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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,914
(Adult Adam) Ah, the
romantic comedies of the '80s...
2
00:00:03,035 --> 00:00:04,502
I learned everything I
knew about getting the girl.
3
00:00:04,570 --> 00:00:06,504
From classics like "Can't buy me love,".
4
00:00:06,572 --> 00:00:08,906
Because the romantic scenes
that played out in my house.
5
00:00:08,974 --> 00:00:11,304
Usually went a little something like this.
6
00:00:11,601 --> 00:00:12,833
Here.
7
00:00:13,878 --> 00:00:15,178
What's this?
8
00:00:15,245 --> 00:00:16,880
Birthday card.
9
00:00:16,948 --> 00:00:19,783
My birthday was two weeks ago.
10
00:00:19,851 --> 00:00:21,718
Remember? We had Mexican food.
11
00:00:21,786 --> 00:00:23,853
You had to race home in a mad panic.
12
00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:26,305
Well, that photo finish is
why I forgot to give you a card.
13
00:00:26,423 --> 00:00:28,758
You know what else you forgot to do?
14
00:00:28,826 --> 00:00:30,093
Clean the garage.
15
00:00:30,161 --> 00:00:32,028
Give me some credit. I didn't forget.
16
00:00:32,096 --> 00:00:33,262
It's gonna get done.
17
00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:40,135
I'll get my pants.
18
00:00:40,203 --> 00:00:43,038
Happy belated birthday.
19
00:00:43,106 --> 00:00:45,440
I had the kind of
parents who loved each other,
20
00:00:45,508 --> 00:00:47,910
but I literally never once saw them kiss,
21
00:00:47,977 --> 00:00:51,146
which is why I was what
you'd call romantically challenged.
22
00:00:51,214 --> 00:00:54,382
Her name was Dana Caldwell.
23
00:00:54,383 --> 00:00:55,583
She biked past my house every day,
24
00:00:55,584 --> 00:00:56,713
and she was perfect.
25
00:00:56,714 --> 00:00:57,714
(Clears throat)
26
00:00:58,488 --> 00:01:00,408
I'm gonna give you the
benefit of the doubt here,
27
00:01:00,457 --> 00:01:02,825
but I gotta say, this looks weird.
28
00:01:02,892 --> 00:01:04,993
It's not weird. I'm just
filming a girl I like.
29
00:01:05,061 --> 00:01:07,496
To play the tape back
later to practice talking to her.
30
00:01:07,564 --> 00:01:09,231
- Oh, boy.
- It's weird.
31
00:01:09,299 --> 00:01:11,333
You know, I can help you out.
32
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,667
Pops, I'm 12.
33
00:01:12,735 --> 00:01:14,969
I gotta start handling this
lady stuff on my own.
34
00:01:15,037 --> 00:01:16,705
She's coming back.
35
00:01:18,774 --> 00:01:21,376
(Gasps) Get down! Get down!
36
00:01:21,444 --> 00:01:24,111
While I was crawling
away from the girl I loved,
37
00:01:24,179 --> 00:01:26,780
my father was trying to get the
girl he loved off his back.
38
00:01:26,848 --> 00:01:28,081
By cleaning the garage.
39
00:01:28,149 --> 00:01:30,584
All right, anything under $10... toss.
40
00:01:30,652 --> 00:01:33,854
All that crappy art from
when you were kids... toss.
41
00:01:33,921 --> 00:01:37,725
No way! It's my old keyboard!
42
00:01:37,792 --> 00:01:39,460
This thing is awesome!
43
00:01:39,527 --> 00:01:40,961
(Barry's voice raising
pitch) Awesome, awesome, awesome.
44
00:01:41,028 --> 00:01:42,595
I thought you said someone stole it.
45
00:01:42,663 --> 00:01:44,847
Yeah, well, the robber... she
was supposed to throw it away.
46
00:01:44,866 --> 00:01:47,234
A-awesome,
a-awesome, a-awesome, a-awesome.
47
00:01:47,302 --> 00:01:48,469
It's going in the garbage.
48
00:01:48,537 --> 00:01:50,704
No. This is mine, and I love it, okay?
49
00:01:50,772 --> 00:01:53,340
Holy crap! Check this out.
50
00:01:53,408 --> 00:01:55,942
I found a box of dad's
old love poems to mom.
51
00:01:56,010 --> 00:01:58,378
Don't touch that! Don't touch that!
52
00:01:58,445 --> 00:01:59,779
Come on. It's none of your
business. Ready? "Tears stain."
53
00:01:59,846 --> 00:02:01,714
- The pillows of my heart."
- Come on. Come on.
54
00:02:01,782 --> 00:02:03,816
- No, no, come on!
- "Your perfume lingers on my mind."
55
00:02:03,884 --> 00:02:05,552
- Return to me, my love."
- Come on, come on!
56
00:02:05,619 --> 00:02:07,953
- God, you're terrible.
- Okay, stop it. Give me that box.
57
00:02:08,021 --> 00:02:09,389
Give...
58
00:02:09,456 --> 00:02:13,625
Whoa! "Our bodies are
one under the starry sky."
59
00:02:13,693 --> 00:02:16,161
"There is no me, only us...
60
00:02:16,229 --> 00:02:18,664
My sweet Anita"?
61
00:02:18,731 --> 00:02:21,366
What? It says here you
were gonna have a wedding?
62
00:02:21,434 --> 00:02:23,302
Anita? Who's Anita?
63
00:02:23,369 --> 00:02:26,271
Ohh. I see what's going on here.
64
00:02:26,339 --> 00:02:28,440
You have a secret family.
65
00:02:28,508 --> 00:02:29,807
If I had a secret family,
66
00:02:29,874 --> 00:02:32,142
why would I be standing
here talking to you people?
67
00:02:32,211 --> 00:02:33,777
- Give me that box!
- Here!
68
00:02:33,845 --> 00:02:36,714
- Come on!
- Got it!
69
00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:38,782
All right! I'll tell you the story.
70
00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:41,029
Before your mother, I
was engaged to another woman.
71
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,354
- You're so hosed.
- (Voice pitch raises) Hosed, hosed.
72
00:02:43,423 --> 00:02:44,955
I am not hos... turn that off!
73
00:02:45,023 --> 00:02:46,356
I am not hosed.
74
00:02:46,425 --> 00:02:48,726
Nobody's getting hosed.
75
00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:51,061
Your mom knows about the engagement.
76
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,763
Oh, and she knows all
about the love letters?
77
00:02:52,831 --> 00:02:55,165
Of course she knows!
78
00:02:55,233 --> 00:02:57,267
(Garage door whirring) She knows.
79
00:02:57,335 --> 00:03:00,404
Come on, kids, give me the box!
80
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:02,872
I wish I had a secret family!
81
00:03:02,940 --> 00:03:05,542
I'm so hosed.
82
00:03:05,609 --> 00:03:07,343
(I fight dragons) I'm twisted up inside
83
00:03:07,411 --> 00:03:09,552
but nonetheless I
feel the need to say
84
00:03:09,669 --> 00:03:12,193
sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com
85
00:03:12,717 --> 00:03:14,151
I don't know the future
86
00:03:14,218 --> 00:03:16,900
but the past keeps
getting clearer every day
87
00:03:18,088 --> 00:03:20,023
October 4th, 1980-something...
88
00:03:20,090 --> 00:03:23,026
The day my dad's old
love letters went public.
89
00:03:23,093 --> 00:03:25,227
Bevy, before you say anything,
90
00:03:25,295 --> 00:03:28,932
just know that I thought I
threw this box out years ago.
91
00:03:28,999 --> 00:03:30,900
When Anita sent it back to me,
92
00:03:30,968 --> 00:03:32,868
and it... it means nothing.
93
00:03:32,936 --> 00:03:35,470
My father had crossed a line.
94
00:03:35,538 --> 00:03:37,005
(Laughing) I can't.
95
00:03:37,073 --> 00:03:38,674
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
96
00:03:38,741 --> 00:03:42,210
I thought I could keep a
straight face, but I can't.
97
00:03:42,278 --> 00:03:43,579
So you're not mad at me?
98
00:03:43,699 --> 00:03:46,813
No, I'm worried. How are your loins?
99
00:03:46,814 --> 00:03:48,148
Have they stopped burning? (Groans)
100
00:03:48,216 --> 00:03:49,650
Is your heart still aflutter?
101
00:03:49,718 --> 00:03:50,718
Yeah.
102
00:03:50,786 --> 00:03:52,337
- Adorable.
- Yeah.
103
00:03:52,852 --> 00:03:53,955
(Laughs) Oh, no, no, no.
104
00:03:53,956 --> 00:03:55,990
So you're not even a little bit jealous?
105
00:03:56,058 --> 00:03:58,092
Please. I won.
106
00:03:58,159 --> 00:04:00,227
I bagged my moose.
107
00:04:00,295 --> 00:04:02,630
You see? She doesn't give a crap.
108
00:04:02,698 --> 00:04:04,798
That's what a strong marriage is...
109
00:04:04,865 --> 00:04:07,300
Mutual
not-giving-a-crap.
110
00:04:07,367 --> 00:04:08,802
See? Not hosed.
111
00:04:08,869 --> 00:04:10,136
Okay.
112
00:04:10,204 --> 00:04:12,772
We've had a good laugh. Time to Chuck 'em.
113
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,075
Chuck 'em? (Snickers) I
can't even put 'em down.
114
00:04:15,142 --> 00:04:18,578
I mean, dad used to be... pretty romantic.
115
00:04:18,646 --> 00:04:21,446
Oh, he's still plenty
romantic with me. (Chuckles)
116
00:04:21,514 --> 00:04:23,148
Yuck.
117
00:04:23,216 --> 00:04:25,350
And how is dad romantic?
118
00:04:25,418 --> 00:04:27,720
For the last two years, he
forgot your anniversary.
119
00:04:27,787 --> 00:04:31,090
In his defense, I didn't remind him enough.
120
00:04:31,157 --> 00:04:33,659
But he writes romantic
stuff to me all the time.
121
00:04:33,727 --> 00:04:36,761
(Chuckles) Look. Here's my birthday card.
122
00:04:38,931 --> 00:04:41,733
"X. O.X.O. Murray."
123
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,502
Well, the x's are for kisses,
124
00:04:44,569 --> 00:04:47,839
and the o's for hugs.
125
00:04:47,906 --> 00:04:50,141
And "Murray"...
126
00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:52,408
Is who it's from.
127
00:04:52,476 --> 00:04:53,844
Doesn't matter what he writes.
128
00:04:53,911 --> 00:04:55,679
We are more in love than ever.
129
00:04:55,747 --> 00:04:58,882
Don't you at least wanna
see what she looks like?
130
00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:00,383
I've gone 20 years.
131
00:05:00,451 --> 00:05:02,747
Without needing to
know what she looks like.
132
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:05,321
I'm not gonna start now.
133
00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:09,158
(Stammers) Oh, plus where would
you even get a picture,
134
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,985
you know, if someone wanted
to see a picture?
135
00:05:11,028 --> 00:05:13,095
Where would you find
it? I don't know. Well...
136
00:05:13,163 --> 00:05:14,530
They'd probably have an
engagement announcement.
137
00:05:14,597 --> 00:05:15,798
In the paper.
138
00:05:15,866 --> 00:05:17,366
I mean, if you really wanted to look,
139
00:05:17,433 --> 00:05:20,703
you could probably just go to
the library and dig it up.
140
00:05:20,771 --> 00:05:22,004
I don't need to see it.
141
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,172
Fine.
142
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,438
But if you would feel better seeing it,
143
00:05:24,506 --> 00:05:27,776
fine, we'll go to the library. Jeez.
144
00:05:27,843 --> 00:05:29,164
While my mom was feeling insecure,
145
00:05:29,178 --> 00:05:31,913
I was feeling damn good. I had a plan.
146
00:05:31,981 --> 00:05:34,783
Dana Caldwell would see me coolly
tinkering with my bike.
147
00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:38,119
And ask me to go for a ride,
and then we would get married!
148
00:05:38,187 --> 00:05:39,820
(Brakes squeal) Hey.
149
00:05:39,888 --> 00:05:41,722
Hey. (Clank)
150
00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:43,791
It was now or never. Time for my "A" game.
151
00:05:43,858 --> 00:05:46,259
Bicycles, right?
152
00:05:46,327 --> 00:05:47,594
Bicycles.
153
00:05:47,662 --> 00:05:48,796
Nope.
154
00:05:48,863 --> 00:05:50,130
Do you know how to fix them?
155
00:05:50,198 --> 00:05:52,299
Well...
156
00:05:52,366 --> 00:05:53,901
My bike chain's all messed up.
157
00:05:53,968 --> 00:05:55,435
Maybe you could take a look?
158
00:05:55,503 --> 00:05:59,605
Yeah, I can... I can
take a quick look-see.
159
00:05:59,673 --> 00:06:01,074
(Chuckles)
160
00:06:01,141 --> 00:06:03,642
Chain. Chain.
161
00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:05,044
(Clank)
162
00:06:05,112 --> 00:06:07,146
Ugh.
163
00:06:07,214 --> 00:06:09,515
Wait. Is this one of those Soviet bikes?
164
00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:12,084
'Cause I only deal with American equipment.
165
00:06:12,151 --> 00:06:14,086
Huh? U.S.A.!
166
00:06:14,153 --> 00:06:16,221
Maybe I'll just have my
dad fix it. (Chuckles)
167
00:06:16,288 --> 00:06:17,723
Makes sense. Keep it in the family.
168
00:06:19,859 --> 00:06:21,359
(Clank) (Groans loudly)
169
00:06:21,427 --> 00:06:23,929
- Aah!
- Are you okay?
170
00:06:23,996 --> 00:06:26,131
- Mm-hmm. -
Are you crying?
171
00:06:26,199 --> 00:06:27,898
No. (Exhales)
172
00:06:27,966 --> 00:06:31,001
Good talking. (Whimpering)
173
00:06:31,069 --> 00:06:33,344
My plan was a complete bust.
174
00:06:33,345 --> 00:06:36,391
I only had one option
left... Call in the big guns.
175
00:06:36,543 --> 00:06:40,278
So what happened to "I'm
12. I gotta go it alone"?
176
00:06:40,346 --> 00:06:41,647
That didn't work out so great.
177
00:06:41,714 --> 00:06:44,381
Well, you're safe now. Love's my business,
178
00:06:44,449 --> 00:06:47,018
and business is booming.
179
00:06:47,085 --> 00:06:48,385
So what do we got?
180
00:06:48,453 --> 00:06:53,658
Okay. Her name's Dana. She's
13, lives down the block.
181
00:06:53,725 --> 00:06:55,225
She smells like fruity pebbles.
182
00:06:55,293 --> 00:06:58,728
Pfft. Why are you asking Pops for help.
183
00:06:58,729 --> 00:07:00,897
When you got all the
resources you need right here?
184
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:02,102
You don't know anything about girls.
185
00:07:02,167 --> 00:07:05,136
I know a ton. I've got
a super hot girlfriend.
186
00:07:05,203 --> 00:07:07,638
Yeah, from Canada that no one's ever seen.
187
00:07:07,705 --> 00:07:10,207
'Cause I met her at
camp, ya sausage gobbler.
188
00:07:10,275 --> 00:07:11,508
You couldn't come up with something.
189
00:07:11,576 --> 00:07:13,244
A little more original?
190
00:07:13,311 --> 00:07:16,312
I mean, a fake girlfriend... in Canada?
191
00:07:16,380 --> 00:07:20,083
Hey! There's nothing fake
about her except her boobs!
192
00:07:20,151 --> 00:07:23,619
Yep, they're huge and
real... But they're also fake.
193
00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:24,579
You know what? I don't
have to explain it to you.
194
00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:25,848
I'm outta here.
195
00:07:27,893 --> 00:07:30,393
Her breasts sound very complicated.
196
00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:33,488
So where are we at with this Dana girl?
197
00:07:33,598 --> 00:07:34,865
Well, I've been
secretly following her around.
198
00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,132
For two weeks.
199
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,001
Creating a sense of mystery.
200
00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:39,903
And today I broke her bicycle.
201
00:07:39,970 --> 00:07:43,172
Good. You made a
memorable first impression.
202
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,573
And I kinda cried in front of her.
203
00:07:44,641 --> 00:07:47,009
Some women like a sensitive man.
204
00:07:47,076 --> 00:07:48,277
You think?
205
00:07:48,344 --> 00:07:51,313
You can't help him,
pops. He's un-help-able.
206
00:07:51,381 --> 00:07:54,450
He'll never get a
girlfriend even half as hot as mine.
207
00:07:54,518 --> 00:07:56,752
Oh, yeah? What's her
name? Tell me right now. Go.
208
00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:57,953
Marion Lemieux.
209
00:07:58,021 --> 00:07:59,187
Marion Lemieux?
210
00:07:59,255 --> 00:08:01,523
Like Mario Lemieux, the hockey player?
211
00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:03,959
Yeah! It's a common last name in Canada,
212
00:08:04,027 --> 00:08:05,627
like "Smith" or "Jones."
213
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,996
I was trying to be nice
to you, but forget it.
214
00:08:08,064 --> 00:08:10,149
I'm outta here.
215
00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:11,934
Okay.
216
00:08:12,002 --> 00:08:13,969
Your next move with Dana is important.
217
00:08:14,037 --> 00:08:15,303
You gotta go for it.
218
00:08:15,371 --> 00:08:17,171
Make a big gesture...
219
00:08:17,239 --> 00:08:20,108
Something that'll show
her exactly how you feel.
220
00:08:20,175 --> 00:08:22,176
Pfft. Waste of time.
221
00:08:22,244 --> 00:08:24,078
Here we go.
222
00:08:24,146 --> 00:08:26,280
This nerd has no clue with the ladies.
223
00:08:26,348 --> 00:08:28,349
Yeah? Let's call Marion right now.
224
00:08:28,416 --> 00:08:30,251
Think I won't? 'Cause I will.
225
00:08:30,318 --> 00:08:31,619
That's what I'm asking you to do.
226
00:08:31,687 --> 00:08:33,654
I don't need this! I'm outta here.
227
00:08:49,602 --> 00:08:51,671
Meanwhile, my mom and Erica were using.
228
00:08:51,738 --> 00:08:52,772
The most cutting edge technology.
229
00:08:52,839 --> 00:08:54,339
To track down a photo of Anita.
230
00:08:54,407 --> 00:08:55,474
Mom.
231
00:08:55,542 --> 00:08:58,710
It was called microfiche.
232
00:08:58,778 --> 00:09:00,211
Move.
233
00:09:00,279 --> 00:09:02,947
(Gasps) Oh, my God.
234
00:09:03,015 --> 00:09:05,583
It's amazing. It only took
us two hours to find it.
235
00:09:05,651 --> 00:09:07,318
Hey, not bad, dad.
236
00:09:07,386 --> 00:09:09,120
Okay, Erica, you saw her.
237
00:09:09,188 --> 00:09:11,322
Now you can move on with your life.
238
00:09:11,390 --> 00:09:13,091
Hmm.
239
00:09:13,159 --> 00:09:14,591
Wait a minute.
240
00:09:14,659 --> 00:09:16,727
How do you...
241
00:09:16,795 --> 00:09:17,861
(Rattling) What?
242
00:09:17,929 --> 00:09:19,663
- Make it bigger?
- Well, okay, just...
243
00:09:19,731 --> 00:09:21,732
- Make the picture bigger.
- Okay, here.
244
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,433
- Where's the knob to make it a bigger picture?
- It's just...
245
00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:26,336
- Mom, God! That's as big as it goes.
- Okay, okay.
246
00:09:26,404 --> 00:09:27,838
What is it?
247
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,441
Oh, no.
248
00:09:32,476 --> 00:09:34,811
As always, my mom took the bad news.
249
00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:35,945
With grace and dignity.
250
00:09:36,013 --> 00:09:38,582
(Bleeps) My ring. Shh!
251
00:09:41,472 --> 00:09:43,072
(Door creaks) Bevy!
252
00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:46,276
What a day! What a day!
253
00:09:46,343 --> 00:09:47,910
(Shoes clatter)
254
00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:49,379
Sold six couches!
255
00:09:49,446 --> 00:09:52,748
Your man is on fire.
256
00:09:52,816 --> 00:09:57,086
By sheer chance, my dad was in
a rare good mood that night.
257
00:09:57,154 --> 00:09:58,486
Unfortunately, my mom was not.
258
00:09:58,588 --> 00:09:59,488
What's happening?
259
00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:00,823
Nothing.
260
00:10:02,826 --> 00:10:04,259
Take a load off.
261
00:10:04,327 --> 00:10:06,629
Well, I usually take
a load off right there.
262
00:10:08,031 --> 00:10:09,271
But I'll put my load right here.
263
00:10:10,701 --> 00:10:12,034
What do you...
264
00:10:12,102 --> 00:10:14,869
Is there anything you
wanna tell me about this ring?
265
00:10:14,937 --> 00:10:17,505
It's a symbol of our love?
266
00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:19,674
Yes, that's very true.
267
00:10:19,742 --> 00:10:22,443
But, uh, tell me about that.
268
00:10:22,511 --> 00:10:26,581
What made you pick this exact ring for me?
269
00:10:26,649 --> 00:10:30,383
When I saw it, it spoke to me.
270
00:10:30,451 --> 00:10:32,152
Aw. What did it say?
271
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:34,622
"I'm a pretty ring.
272
00:10:34,689 --> 00:10:35,956
Buy me."
273
00:10:35,957 --> 00:10:38,525
"Buy me" for who?
274
00:10:38,526 --> 00:10:39,552
Oh, boy. (Sighs)
275
00:10:39,628 --> 00:10:41,011
How could you give me her ring?
276
00:10:41,030 --> 00:10:42,898
What do you think I'm made of, diamonds?
277
00:10:42,965 --> 00:10:45,999
I... (Huffs) You can't just return these!
278
00:10:46,067 --> 00:10:48,636
Okay, well, I have no
problem returning this one.
279
00:10:48,703 --> 00:10:51,004
Wait. Bevy!
280
00:10:51,072 --> 00:10:54,308
Let's talk about this. Listen.
281
00:10:54,375 --> 00:10:55,375
If it'll make you feel any better,
282
00:10:55,444 --> 00:10:58,646
I will get you a new ring.
283
00:10:58,713 --> 00:11:00,780
Great. Get me a new ring.
284
00:11:00,848 --> 00:11:03,150
What?! You can't say that.
285
00:11:03,217 --> 00:11:04,351
Why would I get you a new ring?!
286
00:11:04,419 --> 00:11:06,153
It was your idea!
287
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:07,921
Yeah, but I'm filled with terrible ideas!
288
00:11:07,989 --> 00:11:11,191
I gave you a used ring, for God sake.
289
00:11:11,259 --> 00:11:13,593
Wow, Murray, you are so romantic!
290
00:11:13,661 --> 00:11:15,244
Fine! I'll get you a new ring!
291
00:11:15,306 --> 00:11:16,296
Fine!
292
00:11:16,297 --> 00:11:17,631
- Fine!
- Fine!
293
00:11:17,712 --> 00:11:18,663
Fine!
294
00:11:18,967 --> 00:11:21,534
While my parents were
calmly working out their problems,
295
00:11:21,602 --> 00:11:22,963
I'd finally come up with a solution.
296
00:11:22,971 --> 00:11:24,437
To my problems with Dana.
297
00:11:24,572 --> 00:11:25,705
(Peter Gabriel's "in your eyes" playing)
298
00:11:25,706 --> 00:11:28,976
(Exhales) Let's do this, Lloyd. (Kisses)
299
00:11:29,043 --> 00:11:31,643
I'd use my favorite
romantic movie, "Say Anything..."
300
00:11:31,711 --> 00:11:32,778
To win Dana's heart.
301
00:11:32,846 --> 00:11:35,047
302
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,963
("In your eyes" playing on boombox)
303
00:11:42,122 --> 00:11:43,555
Love
304
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,658
I get so lost
305
00:11:49,121 --> 00:11:50,388
- sometimes...
- What are you doing?
306
00:11:50,497 --> 00:11:53,799
Oh, crap! I thought this
was your sister's room.
307
00:11:53,866 --> 00:11:57,102
Well, it's not. Can
you tell Dana I'm... here?
308
00:11:57,170 --> 00:12:00,606
Mm, no. This is kind of a
creepy thing to do, bro. (Window opens)
309
00:12:00,674 --> 00:12:02,973
What the hell's going on out here?
310
00:12:03,041 --> 00:12:05,242
Nothing, sir. Go back to bed.
311
00:12:05,311 --> 00:12:06,678
Some weird kid's here for Dana.
312
00:12:06,745 --> 00:12:07,578
(Window opens) I am complete
313
00:12:07,646 --> 00:12:10,114
Adam? What are you doing?
314
00:12:10,182 --> 00:12:12,517
Adam? This is the kid who broke your bike?
315
00:12:12,584 --> 00:12:14,985
- Yeah.
- Not cool, man.
316
00:12:15,053 --> 00:12:17,422
The resolution you have a lovely home.
317
00:12:17,489 --> 00:12:20,990
(Sprinklers hissing) in your eyes
318
00:12:21,058 --> 00:12:23,717
(music stops) Pleasure meeting you!
319
00:12:23,962 --> 00:12:25,329
(Pops) Calm down, kiddo.
320
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:27,597
- We can fix this.
- We can't!
321
00:12:27,665 --> 00:12:30,067
I serenaded her
brother, I dropped my boombox,
322
00:12:30,135 --> 00:12:32,036
and I soaked my Lloyd dobler coat.
323
00:12:32,103 --> 00:12:35,171
I understood none of
that. Did you take my advice?
324
00:12:35,239 --> 00:12:37,140
Yes, a big gesture.
325
00:12:37,208 --> 00:12:39,642
I stood outside her
window and blasted music at her.
326
00:12:39,710 --> 00:12:40,810
Why would you do that?
327
00:12:40,878 --> 00:12:42,045
You told me to!
328
00:12:42,112 --> 00:12:44,580
I meant take her out for a milkshake.
329
00:12:44,648 --> 00:12:46,649
How is a milkshake a big gesture?!
330
00:12:46,717 --> 00:12:47,783
For you, it's big.
331
00:12:47,852 --> 00:12:49,585
You should have been more specific!
332
00:12:49,653 --> 00:12:52,154
Wait. Don't go, kiddo. We can just regroup.
333
00:12:52,222 --> 00:12:53,421
Forget it.
334
00:12:53,489 --> 00:12:55,724
The movies lie. None of it's real!
335
00:12:55,791 --> 00:12:57,025
Love isn't real.
336
00:12:57,093 --> 00:12:58,994
(Mouth full) Tell that to my girlfriend.
337
00:12:59,062 --> 00:13:00,729
- She's not real!
- She's not real!
338
00:13:02,232 --> 00:13:03,899
(Bell dings)
339
00:13:06,268 --> 00:13:08,769
All right, let's get this over with.
340
00:13:08,837 --> 00:13:10,109
One ring, please.
341
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:13,175
Of course. Do you have
anything in particular in mind?
342
00:13:13,242 --> 00:13:16,378
Don't look at me. Just pick
something that speaks to you.
343
00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:17,937
Okay.
344
00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:19,248
All right, uh, this
one's talking up a storm.
345
00:13:19,315 --> 00:13:20,515
How much is it?
346
00:13:20,583 --> 00:13:22,917
That one is $5,000.
347
00:13:22,985 --> 00:13:24,106
Is that the one I pointed to?
348
00:13:24,119 --> 00:13:25,119
You pointed at that one, yeah.
349
00:13:25,187 --> 00:13:26,554
It just stopped speaking to me.
350
00:13:26,622 --> 00:13:27,989
- Stopped completely.
- Oh, really?
351
00:13:28,056 --> 00:13:29,190
Yeah. Is that because
I'm not worth the money?
352
00:13:29,258 --> 00:13:30,992
No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that, Bev.
353
00:13:31,059 --> 00:13:32,460
Don't... don't do that. Really?
354
00:13:32,528 --> 00:13:33,828
How much am I worth to you?
355
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,631
I cannot put a price on love.
356
00:13:36,699 --> 00:13:39,165
I can. Uh, how much is this ring worth?
357
00:13:39,233 --> 00:13:41,702
Oh. Very nice.
358
00:13:41,770 --> 00:13:44,371
Yes, excellent cut. Beautiful clarity.
359
00:13:44,439 --> 00:13:46,673
You must really love this lady.
360
00:13:46,741 --> 00:13:49,710
- It used to belong to his ex-fianc?e,
Anita. - Oh, add that story.
361
00:13:49,778 --> 00:13:52,012
- And he re-gifted it to
me. - All right, do that.
362
00:13:52,079 --> 00:13:53,513
Ugh. Yeah, and he used to write her.
363
00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:55,900
- Lots of love letters and poems.
- Oh, yeah, tell him... yeah.
364
00:13:55,949 --> 00:13:58,518
How many do you think he's written to me?
365
00:13:58,585 --> 00:14:02,522
Um... I'm gonna guess it's a... low number.
366
00:14:02,589 --> 00:14:04,690
- Zero.
- That's very low.
367
00:14:04,758 --> 00:14:06,208
Yeah. Okay. That's because
368
00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:09,294
Anita needed love letters and
all that crap all day long.
369
00:14:09,362 --> 00:14:10,896
It's why we broke up.
370
00:14:10,963 --> 00:14:12,831
That's all I was
doing, was writing letters.
371
00:14:12,899 --> 00:14:14,333
I didn't get to watch any TV.
372
00:14:14,401 --> 00:14:15,308
Oh, listen to this guy.
373
00:14:15,401 --> 00:14:17,002
He thinks I don't need love letters.
374
00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:18,403
That's why I chose you.
375
00:14:18,471 --> 00:14:20,528
You don't need any of that romantic junk.
376
00:14:20,574 --> 00:14:22,141
Oh, that's right. Just give Ol' Bev.
377
00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:24,676
A hallmark card and a used ring.
378
00:14:24,744 --> 00:14:26,177
All right, you know what?
379
00:14:26,245 --> 00:14:28,947
We're gonna get you the $5,000 ring,
380
00:14:29,014 --> 00:14:30,834
and you can be the one who tells Adam.
381
00:14:30,850 --> 00:14:32,092
That his teeth are gonna be crooked.
382
00:14:32,117 --> 00:14:33,518
For the rest of his life.
383
00:14:33,586 --> 00:14:35,987
Great. That's exactly what
I want... a spite ring.
384
00:14:36,055 --> 00:14:37,923
Great, because that's what you're getting.
385
00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:40,024
Oh. Okay, my friend,
we are buying the ring.
386
00:14:40,092 --> 00:14:42,493
I'd like you to ring it up,
387
00:14:42,561 --> 00:14:44,995
because we are buying it!
388
00:14:45,063 --> 00:14:46,096
All right.
389
00:14:46,164 --> 00:14:48,231
(Mouthing words)
390
00:14:48,299 --> 00:14:50,468
(Mouths word) Um...
391
00:14:50,535 --> 00:14:52,903
(Mouthing words)
392
00:14:52,971 --> 00:14:54,371
I don't know what to do here.
393
00:14:54,439 --> 00:14:56,506
You heard the man. Ring
it up. (Mouths words)
394
00:14:56,574 --> 00:14:58,107
All right, but just so you know,
395
00:14:58,175 --> 00:15:01,177
we have a strict no return policy.
396
00:15:01,244 --> 00:15:03,245
Ring... it... up.
397
00:15:03,313 --> 00:15:05,582
(Mouthing words)
398
00:15:05,649 --> 00:15:06,616
(Clicks)
399
00:15:06,684 --> 00:15:09,925
(Beverly chuckles)
400
00:15:14,905 --> 00:15:18,275
In most houses, a dinner
this quiet was normal,
401
00:15:18,342 --> 00:15:19,975
but in our house, no yelling.
402
00:15:20,043 --> 00:15:22,478
Meant something very bad was going down.
403
00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:25,114
(Lowered voice) What's happening?
404
00:15:27,985 --> 00:15:29,705
(Lowered voice) Dad
bought mom a spite ring,
405
00:15:29,719 --> 00:15:32,290
and now she's wearing the
spite ring to spite him.
406
00:15:33,157 --> 00:15:36,024
Lot of love problems around here.
407
00:15:36,092 --> 00:15:37,392
Not Barry.
408
00:15:37,459 --> 00:15:39,895
I keep my lady satisfied.
409
00:15:39,962 --> 00:15:41,496
Dude...
410
00:15:41,563 --> 00:15:43,098
I was at camp with you.
411
00:15:43,166 --> 00:15:45,533
There's no girl named Marion Lemieux.
412
00:15:45,601 --> 00:15:48,170
She was in the
large-chested foxy girl bunk,
413
00:15:48,237 --> 00:15:50,105
and you were in the annoying sister bunk,
414
00:15:50,173 --> 00:15:52,564
so you probably never crossed paths.
415
00:15:52,574 --> 00:15:53,574
Really? 'Cause I thought you were.
416
00:15:53,642 --> 00:15:56,076
In the large-chested girl bunk.
417
00:15:56,144 --> 00:15:58,078
(Chomping) Original.
418
00:15:58,146 --> 00:16:01,916
Adam! Dinner's almost over!
419
00:16:01,984 --> 00:16:04,385
Come on! Get out of the stupid tree!
420
00:16:04,452 --> 00:16:06,987
(Adam) I'm not hungry! Go away.
421
00:16:07,054 --> 00:16:08,522
(Sighs)
422
00:16:08,589 --> 00:16:09,723
(Creaks)
423
00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:12,610
(Exhales deeply)
424
00:16:12,743 --> 00:16:13,750
What's going on?
425
00:16:13,829 --> 00:16:15,395
I just wanna be alone, okay?
426
00:16:15,463 --> 00:16:17,564
Like how I'll be for the rest of my life.
427
00:16:17,633 --> 00:16:20,134
What are you talking
about? You're 10 years old.
428
00:16:20,201 --> 00:16:22,468
I'm 12. And...
429
00:16:22,536 --> 00:16:24,137
I really screwed things up with a girl.
430
00:16:24,204 --> 00:16:26,205
Yeah? Tell me about it.
431
00:16:26,273 --> 00:16:27,741
Well, her name's Dana...
432
00:16:27,808 --> 00:16:29,976
No, I didn't mean "Tell me about it"
433
00:16:30,044 --> 00:16:31,878
"Tell me about it." I meant, I screwed up.
434
00:16:31,946 --> 00:16:35,081
With a girl, too. Oh! My gosh.
435
00:16:35,149 --> 00:16:36,449
So is the girl mom?
436
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:38,583
Yes, it's mom!
437
00:16:38,652 --> 00:16:40,753
Your mother seems to
think that I don't show her.
438
00:16:40,820 --> 00:16:42,320
That I care about her enough.
439
00:16:42,388 --> 00:16:44,389
I show her all the time,
440
00:16:44,457 --> 00:16:47,225
just not in big ways, but in little ways...
441
00:16:47,293 --> 00:16:49,571
You know, ways that she doesn't notice,
442
00:16:49,696 --> 00:16:51,831
not like a box of love letters.
443
00:16:51,898 --> 00:16:54,399
There's no record of the stuff that I do.
444
00:16:54,467 --> 00:16:56,952
You know, maybe there is.
445
00:16:57,070 --> 00:16:58,638
- There isn't.
- What if there were?
446
00:16:58,705 --> 00:17:00,673
- There's not.
- Dad, I'm saying I have an idea.
447
00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:04,310
My dad may not have been able to say.
448
00:17:04,378 --> 00:17:06,345
How he felt about my mom,
449
00:17:06,413 --> 00:17:09,214
but luckily, I recorded a
bunch of ways that showed it.
450
00:17:11,116 --> 00:17:12,517
(Clicks and whirs)
451
00:17:12,585 --> 00:17:16,220
("In your eyes" playing)
452
00:17:22,895 --> 00:17:24,429
Love
453
00:17:27,465 --> 00:17:30,567
I get so lost
454
00:17:30,635 --> 00:17:33,637
sometimes
455
00:17:33,705 --> 00:17:36,507
days pass
456
00:17:38,343 --> 00:17:40,538
and this emptiness
457
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:43,038
fills my heart
458
00:17:44,515 --> 00:17:48,919
when I want to run away
459
00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:53,824
I drive off in my car
460
00:17:55,293 --> 00:17:59,528
but whichever way I go
461
00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:03,498
I come back to the place you are
462
00:18:03,566 --> 00:18:07,169
(Adult Adam) Turns out the
most romantic movie of the '80s.
463
00:18:07,237 --> 00:18:09,338
Was the one that I made with my dad.
464
00:18:09,405 --> 00:18:12,241
I hate my new ring. I'm
gonna take it back tomorrow.
465
00:18:12,309 --> 00:18:14,675
But the man said no returns.
466
00:18:14,743 --> 00:18:17,411
Eh. I'll guilt him into it.
467
00:18:17,479 --> 00:18:20,081
It's what I do.
468
00:18:20,149 --> 00:18:21,850
Without my pride
469
00:18:21,917 --> 00:18:25,197
(adult Adam) It was the
first time we ever saw them kiss,
470
00:18:25,198 --> 00:18:26,328
and it was gross.
471
00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:28,022
But I started to believe in love again.
472
00:18:28,090 --> 00:18:31,486
I mean, it was
complicated as hell, but it was real.
473
00:18:31,594 --> 00:18:34,963
Maybe those romantic movies
weren't so far off after all.
474
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,831
I see the doorway in your eyes
475
00:18:36,899 --> 00:18:39,034
to a thousand churches
476
00:18:39,102 --> 00:18:40,969
in your eyes the resolution
477
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,771
in your eyes
478
00:18:42,838 --> 00:18:44,305
of all the fruitless searches
479
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,541
in your eyes
480
00:18:46,608 --> 00:18:49,410
oh, I see the light and the heat
481
00:18:49,478 --> 00:18:51,845
in your eyes, the light, the heat
482
00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:54,182
- oh, I wanna be that complete
- Me?
483
00:18:54,249 --> 00:18:56,217
Yeah, you.
484
00:18:56,285 --> 00:18:58,852
I wanna touch the light, the heat
485
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,588
I see in your eyes
486
00:19:01,655 --> 00:19:03,290
- Hi.
- Hi.
487
00:19:03,357 --> 00:19:05,858
488
00:19:05,926 --> 00:19:09,162
You... left this on our lawn.
489
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:10,497
Yeah, I...
490
00:19:10,565 --> 00:19:13,166
I did. I'm sorry.
491
00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:15,304
(Sighs)
492
00:19:15,469 --> 00:19:18,938
The other night was... Weird. (Chuckles)
493
00:19:21,442 --> 00:19:23,943
You know, my dad told me not
to talk to you anymore.
494
00:19:24,011 --> 00:19:26,313
I-I get it.
495
00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:28,081
Too bad I never listen to my dad.
496
00:19:28,148 --> 00:19:29,882
497
00:19:29,950 --> 00:19:31,883
(Exhales)
498
00:19:31,951 --> 00:19:33,619
And all my instincts
499
00:19:33,687 --> 00:19:35,588
Wanna go for a ride?
500
00:19:35,655 --> 00:19:37,223
They return
501
00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:39,391
and the grand facade
502
00:19:39,459 --> 00:19:40,659
so soon will burn
503
00:19:40,727 --> 00:19:45,598
Just like I told him... Go big or go home.
504
00:19:45,665 --> 00:19:49,033
Yeah. Think you can help
me out with some girl stuff?
505
00:19:49,101 --> 00:19:51,536
Oh. What happened to Miss Canada?
506
00:19:51,604 --> 00:19:54,305
Long distance. It's... It's killing us.
507
00:19:54,373 --> 00:19:56,441
We never talk, and when we do, we fight.
508
00:19:56,508 --> 00:19:58,075
She's not real.
509
00:19:58,143 --> 00:19:59,210
510
00:19:59,278 --> 00:20:03,046
In your eyes
511
00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:05,582
in your eyes
512
00:20:05,650 --> 00:20:08,918
in your eyes
513
00:20:12,189 --> 00:20:13,990
(Adam) There goes the fluff
age, different directions.
514
00:20:14,058 --> 00:20:15,592
Is that like a bald spot?
515
00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:17,261
Yeah, yeah, we do have a bald spot there.
516
00:20:17,295 --> 00:20:19,295
(Record needle scratches, bell dings)
517
00:20:24,761 --> 00:20:27,162
(Beverly's voice) Murray!
518
00:20:27,230 --> 00:20:29,164
What?!
519
00:20:29,232 --> 00:20:30,365
Murray!
520
00:20:30,432 --> 00:20:33,001
What?! Ugh!
521
00:20:34,402 --> 00:20:36,503
Murray!
522
00:20:36,571 --> 00:20:38,605
What's going on?
523
00:20:38,673 --> 00:20:39,573
Murray!
524
00:20:39,641 --> 00:20:40,607
What?
525
00:20:40,675 --> 00:20:41,976
Murray!
526
00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:43,477
What? Wh...
527
00:20:43,544 --> 00:20:44,711
Murray!
528
00:20:44,780 --> 00:20:46,180
Well, where are you?!
529
00:20:46,248 --> 00:20:47,414
(Voice raising pitch) Murray, m-Murray!
530
00:20:47,482 --> 00:20:48,615
What?!
531
00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:49,683
Murray!
532
00:20:49,751 --> 00:20:51,584
What do you want from me, woman?!
533
00:20:51,652 --> 00:20:53,787
(Chuckles, lowered voice) Technology.
534
00:20:53,854 --> 00:20:56,790
(Lowered voice) I know. I love this thing.
535
00:20:56,857 --> 00:20:58,158
Hey! (Keyboard clatters)
536
00:20:58,225 --> 00:20:59,259
I see you!
537
00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:00,660
(Rapid footsteps depart)
538
00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:02,095
What'd you break?!
539
00:21:02,163 --> 00:21:06,664
sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com
540
00:21:06,714 --> 00:21:11,264
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38731
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