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1
00:00:50,408 --> 00:00:52,783
This is nothing less
than 'Zeno's paradox.'
2
00:00:54,283 --> 00:00:58,867
You are Achilles
and the tortoise is the orgasm.
3
00:00:59,033 --> 00:01:01,867
Oh, come on.
- No, no, no. Listen.
4
00:01:02,033 --> 00:01:03,825
Achilles and the tortoise
are going to race,
5
00:01:03,992 --> 00:01:06,075
and Achilles is confident,
6
00:01:06,242 --> 00:01:10,200
so he gives the tortoise
a hundred meters head start.
7
00:01:10,367 --> 00:01:13,325
Now the mathematical problem
is that
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00:01:13,492 --> 00:01:15,950
before Achilles
can pass the tortoise,
9
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:17,325
he has to reach the point
10
00:01:17,492 --> 00:01:21,075
where the tortoise started
after a hundred meters.
11
00:01:21,242 --> 00:01:24,492
But when Achilles gets there,
the tortoise has already moved on,
12
00:01:24,658 --> 00:01:26,658
and then he has
to reach the next point,
13
00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:28,283
and the tortoise
has moved on again
14
00:01:28,450 --> 00:01:31,200
and so on and so on and so on.
15
00:01:31,367 --> 00:01:34,617
So Achilles can never reach
the tortoise and never pass him.
16
00:01:34,783 --> 00:01:38,950
And in the same way,
because you were giving chase,
17
00:01:39,117 --> 00:01:41,992
you couldn't reach satisfaction.
That's the paradox.
18
00:01:42,158 --> 00:01:45,492
I'm sorry, but it seems as if you're
not taking this very seriously.
19
00:01:45,658 --> 00:01:48,575
I'm telling you about the worst
thing that's happened to me,
20
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:53,950
that I at that point, within seconds,
lost all sexual sensation.
21
00:01:54,117 --> 00:01:56,367
My cunt simply went numb.
22
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,617
And immediately
we have to hear about
23
00:01:58,783 --> 00:02:01,242
this ridiculous
mathematical problem.
24
00:02:01,408 --> 00:02:05,908
In fact, I'm in doubt
whether you're even listening.
25
00:02:06,075 --> 00:02:08,450
Why do you doubt that?
26
00:02:11,617 --> 00:02:14,867
This is not a story I've told
in its entirety before,
27
00:02:15,033 --> 00:02:19,492
but whenever I've told other men
about experiences,
28
00:02:19,658 --> 00:02:22,700
episodes in my sex life,
29
00:02:22,867 --> 00:02:25,992
it was easy to see
that they became quite excited.
30
00:02:26,158 --> 00:02:28,700
I got excited.
31
00:02:28,867 --> 00:02:32,158
Yes, about the mathematical crap,
not about the story.
32
00:02:40,033 --> 00:02:43,867
What kind of a person
are you, actually?
33
00:02:52,283 --> 00:02:54,367
You wouldn't know.
34
00:03:00,492 --> 00:03:02,075
No, but I can guess.
35
00:03:05,742 --> 00:03:08,576
Why didn't I get that earlier?
36
00:03:08,743 --> 00:03:13,784
The fact you don't get excited
over my dirty stories
37
00:03:13,951 --> 00:03:15,993
is because you can't relate
to them.
38
00:03:18,409 --> 00:03:20,951
You've never been with a woman.
39
00:03:32,576 --> 00:03:36,201
That's quite accurate.
40
00:03:36,368 --> 00:03:38,701
Not with a man, either.
41
00:03:47,159 --> 00:03:49,493
Are you sorry about that?
42
00:03:54,118 --> 00:03:59,618
Well, yeah, out of curiosity...
43
00:04:00,909 --> 00:04:04,243
not out of lust,
as you would think.
44
00:04:09,993 --> 00:04:14,951
I consider myself asexual.
45
00:04:15,118 --> 00:04:19,868
Of course, I experimented with
masturbation when I was a teenager,
46
00:04:20,034 --> 00:04:24,284
but it didn't do much for me.
47
00:04:26,743 --> 00:04:30,451
So, there's nothing sexual
about me.
48
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,868
It's not as uncommon
as you would think.
49
00:04:39,034 --> 00:04:43,743
And of course, I've read a lot
about sexual subjects...
50
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:49,076
'Canterbury Tales',' Decameron',
'Thousand and One Nights'.
51
00:04:49,243 --> 00:04:53,076
You name it and I've read it
with great interest
52
00:04:53,243 --> 00:04:55,618
and enjoyment,
53
00:04:55,784 --> 00:04:58,493
but only literary enjoyment.
54
00:05:00,451 --> 00:05:02,909
But... but I think
maybe it makes me
55
00:05:03,076 --> 00:05:05,743
a better listener
to your story, and...
56
00:05:05,909 --> 00:05:12,618
I have no preconceived notions
or preferences.
57
00:05:12,784 --> 00:05:16,368
I'm actually the best judge
you could give your story to.
58
00:05:16,534 --> 00:05:19,576
And when it comes to deciding whether
you're a bad human being or not,
59
00:05:19,743 --> 00:05:22,951
I'm... I've no problems with that.
60
00:05:23,118 --> 00:05:26,118
Because I don't look at you
through the glasses
61
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:30,451
colored by sexuality
or sexual experience.
62
00:05:32,576 --> 00:05:34,701
I'm a virgin.
63
00:05:36,368 --> 00:05:38,493
I'm innocent.
64
00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:01,326
She's looking at me.
65
00:06:01,493 --> 00:06:04,368
Yes.
66
00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:08,326
It's an icon.
ls it Russian?
67
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,826
Yes, it's, uh...
68
00:06:09,993 --> 00:06:15,034
It's a skilled copy,
maybe in the manner of Rublev.
69
00:06:20,368 --> 00:06:23,826
Icons are usually connected
to the Eastern Church.
70
00:06:23,993 --> 00:06:25,201
The Eastern Church?
71
00:06:26,409 --> 00:06:28,951
I might become a bit theoretical.
72
00:06:30,493 --> 00:06:35,201
You may. I'd like you to tell me
about your picture.
73
00:06:35,368 --> 00:06:40,284
Although the Christian church
was split up in 1054
74
00:06:40,493 --> 00:06:41,826
because of differences in opinion
75
00:06:41,993 --> 00:06:44,743
between the Eastern Church
and the Western Church,
76
00:06:44,909 --> 00:06:51,118
what we today call the Orthodox Church
and the Roman Catholic Church,
77
00:06:51,284 --> 00:06:54,909
this is a typical Eastern Church icon.
78
00:06:55,076 --> 00:06:58,076
It usually depicts the Virgin Mary
79
00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:00,243
and the infant Jesus
and more rarely,
80
00:07:00,409 --> 00:07:02,201
for instance, the crucifixion,
81
00:07:02,368 --> 00:07:05,493
which in the Western Church
was much more prevalent.
82
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:09,118
If you generalize, you could say
that the Western Church
83
00:07:09,284 --> 00:07:10,868
is the church of suffering,
84
00:07:11,034 --> 00:07:14,701
and the Eastern Church
is the church of happiness.
85
00:07:17,368 --> 00:07:20,118
Why is she looking right at me?
86
00:07:21,701 --> 00:07:23,368
Well, she's telling a story.
87
00:07:23,534 --> 00:07:25,159
Icons were originally a kind of
88
00:07:25,326 --> 00:07:28,284
pictorial Bibles for the illiterate.
89
00:07:28,451 --> 00:07:30,493
There are some who say you...
90
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:34,201
you read an icon, even write it.
91
00:07:36,243 --> 00:07:40,952
There are different types of icons.
This is a Hodegetria.
92
00:07:41,119 --> 00:07:43,452
The directions are very important.
93
00:07:43,619 --> 00:07:47,869
She's looking at you, but she's
pointing at the baby Jesus.
94
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:51,035
And he's looking at you
and pointing at her.
95
00:07:52,244 --> 00:07:57,369
Do you see how flat it is?
There's no... no perspective.
96
00:07:59,285 --> 00:08:02,452
It's because it's an image of eternity.
97
00:08:03,535 --> 00:08:06,285
And eternity isn't in 3-D.
98
00:08:07,327 --> 00:08:11,369
But you said the Eastern Church
was the church of joy?
99
00:08:12,410 --> 00:08:14,994
Yeah, the sanctities
of the Eastern Church
100
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,619
were all about the joy of faith
101
00:08:17,785 --> 00:08:21,660
while the Western Church wallowed
in... in suffering and death.
102
00:08:21,827 --> 00:08:26,202
If you imagine a... a mental
journey from Rome eastward,
103
00:08:26,369 --> 00:08:29,994
you feel how you move away
from guilt and pain
104
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:31,660
towards joy and light.
105
00:08:31,827 --> 00:08:34,494
But you say
you didn't believe in God.
106
00:08:34,660 --> 00:08:39,910
No, but the concept of religion
is interesting.
107
00:08:40,077 --> 00:08:43,244
Like the concept of sex.
108
00:08:43,410 --> 00:08:45,244
But you won't find me
on my knees
109
00:08:45,410 --> 00:08:47,827
with regards to either.
110
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:52,035
Let's call this chapter,
111
00:08:52,202 --> 00:08:55,077
'The Eastern Church
and the Western Church.'
112
00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:56,869
But it won't be...
113
00:08:57,035 --> 00:09:00,285
it won't be a story about
traveling east from Rome
114
00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:03,702
towards the light,
but rather the opposite.
115
00:09:03,869 --> 00:09:07,285
So, in order
not to make it too sad,
116
00:09:07,452 --> 00:09:10,785
I've pepped up the name of
the chapter with an extra title.
117
00:09:17,119 --> 00:09:19,077
I have to go back a bit.
118
00:09:19,244 --> 00:09:23,827
I was 12 years old and
on a school trip in the hills.
119
00:12:02,910 --> 00:12:05,869
Are you making fun of me?
- What do you mean?
120
00:12:06,035 --> 00:12:07,869
You have this orgasm,
not only an orgasm
121
00:12:08,035 --> 00:12:11,328
but a spontaneous orgasm.
- Yes, it was an orgasm,
122
00:12:11,495 --> 00:12:15,536
though the doctor described it
as an epileptic seizure.
123
00:12:15,703 --> 00:12:18,995
And during that orgasm,
you had this vision?
124
00:12:19,161 --> 00:12:22,953
Of these two women
on each side of you.
125
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,536
The woman on my right side
seemed to be dressed
126
00:12:26,703 --> 00:12:28,870
in purple and scarlet
127
00:12:29,036 --> 00:12:32,036
with a lot of gold and pearls.
128
00:12:33,078 --> 00:12:36,203
She was carrying a golden goblet
in her hand.
129
00:12:36,370 --> 00:12:41,620
She was sitting
on some strange animal.
130
00:12:41,786 --> 00:12:46,495
And then the other woman
was dressed in Roman clothes,
131
00:12:46,661 --> 00:12:48,453
a baby on her arm
132
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:53,495
and her hair lay in tight waves
beneath a veil.
133
00:12:57,078 --> 00:13:00,453
Was she holding the veil
with two fingers like this?
134
00:13:01,536 --> 00:13:02,786
And the other woman,
135
00:13:02,953 --> 00:13:07,578
was she sitting on an animal
with seven heads and ten horns?
136
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:12,245
The animal only had one head.
It was kind of a bull.
137
00:13:16,661 --> 00:13:19,161
What's the matter?
138
00:13:20,786 --> 00:13:22,286
You're making this up.
139
00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:25,870
No, I'm not. I'm telling you
about my first orgasm,
140
00:13:26,036 --> 00:13:28,495
which came upon me
without the slightest touch
141
00:13:28,661 --> 00:13:32,245
in some strange ways
up in the mountains.
142
00:13:32,411 --> 00:13:35,036
I never had achieved
an orgasm before,
143
00:13:35,203 --> 00:13:36,286
even though I masturbated
144
00:13:36,495 --> 00:13:39,411
as if my life depended on it
during that time.
145
00:13:43,703 --> 00:13:48,828
Your story is like a...
blasphemous retelling
146
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:52,995
of the Transfiguration
of Jesus on the Mount,
147
00:13:53,161 --> 00:13:58,120
which is one of the Eastern Church's
holiest passages.
148
00:13:58,286 --> 00:14:01,745
It's when the humanity of Christ
is illuminated
149
00:14:01,911 --> 00:14:04,286
by the divine light of eternity.
150
00:14:04,453 --> 00:14:08,286
Jesus, Peter and two disciples
had climbed a mountain.
151
00:14:08,453 --> 00:14:10,745
And suddenly,
the disciples see this light
152
00:14:10,911 --> 00:14:13,286
emanating from Jesus' head.
153
00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:16,161
And Moses and Elijah
appear by his side.
154
00:14:16,328 --> 00:14:20,870
And they hear the voice of God,
calling him his son.
155
00:14:21,036 --> 00:14:26,203
The relationship between...
between the two women and you
156
00:14:26,370 --> 00:14:28,745
would be the same
as the relation
157
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:33,411
between Moses and Elijah
and Jesus.
158
00:14:33,578 --> 00:14:36,203
And that's where
it becomes blasphemous.
159
00:14:37,828 --> 00:14:39,203
I see.
160
00:14:39,370 --> 00:14:40,786
You don't even...
161
00:14:40,953 --> 00:14:43,828
you don't even know who
these women were, do you?
162
00:14:46,828 --> 00:14:50,536
No, but one of them did look
like the Virgin Mary,
163
00:14:50,703 --> 00:14:51,995
now that you mention it.
164
00:14:52,161 --> 00:14:54,078
Well, it wasn't the Virgin Mary,
I can tell you that.
165
00:14:55,453 --> 00:14:56,703
From your description,
166
00:14:56,870 --> 00:14:59,245
it must've been
Valeria Messalina,
167
00:14:59,411 --> 00:15:01,828
the wife of Emperor Claudius,
168
00:15:01,995 --> 00:15:05,620
the most notorious nymphomaniac
in history.
169
00:15:08,286 --> 00:15:10,745
I thought she looked
like your icon.
170
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:14,036
We have that image
from a statue in the Louvre.
171
00:15:14,203 --> 00:15:19,453
It's made like a Hodegetria, but it's
not a religious person, far from it.
172
00:15:20,661 --> 00:15:24,370
And the other woman,
the one astride the creature,
173
00:15:24,536 --> 00:15:27,453
that was no one else
but the great Whore of Babylon,
174
00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:31,536
riding on Nimrod
in the form of a bull.
175
00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:38,203
If anyone else
would've told me that story,
176
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:41,370
I would've seen it
as a blasphemous joke,
177
00:15:41,536 --> 00:15:43,203
spiced up with a Biblical light
178
00:15:43,370 --> 00:15:47,828
emanating from nothing less
than a spontaneous orgasm.
179
00:15:49,995 --> 00:15:51,911
Goodness gracious.
180
00:15:52,078 --> 00:15:54,786
You demand a lot
of your listener.
181
00:15:55,995 --> 00:15:59,453
I promise you I'm as innocent
in regards to the religious
182
00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:02,578
as you are when it comes to sex.
183
00:16:04,453 --> 00:16:07,203
The Transfiguration
on the Venus Mount.
184
00:16:09,953 --> 00:16:13,995
And then later,
you lost your orgasm altogether.
185
00:16:19,370 --> 00:16:21,661
Wagner.'Das Rheingold'.
186
00:16:21,828 --> 00:16:26,328
The descent into Nibelheim.
Was it that bad?
187
00:16:26,495 --> 00:16:29,661
Try to imagine that
in one fell swoop,
188
00:16:29,828 --> 00:16:32,036
you lost all desire to read
189
00:16:32,203 --> 00:16:35,536
and all your love and passion
for books and letters.
190
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:38,578
I don't even know
if I can imagine that.
191
00:17:00,871 --> 00:17:02,412
Can I help you?
192
00:18:04,371 --> 00:18:06,579
But as so often before in my life,
193
00:18:06,746 --> 00:18:11,204
a bit of hope sprang
from a mystical event.
194
00:18:11,371 --> 00:18:12,537
Which was?
195
00:18:12,704 --> 00:18:17,287
Three dead leaves
performing a strange ballet.
196
00:18:17,454 --> 00:18:21,537
That gave you hope?
For what?
197
00:18:21,704 --> 00:18:26,079
For regaining my sexuality.
- How?
198
00:18:28,537 --> 00:18:31,037
To claim it by force.
199
00:18:58,912 --> 00:19:01,537
In spite of my tireless efforts,
200
00:19:01,704 --> 00:19:04,912
my cunt totally failed to respond.
201
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,662
But the fact
that the initiative had shifted
202
00:19:08,829 --> 00:19:11,746
seemed to encourage Jerome greatly.
203
00:19:11,912 --> 00:19:13,787
And I have to admit
there came a time
204
00:19:13,954 --> 00:19:16,746
when we had fun together.
205
00:19:20,662 --> 00:19:22,871
I'll give you a fiver.
206
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,037
Uh-huh.
207
00:19:25,537 --> 00:19:28,162
If you can put this...
208
00:19:28,329 --> 00:19:30,662
up inside your cunt.
209
00:19:30,829 --> 00:19:34,329
A fiver?
- Right.
210
00:19:47,996 --> 00:19:49,912
Shit.
211
00:20:32,537 --> 00:20:35,537
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
212
00:20:38,912 --> 00:20:42,579
Didn't you get any spoons?
- No, we didn't.
213
00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:41,830
So what does this tell us?
214
00:21:41,997 --> 00:21:45,080
That love and sex have nothing
to do with each other, or...
215
00:21:45,247 --> 00:21:48,163
or that they decidedly
work against one another?
216
00:21:48,330 --> 00:21:51,580
The most grotesque thing
was that it was during that period,
217
00:21:51,705 --> 00:21:55,955
where every sexual sensation
was denied me, a period,
218
00:21:56,122 --> 00:21:59,913
I must admit, of secure
and restful domestic comfort.
219
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,913
We had moved in together
and so on,
220
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,497
that I became pregnant,
221
00:22:04,663 --> 00:22:07,622
because I was careless
about my birth control pills.
222
00:22:07,788 --> 00:22:10,788
Consciously or unconsciously,
223
00:22:10,955 --> 00:22:13,955
it was important for me
to have a Caesarean.
224
00:22:14,122 --> 00:22:17,080
I mean, I was hoping that my cunt
was going to fucking work again,
225
00:22:18,163 --> 00:22:20,955
and I had a feeling
that a haphazard birth
226
00:22:21,122 --> 00:22:23,955
wouldn't make things better.
227
00:22:24,122 --> 00:22:26,330
I may have been imagining things,
228
00:22:26,497 --> 00:22:29,538
but as I lay there,
the noise from the instruments
229
00:22:29,705 --> 00:22:33,038
rang out in a chord like
the one from the Little Flock.
230
00:22:34,997 --> 00:22:38,163
Yes. And it wasn't fear.
231
00:22:38,330 --> 00:22:41,872
More like a kind of disgust.
232
00:22:55,997 --> 00:22:59,288
I could've sworn
I saw him laughing.
233
00:22:59,455 --> 00:23:01,497
A laughing son.
234
00:23:01,663 --> 00:23:03,247
In 'Doctor Faustus',
Thomas Mann describes
235
00:23:03,413 --> 00:23:05,913
the birth of Noah's son Ham,
236
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,872
who was laughing when he was born.
237
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,538
Another satanic omen.
238
00:23:15,413 --> 00:23:20,288
Incidentally, the innocent child
was named Marcel after Mars,
239
00:23:20,455 --> 00:23:21,830
the Roman God of War.
240
00:23:21,997 --> 00:23:24,080
And motherhood?
241
00:23:24,247 --> 00:23:28,455
I assume maternal love didn't
quite live up to its expectations.
242
00:23:28,622 --> 00:23:31,330
No, I didn't have
any expectations.
243
00:23:31,497 --> 00:23:34,122
And maternal love
wasn't a problem.
244
00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:38,705
It was just that each time
I looked into the child's eyes,
245
00:23:39,455 --> 00:23:43,955
I had this unsettling feeling
of having been found out.
246
00:23:47,330 --> 00:23:50,622
It's probably
a strange thing to say about a child...
247
00:23:50,788 --> 00:23:54,038
that my love wasn't being returned.
248
00:23:54,205 --> 00:23:57,122
But it was my perception.
249
00:23:59,330 --> 00:24:02,413
If Jerome had hoped for a break
from what was for him
250
00:24:02,580 --> 00:24:06,372
now mostly strenuous work,
he could forget about it.
251
00:24:06,538 --> 00:24:10,247
Achilles was again chasing
the tortoise.
252
00:24:13,622 --> 00:24:16,788
Fill all my holes.
- I can't, Joe.
253
00:24:21,497 --> 00:24:23,247
I'm sorry.
254
00:24:25,913 --> 00:24:27,788
I'm trying.
255
00:24:33,747 --> 00:24:36,747
Can we talk a bit?
- Of course.
256
00:24:41,955 --> 00:24:46,747
I love you. I love your wildness
and your desire. I love you, Joe.
257
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:50,788
At the moment,
I don't seem to satisfy you
258
00:24:50,955 --> 00:24:53,038
in the way that I'd like to.
259
00:24:54,330 --> 00:24:55,205
Don't get upset, Joe.
260
00:24:55,372 --> 00:24:56,872
It doesn't mean we won't continue
with our sex life,
261
00:24:57,038 --> 00:24:59,372
which is very important to me.
262
00:25:00,747 --> 00:25:02,872
Very important to me.
263
00:25:04,663 --> 00:25:07,872
When you buy a tiger, right,
264
00:25:08,038 --> 00:25:09,997
you also have to feed it.
265
00:25:10,163 --> 00:25:14,830
Um, satisfy it, right?
266
00:25:21,580 --> 00:25:23,830
Long story short.
267
00:25:24,455 --> 00:25:25,955
I have a tiger on my hands.
268
00:25:26,122 --> 00:25:28,663
You mean I'm too much for you.
- No.
269
00:25:28,830 --> 00:25:31,288
You're just the way you should be.
270
00:25:31,455 --> 00:25:33,122
I was just thinking
if you would consider
271
00:25:33,288 --> 00:25:36,330
that I get a little help
with the feeding, that's all.
272
00:25:39,705 --> 00:25:43,330
You're saying I should have sex
with others as well.
273
00:25:49,498 --> 00:25:53,831
That's a rather cruel way
of putting it, Joe, but...
274
00:25:53,998 --> 00:25:56,373
But exact.
- Exact.
275
00:26:08,373 --> 00:26:10,831
For a long time I'd
been playing around with the idea
276
00:26:10,998 --> 00:26:13,331
that the concept of
the fuck-me-now clothes
277
00:26:13,498 --> 00:26:14,623
could be improved.
278
00:26:15,956 --> 00:26:17,414
You look nice.
279
00:26:17,581 --> 00:26:20,706
And became the piano teacher.
280
00:26:43,414 --> 00:26:46,456
You okay?
- No.
281
00:26:46,664 --> 00:26:49,498
What's the matter?
- Well, I'm such an idiot with cars.
282
00:26:49,664 --> 00:26:51,748
I don't really know what to do.
Do you mind helping me?
283
00:26:53,789 --> 00:26:57,456
Of course it won't work. The
spark plug caps have been removed.
284
00:26:57,623 --> 00:27:01,581
Yes, I did that.
Was that wrong?
285
00:27:01,748 --> 00:27:03,789
For the first time
I had the pleasure
286
00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:05,831
of having an eight-cylinder car.
287
00:27:05,998 --> 00:27:07,748
The possible combinations
288
00:27:07,914 --> 00:27:10,789
of eight spark plug caps
on eight spark plugs
289
00:27:10,956 --> 00:27:13,706
are 40,320,
290
00:27:13,873 --> 00:27:16,581
if I remember
my math correctly.
291
00:27:16,748 --> 00:27:20,248
And only one of these
will make the car run,
292
00:27:20,414 --> 00:27:22,623
which gave me
all the time I needed.
293
00:27:22,789 --> 00:27:25,664
Beethoven, huh?
He was certainly very good,
294
00:27:25,831 --> 00:27:27,539
but, you know,
he couldn't write a fugue.
295
00:27:27,706 --> 00:27:32,498
You think so?
- Well, yeah, I think so.
296
00:27:47,498 --> 00:27:50,956
It would be more precise
to say that Beethoven
297
00:27:51,123 --> 00:27:53,706
renewed the fugue.
298
00:27:55,039 --> 00:27:58,414
That he was such a visionary
that the old Bach purists,
299
00:27:58,581 --> 00:28:01,748
they accused him
of not mastering it.
300
00:28:23,956 --> 00:28:25,956
Good day?
301
00:28:33,914 --> 00:28:36,581
Not one word was ever spoken
302
00:28:36,748 --> 00:28:40,039
between me and Jerome
about my piano lessons.
303
00:28:54,248 --> 00:28:56,164
The first time the
mysterious letters
304
00:28:56,331 --> 00:28:57,373
addressed to me arrived,
305
00:28:57,539 --> 00:29:00,164
I, of course, feared that
they were love letters
306
00:29:00,331 --> 00:29:03,539
from someone I'd completely
forgotten about and hid them,
307
00:29:03,706 --> 00:29:07,539
so as not to hurt Jerome
if he should see them.
308
00:29:14,373 --> 00:29:17,748
But as Jerome was always somehow
present when I would get the mail,
309
00:29:17,914 --> 00:29:21,081
and as the envelopes
were always empty,
310
00:29:21,248 --> 00:29:23,289
I understood that the letters,
in fact,
311
00:29:23,456 --> 00:29:27,456
were sent by Jerome himself
as a way of testing me.
312
00:29:29,498 --> 00:29:31,331
My decision not to
show them to him
313
00:29:31,498 --> 00:29:34,123
was exactly the reaction
he had feared,
314
00:29:34,289 --> 00:29:37,123
and it reaffirmed
his insane jealousy
315
00:29:37,289 --> 00:29:40,748
and his fantasies
of the countless times
316
00:29:40,914 --> 00:29:44,456
I would fall in love for real
while being the piano teacher.
317
00:30:13,206 --> 00:30:14,831
And now to reach the heart
318
00:30:14,956 --> 00:30:16,915
of your suffering Western Church,
319
00:30:17,082 --> 00:30:20,290
I have to jump ahead
three years in the story
320
00:30:20,457 --> 00:30:23,582
and talk about my meeting
with what I would call
321
00:30:23,749 --> 00:30:24,999
'The Dangerous Men.'
322
00:30:31,374 --> 00:30:34,457
I was alone with Marcel a lot
during this period,
323
00:30:34,624 --> 00:30:37,499
as Jerome was traveling
most of the time,
324
00:30:37,665 --> 00:30:40,415
and when he was finally home,
he spent most of the time
325
00:30:40,582 --> 00:30:43,082
accusing me of neglecting Marcel,
326
00:30:43,249 --> 00:30:44,582
which, in my opinion,
327
00:30:44,749 --> 00:30:47,999
was just a cover for
his anger over my lovers.
328
00:30:48,165 --> 00:30:52,582
Despite my, to put it mildly,
promiscuous initiatives,
329
00:30:52,790 --> 00:30:56,249
any sexual satisfaction,
let alone orgasm,
330
00:30:56,415 --> 00:30:59,707
was further away than ever before.
331
00:31:17,999 --> 00:31:20,582
I had to make a change.
332
00:31:20,749 --> 00:31:22,624
And somehow,
the inspiration had been
333
00:31:22,790 --> 00:31:26,415
right there beneath my window
the whole time.
334
00:31:26,582 --> 00:31:29,915
I'd planned to go where
I would never before
335
00:31:30,082 --> 00:31:31,999
had dreamt of going.
336
00:31:32,165 --> 00:31:37,415
For instance, to be with a man with
whom I shared no spoken language.
337
00:31:37,582 --> 00:31:40,415
I could feel that
it turned me on enormously
338
00:31:40,582 --> 00:31:43,457
to imagine a sexual situation
339
00:31:43,624 --> 00:31:48,165
in which verbal communication
was impossible.
340
00:31:51,415 --> 00:31:52,499
Hello.
- Hello.
341
00:31:52,665 --> 00:31:54,582
I'm Tobias, the interpreter.
342
00:31:54,749 --> 00:31:57,207
Hello, I'm Joe. Come in.
343
00:31:57,374 --> 00:32:00,040
I understand that you mastered
the African languages.
344
00:32:00,207 --> 00:32:02,999
I do have a basis.
345
00:32:03,165 --> 00:32:05,124
Who and what needs
interpretation?
346
00:32:05,290 --> 00:32:10,499
Um, that man.
The one with the green jacket.
347
00:32:10,665 --> 00:32:13,165
What language is being spoken?
348
00:32:13,332 --> 00:32:14,999
Well, God knows. I...
349
00:32:15,165 --> 00:32:18,165
All I know is that
he doesn't speak English.
350
00:32:36,457 --> 00:32:39,207
It's quite difficult.
351
00:32:39,374 --> 00:32:43,457
But, uh, we did manage
to find a dialect,
352
00:32:43,624 --> 00:32:45,082
of which we both
had some knowledge.
353
00:32:45,249 --> 00:32:46,165
Mm-hm.
354
00:32:48,457 --> 00:32:49,582
You coming?
355
00:32:49,749 --> 00:32:52,374
No, I'll stay here,
and the two of you communicate.
356
00:32:54,457 --> 00:32:57,790
You are to ask him if he wants
to have sex with me.
357
00:32:57,957 --> 00:33:00,415
Sex?
- Mm-hmm.
358
00:33:02,665 --> 00:33:04,874
Yeah, um...
359
00:33:28,832 --> 00:33:32,207
ls it a go?
- It's hard to say.
360
00:33:33,082 --> 00:33:38,165
I've written down
the time and place, but, um...
361
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,124
Honestly, I wouldn't like
to take responsibility
362
00:33:41,290 --> 00:33:44,457
for the precise wording
in this case, which I think,
363
00:33:44,624 --> 00:33:47,874
uh, accidentally may belong
364
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,249
to a Grey zone in my profession.
365
00:33:53,249 --> 00:33:55,665
It was the address of
a cheap hotel.
366
00:34:04,249 --> 00:34:05,665
Why were there two?
367
00:34:05,832 --> 00:34:07,665
My words exactly.
368
00:34:07,832 --> 00:34:11,749
Apparently, N had brought
his brother along.
369
00:36:48,166 --> 00:36:50,041
Why was he so angry?
370
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,833
Clearly, it was something
personal between them,
371
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,708
but later I heard that
performing a sandwich
372
00:36:55,875 --> 00:36:59,083
requires great sensitivity,
since the men apparently
373
00:36:59,250 --> 00:37:01,750
can feel each other
through the tissue.
374
00:37:01,916 --> 00:37:05,333
I imagine the quarrel had
already started on the stairs
375
00:37:05,500 --> 00:37:08,541
and that one or the other party
had laid claim
376
00:37:08,708 --> 00:37:10,708
to one or the other of my holes
377
00:37:10,833 --> 00:37:14,375
in conflict with his Negro
brother's interests.
378
00:37:14,541 --> 00:37:17,208
You shouldn't use that word.
379
00:37:17,375 --> 00:37:20,208
It's not what you call
politically correct.
380
00:37:20,375 --> 00:37:21,416
Negro.
381
00:37:21,583 --> 00:37:24,375
Well, excuse me,
but in my circles,
382
00:37:24,541 --> 00:37:27,250
it's always been a mark of honor
to call a spade a spade.
383
00:37:28,500 --> 00:37:31,375
Each time a word becomes prohibited,
384
00:37:31,541 --> 00:37:34,083
you remove a stone
from the democratic foundation.
385
00:37:34,250 --> 00:37:38,958
Society demonstrates its impotence
in the face of a concrete problem
386
00:37:39,125 --> 00:37:41,041
by removing words
from the language.
387
00:37:41,208 --> 00:37:44,791
The book burners have nothing
on modern society.
388
00:37:44,958 --> 00:37:46,041
I think society would claim
389
00:37:46,208 --> 00:37:49,875
that politically correctness
is a very precise expression
390
00:37:50,041 --> 00:37:52,833
of democratic concern
for minorities.
391
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:58,000
And I say that society is
as cowardly as the people in it
392
00:37:58,166 --> 00:38:02,041
who, in my opinion, are also
too stupid for democracy.
393
00:38:04,083 --> 00:38:07,750
I understand your point,
but I totally disagree.
394
00:38:07,916 --> 00:38:09,375
I have no doubt
in the human qualities.
395
00:38:10,791 --> 00:38:14,375
The human qualities can be
expressed in one word:
396
00:38:14,541 --> 00:38:15,625
hypocrisy.
397
00:38:16,583 --> 00:38:20,375
We elevate those who say
right but mean wrong,
398
00:38:20,541 --> 00:38:23,375
and mock those who say
wrong but mean right.
399
00:38:25,333 --> 00:38:27,833
Society is based on hate.
400
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:30,333
It should be based
on forgiveness.
401
00:38:31,625 --> 00:38:34,250
Hatred is rudimentary.
402
00:38:36,166 --> 00:38:39,958
One should be able
to forgive one's executioner.
403
00:38:44,750 --> 00:38:46,833
By the way, I can assure you
404
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:51,208
that women who claim that Negros
don't turn them on are lying.
405
00:38:51,375 --> 00:38:54,041
So, did they satisfy you?
406
00:38:54,208 --> 00:38:55,916
Those Ne... Negros.
407
00:38:57,458 --> 00:39:02,333
No, but they showed me that
there was a world far from mine
408
00:39:02,500 --> 00:39:04,791
I had to explore.
409
00:39:04,958 --> 00:39:08,000
And there, or perhaps
on the other side
410
00:39:08,166 --> 00:39:09,875
get my life back.
411
00:39:56,084 --> 00:39:58,376
Who are you?
412
00:40:00,459 --> 00:40:01,959
I know what you do.
413
00:40:02,876 --> 00:40:06,209
I'd like to be
one of the women you see.
414
00:40:09,917 --> 00:40:12,167
That's of no interest.
415
00:40:18,042 --> 00:40:19,792
Madame.
416
00:41:12,876 --> 00:41:16,417
Princess,
I specifically said five days,
417
00:41:16,542 --> 00:41:19,792
and five days haven't gone yet.
418
00:41:19,959 --> 00:41:25,834
So, you'll have to leave.
Sorry.
419
00:41:35,959 --> 00:41:37,959
You still here?
420
00:41:40,126 --> 00:41:42,209
I, uh...
421
00:41:43,126 --> 00:41:45,584
I don't think this is for you.
422
00:41:48,709 --> 00:41:53,084
Shall we conduct a small test?
423
00:41:56,459 --> 00:41:58,251
Stand up.
424
00:42:06,501 --> 00:42:08,292
Sit down, please.
425
00:42:16,084 --> 00:42:22,042
I just want you to sit
completely relaxed
426
00:42:22,209 --> 00:42:24,792
while I hit you in the face.
427
00:42:24,959 --> 00:42:26,667
Nothing special.
428
00:42:26,834 --> 00:42:31,167
It's just a...
it's just a slap.
429
00:42:36,626 --> 00:42:38,334
You ready?
430
00:42:39,834 --> 00:42:41,792
I'm ready.
431
00:42:49,001 --> 00:42:50,792
No!
432
00:42:53,834 --> 00:42:55,376
See?
433
00:43:06,126 --> 00:43:08,834
How mysterious.
434
00:43:09,001 --> 00:43:11,876
Will you give me
a reasonable explanation now,
435
00:43:12,042 --> 00:43:14,292
or shall we wait?
436
00:43:16,167 --> 00:43:17,959
I can't give you an explanation
437
00:43:18,126 --> 00:43:21,209
and certainly not a reasonable one.
438
00:43:21,376 --> 00:43:25,751
What exactly were the rumors
about him?
439
00:43:25,917 --> 00:43:30,417
That he was violent.
- How can that be exciting?
440
00:43:34,042 --> 00:43:36,334
I think the easiest way
to understand it
441
00:43:36,501 --> 00:43:39,126
is to refer to my rebellious nature.
442
00:43:40,709 --> 00:43:45,792
This business of K's was something
I was completely against.
443
00:43:45,959 --> 00:43:47,876
So, the fact
that I was now contacting him
444
00:43:48,042 --> 00:43:50,835
was a last, desperate attempt
445
00:43:51,002 --> 00:43:54,085
to rehabilitate my sexuality.
446
00:43:55,043 --> 00:43:58,418
The system was
the overriding factor with K.
447
00:43:59,293 --> 00:44:01,418
A system of violence?
448
00:44:02,210 --> 00:44:05,168
Well, you were the one
449
00:44:05,335 --> 00:44:09,127
who insisted on
the Western Church, right?
450
00:44:09,293 --> 00:44:11,668
And I... I seem to remember
451
00:44:11,835 --> 00:44:15,960
that the systematic approach
to the crucifixion
452
00:44:16,127 --> 00:44:19,710
is of a violent
and not to say sadistic nature.
453
00:44:19,877 --> 00:44:23,877
Oh yes, the Passion of Christ
is full of systematic violence.
454
00:44:24,043 --> 00:44:26,752
The Via Dolorosa,
the Nine Stations of the Cross,
455
00:44:26,918 --> 00:44:29,585
and the 39 lashes.
456
00:44:53,710 --> 00:44:56,502
You are beginning
to irritate me.
457
00:45:26,793 --> 00:45:29,210
Let me tell you the rules, then.
458
00:45:31,168 --> 00:45:33,627
The first rule
is that I don't fuck you,
459
00:45:34,585 --> 00:45:37,835
and there isn't any discussions
about that.
460
00:45:38,835 --> 00:45:41,085
Then, what do you get out of it?
461
00:45:41,252 --> 00:45:46,085
That's my business, and I don't
mean to mention it again.
462
00:45:46,252 --> 00:45:49,918
The second rule
is that we have no safe word,
463
00:45:51,085 --> 00:45:53,627
meaning that if you,
uh, go inside with me,
464
00:45:53,793 --> 00:45:56,543
there is nothing that you can say
465
00:45:56,710 --> 00:46:01,752
that will make me stop
any plan or procedure.
466
00:46:01,918 --> 00:46:06,918
You must bring a brown,
used leather riding crop.
467
00:46:07,085 --> 00:46:12,168
And not one
from a shop selling sex toys.
468
00:46:12,335 --> 00:46:13,960
It's not a masquerade.
469
00:46:16,210 --> 00:46:18,627
Third rule...
470
00:46:18,793 --> 00:46:24,710
If I choose to let you in,
you have to be sitting out here.
471
00:46:24,877 --> 00:46:29,418
In other words, you...
you won't know when.
472
00:46:29,585 --> 00:46:35,127
Only that it would be some time
between 2:00 and 6:00 at night.
473
00:46:35,293 --> 00:46:37,210
I can't stay here that late.
474
00:46:37,377 --> 00:46:41,168
My babysitter's not reliable,
and I can't leave my child.
475
00:46:43,835 --> 00:46:45,460
You don't even know my name!
476
00:46:45,627 --> 00:46:48,043
I'm not interested in your name.
477
00:46:49,502 --> 00:46:51,918
Here, your name is...
478
00:46:54,543 --> 00:46:56,335
Fido.
479
00:47:10,085 --> 00:47:11,627
Can I help you?
480
00:47:11,793 --> 00:47:14,377
I'd like to buy a riding crop.
481
00:47:14,543 --> 00:47:17,877
For what?
- For my horse.
482
00:47:18,043 --> 00:47:20,460
Yes, I understand that part.
What kind of horse?
483
00:47:23,002 --> 00:47:25,877
Well, it's not very big.
484
00:47:26,043 --> 00:47:28,502
No, I just meant is the whip
for dressage or for jumping?
485
00:47:28,668 --> 00:47:30,585
Um...
486
00:47:30,793 --> 00:47:32,293
I don't know.
487
00:47:33,418 --> 00:47:35,960
This is a dressage whip.
488
00:47:36,127 --> 00:47:37,960
Well, it's probably
for jumping, then.
489
00:47:38,127 --> 00:47:40,168
Okay. Like this?
490
00:47:44,252 --> 00:47:46,168
Is it used?
- No.
491
00:47:47,127 --> 00:47:50,085
We do have used whips,
but these are not that expensive.
492
00:47:51,752 --> 00:47:53,585
I prefer a used one.
493
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:57,502
Okay.
494
00:48:04,668 --> 00:48:07,377
Marcel's awake.
495
00:48:07,543 --> 00:48:09,918
Do you want to say goodbye
to your mom?
496
00:48:10,085 --> 00:48:12,460
Goodbye.
497
00:49:11,503 --> 00:49:12,961
Fido...
498
00:49:35,044 --> 00:49:37,003
I'll take your coat.
499
00:49:57,419 --> 00:49:59,836
I'd like you
to have your hair up.
500
00:50:01,128 --> 00:50:03,836
You can use this.
501
00:50:04,003 --> 00:50:07,794
Just in case it becomes necessary
for me to hit you in the face.
502
00:50:07,961 --> 00:50:10,461
Should I take my clothes off?
503
00:50:11,961 --> 00:50:15,253
I'll tell you
what to do and when.
504
00:50:17,128 --> 00:50:18,753
You may sit down.
505
00:50:29,128 --> 00:50:30,961
Give me your hand.
506
00:50:38,336 --> 00:50:40,753
I wanna see what this knot
looks like on your wrist.
507
00:50:57,586 --> 00:50:58,878
Okay.
508
00:51:05,794 --> 00:51:07,711
You may get UP-
509
00:51:15,128 --> 00:51:17,878
Now you may bend down.
- How?
510
00:51:20,128 --> 00:51:22,044
Approach the chair.
511
00:51:23,753 --> 00:51:25,461
Now bend from the hips.
512
00:51:28,669 --> 00:51:31,586
Look forward. Look forward.
With your head up.
513
00:51:31,753 --> 00:51:34,628
Head up.
Keep looking forward.
514
00:51:41,336 --> 00:51:43,378
Keep looking forward.
515
00:51:47,919 --> 00:51:49,794
You may stand up.
516
00:51:51,378 --> 00:51:53,378
We have to use the couch.
517
00:51:55,919 --> 00:51:57,753
Come and sit.
518
00:52:00,211 --> 00:52:04,128
Take it easy. Take it easy.
519
00:52:04,294 --> 00:52:06,003
Bend over.
520
00:52:08,586 --> 00:52:10,794
Lay your arms out straight.
521
00:52:21,294 --> 00:52:23,586
Take it easy. Take it easy.
522
00:53:05,129 --> 00:53:08,045
Bring your hands out straight.
523
00:53:08,254 --> 00:53:10,462
Palms facing each other.
524
00:53:18,504 --> 00:53:20,087
Take it easy.
525
00:53:57,087 --> 00:53:59,295
Next time, don't wear knickers.
526
00:54:24,795 --> 00:54:28,004
Your ass is not high enough.
527
00:54:28,170 --> 00:54:29,337
I don't think
we can do this today.
528
00:54:29,504 --> 00:54:31,129
What?
529
00:54:37,962 --> 00:54:40,045
I'd like to see you again
on Thursday.
530
00:54:47,170 --> 00:54:49,504
What's wrong?
531
00:54:49,670 --> 00:54:52,337
I think we should see
how it goes on Thursday.
532
00:55:05,254 --> 00:55:07,087
Hi, I can't
come to the phone right now.
533
00:55:07,254 --> 00:55:09,379
Please, leave a message.
534
00:55:09,587 --> 00:55:12,420
Yes, this is Marcel's mother again.
535
00:55:12,545 --> 00:55:16,962
It's now 1:30.
We had an agreement.
536
00:55:17,129 --> 00:55:21,670
I hope you get this message
and come as quickly as you can.
537
00:55:23,254 --> 00:55:26,087
Ah, Marcel is sleeping.
538
00:55:26,254 --> 00:55:30,379
Uh... I have to go now.
539
00:56:26,170 --> 00:56:28,087
Raise yourself up.
540
00:56:31,004 --> 00:56:32,879
Even further.
541
00:56:36,712 --> 00:56:38,254
Better.
542
00:56:58,337 --> 00:57:02,337
Also so much better.
So much better.
543
00:57:08,754 --> 00:57:11,587
I am now going to hit you 12 times,
544
00:57:11,754 --> 00:57:13,920
no matter how much you scream
545
00:57:14,087 --> 00:57:16,254
'cause no one can hear you
down here.
546
00:57:23,670 --> 00:57:27,505
That's, uh, that's not how it goes.
547
00:57:29,088 --> 00:57:31,838
Most people don't scream
until I hit them.
548
00:58:33,630 --> 00:58:35,255
That's it.
549
00:58:39,380 --> 00:58:43,005
Thank you.
- You're very welcome.
550
00:58:54,255 --> 00:58:56,338
Hello? Are you there?
551
00:58:58,796 --> 00:59:02,255
It's just all so very strange.
552
00:59:02,421 --> 00:59:06,171
Yes. Very, very strange.
553
00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:12,171
Because I was wetter the second time.
There's no doubt about it.
554
00:59:12,338 --> 00:59:15,213
I don't know where we get
our sexuality from
555
00:59:15,380 --> 00:59:19,463
or where tendencies
of this kind come from.
556
00:59:20,505 --> 00:59:23,588
Probably a perversion created
in our childhood
557
00:59:23,755 --> 00:59:26,046
that never manifested itself before.
558
00:59:26,213 --> 00:59:30,630
Well, oddly enough,
Freud says the opposite.
559
00:59:30,796 --> 00:59:34,338
He talks about the polymorphic
perversion of a child,
560
00:59:34,505 --> 00:59:39,630
meaning that in a child,
all kinds of perversions exist.
561
00:59:39,796 --> 00:59:42,963
And then we use
the childhood to diminish
562
00:59:43,130 --> 00:59:45,713
or remove some Of them.
563
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:49,171
Basically, a child
is sexually polymorphic,
564
00:59:49,338 --> 00:59:52,963
and everything is sexuality
in an infant.
565
00:59:53,130 --> 00:59:56,255
And yet it was deeply bizarre
566
00:59:56,421 --> 01:00:00,296
to lie there and especially
to want to lie there.
567
01:00:04,546 --> 01:00:07,546
I felt invincible.
568
01:00:07,713 --> 01:00:10,380
But mostly,
I felt like a potted plant.
569
01:00:12,005 --> 01:00:13,588
Potted plant?
570
01:00:13,755 --> 01:00:17,796
Yes, because he was constantly
checking my cunt juice.
571
01:00:17,963 --> 01:00:22,921
The way old ladies check their potted
plant to see if they need watering.
572
01:00:25,796 --> 01:00:29,796
It is an interesting point
that you actually lubricated
573
01:00:29,963 --> 01:00:34,046
in expectation for a pain
that you hadn't experienced.
574
01:00:36,005 --> 01:00:38,921
Your body prepared itself
for an intercourse
575
01:00:39,088 --> 01:00:41,505
that you knew wouldn't happen.
576
01:00:43,380 --> 01:00:47,088
I can only describe
the mood as sexual.
577
01:00:49,088 --> 01:00:51,630
Despite K's immature appearance,
578
01:00:51,796 --> 01:00:55,963
his methods were
surprisingly refined.
579
01:00:56,130 --> 01:01:00,630
As I twisted and turned
while he was whipping me,
580
01:01:00,796 --> 01:01:04,546
I could feel
how clever his knots were.
581
01:01:04,713 --> 01:01:08,380
If I fought them,
they would get tighter,
582
01:01:08,546 --> 01:01:12,463
and as I relaxed,
it seemed they did, too.
583
01:01:12,713 --> 01:01:15,213
Hmm.
584
01:01:15,505 --> 01:01:19,130
Like a cat playing with a mouse.
585
01:01:20,588 --> 01:01:22,880
Fooling it to believe
it has a chance of escape
586
01:01:23,046 --> 01:01:26,463
and then attacking it again.
587
01:01:28,505 --> 01:01:34,088
I don't know
what kind of knot K used,
588
01:01:34,255 --> 01:01:39,505
but I know of a knot that tightens
when force is exerted
589
01:01:39,671 --> 01:01:42,421
and vice versa.
It's called a Prusik knot.
590
01:01:42,588 --> 01:01:45,463
It's after a man called Prusik.
591
01:01:45,630 --> 01:01:47,463
He was a mountain climber,
592
01:01:47,630 --> 01:01:49,296
and he and a friend
were out climbing
593
01:01:49,463 --> 01:01:53,796
and they had an accident,
and his friend died.
594
01:01:53,963 --> 01:01:57,214
And he ended up hanging
at the end of a rope
595
01:01:57,381 --> 01:02:00,881
with no possibility
of getting up.
596
01:02:01,047 --> 01:02:03,672
You know, you can't climb
up a mountain climber rope.
597
01:02:03,839 --> 01:02:05,631
It's too thin.
598
01:02:05,797 --> 01:02:09,172
But he was an intelligent man,
and with his back to the wall,
599
01:02:09,339 --> 01:02:11,172
he was a genius.
600
01:02:12,922 --> 01:02:16,131
And he took the shoelaces
out of his boots
601
01:02:16,297 --> 01:02:20,422
and made two loops
and affixed them to the rope.
602
01:02:20,589 --> 01:02:22,922
And he could move these up
603
01:02:23,089 --> 01:02:24,339
when they weren't under tension.
604
01:02:24,506 --> 01:02:26,797
And then he could step into them
605
01:02:26,964 --> 01:02:31,047
and climb the rope
and save himself.
606
01:02:31,214 --> 01:02:33,339
Prusik.
607
01:02:35,964 --> 01:02:39,672
I think this was
one of your weakest digressions.
608
01:02:43,672 --> 01:02:48,214
May I continue?
- Be my guest.
609
01:02:52,881 --> 01:02:56,964
Tomorrow bring 15 small coins,
all the same.
610
01:02:59,006 --> 01:03:00,964
No more, no less.
611
01:05:01,797 --> 01:05:05,131
I sometimes give a Christmas present.
612
01:05:05,881 --> 01:05:09,547
But uh, you have
to do the work yourself.
613
01:05:09,714 --> 01:05:12,422
I'm going to show you how to do it.
614
01:05:27,339 --> 01:05:29,339
This is called a blood knot.
615
01:05:29,506 --> 01:05:33,839
You have to make nine ropes
with three blood knots on each.
616
01:05:34,006 --> 01:05:35,839
Let me see you do it.
617
01:05:36,006 --> 01:05:40,714
You decide whether
to make four, five, or six turns
618
01:05:40,881 --> 01:05:42,881
on the various knots.
619
01:05:54,089 --> 01:05:55,797
Let me see.
620
01:06:03,089 --> 01:06:05,214
That's fine.
621
01:06:05,381 --> 01:06:08,506
If you... if you start with one knot
622
01:06:08,672 --> 01:06:11,422
at the top of the rope,
623
01:06:11,589 --> 01:06:16,339
and then you have to put two
more knots at a distance of...
624
01:06:16,506 --> 01:06:20,672
Well, between 10 and 20
centimeters to be exact,
625
01:06:20,839 --> 01:06:22,422
but the most important thing
with blood knots
626
01:06:22,589 --> 01:06:25,672
on the nine ropes is
that they are placed differently
627
01:06:25,839 --> 01:06:28,214
and that they are staggered.
628
01:06:34,132 --> 01:06:36,965
The cat-o-nine-tails
is often called
629
01:06:37,132 --> 01:06:40,007
the 'Captain's Daughter'
aboard ships.
630
01:06:43,882 --> 01:06:46,132
The blood knot is important
631
01:06:46,298 --> 01:06:49,048
because those are the ones
that break the skin and not,
632
01:06:49,673 --> 01:06:55,423
as erroneously thought,
the end of the rope.
633
01:06:55,590 --> 01:07:01,423
A gallows knot is also a kind of
a blood knot with many turns.
634
01:07:01,590 --> 01:07:06,090
The American military standard
demanded five to 15 turns,
635
01:07:06,257 --> 01:07:09,298
as it was the turns placed behind
the left ear of the delinquent
636
01:07:09,465 --> 01:07:12,673
that would break the neck
of the condemned as he fell.
637
01:07:16,215 --> 01:07:18,007
I'll take it from here.
638
01:10:08,548 --> 01:10:10,215
Joe?
639
01:10:12,090 --> 01:10:13,632
Love?
640
01:10:23,673 --> 01:10:25,048
Marcel?
641
01:10:28,923 --> 01:10:30,382
Marcel.
642
01:11:10,174 --> 01:11:13,216
Are you fond of me still?
- Yes.
643
01:11:13,383 --> 01:11:16,341
More fond of me than the others?
644
01:11:18,299 --> 01:11:21,174
Yes'?
- Yes.
645
01:11:21,341 --> 01:11:25,049
You're not thinking of leaving
again tonight, are you?
646
01:11:25,216 --> 01:11:26,424
No.
- No?
647
01:11:26,591 --> 01:11:29,049
No, no. Not at all.
- You sure?
648
01:11:30,633 --> 01:11:31,758
Yeah.
649
01:11:31,924 --> 01:11:34,674
Are you lying to me, Joe?
650
01:11:34,841 --> 01:11:36,716
No.
- Be honest.
651
01:11:36,883 --> 01:11:41,383
It's all right.
Just fucking say it.
652
01:11:41,549 --> 01:11:43,883
No, I... I just want to be here.
653
01:11:44,049 --> 01:11:45,883
Why?
654
01:11:49,674 --> 01:11:51,549
I don't know.
655
01:11:57,799 --> 01:12:00,883
If you leave tonight,
656
01:12:01,049 --> 01:12:04,591
you'll never see me or Marcel
ever again in your life.
657
01:12:08,258 --> 01:12:10,299
You understand?
658
01:13:26,133 --> 01:13:27,924
ls this goodbye?
659
01:13:31,174 --> 01:13:34,174
ls that what you're saying?
660
01:13:34,341 --> 01:13:35,633
Marcel, get up.
661
01:13:35,799 --> 01:13:37,924
Stop it.
- ls that what you want?
662
01:13:39,466 --> 01:13:43,091
Yeah, so you could see him.
Look at him, Joe.
663
01:13:48,591 --> 01:13:51,591
Let's face it,
Joe, you're not a mother.
664
01:13:53,591 --> 01:13:55,174
Let's wake him up.
665
01:13:55,341 --> 01:13:59,716
Marcel, baby boy.
Say bye, Mom.
666
01:14:00,883 --> 01:14:03,508
Please, put him...
- ls this what you want?
667
01:14:07,299 --> 01:14:09,008
You see?
668
01:14:09,174 --> 01:14:12,216
You see, he wants you.
669
01:14:12,383 --> 01:14:14,216
Come.
670
01:14:15,174 --> 01:14:18,258
It's Christmas.
It's fucking Christmas.
671
01:14:41,133 --> 01:14:42,383
What is this?
672
01:14:44,424 --> 01:14:47,674
Today it's Madame who must wait.
673
01:14:55,924 --> 01:14:57,883
Madame, I'm very sorry,
674
01:14:58,049 --> 01:15:01,008
but I have to have a few words
with Fido first.
675
01:15:11,799 --> 01:15:14,424
Your behavior is really
upsetting me today.
676
01:15:25,174 --> 01:15:28,008
I really ought to send you home.
677
01:15:49,925 --> 01:15:51,967
Happy Christmas, Fido.
678
01:16:54,259 --> 01:16:56,884
I want your cock.
- What did you say?
679
01:16:58,384 --> 01:16:59,925
I want your cock.
680
01:17:00,092 --> 01:17:03,675
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
681
01:17:07,009 --> 01:17:09,175
What's the matter with you today?
682
01:17:30,884 --> 01:17:36,425
On account of the holidays
and your behavior today,
683
01:17:36,592 --> 01:17:38,884
I'm going to give you
the original Roman maximum
684
01:17:39,050 --> 01:17:42,050
of 40 lashes.
Are you ready, Fido?
685
01:17:44,259 --> 01:17:45,800
I'm ready.
686
01:17:51,134 --> 01:17:52,884
One.
687
01:17:55,175 --> 01:17:56,175
Two.
688
01:17:58,467 --> 01:17:59,509
Three.
689
01:18:02,009 --> 01:18:03,425
Four.
690
01:18:04,717 --> 01:18:05,925
Five.
691
01:18:08,217 --> 01:18:09,634
Six.
692
01:18:22,967 --> 01:18:25,342
I'd seen through K's
knot technique,
693
01:18:25,509 --> 01:18:28,009
so I was able to loosen
my position a bit
694
01:18:28,175 --> 01:18:30,842
to move my pelvis
and thereby stimulate
695
01:18:31,009 --> 01:18:33,717
my clitoris against the cover
of the book.
696
01:18:59,092 --> 01:19:00,550
Forty.
697
01:19:11,259 --> 01:19:16,259
And when you came home,
Jerome and the child were gone?
698
01:19:23,092 --> 01:19:26,134
I haven't seen Marcel since.
699
01:19:29,675 --> 01:19:34,259
This sentimentality...
I hate it.
700
01:19:37,509 --> 01:19:40,925
Why?
- Because it's a lie.
701
01:19:45,217 --> 01:19:47,050
Are you sure?
702
01:19:54,050 --> 01:19:56,050
Jerome understood
that he couldn't prioritize
703
01:19:56,217 --> 01:20:00,925
his life according to a child either,
704
01:20:01,092 --> 01:20:04,051
so he put him in a foster home.
705
01:20:06,968 --> 01:20:09,760
My only contact to the boy
is the thousand pounds
706
01:20:09,968 --> 01:20:12,885
I put in his account every month.
707
01:20:13,051 --> 01:20:14,510
Anonymously.
708
01:20:17,676 --> 01:20:19,885
As a penance.
709
01:20:29,801 --> 01:20:31,010
Every time I leave,
710
01:20:31,176 --> 01:20:35,135
I have this feeling that
when I return, you'll be gone.
711
01:20:39,051 --> 01:20:40,926
And all I can hear
is the cat flap,
712
01:20:41,093 --> 01:20:44,551
swinging back and forth.
713
01:20:47,301 --> 01:20:50,718
Thank you. I didn't know
you had a cat flap.
714
01:20:51,551 --> 01:20:52,760
I used to have a cat,
715
01:20:52,926 --> 01:20:56,260
so I have a cat flap
in the door to the stairwell.
716
01:20:56,426 --> 01:20:58,218
But how did it get outside?
717
01:21:01,260 --> 01:21:05,551
I never thought of that.
I suppose through the basement.
718
01:21:05,718 --> 01:21:07,426
The thing is...
719
01:21:07,593 --> 01:21:10,426
Every time someone opens
the door to the street,
720
01:21:10,593 --> 01:21:13,676
the cat flap squeaks.
721
01:21:13,843 --> 01:21:15,676
There's a lot of drafts
in the house.
722
01:21:17,218 --> 01:21:19,968
It hasn't squeaked yet.
723
01:21:20,968 --> 01:21:24,301
No, there's not many people
coming and going.
724
01:21:24,468 --> 01:21:26,426
That's a bit creepy.
725
01:21:26,593 --> 01:21:29,801
No, I like it.
726
01:21:29,968 --> 01:21:33,843
It's... it's peaceful.
727
01:21:38,510 --> 01:21:43,843
After all this sadness, may I ask
what happened to the silent duck?
728
01:21:44,885 --> 01:21:48,801
Oh, shit. The silent duck.
729
01:21:48,968 --> 01:21:51,718
I'd forgotten all about it.
730
01:21:52,676 --> 01:21:55,426
One night K had been
in what was for him
731
01:21:55,593 --> 01:21:57,510
an unusually good mood.
732
01:21:57,676 --> 01:22:00,176
I don't know what caused it,
but he didn't hit hard,
733
01:22:00,343 --> 01:22:02,468
and he joked that
he would introduce me
734
01:22:02,635 --> 01:22:05,468
to the concept
of the silent duck.
735
01:22:30,718 --> 01:22:34,676
One hardly dare
imagine the quacking duck.
736
01:22:47,968 --> 01:22:50,885
Well, deep down,
737
01:22:51,051 --> 01:22:54,176
little K seems
to have been a jolly man
738
01:22:54,385 --> 01:22:55,551
with versatile talents.
739
01:22:55,718 --> 01:22:59,510
But he got that bit
about Roman punishment
740
01:22:59,676 --> 01:23:02,093
and the 40 lashes wrong.
741
01:23:02,260 --> 01:23:03,885
Because it's true that
the highest punishment
742
01:23:04,051 --> 01:23:09,051
was 40 lashes, but it had to be
delivered in series of three.
743
01:23:09,218 --> 01:23:11,093
That's why Jesus
only got 39 lashes
744
01:23:11,260 --> 01:23:16,885
because three goes
into 39 but not into 40.
745
01:23:19,760 --> 01:23:22,968
Well, I don't know about K
being jolly.
746
01:23:23,135 --> 01:23:25,593
His position as a sadist
747
01:23:25,760 --> 01:23:28,885
wasn't perhaps as enviable
as it might first appear.
748
01:23:29,051 --> 01:23:34,093
Superficially, the sadist
acts as the decider.
749
01:23:34,926 --> 01:23:37,843
But I once had a conversation
with a prostitute,
750
01:23:37,968 --> 01:23:40,468
who had tried all the variations
in her field.
751
01:23:40,635 --> 01:23:42,260
She wasn't surprised by anything.
752
01:23:42,426 --> 01:23:47,301
And she admitted to have only
masochists.
753
01:23:48,218 --> 01:23:49,343
Masochists, for her,
754
01:23:49,510 --> 01:23:52,468
were the most demanding
and the most ungrateful.
755
01:23:53,426 --> 01:23:55,843
First, she were
to deduce their desire
756
01:23:56,010 --> 01:23:57,718
by reading their thoughts,
757
01:23:57,885 --> 01:24:01,843
then perform without
any alteration from the norm,
758
01:24:02,010 --> 01:24:05,176
and after which,
unlike other clients
759
01:24:05,343 --> 01:24:08,676
and the most honorable sadists,
for example,
760
01:24:08,843 --> 01:24:10,760
you never received any thanks,
761
01:24:11,676 --> 01:24:14,468
let alone gifts or flowers.
762
01:24:19,051 --> 01:24:21,885
I never went
in that direction again,
763
01:24:22,051 --> 01:24:24,510
neither back to K or masochism.
764
01:24:34,801 --> 01:24:37,511
But I took the orgasm with me.
765
01:24:38,927 --> 01:24:43,469
You yet have to show me one
single example of maliciousness.
766
01:24:44,261 --> 01:24:46,677
But that's all I'm doing!
767
01:24:46,844 --> 01:24:49,636
It's as if you want
to misunderstand me.
768
01:24:49,802 --> 01:24:53,427
You keep inventing
complicated and false excuses
769
01:24:53,594 --> 01:24:56,052
for my despicable
and selfish actions.
770
01:24:58,302 --> 01:25:00,052
During the time
when our relationship
771
01:25:00,219 --> 01:25:03,052
was going downhill,
Jerome really tried his best.
772
01:25:06,261 --> 01:25:07,844
I bought you something.
773
01:25:08,011 --> 01:25:09,761
You bought me something?
- I'm sure you'll love it.
774
01:25:11,386 --> 01:25:14,219
Wow, it's a ring.
- Yeah.
775
01:25:15,261 --> 01:25:16,302
It's beautiful.
776
01:25:16,469 --> 01:25:19,594
It was impossible
for me to work out Jerome's income.
777
01:25:19,761 --> 01:25:23,636
Sometimes he had lots of money
and other times none,
778
01:25:23,802 --> 01:25:25,052
which I later thought perhaps
779
01:25:25,219 --> 01:25:28,511
meant that his work
was not entirely above board.
780
01:25:28,677 --> 01:25:31,761
But this time
he'd really gone all out.
781
01:25:31,927 --> 01:25:36,469
That must've been so expensive.
- Well, it wasn't cheap.
782
01:25:36,636 --> 01:25:38,719
Best craftsmanship.
- Hmm.
783
01:25:38,886 --> 01:25:41,052
I'll guarantee you that.
784
01:25:41,219 --> 01:25:43,677
Let's play a game, then.
785
01:25:43,844 --> 01:25:46,094
A game?
- Mm-hmm. Get up.
786
01:25:46,261 --> 01:25:47,344
Okay.
787
01:25:47,511 --> 01:25:49,719
It's called 'Cinderella'.
- I don't know it.
788
01:25:49,886 --> 01:25:51,761
You will.
- Okay.
789
01:25:51,927 --> 01:25:53,802
Right.
- No, you don't touch it.
790
01:25:53,969 --> 01:25:55,511
Okay.
- You just look at it.
791
01:25:57,969 --> 01:25:59,761
Okay? Are you ready?
792
01:26:01,302 --> 01:26:02,927
Yes.
- Steady.
793
01:26:03,094 --> 01:26:05,386
Steady.
794
01:26:05,552 --> 01:26:07,302
Go.
- Fuck! Joe!
795
01:26:07,469 --> 01:26:08,677
Come on, Cinderella.
796
01:26:08,844 --> 01:26:11,302
Oh, fuck.
- Come on, come on.
797
01:26:11,469 --> 01:26:14,761
Joe! For fuck's sake.
798
01:26:14,927 --> 01:26:17,094
Move!
- Cinderella, Cinderella!
799
01:26:17,261 --> 01:26:20,344
Fuck! Are you mad, Joe?
800
01:26:21,219 --> 01:26:24,011
Are you fucking mad?
Fuck!Fuck.
801
01:26:24,177 --> 01:26:27,136
£7,000, Joe!
802
01:26:28,886 --> 01:26:30,302
Did he find it?
803
01:26:30,469 --> 01:26:35,344
Oh yes, and returned it
and got all his money back.
804
01:26:35,511 --> 01:26:40,094
So can you call this game
anything other than malicious?
805
01:26:44,969 --> 01:26:47,636
Let me chew on that for a while.
806
01:26:51,594 --> 01:26:54,677
So it wasn't the diamond that
you're wearing around your neck?
807
01:26:54,844 --> 01:26:58,136
No. But that was a gift, too.
808
01:26:58,302 --> 01:27:00,219
But I have to be honest and say
809
01:27:00,386 --> 01:27:03,177
I can't remember the person
who gave it to me.
810
01:27:04,136 --> 01:27:07,094
I've always been in...
in the theoretical way, of course,
811
01:27:07,261 --> 01:27:09,261
interested in diamonds
and their cuts.
812
01:27:09,427 --> 01:27:12,302
The word 'brilliant'
refers to the cut.
813
01:27:12,469 --> 01:27:15,219
Diamond is the stone.
814
01:27:17,094 --> 01:27:19,177
If we use the word 'divine'
in connection
815
01:27:19,344 --> 01:27:21,427
with the Golden Section
and Fibonacci,
816
01:27:21,594 --> 01:27:23,719
the brilliant cut is nothing less.
817
01:27:24,469 --> 01:27:27,636
It's a frighteningly refined cut.
818
01:27:27,802 --> 01:27:30,386
Fifty-seven facets.
819
01:27:30,552 --> 01:27:33,719
The theory is that the light
enters through the top plane,
820
01:27:33,886 --> 01:27:38,136
which is called the table
or in some languages the mirror,
821
01:27:38,302 --> 01:27:42,427
and then inside the diamond
is refracted in all the facets
822
01:27:42,594 --> 01:27:44,427
and thrown out the same way,
823
01:27:44,594 --> 01:27:49,594
creating a absolutely unique
light effect.
824
01:27:51,636 --> 01:27:55,427
So, it's called a mirror.
I didn't know that.
825
01:27:56,636 --> 01:27:58,427
You have a mirror, too.
826
01:28:00,886 --> 01:28:02,594
Yeah.
827
01:28:02,761 --> 01:28:05,177
It's like a thought, isn't it?
828
01:28:34,802 --> 01:28:36,052
Some years later,
829
01:28:36,219 --> 01:28:39,427
the bodily abuse
began to have an effect.
830
01:28:39,677 --> 01:28:42,927
First, rare bleedings
from my clitoris,
831
01:28:43,094 --> 01:28:46,469
but then they became
more and more frequent.
832
01:28:56,177 --> 01:28:57,761
Come in.
833
01:29:01,386 --> 01:29:05,094
But I really need my salary.
834
01:29:05,261 --> 01:29:06,845
I know.
835
01:29:08,220 --> 01:29:10,720
And I'd like to help you.
836
01:29:11,595 --> 01:29:14,845
Have you heard any
of the rumors about yourself?
837
01:29:18,428 --> 01:29:21,095
They say you see men
every evening
838
01:29:24,220 --> 01:29:26,970
and spend all night with them.
839
01:29:27,137 --> 01:29:30,387
They say you can't be trusted,
all of them.
840
01:29:32,803 --> 01:29:35,012
Why do they say that?
841
01:29:36,928 --> 01:29:39,553
I suppose they're afraid
that I...
842
01:29:39,720 --> 01:29:43,220
I can't keep away
from their men.
843
01:29:45,345 --> 01:29:48,220
Right. And can you?
844
01:29:49,428 --> 01:29:50,803
No.
845
01:29:53,928 --> 01:29:56,428
I've spoken with a psychologist.
846
01:29:57,762 --> 01:29:59,637
He says you're addicted,
847
01:29:59,803 --> 01:30:02,387
but that it's not the kind of
addiction that can't be treated.
848
01:30:03,095 --> 01:30:06,095
They have some groups.
849
01:30:06,262 --> 01:30:08,762
I know about these kinds
of groups.
850
01:30:08,928 --> 01:30:11,970
I don't have anything
to say to a psychologist.
851
01:30:12,137 --> 01:30:15,137
I'm not suggesting therapy.
I'm demanding it.
852
01:30:16,595 --> 01:30:18,720
Even if you leave us,
it'll be the same at your next job
853
01:30:18,887 --> 01:30:21,345
and the one after that.
854
01:30:26,303 --> 01:30:28,762
Why didn't you want to speak
with a psychologist?
855
01:30:30,303 --> 01:30:33,553
It's an old story.
I just don't like them.
856
01:30:36,887 --> 01:30:38,762
Well, if you insist
that I try to understand,
857
01:30:38,928 --> 01:30:41,053
then you have
to tell me that story as well.
858
01:30:41,220 --> 01:30:43,512
The old story.
859
01:30:44,678 --> 01:30:47,595
Okay. Okay.
860
01:30:47,762 --> 01:30:50,178
It's not that old after all.
861
01:30:50,928 --> 01:30:55,428
It was about a year after
I'd lost Marcel and Jerome.
862
01:31:02,553 --> 01:31:03,928
Okay.
863
01:31:05,262 --> 01:31:08,012
I'd been careless
with my birth control pills before,
864
01:31:08,178 --> 01:31:10,720
and now I just didn't use them.
865
01:31:10,928 --> 01:31:12,887
Didn't the
whole experience with Marcel
866
01:31:13,053 --> 01:31:15,970
convince you that there was no
room for children in your life?
867
01:31:16,178 --> 01:31:17,803
That's right.
868
01:31:22,553 --> 01:31:24,762
I know it sounds
incomprehensible,
869
01:31:24,928 --> 01:31:27,428
but actually, it was because
of my crippling fear
870
01:31:27,595 --> 01:31:30,720
of becoming pregnant
that I didn't take the pills.
871
01:31:30,887 --> 01:31:32,928
It's probably impossible
to understand.
872
01:31:33,095 --> 01:31:36,678
No, it makes sense to me.
873
01:31:36,845 --> 01:31:38,970
You were so afraid
of getting pregnant
874
01:31:39,137 --> 01:31:42,553
that you repressed
the possibility of it.
875
01:31:42,720 --> 01:31:45,970
You couldn't even handle
seeing the box of pills.
876
01:31:51,553 --> 01:31:53,012
Okay.
877
01:31:58,428 --> 01:32:00,303
Would you turn it down?
878
01:32:02,970 --> 01:32:05,595
If you look at the screen
you can see your child,
879
01:32:05,762 --> 01:32:07,512
but I can't tell you
the gender yet.
880
01:32:07,678 --> 01:32:10,262
I don't give a shit
about the gender.
881
01:32:10,428 --> 01:32:11,845
I want it removed.
882
01:32:14,887 --> 01:32:18,303
Okay. Uh, you're in week eleven.
883
01:32:18,470 --> 01:32:23,012
So legally, there are
no barriers for an abortion.
884
01:32:23,178 --> 01:32:26,053
Yes, I know that.
Just remove it.
885
01:32:26,220 --> 01:32:30,553
Well, we have some procedures
to follow.
886
01:32:30,720 --> 01:32:32,345
There's nothing more
to talk about.
887
01:32:32,512 --> 01:32:34,553
I can have it removed.
I want it removed.
888
01:32:34,720 --> 01:32:37,720
It is a very big decision,
best not made in haste.
889
01:32:37,887 --> 01:32:40,637
Didn't you understand
what I just said?
890
01:32:40,803 --> 01:32:43,178
Okay, there's
an informative consultation
891
01:32:43,345 --> 01:32:46,720
with our psychologist before
you can have the procedure.
892
01:32:55,678 --> 01:32:58,095
You didn't really fill out the form.
893
01:32:58,262 --> 01:33:00,178
Maybe you didn't have time,
894
01:33:00,345 --> 01:33:05,387
uh, so I will need
to ask a few more questions.
895
01:33:05,553 --> 01:33:09,095
What's the most important thing
in your life right now?
896
01:33:09,262 --> 01:33:13,345
It could be many things,
your family, your friends, your...
897
01:33:13,512 --> 01:33:15,637
The most important thing
for me right now
898
01:33:15,803 --> 01:33:17,928
is to get an abortion.
899
01:33:19,678 --> 01:33:22,762
Yes. Well, that's what
we're going to resolve together.
900
01:33:25,137 --> 01:33:27,595
I need some information.
901
01:33:30,220 --> 01:33:32,053
Do you love the father?
902
01:33:32,220 --> 01:33:35,512
That's none of your business.
903
01:33:35,678 --> 01:33:40,929
Well, it is my business
because I'm here to form
904
01:33:41,096 --> 01:33:43,846
an impression
of your circumstances.
905
01:33:44,013 --> 01:33:45,804
That's my job.
906
01:33:45,971 --> 01:33:47,763
Okay, so what would you
most like me
907
01:33:47,929 --> 01:33:51,429
to answer about the father in order
to get the fucking abortion?
908
01:33:51,596 --> 01:33:54,346
That I love him,
or that I don't love him?
909
01:33:54,513 --> 01:33:59,054
Or that I... I don't know him
because I fuck tons of men?
910
01:34:04,346 --> 01:34:07,304
I, uh, see that
you were emotional
911
01:34:07,471 --> 01:34:09,679
during the doctor's examination.
912
01:34:09,846 --> 01:34:11,971
I think you're emotional.
913
01:34:12,138 --> 01:34:16,179
Please, listen. This is what we call
an informative consultation.
914
01:34:16,346 --> 01:34:18,388
What is it I need
to be informed of?
915
01:34:18,554 --> 01:34:20,596
That you can't
stuff the kid back inside?
916
01:34:20,763 --> 01:34:23,263
I already know that.
917
01:34:24,513 --> 01:34:26,638
I just need to be certain
918
01:34:26,804 --> 01:34:29,013
that you're completely sure
about your choice,
919
01:34:29,179 --> 01:34:32,346
and my professional opinion
based on your behavior
920
01:34:32,513 --> 01:34:33,763
is that clearly you're not.
921
01:34:33,929 --> 01:34:36,096
I've never been more sure
in my life.
922
01:34:36,263 --> 01:34:38,846
I want that fetus out right now.
923
01:34:39,013 --> 01:34:42,221
And as a professional, I cannot
defend recommending an abortion
924
01:34:42,388 --> 01:34:43,471
based on this conversation.
925
01:34:43,679 --> 01:34:47,679
I've already had a kid!
I know what I want!
926
01:34:47,846 --> 01:34:49,221
Fuck you.
927
01:34:55,929 --> 01:34:58,804
There were,
of course, many ways to do it.
928
01:34:58,971 --> 01:35:01,596
But I had chosen to follow
the common medical procedure
929
01:35:01,763 --> 01:35:04,554
I had learnt
while studying medicine,
930
01:35:04,721 --> 01:35:06,846
as it was of great importance
for me
931
01:35:07,013 --> 01:35:10,346
to get the fetus out straight away
rather than wait for it
932
01:35:10,513 --> 01:35:13,429
to be expelled
a couple of days later.
933
01:36:36,554 --> 01:36:39,429
Clearly, the most painful part
934
01:36:39,596 --> 01:36:42,471
would be the gradual opening
of the cervix,
935
01:36:42,638 --> 01:36:46,888
which otherwise was always done
under anesthesia.
936
01:38:50,972 --> 01:38:53,430
wasps, sobs)
937
01:39:12,180 --> 01:39:14,347
Say something, Pierrot.
938
01:39:16,305 --> 01:39:17,389
What do you mean?
939
01:39:17,555 --> 01:39:20,347
Well, you always have
so many clever things to say.
940
01:39:26,180 --> 01:39:29,597
Well, I... I feel bad for you
941
01:39:29,764 --> 01:39:31,639
that you had to cause yourself
so much pain.
942
01:39:38,055 --> 01:39:42,472
But the... the abortion
is completely understandable.
943
01:39:42,639 --> 01:39:43,764
You simply thought the child
944
01:39:43,930 --> 01:39:46,389
wouldn't have
a life worth living, so...
945
01:39:47,014 --> 01:39:49,014
Yeah, but the abortion in itself.
946
01:39:49,180 --> 01:39:51,972
Abortion is not murder.
- Oh, come on.
947
01:39:52,139 --> 01:39:56,055
Don't fall back on false clichés
just for my sake.
948
01:39:56,222 --> 01:39:58,930
I ask again,
what about the abortion?
949
01:39:59,097 --> 01:40:00,222
I have no comment.
950
01:40:00,389 --> 01:40:03,389
I'm a big proponent
for abortion rights,
951
01:40:03,555 --> 01:40:06,139
but this is 100% female territory.
952
01:40:06,305 --> 01:40:08,555
I don't believe a man
can ever comprehend
953
01:40:08,722 --> 01:40:11,305
the situation or the pain.
954
01:40:11,472 --> 01:40:15,389
And when it comes to the method,
I think the less said, the better.
955
01:40:15,555 --> 01:40:18,555
Those are two
very interesting points of view.
956
01:40:18,722 --> 01:40:21,555
First, you say that as a man,
957
01:40:21,722 --> 01:40:23,847
you can't understand
a woman's feelings
958
01:40:24,014 --> 01:40:26,514
with regard to abortion.
959
01:40:26,680 --> 01:40:29,597
Well, that's a bit like saying
that I couldn't understand
960
01:40:29,764 --> 01:40:32,514
the victims of earthquakes
because they were Chinese.
961
01:40:34,055 --> 01:40:36,847
I thought we agreed that empathy
962
01:40:37,014 --> 01:40:39,764
was the foundation
of all humanism.
963
01:40:39,930 --> 01:40:42,847
But I can see that it's very
convenient for men
964
01:40:43,014 --> 01:40:46,097
to leave all that abortion
stuff to women.
965
01:40:46,264 --> 01:40:47,889
That way they don't have
to deal with the guilt
966
01:40:48,055 --> 01:40:51,014
and all of the small stuff.
967
01:40:51,180 --> 01:40:53,764
But your other remark
provokes me even more.
968
01:40:53,930 --> 01:40:57,222
You think my method
is not worth discussing?
969
01:40:59,347 --> 01:41:02,930
What enjoyment would I,
or let alone a young pregnant girl,
970
01:41:03,097 --> 01:41:04,889
have from hearing
all the lurid details
971
01:41:05,055 --> 01:41:09,139
about how a fetus is removed
in a clinic or any other way?
972
01:41:11,180 --> 01:41:12,972
Well, then,
we're back at the discussion
973
01:41:13,139 --> 01:41:15,680
about eating something
that was once alive.
974
01:41:15,847 --> 01:41:19,722
Do you really think
abortion is so repugnant
975
01:41:19,889 --> 01:41:21,472
if you believe
that we should know
976
01:41:21,639 --> 01:41:25,139
how animals are slaughtered
in order to eat them?
977
01:41:25,305 --> 01:41:27,305
Well, that's a fact
we have to live with,
978
01:41:27,472 --> 01:41:29,597
even if we try to repress it.
979
01:41:29,764 --> 01:41:31,180
Just as we do with abortion.
980
01:41:31,347 --> 01:41:34,180
Well, you sound
like a pro-lifer from Texas.
981
01:41:35,889 --> 01:41:37,514
I don't think so.
982
01:41:38,305 --> 01:41:41,055
First of all, I'm just
as much a pro-choice as you are.
983
01:41:41,222 --> 01:41:42,597
But on principle,
984
01:41:42,764 --> 01:41:46,680
I believe that taboos
are damaging for human beings.
985
01:41:47,722 --> 01:41:50,514
That's a relatively easy stance
for you to take.
986
01:41:53,472 --> 01:41:56,555
One that can be misconstrued
as a...
987
01:41:56,722 --> 01:41:59,555
as an argument
against pregnancy termination.
988
01:42:01,847 --> 01:42:03,389
I don't want
to belittle anything,
989
01:42:03,555 --> 01:42:06,972
but I can't see your abortion
as anything but a...
990
01:42:08,222 --> 01:42:09,847
luxury problem.
991
01:42:13,264 --> 01:42:15,430
A luxury problem?
992
01:42:15,597 --> 01:42:18,805
The really serious,
serious abortions,
993
01:42:18,972 --> 01:42:24,055
the ones that save lives,
far from our social spheres,
994
01:42:24,222 --> 01:42:25,889
you can't endanger them
just because you
995
01:42:26,055 --> 01:42:28,722
provocatively insist
on showing the gory details.
996
01:42:30,055 --> 01:42:33,555
Consider all the millions
of repressed women,
997
01:42:33,722 --> 01:42:38,264
the victims of rape
and incest, hunger.
998
01:42:38,430 --> 01:42:41,430
All those who,
maybe thanks to an abortion,
999
01:42:41,597 --> 01:42:42,640
have regained a new life,
1000
01:42:42,806 --> 01:42:46,640
maybe saved a child
from starving to death.
1001
01:42:46,806 --> 01:42:51,806
You can't harm them just because
of some principle of openness.
1002
01:42:54,973 --> 01:42:59,723
Luckily, I was able to get the head
of the fetus out on the first try,
1003
01:42:59,890 --> 01:43:01,640
but it rarely goes like that.
1004
01:43:01,806 --> 01:43:05,306
In the 12th week,
the diameter of the head
1005
01:43:05,473 --> 01:43:08,473
is a little more than
1.2 centimeters.
1006
01:43:08,640 --> 01:43:11,223
Therefore,
a very impressive instrument
1007
01:43:11,390 --> 01:43:13,265
has been developed
by the medical community.
1008
01:43:13,431 --> 01:43:16,140
The nutcracker is an instrument
1009
01:43:16,306 --> 01:43:20,098
that we use to get the fetus
out of the uterus completely.
1010
01:43:20,265 --> 01:43:24,473
We enter it into and through
the dilated cervical channel
1011
01:43:24,640 --> 01:43:27,056
and position it around the head
of the fetus,
1012
01:43:27,223 --> 01:43:30,306
and you crack it like a nut,
1013
01:43:30,473 --> 01:43:33,181
and then you pull out the fetus,
and there you have it.
1014
01:43:33,348 --> 01:43:35,931
That is the so-called nutcracker.
1015
01:43:36,098 --> 01:43:38,515
This is not something I need to know.
1016
01:43:39,848 --> 01:43:41,973
Oh, I hope you're not going
1017
01:43:42,140 --> 01:43:46,015
to be an opponent of abortion
based on that.
1018
01:43:46,181 --> 01:43:49,640
No, but you have to think
of the outrage
1019
01:43:49,806 --> 01:43:52,723
this knowledge would create
in society.
1020
01:43:52,890 --> 01:43:56,640
So, you're saying that people
in general are too stupid
1021
01:43:56,806 --> 01:44:00,973
to make decisions
on an informed basis.
1022
01:44:01,140 --> 01:44:05,348
And that coming from a man
who only an hour ago sermonized
1023
01:44:05,515 --> 01:44:07,890
about his belief
in human qualities.
1024
01:44:08,056 --> 01:44:10,931
No, you... you're simplifying things.
1025
01:44:11,098 --> 01:44:14,056
You can't look at it like that.
1026
01:44:14,223 --> 01:44:16,640
It's funny to see you
so emotional suddenly.
1027
01:44:21,556 --> 01:44:24,056
Looking back,
it rankles me a bit
1028
01:44:24,223 --> 01:44:28,390
that I didn't just
show up all calm and collected
1029
01:44:28,556 --> 01:44:31,931
at the appointment
with the psychologist
1030
01:44:32,098 --> 01:44:34,681
and have my abortion
under full anesthesia.
1031
01:44:34,848 --> 01:44:38,306
The fact is that when
you're completely under,
1032
01:44:38,473 --> 01:44:41,140
the fetus doesn't feel
anything either,
1033
01:44:41,306 --> 01:44:45,348
whereas my action, of course,
caused pain,
1034
01:44:45,515 --> 01:44:47,390
depending on how much consciousness
1035
01:44:47,556 --> 01:44:52,306
you want to ascribe
to a fetus about 12 weeks old.
1036
01:44:52,473 --> 01:44:55,015
I'm a bit nervous
about bringing that subject up,
1037
01:44:55,181 --> 01:44:57,473
as most of the abortions
in the world,
1038
01:44:57,640 --> 01:44:59,598
due to lack of resources,
1039
01:44:59,765 --> 01:45:03,890
occur just under
local anesthesia or none.
1040
01:45:05,931 --> 01:45:08,723
Well, you're a careful man.
1041
01:45:09,723 --> 01:45:13,890
Whether we talk about abortion
or not, you can't escape death,
1042
01:45:14,056 --> 01:45:17,973
and my fetus could have turned
out to be a fine human being,
1043
01:45:18,140 --> 01:45:21,765
but one that would
also eventually die.
1044
01:45:25,390 --> 01:45:27,806
What haunts me
is the ironic detail
1045
01:45:27,973 --> 01:45:30,765
that my father and I
were snail-gatherers.
1046
01:45:34,015 --> 01:45:38,181
We had the deepest compassion,
not to say sentimentality,
1047
01:45:38,348 --> 01:45:41,431
about the smallest living things
on the planet
1048
01:45:41,598 --> 01:45:43,890
which we demonstrated
by saving snails,
1049
01:45:44,056 --> 01:45:47,556
often, by the way,
the same size as my fetus,
1050
01:45:47,681 --> 01:45:50,431
from certain death on the path.
1051
01:45:50,598 --> 01:45:54,056
We did that only
when the other one wasn't watching,
1052
01:45:54,223 --> 01:45:56,390
as it was a bit embarrassing.
1053
01:45:57,765 --> 01:46:00,223
Are you picking up snails?
1054
01:46:01,515 --> 01:46:03,181
No.
1055
01:46:05,056 --> 01:46:06,556
Are you sure you weren't
picking up snails?
1056
01:46:06,723 --> 01:46:08,348
Yeah.
- You're sure?
1057
01:46:08,515 --> 01:46:10,598
Yeah.
1058
01:46:12,973 --> 01:46:16,848
Shall we drop the subject?
- Yes, please.
1059
01:46:17,015 --> 01:46:19,098
Are you sure
you don't want a little tour
1060
01:46:19,265 --> 01:46:21,140
of the technical details
1061
01:46:21,306 --> 01:46:23,973
of removal of organs
for organ donations?
1062
01:46:24,140 --> 01:46:26,556
No, thank you. I'm fine.
1063
01:46:29,223 --> 01:46:30,181
Where were we?
1064
01:46:31,140 --> 01:46:35,223
I think something about your boss
sending you to see a psychologist.
1065
01:46:35,390 --> 01:46:37,223
Yes, that's right.
1066
01:46:42,640 --> 01:46:45,181
My name is Joe.
- Hi, Joe.
1067
01:46:45,348 --> 01:46:49,348
And I'm a nymphomaniac.
- Sex addict.
1068
01:46:49,515 --> 01:46:52,098
My name is Joe,
and I'm a nymphomaniac.
1069
01:46:52,265 --> 01:46:55,640
We say sex addict.
Here, everyone's the same.
1070
01:47:00,390 --> 01:47:04,681
Renée, last time you
told us you had a plan.
1071
01:47:04,848 --> 01:47:06,723
How did it go?
1072
01:47:06,890 --> 01:47:10,973
I thought of trying something new,
as nothing had helped.
1073
01:47:12,515 --> 01:47:16,099
I thought if I overdosed...
1074
01:47:16,266 --> 01:47:18,474
in other words,
if I did the exact opposite
1075
01:47:18,641 --> 01:47:20,974
of what we are trying
to do here,
1076
01:47:21,141 --> 01:47:22,557
then I could get well.
1077
01:47:22,724 --> 01:47:25,182
You mean function normally.
1078
01:47:25,349 --> 01:47:28,599
I had prepared
the whole thing very carefully.
1079
01:47:28,766 --> 01:47:31,807
Sent my husband away
for the weekend
1080
01:47:31,974 --> 01:47:35,807
and had the children
taken care of.
1081
01:47:35,974 --> 01:47:37,974
It was to happen on the Saturday.
1082
01:47:40,307 --> 01:47:45,391
I had... I had collected
phone numbers for a whole month,
1083
01:47:45,557 --> 01:47:48,557
and then back in the coal.
1084
01:48:27,474 --> 01:48:30,766
They fucked me for three hours.
1085
01:48:31,057 --> 01:48:34,057
And how did
you feel about that?
1086
01:48:34,224 --> 01:48:37,141
Well, I never feel good afterwards.
I feel ashamed.
1087
01:48:38,224 --> 01:48:40,641
But in relation to...
to your addiction,
1088
01:48:40,807 --> 01:48:43,599
do you feel relieved
like you thought you would?
1089
01:48:46,307 --> 01:48:47,474
No.
1090
01:48:48,974 --> 01:48:52,849
What should I do?
I'm ready to do what's necessary.
1091
01:48:53,016 --> 01:48:55,849
Sex addiction
is very different from,
1092
01:48:56,016 --> 01:48:58,641
say, abuse of drugs or alcohol
1093
01:48:58,807 --> 01:49:01,391
because you don't actually need
either of those things.
1094
01:49:01,557 --> 01:49:03,682
These addictions can
be completely removed
1095
01:49:03,849 --> 01:49:08,307
by removing the drug or the alcohol,
not that that's easy.
1096
01:49:08,474 --> 01:49:11,016
But the difference
with sex addiction
1097
01:49:11,182 --> 01:49:14,266
is that everyone has a sexuality
1098
01:49:14,432 --> 01:49:16,974
that's an integral part
of their personality.
1099
01:49:18,891 --> 01:49:24,057
If one could
imagine exterminating sexuality,
1100
01:49:24,224 --> 01:49:26,307
then you'd be left
with a severely reduced person
1101
01:49:26,474 --> 01:49:30,932
because... because sexuality
also includes tenderness,
1102
01:49:31,099 --> 01:49:34,599
contact, solidarity with others,
1103
01:49:34,766 --> 01:49:37,891
which would be hard to imagine
anyone living without on some level.
1104
01:49:39,516 --> 01:49:43,182
What you're saying is that no one
can remove their sexuality,
1105
01:49:43,349 --> 01:49:45,641
even though it's destroying
everything for them.
1106
01:49:45,807 --> 01:49:47,682
I wouldn't say no one,
1107
01:49:47,849 --> 01:49:50,516
but let's say, at most,
one in a million
1108
01:49:50,682 --> 01:49:53,474
manage to live a life
without sexuality.
1109
01:49:53,641 --> 01:49:57,307
But you can't be basing your therapy
on that one in a million.
1110
01:49:57,432 --> 01:50:00,891
No. The first
and most important step
1111
01:50:01,057 --> 01:50:04,807
is to remove incentive
and to reduce exposure.
1112
01:50:06,432 --> 01:50:08,224
You have to ask yourself
1113
01:50:08,391 --> 01:50:11,432
what kind of incentives you have
and then make it difficult
1114
01:50:11,599 --> 01:50:13,349
for yourself to come
into contact with them.
1115
01:50:13,516 --> 01:50:17,391
Basically, anything that
makes you think about sex.
1116
01:52:25,850 --> 01:52:28,017
Stop it.
1117
01:52:32,142 --> 01:52:35,225
Joe has something
she'd like to share.
1118
01:52:36,475 --> 01:52:38,892
My name is Joe.
- Hi, Joe.
1119
01:52:39,058 --> 01:52:40,850
And I'm a sex addict,
1120
01:52:41,017 --> 01:52:45,267
but I haven't had sex
for three weeks and five days.
1121
01:52:48,517 --> 01:52:49,600
Tell us how you did it, Joe.
1122
01:52:49,767 --> 01:52:52,892
You brought notes?
- Yes.
1123
01:52:58,225 --> 01:53:03,267
Dear everyone,
don't think it's been easy,
1124
01:53:03,433 --> 01:53:06,933
but I understand now
that we are all alike.
1125
01:53:21,975 --> 01:53:26,308
Are you okay, Joe?
- Yes, yes.
1126
01:53:30,767 --> 01:53:32,725
Would you like
a glass of water?
1127
01:53:35,433 --> 01:53:37,017
Thank you.
1128
01:53:45,767 --> 01:53:47,892
Would you rather share another time?
1129
01:53:53,683 --> 01:53:56,058
No, I'd like to speak.
1130
01:54:01,100 --> 01:54:06,350
Dear everyone,
don't think it's been easy,
1131
01:54:06,517 --> 01:54:08,725
but I understand now
1132
01:54:08,892 --> 01:54:12,892
that we're not
and never will be alike.
1133
01:54:15,142 --> 01:54:19,850
I'm not like you,
who fucks to be validated
1134
01:54:20,017 --> 01:54:22,558
and might just as well give up
putting cocks inside you.
1135
01:54:22,725 --> 01:54:26,392
You already got your bloody kick
a long time ago
1136
01:54:26,558 --> 01:54:29,142
when it turned out that someone
was even bothered to fuck you.
1137
01:54:29,308 --> 01:54:31,183
And I'm not like you.
1138
01:54:31,350 --> 01:54:33,225
Eat yourself to death
if you want.
1139
01:54:33,392 --> 01:54:35,475
I have no pity for you.
1140
01:54:35,642 --> 01:54:37,350
All you want is to be filled up,
1141
01:54:37,517 --> 01:54:42,517
and whether it's by a man
or by tons of disgusting slop
1142
01:54:42,683 --> 01:54:44,600
makes no difference,
1143
01:54:44,767 --> 01:54:46,975
because it's all just
a pathetic attempt
1144
01:54:47,142 --> 01:54:50,017
at filling out
your own resounding emptiness
1145
01:54:50,225 --> 01:54:55,058
and hiding your ridiculous
egocentric self-loathing.
1146
01:54:55,225 --> 01:54:57,725
And I'm definitely not like you.
1147
01:54:57,892 --> 01:55:02,058
That empathy you claim is a lie
1148
01:55:02,225 --> 01:55:06,267
because all you are
is society's morality police,
1149
01:55:06,433 --> 01:55:11,558
whose duty is to erase my obscenity
from the surface of the Earth,
1150
01:55:11,725 --> 01:55:14,558
so that the bourgeoisie
won't feel sick.
1151
01:55:17,767 --> 01:55:19,433
I'm not like you.
1152
01:55:20,642 --> 01:55:25,392
I am a nymphomaniac,
and I love myself for being one,
1153
01:55:25,558 --> 01:55:29,933
but above all, I love my cunt
1154
01:55:30,100 --> 01:55:33,225
and my filthy, dirty lust.
1155
01:55:56,558 --> 01:55:58,683
What just happened?
1156
01:55:58,850 --> 01:56:02,892
I didn't get that,
with the car that burned.
1157
01:56:03,058 --> 01:56:04,642
No, I'm sorry.
1158
01:56:04,808 --> 01:56:08,433
I was just in too much of
a hurry to get to the last chapter.
1159
01:56:18,476 --> 01:56:20,476
It's dawning.
1160
01:56:20,643 --> 01:56:23,268
How can you tell?
1161
01:56:23,434 --> 01:56:26,184
Oh, it's...
it's just a slight coloring.
1162
01:56:26,351 --> 01:56:29,768
I know because I've stood here
so often at this time.
1163
01:56:31,143 --> 01:56:33,476
You could say
I've developed an ability
1164
01:56:33,643 --> 01:56:37,434
to see dawn before everyone else.
1165
01:56:41,101 --> 01:56:43,934
Then you understand
what I mean when I say
1166
01:56:44,101 --> 01:56:48,351
that twilight suddenly appeared
at this point in my story.
1167
01:56:50,101 --> 01:56:53,726
I understood that society
had no room for me,
1168
01:56:53,893 --> 01:56:58,434
and I had no room for society
and never had.
1169
01:57:00,184 --> 01:57:02,476
It would've been much, much easier
1170
01:57:02,643 --> 01:57:04,893
to have realized that earlier on,
1171
01:57:05,059 --> 01:57:08,226
but suddenly,
1172
01:57:08,393 --> 01:57:11,143
my senses unfolded dramatically.
1173
01:57:12,976 --> 01:57:16,976
To go from the respectable
daylight side of society
1174
01:57:17,143 --> 01:57:19,518
to the shady, nocturnal side
1175
01:57:20,393 --> 01:57:22,601
was like changing sides in a war.
1176
01:57:23,684 --> 01:57:26,143
You put your old army behind you,
1177
01:57:26,309 --> 01:57:29,684
and suddenly, the next second,
you're swallowed by the new one.
1178
01:57:29,851 --> 01:57:32,226
There's no in between.
1179
01:57:46,309 --> 01:57:48,309
I'm sure it was quite natural for you
1180
01:57:48,476 --> 01:57:50,809
to furnish your room
as a monk's cell,
1181
01:57:50,976 --> 01:57:55,476
but as an inspiration
for this story, chapter headings
1182
01:57:55,643 --> 01:57:57,768
hasn't been easy.
1183
01:57:57,934 --> 01:58:01,018
There's simply nothing
left for me to use.
1184
01:58:02,601 --> 01:58:04,601
Well, I'm sorry about that.
1185
01:58:05,934 --> 01:58:08,476
But if I may,
I can give you a tip.
1186
01:58:09,851 --> 01:58:11,726
Yes, please.
1187
01:58:11,893 --> 01:58:14,601
You know, I occupy myself
mostly with texts,
1188
01:58:14,768 --> 01:58:18,101
but sometimes the text can seem so...
1189
01:58:18,268 --> 01:58:22,143
so empty, so unfathomably empty.
1190
01:58:22,309 --> 01:58:26,268
It could be the best text
by the most famous author.
1191
01:58:26,434 --> 01:58:30,059
The solution might be
to change your point of view.
1192
01:58:31,768 --> 01:58:33,726
I don't get that.
1193
01:58:33,893 --> 01:58:39,059
Things hide
when they become familiar.
1194
01:58:39,226 --> 01:58:43,226
But if you look at them
from another angle,
1195
01:58:43,393 --> 01:58:46,184
they might take
on a new meaning.
1196
01:58:57,309 --> 01:58:58,601
You're right.
1197
01:58:59,726 --> 01:59:04,351
Before this was just the stain
from the tea I threw.
1198
01:59:05,809 --> 01:59:08,476
Can you see what it could be?
1199
01:59:09,934 --> 01:59:11,268
A revolver!
1200
01:59:11,434 --> 01:59:14,976
No, a revolver has a drum
that revolves.
1201
01:59:15,143 --> 01:59:17,143
It's a pistol.
1202
01:59:17,309 --> 01:59:20,018
Can you see what kind it could be?
1203
01:59:20,184 --> 01:59:23,309
No, I don't remember anything
like that from my literature.
1204
01:59:23,476 --> 01:59:25,893
Oh, but it's something
I can remember from mine.
1205
01:59:26,059 --> 01:59:30,351
Ian Fleming.
- Not familiar.
1206
01:59:30,518 --> 01:59:33,768
If you haven't read that,
you haven't read anything at all.
1207
01:59:35,143 --> 01:59:38,143
This could be,
with a little imagination,
1208
01:59:38,309 --> 01:59:41,934
a Walther PPK automatic,
1209
01:59:42,101 --> 01:59:44,351
the same gun
that was issued to Bond,
1210
01:59:44,518 --> 01:59:47,934
after his preferred pistol,
the Beretta, had jammed.
1211
01:59:49,726 --> 01:59:51,143
Is that something you can use?
1212
01:59:53,101 --> 01:59:55,018
Oh, yes, it is.
1213
02:00:04,643 --> 02:00:09,143
Whether I left
society or it left me, I cannot say.
1214
02:00:09,309 --> 02:00:12,434
I suppose you could make
an argument for both sides.
1215
02:00:13,893 --> 02:00:15,893
I was on my way
to the shady side
1216
02:00:16,059 --> 02:00:19,434
of the debt collecting business,
which, among other things,
1217
02:00:19,601 --> 02:00:22,726
involves stuff like
burning people's cars.
1218
02:00:24,768 --> 02:00:28,684
I had for a long time
known about this man, L.
1219
02:00:33,976 --> 02:00:36,184
Hi, my name is Joe.
1220
02:00:36,351 --> 02:00:40,268
I know that. Come in.
1221
02:00:44,893 --> 02:00:46,851
I'm looking for a job.
1222
02:00:48,394 --> 02:00:49,810
I've been working in an office,
1223
02:00:49,977 --> 02:00:52,477
and I was never really good at it.
1224
02:00:52,644 --> 02:00:56,269
I can understand that.
I mean, what's the point?
1225
02:00:58,935 --> 02:01:02,727
I've thought of you now and then
and wondered when you'd show up.
1226
02:01:06,394 --> 02:01:10,394
My lifestyle is relatively expensive,
1227
02:01:12,227 --> 02:01:15,685
and I need a fair amount
of free time for a sideline.
1228
02:01:15,852 --> 02:01:17,769
Of course.
I already know that.
1229
02:01:17,935 --> 02:01:20,810
I believe I possess
some qualifications
1230
02:01:20,977 --> 02:01:23,227
and that I'm rather unscrupulous.
1231
02:01:23,394 --> 02:01:26,977
I know all about your qualifications
and they're excellent.
1232
02:01:27,144 --> 02:01:30,769
And you have already proven you
are unscrupulous by coming here.
1233
02:01:33,352 --> 02:01:37,810
I would suggest that you start
your own little business
1234
02:01:37,977 --> 02:01:39,852
with my help.
1235
02:01:40,019 --> 02:01:44,019
I understand you possess
a great deal of insight
1236
02:01:44,185 --> 02:01:47,060
about a rather broad spectrum of men.
1237
02:01:48,394 --> 02:01:52,477
This could be, or should be,
capitalized on.
1238
02:01:52,644 --> 02:01:55,144
What should I do?
1239
02:01:55,310 --> 02:01:58,269
I facilitate certain assignments
for my humble firm
1240
02:01:58,435 --> 02:02:00,519
as part of a debt
collection business.
1241
02:02:00,685 --> 02:02:03,185
In other words,
I need subcontractors
1242
02:02:03,352 --> 02:02:06,060
who can put moderate pressure
on individuals,
1243
02:02:06,227 --> 02:02:10,144
with whom my clients rightly
or wrongly have a bone to pick.
1244
02:02:10,310 --> 02:02:12,769
Understand?
- Extortion.
1245
02:02:12,935 --> 02:02:14,727
No. No, no, no, no.
1246
02:02:14,894 --> 02:02:19,644
I always prefer
the term 'debt collection.'
1247
02:02:21,352 --> 02:02:23,019
Yeah.
- I refrain from judging
1248
02:02:23,185 --> 02:02:27,435
whether my clients' wishes
are legitimate or otherwise,
1249
02:02:27,560 --> 02:02:31,894
a point of view I strongly
recommend you follow.
1250
02:02:33,560 --> 02:02:38,727
I'm still unsure of what it is
I should do.
1251
02:02:38,894 --> 02:02:40,977
Well, you'll need two thugs,
1252
02:02:41,144 --> 02:02:43,685
and I can think of two good ones.
1253
02:02:43,852 --> 02:02:48,394
They both have a lot of experience
and can show you the ropes.
1254
02:02:49,519 --> 02:02:51,394
That's interesting.
1255
02:02:51,560 --> 02:02:54,560
It's not at all interesting.
1256
02:02:54,727 --> 02:02:56,977
Most interesting thing about it was
1257
02:02:57,144 --> 02:03:00,019
how easily I dedicated
myself to crime.
1258
02:03:00,185 --> 02:03:02,394
My main
qualification, of course,
1259
02:03:02,560 --> 02:03:05,644
was my considerable experience
with men and sex.
1260
02:03:05,810 --> 02:03:09,852
But even my more specialized
skills came in handy.
1261
02:03:31,519 --> 02:03:35,394
No, now this is not how it goes.
1262
02:03:35,560 --> 02:03:37,894
You have to wait until you're hit.
1263
02:03:40,602 --> 02:03:44,310
The two helpers that
L had recommended were okay,
1264
02:03:44,477 --> 02:03:47,977
but they were predisposed
to a rather repetitive technique,
1265
02:03:48,144 --> 02:03:51,935
which consisted of creating
as much havoc as possible
1266
02:03:52,102 --> 02:03:53,519
with a pair of iron bars.
1267
02:04:09,185 --> 02:04:13,519
Destroying your things doesn't
seem to have much effect on you.
1268
02:04:13,685 --> 02:04:15,144
The only thing
worth mentioning
1269
02:04:15,310 --> 02:04:17,519
from my first years
as a collector
1270
02:04:17,685 --> 02:04:21,435
was the story of an unusually
sober-minded,
1271
02:04:21,602 --> 02:04:24,394
and for that reason vulnerable, man.
1272
02:04:24,560 --> 02:04:27,435
The dirt I threatened
to go public with
1273
02:04:27,602 --> 02:04:31,102
was normally within
my core competence: sex.
1274
02:04:31,977 --> 02:04:36,602
But for once, here was a man
I was unable to read sexually,
1275
02:04:36,769 --> 02:04:39,394
so I became persistent.
1276
02:04:39,560 --> 02:04:41,394
Tie him to the chair.
1277
02:04:43,060 --> 02:04:44,727
Don't hurt him.
1278
02:04:48,060 --> 02:04:50,310
I can't find a stain on you,
1279
02:04:51,185 --> 02:04:54,144
but my experience tells me
that no man is spotless.
1280
02:04:55,352 --> 02:04:59,352
Luckily, you're equipped with
a very reliable truth detector.
1281
02:05:09,935 --> 02:05:12,810
I'm going to tell you a few stories.
1282
02:05:12,977 --> 02:05:15,352
All you have to do is listen.
1283
02:05:17,394 --> 02:05:20,520
You're in a bar watching a couple...
1284
02:05:20,686 --> 02:05:23,228
I now meticulously
went through the catalogue
1285
02:05:23,395 --> 02:05:26,603
of sexual deviations
in fictional form.
1286
02:05:26,770 --> 02:05:29,686
Stories about sado-masochism,
1287
02:05:29,853 --> 02:05:33,978
fetishism, homosexuality,
you name it.
1288
02:05:34,145 --> 02:05:35,853
But he didn't react.
1289
02:05:36,020 --> 02:05:38,478
And I'd almost given up
when I said...
1290
02:05:38,645 --> 02:05:43,270
On your way home,
you walk through the park.
1291
02:05:48,020 --> 02:05:49,728
And something makes you stop.
1292
02:05:50,853 --> 02:05:52,686
You hear something.
1293
02:06:06,895 --> 02:06:08,603
Yes, that's it.
1294
02:06:08,770 --> 02:06:12,478
You can hear the children
in the playground.
1295
02:06:13,603 --> 02:06:18,061
You sit on a bench nearby
and watch them play.
1296
02:06:18,228 --> 02:06:21,395
There's a little boy in shorts.
1297
02:06:22,770 --> 02:06:24,978
He's playing in the sandpit.
1298
02:06:26,978 --> 02:06:31,853
He looks at you
with his blue eyes.
1299
02:06:33,395 --> 02:06:35,103
He smiles at you.
1300
02:06:35,270 --> 02:06:37,436
I think he comes to you.
1301
02:06:37,645 --> 02:06:42,770
He sits on your lap
and looks up at your face.
1302
02:06:43,436 --> 02:06:47,686
He says he'd like
to come home with you.
1303
02:06:51,853 --> 02:06:53,103
At home,
1304
02:06:53,270 --> 02:06:56,561
you can't fight the idea
of being naked together.
1305
02:06:57,561 --> 02:07:00,020
He crawls all over you.
1306
02:07:00,186 --> 02:07:01,811
You get an erection.
1307
02:07:01,978 --> 02:07:04,061
Won't you please stop?
1308
02:07:04,228 --> 02:07:06,978
He lies on his stomach.
1309
02:07:07,770 --> 02:07:10,603
You pull down his pants.
1310
02:07:10,770 --> 02:07:12,395
I'll pay!
1311
02:07:44,770 --> 02:07:47,020
You did what?
1312
02:07:47,186 --> 02:07:48,936
I gave him a blowjob.
1313
02:07:49,103 --> 02:07:52,770
Why? That pig!
- I took pity on him.
1314
02:07:52,936 --> 02:07:54,270
Pity?
1315
02:07:54,436 --> 02:07:57,936
Yes. I had just destroyed his life.
1316
02:07:58,103 --> 02:08:02,270
Nobody knew his secret,
most probably not even himself.
1317
02:08:03,478 --> 02:08:06,061
He sat there with the shame.
1318
02:08:06,228 --> 02:08:09,478
I suppose I sucked him off
as a kind of apology.
1319
02:08:09,645 --> 02:08:10,686
That's unbelievable.
1320
02:08:11,978 --> 02:08:14,853
No, listen to me.
This is a man who'd succeeded
1321
02:08:15,020 --> 02:08:16,978
in repressing his own desire,
1322
02:08:17,145 --> 02:08:22,270
who had never before given into it,
right up until I forced it out.
1323
02:08:22,436 --> 02:08:24,936
He had lived a life full of denial
1324
02:08:25,103 --> 02:08:27,520
and had never hurt a soul.
1325
02:08:27,686 --> 02:08:30,520
I think that's laudable.
1326
02:08:30,686 --> 02:08:31,728
No matter how much I try,
1327
02:08:31,895 --> 02:08:34,478
I can't find anything laudable
in pedophilia.
1328
02:08:34,645 --> 02:08:37,520
That's because you think
about the perhaps five percent
1329
02:08:37,686 --> 02:08:40,103
who actually hurt children.
1330
02:08:40,270 --> 02:08:45,020
The remaining 95 percent
never live out their fantasies.
1331
02:08:45,186 --> 02:08:47,603
Think about their suffering.
1332
02:08:47,770 --> 02:08:52,686
Sexuality is the strongest force
in human beings.
1333
02:08:52,853 --> 02:08:57,686
To be born with a forbidden
sexuality must be agonizing.
1334
02:08:57,853 --> 02:09:01,270
The pedophile
who manages to get through life
1335
02:09:01,436 --> 02:09:03,520
with the shame of his desire
1336
02:09:03,686 --> 02:09:07,478
while never acting on it,
deserves a bloody medal.
1337
02:09:14,561 --> 02:09:18,186
The writer Thomas Mann
said somewhere
1338
02:09:18,353 --> 02:09:20,436
that a temptation resisted
1339
02:09:20,603 --> 02:09:24,895
is not a sin
but a test of virtue.
1340
02:09:28,645 --> 02:09:32,270
Wasn't there something
about that writer and boys?
1341
02:09:32,436 --> 02:09:35,020
Yeah, so they say.
1342
02:09:35,186 --> 02:09:38,353
I suppose he dealt with it
by writing them out.
1343
02:09:38,520 --> 02:09:41,270
And he got a medal, a Nobel Prize.
1344
02:09:45,770 --> 02:09:48,895
But there was
another reason for my sympathy,
1345
02:09:49,061 --> 02:09:51,396
which you find so mysterious.
1346
02:09:53,271 --> 02:09:57,271
I saw a man who was carrying
the same cross as myself.
1347
02:09:59,896 --> 02:10:01,979
Loneliness.
1348
02:10:05,187 --> 02:10:07,979
We were both sexual outcasts.
1349
02:10:16,479 --> 02:10:18,479
In any case,
some years passed,
1350
02:10:18,646 --> 02:10:21,604
during which my business grew,
1351
02:10:21,771 --> 02:10:26,354
enabling me to step up my
anonymous deposits to Marcel.
1352
02:10:27,271 --> 02:10:30,812
Your business is doing great.
1353
02:10:30,979 --> 02:10:34,771
You complete all the jobs
I give you to perfection.
1354
02:10:34,937 --> 02:10:39,604
And I hear only words of praise
from your other clients, but...
1355
02:10:39,771 --> 02:10:42,687
But what?
- We aren't getting any younger.
1356
02:10:42,854 --> 02:10:46,854
No, that's for sure.
1357
02:10:47,021 --> 02:10:48,479
I think you're getting to that age
1358
02:10:48,646 --> 02:10:50,646
where you have to start thinking
about a successor.
1359
02:10:50,812 --> 02:10:54,521
Oh, I don't need a fucking successor.
1360
02:10:54,687 --> 02:10:56,354
Listen.
1361
02:10:56,521 --> 02:10:59,896
A person should take
their crime seriously.
1362
02:11:00,062 --> 02:11:03,187
You need someone
to be your right hand,
1363
02:11:03,354 --> 02:11:07,187
someone to help you.
A crown princess.
1364
02:11:09,479 --> 02:11:12,729
The normal process is to find out
1365
02:11:12,896 --> 02:11:16,354
what colleagues are in prison,
or are drug addicts,
1366
02:11:16,521 --> 02:11:21,187
and thereby unable to fulfill
their roles as parents.
1367
02:11:21,354 --> 02:11:25,687
Then, you find out
where their kids play football,
1368
02:11:25,854 --> 02:11:28,146
and you get involved.
1369
02:11:28,312 --> 02:11:30,062
You cheer them on
for a couple of years,
1370
02:11:30,229 --> 02:11:33,687
no matter how bad they are.
Actually, the worse, the better.
1371
02:11:33,854 --> 02:11:37,812
That way, gradually, you take on
the role of the parent
1372
02:11:37,979 --> 02:11:41,729
until, in the end,
you have a loyal helper
1373
02:11:41,896 --> 02:11:45,187
that will walk through fire for you.
1374
02:11:45,354 --> 02:11:47,396
Even do time for you.
1375
02:11:51,146 --> 02:11:55,271
It sounds like a kind of
an entrapment you're suggesting.
1376
02:11:55,437 --> 02:11:58,896
An unsavory entrapment.
- Call it what you want,
1377
02:11:59,062 --> 02:12:03,021
but if you believe at all in
the effects of good parenting,
1378
02:12:03,187 --> 02:12:06,104
that kid will have much greater
opportunities with you
1379
02:12:06,271 --> 02:12:08,687
as a mentor than without.
1380
02:12:08,854 --> 02:12:11,229
And since I like you,
1381
02:12:11,396 --> 02:12:15,229
I've been looking around
for a suitable subject.
1382
02:12:15,396 --> 02:12:20,687
She's 15 years old from
a family of hardened criminals,
1383
02:12:20,854 --> 02:12:23,187
and she's been through a lot.
1384
02:12:23,354 --> 02:12:26,437
Last couple of years
she's been institutionalized.
1385
02:12:26,604 --> 02:12:29,146
Her father's in prison
and her mother died of an overdose.
1386
02:12:29,312 --> 02:12:31,021
She's a smart girl.
1387
02:12:31,187 --> 02:12:33,104
And although
she doesn't play football,
1388
02:12:33,271 --> 02:12:36,062
she does play basketball very badly.
1389
02:12:37,312 --> 02:12:42,687
She's chosen a team sport
because she's lonely.
1390
02:12:42,854 --> 02:12:45,854
I saved the best part for last.
1391
02:12:46,021 --> 02:12:48,979
Her right ear is slightly deformed,
1392
02:12:49,146 --> 02:12:52,854
which she is very ashamed of,
1393
02:12:53,021 --> 02:12:56,021
and of course, this serves
to isolate her even more.
1394
02:12:56,187 --> 02:13:00,521
It makes her an easy target
for even the slightest bit
1395
02:13:00,687 --> 02:13:05,437
of attention
or sign of empathy from you.
1396
02:13:09,396 --> 02:13:12,979
Despite my protests,
the clever L somehow talked me
1397
02:13:13,146 --> 02:13:14,771
into actually having a look at P.
1398
02:13:17,562 --> 02:13:20,937
The longer I watched the poor girl
with the deformed ear,
1399
02:13:21,104 --> 02:13:24,312
the more repulsive
I found the whole plan.
1400
02:13:51,229 --> 02:13:53,229
But as if L had foreseen this,
1401
02:13:53,396 --> 02:13:59,062
the meeting with P filled me
with pity and emotion.
1402
02:13:59,229 --> 02:14:00,937
And without wanting to,
1403
02:14:01,104 --> 02:14:04,354
I found myself,
weekend after weekend,
1404
02:14:04,521 --> 02:14:08,229
at her games
supporting the poor player.
1405
02:14:23,272 --> 02:14:26,813
Thanks for cheering me on.
- You're welcome.
1406
02:14:26,980 --> 02:14:29,230
You played really well today.
1407
02:14:31,647 --> 02:14:34,313
No, I didn't.
- You did.
1408
02:14:34,480 --> 02:14:37,522
You really improved yourself lately.
1409
02:14:49,022 --> 02:14:52,772
Sixteen years. Congratulations.
1410
02:14:52,938 --> 02:14:55,730
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
1411
02:15:18,480 --> 02:15:20,022
I was proud to introduce P
1412
02:15:20,188 --> 02:15:22,855
to my father's passion
and his world.
1413
02:15:25,938 --> 02:15:27,730
It's actually...
1414
02:15:29,188 --> 02:15:33,147
the souls of the trees
that we see in the winter.
1415
02:15:39,563 --> 02:15:42,188
I think they look like human souls.
1416
02:15:46,272 --> 02:15:48,147
Yeah, you're right.
1417
02:15:49,022 --> 02:15:51,772
They do look like human souls.
1418
02:15:51,980 --> 02:15:55,188
Twisted souls, regular souls,
1419
02:15:55,355 --> 02:15:57,438
crazy souls,
1420
02:15:57,605 --> 02:16:01,272
all depending on the kind
of lives human beings lead.
1421
02:16:04,147 --> 02:16:08,563
Then that must be
Miss Williamson from number 21.
1422
02:16:08,730 --> 02:16:11,230
That's not a very nice thing
to say about Miss Williamson.
1423
02:16:11,397 --> 02:16:14,938
But she's always angry.
She has a monster in her belly.
1424
02:16:15,105 --> 02:16:17,647
Well, she does have
an ulcer in her belly
1425
02:16:17,813 --> 02:16:19,480
that I've been treating
for the last 15 years.
1426
02:16:22,063 --> 02:16:24,480
And sure enough,
one of the following days
1427
02:16:24,647 --> 02:16:26,897
my dad dragged me
into the woods again.
1428
02:16:27,063 --> 02:16:30,855
I found my tree.
My soul tree.
1429
02:16:33,188 --> 02:16:38,938
And no, it's not that one, okay,
'cause then I would be dead.
1430
02:16:40,855 --> 02:16:43,063
This is my tree.
1431
02:16:46,438 --> 02:16:50,563
It's not an ash tree.
- No, it's an oak tree.
1432
02:16:53,772 --> 02:16:55,647
It has two trunks.
1433
02:16:55,813 --> 02:16:59,022
Yeah, isn't it great?
1434
02:16:59,188 --> 02:17:04,397
It shows itself to both sides,
the lake and the forest.
1435
02:17:14,397 --> 02:17:18,688
But, Dad, how does
a tree get two trunks?
1436
02:17:20,313 --> 02:17:24,272
The most common reason
is that the top broke
1437
02:17:24,438 --> 02:17:26,313
when it was very young.
1438
02:17:26,480 --> 02:17:30,313
That means
that you've been broken once.
1439
02:17:30,480 --> 02:17:32,522
Have you, Dad?
1440
02:17:38,730 --> 02:17:41,938
It seems that it can be
rather revealing...
1441
02:17:43,397 --> 02:17:45,688
to find your soul tree.
1442
02:17:49,688 --> 02:17:55,313
My father found his soul tree,
but I've never found mine.
1443
02:17:55,855 --> 02:18:01,022
'You will know it when you see it,'
is what he said.
1444
02:18:07,605 --> 02:18:13,438
Kitchen and dining room.
And in here...
1445
02:18:15,272 --> 02:18:17,605
When P reached the age of maturity
1446
02:18:17,772 --> 02:18:20,063
and I became her personal adviser,
1447
02:18:20,230 --> 02:18:22,730
I asked her to move in with me.
1448
02:18:31,147 --> 02:18:33,897
Let me see you with your hair up.
1449
02:18:34,063 --> 02:18:36,563
You're so pretty.
1450
02:18:48,605 --> 02:18:52,313
All this time
all my sexual activity had stopped.
1451
02:18:52,480 --> 02:18:57,023
My groin was one big sore
from my abuse that wouldn't heal,
1452
02:18:57,189 --> 02:19:00,023
and made even
masturbation impossible.
1453
02:19:04,273 --> 02:19:07,564
I experienced definite
abstinence symptoms...
1454
02:19:07,731 --> 02:19:09,689
fever and cramps.
1455
02:19:34,648 --> 02:19:36,398
Joe, what's going on?
1456
02:19:38,606 --> 02:19:41,398
Careful.
- We need to clear this up.
1457
02:19:50,273 --> 02:19:53,231
I just get this sometimes.
1458
02:19:56,564 --> 02:19:59,064
It's okay. It's okay.
1459
02:20:03,148 --> 02:20:05,648
Do you want to go back to bed?
1460
02:20:07,648 --> 02:20:09,856
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
1461
02:20:25,981 --> 02:20:27,856
I love you, Joe.
1462
02:20:28,023 --> 02:20:29,773
I love you, too.
1463
02:20:31,189 --> 02:20:33,523
I don't mean it in that way.
1464
02:20:36,564 --> 02:20:39,981
Come on, it's late.
You should go back to bed.
1465
02:20:41,523 --> 02:20:42,564
Good night.
1466
02:20:45,439 --> 02:20:47,856
Perhaps she really loved you.
1467
02:20:51,939 --> 02:20:55,314
She was so very young.
1468
02:20:55,481 --> 02:20:59,773
Maybe she, too, discovered
her cunt at the age of two.
1469
02:20:59,939 --> 02:21:02,064
Maybe earlier.
1470
02:21:02,231 --> 02:21:03,773
I couldn't accept it.
1471
02:21:03,939 --> 02:21:07,731
Perhaps because you
really wanted it to be true.
1472
02:21:09,814 --> 02:21:11,481
Perhaps I hoped it.
1473
02:21:11,648 --> 02:21:14,981
It's very touching,
all this about P.
1474
02:21:17,189 --> 02:21:20,773
Then you've probably
misunderstood the whole thing.
1475
02:21:20,939 --> 02:21:24,439
Shall we get the story over
and done with?
1476
02:21:52,564 --> 02:21:54,606
Don't.
1477
02:21:55,814 --> 02:21:57,898
I wanna see you.
1478
02:21:58,064 --> 02:21:59,064
Don't.
- Why?
1479
02:21:59,231 --> 02:22:00,689
Please, don't.
- Why not?
1480
02:22:00,856 --> 02:22:04,398
No. No, I have a wound.
1481
02:22:04,564 --> 02:22:06,564
I have a wound.
- It doesn't matter.
1482
02:22:06,731 --> 02:22:10,606
No, you don't understand.
- I have that thing with my ear.
1483
02:22:10,773 --> 02:22:13,439
I'm so ashamed.
1484
02:22:49,773 --> 02:22:51,856
Do you like me?
1485
02:22:55,439 --> 02:22:57,439
You're so beautiful.
1486
02:24:35,024 --> 02:24:37,774
There's one thing
I don't understand.
1487
02:24:38,607 --> 02:24:41,315
Did she know what you did
for a living?
1488
02:24:41,482 --> 02:24:46,649
P was very discreet
and a girl of few words.
1489
02:24:48,149 --> 02:24:50,440
Oddly, although I worked
strange hours,
1490
02:24:50,607 --> 02:24:52,482
she never asked about my work.
1491
02:24:54,232 --> 02:24:57,065
But one day she had a question.
1492
02:24:58,690 --> 02:25:00,315
Joe.
1493
02:25:05,357 --> 02:25:09,190
Why did you start
coming to my basketball matches?
1494
02:25:11,274 --> 02:25:13,940
It wasn't a coincidence, was it?
1495
02:25:19,524 --> 02:25:22,482
No, it wasn't a coincidence.
1496
02:25:26,274 --> 02:25:28,940
I didn't tell you because I...
1497
02:25:29,107 --> 02:25:32,107
I thought you'd be upset...
1498
02:25:33,482 --> 02:25:36,357
and that you'd get angry at me.
1499
02:25:36,524 --> 02:25:39,024
I won't get angry-
1500
02:25:43,565 --> 02:25:45,690
What I do...
1501
02:25:47,232 --> 02:25:49,899
My job isn't a normal job.
1502
02:25:50,065 --> 02:25:52,190
It's not legal.
1503
02:25:52,357 --> 02:25:55,232
No one in my family
does anything legal.
1504
02:26:00,899 --> 02:26:05,315
A man that's helped me in my business
suggested that I watched you.
1505
02:26:08,232 --> 02:26:12,524
The plan was that I...
I should look at you
1506
02:26:12,690 --> 02:26:16,982
to see whether one day I could
use you in my work.
1507
02:26:17,149 --> 02:26:20,107
I should make friends with you
1508
02:26:20,274 --> 02:26:23,482
because I knew you didn't
have a mother or a father.
1509
02:26:23,649 --> 02:26:25,482
What's wrong with that?
1510
02:26:25,649 --> 02:26:29,232
Don't you see
how evil that plan was?
1511
02:26:29,399 --> 02:26:33,107
I felt terrible.
- You shouldn't have.
1512
02:26:33,274 --> 02:26:35,232
Why not?
1513
02:26:38,024 --> 02:26:40,440
Because if you hadn't...
1514
02:26:42,399 --> 02:26:44,649
we'd never have met.
1515
02:26:49,440 --> 02:26:53,649
I'd like to go with you
to work next time.
1516
02:26:53,815 --> 02:26:55,232
No.
1517
02:27:04,274 --> 02:27:05,815
Will you think about it?
1518
02:27:05,982 --> 02:27:07,357
No.
- Yes.
1519
02:27:07,524 --> 02:27:08,565
No.
- Yes.
1520
02:27:08,982 --> 02:27:11,899
She didn't take no
for an answer.
1521
02:27:12,065 --> 02:27:14,315
No, of course not.
1522
02:27:14,482 --> 02:27:17,899
How do you keep a wave
upon the sand?
1523
02:27:20,190 --> 02:27:25,690
And in the throes of love,
I was weak and no match for her.
1524
02:27:28,774 --> 02:27:32,399
With the risk
of being too clever for myself,
1525
02:27:32,565 --> 02:27:37,024
social inheritance
is an irrefutable fact.
1526
02:27:38,399 --> 02:27:42,649
If anyone knew about the laws
of the street, it must've been P.
1527
02:27:43,857 --> 02:27:47,565
You're more right than you know.
1528
02:28:07,608 --> 02:28:10,025
Let's shoot the fucker.
- No, no!
1529
02:28:10,191 --> 02:28:13,316
Stop! Stop!
1530
02:28:16,691 --> 02:28:19,066
We don't use firearms.
1531
02:28:20,233 --> 02:28:24,025
I'd like to have the gun.
- The others have weapons, too.
1532
02:28:25,483 --> 02:28:27,025
Well, I didn't know that,
1533
02:28:27,191 --> 02:28:29,108
but in any case,
you're not to have one.
1534
02:28:30,233 --> 02:28:31,900
But guns aren't dangerous.
1535
02:28:32,066 --> 02:28:34,483
It depends on how you use them.
1536
02:28:34,650 --> 02:28:36,108
Yes, exactly.
1537
02:28:36,275 --> 02:28:37,775
I wasn't going to shoot him.
1538
02:28:38,816 --> 02:28:40,983
We wouldn't have gotten
any money out of him that way.
1539
02:28:41,150 --> 02:28:43,025
Can I have the gun?
1540
02:28:47,650 --> 02:28:49,358
Thank you.
1541
02:29:08,900 --> 02:29:10,941
You're evil.
1542
02:29:14,941 --> 02:29:19,025
And now I'm afraid
one of those coincidences
1543
02:29:19,191 --> 02:29:24,358
you have such a hard time with
occurred with a very special person.
1544
02:29:25,608 --> 02:29:28,275
It was P's job to take us
to the debtors,
1545
02:29:28,441 --> 02:29:30,566
so until I saw the name
on the door,
1546
02:29:30,691 --> 02:29:33,066
I had no idea
whose house we were at.
1547
02:29:35,441 --> 02:29:39,900
This is Acer siccharium.
1548
02:29:40,066 --> 02:29:42,483
Saccharinum.
- Saccharinum, yeah, that.
1549
02:29:42,650 --> 02:29:43,816
I said that.
1550
02:29:52,941 --> 02:29:54,775
Are you sure
this is the right place?
1551
02:29:54,941 --> 02:29:55,691
Yeah.
1552
02:30:02,775 --> 02:30:08,441
I was thinking maybe it's time for
you to do this one on your own.
1553
02:30:09,358 --> 02:30:10,650
Yeah?
1554
02:30:12,566 --> 02:30:15,566
Thank you, Joe.
- I don't want anything destroyed,
1555
02:30:16,525 --> 02:30:18,816
and I don't want anybody hurt.
1556
02:30:18,983 --> 02:30:24,233
Okay? You just show yourself and
offer him a reasonable payment plan.
1557
02:30:24,400 --> 02:30:29,025
If you say so, of course
that's how I'll do it.
1558
02:30:44,275 --> 02:30:46,858
Whether the feeling
when I saw Jerome again was love,
1559
02:30:47,025 --> 02:30:48,650
I couldn't say.
1560
02:30:51,608 --> 02:30:54,191
But it was a feeling...
1561
02:30:54,358 --> 02:30:57,066
and far stronger than I liked.
1562
02:31:08,275 --> 02:31:12,191
I was actually
walking home through the alley here.
1563
02:31:12,358 --> 02:31:14,650
Your two neighborhoods
are totally different,
1564
02:31:14,816 --> 02:31:18,191
but still so close together
that the shortest route
1565
02:31:18,358 --> 02:31:22,358
from Jerome's house towards
the center was through the alley.
1566
02:31:29,316 --> 02:31:31,316
Hello!
1567
02:31:31,483 --> 02:31:35,358
How did it go?
- Brilliant.
1568
02:31:35,566 --> 02:31:38,650
Yeah, really well.
1569
02:31:38,816 --> 02:31:41,400
I made a reasonable payment plan
like you told me to.
1570
02:31:41,566 --> 02:31:46,441
How did he look?
- Scared.
1571
02:31:46,608 --> 02:31:48,983
How old did he look?
1572
02:31:49,150 --> 02:31:52,483
I don't know. Ancient?
1573
02:32:12,316 --> 02:32:16,066
Jerome was to pay
off his debt in six payments.
1574
02:32:16,233 --> 02:32:18,983
Every time P
went to Jerome to collect,
1575
02:32:19,150 --> 02:32:23,900
I'd pace around restlessly
until she was back home again.
1576
02:32:26,191 --> 02:32:29,484
I even had to find my mother's
sad old solitaire cards
1577
02:32:29,651 --> 02:32:32,692
in order to make the hours pass.
1578
02:32:40,109 --> 02:32:41,984
Each night I was less reassured
1579
02:32:42,151 --> 02:32:45,192
by her coming home
than the night before.
1580
02:32:45,359 --> 02:32:48,609
The question of whether jealousy is
the fear of sharing
1581
02:32:48,776 --> 02:32:52,067
or the fear of losing
was of little interest to me.
1582
02:32:52,234 --> 02:32:55,359
But yes, it was a fact
that this unworthy feeling
1583
02:32:55,526 --> 02:33:00,234
I had managed to suppress
for so long was creeping up on me.
1584
02:33:03,067 --> 02:33:05,817
The evening she was
to collect the final payment,
1585
02:33:05,984 --> 02:33:07,817
she didn't kiss me.
1586
02:33:07,984 --> 02:33:10,317
I took it to be forgetfulness,
1587
02:33:10,484 --> 02:33:14,401
but the hours passed,
and she didn't return.
1588
02:33:21,484 --> 02:33:26,692
Every time I saw car lights,
I thought it was P being driven home.
1589
02:34:25,234 --> 02:34:27,317
So the next morning I took a trip
1590
02:34:27,484 --> 02:34:30,651
to the round hills
just outside of town
1591
02:34:30,817 --> 02:34:34,192
that I visited with my school class
when I was 12,
1592
02:34:34,359 --> 02:34:37,817
to say a symbolic goodbye.
1593
02:34:41,442 --> 02:34:44,151
I had decided to flee.
1594
02:34:44,317 --> 02:34:48,817
I couldn't stay in this town
with her and him.
1595
02:34:48,984 --> 02:34:53,276
I had cowardly made a plan
to escape and head south.
1596
02:34:53,442 --> 02:34:54,776
Like from some ice age
1597
02:34:54,942 --> 02:34:58,109
I didn't have the guts
to turn around and face.
1598
02:34:59,276 --> 02:35:03,484
But the goodbye was sad
and strangely unfulfilling.
1599
02:35:03,651 --> 02:35:07,609
And something called me on to
seek further up the mountain.
1600
02:36:31,151 --> 02:36:33,734
I understand dictators
who commit murder.
1601
02:36:36,692 --> 02:36:39,567
What was Hitler,
when it all boils down,
1602
02:36:39,734 --> 02:36:43,734
other than a man to whom society
gave free reins?
1603
02:36:46,276 --> 02:36:49,567
Well, that was
just what we were missing.
1604
02:36:49,734 --> 02:36:53,567
You understand racists,
you have a soft spot for pedophiles,
1605
02:36:53,734 --> 02:36:56,651
and, of course,
now at the finishing line,
1606
02:36:56,817 --> 02:36:58,567
you have to sympathize
1607
02:36:58,734 --> 02:37:01,360
with the greatest mass
murderers of history.
1608
02:37:01,527 --> 02:37:03,777
What I mean is...
1609
02:37:05,443 --> 02:37:07,985
It's said to be difficult
to take someone's life.
1610
02:37:08,193 --> 02:37:12,027
I would've said
that it's more difficult not to
1611
02:37:12,193 --> 02:37:15,985
when, as a dictator or as me,
1612
02:37:16,152 --> 02:37:18,527
you've nothing to lose.
1613
02:37:20,860 --> 02:37:22,110
For a human being,
1614
02:37:22,277 --> 02:37:25,485
killing is the most
natural thing in the world.
1615
02:37:25,652 --> 02:37:27,902
We're created for it.
1616
02:37:30,360 --> 02:37:32,027
Wonderful.
1617
02:38:22,735 --> 02:38:24,277
No, get off!
1618
02:38:34,485 --> 02:38:36,652
Fireman's grip.
1619
02:42:22,653 --> 02:42:27,194
Fill all my holes, please.
1620
02:42:51,861 --> 02:42:54,611
I still don't know
why the gun didn't work.
1621
02:42:54,778 --> 02:42:59,278
I did check to make sure that there
were bullets in the magazine.
1622
02:42:59,444 --> 02:43:02,111
It simply malfunctioned.
1623
02:43:02,278 --> 02:43:04,861
Just like Bond's Beretta.
1624
02:43:05,028 --> 02:43:08,111
I think I know enough to say
that even if you had rounds
1625
02:43:08,278 --> 02:43:10,278
in the magazine
of the Walther PPK,
1626
02:43:10,444 --> 02:43:13,944
if you'd taken off the safety,
1627
02:43:14,111 --> 02:43:16,861
you cannot shoot
until you've racked the gun.
1628
02:43:17,819 --> 02:43:20,194
You pull and release
1629
02:43:20,361 --> 02:43:22,611
the sliding mechanism.
1630
02:43:22,819 --> 02:43:24,819
And P hadn't done it
because as she said,
1631
02:43:24,986 --> 02:43:27,611
she had no intention
of shooting the man.
1632
02:43:29,778 --> 02:43:32,778
I don't know about Bond,
but I assume it has to be apparent
1633
02:43:32,944 --> 02:43:34,444
from his books and his films
1634
02:43:34,611 --> 02:43:38,903
that you have
to rack an automatic pistol.
1635
02:43:40,194 --> 02:43:41,903
Of course, you're right.
1636
02:43:42,903 --> 02:43:46,569
I've seen it in films
a thousand times.
1637
02:43:51,486 --> 02:43:52,653
It's morning.
1638
02:43:55,278 --> 02:43:58,903
The snow is gone.
- So the sun must be up?
1639
02:44:00,111 --> 02:44:02,028
Yes, there is sun.
1640
02:44:03,361 --> 02:44:05,319
How can you see it?
1641
02:44:06,361 --> 02:44:10,944
This alley's located so that you
never get direct sunlight here,
1642
02:44:11,111 --> 02:44:15,611
but I can see a small reflection
on the building on the other side.
1643
02:44:22,361 --> 02:44:26,153
I've never managed to figure
out where it comes from.
1644
02:44:26,944 --> 02:44:31,861
It must be some interplay
between windows and towers
1645
02:44:32,028 --> 02:44:35,153
and high buildings.
1646
02:44:37,778 --> 02:44:42,903
It's not much, but it's the sun
you get here at my place.
1647
02:44:47,028 --> 02:44:48,778
It's beautiful.
1648
02:44:58,944 --> 02:45:00,153
In the beginning,
1649
02:45:00,319 --> 02:45:02,153
you said that your only sin
1650
02:45:02,319 --> 02:45:05,486
was that you asked
more of the sunset.
1651
02:45:07,069 --> 02:45:11,028
Meaning, I suppose, that you wanted
more from life than was good for you.
1652
02:45:13,736 --> 02:45:17,444
You were a human being
demanding your right,
1653
02:45:17,611 --> 02:45:19,153
and more than that,
1654
02:45:19,319 --> 02:45:22,694
you were a woman
demanding her right.
1655
02:45:25,986 --> 02:45:28,694
Does that pardon everything?
1656
02:45:30,069 --> 02:45:34,153
Do you think if two men were to
walk down a train looking for women,
1657
02:45:34,903 --> 02:45:38,069
do you think anybody would have
raised an eyebrow,
1658
02:45:38,278 --> 02:45:41,111
or if a man had led the life you had?
1659
02:45:42,778 --> 02:45:47,361
And the story about Mrs. H.
would've been extremely banal
1660
02:45:47,528 --> 02:45:48,861
if you'd been a man.
1661
02:45:50,069 --> 02:45:52,611
And your conquest
would have been a woman.
1662
02:45:53,611 --> 02:45:58,236
When a man leaves his children
because of desire,
1663
02:45:58,903 --> 02:46:01,694
we accept it with a shrug,
but you as a woman,
1664
02:46:02,153 --> 02:46:04,612
you had to take on a guilt,
1665
02:46:04,945 --> 02:46:07,362
a burden of guilt
that could never be alleviated.
1666
02:46:11,362 --> 02:46:14,820
Your abortion was legal,
but more than anything else,
1667
02:46:14,987 --> 02:46:18,987
it was a punishment
you inflicted upon yourself.
1668
02:46:20,112 --> 02:46:23,362
And all in all,
all the blame and guilt
1669
02:46:23,529 --> 02:46:26,070
that piled up over the years
became too much for you,
1670
02:46:26,237 --> 02:46:28,237
and you reacted aggressively,
1671
02:46:28,404 --> 02:46:31,404
almost like a man, I have to say,
and you fought back.
1672
02:46:32,695 --> 02:46:34,070
You fought back
against the gender
1673
02:46:34,237 --> 02:46:38,362
that had been oppressing
and mutilating and killing you
1674
02:46:38,529 --> 02:46:43,029
and billions of women
in the name of religion or ethics,
1675
02:46:43,195 --> 02:46:46,445
or God knows what.
1676
02:46:49,487 --> 02:46:52,404
But I wanted
to kill a human being.
1677
02:46:55,820 --> 02:46:57,820
But you didn't.
1678
02:46:59,779 --> 02:47:02,195
Because of a chance event.
1679
02:47:02,362 --> 02:47:04,404
You call it a chance event,
1680
02:47:05,904 --> 02:47:08,695
I call it subconscious resistance.
1681
02:47:08,862 --> 02:47:11,112
On the surface you wanted to kill,
1682
02:47:11,945 --> 02:47:14,362
but deep down,
you celebrated human worth
1683
02:47:15,404 --> 02:47:17,112
in a veil of forgetfulness
1684
02:47:17,279 --> 02:47:21,779
draped itself over your
knowledge of how to rack a gun.
1685
02:47:24,154 --> 02:47:26,445
Although all this
sounds frighteningly close
1686
02:47:26,612 --> 02:47:29,570
to the clichés of our times...
1687
02:47:29,737 --> 02:47:34,695
and I'm predisposed to knock
holes in your arguments...
1688
02:47:36,362 --> 02:47:38,529
I'm too tired.
1689
02:47:38,695 --> 02:47:39,987
Well, that's good.
1690
02:47:43,570 --> 02:47:45,612
Why don't you lay down?
1691
02:47:47,904 --> 02:47:49,695
Yes.
1692
02:48:01,029 --> 02:48:03,695
Let me just say that
telling my story
1693
02:48:04,737 --> 02:48:07,737
as you insisted, or permitted,
1694
02:48:09,612 --> 02:48:12,237
has put me at ease.
1695
02:48:13,737 --> 02:48:19,487
At this moment,
my addiction is very clear to me.
1696
02:48:21,862 --> 02:48:23,779
And I've come to a decision.
1697
02:48:26,320 --> 02:48:33,029
Even though only one in a million,
as my dubious therapist said,
1698
02:48:34,279 --> 02:48:38,487
succeed in mentally,
1699
02:48:38,654 --> 02:48:40,862
bodily,
1700
02:48:41,029 --> 02:48:43,237
and in her heart
1701
02:48:43,404 --> 02:48:48,570
ridding herself
of her sexuality...
1702
02:48:48,737 --> 02:48:51,279
this is now my goal.
1703
02:48:52,029 --> 02:48:55,029
But is that a life worth living?
1704
02:48:57,737 --> 02:49:00,737
It's the only way I can live it.
1705
02:49:04,570 --> 02:49:08,362
I will stand up against all odds...
1706
02:49:12,987 --> 02:49:16,404
just like a deformed tree on a hill.
1707
02:49:24,487 --> 02:49:28,987
I will muster
all of my stubbornness...
1708
02:49:32,487 --> 02:49:34,654
my strength...
1709
02:49:36,862 --> 02:49:39,570
my masculine aggression.
1710
02:49:41,862 --> 02:49:45,445
But most of all I want
to say thanks
1711
02:49:45,612 --> 02:49:50,237
to my new and maybe first friend.
1712
02:49:50,404 --> 02:49:53,279
Thank you, Seligman...
1713
02:49:54,945 --> 02:49:58,320
who perhaps is happy
when all is said and done.
1714
02:50:05,404 --> 02:50:07,987
I'm happy at any rate
1715
02:50:08,154 --> 02:50:10,237
that the shot didn't go off
1716
02:50:10,404 --> 02:50:13,154
and made me a murderer.
1717
02:50:18,820 --> 02:50:21,612
If I may, I'd like to sleep now.
1718
02:50:25,654 --> 02:50:28,279
I'll make sure
you won't be disturbed.
1719
02:50:31,279 --> 02:50:34,487
And when you wake up,
maybe we could
1720
02:50:34,654 --> 02:50:37,738
discuss your future if you'd like.
1721
02:50:46,571 --> 02:50:49,988
In your new life,
1722
02:50:50,155 --> 02:50:52,863
would you consider
seeking out your son?
1723
02:50:55,696 --> 02:50:57,696
It's possible.
1724
02:51:02,030 --> 02:51:04,113
Good night, Joe.
1725
02:51:05,488 --> 02:51:07,363
Good night, Seligman.
1726
02:52:47,488 --> 02:52:49,196
No!
1727
02:52:51,530 --> 02:52:54,280
But you,
you fucked thousands of men.132399
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