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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:50,408 --> 00:00:52,783 This is nothing less than 'Zeno's paradox.' 2 00:00:54,283 --> 00:00:58,867 You are Achilles and the tortoise is the orgasm. 3 00:00:59,033 --> 00:01:01,867 Oh, come on. - No, no, no. Listen. 4 00:01:02,033 --> 00:01:03,825 Achilles and the tortoise are going to race, 5 00:01:03,992 --> 00:01:06,075 and Achilles is confident, 6 00:01:06,242 --> 00:01:10,200 so he gives the tortoise a hundred meters head start. 7 00:01:10,367 --> 00:01:13,325 Now the mathematical problem is that 8 00:01:13,492 --> 00:01:15,950 before Achilles can pass the tortoise, 9 00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:17,325 he has to reach the point 10 00:01:17,492 --> 00:01:21,075 where the tortoise started after a hundred meters. 11 00:01:21,242 --> 00:01:24,492 But when Achilles gets there, the tortoise has already moved on, 12 00:01:24,658 --> 00:01:26,658 and then he has to reach the next point, 13 00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:28,283 and the tortoise has moved on again 14 00:01:28,450 --> 00:01:31,200 and so on and so on and so on. 15 00:01:31,367 --> 00:01:34,617 So Achilles can never reach the tortoise and never pass him. 16 00:01:34,783 --> 00:01:38,950 And in the same way, because you were giving chase, 17 00:01:39,117 --> 00:01:41,992 you couldn't reach satisfaction. That's the paradox. 18 00:01:42,158 --> 00:01:45,492 I'm sorry, but it seems as if you're not taking this very seriously. 19 00:01:45,658 --> 00:01:48,575 I'm telling you about the worst thing that's happened to me, 20 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:53,950 that I at that point, within seconds, lost all sexual sensation. 21 00:01:54,117 --> 00:01:56,367 My cunt simply went numb. 22 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,617 And immediately we have to hear about 23 00:01:58,783 --> 00:02:01,242 this ridiculous mathematical problem. 24 00:02:01,408 --> 00:02:05,908 In fact, I'm in doubt whether you're even listening. 25 00:02:06,075 --> 00:02:08,450 Why do you doubt that? 26 00:02:11,617 --> 00:02:14,867 This is not a story I've told in its entirety before, 27 00:02:15,033 --> 00:02:19,492 but whenever I've told other men about experiences, 28 00:02:19,658 --> 00:02:22,700 episodes in my sex life, 29 00:02:22,867 --> 00:02:25,992 it was easy to see that they became quite excited. 30 00:02:26,158 --> 00:02:28,700 I got excited. 31 00:02:28,867 --> 00:02:32,158 Yes, about the mathematical crap, not about the story. 32 00:02:40,033 --> 00:02:43,867 What kind of a person are you, actually? 33 00:02:52,283 --> 00:02:54,367 You wouldn't know. 34 00:03:00,492 --> 00:03:02,075 No, but I can guess. 35 00:03:05,742 --> 00:03:08,576 Why didn't I get that earlier? 36 00:03:08,743 --> 00:03:13,784 The fact you don't get excited over my dirty stories 37 00:03:13,951 --> 00:03:15,993 is because you can't relate to them. 38 00:03:18,409 --> 00:03:20,951 You've never been with a woman. 39 00:03:32,576 --> 00:03:36,201 That's quite accurate. 40 00:03:36,368 --> 00:03:38,701 Not with a man, either. 41 00:03:47,159 --> 00:03:49,493 Are you sorry about that? 42 00:03:54,118 --> 00:03:59,618 Well, yeah, out of curiosity... 43 00:04:00,909 --> 00:04:04,243 not out of lust, as you would think. 44 00:04:09,993 --> 00:04:14,951 I consider myself asexual. 45 00:04:15,118 --> 00:04:19,868 Of course, I experimented with masturbation when I was a teenager, 46 00:04:20,034 --> 00:04:24,284 but it didn't do much for me. 47 00:04:26,743 --> 00:04:30,451 So, there's nothing sexual about me. 48 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,868 It's not as uncommon as you would think. 49 00:04:39,034 --> 00:04:43,743 And of course, I've read a lot about sexual subjects... 50 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:49,076 'Canterbury Tales',' Decameron', 'Thousand and One Nights'. 51 00:04:49,243 --> 00:04:53,076 You name it and I've read it with great interest 52 00:04:53,243 --> 00:04:55,618 and enjoyment, 53 00:04:55,784 --> 00:04:58,493 but only literary enjoyment. 54 00:05:00,451 --> 00:05:02,909 But... but I think maybe it makes me 55 00:05:03,076 --> 00:05:05,743 a better listener to your story, and... 56 00:05:05,909 --> 00:05:12,618 I have no preconceived notions or preferences. 57 00:05:12,784 --> 00:05:16,368 I'm actually the best judge you could give your story to. 58 00:05:16,534 --> 00:05:19,576 And when it comes to deciding whether you're a bad human being or not, 59 00:05:19,743 --> 00:05:22,951 I'm... I've no problems with that. 60 00:05:23,118 --> 00:05:26,118 Because I don't look at you through the glasses 61 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:30,451 colored by sexuality or sexual experience. 62 00:05:32,576 --> 00:05:34,701 I'm a virgin. 63 00:05:36,368 --> 00:05:38,493 I'm innocent. 64 00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:01,326 She's looking at me. 65 00:06:01,493 --> 00:06:04,368 Yes. 66 00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:08,326 It's an icon. ls it Russian? 67 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,826 Yes, it's, uh... 68 00:06:09,993 --> 00:06:15,034 It's a skilled copy, maybe in the manner of Rublev. 69 00:06:20,368 --> 00:06:23,826 Icons are usually connected to the Eastern Church. 70 00:06:23,993 --> 00:06:25,201 The Eastern Church? 71 00:06:26,409 --> 00:06:28,951 I might become a bit theoretical. 72 00:06:30,493 --> 00:06:35,201 You may. I'd like you to tell me about your picture. 73 00:06:35,368 --> 00:06:40,284 Although the Christian church was split up in 1054 74 00:06:40,493 --> 00:06:41,826 because of differences in opinion 75 00:06:41,993 --> 00:06:44,743 between the Eastern Church and the Western Church, 76 00:06:44,909 --> 00:06:51,118 what we today call the Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church, 77 00:06:51,284 --> 00:06:54,909 this is a typical Eastern Church icon. 78 00:06:55,076 --> 00:06:58,076 It usually depicts the Virgin Mary 79 00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:00,243 and the infant Jesus and more rarely, 80 00:07:00,409 --> 00:07:02,201 for instance, the crucifixion, 81 00:07:02,368 --> 00:07:05,493 which in the Western Church was much more prevalent. 82 00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:09,118 If you generalize, you could say that the Western Church 83 00:07:09,284 --> 00:07:10,868 is the church of suffering, 84 00:07:11,034 --> 00:07:14,701 and the Eastern Church is the church of happiness. 85 00:07:17,368 --> 00:07:20,118 Why is she looking right at me? 86 00:07:21,701 --> 00:07:23,368 Well, she's telling a story. 87 00:07:23,534 --> 00:07:25,159 Icons were originally a kind of 88 00:07:25,326 --> 00:07:28,284 pictorial Bibles for the illiterate. 89 00:07:28,451 --> 00:07:30,493 There are some who say you... 90 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:34,201 you read an icon, even write it. 91 00:07:36,243 --> 00:07:40,952 There are different types of icons. This is a Hodegetria. 92 00:07:41,119 --> 00:07:43,452 The directions are very important. 93 00:07:43,619 --> 00:07:47,869 She's looking at you, but she's pointing at the baby Jesus. 94 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:51,035 And he's looking at you and pointing at her. 95 00:07:52,244 --> 00:07:57,369 Do you see how flat it is? There's no... no perspective. 96 00:07:59,285 --> 00:08:02,452 It's because it's an image of eternity. 97 00:08:03,535 --> 00:08:06,285 And eternity isn't in 3-D. 98 00:08:07,327 --> 00:08:11,369 But you said the Eastern Church was the church of joy? 99 00:08:12,410 --> 00:08:14,994 Yeah, the sanctities of the Eastern Church 100 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,619 were all about the joy of faith 101 00:08:17,785 --> 00:08:21,660 while the Western Church wallowed in... in suffering and death. 102 00:08:21,827 --> 00:08:26,202 If you imagine a... a mental journey from Rome eastward, 103 00:08:26,369 --> 00:08:29,994 you feel how you move away from guilt and pain 104 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:31,660 towards joy and light. 105 00:08:31,827 --> 00:08:34,494 But you say you didn't believe in God. 106 00:08:34,660 --> 00:08:39,910 No, but the concept of religion is interesting. 107 00:08:40,077 --> 00:08:43,244 Like the concept of sex. 108 00:08:43,410 --> 00:08:45,244 But you won't find me on my knees 109 00:08:45,410 --> 00:08:47,827 with regards to either. 110 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:52,035 Let's call this chapter, 111 00:08:52,202 --> 00:08:55,077 'The Eastern Church and the Western Church.' 112 00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:56,869 But it won't be... 113 00:08:57,035 --> 00:09:00,285 it won't be a story about traveling east from Rome 114 00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:03,702 towards the light, but rather the opposite. 115 00:09:03,869 --> 00:09:07,285 So, in order not to make it too sad, 116 00:09:07,452 --> 00:09:10,785 I've pepped up the name of the chapter with an extra title. 117 00:09:17,119 --> 00:09:19,077 I have to go back a bit. 118 00:09:19,244 --> 00:09:23,827 I was 12 years old and on a school trip in the hills. 119 00:12:02,910 --> 00:12:05,869 Are you making fun of me? - What do you mean? 120 00:12:06,035 --> 00:12:07,869 You have this orgasm, not only an orgasm 121 00:12:08,035 --> 00:12:11,328 but a spontaneous orgasm. - Yes, it was an orgasm, 122 00:12:11,495 --> 00:12:15,536 though the doctor described it as an epileptic seizure. 123 00:12:15,703 --> 00:12:18,995 And during that orgasm, you had this vision? 124 00:12:19,161 --> 00:12:22,953 Of these two women on each side of you. 125 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,536 The woman on my right side seemed to be dressed 126 00:12:26,703 --> 00:12:28,870 in purple and scarlet 127 00:12:29,036 --> 00:12:32,036 with a lot of gold and pearls. 128 00:12:33,078 --> 00:12:36,203 She was carrying a golden goblet in her hand. 129 00:12:36,370 --> 00:12:41,620 She was sitting on some strange animal. 130 00:12:41,786 --> 00:12:46,495 And then the other woman was dressed in Roman clothes, 131 00:12:46,661 --> 00:12:48,453 a baby on her arm 132 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:53,495 and her hair lay in tight waves beneath a veil. 133 00:12:57,078 --> 00:13:00,453 Was she holding the veil with two fingers like this? 134 00:13:01,536 --> 00:13:02,786 And the other woman, 135 00:13:02,953 --> 00:13:07,578 was she sitting on an animal with seven heads and ten horns? 136 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:12,245 The animal only had one head. It was kind of a bull. 137 00:13:16,661 --> 00:13:19,161 What's the matter? 138 00:13:20,786 --> 00:13:22,286 You're making this up. 139 00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:25,870 No, I'm not. I'm telling you about my first orgasm, 140 00:13:26,036 --> 00:13:28,495 which came upon me without the slightest touch 141 00:13:28,661 --> 00:13:32,245 in some strange ways up in the mountains. 142 00:13:32,411 --> 00:13:35,036 I never had achieved an orgasm before, 143 00:13:35,203 --> 00:13:36,286 even though I masturbated 144 00:13:36,495 --> 00:13:39,411 as if my life depended on it during that time. 145 00:13:43,703 --> 00:13:48,828 Your story is like a... blasphemous retelling 146 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:52,995 of the Transfiguration of Jesus on the Mount, 147 00:13:53,161 --> 00:13:58,120 which is one of the Eastern Church's holiest passages. 148 00:13:58,286 --> 00:14:01,745 It's when the humanity of Christ is illuminated 149 00:14:01,911 --> 00:14:04,286 by the divine light of eternity. 150 00:14:04,453 --> 00:14:08,286 Jesus, Peter and two disciples had climbed a mountain. 151 00:14:08,453 --> 00:14:10,745 And suddenly, the disciples see this light 152 00:14:10,911 --> 00:14:13,286 emanating from Jesus' head. 153 00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:16,161 And Moses and Elijah appear by his side. 154 00:14:16,328 --> 00:14:20,870 And they hear the voice of God, calling him his son. 155 00:14:21,036 --> 00:14:26,203 The relationship between... between the two women and you 156 00:14:26,370 --> 00:14:28,745 would be the same as the relation 157 00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:33,411 between Moses and Elijah and Jesus. 158 00:14:33,578 --> 00:14:36,203 And that's where it becomes blasphemous. 159 00:14:37,828 --> 00:14:39,203 I see. 160 00:14:39,370 --> 00:14:40,786 You don't even... 161 00:14:40,953 --> 00:14:43,828 you don't even know who these women were, do you? 162 00:14:46,828 --> 00:14:50,536 No, but one of them did look like the Virgin Mary, 163 00:14:50,703 --> 00:14:51,995 now that you mention it. 164 00:14:52,161 --> 00:14:54,078 Well, it wasn't the Virgin Mary, I can tell you that. 165 00:14:55,453 --> 00:14:56,703 From your description, 166 00:14:56,870 --> 00:14:59,245 it must've been Valeria Messalina, 167 00:14:59,411 --> 00:15:01,828 the wife of Emperor Claudius, 168 00:15:01,995 --> 00:15:05,620 the most notorious nymphomaniac in history. 169 00:15:08,286 --> 00:15:10,745 I thought she looked like your icon. 170 00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:14,036 We have that image from a statue in the Louvre. 171 00:15:14,203 --> 00:15:19,453 It's made like a Hodegetria, but it's not a religious person, far from it. 172 00:15:20,661 --> 00:15:24,370 And the other woman, the one astride the creature, 173 00:15:24,536 --> 00:15:27,453 that was no one else but the great Whore of Babylon, 174 00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:31,536 riding on Nimrod in the form of a bull. 175 00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:38,203 If anyone else would've told me that story, 176 00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:41,370 I would've seen it as a blasphemous joke, 177 00:15:41,536 --> 00:15:43,203 spiced up with a Biblical light 178 00:15:43,370 --> 00:15:47,828 emanating from nothing less than a spontaneous orgasm. 179 00:15:49,995 --> 00:15:51,911 Goodness gracious. 180 00:15:52,078 --> 00:15:54,786 You demand a lot of your listener. 181 00:15:55,995 --> 00:15:59,453 I promise you I'm as innocent in regards to the religious 182 00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:02,578 as you are when it comes to sex. 183 00:16:04,453 --> 00:16:07,203 The Transfiguration on the Venus Mount. 184 00:16:09,953 --> 00:16:13,995 And then later, you lost your orgasm altogether. 185 00:16:19,370 --> 00:16:21,661 Wagner.'Das Rheingold'. 186 00:16:21,828 --> 00:16:26,328 The descent into Nibelheim. Was it that bad? 187 00:16:26,495 --> 00:16:29,661 Try to imagine that in one fell swoop, 188 00:16:29,828 --> 00:16:32,036 you lost all desire to read 189 00:16:32,203 --> 00:16:35,536 and all your love and passion for books and letters. 190 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:38,578 I don't even know if I can imagine that. 191 00:17:00,871 --> 00:17:02,412 Can I help you? 192 00:18:04,371 --> 00:18:06,579 But as so often before in my life, 193 00:18:06,746 --> 00:18:11,204 a bit of hope sprang from a mystical event. 194 00:18:11,371 --> 00:18:12,537 Which was? 195 00:18:12,704 --> 00:18:17,287 Three dead leaves performing a strange ballet. 196 00:18:17,454 --> 00:18:21,537 That gave you hope? For what? 197 00:18:21,704 --> 00:18:26,079 For regaining my sexuality. - How? 198 00:18:28,537 --> 00:18:31,037 To claim it by force. 199 00:18:58,912 --> 00:19:01,537 In spite of my tireless efforts, 200 00:19:01,704 --> 00:19:04,912 my cunt totally failed to respond. 201 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,662 But the fact that the initiative had shifted 202 00:19:08,829 --> 00:19:11,746 seemed to encourage Jerome greatly. 203 00:19:11,912 --> 00:19:13,787 And I have to admit there came a time 204 00:19:13,954 --> 00:19:16,746 when we had fun together. 205 00:19:20,662 --> 00:19:22,871 I'll give you a fiver. 206 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,037 Uh-huh. 207 00:19:25,537 --> 00:19:28,162 If you can put this... 208 00:19:28,329 --> 00:19:30,662 up inside your cunt. 209 00:19:30,829 --> 00:19:34,329 A fiver? - Right. 210 00:19:47,996 --> 00:19:49,912 Shit. 211 00:20:32,537 --> 00:20:35,537 Thank you. - You're welcome. 212 00:20:38,912 --> 00:20:42,579 Didn't you get any spoons? - No, we didn't. 213 00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:41,830 So what does this tell us? 214 00:21:41,997 --> 00:21:45,080 That love and sex have nothing to do with each other, or... 215 00:21:45,247 --> 00:21:48,163 or that they decidedly work against one another? 216 00:21:48,330 --> 00:21:51,580 The most grotesque thing was that it was during that period, 217 00:21:51,705 --> 00:21:55,955 where every sexual sensation was denied me, a period, 218 00:21:56,122 --> 00:21:59,913 I must admit, of secure and restful domestic comfort. 219 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,913 We had moved in together and so on, 220 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,497 that I became pregnant, 221 00:22:04,663 --> 00:22:07,622 because I was careless about my birth control pills. 222 00:22:07,788 --> 00:22:10,788 Consciously or unconsciously, 223 00:22:10,955 --> 00:22:13,955 it was important for me to have a Caesarean. 224 00:22:14,122 --> 00:22:17,080 I mean, I was hoping that my cunt was going to fucking work again, 225 00:22:18,163 --> 00:22:20,955 and I had a feeling that a haphazard birth 226 00:22:21,122 --> 00:22:23,955 wouldn't make things better. 227 00:22:24,122 --> 00:22:26,330 I may have been imagining things, 228 00:22:26,497 --> 00:22:29,538 but as I lay there, the noise from the instruments 229 00:22:29,705 --> 00:22:33,038 rang out in a chord like the one from the Little Flock. 230 00:22:34,997 --> 00:22:38,163 Yes. And it wasn't fear. 231 00:22:38,330 --> 00:22:41,872 More like a kind of disgust. 232 00:22:55,997 --> 00:22:59,288 I could've sworn I saw him laughing. 233 00:22:59,455 --> 00:23:01,497 A laughing son. 234 00:23:01,663 --> 00:23:03,247 In 'Doctor Faustus', Thomas Mann describes 235 00:23:03,413 --> 00:23:05,913 the birth of Noah's son Ham, 236 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,872 who was laughing when he was born. 237 00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,538 Another satanic omen. 238 00:23:15,413 --> 00:23:20,288 Incidentally, the innocent child was named Marcel after Mars, 239 00:23:20,455 --> 00:23:21,830 the Roman God of War. 240 00:23:21,997 --> 00:23:24,080 And motherhood? 241 00:23:24,247 --> 00:23:28,455 I assume maternal love didn't quite live up to its expectations. 242 00:23:28,622 --> 00:23:31,330 No, I didn't have any expectations. 243 00:23:31,497 --> 00:23:34,122 And maternal love wasn't a problem. 244 00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:38,705 It was just that each time I looked into the child's eyes, 245 00:23:39,455 --> 00:23:43,955 I had this unsettling feeling of having been found out. 246 00:23:47,330 --> 00:23:50,622 It's probably a strange thing to say about a child... 247 00:23:50,788 --> 00:23:54,038 that my love wasn't being returned. 248 00:23:54,205 --> 00:23:57,122 But it was my perception. 249 00:23:59,330 --> 00:24:02,413 If Jerome had hoped for a break from what was for him 250 00:24:02,580 --> 00:24:06,372 now mostly strenuous work, he could forget about it. 251 00:24:06,538 --> 00:24:10,247 Achilles was again chasing the tortoise. 252 00:24:13,622 --> 00:24:16,788 Fill all my holes. - I can't, Joe. 253 00:24:21,497 --> 00:24:23,247 I'm sorry. 254 00:24:25,913 --> 00:24:27,788 I'm trying. 255 00:24:33,747 --> 00:24:36,747 Can we talk a bit? - Of course. 256 00:24:41,955 --> 00:24:46,747 I love you. I love your wildness and your desire. I love you, Joe. 257 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:50,788 At the moment, I don't seem to satisfy you 258 00:24:50,955 --> 00:24:53,038 in the way that I'd like to. 259 00:24:54,330 --> 00:24:55,205 Don't get upset, Joe. 260 00:24:55,372 --> 00:24:56,872 It doesn't mean we won't continue with our sex life, 261 00:24:57,038 --> 00:24:59,372 which is very important to me. 262 00:25:00,747 --> 00:25:02,872 Very important to me. 263 00:25:04,663 --> 00:25:07,872 When you buy a tiger, right, 264 00:25:08,038 --> 00:25:09,997 you also have to feed it. 265 00:25:10,163 --> 00:25:14,830 Um, satisfy it, right? 266 00:25:21,580 --> 00:25:23,830 Long story short. 267 00:25:24,455 --> 00:25:25,955 I have a tiger on my hands. 268 00:25:26,122 --> 00:25:28,663 You mean I'm too much for you. - No. 269 00:25:28,830 --> 00:25:31,288 You're just the way you should be. 270 00:25:31,455 --> 00:25:33,122 I was just thinking if you would consider 271 00:25:33,288 --> 00:25:36,330 that I get a little help with the feeding, that's all. 272 00:25:39,705 --> 00:25:43,330 You're saying I should have sex with others as well. 273 00:25:49,498 --> 00:25:53,831 That's a rather cruel way of putting it, Joe, but... 274 00:25:53,998 --> 00:25:56,373 But exact. - Exact. 275 00:26:08,373 --> 00:26:10,831 For a long time I'd been playing around with the idea 276 00:26:10,998 --> 00:26:13,331 that the concept of the fuck-me-now clothes 277 00:26:13,498 --> 00:26:14,623 could be improved. 278 00:26:15,956 --> 00:26:17,414 You look nice. 279 00:26:17,581 --> 00:26:20,706 And became the piano teacher. 280 00:26:43,414 --> 00:26:46,456 You okay? - No. 281 00:26:46,664 --> 00:26:49,498 What's the matter? - Well, I'm such an idiot with cars. 282 00:26:49,664 --> 00:26:51,748 I don't really know what to do. Do you mind helping me? 283 00:26:53,789 --> 00:26:57,456 Of course it won't work. The spark plug caps have been removed. 284 00:26:57,623 --> 00:27:01,581 Yes, I did that. Was that wrong? 285 00:27:01,748 --> 00:27:03,789 For the first time I had the pleasure 286 00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:05,831 of having an eight-cylinder car. 287 00:27:05,998 --> 00:27:07,748 The possible combinations 288 00:27:07,914 --> 00:27:10,789 of eight spark plug caps on eight spark plugs 289 00:27:10,956 --> 00:27:13,706 are 40,320, 290 00:27:13,873 --> 00:27:16,581 if I remember my math correctly. 291 00:27:16,748 --> 00:27:20,248 And only one of these will make the car run, 292 00:27:20,414 --> 00:27:22,623 which gave me all the time I needed. 293 00:27:22,789 --> 00:27:25,664 Beethoven, huh? He was certainly very good, 294 00:27:25,831 --> 00:27:27,539 but, you know, he couldn't write a fugue. 295 00:27:27,706 --> 00:27:32,498 You think so? - Well, yeah, I think so. 296 00:27:47,498 --> 00:27:50,956 It would be more precise to say that Beethoven 297 00:27:51,123 --> 00:27:53,706 renewed the fugue. 298 00:27:55,039 --> 00:27:58,414 That he was such a visionary that the old Bach purists, 299 00:27:58,581 --> 00:28:01,748 they accused him of not mastering it. 300 00:28:23,956 --> 00:28:25,956 Good day? 301 00:28:33,914 --> 00:28:36,581 Not one word was ever spoken 302 00:28:36,748 --> 00:28:40,039 between me and Jerome about my piano lessons. 303 00:28:54,248 --> 00:28:56,164 The first time the mysterious letters 304 00:28:56,331 --> 00:28:57,373 addressed to me arrived, 305 00:28:57,539 --> 00:29:00,164 I, of course, feared that they were love letters 306 00:29:00,331 --> 00:29:03,539 from someone I'd completely forgotten about and hid them, 307 00:29:03,706 --> 00:29:07,539 so as not to hurt Jerome if he should see them. 308 00:29:14,373 --> 00:29:17,748 But as Jerome was always somehow present when I would get the mail, 309 00:29:17,914 --> 00:29:21,081 and as the envelopes were always empty, 310 00:29:21,248 --> 00:29:23,289 I understood that the letters, in fact, 311 00:29:23,456 --> 00:29:27,456 were sent by Jerome himself as a way of testing me. 312 00:29:29,498 --> 00:29:31,331 My decision not to show them to him 313 00:29:31,498 --> 00:29:34,123 was exactly the reaction he had feared, 314 00:29:34,289 --> 00:29:37,123 and it reaffirmed his insane jealousy 315 00:29:37,289 --> 00:29:40,748 and his fantasies of the countless times 316 00:29:40,914 --> 00:29:44,456 I would fall in love for real while being the piano teacher. 317 00:30:13,206 --> 00:30:14,831 And now to reach the heart 318 00:30:14,956 --> 00:30:16,915 of your suffering Western Church, 319 00:30:17,082 --> 00:30:20,290 I have to jump ahead three years in the story 320 00:30:20,457 --> 00:30:23,582 and talk about my meeting with what I would call 321 00:30:23,749 --> 00:30:24,999 'The Dangerous Men.' 322 00:30:31,374 --> 00:30:34,457 I was alone with Marcel a lot during this period, 323 00:30:34,624 --> 00:30:37,499 as Jerome was traveling most of the time, 324 00:30:37,665 --> 00:30:40,415 and when he was finally home, he spent most of the time 325 00:30:40,582 --> 00:30:43,082 accusing me of neglecting Marcel, 326 00:30:43,249 --> 00:30:44,582 which, in my opinion, 327 00:30:44,749 --> 00:30:47,999 was just a cover for his anger over my lovers. 328 00:30:48,165 --> 00:30:52,582 Despite my, to put it mildly, promiscuous initiatives, 329 00:30:52,790 --> 00:30:56,249 any sexual satisfaction, let alone orgasm, 330 00:30:56,415 --> 00:30:59,707 was further away than ever before. 331 00:31:17,999 --> 00:31:20,582 I had to make a change. 332 00:31:20,749 --> 00:31:22,624 And somehow, the inspiration had been 333 00:31:22,790 --> 00:31:26,415 right there beneath my window the whole time. 334 00:31:26,582 --> 00:31:29,915 I'd planned to go where I would never before 335 00:31:30,082 --> 00:31:31,999 had dreamt of going. 336 00:31:32,165 --> 00:31:37,415 For instance, to be with a man with whom I shared no spoken language. 337 00:31:37,582 --> 00:31:40,415 I could feel that it turned me on enormously 338 00:31:40,582 --> 00:31:43,457 to imagine a sexual situation 339 00:31:43,624 --> 00:31:48,165 in which verbal communication was impossible. 340 00:31:51,415 --> 00:31:52,499 Hello. - Hello. 341 00:31:52,665 --> 00:31:54,582 I'm Tobias, the interpreter. 342 00:31:54,749 --> 00:31:57,207 Hello, I'm Joe. Come in. 343 00:31:57,374 --> 00:32:00,040 I understand that you mastered the African languages. 344 00:32:00,207 --> 00:32:02,999 I do have a basis. 345 00:32:03,165 --> 00:32:05,124 Who and what needs interpretation? 346 00:32:05,290 --> 00:32:10,499 Um, that man. The one with the green jacket. 347 00:32:10,665 --> 00:32:13,165 What language is being spoken? 348 00:32:13,332 --> 00:32:14,999 Well, God knows. I... 349 00:32:15,165 --> 00:32:18,165 All I know is that he doesn't speak English. 350 00:32:36,457 --> 00:32:39,207 It's quite difficult. 351 00:32:39,374 --> 00:32:43,457 But, uh, we did manage to find a dialect, 352 00:32:43,624 --> 00:32:45,082 of which we both had some knowledge. 353 00:32:45,249 --> 00:32:46,165 Mm-hm. 354 00:32:48,457 --> 00:32:49,582 You coming? 355 00:32:49,749 --> 00:32:52,374 No, I'll stay here, and the two of you communicate. 356 00:32:54,457 --> 00:32:57,790 You are to ask him if he wants to have sex with me. 357 00:32:57,957 --> 00:33:00,415 Sex? - Mm-hmm. 358 00:33:02,665 --> 00:33:04,874 Yeah, um... 359 00:33:28,832 --> 00:33:32,207 ls it a go? - It's hard to say. 360 00:33:33,082 --> 00:33:38,165 I've written down the time and place, but, um... 361 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,124 Honestly, I wouldn't like to take responsibility 362 00:33:41,290 --> 00:33:44,457 for the precise wording in this case, which I think, 363 00:33:44,624 --> 00:33:47,874 uh, accidentally may belong 364 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,249 to a Grey zone in my profession. 365 00:33:53,249 --> 00:33:55,665 It was the address of a cheap hotel. 366 00:34:04,249 --> 00:34:05,665 Why were there two? 367 00:34:05,832 --> 00:34:07,665 My words exactly. 368 00:34:07,832 --> 00:34:11,749 Apparently, N had brought his brother along. 369 00:36:48,166 --> 00:36:50,041 Why was he so angry? 370 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,833 Clearly, it was something personal between them, 371 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,708 but later I heard that performing a sandwich 372 00:36:55,875 --> 00:36:59,083 requires great sensitivity, since the men apparently 373 00:36:59,250 --> 00:37:01,750 can feel each other through the tissue. 374 00:37:01,916 --> 00:37:05,333 I imagine the quarrel had already started on the stairs 375 00:37:05,500 --> 00:37:08,541 and that one or the other party had laid claim 376 00:37:08,708 --> 00:37:10,708 to one or the other of my holes 377 00:37:10,833 --> 00:37:14,375 in conflict with his Negro brother's interests. 378 00:37:14,541 --> 00:37:17,208 You shouldn't use that word. 379 00:37:17,375 --> 00:37:20,208 It's not what you call politically correct. 380 00:37:20,375 --> 00:37:21,416 Negro. 381 00:37:21,583 --> 00:37:24,375 Well, excuse me, but in my circles, 382 00:37:24,541 --> 00:37:27,250 it's always been a mark of honor to call a spade a spade. 383 00:37:28,500 --> 00:37:31,375 Each time a word becomes prohibited, 384 00:37:31,541 --> 00:37:34,083 you remove a stone from the democratic foundation. 385 00:37:34,250 --> 00:37:38,958 Society demonstrates its impotence in the face of a concrete problem 386 00:37:39,125 --> 00:37:41,041 by removing words from the language. 387 00:37:41,208 --> 00:37:44,791 The book burners have nothing on modern society. 388 00:37:44,958 --> 00:37:46,041 I think society would claim 389 00:37:46,208 --> 00:37:49,875 that politically correctness is a very precise expression 390 00:37:50,041 --> 00:37:52,833 of democratic concern for minorities. 391 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:58,000 And I say that society is as cowardly as the people in it 392 00:37:58,166 --> 00:38:02,041 who, in my opinion, are also too stupid for democracy. 393 00:38:04,083 --> 00:38:07,750 I understand your point, but I totally disagree. 394 00:38:07,916 --> 00:38:09,375 I have no doubt in the human qualities. 395 00:38:10,791 --> 00:38:14,375 The human qualities can be expressed in one word: 396 00:38:14,541 --> 00:38:15,625 hypocrisy. 397 00:38:16,583 --> 00:38:20,375 We elevate those who say right but mean wrong, 398 00:38:20,541 --> 00:38:23,375 and mock those who say wrong but mean right. 399 00:38:25,333 --> 00:38:27,833 Society is based on hate. 400 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:30,333 It should be based on forgiveness. 401 00:38:31,625 --> 00:38:34,250 Hatred is rudimentary. 402 00:38:36,166 --> 00:38:39,958 One should be able to forgive one's executioner. 403 00:38:44,750 --> 00:38:46,833 By the way, I can assure you 404 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:51,208 that women who claim that Negros don't turn them on are lying. 405 00:38:51,375 --> 00:38:54,041 So, did they satisfy you? 406 00:38:54,208 --> 00:38:55,916 Those Ne... Negros. 407 00:38:57,458 --> 00:39:02,333 No, but they showed me that there was a world far from mine 408 00:39:02,500 --> 00:39:04,791 I had to explore. 409 00:39:04,958 --> 00:39:08,000 And there, or perhaps on the other side 410 00:39:08,166 --> 00:39:09,875 get my life back. 411 00:39:56,084 --> 00:39:58,376 Who are you? 412 00:40:00,459 --> 00:40:01,959 I know what you do. 413 00:40:02,876 --> 00:40:06,209 I'd like to be one of the women you see. 414 00:40:09,917 --> 00:40:12,167 That's of no interest. 415 00:40:18,042 --> 00:40:19,792 Madame. 416 00:41:12,876 --> 00:41:16,417 Princess, I specifically said five days, 417 00:41:16,542 --> 00:41:19,792 and five days haven't gone yet. 418 00:41:19,959 --> 00:41:25,834 So, you'll have to leave. Sorry. 419 00:41:35,959 --> 00:41:37,959 You still here? 420 00:41:40,126 --> 00:41:42,209 I, uh... 421 00:41:43,126 --> 00:41:45,584 I don't think this is for you. 422 00:41:48,709 --> 00:41:53,084 Shall we conduct a small test? 423 00:41:56,459 --> 00:41:58,251 Stand up. 424 00:42:06,501 --> 00:42:08,292 Sit down, please. 425 00:42:16,084 --> 00:42:22,042 I just want you to sit completely relaxed 426 00:42:22,209 --> 00:42:24,792 while I hit you in the face. 427 00:42:24,959 --> 00:42:26,667 Nothing special. 428 00:42:26,834 --> 00:42:31,167 It's just a... it's just a slap. 429 00:42:36,626 --> 00:42:38,334 You ready? 430 00:42:39,834 --> 00:42:41,792 I'm ready. 431 00:42:49,001 --> 00:42:50,792 No! 432 00:42:53,834 --> 00:42:55,376 See? 433 00:43:06,126 --> 00:43:08,834 How mysterious. 434 00:43:09,001 --> 00:43:11,876 Will you give me a reasonable explanation now, 435 00:43:12,042 --> 00:43:14,292 or shall we wait? 436 00:43:16,167 --> 00:43:17,959 I can't give you an explanation 437 00:43:18,126 --> 00:43:21,209 and certainly not a reasonable one. 438 00:43:21,376 --> 00:43:25,751 What exactly were the rumors about him? 439 00:43:25,917 --> 00:43:30,417 That he was violent. - How can that be exciting? 440 00:43:34,042 --> 00:43:36,334 I think the easiest way to understand it 441 00:43:36,501 --> 00:43:39,126 is to refer to my rebellious nature. 442 00:43:40,709 --> 00:43:45,792 This business of K's was something I was completely against. 443 00:43:45,959 --> 00:43:47,876 So, the fact that I was now contacting him 444 00:43:48,042 --> 00:43:50,835 was a last, desperate attempt 445 00:43:51,002 --> 00:43:54,085 to rehabilitate my sexuality. 446 00:43:55,043 --> 00:43:58,418 The system was the overriding factor with K. 447 00:43:59,293 --> 00:44:01,418 A system of violence? 448 00:44:02,210 --> 00:44:05,168 Well, you were the one 449 00:44:05,335 --> 00:44:09,127 who insisted on the Western Church, right? 450 00:44:09,293 --> 00:44:11,668 And I... I seem to remember 451 00:44:11,835 --> 00:44:15,960 that the systematic approach to the crucifixion 452 00:44:16,127 --> 00:44:19,710 is of a violent and not to say sadistic nature. 453 00:44:19,877 --> 00:44:23,877 Oh yes, the Passion of Christ is full of systematic violence. 454 00:44:24,043 --> 00:44:26,752 The Via Dolorosa, the Nine Stations of the Cross, 455 00:44:26,918 --> 00:44:29,585 and the 39 lashes. 456 00:44:53,710 --> 00:44:56,502 You are beginning to irritate me. 457 00:45:26,793 --> 00:45:29,210 Let me tell you the rules, then. 458 00:45:31,168 --> 00:45:33,627 The first rule is that I don't fuck you, 459 00:45:34,585 --> 00:45:37,835 and there isn't any discussions about that. 460 00:45:38,835 --> 00:45:41,085 Then, what do you get out of it? 461 00:45:41,252 --> 00:45:46,085 That's my business, and I don't mean to mention it again. 462 00:45:46,252 --> 00:45:49,918 The second rule is that we have no safe word, 463 00:45:51,085 --> 00:45:53,627 meaning that if you, uh, go inside with me, 464 00:45:53,793 --> 00:45:56,543 there is nothing that you can say 465 00:45:56,710 --> 00:46:01,752 that will make me stop any plan or procedure. 466 00:46:01,918 --> 00:46:06,918 You must bring a brown, used leather riding crop. 467 00:46:07,085 --> 00:46:12,168 And not one from a shop selling sex toys. 468 00:46:12,335 --> 00:46:13,960 It's not a masquerade. 469 00:46:16,210 --> 00:46:18,627 Third rule... 470 00:46:18,793 --> 00:46:24,710 If I choose to let you in, you have to be sitting out here. 471 00:46:24,877 --> 00:46:29,418 In other words, you... you won't know when. 472 00:46:29,585 --> 00:46:35,127 Only that it would be some time between 2:00 and 6:00 at night. 473 00:46:35,293 --> 00:46:37,210 I can't stay here that late. 474 00:46:37,377 --> 00:46:41,168 My babysitter's not reliable, and I can't leave my child. 475 00:46:43,835 --> 00:46:45,460 You don't even know my name! 476 00:46:45,627 --> 00:46:48,043 I'm not interested in your name. 477 00:46:49,502 --> 00:46:51,918 Here, your name is... 478 00:46:54,543 --> 00:46:56,335 Fido. 479 00:47:10,085 --> 00:47:11,627 Can I help you? 480 00:47:11,793 --> 00:47:14,377 I'd like to buy a riding crop. 481 00:47:14,543 --> 00:47:17,877 For what? - For my horse. 482 00:47:18,043 --> 00:47:20,460 Yes, I understand that part. What kind of horse? 483 00:47:23,002 --> 00:47:25,877 Well, it's not very big. 484 00:47:26,043 --> 00:47:28,502 No, I just meant is the whip for dressage or for jumping? 485 00:47:28,668 --> 00:47:30,585 Um... 486 00:47:30,793 --> 00:47:32,293 I don't know. 487 00:47:33,418 --> 00:47:35,960 This is a dressage whip. 488 00:47:36,127 --> 00:47:37,960 Well, it's probably for jumping, then. 489 00:47:38,127 --> 00:47:40,168 Okay. Like this? 490 00:47:44,252 --> 00:47:46,168 Is it used? - No. 491 00:47:47,127 --> 00:47:50,085 We do have used whips, but these are not that expensive. 492 00:47:51,752 --> 00:47:53,585 I prefer a used one. 493 00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:57,502 Okay. 494 00:48:04,668 --> 00:48:07,377 Marcel's awake. 495 00:48:07,543 --> 00:48:09,918 Do you want to say goodbye to your mom? 496 00:48:10,085 --> 00:48:12,460 Goodbye. 497 00:49:11,503 --> 00:49:12,961 Fido... 498 00:49:35,044 --> 00:49:37,003 I'll take your coat. 499 00:49:57,419 --> 00:49:59,836 I'd like you to have your hair up. 500 00:50:01,128 --> 00:50:03,836 You can use this. 501 00:50:04,003 --> 00:50:07,794 Just in case it becomes necessary for me to hit you in the face. 502 00:50:07,961 --> 00:50:10,461 Should I take my clothes off? 503 00:50:11,961 --> 00:50:15,253 I'll tell you what to do and when. 504 00:50:17,128 --> 00:50:18,753 You may sit down. 505 00:50:29,128 --> 00:50:30,961 Give me your hand. 506 00:50:38,336 --> 00:50:40,753 I wanna see what this knot looks like on your wrist. 507 00:50:57,586 --> 00:50:58,878 Okay. 508 00:51:05,794 --> 00:51:07,711 You may get UP- 509 00:51:15,128 --> 00:51:17,878 Now you may bend down. - How? 510 00:51:20,128 --> 00:51:22,044 Approach the chair. 511 00:51:23,753 --> 00:51:25,461 Now bend from the hips. 512 00:51:28,669 --> 00:51:31,586 Look forward. Look forward. With your head up. 513 00:51:31,753 --> 00:51:34,628 Head up. Keep looking forward. 514 00:51:41,336 --> 00:51:43,378 Keep looking forward. 515 00:51:47,919 --> 00:51:49,794 You may stand up. 516 00:51:51,378 --> 00:51:53,378 We have to use the couch. 517 00:51:55,919 --> 00:51:57,753 Come and sit. 518 00:52:00,211 --> 00:52:04,128 Take it easy. Take it easy. 519 00:52:04,294 --> 00:52:06,003 Bend over. 520 00:52:08,586 --> 00:52:10,794 Lay your arms out straight. 521 00:52:21,294 --> 00:52:23,586 Take it easy. Take it easy. 522 00:53:05,129 --> 00:53:08,045 Bring your hands out straight. 523 00:53:08,254 --> 00:53:10,462 Palms facing each other. 524 00:53:18,504 --> 00:53:20,087 Take it easy. 525 00:53:57,087 --> 00:53:59,295 Next time, don't wear knickers. 526 00:54:24,795 --> 00:54:28,004 Your ass is not high enough. 527 00:54:28,170 --> 00:54:29,337 I don't think we can do this today. 528 00:54:29,504 --> 00:54:31,129 What? 529 00:54:37,962 --> 00:54:40,045 I'd like to see you again on Thursday. 530 00:54:47,170 --> 00:54:49,504 What's wrong? 531 00:54:49,670 --> 00:54:52,337 I think we should see how it goes on Thursday. 532 00:55:05,254 --> 00:55:07,087 Hi, I can't come to the phone right now. 533 00:55:07,254 --> 00:55:09,379 Please, leave a message. 534 00:55:09,587 --> 00:55:12,420 Yes, this is Marcel's mother again. 535 00:55:12,545 --> 00:55:16,962 It's now 1:30. We had an agreement. 536 00:55:17,129 --> 00:55:21,670 I hope you get this message and come as quickly as you can. 537 00:55:23,254 --> 00:55:26,087 Ah, Marcel is sleeping. 538 00:55:26,254 --> 00:55:30,379 Uh... I have to go now. 539 00:56:26,170 --> 00:56:28,087 Raise yourself up. 540 00:56:31,004 --> 00:56:32,879 Even further. 541 00:56:36,712 --> 00:56:38,254 Better. 542 00:56:58,337 --> 00:57:02,337 Also so much better. So much better. 543 00:57:08,754 --> 00:57:11,587 I am now going to hit you 12 times, 544 00:57:11,754 --> 00:57:13,920 no matter how much you scream 545 00:57:14,087 --> 00:57:16,254 'cause no one can hear you down here. 546 00:57:23,670 --> 00:57:27,505 That's, uh, that's not how it goes. 547 00:57:29,088 --> 00:57:31,838 Most people don't scream until I hit them. 548 00:58:33,630 --> 00:58:35,255 That's it. 549 00:58:39,380 --> 00:58:43,005 Thank you. - You're very welcome. 550 00:58:54,255 --> 00:58:56,338 Hello? Are you there? 551 00:58:58,796 --> 00:59:02,255 It's just all so very strange. 552 00:59:02,421 --> 00:59:06,171 Yes. Very, very strange. 553 00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:12,171 Because I was wetter the second time. There's no doubt about it. 554 00:59:12,338 --> 00:59:15,213 I don't know where we get our sexuality from 555 00:59:15,380 --> 00:59:19,463 or where tendencies of this kind come from. 556 00:59:20,505 --> 00:59:23,588 Probably a perversion created in our childhood 557 00:59:23,755 --> 00:59:26,046 that never manifested itself before. 558 00:59:26,213 --> 00:59:30,630 Well, oddly enough, Freud says the opposite. 559 00:59:30,796 --> 00:59:34,338 He talks about the polymorphic perversion of a child, 560 00:59:34,505 --> 00:59:39,630 meaning that in a child, all kinds of perversions exist. 561 00:59:39,796 --> 00:59:42,963 And then we use the childhood to diminish 562 00:59:43,130 --> 00:59:45,713 or remove some Of them. 563 00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:49,171 Basically, a child is sexually polymorphic, 564 00:59:49,338 --> 00:59:52,963 and everything is sexuality in an infant. 565 00:59:53,130 --> 00:59:56,255 And yet it was deeply bizarre 566 00:59:56,421 --> 01:00:00,296 to lie there and especially to want to lie there. 567 01:00:04,546 --> 01:00:07,546 I felt invincible. 568 01:00:07,713 --> 01:00:10,380 But mostly, I felt like a potted plant. 569 01:00:12,005 --> 01:00:13,588 Potted plant? 570 01:00:13,755 --> 01:00:17,796 Yes, because he was constantly checking my cunt juice. 571 01:00:17,963 --> 01:00:22,921 The way old ladies check their potted plant to see if they need watering. 572 01:00:25,796 --> 01:00:29,796 It is an interesting point that you actually lubricated 573 01:00:29,963 --> 01:00:34,046 in expectation for a pain that you hadn't experienced. 574 01:00:36,005 --> 01:00:38,921 Your body prepared itself for an intercourse 575 01:00:39,088 --> 01:00:41,505 that you knew wouldn't happen. 576 01:00:43,380 --> 01:00:47,088 I can only describe the mood as sexual. 577 01:00:49,088 --> 01:00:51,630 Despite K's immature appearance, 578 01:00:51,796 --> 01:00:55,963 his methods were surprisingly refined. 579 01:00:56,130 --> 01:01:00,630 As I twisted and turned while he was whipping me, 580 01:01:00,796 --> 01:01:04,546 I could feel how clever his knots were. 581 01:01:04,713 --> 01:01:08,380 If I fought them, they would get tighter, 582 01:01:08,546 --> 01:01:12,463 and as I relaxed, it seemed they did, too. 583 01:01:12,713 --> 01:01:15,213 Hmm. 584 01:01:15,505 --> 01:01:19,130 Like a cat playing with a mouse. 585 01:01:20,588 --> 01:01:22,880 Fooling it to believe it has a chance of escape 586 01:01:23,046 --> 01:01:26,463 and then attacking it again. 587 01:01:28,505 --> 01:01:34,088 I don't know what kind of knot K used, 588 01:01:34,255 --> 01:01:39,505 but I know of a knot that tightens when force is exerted 589 01:01:39,671 --> 01:01:42,421 and vice versa. It's called a Prusik knot. 590 01:01:42,588 --> 01:01:45,463 It's after a man called Prusik. 591 01:01:45,630 --> 01:01:47,463 He was a mountain climber, 592 01:01:47,630 --> 01:01:49,296 and he and a friend were out climbing 593 01:01:49,463 --> 01:01:53,796 and they had an accident, and his friend died. 594 01:01:53,963 --> 01:01:57,214 And he ended up hanging at the end of a rope 595 01:01:57,381 --> 01:02:00,881 with no possibility of getting up. 596 01:02:01,047 --> 01:02:03,672 You know, you can't climb up a mountain climber rope. 597 01:02:03,839 --> 01:02:05,631 It's too thin. 598 01:02:05,797 --> 01:02:09,172 But he was an intelligent man, and with his back to the wall, 599 01:02:09,339 --> 01:02:11,172 he was a genius. 600 01:02:12,922 --> 01:02:16,131 And he took the shoelaces out of his boots 601 01:02:16,297 --> 01:02:20,422 and made two loops and affixed them to the rope. 602 01:02:20,589 --> 01:02:22,922 And he could move these up 603 01:02:23,089 --> 01:02:24,339 when they weren't under tension. 604 01:02:24,506 --> 01:02:26,797 And then he could step into them 605 01:02:26,964 --> 01:02:31,047 and climb the rope and save himself. 606 01:02:31,214 --> 01:02:33,339 Prusik. 607 01:02:35,964 --> 01:02:39,672 I think this was one of your weakest digressions. 608 01:02:43,672 --> 01:02:48,214 May I continue? - Be my guest. 609 01:02:52,881 --> 01:02:56,964 Tomorrow bring 15 small coins, all the same. 610 01:02:59,006 --> 01:03:00,964 No more, no less. 611 01:05:01,797 --> 01:05:05,131 I sometimes give a Christmas present. 612 01:05:05,881 --> 01:05:09,547 But uh, you have to do the work yourself. 613 01:05:09,714 --> 01:05:12,422 I'm going to show you how to do it. 614 01:05:27,339 --> 01:05:29,339 This is called a blood knot. 615 01:05:29,506 --> 01:05:33,839 You have to make nine ropes with three blood knots on each. 616 01:05:34,006 --> 01:05:35,839 Let me see you do it. 617 01:05:36,006 --> 01:05:40,714 You decide whether to make four, five, or six turns 618 01:05:40,881 --> 01:05:42,881 on the various knots. 619 01:05:54,089 --> 01:05:55,797 Let me see. 620 01:06:03,089 --> 01:06:05,214 That's fine. 621 01:06:05,381 --> 01:06:08,506 If you... if you start with one knot 622 01:06:08,672 --> 01:06:11,422 at the top of the rope, 623 01:06:11,589 --> 01:06:16,339 and then you have to put two more knots at a distance of... 624 01:06:16,506 --> 01:06:20,672 Well, between 10 and 20 centimeters to be exact, 625 01:06:20,839 --> 01:06:22,422 but the most important thing with blood knots 626 01:06:22,589 --> 01:06:25,672 on the nine ropes is that they are placed differently 627 01:06:25,839 --> 01:06:28,214 and that they are staggered. 628 01:06:34,132 --> 01:06:36,965 The cat-o-nine-tails is often called 629 01:06:37,132 --> 01:06:40,007 the 'Captain's Daughter' aboard ships. 630 01:06:43,882 --> 01:06:46,132 The blood knot is important 631 01:06:46,298 --> 01:06:49,048 because those are the ones that break the skin and not, 632 01:06:49,673 --> 01:06:55,423 as erroneously thought, the end of the rope. 633 01:06:55,590 --> 01:07:01,423 A gallows knot is also a kind of a blood knot with many turns. 634 01:07:01,590 --> 01:07:06,090 The American military standard demanded five to 15 turns, 635 01:07:06,257 --> 01:07:09,298 as it was the turns placed behind the left ear of the delinquent 636 01:07:09,465 --> 01:07:12,673 that would break the neck of the condemned as he fell. 637 01:07:16,215 --> 01:07:18,007 I'll take it from here. 638 01:10:08,548 --> 01:10:10,215 Joe? 639 01:10:12,090 --> 01:10:13,632 Love? 640 01:10:23,673 --> 01:10:25,048 Marcel? 641 01:10:28,923 --> 01:10:30,382 Marcel. 642 01:11:10,174 --> 01:11:13,216 Are you fond of me still? - Yes. 643 01:11:13,383 --> 01:11:16,341 More fond of me than the others? 644 01:11:18,299 --> 01:11:21,174 Yes'? - Yes. 645 01:11:21,341 --> 01:11:25,049 You're not thinking of leaving again tonight, are you? 646 01:11:25,216 --> 01:11:26,424 No. - No? 647 01:11:26,591 --> 01:11:29,049 No, no. Not at all. - You sure? 648 01:11:30,633 --> 01:11:31,758 Yeah. 649 01:11:31,924 --> 01:11:34,674 Are you lying to me, Joe? 650 01:11:34,841 --> 01:11:36,716 No. - Be honest. 651 01:11:36,883 --> 01:11:41,383 It's all right. Just fucking say it. 652 01:11:41,549 --> 01:11:43,883 No, I... I just want to be here. 653 01:11:44,049 --> 01:11:45,883 Why? 654 01:11:49,674 --> 01:11:51,549 I don't know. 655 01:11:57,799 --> 01:12:00,883 If you leave tonight, 656 01:12:01,049 --> 01:12:04,591 you'll never see me or Marcel ever again in your life. 657 01:12:08,258 --> 01:12:10,299 You understand? 658 01:13:26,133 --> 01:13:27,924 ls this goodbye? 659 01:13:31,174 --> 01:13:34,174 ls that what you're saying? 660 01:13:34,341 --> 01:13:35,633 Marcel, get up. 661 01:13:35,799 --> 01:13:37,924 Stop it. - ls that what you want? 662 01:13:39,466 --> 01:13:43,091 Yeah, so you could see him. Look at him, Joe. 663 01:13:48,591 --> 01:13:51,591 Let's face it, Joe, you're not a mother. 664 01:13:53,591 --> 01:13:55,174 Let's wake him up. 665 01:13:55,341 --> 01:13:59,716 Marcel, baby boy. Say bye, Mom. 666 01:14:00,883 --> 01:14:03,508 Please, put him... - ls this what you want? 667 01:14:07,299 --> 01:14:09,008 You see? 668 01:14:09,174 --> 01:14:12,216 You see, he wants you. 669 01:14:12,383 --> 01:14:14,216 Come. 670 01:14:15,174 --> 01:14:18,258 It's Christmas. It's fucking Christmas. 671 01:14:41,133 --> 01:14:42,383 What is this? 672 01:14:44,424 --> 01:14:47,674 Today it's Madame who must wait. 673 01:14:55,924 --> 01:14:57,883 Madame, I'm very sorry, 674 01:14:58,049 --> 01:15:01,008 but I have to have a few words with Fido first. 675 01:15:11,799 --> 01:15:14,424 Your behavior is really upsetting me today. 676 01:15:25,174 --> 01:15:28,008 I really ought to send you home. 677 01:15:49,925 --> 01:15:51,967 Happy Christmas, Fido. 678 01:16:54,259 --> 01:16:56,884 I want your cock. - What did you say? 679 01:16:58,384 --> 01:16:59,925 I want your cock. 680 01:17:00,092 --> 01:17:03,675 No, you don't. No, you don't. 681 01:17:07,009 --> 01:17:09,175 What's the matter with you today? 682 01:17:30,884 --> 01:17:36,425 On account of the holidays and your behavior today, 683 01:17:36,592 --> 01:17:38,884 I'm going to give you the original Roman maximum 684 01:17:39,050 --> 01:17:42,050 of 40 lashes. Are you ready, Fido? 685 01:17:44,259 --> 01:17:45,800 I'm ready. 686 01:17:51,134 --> 01:17:52,884 One. 687 01:17:55,175 --> 01:17:56,175 Two. 688 01:17:58,467 --> 01:17:59,509 Three. 689 01:18:02,009 --> 01:18:03,425 Four. 690 01:18:04,717 --> 01:18:05,925 Five. 691 01:18:08,217 --> 01:18:09,634 Six. 692 01:18:22,967 --> 01:18:25,342 I'd seen through K's knot technique, 693 01:18:25,509 --> 01:18:28,009 so I was able to loosen my position a bit 694 01:18:28,175 --> 01:18:30,842 to move my pelvis and thereby stimulate 695 01:18:31,009 --> 01:18:33,717 my clitoris against the cover of the book. 696 01:18:59,092 --> 01:19:00,550 Forty. 697 01:19:11,259 --> 01:19:16,259 And when you came home, Jerome and the child were gone? 698 01:19:23,092 --> 01:19:26,134 I haven't seen Marcel since. 699 01:19:29,675 --> 01:19:34,259 This sentimentality... I hate it. 700 01:19:37,509 --> 01:19:40,925 Why? - Because it's a lie. 701 01:19:45,217 --> 01:19:47,050 Are you sure? 702 01:19:54,050 --> 01:19:56,050 Jerome understood that he couldn't prioritize 703 01:19:56,217 --> 01:20:00,925 his life according to a child either, 704 01:20:01,092 --> 01:20:04,051 so he put him in a foster home. 705 01:20:06,968 --> 01:20:09,760 My only contact to the boy is the thousand pounds 706 01:20:09,968 --> 01:20:12,885 I put in his account every month. 707 01:20:13,051 --> 01:20:14,510 Anonymously. 708 01:20:17,676 --> 01:20:19,885 As a penance. 709 01:20:29,801 --> 01:20:31,010 Every time I leave, 710 01:20:31,176 --> 01:20:35,135 I have this feeling that when I return, you'll be gone. 711 01:20:39,051 --> 01:20:40,926 And all I can hear is the cat flap, 712 01:20:41,093 --> 01:20:44,551 swinging back and forth. 713 01:20:47,301 --> 01:20:50,718 Thank you. I didn't know you had a cat flap. 714 01:20:51,551 --> 01:20:52,760 I used to have a cat, 715 01:20:52,926 --> 01:20:56,260 so I have a cat flap in the door to the stairwell. 716 01:20:56,426 --> 01:20:58,218 But how did it get outside? 717 01:21:01,260 --> 01:21:05,551 I never thought of that. I suppose through the basement. 718 01:21:05,718 --> 01:21:07,426 The thing is... 719 01:21:07,593 --> 01:21:10,426 Every time someone opens the door to the street, 720 01:21:10,593 --> 01:21:13,676 the cat flap squeaks. 721 01:21:13,843 --> 01:21:15,676 There's a lot of drafts in the house. 722 01:21:17,218 --> 01:21:19,968 It hasn't squeaked yet. 723 01:21:20,968 --> 01:21:24,301 No, there's not many people coming and going. 724 01:21:24,468 --> 01:21:26,426 That's a bit creepy. 725 01:21:26,593 --> 01:21:29,801 No, I like it. 726 01:21:29,968 --> 01:21:33,843 It's... it's peaceful. 727 01:21:38,510 --> 01:21:43,843 After all this sadness, may I ask what happened to the silent duck? 728 01:21:44,885 --> 01:21:48,801 Oh, shit. The silent duck. 729 01:21:48,968 --> 01:21:51,718 I'd forgotten all about it. 730 01:21:52,676 --> 01:21:55,426 One night K had been in what was for him 731 01:21:55,593 --> 01:21:57,510 an unusually good mood. 732 01:21:57,676 --> 01:22:00,176 I don't know what caused it, but he didn't hit hard, 733 01:22:00,343 --> 01:22:02,468 and he joked that he would introduce me 734 01:22:02,635 --> 01:22:05,468 to the concept of the silent duck. 735 01:22:30,718 --> 01:22:34,676 One hardly dare imagine the quacking duck. 736 01:22:47,968 --> 01:22:50,885 Well, deep down, 737 01:22:51,051 --> 01:22:54,176 little K seems to have been a jolly man 738 01:22:54,385 --> 01:22:55,551 with versatile talents. 739 01:22:55,718 --> 01:22:59,510 But he got that bit about Roman punishment 740 01:22:59,676 --> 01:23:02,093 and the 40 lashes wrong. 741 01:23:02,260 --> 01:23:03,885 Because it's true that the highest punishment 742 01:23:04,051 --> 01:23:09,051 was 40 lashes, but it had to be delivered in series of three. 743 01:23:09,218 --> 01:23:11,093 That's why Jesus only got 39 lashes 744 01:23:11,260 --> 01:23:16,885 because three goes into 39 but not into 40. 745 01:23:19,760 --> 01:23:22,968 Well, I don't know about K being jolly. 746 01:23:23,135 --> 01:23:25,593 His position as a sadist 747 01:23:25,760 --> 01:23:28,885 wasn't perhaps as enviable as it might first appear. 748 01:23:29,051 --> 01:23:34,093 Superficially, the sadist acts as the decider. 749 01:23:34,926 --> 01:23:37,843 But I once had a conversation with a prostitute, 750 01:23:37,968 --> 01:23:40,468 who had tried all the variations in her field. 751 01:23:40,635 --> 01:23:42,260 She wasn't surprised by anything. 752 01:23:42,426 --> 01:23:47,301 And she admitted to have only masochists. 753 01:23:48,218 --> 01:23:49,343 Masochists, for her, 754 01:23:49,510 --> 01:23:52,468 were the most demanding and the most ungrateful. 755 01:23:53,426 --> 01:23:55,843 First, she were to deduce their desire 756 01:23:56,010 --> 01:23:57,718 by reading their thoughts, 757 01:23:57,885 --> 01:24:01,843 then perform without any alteration from the norm, 758 01:24:02,010 --> 01:24:05,176 and after which, unlike other clients 759 01:24:05,343 --> 01:24:08,676 and the most honorable sadists, for example, 760 01:24:08,843 --> 01:24:10,760 you never received any thanks, 761 01:24:11,676 --> 01:24:14,468 let alone gifts or flowers. 762 01:24:19,051 --> 01:24:21,885 I never went in that direction again, 763 01:24:22,051 --> 01:24:24,510 neither back to K or masochism. 764 01:24:34,801 --> 01:24:37,511 But I took the orgasm with me. 765 01:24:38,927 --> 01:24:43,469 You yet have to show me one single example of maliciousness. 766 01:24:44,261 --> 01:24:46,677 But that's all I'm doing! 767 01:24:46,844 --> 01:24:49,636 It's as if you want to misunderstand me. 768 01:24:49,802 --> 01:24:53,427 You keep inventing complicated and false excuses 769 01:24:53,594 --> 01:24:56,052 for my despicable and selfish actions. 770 01:24:58,302 --> 01:25:00,052 During the time when our relationship 771 01:25:00,219 --> 01:25:03,052 was going downhill, Jerome really tried his best. 772 01:25:06,261 --> 01:25:07,844 I bought you something. 773 01:25:08,011 --> 01:25:09,761 You bought me something? - I'm sure you'll love it. 774 01:25:11,386 --> 01:25:14,219 Wow, it's a ring. - Yeah. 775 01:25:15,261 --> 01:25:16,302 It's beautiful. 776 01:25:16,469 --> 01:25:19,594 It was impossible for me to work out Jerome's income. 777 01:25:19,761 --> 01:25:23,636 Sometimes he had lots of money and other times none, 778 01:25:23,802 --> 01:25:25,052 which I later thought perhaps 779 01:25:25,219 --> 01:25:28,511 meant that his work was not entirely above board. 780 01:25:28,677 --> 01:25:31,761 But this time he'd really gone all out. 781 01:25:31,927 --> 01:25:36,469 That must've been so expensive. - Well, it wasn't cheap. 782 01:25:36,636 --> 01:25:38,719 Best craftsmanship. - Hmm. 783 01:25:38,886 --> 01:25:41,052 I'll guarantee you that. 784 01:25:41,219 --> 01:25:43,677 Let's play a game, then. 785 01:25:43,844 --> 01:25:46,094 A game? - Mm-hmm. Get up. 786 01:25:46,261 --> 01:25:47,344 Okay. 787 01:25:47,511 --> 01:25:49,719 It's called 'Cinderella'. - I don't know it. 788 01:25:49,886 --> 01:25:51,761 You will. - Okay. 789 01:25:51,927 --> 01:25:53,802 Right. - No, you don't touch it. 790 01:25:53,969 --> 01:25:55,511 Okay. - You just look at it. 791 01:25:57,969 --> 01:25:59,761 Okay? Are you ready? 792 01:26:01,302 --> 01:26:02,927 Yes. - Steady. 793 01:26:03,094 --> 01:26:05,386 Steady. 794 01:26:05,552 --> 01:26:07,302 Go. - Fuck! Joe! 795 01:26:07,469 --> 01:26:08,677 Come on, Cinderella. 796 01:26:08,844 --> 01:26:11,302 Oh, fuck. - Come on, come on. 797 01:26:11,469 --> 01:26:14,761 Joe! For fuck's sake. 798 01:26:14,927 --> 01:26:17,094 Move! - Cinderella, Cinderella! 799 01:26:17,261 --> 01:26:20,344 Fuck! Are you mad, Joe? 800 01:26:21,219 --> 01:26:24,011 Are you fucking mad? Fuck!Fuck. 801 01:26:24,177 --> 01:26:27,136 £7,000, Joe! 802 01:26:28,886 --> 01:26:30,302 Did he find it? 803 01:26:30,469 --> 01:26:35,344 Oh yes, and returned it and got all his money back. 804 01:26:35,511 --> 01:26:40,094 So can you call this game anything other than malicious? 805 01:26:44,969 --> 01:26:47,636 Let me chew on that for a while. 806 01:26:51,594 --> 01:26:54,677 So it wasn't the diamond that you're wearing around your neck? 807 01:26:54,844 --> 01:26:58,136 No. But that was a gift, too. 808 01:26:58,302 --> 01:27:00,219 But I have to be honest and say 809 01:27:00,386 --> 01:27:03,177 I can't remember the person who gave it to me. 810 01:27:04,136 --> 01:27:07,094 I've always been in... in the theoretical way, of course, 811 01:27:07,261 --> 01:27:09,261 interested in diamonds and their cuts. 812 01:27:09,427 --> 01:27:12,302 The word 'brilliant' refers to the cut. 813 01:27:12,469 --> 01:27:15,219 Diamond is the stone. 814 01:27:17,094 --> 01:27:19,177 If we use the word 'divine' in connection 815 01:27:19,344 --> 01:27:21,427 with the Golden Section and Fibonacci, 816 01:27:21,594 --> 01:27:23,719 the brilliant cut is nothing less. 817 01:27:24,469 --> 01:27:27,636 It's a frighteningly refined cut. 818 01:27:27,802 --> 01:27:30,386 Fifty-seven facets. 819 01:27:30,552 --> 01:27:33,719 The theory is that the light enters through the top plane, 820 01:27:33,886 --> 01:27:38,136 which is called the table or in some languages the mirror, 821 01:27:38,302 --> 01:27:42,427 and then inside the diamond is refracted in all the facets 822 01:27:42,594 --> 01:27:44,427 and thrown out the same way, 823 01:27:44,594 --> 01:27:49,594 creating a absolutely unique light effect. 824 01:27:51,636 --> 01:27:55,427 So, it's called a mirror. I didn't know that. 825 01:27:56,636 --> 01:27:58,427 You have a mirror, too. 826 01:28:00,886 --> 01:28:02,594 Yeah. 827 01:28:02,761 --> 01:28:05,177 It's like a thought, isn't it? 828 01:28:34,802 --> 01:28:36,052 Some years later, 829 01:28:36,219 --> 01:28:39,427 the bodily abuse began to have an effect. 830 01:28:39,677 --> 01:28:42,927 First, rare bleedings from my clitoris, 831 01:28:43,094 --> 01:28:46,469 but then they became more and more frequent. 832 01:28:56,177 --> 01:28:57,761 Come in. 833 01:29:01,386 --> 01:29:05,094 But I really need my salary. 834 01:29:05,261 --> 01:29:06,845 I know. 835 01:29:08,220 --> 01:29:10,720 And I'd like to help you. 836 01:29:11,595 --> 01:29:14,845 Have you heard any of the rumors about yourself? 837 01:29:18,428 --> 01:29:21,095 They say you see men every evening 838 01:29:24,220 --> 01:29:26,970 and spend all night with them. 839 01:29:27,137 --> 01:29:30,387 They say you can't be trusted, all of them. 840 01:29:32,803 --> 01:29:35,012 Why do they say that? 841 01:29:36,928 --> 01:29:39,553 I suppose they're afraid that I... 842 01:29:39,720 --> 01:29:43,220 I can't keep away from their men. 843 01:29:45,345 --> 01:29:48,220 Right. And can you? 844 01:29:49,428 --> 01:29:50,803 No. 845 01:29:53,928 --> 01:29:56,428 I've spoken with a psychologist. 846 01:29:57,762 --> 01:29:59,637 He says you're addicted, 847 01:29:59,803 --> 01:30:02,387 but that it's not the kind of addiction that can't be treated. 848 01:30:03,095 --> 01:30:06,095 They have some groups. 849 01:30:06,262 --> 01:30:08,762 I know about these kinds of groups. 850 01:30:08,928 --> 01:30:11,970 I don't have anything to say to a psychologist. 851 01:30:12,137 --> 01:30:15,137 I'm not suggesting therapy. I'm demanding it. 852 01:30:16,595 --> 01:30:18,720 Even if you leave us, it'll be the same at your next job 853 01:30:18,887 --> 01:30:21,345 and the one after that. 854 01:30:26,303 --> 01:30:28,762 Why didn't you want to speak with a psychologist? 855 01:30:30,303 --> 01:30:33,553 It's an old story. I just don't like them. 856 01:30:36,887 --> 01:30:38,762 Well, if you insist that I try to understand, 857 01:30:38,928 --> 01:30:41,053 then you have to tell me that story as well. 858 01:30:41,220 --> 01:30:43,512 The old story. 859 01:30:44,678 --> 01:30:47,595 Okay. Okay. 860 01:30:47,762 --> 01:30:50,178 It's not that old after all. 861 01:30:50,928 --> 01:30:55,428 It was about a year after I'd lost Marcel and Jerome. 862 01:31:02,553 --> 01:31:03,928 Okay. 863 01:31:05,262 --> 01:31:08,012 I'd been careless with my birth control pills before, 864 01:31:08,178 --> 01:31:10,720 and now I just didn't use them. 865 01:31:10,928 --> 01:31:12,887 Didn't the whole experience with Marcel 866 01:31:13,053 --> 01:31:15,970 convince you that there was no room for children in your life? 867 01:31:16,178 --> 01:31:17,803 That's right. 868 01:31:22,553 --> 01:31:24,762 I know it sounds incomprehensible, 869 01:31:24,928 --> 01:31:27,428 but actually, it was because of my crippling fear 870 01:31:27,595 --> 01:31:30,720 of becoming pregnant that I didn't take the pills. 871 01:31:30,887 --> 01:31:32,928 It's probably impossible to understand. 872 01:31:33,095 --> 01:31:36,678 No, it makes sense to me. 873 01:31:36,845 --> 01:31:38,970 You were so afraid of getting pregnant 874 01:31:39,137 --> 01:31:42,553 that you repressed the possibility of it. 875 01:31:42,720 --> 01:31:45,970 You couldn't even handle seeing the box of pills. 876 01:31:51,553 --> 01:31:53,012 Okay. 877 01:31:58,428 --> 01:32:00,303 Would you turn it down? 878 01:32:02,970 --> 01:32:05,595 If you look at the screen you can see your child, 879 01:32:05,762 --> 01:32:07,512 but I can't tell you the gender yet. 880 01:32:07,678 --> 01:32:10,262 I don't give a shit about the gender. 881 01:32:10,428 --> 01:32:11,845 I want it removed. 882 01:32:14,887 --> 01:32:18,303 Okay. Uh, you're in week eleven. 883 01:32:18,470 --> 01:32:23,012 So legally, there are no barriers for an abortion. 884 01:32:23,178 --> 01:32:26,053 Yes, I know that. Just remove it. 885 01:32:26,220 --> 01:32:30,553 Well, we have some procedures to follow. 886 01:32:30,720 --> 01:32:32,345 There's nothing more to talk about. 887 01:32:32,512 --> 01:32:34,553 I can have it removed. I want it removed. 888 01:32:34,720 --> 01:32:37,720 It is a very big decision, best not made in haste. 889 01:32:37,887 --> 01:32:40,637 Didn't you understand what I just said? 890 01:32:40,803 --> 01:32:43,178 Okay, there's an informative consultation 891 01:32:43,345 --> 01:32:46,720 with our psychologist before you can have the procedure. 892 01:32:55,678 --> 01:32:58,095 You didn't really fill out the form. 893 01:32:58,262 --> 01:33:00,178 Maybe you didn't have time, 894 01:33:00,345 --> 01:33:05,387 uh, so I will need to ask a few more questions. 895 01:33:05,553 --> 01:33:09,095 What's the most important thing in your life right now? 896 01:33:09,262 --> 01:33:13,345 It could be many things, your family, your friends, your... 897 01:33:13,512 --> 01:33:15,637 The most important thing for me right now 898 01:33:15,803 --> 01:33:17,928 is to get an abortion. 899 01:33:19,678 --> 01:33:22,762 Yes. Well, that's what we're going to resolve together. 900 01:33:25,137 --> 01:33:27,595 I need some information. 901 01:33:30,220 --> 01:33:32,053 Do you love the father? 902 01:33:32,220 --> 01:33:35,512 That's none of your business. 903 01:33:35,678 --> 01:33:40,929 Well, it is my business because I'm here to form 904 01:33:41,096 --> 01:33:43,846 an impression of your circumstances. 905 01:33:44,013 --> 01:33:45,804 That's my job. 906 01:33:45,971 --> 01:33:47,763 Okay, so what would you most like me 907 01:33:47,929 --> 01:33:51,429 to answer about the father in order to get the fucking abortion? 908 01:33:51,596 --> 01:33:54,346 That I love him, or that I don't love him? 909 01:33:54,513 --> 01:33:59,054 Or that I... I don't know him because I fuck tons of men? 910 01:34:04,346 --> 01:34:07,304 I, uh, see that you were emotional 911 01:34:07,471 --> 01:34:09,679 during the doctor's examination. 912 01:34:09,846 --> 01:34:11,971 I think you're emotional. 913 01:34:12,138 --> 01:34:16,179 Please, listen. This is what we call an informative consultation. 914 01:34:16,346 --> 01:34:18,388 What is it I need to be informed of? 915 01:34:18,554 --> 01:34:20,596 That you can't stuff the kid back inside? 916 01:34:20,763 --> 01:34:23,263 I already know that. 917 01:34:24,513 --> 01:34:26,638 I just need to be certain 918 01:34:26,804 --> 01:34:29,013 that you're completely sure about your choice, 919 01:34:29,179 --> 01:34:32,346 and my professional opinion based on your behavior 920 01:34:32,513 --> 01:34:33,763 is that clearly you're not. 921 01:34:33,929 --> 01:34:36,096 I've never been more sure in my life. 922 01:34:36,263 --> 01:34:38,846 I want that fetus out right now. 923 01:34:39,013 --> 01:34:42,221 And as a professional, I cannot defend recommending an abortion 924 01:34:42,388 --> 01:34:43,471 based on this conversation. 925 01:34:43,679 --> 01:34:47,679 I've already had a kid! I know what I want! 926 01:34:47,846 --> 01:34:49,221 Fuck you. 927 01:34:55,929 --> 01:34:58,804 There were, of course, many ways to do it. 928 01:34:58,971 --> 01:35:01,596 But I had chosen to follow the common medical procedure 929 01:35:01,763 --> 01:35:04,554 I had learnt while studying medicine, 930 01:35:04,721 --> 01:35:06,846 as it was of great importance for me 931 01:35:07,013 --> 01:35:10,346 to get the fetus out straight away rather than wait for it 932 01:35:10,513 --> 01:35:13,429 to be expelled a couple of days later. 933 01:36:36,554 --> 01:36:39,429 Clearly, the most painful part 934 01:36:39,596 --> 01:36:42,471 would be the gradual opening of the cervix, 935 01:36:42,638 --> 01:36:46,888 which otherwise was always done under anesthesia. 936 01:38:50,972 --> 01:38:53,430 wasps, sobs) 937 01:39:12,180 --> 01:39:14,347 Say something, Pierrot. 938 01:39:16,305 --> 01:39:17,389 What do you mean? 939 01:39:17,555 --> 01:39:20,347 Well, you always have so many clever things to say. 940 01:39:26,180 --> 01:39:29,597 Well, I... I feel bad for you 941 01:39:29,764 --> 01:39:31,639 that you had to cause yourself so much pain. 942 01:39:38,055 --> 01:39:42,472 But the... the abortion is completely understandable. 943 01:39:42,639 --> 01:39:43,764 You simply thought the child 944 01:39:43,930 --> 01:39:46,389 wouldn't have a life worth living, so... 945 01:39:47,014 --> 01:39:49,014 Yeah, but the abortion in itself. 946 01:39:49,180 --> 01:39:51,972 Abortion is not murder. - Oh, come on. 947 01:39:52,139 --> 01:39:56,055 Don't fall back on false clichés just for my sake. 948 01:39:56,222 --> 01:39:58,930 I ask again, what about the abortion? 949 01:39:59,097 --> 01:40:00,222 I have no comment. 950 01:40:00,389 --> 01:40:03,389 I'm a big proponent for abortion rights, 951 01:40:03,555 --> 01:40:06,139 but this is 100% female territory. 952 01:40:06,305 --> 01:40:08,555 I don't believe a man can ever comprehend 953 01:40:08,722 --> 01:40:11,305 the situation or the pain. 954 01:40:11,472 --> 01:40:15,389 And when it comes to the method, I think the less said, the better. 955 01:40:15,555 --> 01:40:18,555 Those are two very interesting points of view. 956 01:40:18,722 --> 01:40:21,555 First, you say that as a man, 957 01:40:21,722 --> 01:40:23,847 you can't understand a woman's feelings 958 01:40:24,014 --> 01:40:26,514 with regard to abortion. 959 01:40:26,680 --> 01:40:29,597 Well, that's a bit like saying that I couldn't understand 960 01:40:29,764 --> 01:40:32,514 the victims of earthquakes because they were Chinese. 961 01:40:34,055 --> 01:40:36,847 I thought we agreed that empathy 962 01:40:37,014 --> 01:40:39,764 was the foundation of all humanism. 963 01:40:39,930 --> 01:40:42,847 But I can see that it's very convenient for men 964 01:40:43,014 --> 01:40:46,097 to leave all that abortion stuff to women. 965 01:40:46,264 --> 01:40:47,889 That way they don't have to deal with the guilt 966 01:40:48,055 --> 01:40:51,014 and all of the small stuff. 967 01:40:51,180 --> 01:40:53,764 But your other remark provokes me even more. 968 01:40:53,930 --> 01:40:57,222 You think my method is not worth discussing? 969 01:40:59,347 --> 01:41:02,930 What enjoyment would I, or let alone a young pregnant girl, 970 01:41:03,097 --> 01:41:04,889 have from hearing all the lurid details 971 01:41:05,055 --> 01:41:09,139 about how a fetus is removed in a clinic or any other way? 972 01:41:11,180 --> 01:41:12,972 Well, then, we're back at the discussion 973 01:41:13,139 --> 01:41:15,680 about eating something that was once alive. 974 01:41:15,847 --> 01:41:19,722 Do you really think abortion is so repugnant 975 01:41:19,889 --> 01:41:21,472 if you believe that we should know 976 01:41:21,639 --> 01:41:25,139 how animals are slaughtered in order to eat them? 977 01:41:25,305 --> 01:41:27,305 Well, that's a fact we have to live with, 978 01:41:27,472 --> 01:41:29,597 even if we try to repress it. 979 01:41:29,764 --> 01:41:31,180 Just as we do with abortion. 980 01:41:31,347 --> 01:41:34,180 Well, you sound like a pro-lifer from Texas. 981 01:41:35,889 --> 01:41:37,514 I don't think so. 982 01:41:38,305 --> 01:41:41,055 First of all, I'm just as much a pro-choice as you are. 983 01:41:41,222 --> 01:41:42,597 But on principle, 984 01:41:42,764 --> 01:41:46,680 I believe that taboos are damaging for human beings. 985 01:41:47,722 --> 01:41:50,514 That's a relatively easy stance for you to take. 986 01:41:53,472 --> 01:41:56,555 One that can be misconstrued as a... 987 01:41:56,722 --> 01:41:59,555 as an argument against pregnancy termination. 988 01:42:01,847 --> 01:42:03,389 I don't want to belittle anything, 989 01:42:03,555 --> 01:42:06,972 but I can't see your abortion as anything but a... 990 01:42:08,222 --> 01:42:09,847 luxury problem. 991 01:42:13,264 --> 01:42:15,430 A luxury problem? 992 01:42:15,597 --> 01:42:18,805 The really serious, serious abortions, 993 01:42:18,972 --> 01:42:24,055 the ones that save lives, far from our social spheres, 994 01:42:24,222 --> 01:42:25,889 you can't endanger them just because you 995 01:42:26,055 --> 01:42:28,722 provocatively insist on showing the gory details. 996 01:42:30,055 --> 01:42:33,555 Consider all the millions of repressed women, 997 01:42:33,722 --> 01:42:38,264 the victims of rape and incest, hunger. 998 01:42:38,430 --> 01:42:41,430 All those who, maybe thanks to an abortion, 999 01:42:41,597 --> 01:42:42,640 have regained a new life, 1000 01:42:42,806 --> 01:42:46,640 maybe saved a child from starving to death. 1001 01:42:46,806 --> 01:42:51,806 You can't harm them just because of some principle of openness. 1002 01:42:54,973 --> 01:42:59,723 Luckily, I was able to get the head of the fetus out on the first try, 1003 01:42:59,890 --> 01:43:01,640 but it rarely goes like that. 1004 01:43:01,806 --> 01:43:05,306 In the 12th week, the diameter of the head 1005 01:43:05,473 --> 01:43:08,473 is a little more than 1.2 centimeters. 1006 01:43:08,640 --> 01:43:11,223 Therefore, a very impressive instrument 1007 01:43:11,390 --> 01:43:13,265 has been developed by the medical community. 1008 01:43:13,431 --> 01:43:16,140 The nutcracker is an instrument 1009 01:43:16,306 --> 01:43:20,098 that we use to get the fetus out of the uterus completely. 1010 01:43:20,265 --> 01:43:24,473 We enter it into and through the dilated cervical channel 1011 01:43:24,640 --> 01:43:27,056 and position it around the head of the fetus, 1012 01:43:27,223 --> 01:43:30,306 and you crack it like a nut, 1013 01:43:30,473 --> 01:43:33,181 and then you pull out the fetus, and there you have it. 1014 01:43:33,348 --> 01:43:35,931 That is the so-called nutcracker. 1015 01:43:36,098 --> 01:43:38,515 This is not something I need to know. 1016 01:43:39,848 --> 01:43:41,973 Oh, I hope you're not going 1017 01:43:42,140 --> 01:43:46,015 to be an opponent of abortion based on that. 1018 01:43:46,181 --> 01:43:49,640 No, but you have to think of the outrage 1019 01:43:49,806 --> 01:43:52,723 this knowledge would create in society. 1020 01:43:52,890 --> 01:43:56,640 So, you're saying that people in general are too stupid 1021 01:43:56,806 --> 01:44:00,973 to make decisions on an informed basis. 1022 01:44:01,140 --> 01:44:05,348 And that coming from a man who only an hour ago sermonized 1023 01:44:05,515 --> 01:44:07,890 about his belief in human qualities. 1024 01:44:08,056 --> 01:44:10,931 No, you... you're simplifying things. 1025 01:44:11,098 --> 01:44:14,056 You can't look at it like that. 1026 01:44:14,223 --> 01:44:16,640 It's funny to see you so emotional suddenly. 1027 01:44:21,556 --> 01:44:24,056 Looking back, it rankles me a bit 1028 01:44:24,223 --> 01:44:28,390 that I didn't just show up all calm and collected 1029 01:44:28,556 --> 01:44:31,931 at the appointment with the psychologist 1030 01:44:32,098 --> 01:44:34,681 and have my abortion under full anesthesia. 1031 01:44:34,848 --> 01:44:38,306 The fact is that when you're completely under, 1032 01:44:38,473 --> 01:44:41,140 the fetus doesn't feel anything either, 1033 01:44:41,306 --> 01:44:45,348 whereas my action, of course, caused pain, 1034 01:44:45,515 --> 01:44:47,390 depending on how much consciousness 1035 01:44:47,556 --> 01:44:52,306 you want to ascribe to a fetus about 12 weeks old. 1036 01:44:52,473 --> 01:44:55,015 I'm a bit nervous about bringing that subject up, 1037 01:44:55,181 --> 01:44:57,473 as most of the abortions in the world, 1038 01:44:57,640 --> 01:44:59,598 due to lack of resources, 1039 01:44:59,765 --> 01:45:03,890 occur just under local anesthesia or none. 1040 01:45:05,931 --> 01:45:08,723 Well, you're a careful man. 1041 01:45:09,723 --> 01:45:13,890 Whether we talk about abortion or not, you can't escape death, 1042 01:45:14,056 --> 01:45:17,973 and my fetus could have turned out to be a fine human being, 1043 01:45:18,140 --> 01:45:21,765 but one that would also eventually die. 1044 01:45:25,390 --> 01:45:27,806 What haunts me is the ironic detail 1045 01:45:27,973 --> 01:45:30,765 that my father and I were snail-gatherers. 1046 01:45:34,015 --> 01:45:38,181 We had the deepest compassion, not to say sentimentality, 1047 01:45:38,348 --> 01:45:41,431 about the smallest living things on the planet 1048 01:45:41,598 --> 01:45:43,890 which we demonstrated by saving snails, 1049 01:45:44,056 --> 01:45:47,556 often, by the way, the same size as my fetus, 1050 01:45:47,681 --> 01:45:50,431 from certain death on the path. 1051 01:45:50,598 --> 01:45:54,056 We did that only when the other one wasn't watching, 1052 01:45:54,223 --> 01:45:56,390 as it was a bit embarrassing. 1053 01:45:57,765 --> 01:46:00,223 Are you picking up snails? 1054 01:46:01,515 --> 01:46:03,181 No. 1055 01:46:05,056 --> 01:46:06,556 Are you sure you weren't picking up snails? 1056 01:46:06,723 --> 01:46:08,348 Yeah. - You're sure? 1057 01:46:08,515 --> 01:46:10,598 Yeah. 1058 01:46:12,973 --> 01:46:16,848 Shall we drop the subject? - Yes, please. 1059 01:46:17,015 --> 01:46:19,098 Are you sure you don't want a little tour 1060 01:46:19,265 --> 01:46:21,140 of the technical details 1061 01:46:21,306 --> 01:46:23,973 of removal of organs for organ donations? 1062 01:46:24,140 --> 01:46:26,556 No, thank you. I'm fine. 1063 01:46:29,223 --> 01:46:30,181 Where were we? 1064 01:46:31,140 --> 01:46:35,223 I think something about your boss sending you to see a psychologist. 1065 01:46:35,390 --> 01:46:37,223 Yes, that's right. 1066 01:46:42,640 --> 01:46:45,181 My name is Joe. - Hi, Joe. 1067 01:46:45,348 --> 01:46:49,348 And I'm a nymphomaniac. - Sex addict. 1068 01:46:49,515 --> 01:46:52,098 My name is Joe, and I'm a nymphomaniac. 1069 01:46:52,265 --> 01:46:55,640 We say sex addict. Here, everyone's the same. 1070 01:47:00,390 --> 01:47:04,681 Renée, last time you told us you had a plan. 1071 01:47:04,848 --> 01:47:06,723 How did it go? 1072 01:47:06,890 --> 01:47:10,973 I thought of trying something new, as nothing had helped. 1073 01:47:12,515 --> 01:47:16,099 I thought if I overdosed... 1074 01:47:16,266 --> 01:47:18,474 in other words, if I did the exact opposite 1075 01:47:18,641 --> 01:47:20,974 of what we are trying to do here, 1076 01:47:21,141 --> 01:47:22,557 then I could get well. 1077 01:47:22,724 --> 01:47:25,182 You mean function normally. 1078 01:47:25,349 --> 01:47:28,599 I had prepared the whole thing very carefully. 1079 01:47:28,766 --> 01:47:31,807 Sent my husband away for the weekend 1080 01:47:31,974 --> 01:47:35,807 and had the children taken care of. 1081 01:47:35,974 --> 01:47:37,974 It was to happen on the Saturday. 1082 01:47:40,307 --> 01:47:45,391 I had... I had collected phone numbers for a whole month, 1083 01:47:45,557 --> 01:47:48,557 and then back in the coal. 1084 01:48:27,474 --> 01:48:30,766 They fucked me for three hours. 1085 01:48:31,057 --> 01:48:34,057 And how did you feel about that? 1086 01:48:34,224 --> 01:48:37,141 Well, I never feel good afterwards. I feel ashamed. 1087 01:48:38,224 --> 01:48:40,641 But in relation to... to your addiction, 1088 01:48:40,807 --> 01:48:43,599 do you feel relieved like you thought you would? 1089 01:48:46,307 --> 01:48:47,474 No. 1090 01:48:48,974 --> 01:48:52,849 What should I do? I'm ready to do what's necessary. 1091 01:48:53,016 --> 01:48:55,849 Sex addiction is very different from, 1092 01:48:56,016 --> 01:48:58,641 say, abuse of drugs or alcohol 1093 01:48:58,807 --> 01:49:01,391 because you don't actually need either of those things. 1094 01:49:01,557 --> 01:49:03,682 These addictions can be completely removed 1095 01:49:03,849 --> 01:49:08,307 by removing the drug or the alcohol, not that that's easy. 1096 01:49:08,474 --> 01:49:11,016 But the difference with sex addiction 1097 01:49:11,182 --> 01:49:14,266 is that everyone has a sexuality 1098 01:49:14,432 --> 01:49:16,974 that's an integral part of their personality. 1099 01:49:18,891 --> 01:49:24,057 If one could imagine exterminating sexuality, 1100 01:49:24,224 --> 01:49:26,307 then you'd be left with a severely reduced person 1101 01:49:26,474 --> 01:49:30,932 because... because sexuality also includes tenderness, 1102 01:49:31,099 --> 01:49:34,599 contact, solidarity with others, 1103 01:49:34,766 --> 01:49:37,891 which would be hard to imagine anyone living without on some level. 1104 01:49:39,516 --> 01:49:43,182 What you're saying is that no one can remove their sexuality, 1105 01:49:43,349 --> 01:49:45,641 even though it's destroying everything for them. 1106 01:49:45,807 --> 01:49:47,682 I wouldn't say no one, 1107 01:49:47,849 --> 01:49:50,516 but let's say, at most, one in a million 1108 01:49:50,682 --> 01:49:53,474 manage to live a life without sexuality. 1109 01:49:53,641 --> 01:49:57,307 But you can't be basing your therapy on that one in a million. 1110 01:49:57,432 --> 01:50:00,891 No. The first and most important step 1111 01:50:01,057 --> 01:50:04,807 is to remove incentive and to reduce exposure. 1112 01:50:06,432 --> 01:50:08,224 You have to ask yourself 1113 01:50:08,391 --> 01:50:11,432 what kind of incentives you have and then make it difficult 1114 01:50:11,599 --> 01:50:13,349 for yourself to come into contact with them. 1115 01:50:13,516 --> 01:50:17,391 Basically, anything that makes you think about sex. 1116 01:52:25,850 --> 01:52:28,017 Stop it. 1117 01:52:32,142 --> 01:52:35,225 Joe has something she'd like to share. 1118 01:52:36,475 --> 01:52:38,892 My name is Joe. - Hi, Joe. 1119 01:52:39,058 --> 01:52:40,850 And I'm a sex addict, 1120 01:52:41,017 --> 01:52:45,267 but I haven't had sex for three weeks and five days. 1121 01:52:48,517 --> 01:52:49,600 Tell us how you did it, Joe. 1122 01:52:49,767 --> 01:52:52,892 You brought notes? - Yes. 1123 01:52:58,225 --> 01:53:03,267 Dear everyone, don't think it's been easy, 1124 01:53:03,433 --> 01:53:06,933 but I understand now that we are all alike. 1125 01:53:21,975 --> 01:53:26,308 Are you okay, Joe? - Yes, yes. 1126 01:53:30,767 --> 01:53:32,725 Would you like a glass of water? 1127 01:53:35,433 --> 01:53:37,017 Thank you. 1128 01:53:45,767 --> 01:53:47,892 Would you rather share another time? 1129 01:53:53,683 --> 01:53:56,058 No, I'd like to speak. 1130 01:54:01,100 --> 01:54:06,350 Dear everyone, don't think it's been easy, 1131 01:54:06,517 --> 01:54:08,725 but I understand now 1132 01:54:08,892 --> 01:54:12,892 that we're not and never will be alike. 1133 01:54:15,142 --> 01:54:19,850 I'm not like you, who fucks to be validated 1134 01:54:20,017 --> 01:54:22,558 and might just as well give up putting cocks inside you. 1135 01:54:22,725 --> 01:54:26,392 You already got your bloody kick a long time ago 1136 01:54:26,558 --> 01:54:29,142 when it turned out that someone was even bothered to fuck you. 1137 01:54:29,308 --> 01:54:31,183 And I'm not like you. 1138 01:54:31,350 --> 01:54:33,225 Eat yourself to death if you want. 1139 01:54:33,392 --> 01:54:35,475 I have no pity for you. 1140 01:54:35,642 --> 01:54:37,350 All you want is to be filled up, 1141 01:54:37,517 --> 01:54:42,517 and whether it's by a man or by tons of disgusting slop 1142 01:54:42,683 --> 01:54:44,600 makes no difference, 1143 01:54:44,767 --> 01:54:46,975 because it's all just a pathetic attempt 1144 01:54:47,142 --> 01:54:50,017 at filling out your own resounding emptiness 1145 01:54:50,225 --> 01:54:55,058 and hiding your ridiculous egocentric self-loathing. 1146 01:54:55,225 --> 01:54:57,725 And I'm definitely not like you. 1147 01:54:57,892 --> 01:55:02,058 That empathy you claim is a lie 1148 01:55:02,225 --> 01:55:06,267 because all you are is society's morality police, 1149 01:55:06,433 --> 01:55:11,558 whose duty is to erase my obscenity from the surface of the Earth, 1150 01:55:11,725 --> 01:55:14,558 so that the bourgeoisie won't feel sick. 1151 01:55:17,767 --> 01:55:19,433 I'm not like you. 1152 01:55:20,642 --> 01:55:25,392 I am a nymphomaniac, and I love myself for being one, 1153 01:55:25,558 --> 01:55:29,933 but above all, I love my cunt 1154 01:55:30,100 --> 01:55:33,225 and my filthy, dirty lust. 1155 01:55:56,558 --> 01:55:58,683 What just happened? 1156 01:55:58,850 --> 01:56:02,892 I didn't get that, with the car that burned. 1157 01:56:03,058 --> 01:56:04,642 No, I'm sorry. 1158 01:56:04,808 --> 01:56:08,433 I was just in too much of a hurry to get to the last chapter. 1159 01:56:18,476 --> 01:56:20,476 It's dawning. 1160 01:56:20,643 --> 01:56:23,268 How can you tell? 1161 01:56:23,434 --> 01:56:26,184 Oh, it's... it's just a slight coloring. 1162 01:56:26,351 --> 01:56:29,768 I know because I've stood here so often at this time. 1163 01:56:31,143 --> 01:56:33,476 You could say I've developed an ability 1164 01:56:33,643 --> 01:56:37,434 to see dawn before everyone else. 1165 01:56:41,101 --> 01:56:43,934 Then you understand what I mean when I say 1166 01:56:44,101 --> 01:56:48,351 that twilight suddenly appeared at this point in my story. 1167 01:56:50,101 --> 01:56:53,726 I understood that society had no room for me, 1168 01:56:53,893 --> 01:56:58,434 and I had no room for society and never had. 1169 01:57:00,184 --> 01:57:02,476 It would've been much, much easier 1170 01:57:02,643 --> 01:57:04,893 to have realized that earlier on, 1171 01:57:05,059 --> 01:57:08,226 but suddenly, 1172 01:57:08,393 --> 01:57:11,143 my senses unfolded dramatically. 1173 01:57:12,976 --> 01:57:16,976 To go from the respectable daylight side of society 1174 01:57:17,143 --> 01:57:19,518 to the shady, nocturnal side 1175 01:57:20,393 --> 01:57:22,601 was like changing sides in a war. 1176 01:57:23,684 --> 01:57:26,143 You put your old army behind you, 1177 01:57:26,309 --> 01:57:29,684 and suddenly, the next second, you're swallowed by the new one. 1178 01:57:29,851 --> 01:57:32,226 There's no in between. 1179 01:57:46,309 --> 01:57:48,309 I'm sure it was quite natural for you 1180 01:57:48,476 --> 01:57:50,809 to furnish your room as a monk's cell, 1181 01:57:50,976 --> 01:57:55,476 but as an inspiration for this story, chapter headings 1182 01:57:55,643 --> 01:57:57,768 hasn't been easy. 1183 01:57:57,934 --> 01:58:01,018 There's simply nothing left for me to use. 1184 01:58:02,601 --> 01:58:04,601 Well, I'm sorry about that. 1185 01:58:05,934 --> 01:58:08,476 But if I may, I can give you a tip. 1186 01:58:09,851 --> 01:58:11,726 Yes, please. 1187 01:58:11,893 --> 01:58:14,601 You know, I occupy myself mostly with texts, 1188 01:58:14,768 --> 01:58:18,101 but sometimes the text can seem so... 1189 01:58:18,268 --> 01:58:22,143 so empty, so unfathomably empty. 1190 01:58:22,309 --> 01:58:26,268 It could be the best text by the most famous author. 1191 01:58:26,434 --> 01:58:30,059 The solution might be to change your point of view. 1192 01:58:31,768 --> 01:58:33,726 I don't get that. 1193 01:58:33,893 --> 01:58:39,059 Things hide when they become familiar. 1194 01:58:39,226 --> 01:58:43,226 But if you look at them from another angle, 1195 01:58:43,393 --> 01:58:46,184 they might take on a new meaning. 1196 01:58:57,309 --> 01:58:58,601 You're right. 1197 01:58:59,726 --> 01:59:04,351 Before this was just the stain from the tea I threw. 1198 01:59:05,809 --> 01:59:08,476 Can you see what it could be? 1199 01:59:09,934 --> 01:59:11,268 A revolver! 1200 01:59:11,434 --> 01:59:14,976 No, a revolver has a drum that revolves. 1201 01:59:15,143 --> 01:59:17,143 It's a pistol. 1202 01:59:17,309 --> 01:59:20,018 Can you see what kind it could be? 1203 01:59:20,184 --> 01:59:23,309 No, I don't remember anything like that from my literature. 1204 01:59:23,476 --> 01:59:25,893 Oh, but it's something I can remember from mine. 1205 01:59:26,059 --> 01:59:30,351 Ian Fleming. - Not familiar. 1206 01:59:30,518 --> 01:59:33,768 If you haven't read that, you haven't read anything at all. 1207 01:59:35,143 --> 01:59:38,143 This could be, with a little imagination, 1208 01:59:38,309 --> 01:59:41,934 a Walther PPK automatic, 1209 01:59:42,101 --> 01:59:44,351 the same gun that was issued to Bond, 1210 01:59:44,518 --> 01:59:47,934 after his preferred pistol, the Beretta, had jammed. 1211 01:59:49,726 --> 01:59:51,143 Is that something you can use? 1212 01:59:53,101 --> 01:59:55,018 Oh, yes, it is. 1213 02:00:04,643 --> 02:00:09,143 Whether I left society or it left me, I cannot say. 1214 02:00:09,309 --> 02:00:12,434 I suppose you could make an argument for both sides. 1215 02:00:13,893 --> 02:00:15,893 I was on my way to the shady side 1216 02:00:16,059 --> 02:00:19,434 of the debt collecting business, which, among other things, 1217 02:00:19,601 --> 02:00:22,726 involves stuff like burning people's cars. 1218 02:00:24,768 --> 02:00:28,684 I had for a long time known about this man, L. 1219 02:00:33,976 --> 02:00:36,184 Hi, my name is Joe. 1220 02:00:36,351 --> 02:00:40,268 I know that. Come in. 1221 02:00:44,893 --> 02:00:46,851 I'm looking for a job. 1222 02:00:48,394 --> 02:00:49,810 I've been working in an office, 1223 02:00:49,977 --> 02:00:52,477 and I was never really good at it. 1224 02:00:52,644 --> 02:00:56,269 I can understand that. I mean, what's the point? 1225 02:00:58,935 --> 02:01:02,727 I've thought of you now and then and wondered when you'd show up. 1226 02:01:06,394 --> 02:01:10,394 My lifestyle is relatively expensive, 1227 02:01:12,227 --> 02:01:15,685 and I need a fair amount of free time for a sideline. 1228 02:01:15,852 --> 02:01:17,769 Of course. I already know that. 1229 02:01:17,935 --> 02:01:20,810 I believe I possess some qualifications 1230 02:01:20,977 --> 02:01:23,227 and that I'm rather unscrupulous. 1231 02:01:23,394 --> 02:01:26,977 I know all about your qualifications and they're excellent. 1232 02:01:27,144 --> 02:01:30,769 And you have already proven you are unscrupulous by coming here. 1233 02:01:33,352 --> 02:01:37,810 I would suggest that you start your own little business 1234 02:01:37,977 --> 02:01:39,852 with my help. 1235 02:01:40,019 --> 02:01:44,019 I understand you possess a great deal of insight 1236 02:01:44,185 --> 02:01:47,060 about a rather broad spectrum of men. 1237 02:01:48,394 --> 02:01:52,477 This could be, or should be, capitalized on. 1238 02:01:52,644 --> 02:01:55,144 What should I do? 1239 02:01:55,310 --> 02:01:58,269 I facilitate certain assignments for my humble firm 1240 02:01:58,435 --> 02:02:00,519 as part of a debt collection business. 1241 02:02:00,685 --> 02:02:03,185 In other words, I need subcontractors 1242 02:02:03,352 --> 02:02:06,060 who can put moderate pressure on individuals, 1243 02:02:06,227 --> 02:02:10,144 with whom my clients rightly or wrongly have a bone to pick. 1244 02:02:10,310 --> 02:02:12,769 Understand? - Extortion. 1245 02:02:12,935 --> 02:02:14,727 No. No, no, no, no. 1246 02:02:14,894 --> 02:02:19,644 I always prefer the term 'debt collection.' 1247 02:02:21,352 --> 02:02:23,019 Yeah. - I refrain from judging 1248 02:02:23,185 --> 02:02:27,435 whether my clients' wishes are legitimate or otherwise, 1249 02:02:27,560 --> 02:02:31,894 a point of view I strongly recommend you follow. 1250 02:02:33,560 --> 02:02:38,727 I'm still unsure of what it is I should do. 1251 02:02:38,894 --> 02:02:40,977 Well, you'll need two thugs, 1252 02:02:41,144 --> 02:02:43,685 and I can think of two good ones. 1253 02:02:43,852 --> 02:02:48,394 They both have a lot of experience and can show you the ropes. 1254 02:02:49,519 --> 02:02:51,394 That's interesting. 1255 02:02:51,560 --> 02:02:54,560 It's not at all interesting. 1256 02:02:54,727 --> 02:02:56,977 Most interesting thing about it was 1257 02:02:57,144 --> 02:03:00,019 how easily I dedicated myself to crime. 1258 02:03:00,185 --> 02:03:02,394 My main qualification, of course, 1259 02:03:02,560 --> 02:03:05,644 was my considerable experience with men and sex. 1260 02:03:05,810 --> 02:03:09,852 But even my more specialized skills came in handy. 1261 02:03:31,519 --> 02:03:35,394 No, now this is not how it goes. 1262 02:03:35,560 --> 02:03:37,894 You have to wait until you're hit. 1263 02:03:40,602 --> 02:03:44,310 The two helpers that L had recommended were okay, 1264 02:03:44,477 --> 02:03:47,977 but they were predisposed to a rather repetitive technique, 1265 02:03:48,144 --> 02:03:51,935 which consisted of creating as much havoc as possible 1266 02:03:52,102 --> 02:03:53,519 with a pair of iron bars. 1267 02:04:09,185 --> 02:04:13,519 Destroying your things doesn't seem to have much effect on you. 1268 02:04:13,685 --> 02:04:15,144 The only thing worth mentioning 1269 02:04:15,310 --> 02:04:17,519 from my first years as a collector 1270 02:04:17,685 --> 02:04:21,435 was the story of an unusually sober-minded, 1271 02:04:21,602 --> 02:04:24,394 and for that reason vulnerable, man. 1272 02:04:24,560 --> 02:04:27,435 The dirt I threatened to go public with 1273 02:04:27,602 --> 02:04:31,102 was normally within my core competence: sex. 1274 02:04:31,977 --> 02:04:36,602 But for once, here was a man I was unable to read sexually, 1275 02:04:36,769 --> 02:04:39,394 so I became persistent. 1276 02:04:39,560 --> 02:04:41,394 Tie him to the chair. 1277 02:04:43,060 --> 02:04:44,727 Don't hurt him. 1278 02:04:48,060 --> 02:04:50,310 I can't find a stain on you, 1279 02:04:51,185 --> 02:04:54,144 but my experience tells me that no man is spotless. 1280 02:04:55,352 --> 02:04:59,352 Luckily, you're equipped with a very reliable truth detector. 1281 02:05:09,935 --> 02:05:12,810 I'm going to tell you a few stories. 1282 02:05:12,977 --> 02:05:15,352 All you have to do is listen. 1283 02:05:17,394 --> 02:05:20,520 You're in a bar watching a couple... 1284 02:05:20,686 --> 02:05:23,228 I now meticulously went through the catalogue 1285 02:05:23,395 --> 02:05:26,603 of sexual deviations in fictional form. 1286 02:05:26,770 --> 02:05:29,686 Stories about sado-masochism, 1287 02:05:29,853 --> 02:05:33,978 fetishism, homosexuality, you name it. 1288 02:05:34,145 --> 02:05:35,853 But he didn't react. 1289 02:05:36,020 --> 02:05:38,478 And I'd almost given up when I said... 1290 02:05:38,645 --> 02:05:43,270 On your way home, you walk through the park. 1291 02:05:48,020 --> 02:05:49,728 And something makes you stop. 1292 02:05:50,853 --> 02:05:52,686 You hear something. 1293 02:06:06,895 --> 02:06:08,603 Yes, that's it. 1294 02:06:08,770 --> 02:06:12,478 You can hear the children in the playground. 1295 02:06:13,603 --> 02:06:18,061 You sit on a bench nearby and watch them play. 1296 02:06:18,228 --> 02:06:21,395 There's a little boy in shorts. 1297 02:06:22,770 --> 02:06:24,978 He's playing in the sandpit. 1298 02:06:26,978 --> 02:06:31,853 He looks at you with his blue eyes. 1299 02:06:33,395 --> 02:06:35,103 He smiles at you. 1300 02:06:35,270 --> 02:06:37,436 I think he comes to you. 1301 02:06:37,645 --> 02:06:42,770 He sits on your lap and looks up at your face. 1302 02:06:43,436 --> 02:06:47,686 He says he'd like to come home with you. 1303 02:06:51,853 --> 02:06:53,103 At home, 1304 02:06:53,270 --> 02:06:56,561 you can't fight the idea of being naked together. 1305 02:06:57,561 --> 02:07:00,020 He crawls all over you. 1306 02:07:00,186 --> 02:07:01,811 You get an erection. 1307 02:07:01,978 --> 02:07:04,061 Won't you please stop? 1308 02:07:04,228 --> 02:07:06,978 He lies on his stomach. 1309 02:07:07,770 --> 02:07:10,603 You pull down his pants. 1310 02:07:10,770 --> 02:07:12,395 I'll pay! 1311 02:07:44,770 --> 02:07:47,020 You did what? 1312 02:07:47,186 --> 02:07:48,936 I gave him a blowjob. 1313 02:07:49,103 --> 02:07:52,770 Why? That pig! - I took pity on him. 1314 02:07:52,936 --> 02:07:54,270 Pity? 1315 02:07:54,436 --> 02:07:57,936 Yes. I had just destroyed his life. 1316 02:07:58,103 --> 02:08:02,270 Nobody knew his secret, most probably not even himself. 1317 02:08:03,478 --> 02:08:06,061 He sat there with the shame. 1318 02:08:06,228 --> 02:08:09,478 I suppose I sucked him off as a kind of apology. 1319 02:08:09,645 --> 02:08:10,686 That's unbelievable. 1320 02:08:11,978 --> 02:08:14,853 No, listen to me. This is a man who'd succeeded 1321 02:08:15,020 --> 02:08:16,978 in repressing his own desire, 1322 02:08:17,145 --> 02:08:22,270 who had never before given into it, right up until I forced it out. 1323 02:08:22,436 --> 02:08:24,936 He had lived a life full of denial 1324 02:08:25,103 --> 02:08:27,520 and had never hurt a soul. 1325 02:08:27,686 --> 02:08:30,520 I think that's laudable. 1326 02:08:30,686 --> 02:08:31,728 No matter how much I try, 1327 02:08:31,895 --> 02:08:34,478 I can't find anything laudable in pedophilia. 1328 02:08:34,645 --> 02:08:37,520 That's because you think about the perhaps five percent 1329 02:08:37,686 --> 02:08:40,103 who actually hurt children. 1330 02:08:40,270 --> 02:08:45,020 The remaining 95 percent never live out their fantasies. 1331 02:08:45,186 --> 02:08:47,603 Think about their suffering. 1332 02:08:47,770 --> 02:08:52,686 Sexuality is the strongest force in human beings. 1333 02:08:52,853 --> 02:08:57,686 To be born with a forbidden sexuality must be agonizing. 1334 02:08:57,853 --> 02:09:01,270 The pedophile who manages to get through life 1335 02:09:01,436 --> 02:09:03,520 with the shame of his desire 1336 02:09:03,686 --> 02:09:07,478 while never acting on it, deserves a bloody medal. 1337 02:09:14,561 --> 02:09:18,186 The writer Thomas Mann said somewhere 1338 02:09:18,353 --> 02:09:20,436 that a temptation resisted 1339 02:09:20,603 --> 02:09:24,895 is not a sin but a test of virtue. 1340 02:09:28,645 --> 02:09:32,270 Wasn't there something about that writer and boys? 1341 02:09:32,436 --> 02:09:35,020 Yeah, so they say. 1342 02:09:35,186 --> 02:09:38,353 I suppose he dealt with it by writing them out. 1343 02:09:38,520 --> 02:09:41,270 And he got a medal, a Nobel Prize. 1344 02:09:45,770 --> 02:09:48,895 But there was another reason for my sympathy, 1345 02:09:49,061 --> 02:09:51,396 which you find so mysterious. 1346 02:09:53,271 --> 02:09:57,271 I saw a man who was carrying the same cross as myself. 1347 02:09:59,896 --> 02:10:01,979 Loneliness. 1348 02:10:05,187 --> 02:10:07,979 We were both sexual outcasts. 1349 02:10:16,479 --> 02:10:18,479 In any case, some years passed, 1350 02:10:18,646 --> 02:10:21,604 during which my business grew, 1351 02:10:21,771 --> 02:10:26,354 enabling me to step up my anonymous deposits to Marcel. 1352 02:10:27,271 --> 02:10:30,812 Your business is doing great. 1353 02:10:30,979 --> 02:10:34,771 You complete all the jobs I give you to perfection. 1354 02:10:34,937 --> 02:10:39,604 And I hear only words of praise from your other clients, but... 1355 02:10:39,771 --> 02:10:42,687 But what? - We aren't getting any younger. 1356 02:10:42,854 --> 02:10:46,854 No, that's for sure. 1357 02:10:47,021 --> 02:10:48,479 I think you're getting to that age 1358 02:10:48,646 --> 02:10:50,646 where you have to start thinking about a successor. 1359 02:10:50,812 --> 02:10:54,521 Oh, I don't need a fucking successor. 1360 02:10:54,687 --> 02:10:56,354 Listen. 1361 02:10:56,521 --> 02:10:59,896 A person should take their crime seriously. 1362 02:11:00,062 --> 02:11:03,187 You need someone to be your right hand, 1363 02:11:03,354 --> 02:11:07,187 someone to help you. A crown princess. 1364 02:11:09,479 --> 02:11:12,729 The normal process is to find out 1365 02:11:12,896 --> 02:11:16,354 what colleagues are in prison, or are drug addicts, 1366 02:11:16,521 --> 02:11:21,187 and thereby unable to fulfill their roles as parents. 1367 02:11:21,354 --> 02:11:25,687 Then, you find out where their kids play football, 1368 02:11:25,854 --> 02:11:28,146 and you get involved. 1369 02:11:28,312 --> 02:11:30,062 You cheer them on for a couple of years, 1370 02:11:30,229 --> 02:11:33,687 no matter how bad they are. Actually, the worse, the better. 1371 02:11:33,854 --> 02:11:37,812 That way, gradually, you take on the role of the parent 1372 02:11:37,979 --> 02:11:41,729 until, in the end, you have a loyal helper 1373 02:11:41,896 --> 02:11:45,187 that will walk through fire for you. 1374 02:11:45,354 --> 02:11:47,396 Even do time for you. 1375 02:11:51,146 --> 02:11:55,271 It sounds like a kind of an entrapment you're suggesting. 1376 02:11:55,437 --> 02:11:58,896 An unsavory entrapment. - Call it what you want, 1377 02:11:59,062 --> 02:12:03,021 but if you believe at all in the effects of good parenting, 1378 02:12:03,187 --> 02:12:06,104 that kid will have much greater opportunities with you 1379 02:12:06,271 --> 02:12:08,687 as a mentor than without. 1380 02:12:08,854 --> 02:12:11,229 And since I like you, 1381 02:12:11,396 --> 02:12:15,229 I've been looking around for a suitable subject. 1382 02:12:15,396 --> 02:12:20,687 She's 15 years old from a family of hardened criminals, 1383 02:12:20,854 --> 02:12:23,187 and she's been through a lot. 1384 02:12:23,354 --> 02:12:26,437 Last couple of years she's been institutionalized. 1385 02:12:26,604 --> 02:12:29,146 Her father's in prison and her mother died of an overdose. 1386 02:12:29,312 --> 02:12:31,021 She's a smart girl. 1387 02:12:31,187 --> 02:12:33,104 And although she doesn't play football, 1388 02:12:33,271 --> 02:12:36,062 she does play basketball very badly. 1389 02:12:37,312 --> 02:12:42,687 She's chosen a team sport because she's lonely. 1390 02:12:42,854 --> 02:12:45,854 I saved the best part for last. 1391 02:12:46,021 --> 02:12:48,979 Her right ear is slightly deformed, 1392 02:12:49,146 --> 02:12:52,854 which she is very ashamed of, 1393 02:12:53,021 --> 02:12:56,021 and of course, this serves to isolate her even more. 1394 02:12:56,187 --> 02:13:00,521 It makes her an easy target for even the slightest bit 1395 02:13:00,687 --> 02:13:05,437 of attention or sign of empathy from you. 1396 02:13:09,396 --> 02:13:12,979 Despite my protests, the clever L somehow talked me 1397 02:13:13,146 --> 02:13:14,771 into actually having a look at P. 1398 02:13:17,562 --> 02:13:20,937 The longer I watched the poor girl with the deformed ear, 1399 02:13:21,104 --> 02:13:24,312 the more repulsive I found the whole plan. 1400 02:13:51,229 --> 02:13:53,229 But as if L had foreseen this, 1401 02:13:53,396 --> 02:13:59,062 the meeting with P filled me with pity and emotion. 1402 02:13:59,229 --> 02:14:00,937 And without wanting to, 1403 02:14:01,104 --> 02:14:04,354 I found myself, weekend after weekend, 1404 02:14:04,521 --> 02:14:08,229 at her games supporting the poor player. 1405 02:14:23,272 --> 02:14:26,813 Thanks for cheering me on. - You're welcome. 1406 02:14:26,980 --> 02:14:29,230 You played really well today. 1407 02:14:31,647 --> 02:14:34,313 No, I didn't. - You did. 1408 02:14:34,480 --> 02:14:37,522 You really improved yourself lately. 1409 02:14:49,022 --> 02:14:52,772 Sixteen years. Congratulations. 1410 02:14:52,938 --> 02:14:55,730 Thank you. - You're welcome. 1411 02:15:18,480 --> 02:15:20,022 I was proud to introduce P 1412 02:15:20,188 --> 02:15:22,855 to my father's passion and his world. 1413 02:15:25,938 --> 02:15:27,730 It's actually... 1414 02:15:29,188 --> 02:15:33,147 the souls of the trees that we see in the winter. 1415 02:15:39,563 --> 02:15:42,188 I think they look like human souls. 1416 02:15:46,272 --> 02:15:48,147 Yeah, you're right. 1417 02:15:49,022 --> 02:15:51,772 They do look like human souls. 1418 02:15:51,980 --> 02:15:55,188 Twisted souls, regular souls, 1419 02:15:55,355 --> 02:15:57,438 crazy souls, 1420 02:15:57,605 --> 02:16:01,272 all depending on the kind of lives human beings lead. 1421 02:16:04,147 --> 02:16:08,563 Then that must be Miss Williamson from number 21. 1422 02:16:08,730 --> 02:16:11,230 That's not a very nice thing to say about Miss Williamson. 1423 02:16:11,397 --> 02:16:14,938 But she's always angry. She has a monster in her belly. 1424 02:16:15,105 --> 02:16:17,647 Well, she does have an ulcer in her belly 1425 02:16:17,813 --> 02:16:19,480 that I've been treating for the last 15 years. 1426 02:16:22,063 --> 02:16:24,480 And sure enough, one of the following days 1427 02:16:24,647 --> 02:16:26,897 my dad dragged me into the woods again. 1428 02:16:27,063 --> 02:16:30,855 I found my tree. My soul tree. 1429 02:16:33,188 --> 02:16:38,938 And no, it's not that one, okay, 'cause then I would be dead. 1430 02:16:40,855 --> 02:16:43,063 This is my tree. 1431 02:16:46,438 --> 02:16:50,563 It's not an ash tree. - No, it's an oak tree. 1432 02:16:53,772 --> 02:16:55,647 It has two trunks. 1433 02:16:55,813 --> 02:16:59,022 Yeah, isn't it great? 1434 02:16:59,188 --> 02:17:04,397 It shows itself to both sides, the lake and the forest. 1435 02:17:14,397 --> 02:17:18,688 But, Dad, how does a tree get two trunks? 1436 02:17:20,313 --> 02:17:24,272 The most common reason is that the top broke 1437 02:17:24,438 --> 02:17:26,313 when it was very young. 1438 02:17:26,480 --> 02:17:30,313 That means that you've been broken once. 1439 02:17:30,480 --> 02:17:32,522 Have you, Dad? 1440 02:17:38,730 --> 02:17:41,938 It seems that it can be rather revealing... 1441 02:17:43,397 --> 02:17:45,688 to find your soul tree. 1442 02:17:49,688 --> 02:17:55,313 My father found his soul tree, but I've never found mine. 1443 02:17:55,855 --> 02:18:01,022 'You will know it when you see it,' is what he said. 1444 02:18:07,605 --> 02:18:13,438 Kitchen and dining room. And in here... 1445 02:18:15,272 --> 02:18:17,605 When P reached the age of maturity 1446 02:18:17,772 --> 02:18:20,063 and I became her personal adviser, 1447 02:18:20,230 --> 02:18:22,730 I asked her to move in with me. 1448 02:18:31,147 --> 02:18:33,897 Let me see you with your hair up. 1449 02:18:34,063 --> 02:18:36,563 You're so pretty. 1450 02:18:48,605 --> 02:18:52,313 All this time all my sexual activity had stopped. 1451 02:18:52,480 --> 02:18:57,023 My groin was one big sore from my abuse that wouldn't heal, 1452 02:18:57,189 --> 02:19:00,023 and made even masturbation impossible. 1453 02:19:04,273 --> 02:19:07,564 I experienced definite abstinence symptoms... 1454 02:19:07,731 --> 02:19:09,689 fever and cramps. 1455 02:19:34,648 --> 02:19:36,398 Joe, what's going on? 1456 02:19:38,606 --> 02:19:41,398 Careful. - We need to clear this up. 1457 02:19:50,273 --> 02:19:53,231 I just get this sometimes. 1458 02:19:56,564 --> 02:19:59,064 It's okay. It's okay. 1459 02:20:03,148 --> 02:20:05,648 Do you want to go back to bed? 1460 02:20:07,648 --> 02:20:09,856 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 1461 02:20:25,981 --> 02:20:27,856 I love you, Joe. 1462 02:20:28,023 --> 02:20:29,773 I love you, too. 1463 02:20:31,189 --> 02:20:33,523 I don't mean it in that way. 1464 02:20:36,564 --> 02:20:39,981 Come on, it's late. You should go back to bed. 1465 02:20:41,523 --> 02:20:42,564 Good night. 1466 02:20:45,439 --> 02:20:47,856 Perhaps she really loved you. 1467 02:20:51,939 --> 02:20:55,314 She was so very young. 1468 02:20:55,481 --> 02:20:59,773 Maybe she, too, discovered her cunt at the age of two. 1469 02:20:59,939 --> 02:21:02,064 Maybe earlier. 1470 02:21:02,231 --> 02:21:03,773 I couldn't accept it. 1471 02:21:03,939 --> 02:21:07,731 Perhaps because you really wanted it to be true. 1472 02:21:09,814 --> 02:21:11,481 Perhaps I hoped it. 1473 02:21:11,648 --> 02:21:14,981 It's very touching, all this about P. 1474 02:21:17,189 --> 02:21:20,773 Then you've probably misunderstood the whole thing. 1475 02:21:20,939 --> 02:21:24,439 Shall we get the story over and done with? 1476 02:21:52,564 --> 02:21:54,606 Don't. 1477 02:21:55,814 --> 02:21:57,898 I wanna see you. 1478 02:21:58,064 --> 02:21:59,064 Don't. - Why? 1479 02:21:59,231 --> 02:22:00,689 Please, don't. - Why not? 1480 02:22:00,856 --> 02:22:04,398 No. No, I have a wound. 1481 02:22:04,564 --> 02:22:06,564 I have a wound. - It doesn't matter. 1482 02:22:06,731 --> 02:22:10,606 No, you don't understand. - I have that thing with my ear. 1483 02:22:10,773 --> 02:22:13,439 I'm so ashamed. 1484 02:22:49,773 --> 02:22:51,856 Do you like me? 1485 02:22:55,439 --> 02:22:57,439 You're so beautiful. 1486 02:24:35,024 --> 02:24:37,774 There's one thing I don't understand. 1487 02:24:38,607 --> 02:24:41,315 Did she know what you did for a living? 1488 02:24:41,482 --> 02:24:46,649 P was very discreet and a girl of few words. 1489 02:24:48,149 --> 02:24:50,440 Oddly, although I worked strange hours, 1490 02:24:50,607 --> 02:24:52,482 she never asked about my work. 1491 02:24:54,232 --> 02:24:57,065 But one day she had a question. 1492 02:24:58,690 --> 02:25:00,315 Joe. 1493 02:25:05,357 --> 02:25:09,190 Why did you start coming to my basketball matches? 1494 02:25:11,274 --> 02:25:13,940 It wasn't a coincidence, was it? 1495 02:25:19,524 --> 02:25:22,482 No, it wasn't a coincidence. 1496 02:25:26,274 --> 02:25:28,940 I didn't tell you because I... 1497 02:25:29,107 --> 02:25:32,107 I thought you'd be upset... 1498 02:25:33,482 --> 02:25:36,357 and that you'd get angry at me. 1499 02:25:36,524 --> 02:25:39,024 I won't get angry- 1500 02:25:43,565 --> 02:25:45,690 What I do... 1501 02:25:47,232 --> 02:25:49,899 My job isn't a normal job. 1502 02:25:50,065 --> 02:25:52,190 It's not legal. 1503 02:25:52,357 --> 02:25:55,232 No one in my family does anything legal. 1504 02:26:00,899 --> 02:26:05,315 A man that's helped me in my business suggested that I watched you. 1505 02:26:08,232 --> 02:26:12,524 The plan was that I... I should look at you 1506 02:26:12,690 --> 02:26:16,982 to see whether one day I could use you in my work. 1507 02:26:17,149 --> 02:26:20,107 I should make friends with you 1508 02:26:20,274 --> 02:26:23,482 because I knew you didn't have a mother or a father. 1509 02:26:23,649 --> 02:26:25,482 What's wrong with that? 1510 02:26:25,649 --> 02:26:29,232 Don't you see how evil that plan was? 1511 02:26:29,399 --> 02:26:33,107 I felt terrible. - You shouldn't have. 1512 02:26:33,274 --> 02:26:35,232 Why not? 1513 02:26:38,024 --> 02:26:40,440 Because if you hadn't... 1514 02:26:42,399 --> 02:26:44,649 we'd never have met. 1515 02:26:49,440 --> 02:26:53,649 I'd like to go with you to work next time. 1516 02:26:53,815 --> 02:26:55,232 No. 1517 02:27:04,274 --> 02:27:05,815 Will you think about it? 1518 02:27:05,982 --> 02:27:07,357 No. - Yes. 1519 02:27:07,524 --> 02:27:08,565 No. - Yes. 1520 02:27:08,982 --> 02:27:11,899 She didn't take no for an answer. 1521 02:27:12,065 --> 02:27:14,315 No, of course not. 1522 02:27:14,482 --> 02:27:17,899 How do you keep a wave upon the sand? 1523 02:27:20,190 --> 02:27:25,690 And in the throes of love, I was weak and no match for her. 1524 02:27:28,774 --> 02:27:32,399 With the risk of being too clever for myself, 1525 02:27:32,565 --> 02:27:37,024 social inheritance is an irrefutable fact. 1526 02:27:38,399 --> 02:27:42,649 If anyone knew about the laws of the street, it must've been P. 1527 02:27:43,857 --> 02:27:47,565 You're more right than you know. 1528 02:28:07,608 --> 02:28:10,025 Let's shoot the fucker. - No, no! 1529 02:28:10,191 --> 02:28:13,316 Stop! Stop! 1530 02:28:16,691 --> 02:28:19,066 We don't use firearms. 1531 02:28:20,233 --> 02:28:24,025 I'd like to have the gun. - The others have weapons, too. 1532 02:28:25,483 --> 02:28:27,025 Well, I didn't know that, 1533 02:28:27,191 --> 02:28:29,108 but in any case, you're not to have one. 1534 02:28:30,233 --> 02:28:31,900 But guns aren't dangerous. 1535 02:28:32,066 --> 02:28:34,483 It depends on how you use them. 1536 02:28:34,650 --> 02:28:36,108 Yes, exactly. 1537 02:28:36,275 --> 02:28:37,775 I wasn't going to shoot him. 1538 02:28:38,816 --> 02:28:40,983 We wouldn't have gotten any money out of him that way. 1539 02:28:41,150 --> 02:28:43,025 Can I have the gun? 1540 02:28:47,650 --> 02:28:49,358 Thank you. 1541 02:29:08,900 --> 02:29:10,941 You're evil. 1542 02:29:14,941 --> 02:29:19,025 And now I'm afraid one of those coincidences 1543 02:29:19,191 --> 02:29:24,358 you have such a hard time with occurred with a very special person. 1544 02:29:25,608 --> 02:29:28,275 It was P's job to take us to the debtors, 1545 02:29:28,441 --> 02:29:30,566 so until I saw the name on the door, 1546 02:29:30,691 --> 02:29:33,066 I had no idea whose house we were at. 1547 02:29:35,441 --> 02:29:39,900 This is Acer siccharium. 1548 02:29:40,066 --> 02:29:42,483 Saccharinum. - Saccharinum, yeah, that. 1549 02:29:42,650 --> 02:29:43,816 I said that. 1550 02:29:52,941 --> 02:29:54,775 Are you sure this is the right place? 1551 02:29:54,941 --> 02:29:55,691 Yeah. 1552 02:30:02,775 --> 02:30:08,441 I was thinking maybe it's time for you to do this one on your own. 1553 02:30:09,358 --> 02:30:10,650 Yeah? 1554 02:30:12,566 --> 02:30:15,566 Thank you, Joe. - I don't want anything destroyed, 1555 02:30:16,525 --> 02:30:18,816 and I don't want anybody hurt. 1556 02:30:18,983 --> 02:30:24,233 Okay? You just show yourself and offer him a reasonable payment plan. 1557 02:30:24,400 --> 02:30:29,025 If you say so, of course that's how I'll do it. 1558 02:30:44,275 --> 02:30:46,858 Whether the feeling when I saw Jerome again was love, 1559 02:30:47,025 --> 02:30:48,650 I couldn't say. 1560 02:30:51,608 --> 02:30:54,191 But it was a feeling... 1561 02:30:54,358 --> 02:30:57,066 and far stronger than I liked. 1562 02:31:08,275 --> 02:31:12,191 I was actually walking home through the alley here. 1563 02:31:12,358 --> 02:31:14,650 Your two neighborhoods are totally different, 1564 02:31:14,816 --> 02:31:18,191 but still so close together that the shortest route 1565 02:31:18,358 --> 02:31:22,358 from Jerome's house towards the center was through the alley. 1566 02:31:29,316 --> 02:31:31,316 Hello! 1567 02:31:31,483 --> 02:31:35,358 How did it go? - Brilliant. 1568 02:31:35,566 --> 02:31:38,650 Yeah, really well. 1569 02:31:38,816 --> 02:31:41,400 I made a reasonable payment plan like you told me to. 1570 02:31:41,566 --> 02:31:46,441 How did he look? - Scared. 1571 02:31:46,608 --> 02:31:48,983 How old did he look? 1572 02:31:49,150 --> 02:31:52,483 I don't know. Ancient? 1573 02:32:12,316 --> 02:32:16,066 Jerome was to pay off his debt in six payments. 1574 02:32:16,233 --> 02:32:18,983 Every time P went to Jerome to collect, 1575 02:32:19,150 --> 02:32:23,900 I'd pace around restlessly until she was back home again. 1576 02:32:26,191 --> 02:32:29,484 I even had to find my mother's sad old solitaire cards 1577 02:32:29,651 --> 02:32:32,692 in order to make the hours pass. 1578 02:32:40,109 --> 02:32:41,984 Each night I was less reassured 1579 02:32:42,151 --> 02:32:45,192 by her coming home than the night before. 1580 02:32:45,359 --> 02:32:48,609 The question of whether jealousy is the fear of sharing 1581 02:32:48,776 --> 02:32:52,067 or the fear of losing was of little interest to me. 1582 02:32:52,234 --> 02:32:55,359 But yes, it was a fact that this unworthy feeling 1583 02:32:55,526 --> 02:33:00,234 I had managed to suppress for so long was creeping up on me. 1584 02:33:03,067 --> 02:33:05,817 The evening she was to collect the final payment, 1585 02:33:05,984 --> 02:33:07,817 she didn't kiss me. 1586 02:33:07,984 --> 02:33:10,317 I took it to be forgetfulness, 1587 02:33:10,484 --> 02:33:14,401 but the hours passed, and she didn't return. 1588 02:33:21,484 --> 02:33:26,692 Every time I saw car lights, I thought it was P being driven home. 1589 02:34:25,234 --> 02:34:27,317 So the next morning I took a trip 1590 02:34:27,484 --> 02:34:30,651 to the round hills just outside of town 1591 02:34:30,817 --> 02:34:34,192 that I visited with my school class when I was 12, 1592 02:34:34,359 --> 02:34:37,817 to say a symbolic goodbye. 1593 02:34:41,442 --> 02:34:44,151 I had decided to flee. 1594 02:34:44,317 --> 02:34:48,817 I couldn't stay in this town with her and him. 1595 02:34:48,984 --> 02:34:53,276 I had cowardly made a plan to escape and head south. 1596 02:34:53,442 --> 02:34:54,776 Like from some ice age 1597 02:34:54,942 --> 02:34:58,109 I didn't have the guts to turn around and face. 1598 02:34:59,276 --> 02:35:03,484 But the goodbye was sad and strangely unfulfilling. 1599 02:35:03,651 --> 02:35:07,609 And something called me on to seek further up the mountain. 1600 02:36:31,151 --> 02:36:33,734 I understand dictators who commit murder. 1601 02:36:36,692 --> 02:36:39,567 What was Hitler, when it all boils down, 1602 02:36:39,734 --> 02:36:43,734 other than a man to whom society gave free reins? 1603 02:36:46,276 --> 02:36:49,567 Well, that was just what we were missing. 1604 02:36:49,734 --> 02:36:53,567 You understand racists, you have a soft spot for pedophiles, 1605 02:36:53,734 --> 02:36:56,651 and, of course, now at the finishing line, 1606 02:36:56,817 --> 02:36:58,567 you have to sympathize 1607 02:36:58,734 --> 02:37:01,360 with the greatest mass murderers of history. 1608 02:37:01,527 --> 02:37:03,777 What I mean is... 1609 02:37:05,443 --> 02:37:07,985 It's said to be difficult to take someone's life. 1610 02:37:08,193 --> 02:37:12,027 I would've said that it's more difficult not to 1611 02:37:12,193 --> 02:37:15,985 when, as a dictator or as me, 1612 02:37:16,152 --> 02:37:18,527 you've nothing to lose. 1613 02:37:20,860 --> 02:37:22,110 For a human being, 1614 02:37:22,277 --> 02:37:25,485 killing is the most natural thing in the world. 1615 02:37:25,652 --> 02:37:27,902 We're created for it. 1616 02:37:30,360 --> 02:37:32,027 Wonderful. 1617 02:38:22,735 --> 02:38:24,277 No, get off! 1618 02:38:34,485 --> 02:38:36,652 Fireman's grip. 1619 02:42:22,653 --> 02:42:27,194 Fill all my holes, please. 1620 02:42:51,861 --> 02:42:54,611 I still don't know why the gun didn't work. 1621 02:42:54,778 --> 02:42:59,278 I did check to make sure that there were bullets in the magazine. 1622 02:42:59,444 --> 02:43:02,111 It simply malfunctioned. 1623 02:43:02,278 --> 02:43:04,861 Just like Bond's Beretta. 1624 02:43:05,028 --> 02:43:08,111 I think I know enough to say that even if you had rounds 1625 02:43:08,278 --> 02:43:10,278 in the magazine of the Walther PPK, 1626 02:43:10,444 --> 02:43:13,944 if you'd taken off the safety, 1627 02:43:14,111 --> 02:43:16,861 you cannot shoot until you've racked the gun. 1628 02:43:17,819 --> 02:43:20,194 You pull and release 1629 02:43:20,361 --> 02:43:22,611 the sliding mechanism. 1630 02:43:22,819 --> 02:43:24,819 And P hadn't done it because as she said, 1631 02:43:24,986 --> 02:43:27,611 she had no intention of shooting the man. 1632 02:43:29,778 --> 02:43:32,778 I don't know about Bond, but I assume it has to be apparent 1633 02:43:32,944 --> 02:43:34,444 from his books and his films 1634 02:43:34,611 --> 02:43:38,903 that you have to rack an automatic pistol. 1635 02:43:40,194 --> 02:43:41,903 Of course, you're right. 1636 02:43:42,903 --> 02:43:46,569 I've seen it in films a thousand times. 1637 02:43:51,486 --> 02:43:52,653 It's morning. 1638 02:43:55,278 --> 02:43:58,903 The snow is gone. - So the sun must be up? 1639 02:44:00,111 --> 02:44:02,028 Yes, there is sun. 1640 02:44:03,361 --> 02:44:05,319 How can you see it? 1641 02:44:06,361 --> 02:44:10,944 This alley's located so that you never get direct sunlight here, 1642 02:44:11,111 --> 02:44:15,611 but I can see a small reflection on the building on the other side. 1643 02:44:22,361 --> 02:44:26,153 I've never managed to figure out where it comes from. 1644 02:44:26,944 --> 02:44:31,861 It must be some interplay between windows and towers 1645 02:44:32,028 --> 02:44:35,153 and high buildings. 1646 02:44:37,778 --> 02:44:42,903 It's not much, but it's the sun you get here at my place. 1647 02:44:47,028 --> 02:44:48,778 It's beautiful. 1648 02:44:58,944 --> 02:45:00,153 In the beginning, 1649 02:45:00,319 --> 02:45:02,153 you said that your only sin 1650 02:45:02,319 --> 02:45:05,486 was that you asked more of the sunset. 1651 02:45:07,069 --> 02:45:11,028 Meaning, I suppose, that you wanted more from life than was good for you. 1652 02:45:13,736 --> 02:45:17,444 You were a human being demanding your right, 1653 02:45:17,611 --> 02:45:19,153 and more than that, 1654 02:45:19,319 --> 02:45:22,694 you were a woman demanding her right. 1655 02:45:25,986 --> 02:45:28,694 Does that pardon everything? 1656 02:45:30,069 --> 02:45:34,153 Do you think if two men were to walk down a train looking for women, 1657 02:45:34,903 --> 02:45:38,069 do you think anybody would have raised an eyebrow, 1658 02:45:38,278 --> 02:45:41,111 or if a man had led the life you had? 1659 02:45:42,778 --> 02:45:47,361 And the story about Mrs. H. would've been extremely banal 1660 02:45:47,528 --> 02:45:48,861 if you'd been a man. 1661 02:45:50,069 --> 02:45:52,611 And your conquest would have been a woman. 1662 02:45:53,611 --> 02:45:58,236 When a man leaves his children because of desire, 1663 02:45:58,903 --> 02:46:01,694 we accept it with a shrug, but you as a woman, 1664 02:46:02,153 --> 02:46:04,612 you had to take on a guilt, 1665 02:46:04,945 --> 02:46:07,362 a burden of guilt that could never be alleviated. 1666 02:46:11,362 --> 02:46:14,820 Your abortion was legal, but more than anything else, 1667 02:46:14,987 --> 02:46:18,987 it was a punishment you inflicted upon yourself. 1668 02:46:20,112 --> 02:46:23,362 And all in all, all the blame and guilt 1669 02:46:23,529 --> 02:46:26,070 that piled up over the years became too much for you, 1670 02:46:26,237 --> 02:46:28,237 and you reacted aggressively, 1671 02:46:28,404 --> 02:46:31,404 almost like a man, I have to say, and you fought back. 1672 02:46:32,695 --> 02:46:34,070 You fought back against the gender 1673 02:46:34,237 --> 02:46:38,362 that had been oppressing and mutilating and killing you 1674 02:46:38,529 --> 02:46:43,029 and billions of women in the name of religion or ethics, 1675 02:46:43,195 --> 02:46:46,445 or God knows what. 1676 02:46:49,487 --> 02:46:52,404 But I wanted to kill a human being. 1677 02:46:55,820 --> 02:46:57,820 But you didn't. 1678 02:46:59,779 --> 02:47:02,195 Because of a chance event. 1679 02:47:02,362 --> 02:47:04,404 You call it a chance event, 1680 02:47:05,904 --> 02:47:08,695 I call it subconscious resistance. 1681 02:47:08,862 --> 02:47:11,112 On the surface you wanted to kill, 1682 02:47:11,945 --> 02:47:14,362 but deep down, you celebrated human worth 1683 02:47:15,404 --> 02:47:17,112 in a veil of forgetfulness 1684 02:47:17,279 --> 02:47:21,779 draped itself over your knowledge of how to rack a gun. 1685 02:47:24,154 --> 02:47:26,445 Although all this sounds frighteningly close 1686 02:47:26,612 --> 02:47:29,570 to the clichés of our times... 1687 02:47:29,737 --> 02:47:34,695 and I'm predisposed to knock holes in your arguments... 1688 02:47:36,362 --> 02:47:38,529 I'm too tired. 1689 02:47:38,695 --> 02:47:39,987 Well, that's good. 1690 02:47:43,570 --> 02:47:45,612 Why don't you lay down? 1691 02:47:47,904 --> 02:47:49,695 Yes. 1692 02:48:01,029 --> 02:48:03,695 Let me just say that telling my story 1693 02:48:04,737 --> 02:48:07,737 as you insisted, or permitted, 1694 02:48:09,612 --> 02:48:12,237 has put me at ease. 1695 02:48:13,737 --> 02:48:19,487 At this moment, my addiction is very clear to me. 1696 02:48:21,862 --> 02:48:23,779 And I've come to a decision. 1697 02:48:26,320 --> 02:48:33,029 Even though only one in a million, as my dubious therapist said, 1698 02:48:34,279 --> 02:48:38,487 succeed in mentally, 1699 02:48:38,654 --> 02:48:40,862 bodily, 1700 02:48:41,029 --> 02:48:43,237 and in her heart 1701 02:48:43,404 --> 02:48:48,570 ridding herself of her sexuality... 1702 02:48:48,737 --> 02:48:51,279 this is now my goal. 1703 02:48:52,029 --> 02:48:55,029 But is that a life worth living? 1704 02:48:57,737 --> 02:49:00,737 It's the only way I can live it. 1705 02:49:04,570 --> 02:49:08,362 I will stand up against all odds... 1706 02:49:12,987 --> 02:49:16,404 just like a deformed tree on a hill. 1707 02:49:24,487 --> 02:49:28,987 I will muster all of my stubbornness... 1708 02:49:32,487 --> 02:49:34,654 my strength... 1709 02:49:36,862 --> 02:49:39,570 my masculine aggression. 1710 02:49:41,862 --> 02:49:45,445 But most of all I want to say thanks 1711 02:49:45,612 --> 02:49:50,237 to my new and maybe first friend. 1712 02:49:50,404 --> 02:49:53,279 Thank you, Seligman... 1713 02:49:54,945 --> 02:49:58,320 who perhaps is happy when all is said and done. 1714 02:50:05,404 --> 02:50:07,987 I'm happy at any rate 1715 02:50:08,154 --> 02:50:10,237 that the shot didn't go off 1716 02:50:10,404 --> 02:50:13,154 and made me a murderer. 1717 02:50:18,820 --> 02:50:21,612 If I may, I'd like to sleep now. 1718 02:50:25,654 --> 02:50:28,279 I'll make sure you won't be disturbed. 1719 02:50:31,279 --> 02:50:34,487 And when you wake up, maybe we could 1720 02:50:34,654 --> 02:50:37,738 discuss your future if you'd like. 1721 02:50:46,571 --> 02:50:49,988 In your new life, 1722 02:50:50,155 --> 02:50:52,863 would you consider seeking out your son? 1723 02:50:55,696 --> 02:50:57,696 It's possible. 1724 02:51:02,030 --> 02:51:04,113 Good night, Joe. 1725 02:51:05,488 --> 02:51:07,363 Good night, Seligman. 1726 02:52:47,488 --> 02:52:49,196 No! 1727 02:52:51,530 --> 02:52:54,280 But you, you fucked thousands of men.132399

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