Original subtitles

So go back upstairs to your little dim sum tea party, okay?

And leave it to us. We're the big dogs.

- Hey, come on, man. - I'm sorry. Sorry.

Meatheads.

- Unlock it. Unlock it. - Okay, wait. Hold on.

Roll your window up.

I'm watching you.

You think they got genitals in there? Or is it more of a Ken doll situation?

I'm watching you!

I'm gonna go with Ken doll situation.

It's smooth.

We're watching you!

Now, the mayor said we could continue our work, and so we shall.

We got to be prepared.

That's why I've made a table of treats.

Erin, you've had a hard day. Step right up.

Pick a gun, any gun.

No!

I'm sorry, not that gun.

That one's not ready. It's yours when it is.

Here, in the meantime...

This.

Wow! What does it do?

It's a Swiss Army knife.

No woman should walk around unarmed.

I know what it does.

- Also, here, why don't you take this. - Yeah?

Give that a toss.

That's gonna send up a little poof.

It's only dangerous to ghosts.

- All right. - Okay.

Oh, nice!

- Ooh! - Oh!

Yeah, my mistake. It was a medium poof.

This puppy I like to call a Ghost Chipper.

Hollow-laser technology, sucks in the ghost and neutralizes it.

Step up to bat and do what you're gonna do.

You truly scare me. I just want to let you know that.

I'm gonna just...

- Oh... - Come on!

Oh, it's like Mardi Gras in there.

It's a proton glove.

It's gonna maximize flexibility during hand-to-specter combat.

Just give it a punch, it's motion-activated.

Ha-ha!

Okay. That...

...was awesome!

- No, that is a deadly high five. - No.

- No. - Hey, ladies,

I'd call this a successful test.

It's fraudulent and unsafe, frankly.

You know, these Ghostbusters are creating an unnecessary panic

- in a sad grab for fame. - It's fine.

People can rest assured that these women are fake.

Oh!

Damn.

- Aw, my favorite acid. - It's okay. I'll get it. I'll get it.

Be careful.

Hey, guys, I've been meaning to ask,

what was that thing that threw that man out the window the other day?

Kevin, it was a ghost.

- A ghost? - Do you not know what goes on here, Kevin?

Okay, I've got it.

We sell the restaurant.

Guys, we haven't had customers, anyway.

It's time to face the facts, the restaurant is not working.

You're standing in the acid.

- Ah, not my slippers. - It's hydrochloric acid.

Get the baking soda. There you go.

That's how you clean up hydrochloric.

Good boy.

- Oh, God, it stinks. - Just a big, beautiful dummy.

Well, it's official. We're all ghost girls now.

Can't see.

- Well, that's the acid. - Get back to the eyewash station.

- Where is that? - Back by the bathroom. Left.

There you go.

Stop when you hit something.

- Okay. - Jesus.

Good job.

All right, I would like to remind everybody here

that in a very short amount of time,

we have seen multiple Class 4 malevolent apparitions.

- Yeah. - We did.

Who cares what anybody else is saying about us?

We know what we're doing.

I mean, all morning, I've been reading about this stuff.

There's sightings all over the city.

"Wailing spirit sighted at 6th and 26th."

Another one, "Spectral polar bear on 63rd and 5th."

Then there was that weeping wall in the thrift store at Chelsea.

- Wait. Did you say 6th and 26th? - Yeah. "Wailing spirits, 6th and 26th."

6th and 26th. 6th and 26th. Okay.

6th and 26th.

Um, Aldridge Mansion. Um, Upper West Side. Yes? 70... 72nd.

Um, where did we find the first device?

- Uh, at the subway, right here. - Okay.

Theater. Downtown. Downtown.

- Downtown? - Yes, yes. In here.

Okay, what was the other address you said?

Polar bear on 63rd and 5th Avenue.

And the one in Chelsea?

- Uh... Chelsea is at 10th Avenue and 18th. - 18th. 10th and 18th.

Uh.

What do those look like to you?

Oh, It's an "X." Touching other little "X's."

- Ley lines. - Ley lines.

What's "ley lines"?

It's a hidden network of energy lines that run across the Earth.

It's a current of supernatural energy.

Supposedly, if you look at sacred sites and weird events all over the world,

and connect them with lines where they intersect,

it's an unusually powerful spot.

Abby and I just dismissed this theory

because it just seemed too random to have any merit.

Dismiss this.

Okay. That looks like it's got some merit.

He's using the devices to charge the ley lines.

- He's creating a vortex. - A vortex.

Oh, boy.

Okay, if he gets one of his machines in there and it's big enough,

he's gonna be able to rip a hole right through that barrier.

Letting whatever's on this plane

come crashing down on this plane.

Okay, I'm calling this in.

Okay, um, that intersection right there between 7th and 8th.

What is there now?

- The Mercado. - Mercado. It's Spanish for "table."

The Mercado? That actually makes sense.

Okay, yes, I'm looking for Agents Hawkins and Rorke.

The Mercado has one of the weirdest histories

of the buildings in New York.

Okay, so it's your standard-issue haunted building.

No. This is even before it was a building.

All sorts of massacres happened at that spot.

Like the peaceful trade between the Lenape Indians and Captain Warren.

Then, all of a sudden, everybody dies.

Oh, my God, you guys. This is the dude that was at the subway

that was talking about the cataclysms! This is him!

Oh.

It's always the sad, pale ones.

Okay, ladies, let's gear up and hit that Mercado.

Who's in the mood to save New York City?

And did you try adjusting the thermostat before placing this call?

Well, I'm terribly sorry that you have a draft in your room.

Why don't you hold while I connect you to someone who might care.

- Hi. Excuse me. - Hold on.

- What do you want? - Where's your janitor?

Oh, that nut-job! What has he done...

I don't want to know.

Just take the stairs down and get him out.

Hey, stop right there!

Shut it down!

Ah.

The Ghostbusters.

Look, I think it's great you found yourself a little hobby,

and I'm sure, on paper, flooding New York City with ghosts

seemed like a great idea,

but we happen to like the world the way it is.

Then you must've been afforded the basic dignity and respect of a human being,

which I have been denied.

Not really.

People dump on us pretty much all the time.

I am a genius. I see things that no one else does.

And for it, I am rewarded with nothing but scorn and mockery.

Luckily, I am not the only one seeking revenge.

Behind these are millions of souls,

souls which have been cast aside.

Souls who see the world as it truly is, as garbage.

Garbage that needs to be cleaned up.

They're mostly dudes.

When these barriers are destroyed,

an army of the undead will return to pester the living.

"Pester the living" doesn't sound so bad.

They will return to pester the living with unspeakable pain and torment.

Children will be pestered limb from limb in front of their own parents.

The parents will be pestered in half and pestered in half again.

And pestered into the ground until their bloody, pulpy bodies are nothing but meat.

That's a different, uh, definition of "pester" than what I was thinking.

I think the word we're looking for is apocalypse. Apocalypse.

Well, let's get these barriers destroyed, shall we?

Uh, uh, uh, uh, wait, wait, wait! Rowan.

I get it. You don't like people. People can be terrible.

The thing is, though, there's so many terrific things out there.

I mean, wonderful things that are worth living for.

I mean, you got soup,

and, you know, that first... You know when...

Oh, God. I can only think of soup. Anybody? Somebody? Patty?

- Salad. - Salad.

- Whoa, whoa! - No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait!

Okay, stop what you're doing.

The police are already on their way.

It's over. You're going to jail, Rowan.

Well, in that case,

bye.

That's a weird move.

Oh, he dead. That's a dead man.

See if you can shut that thing down.

- Come on! - Holtz?

Holtz, are we good?

Uh... Well, he's not, but, yeah, we're okay.

Okay. Well, that's over.

Okay, we're down here! Down here!

You hate to see the smart ones go bad.

Man, it smells like burned bologna and regrets down here.

Like, um, the dude that worked here,

he, like, dressed, like, in a Captain Kirk-type outfit.

- What's up? - He was, like, standing over here...

I don't know. It's strange.

You know, his technology's not that different from ours.

It's basically, like, we're both using the same science.

- That is strange. - I think I know why.

Look what Mr. Cuckoo Pants has been reading at the beach. No.

Oh, my God.

I told you that there would be people out there that loved our work.

Why am I so flattered that that weird little sociopath bought our book?

Oh, thank you for everything you did. You saved us all.

The mayor thanks you, of course.

Privately, so don't tell anyone.

Um... Can I walk you out?

Well, why don't you all go get some rest?

These gentlemen here will get you out of here. Okay?

- Oh, thank you. That's very nice. - All right.

- Thanks for all you've done, ladies. - Thank you very much.

I just have to say a couple things to the press.

You know how that goes.

So we just are gonna fake-arrest you now.

Oh, and we towed your car. Real-tow, not fake-tow.

- Ms. Lynch! - What's that?

- Ms. Lynch! - What? Wait, why?

Ow!

- Excuse me! - Stop resisting.

I'm not. I'm walking with you.

- Is New York in trouble? - Everything is fine.

It was just another publicity stunt by these incredibly sad and lonely women.

It's like they read Eat, Pray, Love and just ran with it.

Well, mission accomplished, ladies.

I say we get some drinks and celebrate.

How about it, Erin? It's my treat.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

A couple quick questions for my blog.

First, how does it feel wasting tax payer money and government resources

with your pranks?

Uh, why don't you go back to your mother's basement where you live?

Yeah, I plan to, after this.

Ms. Gilbert, I asked around your hometown.

I talked to somebody you went to school with.

They said when you were a kid, you made up a ghost.

So, tell me, were you born a fraud, ghost girl?

Don't call me that!

Erin! Oh, my God!

Erin, he's too pasty to fight.

Erin, you're making us look bad right now.

Erin, come on, let it go.

They should put you back in therapy, you freak.

Oh!

Oh, damn!

Hey.

Guess whose desk I just set on fire.

You'll never guess.

You may guess when you see your desk later. Okay.

All right. Just read it. Just read it.

"Midtown movie theater owner claims

"Basset Hound regularly attends matinees by himself."

- Look at his ears. - Yes, I see.

I meant the one about me.

- Oh. - Yes.

It's devastating.

Oh, look, you're on TV.

We spoke to Dr. Harold Filmore,

Physics Department Chair at Columbia University,

where Ms. Gilbert used to teach.

Oh, no, no.

It's unfortunate that we have these former ties with Ms. Gilbert.

Here at Columbia University, we 're about real science, discovering truth,

not lying for a sad moment of fame.

You know what? They don't know what they're talking about.

We also spoke with the Dean of the Kenneth P. Higgins Institute.

Oh, God.

Ms. Gilbert's association with the Kenneth P. Higgins Institute, albeit distant,

is a blight on this university.

But, good news, I have an album dropping in two weeks.

It's called I'm ma Be Me, and I wouldn 't mind playing you the title track.

Ha!

God.

Yo, Erin, shake that off.

You know how many lives you saved?

- Yeah. - Yeah, we gotta get out there.

We gotta get something to eat. We gotta find that Basset Hound.

I'll just see you guys tomorrow.

I gotta go. I'm sorry.

- Erin... - I'm sorry!

So, Abby, I've been doing a lot of thinking,

and congratulations, I've decided to become a Ghostbuster.

Oh, God. I don't have time to try to explain why that's not going to happen.

I thought they would've been happy about that.

Did you guys lose your keys?

What did I tell you? Pin it to your bra strap. That's where mine is, and it...

Who's out there? Holtzmann, I swear to God, I...

Don't look so surprised.

You didn't think I was gone when there's so much left to do, did you, Abby?

It's brilliant, really.

My devices energized spectral entities on a nuclear, paramolecular level.

Sound familiar?

It's the reverse of your research.

Do it in the right place, with enough power, and there goes the barrier.

And then the world shall bend to...

Okay. I apologize. That looks nastier than I intended.

Enjoy, Abby!

Ghostbusters. What do you want?

Hello? Guys, it's me. Are you there? Please pick up if you're there.

Call me as soon as you get this.

I think when Rowan killed himself, it was just the next step in his plan.

The mayor's itinerary has been set.

Mayor Bradley is meeting with the diplomats at Lotus Leaf this very moment.

Lotus Leaf.

Abby! We got you a sandwich so you don't be picking off of ours, man.

You need some food. Your moods have been real bad, yo.

Come on now.

Abby? You in there?

Everything okay?

Abby, come and get your sandwich

Come and get your sandwich, please

You want your little sandwich?

Abby...

Hello, Jillian.

Hello, Abby.

Are you okay?

I'm quite well.

That's good.

You found my pipe.

I got it at the dumpster yesterday.

I'm gonna use it to make a proton shotgun.

Pretty cool, right?

If it doesn't work, we can just swing it around and break stuff,

so it's kind of a win-win.

- What? - What are you doing?

Not my babies!

Hey!

- Wait a minute! - No!

Man, are y'all playing?

'Cause this ain't funny, man. Yo! For real!

See, Abby, I told you to have that sandwich, man.

Low blood sugar is serious!

- Hello, Patricia. - What?

Abby!

What the...

Look at the view.

This is fun, right?

Good-bye.

I got you, baby! I got you!

- Oh, my God, help me. - Hi, Patty.

Hell no! The Devil is a liar!

Boo.

Hellion, begone!

Oh, shit.

Oh, no!

Holtzy! Got you, Holtzy!

No!

Get out of my friend, ghost!

Ow!

Ow! That's gonna leave a mark!

The power of Patty compels you!

Ow!

Is that you, Abby?

Where did he go?

Hey, guys, check it out!

Hey, listen.

I figured you're gonna need my help, so I borrowed all this stuff.

If you could just chuck me down my own proton pack, that'd be great.

- Kevin, come inside! - Kevin.

- Come inside. - I'm part of the team.

I can help out. I'm not gonna get in your way.

- Come on, move! - Move!

I was born to be a Ghostbuster, all right?

Nothing's gonna stop me!

- Oh, man. - Kevin!

Come on, Rowan, get out of him!

Thanks for the upgrade.

Rowan, ya big bully!

Hope this guy knows how to ride a motorcycle.

Rowan, not Kevin!

Yeah, he does.

Oh, that's so not good.

No, no. It's just a magic trick. He didn't actually cut her in half.

- No, no. I was there. She was cut in half. - There's two women.

Yeah, I saw it.

It's just a trick.

Mayor Bradley, it's me!

Who the shit is this?

It's me! It's Erin.

She thinks that's a sliding door.

It's Erin. Hi!

She thinks they're all doors. That's sad.

She's a scientist.

Mayor Bradley.

You have to evacuate the city!

Never say that word.

You have to shut down the power to the whole city!

Don't you understand? He's using the power to energize them!

You know what, as you can see, the mayor is very busy.

Oh, no.

It's happening.

Can you hear it?

It's...

Oh, um...

Okay, that's a dumpster.

But the undead are still arriving.

Please, Mayor Bradley, you have to believe me.

You're the only one that can do something. Don't...

Please don't be like the mayor in Jaws.

Never compare me to the Jaws mayor. Never!

Please, you have to get everyone out.

You're endangering everyone in the city!

That took way too long.

What are you doing?

My... Get off of me!

Mayor Bradley, you have to listen to me!

Get out of the city! Get out of the city!

They're coming!

Don't you understand? These ghosts kill people!

50 cents a T-shirt.

My plan is to wear a new one every day,

and then just throw 'em out and then start over every month, yeah.

Whoa. Hey. Man, nobody ordered a Clark Kent strippergram.

Clark Kent?

Oh, because of the glasses and the handsomeness?

I should have worked out more when I was alive.

Oh, I definitely should have worked out more.

You have to get out of the city!

Please! Get out!

Oh, no.

It's happening.

Oh...

City College must have just let out, huh?

Yankees suck!

What the hell am I doing in New York?

- Let's do this. - Oh, yeah.

Taxi! Taxi!

- Where you going? - Chinatown.

Nah. That's, like, one more block south than I want to go.

Sir, those are actual ghosts flying around!

Eh, they're Class 5 floating vapors. Nothing to worry about.

No, no, no, it's important. Don't you see what's happening?

Look, I don't go to Chinatown,

I don't drive wackos, and I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

What? No, no, no, wait!

That's a double negative!

That means you are afraid of ghosts.

Oh, God, I got to get my gear.

Seem to have hit an impasse.

Yeah, I'd say so.

All right, let's clear a path.

You guys, this looks like my kitchen.

What the hell is that thing?

Ew.

- Hey, hey! - Wait!

Oh, really?

Did you leave the keys in the car?

My uncle is gonna be pissed.

- Okay, light him up! - No, don't shoot.

The equipment on top of that is basically a nuclear reactor.

- What? - Okay, I vote we don't shoot at that.

Well, we just gave a ghost a nuke.

We should probably run.

Yep.

Go! Go! Moving out!

Yo, was Thanksgiving like Halloween back in the 1920s?

'Cause that's a creepy-ass Macy's Parade.

I don't know. I've always kind of been attracted to husky men in hats.

Uh-oh.

I just made eye contact.

- With the balloon? - Yeah, straight down the barrel.

- Oh, damn. - I think we may look like chew toys to him.

All right, let's pop some balloons!

Oh, Lord, have mercy.

This is just wrong!

I can't move my hand.

I can't reach the trigger.

You guys, this is exactly how I pictured my death.

Come on.

Proton guns are all well and good,

but sometimes you need the Swiss Army.

Welcome back!

- Am I shouting? - Yeah.

I think the balloon popped my ear!

All right, let's go save this city and get our terrible receptionist back.

We're not gonna find another one that pretty.

Who's the flying beefcake?

Hello.

Oh, dear brave men and women of the protection services industry,

I would like to see you dance.

Get it off.

I can't. It won't work anymore.

My baby moves at midnight

Goes right on till the dawn

I control all of you.

My woman keeps me warm

What you doin ' on your back, aah?

Oh, this is fun.

You should be dancing, yeah

Aw, women. Always late.

Probably couldn't decide which dirty jumpsuit to wear.

Let's give 'em a proper New York welcome, shall we?

Boop.

Welcome to the glory days of New York City.

Have fun!

Never been good in a fight.

Well, good news.

Here's your chance to work on that.

Guys, you all have your sidearms.

I suggest you use them.

Okay, power up.

Holtzy, get down! Get down!

Slap shot!

Gotcha.

This isn't very Puritan behavior!

D'oh. Nuts!

I'm getting the hang of this!

Oh, shoot.

I lost my glasses!

Wait, wait, I got 'em! They're in my hand!

A little help!

Oh, impressive.

Holtzy! I got you!

It's chipping time now, ghost.

And this is what you get for sitting on me!

Missed me!

Thanks, Patty.

Oh, not you guys again!

Say hello to my little...

What the hell?

Forgot about my new toys.

Let's go.

You just got Holtzmanned, baby!

You know what?

I'm glad I didn't know any of you when you were alive,

'cause I don't enjoy any of you, especially you.

Okay. All right, Abby, let's reel it in tighter.

- I don't like you either! - We got to save our energy.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, my God, you killed a Pilgrim.

It appears I did.

- This is weird. - It sure is.

Hey, why y'all like this?

Something's up, man.

Yeah, great work, fellas.

Your country thanks you.

Well, that thing's having the time of its life.

Let's go.

Oh, God.