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1
00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:02,877
Happily Divorced is shot
before a live audience.
2
00:00:02,878 --> 00:00:05,176
And based on my real life.
3
00:00:05,177 --> 00:00:06,511
- Here you go, miss Fran.
- Oh!
4
00:00:06,512 --> 00:00:07,879
25 copies.
5
00:00:07,914 --> 00:00:11,583
Wow! How did you get this
so fast from the newsstand?
6
00:00:11,584 --> 00:00:12,684
What newsstand?
7
00:00:12,685 --> 00:00:16,054
There was one
in everyone's driveway.
8
00:00:16,055 --> 00:00:20,058
I can't believe I made
the California living section.
9
00:00:20,092 --> 00:00:21,726
Oh, wow.
10
00:00:21,727 --> 00:00:24,295
Ooh, here it is!
Here it is!
11
00:00:24,296 --> 00:00:26,998
"Flower power."
That's a great headline.
12
00:00:26,999 --> 00:00:29,133
Look at that beautiful picture
they have of me.
13
00:00:29,168 --> 00:00:32,503
Uh, yeah, no.
14
00:00:32,504 --> 00:00:35,173
- That's not you, baby.
- What?
15
00:00:35,207 --> 00:00:39,310
- Mmm.
- Who the hell is that bitch?
16
00:00:39,311 --> 00:00:43,782
Look, it says here she owns
the hottest flower shop in L.A.
17
00:00:43,783 --> 00:00:44,783
"Cutting hedge."
18
00:00:44,784 --> 00:00:48,987
Cutting hedge.
19
00:00:49,021 --> 00:00:51,255
That's clever...
20
00:00:51,256 --> 00:00:54,358
But stupid.
21
00:00:54,359 --> 00:00:56,427
What is she, like, 22?
22
00:00:56,428 --> 00:00:58,529
Her parents
must've bought her the shop.
23
00:00:58,564 --> 00:01:01,766
- Well, didn't your parents...
- Shut up.
24
00:01:01,767 --> 00:01:03,034
Oh, look, look, look, look!
Here you go.
25
00:01:03,035 --> 00:01:04,970
"If your tastes
lean more traditional,
26
00:01:04,971 --> 00:01:07,472
you might wanna try
'fantastic flowers!"
27
00:01:07,473 --> 00:01:08,673
that's not so bad!
28
00:01:08,708 --> 00:01:12,644
It's Fran tastic flowers,
Judi!
29
00:01:12,645 --> 00:01:14,779
They didn't even
get the name right.
30
00:01:14,780 --> 00:01:18,249
Thank God!
With a review like that.
31
00:01:18,283 --> 00:01:19,684
Look, there's more.
32
00:01:19,719 --> 00:01:22,787
"The great thing about
this quaint, little flower shop
33
00:01:22,822 --> 00:01:27,492
is there's never a wait."
34
00:01:27,526 --> 00:01:31,262
Oy vey!
When did I become so unhip?
35
00:01:31,296 --> 00:01:35,399
Somewhere between
the "oy" and the "vey."
36
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,536
Oh, I just feel
so irrelevant,
37
00:01:38,537 --> 00:01:41,973
and I slept with Peter
for 18 years.
38
00:01:42,008 --> 00:01:44,242
Oh, my God, how much weight
have you lost?
39
00:01:44,276 --> 00:01:46,177
You're disappearing
right before my eyes.
40
00:01:46,211 --> 00:01:49,213
What do you want
from me, Peter?
41
00:01:49,248 --> 00:01:52,550
Look, I have a third showing
on a $2 million house,
42
00:01:52,551 --> 00:01:53,918
but I'm supposed to work
for Joan today.
43
00:01:53,919 --> 00:01:55,086
You've gotta call her.
44
00:01:55,087 --> 00:01:56,454
Tell her
I have walking pneumonia.
45
00:01:56,488 --> 00:01:59,124
Well, wait,
I've got a better idea.
46
00:01:59,125 --> 00:02:00,692
Why don't I fill in for you?
47
00:02:00,693 --> 00:02:02,560
I've had a terrible morning.
48
00:02:02,561 --> 00:02:04,763
It would be great
for me to get outta here.
49
00:02:04,797 --> 00:02:05,930
You're gonna fill in
50
00:02:05,931 --> 00:02:08,033
as Joan Collins'
personal assistant.
51
00:02:08,034 --> 00:02:11,036
Well, let me think about...
No.
52
00:02:11,070 --> 00:02:13,604
Come on.
I'm depressed!
53
00:02:13,605 --> 00:02:16,274
I wanna spend the day
with a celebrity.
54
00:02:16,275 --> 00:02:18,309
It'll be
a win-win situation.
55
00:02:18,310 --> 00:02:20,912
You need me,
I need you.
56
00:02:20,946 --> 00:02:22,346
Oh, just say yes now, Peter.
57
00:02:22,347 --> 00:02:25,684
It saves time.
58
00:02:25,685 --> 00:02:26,751
Yes.
59
00:02:26,752 --> 00:02:28,386
Oh, great!
60
00:02:28,387 --> 00:02:31,222
I'm gonna spend the day
with Joan in Beverly hills.
61
00:02:31,223 --> 00:02:32,423
We'll go shop.
62
00:02:32,424 --> 00:02:34,392
We'll go have lunch
at Mr. chow's.
63
00:02:34,393 --> 00:02:36,260
Oh, have I been craving
64
00:02:36,261 --> 00:02:39,064
those glazed prawns
with the walnuts, Judi!
65
00:02:39,098 --> 00:02:43,467
Those glazed prawns
are better than sex!
66
00:02:43,502 --> 00:02:44,836
Peter, can Joan pick us up
at... what do you think?
67
00:02:44,837 --> 00:02:46,137
11:00's good?
68
00:02:46,138 --> 00:02:48,339
11:00 is good for me
because after the...
69
00:02:48,340 --> 00:02:49,674
Okay, okay, look.
70
00:02:49,675 --> 00:02:52,010
You're not grasping
the whole assistant concept.
71
00:02:52,011 --> 00:02:53,078
Oh?
72
00:02:53,079 --> 00:02:54,245
All those fun things
you mentioned?
73
00:02:54,246 --> 00:02:55,546
Joan Collins
will be doing.
74
00:02:55,547 --> 00:02:57,448
You will be in the bowels
of a parking structure
75
00:02:57,449 --> 00:03:00,384
trying to get a signal
on your cell phone.
76
00:03:02,554 --> 00:03:04,189
Well, what kind of fun
is that for me?
77
00:03:04,190 --> 00:03:05,724
Yeah, I'm not doing that.
78
00:03:05,758 --> 00:03:07,558
Look, Fran.
79
00:03:07,559 --> 00:03:09,894
Okay! Trust me.
80
00:03:09,895 --> 00:03:12,063
Go sell a house.
81
00:03:12,064 --> 00:03:16,768
Go on.
Have a good day.
82
00:03:16,769 --> 00:03:19,403
Don't start throwing
her name around to get stuff.
83
00:03:19,438 --> 00:03:20,504
Like what?
84
00:03:20,539 --> 00:03:23,674
Like free pies
at Marie callender's.
85
00:03:25,644 --> 00:03:30,882
♪ She was certain
that he was her one and only ♪
86
00:03:30,883 --> 00:03:35,954
♪ But their union
always seemed a little forced ♪
87
00:03:35,955 --> 00:03:39,057
♪ She got married anyway ♪
88
00:03:39,091 --> 00:03:41,025
♪ Turns out
that he was gay ♪
89
00:03:41,026 --> 00:03:45,062
♪ They're still in love,
but now she's happily divorced ♪
90
00:03:45,063 --> 00:03:46,810
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
91
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:53,071
Well,
this is the James Bond car.
92
00:03:53,072 --> 00:03:55,974
God, it rides like a dream!
93
00:03:55,975 --> 00:04:00,879
I've never driven
an Aston Kutcher before.
94
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,481
I have.
95
00:04:03,515 --> 00:04:05,083
Oh, did you make
that reservation
96
00:04:05,084 --> 00:04:06,517
for lunch
at the Ivy?
97
00:04:06,551 --> 00:04:09,821
Oh, no, I forgot!
That's what it was.
98
00:04:09,822 --> 00:04:11,823
You know, as soon
as we get on the set,
99
00:04:11,824 --> 00:04:13,758
I'll call...
Eh, why don't you just do it.
100
00:04:13,759 --> 00:04:17,662
I'm only gonna
forget again anyway.
101
00:04:17,663 --> 00:04:21,166
Your phone is ringing.
102
00:04:21,167 --> 00:04:22,667
Oh, but do you mind
just holding it up for me?
103
00:04:22,668 --> 00:04:26,004
I've got a drink.
104
00:04:26,038 --> 00:04:27,571
Yello?
105
00:04:27,572 --> 00:04:30,041
Darling, daddy and I
are at Costco.
106
00:04:30,042 --> 00:04:32,677
You wanna split a gallon
of Russian dressing?
107
00:04:32,678 --> 00:04:34,913
Oh, all right.
Yeah, Peter loves that.
108
00:04:34,914 --> 00:04:36,401
Do you want them
to pick you up anything
109
00:04:36,415 --> 00:04:37,415
while they're there, doll?
110
00:04:37,449 --> 00:04:41,352
Yes, a Xanax
and a decent assistant.
111
00:04:41,353 --> 00:04:42,753
Don't call me, ma.
I'm working.
112
00:04:42,754 --> 00:04:46,124
It's very unprofessional.
113
00:04:46,125 --> 00:04:48,059
- You done?
- Yes, thank you, miss Collins.
114
00:04:48,093 --> 00:04:50,195
You're welcome.
115
00:04:50,196 --> 00:04:53,597
Hey! You know,
I hear that they shot
116
00:04:53,598 --> 00:04:55,599
Gilligan's island
on this lot.
117
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:59,637
Maybe after you're done,
we'll jump on the tram tour.
118
00:04:59,638 --> 00:05:04,275
I'd rather stick a fork
in my eye.
119
00:05:04,276 --> 00:05:07,478
All right, I just thought
it would be interesting.
120
00:05:07,479 --> 00:05:09,280
Just a little piece
of television history,
121
00:05:09,281 --> 00:05:11,282
that's all I'm saying.
122
00:05:16,222 --> 00:05:18,823
Hi, I have Joan Collins here.
123
00:05:18,858 --> 00:05:20,825
Okay, can I see an I.D.?
124
00:05:20,826 --> 00:05:25,029
Hello!
It's Joan Collins!
125
00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:27,165
I...
126
00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:30,401
Dynasty.
127
00:05:30,402 --> 00:05:32,737
Oh, come on. What?
Were you born under a rock?
128
00:05:32,771 --> 00:05:36,774
No, I was born
in the '90s.
129
00:05:36,775 --> 00:05:39,310
For heaven's sakes,
here, here.
130
00:05:39,345 --> 00:05:42,046
Oh, Joan,
I feel your pain.
131
00:05:42,047 --> 00:05:46,450
I was yesterday's news
just this morning.
132
00:05:46,451 --> 00:05:48,152
- Park in the structure.
- Thank you!
133
00:05:48,153 --> 00:05:49,620
Here you go.
134
00:05:49,621 --> 00:05:53,758
Oh, last year, I'm on the cover
of the Llarchmont chronicle.
135
00:05:53,759 --> 00:05:57,061
This year, five lousy lines
in the living section.
136
00:05:57,062 --> 00:05:58,429
I'll tell you, it hurts.
137
00:05:58,430 --> 00:06:01,732
- When you're used to being...
- Drive!
138
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
139
00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:10,561
Here you go,
miss Collins.
140
00:06:10,562 --> 00:06:12,763
English breakfast,
a spot of milk,
141
00:06:12,797 --> 00:06:15,566
honey, no sugar,
and cookies on the side.
142
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,269
Darling,
I asked for one cookie.
143
00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:22,440
Eh, you'll eat what you want.
We'll take home the rest.
144
00:06:22,441 --> 00:06:24,908
Uh, kids. Hi!
145
00:06:24,909 --> 00:06:27,611
You know, I parked
in someone else's spot.
146
00:06:27,645 --> 00:06:29,347
Are you old enough
to drive?
147
00:06:29,381 --> 00:06:32,083
I'm the producer.
148
00:06:33,418 --> 00:06:34,918
What do you drive,
a big wheel?
149
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,457
That's not funny.
150
00:06:39,491 --> 00:06:41,392
Miss Collins,
Rob Lowenstein.
151
00:06:41,426 --> 00:06:42,726
So thrilled
to have you on board.
152
00:06:42,727 --> 00:06:44,028
Let me know if there's anything
I can do for you.
153
00:06:44,062 --> 00:06:47,098
Well, maybe we can discuss it
over cocktails later?
154
00:06:47,099 --> 00:06:48,866
- Oh.
- Oh, no, miss Collins.
155
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:53,971
You have that photo shoot
for AARP.
156
00:06:53,972 --> 00:06:56,307
That you remember.
157
00:06:56,308 --> 00:06:58,342
Uh, here's
miss Collins' scene,
158
00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,244
and they would like
to see you in wardrobe.
159
00:07:00,278 --> 00:07:04,281
Well, usually,
men like to see me out of it.
160
00:07:07,652 --> 00:07:09,653
Uh, Joan, have they given you
a call time for tomorrow?
161
00:07:09,654 --> 00:07:11,765
5 A.M. sharp!
162
00:07:11,789 --> 00:07:13,767
5 A.M.?
163
00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:16,260
I gotta go from Hancock park
to Beverly hills
164
00:07:16,261 --> 00:07:18,195
and then schlep over
to studio city?
165
00:07:18,196 --> 00:07:20,131
Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
166
00:07:20,132 --> 00:07:21,865
Tomorrow,
it'll be Peter's problem.
167
00:07:21,866 --> 00:07:26,237
Never mind.
Carry on.
168
00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:27,738
Oh, wait a minute.
169
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:32,043
Uh, Lowenstein,
come back here a minute.
170
00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:33,944
There must be some mistake.
171
00:07:33,945 --> 00:07:35,212
There's seven lines here.
172
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:37,814
Mm, yeah, you're right.
173
00:07:37,815 --> 00:07:40,151
These two were cut.
174
00:07:40,152 --> 00:07:42,386
Five lines
for Joan Collins?
175
00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:45,689
- Is that a problem?
- Uh, yeah, there's a problem!
176
00:07:45,690 --> 00:07:47,958
She's a huge star.
177
00:07:47,959 --> 00:07:50,694
She's coming here expecting
a big part in a series,
178
00:07:50,728 --> 00:07:53,964
and you're throwing her
a couple of lousy lines?
179
00:07:53,998 --> 00:07:56,067
Do you know how that's
gonna make her feel?
180
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,812
Employed?
181
00:07:58,836 --> 00:08:01,672
Look, you're just gonna have
to beef this up for her.
182
00:08:01,673 --> 00:08:04,708
You gotta give her
a couple of costume changes.
183
00:08:04,709 --> 00:08:07,278
You know, she passed on
Hot in Cleveland to do this.
184
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:08,845
Oh.
185
00:08:08,846 --> 00:08:10,981
Okay, well,
uh, all good stuff,
186
00:08:10,982 --> 00:08:12,416
and I would love to talk,
I would,
187
00:08:12,417 --> 00:08:13,917
but I've got this thing
to take care of.
188
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:16,753
Well, Rob, look,
it's been an absolute pleasure.
189
00:08:16,754 --> 00:08:19,040
I just want what's right
for our project.
190
00:08:19,057 --> 00:08:20,958
- Oh, we both do.
- Mm-hmm.
191
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:24,428
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
192
00:08:24,463 --> 00:08:26,097
What do you think of me
casting Joan?
193
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,631
I-I think it was inspired.
194
00:08:27,665 --> 00:08:29,433
I think she's gonna be
a huge pain in the ass.
195
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,268
Yeah, that's what...
I was worried about that also.
196
00:08:31,269 --> 00:08:33,270
Mm.
197
00:08:33,271 --> 00:08:35,739
I'm gonna tell casting
to replace her.
198
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:38,609
You tell Joan.
199
00:08:42,514 --> 00:08:44,115
Oh, hey, Petey.
200
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:46,517
- Did you sell the house?
- Nupe.
201
00:08:46,518 --> 00:08:48,919
Oh, well,
maybe next time.
202
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:52,223
I had a very productive day
with Joan.
203
00:08:52,224 --> 00:08:54,367
Didja?
204
00:08:54,392 --> 00:08:57,036
You'll hear
all about it tomorrow.
205
00:08:57,061 --> 00:08:58,596
Oh, I won't be seeing her
tomorrow.
206
00:08:58,630 --> 00:09:00,415
Oh, really?
Did she give you the day off?
207
00:09:00,432 --> 00:09:04,435
Hundreds of them.
She fired me.
208
00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:05,869
Oh, my God!
209
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:09,906
Oh, Petey,
I was afraid of this.
210
00:09:09,907 --> 00:09:14,478
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to outshine you.
211
00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:17,414
Well, I'm not
gonna take the job.
212
00:09:17,415 --> 00:09:21,318
- I'll call her tomorrow...
- Stop talking!
213
00:09:21,319 --> 00:09:23,854
They fired her,
so she fired me...
214
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:24,955
What?
215
00:09:24,989 --> 00:09:26,690
And apparently,
after talking to you,
216
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:30,727
the producers felt her part
should be played by an unknown.
217
00:09:30,728 --> 00:09:33,897
Not you!
218
00:09:33,898 --> 00:09:36,033
Fran, you were
only there for three hours.
219
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,169
All you had to do
was drop her off at the studio
220
00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:40,037
and pick up her stupid dog
at the dog groomer's.
221
00:09:42,607 --> 00:09:46,343
Fran, I loved this job.
I was good at it.
222
00:09:46,344 --> 00:09:49,112
And it gave me something
I don't get from real estate.
223
00:09:49,113 --> 00:09:53,116
- What?
- An income!
224
00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,065
I don't know, ma.
225
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:00,868
I thought I was doing
such a good job
226
00:10:00,869 --> 00:10:02,235
filling in for Peter.
227
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:05,405
I was organized.
I was professional.
228
00:10:05,406 --> 00:10:08,274
Oy, Joan's keys.
229
00:10:11,846 --> 00:10:15,849
Yeah, well, she's fired.
Where's she going tomorrow?
230
00:10:15,884 --> 00:10:18,318
Darling, no good deed
goes unpunished,
231
00:10:18,319 --> 00:10:21,354
especially when you do it.
232
00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:22,956
Hello, sunshine!
233
00:10:22,957 --> 00:10:25,526
I was just thinking,
"where's my beautiful daughter?"
234
00:10:25,527 --> 00:10:26,960
We don't see you enough.
235
00:10:26,995 --> 00:10:29,229
I don't work for Joan
anymore, daddy.
236
00:10:29,230 --> 00:10:30,731
You're never gonna get
to meet her.
237
00:10:30,765 --> 00:10:33,466
Son of a bitch.
What did you do?
238
00:10:33,501 --> 00:10:36,236
Do I really need
to relive this, daddy?
239
00:10:36,237 --> 00:10:37,237
Sure, what do you care?
240
00:10:37,238 --> 00:10:38,639
You don't lie
in bed at night
241
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:43,010
fantasizing about how she smells
like vanilla and gardenias.
242
00:10:43,044 --> 00:10:45,478
Tonight, you're gonna be
sleeping on the couch
243
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:49,249
smelling scotchgard and ass.
244
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:52,786
Dori, mixing it up
is what keeps a marriage fresh.
245
00:10:52,787 --> 00:10:55,088
Now who I am going
to fantasize about?
246
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:55,589
Hello!
247
00:10:59,994 --> 00:11:02,930
Could I borrow
a few scouring pads?
248
00:11:02,931 --> 00:11:07,467
My cleaning girl, Marisol,
ran out.
249
00:11:07,468 --> 00:11:08,735
Marisol?
250
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,270
My girl
is working for you now?
251
00:11:10,304 --> 00:11:14,374
Well, you fired her.
252
00:11:14,408 --> 00:11:16,509
Why did you fire Marisol?
253
00:11:16,544 --> 00:11:19,613
That woman
would talk my ear off.
254
00:11:19,647 --> 00:11:21,682
She'd come and sit
right where you're sitting
255
00:11:21,716 --> 00:11:24,350
and tell me
all her problems.
256
00:11:24,385 --> 00:11:27,921
That would drive me nuts.
257
00:11:27,956 --> 00:11:31,692
Dori, did you ever
provide her with lunch?
258
00:11:31,726 --> 00:11:33,326
Of course I did.
259
00:11:33,327 --> 00:11:35,929
Oh.
260
00:11:35,930 --> 00:11:39,833
Well, I got a little Chinese
left from sunday.
261
00:11:39,834 --> 00:11:42,836
Wait.
No, I don't.
262
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,142
Marilyn, where are you going
with my sandwich?
263
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,311
Well, I gotta
give the girl something
264
00:11:51,312 --> 00:11:54,547
since your wife started
with the perks.
265
00:11:58,219 --> 00:12:01,688
Oh, ma, how am I gonna
get Peter to forgive me?
266
00:12:01,689 --> 00:12:03,824
I mean, I know the way
I used to do it,
267
00:12:03,825 --> 00:12:05,993
but now he'd just
look down at me
268
00:12:05,994 --> 00:12:09,663
and say
I need my roots dyed.
269
00:12:09,664 --> 00:12:11,297
Franny, shh.
270
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,700
I'm trying to think of a way
to get Marisol back.
271
00:12:13,735 --> 00:12:16,402
I thought you hated her.
What do you want her back for?
272
00:12:16,437 --> 00:12:18,204
Because Marilyn
took her away.
273
00:12:18,239 --> 00:12:21,241
Oh, come on.
That can't be it.
274
00:12:21,242 --> 00:12:24,477
Yeah, it is.
275
00:12:24,512 --> 00:12:27,681
Oy, this goes back
to queens boulevard.
276
00:12:27,682 --> 00:12:30,550
These two women are famous
for their stupid rivalry.
277
00:12:30,551 --> 00:12:33,787
This one doesn't want anything
until the other one has it.
278
00:12:33,788 --> 00:12:36,222
Oh, my God.
279
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:37,791
That's it!
280
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:40,560
Oh, thank you!
Thanks, you guys!
281
00:12:40,561 --> 00:12:41,928
Love you!
282
00:12:43,998 --> 00:12:45,699
What the hell was that about?
What did I say?
283
00:12:45,733 --> 00:12:47,200
I don't know,
but remember it
284
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:51,204
for the next time
we wanna get rid of her.
285
00:12:54,408 --> 00:12:58,145
Coming!
286
00:12:58,179 --> 00:13:00,647
Miss Collins,
I just wanted to say
287
00:13:00,648 --> 00:13:03,650
that I'm willing to...
288
00:13:07,421 --> 00:13:10,023
- You stole my keys.
- No, I didn't.
289
00:13:10,024 --> 00:13:13,326
I forgot to return them.
I'm not a thief.
290
00:13:13,327 --> 00:13:17,330
I'm merely incompetent.
291
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,499
And I brought you
this beautiful arrangement
292
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:22,035
to show you how sorry I am
for what I did.
293
00:13:22,070 --> 00:13:23,570
Yeah, well,
you should be sorry.
294
00:13:23,604 --> 00:13:26,873
Well, let me just explain
why I did what I did.
295
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:28,742
I mean, my heart
was in the right place.
296
00:13:28,743 --> 00:13:32,713
Yeah, it's your mouth
that keeps moving.
297
00:13:32,714 --> 00:13:34,915
Look, I was just trying
to protect your feelings.
298
00:13:34,916 --> 00:13:36,516
You're a big star,
miss Collins,
299
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:38,518
and I thought
that they were insulting you
300
00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:40,020
with that small part.
301
00:13:40,054 --> 00:13:42,889
Darling,
there are no small parts.
302
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:45,092
There are just small rentals
303
00:13:45,093 --> 00:13:48,528
that you have to live in
if you don't get them.
304
00:13:48,529 --> 00:13:50,530
Do you know that my agent
had to take
305
00:13:50,531 --> 00:13:53,666
a three-hour lunch at Spaggo
to get my job back?
306
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:58,504
Yeah, you got
your job back?
307
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,507
Do you know how hard it is
for women of our age
308
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,276
to get jobs
in this town?
309
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,311
Oh, miss Collins, I know.
310
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:08,081
Our age?
311
00:14:08,082 --> 00:14:09,515
Yes, I do.
312
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,485
There's a 22-year-old that
just opened up a flower shop
313
00:14:12,486 --> 00:14:15,055
on Larchmont where the old
Koo Koo Roo used to be.
314
00:14:15,089 --> 00:14:17,991
No. They closed
the old Koo Koo Roo?
315
00:14:17,992 --> 00:14:19,126
Can you believe?
316
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,394
Nobody made creamed spinach
like they do...
317
00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:25,198
I don't care.
318
00:14:25,199 --> 00:14:26,733
Oh, miss Collins,
319
00:14:26,734 --> 00:14:29,836
replace that scotch
with a Klondike bar,
320
00:14:29,837 --> 00:14:32,105
and I'm there.
321
00:14:32,106 --> 00:14:34,908
Trust me, it's not going
to take your problems away.
322
00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:39,545
You're right,
'cause you're still here.
323
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,114
Well, you know,
I'm beginning to think
324
00:14:41,115 --> 00:14:44,985
that Alexis wasn't
such a stretch for you.
325
00:14:44,986 --> 00:14:46,719
- Get out!
- Fine.
326
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,322
I said my peace,
and now, I'm going.
327
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:52,092
I'm sorry that you and Peter
ended on a bad note.
328
00:14:52,093 --> 00:14:54,194
However, he is not
holding any grudges.
329
00:14:54,228 --> 00:14:58,464
Oh, good, and now
I can sleep nights.
330
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:01,134
My point is
that he used your name,
331
00:15:01,135 --> 00:15:05,138
and thanks to you,
he got a job with Linda Evans.
332
00:15:08,776 --> 00:15:13,680
That bitch
stole my Peter?
333
00:15:13,681 --> 00:15:16,116
He's her Peter now.
334
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,613
Don't wanna see that.
335
00:15:24,614 --> 00:15:26,615
Don't wanna see that.
336
00:15:26,616 --> 00:15:28,083
- Don't wanna see that.
- Hey, Petey!
337
00:15:28,084 --> 00:15:30,586
Don't wanna hear that.
338
00:15:30,587 --> 00:15:32,355
All right, Peter,
let's talk.
339
00:15:32,356 --> 00:15:34,289
Oh, miss Collins.
I'm so sorry.
340
00:15:34,290 --> 00:15:36,291
If I had known you were coming,
I would've put on a pot
341
00:15:36,292 --> 00:15:40,494
of your favorite tea...
And underwear.
342
00:15:40,495 --> 00:15:44,834
Look, Peter, I know
you're working for Linda Evans.
343
00:15:44,835 --> 00:15:47,837
I'm not working
for Linda Evans.
344
00:15:47,838 --> 00:15:49,538
You think I was born
yesterday?
345
00:15:49,539 --> 00:15:51,607
Shut up.
346
00:15:51,608 --> 00:15:53,642
Fran's told me everything.
347
00:15:53,643 --> 00:15:55,944
Yeah, about how
when Joan fired you,
348
00:15:55,945 --> 00:15:58,547
Linda snatched you up?
349
00:15:58,548 --> 00:16:01,149
I mean, uh, I'm not working
for Linda Evans yet.
350
00:16:01,150 --> 00:16:02,852
I start monday.
351
00:16:02,853 --> 00:16:06,188
Well, I don't want you
working for her.
352
00:16:06,189 --> 00:16:07,757
What will it take
to get you back?
353
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,592
Oh, well,
uh, can I have a raise?
354
00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:11,594
Nope.
355
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:14,162
- Can I have my birthday...
- No.
356
00:16:14,163 --> 00:16:16,298
- Can I have my...
- No.
357
00:16:16,299 --> 00:16:18,100
Well, we're pretty far apart.
358
00:16:18,101 --> 00:16:21,771
There's no Linda Evans.
Take it.
359
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:24,039
I'll see you monday.
360
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:28,310
And by the way,
where's my dog?
361
00:16:31,047 --> 00:16:34,049
Well, good night, Joan!
362
00:16:35,184 --> 00:16:36,819
Miss Collins,
your English breakfast
363
00:16:36,820 --> 00:16:39,388
with a drop of milk,
honey, not sugar,
364
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,323
and one cookie
on the side.
365
00:16:41,324 --> 00:16:44,326
One cookie?
Oh, get the box.
366
00:16:44,327 --> 00:16:48,330
I'll eat what I want,
and we'll take the rest home.
367
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:52,802
- Oh, hi, Petey.
- Hey, Fran.
368
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:55,070
What are you doing here?
How'd you get on the lot?
369
00:16:55,071 --> 00:16:57,540
On the tram,
through Gilligan's island,
370
00:16:57,541 --> 00:16:58,941
but, you know,
I got hungry.
371
00:16:58,942 --> 00:17:01,911
It's like a three-hour tour.
372
00:17:01,912 --> 00:17:03,011
It's my luck.
373
00:17:03,012 --> 00:17:06,916
The one cast away
who gets off the island.
374
00:17:06,917 --> 00:17:09,518
Oh, would you calm down?
I just wanna talk to Joan.
375
00:17:09,519 --> 00:17:11,086
Why? What did you do
this time?
376
00:17:11,087 --> 00:17:12,154
Nothing!
377
00:17:12,155 --> 00:17:13,923
I just wanna thank her.
378
00:17:13,924 --> 00:17:16,325
Remember that flower arrangement
that I gave her?
379
00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:19,595
Well, her neighbor, Elton John,
saw them, loved them.
380
00:17:19,596 --> 00:17:21,764
He told Madonna.
Madonna told Rosie.
381
00:17:21,765 --> 00:17:24,533
Rosie's having
a major charity event
382
00:17:24,534 --> 00:17:29,505
honoring... get this...
Kevin Bacon!
383
00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:32,508
Who's hip and happening now?
384
00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:33,642
Good for you!
385
00:17:33,643 --> 00:17:35,010
Your phone must be ringing
off the hook.
386
00:17:35,011 --> 00:17:36,846
- Oh, yeah!
- Go answer it!
387
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,781
Oh, Peter.
388
00:17:38,782 --> 00:17:41,183
Don't forget I'm the one
that got you your job back.
389
00:17:41,184 --> 00:17:43,185
You owe me a favor.
390
00:17:43,186 --> 00:17:44,820
- Where's my Joanie?
- Oh, my God.
391
00:17:44,821 --> 00:17:46,789
What the hell is this?
392
00:17:46,790 --> 00:17:48,891
This is the favor.
393
00:17:48,892 --> 00:17:50,860
Come on.
He's an old man.
394
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:52,127
It's his dream.
395
00:17:52,128 --> 00:17:54,296
One picture,
Joan with my father...
396
00:17:54,297 --> 00:17:57,800
- Darling.
- And ma...
397
00:17:57,801 --> 00:17:59,902
Hello!
398
00:17:59,903 --> 00:18:04,006
And Marilyn.
399
00:18:04,007 --> 00:18:08,176
Joan, doll, these are
my parents, Glen and Dori.
400
00:18:08,177 --> 00:18:09,177
Oh, hi.
401
00:18:09,178 --> 00:18:11,480
When I saw you
on the big screen,
402
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:14,049
you knocked Angie Dickinson
right off my list.
403
00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:15,651
Please.
404
00:18:15,652 --> 00:18:17,987
Glen, the woman
has been with Warren Beatty
405
00:18:17,988 --> 00:18:20,155
and Ryan O'Neal,
but go for it.
406
00:18:20,156 --> 00:18:25,160
Take off your hernia belt
and show her what you got.
407
00:18:25,161 --> 00:18:27,997
Marilyn Kappelmaster.
408
00:18:27,998 --> 00:18:31,000
Enchante.
Hi.
409
00:18:31,001 --> 00:18:33,168
You know,
when I was a brunette,
410
00:18:33,169 --> 00:18:36,639
I often was mistaken
for you.
411
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,206
Oh!
412
00:18:38,207 --> 00:18:41,410
It's like looking
in a mirror!
413
00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:45,648
Yeah, in a fun house.
414
00:18:45,649 --> 00:18:49,484
Could you sign a few
of these glossies
415
00:18:49,485 --> 00:18:51,353
for my adopted daughter?
416
00:18:51,354 --> 00:18:53,789
Sure, thank you.
417
00:18:53,790 --> 00:18:54,957
What adopted daughter?
418
00:18:54,958 --> 00:19:00,029
You remember,
little eBay.
419
00:19:00,030 --> 00:19:02,164
- Let's take some pictures.
- No, no, no.
420
00:19:02,165 --> 00:19:04,066
Uh, miss Collins is wanted
on the set.
421
00:19:04,067 --> 00:19:06,134
Oh, no, no, no!
Peter, please.
422
00:19:06,135 --> 00:19:07,636
These are my fans.
423
00:19:07,637 --> 00:19:10,839
I love them.
Let's take some pictures.
424
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,976
Watch my purse.
425
00:19:13,977 --> 00:19:15,210
- Would you mind?
- Sure.
426
00:19:15,211 --> 00:19:16,912
Oh, Glen,
come on in.
427
00:19:16,913 --> 00:19:19,414
Peter, come over here.
428
00:19:19,415 --> 00:19:22,685
Embrace the fact
that you're stuck with them,
429
00:19:22,686 --> 00:19:26,956
just as I am with you.
430
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,792
Oh, by the way,
I spoke to Linda Evans.
431
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:32,728
She said she's never heard
of you or Peter.
432
00:19:32,729 --> 00:19:35,330
Look, I got you fired once.
I could do it again.
433
00:19:35,331 --> 00:19:37,384
Now, smile.
434
00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:41,077
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
435
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,135
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436
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:49,735
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