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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:04,956 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,957 --> 00:00:08,293 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,294 --> 00:00:11,930 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,931 --> 00:00:14,838 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,839 --> 00:00:18,264 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,265 --> 00:00:21,740 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,741 --> 00:00:23,308 All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,309 --> 00:00:24,932 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,933 --> 00:00:30,048 He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! 10 00:00:31,090 --> 00:00:33,055 Previously on Family Guy... 11 00:00:33,056 --> 00:00:35,687 Dad's working for the Trump White House? 12 00:00:35,688 --> 00:00:38,314 Huh... hey, Stewie, can we do that again? 13 00:00:38,315 --> 00:00:39,929 Maybe a little more energy? 14 00:00:42,829 --> 00:00:44,417 Uh, no? 15 00:00:46,265 --> 00:00:47,799 I-I think we can use it. 16 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,719 Oh, yay, that's awesome. 17 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,503 Wow, the White House is great. 18 00:00:55,504 --> 00:00:58,009 There's no wonder you spend two days a week here. 19 00:00:58,927 --> 00:01:00,745 I'm sorry, can you hang on a sec? 20 00:01:00,746 --> 00:01:02,414 Got to close this window. 21 00:01:02,415 --> 00:01:05,984 Melania's out there blowing bubbles for Eric. 22 00:01:08,287 --> 00:01:10,488 Dad, I got one in my mouth. 23 00:01:10,489 --> 00:01:12,524 It tastes like soap! 24 00:01:12,525 --> 00:01:14,759 Tremendous. Amazing. 25 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:18,430 Okay, Peter, your main job here is to go in rooms before me 26 00:01:18,431 --> 00:01:21,766 to make sure there's no static electricity. 27 00:01:23,269 --> 00:01:25,203 Don't go in there. It's not safe. 28 00:01:25,204 --> 00:01:26,771 Well done, Peter. 29 00:01:32,903 --> 00:01:35,247 Everyone, welcome to our new place. 30 00:01:35,248 --> 00:01:38,016 I think we're gonna enjoy the Beltway lifestyle. 31 00:01:38,017 --> 00:01:41,152 Washington, D.C. is a wonderful city to call home. 32 00:01:41,153 --> 00:01:44,256 And will we be putting our kids in the local public schools? 33 00:01:44,257 --> 00:01:45,857 No, I would not recommend it. 34 00:01:45,858 --> 00:01:48,260 Dibs on the bedroom in which an intern got murdered. 35 00:01:48,261 --> 00:01:50,829 Aw, I want the intern murder bedroom! 36 00:01:50,830 --> 00:01:52,430 There's no need to fight, kids. 37 00:01:52,431 --> 00:01:55,066 An intern has been murdered in each of the bedrooms. 38 00:01:56,235 --> 00:01:57,469 Well, I think this sucks. 39 00:01:57,470 --> 00:01:59,137 I want to go back to Quahog. 40 00:01:59,138 --> 00:02:01,139 But we just got here, sweetie. 41 00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:02,741 Tomorrow, at James Woods High, 42 00:02:02,742 --> 00:02:04,576 it's Scoliosis Spine Check Day. 43 00:02:04,577 --> 00:02:06,911 It's the one day a year I get touched! 44 00:02:06,912 --> 00:02:09,481 Meg, your father got this great new opportunity, 45 00:02:09,482 --> 00:02:11,249 and we need to support him. 46 00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:13,251 Let's give D.C. a chance, huh? 47 00:02:13,252 --> 00:02:14,653 Yeah, Meg, trust me... 48 00:02:14,654 --> 00:02:16,488 Before long, we'll fit right in here, 49 00:02:16,489 --> 00:02:19,257 like a cowboy in a Chinese Starbucks. 50 00:02:21,494 --> 00:02:24,496 This is the most strangest place ever. 51 00:02:24,497 --> 00:02:26,164 Yee! Ha! 52 00:02:26,165 --> 00:02:28,833 Oh, this ain't so different. 53 00:02:36,008 --> 00:02:37,842 Oh, this is so exciting! 54 00:02:37,843 --> 00:02:40,779 I've never been to a fancy White House party before. 55 00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:43,615 We're happy you're here, Mrs. Griffin, Mr. Griffin. 56 00:02:43,616 --> 00:02:45,784 And we're glad you brought your two children 57 00:02:45,785 --> 00:02:48,224 and former Governor Chris Christie. 58 00:02:48,225 --> 00:02:51,289 That's, like, the fourth person who's called Meg Chris Christie. 59 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,126 Aw, sweetie, I'm sorry everyone thinks 60 00:02:55,127 --> 00:02:58,763 you're a historically unpopular fatso from New Jersey. 61 00:02:58,764 --> 00:03:00,765 Whatever. I just want to go home. 62 00:03:00,766 --> 00:03:02,524 Oh, you can't go home yet! 63 00:03:02,525 --> 00:03:04,002 We haven't even served dinner. 64 00:03:04,003 --> 00:03:05,937 And I hope you saved your appetite, 65 00:03:05,938 --> 00:03:08,106 because, later, we're all wiping our ass 66 00:03:08,107 --> 00:03:10,041 with the Constitution. 67 00:03:10,042 --> 00:03:11,331 Hi, Brian Griffin. 68 00:03:11,332 --> 00:03:13,597 They let me write some of the liberal jokes. 69 00:03:13,598 --> 00:03:14,698 How you liking 'em? 70 00:03:14,699 --> 00:03:15,997 Good, there's more coming. 71 00:03:18,284 --> 00:03:20,185 Folks, to drink this evening, we've got red wine, 72 00:03:20,186 --> 00:03:22,120 white wine, and a fifth of bourbon. 73 00:03:22,121 --> 00:03:24,622 What'll you have, disgraced political oddity Roger Stone? 74 00:03:24,623 --> 00:03:26,224 I'll take the fifth. 75 00:03:26,225 --> 00:03:28,059 That works on two levels. 76 00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:29,627 Layered. 77 00:03:29,628 --> 00:03:31,963 Man, the Trump White House is so awesome. 78 00:03:31,964 --> 00:03:34,032 And for sure it's not crawling with Russians. 79 00:03:34,033 --> 00:03:35,266 That's for actual, 80 00:03:35,267 --> 00:03:37,135 other American at this party. 81 00:03:37,136 --> 00:03:38,803 So, what kinds of things 82 00:03:38,804 --> 00:03:41,639 do you hearing from our Mr. USA President? 83 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,241 I don't know, fellow American, 84 00:03:43,242 --> 00:03:45,243 but here's my Gmail log-in and password, 85 00:03:45,244 --> 00:03:46,678 'cause I know I can trust you with it. 86 00:03:46,679 --> 00:03:47,679 Wonderful. 87 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:49,314 Now, to please excuse, 88 00:03:49,315 --> 00:03:53,122 I have very aching gut from eating so much apple cake. 89 00:03:53,123 --> 00:03:56,221 Ha! Doesn't get more American than that. 90 00:04:06,265 --> 00:04:07,699 Sorry! I'm just looking for the exit. 91 00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:09,200 I didn't mean to... 92 00:04:09,201 --> 00:04:11,538 Holy girl boner. 93 00:04:11,539 --> 00:04:13,204 Ivanka Trump 94 00:04:13,205 --> 00:04:15,940 Has a gentle breeze indoors. 95 00:04:15,941 --> 00:04:19,110 Tell those kids, if they ever want to see their parents again, 96 00:04:19,111 --> 00:04:20,445 they'll make the shoes! 97 00:04:20,446 --> 00:04:22,470 Do you know who you're dealing with? 98 00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,549 My husband is the son of a felon 99 00:04:24,550 --> 00:04:26,551 who went to prison for blackmailing his brother-in-law 100 00:04:26,552 --> 00:04:28,153 by entrapping him with a prostitute 101 00:04:28,154 --> 00:04:31,756 and then mailing a copy of the tape to his own sister! 102 00:04:31,757 --> 00:04:33,425 All that stuff 103 00:04:33,426 --> 00:04:35,260 Happened for real. 104 00:04:35,261 --> 00:04:36,861 Is everything okay? 105 00:04:36,862 --> 00:04:38,863 Huh? Oh. Yeah. 106 00:04:38,864 --> 00:04:40,932 Sorry to be out of sorts. I just... 107 00:04:40,933 --> 00:04:42,934 Sometimes I wish I could meet someone else 108 00:04:42,935 --> 00:04:45,770 whose dad is a fat idiot who once had a hit television show 109 00:04:45,771 --> 00:04:47,605 and who, over time, has worn out his welcome. 110 00:04:47,606 --> 00:04:49,874 - You know, Meg's dad is als... - Shut up, Tiffany. 111 00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:52,076 Yeah. Shut up, Tiffany. 112 00:04:52,077 --> 00:04:54,078 Meg, I think you'd look amazing 113 00:04:54,079 --> 00:04:55,814 in my brand of lifestyle products 114 00:04:55,815 --> 00:04:57,916 that are designed to represent a poor person's idea 115 00:04:57,917 --> 00:04:59,417 of what a rich person would wear. 116 00:04:59,418 --> 00:05:01,319 - You think so? - Trust me. 117 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,822 When I'm done with you, you'll be pretty enough to marry 118 00:05:03,823 --> 00:05:05,590 an Orthodox Jewish son of a felon 119 00:05:05,591 --> 00:05:07,926 who's too stupid to get into Harvard the normal way. 120 00:05:07,927 --> 00:05:10,495 And whose voice is way higher than you thought it would be? 121 00:05:10,496 --> 00:05:12,447 Hi, honey. Ready for dinner? 122 00:05:17,896 --> 00:05:19,267 Stewie, where have you been? 123 00:05:19,268 --> 00:05:22,841 Ugh, many American baby things am I doing. 124 00:05:22,842 --> 00:05:27,612 So, what is your favorite ballistic missile launch codes? 125 00:05:27,613 --> 00:05:29,547 Whoa, is that Meg? 126 00:05:35,851 --> 00:05:37,021 That girl is pretty. 127 00:05:37,022 --> 00:05:38,857 So pretty by D.C. standards. 128 00:05:38,858 --> 00:05:42,160 With Geico, you can save up to 15% on car insurance. 129 00:05:42,161 --> 00:05:46,509 Wow! Two-thirds of the people here are talking about me. 130 00:05:46,510 --> 00:05:48,066 Because you're beautiful, Meg. 131 00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:49,667 Thanks to you. 132 00:05:49,668 --> 00:05:51,769 Come on, let me introduce you to the president. 133 00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:54,472 He's kind of like my boyfriend. 134 00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:59,143 Hang on. He's still getting ready. 135 00:06:04,817 --> 00:06:07,585 Hey, Dad, I want you to meet my new friend, Meg. 136 00:06:07,586 --> 00:06:10,021 - Pleased to meet you. - I've got to run, Dad. 137 00:06:10,022 --> 00:06:12,905 Thanks again for getting me plastic surgery in my teens. 138 00:06:13,893 --> 00:06:15,460 Um, yeah, anyway, 139 00:06:15,461 --> 00:06:17,695 it's an honor to meet you, Mr. President. 140 00:06:17,696 --> 00:06:19,030 This is amazing. 141 00:06:19,031 --> 00:06:20,698 Yesterday, I was at Quahog Pond, 142 00:06:20,699 --> 00:06:22,934 pulling out carps just to watch them suffocate. 143 00:06:22,935 --> 00:06:24,369 And now look at me, 144 00:06:24,370 --> 00:06:26,271 with the winner of the 46th-largest 145 00:06:26,272 --> 00:06:28,640 electoral college victory of all time. 146 00:06:28,641 --> 00:06:30,975 And, I got to say, I'm a huge fan 147 00:06:30,976 --> 00:06:32,977 of your board game and your beef products 148 00:06:32,978 --> 00:06:34,712 and your fraudulent university and... 149 00:06:36,048 --> 00:06:38,383 - Oh, my God! - Oh, please. 150 00:06:38,384 --> 00:06:41,619 Every president since Washington has done this. 151 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:43,254 Dearest Martha, 152 00:06:43,255 --> 00:06:46,524 I cannot wait to once again place my hand 153 00:06:46,525 --> 00:06:49,360 onto your Gates of Venus. 154 00:06:49,361 --> 00:06:51,029 My darling Bess, 155 00:06:51,030 --> 00:06:53,031 tonight, I'm going to drop the Big One 156 00:06:53,032 --> 00:06:54,933 onto your Pacific theater. 157 00:06:54,934 --> 00:06:57,769 Hey, Barbara Bush, working late. 158 00:06:57,770 --> 00:07:00,204 Sleeping in office. 159 00:07:00,205 --> 00:07:01,773 Crazy headache. 160 00:07:01,774 --> 00:07:03,702 You look like my mom. 161 00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:11,942 Good afternoon, I'm Tim Tucker, 162 00:07:11,943 --> 00:07:13,611 not my twin brother, Tom. 163 00:07:13,612 --> 00:07:17,040 Our top story: mentally challenged boys' T-shirts. 164 00:07:17,041 --> 00:07:19,568 Are they getting even longer? 165 00:07:19,569 --> 00:07:22,686 Um, guys, I got to tell you something. 166 00:07:22,687 --> 00:07:24,288 Last night, at the White House, 167 00:07:24,289 --> 00:07:27,124 President Trump touched me inappropriately. 168 00:07:27,125 --> 00:07:29,693 - What?! - Meg, that's my boss, all right? 169 00:07:29,694 --> 00:07:31,362 This is my career you're talking about. 170 00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:33,030 I spent a whole day working on this. 171 00:07:33,031 --> 00:07:34,865 You want me to just throw away in one day 172 00:07:34,866 --> 00:07:36,967 what I've spent a whole day trying to build? 173 00:07:36,968 --> 00:07:39,303 A whole day's worth of work, poof, gone in a day! 174 00:07:39,304 --> 00:07:40,971 Meg, you expect us to believe 175 00:07:40,972 --> 00:07:42,473 that the president of the United States 176 00:07:42,474 --> 00:07:44,375 would grab a woman by her (BLEEP)? 177 00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:45,643 That's ridiculous! 178 00:07:45,644 --> 00:07:47,211 How could you not believe me? 179 00:07:47,212 --> 00:07:48,879 Oh, hang on. CNN's on, 180 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,382 where I'm the loudest guy on an overcrowded panel. 181 00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:53,651 This country needs stronger border security. 182 00:07:53,652 --> 00:07:55,653 Our border security is the strongest in the world. 183 00:07:55,654 --> 00:07:57,888 What we need is to take care of our children. 184 00:07:57,889 --> 00:07:59,323 I can't get an erection! 185 00:07:59,324 --> 00:08:00,825 You think giving them amnesty 186 00:08:00,826 --> 00:08:02,560 is fair to the people who are already here? 187 00:08:02,561 --> 00:08:04,395 They're contributing to the economy. 188 00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:05,496 I've tried all the herbs! 189 00:08:05,497 --> 00:08:06,897 Amnesty is never the answer. 190 00:08:06,898 --> 00:08:08,699 It's not amnesty. 191 00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:11,001 It's recognizing their contributions to our country. 192 00:08:11,002 --> 00:08:13,337 They said to meditate, but I keep fallin' asleep! 193 00:08:13,338 --> 00:08:14,805 We need stronger vetting. 194 00:08:14,806 --> 00:08:16,707 And to enforce the laws already on the books. 195 00:08:16,708 --> 00:08:18,642 I'm terrified of being alone with my wife! 196 00:08:18,643 --> 00:08:19,944 It's too much pressure! 197 00:08:19,945 --> 00:08:21,445 Well, nothing's ever gonna change 198 00:08:21,446 --> 00:08:23,113 if Congress isn't willing to compromise. 199 00:08:23,114 --> 00:08:25,249 - Exactly my point. - A wall would solve this. 200 00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:26,784 I wake up with an erection, 201 00:08:26,785 --> 00:08:28,385 but never when she's in the bed with me! 202 00:08:28,386 --> 00:08:29,720 A wall would solve nothing. 203 00:08:29,721 --> 00:08:31,322 These children have rights. 204 00:08:31,323 --> 00:08:33,724 I spent three grand on a Sandals vacation, 205 00:08:33,725 --> 00:08:34,725 thinking that might do it! 206 00:08:34,726 --> 00:08:35,759 Know what it was? 207 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,862 Me being limp on a lazy river! 208 00:08:37,863 --> 00:08:39,530 Well, that's all the time we have. 209 00:08:39,531 --> 00:08:41,098 - Thank you to Peter Griffin... - No! 210 00:08:41,099 --> 00:08:43,133 Don't send me home to my wife! 211 00:08:43,134 --> 00:08:44,702 Democrats. 212 00:08:44,703 --> 00:08:46,470 That's why we went to Sandals? 213 00:08:46,471 --> 00:08:47,972 Dad, did you hear what I said? 214 00:08:47,973 --> 00:08:49,540 Sorry, Meg, I got to go to work. 215 00:08:49,541 --> 00:08:51,709 What? You're still gonna work for that man 216 00:08:51,710 --> 00:08:53,377 after he assaulted me? 217 00:08:53,378 --> 00:08:55,713 Meg, you got to stop with these stories. 218 00:08:55,714 --> 00:08:57,448 People hate a liar. 219 00:08:57,449 --> 00:08:59,950 Just like closed captioning stenographers hated 220 00:08:59,951 --> 00:09:02,575 the Sleepy Hollow guy for some reason. 221 00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:05,289 _ 222 00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:06,534 _ 223 00:09:06,535 --> 00:09:07,826 _ 224 00:09:07,827 --> 00:09:10,468 _ 225 00:09:10,795 --> 00:09:12,294 _ 226 00:09:12,831 --> 00:09:14,932 Did he carry a broadax? 227 00:09:15,291 --> 00:09:16,733 _ 228 00:09:16,734 --> 00:09:18,476 The mark on his hand... 229 00:09:19,829 --> 00:09:21,572 Was it a bow? 230 00:09:25,448 --> 00:09:27,110 _ 231 00:09:27,841 --> 00:09:30,597 Oh, no. No, no, no, it can't be. 232 00:09:30,598 --> 00:09:33,835 _ 233 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,551 When I cut off his head. 234 00:09:41,323 --> 00:09:43,327 Okay, I'll take your questions. 235 00:09:43,328 --> 00:09:44,828 Me With A Fake Mustache. 236 00:09:44,829 --> 00:09:47,164 America wants to know what you're packin' up there. 237 00:09:47,165 --> 00:09:48,834 I've heard 11 inches. True? 238 00:09:48,835 --> 00:09:50,267 All right, that's enough from you. 239 00:09:50,268 --> 00:09:51,602 Me With A Funny Hat. 240 00:09:51,603 --> 00:09:53,304 I also have heard 11 inches. 241 00:09:53,305 --> 00:09:55,306 Okay, any non-11-inch questions? 242 00:09:55,307 --> 00:09:56,570 Me With An Old-Timey Wig. 243 00:09:56,571 --> 00:09:58,768 I've heard four handbreadths. 244 00:10:03,315 --> 00:10:05,633 Mr. President, the press briefing went very well. 245 00:10:05,634 --> 00:10:06,984 Many people are saying 246 00:10:06,985 --> 00:10:09,219 it was the best press briefing in all of history. 247 00:10:09,220 --> 00:10:11,822 Mr. Griffin, you're not speaking to President Trump. 248 00:10:11,823 --> 00:10:13,590 That's a butternut squash. 249 00:10:13,591 --> 00:10:17,821 Oh. Well, if this lumpy orange garbage vegetable is here, 250 00:10:17,822 --> 00:10:19,997 then where's President Donald Trump? 251 00:10:19,998 --> 00:10:21,665 Mr. President, please, 252 00:10:21,666 --> 00:10:23,167 I'm not interested. 253 00:10:23,168 --> 00:10:24,802 You'll regret this. 254 00:10:24,803 --> 00:10:27,204 _ 255 00:10:32,998 --> 00:10:34,478 Oh, my God. 256 00:10:34,479 --> 00:10:36,480 Bob's Burgers is on! 257 00:10:36,481 --> 00:10:39,116 This show speaks to us young people, apparently. 258 00:10:39,117 --> 00:10:42,163 That show... and-and I mean no disrespect when I say this... 259 00:10:42,164 --> 00:10:44,941 But that show looks like it was animated in a moving car. 260 00:10:44,942 --> 00:10:47,684 And again, no disrespect, wonderful people over there. 261 00:10:47,685 --> 00:10:50,728 But... oh, my God, President Trump is assaulting Meg, 262 00:10:50,729 --> 00:10:53,382 I can't believe what I just saw, Mr. President! 263 00:10:53,383 --> 00:10:54,999 What would your third wife, 264 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,002 the soft-core girl-on-girl porn lady, think about this? 265 00:10:58,003 --> 00:11:01,338 Or the actual porn star your lawyer paid hush money to? 266 00:11:01,339 --> 00:11:04,421 I'm so sorry we didn't believe you earlier, sweetie. 267 00:11:04,422 --> 00:11:06,677 Yeah, where do you get off behaving like this? 268 00:11:06,678 --> 00:11:09,046 - Why shouldn't I? You do. - What? 269 00:11:09,047 --> 00:11:13,003 When you walked through that door, you insulted Bob's Burgers 270 00:11:13,004 --> 00:11:15,260 and the hundreds of people who work there. 271 00:11:15,261 --> 00:11:16,754 Well, I was just kidding around. 272 00:11:16,755 --> 00:11:18,756 No, you weren't. You're just jealous 273 00:11:18,757 --> 00:11:22,027 'cause it wins all the Emmys and the kids love it. 274 00:11:22,028 --> 00:11:23,927 You seem to know a lot about Bob's Burgers. 275 00:11:23,928 --> 00:11:25,416 Of course I do. 276 00:11:25,417 --> 00:11:29,366 Bob's Burgers is my favorite animated show. 277 00:11:29,367 --> 00:11:32,272 Wow. There's your headline, Emmy voters. 278 00:11:32,273 --> 00:11:33,722 Vote your conscience. 279 00:11:33,723 --> 00:11:35,606 Anyway, my point is, 280 00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:38,809 if Peter Griffin gets to be a jerk all the time, 281 00:11:38,810 --> 00:11:41,245 then why can't Donald Trump? 282 00:11:41,246 --> 00:11:42,880 Huh. 283 00:11:42,881 --> 00:11:46,517 That is not the... dumbest thing you've ever said. 284 00:11:46,518 --> 00:11:48,557 So are we square? 285 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:50,687 No. 286 00:11:50,688 --> 00:11:52,689 No, President Trump, we are not! 287 00:11:52,690 --> 00:11:53,924 I quit! 288 00:11:53,925 --> 00:11:55,392 - What? - That's right. 289 00:11:55,393 --> 00:11:57,795 And you know what else? My days of being mean 290 00:11:57,796 --> 00:11:59,109 and insulting are over! 291 00:11:59,110 --> 00:12:00,497 From here on out, 292 00:12:00,498 --> 00:12:02,733 I'm gonna be the nice, kind Peter Griffin. 293 00:12:02,734 --> 00:12:04,869 You can't walk out on me. 294 00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:06,904 I'm the president. 295 00:12:06,905 --> 00:12:08,505 Well, you're not a very good one. 296 00:12:08,506 --> 00:12:09,640 Like that guy. 297 00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:11,608 Or-or that one. 298 00:12:11,609 --> 00:12:12,976 Or that one. 299 00:12:12,977 --> 00:12:14,427 Hey, which one is that, anyway? 300 00:12:14,428 --> 00:12:15,930 I'm Grover Cleveland, 301 00:12:15,931 --> 00:12:18,916 the only president to be married in the White House. 302 00:12:18,917 --> 00:12:21,118 Oh, what a nice story. 303 00:12:21,119 --> 00:12:23,353 It's a great story. I married a girl 304 00:12:23,354 --> 00:12:26,643 who I'd raised since the time she was 11 years old. 305 00:12:26,644 --> 00:12:27,740 Oh. 306 00:12:27,741 --> 00:12:30,067 Well, that guy's not getting a musical. 307 00:12:35,865 --> 00:12:38,495 We now return to Pirates of the Caribbean, 308 00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:40,931 where the sound guy put the microphone too close 309 00:12:40,932 --> 00:12:43,163 to Johnny Depp's jangling bracelets. 310 00:12:43,164 --> 00:12:45,736 Hold it right there, Sparrow. 311 00:12:45,737 --> 00:12:47,838 This is the day you will always remember 312 00:12:47,839 --> 00:12:50,707 as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow. 313 00:12:50,708 --> 00:12:52,376 - What?! - I said... 314 00:12:52,377 --> 00:12:54,478 I've spent $65 million 315 00:12:54,479 --> 00:12:56,780 on vacation homes and daytime wine. 316 00:12:59,751 --> 00:13:01,752 All right, turn off that cheap celebrity slam. 317 00:13:01,753 --> 00:13:03,954 The Griffins are gonna be better than that now. 318 00:13:03,955 --> 00:13:05,289 - What? - You heard me. 319 00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:07,224 We are done being mean and insulting, 320 00:13:07,225 --> 00:13:09,259 like Donald Trump is. From now on, 321 00:13:09,260 --> 00:13:11,862 this family's gonna be nice and supportive. 322 00:13:11,863 --> 00:13:14,249 Oh. So if we're being nice now, 323 00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:16,500 maybe you have nice things to say to me, Dad. 324 00:13:16,501 --> 00:13:18,268 Uh... of course I do. 325 00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,537 Your hair is, um... 326 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:23,140 very... hat. 327 00:13:23,141 --> 00:13:25,776 You're a... hat owner. 328 00:13:25,777 --> 00:13:27,678 You're also hatted. 329 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:29,179 Why does he keep coming back to the hat? 330 00:13:29,180 --> 00:13:31,615 Peter, stop. Your nipples are bleeding. 331 00:13:31,616 --> 00:13:34,051 All right, fine, I'm not a nice person. 332 00:13:34,052 --> 00:13:36,186 I'm sick of complimenting your hat! 333 00:13:36,187 --> 00:13:38,689 I knew that fat man couldn't keep this up. 334 00:13:38,690 --> 00:13:40,491 He always buckles under pressure. 335 00:13:40,492 --> 00:13:43,193 Yeah, you're right. Like at that Billy Joel concert. 336 00:13:46,498 --> 00:13:47,965 Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da 337 00:13:47,966 --> 00:13:49,366 Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da 338 00:13:49,367 --> 00:13:50,901 Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da 339 00:13:50,902 --> 00:13:52,503 Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da 340 00:13:52,504 --> 00:13:54,828 Uptown girl! 341 00:14:02,180 --> 00:14:04,014 Trump! 342 00:14:04,015 --> 00:14:06,527 Who are you? I have dementia. 343 00:14:06,528 --> 00:14:08,051 Peter Griffin. 344 00:14:08,052 --> 00:14:09,553 Look, you were right. 345 00:14:09,554 --> 00:14:11,910 I can be insulting sometimes, I admit it. 346 00:14:11,911 --> 00:14:14,591 But so what? I'm just a guy from Rhode Island. 347 00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:16,994 You' the President of the United States! 348 00:14:16,995 --> 00:14:19,229 You're not just a guy from Rhode Island. 349 00:14:19,230 --> 00:14:21,832 You're Peter Griffin from Family Guy. 350 00:14:21,833 --> 00:14:24,735 Many children have learned their favorite Jewish, black 351 00:14:24,736 --> 00:14:28,372 and gay jokes by watching your show over the years. 352 00:14:28,373 --> 00:14:31,575 In fairness, we've been trying to phase out the gay stuff. 353 00:14:31,576 --> 00:14:33,577 But you know what? We're a cartoon. 354 00:14:33,578 --> 00:14:35,579 You can turn us off. You're the president. 355 00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:37,181 We can't turn you off. 356 00:14:37,182 --> 00:14:39,249 And you're on, like, all the time! 357 00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:41,051 Yes, tremendous ratings. 358 00:14:41,052 --> 00:14:44,054 Our Leslie Nielsen ratings are the highest in history. 359 00:14:44,055 --> 00:14:45,889 Surely you can't be serious. 360 00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:49,026 I am serious. And don't call me Leslie. 361 00:14:49,027 --> 00:14:52,396 Argh... You really do find a way to screw everything up. 362 00:14:52,397 --> 00:14:55,766 If I screwed up so bad, how come I'm a billionaire? 363 00:14:55,767 --> 00:14:57,267 Billionaire? Please. 364 00:14:57,268 --> 00:14:59,637 You're worth $700 mil on the high side. 365 00:14:59,638 --> 00:15:02,272 And most of that is borrowed or tied up and underwater. 366 00:15:02,273 --> 00:15:04,575 That's why you ain't releasin' your taxes, Trump. 367 00:15:04,576 --> 00:15:06,376 You're cash poor! 368 00:15:06,377 --> 00:15:08,378 Say that again. 369 00:15:08,379 --> 00:15:10,047 I dare you. 370 00:15:10,048 --> 00:15:11,548 You... 371 00:15:11,549 --> 00:15:13,217 are cash... 372 00:15:13,218 --> 00:15:14,785 poor. 373 00:15:30,435 --> 00:15:32,603 Peter! Catch! 374 00:15:32,604 --> 00:15:35,772 Kill him in front of me, and I sex you. 375 00:15:35,773 --> 00:15:36,873 Yah! 376 00:15:46,284 --> 00:15:47,684 Yah! 377 00:16:13,945 --> 00:16:14,978 Aah! 378 00:16:18,283 --> 00:16:19,583 Yah! 379 00:16:42,173 --> 00:16:44,174 Sarah, any update? 380 00:16:44,175 --> 00:16:46,677 I haven't had the chance to ask the president 381 00:16:46,678 --> 00:16:48,779 if he is fighting with Peter Griffin. 382 00:16:48,780 --> 00:16:50,480 Oh! 383 00:17:03,628 --> 00:17:06,029 - Yah! - Yah! 384 00:17:33,157 --> 00:17:34,858 I wrote that one. 385 00:17:34,859 --> 00:17:37,611 Why are we so damn divided, America? 386 00:17:48,406 --> 00:17:50,197 ...making Neil Armstrong 387 00:17:50,198 --> 00:17:52,409 the first man to walk on the Moon. 388 00:17:52,410 --> 00:17:54,411 Who knows, maybe someone listening to this 389 00:17:54,412 --> 00:17:57,180 might be the first chicken to walk on the Moon. 390 00:18:06,724 --> 00:18:09,059 I got a sillier plane. 391 00:18:40,758 --> 00:18:42,209 Peter! 392 00:18:43,594 --> 00:18:45,095 Grab my hand! 393 00:18:46,831 --> 00:18:48,999 I can't! It's too little! 394 00:19:05,683 --> 00:19:08,318 Wha...? Who... who put this here? 395 00:19:08,319 --> 00:19:11,288 I did. Sure hope that's okay. 396 00:19:16,794 --> 00:19:18,628 Justin Trudeau? 397 00:19:18,629 --> 00:19:20,997 The hunky prime minister of Canada? 398 00:19:20,998 --> 00:19:22,566 He's not that hunky. 399 00:19:22,567 --> 00:19:24,634 Very weak borders. 400 00:19:24,635 --> 00:19:26,203 I was just kayakin' past, 401 00:19:26,204 --> 00:19:28,638 and it looked like you guys could use some help. 402 00:19:28,639 --> 00:19:30,474 - Everything okay? - No, yeah, we're good. 403 00:19:30,475 --> 00:19:32,309 He touched my daughter, but I punched him, 404 00:19:32,310 --> 00:19:34,377 like, a hundred times, so we're fine now. 405 00:19:34,378 --> 00:19:36,680 I punched you, like, a million times. 406 00:19:36,681 --> 00:19:38,582 I punched you infinity times. 407 00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:41,985 I punched you infinity plus one times. 408 00:19:41,986 --> 00:19:43,820 - Damn it! - Right on! 409 00:19:43,821 --> 00:19:46,590 Well, then, I'll just go do some awesome Canada stuff. 410 00:19:46,591 --> 00:19:49,392 Hey, call me if you ever need help movin'. 411 00:19:51,062 --> 00:19:53,497 Trudeau, away...! 412 00:19:54,732 --> 00:19:56,099 That guy's the best. 413 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:58,235 You know who's really the best? 414 00:19:58,236 --> 00:20:00,537 Putin. Putin's the best. 415 00:20:00,538 --> 00:20:03,573 Yes, he is. Putin is the best. 416 00:20:03,574 --> 00:20:05,408 Ha! I write this part. 417 00:20:05,409 --> 00:20:07,844 Am I not to be a stinker? 418 00:20:07,845 --> 00:20:11,992 Bye-bye, American situation comedy with drawings. 419 00:20:17,475 --> 00:20:19,476 I'm glad we're back in Quahog. 420 00:20:19,477 --> 00:20:22,545 And just in time to see my appearance on Jeopardy! 421 00:20:22,546 --> 00:20:24,381 - Peter? - What is... 422 00:20:24,382 --> 00:20:26,583 it like to have an erection? 423 00:20:26,584 --> 00:20:30,453 I'm sorry, we were looking for "the electromagnetic spectrum." 424 00:20:30,454 --> 00:20:32,400 Betty, still your board. 425 00:20:32,401 --> 00:20:34,591 I was not included in the final round. 426 00:20:34,592 --> 00:20:37,594 I'll tell you one thing, I'm not gonna miss Washington, D.C. 427 00:20:37,595 --> 00:20:41,262 Well, we had a lot of fun this week and changed zero minds. 428 00:20:41,263 --> 00:20:43,267 If you want to learn more about our president, 429 00:20:43,268 --> 00:20:45,066 consult the steele dossier, 430 00:20:45,067 --> 00:20:47,423 which is all about getting peed on. 431 00:20:47,424 --> 00:20:49,572 He also, with whole heart and full throat, 432 00:20:49,573 --> 00:20:52,142 endorsed a pedophile for the United States Senate. 433 00:20:52,143 --> 00:20:54,310 That didn't fit into tonight's narrative, 434 00:20:54,311 --> 00:20:55,567 but should not be forgotten. 435 00:20:55,568 --> 00:20:57,947 And I am a proud hat owner. 436 00:20:57,948 --> 00:20:59,471 Shut up, Meg. 437 00:20:59,472 --> 00:21:02,761 From our family to yours, we're very frightened. 438 00:21:03,952 --> 00:21:07,452 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 31754

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