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1
00:00:02,228 --> 00:00:05,196
[SODA CANS OPEN]
2
00:00:05,646 --> 00:00:07,599
[SIGHS] Oh, no.
Is that what I think it is?
3
00:00:07,665 --> 00:00:09,499
Eddie's making his
"Soda Suicide" again...
4
00:00:09,578 --> 00:00:10,369
? Yeah ?
5
00:00:10,422 --> 00:00:12,190
a sugar-coma-inducing blend
6
00:00:12,238 --> 00:00:15,672
of Dr. Pepper, Squirt,
Fanta, Mountain Dew,
7
00:00:15,774 --> 00:00:18,208
and a cherry Jolly Rancher.
8
00:00:18,277 --> 00:00:20,811
And like always,
he's gonna stumble into the living room
9
00:00:20,913 --> 00:00:22,813
like a drunk uncle at a wedding...
10
00:00:22,882 --> 00:00:24,448
Plop down on the couch too hard,
11
00:00:24,550 --> 00:00:26,567
spilling all over the place.
12
00:00:26,831 --> 00:00:28,245
Not this time.
13
00:00:31,356 --> 00:00:33,022
You...
14
00:00:33,091 --> 00:00:34,991
didn't... spill on the couch?
15
00:00:35,060 --> 00:00:38,661
Nope.
As I was about to sit, I was like...
16
00:00:38,730 --> 00:00:40,830
"What if I put my cup
down on the table first?"
17
00:00:40,899 --> 00:00:43,933
Seems so obvious, but,
hey, live and learn.
18
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:45,902
He's even using a coaster.
19
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,036
[SLURPS]
20
00:00:47,138 --> 00:00:48,838
Ahh. Still got the skills.
21
00:00:48,907 --> 00:00:49,839
I haven't made one of these
22
00:00:49,908 --> 00:00:51,908
since Alison and I started dating.
23
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,944
[SCOFFS] She hated them.
24
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,280
Are you telling me you think
you can make a soda taste better
25
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:58,381
than the professionals?
26
00:00:58,450 --> 00:01:00,116
Than the flavor engineers
at Mountain Dew?
27
00:01:00,218 --> 00:01:01,584
Than Dr. Melvin Pepper?
28
00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:03,152
He's a damn doctor!
29
00:01:03,221 --> 00:01:05,157
Now that she broke up with me,
30
00:01:05,256 --> 00:01:07,223
I'm focused on forgetting about her
31
00:01:07,325 --> 00:01:09,091
and just being the best me I can.
32
00:01:09,630 --> 00:01:11,827
Very mature, son. I'm proud of you.
33
00:01:11,929 --> 00:01:13,262
Hey, hey, hey.
34
00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:15,631
I'm proud of us.
35
00:01:16,754 --> 00:01:18,548
Do you see what's happening here?
36
00:01:18,654 --> 00:01:20,603
The last of our three
children has grown up.
37
00:01:20,671 --> 00:01:23,411
We're finally out of "kid jail."
38
00:01:27,607 --> 00:01:29,506
We can have nice things again.
39
00:01:29,572 --> 00:01:30,878
[CHUCKLES] Look at her, Louis.
40
00:01:30,944 --> 00:01:34,833
As beautiful as the day we first
put her in storage in 1982.
41
00:01:34,885 --> 00:01:36,418
I'll never forget that day.
42
00:01:36,486 --> 00:01:38,687
Your water broke, and I said,
"Let's go to the hospital,"
43
00:01:38,789 --> 00:01:41,056
and you said, "After we make one stop."
44
00:01:41,124 --> 00:01:42,657
My labor pains were so intense.
45
00:01:42,726 --> 00:01:44,726
But after three hours of pushing,
46
00:01:44,795 --> 00:01:45,961
we finally figured out a way
47
00:01:46,029 --> 00:01:48,236
to wedge this couch
into the storage unit.
48
00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:51,679
Welcome home, sweetheart.
49
00:01:53,078 --> 00:01:55,017
S04E03
Kids
50
00:01:55,105 --> 00:01:56,171
? Fresh off the boat ?
51
00:01:56,306 --> 00:01:57,872
? I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ?
52
00:01:57,975 --> 00:02:00,208
? If you don't know,
homey, now you know ?
53
00:02:00,277 --> 00:02:01,476
? Fresh off the boat ?
54
00:02:01,545 --> 00:02:03,778
? Homey,
you don't know where I come from ?
55
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,246
? But I know where I'm goin' ?
56
00:02:05,349 --> 00:02:06,746
? I'm fresh off the boat ?
57
00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:08,097
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
58
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:10,251
- No way.
- Yes way.
59
00:02:10,354 --> 00:02:11,219
The last time we drank
60
00:02:11,321 --> 00:02:11,920
during the day
61
00:02:12,022 --> 00:02:12,654
was 15 years ago
62
00:02:12,756 --> 00:02:13,953
at the racetrack.
63
00:02:14,016 --> 00:02:15,356
You called the cashier a racist
64
00:02:15,458 --> 00:02:16,457
because a horse was named
65
00:02:16,559 --> 00:02:17,491
"Chinese Chicken Salad."
66
00:02:17,594 --> 00:02:19,126
I remember that now!
67
00:02:19,229 --> 00:02:21,062
Wow. We had fun, Louis.
68
00:02:21,164 --> 00:02:23,564
Don't ever let anyone
tell you otherwise.
69
00:02:23,666 --> 00:02:24,765
Well, with Eddie maturing,
70
00:02:24,867 --> 00:02:26,100
we can go back to having fun.
71
00:02:26,202 --> 00:02:27,635
Orlando is the 37th best city
72
00:02:27,737 --> 00:02:28,936
in America for a reason.
73
00:02:29,038 --> 00:02:30,238
Let's start enjoying it.
74
00:02:30,340 --> 00:02:31,606
Okay. What should we do first?
75
00:02:31,708 --> 00:02:33,407
Why don't we see
76
00:02:33,509 --> 00:02:34,875
what Honey and Marvin are up to tonight?
77
00:02:34,944 --> 00:02:37,278
Let's dial up those
fools and see what's up.
78
00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:39,647
Hey, nice use of slang.
79
00:02:39,749 --> 00:02:40,881
Did it sound dumb?
80
00:02:40,984 --> 00:02:43,184
I've only had half a beer,
but the voice in my head
81
00:02:43,253 --> 00:02:45,486
that criticizes me
constantly has gone quiet.
82
00:02:45,588 --> 00:02:46,854
And you realize we don't need
83
00:02:46,956 --> 00:02:48,522
to have quick dinners anymore, right?
84
00:02:48,625 --> 00:02:51,125
We don't need to be afraid of
leaving Eddie unsupervised.
85
00:02:51,227 --> 00:02:53,227
We can finally do more than just dinner.
86
00:02:53,329 --> 00:02:54,929
We can do "dinner and...".
87
00:02:55,031 --> 00:02:56,163
Dinner and dancing,
88
00:02:56,266 --> 00:02:57,531
dinner and a movie...
89
00:02:57,634 --> 00:02:59,734
dinner and drinks at a jazz club!
90
00:02:59,802 --> 00:03:00,935
Better idea...
91
00:03:01,037 --> 00:03:03,504
We can invite Honey and
Marvin to dinner and...
92
00:03:04,933 --> 00:03:05,925
karaoke.
93
00:03:06,009 --> 00:03:07,508
Get them on the phone immediately.
94
00:03:07,577 --> 00:03:09,444
Ahh! I can't wait to sing some Mariah.
95
00:03:09,546 --> 00:03:10,478
She's the only woman
96
00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:11,646
who can match my range.
97
00:03:11,748 --> 00:03:13,514
Hmm.
98
00:03:17,854 --> 00:03:18,453
How did that
99
00:03:18,555 --> 00:03:19,620
out-of-control sprinkler
100
00:03:19,723 --> 00:03:20,822
only hit me and not you?
101
00:03:20,924 --> 00:03:21,589
I don't know, bro,
102
00:03:21,691 --> 00:03:22,991
but it's your bad luck year,
103
00:03:23,093 --> 00:03:25,259
so keep your nasty juju away from me.
104
00:03:25,362 --> 00:03:27,462
I'm gonna go throw my
clothes in the dryer.
105
00:03:28,247 --> 00:03:30,199
_
106
00:03:30,367 --> 00:03:32,367
Oh, come on!
107
00:03:36,706 --> 00:03:38,306
What the hell?
108
00:03:38,408 --> 00:03:39,874
Alison, what are you doing here?
109
00:03:39,976 --> 00:03:42,010
Why wouldn't she be here? We're friends.
110
00:03:42,112 --> 00:03:43,478
Since when are you friends?
111
00:03:43,580 --> 00:03:44,545
Eddie, you know
112
00:03:44,647 --> 00:03:46,061
how you're always late for everything?
113
00:03:46,272 --> 00:03:47,048
No.
114
00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:48,929
[SIGHS]
115
00:03:49,372 --> 00:03:52,286
Well, over the years,
when Alison came by our house
116
00:03:52,389 --> 00:03:54,155
and had to wait for you to arrive,
117
00:03:54,224 --> 00:03:56,257
she and I struck up a great friendship.
118
00:03:56,359 --> 00:03:57,191
A great friendship?
119
00:03:57,293 --> 00:03:58,026
What do you guys
120
00:03:58,128 --> 00:03:58,860
even talk about?
121
00:03:58,962 --> 00:04:00,061
We talk about Pogs,
122
00:04:00,163 --> 00:04:00,962
Tamagotchis...
123
00:04:01,064 --> 00:04:01,729
Volleyball,
124
00:04:01,798 --> 00:04:02,897
Leno vs. Letterman.
125
00:04:02,999 --> 00:04:04,999
And, you know, life in general.
126
00:04:05,101 --> 00:04:06,734
What does anyone talk
about with their friends?
127
00:04:06,836 --> 00:04:09,303
Sorry, Eddie,
but Evan and I agreed a long time ago
128
00:04:09,406 --> 00:04:10,938
that if our relationship ever ended,
129
00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:12,407
me and him would stay friends.
130
00:04:12,509 --> 00:04:13,808
Two crossed arrows
131
00:04:13,910 --> 00:04:15,710
is the universal symbol for friendship.
132
00:04:15,812 --> 00:04:17,049
Friends forever.
133
00:04:17,260 --> 00:04:19,080
Friends forever.
134
00:04:19,182 --> 00:04:20,562
Your necklaces look cheap.
135
00:04:21,918 --> 00:04:24,585
- He's not worth it.
- You're right.
136
00:04:24,687 --> 00:04:26,715
I'm gonna go see if our
dino nuggets are ready.
137
00:04:27,349 --> 00:04:30,158
When I return, I hope you're not here.
138
00:04:32,996 --> 00:04:34,095
Why you doing me like this, girl?
139
00:04:34,197 --> 00:04:34,762
I'm sorry.
140
00:04:34,864 --> 00:04:35,863
I was laying it on thick
141
00:04:35,965 --> 00:04:36,697
for Evan's sake.
142
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:37,598
He's sensitive...
143
00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:38,900
Classic Leno fan...
144
00:04:39,002 --> 00:04:41,135
But, really,
I-I'm uncomfortable being here.
145
00:04:41,237 --> 00:04:42,703
I don't want to make
things harder between us
146
00:04:42,806 --> 00:04:44,539
- than they already are.
- Then why are you?
147
00:04:44,641 --> 00:04:46,874
Because I can't just abandon
my friendship with Evan.
148
00:04:46,976 --> 00:04:47,842
You and I splitting up...
149
00:04:47,944 --> 00:04:49,744
It's like he's a child of divorce.
150
00:04:49,813 --> 00:04:50,978
What do you know about divorce?
151
00:04:51,081 --> 00:04:53,081
- My parents are divorced.
- They are?
152
00:04:53,149 --> 00:04:54,549
I talked to you about it all the time!
153
00:04:54,651 --> 00:04:55,917
Well, you say a lot of things!
154
00:04:56,019 --> 00:04:57,251
Let's just drop it.
155
00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:58,719
Obviously,
we need some space from each other.
156
00:04:58,822 --> 00:05:01,356
Well, that means you and
Evan can't be friends.
157
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:02,857
Yeah, I-I know.
158
00:05:03,425 --> 00:05:05,050
Let's have a talk with him tomorrow.
159
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,971
So, if your parents are divorced...
160
00:05:07,076 --> 00:05:08,896
do you get, like,
twice as many presents at Christmas?
161
00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:12,767
[SMACKS LIPS] We're Jewish.
162
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:15,149
Huh.
163
00:05:18,607 --> 00:05:20,740
I'm so happy Honey and Marvin
164
00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:21,650
could come to dinner tonight.
165
00:05:21,714 --> 00:05:24,595
I already pre-paid for
our private karaoke room,
166
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,346
- so we are all set.
- Thank you for splurging
167
00:05:26,415 --> 00:05:27,815
on the four-microphone package.
168
00:05:27,883 --> 00:05:30,017
It's important we do
"Lady Marmalade" properly.
169
00:05:30,085 --> 00:05:31,118
[LAUGHS] I can't wait!
170
00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:33,420
- Hey!
- Oh, hi!
171
00:05:33,522 --> 00:05:36,290
- Oh, it's so good to see you.
- Hello, hello.
172
00:05:36,392 --> 00:05:37,591
Oh, I'm sorry we're late.
173
00:05:37,660 --> 00:05:39,626
Marvin was stuck at work
finishing a dental cleaning...
174
00:05:39,728 --> 00:05:42,229
- Uh-huh...
- for a celebrity.
175
00:05:42,331 --> 00:05:43,831
[GASPS] Was it Denzel?
176
00:05:43,899 --> 00:05:46,466
[CHUCKLES] No. But I will tell you...
177
00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:49,236
she was a joy to work with.
178
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:52,906
It was Joy Behar!
179
00:05:53,008 --> 00:05:54,908
- Whoa!
- Oh, amazing!
180
00:05:54,977 --> 00:05:56,210
Who is that? [MUTTERS]
181
00:05:56,678 --> 00:05:57,911
SERVER: Hi. Welcome to Chez Dennis.
182
00:05:58,013 --> 00:05:59,512
Can I get you all a drink to start?
183
00:05:59,581 --> 00:06:00,914
I'll have a glass of red wine.
184
00:06:01,016 --> 00:06:02,048
Pinot gris, please.
185
00:06:02,150 --> 00:06:03,350
[CHUCKLES] What do you say, Marv,
186
00:06:03,418 --> 00:06:05,252
a couple Negronis to
warm up our engines?
187
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:06,386
[BOTH LAUGH]
188
00:06:06,488 --> 00:06:07,854
I-I'll just have some water.
189
00:06:07,956 --> 00:06:10,323
[LAUGHS] Hilarious joke, Marvin.
190
00:06:10,425 --> 00:06:12,892
Come on. I've already taken a
dangerous amount of Pepcid AC
191
00:06:12,995 --> 00:06:14,394
to combat the Asian Flush.
192
00:06:14,496 --> 00:06:15,495
Let's go big tonight!
193
00:06:15,597 --> 00:06:17,998
Uh... actually, I can't drink because
194
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:19,232
[INHALES DEEPLY] well...
195
00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:22,235
I'm having some surgery tomorrow.
196
00:06:22,827 --> 00:06:24,738
Oh, my God. What for?
197
00:06:25,574 --> 00:06:27,707
I'm having my vasectomy reversed!
198
00:06:27,809 --> 00:06:29,175
We want to have kids!
199
00:06:29,278 --> 00:06:30,944
[BOTH LAUGH]
200
00:06:34,166 --> 00:06:36,344
Okay, one last time, I promise.
201
00:06:36,460 --> 00:06:39,077
Are you sure you want to have kids?
202
00:06:39,147 --> 00:06:41,047
Because nobody wants to have kids.
203
00:06:41,116 --> 00:06:42,849
They're just a thing that happens to you
204
00:06:42,917 --> 00:06:45,218
and then you carry that
burden with you until you die.
205
00:06:45,286 --> 00:06:47,220
My only burden will
be keeping my fingers
206
00:06:47,288 --> 00:06:48,788
from pinching baby legs.
207
00:06:48,857 --> 00:06:50,957
Where's your leg? Give me your leg.
208
00:06:51,059 --> 00:06:52,492
You nervous about the surgery?
209
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,227
A reverse vasectomy sounds intense.
210
00:06:54,329 --> 00:06:55,741
No, no, no.
211
00:06:55,863 --> 00:06:57,596
Uh, it's a simple outpatient procedure.
212
00:06:57,665 --> 00:06:59,365
They... They just go down south,
213
00:06:59,434 --> 00:07:02,268
do a little snip-snip,
loosen up my tubes,
214
00:07:02,337 --> 00:07:04,537
and then they take a
capillary out of my neck,
215
00:07:04,605 --> 00:07:06,872
they take that capillary,
fuse it to my tubes,
216
00:07:06,941 --> 00:07:09,006
probably with some kind of a heat gun,
217
00:07:09,110 --> 00:07:10,442
throw some stitches on it,
218
00:07:10,511 --> 00:07:12,611
and... boom...
Marvin's shooting bullets.
219
00:07:12,646 --> 00:07:15,180
[CHUCKLES] Uh-huh.
[VOICE CRACKS] Sounds simple.
220
00:07:15,249 --> 00:07:17,449
Louis and I just got
sprung from kid jail,
221
00:07:17,551 --> 00:07:18,817
because Eddie finally matured,
222
00:07:18,919 --> 00:07:22,154
and it is the best thing
that has ever happened to us.
223
00:07:22,256 --> 00:07:25,133
Why make your life harder...
with a baby?
224
00:07:25,323 --> 00:07:27,308
I don't know. I think it'll be fun.
225
00:07:27,424 --> 00:07:28,987
I can get it a hat.
226
00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:30,665
Oh, my God. And the jeans.
227
00:07:30,731 --> 00:07:31,763
For its fat legs.
228
00:07:31,832 --> 00:07:32,897
- Uh, Honey?
- Hmm?
229
00:07:32,966 --> 00:07:34,466
I think it's time for us to hit the ol'
road.
230
00:07:34,534 --> 00:07:37,202
Already?
But we were gonna do dinner and karaoke.
231
00:07:37,271 --> 00:07:40,138
I know, but Marvin needs to
rest up for his procedure,
232
00:07:40,207 --> 00:07:43,375
and I have a gynecologist
appointment tomorrow,
233
00:07:43,410 --> 00:07:45,844
just to make sure things
are good on my end. [LAUGHS]
234
00:07:46,961 --> 00:07:48,492
I mean, they are, for sure.
235
00:07:48,597 --> 00:07:49,414
I don't want to get into details,
236
00:07:49,516 --> 00:07:52,053
but just know that I've never
had a problem getting pregnant.
237
00:07:52,866 --> 00:07:53,700
- All right.
- Bye-bye.
238
00:07:53,763 --> 00:07:55,082
Bye, guys.
239
00:07:56,522 --> 00:07:58,489
You know what? We don't need them.
240
00:07:58,591 --> 00:07:59,857
We can still go out and have fun.
241
00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:01,659
I did pre-pay.
242
00:08:01,761 --> 00:08:03,827
["OPPOSITES ATTRACT" PLAYS]
243
00:08:03,896 --> 00:08:05,863
? I take two steps forward ?
244
00:08:05,965 --> 00:08:08,132
? I take two steps back ?
245
00:08:08,784 --> 00:08:12,670
? We come together,
'cause opposites attract ?
246
00:08:13,462 --> 00:08:14,750
[BOTH SIGH]
247
00:08:14,951 --> 00:08:16,354
That was a disgrace to Paula Abdul
248
00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:17,674
and all that she stands for.
249
00:08:17,776 --> 00:08:20,210
[SIGHS]
250
00:08:20,279 --> 00:08:22,312
This just isn't as fun
without Honey and Marvin.
251
00:08:22,381 --> 00:08:24,481
I can't believe the moment
we get out of kid jail,
252
00:08:24,583 --> 00:08:26,116
our best friends decide to go in.
253
00:08:26,151 --> 00:08:28,085
I was honest with Honey
about how hard it is,
254
00:08:28,153 --> 00:08:29,720
but she wouldn't even hear it.
255
00:08:29,822 --> 00:08:31,788
She's lost in baby fever.
256
00:08:31,857 --> 00:08:33,857
She is always quick to
dive into whatever's new.
257
00:08:33,892 --> 00:08:36,852
Remember when she made Marvin
grow sideburns like Luke Perry?
258
00:08:36,905 --> 00:08:38,362
Besides, at Marvin's age,
259
00:08:38,396 --> 00:08:40,530
their baby's gonna come out 4 years old.
260
00:08:40,565 --> 00:08:42,732
Meanwhile, I'm not even sure he's
into the idea of having a baby.
261
00:08:42,801 --> 00:08:44,964
Is there baby corn in this salad?
262
00:08:45,059 --> 00:08:46,495
Because if there is, I don't want it.
263
00:08:47,772 --> 00:08:49,972
He asked for no baby corn.
264
00:08:50,041 --> 00:08:52,641
Oh, he's definitely not ready for this!
265
00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:55,411
You can send back baby corn.
You can't send back baby.
266
00:08:55,513 --> 00:08:57,079
I understand Honey wanting to rush in,
267
00:08:57,148 --> 00:08:58,414
but Marvin's done it before.
268
00:08:58,516 --> 00:08:59,515
He should know better.
269
00:08:59,584 --> 00:09:01,450
You know,
if he's even a little bit unsure,
270
00:09:01,552 --> 00:09:02,651
we should talk to him.
271
00:09:02,754 --> 00:09:04,487
Absolutely.
272
00:09:04,589 --> 00:09:05,888
But first, let's sing some Michael?
273
00:09:05,957 --> 00:09:07,716
- Jackson?
- McDonald.
274
00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:08,603
Stipe?
275
00:09:08,709 --> 00:09:09,291
Ooh.
276
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:15,360
We sit before the truest
test of the puzzle master...
277
00:09:15,486 --> 00:09:17,933
The 1,000-piece puzzle
of a bowl of plums.
278
00:09:18,442 --> 00:09:20,503
Every piece is just purple.
279
00:09:21,439 --> 00:09:22,600
Yes.
280
00:09:23,550 --> 00:09:25,983
Where's Eddie?
He should've been here 45 minutes ago.
281
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:28,143
Eddie's late?! I'm stunned!
282
00:09:28,211 --> 00:09:29,711
I know, right?
283
00:09:29,746 --> 00:09:32,814
But we actually have something
serious to talk to you about,
284
00:09:32,883 --> 00:09:35,350
but I guess since he's late,
I'll just tell you.
285
00:09:35,452 --> 00:09:36,518
What is it?
286
00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:37,886
Your brother and I...
287
00:09:37,921 --> 00:09:42,457
well, we both care about you very much,
and...
288
00:09:47,797 --> 00:09:49,097
We're getting back together!
289
00:09:49,199 --> 00:09:51,332
[DOOR OPENS] Shut the front
door and give me a hug!
290
00:09:51,401 --> 00:09:52,700
[DOOR CLOSES]
291
00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:53,801
Sorry I'm late.
292
00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:54,902
I saw a red-tailed fox on the way home,
293
00:09:55,004 --> 00:09:55,903
so I chased it.
294
00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:57,738
I heard the great news!
295
00:09:57,841 --> 00:10:00,741
I've been hiding some Nilla Wafers
for when I finish the puzzle,
296
00:10:00,844 --> 00:10:02,962
but what the hay, let's celebrate!
297
00:10:04,214 --> 00:10:05,313
What great news?
298
00:10:05,348 --> 00:10:07,635
I kinda sorta told him
we're getting back together.
299
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,883
- What?
- You were late, and I panicked!
300
00:10:10,073 --> 00:10:11,699
[SIGHS] Can you tell
him we can't be friends?
301
00:10:11,752 --> 00:10:12,886
No way, ex-boo.
302
00:10:12,955 --> 00:10:14,521
You're the one who broke up with me.
303
00:10:14,623 --> 00:10:17,091
This was your choice.
You've got to be the bad guy.
304
00:10:18,063 --> 00:10:18,692
[SIGHS] Fine.
305
00:10:18,794 --> 00:10:19,860
I brought the whole box
306
00:10:19,929 --> 00:10:22,042
in case we want to
turn this into a party.
307
00:10:23,668 --> 00:10:25,799
Evan, there's something
else I have to tell you.
308
00:10:26,222 --> 00:10:28,933
Eddie and I were talking,
and we think it's best if...
309
00:10:32,405 --> 00:10:34,590
We take you on a pony ride!
310
00:10:35,223 --> 00:10:36,996
[HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM]
311
00:10:38,547 --> 00:10:39,813
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
312
00:10:40,325 --> 00:10:41,665
- Grandma!
- Emery!
313
00:10:41,792 --> 00:10:42,668
Aah!
314
00:10:43,597 --> 00:10:45,032
My bad luck strikes again.
315
00:10:45,127 --> 00:10:47,027
I can't be around
anyone pouring liquids.
316
00:10:47,122 --> 00:10:50,758
_
317
00:10:51,032 --> 00:10:53,407
_
318
00:10:53,502 --> 00:10:55,950
_
319
00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:56,805
Really?
320
00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:59,518
_
321
00:10:59,884 --> 00:11:02,544
_
322
00:11:02,903 --> 00:11:03,641
I thought that was Jesus.
323
00:11:03,768 --> 00:11:04,866
_
324
00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:06,470
_
325
00:11:10,431 --> 00:11:13,080
Whoa-ho-ho! What brings you two over?
326
00:11:13,154 --> 00:11:14,467
I was just on my way to the hospital.
327
00:11:14,535 --> 00:11:15,501
In a full suit?
328
00:11:15,570 --> 00:11:16,836
Well, I got to show those docs
329
00:11:16,905 --> 00:11:18,771
that they're operating
on classy merchandise.
330
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,172
Well, we just came by
331
00:11:20,208 --> 00:11:22,275
to see if you needed a
ride to the procedure.
332
00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:23,542
Since Honey has her appointment,
333
00:11:23,645 --> 00:11:24,810
we figured we could lend a hand.
334
00:11:24,913 --> 00:11:27,346
There's no need. I'm gonna drive myself.
335
00:11:27,802 --> 00:11:29,132
We could stop for ice cream on the way.
336
00:11:29,153 --> 00:11:30,187
Shotgun!
337
00:11:34,591 --> 00:11:36,723
The pony's name is Charlie!
338
00:11:36,818 --> 00:11:38,158
Very good!
339
00:11:39,003 --> 00:11:40,258
Sorry I'm late.
340
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,160
How are you late? We came here together.
341
00:11:42,262 --> 00:11:43,295
I saw some baby ducks
342
00:11:43,397 --> 00:11:45,130
and had to scope out if
there was a pond here.
343
00:11:45,165 --> 00:11:46,131
There wasn't.
344
00:11:46,233 --> 00:11:47,739
I think those ducks are in trouble.
345
00:11:48,635 --> 00:11:50,335
Isn't his mane beautiful?
346
00:11:50,437 --> 00:11:52,037
- Hey, buddy!
- Sure is!
347
00:11:52,139 --> 00:11:53,772
By the way, how'd you find this place?
348
00:11:53,841 --> 00:11:57,083
Um... I know about it because
we came here on our second date.
349
00:11:57,199 --> 00:11:58,413
Whaaat?
350
00:12:00,847 --> 00:12:01,780
Wait.
351
00:12:01,848 --> 00:12:03,748
You keep a picture of us in your purse?
352
00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:05,450
I thought you stopped liking me.
353
00:12:05,552 --> 00:12:06,551
We're broken up,
354
00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:08,053
but I'm not trying to forget you.
355
00:12:08,472 --> 00:12:10,678
It's not like our time
together meant nothing to me.
356
00:12:10,932 --> 00:12:11,890
I know it's my fault we're here.
357
00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:14,393
I'll tell Evan the truth as
soon as we get back home.
358
00:12:14,572 --> 00:12:16,641
His diet is mostly carrots!
359
00:12:16,746 --> 00:12:19,089
- You don't say!
- Great job!
360
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,387
So, this is how you want
to spend our time together?
361
00:12:24,571 --> 00:12:25,696
Rearranging shelves?
362
00:12:25,748 --> 00:12:26,392
_
363
00:12:26,487 --> 00:12:30,529
_
364
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:32,303
[SHATTERS] [GASPS]
365
00:12:32,408 --> 00:12:33,432
_
366
00:12:33,506 --> 00:12:34,445
_
367
00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:35,680
[SIGHS] I'm so sorry.
368
00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,248
My stupid bad luck.
369
00:12:37,651 --> 00:12:38,907
_
370
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:46,964
_
371
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:48,225
[MUG SHATTERS]
372
00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:50,912
_
373
00:12:52,864 --> 00:12:55,186
What,
the ice cream place is in the park?
374
00:12:55,334 --> 00:12:57,531
Yes. It's a truck. It's very trendy.
375
00:12:57,679 --> 00:12:59,030
[CHUCKLING] Oh.
376
00:13:02,038 --> 00:13:03,673
[SNORING]
377
00:13:04,286 --> 00:13:07,695
Wow. There are a lot of
homeless people around here.
378
00:13:07,737 --> 00:13:10,144
Oh, those aren't homeless people.
379
00:13:10,292 --> 00:13:12,233
They're new parents.
380
00:13:12,613 --> 00:13:14,640
Is it time to pump again?
381
00:13:14,703 --> 00:13:15,748
GIRL: Mommy!
382
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,841
Mommy!! [GASPS]
383
00:13:18,907 --> 00:13:21,208
[CRIES]
384
00:13:21,915 --> 00:13:24,226
[LAUGHS] Why?
385
00:13:24,807 --> 00:13:26,637
Well, what happened to all of them?
386
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:29,318
Well, they're exhausted
from taking care of kids.
387
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,429
Feeding them, changing their diapers.
388
00:13:31,534 --> 00:13:32,769
You remember what that's like, right?
389
00:13:32,871 --> 00:13:34,170
Right. Right.
390
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,271
You don't know what I'm talking about,
391
00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:36,506
- do you?
- I don't!
392
00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:38,074
No, I never experienced
any of this with Nicole.
393
00:13:38,143 --> 00:13:39,409
Her mother did all the heavy lifting.
394
00:13:39,477 --> 00:13:40,643
I just went to work, I came home,
395
00:13:40,712 --> 00:13:42,578
watched Carson's monologue,
then went to sleep.
396
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:45,048
Well, that's not gonna fly with Honey.
397
00:13:45,483 --> 00:13:46,716
Oh, that's true. Yeah.
398
00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:49,218
Honey's part of that new,
uh, Generation X
399
00:13:49,321 --> 00:13:50,586
I read about in Newsweek.
400
00:13:51,182 --> 00:13:52,153
They're progressive.
401
00:13:52,291 --> 00:13:54,891
Well, taking care of a
baby today is hard work.
402
00:13:55,362 --> 00:13:56,960
We just want you to be aware
of what you're getting into.
403
00:13:58,106 --> 00:13:58,661
[WEAKLY] Yeah.
404
00:13:59,404 --> 00:14:00,955
[QUIETLY] Baby corn.
405
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:06,570
JESSICA: Well, here we are.
406
00:14:06,610 --> 00:14:08,543
- Mm-hmm.
- You sure you're up for this?
407
00:14:08,612 --> 00:14:09,611
Yep.
408
00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:11,646
Already shaved my neck. [CHUCKLES]
409
00:14:11,748 --> 00:14:14,249
[VAN DOOR OPENS]
410
00:14:17,287 --> 00:14:18,486
[SIGHS]
411
00:14:18,555 --> 00:14:21,022
Well, I guess we were wrong.
He really does want this.
412
00:14:21,124 --> 00:14:22,257
I guess he does.
413
00:14:28,098 --> 00:14:28,897
[GASPS]
414
00:14:32,836 --> 00:14:35,136
I thought he was going in the hospital,
and then he just turned!
415
00:14:35,238 --> 00:14:37,038
I did not see that coming!
416
00:14:40,169 --> 00:14:41,268
Thank you. Bye.
417
00:14:41,746 --> 00:14:42,969
Amazing news!
418
00:14:43,071 --> 00:14:44,937
Not only did I book us the karaoke room
419
00:14:45,006 --> 00:14:46,205
that has the best acoustics,
420
00:14:46,274 --> 00:14:48,007
I also got us the four-mic package.
421
00:14:48,076 --> 00:14:49,108
They didn't think it was available,
422
00:14:49,210 --> 00:14:50,309
but then they checked, and it was.
423
00:14:50,378 --> 00:14:51,811
I feel really good about this.
424
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,646
If Marvin wasn't sure about having kids,
425
00:14:53,715 --> 00:14:54,747
why rush into it?
426
00:14:54,816 --> 00:14:57,195
There's plenty of time. He's barely 70.
427
00:14:57,279 --> 00:14:59,316
They're lucky to have
us looking out for them.
428
00:14:59,517 --> 00:15:00,987
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
429
00:15:01,728 --> 00:15:03,934
So I get home from my gyno checkup,
430
00:15:04,008 --> 00:15:05,824
which was a huge success.
431
00:15:05,893 --> 00:15:08,827
She compared my uterus to the
fertile shores of Oahu, and...
432
00:15:10,865 --> 00:15:12,998
I'm keeping it.
433
00:15:13,067 --> 00:15:15,646
I'm keeping my vasectomy.
434
00:15:16,303 --> 00:15:18,871
He said he changed his mind,
and he doesn't want a baby.
435
00:15:18,906 --> 00:15:19,905
Right now he doesn't,
436
00:15:19,974 --> 00:15:21,173
but maybe in the future, he will.
437
00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:22,808
In the meantime,
438
00:15:22,877 --> 00:15:24,409
let's all just have fun.
439
00:15:24,511 --> 00:15:26,912
Fun sounds fun. [CHUCKLES]
440
00:15:29,577 --> 00:15:31,583
I'll have to cross-reference my diary,
441
00:15:31,685 --> 00:15:34,062
but I think this is the
best day of my life.
442
00:15:35,655 --> 00:15:36,988
[BOTH SIGH]
443
00:15:38,258 --> 00:15:41,058
So, I know we've been
having a lot of fun today,
444
00:15:41,164 --> 00:15:43,380
but we need to talk
about something serious.
445
00:15:43,486 --> 00:15:45,491
Look, your brother and I...
446
00:15:45,632 --> 00:15:47,665
What I'm trying to say is...
447
00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:48,766
Gosh, this is so hard.
448
00:15:48,868 --> 00:15:50,668
Alison and I aren't back together, Evan.
449
00:15:50,737 --> 00:15:52,370
We're still broken up. [GASPS]
450
00:15:52,438 --> 00:15:53,905
I know she lied and said
we're back together,
451
00:15:54,007 --> 00:15:55,106
but it's not her fault.
452
00:15:55,174 --> 00:15:56,307
It's mine.
453
00:15:56,376 --> 00:15:57,441
This all happened because
454
00:15:57,510 --> 00:15:59,788
I didn't want you two to be friends.
455
00:16:00,144 --> 00:16:01,779
I was trying to forget
about her after our breakup
456
00:16:01,848 --> 00:16:04,827
and when I saw her in the house,
I freaked.
457
00:16:04,950 --> 00:16:06,583
But I realized that...
458
00:16:06,652 --> 00:16:07,818
I don't want to forget about her.
459
00:16:08,152 --> 00:16:09,386
We had some great times.
460
00:16:09,748 --> 00:16:11,388
So, I want you and her to be friends.
461
00:16:11,457 --> 00:16:14,009
And hopefully,
she and I can be friends, too.
462
00:16:14,128 --> 00:16:14,925
Yeah.
463
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,860
I think we're gonna be friends,
for sure.
464
00:16:17,592 --> 00:16:18,996
That's sweet.
465
00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:20,631
Here's what I think of your lies.
466
00:16:25,178 --> 00:16:26,813
Look what you did.
467
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,845
When was the last time he blinked?
468
00:16:30,242 --> 00:16:32,142
? Don't go breaking my heart ?
469
00:16:32,244 --> 00:16:33,810
? Don't go breaking my ?
470
00:16:33,912 --> 00:16:36,746
? I won't go breaking your heart ?
471
00:16:36,849 --> 00:16:39,316
[CHUCKLES]
472
00:16:39,418 --> 00:16:42,919
This next song is
dedicated to my uterus.
473
00:16:43,021 --> 00:16:46,056
? All that she wants is one baby ?
474
00:16:46,124 --> 00:16:47,691
? She's gone tomorrow, boy ?
475
00:16:47,726 --> 00:16:49,726
? All that she wants is ?
476
00:16:49,828 --> 00:16:52,696
- ? One baby-a-yay-yay ?
- My body, my choice!
477
00:16:53,199 --> 00:16:55,966
? All that she wants is one baby ?
478
00:16:56,068 --> 00:16:58,648
? She's gone tomor... ?
Wh... Sh...
479
00:16:59,492 --> 00:17:01,563
? What you want ?
480
00:17:01,606 --> 00:17:03,272
? Baby, I got it ?
481
00:17:03,341 --> 00:17:05,408
? What you need ?
482
00:17:05,443 --> 00:17:06,976
? You know I got it ?
483
00:17:07,078 --> 00:17:10,046
- What the hell is happening to you?
- ? All that I am askin' for ?
484
00:17:10,114 --> 00:17:11,947
? Is just a little respect
when you get home ?
485
00:17:12,016 --> 00:17:13,716
Are they karaoke fighting?
486
00:17:13,818 --> 00:17:15,384
I don't know, but I wish you would sing
487
00:17:15,453 --> 00:17:17,153
with this much passion.
488
00:17:17,221 --> 00:17:18,821
? Just a... ? [MUSIC STOPS]
489
00:17:18,923 --> 00:17:20,589
You don't get respect
by changing your mind
490
00:17:20,692 --> 00:17:22,603
last minute about having a baby!
491
00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:24,326
It's 1997.
492
00:17:24,395 --> 00:17:26,228
You can't tell a man
what to do with his body!
493
00:17:26,297 --> 00:17:27,590
I had doubts.
494
00:17:27,708 --> 00:17:28,764
And... A-And Louis and Jessica
495
00:17:28,833 --> 00:17:31,349
- helped me confirm my doubts.
- They what?
496
00:17:31,455 --> 00:17:33,183
Oh, we just wanted to remind Marvin
497
00:17:33,236 --> 00:17:34,836
what having a baby was really like.
498
00:17:34,905 --> 00:17:37,372
It's a big decision...
One that all four of us
499
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,240
need to be 100% on board for.
500
00:17:40,211 --> 00:17:42,005
I can't believe this.
501
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:45,546
[SIGHS] ["FUNKYTOWN" PLAYS]
502
00:17:45,615 --> 00:17:46,681
Oh, sorry.
503
00:17:46,750 --> 00:17:48,850
I had this queued up
like 10 minutes ago.
504
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:54,689
? Gotta make a move to a
town that's right for me ?
505
00:18:00,333 --> 00:18:02,563
Mahjong! This is gonna be so much fun.
506
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,244
Throw the tiles around...
507
00:18:05,838 --> 00:18:07,201
[GASPS, LAUGHS]
508
00:18:08,068 --> 00:18:09,624
_
509
00:18:09,677 --> 00:18:13,529
_
510
00:18:13,991 --> 00:18:18,530
_
511
00:18:18,635 --> 00:18:22,817
I am plotzing. These tiles are caliente!
512
00:18:22,918 --> 00:18:23,884
[LAUGHS]
513
00:18:23,953 --> 00:18:25,652
We're gonna take her down together.
514
00:18:25,721 --> 00:18:27,921
We're an unstoppable team.
515
00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:29,490
[LAUGHS]
516
00:18:32,586 --> 00:18:34,723
_
517
00:18:39,602 --> 00:18:40,868
Did you have me stand back there
518
00:18:40,970 --> 00:18:42,903
so you could use my bad
luck to make Cheryl lose?
519
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:45,041
_
520
00:18:45,173 --> 00:18:46,968
_
521
00:18:47,073 --> 00:18:49,738
_
522
00:18:50,081 --> 00:18:50,744
I am?
523
00:18:50,859 --> 00:18:52,746
_
524
00:18:53,128 --> 00:18:55,603
_
525
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,885
_
526
00:18:57,977 --> 00:19:02,318
_
527
00:19:02,423 --> 00:19:05,022
We can make a real dent. Who's next?
528
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,566
Pass the Normandy butter?
529
00:19:13,635 --> 00:19:15,468
Go to hell.
530
00:19:15,537 --> 00:19:16,936
Sorry to interrupt your dinner.
531
00:19:17,005 --> 00:19:18,271
How did you get in here?
532
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:20,139
We're not here to discuss
your lack of home security.
533
00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:21,674
We're here to apologize.
534
00:19:21,776 --> 00:19:22,709
[SCOFFS]
535
00:19:23,155 --> 00:19:24,725
I'm not interested in your apology.
536
00:19:24,817 --> 00:19:27,013
I know it was selfish,
but we didn't want to see
537
00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:29,105
our best friends go into kid jail
538
00:19:29,150 --> 00:19:30,549
just as we were getting out of it.
539
00:19:30,618 --> 00:19:33,085
If you want to have a baby,
we support you.
540
00:19:33,392 --> 00:19:34,520
You'll be great parents.
541
00:19:34,622 --> 00:19:36,555
Sorry! Shop's closed.
542
00:19:36,865 --> 00:19:38,357
I have Nicole... One and done.
543
00:19:38,426 --> 00:19:40,256
I know, and Nicole's amazing.
544
00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:41,460
But just think of how incredible
545
00:19:41,529 --> 00:19:43,765
it would be to have a baby with Honey.
546
00:19:45,414 --> 00:19:48,254
Pumpkin... I know you're mad at me,
547
00:19:48,597 --> 00:19:51,770
but I'm just nervous
about my life changing.
548
00:19:52,370 --> 00:19:54,521
I know you'd be a great mom,
549
00:19:54,969 --> 00:19:58,109
but I'm just not sure if I'm
ready to be a father again.
550
00:19:58,953 --> 00:20:00,417
I'm nervous, too.
551
00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:03,359
I never thought I wanted kids,
like, ever.
552
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:04,586
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
553
00:20:04,731 --> 00:20:07,852
But then I met you, and that changed.
Hmm.
554
00:20:07,921 --> 00:20:10,121
Look, you may not be sure you're ready,
555
00:20:10,575 --> 00:20:12,390
but together, we're ready.
556
00:20:13,188 --> 00:20:14,688
I think we are, too.
557
00:20:14,872 --> 00:20:17,629
So,
let's untie these tubes and make a baby!
558
00:20:17,731 --> 00:20:18,496
Ahh!
559
00:20:18,598 --> 00:20:20,665
[BOTH LAUGH]
560
00:20:20,767 --> 00:20:22,834
I say this with love, but please,
561
00:20:22,936 --> 00:20:24,970
never interfere in our lives again.
562
00:20:25,038 --> 00:20:28,139
I say this with love... No promises.
563
00:20:28,241 --> 00:20:29,741
So, I'm just gonna get right into it.
564
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:32,243
Can I go to the Michigan Womyn's
Music Festival next weekend?
565
00:20:32,346 --> 00:20:34,112
It's a woman's-only event
celebrating the crossroads
566
00:20:34,214 --> 00:20:35,547
between music and femininity.
567
00:20:35,649 --> 00:20:36,748
Tori Amos is playing
568
00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:38,583
the Nair Hair Removal
stage Saturday night.
569
00:20:38,685 --> 00:20:40,518
Dad, you like her,
you saw her on TV and said,
570
00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:41,886
"Who's the mermaid on the keys?"
571
00:20:41,989 --> 00:20:43,254
And I said, "That's Tori Amos."
572
00:20:43,357 --> 00:20:45,490
I should have said,
"She's playing at the Womyn's Festival"
573
00:20:45,559 --> 00:20:47,092
and asked you about it then,
but I didn't.
574
00:20:47,194 --> 00:20:48,159
So here we are.
575
00:20:48,261 --> 00:20:49,494
Anyway, it's all on the flier,
576
00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,404
which I'm gonna leave
here for you to read.
577
00:20:53,101 --> 00:20:54,447
It's, uh...
578
00:20:54,698 --> 00:20:55,977
[DOOR CLOSES]
579
00:21:02,034 --> 00:21:03,200
Two days.
580
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:05,302
We paid for 15 years of storage,
581
00:21:05,404 --> 00:21:07,371
and the couch lasted two days.
582
00:21:07,473 --> 00:21:09,306
Do you want me to find out
which one of them did it?
583
00:21:09,408 --> 00:21:11,408
No, we'll just ground all of them.
584
00:21:11,477 --> 00:21:12,476
I guess we still can't have
585
00:21:12,578 --> 00:21:13,777
nice things.
586
00:21:13,879 --> 00:21:15,245
I'll flip the cushion.
587
00:21:15,348 --> 00:21:16,280
Don't.
588
00:21:16,382 --> 00:21:18,182
That's where my water broke, remember?
589
00:21:18,284 --> 00:21:20,284
Eddie somehow managed to ruin the couch
590
00:21:20,386 --> 00:21:22,519
even before he was on this earth.
591
00:21:23,813 --> 00:21:25,568
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
592
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:30,168
Repair and Synchronization by
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