 --> 00:13:55,446
Hey, uh, bar, you got a sec?
328
00:13:55,481 --> 00:13:59,884
I think we should have
a talk, man to man.
329
00:13:59,935 --> 00:14:02,237
Really? Okay.
330
00:14:02,271 --> 00:14:05,340
I've never been
a great communicator,
331
00:14:05,374 --> 00:14:09,961
so I think I should keep things
as direct and exact as possible.
332
00:14:10,012 --> 00:14:12,530
- All right.
- So, we're not just gonna have the talk.
333
00:14:12,564 --> 00:14:15,350
We're gonna experience the talk.
334
00:14:15,384 --> 00:14:16,668
We're gonna do some role-playing.
335
00:14:16,719 --> 00:14:19,354
I'm gonna be the girl.
You'll be the boy.
336
00:14:19,388 --> 00:14:22,490
And we're gonna learn where
babies come from with our hands.
337
00:14:22,508 --> 00:14:24,309
- Take a fraggle.
- I don't want the fraggle.
338
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:25,977
[high-pitched voice]
I'm a pretty fraggle girl.
339
00:14:26,028 --> 00:14:29,380
Would you like to come up
to my condo for a nightcap?
340
00:14:29,431 --> 00:14:33,868
I've been so lonely since I put
myself through nursing school.
341
00:14:33,902 --> 00:14:35,369
Fraggles don't own condos!
342
00:14:35,387 --> 00:14:38,189
Take it.
Put your hand in the fraggle.
343
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:39,958
Keep the fraggle away from me!
344
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:42,727
- Take it now!
- Stop it! I was messing with you!
345
00:14:42,778 --> 00:14:46,247
- I know everything, okay?
- I know you know everything.
346
00:14:46,265 --> 00:14:49,200
- Then why are you torturing me?
- Because you tortured me!
347
00:14:49,234 --> 00:14:51,185
What kind of moron
makes their dad
348
00:14:51,203 --> 00:14:53,287
give them the talk
when they don't need the talk?
349
00:14:53,305 --> 00:14:56,924
- Who does that?
- Me. And you know why?
350
00:14:56,959 --> 00:14:58,192
'Cause you couldn't be bothered
351
00:14:58,210 --> 00:15:00,661
to have the talk
when I actually needed it.
352
00:15:00,679 --> 00:15:02,764
Dads are supposed to
teach their kids stuff ...
353
00:15:02,798 --> 00:15:06,734
how to throw a fastball
and change a tire and shave.
354
00:15:06,768 --> 00:15:08,569
You never taught me anything!
355
00:15:08,587 --> 00:15:11,038
In my defense,
I-I-I know very little.
356
00:15:11,056 --> 00:15:14,642
And fraggles ...
they can't be nurses.
357
00:15:14,676 --> 00:15:16,694
They dance their cares away.
358
00:15:17,129 --> 00:15:19,998
As my Dad
was striking out at home,
359
00:15:20,032 --> 00:15:22,667
I was ready to hit
the dance floor at school.
360
00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:25,286
The only problem was
that at a junior-high dance,
361
00:15:25,321 --> 00:15:27,722
kids don't dance,
but that didn't matter.
362
00:15:27,756 --> 00:15:30,425
With my Mom distracted
by Erica at home,
363
00:15:30,459 --> 00:15:34,896
it was time for me to show Dana
my awesome moves.
364
00:15:34,930 --> 00:15:37,148
May I have this dance?
[laughs]
365
00:15:37,182 --> 00:15:39,317
Kidding ...
I'm just here to chaperone.
366
00:15:39,351 --> 00:15:41,269
Unless you're bored.
Then let's boogie.
367
00:15:41,303 --> 00:15:44,638
- [gasps] What are you doing here?!
- I told you I'd make it.
368
00:15:44,656 --> 00:15:46,991
- Now I'm gonna need you to leave.
- Will you stop with that?
369
00:15:47,026 --> 00:15:49,660
I really want to be here
at this dance.
370
00:15:49,695 --> 00:15:51,946
You can't deny me
that pleasure, Adam.
371
00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:55,241
- Go away!
- But you're the one who asked me
372
00:15:55,242 --> 00:15:58,169
- to teach you how to dance.
- It was a mistake.
373
00:15:58,203 --> 00:16:00,338
I asked for your help
in a moment of weakness.
374
00:16:00,372 --> 00:16:05,927
- It'll never happen again.
- Okay. I guess I'll just go then.
375
00:16:05,961 --> 00:16:07,795
[swishing]
376
00:16:07,829 --> 00:16:10,431
The sound of those swishing
parachute pants running away
377
00:16:10,466 --> 00:16:12,100
was the sound of victory.
378
00:16:12,134 --> 00:16:14,895
So, then, why did I feel so bad?
379
00:16:15,585 --> 00:16:16,842
Even though I was forced
380
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:20,388
to hurt my Mom in the name
of love, I had to forge on.
381
00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:22,506
I'd charm Dana with a
cup of Hawaiian punch
382
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:24,008
and then make my move.
383
00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:26,277
Dana.
[panting] Hey.
384
00:16:26,311 --> 00:16:27,895
- Want some punch?
- No, I'm just gonna go
385
00:16:27,930 --> 00:16:31,149
hang outside until my Mom
dances herself out.
386
00:16:31,183 --> 00:16:32,917
I didn't know
your mom was a chaperone.
387
00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:34,853
Yeah, and she went out
for margaritas with the
388
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:38,327
other moms before the dance.
It's so humiliating.
389
00:16:39,091 --> 00:16:42,143
Turns out, my Mom was right
about one thing ...
390
00:16:42,177 --> 00:16:44,595
- Every kid is embarrassed by their parents.
- Mom!
391
00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:47,065
- And ave me an idea.
- Mom!
392
00:16:47,099 --> 00:16:48,899
Don't worry.
I'm just leaving.
393
00:16:48,917 --> 00:16:53,371
- No. I need your help.
- Oh, no. You don't get my help.
394
00:16:53,405 --> 00:16:55,440
Not after you said you're never
gonna ask for it again.
395
00:16:55,474 --> 00:16:57,742
- That's not how this works.
- I'm sorry, okay?
396
00:16:57,776 --> 00:16:59,811
Sometimes, I need your help.
397
00:16:59,845 --> 00:17:02,947
But sometimes,
I just want you gone.
398
00:17:02,965 --> 00:17:06,951
- Well, that's confusing!
- I know. It makes no sense.
399
00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:09,137
But for now,
that's just how it's gonna be.
400
00:17:09,188 --> 00:17:12,373
- So, what do you want?
- I want you to go on that dance floor
401
00:17:12,424 --> 00:17:17,678
- and just... be yourself.
- I can do that.
402
00:17:17,713 --> 00:17:19,614
we can dance if we want to
403
00:17:19,648 --> 00:17:22,083
we can leave
your friends behind
404
00:17:22,117 --> 00:17:24,218
'cause your friends don't
dance, and if they don't dance
405
00:17:24,269 --> 00:17:26,170
well, they're no friends of mine
406
00:17:26,188 --> 00:17:29,157
say, we can go where we want to
407
00:17:29,208 --> 00:17:31,008
a place where they will never find
408
00:17:31,043 --> 00:17:33,861
and we can act like we come
from out of this world
409
00:17:33,912 --> 00:17:35,579
- # leave the real one far behind #
- Well, what do you know?
410
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:37,732
No one's looking
at your mom anymore.
411
00:17:37,783 --> 00:17:41,585
- Did you do that for me?
- Well, I definitely didn't do it for me.
412
00:17:45,224 --> 00:17:47,942
we can go where we want to
413
00:17:47,993 --> 00:17:49,243
- # the night is young, and so am I #
- Adult Adam: My plan had worked.
414
00:17:49,294 --> 00:17:50,661
I'd saved Dana,
415
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,764
but I couldn't have predicted
what happened next.
416
00:17:52,798 --> 00:17:57,051
My Mom actually got
junior-high-school kids to dance...
417
00:17:57,102 --> 00:17:59,312
and it was epic.
418
00:17:59,347 --> 00:18:01,155
and you can act real rude
and tolly removed
419
00:18:01,190 --> 00:18:03,324
and I can act like an imbecile
420
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,910
say, we can dance,
we can dance
421
00:18:05,928 --> 00:18:07,912
everything's out of control
422
00:18:07,930 --> 00:18:11,882
[Survivor's "the Search is Over" plays]
423
00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:15,303
- # how can I convince you #
- Come on! I like the fast ones!
424
00:18:15,354 --> 00:18:16,766
You know what? I'm gonna go
out and get some fresh air.
425
00:18:16,767 --> 00:18:17,472
Why don't you come with me?
426
00:18:17,523 --> 00:18:19,890
- # what you see is real? #
- Have fun, baby.
427
00:18:19,908 --> 00:18:23,511
- Adult Adam: Normally, we don't say "I love you" in our family.
- # who am I to blame you #
428
00:18:23,562 --> 00:18:27,381
- Luckily for me, my Mom could read lips.
- # for doubting what you feel? #
429
00:18:27,432 --> 00:18:30,734
I was always reachin'
430
00:18:30,752 --> 00:18:35,923
you were just a girl I knew
431
00:18:35,974 --> 00:18:39,877
I took for granted
the friend I have in you
432
00:18:39,895 --> 00:18:44,248
- Want some company?
- I am a terrible father.
433
00:18:44,266 --> 00:18:46,354
- I'll take that as a yes.
-
I was living for a dream
434
00:18:46,389 --> 00:18:48,903
[sighs] I don't even know
how to talk to my kids.
435
00:18:48,937 --> 00:18:50,171
- I'm aware.
-
loving for a moment
436
00:18:50,222 --> 00:18:51,772
I always thought that I would do
437
00:18:51,807 --> 00:18:54,091
- everything different than my Dad did.
-
taking on the world
438
00:18:54,126 --> 00:18:55,977
- And look at me ... I'm just like him.
-
that was just my style
439
00:18:56,028 --> 00:18:58,930
- Murray, you're nothing like him.
- What are you talking about?
440
00:18:58,964 --> 00:19:00,464
- We both look alike.
-
now I look into your eyes
441
00:19:00,482 --> 00:19:02,416
We both scream all the time.
442
00:19:02,451 --> 00:19:04,685
- We both walk around in our underwear.
-
I can see forever
443
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,437
But your dad would never be out here
444
00:19:06,471 --> 00:19:09,457
- right now, feeling like this.
-
the search is over
445
00:19:09,491 --> 00:19:12,505
- And that's why you're different.
-
you were with me all the while
446
00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:15,546
Adult Adam: As for my Dad, he'd
never be a good communicator.
447
00:19:15,581 --> 00:19:17,899
can we last forever?
448
00:19:17,933 --> 00:19:19,534
Damn it!
449
00:19:19,568 --> 00:19:21,318
- Has anyone seen the bottle opener?
-
will we fall apart?
450
00:19:21,336 --> 00:19:23,387
But he was still able to
teach you a few things.
451
00:19:23,421 --> 00:19:24,939
at times it's so confusing
452
00:19:24,990 --> 00:19:27,625
- Here. Let me show you something.
-
the questions of the heart
453
00:19:27,659 --> 00:19:30,412
- Ooh.
- Little party trick.
454
00:19:30,447 --> 00:19:32,280
- The ladies love it.
-
you followed me through changes
455
00:19:32,331 --> 00:19:34,498
- Not bad.
-
and patiently you'd wait
456
00:19:34,533 --> 00:19:35,600
Don't just stand there.
457
00:19:35,634 --> 00:19:37,618
Go get another one,
and I'll show you how.
458
00:19:37,653 --> 00:19:40,054
till I came to my senses
through some miracle of fate
459
00:19:40,088 --> 00:19:45,109
That night, I learned that some events
can't be captured in a scrapbook.
460
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:47,511
I was living for a dream
461
00:19:47,545 --> 00:19:49,680
You just got to be there
and witness them yourself.
462
00:19:49,715 --> 00:19:53,317
loving for a moment
463
00:19:53,335 --> 00:19:56,888
then I touched your hand
464
00:19:56,922 --> 00:20:00,474
I could hear you whisper
465
00:20:00,509 --> 00:20:02,626
the search is over
466
00:20:02,644 --> 00:20:11,485
love was right before my eyes
467
00:20:13,537 --> 00:20:17,105
[dance music plays]
468
00:20:20,693 --> 00:20:21,993
Mrs. Goldberg.
469
00:20:22,028 --> 00:20:26,314
Mrs. Goldberg!
It's time to go home.
470
00:20:26,332 --> 00:20:29,984
Mm, dances don't really end,
and the invitation for this one said,
471
00:20:30,002 --> 00:20:35,206
- "6:00 to question mark," so...
- That was a 9.
472
00:20:35,257 --> 00:20:38,760
[sighs]
473
00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:49,154
[shutting down switches]
[music stops]
474
00:20:49,188 --> 00:20:51,255
Okay, well, that was just rude.
475
00:20:53,279 --> 00:20:56,267
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ addic7ed.com ~
476
00:20:56,317 --> 00:21:00,867
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