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(Adult Adam) Back in the '80s,before the Internet,
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00:00:02,289 --> 00:00:03,857
there weren't as many waysto find love.
3
00:00:03,925 --> 00:00:05,859
If you were lucky, you mightget on "the dating game."
4
00:00:05,927 --> 00:00:07,193
If you were really lucky,
5
00:00:07,261 --> 00:00:08,762
you'd run intoBeverly goldberg.
6
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:11,310
I've got the perfect man
for you, Inez.
7
00:00:11,327 --> 00:00:13,895
His name's Tony.
He's 53, non-smoker,
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00:00:13,912 --> 00:00:15,646
works for the city,
and he is literally
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00:00:15,713 --> 00:00:18,883
the most handsome man
I've ever seen.
10
00:00:18,899 --> 00:00:20,666
No, I don't know how fast
I was going,
11
00:00:20,735 --> 00:00:23,469
but you know what I do know?
No wedding ring.
12
00:00:23,537 --> 00:00:25,171
Have I got someone for you.
13
00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:28,073
Her name is Delia.
She's 34 years old,
14
00:00:28,141 --> 00:00:29,942
real outdoorsy just like you,
15
00:00:30,009 --> 00:00:34,479
and she is literally the most
beautiful woman I've ever seen.
16
00:00:34,547 --> 00:00:35,881
(Mouth full) I am telling you,
he is literally
17
00:00:35,949 --> 00:00:38,984
the most handsome man
I've ever seen.
18
00:00:39,052 --> 00:00:40,185
(Chuckles)
19
00:00:40,253 --> 00:00:42,020
Is lucky interested
in having puppies?
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00:00:42,088 --> 00:00:44,122
'Cause I know
a springer spaniel.
21
00:00:44,189 --> 00:00:46,758
Literally the cutest dog
I've ever seen.
22
00:00:46,825 --> 00:00:48,325
My mom was eharmony,
23
00:00:48,393 --> 00:00:50,995
jdate, and grindrall rolled into one.
24
00:00:51,063 --> 00:00:52,730
She could match up anyone.
25
00:00:52,798 --> 00:00:54,698
Well, almost anyone.
26
00:00:54,767 --> 00:00:56,533
Good morning!
27
00:00:56,601 --> 00:00:57,841
Wow, dad, don't you
look dapper?
28
00:00:57,903 --> 00:00:59,502
Big date tonight?
29
00:00:59,570 --> 00:01:01,972
Actually, I just finished
my date from last night.
30
00:01:02,039 --> 00:01:04,241
Was this the aerobics
instructor?
31
00:01:04,308 --> 00:01:06,143
- The antiques dealer.
- No.
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00:01:06,210 --> 00:01:08,211
This was the manager
from coco's.
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00:01:08,279 --> 00:01:10,480
I ordered the steak,
she ordered the me.
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00:01:10,547 --> 00:01:12,048
Here we go.
35
00:01:12,049 --> 00:01:13,729
Kids, you know the drill.
Give us the room.
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00:01:13,784 --> 00:01:17,186
Come on. This is pure gold.
I gotta get this on tape.
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00:01:17,253 --> 00:01:19,922
- You stay, Murray.
- I stay.
38
00:01:19,989 --> 00:01:22,691
Please help me talk some
sense into this man.
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00:01:22,759 --> 00:01:24,426
Mom's been gone for ten years.
40
00:01:24,493 --> 00:01:26,494
He's dated at least
five different women a week.
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00:01:26,548 --> 00:01:27,548
That's over 2,000 women.
42
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,456
You're saying something
that's good,
43
00:01:29,524 --> 00:01:31,890
but you're saying it
like it's bad.
44
00:01:31,908 --> 00:01:34,210
I just think maybe it's time
you found someone special.
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00:01:34,278 --> 00:01:37,180
Maybe someone who doesn't
wear a tube top to work.
46
00:01:37,247 --> 00:01:40,249
Hey, what's-her-name
was plenty special.
47
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:43,252
What was her name? Um...
Tawny? Tammy?
48
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:46,088
Taffy? Ta... is Taffy a name?
49
00:01:46,155 --> 00:01:47,422
Just give me a chance, dad.
50
00:01:47,490 --> 00:01:49,057
I can help you find
the perfect woman.
51
00:01:49,125 --> 00:01:50,925
I have a gift.
Tell him, Murray.
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00:01:50,930 --> 00:01:52,131
She has a gift, this one.
53
00:01:52,198 --> 00:01:54,933
Fact... 16 of my setups
led to marriage,
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00:01:55,001 --> 00:01:57,802
which resulted in 37 children.
55
00:01:57,952 --> 00:02:00,072
I did that. I created life.
56
00:02:00,083 --> 00:02:00,833
She's like God.
57
00:02:00,968 --> 00:02:03,035
Trust me, dad.
I know what's best for you.
58
00:02:03,102 --> 00:02:05,103
- She knows what's best.
- The hell she does.
59
00:02:05,171 --> 00:02:06,972
Bevy, you just can't
help yourself.
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00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,406
You have to mix in.
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00:02:08,474 --> 00:02:09,841
I'm not mixing in.
62
00:02:09,909 --> 00:02:11,577
I'm just trying to tell you
what to do,
63
00:02:11,644 --> 00:02:13,378
even though you don't
want me to.
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00:02:13,446 --> 00:02:15,714
Just do her thing.
65
00:02:15,731 --> 00:02:17,264
Murray, you're really not
helping me right now.
66
00:02:17,332 --> 00:02:19,399
Will you please just give him
your honest opinion
67
00:02:19,466 --> 00:02:21,300
about how you feel about this?
68
00:02:21,368 --> 00:02:23,003
- You want my honest opinion?
- Mm-hmm.
69
00:02:23,070 --> 00:02:23,920
Well... (Sighs)
70
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:25,937
I think he's doing great
on his own.
71
00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:27,371
- Get out.
- Good-bye.
72
00:02:29,575 --> 00:02:32,542
Please, dad, let me find you
just one woman.
73
00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:33,910
You could even write down
what you want,
74
00:02:33,978 --> 00:02:36,179
and I'll find it.
I'm that good.
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00:02:36,246 --> 00:02:37,180
No one's that good.
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00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:39,182
Try me.
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00:02:39,249 --> 00:02:40,851
Fine.
78
00:02:40,918 --> 00:02:43,286
One date, but nothing serious.
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00:02:43,354 --> 00:02:46,122
I think you're really gonna love
being set up by your daughter.
80
00:02:46,190 --> 00:02:48,958
See? Now you're saying
something that's bad,
81
00:02:49,025 --> 00:02:50,993
but you're saying it
like it's good.
82
00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:53,328
You're very confusing today.
83
00:02:53,396 --> 00:02:55,130
(I fight dragons)
I'm twisted up inside
84
00:02:55,198 --> 00:02:58,934
but nonetheless
I feel the need to say
85
00:03:01,205 --> 00:03:02,639
I don't know the future
86
00:03:02,668 --> 00:03:04,741
but the past keeps getting
clearer every day
87
00:03:04,825 --> 00:03:06,380
sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com.
88
00:03:06,809 --> 00:03:10,244
It was October 12,1980-something.
89
00:03:10,312 --> 00:03:12,446
Every day after school,i had a tradition
90
00:03:12,515 --> 00:03:15,216
with my big sis Erica..."General hospital."
91
00:03:15,283 --> 00:03:18,419
It was more than a soap opera.It was an obsession.
92
00:03:18,487 --> 00:03:20,054
God, I hate Luke.
93
00:03:20,122 --> 00:03:21,688
Me, too.
94
00:03:21,756 --> 00:03:23,390
But I'm drawn to his danger.
95
00:03:23,457 --> 00:03:24,925
Who isn't?
96
00:03:24,993 --> 00:03:26,627
Erica loved watchingher stories,
97
00:03:26,694 --> 00:03:28,094
and I got sucked in, too.
98
00:03:28,162 --> 00:03:29,930
Mostly 'causethe alternative was this...
99
00:03:29,998 --> 00:03:31,765
(Slapping) (Barry) Why are you
hitting yourself?
100
00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:34,001
Why are you hitting yourself?
Why are you hitting yourself? (Panting)
101
00:03:34,068 --> 00:03:35,736
Huh? What'd your face
ever do to you?
102
00:03:35,803 --> 00:03:36,969
Get off me, Barry!
103
00:03:37,037 --> 00:03:38,905
Say "I love it when Barry
whoops my ass."
104
00:03:38,972 --> 00:03:40,205
I'm not gonna say it. Say it!
105
00:03:40,273 --> 00:03:41,674
I'm not gonna say it. Say it!
106
00:03:41,742 --> 00:03:43,709
I love it when Barry
whoops my ass.
107
00:03:43,777 --> 00:03:46,178
Oh! Really?
Then I'm-a keep on going!
108
00:03:46,246 --> 00:03:47,980
(Slapping) Aw, man.
109
00:03:48,048 --> 00:03:49,181
This was what quality timelooked like
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00:03:49,249 --> 00:03:50,583
with my brother Barry...
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00:03:50,651 --> 00:03:52,217
Until the day that changedeverything.
112
00:03:52,285 --> 00:03:55,720
Erica? It's starting. Hurry up!
113
00:03:55,788 --> 00:03:56,855
Get out.
114
00:03:56,923 --> 00:03:58,990
You get out.
"General hospital's" on.
115
00:03:59,058 --> 00:04:01,459
- Lame.
- Your puppet show's any better?
116
00:04:01,527 --> 00:04:03,995
He's not a puppet. He's alf.
117
00:04:04,063 --> 00:04:06,264
He eats cats
and says what he thinks.
118
00:04:06,331 --> 00:04:07,866
Hey, you taped it.
You can watch it later.
119
00:04:07,934 --> 00:04:09,800
Hey, don't touch it!
I was here first!
120
00:04:09,868 --> 00:04:11,936
- Give me this!
- Erica, get down here!
121
00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:14,805
(Buttons clicking, program playing)
Come here.
122
00:04:14,873 --> 00:04:17,274
Dude! Stop!
123
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,109
Don't move.
(Instrumental music playing)
124
00:04:19,177 --> 00:04:21,545
Do you see what I see?
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00:04:21,613 --> 00:04:23,881
I see it.
126
00:04:23,949 --> 00:04:25,281
Back in the day,
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00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,416
finding naughty adult stuffwas impossible.
128
00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:30,086
But somehow, we hitthe right combo of buttons
129
00:04:30,153 --> 00:04:32,121
on our cable boxand stumbled upon
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00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,724
a scrambled channelwe didn't pay for.
131
00:04:34,792 --> 00:04:36,893
(Women giggling) Boobs.
132
00:04:36,961 --> 00:04:39,596
I see scrambled boobs.
133
00:04:39,663 --> 00:04:41,329
Okay. (Presses button)
134
00:04:41,397 --> 00:04:43,065
Who's ready to check into
"general hospital"?
135
00:04:43,132 --> 00:04:46,101
Um, I think I'm gonna watch
"alf" with Barry instead.
136
00:04:46,168 --> 00:04:48,737
"Alf"? What about
Luke and Laura?
137
00:04:48,805 --> 00:04:51,106
He said he's not interested!
Now leave us be.
138
00:04:51,173 --> 00:04:52,507
What the hell is going on?
139
00:04:52,575 --> 00:04:54,676
Is Barry forcing you
to be here?
140
00:04:54,744 --> 00:04:56,041
No, I'm here by choice.
141
00:04:56,242 --> 00:04:57,843
(Whispering) If you're
in trouble, blink.
142
00:05:00,346 --> 00:05:01,913
Whatever.
143
00:05:01,981 --> 00:05:03,849
Guess I'll just watch it
in my room.
144
00:05:03,916 --> 00:05:06,251
(TV playing indistinctly)
145
00:05:06,319 --> 00:05:07,819
No!
146
00:05:07,887 --> 00:05:08,887
(Pounds TV) No!
147
00:05:08,955 --> 00:05:11,723
No! It's gone! What happened?
148
00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:13,657
Calm down. We just gotta
retrace our steps.
149
00:05:13,725 --> 00:05:16,526
- Okay.
- So, yeah, you go back there. Okay,
150
00:05:16,594 --> 00:05:18,295
so I grabbed it...
And then I came in...
151
00:05:18,363 --> 00:05:19,730
I came in hard, though. Yeah.
152
00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:20,998
And then we shook it about.
153
00:05:21,066 --> 00:05:22,799
We were clicking,
you were tugging with it.
154
00:05:22,868 --> 00:05:24,434
(Buttons clicking,
various programs playing)
155
00:05:24,502 --> 00:05:26,022
(Muttering)
"Uh, Erica, get down here."
156
00:05:26,071 --> 00:05:28,471
Bang, bang.
Oh... oh, there! We got it!
157
00:05:28,538 --> 00:05:31,574
(Breathing heavily)
Good job, kid.
158
00:05:31,641 --> 00:05:34,643
It was the first thingBarry and I ever bonded over.
159
00:05:34,711 --> 00:05:37,446
I could stay like this forever. Agreed?
(Women giggling)
160
00:05:37,514 --> 00:05:39,148
Agreed.
161
00:05:39,216 --> 00:05:42,451
For once in our lives,we were on the same channel.
162
00:05:42,519 --> 00:05:46,288
All right. Your perfect woman.
163
00:05:46,356 --> 00:05:47,856
Ooh, here we go.
164
00:05:47,924 --> 00:05:49,424
Tell me everything.
165
00:05:49,492 --> 00:05:51,693
All right. For start...
166
00:05:51,761 --> 00:05:53,495
I think she should be
at least 5'2",
167
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:57,099
with kind eyes,
and age-appropriate but spry.
168
00:05:57,166 --> 00:05:58,500
Whoa, whoa.
169
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,768
Don't I tell you
what i want here?
170
00:06:00,835 --> 00:06:02,336
Of course. (Mouths words)
171
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,405
You're gonna want someone
with a great sense of humor.
172
00:06:04,472 --> 00:06:06,440
Not someone
who steals the show,
173
00:06:06,508 --> 00:06:08,742
but she should be
sweet and cute
174
00:06:08,810 --> 00:06:12,079
and have a tush like
two scoops of vanilla ice cream.
175
00:06:12,147 --> 00:06:13,614
- Dad!
- Could be chocolate.
176
00:06:13,681 --> 00:06:15,049
Are you gonna take this
seriously?
177
00:06:15,117 --> 00:06:17,384
I'm trying to,
but you're not letting me.
178
00:06:17,451 --> 00:06:19,152
Fine. Tell me what you want.
179
00:06:19,220 --> 00:06:20,153
All right.
180
00:06:20,221 --> 00:06:23,790
She should be... dangerous,
181
00:06:23,857 --> 00:06:26,626
alluring, and smart.
182
00:06:26,693 --> 00:06:29,396
Like, really smart.
Mensa smart.
183
00:06:29,463 --> 00:06:32,464
But when it comes to making
sensible decisions,
184
00:06:32,532 --> 00:06:34,199
she should be kinda dumb.
185
00:06:34,267 --> 00:06:36,268
Smart but dumb?
186
00:06:36,336 --> 00:06:37,869
So dumb.
187
00:06:37,938 --> 00:06:41,473
And she should have
a slender dancer's body
188
00:06:41,541 --> 00:06:44,276
and be bendy
like a Chinese acrobat.
189
00:06:44,344 --> 00:06:47,079
Bendy.
You know what would be nice?
190
00:06:47,147 --> 00:06:49,180
Carly Simon's lips.
191
00:06:49,248 --> 00:06:51,149
Put it down. Carly Simon lips.
192
00:06:51,216 --> 00:06:52,817
I'm sorry.
Are you involved in this?
193
00:06:52,884 --> 00:06:55,119
You said to give him
my honest opinion.
194
00:06:55,187 --> 00:06:56,687
That's what I'm doing.
195
00:06:56,688 --> 00:06:57,855
How's about this?
196
00:06:57,856 --> 00:06:59,800
Long hair, like a mermaid.
197
00:06:59,801 --> 00:07:01,263
Boom! Write it up.
198
00:07:01,792 --> 00:07:03,392
She should be exotic,
199
00:07:03,459 --> 00:07:05,427
but not too exotic.
200
00:07:05,495 --> 00:07:06,896
A Latin flavor,
201
00:07:06,963 --> 00:07:08,931
but it should be
impossible to know
202
00:07:08,999 --> 00:07:11,433
exactly where she comes from.
203
00:07:11,501 --> 00:07:12,735
Impossible!
204
00:07:12,803 --> 00:07:14,536
And we're done.
205
00:07:14,604 --> 00:07:16,739
If this is really
the type of woman you want,
206
00:07:16,807 --> 00:07:19,207
then, damn it,
I'm gonna find it.
207
00:07:20,493 --> 00:07:22,661
I really wanna meet this woman.
208
00:07:22,729 --> 00:07:23,969
(Lowered voice)
Can you imagine?
209
00:07:25,798 --> 00:07:27,366
(Shouts) Marriage is nice, too!
210
00:07:27,433 --> 00:07:29,801
For the next five days,my mom focused
211
00:07:29,869 --> 00:07:32,337
on her biggestmatchmaking challenge yet...
212
00:07:32,405 --> 00:07:34,572
Finding pops the perfect woman.
213
00:07:34,639 --> 00:07:37,074
72 years old?
Are you kidding me with this?
214
00:07:37,141 --> 00:07:38,743
(Lid clatters)
Well, I don't care
215
00:07:38,810 --> 00:07:41,278
how good her wig looks,
Ruth applebaum.
216
00:07:41,346 --> 00:07:44,715
Don't you call me back until you've got a real lead.
(Lid opens, clatters)
217
00:07:44,783 --> 00:07:46,717
Stop lurking.
218
00:07:46,785 --> 00:07:48,225
We're having frozen pizza
for dinner.
219
00:07:48,253 --> 00:07:50,453
Go pop one in the oven.
Frozen pizza?
220
00:07:50,521 --> 00:07:52,255
That's the second time
this week.
221
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:57,159
Just know, six is my limit.
222
00:07:57,227 --> 00:08:00,062
I'm not stopping till I find
my father the perfect woman.
223
00:08:00,130 --> 00:08:01,598
Bevy,
224
00:08:01,665 --> 00:08:04,701
you do realize that your dad's
just giving you busy work
225
00:08:04,769 --> 00:08:06,535
to keep you
off his back, right?
226
00:08:06,603 --> 00:08:08,937
I know that. Do you think
I'm really looking
227
00:08:09,005 --> 00:08:11,540
for a smart but dumb
Chinese acrobat?
228
00:08:11,541 --> 00:08:12,473
I hope so.
229
00:08:12,523 --> 00:08:14,023
My father has given me
the opportunity
230
00:08:14,024 --> 00:08:16,025
to find him his dream woman,
231
00:08:16,093 --> 00:08:18,861
so I'm gonna find him
my dream woman.
232
00:08:18,928 --> 00:08:20,929
Why? He's having a blast.
233
00:08:20,998 --> 00:08:22,364
Is he really happy?
234
00:08:22,431 --> 00:08:25,433
Very happy! Happiest
person I've ever seen.
235
00:08:25,501 --> 00:08:27,969
I know what's best
for my father,
236
00:08:28,037 --> 00:08:31,239
and it's more than likely one
of these 16 lovely ladies.
237
00:08:31,307 --> 00:08:35,275
Turns out, my momcast a wide net.
238
00:08:35,343 --> 00:08:37,111
(Phone dialing) How about that?
239
00:08:37,178 --> 00:08:40,314
She was studying to be
a cosmonaut.
240
00:08:40,315 --> 00:08:41,436
You don't see that every day.
241
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:42,755
Barry and I spentthe next three days
242
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:44,224
staring at the boob tube.
243
00:08:44,505 --> 00:08:46,051
And while the quality timewas nice,
244
00:08:46,214 --> 00:08:47,948
it came with a price.
245
00:08:48,104 --> 00:08:50,424
(Women giggling)I've had this migraine that won't go away.
246
00:08:50,436 --> 00:08:52,604
Seriously? Me, too.
247
00:08:52,672 --> 00:08:56,107
Maybe squinting at the TV
for hours at a time
248
00:08:56,175 --> 00:08:58,309
just isn't so good
for our brains.
249
00:08:58,377 --> 00:09:00,778
I fell down at school today.
250
00:09:00,846 --> 00:09:03,280
I had a scrambled dream
last night.
251
00:09:03,348 --> 00:09:05,082
(Giggling continues)
252
00:09:05,149 --> 00:09:06,484
Maybe we should take a break.
253
00:09:06,551 --> 00:09:08,251
Are you insane?
254
00:09:08,319 --> 00:09:10,153
We gotta take this
to the next level, bro.
255
00:09:10,221 --> 00:09:12,490
- How?
- I know this dude
256
00:09:12,557 --> 00:09:15,091
who knows this other dude
who went up to the roof
257
00:09:15,158 --> 00:09:17,159
and got every channel
by jamming a pair of tweezers
258
00:09:17,227 --> 00:09:18,595
into the antenna thingy.
259
00:09:18,662 --> 00:09:20,429
It sounds like a great idea!
260
00:09:20,498 --> 00:09:22,365
So it's settled.
Next time we're home alone,
261
00:09:22,366 --> 00:09:23,656
you'll go up to the roof,
262
00:09:23,657 --> 00:09:25,459
and I'll stay down here
and see if it works.
263
00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:27,395
- Why do I have to go?
- 'Cause you have tiny little fingers
264
00:09:27,396 --> 00:09:28,863
that make it easy
to get into places
265
00:09:28,864 --> 00:09:30,456
and poke at live
electrical wires.
266
00:09:30,558 --> 00:09:32,158
You're making
a lot of sense today.
267
00:09:32,225 --> 00:09:34,026
Listen. No matter what happens,
268
00:09:34,094 --> 00:09:35,895
we gotta keep this quiet
269
00:09:35,963 --> 00:09:37,997
- and not attract any attention.
- Agreed.
270
00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:42,101
What's happening?
What's going on here?
271
00:09:42,169 --> 00:09:43,570
What? Nothing.
272
00:09:43,637 --> 00:09:46,137
Can't two best bros
do a wolf puzzle in peace?
273
00:09:46,205 --> 00:09:48,574
You guys broke something,
you killed somebody...
274
00:09:48,641 --> 00:09:50,141
Something's going on.
275
00:09:50,209 --> 00:09:51,577
Off to our big double date.
(Chuckles)
276
00:09:51,644 --> 00:09:54,145
Burned through $100
in international phone calls,
277
00:09:54,213 --> 00:09:55,733
but I found pops
a perfect dream woman,
278
00:09:55,782 --> 00:09:57,282
so wish me luck.
279
00:09:57,350 --> 00:09:59,351
I mean, wish pops luck.
Not that he needs any luck.
280
00:09:59,352 --> 00:10:01,287
He's always getting lucky.
Not like that.
281
00:10:01,288 --> 00:10:02,407
(Giggles) I've had
some iced wine.
282
00:10:02,408 --> 00:10:04,276
I'm excited! How's my hair?
283
00:10:04,390 --> 00:10:05,791
Hey, dad.
284
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:08,193
Uh... do me a favor.
285
00:10:08,261 --> 00:10:09,661
Watch the morons tonight.
286
00:10:10,330 --> 00:10:12,698
- What do I get out of it?
- Your dad's gratitude.
287
00:10:12,765 --> 00:10:14,700
- So nothing?
- 20 bucks.
288
00:10:14,767 --> 00:10:16,034
Love you, daddy.
289
00:10:16,102 --> 00:10:18,236
- Okay.
- (Singsongy) Okay!
290
00:10:18,304 --> 00:10:20,071
Have fun, boys! (Kisses)
291
00:10:20,139 --> 00:10:21,672
(Normal voice) Be safe.
292
00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:23,674
- Oh, we will.
- Safety first.
293
00:10:23,742 --> 00:10:25,009
(Walkie-talkie blips)
294
00:10:25,077 --> 00:10:26,237
Falcon has eyes on the target.
295
00:10:26,245 --> 00:10:27,812
I repeat...
296
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:30,482
(Breathing heavily)
Falcon is closing in.
297
00:10:30,549 --> 00:10:32,416
Whoa, wait. I wanted to be falcon.
(Blips)
298
00:10:32,484 --> 00:10:33,550
Fine.
299
00:10:33,618 --> 00:10:35,486
Golden eagle is on the move.
300
00:10:35,553 --> 00:10:38,155
Oh, man, that's way better.
I'm that!
301
00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:40,124
Just pick a name!
302
00:10:40,191 --> 00:10:41,725
Fine!
303
00:10:41,803 --> 00:10:45,473
I'm golden falcon... shark.
Over.
304
00:10:45,474 --> 00:10:46,441
(Blips) 10-4.
305
00:10:46,442 --> 00:10:47,908
Whoa! (Gasps)
306
00:10:48,268 --> 00:10:49,769
I'm okay. I'm okay.
307
00:10:49,837 --> 00:10:51,117
It's kind of steep
up here. Over.
308
00:10:51,171 --> 00:10:53,406
Be careful. I love you.
309
00:10:53,474 --> 00:10:55,241
I mean... never mind. Over.
310
00:10:55,309 --> 00:10:57,477
It's okay. It's out there now.
311
00:10:57,543 --> 00:10:58,778
I love you, too.
312
00:10:58,846 --> 00:11:00,213
Whatever.
313
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:01,882
Over? (Walkie-talkie blips)
314
00:11:01,949 --> 00:11:03,249
All right.
315
00:11:03,317 --> 00:11:05,017
I-I'm tweezing
the antenna thing.
316
00:11:05,084 --> 00:11:06,184
See anything?
317
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:07,321
(Clicking)
318
00:11:07,441 --> 00:11:09,808
No. Still scrambled.
319
00:11:09,876 --> 00:11:12,712
Try jamming your tweezer
in there as hard as you can.
320
00:11:12,779 --> 00:11:14,079
Okay.
321
00:11:14,147 --> 00:11:15,314
How about now?!
322
00:11:15,382 --> 00:11:16,949
(Screams and grunts) (Thuds)
323
00:11:17,016 --> 00:11:19,151
Still getting nothing.
324
00:11:19,219 --> 00:11:20,985
(Taps TV) Tweeze harder.
325
00:11:21,053 --> 00:11:23,255
(Buttons clicking)
As our plan was going up in flames,
326
00:11:23,322 --> 00:11:25,857
pops' night was about to besmoking hot.
327
00:11:25,924 --> 00:11:27,925
My mom had searchedevery tennis club,
328
00:11:27,993 --> 00:11:30,395
country club, and book clubin the tri-state area,
329
00:11:30,463 --> 00:11:34,232
and tracked down pops'dream woman.
330
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:36,800
Sophia. Mwah! I'm so sorry.
331
00:11:36,868 --> 00:11:39,870
My dad's running late,
but this is my husband Murray.
332
00:11:39,937 --> 00:11:41,204
(Foreign accent)
It's a pleasure to meet you.
333
00:11:41,273 --> 00:11:44,408
You, too. So, uh,
are you from around here?
334
00:11:44,476 --> 00:11:45,798
No. No small talk. We'll, uh...
335
00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:48,061
We'll cover all that
when my dad gets here.
336
00:11:48,062 --> 00:11:49,263
- All right.
- Okay.
337
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:56,975
Well, I guess a little
small talk is okay.
338
00:11:57,042 --> 00:11:59,243
- Do you like sangria?
- I love it.
339
00:11:59,311 --> 00:12:00,411
- I'm gonna order some sangria.
- Okay.
340
00:12:00,479 --> 00:12:02,513
I love sangria. Oh. Okay.
341
00:12:02,581 --> 00:12:03,715
Two sangrias, please? Sure.
342
00:12:03,782 --> 00:12:05,316
I'd love a sangria. Okay.
343
00:12:05,383 --> 00:12:07,023
Three sangrias.
(Lowered voice) I'm sorry.
344
00:12:07,085 --> 00:12:08,351
- Beverly goldberg?
- Yes.
345
00:12:08,419 --> 00:12:09,920
There's a phone call for you.
346
00:12:09,988 --> 00:12:11,622
Oh. (Chuckles) Must be my dad.
347
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,490
I'll be back in a jiff.
(Giggles)
348
00:12:13,557 --> 00:12:14,758
Don't forget the sangrias.
349
00:12:14,826 --> 00:12:16,627
Thanks.
350
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:17,728
Hello?
351
00:12:17,795 --> 00:12:19,395
Hey, honey, uh,
352
00:12:19,463 --> 00:12:21,664
I'm afraid I'm not gonna be
able to make it tonight.
353
00:12:21,732 --> 00:12:23,733
I'm feeling a little
under the weather.
354
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,434
Dad, you promised.
355
00:12:25,502 --> 00:12:27,803
Down some aspirin
and get over here.
356
00:12:27,871 --> 00:12:31,306
(Forced coughing) I think it's
better I stay home tonight.
357
00:12:31,616 --> 00:12:33,201
(Jazz music playing)
What's that?
358
00:12:33,202 --> 00:12:34,330
359
00:12:34,395 --> 00:12:36,229
Oh, uh, uh, I threw on
a record.
360
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,798
You know me.
Jazz is my medicine.
361
00:12:38,865 --> 00:12:40,232
Are you at Dexter's?
362
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:42,334
No! Don't be ridiculous!
363
00:12:42,402 --> 00:12:44,336
Please give a warm
Dexter's welcome
364
00:12:44,404 --> 00:12:46,906
to the shorty flanders trio!
(Applause)
365
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:49,976
Dad, we had a deal!
Don't you dare stand me up!
366
00:12:50,043 --> 00:12:52,811
Sweetie, it's not you, it's me.
367
00:12:52,878 --> 00:12:54,879
Don't you give me
one of your lines.
368
00:12:54,947 --> 00:12:56,347
I'd better get to bed.
369
00:12:56,415 --> 00:12:58,817
I-I have an early meeting
in the morning.
370
00:12:58,884 --> 00:13:01,452
A meeting?
You're retired 20 years.
371
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,187
(Line clicks) Hello?
372
00:13:03,255 --> 00:13:04,887
Hello?
373
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:09,674
Are you single?
374
00:13:09,708 --> 00:13:11,975
I know the most handsome
attorney.
375
00:13:12,043 --> 00:13:13,877
(Erica) Are you crazy?
376
00:13:13,978 --> 00:13:15,446
Why the hell were you
on the roof?
377
00:13:15,514 --> 00:13:17,281
Roof? Who was on the roof?
378
00:13:17,349 --> 00:13:18,649
No one fell off the roof.
379
00:13:18,717 --> 00:13:20,718
I fell off nothing
onto nothing.
380
00:13:20,785 --> 00:13:23,688
Enough, okay? Someone better
start talking right now.
381
00:13:23,755 --> 00:13:26,889
Listen. I know dad is paying
you 20 bucks to watch us.
382
00:13:26,957 --> 00:13:29,317
I have something even better
to make you look the other way.
383
00:13:31,412 --> 00:13:32,980
A library card?
384
00:13:33,047 --> 00:13:34,882
Walk away.
385
00:13:34,949 --> 00:13:37,584
Okay, you two have been acting
like best friends...
386
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,552
All week,
and it's creeping me out,
387
00:13:39,620 --> 00:13:42,054
so tell me what the hell
is going on.
388
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,689
Even if we had
something to hide,
389
00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:45,324
- which we don't...
- We don't.
390
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,994
- We'd never rat each other out. Never.
- Never.
391
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:50,763
- Hyah!
- Hyah!
392
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,164
What the hell was that?
393
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:54,267
You have a coordinated
handshake now?
394
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,634
That's what brothers do.
395
00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:57,903
It's a bond
even you can't break.
396
00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:00,906
Fine. Then I'll just tell mom.
397
00:14:05,144 --> 00:14:06,878
Okay, it was Adam's idea, okay?
398
00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:08,513
He was the one who found
the naked channel
399
00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:11,249
in the first place, then he got
greedy and wanted more,
400
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,150
so he went to the roof.
It was all him!
401
00:14:13,151 --> 00:14:13,986
Are you kidding me?!
402
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,268
Don't drag me down
with you, perv!
403
00:14:16,335 --> 00:14:19,190
You got problems, man!
You got serious problems!
404
00:14:19,242 --> 00:14:22,077
Son of a... -I was furious my
brother sold me out so easily,
405
00:14:22,145 --> 00:14:25,881
and I'd let him know witha swift punch to the arm.
406
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,182
(Punch echoes)
407
00:14:27,249 --> 00:14:29,417
Or not.It was a total accident,
408
00:14:29,485 --> 00:14:31,085
but, oh, that didn't matter.
409
00:14:31,153 --> 00:14:32,953
Never once had we punched face.
410
00:14:33,021 --> 00:14:34,489
A threshold had been crossed,
411
00:14:34,557 --> 00:14:36,157
and there wasno going back now.
412
00:14:36,225 --> 00:14:37,958
You punched my face?
413
00:14:38,026 --> 00:14:40,628
It was an accident!
I was aiming for your arm.
414
00:14:40,696 --> 00:14:42,262
Come on, golden falcon shark.
415
00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:44,264
It's me. We have
the brother bond, right?
416
00:14:44,332 --> 00:14:45,799
(Pants and chuckles nervously)
417
00:14:45,866 --> 00:14:48,202
I'm gonna punch your face
so hard!
418
00:14:48,269 --> 00:14:49,703
- No, no, no, no, no, no!
- Yes, yes, yes.
419
00:14:49,770 --> 00:14:51,538
While I was on the run,
420
00:14:51,606 --> 00:14:53,440
pops was just gettingsettled for the night.
421
00:14:53,508 --> 00:14:55,008
(Clinking) (Giggling)
422
00:14:55,076 --> 00:14:56,876
Mmm.
423
00:14:56,944 --> 00:14:59,144
Ahh. Muy bueno. (Women giggle)
424
00:14:59,213 --> 00:15:02,081
Okay. Fun's over.
You have a date to keep.
425
00:15:02,148 --> 00:15:04,850
Ooh. This is
some real bad timing.
426
00:15:04,918 --> 00:15:08,421
See, I'm already on a date.
Uh, two, actually.
427
00:15:08,488 --> 00:15:10,389
Stella and Lucy.
428
00:15:10,457 --> 00:15:11,757
- Sandra.
- Lorraine.
429
00:15:11,825 --> 00:15:14,892
Well, whoever you are,
please excuse us.
430
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,429
I gotta start bringing
some nametags.
431
00:15:17,496 --> 00:15:19,497
Do you know how much
time it took me to find you
432
00:15:19,565 --> 00:15:21,233
an amazing woman for tonight?
433
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:23,602
Well, I found two so-so women
in no time.
434
00:15:23,669 --> 00:15:25,637
Stop working so hard.
435
00:15:25,638 --> 00:15:26,232
Forget it.
436
00:15:26,463 --> 00:15:28,197
If you want to waste your time
with women half your age
437
00:15:28,264 --> 00:15:31,300
in a pit that smells
like a shoe, have at it.
438
00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:33,268
Oh, don't be like that.
439
00:15:33,336 --> 00:15:35,503
It's just a date.
There'll be others.
440
00:15:35,571 --> 00:15:36,805
No, there won't be.
441
00:15:36,873 --> 00:15:39,273
Sophia was perfect,
and you blew it.
442
00:15:39,342 --> 00:15:41,209
All I wanted was
to find you someone
443
00:15:41,276 --> 00:15:43,044
who will love you
and make you happy.
444
00:15:43,111 --> 00:15:45,913
- Yeah, well, that's not what i want.
- Why not?
445
00:15:45,981 --> 00:15:48,350
Because I already had that
with your mother.
446
00:15:50,185 --> 00:15:52,854
Go home, bev, please.
447
00:15:58,404 --> 00:16:00,769
Come on, Adam!
You can't hide forever.
448
00:16:00,770 --> 00:16:02,471
Can't you please just
forget this ever happened?
449
00:16:02,539 --> 00:16:05,373
No! You've broken
the unspoken agreement.
450
00:16:05,441 --> 00:16:06,874
We do not punch face.
451
00:16:06,942 --> 00:16:08,243
You never told me that!
452
00:16:08,310 --> 00:16:09,877
It was unspoken!
453
00:16:09,945 --> 00:16:13,114
But the line has been crossed,
and there's no going back!
454
00:16:13,182 --> 00:16:16,651
Starting now, it's all
face punches, all the time!
455
00:16:16,718 --> 00:16:19,920
Adam, come out. He's not
gonna punch you in the face.
456
00:16:19,988 --> 00:16:21,508
(Lowered voice) Nice.
You lure him out,
457
00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,123
and I'll cold-cock him
in the eyeball.
458
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,992
- I heard that!
- Okay, you got me. I give up.
459
00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:27,727
(Lowered voice) You'll go
downstairs with him.
460
00:16:27,795 --> 00:16:29,763
- I'll jump out and...
- I still hear you!
461
00:16:29,830 --> 00:16:31,231
Just open the door. Trust me,
462
00:16:31,299 --> 00:16:33,600
Barry doesn't have the guts
to punch you in the eyeball.
463
00:16:33,668 --> 00:16:34,901
(Normal voice)
I do, too, have the guts.
464
00:16:34,969 --> 00:16:36,537
I'm, like, 90% gut.
465
00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:37,303
(Door opens)
466
00:16:37,542 --> 00:16:40,244
Fine. The unspoken rule
has been broken.
467
00:16:40,311 --> 00:16:41,678
(Sighs)
468
00:16:41,746 --> 00:16:43,347
Do what you have to do.
469
00:16:43,415 --> 00:16:45,015
Yes.
470
00:16:45,083 --> 00:16:48,152
Here it comes. Brace your face.
471
00:16:48,219 --> 00:16:51,422
Here comes the hammer.
472
00:16:51,489 --> 00:16:53,822
It's punch time!
473
00:16:55,526 --> 00:16:58,961
Damn it. Told you.
474
00:16:59,029 --> 00:17:01,730
(Exhales) So...
475
00:17:01,798 --> 00:17:03,999
Do you wanna watch
scrambled girls?
476
00:17:04,068 --> 00:17:05,501
Nah.
477
00:17:05,569 --> 00:17:06,936
Kinda over it.
478
00:17:07,003 --> 00:17:08,996
Yeah, me, too. (Sighs)
479
00:17:09,182 --> 00:17:11,817
For the record, it wasn't
just about the boobs for me.
480
00:17:11,885 --> 00:17:13,151
(Exhales)
481
00:17:13,179 --> 00:17:15,487
It was just cool
hanging out with you.
482
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:17,836
Had its moments.
483
00:17:18,018 --> 00:17:20,954
From that moment on, there wassomething different between us.
484
00:17:21,021 --> 00:17:23,122
I went from Barry's annoying little brother...
(Tv playing indistinctly)
485
00:17:23,189 --> 00:17:25,390
To his friend. (Both laugh)
486
00:17:25,458 --> 00:17:27,459
Then I'll see youin a few days.
487
00:17:27,526 --> 00:17:29,762
(Laughter)
488
00:17:29,829 --> 00:17:32,998
("Let my love open the door"
by Pete townshend playing)
489
00:17:33,066 --> 00:17:34,633
Hey, sweetie.
490
00:17:37,503 --> 00:17:38,870
Everyone alive?
491
00:17:38,937 --> 00:17:40,204
Yeah.
492
00:17:40,272 --> 00:17:42,173
Uh, nothing crazy to report.
493
00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:45,082
(Sighs)
494
00:17:45,227 --> 00:17:48,029
When people keep repeating
495
00:17:48,096 --> 00:17:51,198
(laughing)
that you'll never fall in love
496
00:17:51,266 --> 00:17:54,098
when everybody
keeps retreating
497
00:17:54,224 --> 00:17:56,316
but you can't seem
to get enough
498
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:57,673
Hey.
499
00:17:57,906 --> 00:17:59,406
Let my love open the door
500
00:17:59,407 --> 00:18:01,742
mind if I hang out for a bit?
501
00:18:01,876 --> 00:18:04,210
What happened to your date?
502
00:18:04,278 --> 00:18:07,180
Eh, wasn't feeling it.
503
00:18:07,248 --> 00:18:08,739
Look.
504
00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:12,817
I know you worked hard
to find someone for me,
505
00:18:12,886 --> 00:18:15,687
and I'm sorry I bailed.
506
00:18:15,755 --> 00:18:18,357
I'm sorry, too.
507
00:18:18,424 --> 00:18:20,625
You were right.
I always mix in,
508
00:18:20,693 --> 00:18:23,461
and I think I know
what's best for everyone.
509
00:18:23,529 --> 00:18:24,963
But I mean well.
510
00:18:25,031 --> 00:18:27,498
And that's the only thing
that makes it okay, honey.
511
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,033
(Chuckles)
512
00:18:29,101 --> 00:18:33,104
It makes sense now why you
never get serious with anyone.
513
00:18:33,171 --> 00:18:37,541
They're just... not mom.
514
00:18:37,609 --> 00:18:40,311
She was one of a kind.
515
00:18:40,379 --> 00:18:43,179
(Exhales) Yeah, she was.
516
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,747
To your heart
let my love open the door
517
00:18:44,815 --> 00:18:46,549
I just wanted you to have
someone you loved
518
00:18:46,617 --> 00:18:48,118
to make new memories with.
519
00:18:48,185 --> 00:18:52,155
That's what you guys are for.
520
00:18:52,223 --> 00:18:54,352
To your heart
my love open the door
521
00:18:54,409 --> 00:18:57,288
well, just promise me you won't
close yourself off forever.
522
00:18:58,445 --> 00:19:00,113
Okay.
523
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:04,117
But you promise me
no more setups.
524
00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:05,385
Deal.
525
00:19:05,452 --> 00:19:07,254
Let my love open the door...
526
00:19:07,321 --> 00:19:09,389
But when it cameto matchmaking,
527
00:19:09,456 --> 00:19:11,958
my mom couldn't help herself.
528
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:14,426
Let my love open the door...
529
00:19:14,494 --> 00:19:17,596
My God, what a coincidence.
It's Sophia. (Sighs)
530
00:19:17,663 --> 00:19:20,099
You are unbelievable.
531
00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:22,301
Although she does have
carly Simon lips.
532
00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:25,104
- Am I good, or what?
- Not bad.
533
00:19:25,171 --> 00:19:29,207
I'm probably gonna need
to cancel my morning meeting.
534
00:19:29,305 --> 00:19:32,272
Open the door
to your heart...
535
00:19:32,364 --> 00:19:34,833
While my mom found popsa new connection,
536
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,068
Barry and I went backto our old routine,
537
00:19:37,136 --> 00:19:39,604
although now there wasa little more respect.
538
00:19:39,672 --> 00:19:41,205
- Huh?
- My glasses!
539
00:19:41,273 --> 00:19:43,141
- Oh.
- Yeah.
540
00:19:43,208 --> 00:19:45,275
- Why are you hitting yourself?
- Uhh!
541
00:19:45,343 --> 00:19:47,845
- Why are you hitting yourself?
- Aah!
542
00:19:52,283 --> 00:19:54,551
(Grunting and laughter)
543
00:19:54,619 --> 00:19:55,719
Ow!
544
00:19:55,787 --> 00:19:58,355
(Grunts) (Bell dings)
545
00:19:58,422 --> 00:20:00,423
(Grunting) Ow! Aah!
546
00:20:04,647 --> 00:20:05,814
My perfect girl?
547
00:20:05,936 --> 00:20:07,916
Well, she should have
big blue eyes,
548
00:20:08,011 --> 00:20:09,384
and big blonde hair.
549
00:20:09,615 --> 00:20:10,987
Mmm, she sounds fun.
550
00:20:10,988 --> 00:20:12,692
She shouldn't be afraid
to speak her mind, you know?
551
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,980
I mean, she should have
a sensitive side,
552
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,915
but still be a hard-ass.
553
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,984
Oh! Sit up straight, honey.
554
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,153
And I want her
to take care of me.
555
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:23,921
Cook, pick up my stuff,
556
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:25,590
make me hot pockets. Mm.
557
00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:27,559
(Mouth full) By the way,
thank you for the hot pocket.
558
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:29,461
All right, and I'm on the case
559
00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:31,662
for my sweet, handsome,
delicious boy.
560
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,631
(Chuckles and kisses) Mwah!
561
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:36,067
You know
you just described mom.
562
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:39,804
(Normal voice) What?
I did n... oh, my God!
563
00:20:39,871 --> 00:20:43,140
Mom! I meant a brunette
who doesn't cook at all!
564
00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:46,543
And she's gotta be super shy
and not related to me at all!
565
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:49,313
sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com
566
00:20:49,363 --> 00:20:53,913
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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