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1
00:00:06,498 --> 00:00:08,652
Ice. I need ice.
2
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:11,337
I realize it's happy
hour somewhere,
3
00:00:11,372 --> 00:00:14,039
but isn't it a bit
early even for you?
4
00:00:14,074 --> 00:00:16,341
This happens to
be an emergency.
5
00:00:16,376 --> 00:00:19,462
I pulled a muscle
fastening my bra.
6
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:23,904
What's goin' on?
7
00:00:23,939 --> 00:00:26,390
Victoria's having
a senior moment.
8
00:00:26,425 --> 00:00:28,707
Oh, I have those all the time.
9
00:00:28,742 --> 00:00:31,162
I can be walking along
happy as a clam,
10
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:34,253
and suddenly I get
this overwhelming urge
11
00:00:34,288 --> 00:00:36,802
to hit some young
person with a stick.
12
00:00:39,288 --> 00:00:40,964
Hey, guys, look at this!
13
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,902
Another sign I'm meant
to be in Cleveland.
14
00:00:42,937 --> 00:00:45,536
The rock and roll hall of
fame is having a huge party.
15
00:00:45,571 --> 00:00:48,361
All these rock stars are
donating their guitars,
16
00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:51,838
- and Hailey Nash is one of them.
- Oh, lord, Hailey Nash?
17
00:00:51,873 --> 00:00:55,117
All those dreadful female
empowerment songs?
18
00:00:55,152 --> 00:00:58,726
Her music takes me back to
a time when music sucked.
19
00:01:00,867 --> 00:01:02,777
Well, I love Hailey's songs.
20
00:01:03,304 --> 00:01:04,809
It reminds me of prom night.
21
00:01:04,844 --> 00:01:06,806
They played Hailey
Nash at your prom?
22
00:01:06,841 --> 00:01:08,443
No, in my room.
23
00:01:08,478 --> 00:01:10,181
Nobody asked me to the prom.
24
00:01:10,216 --> 00:01:13,655
Course, that was during
my corrective shoe years.
25
00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:16,629
Was that before or after
your headgear years?
26
00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:18,693
There was some overlap.
27
00:01:19,838 --> 00:01:21,273
But Hailey got me through it.
28
00:01:21,308 --> 00:01:24,080
Oh! Tonight, I am going to do
29
00:01:24,115 --> 00:01:25,416
two things from my book.
30
00:01:25,451 --> 00:01:27,653
I'm gonna crash a party
and meet my idol.
31
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,290
And I am coming with you.
32
00:01:29,325 --> 00:01:31,962
What? Why? Weren't we just
mocking her? I'm confused.
33
00:01:31,997 --> 00:01:34,500
That bastard Johnny
revere is gonna be there.
34
00:01:34,535 --> 00:01:36,370
You know Johnny revere?
35
00:01:36,405 --> 00:01:37,805
Every inch of him.
36
00:01:39,177 --> 00:01:40,879
One night, he pulled
me from the audience
37
00:01:40,914 --> 00:01:42,315
to dance on stage
38
00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:46,055
and gave me a backstage pass to
the best six months of my life.
39
00:01:46,090 --> 00:01:47,925
So why is he a bastard?
40
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,360
Because halfway
through the tour,
41
00:01:49,395 --> 00:01:52,733
he left me stranded on a
corner in Winslow, Arizona.
42
00:01:53,523 --> 00:01:55,171
Wait, isn't that
an eagles song?
43
00:01:55,206 --> 00:01:57,241
Never tell don Henley
anything in confidence
44
00:01:57,276 --> 00:01:58,976
when you're doing shots.
45
00:02:00,314 --> 00:02:02,382
Why did you never tell us?
46
00:02:02,417 --> 00:02:04,767
Because it was just
too humiliating.
47
00:02:05,130 --> 00:02:06,689
Oh, is he the one
who gave you the--
48
00:02:06,724 --> 00:02:09,727
no, no, no,
that was Warren Beatty.
49
00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:13,366
Anyway, now that I'm famous
and Johnny is a museum piece,
50
00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:14,868
it is going to be
such a pleasure
51
00:02:14,903 --> 00:02:18,073
to finally be able to throw
a drink right in his face.
52
00:02:18,108 --> 00:02:20,109
Ooh, that sounds
very satisfying.
53
00:02:20,144 --> 00:02:21,812
I've never thrown
a drink at a man.
54
00:02:21,847 --> 00:02:23,714
I mean, I've slapped
a couple of faces,
55
00:02:23,749 --> 00:02:25,651
egged a few cars,
56
00:02:25,686 --> 00:02:27,687
set the odd house on fire.
57
00:02:27,722 --> 00:02:29,189
But a drink in the face?
58
00:02:29,224 --> 00:02:30,725
That's gonna be fun.
59
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,080
I don't see Johnny anywhere.
60
00:02:46,115 --> 00:02:48,116
Just a sea of '70s hair...
61
00:02:48,151 --> 00:02:51,420
And '90s hairpieces.
62
00:02:51,455 --> 00:02:54,525
Some of these rockers look
remarkably well-preserved.
63
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,260
Forget Botox. I'm going
straight to heroin.
64
00:02:58,833 --> 00:03:00,768
I can't believe that
after all these years,
65
00:03:00,803 --> 00:03:04,006
I am finally going to throw
a drink in Johnny's face.
66
00:03:04,508 --> 00:03:06,475
- What can I get you ladies?
- Uh, scotch...
67
00:03:06,510 --> 00:03:09,112
With enough rocks
to leave bruises.
68
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,081
Oh, my gosh.
69
00:03:11,116 --> 00:03:13,785
I just motor-boated
Hailey Nash's breasts.
70
00:03:16,389 --> 00:03:17,856
Go on.
71
00:03:17,891 --> 00:03:19,825
No, it was an insane accident.
72
00:03:19,860 --> 00:03:22,095
I--I was turning a corner,
and I tripped,
73
00:03:22,130 --> 00:03:24,164
and I fell face-first
into her cleavage,
74
00:03:24,199 --> 00:03:25,599
and then my earring got caught,
75
00:03:25,634 --> 00:03:28,837
and I was wrestling free.
76
00:03:31,008 --> 00:03:32,675
What did you say to her?
77
00:03:32,710 --> 00:03:33,977
"Soft."
78
00:03:36,381 --> 00:03:37,481
What?
79
00:03:37,516 --> 00:03:39,050
Well, I was thinking "sorry,"
80
00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:42,585
but I was also thinking "soft,"
and the wrong one came out.
81
00:03:43,138 --> 00:03:47,227
Any of you over-age groupies
seen Willie Nelson?
82
00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:49,696
Elka, what are you doing here?
83
00:03:49,731 --> 00:03:53,281
Well, whenever Willie's in town,
I always bake him brownies.
84
00:03:54,437 --> 00:03:55,838
I knew it.
85
00:03:57,074 --> 00:03:59,508
Wait. These are just brownies.
86
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:00,993
Of course they are.
87
00:04:01,288 --> 00:04:02,947
What are you smoking?
88
00:04:04,282 --> 00:04:06,918
- Young man.
- Yes?
89
00:04:06,953 --> 00:04:08,203
Well,
90
00:04:08,755 --> 00:04:11,791
you're a lot to take in,
aren't you?
91
00:04:12,826 --> 00:04:16,897
Oh, uh, have you seen the
redheaded stranger anywhere?
92
00:04:16,932 --> 00:04:19,132
Come on, shawty, let's check
in the V.I.P. section.
93
00:04:19,167 --> 00:04:21,453
Oh, will jay-z be there?
94
00:04:23,572 --> 00:04:26,472
There are a lot of layers
to that little onion.
95
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:30,461
Oh, there's Johnny.
96
00:04:31,526 --> 00:04:32,778
Oh, my God, he spotted me.
97
00:04:32,813 --> 00:04:33,911
He's coming over.
98
00:04:33,946 --> 00:04:35,046
Okay, this is it.
99
00:04:35,081 --> 00:04:36,947
- Um, where's my ammunition?
- Here.
100
00:04:36,982 --> 00:04:38,748
Right, keep your elbow low,
101
00:04:38,783 --> 00:04:40,182
follow through with your swing.
102
00:04:40,217 --> 00:04:41,850
Remember,
this is for every woman
103
00:04:41,885 --> 00:04:45,288
who ever got dumped by
a heartless bastard.
104
00:04:45,323 --> 00:04:47,191
- Victoria!
- Johnny.
105
00:04:47,226 --> 00:04:49,293
Wow! You look
frickin' amazing.
106
00:04:49,328 --> 00:04:51,328
Oh, why, thank you.
107
00:04:54,547 --> 00:04:58,255
Seriously, you look even sexier in
person than you did on your show.
108
00:04:58,583 --> 00:05:00,321
You watched edge of tomorrow?
109
00:05:00,356 --> 00:05:01,388
Sure.
110
00:05:01,423 --> 00:05:02,890
I was always bragging
to the roadies
111
00:05:02,925 --> 00:05:06,260
how I used to drill you
like the Gulf of Mexico.
112
00:05:09,263 --> 00:05:12,632
You still don't follow
the news, do you?
113
00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:17,067
Excuse me. Mr. revere,
they need you in the press room.
114
00:05:17,503 --> 00:05:18,569
The price of fame.
115
00:05:18,604 --> 00:05:20,704
I know it well.
116
00:05:20,739 --> 00:05:22,706
You know, it's too bad
you're with your friends,
117
00:05:22,741 --> 00:05:24,407
or you could come
by the hotel later.
118
00:05:24,442 --> 00:05:26,876
Oh, they're not my friends.
119
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:31,247
St. Regent, top floor.
120
00:05:32,716 --> 00:05:36,717
Well, that was the most
disgusting thing I've ever seen,
121
00:05:36,752 --> 00:05:40,387
and I used to wax Roseanne.
122
00:05:40,422 --> 00:05:42,255
Well, I couldn't help it.
123
00:05:42,290 --> 00:05:44,924
Watchin' that bad-boy swagger
sent chills down my spine
124
00:05:44,959 --> 00:05:46,759
I haven't felt in years.
125
00:05:46,794 --> 00:05:48,727
He didn't even apologize!
126
00:05:48,762 --> 00:05:51,463
I know. How hot was that?
127
00:05:52,665 --> 00:05:54,365
Still here, huh?
128
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,667
You know, with all these
pretty young girls around,
129
00:05:56,702 --> 00:06:00,470
you last-call connies
don't stand a chance.
130
00:06:02,873 --> 00:06:04,773
It may interest you to know
131
00:06:04,808 --> 00:06:06,340
that tonight Johnny
revere and I
132
00:06:06,375 --> 00:06:08,475
are going to have the
kind of smoking hot sex
133
00:06:08,510 --> 00:06:11,946
that children only read
about in story books.
134
00:06:11,981 --> 00:06:14,782
Come on, he's callous
and misogynous,
135
00:06:14,817 --> 00:06:16,149
and I don't even think
he showered today.
136
00:06:16,184 --> 00:06:19,286
That's okay,
I'll just lick him clean.
137
00:06:19,321 --> 00:06:21,988
Victoria! This is a mistake!
138
00:06:22,023 --> 00:06:24,324
Don't be a holla back girl.
139
00:06:26,327 --> 00:06:29,077
Am I using that right?
'Cause it felt right.
140
00:06:30,230 --> 00:06:34,433
Oh, let it go, Mel. There's no
girlfriend block for bad-boy sex.
141
00:06:34,648 --> 00:06:37,301
You're right.
Its power is too strong.
142
00:06:37,336 --> 00:06:40,204
That guilty thrill you
get just being with him.
143
00:06:40,239 --> 00:06:43,673
That desperate desire
you have to change him.
144
00:06:43,708 --> 00:06:45,941
And that delicious
little tickle
145
00:06:45,976 --> 00:06:48,610
that comes from knowing
you never could.
146
00:06:53,118 --> 00:06:57,985
What? You think there weren't
bad boys in Poland in the '30s?
147
00:06:58,542 --> 00:07:01,820
You know, before I met Johnny,
I didn't know the meaning of depravity
148
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,221
or hotel blacklisting.
149
00:07:04,256 --> 00:07:06,256
There was this one
time on a credenza.
150
00:07:06,291 --> 00:07:09,826
Oh, my God. I mean,
no surface was safe.
151
00:07:09,861 --> 00:07:12,662
Oh, we did it on coffee
tables, club chairs,
152
00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:14,831
and this one really
memorable Thanksgiving,
153
00:07:14,866 --> 00:07:18,569
in a bathtub full of
sweet potatoes and gravy.
154
00:07:20,104 --> 00:07:23,854
Okay, before we get to what you
did with the turkey legs, think.
155
00:07:24,218 --> 00:07:26,876
If you sleep with him,
he'll just dump you again,
156
00:07:26,911 --> 00:07:28,743
and then he'll be the
one that got away again.
157
00:07:28,778 --> 00:07:30,911
Who cares? He's not
the man that got away.
158
00:07:30,946 --> 00:07:34,881
He's the sex that got away,
and tonight I am getting it back.
159
00:07:34,916 --> 00:07:36,915
Well, just make sure none
of those old feelings
160
00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:38,116
come back with it.
161
00:07:38,151 --> 00:07:40,351
Oh, please, I am not
that nubile little ninny
162
00:07:40,386 --> 00:07:42,287
who used to prance around
naked on his balcony--
163
00:07:42,322 --> 00:07:45,090
oh, my God! He hasn't seen me
naked since I was in my 20s!
164
00:07:45,125 --> 00:07:47,226
Ooh, forget diamonds.
165
00:07:47,261 --> 00:07:50,061
After 40, covers are
a girl's best friend.
166
00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:53,863
Word to the wise.
A smart jockey
167
00:07:53,898 --> 00:07:56,298
always sits straight
up on the horse.
168
00:07:57,401 --> 00:08:01,870
- See, you're the jockey, and he's...
- Yes, yes, we understand.
169
00:08:01,905 --> 00:08:04,372
It's so your boobs
don't flop to the side
170
00:08:04,407 --> 00:08:07,141
and get lost in your back fat.
171
00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:21,552
Are you as turned on as I am?
172
00:08:21,587 --> 00:08:23,187
God, this is a disaster.
173
00:08:23,222 --> 00:08:24,988
I'm not even dressed for sex.
174
00:08:25,023 --> 00:08:27,457
Trade underwear with me.
175
00:08:27,492 --> 00:08:30,193
Why do you automatically
ask joy and not me?
176
00:08:30,228 --> 00:08:35,097
Because cotton is the fabric of
your life, darling, not mine.
177
00:08:35,132 --> 00:08:37,132
- Cotton breathes.
- All right.
178
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:38,833
I am not swapping
knickers with you.
179
00:08:38,868 --> 00:08:41,702
Okay, okay, but I am definitely
gonna need an emergency wax.
180
00:08:41,737 --> 00:08:43,371
Well, your eyebrows look fine.
181
00:08:43,406 --> 00:08:46,373
It's not my eyebrows
I'm worried about.
182
00:08:46,408 --> 00:08:48,775
Do you think I carry a
portable waxing kit?
183
00:08:48,810 --> 00:08:50,979
Joy, please.
184
00:08:51,014 --> 00:08:52,616
Okay, fine.
185
00:08:52,677 --> 00:08:54,215
I'll MacGyver it.
186
00:08:55,951 --> 00:08:57,484
Oh, my God, are you guys crazy?
187
00:08:57,519 --> 00:08:59,419
Do you know how much
that's gonna hurt?
188
00:08:59,454 --> 00:09:04,590
But it's worth it, because tonight
I'm gonna party like it's 1979.
189
00:09:07,074 --> 00:09:09,815
You want a ride home?
Willie loaned me the limo.
190
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:12,264
Oh, thanks, but no, no.
I have to stick around.
191
00:09:12,299 --> 00:09:16,949
I have to find Hailey Nash and apologize
to her for sticking my face in her boobs.
192
00:09:19,105 --> 00:09:20,939
Hey, I don't suppose
Willie knows her.
193
00:09:20,974 --> 00:09:23,776
By now, Willie doesn't
know his own name.
194
00:09:32,683 --> 00:09:35,579
- Hey, you.
- Hey, sexy, come on in.
195
00:09:47,811 --> 00:09:48,757
You okay?
196
00:09:48,792 --> 00:09:50,693
No, I'm fine.
197
00:09:50,728 --> 00:09:53,862
You know, there were a lot of
hot women at that party tonight,
198
00:09:53,897 --> 00:09:56,647
but none of them could
hold a candle to you.
199
00:10:00,335 --> 00:10:02,470
That's what you think.
200
00:10:04,005 --> 00:10:05,772
Sure I can't get you
something stronger?
201
00:10:05,807 --> 00:10:08,241
No, no, no, I have to
keep my wits about me.
202
00:10:08,276 --> 00:10:11,444
I accidentally groped Hailey Nash,
so I need to apologize to her.
203
00:10:11,479 --> 00:10:12,879
Well, here's your chance.
204
00:10:12,914 --> 00:10:17,683
She's right behind you.
205
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:18,951
You again?
206
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:20,151
I'm sorry!
207
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,952
Oh, Ms. Nash, I'm so sorry!
208
00:10:21,987 --> 00:10:23,719
Oh!
209
00:10:23,754 --> 00:10:26,153
It's just seltzer,
so it won't stain.
210
00:10:26,188 --> 00:10:28,221
So there's really
211
00:10:28,256 --> 00:10:30,122
no reason for me to be doing...
212
00:10:30,157 --> 00:10:31,407
This.
213
00:10:33,444 --> 00:10:36,161
What is it with you
and my breasts?
214
00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:40,197
I'm just a really big fan.
215
00:10:40,232 --> 00:10:41,733
So I gather.
216
00:10:43,035 --> 00:10:44,501
I mean, I'm a fan of you,
217
00:10:44,536 --> 00:10:45,802
not your breasts.
218
00:10:45,837 --> 00:10:49,105
But not that I'm not a
fan of your breasts.
219
00:10:51,299 --> 00:10:53,909
2i am so toasted.
220
00:10:56,415 --> 00:10:58,011
So, what are you drinking?
221
00:10:58,046 --> 00:11:00,890
- What are you pouring.
- Well, nothing for me.
222
00:11:00,925 --> 00:11:03,377
The booze doesn't
mesh with the drugs,
223
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:05,061
that never stopped you before.
224
00:11:05,096 --> 00:11:06,996
Yeah, that was my old liver.
225
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,102
You're still a bourbon girl?
226
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,823
It'll do for starters.
227
00:11:20,773 --> 00:11:22,463
You know that couch
doesn't bite.
228
00:11:22,498 --> 00:11:25,948
Oh, you know, I think I'm more
in a credenza kind of mood.
229
00:11:28,758 --> 00:11:29,692
Mercy.
230
00:11:30,279 --> 00:11:32,772
You always did look
good on mahogany.
231
00:11:33,511 --> 00:11:36,561
Well, I've always been
partial to good solid wood.
232
00:11:38,762 --> 00:11:39,990
I seem to remember that.
233
00:11:40,025 --> 00:11:43,575
I seem to remember been covered
in creme fraiche and caviar.
234
00:11:44,366 --> 00:11:46,466
So, what's on the menu tonight?
235
00:11:47,269 --> 00:11:50,119
A grilled chicken breast
and steam vegetables.
236
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:53,472
How stoned are you?
237
00:11:53,897 --> 00:11:54,911
Stoned?
238
00:11:54,972 --> 00:11:57,688
What drugs are you on then?
239
00:11:58,477 --> 00:12:00,464
Celebrex and lipator.
240
00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:04,158
- Ah, you're joking, right?
- No.
241
00:12:04,193 --> 00:12:05,893
I'm a different guy now.
242
00:12:05,937 --> 00:12:08,385
In fact that's why I invited
you up here tonight.
243
00:12:08,420 --> 00:12:09,570
To apologize.
244
00:12:10,246 --> 00:12:11,679
Apologize?
245
00:12:11,714 --> 00:12:12,847
Yeah.
246
00:12:12,882 --> 00:12:15,015
I was a selfish bastard
when we were together,
247
00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:17,350
and I really feel bad about
the way I treated you.
248
00:12:17,385 --> 00:12:19,027
Uh-huh. I see.
249
00:12:19,063 --> 00:12:21,196
So, um, are we good?
250
00:12:21,231 --> 00:12:24,699
You have got a lot
of nerve, pal!
251
00:12:24,734 --> 00:12:26,733
What? All I said
was I'm sorry.
252
00:12:26,768 --> 00:12:28,902
Well, no girl wants
to hear that!
253
00:12:28,937 --> 00:12:32,206
Of course you were a bastard,
that's what made you so exciting.
254
00:12:32,241 --> 00:12:33,440
So why are you mad now?
255
00:12:33,475 --> 00:12:36,375
I thought you invited me up
here for some high-octane sex,
256
00:12:36,410 --> 00:12:40,712
not a low-cholesterol snack
and some crybaby apology!
257
00:12:40,747 --> 00:12:42,347
Whoa, I didn't know.
I'm sorry.
258
00:12:42,382 --> 00:12:43,581
My bad.
259
00:12:43,616 --> 00:12:45,850
Bad? You're practically
a boy scout!
260
00:12:45,885 --> 00:12:48,051
Whatever happened
to that bad boy
261
00:12:48,086 --> 00:12:51,754
who used to bounce me around
like a jai alai ball?
262
00:12:51,789 --> 00:12:53,690
You think I still can't?
263
00:12:53,725 --> 00:12:55,057
Oh, please.
264
00:12:55,092 --> 00:12:58,593
Why don't you just help some
old lady across the street?
265
00:12:58,628 --> 00:13:02,729
God, what a waste of a wax
job this turned out to be!
266
00:13:02,764 --> 00:13:04,130
Heart-shaped?
267
00:13:04,165 --> 00:13:05,231
Well, it was the plan,
268
00:13:05,266 --> 00:13:07,666
but it turned out
kind of shamrock-y.
269
00:13:11,045 --> 00:13:13,171
Is it magically delicious?
270
00:13:17,242 --> 00:13:19,609
Well, this is supposed
to be a reunion.
271
00:13:19,644 --> 00:13:22,041
- Then let's make it one.
- Oh, you think you're up to it?
272
00:13:22,076 --> 00:13:23,478
You think you can
still handle it?
273
00:13:23,513 --> 00:13:25,179
- Vegas rules?
- No holds barred.
274
00:13:25,214 --> 00:13:28,014
- Safe word "Hendrix."
- First stop credenza.
275
00:13:31,295 --> 00:13:33,792
What? Am I pinching
your nipple too hard?
276
00:13:33,827 --> 00:13:35,727
- No, it's my knee.
- Okay.
277
00:13:37,297 --> 00:13:39,331
No, to the right,
to the right, to the right.
278
00:13:39,366 --> 00:13:41,433
Oh! Oh! Ow, my lower back.
279
00:13:41,468 --> 00:13:42,901
You too?
280
00:13:42,936 --> 00:13:44,635
Ah! Ah!
281
00:13:44,670 --> 00:13:46,269
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
282
00:13:46,304 --> 00:13:48,102
My hair is caught on something!
283
00:13:48,137 --> 00:13:50,804
It's my medic-alert bracelet.
284
00:13:52,754 --> 00:13:54,538
All right. Here quick,
285
00:13:56,310 --> 00:13:57,476
- hang on.
- What?
286
00:13:57,511 --> 00:13:59,244
Uh, I need to be on top.
287
00:13:59,279 --> 00:14:00,279
Why?
288
00:14:00,546 --> 00:14:03,696
Because I'm the jockey,
and you're-- oh, just do it!
289
00:14:08,253 --> 00:14:11,820
Aah! Wait, stop!
290
00:14:11,855 --> 00:14:14,689
I pulled a muscle this morning.
291
00:14:14,724 --> 00:14:16,324
I just wrenched my shoulder,
292
00:14:16,359 --> 00:14:17,991
but I think we
should play through.
293
00:14:18,026 --> 00:14:20,326
No, no, no! Let go! Let go!
294
00:14:20,361 --> 00:14:23,963
Oh, ow, ow, oh! Agony!
295
00:14:23,998 --> 00:14:25,431
Oh, I'm sorry.
296
00:14:25,466 --> 00:14:26,667
Oh.
297
00:14:33,752 --> 00:14:36,040
Can't even move my left arm.
298
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:37,975
Well, um,
299
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:40,910
seeing as how your right
arm's still working...
300
00:14:42,946 --> 00:14:45,246
What? I'm a bad boy.
301
00:14:45,281 --> 00:14:47,082
You're an idiot.
302
00:14:49,352 --> 00:14:52,654
God, this is so not
how I remembered it.
303
00:14:52,689 --> 00:14:54,456
Apparently a lot of the
things we used to do
304
00:14:54,491 --> 00:14:56,390
are pretty painful if
you're not wasted.
305
00:14:56,425 --> 00:14:59,092
Yeah, or 20.
306
00:14:59,127 --> 00:15:02,529
I suppose we could just
have low-key grown-up sex.
307
00:15:02,564 --> 00:15:07,333
Uh, thanks,
but why ruin the memories?
308
00:15:07,368 --> 00:15:09,367
We were something together,
though, weren't we?
309
00:15:09,402 --> 00:15:10,501
Yeah.
310
00:15:10,536 --> 00:15:14,604
At least we'll always have something
degrading to look back on.
311
00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:16,673
Aw, maybe it'd be
better if we didn't.
312
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,358
I mean, you can't miss
what you never had.
313
00:15:19,822 --> 00:15:21,710
I'm still glad we had it.
314
00:15:22,619 --> 00:15:24,178
Me too.
315
00:15:24,213 --> 00:15:26,581
You know, my orthopedist
showed me a little trick.
316
00:15:26,616 --> 00:15:27,866
Yeah?
317
00:15:27,916 --> 00:15:31,217
Oh! Oh, God, that's good.
318
00:15:31,252 --> 00:15:32,751
Oh.
319
00:15:32,786 --> 00:15:34,119
So what's the deal?
320
00:15:34,154 --> 00:15:37,489
I mean, you barely move
and you pull a muscle?
321
00:15:37,524 --> 00:15:38,758
I know, right?
322
00:15:39,097 --> 00:15:42,197
The other day I got a back
spasm putting on a sock.
323
00:15:57,856 --> 00:16:00,119
Here we are having a
wholesome Sunday morning,
324
00:16:00,154 --> 00:16:02,858
and Victoria's probably skulking
through some hotel lobby
325
00:16:02,893 --> 00:16:06,028
with her knickers stuffed in her
purse and her blouse inside out.
326
00:16:06,063 --> 00:16:09,197
Lucky trollop.
327
00:16:09,232 --> 00:16:11,466
Well, she's got less to
be ashamed of than I do.
328
00:16:11,501 --> 00:16:14,368
I just hope when Hailey gets
my note, she forgives me.
329
00:16:14,403 --> 00:16:15,669
What note?
330
00:16:15,704 --> 00:16:18,572
Oh, I paid the bartender
to slip her an apology
331
00:16:18,607 --> 00:16:20,140
and a Cd to autograph.
332
00:16:20,175 --> 00:16:23,042
So that way if I get it back in the
mail, I know she's forgiven me.
333
00:16:23,077 --> 00:16:26,211
And if you get a restraining order,
you'll know she hasn't.
334
00:16:26,246 --> 00:16:27,346
Oh, no.
335
00:16:27,381 --> 00:16:29,114
Oh, they're not that bad.
336
00:16:29,149 --> 00:16:30,982
You'd be surprised how
much trash talking
337
00:16:31,017 --> 00:16:33,184
you can do from 300 feet.
338
00:16:35,254 --> 00:16:38,222
Oh, here comes the
lucky trollop now.
339
00:16:39,657 --> 00:16:43,359
Somebody please turn out that
hideous light in the sky.
340
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:51,634
You're looking properly
debased and debauched.
341
00:16:51,669 --> 00:16:54,904
Was the insensitive mauling
everything you hoped?
342
00:16:54,939 --> 00:16:59,040
He was thoughtful and caring
and very unselfish in bed.
343
00:16:59,075 --> 00:17:01,076
You poor thing.
344
00:17:02,244 --> 00:17:03,577
Are you okay?
345
00:17:03,612 --> 00:17:05,679
I'm more than okay.
346
00:17:05,714 --> 00:17:07,381
You know, we didn't
do our whole catalog,
347
00:17:07,416 --> 00:17:10,016
but we managed a medley
of greatest hits.
348
00:17:11,286 --> 00:17:13,753
And then this morning he ate
his egg whites and turkey bacon
349
00:17:13,788 --> 00:17:16,488
off the small of my back.
350
00:17:16,523 --> 00:17:19,190
Um, Melanie?
351
00:17:22,930 --> 00:17:26,064
Breathe. I don't see
a restraining order.
352
00:17:26,099 --> 00:17:30,203
Ah, you'd think being best
friends with a famous celebrity
353
00:17:30,238 --> 00:17:33,172
she'd be over this
by now, but...
354
00:17:33,207 --> 00:17:34,439
Your blouse inside out?
355
00:17:34,474 --> 00:17:36,507
Excuse me.
356
00:17:39,043 --> 00:17:40,676
I better go and help her.
357
00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:42,961
Yesterday she pulled
a bra muscle.
358
00:17:44,982 --> 00:17:46,581
You all live here together?
359
00:17:46,616 --> 00:17:48,015
Yeah. It's like a
big slumber party.
360
00:17:48,050 --> 00:17:49,816
I can't believe you're here.
361
00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:51,117
Please, come in and sit down.
362
00:17:51,152 --> 00:17:53,319
Wow, this is crazy.
I mean, I just--
363
00:17:53,354 --> 00:17:56,188
this is like a fantasy
come true for me.
364
00:17:56,223 --> 00:17:59,458
Hey, I, um, brought that
Cd you wanted me to sign.
365
00:17:59,493 --> 00:18:02,760
Your note was very sweet.
366
00:18:02,795 --> 00:18:04,828
Oh, and I meant
every word of it.
367
00:18:04,863 --> 00:18:07,197
You are...You're just amazing,
368
00:18:07,232 --> 00:18:09,565
and you're so beautiful.
369
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,634
I mean, I can't even
begin to tell you
370
00:18:11,669 --> 00:18:12,935
everything that's in my heart,
371
00:18:12,970 --> 00:18:15,720
but I hope you know what
I mean because I...
372
00:18:20,917 --> 00:18:23,011
Did not see at comin'.
373
00:18:24,829 --> 00:18:25,909
Yeah, I know. I...
374
00:18:25,944 --> 00:18:28,248
I don't usually get
involved with my fans,
375
00:18:28,283 --> 00:18:33,919
but your passes last night
were so clumsy and pathetic...
376
00:18:33,954 --> 00:18:36,721
It was actually
kind of adorable.
377
00:18:36,756 --> 00:18:39,723
This is clearly gonna come
as a surprise to you,
378
00:18:39,758 --> 00:18:42,592
but I had no idea you were gay.
379
00:18:43,386 --> 00:18:44,386
Seriously?
380
00:18:45,964 --> 00:18:48,331
Not that it matters, 'cause I'm
like totally down with that.
381
00:18:48,366 --> 00:18:49,498
You know, I mean...
382
00:18:49,533 --> 00:18:52,401
I'm down with other people
being down with that.
383
00:18:52,436 --> 00:18:55,104
But that's nohow I get down.
384
00:18:56,941 --> 00:18:59,341
Wait, I don't get it.
How could you not know?
385
00:18:59,376 --> 00:19:01,009
Well, why would I?
386
00:19:01,044 --> 00:19:04,844
Well, for starters, that Cd you're
holding's called i like girls.
387
00:19:07,616 --> 00:19:11,584
Oh, so your song "love
my honey pot"...
388
00:19:11,619 --> 00:19:15,454
Wait, so the note
that you wrote me
389
00:19:15,489 --> 00:19:18,023
that said that my music
had given you the courage,
390
00:19:18,058 --> 00:19:20,458
you know, to let the woman
inside you come out...
391
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:24,393
Ohh, right. Yeah.
392
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:26,963
I can see how that
would be misleading.
393
00:19:27,391 --> 00:19:29,866
Yeah, but your friends upstairs,
helping each other with their bra--
394
00:19:29,901 --> 00:19:33,601
not gay, either.
395
00:19:33,638 --> 00:19:37,338
Well, you joy that CD.
396
00:19:37,373 --> 00:19:39,907
I'm sorry. Oh!
397
00:19:39,942 --> 00:19:40,942
Bye.
398
00:19:42,631 --> 00:19:46,113
"Love my honey pot"?
399
00:19:46,148 --> 00:19:48,315
A clue maybe?
400
00:19:51,252 --> 00:19:53,085
Oh, don't feel so bad, Melanie.
401
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:56,120
I didn't know about Elton
John or George Michael.
402
00:19:57,758 --> 00:20:01,192
I thought he wanted my sex.
403
00:20:01,227 --> 00:20:04,494
I didn't even know the
village people were gay.
404
00:20:04,529 --> 00:20:05,929
Yeah, they kind of ruined
405
00:20:05,964 --> 00:20:11,234
that whole cowboys with short shorts
and a mustache look for straight guys.
406
00:20:11,269 --> 00:20:14,970
In my day, nobody knew
anything about anyone.
407
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,339
Rock Hudson, tab hunter.
408
00:20:17,374 --> 00:20:21,175
I had a big thing for Liberace.
409
00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:23,911
You thought Liberace
was straight?
410
00:20:24,471 --> 00:20:26,414
I could have turned him.
411
00:20:26,614 --> 00:20:36,814
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www.addic7ed.com
412
00:20:36,864 --> 00:20:41,414
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