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00:00:02,302 --> 00:00:04,936
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:23,488
NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world
3
00:00:23,556 --> 00:00:27,993
of what he believes to be reality.
4
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:32,931
But... there is,
5
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:37,468
unseen by most, an underworld.
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00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:41,106
A place that is just as real
7
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:45,243
but not as brightly lit.
8
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:48,013
A dark side.
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00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,592
MAN (indistinctly over P.A.):
Dr. Jackson...
10
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:04,929
(man humming tune)
11
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:08,533
(distant ambulance siren
wailing)
12
00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:10,268
(man coughs)
13
00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:12,771
(humming resumes)
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(indistinct P.A. announcements
continue)
15
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:22,213
(man continues humming tune)
16
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:26,051
(sniffing and coughing)
17
00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:27,752
(siren wailing in distance)
18
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:30,221
(humming continues)
19
00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:40,899
Doctor, are you awake?
20
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:43,367
So, you want me to ventilate
my feelings, huh?
21
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:47,371
Open up, expose, share.
22
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:48,873
All right, all right.
23
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I mean, I don't mean to sound
cranky, Doctor, uh...
24
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,143
What was that again?
25
00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:53,544
Velman, that's right,
Dr. Velman.
26
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:56,014
Anyway, I don't mean to sound
like an ingrate.
27
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:58,883
I mean, my padded cell is
nothing if not comfortable.
28
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,551
And I mean, I strictly love it.
29
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,721
And being fed through a straw,
what's not to love?
30
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,056
It's just if I could have
my arms free, you know?
31
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,457
I'm kind of an
excitable kind of a guy,
32
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:08,226
and, uh, every now and then,
I like to gesture,
33
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:09,394
you know what I mean?
34
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,162
So, if I could just,
what do you...? No, huh?
35
00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:12,463
Okay, well, this is good, too.
36
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:13,898
I mean, I can scratch my back
37
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,399
with both my hands
at the same time.
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00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,400
(laughs)
39
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:17,736
Anyway, where was I?
40
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,070
Wait a minute. Oh, yeah.
41
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,206
Well, we'd only been married
four days,
42
00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:24,909
and it wasn't as if we were
exactly poor as church mice.
43
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,712
I mean, we hadn't missed
any meals.
44
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:28,980
Well, we just postponed a few.
45
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,116
I mean, there was the rent
and furniture shopping.
46
00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:33,084
You see,
all we have is a waterbed
47
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,919
and some really nifty high-tech
orange crates.
48
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,756
Anyway, uh, we went shopping,
my wife and I.
49
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,891
My brand-new wife, Connie.
50
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,060
Very cute woman.
51
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:44,529
And that's when this very
peculiar thing happened, Doctor.
52
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:47,031
You see, we were in a very ratty
part of town,
53
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,767
and I said to Connie,
"Connie," I said...
54
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,334
Don't you think
we ought to go home?
55
00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:52,003
It's getting kind of late,
huh, sweetie?
56
00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:53,437
Oh, come on.
Be a good sport.
57
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:54,438
I'm being a good sport.
58
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:55,473
It's just kind
of late,
59
00:02:55,541 --> 00:02:56,707
and I'm getting
a little hungry,
60
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,243
and I still can't
believe you want
61
00:02:58,311 --> 00:02:59,811
to furnish our apartment
in early Turkish.
62
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,279
Well, it's not actually
Turkish, hon.
63
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:02,847
It's more Mesopotamian.
64
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,783
You know, teak
and silk.
65
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,350
Who ever heard
of Turkish period?
66
00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:09,053
Daniel Squires,
lower your voice.
67
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,388
Just tell me
one thing, Connie.
68
00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:12,324
Is Turkish-period something
we can afford?
69
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:13,325
Namely, free?
70
00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,292
(gong crashes)
71
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,897
Wasn't that an empty lot
a few seconds ago?
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00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,833
Empty.
Weeds, garbage.
73
00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:23,601
I suppose we've made
a visual error.
74
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:25,670
We were talking, we simply
didn't notice the tent.
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00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,538
The tent.
76
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:34,679
The word "unnatural"
comes to mind.
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00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,280
Nervously,
they approach
the tent.
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00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:39,583
Possibly not
the smartest move
we've ever made.
79
00:03:39,652 --> 00:03:42,987
Not even the second-smartest
move we've ever made.
80
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:48,726
Look at this, hmm.
81
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,362
Curious, effendi?
82
00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:54,098
There was an empty lot here
a minute ago, wasn't there?
83
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,133
I'm a merchant,
not a real estate agent.
84
00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:59,737
The world's finest
artifacts and curios
at unbelievable prices.
85
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:01,239
She's just looking.
86
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,907
(gasps)
87
00:04:02,975 --> 00:04:05,810
Oh, Danny, this is perfect.
88
00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:07,512
What do you want
with that old thing?
89
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,846
For the end table.
90
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,682
It'll clean up.
Just a little elbow grease.
91
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,251
Personally, I prefer paste
of olive oil and camel dung.
92
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,852
How much?
93
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:18,456
Oh, five drops of olive oil
to three tablespoons camel dung.
94
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:19,657
For the lamp?
95
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,292
50 drachmae.
Oh, sorry.
96
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,961
Fresh out of drachmae.
97
00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:26,731
Well, then, taking
into consideration
today's exchange rate
98
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,766
and the fall of the
Ottoman Empire...
99
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:30,268
(calculator beeping)
100
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,036
$30.
101
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,671
Then forget it.
Come on. We're history.
102
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,806
Noble sir...
103
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:40,111
you are a cunning shopper,
I can see that,
104
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,213
so I will cut
my own throat,
105
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,714
slash both my wrists,
106
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:49,487
and offer you this
magnificent antiquity
for $20.
107
00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:52,357
Jesse James at least had
a horse.
108
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:53,658
$15!
109
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,827
And may all your children need
corrective lenses
110
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,528
from too much TV.
111
00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:01,232
Five, and may a hundred thousand
gangrenous camels
112
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,100
lie down in your couscous!
Not bad.
113
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:04,936
Thanks.
Bloodsucker!
114
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,839
Heartless trafficker
in cheapness!
115
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:10,842
Graffiti on the
subway car of life.
116
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,977
$13! My last offer.
117
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:16,881
Seven, and may
a weighty object drop
from a great height,
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00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:20,217
flattening you
to the insignificant
thickness of your soul!
119
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:22,920
$11!
A pittance.
120
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,756
A veritable crime
against nature.
121
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,691
Six bucks.
122
00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:27,959
Six?
123
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:28,993
That's it.
124
00:05:29,061 --> 00:05:30,562
Give me a break.
125
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:33,497
A $20 loss I'll take.
126
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,666
Ten dollars, final.
127
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:37,902
Lets get out of here.
128
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:40,905
A steal,
blessed sire.
129
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:44,141
Would you like another
at the same price?
130
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,377
Come on.
131
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,512
You're testing my love,
are you darling?
132
00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:50,148
Squires, you were
magnificent.
133
00:05:50,216 --> 00:05:51,382
I think we got took.
134
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,550
(gong crashes)
135
00:05:58,090 --> 00:06:00,024
Don't turn around.
We'll take a little walk,
136
00:06:00,092 --> 00:06:02,360
throw the lamp in the garbage
and go home for a quiet dinner.
137
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:07,498
Sure, strange, peculiar,
we're talking odd here.
138
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,234
But it was a natural thought.
139
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,903
I mean, you would've thought it,
you would've thought it.
140
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,271
We'd have thought it.
141
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,673
Any terrifically rational
or solid person,
142
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,641
like Lawrence Welk
or Eleanor Roosevelt,
143
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:18,877
they'd have thought of it.
144
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,111
I mean, a lamp like that.
145
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,847
It was like a thing
in Aladdin's story.
146
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:26,450
Anyway, we thought it, and
Connie had this urge to rub it.
147
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:28,486
And I told her to have her head
checked for slow leaks.
148
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,255
I mean, I didn't want to rub it.
149
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,589
You know, it's like
that old story,
150
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:32,957
I don't believe in ghosts,
151
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,325
but I've been afraid of them
all my life, you know?
152
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,693
You don't know that story?
153
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:38,029
Anyway, we went to bed and
Connie left all the lights on.
154
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:40,531
Just her little bid
for attention. (chuckles)
155
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,717
Danny,
are you asleep?
156
00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:01,052
Yes.
157
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,420
Then how come
you're answering me?
158
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,688
I was raised polite.
159
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,323
Danny, we have
to talk about it.
160
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,024
Not only do we
not have to,
161
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,493
I don't want to,
ain't going to.
162
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:11,128
So, shut up, so I
can go to sleep.
163
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,797
Danny, neither one
of us can sleep.
164
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,532
Maybe there's
something to this.
165
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:15,700
We've got to discuss it.
166
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:16,734
(humming)
167
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,269
Look, you've read
all those stories.
168
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:19,870
We've seen
all those movies.
169
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,406
When you rub a lamp,
a genie appears.
170
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:23,474
Fortunately,
I cannot hear
171
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:24,809
a syllable of
this craziness.
172
00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:26,444
For God's sakes,
I was there today.
173
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,146
I saw that strange man come
and go like a big burp,
174
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,147
just like you.
175
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,850
I do not come and go
like a big burp.
176
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:34,519
Genie's grant wishes.
177
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:35,920
I could get my beach house.
178
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:37,555
You could get another
duck for your collection.
179
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,224
If I was listening
to you, I'd agree.
180
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,391
And then I would tell you
181
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,992
that with all my heart,
I love you.
182
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:44,128
And if I live to be
a thousand years old,
183
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,129
I'll never stop
loving you.
184
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,964
And then I would
tell you to buzz off
185
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,466
so I can go to sleep
186
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:50,167
so tomorrow I can
con myself into believing
187
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,470
that it never
happened the way that
I know it happened.
188
00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:53,571
(waterbed sloshes)
189
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,011
Where are you going?
190
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:02,213
If there's a chance,
I just have to.
191
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,314
We need the money.
192
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,116
All right,
all right.
193
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,550
Let me get you a towel.
194
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:17,361
Who knows, maybe
we've got ourselves
a 24-carat genie.
195
00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:21,198
DANNY: It jumped!
196
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,768
I mean, not an Olympic
record breaker,
197
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,970
but it flipped, ka-plop,
like that.
198
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:27,138
Like it had a life of its own,
199
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,540
which it did have a life,
that is.
200
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:32,943
Anyway, the next thing we hear,
this booming voice come out.
201
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,712
I mean, it was so loud,
it was as loud as...
202
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:39,350
GENIE (voice echoing):
Aha! Free at last!
Free after 10,000 years.
203
00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:42,386
Free to speak and act.
204
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,488
My will to be known.
(laughing)
205
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:45,522
What's going on?!
206
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:46,523
(wind howling)
207
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:48,659
Oh, wait! Ow!
208
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:49,760
Knock off that noise!
209
00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:51,428
Do you want us
to lose the lease?!
210
00:08:51,497 --> 00:08:54,999
GENIE:
Certainly, offspring of a worm.
(laughing)
211
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,033
Knock it off!
212
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:57,301
This whisper?
213
00:08:57,369 --> 00:09:00,371
This is silence next
to the hurricane I shall loose,
214
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,408
spawn of paramecium.
(laughing)
215
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,509
(ducks quacking)
216
00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:07,444
My collection!
My marvelous mallards!
217
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,646
It was a duck rain!
218
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,015
(genie laughing maniacally)
219
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:13,518
We're gonna get
kicked out of the
only apartment
220
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:17,021
in New York we can afford
because of a loudmouth genie!
221
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,022
Did I say genie?
222
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,357
Are you really in there?
223
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:20,925
GENIE:
Where else would I be,
foul harridan?
224
00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:22,993
Hey, you can't talk
to my wife that way.
225
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:23,994
Oh, he's a genie.
226
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,530
He can talk
any way he wants.
227
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:27,331
And your yelling
is gonna look pretty silly
228
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,700
if this guy turns out
to be half the size
of Rex Ingram.
229
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,169
Who?
230
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,171
The genie in
Thief of Baghdad,
1940 version.
231
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,405
I don't believe this!
232
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,307
We're sitting
in the rubble
of our apartment,
233
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:37,708
arguing with
a lighting fixture
234
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:39,944
and you want
to play Trivial Pursuit!
235
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:41,845
Hmph!
236
00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:44,849
Now what?
237
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,584
Oh, now you're angry.
Good, good.
238
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:47,919
Oh, that's just terrific.
239
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:50,521
A 10,000-year-old genie
comes between us.
240
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:52,090
You're gonna let
a little thing
241
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:53,457
like a genie come
between us.
242
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:56,960
(wind howling)
243
00:09:57,029 --> 00:10:00,364
(genie laughing maniacally)
244
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,468
Squires!
245
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:49,013
You know, we're gonna get thrown
right out of here.
246
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,381
I know.
247
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:53,550
DANNY (chuckles ruefully):
She knows.
248
00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:02,292
Please, genie,
will you tone it down?
249
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:07,799
GENIE:
Offspring of a million
foul odors, suffer! (laughing)
250
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:09,000
That was good, Connie.
251
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:13,870
You're no genie.
252
00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:15,506
Then what do you think he is?
253
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,408
GENIE:
I am so, charnel house harlot!
254
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:20,377
Why say you nay?
255
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:22,212
A genie has a lot of power.
256
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,314
A genie doesn't have
to shout to be heard.
257
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:27,617
Ipso facto, you're a fraud.
258
00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:29,786
Caution, trollop!
259
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,389
I'm not scared.
260
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,524
If you were as powerful
as you made out,
261
00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:36,360
you'd tone it way down.
262
00:11:36,428 --> 00:11:37,828
(softly):
Is this better?
263
00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:39,230
Are you convinced?
264
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,565
But can you keep it down?
That's the question.
265
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:44,234
Forever, if need be.
266
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,402
And uh,
267
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,939
can you grant wishes?
268
00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:49,139
Naturally.
269
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,875
Really?
270
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:54,878
But not to you,
disgusting grub of humanity.
271
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,414
(loud laughter)
272
00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:58,048
Let me be frank with you.
273
00:11:58,117 --> 00:11:59,583
I was not enjoying any of this.
274
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,285
Hey, listen,
275
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,454
nobody, but nobody
talks to me that way.
276
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,089
After all, I am your master.
277
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:07,257
Ah, correction. There are
some djinn who are mastered
278
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,494
by their owners,
but I am not one of them.
279
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,662
A likely story.
280
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,929
What's a djinn?
281
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,398
A genie.
282
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,533
Exactly.
283
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,535
As I was saying, I cannot
do your bidding,
284
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:19,804
for I am not free
to leave this prison.
285
00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:20,971
How come?
286
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,974
Alas, the sorcerer
who wedged me in here,
287
00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:26,644
knew nothing
of molecular compression.
288
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:27,878
I know what you're thinking.
289
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,680
Why didn't I get the genie
out of the lamp?
290
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,982
They don't teach
that in college.
291
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:34,151
May the sweat
of a thousand monkeys
292
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,053
pollute your wretched veins.
293
00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:38,355
All right, so it wasn't
your average situation.
294
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,590
How do you think I felt?
295
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:40,891
A guy living in a lamp...
296
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,093
Well, not exactly living.
297
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:43,528
I mean, according to him,
298
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,396
he didn't want to be there
in the first place.
299
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:46,964
It was cramped,
I don't blame him.
300
00:12:47,032 --> 00:12:48,899
I mean, how many rooms
can you cram into a lamp?
301
00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:50,301
And did he have a bathroom?
302
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,903
I mean, we're talking
a very primitive accommodation.
303
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:55,505
This guy was not in a good mood.
304
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,641
We got ourselves a lemon.
305
00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:00,143
Were I free, if I could get out,
306
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:01,345
I might do your bidding.
307
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:04,081
But as I am now...
That's it.
308
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,583
I'm tossing you
into the incinerator.
309
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:06,917
Danny, don't do it.
310
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:08,352
Once you have bought
the lamp,
311
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:11,488
you cannot lose it, destroy it,
or give it away.
312
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,423
You know, this guy's
got a lot of brass.
313
00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:15,092
I think he's lying.
314
00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:18,029
Genie, give me
a lot of money.
315
00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:19,463
That's a direct order.
316
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,700
(thunder crashing)
You're ticking him off.
317
00:13:22,768 --> 00:13:25,268
(loud, sustained,
maniacal laughter)
318
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:38,215
(laughter continues)
319
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,298
It went on for a week.
320
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:57,235
A rain of frogs,
then came spiders, worms,
321
00:13:57,303 --> 00:14:00,738
a dust storm in the clothes
closet, hailstones, lava.
322
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:03,574
Did you ever experience a
monsoon in a two-room apartment?
323
00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:05,409
Do you know what lightning
in the bedroom
324
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,278
does to TV reception?
325
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,446
And slime,
there was a lot of slime.
326
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:12,683
I mean, this genie was heavy
into slime, cracked him up.
327
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,119
(rooster crowing)
328
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,588
(slime splattering)
329
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,656
(genie snoring)
330
00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:22,293
(broom sweeping sounds)
331
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:28,866
(snoring grows louder)
332
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:33,503
Did you use this knife
to scrape fungus?
333
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,380
(spring clanking)
Ohh!
334
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:54,891
Oh, by the way, there's
snakes in the bathroom now.
335
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,593
It's no worse
than the decomposing dog.
336
00:14:56,662 --> 00:14:57,895
That's not there anymore.
337
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,864
Well, that's something.
It's under the bed.
338
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:03,033
Not all of it.
339
00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:05,736
I'm hungry.
340
00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:07,905
Well, then, you'll have
to go to the market.
341
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:11,007
Oh, no, he gets really cranky
when I try to leave.
342
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:12,209
Well, you can't expect me to go.
343
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:13,610
I've got a house
to take care of.
344
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:14,678
I'm hungry, too.
345
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:18,281
All right, all right!
346
00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:25,822
(animal roaring)
(screaming)
347
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:31,194
Tigers.
348
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:34,197
You know, I wasn't the one
who had to have the lousy lamp.
349
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,498
Okay, okay, Danny, please.
350
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:37,801
Now we can't afford to be
at each other's throats.
351
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,870
You've tried to leave
four times this week. I'll try.
352
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,605
Connie...
Fair is fair.
353
00:15:41,673 --> 00:15:42,773
(birds chirping)
354
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:44,975
We'll both go.
355
00:15:46,012 --> 00:15:47,611
(elephant trumpeting)
356
00:15:47,679 --> 00:15:49,914
How did he get elephants
on the third floor?!
357
00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:52,383
(genie laughing)
358
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:56,253
GENIE: And I'm just
getting warmed up.
359
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:57,888
I've gotta get away
from all of this.
360
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,056
You can divorce her.
361
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:02,726
As you say,
she wanted the lamp, not you.
362
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,527
I'd even let you
out of the apartment,
363
00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:05,829
then you could go free.
364
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,530
No, no, she's
the first good thing
365
00:16:07,599 --> 00:16:09,133
that ever really
happened in my life.
366
00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:10,134
Thank you, Danny.
367
00:16:10,202 --> 00:16:12,002
That helps... not much.
368
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:13,937
Uncle Luther,
how did you get in?
369
00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:15,572
CONNIE:
Danny, there's
nobody there.
370
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,708
Uncle Luther, don't
pick me up by my ears.
371
00:16:17,776 --> 00:16:19,810
Danny, look at me,
I'm the only one here.
372
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:21,612
Don't torture me
again, I hate you.
373
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:22,779
Oh, my God!
What?
374
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,348
It's my second-grade
teacher, Mrs. Watson!
375
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,117
Put the ruler down.
Don't hit me. Please!
376
00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:28,285
Danny, Danny
you can't stay here.
377
00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:30,287
You've got to go to someplace
where they can take care of you.
378
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:32,423
I'm not leaving, I love you.
Somewhere else,
somewhere peaceful.
379
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,191
Go in the bedroom
and pack, now. Please.
380
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:35,726
You won't hate me?
Of course not, I love you.
381
00:16:35,794 --> 00:16:37,361
Even if I file for divorce?
Even.
382
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,362
(laughs)
383
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:40,331
(genie laughs)
384
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:42,666
GENIE:
I knew he'd see it my way.
385
00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:45,502
(loud maniacal laughter)
386
00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,804
Molecular compression, huh?
387
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,606
We'll just see about that.
388
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,276
GENIE:
Rub away, miserable harridan.
389
00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:56,347
Better than you have tried
for 10,000 years. (laughs)
390
00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:11,495
So I ran away.
391
00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:12,963
All right, I can admit it,
Dr. Velman,
392
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,198
I left my darling new wife,
393
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:15,866
hardly with the gift wrapping
off of her--
394
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:17,334
I left her alone
in that apartment,
395
00:17:17,402 --> 00:17:19,370
with that mean, rotten genie.
396
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:20,804
This woman is a saint.
397
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,639
We're talking about a person
who can bless animals.
398
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:23,874
Brave, loving, wonderful woman.
399
00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:25,442
Mother of the children
I'll never have,
400
00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:27,144
because of that thing
in the lamp.
401
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,013
She sent me off
to save my sanity,
402
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:30,747
to save my life,
and I deserted her.
403
00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:32,916
I'm such a yuck!
404
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,386
All right, that's it.
What am I, chopped liver?
405
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,154
No. I'm the man
who loves his wife.
406
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,822
The most courageous woman
since Eleanor Roosevelt.
407
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:39,923
I know what you're thinking--
408
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:41,258
I have a thing
for Eleanor Roosevelt.
409
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:42,259
No way!
410
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:43,627
All right, Doc,
what do you think?
411
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:46,863
I can go home, huh?
It's all been a bad dream? Okay?
412
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,194
Honey.
413
00:18:18,897 --> 00:18:20,564
Honey.
414
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:24,468
Danny, you came home.
415
00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:26,503
I had to be with you.
416
00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:28,839
Where did all
this come from?
417
00:18:28,907 --> 00:18:30,941
Come on, you know.
418
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:33,777
All of it?
419
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,412
All of this, everything
came from the genie?
420
00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:36,547
Isn't it just wonderful?
421
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,515
I'm having a
little trouble with this.
422
00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:39,750
What you're
having trouble with,
423
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,619
is that the genie
gave us a hard time
424
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,453
and you crapped out.
425
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:45,089
I'm thinking
of divorce again.
426
00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:47,925
Nobody gets through
all the battles.
427
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:50,528
Well, you got through
this one, I didn't.
428
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:52,095
Yes, but darling, there's
been lots of times
429
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,730
when you made it
and I didn't.
430
00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:55,266
Ah, I'm not
thinking of divorce.
431
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:58,035
GENIE:
So, humans continue
to prattle like monkeys,
432
00:18:58,104 --> 00:19:00,570
even after 10,000 years.
433
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,105
He's at it again.
434
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,174
Listen, I gotta get back
435
00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:06,409
to the Home for the Mentally
Absent before bed check.
436
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:09,046
It's okay, Danny, relax.
437
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,249
Really?
438
00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:15,285
Hi, guys.
Everything okay?
439
00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:34,538
Forgive me, mistress.
440
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,674
My wrath was directed at
the Rodeo Drive tailors,
441
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,910
who can't keep their
buttons properly affixed.
442
00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:41,912
Well, I'll
sew it for you.
443
00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:45,849
Oh, Danny, I would
like you to meet
444
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,651
Mas'ud Jan Bin Jan,
a Mazikeen.
445
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,653
I remember the name.
446
00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:52,622
Our benefactor,
and my friend.
447
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,825
How good a friend?
448
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,460
I won't dignify that
remark with an answer.
449
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:00,664
Welcome home, sir.
450
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,499
I await your
smallest request.
451
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:04,001
I can see now why
you had a little trouble
452
00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:05,869
getting out of there.
Yes.
453
00:20:05,937 --> 00:20:09,840
I'm still
a bit stiff.
454
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,442
How about
that tea now?
455
00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:13,009
That would be fine.
456
00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:14,678
Danny?
No.
457
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:15,846
How did you get out?
458
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,849
You were stuck in there
for 10,000 years.
459
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:21,651
I'm no longer cramped over in
pain with an eternal bellyache,
460
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:23,387
thanks to the
magical workings
461
00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:25,655
of your lovely consort.
462
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,858
No more, uh, temper?
463
00:20:27,926 --> 00:20:29,726
She's my friend.
464
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:31,795
I look forward to extending
that friendship to you.
465
00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:33,063
Thank you.
466
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:40,537
I've seen much of the world
these past three days,
467
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,105
as humans judge time.
468
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,374
It's most pleasing.
469
00:20:43,442 --> 00:20:48,178
The oceans, the sunrise,
the incomparable Lena Horne.
470
00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:53,384
Do you play bridge?
471
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:55,252
Do you like
biochemistry?
472
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,788
Do you realize how close
they are to being correct
473
00:20:57,856 --> 00:21:00,023
about the jumping genes
of the DNA molecule?
474
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:01,491
No, not really.
475
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,393
How did you get him out?
476
00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:05,729
You won't believe this.
477
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:13,003
You figured it
out with this?
478
00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:14,872
Well, occasionally magic
has to bow to technology.
479
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,740
How come nobody ever
thought of it before?
480
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:17,908
JAN BIN JAN:
Simple.
481
00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:19,742
That object didn't exist
482
00:21:19,811 --> 00:21:22,312
the last time somebody had to
put up with plagues and tigers.
483
00:21:24,182 --> 00:21:28,117
DANNY:
A simple, stupid, ordinary,
everyday, run-of-the-mill,
484
00:21:28,186 --> 00:21:34,258
nickel-dime, penny ante,
unbelievable can opener!
485
00:21:34,326 --> 00:21:36,493
Baby, you're the greatest.
486
00:21:53,212 --> 00:21:57,380
NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there,
487
00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:00,183
waiting for us to enter,
488
00:22:00,252 --> 00:22:03,120
waiting to enter us.
489
00:22:03,188 --> 00:22:05,488
Until next time,
490
00:22:05,557 --> 00:22:09,426
try to enjoy the daylight.
45478
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