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1
00:00:01,628 --> 00:00:05,378
Hot in Cleveland is recorded in
front of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,813 --> 00:00:09,514
We're still in a rented
house in Ohio, right?
3
00:00:09,549 --> 00:00:10,531
Yep.
4
00:00:10,566 --> 00:00:14,004
So last night, a guy 15
years younger than me
5
00:00:14,039 --> 00:00:16,997
really did give me his phone number?
6
00:00:17,032 --> 00:00:19,342
Oh, it's the magic of Cleveland, Joy.
7
00:00:19,377 --> 00:00:23,179
All the most beautiful people in the
world move to L.A. to become stars,
8
00:00:23,214 --> 00:00:25,890
Leaving behind in their
wake beauty voids
9
00:00:25,950 --> 00:00:27,934
For the rest of us to fill.
10
00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:31,320
I've never dated younger.
11
00:00:31,626 --> 00:00:33,671
I think I'm gonna give it a try.
12
00:00:33,706 --> 00:00:34,906
It's exciting.
13
00:00:35,121 --> 00:00:37,341
It's disgusting.
14
00:00:38,444 --> 00:00:42,511
You're too old and creaky
To be robbing the cradle.
15
00:00:42,820 --> 00:00:43,920
I'm old?
16
00:00:43,955 --> 00:00:46,581
Was Ohio even a state
when you were born?
17
00:00:48,034 --> 00:00:50,203
They were talking about it.
18
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:54,249
Oh! I've run out of cotton balls.
19
00:00:54,309 --> 00:00:56,727
Elka, where's the nearest Neiman Marcus?
20
00:00:56,762 --> 00:00:58,460
Chicago.
21
00:01:00,063 --> 00:01:03,064
But there's a big n easy
just down the street.
22
00:01:03,820 --> 00:01:05,002
This outfit--
23
00:01:05,037 --> 00:01:06,536
3 for $10.
24
00:01:08,454 --> 00:01:10,204
Incentive indeed.
25
00:01:10,667 --> 00:01:12,114
Although my agent has said
26
00:01:12,149 --> 00:01:15,861
that having played Honor st.
Raven for the past 27 years.
27
00:01:15,896 --> 00:01:19,979
I am some more typecast as a
woman of taste and refinement.
28
00:01:20,415 --> 00:01:23,312
Perhaps I could better
portray a common person
29
00:01:23,353 --> 00:01:26,484
If I observe them in
their natural habitat.
30
00:01:28,802 --> 00:01:31,984
Morning. How everyone sleep? Me? Rock.
31
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,930
And what a beautiful Ohio morning.
32
00:01:33,965 --> 00:01:35,855
Birds are chirping. People are smiling.
33
00:01:35,890 --> 00:01:38,586
Someone actually said "hiya" to me...
34
00:01:39,809 --> 00:01:41,289
With the "ya."
35
00:01:43,466 --> 00:01:47,142
Who put a quarter in that one?
36
00:01:47,202 --> 00:01:48,702
Oh, I have big news.
37
00:01:48,749 --> 00:01:50,383
I'm extending my lease here,
38
00:01:50,418 --> 00:01:53,052
And I'm thinking of putting my
house in L.A. On the market.
39
00:01:53,087 --> 00:01:55,287
Wow, Melanie, you're really
going through with this?
40
00:01:55,322 --> 00:01:58,156
Well, how are you gonna get your Botox?
41
00:01:58,191 --> 00:02:00,041
That's your first question?
42
00:02:05,030 --> 00:02:07,280
Good God, woman, are you an animal?
43
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,632
Well, I'm glad you're staying.
44
00:02:10,692 --> 00:02:13,003
Well, thank you, miss belle of the bar.
45
00:02:13,206 --> 00:02:14,422
Oh, stop.
46
00:02:15,994 --> 00:02:18,285
How many guys gave you
their number last night?
47
00:02:19,384 --> 00:02:21,073
One or two.
48
00:02:25,422 --> 00:02:29,659
I had to wait till I was 88
To find out I have game.
49
00:02:31,389 --> 00:02:32,594
What do you want for breakfast?
50
00:02:32,629 --> 00:02:35,196
- Oh, you cook?
- And give advice.
51
00:02:35,231 --> 00:02:37,143
Like drama on entourage.
52
00:02:38,968 --> 00:02:40,233
You watch entourage?
53
00:02:40,268 --> 00:02:44,203
You seem more like a weeds viewer to me.
54
00:02:45,008 --> 00:02:48,373
That show is so unrealistic.
55
00:02:49,619 --> 00:02:51,075
I'll have egg whites, please.
56
00:02:51,110 --> 00:02:53,144
Half a grapefruit, sprinkle of splenda.
57
00:02:53,179 --> 00:02:55,644
Steel-cut oats with seasonal berries.
58
00:02:55,745 --> 00:02:58,179
Pancakes and bacon, coming up.
59
00:03:08,964 --> 00:03:11,735
I cannot believe that all of these
great furniture was in storage.
60
00:03:11,785 --> 00:03:13,701
I mean, I love the table,
I love the chairs,
61
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:16,065
I love the sofa. I really love the rugs.
62
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:18,334
I might not even send
for my stuff in L.A.
63
00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:20,913
Oh, boy, if this furniture
could talk, huh?
64
00:03:21,278 --> 00:03:23,508
It would be a welcome relief.
65
00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:30,378
I'm sorry, I just... I got a little,
you know, carried away.
66
00:03:30,413 --> 00:03:32,979
So have you decided
which guy to call yet?
67
00:03:33,014 --> 00:03:34,951
- No.
- Really?
68
00:03:34,986 --> 00:03:36,580
Well, you know,
why don't let me help you?
69
00:03:36,620 --> 00:03:39,380
Just tell me a little bit about them.
70
00:03:39,415 --> 00:03:42,012
Well, Arthur can drive at night.
71
00:03:46,053 --> 00:03:49,255
And Larry has that nice
full ring of hair.
72
00:03:52,552 --> 00:03:55,693
Sal has both original hips,
73
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:58,230
Which is sexy as hell.
74
00:03:59,203 --> 00:04:02,712
Well, it sounds to me like you can't
go wrong, So just pick one and call.
75
00:04:02,753 --> 00:04:04,151
Uh, right.
76
00:04:05,068 --> 00:04:06,525
Maybe tomorrow.
77
00:04:07,254 --> 00:04:09,369
Elka, what's going on?
78
00:04:09,404 --> 00:04:12,818
Oh, Melanie, I don't
know how to call a man.
79
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,438
Ok, I'm gonna help you.
80
00:04:14,473 --> 00:04:16,673
Let's just pretend, all right?
We'll practice.
81
00:04:16,708 --> 00:04:18,407
Which one of these do you want me to be?
82
00:04:18,442 --> 00:04:21,559
- Larry with the hair.
- Okay.
83
00:04:21,810 --> 00:04:24,210
I'm Larry. You call me.
84
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:25,745
Ring, ring.
85
00:04:25,780 --> 00:04:28,180
- Hello?
- What are you doing?
86
00:04:29,816 --> 00:04:33,584
I mean, nobody over 80
answers on the first ring.
87
00:04:33,619 --> 00:04:35,886
Well, yeah, okay.
88
00:04:35,921 --> 00:04:38,555
Sorry, sorry, my bad.
Um, let's try this again.
89
00:04:38,590 --> 00:04:40,431
Ring, ring.
90
00:04:40,491 --> 00:04:42,125
Ring, ring.
91
00:04:42,841 --> 00:04:44,860
Ring, ring.
92
00:04:44,962 --> 00:04:46,862
Ring, ring.
93
00:04:47,513 --> 00:04:48,574
Ring, ring.
94
00:04:48,594 --> 00:04:51,132
- Hello?
- I can't do this.
95
00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:53,300
Oh, Elka.
96
00:04:53,653 --> 00:04:55,133
How do I look?
97
00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:58,638
Like you stepped out of a painting...
98
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,440
Of hookers.
99
00:05:03,395 --> 00:05:06,474
Do not pay attention to her.
Joy, you look absolutely gorgeous.
100
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,746
Are you sure? Not too "cougary"?
101
00:05:08,781 --> 00:05:11,504
Oh, God, I hate that bloody word.
102
00:05:11,592 --> 00:05:13,525
But that's what I am, aren't I?
103
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:14,926
And I'm the worst kind of cougar--
104
00:05:14,961 --> 00:05:16,561
A self-hating cougar.
Maybe I should call and cancel.
105
00:05:16,596 --> 00:05:18,863
Stop acting so ridiculous.
106
00:05:18,898 --> 00:05:21,632
But what if he makes
references I don't understand.
107
00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:22,834
Look, if you say something wrong,
108
00:05:22,869 --> 00:05:24,468
You can always fall
back on being british.
109
00:05:24,503 --> 00:05:25,836
You know, you could say, um,
110
00:05:25,871 --> 00:05:27,538
that's what we calls it
111
00:05:27,573 --> 00:05:29,066
In london.
112
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,407
Okay, I'll go,
113
00:05:32,442 --> 00:05:35,135
But only because I'm terrified
you'll do that again.
114
00:05:36,412 --> 00:05:37,542
Oh, can I help you?
115
00:05:37,577 --> 00:05:39,109
It's me. Give me a hand.
116
00:05:39,144 --> 00:05:41,987
- Can't. I'm leaving on my date.
- Oh, what are you wearing?
117
00:05:42,027 --> 00:05:44,414
That thing that I wore to that thing
Where that guy thought I was that model.
118
00:05:44,449 --> 00:05:45,781
Mm. Good choice.
119
00:05:45,816 --> 00:05:49,036
Just remember what it
does when you sit down.
120
00:05:50,953 --> 00:05:52,319
Oh, my God.
121
00:05:52,354 --> 00:05:54,287
What an ordeal. So many people.
122
00:05:54,322 --> 00:05:57,890
Although I got to hand it to them,
no matters how big you are
123
00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:01,859
In Cleveland, everybody seems to think
That they can pull off wearing shorts.
124
00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,596
So what's with all the stuff?
125
00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:07,664
Oh, you can't leave a
big n easy with less.
126
00:06:07,699 --> 00:06:08,965
You know, everywhere you turn,
127
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,867
They're offering a lifetime
supply of something
128
00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:11,868
For a pittance.
129
00:06:12,661 --> 00:06:14,837
- So you got all this for that?
- I know.
130
00:06:14,872 --> 00:06:20,275
I could have bought out the entire store
For what I spent last month on vermouth.
131
00:06:20,310 --> 00:06:22,277
Oh, my God, vermouth.
I forgot the vermouth.
132
00:06:22,312 --> 00:06:23,545
I got to go.
133
00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:24,912
Wait, wait, it's still open?
134
00:06:24,947 --> 00:06:26,347
Oh, yeah, they never close.
135
00:06:26,382 --> 00:06:29,463
Oh, no, they welcome in all
people anytime, day or night.
136
00:06:29,498 --> 00:06:30,952
It's like hell.
137
00:06:34,737 --> 00:06:36,352
You know, my favorite is the one
138
00:06:36,387 --> 00:06:38,371
- Where jan got the wig.
- Mm.
139
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,749
An excellent choice.
140
00:06:39,823 --> 00:06:43,792
But for me, it has to be where
Marsha stalked Davy Jones.
141
00:06:43,827 --> 00:06:45,693
I love all those old reruns.
142
00:06:45,728 --> 00:06:47,895
Yeah...
143
00:06:47,930 --> 00:06:49,680
Reruns.
144
00:06:52,619 --> 00:06:55,635
And I know I said it two minutes ago,
But you are incredibly pretty.
145
00:06:57,338 --> 00:06:58,588
Stop.
146
00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:01,271
But don't stop.
147
00:07:02,375 --> 00:07:05,743
And funny and smart,
And your accent drives me crazy...
148
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,312
In a good way.
149
00:07:08,347 --> 00:07:10,087
You know, I was actually
born in britain.
150
00:07:10,148 --> 00:07:11,180
- Really?
- Yeah.
151
00:07:11,215 --> 00:07:14,115
My birth mom gave me up for adoption
152
00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:15,683
To this American couple.
153
00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:18,255
Really?
154
00:07:19,631 --> 00:07:20,486
Oh, my God!
155
00:07:20,521 --> 00:07:22,988
I think I'm dating my son.
156
00:07:26,843 --> 00:07:30,345
- So he was born in london?
- On the exact same day.
157
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:32,630
And year. I made him say it,
like, three times.
158
00:07:32,659 --> 00:07:35,125
- Wow, that is a huge coincidence.
- No kidding.
159
00:07:35,647 --> 00:07:36,780
So what did you say to him?
160
00:07:36,815 --> 00:07:38,571
Oh, I made up some lame excuse
161
00:07:38,606 --> 00:07:40,925
and basically bolted out of there.
162
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,637
But up until the time I found
that I might be his mother
163
00:07:43,718 --> 00:07:46,105
He was the best date I've had in years.
164
00:07:47,757 --> 00:07:49,858
Saw the light on. What's up?
165
00:07:51,746 --> 00:07:53,854
Oh, go ahead.
166
00:07:54,329 --> 00:07:57,130
When joy was a teenager,
she got pregnant.
167
00:07:57,364 --> 00:07:58,966
I'm not surprised.
168
00:08:02,635 --> 00:08:05,169
And now she thinks she
might be dating her son.
169
00:08:05,204 --> 00:08:07,499
Still not surprised.
170
00:08:08,775 --> 00:08:10,894
- You sleeping with him?
- No!
171
00:08:13,479 --> 00:08:16,324
Wait. You told me you
never had children.
172
00:08:16,405 --> 00:08:18,336
Because that's what I tell people.
173
00:08:18,371 --> 00:08:20,450
I've never raised the child.
174
00:08:20,485 --> 00:08:23,835
Besides, it's a time in my
life I prefer to keep buried.
175
00:08:29,392 --> 00:08:31,793
Oh, it's him asking if I'm okay.
176
00:08:32,302 --> 00:08:36,528
Oh. What a sweet boy.
177
00:08:39,768 --> 00:08:41,801
Maybe I should just call
him and tell him the truth.
178
00:08:41,836 --> 00:08:43,569
What, are you out of your mind?
179
00:08:43,604 --> 00:08:45,088
What if he isn't your son?
180
00:08:45,123 --> 00:08:46,388
I might be your mother?
181
00:08:46,423 --> 00:08:47,967
Probably romance toward.
182
00:08:49,807 --> 00:08:52,260
And what's even more horrific
is you'd have to admit
183
00:08:52,321 --> 00:08:53,978
That you're old enough to be his mother.
184
00:08:54,013 --> 00:08:56,184
Now, how old does he think you are?
185
00:08:56,219 --> 00:08:58,548
He said I look 38.
186
00:08:58,583 --> 00:09:00,773
Your son is mentally challenged?
187
00:09:08,655 --> 00:09:11,956
I just wish I had some
proof one way or another.
188
00:09:11,991 --> 00:09:14,792
You know, something like this
Once happened to honor st. Raven.
189
00:09:15,315 --> 00:09:18,228
You remember when I was on
that island studying monkeys?
190
00:09:18,263 --> 00:09:20,579
Yeah, I might have missed that episode.
191
00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:24,234
It was a six months arc.
192
00:09:25,052 --> 00:09:27,336
How long are we gonna do this?
Just tell us what happened.
193
00:09:27,371 --> 00:09:30,938
Well, the scientist I was
working with kidnapped me
194
00:09:30,973 --> 00:09:35,401
And then revealed himself to be
the venezuelan hit man el gato.
195
00:09:35,436 --> 00:09:37,057
That's "the Cat".
196
00:09:38,136 --> 00:09:40,041
Thank you, telemundo.
197
00:09:45,684 --> 00:09:47,918
But what does this have
to do with my situation?
198
00:09:47,953 --> 00:09:50,487
Well, he also claimed to be my father.
199
00:09:50,522 --> 00:09:53,256
Well, that's just stupid.
200
00:09:53,291 --> 00:09:56,092
It was submitted for a humanitas award.
201
00:09:56,127 --> 00:09:57,526
By whom?
202
00:09:57,561 --> 00:10:00,662
It was submitted.
203
00:10:00,697 --> 00:10:03,631
And anyway, I had to prove
that he wasn't my father,
204
00:10:03,666 --> 00:10:06,233
So I had to collect a sample of his DNA.
205
00:10:06,268 --> 00:10:07,567
Now, that's what you should do.
206
00:10:07,602 --> 00:10:09,435
Oh, yeah, like on CSI.
207
00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:11,970
You could get his skin scrapings
from under your fingernails,
208
00:10:12,005 --> 00:10:13,971
You could get a sample of his blood,
209
00:10:14,006 --> 00:10:16,840
Or you could swab the inside
of his cheek with a q-tip.
210
00:10:16,875 --> 00:10:19,509
All very natural dating activities.
211
00:10:21,278 --> 00:10:23,211
But, joy, you need to know.
212
00:10:23,246 --> 00:10:25,614
I mean, is he your sweet baby boy
213
00:10:25,649 --> 00:10:28,616
Or your dirty, sexy, hot boyfriend?
214
00:10:28,651 --> 00:10:30,644
And either way, win-win.
215
00:10:31,954 --> 00:10:34,388
I can't believe I'm
actually saying this,
216
00:10:34,766 --> 00:10:37,624
But how did honor st.
Raven get el gato's DNA?
217
00:10:38,218 --> 00:10:40,360
I plucked a hair from his head
218
00:10:40,395 --> 00:10:42,472
With the follicle still attached.
219
00:10:42,507 --> 00:10:44,093
You get that...
220
00:10:44,128 --> 00:10:45,997
and we can test his DNA.
221
00:10:46,032 --> 00:10:48,433
From our home DNA lab?
222
00:10:50,103 --> 00:10:51,223
No worries.
223
00:10:51,264 --> 00:10:54,122
I've got a lab I've done
some business with.
224
00:11:01,284 --> 00:11:04,551
So, young lady, you ready to
make that phone call again?
225
00:11:04,586 --> 00:11:06,920
Uh, I already did.
226
00:11:06,955 --> 00:11:09,421
Turns out he's not interested.
227
00:11:09,456 --> 00:11:10,522
You're lying.
228
00:11:11,092 --> 00:11:14,341
Okay, fine. I just can't
do it. I'm scared.
229
00:11:14,376 --> 00:11:15,719
Oh, come on.
230
00:11:15,719 --> 00:11:18,529
Who would say no to this?
231
00:11:18,564 --> 00:11:21,377
Well, you got that right.
232
00:11:22,401 --> 00:11:24,034
Come on, call Larry with the hair.
233
00:11:24,069 --> 00:11:25,402
Do you have his number?
234
00:11:25,437 --> 00:11:27,571
I know it by heart.
235
00:11:31,754 --> 00:11:34,778
Hello, this is Elka Ostrovsky
236
00:11:34,839 --> 00:11:38,312
Calling for Larry.
237
00:11:38,347 --> 00:11:39,614
Uh-huh.
238
00:11:40,677 --> 00:11:43,651
Okay, Saturday at 1:00.
239
00:11:43,686 --> 00:11:45,309
I'll be there.
240
00:11:45,735 --> 00:11:48,593
Yay, good for you.
Lucky Larry.
241
00:11:48,715 --> 00:11:51,591
Larry's dead. I'm going to his funeral.
242
00:11:54,028 --> 00:11:57,329
See, it's fate telling me it's too late.
243
00:11:57,364 --> 00:12:00,131
Or this is fate reminding you
244
00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:05,067
That life is short, so you'd better call
The other one before he pops off too.
245
00:12:06,071 --> 00:12:09,579
- Okay, I'll try sal's number.
- Try sal.
246
00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:15,043
He answered right away.
247
00:12:15,078 --> 00:12:17,912
Well, he's got the two good hips.
248
00:12:17,947 --> 00:12:21,315
Sal, this is Elka.
249
00:12:21,350 --> 00:12:23,683
I met you at--
250
00:12:23,718 --> 00:12:25,753
Yes, it's dimples.
251
00:12:28,327 --> 00:12:29,421
I'm nervous.
252
00:12:29,456 --> 00:12:33,158
You're doing great,
and I'm right here if you need me.
253
00:12:33,193 --> 00:12:37,228
I was thinking we might
meet later tonight
254
00:12:37,263 --> 00:12:40,306
For a double date.
255
00:12:40,618 --> 00:12:43,199
- Her name is Melanie.
- What?
256
00:12:44,895 --> 00:12:47,247
You have a younger friend?
257
00:12:48,136 --> 00:12:49,920
Only 85.
258
00:12:52,575 --> 00:12:57,778
Uses a walker,
but grips it very lightly.
259
00:13:05,119 --> 00:13:09,921
Oh, Tyler, what a lovely place.
260
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,590
You're doing very well for yourself...
261
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:17,360
Although you really should
tidy up before company comes.
262
00:13:17,747 --> 00:13:19,368
What are you, my mother?
263
00:13:22,775 --> 00:13:24,417
Would that be so bad?
264
00:13:25,201 --> 00:13:27,816
- What?
- Nothing. Just joking.
265
00:13:33,309 --> 00:13:35,943
Yeah, you are funny...
266
00:13:35,978 --> 00:13:38,144
And smoking hot.
267
00:13:38,179 --> 00:13:41,414
Oh, well, good genes.
268
00:13:41,449 --> 00:13:43,982
You know, I got to say,
I was a little surprised
269
00:13:44,017 --> 00:13:46,017
When I got your text that
we should skip dinner
270
00:13:46,052 --> 00:13:47,785
And come directly here instead.
271
00:13:47,820 --> 00:13:49,620
Well, it's a little more private.
272
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:51,215
Awesome.
273
00:13:51,905 --> 00:13:54,379
You know you've the most fabulous hair
274
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:57,258
so thick and fluent.
275
00:13:57,528 --> 00:14:00,286
- Yeah, it's just like yours.
- Yeah, I noticed that.
276
00:14:03,234 --> 00:14:06,834
I just want to reach in and grab hold...
277
00:14:06,869 --> 00:14:08,736
And grab harder.
278
00:14:08,771 --> 00:14:10,021
Yeah.
279
00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:12,659
Oh, God!
280
00:14:12,741 --> 00:14:14,403
I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
281
00:14:14,484 --> 00:14:16,065
Yeah, I'm fine. Really.
282
00:14:16,143 --> 00:14:18,510
Oh, no, you're bleeding.
283
00:14:18,545 --> 00:14:21,697
Oh, you're bleeding!
284
00:14:22,615 --> 00:14:24,849
I'll just go clean up. It's nothing.
285
00:14:24,884 --> 00:14:26,317
No, no, no, wait. I have tissues.
286
00:14:26,352 --> 00:14:28,118
Lots and lots of tissues.
287
00:14:28,153 --> 00:14:31,588
My friend Victoria buys them in bulk.
288
00:14:32,927 --> 00:14:34,786
There. That should be enough.
289
00:14:34,821 --> 00:14:37,020
I mean, that's better.
290
00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:40,824
You know, I'd really prefer
white wine if you have it.
291
00:14:41,264 --> 00:14:42,763
Oh, okay.
292
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:44,886
Coming right up.
293
00:14:48,203 --> 00:14:50,436
Any particular kind of--
294
00:14:50,471 --> 00:14:52,738
What are you doing?
295
00:14:52,773 --> 00:14:55,374
Oh, nothing. It's just a baggie.
296
00:14:55,409 --> 00:14:58,743
My friend Victoria gets
those by the bulk too.
297
00:14:58,778 --> 00:15:02,079
She's nuts, that woman...
298
00:15:02,114 --> 00:15:04,949
Crazy, crazy, crazy Victoria.
299
00:15:08,335 --> 00:15:10,644
Why are you collecting my blood?
300
00:15:10,679 --> 00:15:12,680
Oh, well, you know,
301
00:15:12,855 --> 00:15:15,514
Collecting blood is all the rage now.
302
00:15:15,549 --> 00:15:19,338
True blood, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse.
303
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:20,595
I get it.
304
00:15:22,135 --> 00:15:24,466
So, what are you... a vampire?
305
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,196
No, no, no, no, no, no.
306
00:15:27,277 --> 00:15:28,959
I don't want to suck your blood.
307
00:15:29,020 --> 00:15:32,863
I just want to take it home with me.
308
00:15:37,734 --> 00:15:41,736
I was collecting your DNA, because...
309
00:15:41,771 --> 00:15:44,238
I think I might possibly be your mother.
310
00:15:44,273 --> 00:15:45,621
My mother?
311
00:15:45,656 --> 00:15:47,506
It's better that a vampire,
312
00:15:49,460 --> 00:15:52,044
No, it isn't.
313
00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:54,833
Look, I-I gave up a baby for adoption.
314
00:15:54,873 --> 00:15:56,882
I know my birth mother.
315
00:15:56,917 --> 00:15:57,983
You do?
316
00:15:58,018 --> 00:16:00,919
Yeah, I registered on a website.
I met her, like, ten years ago.
317
00:16:07,148 --> 00:16:10,417
Well, that's fantastic news.
318
00:16:10,452 --> 00:16:12,613
I'm not your mother.
319
00:16:12,654 --> 00:16:15,098
We can go back to how we were now.
320
00:16:15,133 --> 00:16:18,368
- Um...
- I'll just let myself out.
321
00:16:21,042 --> 00:16:24,639
Here's to the prettiest
girl in the place.
322
00:16:24,674 --> 00:16:26,908
Well, thank you.
323
00:16:36,811 --> 00:16:40,385
- What?
- It's refreshing!
324
00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:42,387
It's refreshing, isn't it?
325
00:16:43,351 --> 00:16:44,669
Yeah.
326
00:16:45,992 --> 00:16:48,593
Plenty more where that came from.
327
00:16:55,210 --> 00:16:56,999
Hey, what are you doing home so early?
328
00:16:57,370 --> 00:16:58,801
Did you get the hair?
329
00:16:59,238 --> 00:17:00,920
He's not my son...
330
00:17:00,981 --> 00:17:02,542
Or my boyfriend.
331
00:17:02,562 --> 00:17:05,269
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
332
00:17:05,304 --> 00:17:06,675
What a night.
333
00:17:06,710 --> 00:17:07,999
Yeah, I'll say.
334
00:17:08,141 --> 00:17:09,884
I was out with a handsy 85-year-old
335
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:14,216
Who doesn't get "no means no"
because he couldn't hear it.
336
00:17:18,159 --> 00:17:19,619
Where is Victoria?
337
00:17:19,823 --> 00:17:22,790
Big n easy-- where else?
338
00:17:22,825 --> 00:17:25,693
She's really getting
addicted to that place.
339
00:17:25,728 --> 00:17:27,628
- Time for an intervention?
- Yeah, I think so.
340
00:17:27,663 --> 00:17:30,096
How many interventions
have we done for her?
341
00:17:30,131 --> 00:17:32,313
Oh, counting kabbalah and colonics?
342
00:17:37,137 --> 00:17:39,403
Ooh, look, a crowd-- it
must be something good.
343
00:17:39,438 --> 00:17:41,471
Ooh, hope there's more
of that beer-battered...
344
00:17:41,506 --> 00:17:42,806
- What was that?
- Who cares?
345
00:17:42,841 --> 00:17:44,841
It was battered in beer.
346
00:17:44,876 --> 00:17:48,643
Don't worry. No detergent
box will go unsigned.
347
00:17:48,678 --> 00:17:49,778
Victoria?
348
00:17:50,621 --> 00:17:52,851
Joy. Uh, Melanie.
349
00:17:52,932 --> 00:17:54,858
What a surprise.
350
00:17:54,878 --> 00:17:58,085
Would you excuse me for just a moment?
351
00:18:03,725 --> 00:18:05,743
Darling, isn't this
all a little pathetic?
352
00:18:05,778 --> 00:18:08,248
Well, some people might think so.
353
00:18:08,268 --> 00:18:11,533
By the way, how was your
date with your son?
354
00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:14,836
Turns out he's not my son.
355
00:18:14,871 --> 00:18:16,670
- Boyfriend?
- Nope.
356
00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:18,532
- You okay?
- Yep.
357
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:21,372
Free samples are helping.
358
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,870
So you bought all that stuff Just
as an excuse to come down here?
359
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:26,601
Yes.
360
00:18:26,966 --> 00:18:29,500
See, I've been feeling very insecure
361
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,842
Ever since the edge of
tomorrow was canceled,
362
00:18:32,193 --> 00:18:34,577
And I-I just didn't want
to burden you two with it.
363
00:18:34,612 --> 00:18:36,646
You talk about it all the time.
364
00:18:36,681 --> 00:18:40,282
Yes, but I've really wanted
to talk about it more.
365
00:18:40,739 --> 00:18:42,784
Attention, big n easy shoppers...
366
00:18:42,819 --> 00:18:45,519
Can you believe that's us?
367
00:18:45,554 --> 00:18:47,487
In the deli department,
we are proud to announce
368
00:18:47,522 --> 00:18:49,489
Our latest yard-long hero sandwich,
369
00:18:49,524 --> 00:18:50,957
The Victoria Chase.
370
00:18:50,992 --> 00:18:52,760
You see, I'm a hero.
371
00:18:52,795 --> 00:18:56,098
Oh, come on. I promised I'd spray on
The first foot of cheese.
372
00:19:00,247 --> 00:19:02,244
Hey, what are you doing?
373
00:19:02,279 --> 00:19:05,380
- You won't approve.
- Tell us.
374
00:19:06,516 --> 00:19:07,982
Googling the ex.
375
00:19:08,554 --> 00:19:12,619
I found a picture of
Anders and Kim in Paris.
376
00:19:12,825 --> 00:19:15,590
Apparently, they were flying
to some competition...
377
00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:18,326
'cause she's a fitness model.
378
00:19:19,103 --> 00:19:23,599
All right, take it from someone who
went searching for validation in bulk.
379
00:19:26,896 --> 00:19:29,896
Sometimes is just best to let things go.
380
00:19:30,074 --> 00:19:32,807
Yeah, you're right. What's past is past.
381
00:19:33,314 --> 00:19:36,618
Still, you can't pretend
it never existed.
382
00:19:36,658 --> 00:19:39,294
Here, let me have that.
383
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:41,849
Tyler mentioned this website
384
00:19:41,884 --> 00:19:44,652
He used to let his mother
know he was looking for her.
385
00:19:44,687 --> 00:19:49,590
Oh, joy, this is amazing. Are you
really thinking of finding your son?
386
00:19:49,625 --> 00:19:51,125
Maybe.
387
00:19:51,293 --> 00:19:53,192
It's all just a...
388
00:19:53,509 --> 00:19:54,644
A lot.
389
00:19:54,765 --> 00:19:56,570
I can't imagine.
390
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,363
Yes, you can. You're a mother.
391
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:02,606
Hey, so are you.
392
00:20:02,687 --> 00:20:04,836
Thanks.
393
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:08,139
Oh, it's just so weird to
think of him out there--
394
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:10,074
A grown man.
395
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:12,976
He could be married,
have kids of his own.
396
00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:14,811
I might even have...
397
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:16,562
Grandkids.
398
00:20:17,677 --> 00:20:21,316
Hey, maybe one of 'em's old
enough for you to date.
399
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:27,956
Too soon?
400
00:20:28,006 --> 00:20:32,556
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