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1
00:00:02,575 --> 00:00:05,267
Of course they did!
Nessa told me they did!
2
00:00:05,367 --> 00:00:08,281
I know they did. But Smithy
still maintains he fell over.
3
00:00:08,381 --> 00:00:10,802
Thing is, she can't even stand him!
She says he's a prick.
4
00:00:10,902 --> 00:00:14,663
He says she's the worst example
of a woman he's ever come across.
5
00:00:15,137 --> 00:00:16,104
Literally.
6
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:17,658
Oh, Gavin!
7
00:00:19,232 --> 00:00:21,146
So what time d'you think
you'll be here tomorrow?
8
00:00:21,246 --> 00:00:23,515
by nine so I reckon about midday.
9
00:00:23,614 --> 00:00:27,343
But try not to be later cos it starts at ten
and the good dresses will be gone.
10
00:00:27,443 --> 00:00:30,040
How do you know? Been to a lot
of wedding fares of ya?
11
00:00:30,139 --> 00:00:33,224
No, never been to one before.
Never in my life. Never ever. All right?
12
00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:34,779
All right. Calm down.
13
00:00:35,196 --> 00:00:38,115
Look, I've got to go.
I'll call you tonight. Love you
14
00:00:38,215 --> 00:00:39,745
Er...Gavin? Um...
15
00:00:40,485 --> 00:00:43,026
- ICB still owe us �400?
- Really?
16
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:44,061
Yeah.
17
00:00:44,325 --> 00:00:46,183
That's kind of the reason I phoned.
18
00:00:46,283 --> 00:00:47,889
OK. I'll chase it
up to account.
19
00:00:47,989 --> 00:00:52,060
Get your arse in gear. It's been five weeks.
My boss thinks I'm doing you favours.
20
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:53,443
Sexual favours!
21
00:00:53,543 --> 00:00:56,321
Actually, the last four payments
from ICB have all been late.
22
00:00:56,420 --> 00:00:57,912
Bit embarrassing, really.
23
00:00:58,012 --> 00:00:59,126
OK, chill out!
24
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,419
You said we have to stay professional!
25
00:01:01,817 --> 00:01:02,785
Very well.
26
00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:05,502
Thank you for bringing the matter
to my attention Miss West.
27
00:01:05,602 --> 00:01:07,114
I shall deal with it immediately.
28
00:01:07,213 --> 00:01:10,034
I appreciate your co-operation
Mr Shipman. Goodbye.
29
00:01:22,793 --> 00:01:23,779
I love you!
30
00:01:24,402 --> 00:01:25,615
I love you too!
31
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:38,865
Smithy?
32
00:02:08,452 --> 00:02:09,835
- Hello?
- What you doin'?
33
00:02:09,934 --> 00:02:11,978
Doing that bathroom.
Abbots Rd.
34
00:02:12,077 --> 00:02:14,897
- How's it going?
- Yeah, good. Just started tiling.
35
00:02:17,285 --> 00:02:18,252
SMITHY!
36
00:02:21,815 --> 00:02:23,654
Oh, God!
What you doing here?
37
00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:25,873
- On your lunch?
- It's six o'clock.
38
00:02:26,670 --> 00:02:27,447
What?
39
00:02:28,944 --> 00:02:30,879
S-h-i-t!
40
00:02:31,978 --> 00:02:34,991
I only shut my eyes for ten minutes.
That was at half-twelve!
41
00:02:35,958 --> 00:02:37,134
Nightmare!
42
00:02:37,233 --> 00:02:38,841
I should have this finished by five!
43
00:02:38,940 --> 00:02:41,002
Her niece and nephew are staying
for the weekend.
44
00:02:41,438 --> 00:02:44,036
- Right. You got to help me. Start tiling.
- I can't.
45
00:02:44,135 --> 00:02:47,009
Just slap 'em on. No need to be
perfect. She's partially sighted.
46
00:02:47,109 --> 00:02:48,771
- I got to talk to you.
- No time.
47
00:02:48,872 --> 00:02:51,654
- It's serious.
- We're going to have to talk and tile.
48
00:02:51,753 --> 00:02:52,430
OK.
49
00:02:55,123 --> 00:02:57,447
So, what is it? A problem down there?
50
00:02:57,546 --> 00:02:59,159
- Eh? The prostate.
- No!
51
00:02:59,424 --> 00:03:02,381
You can tell me. Look, honestly,
you can tell me anything.
52
00:03:03,424 --> 00:03:05,267
- I'll shut up. Go on.
- Look.
53
00:03:05,987 --> 00:03:07,769
Me, you, Gary and Simon,
54
00:03:07,869 --> 00:03:09,893
we've been mates since
first-year infants, right?
55
00:03:09,993 --> 00:03:11,788
Class of '83. Miss Hatfield.
Happy days.
56
00:03:11,888 --> 00:03:14,766
Anyway, we've all been
through a lot together
57
00:03:15,089 --> 00:03:17,762
and as much as I think
Gary and Simon are great,
58
00:03:18,653 --> 00:03:20,928
I always think of you as my best friend.
59
00:03:22,956 --> 00:03:25,420
And that's why when I will get
married in six weeks' time,
60
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,733
I want you standing there next to me...
61
00:03:28,339 --> 00:03:29,591
as my best man.
62
00:03:39,623 --> 00:03:41,727
Hey, come on. It's supposed
to be good news!
63
00:03:46,932 --> 00:03:48,221
That a yes, then?
64
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:59,143
I won't let you down, all right?
I'll get you to the church on time.
65
00:03:59,243 --> 00:04:03,371
I'll have the rings all ready. I'll do
a blindin' speech, right? Look at me.
66
00:04:05,731 --> 00:04:06,963
But most of all,
67
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,892
I am going to give you the BEST stag
since Chinese Alan got married in '99.
68
00:04:11,992 --> 00:04:13,086
I know you will.
69
00:04:21,230 --> 00:04:23,391
- I'd better go.
- Why?
70
00:04:23,770 --> 00:04:26,691
Cos there's a really angry woman
standing in the doorway.
71
00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:32,186
Mrs Henry.
72
00:04:33,248 --> 00:04:35,542
You're probably wondering why I'm crying.
73
00:04:36,737 --> 00:04:38,765
And why your bathroom isn't finished.
74
00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:40,887
- This is Gavin.
- Hi.
75
00:04:40,987 --> 00:04:44,251
He's my oldest and dearest friend. And
76
00:04:44,877 --> 00:04:47,171
he's just given me some devastating news.
77
00:04:48,993 --> 00:04:50,510
Regarding his prostate.
78
00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:05,903
Maybe that sort of thing.
79
00:05:08,083 --> 00:05:09,126
Yeah, maybe.
80
00:05:11,371 --> 00:05:13,609
- What's the matter?
- Nuthin'.
81
00:05:14,613 --> 00:05:16,205
Come on! Ness?
82
00:05:20,928 --> 00:05:22,842
I won't lie to you, this
don't sit well with me.
83
00:05:22,943 --> 00:05:23,999
What don't?
84
00:05:24,663 --> 00:05:27,430
Look. Are you sure you want me
to be your Maid of Honour?
85
00:05:27,530 --> 00:05:29,686
What you on about? Course I do!
86
00:05:29,786 --> 00:05:30,785
It's just...
87
00:05:32,858 --> 00:05:36,177
Well, 'member when Cara got married
and you and me were bridesmaids.
88
00:05:36,934 --> 00:05:39,779
And we walked down the aisle
and you went first
89
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,664
and everyone was turnin' and smilin'.
90
00:05:43,461 --> 00:05:46,855
and you looked really crackin'.
Proper, stunning like.
91
00:05:48,693 --> 00:05:50,171
And then I walks down,
92
00:05:50,874 --> 00:05:53,623
and I could see in people's eyes, they
were takin' the piss. Laughin' like.
93
00:05:53,723 --> 00:05:55,310
And not just cos I fell over.
94
00:05:55,409 --> 00:05:58,039
But because... I didn't look right.
95
00:05:59,712 --> 00:06:01,455
In fact, if truth be told,
I looked wrong.
96
00:06:01,555 --> 00:06:03,351
- Don't be daft.
- I did!
97
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,170
I made a twat of myself.
98
00:06:06,838 --> 00:06:10,567
And I just think, you need someone
who looks more like a bridesmaid.
99
00:06:10,667 --> 00:06:11,672
Like who?
100
00:06:12,126 --> 00:06:14,762
I dunno. Someone like Cat Deeley.
101
00:06:14,861 --> 00:06:18,052
- But I don't know Cat Deeley!
- Kate Thornton, or that Leanne.
102
00:06:18,151 --> 00:06:20,687
- Leanne who?
- Battersby. From Corrie.
103
00:06:21,161 --> 00:06:21,843
No!
104
00:06:22,714 --> 00:06:23,700
Look...
105
00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:28,511
...even if l did know those people,
I'd never choose them over you.
106
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:31,980
You're my best friend, Nessa,
107
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:35,115
and I want you stood beside
me on my wedding day.
108
00:06:35,797 --> 00:06:38,898
Cos without you there, I don't think
I could go through with it.
109
00:06:41,589 --> 00:06:42,479
Cheers.
110
00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:45,446
Now let's have a look at your 'tache.
111
00:06:50,507 --> 00:06:51,189
No.
112
00:06:52,174 --> 00:06:53,825
It's going to be a while yet.
113
00:07:00,179 --> 00:07:02,663
It's ten past nine!
This wedding fayre starts
114
00:07:02,763 --> 00:07:05,524
in an hour and we're not even
in the right country.
115
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,215
We haven't even left yet.
116
00:07:07,707 --> 00:07:10,589
I know. He's not even here.
I don't know where he is.
117
00:07:11,386 --> 00:07:13,907
Well, if worst comes to worst,
we'll have to meet you there.
118
00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:16,048
Yeah. OK. See ya.
119
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,631
Mick? You want your own towel
or are you happy to share mine?
120
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:22,778
I would like my own but, frankly,
I'll share your underwear
121
00:07:22,878 --> 00:07:26,645
if it'll get you in the car any quicker.
It's eleven minutes past nine!
122
00:07:26,745 --> 00:07:29,196
Smithy ain't here. Why are you
getting on at us?
123
00:07:29,295 --> 00:07:30,409
I'm ringing him.
124
00:07:30,694 --> 00:07:32,495
It'll go to voicemail.
I've already tried him.
125
00:07:32,595 --> 00:07:36,153
Smithy, you lump of lard, if you're not
here in two minutes, we'll go without ya.
126
00:07:36,253 --> 00:07:39,061
- Mick, sign this card for Gwen.
- What card?
127
00:07:39,161 --> 00:07:40,881
It's to say thanks for having us.
128
00:07:40,981 --> 00:07:43,725
'To a special friend'!
You've only met her once.
129
00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:45,431
She's family!
130
00:07:45,962 --> 00:07:48,269
You and me are going to fall out today!
131
00:07:48,993 --> 00:07:50,983
Here he is!
Where have you been?
132
00:07:51,083 --> 00:07:53,220
Sorry, Mick. I got to jump in the shower.
133
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,344
No, you're not!
We don't have time.
134
00:07:55,444 --> 00:07:57,350
I been tiling since five.
135
00:07:57,450 --> 00:07:58,999
- You finished that job?
- Yeah, eventually. She's not
136
00:07:59,099 --> 00:08:01,084
- as partially-sighted as I thought!
- Hi, Smithy!
137
00:08:01,184 --> 00:08:02,828
All right? I got to go inside
and need a wash.
138
00:08:02,928 --> 00:08:06,203
- We haven't got the time, darlin'!
- But I got to get changed.
139
00:08:06,303 --> 00:08:07,887
I ain't going like this!
140
00:08:08,664 --> 00:08:09,441
Fine!
141
00:08:12,775 --> 00:08:14,709
Oh, for the love of Mike!
142
00:08:16,282 --> 00:08:18,955
- Seen anything you like there, Pammy, eh?
- Oh, stop it!
143
00:08:19,055 --> 00:08:22,562
- Get in that car, for goodness sake.
- All right, give me a minute, crikey.
144
00:08:22,662 --> 00:08:23,605
Come on.
145
00:08:24,022 --> 00:08:26,145
All right, Michael. Go, go, go.
146
00:08:29,456 --> 00:08:33,172
Thing is, Gwen, at the end of the day,
I don't really think I'm the marryin' kind.
147
00:08:33,272 --> 00:08:36,489
- There's someone out there for everyone.
- You say that.
148
00:08:37,136 --> 00:08:39,600
I went round the world three times
when I was workin' the ships,
149
00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:41,079
met all manner of men.
150
00:08:41,179 --> 00:08:42,217
There was only Paulo,
151
00:08:42,317 --> 00:08:44,852
young lad from Peru, I ever thought
could've been the one for me.
152
00:08:46,476 --> 00:08:48,106
I often wonder what he's doing now.
153
00:08:49,205 --> 00:08:51,841
I thought I saw him once,
down Barry magistrates.
154
00:08:53,055 --> 00:08:54,058
I didn't.
155
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,050
It weren't him.
156
00:08:57,543 --> 00:08:59,553
Only me! The shopper!
157
00:09:00,159 --> 00:09:01,865
Mr Moneybags... Hiya, Nessa.
158
00:09:01,966 --> 00:09:03,401
- Bryn.
- Cup of tea?
159
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:06,984
I'd love one. But I'm desperate
for the loo first.
160
00:09:11,162 --> 00:09:12,488
Hang on a minute!
161
00:09:13,133 --> 00:09:15,314
I must have walked into the wrong house.
162
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:18,820
Cos I can see a young girl who
looks very much like my niece
163
00:09:19,238 --> 00:09:20,830
except she's doing housework.
164
00:09:21,286 --> 00:09:23,958
Which I know for a fact my niece is allergic to.
165
00:09:24,470 --> 00:09:26,498
- Hello, I'm Bryn.
- Hiya.
166
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,956
You are comin' to this weddin'
fayre, aren't you?
167
00:09:30,056 --> 00:09:32,609
I can't wait!
I was so excited last night.
168
00:09:32,709 --> 00:09:34,775
I didn't get to sleep till half-past ten!
169
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:41,180
- Something beginning with 'R'.
- Road.
170
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:43,835
Oh! How d'you always get it so quick?
171
00:09:43,934 --> 00:09:45,977
All right, I got a better game.
172
00:09:46,076 --> 00:09:47,653
Not 'Cruise Marry Shag'.
173
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:51,426
- You cannot play that with my parents.
- Ignore him. What are the rules?
174
00:09:51,879 --> 00:09:54,021
- Right. Mick, you can go first.
- All right. Go on.
175
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:57,016
- Oh, for goodness sake!
- OK, I'll give you three people.
176
00:09:57,115 --> 00:09:58,569
One of them you have to marry
177
00:09:58,670 --> 00:10:02,570
and have kids with and a dog and a family
estate car and all that, you know,
178
00:10:02,981 --> 00:10:06,052
forever, one you go on
a cruise ship around the world
179
00:10:06,152 --> 00:10:09,103
spending every minute of every day
with them but you DO NOT
180
00:10:09,204 --> 00:10:11,795
- have to sleep with them.
- I knew it was going to be blue!
181
00:10:12,149 --> 00:10:15,770
And the other one you have
to have a long, hard, brutal...
182
00:10:15,870 --> 00:10:19,392
No! It does not have to be
brutal or long or hard.
183
00:10:19,858 --> 00:10:21,924
- You just have to, you know...
- Shag 'em.
184
00:10:22,398 --> 00:10:25,090
Right, OK.
Michael, here are your three.
185
00:10:26,151 --> 00:10:26,833
OK,
186
00:10:27,819 --> 00:10:30,624
- Sharon Osbourne.
- Ooh! You quite like her!
187
00:10:32,794 --> 00:10:36,585
- Don't look at me!
- Sharon Osbourne, Anne Robinson
188
00:10:37,723 --> 00:10:39,865
- and...
- That little Jimmy Krankie!
189
00:10:39,964 --> 00:10:41,536
Yeah, that's the spirit!
190
00:10:46,231 --> 00:10:47,937
Oh, I dunno, um ....
191
00:10:48,525 --> 00:10:51,027
I'd go round the world with, er...
192
00:10:51,653 --> 00:10:53,112
Oh, it's so difficult.
193
00:10:53,632 --> 00:10:56,457
Right. I'd have to go round the
world with Bernard Manning.
194
00:10:56,557 --> 00:10:58,560
- Good call. Think of the jokes!
- Bernard Manning?!
195
00:10:58,661 --> 00:11:02,201
I'd marry Loyd Grossman
cos I like his sauces.
196
00:11:02,301 --> 00:11:04,545
- I'd do the same!
- His voice would do my head in.
197
00:11:04,645 --> 00:11:07,027
That leaves the one-night-stand with...
198
00:11:07,128 --> 00:11:09,341
Frank Bruno. Yes.
199
00:11:11,616 --> 00:11:14,117
I'd be more than happy
to do it with Frank Bruno.
200
00:11:20,277 --> 00:11:23,518
Quicker you say it, quicker
it'll be over. Go on.
201
00:11:24,068 --> 00:11:27,215
So I'd have to shag Pauline Fowler,
wouldn't I? Can we stop now?
202
00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:01,973
This is my idea of heaven!
203
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,552
Right, everyone.
204
00:12:08,652 --> 00:12:11,016
There are just six weeks
till we get married.
205
00:12:11,116 --> 00:12:14,984
If we're smart, we can get the majority
of the stuff we need today.
206
00:12:15,084 --> 00:12:17,714
It's all in this room.
We just got to find it.
207
00:12:17,814 --> 00:12:20,350
Follow me, ladies.
Good luck, boys.
208
00:12:24,103 --> 00:12:25,298
What a girl!
209
00:13:06,902 --> 00:13:09,669
Will your boy be coming to the wedding?
What's his name again?
210
00:13:09,769 --> 00:13:12,198
Jason? Yes, he's coming over.
211
00:13:12,497 --> 00:13:14,904
- He lives in Spain, he does.
- Is he married?
212
00:13:15,005 --> 00:13:18,013
- No. He's gay.
- Really?
213
00:13:18,726 --> 00:13:19,920
D'you know...
214
00:13:20,243 --> 00:13:23,067
I said to Mick if we'd have
had another son,
215
00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:25,399
I'd have loved him to be a homosexual.
216
00:13:25,499 --> 00:13:29,580
You know, for fashion advice
and emotional support.
217
00:13:29,845 --> 00:13:31,911
Jason's good as gold like that.
218
00:13:32,537 --> 00:13:34,186
I miss him terribly, I do.
219
00:13:34,453 --> 00:13:36,159
He lights up a room.
220
00:13:37,036 --> 00:13:38,705
Like a little Will Young.
221
00:13:41,264 --> 00:13:42,724
Right. You ready?
222
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,112
I know it's white, right?
223
00:13:52,211 --> 00:13:55,771
But who can honestly say, hand on heart,
they're a virgin these days?
224
00:13:57,722 --> 00:13:58,859
Fascinating.
225
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,058
Absolutely fascinating!
226
00:14:02,746 --> 00:14:03,977
You like that?
227
00:14:04,527 --> 00:14:06,575
Try this... Pick a card.
228
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:09,083
Okey-dokey.
229
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,211
Look at it.
230
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:19,873
Remember it.
231
00:14:20,461 --> 00:14:21,540
Put it back.
232
00:14:32,192 --> 00:14:33,538
Is that your card?
233
00:14:34,201 --> 00:14:34,922
Yes!
234
00:14:35,490 --> 00:14:39,054
I want to say no, I really do.
But it is my card... Mick!
235
00:14:40,064 --> 00:14:40,728
Mick?
236
00:14:40,828 --> 00:14:42,188
Oh, he'd love this.
237
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:44,519
What the heck.
238
00:14:45,183 --> 00:14:47,250
Are you free on the 6th of April?
239
00:14:48,311 --> 00:14:50,187
- Yeah.
- Can I book you?
240
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:52,554
- Yeah.
- Wonderful!
241
00:14:53,672 --> 00:14:55,284
What other tricks can you do?
242
00:14:59,718 --> 00:15:01,633
Look at the interior on that, Dad.
243
00:15:02,164 --> 00:15:04,646
They don't make cars like this any more.
244
00:15:05,292 --> 00:15:06,903
You'd look the business in it.
245
00:15:07,003 --> 00:15:08,916
No. I can't. She wants
a horse and carriage.
246
00:15:09,016 --> 00:15:12,006
- Why? I've never seen the appeal myself.
- Me neither.
247
00:15:13,030 --> 00:15:14,527
Well, why do it, then?
248
00:15:14,784 --> 00:15:17,400
I mean, who wants to see a horse
havin' a crap outside the church
249
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,636
when you're stood there
in all your finery?
250
00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:21,722
But she's got her heart set on it.
251
00:15:21,822 --> 00:15:23,694
Well, what would you prefer?
252
00:15:24,489 --> 00:15:28,735
- I want to go in the Bentley, obviously.
- So just tell her they've run out of horses.
253
00:15:29,266 --> 00:15:30,366
But... Listen.
254
00:15:30,466 --> 00:15:33,607
I lie to your mother on average
seven times a day.
255
00:15:34,122 --> 00:15:36,207
They're not just little white lies either.
256
00:15:36,307 --> 00:15:38,804
Some of them are pr-etty, pr-etty black.
257
00:15:41,137 --> 00:15:44,834
- No, Pam. I'm getting this.
- Oh, let's not start all that again.
258
00:15:44,934 --> 00:15:48,454
You and Mick are footing the bill.
I can never thank you enough for that.
259
00:15:48,554 --> 00:15:51,146
But please... let me buy
my daughter's dress.
260
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:54,631
I understand. I'll put my purse away.
261
00:15:55,124 --> 00:15:56,110
Oh! Pam!
262
00:15:57,513 --> 00:15:59,541
You're still payin' for my dress,
all right?
263
00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:02,323
I can saw the bride in half.
264
00:16:04,086 --> 00:16:05,641
I can saw the groom in half.
265
00:16:07,176 --> 00:16:08,921
I can saw the best man in half.
266
00:16:09,196 --> 00:16:10,883
Will you saw me in half?
267
00:16:10,983 --> 00:16:12,476
What relationship are you?
268
00:16:12,576 --> 00:16:13,689
- I'm the bride's uncle!
- No.
269
00:16:13,789 --> 00:16:15,130
But! Hang on.
270
00:16:15,623 --> 00:16:19,680
Her father... my brother...
is dead, y'see?
271
00:16:20,059 --> 00:16:21,045
All right.
272
00:16:22,391 --> 00:16:24,221
Well, that does change things.
273
00:16:25,794 --> 00:16:28,572
You're in Stag City now.
This one's on me.
274
00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:30,961
- Lager.
- Cheers.
275
00:16:31,061 --> 00:16:32,534
I like drinking lager.
276
00:16:32,847 --> 00:16:35,388
My name's Chris but you
can call me Jammy.
277
00:16:35,710 --> 00:16:38,364
- Smithy.
- Like it, I like that name a lot.
278
00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:42,355
- Groom or best man?
- Best man.
279
00:16:42,455 --> 00:16:44,668
Right. First things first. Well done.
280
00:16:45,048 --> 00:16:48,024
It takes a lot of guts for a guy like
you to come to a wedding fayre.
281
00:16:48,365 --> 00:16:52,081
But you found us and this
is where our journey begins.
282
00:16:53,048 --> 00:16:55,286
You love your mate more than life itself?
283
00:16:55,385 --> 00:16:58,225
You want to give him the best send-off you can
284
00:16:58,528 --> 00:17:00,235
before he ruins the rest
of his life. Am I right?
285
00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:01,466
- Yeah.
- I'm right, yeah?
286
00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:03,015
- I thought I was right.
- Yeah.
287
00:17:03,115 --> 00:17:04,741
- I'm right. - Yeah.
- High five.
288
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,054
You know what? Forget that!
Big tens.
289
00:17:10,917 --> 00:17:12,377
I know what you want.
290
00:17:12,662 --> 00:17:14,936
I know what you want better than you do.
291
00:17:16,029 --> 00:17:17,432
Nutter? Lights.
292
00:17:17,982 --> 00:17:20,048
Nutter. He's all right Nutter.
293
00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:23,801
One word.
294
00:17:25,370 --> 00:17:26,508
Two words.
295
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,085
One more word.
296
00:17:29,768 --> 00:17:30,735
Nutter?
297
00:17:31,627 --> 00:17:32,537
Lights.
298
00:17:39,077 --> 00:17:40,933
Right. Any questions?
299
00:17:41,996 --> 00:17:42,660
No.
300
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,091
Now the last two times
you were getting married,
301
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:48,522
I remember you wanted
something like this.
302
00:17:48,622 --> 00:17:50,513
- Is that still the case?
- Yeah.
303
00:17:50,895 --> 00:17:53,794
But, um, if you sees him,
like, my fiance,
304
00:17:53,895 --> 00:17:57,719
don't mention about the others cos he don't
know and I think it's better not to tell him.
305
00:17:57,818 --> 00:17:59,076
Mum's the word.
306
00:18:01,407 --> 00:18:02,449
Oh, luv.
307
00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:05,711
I'll take all of this, all right?
But I don't need another whip.
308
00:18:06,545 --> 00:18:09,009
Oh, Ness.
You look fabulous.
309
00:18:09,452 --> 00:18:11,330
I know. I feel it.
310
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,463
I am bushed!
311
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:18,116
Whacked. I am absolutely whacked.
312
00:18:18,217 --> 00:18:20,069
Come on you lot!
I'm all wedding-ed out.
313
00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:22,249
- Mum, see what I got.
- What is it?
314
00:18:22,350 --> 00:18:23,811
I'm not showing you!
315
00:18:23,910 --> 00:18:26,502
Right, so we start in Amsterdam.
Bit of that...
316
00:18:26,602 --> 00:18:29,308
Third day, travel to Prague, some of that.
317
00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:32,948
Four days later we start the flight home.
But... This is the best bit!
318
00:18:33,047 --> 00:18:35,979
We do a tandem parachute jump landing
in a beer refinery in Hamburg.
319
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,652
�700 including the lap-dance limo
and the last night.
320
00:18:39,063 --> 00:18:41,829
I'm getting married in six weeks.
I can't go away for nine days!
321
00:18:41,930 --> 00:18:44,934
I thought you'd say that. I completely
understand that the six-day option,
322
00:18:45,035 --> 00:18:47,599
- We miss out Amsterdam.
- No! Six days is still too long!
323
00:18:47,699 --> 00:18:49,457
- Yeah, but Jammy says.
- Who's Jammy?
324
00:18:49,557 --> 00:18:52,802
He's the guy who's organising the stag!
He's coming too!
325
00:18:52,903 --> 00:18:55,968
- Who's paying for him?
- We are!! That's a beauty of it!
326
00:18:56,234 --> 00:18:59,040
He knows Prague better than anyone.
He's slept with over 48 prostitutes!
327
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:01,819
- Lovely! Invite him to the wedding.
- You serious?
328
00:19:01,919 --> 00:19:04,397
No! It's a night-out in town and that's it.
329
00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:10,014
Russell Hobbs kettle and toaster combi.
Put one of them down.
330
00:19:10,113 --> 00:19:13,085
We have always had Russell Hobbs.
You can't go wrong with him.
331
00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:16,004
And that Brabantia bin is �55.
Is that too much?
332
00:19:16,104 --> 00:19:19,151
- Mm, maybe.
- If no-one gets it, no-one gets it!
333
00:19:19,739 --> 00:19:22,014
- I already knows what I'm gettin' you.
- What?
334
00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:23,170
Tattoo.
335
00:19:23,435 --> 00:19:26,829
I'm havin' your name and Gav's
all down one arm in Arabic.
336
00:19:33,296 --> 00:19:34,983
Smithy, here we are.
Why don't you sit here?
337
00:19:35,083 --> 00:19:37,565
No, I'm going to phone the missus.
338
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,560
Everyone OK with chilli?
339
00:19:40,659 --> 00:19:42,883
- Oh, yes, yes.
- Yes, yes, thank you, Gwen.
340
00:19:42,983 --> 00:19:46,315
Don't worry, Pam. I've done you
a lovely cauliflower cheese.
341
00:19:46,733 --> 00:19:50,335
Only I haven't put no cheese in it, cos
I wasn't sure if you ate dairy or not.
342
00:19:50,435 --> 00:19:52,875
So it's basically cauliflower.
With a bit of onion.
343
00:19:52,975 --> 00:19:54,609
Oh, thanks, Gwen!
344
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:59,653
Isn't that lovely, Pam? Gwen's catered
to your vegetarian needs so well!
345
00:19:59,753 --> 00:20:03,255
Yes! Of course, but what
you won't know, Gwen,
346
00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:06,421
is that Mick has also turned
vegetarian now.
347
00:20:06,521 --> 00:20:08,687
- In order to support me.
- No, I haven't.
348
00:20:08,787 --> 00:20:10,402
- Yes, you have!
- No, I haven't.
349
00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:12,450
I have no idea what you're talking about.
350
00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:15,152
I'm going to be eating Gwen's
delicious chilli.
351
00:20:16,968 --> 00:20:18,428
She's at Venture Scouts.
352
00:20:18,528 --> 00:20:19,812
I tell you what I want.
353
00:20:19,912 --> 00:20:23,129
Can we get a George Foreman Lean Mean
Fat Reducing Grilling Machine �19.99?
354
00:20:23,229 --> 00:20:24,874
- Yeah, go on.
- I got one of those!
355
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,433
I grill everything!
356
00:20:26,533 --> 00:20:28,783
Lean Mean Bryn they should call me.
357
00:20:29,372 --> 00:20:31,325
Right. It's all out on the table,
358
00:20:31,424 --> 00:20:34,708
- so help yourselves to rice and whatnot.
- Oh, thanks, Gwen.
359
00:20:39,230 --> 00:20:42,074
- You could have to smack on me some meat.
- How?
360
00:20:42,663 --> 00:20:46,112
- Put it in your pocket.
- Chilli con came? Are you insane?
361
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:47,838
No! I'm hungry!
362
00:20:49,353 --> 00:20:51,647
Mmm. Smells lovely, Gwen!
363
00:21:18,551 --> 00:21:19,538
All right?
364
00:21:20,671 --> 00:21:21,430
Yeah.
365
00:21:24,861 --> 00:21:26,643
Look. About the other week...
366
00:21:27,571 --> 00:21:29,012
Oh, sorry, guys.
367
00:21:29,448 --> 00:21:31,395
Took a bit longer than I thought.
368
00:21:37,746 --> 00:21:39,812
Why? We never had to go.
369
00:21:40,229 --> 00:21:43,377
We turned up. I gave him 20 quid.
We did the deed and got out of there.
370
00:21:43,476 --> 00:21:45,008
- Oh, how romantic.
371
00:21:45,108 --> 00:21:47,814
I think you might be very
pleasantly surprised.
372
00:21:47,914 --> 00:21:50,487
- It's a joke. An absolute joke.
- Gavin!
373
00:21:50,588 --> 00:21:53,690
- Now let's not start arguing!
- What's going on?
374
00:21:58,959 --> 00:22:01,178
- Well, I ain't telling him.
- Tell me what?
375
00:22:04,363 --> 00:22:07,036
Nothin' to do with me!
I'm on his side. You can tell him.
376
00:22:09,823 --> 00:22:11,775
We have to go to church tomorrow.
377
00:22:11,874 --> 00:22:14,754
The place where we're getting married.
We got to get the banns read.
378
00:22:14,855 --> 00:22:15,550
So?
379
00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:17,504
I said we'd all go.
380
00:22:19,158 --> 00:22:20,997
- So?
- Including you.
381
00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:22,381
What?!
382
00:23:07,128 --> 00:23:09,042
What a lovely hymn that was!
383
00:23:09,301 --> 00:23:11,689
And I tell you what, if Simon Cowell
was here today,
384
00:23:11,790 --> 00:23:15,557
I'm sure he'd be signing a lot of
you guys up for the Pop Factor.
385
00:23:16,465 --> 00:23:17,242
Right.
386
00:23:20,541 --> 00:23:21,678
Who here...
387
00:23:22,285 --> 00:23:23,650
likes sandwiches?
388
00:23:24,522 --> 00:23:26,569
I know l do. I love sandwiches.
389
00:23:26,886 --> 00:23:29,180
For lunch, or an afternoon snack.
390
00:23:30,583 --> 00:23:34,128
You've got your bread, and a bit
of butter or maybe mayonnaise
391
00:23:34,669 --> 00:23:36,716
and then you've got your filling.
392
00:23:38,479 --> 00:23:41,816
And in a way, that's a bit like God.
393
00:23:43,624 --> 00:23:46,942
Because we've all got a different
relationship with God,
394
00:23:47,042 --> 00:23:50,676
just like we've all got a different
relationship with sandwiches.
395
00:23:51,283 --> 00:23:54,222
For instance, my favourite sandwich
is ham and egg!
396
00:23:55,952 --> 00:23:57,867
And I got to thinking, 'I wonder
397
00:23:57,967 --> 00:24:01,128
what my congregation's favourite
sandwich is?' Doris?
398
00:24:01,228 --> 00:24:03,725
Stand up and tell us
your favourite sandwich.
399
00:24:05,201 --> 00:24:07,534
I likes a tuna, Father Chris!
400
00:24:07,950 --> 00:24:09,997
- I won't lie to you.
- Tuna!
401
00:24:11,021 --> 00:24:12,936
Dick! Dick Powell. How about you?
402
00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:18,815
HE SPEAKS WELSH
403
00:24:23,441 --> 00:24:25,052
Right, that's, er,
404
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,843
that's chicken and Glamorgan sausage.
405
00:24:29,835 --> 00:24:32,432
Odd choice. But it's your choice.
406
00:24:33,475 --> 00:24:34,991
Bryn! How about you?
407
00:24:36,944 --> 00:24:39,465
I know it's boring, but I just like cheese!
408
00:24:39,907 --> 00:24:42,446
- There it is!
- Thanks, Bryn.
409
00:24:44,115 --> 00:24:44,912
Now,
410
00:24:45,233 --> 00:24:49,366
Bryn is here today with some visitors,
some very important visitors from London,
411
00:24:49,466 --> 00:24:53,685
because Stacey West, Gwen's daughter...
Stand up for us, Stacey.
412
00:24:54,404 --> 00:24:56,680
In six weeks' time, here in St Nicholas's,
413
00:24:56,779 --> 00:24:58,449
is marrying a certain Mr.
414
00:24:58,548 --> 00:25:01,500
Gavin Shipman. Come on, Gavin.
Stand up for us.
415
00:25:04,307 --> 00:25:07,378
You're right, Bryn, he is
a smashing-looking lad.
416
00:25:11,557 --> 00:25:13,017
The happy couple!
417
00:25:16,257 --> 00:25:18,893
Stay on your feet, Gavin!
Don't sit down.
418
00:25:20,466 --> 00:25:21,698
Out of interest,
419
00:25:22,134 --> 00:25:24,617
what does a young London boy
like between his bread?
420
00:25:24,718 --> 00:25:26,230
- What?
- In your sandwich?
421
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,021
- I dunno.
- Oh, you must know! Come on.
422
00:25:32,032 --> 00:25:34,231
What's your favourite sandwich?
423
00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:36,677
Er... tuna?
424
00:25:36,777 --> 00:25:40,866
- But we've had tuna. Something else!
- Just say anything!
425
00:25:41,594 --> 00:25:44,097
- But why can't I have tuna as well?
- Don't look at her.
426
00:25:44,196 --> 00:25:46,675
- I really can't think!
- Jesus! How hard is it?
427
00:25:46,775 --> 00:25:50,144
- I just don't see the point!
- You don't see the point!
428
00:25:51,324 --> 00:25:54,832
You don't see the point, but I'll tell you
the point, you jumped-up little...
429
00:25:55,097 --> 00:25:59,609
The point is that the bread is the Holy
Spirit, the mayonnaise/butter is the Father,
430
00:25:59,710 --> 00:26:03,168
and the filling is the Son! We all like
different fillings but ultimately
431
00:26:03,267 --> 00:26:07,510
the bread remains a constant just like God!
But forget it! You've ruined it!
432
00:26:07,609 --> 00:26:09,993
NOW SIT DOWN!
433
00:26:10,355 --> 00:26:11,778
Stupid Cockneys.
434
00:26:11,877 --> 00:26:14,848
Right. Let us pray!
Our Father...
435
00:26:19,977 --> 00:26:21,666
Well, that was eventful.
436
00:26:21,930 --> 00:26:23,390
Is he often like that?
437
00:26:23,491 --> 00:26:26,917
He's good as gold normally. When he
mixes with people, he can't cope,
438
00:26:27,319 --> 00:26:29,765
which is a shame for a man of the cloth.
439
00:26:30,201 --> 00:26:31,679
All the best, Bryn.
440
00:26:31,780 --> 00:26:32,968
See you, my darling. Gwen.
441
00:26:33,069 --> 00:26:36,323
- Nessa!
- Lovely to see you. Take it easy.
442
00:26:40,974 --> 00:26:42,301
Give them a wave now.
443
00:26:45,220 --> 00:26:46,207
That's it.
444
00:26:51,295 --> 00:26:53,019
I miss him so much.
445
00:26:55,921 --> 00:26:57,456
Right. You coming back?
446
00:26:58,063 --> 00:27:01,123
- No, I'm going home.
- You never go home. What's up?
447
00:27:02,643 --> 00:27:03,667
Oh, Stace.
448
00:27:04,481 --> 00:27:07,155
- I think I'm in a right mess.
- What d'you mean?
449
00:27:07,421 --> 00:27:08,880
I'm late, aren't I?
450
00:27:08,980 --> 00:27:11,212
- What, 'late' late?
- Four days.
451
00:27:11,482 --> 00:27:14,686
- Are you sure?
- You know me, regular as clockwork.
452
00:27:14,785 --> 00:27:17,018
Every fourth Wednesday since I was nine.
453
00:27:17,118 --> 00:27:19,577
- What does Dave say?
- It's not Dave's.
454
00:27:19,677 --> 00:27:22,193
- Not that Daniel Owen's?!
- No! He's been done.
455
00:27:22,293 --> 00:27:24,240
- So is it Leggo's?
- Look.
456
00:27:24,922 --> 00:27:27,918
It's not Leggo's, it's not Daniel's,
it's not Dave's,
457
00:27:28,018 --> 00:27:31,159
- it's not the bloke from the key cutters.
-So whose is it, then?
458
00:27:35,851 --> 00:27:39,225
Easy, easy. I'd go round the world
with Michelle McManus,
459
00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:43,320
I'd marry Sonia from EastEnders and I'd
have a right good go on Julie Goodyear!
460
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:47,920
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