Original subtitles

Thanks.

- I have some questions. - Seriously?

- Okay, ready? - Oh, no.

- I found this in a box when we were moving. - Oh, no.

Oh, no!

Oh, yes!

I wish we still had this presentation.

I mean, it was pretty great.

I kinda wish I could've seen it, man.

- You might just get your wish, Patty. - No way.

Wait, you have it?

Damn, I wish I hadn't wished that.

Ghosts, they're real!

Lord, help us.

- Para... - ...normal...

- ...is... - ...normal.

And a valid science.

- Thank you for requesting this. - I...

Why don't I see ghosts flying around everywhere?

The barrier stops them.

It's the last line of defense betwixt the worlds of the living and the dead.

Protect the barrier! Protect the barrier! Protect the barrier!

Or mankind will end.

Oh!

That was really good.

- That was really good. - We actually...

- That was... I'm a little proud of us. Uh-oh. - Yes.

Rhythmic clapping.

I'm so goddamn happy you two are back together.

Aw.

Man, I'm gonna tell you right now, y'all, I was hating it up until the finale,

but the finale is what got me.

- Guys, we're on TV. - Oh. What?

A local team of paranormal investigators released a video of a proclaimed ghost.

You can see clearly there's something in the picture that isn't easily explained.

Oh, my God! They're showi ng the video! We famous! We famous.

As a result, there are a lot of questions being asked now

about the people who shot the video.

So, what do we think of these Ghostbusters? Are they to be taken seriously? And...

"Ghostbusters"? That is not our name.

They can't just make up a name and just call us...

I spoke with Martin Heiss earlier.

- He's with the Council for Logic and Data. - Okay.

- Martin Heiss. Okay, okay. - Okay.

He is a famed debunker of the paranormal.

Dr. Heiss, you're a highly regarded scientific authority.

- Your credentials are impeccable. - Thank you, Pat.

If you see something of true scientific interest in this video,

that goes a long way to legitimize these Ghostbusters and everything they stand for.

A game changer, yes.

So, tell me, Dr. Heiss, is this for real?

Hell no.

So, now we're the ghost girls.

I feel your pain, Erin.

No. You know what? Screw that.

We are scientists.

- Plus Patty. - Thank you.

Okay, we believe in provable,

physical results.

- That's what we believe in. - Yes, we do!

- Preach. - I will preach.

You know what we're gonna do, ladies?

We're gonna catch a ghost, we're gonna bring...

God.

We're gonna catch a ghost, bring it back to the lab...

- Kevin? - Yes, boss?

Can you answer the phone that's ringing, please?

- Buddy. - Yes, I can, boss.

Uh, Ghostbusters.

- "Conductors of the Metaphysical..." - Okay.

Cool. See ya.

Hey, guys, which one of these makes me look more like a doctor?

Me playing saxophone or me listening to saxophone?

Who was on the phone?

Uh, the Stonebrook Theatre?

There's a goat on the loose.

I'm gonna load up the car.

- Whoa. - Okay, okay, okay!

Yo, yo, I got something for us, too!

Hey, hey, hey, you guys, I got these from work.

I'm making it official, man.

You put one of these on, you won't get slimed again.

- That's great. - Yeah, we'll put them on in the car.

- Okay. - Erin!

- Um... - Oh.

One second.

Who's that?

Erin!

Hello, Phil.

How do you just completely ignore my calls and messages for a week?

- Me? Ignore you? - Yeah.

You just stood there during the most humiliating moment of my life.

Is that her boyfriend?

- No. - Sexy.

Who are you? Who are these people?

You didn't tell me about a book that you wrote,

and now everyone's saying you're some sort of crazy ghost hunter.

Okay, well, first of all, that's wrong. We don't hunt ghosts.

We stalk them. And we are very close to trapping one soon.

And then we will study it and do reports on it.

- Yeah, he probably dances real sexy. - Uh...

You know what I'm saying, like, just a wind...

I don't think his hips move at all.

I think he's mechanical from, like, the rib cage down.

- No! - I know how that guy dances.

- How's he dance? - Like...

No!

I'm telling you, he... Look, I bet you he get loose and...

I bet you he pop locks. I bet you...

He does... No!

None of that. None of that's happening.

- It's rigid. It's got a lot of teeth. - Girl. Please.

And he thinks he's doing you a favor.

- Man, he rip that... - And you're like, "Get it off me."

He rip that V-neck off and he gets it busy, man.

And he's got... He rips that V-neck off, he's got another V-neck underneath it.

And you know what? I don't care that people think I'm crazy.

I don't care what you think, or anyone.

Because what we're doing here is groundbreaking.

It's serious. We're doing important work.

Hey!

Look at this beauty!

Whoo!

Wait a minute. What did you do to my uncle's hearse?

I fixed it.

Hey!

He works at a funeral home! I can't take this back with a ghost on it!

It's our science mobile, I'll have you know.

And I'm about to go with my science friends, and we are about to do real work.

So, good day to you, sir.

- Erin. - We gotta go!

We are late. Get in here.

- Not you, Phil. - Erin!

- Funny. - Erin, we have to... This is not funny.

Just get in the...

- Erin, please get in. - Holtzmann, this is not the time.

You are killing me. Erin.

Oh, we have fun.

If there's something strange in the neighborhood

Who you gonna call?

Ghostbusters!

If there's something weird and it don't look good

Who can you call?

Ghostbusters!

I'm calling

I'm not afraid, not afraid

I'm not afraid, not afraid

I'm not afraid, not afraid

Oh, I'm not afraid

Nighttime, my lights on

Whoo!

Got me scared, whoo

I'm-a need my bed

I see shadows all on my wall

Man, these monsters be big and tall

Ghostbuster, who you gonna call?

- Let's go. - Let's go...

- Oh. Did you want to... - I'm sorry.

- I'll let you. I'll let you. - Next time.

Whoo! They roll up to my house

They knocking at my door

They coming busting in

Kill all them ghosts

Something strange in my neighborhood

Look out the window and it ain 't too good

I smoke these ghosts like Backwoods

Are you the Ghostbusters?

Actually, we're the Conductors of the Metaphysical...

We're... Yes. We're the Ghostbusters.

"There's a chicken frying itself in the library."

- That is strange. - That is not what he said.

Please, follow me.

Right away. Please, all of you.

Fernando was down here when something crawled out of a wall vent, and...

I heard him screaming, so I went to check,

and that's when the "thing" was tossing Fernando all around the room.

I thought it was gonna kill him. I shrieked when I saw it. I...

I guess I scared it, because I'm told that I have a very disturbing scream.

I could see that.

Anyway, if you could just mosey around, you'll probably bump into it.

'Kay, girls?

All right. Well, we know it's down here somewhere.

Let's split up, and if you see anything, get on the walkie.

Roger.

Separate from innocence The morals we've been fed

Holtzmann! This is serious!

And I agree. We all agree.

Except for Kathy. She doesn't get it.

All right, come on.

Guys, I think I got another one of those devices.

I just thought this was gonna be like a book club.

Play some Stevie Nicks albums, you know?

'Cause I'm telling you right now, if I see two twins from The Shining,

I'm gonna pass out.

Okay, yep.

Room full of nightmares. Not going in there.

I don't understand how I get wrapped up in this stuff.

I had a good job at the MTA.

Was it perfect?

No, of course it wasn't perfect.

But I tell you what, everybody was alive.

Was that there before?

Please do not answer.

I said, don't answer!

Okay...

Oh!

Hi.

It's a full paranormal transferal embodiment.

Erin, all of our theories on spectral possession are true.

There's a ghost in that thing, and I want it.

Let's light 'em up!

Whoa...

Run! We're gonna lose it! Come on!

- I love your fire! - Oh, man.

Ugh!

Upstairs! Go, go, go! Come on!

Huh! Why fear what's around you?

It could be everything you dreamed And it's about to be true

Ooh, yeah

Come with the one who wants to drag you away from the shore

'Cause you're looking for more

You want some more

That's not mine!

I think those machines are making them stronger!

That thing is super ionized!

And super not-benign!

This music is so terrible, it's making him more angry.

Play something gentle!

Behold the power of the undead!

We have summoned Satan himself!

For we are the kings of all...

- Let's do this! - Go, go.

This auditorium is Art Deco, you idiots!

Aim for the ghost!

Hey, Patty, you take that aisle. I'll take the far one.

Okay, I need y'all to get out the way! We need to get up those aisles!

All right, move, people! I need to get down that aisle!

If you're not gonna move, you're gonna become part of this operation!

All right, heads up!

Come on! Move me left!

Oh! Ooh! Watch the rings. Watch the rings.

Okay, you sweaty freaks.

I'm 'bout to save you from this ghost!

Ooh.

Okay, so I don't know if it was a race thing or a lady thing, but I'm mad as hell.

- Pick me up! - All right, put me down!

Put me down! Down, down, thank you.

Okay, Patty, stay still!

- You have sort of a... - Okay, I just...

I don't need you to tell me anything right now.

- No, no, no... You got a... - Nope.

I really need you not to tell me anything right now.

- But, Patty, there... - Hey. I'm tired.

- No, no, no... - Listen...

I'm just gonna go ahead and take off, how about that?

No, no, no, I don't really think that's a good idea.

- Going to take off... - Come on, Patty. Patty!

And I don't want to piss off the ghost.

Moving, going back to my booth at the MTA,

so let me know if you need some MetroCards.

- Do it, do it, do it. - 'Cause I am...

Really?

All right, ladies, light 'em up!

Patty, stay still.

Just don't hit Patty anywhere important.

- What? - Nothing!

Oh, you gonna get it now!

Erin, I forgot to tell you, don't let your beam get entangled with my beam.

- What? Why? - It's too much power.

It would cause a counter reaction.

The beam would shoot back into your body, and each atom will implode.

- What! - Holtz, open that trap!

Okay.

And I'm gonna open it on three.

- Holtzmann! - Ready?

- Sweetie! - Two...

- Open the box! - And one. Okay!

Erin, doing great. Abby, doing great.

Patty, try a little harder, okay?

Get in the box, you hellion!

Come on, we got you!

Come on.

Whew!

Excuse me, gotta get... Excuse me, excuse me.

I got a ghost to get. Thank you.

Did we just catch a ghost?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

We put a ghost in a box!

You want some more, you want some more?

Yes!

What you're looking for You want some more...

Right in there!

We are the Beasts of Mayhem! Huh!

Sorry, can't buy you another one.

Yeah!

Wankers! Black Sabbath did that shit in '74.

Ghostbusters! Ghostbusters!

- My gosh. - Thanks so much.

Why are there ghosts in New York?

We made magic today, and that's all I got to say. I'm Holtzmann.

Where are these ghosts coming from?

Are there any more ghosts inside the theater?

I think we took it out.

Listen, we're scientists.

We're here for the unanswerable questions and, really, to pursue truth.

We're the Ghostbusters!

Yeah!

Nope. I had him yesterday.

So?

So, it's your turn.

Weirdo city.

Charge the lines.

Create the vortex.

Break the barrier.

Enjoy your fun, Ghostbusters.

For soon, you shall bow down before me.

Whoo! Y'all gon' make me lose my mind

Up in here, up in here

Y'all gon' make me go all out

Up in here, up in here

Y'all gon' make me act a fool...

There he is.

Come on, Kevin. Let's go.

U h-oh, Kev.

Go, Kev.

Go, Kev. Go, Kev.

Go, Kev.

- Ah. - Uh-oh, Kev. Stop, Kev.

- Watch it! - Stop, Kev.

- Watch it. - Stop it, Kevin.

You ain't rapped long enough to be foolin ' with me

And you? You ain 't strong enough

So whatever it is you puffin ' on

That got you thinkin ' that you Superman...

Oh, please.

Get it. Get it.

This is so good. We have to celebrate.

- Come on! This is what... - You're right, you're right.

- Yep. - ...legit feels like.

- Right here. This. - Yep.

Oh, my God.

You have to stop kissing this.

That... It just makes me feel so warm and tingly inside.

That's probably the radiation.

Hey, guys, I got some pretty cool stuff cooking up over here,

if you want to just turn your head.

I got some newly printed circuit boards, and I rebuilt the superconducting magnets.

I improved beam accuracy

by adding a plasma shield to the RF discharge chamber.

I have cryocooler to reduce helium boil-off,

and to top it all off, we got a freakin' Faraday cage

to attenuate RF noise and avoid quenching.

- Nice! - All right!

There's a Smartin Christ here to see you.

Smartin Christ?

Wait, are you saying "Martin Heiss"?

- Doctor... - No. No.

Dr. Martin Heiss, the famed scientist and paranormal debunker?

- He's in this building right now? - Yeah, that guy.

Okay, you tell him that we're not here.

- Wait, what? What? - I don't want to talk to him.

They're not here.

Oh...

Dr. Heiss, hello. Welcome. Dr. Erin Gilbert.

Is this a good time, Doctor, or is this dinner rush?

Why don't you call and make an appointment?

It's actually a perfect time.

We were just doing some experiments over here.

Ah.

Yes, please, have a seat.

Let's start light and easy.

Why are you pretending to catch ghosts?

You know, it's really easy to just sit there and be the naysayer,

when you don't actually do anything.

You know that we only comprehend about 4% of the universe.

4%!

- Across the board! It's four! - Abby, Abby...

We all believe in the scientific method.

I've dedicated my life to it.

And we have actually done it.

Today, at 4:32 p. m.,

we successfully trapped a Class 3 vapor.

You're telling me

there is a ghost

inside that thermos?

- In that can? - Don't touch it. Don't touch it.

Booyah. Emphasis on the "boo."

Well, I would love to see that. I really would.

Shoot. You know what? You're not gonna get that treat today.

We're still assessing what type of containment method we're gonna use.

We're testing the lab... In the...

So, till we figure out how to best keep the entity,

that's not gonna happen.

How's that for my timing?

I come.

You've caught a ghost. I can't see it.

Look, I know it probably sounds like we're making this up.

- Yeah. - It sounds crazy,

and we probably don't really look like legitimate scientists.

No, you only lack the proper equipment,

like a garbage truck to hang on to the back of.

Said the guy with the walking stick and the floppy hat.

It was my mother's.

Yeah, that is an awesome hat.

All right, man.

Thanks for stopping by.

Well, I guess the graciousness has run out.

You want to see it?

I would love to see it.

Well, he can't see it.

I'm going to show it to you, then. How about that?

- Gear up, you guys. - No, you're not. Don't.

Excuse me. Why are you doing this?

Because he doesn't believe us.

Erin. Come on, we have finally succeeded

at doing the thing that we have talked about since we were little kids.

And you want to risk it all, what, for him?

Who cares if you impress him?

Oh, golly, you two are something.

You're right. I'm sorry.

- I don't... - Okay.

- I don't know what I was thinking. - All right.

It's okay.

Attagirl!

Sorry. I did it. I'm sorry.

- My God! - I know!

Casper?

Aw, man!

Hey, that man went out the wrong door.

Oh, my God.

He wasn't really Ghostbusters material.

Who threw him out the window?

A ghost threw him out the window.

Oh, you mean like Patrick Swayze?

Like, he's sitting behind you, making some pottery?

Yeah. Like Patrick Swayze.

That's it. Then we were all dancing at a summer camp in the Catskills.

And then we sat down, and he was behind me,

and we made a vase.

Oh, you're combining the two...

- I combined a couple of Swayze movies. - Yeah.

Oh, you know what was a good one? Road House.

I loved Road House.

- Point Break. - He was a...

Oh, Point Break.

Come on. At the end with the big wave?

He was a ghost in that, too!

Well, you don't know if he dies at the end.

He doesn't die. He doesn't die. They don't say he dies.

Well, now what?

- Who are you guys? - Official business.

We'll take it from here. Thank you.

- What? - You need to come with us.

- What? - Why?

The mayor needs a word, ladies.

So it's tandem parachuting. So you'd be with an instructor.

The little spoon.

- And who is on top? - The instructor.

Nah.

Oh.

- Mayor. - Oh!

Hey! There you are.

Welcome. Sorry for the mess and for the drama.

Please, come sit down. Take that one.

Good. That's right. And, you, that's a good one for you.

And take the end seat. Good.

That's not so good.

No feet on the table, please.

Um, sir, we don't have a lot of time.

- And we're not frauds. - No.

- We are legitimate scientists. - Let me interrupt you.

We know you're not frauds,

because we have been monitoring this situation quite closely.

Agents Hawkins and Rorke are with Homeland Security.

So we've been investigating this extremely quietly.

- Okay. - So, what do you know?

Um, we believe that someone is creating a device

that attracts and amplifies paranormal activity.

And that activity can be escalating now

and giving us an even larger scale event.

"Larger scale." Well, that sounds terrible.

Okay, well, you've been doing great work. Well done.

We really appreciate it, but it's time to knock it off.

- What? - Knock it off.

No, I heard you and I see the hand gesture. What does...

These gentlemen are on it. Let the government do their work.

We're just worried that you all are drawing a lot of attention...

- Exactly. - ...to yourselves.

What?

- Patty does wear big earrings. - Patty.

Well, if it's a crime to look good, guilty as charged.

Other than that, I feel like we keep a very low profile.

You drive a hearse with a ghost on it,

and you use a distinctly un-American-sounding siren.

We do.

Do you have any idea how many federal regulations

you're breaking on a daily basis?

- One? - No.

- Two? - No.

Is it one?

Just sit quietly.

Here's the essence of the deal.

We are gonna have to make the public believe

that you are frauds.

- What? Wait. Why? - What?

The human brain, you know, it can only handle so much.

If everybody knew what was going on, you know, there'd be a panic.

So, we need to get the information out there that the incident at the concert was a hoax.

'Cause, otherwise, there'd be mass hysteria.

Uh, we don't want mass hysteria either.

Our main concern is that we're allowed to continue our work.

- Yes, that is very important. - Very important.

But my concern is, I feel like the cat is sort of already kind of out of the bag.

I think what they're saying is the cat is out of the bag.

They want us to put the cat back inside the bag.

No, I know that's what they're saying.

- But I'm saying the cat's already out. - I know. I know it's out.

- So it's hard to put the cat back in. - It's not impossible.

- But that's why they have that saying. - It's a nonsense saying.

If the cat is outta the bag, you can't put it back in!

I put a cat in a bag all the time.

But once the cat is out of the bag,

aren't you like, "Ooh! The cat is out of the bag!"

We just want to shove that damn cat back in the bag.

The cat has been out of the bag before,

and yet, people lose interest and put it back in.

People always move on.

Sheriff in New Mexico reports a UFO encounter.

The crew of the SS Ourang Medan dies mysteriously.

The entire town of Langville, Montana, goes missing.

It does?

Okay, but he...

We're talking about relocating.

No one's being killed here, right?

They were turned inside out.

Their skin is on the inside of their body?

Their skin is on the inside of their body because their organs are on the outside.

But they're okay, right?

Sure.

I think they're dead.

On that horrifying note, thank you all so much for coming.

Call this number if you have any more info.

When it comes to these ghosts, we'll take it from here.

The US government doesn't need the help of hobbyists, okay?