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1
00:00:00,031 --> 00:00:02,466
This season on "Girlfriends'
Guide to Divorce"...
2
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:03,767
What? Carl!
3
00:00:03,801 --> 00:00:05,235
- The gigolo!
- He's a companion.
4
00:00:05,270 --> 00:00:08,238
You made a wonderful man who I love.
5
00:00:08,273 --> 00:00:10,040
Guess who's almost done with her book!
6
00:00:10,074 --> 00:00:11,508
Have you called Delia?
7
00:00:11,542 --> 00:00:14,271
Albert was your cry of independence.
8
00:00:14,296 --> 00:00:15,946
Go, run off to a new city.
9
00:00:15,980 --> 00:00:17,648
But you're still gonna
want your freedom...
10
00:00:17,682 --> 00:00:19,416
because that's who you are.
11
00:00:19,450 --> 00:00:20,884
You should seriously reconsider
12
00:00:20,919 --> 00:00:22,219
being a part of my wedding.
13
00:00:22,253 --> 00:00:24,988
You all need to make
up before her big day.
14
00:00:25,023 --> 00:00:27,257
I don't understand how
you're so calm about this.
15
00:00:27,292 --> 00:00:28,625
I'm worried he's gonna hurt himself.
16
00:00:28,660 --> 00:00:31,428
I promise you, no one is
abandoning your father.
17
00:00:31,462 --> 00:00:33,030
I think JD's living here now.
18
00:00:33,064 --> 00:00:35,899
I feel closer to him than
I've ever felt to any man.
19
00:00:35,934 --> 00:00:37,501
So back off,
20
00:00:37,535 --> 00:00:39,269
because he's not going anywhere.
21
00:00:39,304 --> 00:00:41,171
No, no, no Delia talk right now.
22
00:00:41,205 --> 00:00:43,073
Will you tomorrow when
you wake up and you realize
23
00:00:43,107 --> 00:00:44,859
that you skipped out on
your friend's wedding?
24
00:00:44,884 --> 00:00:47,544
I freaked out on you
because of my own shit.
25
00:00:47,578 --> 00:00:49,250
Delia, I am so sorry.
26
00:00:49,275 --> 00:00:52,349
I cannot stop imagining
how we might be together.
27
00:00:52,383 --> 00:00:55,421
God help me, I am in love with you.
28
00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:56,646
This came via messenger.
29
00:00:58,523 --> 00:01:00,891
You and Albert... you look
like you were having fun.
30
00:01:00,925 --> 00:01:02,926
- I've been terrified.
- You've been terrified?
31
00:01:02,961 --> 00:01:04,394
Of what, someone that would give you
32
00:01:04,429 --> 00:01:05,629
anything that you wanted?
33
00:01:05,663 --> 00:01:08,165
Gordon, this whole time
all I've wanted is you!
34
00:01:08,199 --> 00:01:09,599
This book is gibberish.
35
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:12,002
Just tell me how long you need,
when you can get me a do-over.
36
00:01:12,036 --> 00:01:13,570
Do-over? The whole book?
37
00:01:13,604 --> 00:01:14,638
The only thing I can think of
38
00:01:14,672 --> 00:01:16,073
is going out and telling everybody
39
00:01:16,107 --> 00:01:18,241
that the wedding is off
because the bride is a whore.
40
00:01:18,276 --> 00:01:19,443
[sobbing] I'll do anything.
41
00:01:19,477 --> 00:01:21,345
Please, just tell me what you want.
42
00:01:21,379 --> 00:01:22,646
We are going downstairs,
43
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,054
and we are going to
walk down that aisle.
44
00:01:24,311 --> 00:01:28,047
You are gonna pretend to be
a perfectly respectable bride.
45
00:01:28,072 --> 00:01:30,507
[somber music]
46
00:01:30,532 --> 00:01:32,531
47
00:01:35,148 --> 00:01:36,482
[solemn pop music]
48
00:01:36,507 --> 00:01:40,529
_
49
00:01:40,554 --> 00:01:42,299
Dun dah dah, dah dah
50
00:01:42,333 --> 00:01:43,567
I been thinking...
51
00:01:43,601 --> 00:01:45,168
I don't understand what's happening.
52
00:01:45,203 --> 00:01:46,737
- Where's Gordon going?
- [tearfully] He left.
53
00:01:47,132 --> 00:01:49,303
Someone sent him
pictures of me and Albert.
54
00:01:49,328 --> 00:01:50,741
Oh, honey, that's horrible.
55
00:01:50,775 --> 00:01:52,743
This whole thing is just a show.
56
00:01:52,777 --> 00:01:54,867
He called me a whore.
57
00:01:54,892 --> 00:01:55,734
What?
58
00:01:55,759 --> 00:01:57,981
You wanted us to go down in flames!
59
00:01:58,274 --> 00:02:00,074
You got your wish!
60
00:02:01,234 --> 00:02:03,353
Okay, uh, we are gonna ride with her.
61
00:02:03,388 --> 00:02:04,688
Yeah, that would be good.
62
00:02:04,722 --> 00:02:06,923
Hey, you, do not fall
down that rabbit hole.
63
00:02:06,958 --> 00:02:08,725
You did not make this happen.
64
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,545
- Unless you sent those pictures.
- Jo!
65
00:02:10,570 --> 00:02:11,858
- Did you send those pictures?
- What?
66
00:02:11,883 --> 00:02:13,459
You've been acting a
little crazy lately.
67
00:02:13,487 --> 00:02:15,054
Okay, we've got to get
back to the reception.
68
00:02:15,088 --> 00:02:16,989
- Come on.
- What reception?
69
00:02:17,024 --> 00:02:18,090
Gordon's not even here.
70
00:02:18,125 --> 00:02:19,625
Yeah, well, there are a few details
71
00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:21,023
we need to iron out.
72
00:02:21,295 --> 00:02:23,896
Maybe it's forever...
73
00:02:23,930 --> 00:02:24,929
74
00:02:24,954 --> 00:02:27,099
Look who popped in.
75
00:02:27,134 --> 00:02:28,334
- Ah!
- Daddy!
76
00:02:28,368 --> 00:02:29,735
Yay!
77
00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:30,770
Ohh... Mwah!
78
00:02:30,804 --> 00:02:31,904
Oh...
79
00:02:31,938 --> 00:02:33,139
Charlie.
80
00:02:33,173 --> 00:02:35,107
Wait a minute. I don't understand.
81
00:02:35,142 --> 00:02:37,410
How can you be... I left,
you were like this big.
82
00:02:37,444 --> 00:02:39,045
Now you're a monster!
83
00:02:39,079 --> 00:02:40,146
And you smell! [laughs]
84
00:02:40,180 --> 00:02:41,947
16 hours on a plane.
85
00:02:41,982 --> 00:02:44,784
It was either shower...
or get to give you...
86
00:02:44,818 --> 00:02:46,185
[smooches] Kisses.
87
00:02:46,219 --> 00:02:47,620
[smooches] I'd take kisses every time.
88
00:02:47,654 --> 00:02:48,888
It's good to see you, brother.
89
00:02:48,922 --> 00:02:50,389
And I do mean brother,
90
00:02:50,424 --> 00:02:52,491
since you seem to have
fathered a child of color.
91
00:02:52,526 --> 00:02:55,094
Yes. I believe I have magic loins.
92
00:02:55,128 --> 00:02:56,662
- [laughs]
- Where's Lilly?
93
00:02:56,697 --> 00:02:58,297
- Where's my girl?
- At the wedding.
94
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:00,666
Delia, Gordon... That's today.
95
00:03:00,701 --> 00:03:02,335
Weddings are barf.
96
00:03:02,369 --> 00:03:04,203
Agreed.
97
00:03:04,237 --> 00:03:05,705
Thanks for taking care of my little man.
98
00:03:05,739 --> 00:03:08,274
And seriously, we got
to, uh, go have a drink,
99
00:03:08,308 --> 00:03:09,709
get caught up.
100
00:03:09,743 --> 00:03:12,445
I mean is, uh... I mean,
is Max ever coming home?
101
00:03:12,479 --> 00:03:14,747
He comes out every
weekend he can, you know.
102
00:03:14,781 --> 00:03:16,849
But, yes, we will
definitely go drinking.
103
00:03:16,883 --> 00:03:19,352
Oh, and, uh, Abby... She's been, uh,
104
00:03:19,386 --> 00:03:20,820
having a time.
105
00:03:20,854 --> 00:03:22,421
You hear me?
106
00:03:22,456 --> 00:03:24,123
Yeah. Okay.
107
00:03:24,157 --> 00:03:26,392
- [cell phone chimes]
- Thanks for the heads-up.
108
00:03:26,426 --> 00:03:28,227
All right. Bye, boys.
109
00:03:28,261 --> 00:03:30,826
- Say bye to your uncle.
- Bye!
110
00:03:30,851 --> 00:03:31,997
[line trilling]
111
00:03:32,032 --> 00:03:33,699
- We need a game plan.
- Alcohol.
112
00:03:33,734 --> 00:03:36,502
Get the bartenders to pour double shots.
113
00:03:36,536 --> 00:03:37,837
Get the people buzzed enough
114
00:03:37,871 --> 00:03:39,338
that they don't notice
that Gordon is AWOL.
115
00:03:39,373 --> 00:03:40,773
It buys us some time.
116
00:03:40,807 --> 00:03:42,708
Love it. Give me a heads-up
if you see Scott, will you?
117
00:03:42,743 --> 00:03:43,709
So I can, uh, ghost.
118
00:03:43,744 --> 00:03:45,411
He told me he's in love with me.
119
00:03:45,445 --> 00:03:47,813
- So what did you say?
- I handled it very maturely.
120
00:03:47,848 --> 00:03:49,215
- You ran away?
- Yeah.
121
00:03:49,249 --> 00:03:51,684
Jo, you guys have known
each other a long time.
122
00:03:51,718 --> 00:03:53,953
- I know.
- And all your fighting...
123
00:03:53,987 --> 00:03:56,055
It's a little sexy-sexy.
124
00:03:56,089 --> 00:03:57,890
[whispering] It is. It is so sexy.
125
00:03:57,924 --> 00:03:59,725
[normal voice] I like
the guy, but I just...
126
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,261
He's such a train wreck,
and I don't want to go there.
127
00:04:02,295 --> 00:04:04,797
And I really need you to
help me avoid him, okay?
128
00:04:04,831 --> 00:04:06,232
- Okay.
- Okay?
129
00:04:06,266 --> 00:04:07,400
Okay.
130
00:04:07,434 --> 00:04:08,434
Don't give me that look, woman.
131
00:04:08,468 --> 00:04:09,635
No. I like the idea
132
00:04:09,669 --> 00:04:10,936
of something nice
happening for somebody.
133
00:04:10,971 --> 00:04:12,938
Kat told me my book was a disaster.
134
00:04:12,973 --> 00:04:14,106
It's a total do-over.
135
00:04:14,141 --> 00:04:16,041
- Shit.
- Uh, basically,
136
00:04:16,076 --> 00:04:18,277
while all this is going
on, I have been fighting...
137
00:04:18,311 --> 00:04:19,912
crippling waves of panic.
138
00:04:19,946 --> 00:04:21,781
Oh, honey, you will
fix it. You always do.
139
00:04:21,815 --> 00:04:24,183
Handsome, uh, there's been a delay here,
140
00:04:24,217 --> 00:04:26,285
so I think I need you and your buddies
141
00:04:26,319 --> 00:04:28,621
to be extra generous with the pours
142
00:04:28,655 --> 00:04:30,656
so the natives don't get restless.
143
00:04:30,690 --> 00:04:31,657
You got it. I will spread the word.
144
00:04:31,691 --> 00:04:33,692
- Thank you.
- There you are.
145
00:04:33,727 --> 00:04:35,995
Delia is asking for all of us.
146
00:04:36,029 --> 00:04:37,589
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
147
00:04:40,765 --> 00:04:42,544
I don't want to be mad at you.
148
00:04:43,078 --> 00:04:45,211
Oh... be whatever you want, hon.
149
00:04:45,246 --> 00:04:47,514
I've been a sucky friend to all of you,
150
00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:49,359
and you have a real situation here.
151
00:04:49,384 --> 00:04:50,718
I'm not mad at you.
152
00:04:50,985 --> 00:04:53,386
I love you, and I yelled at you
153
00:04:53,421 --> 00:04:56,456
because I really wanted
to yell at myself,
154
00:04:56,490 --> 00:04:58,391
'cause this is all my fault. [sniffles]
155
00:04:58,426 --> 00:05:00,126
Well, I love you too, and...
156
00:05:00,161 --> 00:05:03,530
Albert or his wife or whoever sent
those pictures... I deserve this.
157
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,031
- This is Karma.
- Untrue.
158
00:05:05,066 --> 00:05:07,200
Nobody deserves what
Gordon just put you through.
159
00:05:07,234 --> 00:05:09,636
I told him that the
affair was a reaction,
160
00:05:09,670 --> 00:05:12,951
that it made me realize
how much I want him.
161
00:05:12,976 --> 00:05:15,108
And he said that he
might want an annulment,
162
00:05:15,142 --> 00:05:17,477
but he... he probably's
gonna change his mind.
163
00:05:17,511 --> 00:05:19,179
[cries]
164
00:05:19,213 --> 00:05:21,147
He could. I mean, and I think
165
00:05:21,182 --> 00:05:23,022
it's just gonna take some time.
166
00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:24,451
What can we do now to help?
167
00:05:24,485 --> 00:05:26,086
[crying] I don't know!
168
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,921
I mean, how do you celebrate
169
00:05:27,955 --> 00:05:30,429
the shortest marriage in history?
170
00:05:30,454 --> 00:05:32,659
I say one of us goes down there
171
00:05:32,693 --> 00:05:34,794
- and tells everyone the truth.
- No, no, no, no.
172
00:05:34,829 --> 00:05:36,463
He doesn't want his friends and family
173
00:05:36,497 --> 00:05:38,164
to know that his wedding's a total sham.
174
00:05:38,199 --> 00:05:41,867
But a reception is about
a bride and a groom.
175
00:05:41,892 --> 00:05:44,648
And with Gordon gone, that's like...
176
00:05:44,673 --> 00:05:47,540
Only one of the Olsen twins
showing up on the red carpet.
177
00:05:47,575 --> 00:05:48,914
It's the least I can do for him...
178
00:05:48,939 --> 00:05:50,706
A quiet breakup in a couple of months.
179
00:05:50,945 --> 00:05:53,179
[sniffles] Everybody's
gonna be really sad,
180
00:05:53,214 --> 00:05:54,648
but can you imagine?
181
00:05:54,682 --> 00:05:57,317
The shitstorm of gossip
and speculation that starts
182
00:05:57,351 --> 00:05:58,852
once folks find out he took off?
183
00:05:58,886 --> 00:06:00,437
[whispering] Nightmare.
184
00:06:00,462 --> 00:06:02,088
All right, we're just gonna
have to make this work.
185
00:06:02,123 --> 00:06:03,590
I'm down, but how?
186
00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:05,158
We're gonna make it
distracting and quick.
187
00:06:05,192 --> 00:06:07,432
We're gonna feed 'em, street
'em... 90 minutes, tops,
188
00:06:07,461 --> 00:06:08,695
before anybody can ask any questions.
189
00:06:08,729 --> 00:06:10,797
- Who is with me?
- I am so in.
190
00:06:10,831 --> 00:06:12,867
Okay. I'm gonna go talk
to the wedding planner.
191
00:06:12,892 --> 00:06:15,882
Operation Obfuscation is under way.
192
00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:20,334
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
193
00:06:20,359 --> 00:06:22,816
[Upbeat music]
194
00:06:22,843 --> 00:06:25,478
So... the wedding planner quit.
195
00:06:25,513 --> 00:06:27,647
God, I always hated her. Whatever.
196
00:06:27,682 --> 00:06:29,683
We got this. We got it.
197
00:06:29,717 --> 00:06:30,884
Are you ready?
198
00:06:30,918 --> 00:06:32,986
- As I'll ever be.
- Good. Okay.
199
00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:35,288
Barbara, can you handle Gordon's mom?
200
00:06:35,322 --> 00:06:37,484
- Uh, uh, sure.
- Okay, let's do it.
201
00:06:37,509 --> 00:06:38,484
Okay.
202
00:06:39,126 --> 00:06:41,961
- Carol, Delia sent me...
- Where are they?
203
00:06:41,996 --> 00:06:43,196
People are milling.
204
00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:44,898
It's not good when people are milling.
205
00:06:44,932 --> 00:06:46,599
Everything is fine.
206
00:06:46,634 --> 00:06:48,034
[applause]
207
00:06:51,205 --> 00:06:52,872
Thank you all so much
208
00:06:52,907 --> 00:06:54,841
for all your love and support,
209
00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:56,576
but I have unfortunate news.
210
00:06:56,898 --> 00:06:59,968
All this excitement has
gotten to Gordon, and...
211
00:07:02,216 --> 00:07:04,617
His stomach is...
212
00:07:04,652 --> 00:07:06,820
He's not keeping his food
down, if you know what I mean.
213
00:07:06,854 --> 00:07:08,822
He's got the runs.
He's down for the count.
214
00:07:08,856 --> 00:07:10,323
But he has implored me to implore you
215
00:07:10,357 --> 00:07:12,459
to enjoy the meal and the entertainment
216
00:07:12,493 --> 00:07:13,727
we've planned for you.
217
00:07:13,761 --> 00:07:15,628
That's the best gift you could give him.
218
00:07:15,663 --> 00:07:17,731
Okay, uh, dinner will be ready soon,
219
00:07:17,765 --> 00:07:20,433
so, uh, let's get the party started!
220
00:07:20,468 --> 00:07:22,135
- Yeah!
- Yay!
221
00:07:22,169 --> 00:07:24,421
Congratulations.
222
00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:34,917
Hi.
223
00:07:34,952 --> 00:07:36,285
Uh...
224
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,514
you're in charge of the grub, yeah?
225
00:07:38,539 --> 00:07:40,289
I'm the chef,
226
00:07:40,324 --> 00:07:42,525
and this is hardly grub.
227
00:07:42,559 --> 00:07:45,061
Here's the deal... No
more sit-down dinners.
228
00:07:45,095 --> 00:07:46,462
We're gonna go buffet style.
229
00:07:46,497 --> 00:07:48,764
So I want salads, entr?es
all on serving tables at once.
230
00:07:48,799 --> 00:07:50,433
No buffet. That is impossible.
231
00:07:50,467 --> 00:07:51,734
Pork loin does not sit well.
232
00:07:51,768 --> 00:07:54,437
Gordon Ramsay, I, myself,
233
00:07:54,471 --> 00:07:56,005
know the grub business.
234
00:07:56,039 --> 00:07:58,541
So suck it up and make
it work, entiendes?
235
00:07:58,575 --> 00:08:00,101
Gracias.
236
00:08:00,711 --> 00:08:03,112
Whoa! Hello, gorgeous.
237
00:08:04,448 --> 00:08:06,109
Love me yet?
238
00:08:09,336 --> 00:08:13,372
[Jazzy lounge music]
239
00:08:13,406 --> 00:08:15,975
I'm crazy
240
00:08:16,009 --> 00:08:17,743
I'm crazy for...
241
00:08:17,777 --> 00:08:19,631
Rat Pack style... Love it.
242
00:08:19,656 --> 00:08:22,058
But the bride would
like to kick it up a bit,
243
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:24,427
you know, get a little dance vibe going?
244
00:08:24,461 --> 00:08:26,396
Okay. So what's up?
245
00:08:26,430 --> 00:08:27,992
Do we have a runaway groom?
246
00:08:28,298 --> 00:08:31,868
Uh, I can neither confirm or deny.
247
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:34,748
But the bride would like
to hear, for example,
248
00:08:34,773 --> 00:08:37,640
"Sugar Walls" by Sheena Easton
249
00:08:37,674 --> 00:08:39,642
or "Atomic Dog."
250
00:08:39,676 --> 00:08:41,377
Ah, Easton, George Clinton...
251
00:08:41,412 --> 00:08:43,846
The bride's got some serious taste.
252
00:08:43,881 --> 00:08:46,046
Oh, well, those are actually my choices.
253
00:08:46,812 --> 00:08:49,352
Uh, anyway, I need it
fast, funky, and sweaty,
254
00:08:49,386 --> 00:08:50,620
and I need it now.
255
00:08:50,654 --> 00:08:52,531
Oh, do you really, now?
256
00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:54,424
Yeah.
257
00:08:54,695 --> 00:08:55,773
Now.
258
00:08:56,994 --> 00:08:59,495
Hey, slow down, beautiful.
What's your name?
259
00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:01,264
When I hear music...
260
00:09:01,298 --> 00:09:02,999
Sexy on a biscuit.
261
00:09:03,033 --> 00:09:05,301
- Mmm!
-
You got the music
262
00:09:05,335 --> 00:09:06,302
Hey.
263
00:09:06,632 --> 00:09:07,370
Hey.
264
00:09:07,404 --> 00:09:09,105
What are you doing?
265
00:09:09,139 --> 00:09:11,492
Capturing moments, you know?
266
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,480
More intimate than pictures.
267
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,367
Bad idea? Uh-oh.
268
00:09:19,116 --> 00:09:20,716
No, it's, uh... It's lovely.
269
00:09:20,751 --> 00:09:22,552
It's beautiful.
270
00:09:24,688 --> 00:09:25,750
[sighs]
271
00:09:26,490 --> 00:09:28,218
Delia got the jitters
272
00:09:28,525 --> 00:09:30,193
and cheated on Gordon,
273
00:09:30,227 --> 00:09:32,218
and he found out, and he left.
274
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,956
So he's... he's gone.
275
00:09:34,981 --> 00:09:37,316
Oh. That's pretty bad.
276
00:09:38,001 --> 00:09:39,406
Beyond.
277
00:09:42,859 --> 00:09:44,474
I don't know... Sometimes it feels like
278
00:09:44,508 --> 00:09:45,929
falling in love is a...
279
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,242
trick.
280
00:09:48,412 --> 00:09:51,514
It fools you into
thinking forever thoughts,
281
00:09:51,548 --> 00:09:53,367
but does it ever really last?
282
00:09:56,945 --> 00:09:58,406
It's going to with us.
283
00:10:00,289 --> 00:10:01,562
How do you know?
284
00:10:02,392 --> 00:10:03,656
I just know.
285
00:10:04,194 --> 00:10:05,914
We're gonna grow old together,
286
00:10:06,330 --> 00:10:07,828
and when one of us dies,
287
00:10:07,853 --> 00:10:11,567
the other one's gonna... die of
a broken heart right after...
288
00:10:11,602 --> 00:10:13,402
or liver failure...
289
00:10:13,437 --> 00:10:14,971
or an appendiceal tumor,
290
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:17,240
because we can't live in a world
291
00:10:17,274 --> 00:10:18,890
that doesn't have both of us in it.
292
00:10:19,576 --> 00:10:22,545
[gentle music]
293
00:10:22,579 --> 00:10:24,981
294
00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:27,023
That's the sweetest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
295
00:10:35,695 --> 00:10:36,726
How's our girl?
296
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,554
Uh, Delia is, uh, she's hanging tough.
297
00:10:39,830 --> 00:10:41,390
What's going on with Scott?
298
00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:45,067
As if things couldn't get any worse.
299
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,136
- That bad?
- Hello, ladies.
300
00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:49,805
[slurring] I guess my invite
got lost in the Interweb.
301
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,328
This is nice.
302
00:10:51,353 --> 00:10:53,320
This reminds me of our nuptials.
303
00:10:53,476 --> 00:10:56,045
Not really. Our wedding was a crap-fest.
304
00:10:56,079 --> 00:10:58,347
Disaster. You stay on Delia.
305
00:10:58,382 --> 00:10:59,682
- Mm!
- Come here.
306
00:10:59,716 --> 00:11:02,418
What the hell, Frumpkis?
What are you doing here?
307
00:11:02,452 --> 00:11:04,787
You smell like a subway
urinal. You have got to go.
308
00:11:04,821 --> 00:11:06,289
I will. I will, I will, I will.
309
00:11:06,323 --> 00:11:09,425
But I just... I need to
give some valuable advice
310
00:11:09,459 --> 00:11:11,327
- to the husband of the bride.
- Oh...
311
00:11:11,361 --> 00:11:12,895
No, some mental grooming
for the groom, if you will.
312
00:11:12,930 --> 00:11:14,163
That's not gonna happen...
313
00:11:14,197 --> 00:11:15,398
[piano music playing] Anytime soon...
314
00:11:15,432 --> 00:11:17,099
Excuse me. Would you mind?
315
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:19,435
We're talking here.
Your daughter is here.
316
00:11:19,469 --> 00:11:21,170
Your daughter, okay?
317
00:11:21,204 --> 00:11:22,972
- Hmm...
- What's going on?
318
00:11:23,006 --> 00:11:24,440
Get it together!
319
00:11:24,474 --> 00:11:26,576
I'm sorry. I'm just not feeling so...
320
00:11:26,610 --> 00:11:27,743
When was the last time
321
00:11:27,778 --> 00:11:29,312
you had anything besides a liquid diet?
322
00:11:29,941 --> 00:11:32,921
- Do beer nuts count?
- Oh, you asshole.
323
00:11:34,051 --> 00:11:35,918
- Silver Fox is on the move.
- Oh. Mm-hmm.
324
00:11:35,953 --> 00:11:37,320
Intercept!
325
00:11:37,354 --> 00:11:38,487
- Carol!
- Hi.
326
00:11:38,522 --> 00:11:39,689
- You look gorgeous.
- Where's Gordon?
327
00:11:39,723 --> 00:11:40,990
If he's sick, I want to see him.
328
00:11:41,024 --> 00:11:42,758
Oh, he's... No, he's sleeping it off.
329
00:11:42,793 --> 00:11:44,060
Mm-hmm.
330
00:11:45,250 --> 00:11:46,862
Truth? He...
331
00:11:46,897 --> 00:11:49,031
tried to drink away
his pre-wedding jitters.
332
00:11:49,066 --> 00:11:50,666
- [cell phone ringing]
- Yes. A lot of jitters.
333
00:11:50,701 --> 00:11:52,401
Jitters? Gordon has
met with heads of state,
334
00:11:52,436 --> 00:11:54,226
the president of Guam.
335
00:11:54,251 --> 00:11:55,972
I just have to take this. I'm so sorry.
336
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,340
Kat?
337
00:11:57,374 --> 00:11:59,942
Hi, um, I'm kind of
still in the thick of it.
338
00:11:59,977 --> 00:12:03,012
I'll say. This Jezebel leak is...
339
00:12:03,046 --> 00:12:04,947
Honestly, I don't know what it is.
340
00:12:04,982 --> 00:12:06,549
- Jezebel leak?
- Yes.
341
00:12:06,583 --> 00:12:09,652
They just went live with
an excerpt from "Us Weekly."
342
00:12:09,686 --> 00:12:12,188
"Secrets of a Hollywood Gigolo."
343
00:12:12,222 --> 00:12:13,689
He names names.
344
00:12:13,724 --> 00:12:15,157
[laughs] What?
345
00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:16,626
Including yours.
346
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:19,228
Oh, God. Don't tell me it's...
347
00:12:19,262 --> 00:12:20,484
Carl?
348
00:12:21,351 --> 00:12:23,699
I promised our kid you'd
get your shit together.
349
00:12:23,734 --> 00:12:25,468
I need you to nut up and
drink this... come on.
350
00:12:25,502 --> 00:12:27,036
- Ah...
- Ow!
351
00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:29,305
- [Scott shouting indistinctly]
- Ow! Jesus Christ!
352
00:12:29,339 --> 00:12:30,339
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
353
00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:31,617
- Hey, listen!
- Shit!
354
00:12:31,642 --> 00:12:33,576
Listen, you've inflicted
enough on this fine woman,
355
00:12:33,610 --> 00:12:34,810
let alone Zooey!
356
00:12:34,845 --> 00:12:37,079
You threw away two exceptional girls...
357
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,514
Your family.
358
00:12:38,665 --> 00:12:41,400
The least you can do is crawl
under a rock and die alone.
359
00:12:45,217 --> 00:12:46,817
[tearfully] You're right.
360
00:12:47,024 --> 00:12:48,343
It's true.
361
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:50,693
[normal voice] Hit me.
362
00:12:50,727 --> 00:12:53,462
Oh, amazing. You even take
the fun out of you getting hit!
363
00:12:53,497 --> 00:12:55,665
- Look, I-I'll show him out.
- No, no, thank you for trying.
364
00:12:55,699 --> 00:12:56,832
But what are we gonna do...
365
00:12:56,867 --> 00:12:58,200
We're gonna throw him out on the street?
366
00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:00,569
Street? He has a
mansion in Hancock Park.
367
00:13:00,604 --> 00:13:02,171
It's in Charlene's name.
368
00:13:02,205 --> 00:13:03,506
Oh, please, let me hit him.
369
00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:05,843
[chuckles] So tempting.
370
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,444
Oh, no, no, no.
371
00:13:08,478 --> 00:13:09,979
- What?
- You're in love with him.
372
00:13:10,013 --> 00:13:11,047
- Oh, my God.
- You are.
373
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:12,581
- Oh, my God.
- She is?
374
00:13:12,616 --> 00:13:14,216
Why are all my middle-aged women
375
00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,018
falling for hot, younger guys?
376
00:13:16,053 --> 00:13:17,720
What is this, upside-down world?
377
00:13:17,754 --> 00:13:19,221
Jo, he does know you quite well...
378
00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:21,590
Enough, enough. Look, you get
it together and sober up.
379
00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:24,894
And, you, do your
"charming bakery guy" thing
380
00:13:24,928 --> 00:13:26,054
and stay out of it.
381
00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:36,072
I never paid for sex.
382
00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:37,973
I paid him to talk,
383
00:13:38,008 --> 00:13:39,451
and we didn't.
384
00:13:39,476 --> 00:13:41,110
And then I... you
know, and another time,
385
00:13:41,144 --> 00:13:42,710
I didn't pay him, and we did.
386
00:13:42,908 --> 00:13:46,478
So, technically, I-I never paid for it.
387
00:13:46,583 --> 00:13:48,517
Even if I understood what you just said,
388
00:13:48,552 --> 00:13:51,281
that is a distinction no
one gives a crap about!
389
00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:53,322
I can't believe he would do this.
390
00:13:53,356 --> 00:13:55,291
Look, look, look,
I-I-I'll take care of it.
391
00:13:55,325 --> 00:13:57,793
I will just try to make sure
this isn't a career killer.
392
00:13:57,828 --> 00:13:59,795
- I'll... I'll spin it somehow.
- "Career killer"?
393
00:13:59,830 --> 00:14:01,831
You know, thank God
you don't have children.
394
00:14:01,865 --> 00:14:02,865
That's all I can say.
395
00:14:02,899 --> 00:14:04,800
- This would be a mess.
- Kat...
396
00:14:04,835 --> 00:14:08,726
I have two... 8 and 15.
397
00:14:08,751 --> 00:14:11,179
Have you never read any of my books?
398
00:14:12,328 --> 00:14:13,976
I have people for that.
399
00:14:14,010 --> 00:14:16,312
Look, I'll look into
it. I'll get back to you.
400
00:14:17,447 --> 00:14:18,859
Carl?
401
00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:21,737
My phone is blowing up.
402
00:14:21,888 --> 00:14:23,195
Why didn't you tell me?
403
00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:25,179
Everybody at SheShe is flipping out.
404
00:14:28,058 --> 00:14:30,192
I have a friend who,
yes, is a male companion,
405
00:14:30,227 --> 00:14:31,861
but I never paid him for sex.
406
00:14:31,895 --> 00:14:33,696
I paid him to talk about his work.
407
00:14:33,730 --> 00:14:35,397
And then you had sex with him.
408
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,967
On another occasion.
And that was a freebie.
409
00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:39,441
And I realize as I say that right now
410
00:14:39,469 --> 00:14:40,803
that that doesn't sound very good.
411
00:14:40,837 --> 00:14:43,320
Do you have any idea
how much time and money
412
00:14:43,345 --> 00:14:44,874
SheShe spent building you
413
00:14:44,908 --> 00:14:48,015
as the sexy, fun face of divorce?
414
00:14:48,745 --> 00:14:50,379
Well, uh...
415
00:14:50,413 --> 00:14:52,114
I got hot sex on demand...
416
00:14:52,149 --> 00:14:53,649
for a small fee.
417
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:57,234
[laughs] I-I am a woman
who paid a man to leave.
418
00:14:57,554 --> 00:14:59,453
How is that not fun and sexy?
419
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,929
You know what Carl said in the article?
420
00:15:02,626 --> 00:15:04,898
That you were lonely and desperate,
421
00:15:05,187 --> 00:15:07,129
because after you tried
to get back with your ex
422
00:15:07,164 --> 00:15:08,330
and that failed,
423
00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:10,515
you went after Harris,
and he dumped you.
424
00:15:11,334 --> 00:15:12,921
I guess I over-shared
with him a little bit.
425
00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:14,703
Jesus, what were you thinking?
426
00:15:14,738 --> 00:15:16,390
Why are you attacking me, Barbara?
427
00:15:16,677 --> 00:15:19,379
I just... I-I didn't...
428
00:15:21,093 --> 00:15:22,578
I mean, I thought I still had
429
00:15:22,612 --> 00:15:24,710
some sort of semblance
of a private life.
430
00:15:25,081 --> 00:15:26,664
Well, you were wrong.
431
00:15:27,017 --> 00:15:29,985
[somber music]
432
00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:32,555
433
00:15:38,766 --> 00:15:39,966
Hey.
434
00:15:40,359 --> 00:15:42,327
Your... your front door was open.
435
00:15:42,361 --> 00:15:44,329
Yeah. I left it open for you.
436
00:15:44,363 --> 00:15:46,031
- Oh.
- No, it was open...
437
00:15:46,065 --> 00:15:47,299
like wide.
438
00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:49,034
Dad called it "home-invasion bait."
439
00:15:49,068 --> 00:15:50,669
Charlie, no, I didn't... I didn't...
440
00:15:50,703 --> 00:15:52,604
Okay, I think the TV's
on in the other room.
441
00:15:52,929 --> 00:15:54,272
- Why don't you go pick a channel?
- Yes!
442
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,664
Okay. No blood, no boobies.
443
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:59,791
I-I let him watch TV. TV.
444
00:15:59,816 --> 00:16:02,765
And then... and then I tried
to feed him Ben & Jerry's.
445
00:16:02,789 --> 00:16:05,123
Anything to stop the wailing, and...
446
00:16:05,158 --> 00:16:07,159
- It's okay.
- It's not okay.
447
00:16:07,193 --> 00:16:09,061
And I thought I could
do this without Payton
448
00:16:09,095 --> 00:16:10,395
and by myself, but I can't,
449
00:16:10,430 --> 00:16:12,431
and he's on location,
and the nanny is sick.
450
00:16:12,465 --> 00:16:14,507
So I was thinking just...
451
00:16:14,834 --> 00:16:17,135
just for a second, just duct tape,
452
00:16:17,170 --> 00:16:18,837
just, like, a little bit of duct tape...
453
00:16:18,871 --> 00:16:20,739
- Here, let me just take him.
- Right over his mouth.
454
00:16:20,773 --> 00:16:22,808
Give him to me for a sec.
455
00:16:22,842 --> 00:16:24,209
Hey, buddy, hi!
456
00:16:24,243 --> 00:16:26,078
[chuckles] Oh, sweet!
457
00:16:26,112 --> 00:16:27,479
He's sweet.
458
00:16:27,513 --> 00:16:30,616
How long have you been... alone in here?
459
00:16:32,652 --> 00:16:34,786
[voice breaking]
Thursday? I don't know...
460
00:16:34,821 --> 00:16:37,523
Um, ha. It's a little blurry.
461
00:16:37,857 --> 00:16:40,392
[chuckles] Given the circumstances,
462
00:16:40,426 --> 00:16:43,234
I know this is an unfair
thing to ask you, but...
463
00:16:43,463 --> 00:16:45,631
can you take him for a little bit?
464
00:16:45,665 --> 00:16:47,466
- No, Becca.
- Just to the park
465
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,369
or Magic Mountain or anything?
466
00:16:50,403 --> 00:16:52,838
Jake, I'm worried if I
keep hearing that cry,
467
00:16:52,872 --> 00:16:55,407
I'm gonna dropkick him out of a window,
468
00:16:55,441 --> 00:16:57,809
and then I'm gonna be like one
of those moms on "Dateline,"
469
00:16:57,844 --> 00:16:59,845
- and then I'm gonna...
- Okay, okay, yes, yes, yes.
470
00:16:59,879 --> 00:17:01,813
I'll take him, because
I care about you.
471
00:17:01,848 --> 00:17:03,715
And we don't want you
to be on "Dateline."
472
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:04,983
You promise me you'll get some sleep,
473
00:17:05,018 --> 00:17:07,019
and then you can just
text me when you wake up...
474
00:17:07,053 --> 00:17:08,620
Oh, really? Okay.
475
00:17:08,655 --> 00:17:10,989
And you will sleep, and you
will text me when you wake up.
476
00:17:11,024 --> 00:17:12,991
- I'm gonna sleep. Oh, God!
- I got it. I got him.
477
00:17:13,026 --> 00:17:14,760
Him. What is his name, actually?
478
00:17:14,794 --> 00:17:17,029
Don't say Taye Junior, please.
479
00:17:17,063 --> 00:17:18,330
Christopher. It's Christopher.
480
00:17:18,364 --> 00:17:20,198
Christopher?
481
00:17:20,357 --> 00:17:22,108
[silly voice] Christopher!
482
00:17:22,168 --> 00:17:23,554
Thank you!
483
00:17:23,579 --> 00:17:25,437
Yeah. Um...
484
00:17:26,007 --> 00:17:29,107
at some point, we're gonna
have to also talk about the fact
485
00:17:29,142 --> 00:17:31,443
that I'm not this baby's father.
486
00:17:31,477 --> 00:17:33,679
I know. I know. God!
487
00:17:33,713 --> 00:17:35,814
Not now, no, when you're of saner mind.
488
00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:37,215
- Okay?
- Thank you.
489
00:17:37,250 --> 00:17:39,251
I don't know what I was about to do.
490
00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:41,219
You're the best.
491
00:17:41,254 --> 00:17:43,889
- Thank you.
- Yes, I am.
492
00:17:43,923 --> 00:17:47,526
- Charlie, we're gonna go, buddy.
- [sighs]
493
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,995
Ah, JD, right?
494
00:17:50,029 --> 00:17:52,764
I have to move the wedding
cake into the dining tent.
495
00:17:52,799 --> 00:17:55,500
Could you look after this
sorry excuse for a human
496
00:17:55,535 --> 00:17:57,069
just while I work for a bit?
497
00:17:57,103 --> 00:17:58,546
It's very important to Jo.
498
00:18:00,226 --> 00:18:01,707
I deserve this.
499
00:18:01,741 --> 00:18:03,608
Oh, yeah. Yep, sure.
500
00:18:03,643 --> 00:18:06,171
Don't we all, for one reason or another?
501
00:18:06,196 --> 00:18:09,796
Just, um, keep him
away from, uh, humans.
502
00:18:10,625 --> 00:18:12,884
I'm actually very good at
keeping away from humans.
503
00:18:12,919 --> 00:18:15,587
Perfect. Thanks, mate.
504
00:18:21,561 --> 00:18:23,062
I had a black eye once.
505
00:18:23,655 --> 00:18:25,122
Yeah, a possum did it.
506
00:18:25,383 --> 00:18:27,951
Well, he didn't hit me,
but he tripped me and...
507
00:18:29,679 --> 00:18:31,103
You know what this is?
508
00:18:31,137 --> 00:18:33,772
This is today, guy.
509
00:18:33,806 --> 00:18:37,140
I mean, it starts off
all hearts and flowers...
510
00:18:37,940 --> 00:18:39,608
then boom!
511
00:18:41,347 --> 00:18:44,916
Ah, yeah. I feel terrible for Delia...
512
00:18:44,951 --> 00:18:45,898
and Gordon.
513
00:18:46,486 --> 00:18:50,098
I mean, she messed
up bad, but, you know,
514
00:18:50,123 --> 00:18:53,391
he... he... the way that
he took off, you know...
515
00:18:53,426 --> 00:18:55,070
Gordon took off?
516
00:18:55,928 --> 00:18:57,640
From his own wedding?
517
00:18:58,796 --> 00:19:00,398
Listen, we have broomed
518
00:19:00,433 --> 00:19:02,567
all the major bride/groom rituals.
519
00:19:02,602 --> 00:19:04,269
There's no cake cutting, no first dance,
520
00:19:04,303 --> 00:19:05,504
so we have got this bitch...
521
00:19:05,538 --> 00:19:06,905
handled
522
00:19:06,939 --> 00:19:09,174
Excuse me, excuse me. Hello.
523
00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:11,243
Excuse me, excuse me. May I
have your attention, please?
524
00:19:11,277 --> 00:19:13,545
Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.
525
00:19:13,579 --> 00:19:15,213
- Yeah, um, I'd like to say...
- Why is her here?
526
00:19:15,248 --> 00:19:19,078
On this sacred, romantic,
and poetic occasion
527
00:19:19,103 --> 00:19:21,812
that love is...
528
00:19:21,837 --> 00:19:23,498
a fraud.
529
00:19:23,523 --> 00:19:25,157
Ha!
530
00:19:25,191 --> 00:19:28,326
You see, I-I married that woman, but...
531
00:19:28,361 --> 00:19:30,242
No! No, no, Jo. I need to say this.
532
00:19:31,398 --> 00:19:33,198
- Come here.
- So I married her...
533
00:19:33,232 --> 00:19:34,466
That beautiful woman.
534
00:19:34,945 --> 00:19:37,702
But then I married another woman
535
00:19:37,737 --> 00:19:40,305
at the same time,
536
00:19:40,339 --> 00:19:42,974
because, you see, the truth is,
537
00:19:43,009 --> 00:19:46,007
nothing can live up to... to this...
538
00:19:46,264 --> 00:19:51,101
This promise of forever
passion, forever devotion.
539
00:19:53,519 --> 00:19:54,886
I still love you, Jo.
540
00:19:54,921 --> 00:19:56,221
[whispering] Oh, God.
541
00:19:56,255 --> 00:19:58,859
But love lied and told
me that I needed more.
542
00:19:59,476 --> 00:20:01,601
[laughing] So I betrayed you.
543
00:20:01,881 --> 00:20:04,416
I cheated on you. God,
oh, yeah, I cheated on you.
544
00:20:04,630 --> 00:20:06,531
Just like Delia did to Gordon.
545
00:20:06,566 --> 00:20:08,533
She couldn't even make it to the day!
546
00:20:08,568 --> 00:20:09,851
Oh, my God. All right.
547
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:11,384
[guests murmuring]
548
00:20:11,430 --> 00:20:13,331
Oh, yeah, yeah, uh...
549
00:20:13,365 --> 00:20:14,565
the groom's not sick.
550
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,468
Yeah, he's gone. He... he dumped her.
551
00:20:17,503 --> 00:20:20,872
[guests shouting]
552
00:20:20,906 --> 00:20:24,642
[men grumbling]
553
00:20:28,234 --> 00:20:30,248
I am never getting married.
554
00:20:30,711 --> 00:20:32,345
Amen to that.
555
00:20:32,660 --> 00:20:34,906
Okay, time to hide.
556
00:20:41,398 --> 00:20:42,998
At least you don't have
to pretend anymore
557
00:20:43,023 --> 00:20:44,676
Yeah, people are taking the gifts back,
558
00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:45,750
so there's postage saved.
559
00:20:48,002 --> 00:20:49,970
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, just fine.
560
00:20:52,616 --> 00:20:53,816
Abby...
561
00:20:54,038 --> 00:20:55,781
you need to hold it together.
562
00:20:58,372 --> 00:20:59,625
I know.
563
00:21:00,313 --> 00:21:01,608
I just...
564
00:21:02,421 --> 00:21:04,543
I'm having a-a little heart attack.
565
00:21:05,077 --> 00:21:06,398
Oh, my God, well,
566
00:21:06,453 --> 00:21:07,847
do you have any numbness in your arms
567
00:21:07,881 --> 00:21:09,483
or pain in your chest?
568
00:21:09,508 --> 00:21:13,234
No, it's just like a-a wave of... heat
569
00:21:13,492 --> 00:21:15,346
just hit me like a ton of bricks, and...
570
00:21:15,381 --> 00:21:17,649
And then I... chills...
571
00:21:17,683 --> 00:21:19,350
- [breathing heavily]
- Oh, honey...
572
00:21:19,385 --> 00:21:20,451
Oh, God.
573
00:21:20,486 --> 00:21:22,620
- I so can't die.
- Sweetheart.
574
00:21:22,655 --> 00:21:25,757
You're not dying. You're
having a hot flash.
575
00:21:27,226 --> 00:21:28,593
Like in menopause?
576
00:21:29,032 --> 00:21:30,374
[softly] Just like that.
577
00:21:31,850 --> 00:21:33,751
[softly] Why does God hate me?
578
00:21:33,966 --> 00:21:35,133
What should we do?
579
00:21:35,167 --> 00:21:36,445
Should we just get you out of here?
580
00:21:36,470 --> 00:21:38,170
Abby needs water. I'll be right back.
581
00:21:38,195 --> 00:21:40,262
I'm gonna get a drink.
582
00:21:40,546 --> 00:21:41,742
[knock on door]
583
00:21:44,877 --> 00:21:46,311
I'd like to speak to Delia, please.
584
00:21:46,345 --> 00:21:48,046
- Oh, God.
- Now's not the best time.
585
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,359
It's okay.
586
00:21:50,316 --> 00:21:52,050
Hi, Carol.
587
00:21:52,084 --> 00:21:53,984
I'm so incredibly sorry.
588
00:21:54,255 --> 00:21:55,421
Oh!
589
00:21:57,489 --> 00:21:58,756
I just talked to Gordon.
590
00:21:58,791 --> 00:22:00,658
I will make him understand
591
00:22:00,693 --> 00:22:02,132
that he has always been
592
00:22:02,728 --> 00:22:04,406
far too good for you.
593
00:22:05,188 --> 00:22:08,166
[solemn music]
594
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,804
595
00:22:12,127 --> 00:22:13,109
[door closes]
596
00:22:13,134 --> 00:22:15,135
[crying]
597
00:22:15,607 --> 00:22:17,008
[Diamond Head's "Am I Evil?" playing]
598
00:22:17,042 --> 00:22:18,509
Hey, hey, hey, hot stuff.
599
00:22:18,544 --> 00:22:21,746
I feel so, uh, liberated
breaking all the DJ rules.
600
00:22:21,780 --> 00:22:24,082
Maybe after this, uh, crap-fest is over,
601
00:22:24,116 --> 00:22:25,249
you and I could get a...
602
00:22:25,284 --> 00:22:27,151
Oh. Hey, um...
603
00:22:27,186 --> 00:22:29,087
you seem nice...
604
00:22:29,121 --> 00:22:32,890
but I am just out of a
hellish marriage myself.
605
00:22:33,625 --> 00:22:34,613
Oh. That sucks.
606
00:22:34,638 --> 00:22:36,072
How long ago?
607
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,195
Three years.
608
00:22:38,831 --> 00:22:40,531
Like a double dozen
609
00:22:40,566 --> 00:22:44,343
Before you, smells so sweet
610
00:22:44,670 --> 00:22:47,138
Am I evil?
611
00:22:47,172 --> 00:22:48,007
Yes, I am
612
00:22:48,032 --> 00:22:50,200
I know what I want to do.
I want to get shitfaced.
613
00:22:50,438 --> 00:22:52,439
- That can be arranged.
- Mm-hmm.
614
00:22:52,678 --> 00:22:55,780
615
00:22:55,814 --> 00:22:57,548
- Epiphany.
- Mm-hmm.
616
00:22:57,583 --> 00:22:59,117
You know the greatest thing
617
00:22:59,151 --> 00:23:01,285
about you guys being
my only friends here is?
618
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:02,520
Well, we're spectacular.
619
00:23:02,554 --> 00:23:03,640
- Yes.
- Granted.
620
00:23:03,665 --> 00:23:06,424
All the rest of the people
standing are Gordon's people.
621
00:23:06,458 --> 00:23:08,726
[laughs] They're only
staying for the free booze.
622
00:23:08,761 --> 00:23:10,161
- They don't want to talk to me.
- Mmmm.
623
00:23:10,195 --> 00:23:11,863
You're a free-range jilted bride, girl.
624
00:23:11,897 --> 00:23:12,882
Yes.
625
00:23:14,033 --> 00:23:15,466
- Let's dance.
- Yes.
626
00:23:15,501 --> 00:23:16,765
[crying]
627
00:23:16,790 --> 00:23:18,290
[knock on door]
628
00:23:18,410 --> 00:23:20,210
Go away!
629
00:23:20,492 --> 00:23:21,506
[knock on door]
630
00:23:21,540 --> 00:23:24,000
Can't a woman have a breakdown in peace?
631
00:23:24,669 --> 00:23:25,669
Abby, it's me.
632
00:23:25,844 --> 00:23:28,679
Love hurts
633
00:23:28,714 --> 00:23:30,081
Love scars
634
00:23:30,115 --> 00:23:31,682
Jake?
635
00:23:31,717 --> 00:23:34,685
Love wounds
636
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:38,456
And marks any heart...
637
00:23:38,490 --> 00:23:40,691
Love eviscerates.
638
00:23:40,726 --> 00:23:42,794
- Love demolishes.
- Yes, it do.
639
00:23:42,828 --> 00:23:44,529
Love is not all that bad.
640
00:23:44,887 --> 00:23:46,221
- Today was the worst.
- Uh...
641
00:23:46,255 --> 00:23:49,324
But romance doesn't always end horribly.
642
00:23:49,358 --> 00:23:52,160
Oh, shut up, Phoebe.
You're mellowing my harsh.
643
00:23:52,194 --> 00:23:53,495
- Hey...
- [feedback whines]
644
00:23:53,902 --> 00:23:56,865
Ah. Sorry for that somewhat
shrill interruption,
645
00:23:56,899 --> 00:23:59,707
but after the last toast,
I felt the need to rebut.
646
00:23:59,987 --> 00:24:02,555
I mean, for me it's always been sex.
647
00:24:02,738 --> 00:24:05,207
Yes, please, sign me up.
648
00:24:05,232 --> 00:24:07,666
But love... nah.
649
00:24:08,430 --> 00:24:10,152
Suckers need only apply.
650
00:24:12,766 --> 00:24:13,933
And then I met this woman...
651
00:24:14,194 --> 00:24:15,828
Oh, God, not again.
652
00:24:15,853 --> 00:24:18,918
This tempestuous she-devil
653
00:24:18,943 --> 00:24:21,122
Well, I knew that she
stirred things in me,
654
00:24:21,157 --> 00:24:23,057
and not just in the loinal region.
655
00:24:23,092 --> 00:24:26,194
- Loinal... Richie, ha!
- But just in... Jo... Jo...
656
00:24:26,228 --> 00:24:28,329
- I will...
- Give it.
657
00:24:28,364 --> 00:24:30,066
Let me guess.
658
00:24:30,091 --> 00:24:32,333
[British accent] After one epic snog,
659
00:24:32,368 --> 00:24:35,098
you've been magically
turned into a romantic.
660
00:24:35,671 --> 00:24:37,739
[normal voice] And even though
giving your heart to somebody
661
00:24:37,773 --> 00:24:39,674
is a ridiculous, stupid risk,
662
00:24:39,708 --> 00:24:42,544
what would life be if
nobody ever took that chance?
663
00:24:42,754 --> 00:24:45,613
And you, Scott, are here
to say before God, friends,
664
00:24:45,648 --> 00:24:47,348
and people we don't know
665
00:24:47,383 --> 00:24:49,402
that you truly, madly, deeply adore me?
666
00:24:49,952 --> 00:24:50,949
Yes.
667
00:24:51,354 --> 00:24:53,389
Y-yes, actually. Well done.
668
00:24:53,414 --> 00:24:55,515
Okay, everybody listen up.
669
00:24:56,090 --> 00:24:58,683
No matter what feelings
I have for this person,
670
00:24:58,708 --> 00:25:00,790
loinally or otherwise,
671
00:25:01,515 --> 00:25:03,589
we're a recipe for disaster.
672
00:25:04,402 --> 00:25:07,043
And he can say he loves me...
673
00:25:08,415 --> 00:25:10,254
[chuckles] But soon enough...
674
00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:12,903
believe me, sooner or later,
675
00:25:12,928 --> 00:25:14,228
this feeling will pass.
676
00:25:14,577 --> 00:25:15,566
No.
677
00:25:15,805 --> 00:25:17,285
I'm not Robert Frumpkis. I'm...
678
00:25:17,310 --> 00:25:18,363
But you're Scott.
679
00:25:19,801 --> 00:25:21,277
Man whore.
680
00:25:22,272 --> 00:25:24,355
[softly] And nobody ever changes.
681
00:25:26,582 --> 00:25:28,616
[normal voice] We are who we are.
682
00:25:30,765 --> 00:25:32,308
Just snap out of it.
683
00:25:35,596 --> 00:25:38,629
- [scattered applause]
- Whoo! Yeah!
684
00:25:38,654 --> 00:25:40,822
You and Frump deserve each other.
685
00:25:44,306 --> 00:25:45,933
Best wedding I've ever been to.
686
00:25:47,409 --> 00:25:48,355
Seriously.
687
00:25:48,677 --> 00:25:50,066
Aw.
688
00:25:50,091 --> 00:25:51,725
[glasses clink]
689
00:25:54,038 --> 00:25:55,639
Is that...
690
00:25:57,438 --> 00:26:00,273
Yeah. That's the baby
that lived in my girlfriend
691
00:26:00,298 --> 00:26:01,902
in your guesthouse
692
00:26:01,927 --> 00:26:04,098
and briefly in Taye Diggs' ball sack.
693
00:26:07,285 --> 00:26:09,887
And you have him why? I mean, I'm not...
694
00:26:11,433 --> 00:26:13,001
Let me just see that baby.
695
00:26:13,035 --> 00:26:14,002
[sniffs]
696
00:26:14,036 --> 00:26:15,470
[laughs] Abby.
697
00:26:15,504 --> 00:26:17,801
Oh. That's so scrumptious.
698
00:26:17,970 --> 00:26:19,503
Mm.
699
00:26:23,550 --> 00:26:25,090
What's going on?
700
00:26:27,137 --> 00:26:29,183
I mean, I come to pick up Lilly,
701
00:26:29,218 --> 00:26:31,085
and Frump tells me
that story about Delia,
702
00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:32,473
and then you're in here.
703
00:26:34,089 --> 00:26:35,269
Abby...
704
00:26:36,980 --> 00:26:39,314
- Truth?
- Mm-hmm.
705
00:26:40,658 --> 00:26:42,792
I took on too much.
706
00:26:43,077 --> 00:26:44,277
[chuckles]
707
00:26:44,733 --> 00:26:46,371
You? Really?
708
00:26:48,044 --> 00:26:51,613
Between SheShe and the
book and the kids...
709
00:26:53,504 --> 00:26:55,338
And then trying to leapfrog
710
00:26:55,738 --> 00:26:58,084
into a new relationship
with Dr. Perfect...
711
00:26:58,109 --> 00:26:59,943
- So not perfect.
- Yeah, so not perfect.
712
00:26:59,977 --> 00:27:01,478
Yeah. That came to an ugly end,
713
00:27:01,512 --> 00:27:03,647
which we all saw coming.
714
00:27:03,681 --> 00:27:05,355
And then this little guy...
715
00:27:06,566 --> 00:27:08,318
I mean, that broke
my heart a little bit,
716
00:27:08,352 --> 00:27:10,453
and not because of my
baby stuff, you know,
717
00:27:10,488 --> 00:27:11,543
but because...
718
00:27:12,690 --> 00:27:14,958
because of the connection to you.
719
00:27:17,094 --> 00:27:18,361
Jake, having you gone
720
00:27:18,396 --> 00:27:20,697
was so much harder than
I thought it was gonna be.
721
00:27:21,128 --> 00:27:24,340
Us married, I get that...
That's over, but...
722
00:27:25,936 --> 00:27:27,238
Me and you...
723
00:27:28,005 --> 00:27:29,308
[softly] Yeah.
724
00:27:32,527 --> 00:27:34,210
I have a confession to make.
725
00:27:34,504 --> 00:27:37,047
Oh, my God, don't tell
me there's a Latvian baby.
726
00:27:37,081 --> 00:27:38,548
Yes, there is.
727
00:27:39,019 --> 00:27:40,817
No, no Latvian baby,
728
00:27:40,851 --> 00:27:43,953
but I did not get stuck
in the Helsinki airport.
729
00:27:43,988 --> 00:27:45,887
I got stuck on the
floor of my hotel room.
730
00:27:46,504 --> 00:27:47,757
That movie wrapped,
731
00:27:47,792 --> 00:27:50,699
and this wave hit me.
732
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:52,854
It was grief.
733
00:27:53,879 --> 00:27:56,700
It was grief over the
death of Jake and Abby 2.0.
734
00:27:56,734 --> 00:27:58,601
I was just hoping to
skip that part, you know,
735
00:27:58,636 --> 00:27:59,969
get to the heal part.
736
00:28:00,004 --> 00:28:02,285
Yeah, me too. I don't
think it works like that.
737
00:28:04,245 --> 00:28:05,512
Obviously. I mean, this is the...
738
00:28:05,537 --> 00:28:06,938
The face of skipping it.
739
00:28:07,324 --> 00:28:09,112
I screwed everything up bad.
740
00:28:09,146 --> 00:28:10,747
The book's a mess because I'm trying
741
00:28:10,781 --> 00:28:12,590
to write about moving on, and I haven't.
742
00:28:12,917 --> 00:28:14,384
Okay, so feel that.
743
00:28:15,136 --> 00:28:18,095
I mean, I was eating Latvian... carpet.
744
00:28:18,122 --> 00:28:20,623
I didn't... figure everything out,
745
00:28:20,658 --> 00:28:23,824
but I looked into that big,
black hole of loneliness...
746
00:28:24,851 --> 00:28:26,746
and it's scary as shit.
747
00:28:27,926 --> 00:28:29,766
But I realized it's not gonna kill me.
748
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,835
Well... it might kill me.
749
00:28:31,869 --> 00:28:34,433
No way. I promise.
750
00:28:38,301 --> 00:28:40,944
But you need to give me
the kids for a week or two,
751
00:28:41,269 --> 00:28:43,113
and you need to go take the time
752
00:28:43,147 --> 00:28:45,418
to not be fine.
753
00:28:47,207 --> 00:28:49,566
And, yeah, part of us is over.
754
00:28:50,354 --> 00:28:52,090
And I will always be here for you.
755
00:28:53,457 --> 00:28:55,387
I'll always be here for you too...
756
00:28:55,870 --> 00:28:56,949
always.
757
00:28:58,562 --> 00:28:59,829
[baby fusses] Oh, sorry.
758
00:28:59,864 --> 00:29:01,831
- Oh, Jesus.
- Sorry, little baby.
759
00:29:01,866 --> 00:29:03,402
[sighs]
760
00:29:05,168 --> 00:29:07,746
Oh, my God, I forgot to
tell you the worst part.
761
00:29:07,909 --> 00:29:09,343
What's that? [clears throat]
762
00:29:09,573 --> 00:29:12,675
I had my first hot flash... today.
763
00:29:13,019 --> 00:29:15,027
- [both laugh]
- Oh, honey.
764
00:29:15,052 --> 00:29:16,987
Why does God hate you?
765
00:29:17,012 --> 00:29:18,880
That's exactly what I said.
766
00:29:22,186 --> 00:29:23,486
Come here.
767
00:29:23,521 --> 00:29:24,449
[sniffles]
768
00:29:27,014 --> 00:29:28,801
We're gonna be okay.
769
00:29:35,399 --> 00:29:37,267
Um, there is one other slight wrinkle
770
00:29:37,301 --> 00:29:39,105
that I probably should mention.
771
00:29:44,746 --> 00:29:46,980
I mean, a gigolo...
For Christ sakes, Abby.
772
00:29:47,008 --> 00:29:48,308
- A companion.
- Gross.
773
00:29:48,342 --> 00:29:50,343
And technically, I
never paid for the act.
774
00:29:50,378 --> 00:29:51,578
I paid him to talk,
775
00:29:51,612 --> 00:29:53,913
and then on a completely
other occasion...
776
00:29:53,948 --> 00:29:55,315
Okay. Whatever.
777
00:29:55,349 --> 00:29:56,783
It's gonna hit the Internet.
778
00:29:56,817 --> 00:29:58,618
- What are we gonna tell Lilly?
- I'll talk to her.
779
00:29:58,653 --> 00:30:00,053
No, we'll talk to her.
780
00:30:00,087 --> 00:30:02,722
I don't want you bamboozling
her with your technicalities.
781
00:30:02,757 --> 00:30:04,591
- Bamboozling? Really?
- Yeah.
782
00:30:04,871 --> 00:30:06,192
She's gonna be fine.
783
00:30:06,227 --> 00:30:08,895
Who pays for sex... crack whores?
784
00:30:09,230 --> 00:30:11,131
Uh, well, actually, crack
whores are more likely...
785
00:30:11,165 --> 00:30:13,762
Abby, not a teachable moment right now.
786
00:30:13,954 --> 00:30:17,423
Lilly, we understand how
incredibly humiliating it is...
787
00:30:17,448 --> 00:30:19,249
Can I just say that if I were a man
788
00:30:19,340 --> 00:30:20,573
and I had an encounter...
789
00:30:20,608 --> 00:30:22,509
- Abby.
- Unpaid with a professional,
790
00:30:22,543 --> 00:30:25,145
this would so not be a story.
791
00:30:25,179 --> 00:30:26,683
- Abby...
- Gross.
792
00:30:26,947 --> 00:30:28,581
How could you do this to me?
793
00:30:28,887 --> 00:30:30,850
I mean, the whole time Dad's been gone,
794
00:30:30,885 --> 00:30:33,119
you've been so weird, like...
795
00:30:33,154 --> 00:30:34,587
And now this?
796
00:30:34,894 --> 00:30:37,624
I mean, I've been holding
her hair back while she pukes,
797
00:30:37,658 --> 00:30:41,027
and she's been fainting and
ending up in the hospital.
798
00:30:41,062 --> 00:30:42,495
- I hate you.
- Lilly.
799
00:30:42,530 --> 00:30:45,632
What? It's your turn. You deal with her.
800
00:30:49,558 --> 00:30:52,363
She had to hold your
hair back after you puked?
801
00:30:52,573 --> 00:30:53,973
I ate too much cake.
802
00:30:54,132 --> 00:30:55,504
Uh-huh.
803
00:30:55,743 --> 00:30:57,077
And you know what? She's upset.
804
00:30:57,111 --> 00:30:59,245
- She's gonna calm down.
- Yeah. I don't know.
805
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:01,081
This is a tough one.
806
00:31:07,657 --> 00:31:09,724
[sighs]
807
00:31:11,459 --> 00:31:13,760
- Family drama?
- Not now, Barbara.
808
00:31:14,582 --> 00:31:16,676
I don't need another
one of your lectures.
809
00:31:16,864 --> 00:31:18,631
Oh, I think you do.
810
00:31:19,316 --> 00:31:20,867
You really screwed
the pooch on this one.
811
00:31:20,901 --> 00:31:23,403
Can you just stop? Seriously.
812
00:31:23,437 --> 00:31:26,277
I get it. Now you hate me again.
813
00:31:27,141 --> 00:31:28,942
No, see, here's the problem.
814
00:31:28,976 --> 00:31:32,612
Yeah, at first, your
"sunny side" divorce crap
815
00:31:32,919 --> 00:31:34,816
made me crazy.
816
00:31:35,894 --> 00:31:37,457
But you wore me down.
817
00:31:37,785 --> 00:31:39,686
I like you, Abby McCarthy.
818
00:31:39,899 --> 00:31:41,691
I like your friends.
819
00:31:42,324 --> 00:31:45,191
In fact, you all give me hope.
820
00:31:45,226 --> 00:31:47,293
You make me want to see
the upside of my situation,
821
00:31:47,328 --> 00:31:48,461
which is so not me.
822
00:31:48,496 --> 00:31:50,090
That is so not you.
823
00:31:50,398 --> 00:31:53,133
So now you're the only
person I can stand at SheShe.
824
00:31:53,167 --> 00:31:54,134
[chuckles]
825
00:31:54,168 --> 00:31:55,535
So, if Mitchell fires you,
826
00:31:55,754 --> 00:31:59,639
I'm stuck with him and
his Tim Gunn wannabes.
827
00:31:59,673 --> 00:32:00,754
[laughs]
828
00:32:01,308 --> 00:32:03,076
- Really?
- Really.
829
00:32:03,110 --> 00:32:04,715
So...
830
00:32:05,179 --> 00:32:07,180
I'm sorry that I'm pissed,
831
00:32:07,214 --> 00:32:08,548
but it's because
832
00:32:08,582 --> 00:32:11,082
your brand has actually been helping me.
833
00:32:12,801 --> 00:32:16,238
I mean, that DJ called
me sex on a biscuit.
834
00:32:17,057 --> 00:32:19,418
I was just a plain old
biscuit before you came around.
835
00:32:20,161 --> 00:32:21,137
Well...
836
00:32:21,601 --> 00:32:23,369
you have to go for that!
837
00:32:23,394 --> 00:32:24,861
The DJ?
838
00:32:25,762 --> 00:32:27,267
What's the worst that could happen?
839
00:32:28,090 --> 00:32:29,238
See?
840
00:32:30,308 --> 00:32:31,604
Sunny.
841
00:32:32,238 --> 00:32:33,573
Thank you.
842
00:32:34,269 --> 00:32:36,291
I had no idea I meant that much to you.
843
00:32:36,316 --> 00:32:37,677
Oh, okay.
844
00:32:38,105 --> 00:32:39,446
Mm.
845
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:41,371
Don't get carried away, you know.
846
00:32:42,301 --> 00:32:43,783
We still have our door.
847
00:32:43,818 --> 00:32:45,285
- Door.
- Yes.
848
00:32:45,319 --> 00:32:48,288
- Closing it.
- [both laugh]
849
00:32:48,322 --> 00:32:51,291
[slow mellow rock]
850
00:32:51,325 --> 00:32:54,194
851
00:32:54,228 --> 00:32:56,596
- You okay?
- Me?
852
00:32:56,630 --> 00:32:58,105
Swell.
853
00:32:59,192 --> 00:33:01,393
'Cause... Dad kind of lost it,
854
00:33:02,262 --> 00:33:04,337
and Scott finally came to his senses.
855
00:33:05,906 --> 00:33:07,407
Excuse me?
856
00:33:07,723 --> 00:33:08,875
Please, Mom.
857
00:33:08,909 --> 00:33:11,711
Anybody with two eyes can
see he's in love with you.
858
00:33:11,745 --> 00:33:13,513
I made a promise...
859
00:33:13,547 --> 00:33:16,049
Well, I guess I have only one eye.
860
00:33:16,083 --> 00:33:17,684
Yeah. I guess so.
861
00:33:18,074 --> 00:33:22,155
To be there for you
862
00:33:22,189 --> 00:33:26,826
863
00:33:26,861 --> 00:33:29,929
I'm a lover, not a fighter
864
00:33:29,964 --> 00:33:32,198
- [indistinct chatter]
-
You know I keep...
865
00:33:32,233 --> 00:33:33,433
There you are.
866
00:33:33,467 --> 00:33:35,034
All: Oh...
867
00:33:35,069 --> 00:33:37,203
What is this place?
868
00:33:37,238 --> 00:33:39,038
To prohibition, ladies.
869
00:33:39,073 --> 00:33:41,808
Poor rich people... they had
to build their own ballroom.
870
00:33:41,842 --> 00:33:44,744
You have missed some other
earth-shattering toasts.
871
00:33:44,778 --> 00:33:46,713
Well...
872
00:33:46,747 --> 00:33:48,781
just, uh, I don't want
you to feel left out.
873
00:33:48,816 --> 00:33:51,651
So I'm gonna make one more.
874
00:33:51,685 --> 00:33:53,052
Um... [clears throat]
875
00:33:53,087 --> 00:33:54,721
I just...
876
00:33:54,755 --> 00:33:57,056
I know that I haven't
made the best impression
877
00:33:57,091 --> 00:34:01,194
and this is fast, but, uh, I...
878
00:34:01,228 --> 00:34:03,663
- love Phoebe...
- Aw.
879
00:34:03,697 --> 00:34:05,865
So much, and...
880
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,167
[laughs] We got married!
881
00:34:08,202 --> 00:34:10,871
At the courthouse yesterday!
882
00:34:11,605 --> 00:34:14,073
883
00:34:17,439 --> 00:34:19,767
I guess this reception
wasn't a total waste.
884
00:34:19,792 --> 00:34:20,567
Mmm.
885
00:34:21,262 --> 00:34:23,296
It belongs to Phoebe and JD now.
886
00:34:23,330 --> 00:34:25,480
Ah, they're pretty disgustingly happy.
887
00:34:25,505 --> 00:34:28,238
I know, it's so sweet, so hopeful.
888
00:34:28,348 --> 00:34:29,648
Anybody want to wager on how long
889
00:34:29,682 --> 00:34:32,484
marriage number three's gonna
last for our little girl?
890
00:34:32,988 --> 00:34:34,332
I hope it works.
891
00:34:34,687 --> 00:34:36,154
If it doesn't, it better blow up fast
892
00:34:36,189 --> 00:34:38,790
because that love addict
never gets a prenup.
893
00:34:38,825 --> 00:34:40,058
- [laughs]
- Ew.
894
00:34:40,093 --> 00:34:41,960
Sorry. Now I know you're gonna be okay.
895
00:34:41,994 --> 00:34:44,429
That is the shark talking.
896
00:34:44,464 --> 00:34:47,399
That is the badass,
take-no-prisoners Delia.
897
00:34:47,644 --> 00:34:49,701
- Remember when we met?
- Mm-hmm.
898
00:34:50,614 --> 00:34:52,285
You laid it out.
899
00:34:52,309 --> 00:34:54,293
You said there is no handbook
900
00:34:54,334 --> 00:34:57,002
for women having the same
amount of power as men
901
00:34:57,027 --> 00:34:58,941
in love and life,
902
00:34:58,966 --> 00:35:00,266
and that is why...
903
00:35:00,291 --> 00:35:01,692
All: That is why marriage is dead.
904
00:35:02,285 --> 00:35:04,186
[laughs] Oh, my God, I know.
905
00:35:04,220 --> 00:35:06,402
I went to Gordon's this
morning for a quickie.
906
00:35:06,427 --> 00:35:07,727
- You know what he said to me?
- Hmm?
907
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,454
He said, "I always knew you wanted
908
00:35:09,479 --> 00:35:12,433
this ridiculous wedding
because you're still a woman."
909
00:35:12,655 --> 00:35:13,822
He did not.
910
00:35:14,051 --> 00:35:15,918
- Oh, I bet he did.
- Oh!
911
00:35:16,180 --> 00:35:18,781
- Hello, ladies.
- There she is.
912
00:35:18,806 --> 00:35:20,373
Hey
913
00:35:20,503 --> 00:35:23,308
- Koala bear.
- Koala bear!
914
00:35:23,606 --> 00:35:25,371
- Aw.
- Wait a minute.
915
00:35:25,396 --> 00:35:27,793
Ladies, I got something to say.
916
00:35:27,937 --> 00:35:29,769
And it may be the champagne talking,
917
00:35:29,794 --> 00:35:31,061
but I think not.
918
00:35:31,199 --> 00:35:32,246
Do tell.
919
00:35:33,497 --> 00:35:35,698
[softly] I love Gordon so much.
920
00:35:37,369 --> 00:35:39,169
But I do not want to be married.
921
00:35:39,415 --> 00:35:40,849
Yeah.
922
00:35:41,024 --> 00:35:42,624
So we got our second chance
923
00:35:42,659 --> 00:35:44,827
You were right. I sabotaged it.
924
00:35:44,861 --> 00:35:47,871
I am just in this $25,000 wedding dress
925
00:35:47,896 --> 00:35:49,449
to make Gordon happy.
926
00:35:49,474 --> 00:35:51,277
- What?
- Veinticinco?
927
00:35:51,302 --> 00:35:52,410
I told you it was ridiculous.
928
00:35:52,435 --> 00:35:53,602
- Est?pida!
- Okay.
929
00:35:53,627 --> 00:35:55,194
We're gonna resell it,
930
00:35:55,219 --> 00:35:57,721
and you're gonna take
us on a fabulous holiday.
931
00:35:57,746 --> 00:35:59,280
Oh, yes.
932
00:35:59,305 --> 00:36:00,957
Exactly. Oh...
933
00:36:01,532 --> 00:36:03,099
I'm not the marrying type.
934
00:36:03,211 --> 00:36:05,312
- To Delia.
- [women laughing]
935
00:36:05,337 --> 00:36:07,772
Who's just happily...
936
00:36:07,921 --> 00:36:09,370
unmarried.
937
00:36:09,395 --> 00:36:10,662
Cheers.
938
00:36:10,810 --> 00:36:13,812
[pop music plays]
939
00:36:13,837 --> 00:36:15,816
940
00:36:15,841 --> 00:36:17,730
You guys have to come under here.
941
00:36:18,652 --> 00:36:21,930
It's amazing. It's like
floating in an expensive clouds.
942
00:36:21,965 --> 00:36:23,332
It's so tulle-y.
943
00:36:23,366 --> 00:36:25,300
I don't even know if
you're wearing underwear.
944
00:36:25,335 --> 00:36:27,262
Are you wearing underwear?
945
00:36:28,658 --> 00:36:30,826
Oh, Barbara...
946
00:36:30,985 --> 00:36:32,418
yes!
947
00:36:32,509 --> 00:36:34,243
- Get it!
- [women whooping]
948
00:36:34,277 --> 00:36:36,779
Abby, can you hold this
guy just for a little bit?
949
00:36:36,813 --> 00:36:38,019
I promised Charlie
some hide-and-go-seek.
950
00:36:38,044 --> 00:36:39,378
- So...
- Oh, my gosh.
951
00:36:39,411 --> 00:36:41,078
Oh, Jake, do you think
this could be a thing maybe,
952
00:36:41,113 --> 00:36:42,980
where we can stay
involved with the baby?
953
00:36:43,014 --> 00:36:45,082
Can we maybe not discuss that right now.
954
00:36:45,117 --> 00:36:47,084
Let's worry about our...
our actual daughter,
955
00:36:47,119 --> 00:36:48,586
who's upset about Carl the gigolo
956
00:36:48,620 --> 00:36:51,422
and, you know, the puking
and the hospital stays.
957
00:36:51,456 --> 00:36:52,691
So just...
958
00:36:53,325 --> 00:36:57,094
959
00:36:57,371 --> 00:37:00,064
Sorry... the whole gigolo story...
960
00:37:00,848 --> 00:37:02,366
We know.
961
00:37:02,401 --> 00:37:04,301
The whole world knows. [laughs]
962
00:37:04,812 --> 00:37:06,412
Not like we've noticed.
963
00:37:09,144 --> 00:37:11,242
Oh, my God, I don't want
to make this about me.
964
00:37:11,276 --> 00:37:14,044
Oh, puh-lease. Honey, I am dying.
965
00:37:14,079 --> 00:37:15,546
What is the story?
966
00:37:15,580 --> 00:37:18,605
Uh, the story. The
story is that I, um...
967
00:37:20,449 --> 00:37:22,353
I made a mess of my whole life,
968
00:37:22,387 --> 00:37:26,657
and, uh, I tried to be
the perfect, sexy ex.
969
00:37:26,691 --> 00:37:28,225
And instead, I shamed my family
970
00:37:28,260 --> 00:37:29,727
and may have lost all my jobs.
971
00:37:29,761 --> 00:37:32,396
- What happens if, uh...
- Hey, you...
972
00:37:32,431 --> 00:37:33,497
you messed up.
973
00:37:33,687 --> 00:37:35,043
Join the club.
974
00:37:35,834 --> 00:37:38,402
Yeah. You always say we're your family.
975
00:37:38,437 --> 00:37:41,172
Well, that goes for you too...
976
00:37:41,252 --> 00:37:42,800
and Delia.
977
00:37:42,825 --> 00:37:45,193
We may be an island of misfit toys,
978
00:37:45,218 --> 00:37:47,319
but we are your misfit toys.
979
00:37:47,712 --> 00:37:49,762
Oh, hell, yes.
980
00:37:51,249 --> 00:37:52,650
We are here for you.
981
00:37:53,277 --> 00:37:54,613
Thank you.
982
00:37:57,956 --> 00:38:00,524
I just need to face the
deep, dark hole, you know.
983
00:38:00,559 --> 00:38:02,359
Perfect. Let's fall apart together.
984
00:38:02,394 --> 00:38:03,627
Yeah.
985
00:38:03,662 --> 00:38:04,728
Except Phoebe here.
986
00:38:04,763 --> 00:38:06,664
She's got some honeymooning to do.
987
00:38:06,915 --> 00:38:08,349
I do.
988
00:38:09,801 --> 00:38:11,566
I think we should dance.
989
00:38:11,591 --> 00:38:13,292
[laughs]
990
00:38:13,538 --> 00:38:15,378
- Let's do this.
- Help me up.
991
00:38:15,660 --> 00:38:18,876
- Oh, Jesus.
- Okay. Here I come.
992
00:38:18,910 --> 00:38:20,411
[Loney, Dear's "Sinister
in a State of Hope"]
993
00:38:20,445 --> 00:38:23,247
Summer night
994
00:38:23,281 --> 00:38:26,250
And I did not hope
995
00:38:26,284 --> 00:38:28,419
996
00:38:28,453 --> 00:38:31,755
For something I
997
00:38:31,790 --> 00:38:36,427
Couldn't have
998
00:38:36,461 --> 00:38:39,930
You turn me down
999
00:38:39,965 --> 00:38:42,433
Let it happen
1000
00:38:42,467 --> 00:38:44,101
1001
00:38:44,135 --> 00:38:47,705
With your hands
1002
00:38:47,739 --> 00:38:51,175
With your hands
1003
00:38:51,209 --> 00:38:52,943
1004
00:38:52,978 --> 00:38:56,113
Someway I
1005
00:38:56,147 --> 00:38:59,917
Let it happen
1006
00:38:59,951 --> 00:39:02,186
In a flash
1007
00:39:02,220 --> 00:39:05,923
[cell phone vibrating]
1008
00:39:05,947 --> 00:39:08,301
_
1009
00:39:08,326 --> 00:39:09,393
[cell phone beeps]
1010
00:39:09,427 --> 00:39:10,694
[baby cries]
1011
00:39:10,729 --> 00:39:12,696
Hey. Kids are fried.
1012
00:39:12,731 --> 00:39:14,598
- I'm gonna take 'em home, okay?
- Okay.
1013
00:39:14,633 --> 00:39:16,767
- Have fun.
- [baby cries]
1014
00:39:17,405 --> 00:39:18,639
Jake...
1015
00:39:19,104 --> 00:39:20,882
thank you.
1016
00:39:21,406 --> 00:39:24,909
Sinister
1017
00:39:24,943 --> 00:39:27,811
In a state of hope
1018
00:39:27,846 --> 00:39:29,980
1019
00:39:30,015 --> 00:39:31,749
So, Kat, I-I really...
1020
00:39:31,783 --> 00:39:33,150
No, no, no, no, listen, listen.
1021
00:39:33,184 --> 00:39:34,852
Good news. This Carl business?
1022
00:39:34,886 --> 00:39:36,754
Turns out to be a blessing in disguise.
1023
00:39:37,350 --> 00:39:40,057
I mean, the divorce book,
you know, truth be told,
1024
00:39:40,091 --> 00:39:43,594
I was this close to
killing it, but, uh, you...
1025
00:39:44,008 --> 00:39:45,575
sneaky monkey...
1026
00:39:45,694 --> 00:39:47,531
Turns out you have a hot story to tell.
1027
00:39:48,038 --> 00:39:49,733
Wait. What?
1028
00:39:49,768 --> 00:39:53,170
Abby McCarthy...
Man-whore-happy mama.
1029
00:39:53,204 --> 00:39:55,606
That's the book. It's sensational!
1030
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:57,274
Everybody wants a
look inside that world.
1031
00:39:57,309 --> 00:39:59,217
I can't write about that.
1032
00:39:59,511 --> 00:40:00,911
I have a
15-year-old daughter
1033
00:40:00,946 --> 00:40:03,247
- who reads.
- Well, what can I say?
1034
00:40:03,281 --> 00:40:05,015
You know, publish or perish. [stammers]
1035
00:40:05,050 --> 00:40:08,155
I mean, Abby, you're
running out of identities!
1036
00:40:09,077 --> 00:40:11,288
Well, I can make the divorce book work.
1037
00:40:11,323 --> 00:40:12,790
I just need more time.
1038
00:40:12,824 --> 00:40:14,058
No, sorry, hon, you ran out of time
1039
00:40:14,092 --> 00:40:16,249
when you paid that hunk
to touch your naughty bits.
1040
00:40:16,561 --> 00:40:17,962
Jilted and desperate?
1041
00:40:17,996 --> 00:40:20,564
Nobody's buying "life
after" advice from you.
1042
00:40:20,599 --> 00:40:22,499
But what they will buy
1043
00:40:22,921 --> 00:40:26,397
is a super-dirty tell-all
and pay big bucks too!
1044
00:40:26,561 --> 00:40:27,905
What about menopause?
1045
00:40:27,939 --> 00:40:29,807
Emma Thompson's doing it. It's too late.
1046
00:40:30,163 --> 00:40:31,508
I'm offering you a last chance...
1047
00:40:31,928 --> 00:40:32,876
A memoir.
1048
00:40:33,850 --> 00:40:37,014
One middle-aged woman's
adventures in the sex trade.
1049
00:40:37,048 --> 00:40:39,216
1050
00:40:39,250 --> 00:40:41,251
Or I think we've come to an end.
1051
00:40:44,022 --> 00:40:45,366
What do you say?
1052
00:40:47,311 --> 00:40:48,400
I guess we're done here.
1053
00:40:49,061 --> 00:40:50,828
I will do something else.
1054
00:40:50,955 --> 00:40:52,482
Not as a writer, you won't.
1055
00:40:52,897 --> 00:40:55,032
Someway I...
1056
00:40:55,066 --> 00:40:56,567
You're fired, Kat.
1057
00:40:56,601 --> 00:41:00,270
Let it happen
1058
00:41:00,305 --> 00:41:03,340
In a flash
1059
00:41:03,375 --> 00:41:06,910
In a fla-a-sh
1060
00:41:06,945 --> 00:41:09,046
[baby fusses]
1061
00:41:09,504 --> 00:41:11,081
Daddy, I'm sleepy.
1062
00:41:11,116 --> 00:41:12,516
Can I watch TV?
1063
00:41:12,550 --> 00:41:14,551
No, buddy, we're just gonna
drop the little guy off
1064
00:41:14,586 --> 00:41:15,552
and go home.
1065
00:41:15,821 --> 00:41:16,787
Becca.
1066
00:41:17,715 --> 00:41:19,114
She's not here, Dad.
1067
00:41:20,191 --> 00:41:21,723
What do you mean she's not here?
1068
00:41:22,051 --> 00:41:23,340
I mean she's gone.
1069
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:25,195
1070
00:41:26,051 --> 00:41:29,099
When all
1071
00:41:29,134 --> 00:41:31,702
I want
1072
00:41:31,736 --> 00:41:32,803
[cell phone vibrating]
1073
00:41:32,837 --> 00:41:39,009
Is a state of hope
1074
00:41:40,567 --> 00:41:42,520
_
1075
00:41:43,348 --> 00:41:45,482
[scoffs]
1076
00:41:45,517 --> 00:41:49,687
1077
00:41:49,721 --> 00:41:52,990
[cell phone continues vibrating]
1078
00:41:53,024 --> 00:41:58,677
1079
00:42:43,074 --> 00:42:48,612
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-- www.addic7ed.com --
1080
00:42:48,662 --> 00:42:53,212
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