All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s01e09 Go Light on the Heavy Water.eng

CBS presents this program
in color.

( theme song playing )

( explosions )

MAN:
Sergeant!

Yes, my Captain.
Come here.

Give me the map.

The bombing is much
too heavy to continue.

Shall we take cover here?

Dummkopf!

With what we
are carrying?

Do you realize what
will happen to us

if we do not deliver this
cargo to Berlin safely?

The Russian front.

( explosion )

Ja. We will be
just in time for the winter sports.

( laughing )

A-ha-- we are only
a few minutes away

from a prisoner
of war camp.

That is where we will go.

Will our cargo
be safe there, Captain?

The Allies would never
bomb their own men.

Stalag l3...
the toughest POW camp in all of Germany.

What if Commandant Klink
catches us?

Prisoners are allowed
one hour of recreation a day.

I missed
the volleyball game.

Mmm, you smell good.

The boys whipped up
a little after shave.

It's very exciting.

It's called
Unconditional Surrender.

May I ask
what is going on here?

She was blocking
the door, sir.

Well, I told him
that you were busy, Colonel.

Fraulein Helga is just doing her
duty like any German soldier,

a highly-trained machine.

Must be tough
getting spare parts for that machine, huh?

You may go now.

Thank you, sir.

You wanted to see me,
sir?

I did.

Now, any further demonstrations
by your men during an air raid

will bring immediate
disciplinary action.

Do I make myself clear,

Colonel Hogan?

You keep telling us
you're winning the war.

Can't blame the fellows

for wanting to celebrate
a little raid.

There is nothing to celebrate.

No damage was done.

And your bombers suffered
severe losses

at the hands
of our illustrious Luftwaffe.

( knock on door )

Come in.

Herr Kommandant, this
is Captain Mueller.

He hardly escaped
a terrible raid.

That raid
was a complete failure.

No, Herr Kommandant.

They knocked the stuffing
out of the Messerschmidt factory

and got away
from the Luftwaffe.

Illustrious Luftwaffe.

Illustrious Luft...

Schultz!

I have a very urgent matter

to discuss with you, Colonel.

Of course, Captain.
What is it?

I believe he means me.

The Captain is
on his way to Berlin with very important...

Sergeant!
Schultz!

Come on, Schultz,
let's get out of here.

We know
when we're not wanted.

You are dismissed.

Now, Captain Mueller,
what can I do for you?

We are on our way
to Berlin

with an important cargo
from Norway.

What is this cargo?

It is a highly-secret
project.

Even my men do not know
what is in the truck.

Let us simply say
it is water.

Water?

( laughs )

Very clever, Captain.

Hot water.

I wonder, what could
they have in that truck

that's so important.

Maybe it's a new
type of gun.

I don't think so.

CARTER:
It's too small a truck for a bomb.

Can't be that.

Think it might
be a rocket?

No, they'd ship that
in a special vehicle.

Maybe it's
a beautiful spy

like Mata Hari.

Hey, Schultz!

Colonel Hogan,
I have a favor to ask.

Sure, what can we do
for you, Schultz?

Could I have some
of the after-shave lotion?

Any time at all,
Schultz.

Don't go to strangers.

Thank you, Colonel.

But, first...
you can do us a favor.

What? What?
What? What? What?

What's in that truck?

A barrel of water.

Come on, Schultz.

You don't expect us
to believe that.

I swear to you,
I tell the truth.

It's a big secret.

The driver told me.

It's a barrel of water
shipped from Norway to Berlin.

You mean to say
they've got all those men

guarding a barrel
of water?

Yes.

( inhales deeply )

You know, Schultz,

if they had that many troops
at the Battle of the Marne,

you people wouldn't have lost
the First World War.

M-m-m-m-m!

Oh-b-b-b-b!

You believe him,
Colonel?

Schultz, yes.
The driver, no.

Halt!

It's okay, Sergeant.

Colonel Klink told us
to put this sign up.

What sign?

No smoking--
smoking verboten.

See, with a barrel
of nitroglycerin we can't be

too careful.
Nitroglycerine?

That's water.

Yeah, sure, sure.

We always put
a 24-hour guard around a barrel of water, huh?

( laughs )

Put up the sign.

Okay, now we can all
sleep better.

NEWKIRK:
Afternoon, mate.

How are you? All right?

Nein!

Oh, no, must be half past
10:00 by now at least.

"No smoking."

Oh, no,
nicht sprechen Sie...

What are you doing?

Guard! Guard!

NEWKIRK:
Hey, hey, let me go, will you?

What's the matter
with you?

Colonel Hogan!

Just for smoking
a cigarette?

Hey, put me down,
put me down

I shall report
the lot of you to Colonel Hogan.

Hey, would you...

Hey, get away...

What's the matter
with you?

All I was doing
was having this smoke...

Hey, let go of my hand,
will you?

Colonel Hogan!

Colonel Hogan!
Colonel...

Look, this is not
the last you've heard...

You can't have a smoke
in a camp like this?

I shall report the lot of you
to the Red Cross.

What's going on here?

Take your hands
off that soldier.

He was trying to smoke.

Can't you English
read English?

"No smoking."

Begging the Colonel's pardon.

I-I didn't see the sign,
sir.

All right, we'll let it go
this time.

Nice going,
Sergeant.

Good to see you
on your toes.

May I ask what
is going on here?

Commandant,
this man was smoking.

Are you out of your mind?

I'll have you court-martialed
for this!

But, Colonel Klink, this sign
was posted by your order.

Sign, sign, what sign?

Who put up the sign?

Well, I took the liberty.

I anticipated your order,
Colonel.

You put up the sign?

Yeah, I mean, what if somebody
lit a match

around that barrel
of nitroglycerin?

There is no
nitroglycerin.

Nitro-gelatin.
No.

T.N.T.
No. Rocket fuel?

No, no, no, no.

This is water.

Okay.

But if we all blow up tonight,

I'm never going
to speak to you again.

Sergeant, post the guards.

Ja, Colonel.

The driver says it's water.

Schultz says it's water.

Now Klink says it's water.

What do you think
it is, Colonel?

With those three men
of integrity,

I know one thing.

What?
It ain't water.

Well, Carter,
what is it?

Well, it's odorless
and colorless.

You don't need to be
a chemist to know that.

There's only one
thing to do.

Someone's going to have
to drink it.

Newkirk?

Well, I'd love to, you see,

but I've got nine brothers
and sisters.

They're all dependent on me.

My old man hasn't worked
for years.

And my granny,
she's got the gout, you know.

Here, Scotty, you're a bachelor.

No, thanks. I don't drink.

( sighs ):
All right.

We need a volunteer.

Thanks, Carter.

SCOTTY:
We'll write a very nice letter

to your family.

NEWKIRK:
Cheers.

You know what this is?

ALL:
What?

It's water.

Water, well, that's what
they've been saying.

It couldn't be water!

You're going to get
the Nobel...

Hey, Colonel, I got the sub
on the radio.

Okay, Kinch!

This is Goldilocks,
come in Mama Bear,

come in Mama Bear.

MAN:
We read you, Goldilocks.

Go ahead.

Big Bad Wolf has hot
barrel of water.

Barrel of water?
At your house now?

Roger, on way
to Adolf's village

from Viking's village.

Viking's village?

Norway.

That's heavy water
for nuclear experiments.

Destroy Big Bad Wolf's water
at all costs.

Repeat, destroy. Over.

Wilco and out.

I was right.

Outside of
Captain Mueller,

we're the only ones
that know what's in that truck.

We've got to get rid
of that barrel,

or we're going
to be over it.

Good afternoon,
Colonel Hogan.

I have to see Klink.

I won't let you in
until you kiss me.

The things I have to do
for my country.

Well, here we are again.

She keeps blocking
the door.

She's a regular tiger.

Well, he won't take no
for an answer.

Well, what was
the question?

I came to see you.

Fraulein Helga,
you may go now,

and keep up the good work.

Colonel Hogan,
what did you want to see me about?

Please sit down,
sit down.

I came to apologize
about the water.

Ah, that is most
admirable of you, Colonel.

I just couldn't believe
the German High Command

would take the time
to get water from a spa.

A spa!

Come on, you don't have
to play games with me, Colonel.

LeBeau told me all about
that great place in Norway

where the water comes from.

He did?

The French call it

"La Fontaine
de la Jeunesse",

the Fountain of Youth.

Yes, of course.

Mm-hmm. Louis XVI
and Marie Antoinette

used to go there
to drink the water.

I don't have
to tell you what happened

to those two crazy
mixed-up kids, huh?

You mean they went to
Norway for that water?

Well, actually,
Louis was losing his hair,

but after
drinking the water,

he had to add
an extra barber on

at the palace. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

It's a shame that stuff's
going to Berlin

for Goering
and that crowd.

The guys at
the front

never get any
of the goodies.

Yes, almost everything
is going to Berlin first.

They get all
the liquor,

all the girls, all the food.

and now, all the hair.

Yeah, the job you're doing,
they ought to send you a barrel.

Ah!

Sergeant, just checking
on the barrel of water,

to make sure that
everything is secure.

Ja, Herr Colonel.

There he goes.

Colonel Klink.

Yes, Sergeant?

Is everything secure?

Everything is secure.

You are doing an
excellent job, Sergeant.

Thank you, Colonel.

Whoever said you can
lead a horse to water

but you can't
make him drink?

Ah, Fraulein Helga,

take some
dictation, please.

Now, the first letter is going
to Colonel Oscar Pfefferman,

commanding officer of the...

what's the matter,
Fraulein Helga?

Colonel, somehow you
look different today.

I do?

You look younger.

I do?

And... the
way you walk.

You have such a youthful
spring in your step.

You know something?

I am beginning to feel
a lot better today.

What's the matter?

Sir, I think there's
some dandruff.

Dandruff?

Have you been using some
sort of hair tonic?

Hair tonic? No, no.

( knocking )

Come in.

Colonel... Klink?

We will finish that
letter later, Fraulein Helga.

Here's the... the list
of our requests

from the Red Cross
for this month.

Thank you.

What's the matter?

I-I don't,
I don't know.

Somehow, there's something
different about you.

Different?

Yeah. I can't
put my finger on it.

Maybe my walk is a
little springier, huh?

Yeah, yeah? I don't know.

A little more youthful?

Yeah, yeah, that...
that, too.

I had dandruff today.

I don't believe it.

You're actually growing...
wait a minute.

Did you get to
that water barrel?

Colonel Hogan,
I am a soldier.

If that water goes to Berlin,
it goes to Berlin.

Shame.

A barrel of that stuff,

and you'd be a bushy-
haired kid again.

Ah, good evening, Sergeant.

Jawohl, Herr Commandant.

Good evening.

I, uh, want you to give me
a hand with this barrel.

And what are we
going to do

with it,
Herr Commandant?

We are going to take
it to my office

and then we're
going to replace it

with another
barrel of water.

But it is supposed to go
to Berlin, Herr Commandant.

Now, that will be

just between you
and me, Sergeant.

I don't know.
I don't know.

Obersergeant.

Obersergeant.
Thank you.

Thank you.
Herr Commandant.

Schultz, we
must be fast.

Yeah.

Schultz.

Take a look at it first.

Did you know
that this water

comes from Norway?

The fountain of youth?

No.

Did you notice
a spring in my walk?

A little dandruff
on the shoulder?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Of course,
Herr Commandant.

Just last night,
I said to my wife

how wonderful you look.

It's the water.

Schultz, have
a little drink.

Ah. Ja, I feel it.

Oh, it is wunderbar.

Have another one.

Sergeant Schultz!

Ah, Captain Mueller.

Colonel Klink.

What were you doing?

Uh... I was just
checking up

on our valuable cargo.

Dismissed, Schultz.

Jawohl, Herr Commandant.

By the way, I found
out about that water.

You did?

From whom?

Colonel Hogan.

He knows?

The Frenchman
told him.

How did the
Frenchman find out?

Did you know that
Marie Antoinette

and Louis XVI used
to go to that spa

in Norway for
the same water?

Oh, it does wonders for you.

Colonel Klink,

somebody is making
a fool of you.

What do you mean?

I suppose you must know now,
but this is top secret.

This water is for use
in nuclear experiments.

It is known as heavy water.

I drank some of that water.

Will I die from it?

Only if Berlin finds out.

Boy, what a shame
that Captain

caught Klink
in the water barrel.

Well, what do we
do now, Colonel?

That truck leaves tomorrow,
and the barrel can't be on it.

Hey, let's make
a hand grenade

and toss it in the truck
from the window.

Good.

Very good, very good.

Then they line us all up
in front of the firing squad.

Hey, how about a
diversionary tactic?

Give us a chance
to grab the barrel.

That's good thinking, Kinch,

but just taking
the barrel won't be enough.

We gotta...

I got it.

Carter,
get me carpenters.

Newkirk, alert
the arson squad. Right.

Kinch, bring me
the cabinetmaker Right.

and Scotty, bring the
petty theft man here.

That's me.

Well, be here.

Colonel, what
are we doing?

We're going into the
water-barrel business.

All right, that's enough
water in the barrel.

Carter and Newkirk
are almost at Klink's office.

Got exactly one minute.

Stand by with the barrel,
and good luck.

Right.

What is going on?

Fire!
Fire!

Fire!
Fire!

Fire!

I smell smoke. Fire! Fire!

We'd better get
this truck out of here.

We cannot move
the truck.

You know what's going
to happen to you

if this truck burns
with that barrel in it?

You're right. We'd
better move the truck.

I'll get the truck
out of here.

Halt! I will
drive the truck.

All right,
have it your way.

Fire! What is going on here?

Fire! Fire! Fire!

Back up!

Slow! Slow!

All right, cut! Cut! Cut!

A little more.

Back up. Back it up.

Fire! Help, fire! Fire!

Fire! Fire!

( all yelling "Fire!" )

Colonel Klink,
come over to the window.

Get a hose!

A fire hose!

Nice of the boys
to dampen you down, sir.

Get a ladder!

CARTER:
There isn't time.

Jump into the blanket.

We'll save you, Colonel.

You won't catch me.

We give you our word
as enemy prisoners.

Get some of my guards!

They're all
busy, Klink.

You better jump.

All right. I'll jump,

but you better catch me.

Oh, he's not
gonna jump.

Oh, come on, Colonel, up.

Are you
all right, sir?

Never. I should never
have trusted them.

It's your own fault.

They gave you
two chances.

The truck, is it safe?

Yes, and we
have Colonel Hogan

to thank for that.

Colonel Hogan?

Well, I knew
that barrel of water

was pretty important
to you fellows.

You may have
done a service

to your country,
Colonel Hogan.

Because of you,
the war may be shortened.

I wouldn't be
at all surprised, sir.

Fraulein Helga,
please file these...

I told her
you wanted to see me.

But he's always trying
to break into your office.

The use of judo
on a prisoner of war

is against
the Geneva Conference.

Fraulein Helga, you may
let him go. Good work.

Thank you.

Colonel Hogan,
come in.

Colonel Hogan,

I just want to tell you,

you didn't fool me
for one minute

with that story
about the water.

I didn't try
to fool you.

I deliberately went along
with your little joke

so you would think
it was spring water from Norway.

You mean it wasn't?

It was heavy water to be used
for a new type of bomb

that will bring
the Allies to their knees.

You mean...?

You don't rise

to the rank of colonel
because you're easily fooled.

If you don't mind,
I'd rather not stand here

while you gloat
about your victories.

Dismissed.

What's the matter?

You know, maybe that
heavy water does grow hair.

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