All language subtitles for Happily Divorced s02e05 Swimmers and Losers.eng

Happily Divorced is shot
before a live audience.

[knock at door]

Fran?

Donna!

Oh, my God.

It's been, like, forever.

Wow, hey, Cesar,
say hello to my friend Donna.

She used to live
in the house next door.

Oh, hello.

Miss Fran said
how nice you were,

Letting them use your pool
for big parties whenever...

No, that's not her.

No, not that neighbor.

So how have you been?

- I've been great.
- Oh, good.

I've been great, we just
moved into the neighborhood.

- Oh, how great.
- And I saw your shop.

Ah, frantastic flowers.
Frannie, you did it.

I know and Donna,
your nose.

You did it too.

Both our dreams came true.

So good to see you.

So, how's Peter?

Where is he,
is he out?

Oh, yeah, he's out.

So, uh, guess why I'm here.

I need some flowers
for a christening.

Oh.

Meet the newest member
of our family.

Oh, Donna,
congratulations.

Oh, she's beautiful.

She looks just like you...
Did.

And Donna,
a baby at our age.

Wow, good for you, girl.

- Fran!
- What?

This isn't my daughter.

This is my granddaughter.

Ay, little Ilene
got knocked up?

Little Ilene is 23
and married.

23?

How the hell
did that happen?

It happens.

[gasp]
Oh, honey.

These arrangements,
they're so beautiful.

Yeah.

So, we're the same age,

And you're already
a grandmother,

And I've never even
been a mother.

Isn't that interesting?

Well,
you look through there.

I'm gonna show you

Some gorgeous roses
that we just got in.

[inaudible]

[upbeat pop music]

??? she was certain that
he was her one and only ???

??? but their union always
seemed a little forced ???

??? she got married anyway ???

??? turns out
that he was gay ???

??? they're still in love ???

??? but now she's
happily divorced ???

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

I cannot believe that
Donna and bill are grandparents.

I don't have anything.

I don't...
I don't have kids.

I don't even have
that dog

You wouldn't let me buy
from the Beverly center.

Please, don't start
with the dog again.

Can't we just go back to,
"you ruined my life

And stole my youth"?

I wanted her.

I would have had
grand-puppies by now.

Frannie, listen,
big difference

Between having a baby
and having a dog.

You cannot tie your child
up to a parking meter

And go in for a latte.

You can
if there's no line.

What?

Fran,
look at the positives.

No kids,
no stretch marks.

Mm, no stretch anything.

Always a crowd pleaser.

Fran, we're in a whole
new chapter of our lives.

What, chapter 11?

No, the chapter that
all those people with kids

Can't wait to get to.

"A", we can go out
whenever we want.

"B", we can have sex
without the kids walking in.

Well, there's "A".

You're not making me
feel better.

Look, Fran, the having
kids chapter... it's gone.

We're on
a different path now.

We can't go back.

We both have to just embrace
the future and move on.

You know what
I would like to embrace?

A Lhasa Apso.

- Fran.
- Peter.

- Fran.
- Peter?

- Karen, hey.
- Hi, Karen.

Hey, how are you?

Judi, this is Karen.

She's from
my realty office.

She's my work-wife.

I fell in love
with this guy

When I saw that photo
on his desk of him

In his little fireman
costume from Halloween.

When he was five
or the one he took last year?

Hey, where's Douggie?

Oh, we broke up.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, I know what you need.

You need a drink
at Friday's by the airport.

That's where the office
goes to get crazy.

[laughs]

I know.
I married him.

Listen, Frannie,
are you sure you're okay

With this whole baby thing?

Eh, I made peace with it.

Peter's right,
just move on.

No babies for me.

You know what,
Frannie,

This could be a blessing.

You know, having kids
can be a big mistake.

That's a direct quote
from my mother.

Hey, guys.

- Hi, sweetie.
- Oh, hey, Petey.

Okay, your man is here.

I am going
back to the bar.

- I need to do something.
- What?

The bartender.

- Hey, doll.
- Hey, honey, how you doing?

Well, looks like
you're feeling better.

Yeah, I am, thank you.

You have a good time
with Karen?

Oh, we always
have a good time.

But, you know,
since she broke up with Doug,

It's... Uh, it's weird,
you know?

We ended up having the same
conversation you and I had.

- Really?
- Yeah, you know,

She's not getting any younger
and she's starting

To wonder if maybe
the whole baby chapter

Passed her by.

Well, I'm sure you said
the perfect thing to her,

Just like you did to me.

Well, not exactly.

Oh, what'd you say?

I said that I would
be her sperm donor.

What?

Well, you of all people
should understand

What's she going through.

So you mean
you're gonna give Karen,

Your work-wife,
a baby?

Yeah.

Isn't that interesting?

So you're gonna
give your sperm

To another woman?

Yes.

Well,
that's impossible.

Why?

Because
when you wake up tomorrow,

The thing that
the sperm comes out of

Is gonna be missing.

I understand
that you're angry.

Oh, you think?

You're the one that said,
"we can't go back.

We have to move on
to a new chapter."

Well, I'm moving on
to the next chapter.

What the hell
are you going back for?

Because I didn't
think I could.

Well, now I can.

- No, you can't.
- Well, I want to.

Well, too bad.

Hey, you're the one
who said

I would make
such a great father.

Look, I also said
you'd make a great husband.

I'm no genius.

Shouldn't one of us, at least,
get to have this chapter?

- No.
- And that's fair?

Yes.

I don't care.
I'm doing it.

At least a part of me
gets to live on.

Oh, and the rest of you
gets to live with me?

Whoo-hoo!

Well, thanks a lot.

I really thought
you'd be more supportive.

You know, we all thought
a lot of things, Peter.

I thought
that if you were ever

Going to have a baby,
it would be with another man.

But a woman?

It's unnatural.

It's...
it's sick.

It's just... Sick.

I can't believe Peter
is doing this to me.

I just feel so empty
and hopeless and alone.

You have every right
to feel that way, darling.

Good to see you.

Ma, I'm in turmoil here.

Why are you rushing me?

Dori,
are we doing this or not?

Oh, you're here.

I don't know how long
these pills are gonna last.

I got them online
from Mexico.

It's the middle of the day.

Not when you eat
dinner at 3:00.

So, uh,
what's going on?

Quickly.

Her husband is having a baby
with another woman.

He changed back?

You can do that?

No, he's just
donating his sperm to her.

Oh, that's nice.

Get rid of her.

I just don't get it.

I mean, I'm married to him
for 18 years,

She has the baby.
I don't even get a puppy.

Oy, again with the dog.

Well, it's not fair.

Sweetheart,
if life were fair,

Your father would be
Ricardo Montalban.

Sweetheart,
you could have had a baby,

But you made choices
that didn't allow that...

Like marrying a gay man.

He wasn't gay
when I met him, ma.

He only turned to men
after 18 years

Of marriage to me,
because...

Well, I don't like
where this is going.

You should be happy
it's not you.

You know how much work it is
to be a single mother?

Getting up every four hours
for a feeding,

Or in your case,
every half hour.

Changing diapers
five times a night,

Or in your case, ten.

I get it, ma, I ate a lot
and I pooped a lot.

And what about men?

I mean, how much are you
gonna have sex

With a kid in the house?

By kicking the kid out.

Maybe you're right.

I mean, it is gonna be
very hard on her.

Maybe someone
should tell her that.

You think?

I think that anybody
who tells her

Would be doing her
a big favor.

They would.

Listen, sweetheart,
you just think about it.

You take as much time
as you want.

Just let yourself out,

And I'll check on daddy.

Fran, this is so nice.

We should get to know
each other better

Now that Peter and I
are entering

Into a long-term commitment.

Yeah, and with no sex.

We have a lot in common.

So, Karen, you know,
I gotta say,

I'm really in awe of you.

I mean, a lot of women
would be afraid

To raise a child
without a partner.

Because of the feedings
every four hours

And the sleepless nights.

Well, it is
a little overwhelming.

Right?

But I feel in my heart it's
just something I have to do.

Right.

I know it would be easier
to do this with another person.

But ten years with Doug...
He had no idea what he wanted.

I feel like
I practically wasted my youth.

Wow, this is getting freaky.

Maybe things would have
worked out between us

If he was as sensitive
to my needs

As Peter is to yours.

You know, Peter said no
to me at first

- When I asked him.
- He did?

Because he knew
what you were going through

And he didn't want
to upset you.

You, of all people,
who have been nothing

But loving
and supportive to him,

Especially when he came out.

Yeah, well, he don't
have the best memory.

But I knew,
when he told you

That he had the chance
to be a father,

No woman who loved him
as much as you do

Could ever deny him that.

No, no woman would.

And how lucky
is this kid gonna be

To have someone
like Peter in his life?

Oh, so lucky.

I'm so glad
we could do this.

Thank you so much
for inviting me over.

Thank you for having a baby
with my husband.

Ah.

Hi, there,
I'm Peter Lovett.

I'm here to leave
a [whispers] sample.

Okay, when was
the last time you had sex?

With or without a person?

[laughs]

As long as it wasn't
in the last 48 hours.

- Uh, no.
- Okay, well,

I'll call you when
there's a room available.

Have a seat and relax.

Oh, don't you worry
about me.

I'm perfectly relaxed.

- Peter.
- Do you have a Xanax?

Fran,
what are you doing here?

I wanted to talk to you.

Fran,
not changing my mind.

That's okay, because
I just wanted to apologize.

I'm so sorry
that I tried to deny you

The chance to be a father.

- But?
- No buts.

Oh, well, thank you.

Apology accepted.

- But...
- and there it is.

I was just hurt
and jealous because

I always thought that
if there was going to be

A little Peter,
it would have been ours.

But then
you found someone else

To hold your little Peter.

Caress it, kiss it,
and watch it grow.

Peter, I think that you are
going to make

A wonderful father,

And I want you
to have that chapter.

- I love you, sweetie.
- I love you.

Excuse me,
are you his recipient?

Well, I was for 18 years.

But now he's going
in another direction.

The recipient
is Karen Jameson.

I'm the ex-wife.

I'm just here
to lend a helping hand.

Uh, listen,
I know that sounds weird,

But if you knew
anything about us,

- It's so biggie.
- No.

- Not that it's a smally.
- No.

It's sort of
a middle of the roady.

It's nice.

Just sign the release.

Release?

[laughs]
That's funny.

[knocks at door]

Mr. Lovett?

It's been 45 minutes.

Is everything
all right in there?

Uh, I think I will
take one of those visual aids.

I checked the drawer,
but do you have anything

With same-sex couples?

Oh, something
with two women?

Yes, but with two men
and no women.

There's three
on the bottom.

Okay, um...

Is that the location
or the name of the film?

Sweetie, do you want me
to Google Hugh Jackman for you?

No.

Well, uh, you want me
to come in and help you?

No!

Well, what can I do?

[deep voice]
Do you me to talk like this?

Don't talk in any way.

So these are
all our donor BIOS

With photos, stats,
and medical history.

Mm, that one's cute.

Is he available?

Are you looking
to have a baby?

No, just dinner
and a movie.

Next.

Yay, you did it!

Wait, did you purell?

Honey, who are you
talking to?

Oh.
[both laughing]

??? so you're gonna be
a daddy ???

I know, me.

But, I'm not gonna
be like my dad.

- No.
- No, I am going to be there.

I'm gonna take him
to baseball games

And football games...
hockey games.

He is going
to teach me so much.

Hi, Peter.

- Karen.
- I need to talk to you.

Hey, good news.
I got her done.

Oh, God.

I hope you're not
gonna be mad,

But I can't
go through with this.

- What?
- Why?

Well, I called Doug
to talk,

And one thing lead
to another

And we've decided
to give it another shot

And see how it goes.

Don't hate me.

How could I hate
my work-wife?

Are you really
disappointed?

Oh, a little.

But I'm really happy
for you and Doug.

You're so sweet.

Aww.

And Fran, thank you.

If you hadn't talked to me
about how much work

It was gonna be
to raise a baby by myself...

Um, you know what,
I'll walk you downstairs

And then
I'll just keep going.

Fran.

Yeah, what's up?

Are you mad at me?

I really meant well.

I mean,
maybe not at first,

But then in the end.

No, I'm not mad.

I really want you
to be happy.

I want you
to be happy.

But I can't be happy
if you're not happy.

Believe me.

No, I just thought
it would be nice

To hear the pitter-pat
of little feet around the house.

I know,
I know, sweetie.

But maybe we could
still make that happen.

What are you saying?

We're three blocks from
the Sherman oaks galleria.

Let's go get a labradoodle.

No.

Peter, I'm not
getting any younger.

No.

I want to have a puppy.

Hi, sweetie.

Hey, Fran.
Where's the dog?

Oh, look how
excited you are.

See, I knew I was right.

You were right,
you were right.

Now I can finally
go to the dog park,

Cruise guys,
and actually have a dog.

Yay!

- So where's my big fella?
- Right here.

- Where?
- There.

- Where?
- In the chair.

I'm sorry, sweetie,
I know she's not exactly

What you were expecting.

I don't want that.

What am I gonna
do with that?

What am I gonna
do with this?

Hold her.
You'll bond with her.

Here, go to daddy.

Exactly how gay
do you want me to look?

Smell her paws.
They smell like Doritos.

Oh, come on, Fran,
I wanted a big, butchy dog.

Oh, sweetie,
we're doing the right thing.

Nobody wants
the older dogs.

They just sit in the cages,
day after day,

Getting older and older
with their best friend judi.

All right, all right.

I just don't think
the collar I got

Is gonna fit this dog.

Well, that's okay,

Because she's not much
of a Walker.

She has an arthritic hip.

Well, how does she
even get around?

Oh, you are kidding me.

Come to mama.

Who loves her daughter?

Who loves her daughter?

Okay, so we are now
the proud owners

Of an arthritic,
geriatric rat.

Shh.

She still has one good ear.

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

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