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1
00:00:01,496 --> 00:00:03,564
Happily Divorced is shot
before a live audience
2
00:00:03,565 --> 00:00:07,301
and based on what
actually happened to me.
3
00:00:07,335 --> 00:00:09,536
Fran, I don't even know why
you made me show you this house.
4
00:00:09,537 --> 00:00:11,438
It's totally wrong
for you and Elliot.
5
00:00:11,439 --> 00:00:14,842
You know, it reminds me
of that sitcom
6
00:00:14,843 --> 00:00:19,480
with the big staircase
and... the Butler.
7
00:00:19,481 --> 00:00:22,583
What was it called?
8
00:00:22,584 --> 00:00:25,185
Oh, yeah.
Fresh prince of Bel-Air.
9
00:00:27,522 --> 00:00:29,423
Ooh, look!
They got a koi pond.
10
00:00:29,457 --> 00:00:31,993
Which is basically a Sushi bar
for raccoons.
11
00:00:33,829 --> 00:00:36,563
Peter, is this
your sales technique?
12
00:00:36,564 --> 00:00:40,267
'Cause I got news for you.
If it is, it sucks.
13
00:00:40,268 --> 00:00:42,870
Listen, you and Elliot aren't
getting married for months.
14
00:00:42,871 --> 00:00:44,238
I mean,
what's the big rush?
15
00:00:44,272 --> 00:00:46,373
Well, when two people
own a house together,
16
00:00:46,374 --> 00:00:48,475
it's harder to get
out of the relationship.
17
00:00:48,476 --> 00:00:51,812
Ringing any bells?
18
00:00:51,813 --> 00:00:54,548
Hey, I'm sorry.
I am a professional realtor.
19
00:00:54,549 --> 00:00:56,684
I could give you
a thousand reasons.
20
00:00:56,685 --> 00:00:59,086
Trust me, this is not
the right property for you.
21
00:00:59,121 --> 00:01:00,187
Why?
22
00:01:00,188 --> 00:01:02,657
Too many stairs, for one.
23
00:01:02,658 --> 00:01:04,725
Your parents would never be able
to stay over.
24
00:01:04,726 --> 00:01:07,061
Sold!
25
00:01:07,062 --> 00:01:09,429
Peter, what is going on?
26
00:01:09,430 --> 00:01:12,432
You have pooped on every place
that I've looked at.
27
00:01:12,433 --> 00:01:13,968
I've gotta buy a house.
28
00:01:13,969 --> 00:01:15,569
I'm getting married!
29
00:01:15,570 --> 00:01:17,371
Really?
30
00:01:17,372 --> 00:01:18,539
I totally forgot that
31
00:01:18,540 --> 00:01:21,408
because you only tell me
ad nauseam.
32
00:01:21,442 --> 00:01:24,745
Well, that's because I
am planning for the future,
33
00:01:24,746 --> 00:01:27,181
which, by the way, is something
that you should be doing too.
34
00:01:27,182 --> 00:01:28,615
Hey, I am planning
for the future.
35
00:01:28,650 --> 00:01:31,518
I'm out there.
I'm doing my "thang."
36
00:01:31,519 --> 00:01:32,920
I'm moving around.
37
00:01:32,921 --> 00:01:34,755
Got a whole lotta stuff
going on.
38
00:01:34,756 --> 00:01:36,057
Really?
When?
39
00:01:36,058 --> 00:01:37,992
Between not selling houses
and watching
40
00:01:37,993 --> 00:01:41,896
real housewivesof everywhere?
41
00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:43,664
Look, things are going
to change,
42
00:01:43,665 --> 00:01:45,599
and you have to stop
avoiding it.
43
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,101
Avoiding what?
What am I avoiding?
44
00:01:47,102 --> 00:01:48,368
I'm not avoiding anything.
45
00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:49,770
Oh, my God.
Yvonne de Carlo lived here.
46
00:01:49,771 --> 00:01:51,906
- She was Lily Munster.
- No.
47
00:01:51,907 --> 00:01:54,742
Peter, have you thought about
where you are going to live?
48
00:01:54,776 --> 00:01:56,177
What are you talking about?
I have a house.
49
00:01:56,211 --> 00:01:58,612
Well, you can't afford that
by yourself.
50
00:01:58,613 --> 00:02:01,582
But we can rent it out,
and then you can use that
51
00:02:01,583 --> 00:02:03,283
to get someplace
a little smaller.
52
00:02:03,318 --> 00:02:06,420
I just got lifetime Netflix.
I don't wanna move.
53
00:02:06,454 --> 00:02:09,289
You just don't want
to move on,
54
00:02:09,324 --> 00:02:12,793
which is why you don't want me
to have this fabulous house.
55
00:02:12,794 --> 00:02:14,428
Hold on.
The only reason I don't want you
56
00:02:14,429 --> 00:02:16,964
to buy this house is
because of shoddy construction.
57
00:02:16,965 --> 00:02:18,265
It's on a tiny lot.
58
00:02:18,299 --> 00:02:21,001
I wouldn't sell this money pit
to anyone.
59
00:02:21,002 --> 00:02:22,136
Oh, I love this.
60
00:02:22,170 --> 00:02:25,305
Have you seen the koi pond?
61
00:02:26,908 --> 00:02:29,309
[Bubbly music]
62
00:02:29,344 --> 00:02:34,048
♪ She was certain
that he was her one and only ♪
63
00:02:34,049 --> 00:02:39,120
♪ But their union always seemed
a little forced ♪
64
00:02:39,121 --> 00:02:42,223
♪ She got married anyway ♪
65
00:02:42,224 --> 00:02:44,024
♪ Turns out that he was gay ♪
66
00:02:44,025 --> 00:02:45,292
♪ They're still in love ♪
67
00:02:45,293 --> 00:02:48,154
♪ But now
she's Happily Divorced ♪
68
00:02:48,155 --> 00:02:49,795
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
69
00:02:51,933 --> 00:02:54,802
oh, hi, Cesar.
I'm glad you're here.
70
00:02:54,803 --> 00:02:56,637
I bought Peter a present
'cause, you know,
71
00:02:56,638 --> 00:02:58,739
I just feel so bad for him.
72
00:02:58,740 --> 00:03:01,723
He's getting such terrible
separation anxiety
73
00:03:01,743 --> 00:03:04,145
because, you know,
I'm getting married!
74
00:03:06,014 --> 00:03:07,514
I know.
We know.
75
00:03:07,515 --> 00:03:10,151
Everybody knows.
76
00:03:10,152 --> 00:03:12,719
Let me try this on you.
Tell me what you think.
77
00:03:12,754 --> 00:03:13,921
It's got pheromones in it
78
00:03:13,922 --> 00:03:17,524
for a man
to attract another man.
79
00:03:17,525 --> 00:03:19,860
Mmm!
80
00:03:19,861 --> 00:03:21,361
I'd do me.
81
00:03:21,396 --> 00:03:23,931
[Laughter]
82
00:03:23,932 --> 00:03:25,266
Where is he anyway?
83
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,001
Oh, he's showing someone
the house.
84
00:03:27,002 --> 00:03:28,435
Oh! He found a buyer?
85
00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:29,703
Yeah, right.
86
00:03:29,737 --> 00:03:31,105
He got a boyfriend?
87
00:03:31,139 --> 00:03:33,740
What are you smoking?
88
00:03:33,775 --> 00:03:35,009
He said he found a roommate.
89
00:03:35,043 --> 00:03:36,576
Oh, look at that.
90
00:03:36,577 --> 00:03:39,146
I give him a little bit
of tough love,
91
00:03:39,147 --> 00:03:40,915
and it just set him straight.
92
00:03:40,949 --> 00:03:45,152
Well, let's not go crazy.
93
00:03:45,187 --> 00:03:47,221
Oh, Petey!
You got a roommate?
94
00:03:47,222 --> 00:03:48,722
I know.
Can you believe it?
95
00:03:48,723 --> 00:03:50,124
Honey, you were totally right.
96
00:03:50,125 --> 00:03:51,725
I was just avoiding moving on.
97
00:03:51,759 --> 00:03:53,760
I'm so excited.
98
00:03:53,761 --> 00:03:55,629
So tell me,
where did you guys meet?
99
00:03:55,630 --> 00:03:57,164
- At there bar.
- Oh!
100
00:03:57,165 --> 00:03:58,765
Yeah, Judi was singing
her Evita medley
101
00:03:58,766 --> 00:04:00,534
and we started discussing
Mandy Patinkin,
102
00:04:00,535 --> 00:04:01,635
which, of course,
led to yentl...
103
00:04:01,669 --> 00:04:03,304
Which, of course,
led to how Barbra
104
00:04:03,305 --> 00:04:04,471
was robbed of the Oscar.
105
00:04:04,505 --> 00:04:06,506
No,
she wasn't even nominated.
106
00:04:06,541 --> 00:04:09,043
Petey, this is so great.
107
00:04:09,044 --> 00:04:10,610
You're gonna have
a whole new person
108
00:04:10,611 --> 00:04:13,513
to have fresh conversation with
and eat with
109
00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:17,084
and watch American Idol with
instead of me.
110
00:04:17,085 --> 00:04:19,486
Well, not exactly.
No one can replace you.
111
00:04:24,259 --> 00:04:27,228
Fran, this is Jan.
Jan, Fran.
112
00:04:27,262 --> 00:04:30,430
Both: Hi!
113
00:04:34,936 --> 00:04:36,837
So what do you think?
114
00:04:36,838 --> 00:04:40,007
Well, I liked her
right off the bat.
115
00:04:40,008 --> 00:04:42,142
I got to admit,
I was a little surprised
116
00:04:42,143 --> 00:04:45,012
because you went to a gay bar
and brought home a woman.
117
00:04:46,647 --> 00:04:49,283
She is a woman,
isn't she?
118
00:04:49,317 --> 00:04:51,785
Yeah, it's a woman.
119
00:04:51,786 --> 00:04:55,155
Oh, Fran, the house!
120
00:04:55,156 --> 00:04:56,924
So me.
121
00:04:56,925 --> 00:04:59,326
Oh, and I love your dress.
What size are you?
122
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,928
- Four.
- Me too.
123
00:05:00,929 --> 00:05:02,296
Fran, Jan.
124
00:05:02,297 --> 00:05:04,898
Both: Six.
125
00:05:04,933 --> 00:05:08,501
Ugh, you know, I just
can't wait to move in here.
126
00:05:08,502 --> 00:05:12,439
I have this neighbor who's got
a bird that I wanna kill.
127
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,408
Would you believe that parrots
can live to, like, freakin' 50?
128
00:05:15,409 --> 00:05:17,010
Oh, my God!
129
00:05:17,011 --> 00:05:18,611
Well, you don't have
to worry about that.
130
00:05:18,612 --> 00:05:20,948
- Peter's allergic to feathers.
- Oh.
131
00:05:20,982 --> 00:05:22,482
That's why when she got
the down comforter,
132
00:05:22,483 --> 00:05:23,516
I couldn't sleep
with her anymore.
133
00:05:23,517 --> 00:05:26,987
Yeah, that's why, Peter.
134
00:05:26,988 --> 00:05:29,857
Oh, Fran,
I hear you do flowers.
135
00:05:29,858 --> 00:05:31,791
Did you do
all these arrangements?
136
00:05:31,792 --> 00:05:33,994
- Mm-hmm.
- They're gorgeous!
137
00:05:33,995 --> 00:05:36,330
Thank you.
What do you do?
138
00:05:36,364 --> 00:05:37,965
- I do "heah."
- Huh?
139
00:05:37,966 --> 00:05:39,333
- "Heah."
- Huh?
140
00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:41,401
"Hair," Fran.
"Hair."
141
00:05:41,402 --> 00:05:42,469
Ohh!
142
00:05:42,503 --> 00:05:44,972
"Heah"!
143
00:05:45,006 --> 00:05:47,875
Oh, I just love
your New York accent.
144
00:05:47,876 --> 00:05:52,346
I'm so sad that I lost mine.
145
00:05:52,347 --> 00:05:53,747
Oh, my God.
146
00:05:53,781 --> 00:05:56,783
Isn't she adorable?
147
00:05:56,784 --> 00:05:59,419
[Chuckles]
Yeah, that's our little Esther.
148
00:05:59,420 --> 00:06:00,954
Aww.
149
00:06:00,955 --> 00:06:03,523
Fran, is it gonna be sad
for you?
150
00:06:03,524 --> 00:06:06,894
Leaving after you've been living
in this house for so long?
151
00:06:06,928 --> 00:06:10,197
No, I'm looking forward
to it.
152
00:06:10,231 --> 00:06:12,832
Yeah, it's good
to mix it up.
153
00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:15,903
Change is good.
154
00:06:20,041 --> 00:06:22,709
I'll tell you, Judi,
I could not have picked out
155
00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:24,444
a better roommate myself.
156
00:06:24,478 --> 00:06:27,014
So she doesn't remind you
of anybody?
157
00:06:29,417 --> 00:06:32,485
Audrey Hepburn.
158
00:06:32,486 --> 00:06:34,487
I thought that right away.
159
00:06:34,488 --> 00:06:36,856
Well,
I was gonna say you.
160
00:06:36,891 --> 00:06:39,592
Me?
Oh, Judi.
161
00:06:39,593 --> 00:06:41,861
You think
we all look alike.
162
00:06:43,731 --> 00:06:45,232
Well, actually,
if you think about it,
163
00:06:45,233 --> 00:06:46,400
it all works out great.
164
00:06:46,401 --> 00:06:48,035
You get to go off
and marry Elliot,
165
00:06:48,069 --> 00:06:50,237
and Peter gets to stay here
living with you.
166
00:06:50,238 --> 00:06:53,106
It's like Lassie.
167
00:06:53,107 --> 00:06:56,776
You know they all weren't
the same dog, right?
168
00:06:56,777 --> 00:06:58,611
Oh, Judi,
don't be ridiculous.
169
00:06:58,646 --> 00:07:00,613
Peter could never replace me.
170
00:07:00,614 --> 00:07:02,249
There's only one
Fran and Peter.
171
00:07:02,283 --> 00:07:04,851
[Both laughing]
172
00:07:04,852 --> 00:07:06,486
Hey, Judi Booty.
173
00:07:06,487 --> 00:07:07,921
Hi, Jan.
174
00:07:07,922 --> 00:07:09,823
Both: Hi!
175
00:07:09,824 --> 00:07:11,691
[Laughter]
176
00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:14,194
- Stop!
- What?
177
00:07:14,228 --> 00:07:16,330
[Fake laugh]
What?
178
00:07:16,364 --> 00:07:17,831
[Laughs]
179
00:07:17,832 --> 00:07:19,466
She just did
the most amazing impression
180
00:07:19,467 --> 00:07:21,134
of that girl Connie
in Saturday night fever
181
00:07:21,135 --> 00:07:22,302
who dances with Travolta.
Do it, do it.
182
00:07:22,303 --> 00:07:23,302
- Yeah, yeah?
- Peter!
183
00:07:23,304 --> 00:07:24,303
- Jan!
- Peter!
184
00:07:24,305 --> 00:07:26,473
- Jan!
- All right.
185
00:07:26,474 --> 00:07:28,541
"So, Tony, you as good
in the bed
186
00:07:28,542 --> 00:07:30,210
as you are
on the dance floor?"
187
00:07:30,211 --> 00:07:31,744
[Laughter]
188
00:07:31,779 --> 00:07:33,546
- Isn't that just like her?
- Oh, my God.
189
00:07:33,547 --> 00:07:36,149
- That's hilarious.
- I told you.
190
00:07:36,184 --> 00:07:38,285
I do impressions too!
191
00:07:38,286 --> 00:07:40,087
Oh, boy, does anyone want
some iced tea or something?
192
00:07:40,088 --> 00:07:41,455
- Could you get me some?
- No, no.
193
00:07:41,456 --> 00:07:42,522
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
194
00:07:42,523 --> 00:07:44,657
Tell me who you think this is,
okay?
195
00:07:44,658 --> 00:07:46,226
[Clears throat]
196
00:07:46,227 --> 00:07:48,161
[Same voice]
"Well, what do you suggest,
197
00:07:48,162 --> 00:07:52,299
prime minister,
that I make a statement?"
198
00:07:55,870 --> 00:07:58,238
Oh, come on!
199
00:07:58,239 --> 00:08:00,440
Helen Mirren
in the queen.
200
00:08:00,475 --> 00:08:02,442
- Ohh.
- Ohh.
201
00:08:02,477 --> 00:08:03,910
- Right?
- Oh, yeah.
202
00:08:03,944 --> 00:08:06,113
It's like
she was in the room.
203
00:08:06,147 --> 00:08:08,615
Yeah, well, uh,
we better get moving.
204
00:08:08,616 --> 00:08:10,050
I gotta change,
or we're never gonna make it.
205
00:08:10,051 --> 00:08:11,050
- Yeah, I know.
- Where you going?
206
00:08:11,052 --> 00:08:12,619
Oh, Jan got some tickets
207
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:14,021
to the matinee
of Book of Mormon.
208
00:08:14,055 --> 00:08:15,555
Oh, no.
209
00:08:15,556 --> 00:08:17,224
Is that the Book of Mormon
210
00:08:17,225 --> 00:08:18,992
that we were supposed
to see together?
211
00:08:19,027 --> 00:08:21,794
Mm, oh,
I feel terrible.
212
00:08:21,795 --> 00:08:25,465
Listen, you want, we'll bring
you back a pizza from Mozza.
213
00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:27,634
Mozza?
214
00:08:27,635 --> 00:08:29,969
How did you get
a reservation at Mozza?
215
00:08:29,970 --> 00:08:32,239
We've been trying to get in
for the last six months.
216
00:08:32,273 --> 00:08:33,640
I'm sorry, Fran.
217
00:08:33,641 --> 00:08:35,442
I just figured you'd be busy
with your wedding plans.
218
00:08:35,443 --> 00:08:37,777
- You are getting married, you know.
- I know, Peter.
219
00:08:37,811 --> 00:08:39,579
- Well, we gotta go, guys.
- Yeah, all right, bye.
220
00:08:39,613 --> 00:08:41,114
- See ya.
- Bye.
221
00:08:41,149 --> 00:08:42,449
You know,
isn't that ironic
222
00:08:42,450 --> 00:08:44,451
how they're going to see
a show about mormons?
223
00:08:44,452 --> 00:08:45,852
You know, 'cause they've got
multiple wives.
224
00:08:45,886 --> 00:08:48,255
I know, Judi.
225
00:08:53,504 --> 00:08:54,871
I mean,
Peter's doing everything
226
00:08:54,872 --> 00:08:56,206
that I told him to do.
227
00:08:56,207 --> 00:08:58,008
He's moving on
with his life.
228
00:08:58,009 --> 00:09:01,044
So why am I
so not happy?
229
00:09:01,079 --> 00:09:03,246
Darling,
you really need
230
00:09:03,247 --> 00:09:06,316
to start calling
before you come over.
231
00:09:08,953 --> 00:09:10,354
I mean,
what's wrong with me?
232
00:09:10,388 --> 00:09:12,689
Am I mentally unbalanced?
233
00:09:12,723 --> 00:09:14,691
Oh, Shirley partridge
is here.
234
00:09:16,894 --> 00:09:18,595
Whatever the problem is,
I don't want to hear.
235
00:09:18,596 --> 00:09:20,430
Don't involve me.
I got a jets game starting.
236
00:09:20,465 --> 00:09:22,765
So Peter wants another woman
in your bed.
237
00:09:22,766 --> 00:09:23,833
What's the big deal?
238
00:09:23,868 --> 00:09:26,703
Ah, crap.
Now I'm intrigued.
239
00:09:26,737 --> 00:09:30,107
Sweetheart, have I ever
steered you wrong?
240
00:09:30,141 --> 00:09:32,309
Don't invest
in apple stock,
241
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:36,546
home perms are just as good,
marry Peter.
242
00:09:38,883 --> 00:09:41,818
You'll miss me
when I'm gone.
243
00:09:41,819 --> 00:09:44,488
But the point is
you've got to let go.
244
00:09:44,489 --> 00:09:47,491
You had three wonderful years,
but the divorce is over!
245
00:09:47,525 --> 00:09:50,427
But it was
such a happy one.
246
00:09:50,428 --> 00:09:52,195
Everyone said so.
247
00:09:52,196 --> 00:09:54,731
People would stop us
at the mall and ask,
248
00:09:54,732 --> 00:09:57,300
"what's your secret?"
249
00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,169
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
250
00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:00,937
What happened
with Peter's Switcheroo
251
00:10:00,938 --> 00:10:02,539
and bringing a broad
into the bed?
252
00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:04,641
I'm missing kickoff here.
253
00:10:04,675 --> 00:10:09,212
Darling, no woman wants to
feel like she's being replaced.
254
00:10:09,213 --> 00:10:10,747
It's natural
to be jealous.
255
00:10:10,781 --> 00:10:12,982
I'm not jealous.
256
00:10:12,983 --> 00:10:15,752
I just can't stand
her stupid face.
257
00:10:15,786 --> 00:10:19,756
Fran, are you happy
with the new man in your life?
258
00:10:19,790 --> 00:10:22,792
He's nice.
259
00:10:22,826 --> 00:10:25,362
Then shouldn't you
let Peter be happy
260
00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:27,330
with the roommate
he'll be living with?
261
00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:29,066
I don't wanna.
262
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:32,669
Darling, this is
what Peter needs right now.
263
00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:34,504
Men don't transition well.
264
00:10:34,505 --> 00:10:36,839
It's like when you move
a dog's dish,
265
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:41,644
it gets them
disoriented.
266
00:10:41,645 --> 00:10:42,879
Sweetheart...
267
00:10:42,913 --> 00:10:45,782
If you love Peter,
you will find a way
268
00:10:45,783 --> 00:10:47,551
to make peace
with the new wife.
269
00:10:47,585 --> 00:10:50,420
I do love Peter.
270
00:10:50,421 --> 00:10:52,822
And it'll be weird
if we're not getting along
271
00:10:52,823 --> 00:10:55,625
over Thanksgiving
and Hanukkah.
272
00:10:55,626 --> 00:10:57,994
I don't want Esther
to feel like it's her fault.
273
00:11:00,098 --> 00:11:01,631
Oh, thanks, ma.
274
00:11:01,632 --> 00:11:03,700
You helped me again.
I love you.
275
00:11:03,701 --> 00:11:07,070
Anytime, darling.
Anytime.
276
00:11:07,071 --> 00:11:09,139
Bye, daddy.
277
00:11:09,173 --> 00:11:12,709
Oh, ma, did you take
your house key off my key ring?
278
00:11:12,743 --> 00:11:15,878
Why would I do that?
279
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
280
00:11:22,987 --> 00:11:25,455
Hi, Cesar.
What's going on?
281
00:11:25,490 --> 00:11:27,557
Okay,
so that's 11x14.
282
00:11:27,592 --> 00:11:29,292
Hi, Fran!
283
00:11:29,327 --> 00:11:33,062
Hi, Jan.
284
00:11:33,063 --> 00:11:34,764
I didn't expect
to see you here.
285
00:11:34,765 --> 00:11:36,166
What's happening?
286
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,801
I figured
since you're moving out anyway,
287
00:11:38,802 --> 00:11:41,538
this spot is perfect
for my hair salon.
288
00:11:41,572 --> 00:11:44,508
Oh, my flower shop?
289
00:11:44,509 --> 00:11:45,742
Are we zoned for that?
290
00:11:45,776 --> 00:11:47,644
We're not zoned
for this.
291
00:11:47,678 --> 00:11:50,880
[Laughs]
Great.
292
00:11:50,914 --> 00:11:53,783
Well, good.
293
00:11:53,784 --> 00:11:58,221
So, Fran, you missed
the best play I've ever seen.
294
00:11:58,256 --> 00:11:59,889
Me and Petey
were hysterical.
295
00:11:59,923 --> 00:12:02,692
Yeah, well,
that's why me and Petey
296
00:12:02,693 --> 00:12:05,462
wanted to go see it too.
297
00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:07,564
But I will.
I will.
298
00:12:07,565 --> 00:12:09,932
- Yeah.
- When? It's closing.
299
00:12:09,967 --> 00:12:13,670
Well, aren't you a wealth
of information today?
300
00:12:15,406 --> 00:12:18,341
Uh, would you mind
getting some coffee
301
00:12:18,342 --> 00:12:20,243
for me
and my friend Jan?
302
00:12:20,278 --> 00:12:22,045
Yes.
303
00:12:22,046 --> 00:12:24,614
You know, Fran,
I can't believe
304
00:12:24,649 --> 00:12:27,717
that at my age
I met someone like Peter.
305
00:12:27,751 --> 00:12:31,621
It's like he knows me
so well already.
306
00:12:31,656 --> 00:12:34,090
Like, I went to eat
that second slice of pizza,
307
00:12:34,091 --> 00:12:36,326
and he said,
"ah, ah, ah.
308
00:12:36,327 --> 00:12:37,994
"You're never gonna fit
into that dress
309
00:12:37,995 --> 00:12:40,129
we picked out together
for the wedding."
310
00:12:40,164 --> 00:12:43,266
- Oh, whose wedding?
- Yours.
311
00:12:43,267 --> 00:12:47,970
Oh, you're coming
to my wedding... with Peter.
312
00:12:47,971 --> 00:12:49,406
Yeah.
313
00:12:49,407 --> 00:12:50,807
Do you have a date yet?
314
00:12:50,841 --> 00:12:54,811
Uh, yeah,
my fiance Elliot.
315
00:12:54,845 --> 00:12:57,814
[Laughs]
316
00:12:57,815 --> 00:13:00,817
No, Fran,
I meant when is it?
317
00:13:00,851 --> 00:13:02,719
It's in may.
318
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,454
Oh.
[Chuckles]
319
00:13:04,488 --> 00:13:06,323
Perfect.
320
00:13:06,324 --> 00:13:10,927
I can get a demo crew in here
by, uh, march, april.
321
00:13:10,961 --> 00:13:13,430
Hey, if I find
any old stuff around,
322
00:13:13,431 --> 00:13:14,897
where do you want me
to put it?
323
00:13:14,932 --> 00:13:17,634
[Softly] I'll tell you
where you could put it.
324
00:13:17,668 --> 00:13:19,569
Do me a favor.
325
00:13:19,570 --> 00:13:20,903
Will you hold this please?
326
00:13:20,938 --> 00:13:23,240
- [Sighs]
- Listen, Fran.
327
00:13:23,274 --> 00:13:26,376
Even though you're moving out,
I just want you to know
328
00:13:26,377 --> 00:13:28,645
you're never gonna be
a stranger.
329
00:13:28,646 --> 00:13:30,780
You are
always welcome here.
330
00:13:30,814 --> 00:13:32,582
- Ohh.
- Yeah.
331
00:13:32,617 --> 00:13:37,254
Just call first,
okay?
332
00:13:37,288 --> 00:13:40,223
You want me
to call my own house
333
00:13:40,224 --> 00:13:41,791
before I come over?
334
00:13:41,825 --> 00:13:43,192
Uh, yeah.
335
00:13:43,193 --> 00:13:45,895
I mean, you know, Peter and I,
we're so new.
336
00:13:45,896 --> 00:13:47,697
Ow!
337
00:13:47,732 --> 00:13:50,099
Oops, Jan, I'm sorry.
338
00:13:50,134 --> 00:13:52,201
No, you're not.
339
00:13:52,202 --> 00:13:54,371
You did that
on purpose.
340
00:13:54,405 --> 00:13:56,072
No, I didn't.
341
00:13:56,073 --> 00:13:57,674
It was an accident.
342
00:13:57,708 --> 00:14:01,411
If I wanted to do something
on purpose,
343
00:14:01,445 --> 00:14:02,845
it would be this!
344
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:05,615
Oh! Oh!
345
00:14:05,616 --> 00:14:07,417
This is war.
346
00:14:07,451 --> 00:14:10,853
Aah! Jan! Jan!
347
00:14:10,888 --> 00:14:13,523
Stop that!
348
00:14:13,557 --> 00:14:15,725
Oh! Oh!
Jan, you're...
349
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,494
You crazy...
Crazy!
350
00:14:17,528 --> 00:14:18,895
[Screams]
Oh!
351
00:14:18,929 --> 00:14:20,497
- You!
- Oh!
352
00:14:20,531 --> 00:14:22,198
- Oh, no!
- You...
353
00:14:22,232 --> 00:14:23,733
[Overlapping arguing]
354
00:14:23,768 --> 00:14:25,669
- Oh!
- No! What are you doing?
355
00:14:25,670 --> 00:14:28,237
- What, are you nuts?
- You home wrecker!
356
00:14:28,272 --> 00:14:30,440
I'm not a home wrecker!
He's gay!
357
00:14:30,474 --> 00:14:33,276
[Overlapping arguing]
358
00:14:33,277 --> 00:14:36,245
Okay, stop it, stop it.
359
00:14:36,246 --> 00:14:38,748
Aah!
Oh, stop that!
360
00:14:38,749 --> 00:14:40,249
[Overlapping arguing]
361
00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:41,951
Ladies, stop!
362
00:14:41,952 --> 00:14:43,620
What are you...
363
00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:44,854
Ohh.
364
00:14:44,855 --> 00:14:47,824
[Overlapping arguing]
365
00:15:00,245 --> 00:15:01,912
Hey, Petey.
366
00:15:01,913 --> 00:15:03,747
There you are.
367
00:15:03,748 --> 00:15:06,616
Look at you,
looking all sexy.
368
00:15:06,650 --> 00:15:07,985
Really?
Thank you.
369
00:15:07,986 --> 00:15:09,353
- Yeah.
- Well, you look great too.
370
00:15:09,387 --> 00:15:11,654
- Thanks.
- Your skin is glowing.
371
00:15:11,655 --> 00:15:15,759
Oh, I just had
a mud bath.
372
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,594
Uh, do you mind
if I join you?
373
00:15:17,595 --> 00:15:20,163
Although I gotta admit,
it looks like Enrico
374
00:15:20,198 --> 00:15:21,531
is interested
in a little more
375
00:15:21,565 --> 00:15:23,367
than just serving you drinks.
376
00:15:23,401 --> 00:15:24,567
Right?
377
00:15:24,568 --> 00:15:26,169
- I was getting that vibe too.
- Yeah?
378
00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:27,337
I'm about to make
my move.
379
00:15:27,372 --> 00:15:28,671
Okay.
380
00:15:28,672 --> 00:15:31,408
Hey, Peter.
Do you need something else?
381
00:15:31,442 --> 00:15:34,044
[Mumbles indistinctly]
382
00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:40,884
Hi, Enrico.
383
00:15:40,919 --> 00:15:42,185
Hi, Fran.
384
00:15:42,186 --> 00:15:43,353
I cannot thank you enough
for getting me this job.
385
00:15:43,354 --> 00:15:46,089
Oh, anything
for Cesar's cousin.
386
00:15:46,124 --> 00:15:50,427
You know, out of 100 men,
they picked me.
387
00:15:50,461 --> 00:15:55,365
Well, you were obviously
the most qualified.
388
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,866
Can I have
a vodka and soda?
389
00:15:56,901 --> 00:15:59,403
Okay.
What is in that?
390
00:15:59,437 --> 00:16:02,272
Whatever you bring me
will be fine.
391
00:16:03,541 --> 00:16:05,309
So I hear you had
a house showing.
392
00:16:05,310 --> 00:16:07,677
- How'd it go?
- Oh, good news, bad news.
393
00:16:07,678 --> 00:16:09,179
- They didn't buy.
- Ohh.
394
00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:10,747
But I went out
to bed bath & beyond.
395
00:16:10,781 --> 00:16:13,483
I got a fantastic deal
on an Egyptian cotton sheet set
396
00:16:13,484 --> 00:16:14,617
for Jan's room.
397
00:16:14,652 --> 00:16:16,719
- Oh, how sweet.
- Yeah. [Chuckles]
398
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,589
Did you save
the receipt?
399
00:16:19,590 --> 00:16:20,723
Why?
400
00:16:20,758 --> 00:16:22,559
Oh, no reason.
[Chuckles]
401
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,428
Jan came
by the flower shop today.
402
00:16:24,429 --> 00:16:25,862
- Yeah?
- Yeah, we were all,
403
00:16:25,863 --> 00:16:27,965
"how you doing?"
"How was Book of Mormon?"
404
00:16:27,966 --> 00:16:29,666
"Can you help me measure?"
405
00:16:29,667 --> 00:16:31,701
She don't wanna be
your roommate anymore.
406
00:16:31,735 --> 00:16:34,071
[Coughs]
What? What did you do?
407
00:16:34,072 --> 00:16:35,705
Why do you go right
to what I did?
408
00:16:35,706 --> 00:16:37,240
Maybe she did something.
409
00:16:37,241 --> 00:16:39,142
Yeah, right.
What'd you do?
410
00:16:39,177 --> 00:16:41,278
Well,
she pushed my buttons,
411
00:16:41,279 --> 00:16:43,513
and I might be
a little bit sensitive
412
00:16:43,514 --> 00:16:45,248
because I have
a lot on my mind
413
00:16:45,249 --> 00:16:47,017
with this wedding
and everything.
414
00:16:47,018 --> 00:16:49,819
And I admit, I might have said
things that I didn't mean...
415
00:16:49,820 --> 00:16:52,389
Much like you did
at our wedding.
416
00:16:52,423 --> 00:16:55,425
What are you even getting
involved with her for anyway?
417
00:16:55,426 --> 00:16:57,027
Why do you have
to always stick your nose
418
00:16:57,028 --> 00:16:58,561
into every aspect
of my life?
419
00:16:58,596 --> 00:17:02,299
It's what I do.
420
00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:04,767
I can't believe
you did this to me, Fran.
421
00:17:04,768 --> 00:17:07,004
- Petey...
- Oh, what do you care?
422
00:17:07,038 --> 00:17:09,439
Your life is all tied up
in a neat, little bow,
423
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,274
and I have to start
at square one.
424
00:17:11,275 --> 00:17:14,311
- Thanks a lot, Fran.
- Oh, Petey.
425
00:17:16,447 --> 00:17:18,915
Here's your vodka and soda.
426
00:17:29,827 --> 00:17:31,594
- Hi.
- Hi.
427
00:17:31,629 --> 00:17:33,130
Where were you?
428
00:17:33,131 --> 00:17:35,399
I went to talk to Jan.
429
00:17:35,433 --> 00:17:36,933
Ohh, what'd she say?
430
00:17:36,967 --> 00:17:39,336
She said you and I
have issues.
431
00:17:41,072 --> 00:17:46,109
She called us
a weird Donny and Marie.
432
00:17:46,110 --> 00:17:48,078
Well,
that's a little rough.
433
00:17:48,112 --> 00:17:51,014
I thought so too.
434
00:17:51,049 --> 00:17:53,583
Oh, Petey,
I'm so sorry.
435
00:17:53,584 --> 00:17:55,718
I promise
I'm gonna make it up to you.
436
00:17:55,753 --> 00:17:57,687
[Sighs]
How?
437
00:17:57,688 --> 00:18:01,791
Hey, Peter.
438
00:18:01,825 --> 00:18:05,628
Uh, Enrico lives
all the way out in Glendale,
439
00:18:05,629 --> 00:18:09,132
and so I told him that he could
crash on our couch tonight.
440
00:18:09,167 --> 00:18:10,667
Is that okay
with you?
441
00:18:10,701 --> 00:18:13,836
[Mumbles indistinctly]
442
00:18:13,871 --> 00:18:17,240
And he said
that when I move out,
443
00:18:17,241 --> 00:18:20,177
he would love to move in
and be your roommate.
444
00:18:20,178 --> 00:18:22,079
Oh, we're gonna have
so much fun.
445
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,047
I want to make you
my bombocado.
446
00:18:27,851 --> 00:18:32,222
I hope
that means "slave."
447
00:18:37,027 --> 00:18:38,995
So I did good, huh?
448
00:18:39,029 --> 00:18:41,030
- You did good.
- [Chuckles]
449
00:18:41,065 --> 00:18:43,866
Oh, Petey,
I'm just so sorry.
450
00:18:43,867 --> 00:18:46,470
But, you know, when I saw you
together with her,
451
00:18:46,471 --> 00:18:47,870
I got really jealous.
452
00:18:47,871 --> 00:18:50,207
I still feel
so connected to you.
453
00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:51,441
Well, same here.
454
00:18:51,442 --> 00:18:53,076
I mean, why do you think
I wanted to live with Jan?
455
00:18:53,077 --> 00:18:55,378
She reminds me of you.
I wanted to have you around.
456
00:18:55,379 --> 00:18:58,030
Aww, Petey.
457
00:18:58,031 --> 00:19:00,222
You know,
I'm marrying Elliot...
458
00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:01,841
I know, Fran.
459
00:19:01,842 --> 00:19:04,672
But a part of me
is always gonna feel
460
00:19:04,673 --> 00:19:07,025
like you're my real husband,
461
00:19:07,026 --> 00:19:10,303
and he's the hot guy
I'm having an affair with.
462
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,767
Yeah.
463
00:19:12,768 --> 00:19:15,495
Same with me and Enrico.
464
00:19:15,496 --> 00:19:17,708
Well, I love you.
Mwah!
465
00:19:17,709 --> 00:19:19,396
- Good night, honey.
- Good night, sweetie.
466
00:19:19,397 --> 00:19:21,826
- See ya.
- Sweet dreams.
467
00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:25,206
Oh, my God!
Enrico, I'm sorry!
468
00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:26,673
I thought
you were in the bathroom.
469
00:19:26,674 --> 00:19:28,599
I'll knock next time.
470
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:32,564
You did good.
You did very, very good.
471
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,103
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472
00:19:36,153 --> 00:19:40,703
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