All language subtitles for Happily Divorced s02e14 Meet the Parents.eng

Happily Divorced is shot
before a live audience

and based on what actually
happened to me.

Miss Fran.

Miss Fran!

Cesar.

Why did you wake me?

I was having
the most beautiful dream

that Elliott proposed
to me and...

Oh, my God!
My God!

It's real.
It's real.

Oh, my God.

You must be so happy.

Getting married again at this stage
in your life is a miracle.

- Right?
- Yeah.

Just like when I saw that face
of Jesus

in my empanada.

Your parents just pulled up.

Oh, my God,
I'm so excited.

I can't wait to tell them
the news.

They're gonna be so shocked.

What a minute!
It's my news, Peter.

You've already told them
your shocking news.

Yes, Mr. Peter.
Give her this, hombre.

This is a momentous occasion
in a young girl's life.

And in hers too.

Oh, I've always wanted
to do this.

- There is a God!
- Holy crap!

- Ma!
- Oh, my God!

My Frankie proposed.
Oh, my God.

Uh, ma.

That's some ring
for a pizza guy.

- Uh, oh.
- It's gotta be mob money.

Whoa, whoa, guys.
It's...

See, darling.

I always knew

that Elliott wasn't
for you.

That man is a schmuck.

Uh, you know, ma,

it's Elliott that proposed.

But a very successful schmuck.

- Here's the groom.
- Hey, Peter.

Oh, my son.

You know, I always pushed
for you.

- Oh, thank you. Hey.
- Elliott.

Just want you to know
my daughter's wedding...

Sky's the limit.

But we are on a fixed income.

So what happened?

You were so scared
about getting married,

you were so afraid of commit...

La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la,

la, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la.

- Let's take a picture.
- Okay.

- Uh, sweetie, sweetie, sweetie.
- Yes?

I-I know we were supposed
to celebrate tonight,

but I just got a call
from my parents.

They're at the airport
in a long layover from Hawaii.

I gotta go out and see 'em,
so...

No, no, wait a minute.
What are you saying?

You're not gonna let them sit
in some cold airport bar.

That's crazy.
Bring them back here.

No, no, no.
It's too much trouble.

What trouble?

Peter can throw together
a quick nosh.

I could do seared scallops

with orange
and jalapeño vinaigrette

on a bed of squid ink linguine.

Again?

Oh, I know what I'll do.

My Caribbean
sausage cheese balls.

I've Peter's sausage
and balls.

They melt in your mouth.

Uh, listen, guys.

I appreciate it,
but they're gonna be

a little jet-lagged, so...

Sweetie,
if I didn't know better,

I'd think that maybe
you didn't want

your parents to meet me.

What?
That is ridiculous, all right?

No.

You know what?

I'm gonna go get them
right now.

- Yeah, right now.
- Ah, good.

Good, good, good.
Okay, drive safely.

I can't wait
to meet my parents.

What the was that?

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What the was what?

I think that he thinks
his parents are gonna hate me.

Look at that.
She was happy for two minutes.

Darling,
what are you talking about?

Isn't it obvious?

His parents are sophisticated
people from Nantucket.

His family came over here
with a coat of arms.

Our family came over
with a kosher chicken.

Honey, don't be ridiculous.
Come on.

What are they gonna possibly
hate about you?

But if we have 45 minutes...

The rain in Spain stays
mainly in the...

- Petah!
- "Pe-ter."

♪ She was certain
that he was the one and only ♪

♪ But their union always seemed
a little forced ♪

♪ She got married anyway ♪

♪ Turns out that he was gay ♪

♪ They're still in love ♪

♪ But now
she's happily divorced ♪

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

so what do you think, Judi?

Is this classy enough?

Do you think his parents
will like it?

Honestly,
I would never wear that.

Perfect.

Now all I need is a simple
pair of pearl earrings

and a baptism.

Franny, what are you
so worried about?

Judi, Elliott's parents
are used to him

dating these classy, blonde,
shiksa debutantes

who belong to clubs
that you and I can't join,

each for our own individual
reasons.

Oh, calm down, Franny.
You'll be fine, baby.

Babies...

What if they want
grandchildren?

Would you stop it,
okay?

If Elliott was interested
in having kids,

he'd be marrying some
young baby-making supermodel.

But he doesn't want that.

He wants you.

Get out of my house, Judi.

What?
What did I say?

You don't get it.

If the in-laws don't like you,

it can really do damage
to a marriage.

I was lucky with Peter.

My mother loved him,
and his mother was dead.

All right, Fran.

So you're saying
if his parents don't like you,

Elliott would just call
the whole wedding off?

Well, thank you for planting
that idea in my head.

All right.
Turn around.

Turn around.
Look at yourself.

You is kind.

You is smart.

You is important.

You is doing a scene
from the help.

Well, it made
that little white girl

feel better about herself.

Oh, Petey.

All right,
now remember, ladies.

I only had 32 minutes.

Oh, Petey,

I never thought
I'd hear myself say this,

but am I glad you're gay.

Wow, shame I got nothing
in the fridge.

For God's sakes, Judi.

Thank you.

That's them.

Go get 'em, baby.

Okay.

Ooh, I can't believe
I'm gonna meet

my future father and motha.

"Moth-er."

Shut up.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Oh, you look beautiful.

Hi, fiancée.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Oh, my God.

- Sweetie.
- Yeah?

These are my parents,
Elizabeth and Douglas.

Mom and dad,
this is Fran.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

Won't you come in?

Thank you.

Fran, it's such
a pleasure to meet you.

Oh, it's lovely
to pleasure myself, Doug.

Come on in.

Stand up straight.

Thanks, ma.
Ma!

What are you doing here?

We wanted to come.

Hello.

Dorothea Newman.

Glen Newman.
Pardon me.

I gotta pee
like a race horse.

Adopted parents...
It's such a crapshoot.

Dad pushed weedy
in the pool.

- Oh, no.
- Yeah, he did.

Oh, Petey.
So far so good.

Mom hasn't told her
"I almost had sex

with Jerry Van Dyke" story.

And daddy knows

they're from Nantucket
and he hasn't...

There once was
a man from Nantucket...

Okay.

Would anybody like
to sample these, uh...

Black caviar nestled
in a creme fraiche

in a blini roulade
tied with a bow and a chive.

That I made.

- Oh, Fran, darling.
- Yes.

Do you know
what would make

your new mother-in-law
very happy?

Oh.

I know, I know.
And trust me.

Elliott and I are
going to work on it.

But you know,
to be honest,

sometimes it's a little erratic
down there.

Well, actually, dear,

I was talking
about another drink.

Oh.

That I can produce.

Oh, none of that pesky ice
this time.

Oh.

It takes up
such valuable real estate.

Okay.

Okay.

I'd like to propose a toast

to my son Elliott
and his lovely bride-to-be,

and my new golfing buddy Glen,

and his alluring wife dori.

Dad, don't forget
your lovely wife, my mother.

I couldn't,
no matter how hard I tried.

Oh, divine.

Who would ever think
to deep-fry tortellini?

You homosexuals are so gifted.

Mother,
do you remember what happened

the last time you
had too much to drink?

No, darling.

That's the whole idea
of drinking.

Oh, sweetheart,
that is some ring

your husband gave you.

Either you're doing something
very right,

or he's doing something
very wrong.

Go back to your seat, ma.

So, Doug, what's a rock
like that go for?

Just a ballpark.

A ball park
would've been cheaper.

Okay.

Fran's famous
molasses-covered bacon.

But Fran ran out
of brown sugar

so I had to use caramelized
honey butter.

If you'll all excuse me
for just a moment,

I-I have to go to the Loo.

You need some help, mom?

Oh, no, darling.
I'll be just fine.

Whoops! Oops!
That's...

That's the closet.

Oh, sorry.

That's your room.

Mother, this way.

Let me show you where
the bathroom is.

Oh, thank you,
sweetheart.

It's right down
the hall here.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, babe.

- Yes?
- Do you mind?

I got to return this call.

London, business.

So I'm just gonna disappear
for a second.

Why would I mind?

You're not really disappearing.

You're going away,
but you're coming right back.

No one hates me.

Franny.

We have a little situation here.

What's the matter?

Elliott's father is hitting
on your mother.

Don't worry.

It's all good.

How is that good?

Your father had gas,

and he stepped out onto
the porch.

You know, I dated
a tasty little gal

from Puerto Rico
who had gorgeous eyes

and thighs just like yours.

Doug,
this is very inappropriate.

Oh.

Was she also a dancer?

Here's Fran getting dressed.

Doesn't she make
a beautiful bride?

Oh, there I am
getting my tux on.

Here's my groomsmen putting
on my cummerbund.

I remember laughing so hard

because he was tickling me.

What?

Oh, Francine, darling.

Come.
Sit here next to mummy.

Okay.

I am having
such a fun evening.

Oh, wow, that's great.

Well...

Who knew this group might
somehow form a family?

You know, there is one problem
with the whole thing.

What?
I'll put them in a home.

We live back east.
We're never gonna see you.

We can visit.

Okay, picture time.

Oh, yes.
Let's take a picture.

All married couples
go with their spouses.

Everybody get in the picture
of a new family.

Where's Elliott?

Someone's got to take
the picture.

Oh, my.
Where's my ring?

Oh, you probably left it
on the sink

in the bathroom like
you always do.

Oh, right.

Well, that happens.

Remember when Fran was a baby?

We were shopping
and you left her

in the bathroom at Macy's.

I wasn't a baby, daddy.
I was seven.

Then why were you wetting
your pants?

Because my mother left me

in the bathroom at Macy's.

My ring wasn't there.

Oh, what do you mean
it wasn't there?

You had it on,
you went to the Loo,

you came back,
and it was gone.

Actually, dear,
I had it on,

I went to the Loo,
I came back,

you went to the Loo,
then it was gone.

Wait a minute.

Are you insinuating
that my daughter

took your ring?

No, ma.
Don't be ridiculous.

Elizabeth just wants to know
where it is.

She's not accusing me
of stealing her ring.

Well, maybe she is.

Elizabeth, I'm sure
that your ring is somewhere.

You know, I always find
when I lose something,

it's best to retrace my steps.

I went to the Loo,
I came back,

you went to the Loo,
and now the ring is gone.

Yeah, well,
it always works for me.

Like, when I lose Elliott,

I'm gonna retrace it
back to this moment.

Are you kidding me?

You almost done, babe?

No.
No, I don't believe it.

Babe, okay. Okay.

Yeah, I know.
I know.

Mm...

Mwah.

Good-bye.

I don't think I'm the one
that's being disagreeable.

- I just want my ring back.
- Elizabeth, Elizabeth.

Calm down.
What do you want me to do?

Give everyone a cavity search?

All right.
That's it, Casanova.

You've been making eyes
at my wife all night.

- Let's take this outside.
- Glen, Glen. Are you crazy?

Daddy, what are you doing?

You've got two stents,
an angioplasty,

and a pacemaker.

One punch and you'll explode.

What's the matter with you?

You know this whole thing
is becoming kind of silly.

It's ridiculous.

Yeah, so I think...

I think we should put an end
to it right now.

Thank you.

So, why don't we all close
our eyes

and then if the ring
miraculously appears

in front of me,

then no one will be the wiser.

Okay, that is it.

I have tried so hard
to make this

a lovely evening
for everyone.

But you are making it
very difficult.

You're a mean lady!

And I did not take your ring.

Personally,
I find it very gaudy.

And to top it all off,

you've drunk us out
of house and home.

And you have been hitting
on my mother.

And to think
that I would be worried

that you wouldn't like me?

Well, I got news for you.

I don't give a damn whether
you like me or not

because I'm not marrying you.

I'm marrying Elliott,
God willing.

And we are going to have
a wonderful marriage together.

And I'll tell you
something else.

We are not going to end up
like the two of you:

A lush and a horny old man.

Uh, mom?

I found your ring in the carpet.

So what do you say?
Thanksgiving on Nantucket?

Oh, Fran, I feel dreadful
about everything.

I hope there are
no hard feelings.

Oh, no.
Of course not, ma.

Oh, have you seen my purse?

Oh, uh...

- Ah, here it is.
- Oh.

Here it is.
Bon voyage.

- Bye.
- Mwah. Safe trip, mom.

- Bye.
- Yeah, bye.

Glad we got things
straightened out, Glen.

You sure you don't mind
driving us to the airport?

Are you kidding me?

I'm not allowed to drive
at night.

It'll be an adventure.

You, up front with me.

Listen, darling.
Can't I help with the dishes?

Glen can come get me later.

No, ma.
I'll take care of it.

Listen, Elliott's been
on the phone all night.

We've hardly had any time
with him alone.

Okay.
Bye, guys.

Facebook me.

Oh.

You know, I love it
when we entertain.

But it's also nice
when everybody leaves.

Yeah.

Yeah!

Oh.

Hmm.

A lush
and a horny old man?

I hope they didn't
take that the wrong way.

It's how my sister tags
their Christmas presents.

Are you beginning
to understand

why I didn't want you
to meet 'em?

I thought you'd run
for the hills.

What?

What kind of crazy thinking
is that?

Is someone a little insecure?

Oh, God,
I'm gonna miss you.

Why?
Where am I going?

Babe, I'm... I'm sorry.

That album is a disaster.

I gotta go to London tonight.

What?

Tonight?

But, babe,
we just got engaged.

How long are you
gonna be gone for?

God, you look beautiful.

That long?

All right, look.
Calm down.

Elliott is
a very successful man.

He is going to be traveling.
We knew this going in.

Well, how much time
do we have left?

Two hours.

Oh, no.

Sweetie, come here.

You know what?

I got an idea.

Let's make those hours count.

Okay.

I can't believe I made
this whole night work

without
a double-sided chafing dish

you know, we really should
register for one.

- Just Fran.
- I know.

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

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