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1
00:00:02,517 --> 00:00:04,106
Okay, I know you've only
been gone a couple of days,
2
00:00:04,126 --> 00:00:05,642
but look what you missed.
3
00:00:05,662 --> 00:00:07,486
Emma, stick out your tongue.
4
00:00:07,522 --> 00:00:09,003
(Laughs) Yeah.
5
00:00:09,023 --> 00:00:11,029
Emma, blow a kiss.
6
00:00:12,860 --> 00:00:15,728
- Amazing, right?
- (Laughs) That's great!
7
00:00:15,763 --> 00:00:19,261
All mom taught us how to do
was the field sobriety test.
8
00:00:20,234 --> 00:00:22,368
I'm telling you,
I think she might be a genius.
9
00:00:22,403 --> 00:00:24,269
What is wrong with the world?
10
00:00:24,305 --> 00:00:27,072
Ben posted Emma doing
that stupid tongue trick,
11
00:00:27,124 --> 00:00:29,224
and it already has over 200 likes.
12
00:00:29,260 --> 00:00:31,960
I change my status to
"in a relationship with Ben Wheeler,"
13
00:00:31,996 --> 00:00:33,784
and I only got one.
14
00:00:34,815 --> 00:00:37,320
And grandpa Perrin likes everything.
15
00:00:38,586 --> 00:00:40,869
Riley, you're the girl who cried "Ben."
16
00:00:40,921 --> 00:00:42,771
I mean, you've posted that so many times,
17
00:00:42,807 --> 00:00:44,690
no one believes you.
18
00:00:44,725 --> 00:00:46,508
I know I don't.
19
00:00:48,496 --> 00:00:50,379
Oh my God.
20
00:00:50,431 --> 00:00:51,513
I'm Mindy.
21
00:00:51,565 --> 00:00:53,449
Ooh, and I'm Darnell. I love role-play.
22
00:00:56,037 --> 00:00:58,203
No! Mindy is a girl from my office
23
00:00:58,239 --> 00:01:00,923
who finally landed the guy she's
been chasing her whole life,
24
00:01:00,975 --> 00:01:03,742
and then all of these horrible
women ran this secret pool
25
00:01:03,778 --> 00:01:05,010
betting on how soon they'd break up.
26
00:01:05,012 --> 00:01:06,862
That's horrible.
27
00:01:06,897 --> 00:01:07,880
How much did you win?
28
00:01:08,883 --> 00:01:10,582
Almost $100.
29
00:01:10,618 --> 00:01:11,784
- (Chuckles)
- (Door opens)
30
00:01:11,819 --> 00:01:12,785
Bonnie: All right!
31
00:01:15,823 --> 00:01:18,540
Which one of you shiny-haired degenerates
32
00:01:18,592 --> 00:01:20,225
stole my conditioner?
33
00:01:21,395 --> 00:01:23,412
Says the woman in my bathroom
34
00:01:23,447 --> 00:01:25,364
standing under my water
35
00:01:25,399 --> 00:01:27,132
using my towels.
36
00:01:27,184 --> 00:01:28,450
Did I use the word "my" enough?
37
00:01:28,486 --> 00:01:31,186
'Cause I just don't
think you're getting it.
38
00:01:31,222 --> 00:01:34,173
Oh, I get it, you know,
but you're just not getting rid of me.
39
00:01:34,208 --> 00:01:37,776
I bought plenty more hair
where this came from.
40
00:01:37,828 --> 00:01:39,645
Danny: Hey, mom, looking good.
41
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,947
Ooh. Hey, is that your brother?
42
00:01:41,949 --> 00:01:43,882
I wonder if he has an opinion on this.
43
00:01:43,934 --> 00:01:48,554
No. No, there is only one brother
whose permission you need to live here.
44
00:01:48,589 --> 00:01:49,688
This one.
45
00:01:49,723 --> 00:01:51,373
- Danny? Danny, Danny.
- Give it to me. No.
46
00:01:51,408 --> 00:01:55,394
Tell Tucker that the woman
who carried all 14 lbs. Of you
47
00:01:55,429 --> 00:01:57,196
inside of her body
48
00:01:57,198 --> 00:01:59,431
for 11 months can stay in your room!
49
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:00,983
Hey! No! Give it.
50
00:02:01,018 --> 00:02:04,036
You two might share D.N.A.,
but I share a wall with you.
51
00:02:04,038 --> 00:02:06,038
If she doesn't get out, your secrets will.
52
00:02:06,073 --> 00:02:07,990
(Chuckles) Okay.
53
00:02:08,025 --> 00:02:09,875
So, you homesick yet?
54
00:02:09,910 --> 00:02:12,661
W-why would I be homesick
when Paris is my new home?
55
00:02:12,696 --> 00:02:14,117
I gotta go.
56
00:02:17,651 --> 00:02:18,917
I think that went pretty well.
57
00:02:18,969 --> 00:02:20,853
Totally.
58
00:02:20,905 --> 00:02:23,505
Except for the part where
you forgot to mention
59
00:02:23,557 --> 00:02:25,274
that your girlfriend dumped you
60
00:02:25,326 --> 00:02:26,592
before you even hit the ground in Paris,
61
00:02:26,627 --> 00:02:28,594
and that you're actually in New York,
62
00:02:28,629 --> 00:02:31,346
secretly crashing with
your mom's ex-boyfriend.
63
00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:35,506
S04E04
I See Crazy People
64
00:02:35,526 --> 00:02:39,182
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
65
00:02:44,309 --> 00:02:47,546
Okay. Last question.
66
00:02:47,581 --> 00:02:49,648
"What is your idea of the perfect date?"
67
00:02:49,650 --> 00:02:51,617
Is it, "a," a walk on the beach,
68
00:02:51,652 --> 00:02:53,452
"b," dinner and a movie,
69
00:02:53,487 --> 00:02:55,812
or, "c," a quiet night at home?
70
00:02:57,208 --> 00:02:59,163
Which one ends with sex?
71
00:03:00,327 --> 00:03:03,629
And it's "d," none of the above.
72
00:03:03,664 --> 00:03:07,299
Which brings our
compatibility score to a 10...
73
00:03:07,334 --> 00:03:08,667
There you go! Perfect score.
74
00:03:08,669 --> 00:03:10,669
I told you we were meant to be together.
75
00:03:10,671 --> 00:03:12,754
Out of a hundred.
76
00:03:14,258 --> 00:03:15,307
We failed.
77
00:03:15,342 --> 00:03:17,309
Riley, please don't go there again.
78
00:03:17,344 --> 00:03:19,678
Okay, first,
we are shunned by social media...
79
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,563
- You're going there.
- Then we failed
80
00:03:21,599 --> 00:03:24,399
seven different quizzes written by experts.
81
00:03:24,435 --> 00:03:26,351
- You're almost there.
- And to top it all off,
82
00:03:26,403 --> 00:03:27,519
I think the horrible women at work
83
00:03:27,521 --> 00:03:29,354
are running a pool on me.
84
00:03:31,358 --> 00:03:32,524
And you're there. Riley...
85
00:03:32,576 --> 00:03:33,525
Come on, please.
86
00:03:33,577 --> 00:03:35,194
Who cares what everyone else thinks?
87
00:03:35,246 --> 00:03:36,445
All that matters is that we're together.
88
00:03:36,497 --> 00:03:37,663
No, what matters is that
89
00:03:37,698 --> 00:03:39,531
everyone is jealous that we're together.
90
00:03:39,533 --> 00:03:41,416
Okay, mom, mom.
91
00:03:41,452 --> 00:03:43,202
My mom agrees with me, don't you?
92
00:03:43,254 --> 00:03:44,620
Yes, in my experience,
93
00:03:44,672 --> 00:03:46,305
one kid is enough.
94
00:03:47,374 --> 00:03:49,458
No. No, Riley is concerned
95
00:03:49,510 --> 00:03:51,343
that we might not be entirely compatible.
96
00:03:51,378 --> 00:03:53,712
Well, it's just she spent
so many years building up
97
00:03:53,714 --> 00:03:56,348
this relationship in her head
that there's absolutely no way
98
00:03:56,383 --> 00:03:57,549
it could ever live up to her expectations,
99
00:03:57,585 --> 00:03:59,909
so there's really nowhere
else to go but down.
100
00:04:01,422 --> 00:04:03,238
Mom!
101
00:04:04,325 --> 00:04:06,058
Why would you say that?
102
00:04:06,093 --> 00:04:09,761
Sorry. It was a little unclear
which way you wanted me to go.
103
00:04:10,764 --> 00:04:12,030
(Sighs) We're doomed.
104
00:04:12,082 --> 00:04:13,999
It's over.
I mean, should we just end it now?
105
00:04:14,034 --> 00:04:15,834
- No, it's not. It's fine.
- What were we even thinking?
106
00:04:15,869 --> 00:04:19,006
- Relax. Chill. You know what happens...
- nobody thinks that we can...
107
00:04:29,049 --> 00:04:31,016
Does this really work?
(Chuckles)
108
00:04:31,051 --> 00:04:33,151
I mean, hello.
109
00:04:34,288 --> 00:04:36,221
I have the pores of a baby.
110
00:04:36,257 --> 00:04:38,957
A beautiful, beautiful baby.
111
00:04:40,144 --> 00:04:42,661
But, Danny, we need to talk.
112
00:04:42,696 --> 00:04:45,731
Okay, but can we wait until
we take the masks off?
113
00:04:45,766 --> 00:04:47,532
Because you're kind of freaking me out.
114
00:04:48,719 --> 00:04:50,652
I have a new girlfriend,
115
00:04:50,688 --> 00:04:53,672
and I'm not really set up for the whole
"roommate" thing.
116
00:04:53,707 --> 00:04:55,307
Don't worry. I get it.
117
00:04:55,342 --> 00:04:57,480
Honestly, I don't think you do.
118
00:04:58,145 --> 00:04:59,942
I need you to leave, Danny.
119
00:04:59,962 --> 00:05:03,293
Okay. I'll just call one of my teammates...
120
00:05:03,313 --> 00:05:04,916
Whose numbers are in my laptop.
121
00:05:04,952 --> 00:05:06,118
Okay, now we're getting somewhere.
122
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,987
Well, actually, you need to go somewhere,
123
00:05:09,023 --> 00:05:10,689
because I left it at my place.
124
00:05:10,724 --> 00:05:12,724
But it's cool.
You could just sneak in and get it.
125
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,593
Thanks in advance, bro.
126
00:05:15,779 --> 00:05:17,796
I can't go there. What if I see your mom?
127
00:05:17,798 --> 00:05:20,399
Bad things happen when I see your mom.
128
00:05:20,451 --> 00:05:23,302
Also very good things,
if you know what I mean.
129
00:05:23,337 --> 00:05:25,637
I do,
but I'm going to pretend like I don't.
130
00:05:27,174 --> 00:05:28,490
- Uh-oh.
- What's wrong?
131
00:05:28,542 --> 00:05:31,243
Is it normal to be completely
numb from the neck up?
132
00:05:31,278 --> 00:05:33,045
Yes, that means you're almost done.
133
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,379
Now we're onto the teeth whitening.
134
00:05:34,415 --> 00:05:36,014
Man, I love a project!
135
00:05:40,037 --> 00:05:42,187
I'm telling you,
now that we're in a relationship,
136
00:05:42,222 --> 00:05:43,889
it's like she doesn't want
to be in a relationship.
137
00:05:43,924 --> 00:05:45,090
(Scoffs)
138
00:05:45,125 --> 00:05:47,726
And who doesn't want to be
in a relationship with me?
139
00:05:48,829 --> 00:05:52,378
I should probably ask someone
I haven't already dated. I'm sorry.
140
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,268
Uh-oh. Crazy in the courtyard.
141
00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:58,320
What are you doing?
142
00:05:58,372 --> 00:05:59,404
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
143
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:00,505
No shirt, no shoes, no psychic.
144
00:06:00,507 --> 00:06:02,107
(jersey accent) Oh, come on.
145
00:06:02,142 --> 00:06:04,209
It's just a little card reading.
146
00:06:04,244 --> 00:06:07,012
Who doesn't want to know their future, huh?
147
00:06:07,064 --> 00:06:08,330
If you could actually see the future,
148
00:06:08,365 --> 00:06:10,265
you'd see me throwing you out of here.
149
00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:12,184
Oh, what's the harm?
150
00:06:12,186 --> 00:06:14,119
I tell a few girls their lives are perfect,
151
00:06:14,171 --> 00:06:15,954
they'll eventually meet the one,
152
00:06:15,989 --> 00:06:18,056
no one gets hurt, and I can afford to get
153
00:06:18,092 --> 00:06:19,591
a divorce from my husband
154
00:06:19,626 --> 00:06:21,526
before he cheats on me next summer.
155
00:06:22,696 --> 00:06:25,464
As always,
it's a pleasure saying goodbye, mom.
156
00:06:25,466 --> 00:06:26,648
Goodbye, mom.
157
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:28,417
You know, on second thought,
158
00:06:28,452 --> 00:06:30,552
I think you and I might be able
to come to an understanding.
159
00:06:30,604 --> 00:06:32,270
- Hi.
- Hi.
160
00:06:32,272 --> 00:06:34,373
So I told my mom that you
and I were back together,
161
00:06:34,425 --> 00:06:37,275
and she asked me if I ever thought
about getting my tubes tied.
162
00:06:37,311 --> 00:06:40,212
Forget your mom.
Maybe we should talk to an expert.
163
00:06:40,214 --> 00:06:42,147
Oh, look! Here's one now.
164
00:06:42,216 --> 00:06:44,082
Hi. Hi, I'm Ben.
165
00:06:44,118 --> 00:06:46,818
This is my girlfriend, Riley,
who's doubting our future together.
166
00:06:46,854 --> 00:06:50,155
Ben, I'm not listening to
some crazy fortune teller
167
00:06:50,190 --> 00:06:52,557
who makes her living
preying on gullible women.
168
00:06:52,593 --> 00:06:53,959
- Okay?
- Suit yourself.
169
00:06:53,961 --> 00:06:57,529
But it looks like you two might
actually be meant to be together.
170
00:06:57,564 --> 00:06:58,497
Really?
171
00:06:58,532 --> 00:07:01,316
Well, well, what else do the cards say?
172
00:07:01,368 --> 00:07:03,251
Ben, sit down. It's important.
173
00:07:05,305 --> 00:07:07,172
Love...
174
00:07:07,207 --> 00:07:09,091
success...
175
00:07:09,126 --> 00:07:11,376
- family.
- Okay, let's reel it in.
176
00:07:11,412 --> 00:07:13,345
I already have one kid, all right?
177
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:16,214
- Oh, this is not good.
- Is it bad?
178
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:17,883
That's usually what "not good" means.
179
00:07:18,969 --> 00:07:20,852
I see a big blowup
180
00:07:20,888 --> 00:07:22,921
and a giant break in your future.
181
00:07:22,973 --> 00:07:26,558
You got all that from a turkey
holding up a beach ball?
182
00:07:27,561 --> 00:07:28,693
I'm sorry.
183
00:07:28,729 --> 00:07:30,395
The cards don't lie.
184
00:07:30,431 --> 00:07:31,696
Did you hear that?
185
00:07:31,732 --> 00:07:34,232
(jersey accent) The cards don't lie.
186
00:07:35,502 --> 00:07:38,270
Riley, she can't predict the future
any more than I can.
187
00:07:38,322 --> 00:07:40,472
Oh really?
Well, here's a little prediction.
188
00:07:40,507 --> 00:07:43,208
You might want to do
something about your pipes.
189
00:07:43,243 --> 00:07:44,943
My pipes?
190
00:07:44,978 --> 00:07:47,012
I'll have you know my
pipes are doing just fine.
191
00:07:47,047 --> 00:07:49,714
Ben! The bathroom pipes just exploded.
192
00:07:49,766 --> 00:07:51,883
There's water gushing everywhere.
(Whimpers)
193
00:07:53,654 --> 00:07:55,654
Oh my God. We're doomed.
194
00:07:56,657 --> 00:07:58,590
Oh, don't worry.
195
00:07:58,642 --> 00:08:01,409
My brother's a plumber,
he's already on his way.
196
00:08:05,466 --> 00:08:07,109
(Door opens)
Brad: Hello?
197
00:08:13,881 --> 00:08:16,348
Tucker: I just need to know, Mr. Wheeler,
198
00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:18,729
I mean, how did you get rid of her?
199
00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:21,439
Really? I guess I can do that.
200
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,424
I tried it once in college.
201
00:08:24,277 --> 00:08:26,139
All right, gotta go.
202
00:08:26,627 --> 00:08:27,726
(Door opens)
203
00:08:27,778 --> 00:08:29,828
I got soap on a rope
and I'm squeaky clean
204
00:08:29,830 --> 00:08:32,431
I got a nice new razor
and some shaving cream
205
00:08:32,433 --> 00:08:34,667
(Beatboxing)
206
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,353
- Yeah.
- That's my robe!
207
00:08:37,388 --> 00:08:38,504
Oh. Oops. Do you want it back?
208
00:08:38,539 --> 00:08:41,173
Are you referring to the
robe or my innocence?
209
00:08:41,208 --> 00:08:43,570
Because both are as good as gone!
210
00:08:44,328 --> 00:08:46,428
That's "b" to the
"o" and a double "n"
211
00:08:46,464 --> 00:08:49,031
I got an "I" and an
"e" and a hot back end
212
00:08:49,066 --> 00:08:50,490
Ooh.
213
00:08:51,118 --> 00:08:53,185
Yeah, you like that song, don't you, tuck?
214
00:08:53,237 --> 00:08:55,888
Got the shower curtain
open to create some steam
215
00:08:55,923 --> 00:08:57,856
living here for free,
it's the American...
216
00:08:57,858 --> 00:09:00,626
- Brad?
- Hey, bon bon.
217
00:09:00,661 --> 00:09:01,643
How have you been?
218
00:09:01,696 --> 00:09:02,878
What are you doing here?
219
00:09:02,913 --> 00:09:04,630
Yeah, I knew you were gonna ask me that.
220
00:09:04,682 --> 00:09:07,616
So, you finally realized that
you're nothing without me,
221
00:09:07,668 --> 00:09:09,635
so you've come to beg me to take you back?
222
00:09:09,637 --> 00:09:11,437
Sure, let's go with that.
223
00:09:11,439 --> 00:09:14,306
Yeah, well, I'm not some two-bit tramp
224
00:09:14,342 --> 00:09:16,408
that's just waiting to jump
right back in the sack.
225
00:09:16,444 --> 00:09:18,310
You have to call first.
226
00:09:19,736 --> 00:09:21,113
I'll remember that for next time.
227
00:09:21,115 --> 00:09:22,214
"Next time"?
228
00:09:22,249 --> 00:09:24,917
You still owe me an apology from last time.
229
00:09:24,952 --> 00:09:27,803
Remember? When I threw myself at you
230
00:09:27,838 --> 00:09:29,822
and you publicly rejected me?
231
00:09:29,857 --> 00:09:31,557
Oh God, you're sexy.
232
00:09:31,592 --> 00:09:33,792
Stay strong, Bonnie, stay strong!
233
00:09:33,828 --> 00:09:36,662
Maybe if you hadn't hit on my father,
234
00:09:36,664 --> 00:09:39,365
we wouldn't be in this
situation in the first place!
235
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,500
Yeah, well,
maybe if everyone in your family
236
00:09:41,502 --> 00:09:43,235
didn't look like a greek god,
237
00:09:43,270 --> 00:09:44,403
I wouldn't have hit on him!
238
00:09:44,438 --> 00:09:46,205
Well, then maybe we can both agree
239
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,057
that this was a bad idea.
240
00:09:48,092 --> 00:09:49,441
So... I'm gonna go.
241
00:09:49,493 --> 00:09:51,410
So, wait, you come all the way over here
242
00:09:51,412 --> 00:09:53,145
just to tell me we're still through?
243
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:55,314
Yup, pretty much! I'm a horrible person!
244
00:09:55,366 --> 00:09:57,216
Yeah, with a great ass!
245
00:09:57,251 --> 00:10:00,152
I'm just saying if we're
asking crazy strangers
246
00:10:00,187 --> 00:10:03,756
what they think of our relationship,
why don't you go ask Barry the cat guy?
247
00:10:03,808 --> 00:10:06,658
I did! He said we're a bad idea!
248
00:10:07,795 --> 00:10:09,528
And then he meowed.
249
00:10:10,631 --> 00:10:12,498
Yeah, well,
I wouldn't get back together with you
250
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:13,665
if you were the last man on earth!
251
00:10:13,701 --> 00:10:14,817
I'd only be the last man
252
00:10:14,852 --> 00:10:16,785
because you sucked the life
out of all the rest of them!
253
00:10:16,821 --> 00:10:18,570
(Scoffs)
254
00:10:18,606 --> 00:10:20,506
Well, at least I suck at something,
255
00:10:20,508 --> 00:10:23,375
you overachieving,
perfect specimen of a man!
256
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,212
Do you see?
That's what a bad relationship looks like,
257
00:10:27,248 --> 00:10:28,380
not this.
258
00:10:28,416 --> 00:10:30,099
This is what a good
relationship looks like.
259
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:32,284
Tucker, tell her we're perfect together.
260
00:10:32,319 --> 00:10:34,987
Perfect would be if you
two argued at her place
261
00:10:35,039 --> 00:10:36,922
and this one went to a shelter.
262
00:10:38,726 --> 00:10:39,958
What's perfect?
263
00:10:39,994 --> 00:10:42,928
I mean, if two crazy kids
like Brad and I can't make it,
264
00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:45,664
there's no such thing as love.
265
00:10:45,699 --> 00:10:48,767
Riley, we've known our whole lives
that we were meant to be together.
266
00:10:48,769 --> 00:10:52,254
Well, you have.
Granted, I'm kind of new to the party.
267
00:10:52,306 --> 00:10:55,290
Exactly. I know everything
there is to know about you,
268
00:10:55,326 --> 00:10:56,492
but what do you know about me?
269
00:10:56,544 --> 00:10:58,177
Huh? Let's see.
270
00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:00,946
Favorite food, color, flower and movie. Go.
271
00:11:00,981 --> 00:11:02,381
- Ooh, I think I know.
- Wait. Should we write our answers down
272
00:11:02,383 --> 00:11:04,066
or just shout 'em out?
273
00:11:04,118 --> 00:11:05,868
No help from you two.
274
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,136
Okay, okay,
275
00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:08,821
I'm gonna go with pizza bagels,
276
00:11:08,856 --> 00:11:11,757
yellow, chrysanthen...
277
00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:12,825
chrys...
278
00:11:13,828 --> 00:11:15,609
roses...
279
00:11:16,464 --> 00:11:18,797
and anything with the word
"Terminator" in it.
280
00:11:18,833 --> 00:11:20,732
Oh my God.
281
00:11:20,734 --> 00:11:23,268
- So wrong.
- Oh!
282
00:11:23,304 --> 00:11:24,603
Fine, okay, let's see you do me then.
283
00:11:24,638 --> 00:11:26,438
Okay, spaghetti,
284
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,240
blue, daisies...
285
00:11:28,275 --> 00:11:30,175
although you would never admit it...
286
00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:32,377
and "Terminator" everything.
287
00:11:34,982 --> 00:11:36,265
That's pretty close.
288
00:11:36,317 --> 00:11:38,083
And we've failed again!
289
00:11:38,118 --> 00:11:40,219
Riley, why do I have to
study to be your boyfriend?
290
00:11:40,221 --> 00:11:42,788
I can't do this!
You know I don't test well!
291
00:11:44,592 --> 00:11:46,592
So... so you're breaking up with me?
292
00:11:46,627 --> 00:11:48,460
Oh my God! We're not breaking up!
293
00:11:48,462 --> 00:11:50,679
Honestly, I think your mom was right!
294
00:11:50,731 --> 00:11:53,715
There's just nowhere for this
relationship to go but down.
295
00:11:53,751 --> 00:11:55,434
Riley, come on!
296
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:04,943
Well,
I did not see that whipping back to me.
297
00:12:07,047 --> 00:12:08,914
Ben: Normally,
I know why a girl's mad at me.
298
00:12:08,949 --> 00:12:10,816
I didn't text her back fast enough.
299
00:12:10,851 --> 00:12:12,050
I forgot her birthday.
300
00:12:12,086 --> 00:12:13,802
I slept with her stepmom.
301
00:12:14,822 --> 00:12:16,722
But this? Totally lost.
302
00:12:16,757 --> 00:12:20,742
Look, no offense, but this little
problem of yours pales next to mine.
303
00:12:20,794 --> 00:12:23,629
- What problem?
- I'm living with your mother.
304
00:12:23,664 --> 00:12:26,398
Dude, I had to live with her for 18 years.
305
00:12:26,433 --> 00:12:29,167
You know why? Because she's your mother!
306
00:12:29,203 --> 00:12:31,103
Come on.
(Sighs)
307
00:12:31,138 --> 00:12:33,372
Too bad Brad didn't stick around long
enough to take her off our hands.
308
00:12:33,407 --> 00:12:35,240
Brad.
309
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:36,942
Wait, that's it.
See you later.
310
00:12:36,977 --> 00:12:38,905
That's how I can get her out.
311
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,062
Wait, wait. Dude,
you're supposed to help me
312
00:12:40,114 --> 00:12:41,680
figure out what to do with Riley.
313
00:12:41,715 --> 00:12:43,749
Tulips, blue, and the Princess Bride.
314
00:12:43,801 --> 00:12:44,933
Anything else, just call Danny.
315
00:12:44,985 --> 00:12:46,752
He speaks fluent Riley.
316
00:12:49,857 --> 00:12:52,591
(Clicking)
317
00:12:52,626 --> 00:12:56,445
(Rings)
Oh. Hey, Ben.
318
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:57,629
Bon jury.
319
00:12:57,665 --> 00:13:00,265
Just another exciting day here in Paris.
320
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:03,402
Or, umm... Or night. I mean night.
321
00:13:03,404 --> 00:13:05,420
Just another exciting night here in Paris.
(Chuckles)
322
00:13:05,472 --> 00:13:07,189
I just need some brotherly advice.
323
00:13:07,241 --> 00:13:09,291
How can I get Riley to
stop worrying about us?
324
00:13:09,343 --> 00:13:12,144
What's she so worried about?
I mean, sure, we fight,
325
00:13:12,146 --> 00:13:14,246
but we get along better than most brothers.
326
00:13:14,298 --> 00:13:17,649
Not, not us us. Me and Riley us.
327
00:13:17,701 --> 00:13:20,018
She doesn't think I'm
committed or paying attention.
328
00:13:20,054 --> 00:13:21,853
I forget which one she said.
329
00:13:21,855 --> 00:13:24,456
Look, I just need you to tell me
everything you know about her,
330
00:13:24,508 --> 00:13:25,857
so I can pretend that I knew it all along.
331
00:13:25,893 --> 00:13:28,594
Look, I'll tell you everything
you need to know about Riley,
332
00:13:28,629 --> 00:13:31,530
but all she really needs to know is
that you're around for the long haul.
333
00:13:31,565 --> 00:13:33,265
The long haul.
334
00:13:34,535 --> 00:13:37,302
I think I know exactly
what you're talking about.
335
00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:39,087
Hey, did you use my soap?
336
00:13:39,139 --> 00:13:40,222
(Blows)
Hey, who's that?
337
00:13:40,257 --> 00:13:41,406
Oh, Georgie...
338
00:13:41,442 --> 00:13:43,141
(Chuckles) And she's got a cold.
339
00:13:43,177 --> 00:13:44,876
Oh, put her on. I wanna say hi.
340
00:13:44,912 --> 00:13:46,812
(High-pitched)
don't look at me
341
00:13:46,864 --> 00:13:49,748
I'm hideous
342
00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:51,900
Wow. Bro, no offense,
343
00:13:51,952 --> 00:13:54,149
but Georgie's got some hairy knuckles.
344
00:14:01,528 --> 00:14:03,662
I think this definitely says "long haul."
345
00:14:07,852 --> 00:14:10,023
Danny: No problem. Thanks anyway.
346
00:14:10,155 --> 00:14:12,412
Man! That's the third one of my teammates
347
00:14:12,432 --> 00:14:15,111
whose apartment is getting fumigated.
348
00:14:15,131 --> 00:14:17,475
Rangers have a real pest problem.
349
00:14:18,380 --> 00:14:20,180
So do I.
350
00:14:20,182 --> 00:14:22,082
Are you sure I can't just stay here?
351
00:14:22,117 --> 00:14:23,967
I mean,
this is the last place anyone will look.
352
00:14:24,003 --> 00:14:25,886
(Knocks)
Who is it?
353
00:14:25,921 --> 00:14:28,830
- It's me, Tucker.
- (Gasps) Nobody's home!
354
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,070
I'm gonna give you a second
to think that one through.
355
00:14:34,863 --> 00:14:36,350
Hide!
356
00:14:39,902 --> 00:14:42,336
I know you have no faith in us,
357
00:14:42,371 --> 00:14:43,670
but I'm hoping you'll let
me convince you otherwise.
358
00:14:43,706 --> 00:14:46,239
Your favorite wine, I believe.
359
00:14:46,275 --> 00:14:48,442
Oh, it is. And tulips.
360
00:14:48,494 --> 00:14:51,545
Ben. So you really did know?
361
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:54,981
(Scoffs) I'm so sorry for being so crazy.
362
00:14:55,017 --> 00:14:57,384
- Can you forgive me?
- I'll try,
363
00:14:57,419 --> 00:14:59,319
but that's what a relationship is about,
364
00:14:59,321 --> 00:15:01,922
it's give and take. (Breathes deeply)
365
00:15:01,974 --> 00:15:03,223
And now I'd like to give you something.
366
00:15:03,275 --> 00:15:05,742
Oh my God, please say it is garlic bread,
367
00:15:05,794 --> 00:15:08,662
because... Oh my God. Stop talking, Riley.
368
00:15:08,697 --> 00:15:11,998
Ben. Are you serious? I mean, I can't...
369
00:15:12,051 --> 00:15:15,569
I don't know if I'm ready for...
earrings...
370
00:15:15,604 --> 00:15:18,522
'Cause I'm already wearing some,
371
00:15:18,557 --> 00:15:20,540
which I will take off right now
372
00:15:20,576 --> 00:15:21,675
Ugh. I hate these.
(Clatters)
373
00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:24,394
Oh, I love these.
374
00:15:24,430 --> 00:15:27,312
You know I gave you those too, right?
375
00:15:35,391 --> 00:15:37,991
Tucker, I don't care what you say,
376
00:15:38,043 --> 00:15:39,793
I'm not getting back together with Bonnie.
377
00:15:39,812 --> 00:15:41,895
But she's so sweet and kind.
378
00:15:42,931 --> 00:15:44,965
Yeah, she's like a delicate flower.
379
00:15:45,017 --> 00:15:46,867
(Bonnie pounding on door) Brad!
380
00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:49,603
Open this damn door immediately,
381
00:15:49,638 --> 00:15:52,971
or I will break it down
and beat you with it!
382
00:15:54,543 --> 00:15:56,926
Well, there's the flower now.
383
00:15:57,713 --> 00:15:59,613
(Whispers) I have to hide! Curtains!
384
00:15:59,648 --> 00:16:01,099
Closet.
385
00:16:02,284 --> 00:16:04,377
(Whispers)
(Whimpers)
386
00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:06,987
(Whispers)
387
00:16:08,073 --> 00:16:09,122
Phew!
388
00:16:10,225 --> 00:16:12,192
Bonnie. (Chuckles) What are you doing here?
389
00:16:12,227 --> 00:16:15,045
You know what, Brad?
You do not get the last word with this.
390
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,180
And why don't you want to go out with me?
391
00:16:17,232 --> 00:16:18,949
I'm amazing!
392
00:16:20,002 --> 00:16:21,034
And by the way,
393
00:16:21,069 --> 00:16:22,102
you came to my house.
394
00:16:22,137 --> 00:16:23,987
I did not show up at yours!
395
00:16:24,039 --> 00:16:25,972
But you're at my house now.
396
00:16:26,008 --> 00:16:28,825
Yeah, well, if you're suggesting
397
00:16:28,861 --> 00:16:32,479
we should have make-up sex right now
on this amazing, white leather couch,
398
00:16:32,531 --> 00:16:34,247
I would have to think
about it for a few minutes,
399
00:16:34,249 --> 00:16:36,216
and then I would probably say no.
400
00:16:36,251 --> 00:16:37,417
(Keys jingle)
(Kicks)
401
00:16:37,453 --> 00:16:38,535
Crap, it's my girlfriend.
402
00:16:38,570 --> 00:16:40,220
Just a second, honey!
403
00:16:40,255 --> 00:16:41,421
There's something wrong with the door!
404
00:16:41,423 --> 00:16:43,406
You have a girlfriend? How could you?
405
00:16:43,442 --> 00:16:46,243
It was pretty easy. I mean, hello!
406
00:16:46,295 --> 00:16:49,162
But seriously, you have to go hide.
She's really jealous of you.
407
00:16:49,198 --> 00:16:51,131
She is? So you guys talk about me?
408
00:16:51,166 --> 00:16:53,016
- Go! Go! Go!
- Curtain?
409
00:16:53,051 --> 00:16:54,017
- No.
- Closet?
410
00:16:54,069 --> 00:16:54,985
- No!
- Bathroom?
411
00:16:55,020 --> 00:16:56,002
- Yes.
- Right.
412
00:16:57,873 --> 00:16:59,973
Jennifer, you're early.
We should probably go.
413
00:17:00,025 --> 00:17:02,576
Thanks, Brad, see you later.
I've got some locks to change!
414
00:17:02,628 --> 00:17:05,679
No, you don't, you little...
415
00:17:05,731 --> 00:17:07,614
(Chuckles) Okay.
416
00:17:10,519 --> 00:17:13,353
(Chuckles) Jennifer, why don't you
417
00:17:13,388 --> 00:17:16,556
take a seat, and I can explain everything.
418
00:17:16,592 --> 00:17:20,193
So should I just stay
back here for this or...
419
00:17:24,066 --> 00:17:26,066
Mmm! So good.
420
00:17:26,101 --> 00:17:27,984
Parmesan, one of your favorites.
421
00:17:28,036 --> 00:17:30,036
Ben, you are truly amazing.
422
00:17:31,223 --> 00:17:32,973
Hey, psychic lady,
423
00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:34,941
you see this? Us, together, happy.
424
00:17:34,977 --> 00:17:36,710
No big blowup, no big break.
425
00:17:36,745 --> 00:17:37,978
Turns out we're totally fine.
426
00:17:38,030 --> 00:17:39,830
Oh. Oh!
427
00:17:39,882 --> 00:17:42,516
Really? Because she kinda looks
428
00:17:42,551 --> 00:17:43,817
like the opposite of fine.
429
00:17:43,819 --> 00:17:46,353
(Bangs table) Riley, what's wrong with you?
430
00:17:49,641 --> 00:17:51,558
My tongue feels kinda fat.
431
00:17:53,562 --> 00:17:56,012
I think there's something
wrong with the food.
432
00:17:56,064 --> 00:17:58,644
I think there's something
wrong with your face.
433
00:18:00,068 --> 00:18:02,035
The food's fine, yeah.
434
00:18:02,070 --> 00:18:03,920
Eggplant parmesan, your favorite.
435
00:18:03,956 --> 00:18:05,171
Eggplant?
436
00:18:05,224 --> 00:18:06,673
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
437
00:18:06,708 --> 00:18:07,807
I am allergic to eggplant!
438
00:18:07,843 --> 00:18:09,709
Chicken parmesan is my favorite!
439
00:18:09,761 --> 00:18:11,945
Oh my God, maybe I didn't write that down.
440
00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:13,897
(Gulps, choking)
441
00:18:13,949 --> 00:18:15,715
- Ben? Ben!
- I'm choking.
442
00:18:15,751 --> 00:18:17,651
Oh God. No, no, no!
443
00:18:17,686 --> 00:18:18,652
It's okay! I've got it!
444
00:18:18,687 --> 00:18:19,653
I was a girl scout.
445
00:18:19,688 --> 00:18:21,488
One, two, three.
446
00:18:21,490 --> 00:18:23,423
(Gasping)
(Cracks)
447
00:18:23,425 --> 00:18:24,641
I think you broke a rib. Oh my God.
448
00:18:24,676 --> 00:18:26,693
Ben, I'm so sorry.
449
00:18:26,695 --> 00:18:29,329
A blowup and a giant break.
450
00:18:29,348 --> 00:18:32,232
Yes! And my mom wanted me to be a doctor!
451
00:18:32,234 --> 00:18:34,134
(Laughs)
452
00:18:38,140 --> 00:18:39,306
(Chuckles)
453
00:18:39,341 --> 00:18:41,808
Again, I'm so sorry.
454
00:18:41,843 --> 00:18:43,743
I guess I don't know my own strength.
455
00:18:43,779 --> 00:18:45,045
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
456
00:18:45,097 --> 00:18:46,713
the nurse thought we made a cute couple.
457
00:18:46,765 --> 00:18:49,883
I'm sorry for being so insane.
458
00:18:49,918 --> 00:18:52,886
I guess I just caught up worrying
about what other people think.
459
00:18:52,938 --> 00:18:54,955
Who cares what other people think?
460
00:18:54,990 --> 00:18:56,756
Other people are stupid.
461
00:18:56,792 --> 00:18:58,475
Yes, they are.
462
00:18:58,527 --> 00:19:00,360
(Both laugh)
Oh, and by the way,
463
00:19:00,412 --> 00:19:02,629
the answer is "c," a quiet night at home,
464
00:19:02,681 --> 00:19:04,614
just the three of us.
465
00:19:04,650 --> 00:19:06,666
(Panting) Yes!
466
00:19:06,702 --> 00:19:08,368
First one back!
467
00:19:08,370 --> 00:19:10,520
And that is why I always carry
468
00:19:10,555 --> 00:19:12,322
a bag of marbles, huh?
469
00:19:13,542 --> 00:19:16,176
So how does it feel to be beat by a lady?
470
00:19:16,211 --> 00:19:18,228
The only lady I saw
471
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,014
was the one you pulled
out of that moving taxi.
472
00:19:21,049 --> 00:19:22,315
Yeah, well, if you need me,
473
00:19:22,351 --> 00:19:24,017
I will be in the winner's circle.
474
00:19:24,069 --> 00:19:25,869
A.K.A., my room.
475
00:19:25,921 --> 00:19:28,171
It's not your room! Get out of my house!
476
00:19:28,223 --> 00:19:30,824
Hey, did you see that tramp
that Brad is going out with?
477
00:19:30,859 --> 00:19:32,158
I know, right?
You're so much prettier than she is.
478
00:19:32,194 --> 00:19:34,628
(Indistinct chatter)
479
00:19:35,797 --> 00:19:37,831
Second favorite, "b," dinner and a movie.
480
00:19:37,866 --> 00:19:39,683
(Gasps)
Oh, and I happen to know
481
00:19:39,718 --> 00:19:41,685
that the Princess Bride is
playing at the Kingsley.
482
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,637
Oh, that's my favorite.
483
00:19:43,689 --> 00:19:45,889
- I know.
- But you hate that movie.
484
00:19:45,941 --> 00:19:47,107
You said it was boring and stupid.
485
00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:49,025
Well, from now on, I'm gonna pay attention
486
00:19:49,077 --> 00:19:51,945
to things that you love. You'll see.
487
00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:53,947
(Snoring)
(Sniffling)
488
00:19:53,982 --> 00:19:55,949
(Music playing)
489
00:19:57,903 --> 00:19:59,869
(Sniffling)
490
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:05,025
(Whispers) Sorry. It's my favorite movie.
491
00:20:06,078 --> 00:20:07,656
Danny?
492
00:20:17,804 --> 00:20:19,091
Hmm. Did you move recently?
493
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:20,900
Yes. Yes, I did.
494
00:20:20,936 --> 00:20:22,902
I don't think your new
surroundings are good for you.
495
00:20:22,938 --> 00:20:24,441
In fact, I'd say
496
00:20:24,461 --> 00:20:26,762
you're living under
a black cloud.
497
00:20:27,304 --> 00:20:28,531
Oh my God, thank you.
498
00:20:28,565 --> 00:20:29,565
All right,
I've got to figure out
499
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,093
a way to get my place back.
500
00:20:31,113 --> 00:20:32,401
You are amazing.
501
00:20:32,436 --> 00:20:34,786
Do you need a roommate?
Okay, never mind.
502
00:20:38,619 --> 00:20:39,910
(Sighs)
503
00:20:41,225 --> 00:20:43,446
"Black cloud."
(Chuckles)
504
00:20:44,489 --> 00:20:46,446
Nice touch.
505
00:20:46,731 --> 00:20:49,623
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
506
00:20:49,673 --> 00:20:54,223
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