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1
00:02:31,208 --> 00:02:35,208
www.titlovi.com
2
00:02:38,208 --> 00:02:39,474
Neighbors!
3
00:02:39,543 --> 00:02:41,610
I have an announcement for you.
4
00:02:41,678 --> 00:02:46,982
I have never seen such
a collection of dirty windows.
5
00:02:47,051 --> 00:02:50,352
Now, I want to see all of you
out there on the fire escapes
6
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:54,523
with your Mr. clean bottles,
and let's snap it up!
7
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:57,192
Murray, do you have to shout
like that every morning?
8
00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:58,261
Clears my head.
9
00:02:58,295 --> 00:02:59,428
Say, Murray,
10
00:02:59,496 --> 00:03:01,496
were you planning maybe today
to look for a job?
11
00:03:01,565 --> 00:03:02,697
Do what?
12
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,132
Look for a job, Murray.
13
00:03:05,536 --> 00:03:07,302
Murray
14
00:03:07,371 --> 00:03:09,738
Murray, what did you
get me down here for?
15
00:03:09,807 --> 00:03:11,540
I mean, I just...
Nick, what time is it?
16
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:12,808
It's about 7:20.
17
00:03:12,876 --> 00:03:15,744
Look, Murray, now, I have to...
18
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:21,316
Nick, in a moment, you're
going to see a horrible thing.
19
00:03:21,385 --> 00:03:23,318
What's that?
20
00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,422
People going to work.
21
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,769
Gee, Murray, I hope
it's not gonna be a long visit
22
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:17,926
with the junkman today.
23
00:06:17,995 --> 00:06:19,272
I have something
I have to discuss with you.
24
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,229
Junkman?
25
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:24,866
Perruccio here is a dealer
in obsolete structures.
26
00:06:24,935 --> 00:06:27,435
Are you still getting a buck for this?
27
00:06:27,504 --> 00:06:28,703
Half a buck?
28
00:06:28,772 --> 00:06:30,438
Perruccio...
29
00:06:30,507 --> 00:06:31,439
2 bits.
30
00:06:31,508 --> 00:06:33,341
Deal.
31
00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:36,911
Murray, not another eagle.
32
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:41,249
Nick... You can't have
too many eagles.
33
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,785
Hey, wait a minute.
34
00:06:43,854 --> 00:06:45,520
Why did you follow me down here?
35
00:06:45,589 --> 00:06:47,222
Why aren't you in school today?
36
00:06:47,291 --> 00:06:48,690
Well, it's a holiday.
37
00:06:48,759 --> 00:06:51,693
Yeah, it's Irving r. Feldman's
birthday, like you said.
38
00:06:51,762 --> 00:06:53,628
No, Irving r. Feldman's
birthday
39
00:06:53,697 --> 00:06:55,730
is my own personal national holiday.
40
00:06:55,799 --> 00:06:57,866
I did not open it up for the public.
41
00:06:57,934 --> 00:06:59,367
He is proprietor of perhaps
42
00:06:59,436 --> 00:07:01,636
the most distinguished
kosher delicatessen
43
00:07:01,705 --> 00:07:02,937
in our neighborhood,
44
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:05,440
and, as such, I hold the day
of his birth in reverence.
45
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:08,043
Well, you said you weren't gonna
look for work today
46
00:07:08,111 --> 00:07:10,245
'cause it was
Irving r. Feldman's birthday,
47
00:07:10,314 --> 00:07:12,414
so I figured I'd celebrate, too,
a little.
48
00:07:12,482 --> 00:07:15,417
Don't kid me, Nick.
49
00:07:15,485 --> 00:07:17,886
I thought you liked
that damn genius school.
50
00:07:17,954 --> 00:07:20,989
I figured I'd better stick
with you today...
51
00:07:21,058 --> 00:07:23,091
Something I got to discuss.
52
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,928
See, because it's this
special school for big brains,
53
00:07:26,997 --> 00:07:30,131
they watch you
and take notes and make reports
54
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,300
and they smile at you a lot.
55
00:07:34,004 --> 00:07:36,371
Murray, they're very nervous there.
56
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:40,108
And there was this composition
I wrote in creative writing
57
00:07:40,177 --> 00:07:43,211
about the advantages
of unemployment insurance.
58
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,313
Why did you write about that?
59
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:46,514
It's on my mind.
60
00:07:46,583 --> 00:07:48,416
And once they got my record out,
61
00:07:48,485 --> 00:07:51,486
they started to notice what
they call "significant data."
62
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:54,889
Turns out they've been keeping
this file on me for a long time,
63
00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:57,292
checking with
that child-welfare place...
64
00:07:57,361 --> 00:07:59,427
Same place you got those letters from.
65
00:07:59,496 --> 00:08:02,597
I never answer letters
from large organizations.
66
00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:03,843
Well, anyway, when they come over there,
67
00:08:03,867 --> 00:08:04,907
I just thought we could...
68
00:08:04,935 --> 00:08:07,602
Wait a minute.
When who comes over where?
69
00:08:07,671 --> 00:08:10,505
Our apartment.
70
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:11,906
This child-welfare crowd...
71
00:08:11,975 --> 00:08:14,476
They want to take a look
at our environment there.
72
00:08:14,544 --> 00:08:16,644
Why didn't you tell me about this before?
73
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,480
Well, you know,
the past couple of nights,
74
00:08:18,548 --> 00:08:19,548
we couldn't get together.
75
00:08:19,616 --> 00:08:20,782
That was unavoidable.
76
00:08:20,851 --> 00:08:22,917
You know, when I have a lot of work,
77
00:08:22,986 --> 00:08:24,386
you stay up at Mrs. Myers.
78
00:08:24,454 --> 00:08:27,789
Murray, your work
forgot her gloves last night.
79
00:08:30,627 --> 00:08:32,360
Well, anyway,
for these child-welfare guys,
80
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,362
I figure we'd better set up
some kind of a story
81
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:35,897
this morning before they get there.
82
00:08:35,966 --> 00:08:38,166
You know, you make it sound
like a vice raid.
83
00:08:38,235 --> 00:08:39,801
I mean, for one thing, Murray,
84
00:08:39,870 --> 00:08:41,703
you don't even have a job right now.
85
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:43,004
Hey, have you ever been
86
00:08:43,073 --> 00:08:45,240
to the top of the empire state building?
87
00:08:45,308 --> 00:08:47,142
Four times with you in November.
88
00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:48,676
Really?
89
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:51,112
Have you ever been
to the statue of Liberty?
90
00:08:51,181 --> 00:08:52,547
No, Murray, I...
91
00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:54,783
Today is
Irving r. Feldman's birthday.
92
00:08:54,851 --> 00:08:57,552
We shall go to the top
of the statue of Liberty
93
00:08:57,621 --> 00:08:59,721
and watch the
queen Elizabeth come in,
94
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:02,690
full of all those tired,
poor, huddled masses
95
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,325
yearning to breathe free.
96
00:09:04,394 --> 00:09:06,154
Murray, will you listen to me?!
We have to...
97
00:09:22,045 --> 00:09:24,913
Murray, couldn't I just
read you from
the times again,
98
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,582
like last week?
99
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:32,187
Okay, read me from the paper.
100
00:09:36,593 --> 00:09:38,326
Hey, Murray,
this paper is three days old.
101
00:09:38,395 --> 00:09:40,028
So, what do you want me to do, bury it?
102
00:09:40,096 --> 00:09:41,596
Is it starting to rot or something?
103
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,064
Come on, read me from the paper.
104
00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:46,434
Yeah, but most of these jobs,
somebody must have taken them.
105
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:47,936
I'll go get a newer paper.
106
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,971
No, we do not need a newer paper.
107
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,507
All the really important jobs
stay forever.
108
00:09:52,576 --> 00:09:55,977
Now, start on the first page
of "help wanted... male"
109
00:09:56,046 --> 00:09:57,779
and read me from the paper.
110
00:09:57,848 --> 00:09:58,980
Okay.
111
00:09:59,049 --> 00:10:04,586
"Exec-assist, ex-oppty,
$90 to top sal."
112
00:10:04,654 --> 00:10:05,920
What's that?
113
00:10:05,989 --> 00:10:09,557
Executive assistant,
excellent opportunity, nothing.
114
00:10:09,626 --> 00:10:10,626
Keep reading.
115
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,396
Hey, here's a perfect one.
116
00:10:15,465 --> 00:10:16,898
It says, "writer wanted."
117
00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:19,367
"Writer/editor, industrial periodicals.
118
00:10:19,436 --> 00:10:22,070
"To write handbooks, reports,
and promotion
119
00:10:22,138 --> 00:10:23,605
on electronic equipment."
120
00:10:23,673 --> 00:10:25,173
Say, what you got there, kid...
121
00:10:25,242 --> 00:10:26,741
The want ads or the obituaries?
122
00:10:28,645 --> 00:10:31,079
Okay, kid, read me some more want ads.
123
00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:18,526
You know, Murray, you don't
want a job, is the whole thing.
124
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,695
Would you just concentrate
on being a child?
125
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:23,731
Because I find your imitation of
an adult hopelessly inadequate.
126
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,767
You want to be your own boss, Murray,
127
00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:28,670
but the trouble with that is
you don't pay yourself anything.
128
00:11:29,873 --> 00:11:31,639
You're not paying yourself anything.
129
00:11:31,708 --> 00:11:34,375
Hey, that's a good line.
I got to remember that.
130
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:37,912
You ever consider being the
first 12-year-old boy in space?
131
00:11:37,981 --> 00:11:40,815
Murray, I am upset.
132
00:11:40,884 --> 00:11:42,850
Now, for me, as an actual child,
133
00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:45,420
the way you live in this house
and we live
134
00:11:45,488 --> 00:11:47,755
is a dangerous thing for my later life
135
00:11:47,824 --> 00:11:49,757
when I become an actual person.
136
00:11:49,826 --> 00:11:52,627
Now, an unemployed person,
like you are for so many months,
137
00:11:52,696 --> 00:11:54,929
is bad for you as the person involved,
138
00:11:54,998 --> 00:11:56,931
and it's definitely bad for me,
139
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,133
who he lives with in the same house
140
00:11:59,202 --> 00:12:02,070
where the rent isn't paid up
for months sometimes,
141
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,339
and I wish you'd get a job, Murray!
142
00:12:09,079 --> 00:12:11,913
Please!
143
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,920
You're absolutely right.
144
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,567
What's wrong, Murray?
145
00:12:34,704 --> 00:12:36,471
I don't know, Nick.
146
00:12:38,575 --> 00:12:39,941
Murray, are you all right?
147
00:12:46,583 --> 00:12:50,585
Hey... I enjoyed
the statue of Liberty a lot.
148
00:12:50,654 --> 00:12:53,554
Hey, it was great.
I'm glad we went.
149
00:12:56,393 --> 00:12:58,393
Hey, it is a great view, isn't it?
150
00:12:58,461 --> 00:13:01,162
Yeah.
151
00:13:01,231 --> 00:13:04,499
Otto... Otto...
152
00:13:04,567 --> 00:13:06,768
We have reached at last the mainland,
153
00:13:06,836 --> 00:13:09,804
and we must now get the rocket
plans from agent x-22.
154
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:12,507
The French, you fool.
155
00:13:12,575 --> 00:13:13,808
We is being observed.
156
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:16,110
It is essential we are not observed.
157
00:13:16,179 --> 00:13:19,914
Hey, is you really
secret spy x-12?
158
00:13:19,983 --> 00:13:21,082
I wouldn't tell you.
159
00:13:21,151 --> 00:13:22,417
And why not?
160
00:13:22,485 --> 00:13:23,985
Because it's a secret, you fool.
161
00:13:43,273 --> 00:13:45,640
Hey, spy, listen,
I'll tell you something.
162
00:13:45,709 --> 00:13:48,009
You know those poison capsules
they give us
163
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,343
to take when we get captured.
164
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:50,645
Ja?
165
00:13:50,714 --> 00:13:52,658
I think I know how they're
giving them to us now, Otto.
166
00:13:52,682 --> 00:13:53,815
What's that?
167
00:13:53,883 --> 00:13:55,750
They're putting them
in the cracker Jacks.
168
00:13:55,819 --> 00:13:56,819
That... that's crazy.
169
00:13:56,886 --> 00:13:58,586
That's a silly thing, what you said.
170
00:13:58,655 --> 00:14:01,422
That's silly, that's silly.
That's a silly thing.
171
00:14:01,491 --> 00:14:03,791
They are putting them in the
172
00:14:04,961 --> 00:14:07,128
wait a second.
173
00:14:07,197 --> 00:14:10,431
This... this is ridiculous.
174
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:13,267
They're putting the prize
in the package!
175
00:14:13,336 --> 00:14:16,237
It... Is... A killer.
176
00:14:16,306 --> 00:14:17,972
Excuse me.
177
00:14:18,041 --> 00:14:19,574
Are you Mr. Burns?
178
00:14:19,642 --> 00:14:21,976
Only for a couple more seconds, buddy.
179
00:14:22,045 --> 00:14:23,411
They poisoned my cracker Jack.
180
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,413
Yes, I see.
181
00:14:25,482 --> 00:14:28,716
You are
Murray n. Burns?
182
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,885
Excuse me.
How are you?
183
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,687
How do you do, Mr. Burns?
184
00:14:33,990 --> 00:14:36,891
I am Mr. amundson,
and this is miss markowitz.
185
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,094
Miss markowitz and I
are a social-service unit
186
00:14:40,163 --> 00:14:42,096
from the child welfare board.
187
00:14:42,165 --> 00:14:44,832
We have been asked by the bureau to...
188
00:14:44,901 --> 00:14:47,468
And this must be young Nicholas.
189
00:14:47,537 --> 00:14:49,103
Hello.
190
00:14:49,172 --> 00:14:51,806
Mr. burns, we...
Miss markowitz and I
191
00:14:51,875 --> 00:14:55,443
have been asked by the bcw
to investigate and examine
192
00:14:55,512 --> 00:14:58,146
certain pupils of the revere school.
193
00:14:58,214 --> 00:15:02,617
There's a... may we,
see you for a moment?
194
00:15:02,685 --> 00:15:05,419
Certainly.
195
00:15:13,596 --> 00:15:15,563
There is certain information
196
00:15:15,632 --> 00:15:18,466
which the school and the city
would like to have,
197
00:15:18,535 --> 00:15:20,334
regarding young Nicholas.
198
00:15:20,403 --> 00:15:21,836
Here, won't you sit down.
199
00:15:21,905 --> 00:15:24,405
I'll just get rid of these things.
200
00:15:26,042 --> 00:15:29,143
I... I'd like to explain
just why we're here, Mr. burns.
201
00:15:29,212 --> 00:15:31,746
Well, say,
would anybody like some coffee?
202
00:15:31,815 --> 00:15:33,748
Well, thank you, Nicholas.
203
00:15:33,817 --> 00:15:34,817
Miss markowitz?
204
00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,951
Yes, thank you.
205
00:15:38,621 --> 00:15:40,254
Watch it.
206
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:47,562
It might be best, Mr. burns,
for the child
207
00:15:47,630 --> 00:15:50,364
if perhaps you were
to send him downstairs
208
00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:53,568
to play or something
while we have our discussion.
209
00:15:53,636 --> 00:15:56,103
Yes, it would be more advisable,
Mr. burns,
210
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:57,905
if the child were not present,
211
00:15:57,974 --> 00:16:00,174
since miss markowitz will be discussing
212
00:16:00,243 --> 00:16:01,542
the psychological area.
213
00:16:01,611 --> 00:16:03,678
That is, we will be
discussing certain matters.
214
00:16:03,746 --> 00:16:05,746
You gonna talk dirty?
215
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:09,450
I appreciate the, informality
216
00:16:09,519 --> 00:16:12,720
with which you approach
this meeting, Mr. burns.
217
00:16:12,789 --> 00:16:15,423
However, due to the fact
that you have chosen
218
00:16:15,491 --> 00:16:18,860
not to answer our letters and
several of our phone calls...
219
00:16:18,928 --> 00:16:22,330
Miss markowitz,
may I know your first name?
220
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,265
It's Sandra.
221
00:16:24,334 --> 00:16:28,469
And you are the psychologist
part of the team, Sandy?
222
00:16:28,538 --> 00:16:31,072
That's right, Mr. burns.
223
00:16:31,140 --> 00:16:35,343
And you, sir, I take it,
are the brawn of the outfit.
224
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:38,112
Perhaps I-i should explain,
Mr. burns,
225
00:16:38,181 --> 00:16:42,149
that the social-service teams
which serve the revere school
226
00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:45,853
are a carefully planned
balance of social caseworkers,
227
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:49,223
such as myself and...
Thank you, Nicholas...
228
00:16:49,292 --> 00:16:51,959
And a psychological social worker,
229
00:16:52,028 --> 00:16:55,997
such as miss markowitz...
Or, actually, Dr. markowitz.
230
00:16:56,065 --> 00:16:57,932
Together, we form a rather...
231
00:16:58,001 --> 00:16:59,800
Say, is the coffee any good?
232
00:16:59,869 --> 00:17:02,570
Yes, very good.
Thank you, Nicholas.
233
00:17:02,639 --> 00:17:04,472
Very nice, Nicholas.
234
00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:06,274
Nicholas, are you drinking coffee?
235
00:17:06,342 --> 00:17:08,209
Don't you think it would be better...
236
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,044
No, it's milk.
237
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,713
I like to drink it from a cup.
238
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,849
Now, aren't you ashamed of yourself?
239
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,453
Mr. burns,
Mr. amundson and I
240
00:17:19,522 --> 00:17:22,556
have several cases to examine today,
241
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:26,327
and we would appreciate
a certain amount of cooperation.
242
00:17:26,396 --> 00:17:27,728
East Bronx, mosholu parkway.
243
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,797
And a couple of years
in maybe Massachusetts.
244
00:17:29,866 --> 00:17:30,898
No!
245
00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,434
Excuse me.
246
00:17:33,503 --> 00:17:37,138
Nick and I are merely testing
our sense of voice and accent.
247
00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:40,074
Nick insists
he is better at this than I am.
248
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:43,144
Actually, I took my graduate
work with a professor...
249
00:17:43,212 --> 00:17:45,780
A man with a very strong
new england accent,
250
00:17:45,848 --> 00:17:48,516
who could very well have
influenced my speech.
251
00:17:48,584 --> 00:17:49,750
Nick is quite right.
252
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:52,086
Wow, thank you, lady.
253
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:55,156
You certainly have
a fine ear for sound, Nick.
254
00:17:55,224 --> 00:17:56,958
Do you and your uncle play
255
00:17:57,026 --> 00:17:59,527
many of these sorts of games together?
256
00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:01,629
Well, yes, we play many wholesome
257
00:18:01,698 --> 00:18:03,898
and constructive-type games
together.
258
00:18:05,068 --> 00:18:07,401
You're a big phony, Nick.
259
00:18:07,470 --> 00:18:10,871
This lady is here for the facts.
260
00:18:10,940 --> 00:18:12,373
Quite so, Mr. burns.
261
00:18:12,442 --> 00:18:16,777
We wish also to investigate
those intangibles, those...
262
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,179
Jersey city.
263
00:18:18,247 --> 00:18:21,582
Maybe Newark and a little
bit of Chicago.
264
00:18:21,651 --> 00:18:23,250
Aha, I think you hit it, Nick!
265
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:25,553
Well, that's really quite remarkable!
266
00:18:25,621 --> 00:18:28,255
Albert... Mr. Amundson...
Is from New Jersey.
267
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:30,558
He went to the university of Chicago.
268
00:18:30,626 --> 00:18:33,327
Sandra, this is really
quite beside the point.
269
00:18:33,396 --> 00:18:36,297
But, Albert, I think
it's really quite remarkable!
270
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,499
Suppose I just plunge right in here
271
00:18:38,568 --> 00:18:40,868
with several of the facts required.
272
00:18:42,505 --> 00:18:44,783
The honeydew melon's in season,
but they're not really ripe,
273
00:18:44,807 --> 00:18:46,240
so I figured that the cantaloupe...
274
00:18:46,309 --> 00:18:47,975
I'm sorry, I didn't know
you had company.
275
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,143
See ya, Nick.
276
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,544
See ya, uncle Arnie.
277
00:18:53,916 --> 00:18:55,616
There's somebody else
living here with you?
278
00:18:55,685 --> 00:18:57,518
No, that's just my brother, Arnold.
279
00:18:57,587 --> 00:19:00,121
He brings fruit every morning
on his way to the office.
280
00:19:00,189 --> 00:19:01,255
He's a fruit nut.
281
00:19:01,324 --> 00:19:03,591
Yes, I see in our files
282
00:19:03,659 --> 00:19:06,961
that your brother acts as your agent.
283
00:19:07,030 --> 00:19:08,896
Our research team spoke to him,
I believe.
284
00:19:08,965 --> 00:19:12,666
Say... Do you really do
a lot of that stuff...
285
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:15,236
Calling people,
going into my personal life?
286
00:19:15,304 --> 00:19:17,872
You've refused
for quite some time, Mr. burns,
287
00:19:17,940 --> 00:19:20,174
to answer any of our regular inquiries.
288
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:23,477
We understand that you have been
unemployed, at this point,
289
00:19:23,546 --> 00:19:24,912
for nearly five months...
290
00:19:24,981 --> 00:19:27,548
Well, he has an excellent oppty
to be an exec-assist.
291
00:19:27,617 --> 00:19:29,583
And that, previous to this,
292
00:19:29,652 --> 00:19:31,152
you were the chief writer
293
00:19:31,220 --> 00:19:33,554
for the "chuckles the chipmunk" show.
294
00:19:33,623 --> 00:19:34,822
Right, Albert.
295
00:19:34,891 --> 00:19:36,668
For three years,
I wrote scripts for Leo Herman,
296
00:19:36,692 --> 00:19:38,492
better known as chuckles the chipmunk,
297
00:19:38,561 --> 00:19:40,961
friend of the young'uns
and seller of chuckle chips,
298
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:43,297
the potato chips
your buddy chuckles the chipmunk
299
00:19:43,366 --> 00:19:44,632
chomps on and chuckles over.
300
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:47,234
Would you care to describe
the circumstances
301
00:19:47,303 --> 00:19:49,537
under which you left the employ of the...
302
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,305
I quit.
303
00:19:51,374 --> 00:19:53,474
You felt that this was not
the work for you?
304
00:19:53,543 --> 00:19:56,744
No, I felt that I wasn't
reaching all the boys and girls
305
00:19:56,813 --> 00:19:58,679
out there in television land.
306
00:19:58,748 --> 00:20:00,347
Actually, it was not so much
307
00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:02,650
I wasn't reaching the boys and girls,
308
00:20:02,718 --> 00:20:05,586
but the boys and girls
were starting to reach me.
309
00:20:05,655 --> 00:20:08,622
Six months ago, a perfectly
adult bartender asked me
310
00:20:08,691 --> 00:20:10,825
if I'd like an onion in my Martini,
311
00:20:10,893 --> 00:20:13,427
and I said,
"gosh 'n' gollies, you betcha."
312
00:20:13,496 --> 00:20:16,430
Well, I knew it was time to quit.
313
00:20:16,499 --> 00:20:19,033
May I ask if this is a pattern?
314
00:20:19,102 --> 00:20:20,267
That is, in the past,
315
00:20:20,336 --> 00:20:22,603
has there been much shifting of position?
316
00:20:22,672 --> 00:20:25,773
No, I always take an onion in my Martini.
317
00:20:25,842 --> 00:20:27,875
This is a constant, and I...
318
00:20:27,944 --> 00:20:31,045
Mr. burns,
perhaps you're not aware
319
00:20:31,114 --> 00:20:34,548
of just how serious your situation is...
320
00:20:34,617 --> 00:20:37,618
The circumstances
of the child's environment,
321
00:20:37,687 --> 00:20:38,786
the danger of...
322
00:20:38,855 --> 00:20:40,454
Our investigation,
Mr. burns...
323
00:20:40,523 --> 00:20:42,223
substantial development and...
324
00:20:42,291 --> 00:20:43,557
is the result
325
00:20:43,626 --> 00:20:48,529
of what the bureau considers
to be almost an emergency case.
326
00:20:51,367 --> 00:20:53,834
Yeah, but he just likes
to kid around, lady.
327
00:20:53,903 --> 00:20:56,303
Really, we've got
a great environment here.
328
00:20:56,372 --> 00:20:58,973
Relax, kid.
329
00:20:59,041 --> 00:21:01,809
Look, people, I am sorry.
330
00:21:01,878 --> 00:21:04,245
Let's get on with the questions.
331
00:21:04,313 --> 00:21:06,514
Nick, suppose that you and I
332
00:21:06,582 --> 00:21:09,216
have a little chat right here.
333
00:21:09,285 --> 00:21:12,753
Fine, I was gonna suggest that myself.
334
00:21:17,126 --> 00:21:20,895
Well, I'm sure there are times
when the fun stops
335
00:21:20,963 --> 00:21:22,763
and you have nice talks
336
00:21:22,832 --> 00:21:25,599
and your uncle teaches you things.
337
00:21:25,668 --> 00:21:27,768
I can do a great Peter lorre imitation.
338
00:21:27,837 --> 00:21:29,003
Murray taught me.
339
00:21:29,071 --> 00:21:30,905
Nicky, what miss markowitz means...
340
00:21:30,973 --> 00:21:33,040
You can't hang me.
341
00:21:33,109 --> 00:21:34,875
Is that you and your uncle must...
342
00:21:34,944 --> 00:21:36,310
I didn't do it, I tell you.
343
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:37,912
No, Nicky.
That's not my knife!
344
00:21:37,980 --> 00:21:40,548
That's not what we mean.
It was all a mistake!
345
00:21:40,616 --> 00:21:41,982
Nick...
I'm innocent!
346
00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:43,250
I'm innocent!
347
00:21:43,319 --> 00:21:45,019
Nicholas...
I...
348
00:21:45,087 --> 00:21:47,188
That happens to be a
very good imitation.
349
00:21:47,256 --> 00:21:49,423
Well, perhaps,
but we're trying to establish...
350
00:21:49,492 --> 00:21:51,358
Can you imitate Peter lorre?!
351
00:21:51,427 --> 00:21:54,228
I can also do a pretty good
James cagney.
352
00:21:54,297 --> 00:21:56,597
I mean, it's not fantastic
like my Peter lorre,
353
00:21:56,666 --> 00:21:57,765
now, Nicholas, please!
354
00:21:57,833 --> 00:21:59,633
Try and pay attention.
355
00:21:59,702 --> 00:22:01,669
Now, if I may proceed...
356
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:05,873
Albert, if you'll just
let me handle this area...
357
00:22:13,049 --> 00:22:16,250
All right, Nick,
let's talk about games, okay?
358
00:22:16,319 --> 00:22:17,484
Okay.
359
00:22:17,553 --> 00:22:21,288
Now, do you have
any favorite games or toys
360
00:22:21,357 --> 00:22:23,524
that you'd like to show me...
361
00:22:23,593 --> 00:22:27,962
Some plaything that's just
the most favorite one of all?
362
00:22:29,932 --> 00:22:31,332
There's bubbles.
363
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,901
I don't think you'd be
interested in seeing bubbles.
364
00:22:38,407 --> 00:22:43,143
See, bubbles is what
you'd call an electric statue.
365
00:22:47,883 --> 00:22:50,384
It's got an electric
battery timer in there
366
00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:52,686
that makes it go on and off like that.
367
00:22:52,755 --> 00:22:56,323
Is this your favorite toy, Nick?
368
00:22:56,392 --> 00:22:58,759
Well, after a while,
it gets pretty boring.
369
00:22:58,828 --> 00:23:00,995
Tell me, Nick, do you like best the fact
370
00:23:01,063 --> 00:23:03,063
that the chest of the lady lights up?
371
00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:04,298
Well, you got to admit,
372
00:23:04,367 --> 00:23:06,333
you don't see boobies
like that every day.
373
00:23:06,402 --> 00:23:09,603
Anybody want any toast
or orange juice or anything?
374
00:23:13,209 --> 00:23:15,042
Say, would you want to see the effect
375
00:23:15,111 --> 00:23:18,445
when the lights are out
and when the room is dark?
376
00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:24,151
Tell me, Nick, is that what
you like best about it...
377
00:23:24,220 --> 00:23:27,421
The fact that you can be alone
in the dark with it?
378
00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:28,656
Well, I don't know,
379
00:23:28,724 --> 00:23:31,392
but, in the dark,
they really knock your eye out.
380
00:23:31,460 --> 00:23:35,062
Perhaps, don't you think
we ought to turn off...
381
00:23:35,131 --> 00:23:38,766
Nick, does bubbles...
Does she in any way...
382
00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:41,535
Does her face remind you at all
383
00:23:41,604 --> 00:23:45,806
of, let me see,
your mother, for... for example?
384
00:23:45,875 --> 00:23:47,241
No, it's just a doll.
385
00:23:47,310 --> 00:23:49,710
It's not a statue of anybody I know.
386
00:23:49,779 --> 00:23:51,812
I got it in a store downtown.
387
00:23:51,881 --> 00:23:54,315
H-her chest...
Is that something...
388
00:23:54,383 --> 00:23:57,251
Well, it's something,
all right, isn't it?
389
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,920
When you think about your mother...
390
00:23:59,989 --> 00:24:01,955
I don't think about her too much.
391
00:24:02,024 --> 00:24:03,924
But when you do think about her,
392
00:24:03,993 --> 00:24:06,660
do you remember her face best
or her hands or...
393
00:24:06,729 --> 00:24:09,096
I remember, she has a terrific laugh.
394
00:24:09,165 --> 00:24:12,399
See, it's the kind of laugh
that, when she laughs,
395
00:24:12,468 --> 00:24:14,168
it... Makes you laugh, too.
396
00:24:14,236 --> 00:24:17,404
Of course, she overdoes that a lot.
397
00:24:17,473 --> 00:24:20,908
But I mean, physically,
when you think of her, do you...
398
00:24:20,976 --> 00:24:23,143
Well, when you see bubbles there,
399
00:24:23,212 --> 00:24:25,779
and bubbles goes on and off like that...
400
00:24:25,848 --> 00:24:28,248
Sandra, his mother's chest
did not light up.
401
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:32,920
Mark that down in the file, Albert.
402
00:24:32,988 --> 00:24:37,358
Nicky, I wonder
if you would turn those off...
403
00:24:37,426 --> 00:24:38,992
I mean, her off.
404
00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:40,661
See, mainly, I like to read books
405
00:24:40,730 --> 00:24:42,296
that are healthy, constructive,
406
00:24:42,365 --> 00:24:44,231
and extremely educational for a person.
407
00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:46,500
Don't push it, Nick.
408
00:24:46,569 --> 00:24:49,002
He has no unusual fixations, Sandy.
409
00:24:49,071 --> 00:24:51,872
I mean, he's no more
abnormally interested
410
00:24:51,941 --> 00:24:55,075
in your bust
than Mr. amundson is.
411
00:24:55,144 --> 00:24:57,911
Mr. burns, it is not necessary
to make that...
412
00:24:57,980 --> 00:25:00,414
Of course, I might be wrong about that.
413
00:25:00,483 --> 00:25:02,483
Our interest in that doll is...
414
00:25:02,551 --> 00:25:05,619
Say, you really are interested
in that doll, Albert.
415
00:25:05,688 --> 00:25:07,654
Our...
Our interest in the doll...
416
00:25:07,723 --> 00:25:09,790
Well, I'd sell it to you for $2.
417
00:25:09,859 --> 00:25:12,126
That's 50 cents less than I paid for it.
418
00:25:13,362 --> 00:25:15,696
Sandra, I fail to see what's so amusing.
419
00:25:15,765 --> 00:25:18,632
I'm sorry, Albert.
420
00:25:18,701 --> 00:25:20,868
Well, it was just funny.
421
00:25:22,037 --> 00:25:23,303
Suppose I pursue, then,
422
00:25:23,372 --> 00:25:25,139
the psychological part
of this examination.
423
00:25:25,207 --> 00:25:26,607
Really, Albert, I really do feel
424
00:25:26,675 --> 00:25:28,308
that it would be better if I were to...
425
00:25:28,377 --> 00:25:30,043
Look, Albert, the lady was just laughing
426
00:25:30,112 --> 00:25:31,512
because something funny happened.
427
00:25:31,580 --> 00:25:33,680
That's the best thing to do
under the circumstances.
428
00:25:33,749 --> 00:25:35,149
Mr. burns...
429
00:25:35,217 --> 00:25:37,985
Say! How would you all like
to go to the statue of Liberty?
430
00:25:38,053 --> 00:25:40,421
Now, I have it on good authority
from the weather lady
431
00:25:40,489 --> 00:25:43,557
that today is a beautiful day.
432
00:25:43,626 --> 00:25:44,658
Mr. Burns!
433
00:25:44,727 --> 00:25:46,427
Now, this interview
has reached a point...
434
00:25:46,495 --> 00:25:48,595
I-I'm gonna get
my educational books now.
435
00:25:48,664 --> 00:25:50,364
I-I left them
out on the street.
436
00:25:50,433 --> 00:25:52,833
Mr. Burns, this interview
has reached a point...
437
00:25:52,902 --> 00:25:54,001
Mr. Burns...
438
00:25:54,069 --> 00:25:55,736
Now, damn it, Sandra,
don't interrupt me!
439
00:25:55,805 --> 00:25:58,305
For goodness' sakes, Albert.
440
00:25:58,374 --> 00:26:01,475
Sandra, perhaps we...
441
00:26:01,544 --> 00:26:03,610
Would you excuse us
for a moment, Mr. Burns?
442
00:26:03,679 --> 00:26:05,813
I'd like to have a short
conference with Sandra...
443
00:26:05,881 --> 00:26:10,350
Mi... Dr. Markowitz...
For a moment, please.
444
00:26:14,190 --> 00:26:15,689
Dear, what are you doing?
445
00:26:15,758 --> 00:26:17,291
Have we lost all control?
446
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,594
Are you seriously talking to me
about control, Albert?
447
00:26:20,663 --> 00:26:22,196
Now, dear, I told you...
448
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,134
I told you,
and I told Dr. Malko,
449
00:26:27,203 --> 00:26:30,704
it is much too soon for you
to be going out on cases.
450
00:26:30,773 --> 00:26:34,341
You need another year
in the office, behind the lines.
451
00:26:34,410 --> 00:26:37,277
I told you both.
You simply are not ready.
452
00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:39,980
Albert, you hardly let me get started.
453
00:26:40,049 --> 00:26:44,051
See, I was attempting to deal
on the basis of the whole child.
454
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:45,399
Three months out of grad school,
455
00:26:45,454 --> 00:26:47,199
and you want to go
right into the front lines.
456
00:26:47,223 --> 00:26:48,255
Really.
457
00:26:48,324 --> 00:26:49,556
You get too involved, Sandra.
458
00:26:49,625 --> 00:26:53,260
Each case, you get
much too emotionally involved.
459
00:26:53,329 --> 00:26:55,662
Now, we are scientists, dear.
460
00:26:55,731 --> 00:26:57,464
You seem to lose sight of that fact.
461
00:26:57,533 --> 00:26:59,867
Albert, this is no way to deal
with this man's problem.
462
00:26:59,935 --> 00:27:02,035
That's fine, that's fine.
463
00:27:02,104 --> 00:27:03,203
How are we doing?
464
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,640
You know, personally, I don't think
465
00:27:06,709 --> 00:27:09,243
you're going to solve
your problems with each other,
466
00:27:09,311 --> 00:27:12,713
but I'm glad you came to me,
because I think I can help you.
467
00:27:12,781 --> 00:27:15,382
Al, Sandy is not going to respect you
468
00:27:15,451 --> 00:27:16,984
because you threaten her.
469
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:19,586
No, respect will have to
come gradually,
470
00:27:19,655 --> 00:27:21,655
naturally, a maturing process.
471
00:27:21,724 --> 00:27:23,991
Mr. Burns,
the child welfare board
472
00:27:24,059 --> 00:27:27,494
is thoroughly aware that
Nicholas is not legally adopted.
473
00:27:28,631 --> 00:27:31,031
Consequently, they have,
I assure you...
474
00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:33,667
Now, you don't assure me
of anything, buddy.
475
00:27:33,736 --> 00:27:35,168
You make me damn nervous.
476
00:27:35,237 --> 00:27:37,571
Mr. Burns,
according to the bcw,
477
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,173
the child's continuance in your home
478
00:27:40,242 --> 00:27:42,743
is in serious and immediate doubt.
479
00:27:48,918 --> 00:27:53,253
Burns, aren't you at all willing
to give some evidence
480
00:27:53,322 --> 00:27:56,023
in your favor for our report...
481
00:27:56,091 --> 00:28:00,193
Some evidence to support
your competency as a guardian?
482
00:28:06,235 --> 00:28:08,802
All right, Albert.
483
00:28:21,383 --> 00:28:24,551
Look, folks, what's all the trouble?
484
00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:25,919
Nick is my nephew.
485
00:28:25,988 --> 00:28:28,655
He's staying with me
for a while. He's visiting.
486
00:28:28,724 --> 00:28:30,457
How long has he been here?
487
00:28:30,526 --> 00:28:31,992
Seven years.
488
00:28:35,097 --> 00:28:37,831
Nicholas' father...
Where is he?
489
00:28:37,900 --> 00:28:40,334
Well, that's not a "where" question?
490
00:28:40,402 --> 00:28:41,935
That's a "who" question.
491
00:28:42,004 --> 00:28:45,872
N-Nicholas' mother...
She is still alive?
492
00:28:45,941 --> 00:28:49,509
My sister is unquestionably alive.
493
00:28:49,578 --> 00:28:51,945
But her responsibility to the child...
494
00:28:52,014 --> 00:28:53,580
Well, now, for five years,
495
00:28:53,649 --> 00:28:57,184
she did everything she could
for the child but get married.
496
00:28:57,252 --> 00:28:58,952
Now, that's not easy to understand,
497
00:28:59,021 --> 00:29:01,355
since she used to get married
to everybody.
498
00:29:01,423 --> 00:29:03,490
You might call Nick a bastard...
499
00:29:03,559 --> 00:29:04,791
Or a little bastard,
500
00:29:04,860 --> 00:29:07,861
depending upon how whimsical
you feel at the time.
501
00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:10,631
I tell ya, folks,
502
00:29:10,699 --> 00:29:13,834
I got a real social worker's
paradise here.
503
00:29:13,902 --> 00:29:17,838
Well, my sister Elaine
arrived here one day
504
00:29:17,906 --> 00:29:21,808
with two suitcases, a hatbox,
a blue parakeet,
505
00:29:21,877 --> 00:29:25,312
a dead goldfish,
and a 5-year-old child.
506
00:29:25,381 --> 00:29:26,847
A few days later,
507
00:29:26,915 --> 00:29:31,551
she went downstairs to buy
a pack of filter-tip cigarettes.
508
00:29:31,620 --> 00:29:32,786
Six years later,
509
00:29:32,855 --> 00:29:35,856
she returned for the suitcases
and the hatbox.
510
00:29:35,924 --> 00:29:38,258
Now, the parakeet, I'd given away.
511
00:29:38,327 --> 00:29:41,862
The goldfish, I had long since
flushed down the toilet.
512
00:29:41,930 --> 00:29:45,432
And the 5-year-old child
had, with very little effort,
513
00:29:45,501 --> 00:29:46,900
become 6 years older.
514
00:29:46,969 --> 00:29:49,770
When Elaine returned for her luggage,
515
00:29:49,838 --> 00:29:51,705
I reminded her of the child
516
00:29:51,774 --> 00:29:54,508
and the fact
of filter-tip cigarettes.
517
00:29:54,576 --> 00:30:00,213
And then, I don't know,
I slapped my sister.
518
00:30:00,282 --> 00:30:01,982
Sister cried at some length
519
00:30:02,051 --> 00:30:05,385
and then proceeded calmly,
briefly, to explain to me
520
00:30:05,454 --> 00:30:08,689
her well-practiced theory
on the meaning of life...
521
00:30:08,757 --> 00:30:12,192
A philosophy falling somewhere
to the left of whoopee.
522
00:30:12,261 --> 00:30:16,897
Well, that was almost a year
ago, and I still got Nick.
523
00:30:16,965 --> 00:30:21,134
But, I am sure she
must have had some concern
524
00:30:21,203 --> 00:30:24,304
about Nicholas...
About the child.
525
00:30:24,373 --> 00:30:27,040
His name is not Nicholas or even Nick.
526
00:30:27,109 --> 00:30:29,609
You see, not having given him
a last name,
527
00:30:29,678 --> 00:30:32,713
Elaine felt reticent
about assigning him a first one.
528
00:30:32,781 --> 00:30:35,916
How did you communicate with...
529
00:30:35,984 --> 00:30:38,485
I made a deal with him when he was 6,
530
00:30:38,554 --> 00:30:42,155
up to which time he was known
rather casually as chubby,
531
00:30:42,224 --> 00:30:44,991
that he could use
whatever name he wished,
532
00:30:45,060 --> 00:30:48,428
for however long he wished,
until his 13th birthday,
533
00:30:48,497 --> 00:30:52,165
at which time he'd have to pick
a name he liked permanently.
534
00:30:52,234 --> 00:30:55,736
Now, he went through
a long period of dogs' names
535
00:30:55,804 --> 00:30:57,270
when he was little,
536
00:30:57,339 --> 00:31:01,007
king and rover having
a real vogue there for a while.
537
00:31:01,076 --> 00:31:06,446
For three months, he referred
to himself as big Sam.
538
00:31:06,515 --> 00:31:12,319
Then there was little Max,
snoopy, chip, rock, Rex, Mike,
539
00:31:12,387 --> 00:31:14,888
Marty, lamont, che...
540
00:31:19,728 --> 00:31:24,364
Chevrolet, woodrow, lefty, the phantom.
541
00:31:24,433 --> 00:31:27,334
He received his library card last year
542
00:31:27,402 --> 00:31:29,903
in the name of Raphael sabatini.
543
00:31:29,972 --> 00:31:34,241
His cub scout membership lists
him as Dr. Morris fishbein.
544
00:31:34,309 --> 00:31:37,144
Nick seems to be the one
that'll stick, though.
545
00:31:37,212 --> 00:31:38,879
His mother... where...
546
00:31:38,947 --> 00:31:42,415
Elaine communicates
with my brother and myself
547
00:31:42,484 --> 00:31:44,351
almost entirely by rumor.
548
00:31:46,421 --> 00:31:49,723
Well, I don't
think I've left anything out.
549
00:31:49,792 --> 00:31:53,426
I was not aware that Nicholas
was an o.W. Child.
550
00:31:53,495 --> 00:31:54,928
O.W.?
551
00:31:56,165 --> 00:31:57,464
Out of wedlock.
552
00:31:57,533 --> 00:32:00,700
For a moment there, I thought
you meant "prisoner of war."
553
00:32:00,769 --> 00:32:03,570
I think it's that natural warmth
of yours, Albert,
554
00:32:03,639 --> 00:32:05,505
that leads me to misunderstand.
555
00:32:05,574 --> 00:32:09,843
Yes, but, as concerns the child...
556
00:32:09,912 --> 00:32:11,044
Where is the child?
557
00:32:11,113 --> 00:32:13,814
You preferred not having him
here anyway, Albert.
558
00:32:13,882 --> 00:32:15,382
I'm perfectly aware, Sandra,
559
00:32:15,450 --> 00:32:17,884
of what I prefer
and what I do not prefer.
560
00:32:19,454 --> 00:32:23,056
I don't care for that tone
of voice at all, Albert.
561
00:32:25,727 --> 00:32:28,962
Sandra, I understand perfectly
what has happened here.
562
00:32:29,031 --> 00:32:31,498
We have allowed this man to disturb us,
563
00:32:31,567 --> 00:32:33,867
and we have both gotten a bit upset.
564
00:32:33,936 --> 00:32:35,569
Now, I really do feel that it's time
565
00:32:35,637 --> 00:32:39,306
we got over to that family
problem in queens.
566
00:32:39,374 --> 00:32:41,808
It's there in your file...
The ledbetters...
567
00:32:41,877 --> 00:32:43,276
The introverted child.
568
00:32:43,345 --> 00:32:45,879
We've given an unreasonable
amount of time to this case.
569
00:32:45,948 --> 00:32:47,914
This interview,
I'm afraid, Mr. burns...
570
00:32:47,983 --> 00:32:50,750
Albert, I personally feel
that it would not be advisable
571
00:32:50,819 --> 00:32:53,486
to leave this particular case
at this particular time.
572
00:32:53,555 --> 00:32:55,422
Sandra, we have done here this morning...
573
00:32:55,490 --> 00:32:57,924
I feel that we've not really
given Mr. burns a chance.
574
00:32:57,993 --> 00:33:00,660
Sandra...
It's time we left for queens.
575
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,133
Here's the ledbetter file.
576
00:33:07,202 --> 00:33:08,902
I'm staying here.
577
00:33:10,472 --> 00:33:11,472
Sandra...
578
00:33:11,540 --> 00:33:14,241
I've decided to pursue this case.
579
00:33:14,309 --> 00:33:17,310
Have we lost all professional control?
580
00:33:17,379 --> 00:33:21,381
You just go yourself to the leadbellies.
581
00:33:21,450 --> 00:33:25,652
You... Go on to queens,
why don't you?
582
00:33:25,721 --> 00:33:28,822
May I just talk to you
for a moment, please?
583
00:33:31,460 --> 00:33:33,326
Dear, what is this?
584
00:33:33,395 --> 00:33:34,828
What's happened to you today?
585
00:33:34,897 --> 00:33:36,029
What are you doing?
586
00:33:36,098 --> 00:33:38,064
I am doing what I think is right.
587
00:33:38,133 --> 00:33:40,901
I understand how you feel,
but there's nothing...
588
00:33:40,969 --> 00:33:43,970
Are you really going to leave
that man here like that?
589
00:33:44,039 --> 00:33:45,872
You're not going to try to help him
590
00:33:45,941 --> 00:33:48,808
or tell him about the board
separating him from the child?
591
00:33:48,877 --> 00:33:49,943
I mean, just so cold.
592
00:33:50,012 --> 00:33:52,345
Darling, of course I want to help,
593
00:33:52,414 --> 00:33:53,813
but, let's not forget,
594
00:33:53,882 --> 00:33:56,950
the child is the one
who needs our protection.
595
00:33:57,019 --> 00:33:59,152
Listen, you have...
You have spent too much time
596
00:33:59,221 --> 00:34:01,755
in that graduate school and
not enough time in the field.
597
00:34:01,823 --> 00:34:03,256
You've got to learn your job.
598
00:34:03,325 --> 00:34:04,991
Don't give me any of that nonsense.
599
00:34:05,060 --> 00:34:07,093
This is not the time
nor the place for this.
600
00:34:07,162 --> 00:34:09,763
You know, graduate school
wouldn't have done you any harm,
601
00:34:09,831 --> 00:34:10,931
believe me.
602
00:34:10,999 --> 00:34:13,767
That's the most terrible thing!
603
00:34:13,835 --> 00:34:15,402
Do you know what you are, Albert?
604
00:34:15,470 --> 00:34:18,004
You're...
605
00:34:18,073 --> 00:34:20,440
I don't know,
but I'll think of something.
606
00:34:20,509 --> 00:34:24,778
Mr. Burns...
Mr. Burns, you can assume...
607
00:34:24,846 --> 00:34:26,947
Mr. Burns?
608
00:34:31,787 --> 00:34:34,354
Mr. Burns...
609
00:34:34,423 --> 00:34:36,523
You can assume, at this point,
610
00:34:36,591 --> 00:34:40,160
that miss Markowitz is no longer
involved with your case.
611
00:34:40,228 --> 00:34:42,429
Now, the board will be informed
612
00:34:42,497 --> 00:34:46,132
that she's no longer involved
with this particular case.
613
00:34:46,201 --> 00:34:49,703
And her continuing to discuss
your case at this point
614
00:34:49,771 --> 00:34:51,571
is entirely unofficial.
615
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:54,808
You can dismiss any, conference
616
00:34:54,876 --> 00:34:59,145
which may resume when I leave...
A-after I leave here...
617
00:34:59,214 --> 00:35:01,748
From your mind.
618
00:35:01,817 --> 00:35:04,784
And regardless of what
you think of me...
619
00:35:04,853 --> 00:35:07,454
I think
you're a dirty o.W.
620
00:35:14,062 --> 00:35:16,329
And do you know what you are?
621
00:35:17,332 --> 00:35:18,898
Maladjusted.
622
00:35:23,238 --> 00:35:25,638
Good afternoon,
Mr. Burns.
623
00:35:25,707 --> 00:35:27,741
Good afternoon, Sandra.
624
00:35:41,189 --> 00:35:42,956
Mr. Burns?
625
00:35:45,994 --> 00:35:51,197
Mr. Burns,
I must apologize to you.
626
00:35:51,266 --> 00:35:54,267
We...
627
00:35:54,336 --> 00:35:56,036
We have put you...
628
00:35:56,104 --> 00:36:00,206
You have been put at
a disadvantage this morning...
629
00:36:00,275 --> 00:36:01,541
Mr. burns,
630
00:36:01,610 --> 00:36:05,078
because you've been involved
in a personal problem...
631
00:36:05,147 --> 00:36:08,615
That has, nothing whatsoever to do
632
00:36:08,683 --> 00:36:12,152
with your, particular case.
633
00:36:12,220 --> 00:36:15,789
It's entirely wrong for me
to give you this impression
634
00:36:15,857 --> 00:36:18,291
of our,
635
00:36:22,397 --> 00:36:23,563
do you know what?
636
00:36:23,632 --> 00:36:24,864
What?
637
00:36:24,933 --> 00:36:27,367
I hate the ledbetters!
638
00:36:28,870 --> 00:36:31,115
I'm sure, once I got to know
them, I'd hate them, too.
639
00:36:31,339 --> 00:36:33,373
Mr. Burns,
you don't understand.
640
00:36:33,442 --> 00:36:35,241
Some of the cases, I love.
641
00:36:35,310 --> 00:36:37,077
And some of them, I hate.
642
00:36:37,145 --> 00:36:39,612
And that's all wrong for my work.
643
00:36:39,681 --> 00:36:41,448
But I can't help it.
644
00:36:41,516 --> 00:36:45,952
I hate Raymond ledbetter,
and he's only 9 years old.
645
00:36:46,021 --> 00:36:49,489
But some of them...
Some of them, I like too much,
646
00:36:49,558 --> 00:36:52,125
and I worry about them all day long.
647
00:36:52,194 --> 00:36:53,893
It is an obvious conflict
648
00:36:53,962 --> 00:36:56,496
against all professional standards.
649
00:36:56,565 --> 00:37:00,800
I didn't like Raymond ledbetter,
so I tried to understand him.
650
00:37:00,869 --> 00:37:03,903
And now that I understand him,
I hate him.
651
00:37:06,108 --> 00:37:11,411
Can I get you a cup of coffee?
652
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:15,248
Albert is gone, and I just lost my job.
653
00:37:15,317 --> 00:37:19,385
I wrote out what my married name
would be...
654
00:37:19,454 --> 00:37:23,756
On a paper napkin
last night after dinner...
655
00:37:23,825 --> 00:37:28,595
Mrs. Albert amundson...
To see how it would look.
656
00:37:31,032 --> 00:37:33,633
We were going to be married.
657
00:37:33,702 --> 00:37:36,469
It was all planned.
658
00:37:36,538 --> 00:37:41,474
Mrs. Albert amundson
on a napkin.
659
00:37:43,078 --> 00:37:45,478
You have to understand Albert.
660
00:37:45,547 --> 00:37:49,449
He's really a very nice person
when he's not on cases.
661
00:37:49,518 --> 00:37:53,453
He's a very intelligent man.
662
00:37:53,522 --> 00:37:55,955
Last month, I fell asleep on him twice
663
00:37:56,024 --> 00:37:58,191
while he was talking to me.
664
00:37:58,260 --> 00:38:00,426
Do you have to sit there?
665
00:38:00,495 --> 00:38:02,428
Please go away.
666
00:38:04,866 --> 00:38:07,967
Why don't you go away?
667
00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:09,502
But I live here.
668
00:38:09,571 --> 00:38:12,739
I would like everybody to go away.
669
00:38:12,807 --> 00:38:15,575
Could I get you a pastrami sandwich?
670
00:38:15,644 --> 00:38:17,210
I don't even know you!
671
00:38:17,279 --> 00:38:19,779
I am crying right in front of you!
672
00:38:19,848 --> 00:38:21,748
Please go away!
673
00:38:23,385 --> 00:38:26,886
Now, you're really going to
have to stop crying,
674
00:38:26,955 --> 00:38:29,088
because I'm going out of my mind here.
675
00:38:29,157 --> 00:38:30,390
I cry all the time,
676
00:38:30,458 --> 00:38:33,359
and I laugh in the wrong places
in the movie.
677
00:38:35,330 --> 00:38:37,697
I am unsuited to my profession.
678
00:38:37,766 --> 00:38:39,566
I can't do anything right.
679
00:38:39,634 --> 00:38:42,468
Last night, I burned an entire chicken.
680
00:38:42,537 --> 00:38:44,671
And after seven years of school,
681
00:38:44,739 --> 00:38:47,440
I can't work,
and I've got no place to go.
682
00:38:47,509 --> 00:38:48,541
An entire chicken.
683
00:38:50,445 --> 00:38:53,179
This is an awful day.
684
00:38:53,248 --> 00:38:55,415
What am I going to do?
685
00:38:55,483 --> 00:39:00,286
Miss Markowitz, this is
a beautiful day.
686
00:39:00,355 --> 00:39:02,488
And I'll tell you why.
687
00:39:02,557 --> 00:39:07,227
You're really a jolly old girl,
and you are well rid of Albert.
688
00:39:07,295 --> 00:39:09,195
You have been given
the rare opportunity
689
00:39:09,264 --> 00:39:12,999
of returning the unused portion
and having your money refunded.
690
00:39:13,068 --> 00:39:17,470
But my work...
What am I going to do?
691
00:39:17,539 --> 00:39:20,673
But you're a lover,
Dr. markowitz.
692
00:39:20,742 --> 00:39:24,577
You are a lover of
things and of people,
693
00:39:24,646 --> 00:39:27,046
so you took up work
where you could get at
694
00:39:27,115 --> 00:39:28,648
as many of them as possible,
695
00:39:28,717 --> 00:39:31,517
and it just turned out
there were too many of them
696
00:39:31,586 --> 00:39:34,420
and too much that moves you.
697
00:39:34,489 --> 00:39:36,723
But, damn it, be glad it turned out
698
00:39:36,791 --> 00:39:39,025
you're not reasonable and sensible.
699
00:39:39,094 --> 00:39:42,095
Have all the gratitude you can
that you're capable
700
00:39:42,163 --> 00:39:46,399
of embarrassment and joy
and are a marathon crier.
701
00:39:47,736 --> 00:39:50,803
There is a kind of relief
that it's gone...
702
00:39:50,872 --> 00:39:52,705
The job and even Albert.
703
00:39:52,774 --> 00:39:55,174
But I know what it is.
704
00:39:55,243 --> 00:39:57,410
It's just irresponsible, that's all,
705
00:39:57,479 --> 00:39:59,879
and I don't have
the vaguest idea who I am.
706
00:39:59,948 --> 00:40:02,782
It's just that there are
all these sandras running around
707
00:40:02,851 --> 00:40:04,250
who you've never met before,
708
00:40:04,319 --> 00:40:07,587
and it's confusing,
at first, fantastic.
709
00:40:07,656 --> 00:40:10,189
But, damn it, isn't it great
to find out
710
00:40:10,258 --> 00:40:11,858
how many sandras there are?
711
00:40:11,926 --> 00:40:15,094
It's like those little cars
in the circus, you know.
712
00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:19,098
This tiny, red car comes out,
hardly big enough for a midget,
713
00:40:19,167 --> 00:40:21,467
and it putters around.
714
00:40:21,536 --> 00:40:24,904
And, suddenly, its doors open,
715
00:40:24,973 --> 00:40:27,473
and out come a thousand clowns
716
00:40:27,542 --> 00:40:30,343
whooping and hollering
and raising hell.
717
00:40:37,452 --> 00:40:38,452
What's this?
718
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:40,820
That is my undershirt.
719
00:40:40,889 --> 00:40:44,757
Now, how's about going to the
empire state building with me?
720
00:40:44,826 --> 00:40:46,659
I'll have that coffee now.
721
00:40:46,728 --> 00:40:50,296
Didn't answer my question. Would you
like to visit the empire state building?
722
00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:52,665
No, not really.
723
00:40:52,734 --> 00:40:54,901
Well, then, how about the zoo?
724
00:40:54,969 --> 00:40:56,703
Not just now.
725
00:40:56,771 --> 00:40:58,237
Well, then, will you marry me?
726
00:40:59,474 --> 00:41:00,474
What?
727
00:41:00,542 --> 00:41:02,408
Just a bit of shock treatment there.
728
00:41:02,477 --> 00:41:04,310
I have found, after long experience,
729
00:41:04,379 --> 00:41:06,713
it's the quickest way
to get a woman's attention
730
00:41:06,781 --> 00:41:07,847
when her mind wanders.
731
00:41:07,916 --> 00:41:08,916
Always works.
732
00:41:10,151 --> 00:41:11,184
Mr. burns...
733
00:41:11,252 --> 00:41:13,453
No, no, now that you've cried,
734
00:41:13,521 --> 00:41:15,388
you can't call me
Mr. burns.
735
00:41:15,457 --> 00:41:18,157
Same thing goes for laughing.
736
00:41:18,226 --> 00:41:19,359
My name is Murray.
737
00:41:19,427 --> 00:41:22,762
Well, Murray,
738
00:41:22,831 --> 00:41:24,864
to sort of return to reality
for a moment...
739
00:41:24,933 --> 00:41:28,234
I'll only go as a tourist.
740
00:41:28,303 --> 00:41:32,138
Murray...
The child welfare board
741
00:41:32,207 --> 00:41:33,773
could really take Nick away,
742
00:41:33,842 --> 00:41:36,342
but there's some things
that you could do about it
743
00:41:36,411 --> 00:41:38,311
to make your case a little stronger.
744
00:41:38,380 --> 00:41:41,814
Sandra, do you realize
you are not wearing your shoes?
745
00:41:47,689 --> 00:41:50,156
Well, here I am with
some of my favorite books...
746
00:41:50,225 --> 00:41:52,558
"fun in the rain,"
"the young railroader,"
747
00:41:52,627 --> 00:41:54,794
"great philosophers,"
"science for youth,"
748
00:41:54,863 --> 00:41:56,095
and a Spanish dictionary.
749
00:41:56,164 --> 00:41:58,798
I left them out on the street
when I was playing, and I...
750
00:41:58,867 --> 00:42:01,300
Nick, you just killed a whole
month's allowance for nothing.
751
00:42:01,369 --> 00:42:04,303
Miss Markowitz
isn't even on our case anymore.
752
00:42:04,372 --> 00:42:07,206
I shouldn't have left.
753
00:42:07,275 --> 00:42:09,509
You got angry and insulted everybody.
754
00:42:09,577 --> 00:42:11,544
Nothing to worry about.
755
00:42:11,613 --> 00:42:15,448
Well, $4 right out the window.
756
00:42:18,720 --> 00:42:20,286
We're in real trouble now, right, lady?
757
00:42:20,355 --> 00:42:23,222
Nick! Nick!
758
00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:26,192
We have a guest...
A music lover.
759
00:42:26,261 --> 00:42:29,262
Let us play our song.
760
00:42:30,565 --> 00:42:32,165
Come on, I'm sure it'll be requested.
761
00:42:32,233 --> 00:42:34,600
Murray, you know, we can't play
songs at a time like this.
762
00:42:34,669 --> 00:42:36,836
Come on, old man, where's
your professional attitude?
763
00:42:38,373 --> 00:42:39,772
This is no time to play songs.
764
00:43:45,073 --> 00:43:47,173
Nice to meet you, lady.
I'll see you around.
765
00:43:47,242 --> 00:43:48,441
Where you off to, Nick?
766
00:43:48,510 --> 00:43:50,643
I'm gonna leave my stuff
over at Mrs. Myers.
767
00:43:50,712 --> 00:43:52,912
See, I figure I'll be
staying up there tonight.
768
00:44:16,971 --> 00:44:19,839
Murray, who do you know
who's leaving on that boat?
769
00:44:19,908 --> 00:44:22,074
Nobody.
I don't get jealous that way.
770
00:44:22,143 --> 00:44:24,143
Hey, atta way to go, Charlie baby!
771
00:44:24,212 --> 00:44:25,278
Have a great trip!
772
00:44:25,346 --> 00:44:26,512
Bon voyage, Charlie!
773
00:44:26,581 --> 00:44:28,614
That's the way!
Have a good trip!
774
00:44:28,683 --> 00:44:30,716
You see, it's a great thing to do
775
00:44:30,785 --> 00:44:33,219
when you're about to start
something new.
776
00:44:33,288 --> 00:44:34,420
You see a boat off.
777
00:44:34,489 --> 00:44:38,357
It gives you the genuine feeling
of a beginning.
778
00:44:38,426 --> 00:44:42,328
Hey, bon voyage, Charlie!
Have a wonderful time!
779
00:44:42,397 --> 00:44:45,965
Bon voyage, Charlie!
Have a wonderful time!
780
00:44:47,135 --> 00:44:48,234
Bon voyage, Charlie!
781
00:44:48,303 --> 00:44:50,803
Have a wonderful time!
782
00:45:35,583 --> 00:45:38,584
Wall street...
The lovely view!
783
00:45:38,653 --> 00:45:40,519
The hell with the view.
784
00:45:40,588 --> 00:45:45,091
Right now, at this hour,
it's just me and all that money.
785
00:45:45,159 --> 00:45:50,162
Right now, I'm all alone with $2 billion
786
00:45:50,231 --> 00:45:53,466
in cash, checks, and securities.
787
00:45:53,534 --> 00:45:55,234
And me.
788
00:45:55,303 --> 00:45:56,636
I'm here, too.
789
00:45:59,774 --> 00:46:00,840
Yes, you are, lady.
790
00:46:50,658 --> 00:46:52,892
Light.
791
00:47:03,071 --> 00:47:05,504
No matter what time of day
or what season,
792
00:47:05,573 --> 00:47:07,840
I got a permanent picture out there...
793
00:47:07,909 --> 00:47:09,775
Twilight in February.
794
00:47:09,844 --> 00:47:11,077
One of these mornings,
795
00:47:11,145 --> 00:47:13,145
I'll wake up and that damn building
796
00:47:13,214 --> 00:47:15,347
will have fallen down into 7th Avenue
797
00:47:15,416 --> 00:47:16,782
so I can see the weather.
798
00:47:18,419 --> 00:47:21,587
Using a machine
to call up another machine.
799
00:47:21,656 --> 00:47:24,990
I do not enjoy the company of ghosts.
800
00:47:27,528 --> 00:47:29,095
Hello, weather lady.
801
00:47:29,163 --> 00:47:31,997
Well, I'm fine, and how's your
nasal little self this morning?
802
00:47:32,066 --> 00:47:33,966
What's the weather?
803
00:47:34,035 --> 00:47:36,368
That high?
804
00:47:36,437 --> 00:47:37,737
And the wind?
805
00:47:37,805 --> 00:47:40,139
Which way does the wind blow
this morning?
806
00:47:40,208 --> 00:47:42,374
Very good.
807
00:47:42,443 --> 00:47:44,777
All the way from eastport
to block island?
808
00:47:44,846 --> 00:47:48,247
Chance of showers?
809
00:47:48,316 --> 00:47:50,549
Hey, what exactly does that mean?
810
00:47:52,887 --> 00:47:54,053
There you go again.
811
00:47:54,122 --> 00:47:56,088
You simply must learn
not to repeat yourself.
812
00:47:56,157 --> 00:47:58,691
I keep telling you every morning
that once is enough.
813
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:00,526
Well, you'll never learn.
814
00:48:00,595 --> 00:48:02,995
Chance of showers?
815
00:48:06,868 --> 00:48:09,502
Hello, is this someone
with good news or money?
816
00:48:09,570 --> 00:48:11,270
No? Goodbye.
817
00:48:16,644 --> 00:48:18,811
This is your neighbor speaking.
818
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,013
I'm sure I speak for all
of us when I say
819
00:48:21,082 --> 00:48:23,649
that something must be done
about your garbage cans
820
00:48:23,718 --> 00:48:24,984
in the alley here.
821
00:48:25,052 --> 00:48:27,686
It is definitely
second-rate garbage!
822
00:48:27,755 --> 00:48:32,091
Now, by next week, I want to see
a better class of garbage...
823
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:35,961
More empty champagne bottles
and caviar cans!
824
00:48:36,030 --> 00:48:38,097
I'm sure you're all behind me on this,
825
00:48:38,166 --> 00:48:42,334
so let's snap it up and
get on the ball!
826
00:48:52,013 --> 00:48:53,179
Good morning.
827
00:48:54,982 --> 00:48:56,649
Good morning.
828
00:48:56,717 --> 00:48:58,818
How are you this morning?
829
00:48:58,886 --> 00:49:01,720
I am fine this morning.
How are you?
830
00:49:01,789 --> 00:49:03,756
I am fine, also.
831
00:49:06,394 --> 00:49:08,427
Do you have a bathrobe?
832
00:49:08,496 --> 00:49:09,929
Yes, I have a bathrobe.
833
00:49:09,997 --> 00:49:12,598
May I have your bathrobe, please?
834
00:49:12,667 --> 00:49:16,702
Well, I'll get you Nick's.
It'll fit you better.
835
00:49:16,771 --> 00:49:19,238
Sounds like a good idea.
836
00:49:19,307 --> 00:49:20,773
There you go.
837
00:49:20,842 --> 00:49:22,808
Thank you.
838
00:49:29,083 --> 00:49:32,785
It's 11:15, and there is
a
chance of showers.
839
00:49:37,792 --> 00:49:39,692
Does the bathrobe fit?
840
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:42,194
This bathrobe fits fine.
841
00:49:46,267 --> 00:49:48,934
Did you happen to see my clothes?
842
00:49:49,003 --> 00:49:53,138
They're in the bathroom.
Shall I get them?
843
00:49:53,207 --> 00:49:54,940
No, thank you.
844
00:49:58,946 --> 00:50:02,281
This isn't the bathroom.
This is the kitchen.
845
00:50:02,350 --> 00:50:04,350
Here are your clothes,
846
00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:07,620
also toothpaste and a toothbrush.
847
00:50:07,688 --> 00:50:09,655
Thank you!
848
00:50:11,792 --> 00:50:12,825
Morning, Murray.
849
00:50:13,093 --> 00:50:14,126
Good morning, Arnold.
850
00:50:17,431 --> 00:50:18,530
Say, Murray...
851
00:50:18,599 --> 00:50:21,200
Chuckles called me again yesterday,
852
00:50:21,269 --> 00:50:24,570
and I told him
I would talk to you, that's all.
853
00:50:24,639 --> 00:50:26,839
Jimmy Sloan's in from the coast.
854
00:50:26,908 --> 00:50:29,942
He's putting a new
panel-show package together.
855
00:50:30,011 --> 00:50:33,245
You know, Arnold, you have
many successful clients.
856
00:50:34,448 --> 00:50:36,026
With all these successful
people around,
857
00:50:36,050 --> 00:50:37,850
where are all of our new, young failures
858
00:50:37,919 --> 00:50:39,685
going to come from?
859
00:50:39,754 --> 00:50:42,121
Murray, those people
I saw here yesterday...
860
00:50:42,189 --> 00:50:44,623
They were from the...
From the welfare board.
861
00:50:44,692 --> 00:50:46,558
Is that right?
I tried to warn you.
862
00:50:46,627 --> 00:50:48,260
There's nothing to worry about.
863
00:50:48,329 --> 00:50:50,062
What are you saying, nothing to worry?
864
00:50:50,131 --> 00:50:52,331
The welfare people don't
kid around. Now, do they?
865
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:54,466
Arnold, I don't mind you
coming here with fruit
866
00:50:54,535 --> 00:50:55,668
if you'll keep quiet,
867
00:50:55,736 --> 00:50:57,503
but you bring a word with every apple.
868
00:51:00,274 --> 00:51:01,907
Is Nick all right?
869
00:51:01,976 --> 00:51:03,809
Now, everything's okay.
870
00:51:03,878 --> 00:51:05,411
Bye, Murray.
871
00:51:05,479 --> 00:51:07,012
Bye, Arnold.
872
00:51:29,570 --> 00:51:32,071
You know, yesterday was the first time
873
00:51:32,139 --> 00:51:34,974
that I'd ever visited
the statue of Liberty.
874
00:51:35,042 --> 00:51:38,143
Funny how you can live
in a city for so long
875
00:51:38,212 --> 00:51:41,714
and not visit one of
its most fascinating sights.
876
00:51:43,484 --> 00:51:45,818
Yes, that is funny.
877
00:52:08,642 --> 00:52:11,477
This coffee isn't bad
for yesterday's coffee.
878
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:14,980
I think it's very good
for yesterday's coffee.
879
00:52:24,925 --> 00:52:28,060
Good to the last drop.
880
00:52:28,129 --> 00:52:29,795
That's right.
881
00:52:35,202 --> 00:52:37,903
I have to go now.
882
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:41,507
Yes.
883
00:52:41,575 --> 00:52:44,343
I have to be on my way.
884
00:52:46,147 --> 00:52:48,347
Well, don't forget your file.
885
00:52:49,483 --> 00:52:51,116
My file.
886
00:52:58,959 --> 00:53:00,292
Bye.
887
00:53:00,361 --> 00:53:01,994
Goodbye.
888
00:53:11,405 --> 00:53:14,006
You crazy nut!
I was ready to kill ya!
889
00:53:14,075 --> 00:53:15,974
What happened?
You didn't say anything.
890
00:53:16,043 --> 00:53:18,577
Well, I didn't know
what was going on. I...
891
00:53:18,646 --> 00:53:19,711
Don't let me go!
892
00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:23,682
I'm just putting my
coffee cup down here.
893
00:53:23,751 --> 00:53:26,618
Murray, I thought about it...
894
00:53:26,687 --> 00:53:29,221
And I probably love you.
895
00:53:29,290 --> 00:53:31,557
That's very romantic.
896
00:53:35,696 --> 00:53:37,162
I probably love you, too.
897
00:56:04,979 --> 00:56:06,111
Rah!
898
00:56:06,180 --> 00:56:08,380
We'll have to do something
about curtains.
899
00:56:08,449 --> 00:56:10,082
We need color there, Murray.
900
00:56:10,150 --> 00:56:13,051
I hope you didn't mind about
the screen around the bed.
901
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:15,887
I think it gives such
a nice separate-bedroom effect
902
00:56:15,956 --> 00:56:17,256
to that part of the room.
903
00:56:17,324 --> 00:56:19,358
There's so many wonderful things
904
00:56:19,426 --> 00:56:22,561
you can do with
a one-room apartment, really,
905
00:56:22,630 --> 00:56:25,264
if you're willing to use
your imagination.
906
00:56:28,569 --> 00:56:30,202
Do you have an extra key?
907
00:56:30,271 --> 00:56:31,637
A what?
908
00:56:31,705 --> 00:56:35,173
An extra key. Altman's has
this terrific curtain sale.
909
00:56:35,242 --> 00:56:36,441
Sure, a key.
910
00:56:37,611 --> 00:56:39,678
I thought I would go over and...
911
00:56:39,747 --> 00:56:42,014
Hey, you know what, Sandy?
912
00:56:42,082 --> 00:56:44,983
I don't seem to have one...
An extra key.
913
00:56:50,724 --> 00:56:52,891
You better answer that, Murray.
914
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:55,661
You, sure you don't prefer to...
915
00:56:55,729 --> 00:56:58,997
No, I have no reason to hide
from anybody.
916
00:56:59,066 --> 00:57:01,667
Aha.
917
00:57:04,772 --> 00:57:06,338
Good morning, Mr. burns.
918
00:57:11,779 --> 00:57:13,278
How are you?
919
00:57:13,347 --> 00:57:14,613
May I come in?
920
00:57:14,682 --> 00:57:15,881
Sure.
921
00:57:18,852 --> 00:57:22,354
I... I called you this morning,
Mr. Burns.
922
00:57:22,423 --> 00:57:24,289
That was you?
923
00:57:24,358 --> 00:57:25,757
That was me.
924
00:57:25,826 --> 00:57:29,428
Miss Markowitz did not show up
in queens yesterday.
925
00:57:29,496 --> 00:57:30,729
So?
926
00:57:30,798 --> 00:57:33,732
Well, her parents are quite upset.
927
00:57:33,801 --> 00:57:36,468
I am quite upset.
928
00:57:36,537 --> 00:57:37,969
Where is she?
929
00:57:38,038 --> 00:57:39,538
She's hiding in the closet.
930
00:57:41,575 --> 00:57:44,643
Now, we're really all quite
anxious to know where she is.
931
00:57:47,114 --> 00:57:49,481
I'm not kidding, Albert.
She's in the closet.
932
00:58:08,569 --> 00:58:10,135
She
is in the closet.
933
00:58:10,204 --> 00:58:12,604
I wouldn't lie to you, Albert.
934
00:58:14,875 --> 00:58:16,541
Why is she in the closet?
935
00:58:16,610 --> 00:58:18,143
I don't know.
936
00:58:18,212 --> 00:58:21,947
She's got this thing about closets.
937
00:58:22,015 --> 00:58:25,117
Well, that's a very silly thing
for her to be in...
938
00:58:25,185 --> 00:58:26,451
That closet.
939
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:29,554
Well, don't knock it until
you tried it.
940
00:58:29,623 --> 00:58:32,824
Now, what else can I do
for you, Albert?
941
00:58:32,893 --> 00:58:35,927
That's a difficult thing
for me to believe.
942
00:58:35,996 --> 00:58:39,698
I mean, that she's
right there in the closet.
943
00:58:39,767 --> 00:58:42,567
You know, you are not a person,
Mr. burns.
944
00:58:42,636 --> 00:58:44,069
You are an experience.
945
00:58:44,138 --> 00:58:46,471
That's very nice, Albert.
946
00:58:46,540 --> 00:58:48,974
I'll have to remember that.
947
00:58:53,247 --> 00:58:58,016
Actually, Dr. markowitz is not
the reason for my visit today.
948
00:58:58,085 --> 00:59:00,719
I came here in an official capacity.
949
00:59:00,788 --> 00:59:02,754
Coffee?
950
00:59:02,823 --> 00:59:04,089
No, thank you.
951
00:59:19,673 --> 00:59:23,475
Now, what's on your mind, Albert?
952
00:59:27,314 --> 00:59:29,381
Burns...
953
00:59:29,450 --> 00:59:32,017
Late yesterday afternoon,
954
00:59:32,085 --> 00:59:36,688
the child welfare board
made a decision on your case.
955
00:59:36,757 --> 00:59:39,925
Now, the decision they've reached
956
00:59:39,993 --> 00:59:43,728
is based on three months
of a thorough study.
957
00:59:43,797 --> 00:59:47,365
Our interview yesterday
was only a small part of that.
958
00:59:47,434 --> 00:59:49,801
Quite thorough.
959
00:59:52,906 --> 00:59:55,807
I want you to understand that
I am not responsible personally
960
00:59:55,876 --> 00:59:57,609
for the decision they've reached.
961
00:59:57,678 --> 00:59:58,777
Now, look, Albert...
962
00:59:58,846 --> 01:00:01,079
Months of research by the board
963
01:00:01,148 --> 01:00:03,548
and reports by the revere school
964
01:00:03,617 --> 01:00:06,218
show a severe domestic instability,
965
01:00:06,286 --> 01:00:08,220
a libertine self-indulgence,
966
01:00:08,288 --> 01:00:10,555
a whole range of circumstances
967
01:00:10,624 --> 01:00:13,758
severely detrimental
to the child's welfare.
968
01:00:13,827 --> 01:00:16,695
Hey, stop tap-dancing
a second, Albert.
969
01:00:16,763 --> 01:00:19,064
Now, what's going on?
970
01:00:19,132 --> 01:00:22,067
Well, it is the board's decision
that you are unfit
971
01:00:22,135 --> 01:00:24,135
to be the guardian of your nephew
972
01:00:24,204 --> 01:00:26,404
and that action be taken this Friday
973
01:00:26,473 --> 01:00:28,039
to remove him from this home
974
01:00:28,108 --> 01:00:31,810
and the deprivation you cause him.
975
01:00:31,879 --> 01:00:35,080
Who writes your material
for you... Charles dickens?
976
01:00:35,148 --> 01:00:40,051
The board is prepared to find
a more stable, permanent home
977
01:00:40,120 --> 01:00:41,753
for your nephew...
978
01:00:41,822 --> 01:00:45,457
A family with whom he will live
a more wholesome, normal life.
979
01:00:45,526 --> 01:00:49,461
Hey, listen, Albert, isn't there
some kind of a hearing?
980
01:00:49,530 --> 01:00:52,631
Well, yes, you will have
the opportunity Thursday
981
01:00:52,699 --> 01:00:54,866
to state your case to the board.
982
01:00:54,935 --> 01:00:57,536
Now, if there is some
substantial change
983
01:00:57,604 --> 01:00:59,004
in your circumstances,
984
01:00:59,072 --> 01:01:00,472
if you can demonstrate
985
01:01:00,541 --> 01:01:03,508
that you are a responsible
member of society...
986
01:01:03,577 --> 01:01:04,776
Well, this is Tuesday.
987
01:01:04,845 --> 01:01:07,312
What the hell am I supposed
to do in the next two days,
988
01:01:07,381 --> 01:01:08,680
win the nobel peace prize?
989
01:01:11,184 --> 01:01:14,753
You were to be informed
by the court, but...
990
01:01:14,821 --> 01:01:17,522
In view of the confusion
which took place here yesterday,
991
01:01:17,591 --> 01:01:19,691
for which I consider
myself responsible...
992
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:21,720
You know, you speak
like you write everything down
993
01:01:21,762 --> 01:01:22,994
before you say it.
994
01:01:24,998 --> 01:01:28,567
Well, yes,
I do speak that way, Mr. burns.
995
01:01:28,635 --> 01:01:31,703
I wish I spoke more spontaneously.
996
01:01:33,340 --> 01:01:35,740
I will always appear foolish
in a conversation
997
01:01:35,809 --> 01:01:37,742
with a person of your imagination.
998
01:01:39,713 --> 01:01:45,150
Please, understand there is no
vengeance in my activities here.
999
01:01:45,218 --> 01:01:47,752
I love my work, Mr. burns.
1000
01:01:47,821 --> 01:01:50,889
Now, I believe that
you are a danger to this child.
1001
01:01:51,959 --> 01:01:54,059
Now, I wish this were not true,
1002
01:01:54,127 --> 01:01:57,395
because it is obvious
you have considerable affection
1003
01:01:57,464 --> 01:01:58,663
for your nephew.
1004
01:01:58,732 --> 01:02:02,434
It shows in your face, this feeling.
1005
01:02:02,502 --> 01:02:06,271
Well, I admire you
for your warmth, Mr. burns,
1006
01:02:06,340 --> 01:02:09,140
and for the affection
the child feels for you.
1007
01:02:09,209 --> 01:02:11,376
I admire this because...
1008
01:02:11,445 --> 01:02:16,381
I am one for whom children
do not easily feel affection.
1009
01:02:16,450 --> 01:02:20,518
I am not one of the warm people.
1010
01:02:20,587 --> 01:02:22,988
But your feeling for the child
1011
01:02:23,056 --> 01:02:27,258
does not mollify the genuinely
dangerous emotional climate
1012
01:02:27,327 --> 01:02:28,960
you have made for him.
1013
01:02:29,029 --> 01:02:31,329
Now, I wish you could understand this.
1014
01:02:31,398 --> 01:02:33,798
I would so much rather you understood,
1015
01:02:33,867 --> 01:02:36,234
could really hear what I have to say.
1016
01:02:36,303 --> 01:02:37,602
For yours is, I believe,
1017
01:02:37,671 --> 01:02:40,705
a distorted picture of this world.
1018
01:02:42,609 --> 01:02:45,710
Then, why don't you send
me
to a foster home?
1019
01:02:48,081 --> 01:02:50,482
I was right.
You really can't listen to me.
1020
01:02:50,550 --> 01:02:53,251
You're so sure of your sight.
1021
01:02:53,320 --> 01:02:58,189
Your villains and heroes are
all so terribly clear to you,
1022
01:02:58,258 --> 01:03:01,526
and I am obviously one of the villains.
1023
01:03:06,533 --> 01:03:09,100
Well, god save you
from your vision, Mr. Burns.
1024
01:03:17,944 --> 01:03:19,344
Goodbye.
1025
01:03:34,261 --> 01:03:35,527
Hey!
1026
01:03:35,595 --> 01:03:37,796
I'll bet you don't believe
I really do live
1027
01:03:37,864 --> 01:03:40,065
above an abandoned Chinese restaurant?
1028
01:03:40,133 --> 01:03:41,900
Come on, I'll show it to you.
1029
01:03:41,968 --> 01:03:43,968
Murray?
Don't be nervous, lady.
1030
01:03:44,037 --> 01:03:47,038
You're at an awkward stage.
You're between closets.
1031
01:03:47,107 --> 01:03:49,307
Murray, what Albert said about Nick...
1032
01:03:49,376 --> 01:03:50,976
Now, look, Sandy, to tell you the truth,
1033
01:03:51,044 --> 01:03:53,645
it's even better for me if he goes.
1034
01:03:53,714 --> 01:03:55,613
I mean,
he's a middle-aged kid.
1035
01:03:58,285 --> 01:04:00,485
You know, when I signed
with the network that time,
1036
01:04:00,554 --> 01:04:02,787
he sat up all night
figuring out the fringe benefits
1037
01:04:02,856 --> 01:04:05,023
and the pension plan.
1038
01:04:05,092 --> 01:04:08,793
And he started to make lists this year.
1039
01:04:08,862 --> 01:04:11,296
Lists of everything!
1040
01:04:11,364 --> 01:04:13,364
Subway stops, underwear,
1041
01:04:13,433 --> 01:04:15,633
"what are you gonna do
next week?"
1042
01:04:15,702 --> 01:04:17,068
If somebody doesn't watch out,
1043
01:04:17,137 --> 01:04:19,337
he'll start making lists of what
he's gonna do next year
1044
01:04:19,406 --> 01:04:20,572
and for the next 10 years.
1045
01:04:23,009 --> 01:04:25,944
Hey, suppose they put him in
1046
01:04:26,012 --> 01:04:29,914
with a whole family of list makers!
1047
01:04:29,983 --> 01:04:32,584
No, no, I didn't spend
six years with him
1048
01:04:32,652 --> 01:04:34,719
so he'd turn into a list maker.
1049
01:04:34,788 --> 01:04:37,856
He'll learn to know everything
before it happens.
1050
01:04:37,924 --> 01:04:40,358
He'll learn how to plan,
1051
01:04:40,427 --> 01:04:44,963
learn how to be
one of the nice dead people.
1052
01:04:45,031 --> 01:04:46,131
Are you listening to me?
1053
01:04:46,199 --> 01:04:47,632
Of course, Murray, I told...
1054
01:04:47,701 --> 01:04:50,101
Well, stamp your foot
or mutter or something
1055
01:04:50,170 --> 01:04:52,103
so I'll know you're there, will ya?
1056
01:04:52,172 --> 01:04:56,040
Want to be sure he knows when
he's chickening out on himself.
1057
01:04:56,109 --> 01:04:59,244
Want him to get to know
the special thing he is,
1058
01:04:59,312 --> 01:05:02,480
or else he won't notice it
when it starts to go.
1059
01:05:02,549 --> 01:05:05,984
Want him to stay awake
and know who the phonies are.
1060
01:05:06,052 --> 01:05:09,254
I want him to know how to holler
and put up an argument.
1061
01:05:09,322 --> 01:05:13,091
I want a little guts to show
before I can let him go.
1062
01:05:13,160 --> 01:05:17,562
I want to be sure he sees
all the wild possibilities.
1063
01:05:17,631 --> 01:05:20,198
I want him to know
it's worth all the trouble
1064
01:05:20,267 --> 01:05:23,835
just to give the world a little
goosing once you get the chance.
1065
01:05:25,572 --> 01:05:30,608
I want him to know the...
Sneaky, subtle...
1066
01:05:30,677 --> 01:05:36,281
Important reason...
He was born a human being...
1067
01:05:36,349 --> 01:05:38,216
And not a chair.
1068
01:05:42,088 --> 01:05:44,088
Hey, I, brought you
all the way down here.
1069
01:05:44,157 --> 01:05:45,857
I didn't even show you the restaurant.
1070
01:05:45,926 --> 01:05:50,361
Hey, "the original lum far's
oriental paradise, rear door."
1071
01:05:51,665 --> 01:05:53,031
Shame they closed it.
1072
01:05:53,099 --> 01:05:55,800
Something to do with not being recognized
1073
01:05:55,869 --> 01:05:57,368
by the united nations.
1074
01:06:00,006 --> 01:06:01,806
Sandy, I don't want him to go!
1075
01:06:01,875 --> 01:06:03,741
I like having him around here.
1076
01:06:06,012 --> 01:06:09,447
What'll I do, Sandy?
Help me out.
1077
01:06:09,516 --> 01:06:13,284
You see...
1078
01:06:13,353 --> 01:06:16,287
I like when he reads me
from the want ads.
1079
01:06:19,426 --> 01:06:22,961
Don't worry, Murray.
We'll do something.
1080
01:06:23,029 --> 01:06:25,663
I know the board, the procedures,
1081
01:06:25,732 --> 01:06:27,398
the things we can do.
1082
01:06:32,005 --> 01:06:36,808
What I'll do is I'll...
I'll buy a new suit.
1083
01:06:36,877 --> 01:06:40,378
First thing is to get a dignified suit.
1084
01:06:40,447 --> 01:06:44,315
If you could just get
some kind of job, Murray.
1085
01:06:44,384 --> 01:06:46,050
Get your brother to help you.
1086
01:06:46,119 --> 01:06:47,218
Yeah, right, right.
1087
01:06:47,287 --> 01:06:49,487
Is there something you can get
in a hurry?
1088
01:06:49,556 --> 01:06:52,523
Yeah, one of those summer suits
with the readymade cuffs.
1089
01:06:52,592 --> 01:06:53,858
No, a job.
1090
01:06:53,927 --> 01:06:56,461
If you could just bring
some proof of employment
1091
01:06:56,529 --> 01:06:57,829
to the hearing, Murray.
1092
01:06:57,898 --> 01:06:59,998
Show them how anxious
you are to change.
1093
01:07:00,066 --> 01:07:01,966
Show them you want to be reliable!
1094
01:07:04,337 --> 01:07:06,871
Yeah!
1095
01:07:06,940 --> 01:07:09,807
Reliable!
1096
01:07:09,876 --> 01:07:13,211
Sandy, we will put on
a great, damn show for them!
1097
01:07:13,280 --> 01:07:14,879
Spectacular reliability!
1098
01:07:14,948 --> 01:07:16,281
A reliability parade...
1099
01:07:16,349 --> 01:07:18,516
Bands, clothes, banners, everything!
1100
01:07:24,090 --> 01:07:26,791
Great, keep that laugh.
I'll need it later.
1101
01:07:34,534 --> 01:07:35,900
Hello, margot?
Murray.
1102
01:07:38,872 --> 01:07:41,606
When Arnie comes in, tell him
I need a job in a hurry?
1103
01:07:41,675 --> 01:07:43,875
Tell him to set up
some appointments for lunch
1104
01:07:43,944 --> 01:07:46,110
and straight through
the afternoon if he can.
1105
01:07:46,179 --> 01:07:48,680
Tell him, the people
he mentioned this morning
1106
01:07:48,748 --> 01:07:50,715
can see me today right away, okay?
1107
01:07:50,784 --> 01:07:52,583
Yeah, I'll call him back later.
1108
01:07:52,652 --> 01:07:54,986
Hey, thanks, margot.
Bye.
1109
01:07:55,055 --> 01:07:57,188
Hey, Sandy, I'm gonna
buy a new suit now.
1110
01:07:57,257 --> 01:07:59,891
Can I come with you?
I'd love to watch you buy one.
1111
01:07:59,960 --> 01:08:00,960
You better not.
1112
01:08:01,027 --> 01:08:02,393
Sandy, I got to move fast.
1113
01:08:02,462 --> 01:08:04,195
You wait for me upstairs,
1114
01:08:04,264 --> 01:08:05,264
okay.
1115
01:08:07,734 --> 01:08:09,334
Here's a key for you.
1116
01:08:09,402 --> 01:08:11,402
Thank you.
1117
01:08:11,471 --> 01:08:12,904
Look, don't go away?
1118
01:08:12,973 --> 01:08:14,439
No, I won't.
1119
01:08:16,343 --> 01:08:17,343
Say "good luck."
1120
01:08:17,377 --> 01:08:18,476
Good luck.
1121
01:08:18,545 --> 01:08:20,678
Say, "you are
a magnificent human being!"
1122
01:08:20,747 --> 01:08:22,647
You are a magnificent human being.
1123
01:08:22,716 --> 01:08:23,948
I thought you'd notice.
1124
01:08:46,473 --> 01:08:47,939
Mom!
1125
01:08:48,008 --> 01:08:51,075
I know you must have been
going out of your mind,
1126
01:08:51,144 --> 01:08:52,477
and I'm sorry, mom,
1127
01:08:52,545 --> 01:08:55,613
but I'm calling you now
to tell you some wonderful news!
1128
01:09:09,229 --> 01:09:12,463
It's a... it's a really
basic relationship.
1129
01:09:12,532 --> 01:09:18,369
I'm s-so in love with him,
and... and I'm so very happy!
1130
01:09:18,638 --> 01:09:21,406
Well, what do you mean,
what do I mean "happy"?
1131
01:10:09,889 --> 01:10:15,026
Well, I mean...
Well, you know... Happy.
1132
01:10:39,185 --> 01:10:41,919
I got a great,
new panel-show package.
1133
01:10:41,988 --> 01:10:44,055
All ad lib.
1134
01:10:44,124 --> 01:10:46,991
You'll be the permanent member
on the panel.
1135
01:10:47,060 --> 01:10:48,759
Every afternoon, just talk.
1136
01:10:48,828 --> 01:10:51,028
No sweat.
1137
01:10:51,097 --> 01:10:54,432
Great running bit for you on the show.
1138
01:10:54,501 --> 01:10:56,200
What's that?
1139
01:10:56,269 --> 01:10:58,269
Honesty.
1140
01:10:58,338 --> 01:11:00,271
Absolute honesty.
1141
01:11:00,340 --> 01:11:01,572
The minute you come on,
1142
01:11:01,641 --> 01:11:03,674
the first thing that comes
to your cockamamie head.
1143
01:11:05,111 --> 01:11:07,044
Great TV.
1144
01:11:07,113 --> 01:11:09,714
You'll be you... a big nut.
1145
01:11:09,782 --> 01:11:13,451
Have you decided
on your luncheon order, sir?
1146
01:11:13,520 --> 01:11:16,854
Yes, I'll have a hamburger
and a flashlight.
1147
01:11:21,728 --> 01:11:23,461
Beautiful, beautiful!
1148
01:11:25,031 --> 01:11:26,864
You'll be nutsy crazy.
1149
01:11:26,933 --> 01:11:29,600
The audience will love you, Murray...
1150
01:11:29,669 --> 01:11:31,369
A big, lovable eccentric.
1151
01:11:31,437 --> 01:11:33,704
I'll put you on just the way you are...
1152
01:11:33,773 --> 01:11:36,240
A natural phenomenon
like the Grand Canyon.
1153
01:11:36,309 --> 01:11:39,076
You'll have that crazy, nutsy face
1154
01:11:39,145 --> 01:11:41,045
and that cockamamie talk.
1155
01:11:41,114 --> 01:11:43,447
Beautiful.
1156
01:11:43,516 --> 01:11:47,418
Love... the audience
will love you, Murray.
1157
01:11:47,487 --> 01:11:48,487
Murray?
1158
01:12:09,642 --> 01:12:11,976
Mother, now, there's...
1159
01:12:12,045 --> 01:12:15,279
Nothing for you to cry about.
1160
01:12:15,348 --> 01:12:18,149
Guts. Guts.
1161
01:12:18,218 --> 01:12:20,084
See, I told Arnie I wanted to see you
1162
01:12:20,153 --> 01:12:21,619
because there's this new series
1163
01:12:21,688 --> 01:12:23,654
that's going to need a guts attitude...
1164
01:12:23,723 --> 01:12:26,224
Courage kind of thing.
1165
01:12:26,292 --> 01:12:29,160
I ought to run
from a writer with your rep,
1166
01:12:29,229 --> 01:12:31,362
but, I'm a gambler, burns.
1167
01:12:31,431 --> 01:12:33,197
Insecurity excited me.
1168
01:12:35,168 --> 01:12:36,934
Going for a big one this fall.
1169
01:12:37,003 --> 01:12:39,870
Series will be really human,
you know, kind of thing?
1170
01:12:39,939 --> 01:12:41,772
Sort of, well, of our time.
1171
01:12:41,841 --> 01:12:45,676
Quality concepts,
area of kafka, symbolism,
1172
01:12:45,745 --> 01:12:48,980
literate, chekhovian sort of thing.
1173
01:12:49,048 --> 01:12:52,250
We're calling it
"homicide squad."
1174
01:12:52,318 --> 01:12:56,621
Now... I'm just...
Spitballing here.
1175
01:12:56,689 --> 01:12:59,423
You know, I got gut reaction,
but, each week,
1176
01:12:59,492 --> 01:13:01,892
we ought to be able to get in about...
1177
01:13:01,961 --> 01:13:04,428
10 minutes of moral message, you know...
1178
01:13:04,497 --> 01:13:07,064
Race-relations thing,
world-peace thing,
1179
01:13:07,133 --> 01:13:09,533
"understanding brings love" thing...
1180
01:13:09,602 --> 01:13:10,935
"Love brings understanding."
1181
01:13:11,004 --> 01:13:12,136
Controversy a bit.
1182
01:13:12,205 --> 01:13:14,905
You know, tough, you know, but warm.
1183
01:14:32,185 --> 01:14:35,419
You walked out of the restaurant?
1184
01:14:35,488 --> 01:14:37,488
Sloan makes you an offer,
1185
01:14:37,557 --> 01:14:40,524
and you walk out of the restaurant.
1186
01:14:40,593 --> 01:14:41,659
Murray...
1187
01:14:41,728 --> 01:14:44,962
Arnie, I can't get over this office!
1188
01:14:45,031 --> 01:14:47,298
The 22nd floor!
1189
01:14:47,367 --> 01:14:49,166
Ho ho!
1190
01:14:49,235 --> 01:14:52,970
You can see everything.
1191
01:14:53,039 --> 01:14:55,873
For god's sake, I don't believe it.
1192
01:14:55,942 --> 01:14:57,508
What?
1193
01:14:57,577 --> 01:15:00,211
It's king Kong. He's sitting on
top of the time-life building.
1194
01:15:00,279 --> 01:15:01,379
Seems to be crying.
1195
01:15:02,515 --> 01:15:04,615
Ew.
Poor gorilla bastard.
1196
01:15:04,684 --> 01:15:07,752
Somebody should've told him they don't
make buildings the way they used to.
1197
01:15:07,820 --> 01:15:10,421
Murray, Sloan didn't make you
such a bad offer.
1198
01:15:10,490 --> 01:15:11,689
No, Sloan is an idiot.
1199
01:15:11,758 --> 01:15:13,224
I've got news for you, cookie.
1200
01:15:13,292 --> 01:15:15,793
With your situation this week,
you're gonna need idiots.
1201
01:15:15,862 --> 01:15:17,061
Now, you do not have...
1202
01:15:17,130 --> 01:15:19,330
You shouldn't holler at me.
I brought you a present.
1203
01:15:19,399 --> 01:15:20,831
Murray!
1204
01:15:27,240 --> 01:15:29,640
A-and that other fella
you sent me to,
1205
01:15:29,709 --> 01:15:32,109
with the TV series...
A killer, Arnie.
1206
01:15:32,178 --> 01:15:36,180
I saw notches on his attaché case.
1207
01:15:36,249 --> 01:15:38,983
Murray, you've got a rotten reputation.
1208
01:15:39,051 --> 01:15:41,685
Even these guys weren't easy to grab.
1209
01:15:43,022 --> 01:15:44,789
Why do you have to build
your own blacklist.
1210
01:15:44,857 --> 01:15:46,657
Why can't you get blacklisted
as a communist
1211
01:15:46,726 --> 01:15:47,858
like everybody else?
1212
01:15:49,595 --> 01:15:51,295
What did you do to him?
1213
01:15:52,532 --> 01:15:54,865
You just left him standing there?
1214
01:16:00,740 --> 01:16:04,475
You just left him standing there?
1215
01:16:08,147 --> 01:16:10,381
Arnie, Arnie, it was beautiful!
1216
01:16:13,252 --> 01:16:16,020
I would've loved to have seen
that. It must have been great.
1217
01:16:22,228 --> 01:16:24,962
Wish to god I didn't enjoy you so much.
1218
01:16:25,031 --> 01:16:28,365
I don't do you
any damn good at all, do I?
1219
01:16:28,434 --> 01:16:31,769
All right, come on, Murray,
no more fun and games with Leo.
1220
01:16:31,838 --> 01:16:33,204
Do you understand?
1221
01:16:33,272 --> 01:16:36,407
He's absolutely all we have left
before the hearing Thursday.
1222
01:16:36,476 --> 01:16:37,741
Don't worry, Arn,
1223
01:16:37,810 --> 01:16:40,211
I figure I could always go back
with chuckles the chipmunk.
1224
01:16:40,279 --> 01:16:42,213
All right, Murray.
1225
01:16:42,281 --> 01:16:46,417
Margot... Get me Leo Herman
on the speakerphone.
1226
01:16:47,653 --> 01:16:49,553
Well, Leo won't be so bad for a while.
1227
01:16:50,656 --> 01:16:52,623
Murray, now, not for a while.
1228
01:16:52,692 --> 01:16:55,359
You're gonna have to
stick with chuckles.
1229
01:16:55,428 --> 01:16:58,262
Now, my agency lawyer
gave me all the facts.
1230
01:16:58,331 --> 01:17:00,264
The most the board will allow you
1231
01:17:00,333 --> 01:17:03,100
is a probationary year
with Nick... a trial period.
1232
01:17:03,169 --> 01:17:04,602
And the board's investigators
1233
01:17:04,670 --> 01:17:07,438
are gonna be checking up on you
every week regularly...
1234
01:17:07,507 --> 01:17:09,840
Checking to see
that you still have your job,
1235
01:17:09,909 --> 01:17:11,842
checking with Leo on your stability,
1236
01:17:11,911 --> 01:17:15,246
checking up on the improvements
in your home environment.
1237
01:17:17,383 --> 01:17:20,117
Sounds...
Sounds like a parole board.
1238
01:17:20,186 --> 01:17:23,120
Yes, it certainly does.
1239
01:17:23,189 --> 01:17:26,790
Kidderoonies...
1240
01:17:26,859 --> 01:17:31,362
You take it from your old buddy,
the old chippermunk chuckles.
1241
01:17:31,430 --> 01:17:34,431
If your get-up-and-go
has got up and left,
1242
01:17:34,500 --> 01:17:37,968
just one 10-cent bag
of these crispy chuckle chips
1243
01:17:38,037 --> 01:17:40,738
will give you
that barrel-of-monkeys,
1244
01:17:40,806 --> 01:17:44,508
boat-has-never-sunky
feeling again.
1245
01:17:44,577 --> 01:17:46,644
Yay. Yay.
Yay. Yay.
1246
01:17:46,712 --> 01:17:48,546
George.
1247
01:17:48,614 --> 01:17:51,048
Is that a "yay"?
What kind of a "yay" is that?
1248
01:17:51,117 --> 01:17:54,118
I ask for a "yay,"
you give me a death rattle.
1249
01:17:54,186 --> 01:17:55,486
Come on, look,
1250
01:17:55,555 --> 01:17:58,822
if you're gonna rehearse
a "yay," rehearse a yay.
1251
01:17:58,891 --> 01:18:00,524
Yay! Yay!
Yay! Yay!
1252
01:18:00,593 --> 01:18:01,792
Death.
1253
01:18:01,861 --> 01:18:03,327
We're dying.
1254
01:18:03,396 --> 01:18:06,063
With that kind of a "yay,"
the show is dying.
1255
01:18:06,132 --> 01:18:07,565
That's why the show is dying.
1256
01:18:07,633 --> 01:18:09,600
The kids don't have a "yay" attitude.
1257
01:18:09,669 --> 01:18:11,335
Dead dying dead.
1258
01:18:11,404 --> 01:18:13,270
Death... doornail-dying dead.
1259
01:18:13,339 --> 01:18:15,306
Call for you,
Mr. Herman.
1260
01:18:15,374 --> 01:18:16,374
What is that?
1261
01:18:16,409 --> 01:18:17,575
It's a telephone.
1262
01:18:17,643 --> 01:18:19,677
Arnold burns' office calling.
1263
01:18:19,745 --> 01:18:21,378
Great, wonderful, wonderful.
1264
01:18:21,447 --> 01:18:22,479
Hello, Arnie?
1265
01:18:22,648 --> 01:18:23,714
Here I am!
There he is!
1266
01:18:23,783 --> 01:18:25,916
You got my voice
coming out of that speakerphone
1267
01:18:25,985 --> 01:18:27,151
in your office, right?
1268
01:18:27,219 --> 01:18:29,553
Am I coming through?
Am I coming through there?
1269
01:18:29,622 --> 01:18:31,555
Clearly, Leo.
Murray's here.
1270
01:18:31,624 --> 01:18:35,159
Murray, Murray, the wonderful wild man!
1271
01:18:35,227 --> 01:18:38,462
Hey, kidderoonies, looks like
your old uncle Murray's
1272
01:18:38,531 --> 01:18:42,099
coming back to write some of
those wonderful scripteroonies
1273
01:18:42,168 --> 01:18:44,902
for us again!
1274
01:18:44,971 --> 01:18:47,972
Yay! Yay!
Yay! Yay!
1275
01:18:48,040 --> 01:18:49,540
Murray, what did you do?
1276
01:18:49,609 --> 01:18:50,975
The job.
1277
01:18:51,043 --> 01:18:52,242
The hearing.
What...
1278
01:19:40,793 --> 01:19:42,760
Well, say, did you do all this?
1279
01:19:42,828 --> 01:19:45,062
Yes, Nick.
Do you like it?
1280
01:19:45,131 --> 01:19:46,997
I think it's superb.
1281
01:19:47,066 --> 01:19:50,367
I mean, imagine my surprise
when I saw it.
1282
01:19:50,436 --> 01:19:54,004
Murray went downtown
to see your uncle Arnold.
1283
01:19:54,073 --> 01:19:55,939
He's going to get a job!
1284
01:19:56,008 --> 01:19:58,809
No kidding?!
Hey, that's terrific!
1285
01:19:58,878 --> 01:20:01,278
That's just terrific!
1286
01:20:01,347 --> 01:20:04,982
See, lady...
He was developing into a bum.
1287
01:20:05,051 --> 01:20:07,818
I mean, you don't want to see
someone you like
1288
01:20:07,887 --> 01:20:10,621
developing into a bum
and doing nutty things.
1289
01:20:10,690 --> 01:20:12,389
You know what he does?
1290
01:20:12,458 --> 01:20:14,191
He hollers.
1291
01:20:14,260 --> 01:20:16,860
Like, we were on park Avenue
last Sunday,
1292
01:20:16,929 --> 01:20:19,196
and it's very early in the morning.
1293
01:20:19,265 --> 01:20:21,498
There's no one in the street, see,
1294
01:20:21,567 --> 01:20:24,268
just all these big,
quiet apartment houses.
1295
01:20:24,336 --> 01:20:27,271
And he hollers, "rich people!"
1296
01:20:27,339 --> 01:20:32,443
"I want to see you all out
on the street for volleyball,
1297
01:20:32,511 --> 01:20:34,111
and snap it up!"
1298
01:20:34,180 --> 01:20:35,846
And you know, sometimes,
1299
01:20:35,915 --> 01:20:38,816
if we're in a crowded
elevator someplace,
1300
01:20:38,884 --> 01:20:41,218
he'll turn to me and he'll say,
1301
01:20:41,287 --> 01:20:44,555
"Max... There will be
no more of this self-pity.
1302
01:20:44,623 --> 01:20:46,457
"Now, you're 40.
1303
01:20:46,525 --> 01:20:49,293
It's time you got
used to being a midget."
1304
01:20:50,763 --> 01:20:52,563
And everybody stares.
1305
01:20:52,631 --> 01:20:54,665
He has a wonderful time.
1306
01:20:54,734 --> 01:20:58,302
What are you gonna do with
someone who hollers like that?
1307
01:20:58,370 --> 01:21:01,472
You know, last week,
in Macy's, he did that.
1308
01:21:03,275 --> 01:21:05,542
Well, if you want to know
the truth, lady,
1309
01:21:05,611 --> 01:21:06,777
that was pretty funny.
1310
01:21:16,622 --> 01:21:19,523
I think you're a very nice lady.
1311
01:21:19,592 --> 01:21:21,558
What do you think of me?
1312
01:21:21,627 --> 01:21:24,828
I think you're very nice, also.
1313
01:21:24,897 --> 01:21:26,697
You know, a very nice quality you have
1314
01:21:26,766 --> 01:21:28,298
is that you're a good listener,
1315
01:21:28,367 --> 01:21:30,768
which is important to me
because of how much I talk.
1316
01:21:32,171 --> 01:21:34,338
Hey, you are a laugher,
aren't you, lady?
1317
01:21:34,406 --> 01:21:35,439
I guess so, Nick.
1318
01:21:35,607 --> 01:21:36,607
Yeah.
1319
01:21:40,012 --> 01:21:42,012
Would you like some fruit?
1320
01:21:42,081 --> 01:21:43,847
We got lots of fruit.
1321
01:21:43,916 --> 01:21:46,884
No, thank you, Nick.
1322
01:21:46,952 --> 01:21:50,154
If you'd like to call
your mother or someone,
1323
01:21:50,222 --> 01:21:53,023
please feel free to use the telephone.
1324
01:21:53,092 --> 01:21:57,928
Or my desk if you want to read
a book or something.
1325
01:21:57,997 --> 01:21:59,229
Or any... any of the chairs.
1326
01:21:59,298 --> 01:22:02,266
I will.
Thank you, Nick.
1327
01:22:02,334 --> 01:22:03,400
Okay.
1328
01:22:08,407 --> 01:22:13,811
Well... You gonna be staying
around here for a while?
1329
01:22:13,879 --> 01:22:16,914
I might. Yes.
Yes.
1330
01:22:29,929 --> 01:22:31,929
Well...
1331
01:22:31,997 --> 01:22:33,564
Good luck to you, lady.
1332
01:22:33,632 --> 01:22:35,232
Murray!
1333
01:22:35,301 --> 01:22:37,801
What a nice suit you bought!
1334
01:22:37,870 --> 01:22:38,902
Hi.
1335
01:22:38,971 --> 01:22:40,470
Yeah.
1336
01:22:40,539 --> 01:22:41,539
How is everything?
1337
01:22:41,607 --> 01:22:43,140
Which job did you get?
1338
01:22:43,209 --> 01:22:45,642
Still going good, Violet?
1339
01:22:45,711 --> 01:22:47,477
Marvelous!
1340
01:22:47,546 --> 01:22:48,946
She's in her third month.
1341
01:22:49,014 --> 01:22:50,113
She's pregnant?
1342
01:22:50,182 --> 01:22:52,115
No, unemployment insurance.
1343
01:22:52,184 --> 01:22:55,552
Don't keep me in suspense.
Which job did you get?
1344
01:22:55,621 --> 01:22:58,188
I shall now leave you breathless
1345
01:22:58,257 --> 01:23:00,958
with the strange and wondrous tale
1346
01:23:01,026 --> 01:23:04,962
of this sturdy lad's adventures
today in downtown oz.
1347
01:23:05,030 --> 01:23:07,464
Now, picture, if you will, me.
1348
01:23:07,533 --> 01:23:11,034
I am walking on east 51st street
about an hour ago,
1349
01:23:11,103 --> 01:23:13,604
practicing how to say "I am sorry"
1350
01:23:13,672 --> 01:23:15,105
with a little style.
1351
01:23:15,174 --> 01:23:16,240
Sorry for what?
1352
01:23:16,308 --> 01:23:17,341
Well, for anything.
1353
01:23:17,409 --> 01:23:18,809
Just rehearsing.
1354
01:23:18,878 --> 01:23:20,611
Well you know how it is
1355
01:23:20,679 --> 01:23:23,046
when you're walking down the
street, talking to yourself...
1356
01:23:23,115 --> 01:23:24,948
How suddenly you say
something out loud?
1357
01:23:25,017 --> 01:23:26,316
So, I said, "I'm sorry."
1358
01:23:26,385 --> 01:23:29,152
And this fella coming by...
A complete stranger...
1359
01:23:29,221 --> 01:23:31,154
He looks up a second and he says,
1360
01:23:31,223 --> 01:23:34,291
"that's all right, Mac,"
and he goes right on.
1361
01:23:34,360 --> 01:23:35,826
He automatically forgave me.
1362
01:23:35,895 --> 01:23:36,994
I communicated.
1363
01:23:37,062 --> 01:23:39,329
Now, 5:00 rush hour in midtown,
you could say,
1364
01:23:39,398 --> 01:23:41,531
"sir, I believe your hair is on fire,"
1365
01:23:41,600 --> 01:23:43,433
and they wouldn't even hear you.
1366
01:23:43,502 --> 01:23:46,570
So I decided to test the whole
thing out scientifically.
1367
01:23:46,639 --> 01:23:49,306
I just stood there
on the corner of 51st and Lex
1368
01:23:49,375 --> 01:23:52,276
saying "I'm sorry"
to everybody that came by.
1369
01:23:52,344 --> 01:23:54,378
"I'm so sorry, sir."
1370
01:23:54,446 --> 01:23:56,346
"I'm terribly sorry, madam."
1371
01:23:56,415 --> 01:23:58,682
"Say, there, miss,
I'm sorry."
1372
01:23:58,751 --> 01:24:01,952
Of course, I got a few funny looks,
1373
01:24:02,021 --> 01:24:05,789
but I swear, Sandy,
75% of them forgave me.
1374
01:24:05,858 --> 01:24:07,724
Something had happened to all of them
1375
01:24:07,793 --> 01:24:10,060
for which they felt somebody
should apologize.
1376
01:24:10,129 --> 01:24:11,328
It was fabulous.
1377
01:24:11,397 --> 01:24:14,031
I had tapped some vast reservoir.
1378
01:24:14,099 --> 01:24:15,899
I just said "I'm sorry,"
1379
01:24:15,968 --> 01:24:19,002
and they were all so generous, so kind.
1380
01:24:19,071 --> 01:24:20,203
Murray?
1381
01:24:20,272 --> 01:24:23,106
Yeah, Sandy, I could run up
on the roof right now
1382
01:24:23,175 --> 01:24:24,508
and holler "I'm sorry,"
1383
01:24:24,576 --> 01:24:27,244
and a half a million people
would holler back,
1384
01:24:27,313 --> 01:24:30,247
"that's okay, just see
that you don't do it again!"
1385
01:24:31,517 --> 01:24:34,017
Murray, you didn't take
any of the jobs.
1386
01:24:34,086 --> 01:24:39,122
Sandy, i...
1387
01:24:39,191 --> 01:24:42,759
I'm sorry.
1388
01:24:42,828 --> 01:24:44,861
I'm very sorry.
1389
01:24:48,467 --> 01:24:51,735
Well, damn it, lady,
that was a beautiful apology.
1390
01:24:51,804 --> 01:24:55,205
I mean, you got to love a guy
who can apologize so nice.
1391
01:24:55,274 --> 01:24:58,709
I rehearsed it for over an hour.
1392
01:24:58,777 --> 01:25:01,511
Sandy...
1393
01:25:01,580 --> 01:25:05,015
That's the most
you should expect from life...
1394
01:25:05,084 --> 01:25:09,152
A really good apology for
all the things you won't get.
1395
01:25:11,357 --> 01:25:13,690
Murray, I don't understand.
1396
01:25:13,759 --> 01:25:16,626
What happens to Nick?
What about the welfare board?
1397
01:25:16,695 --> 01:25:17,861
Sandra, I...
1398
01:25:17,930 --> 01:25:20,130
Murray, if you didn't like
the job... jobs
1399
01:25:20,199 --> 01:25:22,833
your brother found for you,
then take any job.
1400
01:25:22,901 --> 01:25:24,801
Sandy, it isn't the job.
1401
01:25:24,870 --> 01:25:29,573
I have had no effect on you at all.
1402
01:25:29,641 --> 01:25:31,975
I've made no difference.
1403
01:25:32,044 --> 01:25:35,879
Sandy, you are a cute, jolly lady.
1404
01:25:35,948 --> 01:25:39,316
Sandy, hey...
1405
01:25:39,385 --> 01:25:42,886
There's a great sailing tomorrow...
1406
01:25:42,955 --> 01:25:46,757
The embarkation of the season.
1407
01:25:46,825 --> 01:25:50,894
53rd street dock at 1:00...
1408
01:25:50,963 --> 01:25:55,832
The
Montana maru,
Pearl of the Atlantic,
1409
01:25:55,901 --> 01:26:00,804
bound for Europe, khorramshahr,
sumatra,
1410
01:26:00,873 --> 01:26:04,608
and Beirut, and points east.
1411
01:26:04,676 --> 01:26:07,811
We'll stand on the dock
and watch it go.
1412
01:26:07,880 --> 01:26:10,580
Gives you the genuine feeling
1413
01:26:10,649 --> 01:26:12,449
of the beginning of things.
1414
01:26:12,518 --> 01:26:16,920
Hey, bon voyage, Charlie!
Have a wonderful time!
1415
01:26:22,027 --> 01:26:24,828
I can see why Nick liked it here.
1416
01:26:24,897 --> 01:26:28,198
I would like it, too,
if I was 12 years old.
1417
01:26:32,271 --> 01:26:35,705
Hey, stick with me,
Dr. markowitz.
1418
01:26:35,774 --> 01:26:37,441
You know, anything can happen above
1419
01:26:37,509 --> 01:26:38,875
an abandoned Chinese restaurant.
1420
01:26:44,216 --> 01:26:47,918
There are so many
really attractive things
1421
01:26:47,986 --> 01:26:51,321
that you can do
with a one-room apartment
1422
01:26:51,390 --> 01:26:54,891
if you're willing
to use your imagination.
1423
01:26:56,728 --> 01:26:57,928
Goodbye, Murray.
1424
01:27:10,576 --> 01:27:13,210
You forgot your files!
1425
01:27:13,278 --> 01:27:15,011
Hey! Damn it!
1426
01:27:15,080 --> 01:27:16,813
You forgot your files.
1427
01:27:22,121 --> 01:27:25,789
I've been attacked
by the
ladies' home journal.
1428
01:27:27,459 --> 01:27:33,430
Place has an unusual quality
now... a kind of fun gothic.
1429
01:27:39,371 --> 01:27:42,506
Where is my eagle?!
1430
01:27:42,574 --> 01:27:47,110
Well, what have we got here...
Sunnybrook farm?!
1431
01:28:24,416 --> 01:28:28,618
Everybody, onstage
for a Hawaiian number, please!
1432
01:29:01,420 --> 01:29:02,953
Now I'm insulted.
1433
01:29:03,021 --> 01:29:05,355
You walked out of my office.
1434
01:29:05,424 --> 01:29:10,126
That wasn't a nice thing
to do to me, Murray.
1435
01:29:10,195 --> 01:29:13,597
You come to my office today
like George god.
1436
01:29:13,665 --> 01:29:15,198
Everybody's supposed to come up
1437
01:29:15,267 --> 01:29:17,601
and audition for human being
in front of you.
1438
01:29:17,669 --> 01:29:19,669
I called Leo back.
I apologized.
1439
01:29:19,738 --> 01:29:21,771
I told him the phone broke down.
1440
01:29:21,840 --> 01:29:24,374
I... everything
is going to be fine.
1441
01:29:24,443 --> 01:29:26,676
Arnie, you said I insulted you.
1442
01:29:26,745 --> 01:29:29,813
Well, damn it, get angry.
1443
01:29:29,881 --> 01:29:33,450
Come on. Raise your voice...
At least, your eyebrows.
1444
01:29:33,518 --> 01:29:36,987
Please, please have an argument
with me.
1445
01:29:37,055 --> 01:29:38,188
Murray, you're just...
1446
01:29:38,257 --> 01:29:40,023
You're just getting excited,
that's all.
1447
01:29:40,092 --> 01:29:41,858
Now, look, I've got Leo to come over.
1448
01:29:41,927 --> 01:29:43,126
He's gonna see you tonight.
1449
01:29:43,195 --> 01:29:45,328
Everything is gonna
turn out fine. You'll see.
1450
01:29:45,397 --> 01:29:47,964
Arnie, will you forget that?
Will you forget it?
1451
01:29:48,033 --> 01:29:49,033
Look at...
1452
01:29:49,067 --> 01:29:50,267
If you love Nick
1453
01:29:50,335 --> 01:29:53,103
or whoever it is
he's calling himself this week,
1454
01:29:53,171 --> 01:29:56,640
you have got to take any kind
of a stupid job to keep him.
1455
01:29:56,708 --> 01:30:00,143
Now, I even thought maybe
Shirley and me would take him,
1456
01:30:00,212 --> 01:30:03,380
but, you know, with our
three kids, she'd go crazy.
1457
01:30:03,448 --> 01:30:04,881
Don't worry, Arnie.
1458
01:30:04,950 --> 01:30:08,285
This, welfare crowd,
they know what they're doing.
1459
01:30:08,353 --> 01:30:10,820
They'll put Nick with a good family.
1460
01:30:10,889 --> 01:30:12,889
Yep.
1461
01:30:12,958 --> 01:30:15,058
Murray, I finally
figured out your problem...
1462
01:30:15,127 --> 01:30:19,462
There is only one thing
that really bothers you...
1463
01:30:19,531 --> 01:30:20,997
Other people.
1464
01:30:21,066 --> 01:30:22,565
The enemy.
1465
01:30:22,634 --> 01:30:24,601
Watch out, Murray.
1466
01:30:24,670 --> 01:30:26,169
They're everywhere.
1467
01:30:26,238 --> 01:30:27,937
Go ahead, Arnold.
Give me advice.
1468
01:30:28,006 --> 01:30:29,906
At $30,000 a year, you can afford it.
1469
01:30:29,975 --> 01:30:31,107
I get it.
1470
01:30:31,176 --> 01:30:33,510
If I'm so smart, why ain't I poor?
1471
01:30:33,578 --> 01:30:35,879
Well, you better get a damn good
act of your own, buddy,
1472
01:30:35,947 --> 01:30:37,781
before you start
giving mine the raspberry.
1473
01:30:37,849 --> 01:30:39,983
What's this game you play
gonna be like in 10 years
1474
01:30:40,052 --> 01:30:41,117
without youth?
1475
01:30:41,186 --> 01:30:42,352
Murray, I can't watch this.
1476
01:30:43,355 --> 01:30:44,621
You've got to shape up.
1477
01:30:44,690 --> 01:30:46,022
Shape up?!
1478
01:30:46,091 --> 01:30:47,257
That's right... shape up.
1479
01:30:47,326 --> 01:30:50,760
Arnie, what the hell happened to you?
1480
01:30:50,829 --> 01:30:54,297
You got so old I don't know
you anymore.
1481
01:30:54,366 --> 01:30:56,499
Who is it?
1482
01:30:56,568 --> 01:31:01,237
When you quit Harry the fur king
on 28th street, remember?
1483
01:31:01,306 --> 01:31:02,839
That's 20 years ago, Murray.
1484
01:31:04,176 --> 01:31:06,443
Harry said you weren't
behaving maturely enough
1485
01:31:06,511 --> 01:31:07,744
for a salesman.
1486
01:31:07,813 --> 01:31:11,114
Your, clothes didn't match
or something.
1487
01:31:11,183 --> 01:31:14,417
So the next day,
you dressed perfectly...
1488
01:31:14,486 --> 01:31:16,286
Homburg gray suit, cufflinks,
1489
01:31:16,355 --> 01:31:18,822
carrying a briefcase
and a rolled umbrella,
1490
01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:23,827
and you came into Harry's office
on roller skates.
1491
01:31:23,895 --> 01:31:25,095
Where'd they go, Arnie?
1492
01:31:25,163 --> 01:31:27,130
What happened to your roller skates?
1493
01:31:27,199 --> 01:31:30,100
I don't do practical jokes,
anymore, if that's what you mean.
1494
01:31:30,168 --> 01:31:31,234
Practical.
1495
01:31:31,303 --> 01:31:35,672
That's right...
A way to stay alive.
1496
01:31:35,741 --> 01:31:38,641
Hey, if most things aren't funny, Arn,
1497
01:31:38,710 --> 01:31:41,711
then they're only exactly
what they are.
1498
01:31:41,780 --> 01:31:44,214
Then it's just
one long dental appointment,
1499
01:31:44,282 --> 01:31:46,850
interrupted occasionally
by something exciting
1500
01:31:46,918 --> 01:31:48,752
like waiting or falling asleep.
1501
01:31:48,820 --> 01:31:51,921
What's the point if I leave
things just the way I find them?
1502
01:31:51,990 --> 01:31:53,923
Then I'm just adding to the noise,
1503
01:31:53,992 --> 01:31:56,726
I'm just taking up
some more room on the subway.
1504
01:31:56,795 --> 01:31:59,696
Murray, the welfare board
has these specifications.
1505
01:31:59,765 --> 01:32:02,332
All you have to do
is to make up your mind...
1506
01:32:02,401 --> 01:32:05,001
God. Arnie,
you don't understand anymore.
1507
01:32:05,070 --> 01:32:08,304
You've got that wide stare
that people stick in their eyes
1508
01:32:08,373 --> 01:32:10,707
so nobody will know
their head's asleep.
1509
01:32:12,110 --> 01:32:14,978
You have to be a moaner, a shuffler.
1510
01:32:15,046 --> 01:32:17,814
You want me to come, sit,
and eat fruit with you
1511
01:32:17,883 --> 01:32:19,449
and watch the clock run out.
1512
01:32:19,518 --> 01:32:22,318
You start to drag and stumble
under the rotten weight
1513
01:32:22,387 --> 01:32:24,921
of all the people
who should have been told off.
1514
01:32:24,990 --> 01:32:28,258
All the things you should have said,
1515
01:32:28,326 --> 01:32:31,961
all the specifications that aren't yours.
1516
01:32:32,030 --> 01:32:34,097
You know, the only thing
you've got left to reject
1517
01:32:34,166 --> 01:32:35,498
is your food in a restaurant.
1518
01:32:35,567 --> 01:32:37,300
If they do it wrong, you can send it back
1519
01:32:37,369 --> 01:32:39,002
and make a big fuss with the waiter.
1520
01:32:41,606 --> 01:32:45,708
Five months ago, I was
on a subway on my way to work.
1521
01:32:45,777 --> 01:32:49,412
I was sitting on the express,
the same as every morning,
1522
01:32:49,481 --> 01:32:51,014
looking out the window,
1523
01:32:51,082 --> 01:32:53,950
watching the local stops go by
in the dark
1524
01:32:54,019 --> 01:32:56,619
with an empty head and my arms folded,
1525
01:32:56,688 --> 01:32:59,856
not feeling great, not feeling rotten...
1526
01:33:01,927 --> 01:33:04,127
just...
1527
01:33:04,196 --> 01:33:06,563
Not feeling.
1528
01:33:06,631 --> 01:33:10,733
And for a minute,
I-i couldn't remember.
1529
01:33:10,802 --> 01:33:15,238
I didn't know,
unless I really concentrated,
1530
01:33:15,307 --> 01:33:20,276
whether it was a Tuesday
or a Thursday or a...
1531
01:33:22,914 --> 01:33:27,717
For a minute,
it could have been any day, Arn.
1532
01:33:27,786 --> 01:33:30,153
I got to know what day it is.
1533
01:33:30,222 --> 01:33:33,323
I got to know what's the
name of the game
1534
01:33:33,391 --> 01:33:37,360
and what the rules are
without anyone else telling me.
1535
01:33:37,429 --> 01:33:40,864
You got to own your own days
and name them...
1536
01:33:40,932 --> 01:33:43,900
Each one of them...
Every one of them.
1537
01:33:43,969 --> 01:33:46,236
Or else the years go right by,
1538
01:33:46,304 --> 01:33:48,705
and none of them belong to you.
1539
01:33:50,141 --> 01:33:54,878
And that ain't just for
weekends, kiddo.
1540
01:33:56,615 --> 01:33:58,815
Well
1541
01:33:58,884 --> 01:34:01,451
here it is the day after
Irving r. Feldman's birthday,
1542
01:34:01,520 --> 01:34:02,920
and I never even congratulated him.
1543
01:34:02,954 --> 01:34:04,721
Murray!
1544
01:34:09,895 --> 01:34:11,194
Well, what's so funny?
1545
01:34:11,263 --> 01:34:12,896
I scared myself.
1546
01:34:16,601 --> 01:34:20,403
Murray, I've long been aware...
1547
01:34:22,374 --> 01:34:25,275
I've long been aware that
you don't respect me so much.
1548
01:34:25,343 --> 01:34:28,878
No. I suppose there are a lot of
brothers who don't get along,
1549
01:34:28,947 --> 01:34:34,885
but... In reference to us
and considering the factors...
1550
01:34:35,453 --> 01:34:37,186
Sounds like a contract, doesn't it?
1551
01:34:39,391 --> 01:34:43,359
Unfortunately, for you, Murray,
you want to be a hero.
1552
01:34:43,428 --> 01:34:45,094
If maybe a fellow falls into the lake
1553
01:34:45,163 --> 01:34:46,529
you can jump in and save him.
1554
01:34:46,598 --> 01:34:48,131
There's still that kind of stuff.
1555
01:34:48,199 --> 01:34:52,001
So, who gets opportunities
like that in midtown Manhattan
1556
01:34:52,070 --> 01:34:53,636
with all that traffic?
1557
01:34:55,807 --> 01:34:58,107
I'm willing to deal
with the available world.
1558
01:34:58,176 --> 01:35:00,610
I don't choose to shake it up,
but to live with it.
1559
01:35:00,679 --> 01:35:02,879
There's the people who spill things,
1560
01:35:02,948 --> 01:35:05,481
and there's the people
who get spilled on,
1561
01:35:05,550 --> 01:35:07,951
and I don't choose to
notice the stains.
1562
01:35:08,019 --> 01:35:10,186
I have a wife, and I have children,
1563
01:35:10,255 --> 01:35:12,722
and business, like they
say, is business.
1564
01:35:12,791 --> 01:35:15,325
I'm not an exceptional man,
1565
01:35:15,393 --> 01:35:19,295
so it's possible for me to stay
with things the way they are.
1566
01:35:19,364 --> 01:35:20,797
I'm lucky.
1567
01:35:20,865 --> 01:35:23,700
I'm gifted.
1568
01:35:23,768 --> 01:35:28,538
I have talent for surrender,
and I'm at peace, but you...
1569
01:35:28,607 --> 01:35:34,544
You're cursed, and I like you, Murray.
1570
01:35:34,613 --> 01:35:36,045
So it makes me sad.
1571
01:35:36,114 --> 01:35:40,183
You don't have the gift,
and I can see the torture of it.
1572
01:35:40,251 --> 01:35:44,153
All I can do is worry for you,
but I will not worry for myself.
1573
01:35:44,222 --> 01:35:47,490
You can't convince me
that I'm one of the bad guys.
1574
01:35:47,559 --> 01:35:50,493
I get up.
I go.
1575
01:35:50,562 --> 01:35:53,630
I lie a little.
I peddle a little.
1576
01:35:53,698 --> 01:35:56,833
I watch the rules.
I talk the talk.
1577
01:35:56,901 --> 01:35:59,736
We fellows have those offices
high up there
1578
01:35:59,804 --> 01:36:03,673
so that we can catch the wind
and go with it however it blows,
1579
01:36:03,742 --> 01:36:07,644
but... and I'm not gonna
apologize for it...
1580
01:36:07,712 --> 01:36:10,380
I take pride.
1581
01:36:10,448 --> 01:36:14,784
I am the best possible Arnold burns.
1582
01:36:21,626 --> 01:36:23,926
Give my regards
to Irving r. Feldman, will you?
1583
01:36:23,995 --> 01:36:25,261
Hey, Arnie.
1584
01:36:25,330 --> 01:36:28,064
Murray, please, allow me once
to leave a room before you do.
1585
01:36:41,746 --> 01:36:43,212
Hey, Murray, watch it.
1586
01:36:44,783 --> 01:36:46,282
Yeah, it's okay now.
1587
01:36:53,425 --> 01:36:55,525
Hey.
That's great Murray.
1588
01:36:55,593 --> 01:36:56,826
Hiya, Nick.
1589
01:36:56,895 --> 01:36:59,128
You don't give it enough play,
it goes into a dive.
1590
01:36:59,197 --> 01:37:00,430
Let's go downstairs.
1591
01:37:00,498 --> 01:37:02,265
Murray...
I want to talk to you.
1592
01:37:02,333 --> 01:37:04,901
This afternoon in school,
I made a decision.
1593
01:37:04,969 --> 01:37:07,603
Right in the middle
of creative geography class,
1594
01:37:07,672 --> 01:37:10,406
I decided that since
you were getting a job today,
1595
01:37:10,475 --> 01:37:13,109
then I made up my mind
it was time for me, also,
1596
01:37:13,178 --> 01:37:16,512
to finish a certain matter
which I've been putting off.
1597
01:37:16,581 --> 01:37:18,314
See, for the past couple of months,
1598
01:37:18,383 --> 01:37:20,216
I've been considering different names,
1599
01:37:20,285 --> 01:37:22,018
'cause in 4 weeks I am gonna be 13,
1600
01:37:22,087 --> 01:37:24,187
and I've got to pick
my permanent first name
1601
01:37:24,255 --> 01:37:26,122
like we said.
1602
01:37:26,191 --> 01:37:28,324
You should just go on
calling yourself Nick.
1603
01:37:28,393 --> 01:37:30,293
You've been using that one the longest.
1604
01:37:30,361 --> 01:37:33,362
Well, Nick is a name
for a short person.
1605
01:37:33,431 --> 01:37:34,664
Since I'm a short person,
1606
01:37:34,733 --> 01:37:37,300
I don't believe I should put
a lot of attention on it.
1607
01:37:37,368 --> 01:37:41,137
What do you mean? Where'd
you get the idea you were short?
1608
01:37:41,206 --> 01:37:44,207
From people who are taller than I am.
1609
01:37:44,275 --> 01:37:45,808
That is ridiculous.
1610
01:37:45,877 --> 01:37:47,477
Sure.
1611
01:37:47,545 --> 01:37:50,713
Up there, it's ridiculous.
1612
01:37:50,782 --> 01:37:54,217
But from down here where I am,
it's not so ridiculous.
1613
01:37:59,090 --> 01:38:04,127
You know, half the girls in
my class are taller than me...
1614
01:38:06,264 --> 01:38:08,131
especially Susan bookwalter.
1615
01:38:08,199 --> 01:38:14,170
Nick, you happen to be a nice
medium height for your age.
1616
01:38:14,639 --> 01:38:17,507
So, how is it everybody
crouches over when I'm around?
1617
01:38:17,575 --> 01:38:18,975
Because you're a kid.
1618
01:38:19,043 --> 01:38:21,844
Look, you come from
a fairly tall family.
1619
01:38:21,913 --> 01:38:25,248
Next couple of years,
you're gonna grow like crazy.
1620
01:38:25,316 --> 01:38:27,450
Really, every day you're
getting bigger.
1621
01:38:27,519 --> 01:38:29,886
But so is Susan bookwalter.
1622
01:38:33,491 --> 01:38:35,091
So, for a couple of months,
1623
01:38:35,160 --> 01:38:37,727
I've been considering
various tall names.
1624
01:38:37,796 --> 01:38:39,829
Then I thought about
just picking any name,
1625
01:38:39,898 --> 01:38:42,665
putting "captain" in front of it
so it'd Jack it up a little,
1626
01:38:42,734 --> 01:38:44,934
but I really didn't like that either.
1627
01:38:47,639 --> 01:38:49,338
But then...
1628
01:38:49,407 --> 01:38:53,910
Last week, I finally
and really decided,
1629
01:38:53,978 --> 01:38:58,414
and I took out a new library
card to see how it looks.
1630
01:38:58,483 --> 01:39:03,152
And today I figured I'd make it
definite and official.
1631
01:39:06,691 --> 01:39:09,058
That's
my library card.
1632
01:39:09,127 --> 01:39:11,861
Well, no. That's
the whole thing. It's mine.
1633
01:39:11,930 --> 01:39:14,430
Well, this one says Murray burns on it.
1634
01:39:14,499 --> 01:39:16,265
Well, yeah.
That's the name that I picked.
1635
01:39:16,334 --> 01:39:17,366
So I took out a new card
1636
01:39:17,435 --> 01:39:19,202
to see how it looks and
make it official.
1637
01:39:23,775 --> 01:39:26,676
Hey, Murray, baby, don't jump!
1638
01:39:26,744 --> 01:39:29,745
Hey, fella, don't jump!
I'll meet you inside!
1639
01:39:31,082 --> 01:39:32,082
Hey, it's Mr. Herman.
1640
01:39:32,116 --> 01:39:33,482
That's the job you took?
1641
01:39:35,587 --> 01:39:38,921
Mu-u-u-r-r-r!
1642
01:39:38,990 --> 01:39:42,558
Hey, mu-u-u-r-r-r!
1643
01:39:45,230 --> 01:39:47,296
There he is.
1644
01:39:47,365 --> 01:39:50,466
There's the old monkey.
There's the old joker.
1645
01:39:50,535 --> 01:39:52,034
Yeah, here he is, Leo.
1646
01:39:52,103 --> 01:39:54,637
There he is.
There's the little guy.
1647
01:39:54,706 --> 01:39:59,008
Look-a here, little guy,
I got a chuckles statue for you.
1648
01:39:59,077 --> 01:40:03,012
Well, thank you,
Mr. Herman.
1649
01:40:03,081 --> 01:40:06,515
Imagine how pleased I am to receive it.
1650
01:40:06,584 --> 01:40:11,087
It's a very artistic statue,
and very good cardboard, too.
1651
01:40:11,155 --> 01:40:12,922
And I got a chuckles hat for you
1652
01:40:12,991 --> 01:40:14,790
just like the old chipmunk wears.
1653
01:40:14,859 --> 01:40:16,525
Thank you.
Whoop!
1654
01:40:16,594 --> 01:40:18,861
Thank you.
1655
01:40:20,565 --> 01:40:21,931
You're wearing the chuckles hat.
1656
01:40:22,000 --> 01:40:23,432
You got to say the chuckles hello.
1657
01:40:23,501 --> 01:40:25,101
The what?
1658
01:40:25,169 --> 01:40:28,671
Chip-chip chippermunky!
1659
01:40:28,740 --> 01:40:30,573
Yeah! Sure.
1660
01:40:30,642 --> 01:40:33,042
Chip-chip chippermunky!
1661
01:40:35,680 --> 01:40:37,480
May I know your first name?
1662
01:40:37,548 --> 01:40:39,382
It's Nick most of the time.
1663
01:40:39,450 --> 01:40:40,516
Most of the time.
1664
01:40:40,585 --> 01:40:42,285
Look what I got here...
1665
01:40:42,353 --> 01:40:45,821
Two big bags of
chuckle chip potato chips?
1666
01:40:47,025 --> 01:40:48,858
Nicky, you want to put
these crispy chips
1667
01:40:48,927 --> 01:40:50,359
in a bowl or something for us?
1668
01:40:50,428 --> 01:40:51,827
Yeah, and take your time, Nick,
1669
01:40:51,896 --> 01:40:53,496
'cause your uncle and me got some...
1670
01:40:53,564 --> 01:40:56,232
We got some grown-up talking
to do.
1671
01:40:56,301 --> 01:40:57,900
OK... the kid hates me.
1672
01:40:57,969 --> 01:40:59,969
I didn't go over very well with him.
1673
01:41:00,038 --> 01:41:01,437
I pushed a little too hard.
1674
01:41:01,506 --> 01:41:02,805
Nice kid, Murray.
1675
01:41:02,874 --> 01:41:04,373
Yeah.
How are your kids, Leo?
1676
01:41:04,442 --> 01:41:06,008
Fine, fine, but I swear to god,
1677
01:41:06,077 --> 01:41:08,744
even they don't like my show
since you stopped writing it.
1678
01:41:08,813 --> 01:41:10,546
My youngest one,
my 6-year-old...
1679
01:41:12,417 --> 01:41:14,083
Ralphie.
Ralphie...
1680
01:41:14,152 --> 01:41:18,120
Watches "the funny bunny show"
every morning now instead of me.
1681
01:41:18,189 --> 01:41:21,624
I have been bombing out
on the show every morning.
1682
01:41:21,693 --> 01:41:24,193
You know what it feels like to
bomb out in front of children.
1683
01:41:24,262 --> 01:41:26,495
You flop out in front of kids,
Murray, I swear to god,
1684
01:41:26,564 --> 01:41:28,731
they're ready to kill you,
or else they stare at you.
1685
01:41:28,800 --> 01:41:30,967
That's the worst...
That hurt, innocent little stare
1686
01:41:31,035 --> 01:41:32,401
like you just killed their pup
1687
01:41:32,470 --> 01:41:33,936
or ate their turtle or something.
1688
01:41:34,005 --> 01:41:35,938
Murray, have you back with me
at the studios.
1689
01:41:36,007 --> 01:41:38,207
See you at the show tomorrow.
It's gonna be beautiful.
1690
01:41:38,276 --> 01:41:39,276
You're the best.
1691
01:41:39,344 --> 01:41:40,754
I-I appreciate you feeling
that way, Leo.
1692
01:41:40,778 --> 01:41:41,898
This afternoon, the phone...
1693
01:41:41,946 --> 01:41:43,346
You walked out on me, didn't you?
1694
01:41:43,414 --> 01:41:44,580
Yeah, Leo.
1695
01:41:44,649 --> 01:41:46,182
Why?
Why do you do this to me?
1696
01:41:46,250 --> 01:41:48,117
I'm sorry.
No, I was only kidding now.
1697
01:41:48,186 --> 01:41:50,386
Don't tell me...
I know I make people nervous.
1698
01:41:50,455 --> 01:41:52,521
Who can listen to me
for 10 minutes, right?
1699
01:41:52,590 --> 01:41:53,990
You see that?
You see that?
1700
01:41:54,058 --> 01:41:56,425
See how I kept touching my suit,
my tie like that?
1701
01:41:56,494 --> 01:41:59,228
I keep touching myself
to make sure I'm still here.
1702
01:41:59,297 --> 01:42:02,531
I get this feeling... maybe I
vanished when I wasn't looking.
1703
01:42:02,600 --> 01:42:05,234
No, I'm sure that you're here, Leo.
1704
01:42:05,303 --> 01:42:07,903
See how he talks to me a little nasty?
1705
01:42:07,972 --> 01:42:09,138
I like it.
1706
01:42:09,207 --> 01:42:11,273
It's straight. It's real.
I like it.
1707
01:42:11,342 --> 01:42:14,143
You know what I got around me
on the show?
1708
01:42:14,212 --> 01:42:16,679
Finks, dwarfs, phonies, and frauds.
1709
01:42:16,748 --> 01:42:19,015
No Murrays...
The show is boring.
1710
01:42:19,083 --> 01:42:21,684
Boring, boring, boring, boredom, bore.
1711
01:42:21,753 --> 01:42:24,387
Boring, boring, boring, boring.
1712
01:42:24,455 --> 01:42:26,555
Boring, boredom, bore!
Murray.
1713
01:42:26,624 --> 01:42:30,092
Boring, boredom, bore.
Boring, boring, boring.
1714
01:42:32,497 --> 01:42:36,732
I believe that I left my files here.
1715
01:42:36,801 --> 01:42:40,536
I came to get my files.
1716
01:42:40,605 --> 01:42:42,705
May I have my files, please?
1717
01:42:42,774 --> 01:42:44,473
Excuse me.
1718
01:42:46,144 --> 01:42:49,678
Chuckles the chipmunk,
this is minnie mouse.
1719
01:42:49,747 --> 01:42:51,013
Hiya, minnie.
1720
01:42:51,082 --> 01:42:53,249
You must be Mr. Herman.
1721
01:42:54,819 --> 01:42:56,152
I must be.
I must be him.
1722
01:42:56,220 --> 01:42:58,521
Well, I'll be on my way.
1723
01:43:02,560 --> 01:43:04,738
That's a very attractive girl,
that minnie. What does she do?
1724
01:43:04,762 --> 01:43:06,395
She's my decorator.
1725
01:43:15,473 --> 01:43:18,541
Sh...
She's done a wonderful job.
1726
01:43:18,609 --> 01:43:21,644
The place is great, Murray.
It's loose! It's open!
1727
01:43:21,712 --> 01:43:23,212
It's free!
I love it.
1728
01:43:23,281 --> 01:43:25,781
A wonderful crazy place.
1729
01:43:25,850 --> 01:43:31,821
My god, you must make out like
mad in a place like this?
1730
01:43:34,459 --> 01:43:36,092
How is it I never came here before?
1731
01:43:36,160 --> 01:43:37,693
You were here last January, Leo.
1732
01:43:37,762 --> 01:43:39,695
Murray, you worked with me
for three years.
1733
01:43:39,764 --> 01:43:40,930
I never saw your apartment.
1734
01:43:40,998 --> 01:43:42,531
You were here last January, Leo.
1735
01:43:42,600 --> 01:43:43,933
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
1736
01:43:44,001 --> 01:43:47,169
Wasn't I here recently, in the winter?
1737
01:43:47,238 --> 01:43:49,138
Last January, I think.
1738
01:43:49,207 --> 01:43:51,540
I remember I came here
to get you back on the show,
1739
01:43:51,609 --> 01:43:53,075
and you wouldn't listen to me.
1740
01:43:53,144 --> 01:43:54,677
It was the week after you quit,
1741
01:43:54,745 --> 01:43:56,278
but you walked into the kitchen
1742
01:43:56,347 --> 01:43:58,514
and started singing
"yes, sir, that's my baby,"
1743
01:43:58,583 --> 01:44:00,883
and I left, feeling very foolish
1744
01:44:00,952 --> 01:44:03,652
like I had footprints
on my face, you...
1745
01:44:03,721 --> 01:44:05,488
You monkey.
1746
01:44:05,556 --> 01:44:08,691
You're a monkey. You're
an old monkey, aren't you?
1747
01:44:08,759 --> 01:44:09,992
Walked in the kitchen
1748
01:44:10,061 --> 01:44:12,761
and started singing
"yes, sir, that's my baby."
1749
01:44:12,830 --> 01:44:15,231
You know what I got from
that experience?
1750
01:44:15,299 --> 01:44:18,934
A rash.
I broke out something terrible.
1751
01:44:20,171 --> 01:44:23,372
Minnie mouse.
1752
01:44:23,441 --> 01:44:25,407
Minnie mouse!
1753
01:44:25,476 --> 01:44:29,245
You told me her name was minnie mouse!
1754
01:44:32,216 --> 01:44:33,549
I swear to god,
1755
01:44:33,618 --> 01:44:35,985
I think my mission in life
is to feed you straight lines.
1756
01:44:36,053 --> 01:44:37,820
Like out of a fallout shelter...
1757
01:44:37,889 --> 01:44:39,722
That's what you got here, murr...
1758
01:44:39,790 --> 01:44:42,258
Protection against the idiots
in the atmosphere.
1759
01:44:42,326 --> 01:44:44,560
It's free.
It's free, free, free.
1760
01:44:44,629 --> 01:44:46,762
Free, free, free,
free-a, free.
1761
01:44:46,831 --> 01:44:48,264
Another year, and I'll cut...
1762
01:44:48,332 --> 01:44:51,167
Another year, and I'll cut loose
from that chipmunk show.
1763
01:44:51,235 --> 01:44:52,501
Binds me.
Hugs me up.
1764
01:44:52,570 --> 01:44:54,436
Finks, dwarfs, phonies, and frauds.
1765
01:44:54,505 --> 01:44:55,804
Now, the two of us,
1766
01:44:55,873 --> 01:44:58,174
we got to do something new,
something wild...
1767
01:44:58,242 --> 01:45:00,442
A new kind of kid's show
for adults, maybe.
1768
01:45:00,511 --> 01:45:02,945
You told me the same thing
three years ago, Leo.
1769
01:45:03,014 --> 01:45:04,246
All right.
1770
01:45:04,315 --> 01:45:05,648
I'm a coward.
1771
01:45:05,716 --> 01:45:08,150
Everybody knows...
My god.
1772
01:45:08,219 --> 01:45:11,153
Did you ever see anything so immodest?
1773
01:45:11,222 --> 01:45:15,424
I bring a big statue of myself
as a gift for a child?
1774
01:45:15,493 --> 01:45:17,226
The pure ego of it!
1775
01:45:17,295 --> 01:45:18,961
I'm ashamed, Murray.
1776
01:45:19,030 --> 01:45:23,132
Throw a sheet over it
or something, will you, please?
1777
01:45:24,502 --> 01:45:29,872
Hey, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Hey, yum, yum, yum, yum.
1778
01:45:29,941 --> 01:45:31,340
Good.
1779
01:45:31,409 --> 01:45:32,908
Gosh.
1780
01:45:32,977 --> 01:45:35,945
Kidderoonies, look at your
poor chippermunk friend.
1781
01:45:36,013 --> 01:45:37,346
He got his mouth stuck.
1782
01:45:37,415 --> 01:45:38,814
Ho!
1783
01:45:38,883 --> 01:45:43,219
No matter how hard I try,
I can't get my mouth unstuck.
1784
01:45:43,287 --> 01:45:45,521
But maybe, if you chippermunks yell,
1785
01:45:45,590 --> 01:45:48,724
"be happy, chuckles,"
maybe then it will get unstuck.
1786
01:45:53,364 --> 01:45:56,999
Y-you're supposed to yell,
"be happy, chuckles!"
1787
01:45:57,068 --> 01:45:59,268
Yeah. Sure.
1788
01:45:59,337 --> 01:46:00,769
Be happy, chuckles!
1789
01:46:00,838 --> 01:46:02,838
All right!
You fixed me!
1790
01:46:02,907 --> 01:46:05,074
I'm all fixed.
1791
01:46:08,613 --> 01:46:10,846
Would you like your
potato chips now, Mr. Herman?
1792
01:46:10,915 --> 01:46:13,749
That's a bit
from tomorrow morning's show.
1793
01:46:13,818 --> 01:46:15,317
Yeah, you're gonna know it
1794
01:46:15,386 --> 01:46:17,553
before all the kids
in the neighborhood.
1795
01:46:17,622 --> 01:46:18,954
Thank you.
1796
01:46:19,023 --> 01:46:20,789
That's one of the funny parts there
1797
01:46:20,858 --> 01:46:22,458
where I couldn't move my mouth.
1798
01:46:22,526 --> 01:46:23,526
O-yeah?
1799
01:46:23,561 --> 01:46:25,160
You didn't think it was funny?
1800
01:46:25,229 --> 01:46:26,795
Sure.
That was pretty funny.
1801
01:46:28,132 --> 01:46:29,431
Yeah.
1802
01:46:29,500 --> 01:46:31,678
Don't you laugh or something
when you see something funny?
1803
01:46:31,702 --> 01:46:33,535
Yeah. It just caught me
by surprise is all.
1804
01:46:33,604 --> 01:46:34,670
I didn't get a chance.
1805
01:46:36,440 --> 01:46:38,540
Don't you want more potato
chips, mister?
1806
01:46:38,609 --> 01:46:41,610
Another funny part was where
I jumped up with a smile, there,
1807
01:46:41,679 --> 01:46:43,245
at the end, there...
1808
01:46:43,314 --> 01:46:46,682
Was another one.
1809
01:46:46,751 --> 01:46:50,052
Then the finish on the bit.
I got the smile, see.
1810
01:46:50,121 --> 01:46:52,988
Now I'm all fixed?
Now I'm all fixed.
1811
01:46:54,191 --> 01:46:56,992
Now it's stuck the other way.
1812
01:47:05,269 --> 01:47:07,036
Gee, that's terrific,
Mr. Herman.
1813
01:47:07,104 --> 01:47:08,470
That's all you got to do.
1814
01:47:08,539 --> 01:47:11,540
Just get up there and do that,
and they pay you and everything.
1815
01:47:14,545 --> 01:47:15,611
You didn't laugh.
1816
01:47:15,680 --> 01:47:17,713
I was waiting for the funny part.
1817
01:47:17,782 --> 01:47:20,582
That was the funny part.
1818
01:47:20,651 --> 01:47:22,818
You mean when you fell on the floor?
1819
01:47:22,887 --> 01:47:25,321
Yes, when I fell back
on the floor, there.
1820
01:47:25,389 --> 01:47:26,655
Well, you see, the thing is...
1821
01:47:26,724 --> 01:47:28,691
Yeah, I know. You were waiting
for the funny part.
1822
01:47:28,759 --> 01:47:30,426
Well, here,
you missed another funny part.
1823
01:47:30,494 --> 01:47:32,561
Another one?
I'm very sorry Mr. Herman.
1824
01:47:32,630 --> 01:47:33,630
Forget it.
1825
01:47:35,833 --> 01:47:38,367
I happen to know
that the bit is very funny.
1826
01:47:38,436 --> 01:47:39,668
I can prove it to you.
1827
01:47:39,737 --> 01:47:42,571
What does it say right there -
second line, there.
1828
01:47:42,640 --> 01:47:46,008
"Frown bit... 85% of audience
1829
01:47:46,077 --> 01:47:49,578
outright prolonged laughter
on frown bit."
1830
01:47:49,647 --> 01:47:52,047
That's an analysis report
the agency did for me
1831
01:47:52,116 --> 01:47:53,682
on Monday's preview audience.
1832
01:47:53,751 --> 01:47:56,919
The routine I just did for you
got outright prolonged laughter,
1833
01:47:56,987 --> 01:47:59,655
85%, Monday, 3:00.
1834
01:47:59,724 --> 01:48:01,323
You could try him on sad parts, Leo.
1835
01:48:01,392 --> 01:48:02,991
He's very good on sad parts.
1836
01:48:03,060 --> 01:48:05,861
As a matter of fact,
there's a poignant-type bit
1837
01:48:05,930 --> 01:48:07,763
I did at the preview theatre.
1838
01:48:07,832 --> 01:48:10,432
"60% of audience
noticeably moved."
1839
01:48:10,501 --> 01:48:12,067
They left the theatre?
1840
01:48:12,136 --> 01:48:14,803
There he is.
There's the old joker, right?
1841
01:48:14,872 --> 01:48:16,004
Murray the joker!
1842
01:48:16,073 --> 01:48:18,574
Well, say, I can do some routines, too.
1843
01:48:18,642 --> 01:48:21,844
Yeah. I can imitate
the voice of Alexander Hamilton.
1844
01:48:21,912 --> 01:48:23,011
Good. Lovely.
1845
01:48:23,080 --> 01:48:24,546
I do Alexander Hamilton,
1846
01:48:24,615 --> 01:48:27,649
and Murray does
a terrific Thomas Jefferson.
1847
01:48:27,718 --> 01:48:30,552
We got the voices just right.
1848
01:48:30,621 --> 01:48:31,820
Hello, Alex.
How are you?
1849
01:48:31,889 --> 01:48:33,021
Say, hello, tom.
1850
01:48:33,090 --> 01:48:34,857
You should have been in congress today.
1851
01:48:34,925 --> 01:48:35,991
Yeah.
You really missed...
1852
01:48:36,060 --> 01:48:37,493
This is ridiculous.
1853
01:48:39,630 --> 01:48:42,264
You can't do an imitation
of Alexander Hamilton.
1854
01:48:42,333 --> 01:48:44,233
Nobody knows what he sounds like.
1855
01:48:45,569 --> 01:48:47,469
Well, that's the funny part.
1856
01:48:47,538 --> 01:48:50,339
You missed the funny part, Leo.
1857
01:48:50,408 --> 01:48:52,975
I'm getting a terrible rash on my neck.
1858
01:48:55,479 --> 01:48:57,713
I was working good in front of the kids.
1859
01:48:57,782 --> 01:48:59,715
The routine I did for them was funny.
1860
01:48:59,784 --> 01:49:02,985
I don't go over with these odd kids.
1861
01:49:03,053 --> 01:49:04,186
Look at him!
1862
01:49:04,255 --> 01:49:06,955
Here I am in front of him
in person, for god sakes!
1863
01:49:07,024 --> 01:49:08,056
He's staring at me.
1864
01:49:08,125 --> 01:49:10,959
Oddness here, Murray.
Oddness.
1865
01:49:11,028 --> 01:49:14,530
Alexander Hamilton imitation...
Jaded jokes for old men.
1866
01:49:14,598 --> 01:49:16,999
What you done to the kid is a shame.
1867
01:49:17,067 --> 01:49:19,701
It's a shame. It's a shame the
way you brought the kid up here.
1868
01:49:19,770 --> 01:49:21,970
Grotesque atmosphere...
It's unhealthy.
1869
01:49:22,039 --> 01:49:24,473
Women in and out... decorators.
Yeah, right.
1870
01:49:24,542 --> 01:49:26,475
Had he been brought up
by a normal person,
1871
01:49:26,544 --> 01:49:27,976
not in this madhouse...
1872
01:49:28,045 --> 01:49:29,411
Hey, don't say that.
1873
01:49:29,480 --> 01:49:31,480
A certain freakish kind of growing up,
1874
01:49:31,549 --> 01:49:32,881
freakish way of growing up.
1875
01:49:32,950 --> 01:49:34,716
Hey, are you calling me a freak?
1876
01:49:34,785 --> 01:49:37,586
You called me a freak. Now,
you take back what you said.
1877
01:49:37,655 --> 01:49:39,855
On June the 3rd, I'll be 42 years old,
1878
01:49:39,924 --> 01:49:42,925
and I'm standing here arguing
with a 12-year-old kid.
1879
01:49:44,795 --> 01:49:46,595
Nicky...
1880
01:49:48,833 --> 01:49:52,835
Humor is a cloudy, wonderland thing...
1881
01:49:52,903 --> 01:49:56,505
But simple and clear
as the blue, blue sky.
1882
01:49:56,574 --> 01:49:58,841
All I want is your simple, honest,
1883
01:49:58,909 --> 01:50:00,976
child's opinion of my routine.
1884
01:50:01,045 --> 01:50:03,178
But children are too honest to be wise.
1885
01:50:06,951 --> 01:50:10,419
Well, my simple, child reaction
of what you did
1886
01:50:10,488 --> 01:50:12,354
is that you are not funny.
1887
01:50:12,423 --> 01:50:15,324
Funnier than you is even Stuart sloshman,
1888
01:50:15,392 --> 01:50:17,092
who is my friend and is 11
1889
01:50:17,161 --> 01:50:21,430
and puts walnuts in his mouth
and makes noises.
1890
01:50:21,499 --> 01:50:24,533
What's not funny is to call us names.
1891
01:50:26,437 --> 01:50:29,938
And what is mostly not funny
is how sad you are,
1892
01:50:30,007 --> 01:50:34,343
and I'd feel sorry for you if
it wasn't for how dull you are.
1893
01:50:34,411 --> 01:50:37,813
And those are the worst-tasting
potato chips I've ever tasted.
1894
01:50:37,882 --> 01:50:40,549
And that's my opinion
from the blue, blue sky.
1895
01:50:53,230 --> 01:50:55,163
There he is.
There's the old Murray.
1896
01:50:55,232 --> 01:50:56,932
There's the old joker, right?
1897
01:50:57,001 --> 01:50:59,201
You didn't want to come back
to work for me.
1898
01:50:59,270 --> 01:51:01,570
You got me up here
to step on my face again!
1899
01:51:01,639 --> 01:51:02,704
Now, wait, Leo...
1900
01:51:05,809 --> 01:51:07,843
That's the song!
That's the goodbye song!
1901
01:51:07,912 --> 01:51:10,412
Hey, hey, Leo!
A bunch of nuts here!
1902
01:51:10,481 --> 01:51:12,681
You're crazy people!
Wait a minute, will you?
1903
01:51:12,750 --> 01:51:14,349
I'm sorry.
1904
01:51:14,418 --> 01:51:15,951
Quit it.
Cut that out.
1905
01:51:16,020 --> 01:51:18,353
Come on, Murray. We'll sing to him.
He'll go away.
1906
01:51:18,422 --> 01:51:20,722
Come on, just put it down.
1907
01:51:20,791 --> 01:51:22,391
Come on, Murray, let him go away.
1908
01:51:22,459 --> 01:51:23,459
He called us names.
1909
01:51:23,527 --> 01:51:25,327
Will you be quiet for just a minute?
1910
01:51:25,396 --> 01:51:27,329
Murray, let him go away, please!
1911
01:51:29,333 --> 01:51:30,333
Crummy statue!
1912
01:51:30,401 --> 01:51:33,068
Hey, Nick!
Come on, cut it out, Nick.
1913
01:51:33,137 --> 01:51:36,438
He can't push us around!
Not you and me, Murray!
1914
01:51:36,507 --> 01:51:37,873
Nick!
1915
01:51:37,942 --> 01:51:39,575
We got to, please!
1916
01:51:39,643 --> 01:51:41,577
Please!
We can't.
1917
01:51:41,645 --> 01:51:43,312
We can't.
1918
01:51:46,083 --> 01:51:48,083
Kid, I'm sorry.
1919
01:51:48,152 --> 01:51:50,852
Sorry, kid.
1920
01:51:53,290 --> 01:51:54,690
I'm sorry.
1921
01:52:04,234 --> 01:52:06,501
Look...
1922
01:52:06,570 --> 01:52:09,338
Better go to your room.
1923
01:52:09,406 --> 01:52:12,007
This is
a one-room apartment.
1924
01:52:13,944 --> 01:52:16,411
Okay, then go to your alcove.
1925
01:52:26,290 --> 01:52:28,590
Hey, Leo, I hope
you didn't misunderstand.
1926
01:52:28,659 --> 01:52:29,958
We were only kidding you.
1927
01:52:30,027 --> 01:52:32,227
Myself.
I got carried away there myself.
1928
01:52:32,296 --> 01:52:34,696
Well, we all got
a little excited, I guess.
1929
01:52:35,866 --> 01:52:36,866
So...
1930
01:52:36,934 --> 01:52:39,568
I'll see you at work in the morning, Leo.
1931
01:52:39,637 --> 01:52:42,571
Great to have you back, fella.
You both hate me.
1932
01:52:42,640 --> 01:52:43,939
No, nobody hates you.
1933
01:52:44,008 --> 01:52:45,607
I yelled at the kid.
I'm sorry.
1934
01:52:45,676 --> 01:52:47,342
I didn't mean to cause any upset.
1935
01:52:47,411 --> 01:52:49,244
I don't get along too good with kids.
1936
01:52:49,313 --> 01:52:50,846
Well, don't worry about it.
1937
01:52:50,914 --> 01:52:52,748
Why not come have a drink with me?
1938
01:52:52,816 --> 01:52:54,016
No, no, not tonight.
1939
01:52:54,084 --> 01:52:55,617
Some other night, Leo?
1940
01:52:55,686 --> 01:52:58,420
Yeah, look...
1941
01:52:58,489 --> 01:53:00,922
After I leave, you horse around
with the kid a little bit,
1942
01:53:00,991 --> 01:53:02,124
he'll feel better.
1943
01:53:02,192 --> 01:53:03,392
Right, Leo.
1944
01:53:03,460 --> 01:53:06,194
That bit I did for him
was funny, wasn't it, Murray?
1945
01:53:07,765 --> 01:53:10,966
Yeah, Leo. I guess
it was just a bad day for you.
1946
01:53:12,603 --> 01:53:15,370
Bad day for the old chipmunk.
1947
01:53:17,608 --> 01:53:19,274
You...
1948
01:53:19,343 --> 01:53:20,909
You don't want to leave that statue
1949
01:53:20,978 --> 01:53:22,878
lying on the floor like that, Murray?
1950
01:53:25,416 --> 01:53:27,883
No, Leo. No.
1951
01:53:41,465 --> 01:53:43,899
Gee.
1952
01:53:43,967 --> 01:53:47,502
See you at the studio
in the morning, you old monkey.
1953
01:53:52,242 --> 01:53:53,942
You're an old monkey, aren't you?
1954
01:54:27,411 --> 01:54:31,346
Hey, I could use
a pastrami sandwich right now.
1955
01:54:31,415 --> 01:54:32,981
Couldn't you?
1956
01:54:33,050 --> 01:54:36,184
On rye with coleslaw
and Russian dressing?
1957
01:54:38,155 --> 01:54:39,821
Nick?
1958
01:54:43,427 --> 01:54:46,895
Guy calls us names.
1959
01:54:46,964 --> 01:54:51,399
Guy talks to us like that.
1960
01:54:51,468 --> 01:54:53,902
Should have got rid of that moron.
1961
01:54:57,474 --> 01:55:02,377
We could have fooled
the welfare people or something.
1962
01:55:04,081 --> 01:55:10,018
Could have moved to Mexico,
New Jersey, or someplace.
1963
01:55:10,287 --> 01:55:16,191
I hear the delicatessen
in Mexico is terrible.
1964
01:55:16,260 --> 01:55:19,761
I'm gonna call myself Theodore.
1965
01:55:21,698 --> 01:55:23,932
Okay.
1966
01:55:24,001 --> 01:55:26,968
As long as you don't
call yourself Beatrice.
1967
01:55:30,607 --> 01:55:33,508
All right.
Fool around.
1968
01:55:35,412 --> 01:55:38,613
Wait till you see
a Theodore running around you.
1969
01:55:38,682 --> 01:55:40,615
You just wait.
1970
01:55:43,287 --> 01:55:47,422
Another couple of seconds,
he would have been out the door.
1971
01:55:54,565 --> 01:56:00,470
Murray...
1972
01:56:01,939 --> 01:56:05,740
Why'd you go chicken on me?
1973
01:56:05,809 --> 01:56:07,976
Because your routines
1974
01:56:08,045 --> 01:56:12,147
give me outright, prolonged laughter...
1975
01:56:12,216 --> 01:56:13,448
Theodore.
1976
01:56:13,517 --> 01:56:16,384
$4.95 for a new tablecloth,
1977
01:56:16,453 --> 01:56:18,320
and you leave it around like this.
1978
01:56:20,557 --> 01:56:21,990
Perfectly new tablecloth,
1979
01:56:22,059 --> 01:56:24,259
and already there's dust all over it.
1980
01:56:28,031 --> 01:56:32,868
You know, it's very interesting
that I left my files here,
1981
01:56:32,936 --> 01:56:34,603
that I forgot them,
1982
01:56:34,671 --> 01:56:39,140
I mean, psychologically,
if you want to analyze that.
1983
01:56:39,209 --> 01:56:43,044
Of course, last month, I left
my handbag in the automat,
1984
01:56:43,113 --> 01:56:46,114
and I have no idea
what that means at all.
1985
01:56:53,156 --> 01:56:56,491
I think that the pattern
of our relationship,
1986
01:56:56,560 --> 01:56:59,427
if we examine it, is very intricate...
1987
01:56:59,496 --> 01:57:01,296
The different areas of it,
1988
01:57:01,365 --> 01:57:04,366
especially the whole "goodbye"
area of it.
1989
01:57:04,434 --> 01:57:07,135
Hello, Sandy, how are you?
1990
01:57:07,204 --> 01:57:10,605
Hello, Murray.
1991
01:57:10,674 --> 01:57:13,575
I called the weather lady before.
1992
01:57:13,644 --> 01:57:16,211
She says that it is a beautiful day.
1993
01:57:17,547 --> 01:57:20,649
Say, lady, can I help with any of that?
1994
01:57:20,717 --> 01:57:22,751
As a matter fact, Nick...
1995
01:57:22,819 --> 01:57:25,587
Nick, I do not think the effect,
1996
01:57:25,656 --> 01:57:28,957
I mean the overall design of this room,
1997
01:57:29,026 --> 01:57:32,494
is really helped
by all these knickknacks.
1998
01:57:32,562 --> 01:57:33,762
You mean the junk.
1999
01:57:33,830 --> 01:57:35,063
Yes.
2000
01:57:35,132 --> 01:57:38,166
Yeah, well, it's not good
for the overall design.
2001
01:57:38,235 --> 01:57:41,269
So, Nick, if you would just
help me put the junk
2002
01:57:41,338 --> 01:57:43,271
into those cartons over there...
2003
01:57:43,340 --> 01:57:44,340
Nick.
2004
01:57:49,313 --> 01:57:50,712
Nick!
2005
01:57:50,781 --> 01:57:52,714
Wilbur.
2006
01:57:52,783 --> 01:57:56,484
Wilbur Malcolm burns.
2007
01:58:20,510 --> 01:58:22,844
Campers!
2008
01:58:22,913 --> 01:58:26,514
The entertainment committee
was quite disappointed
2009
01:58:26,583 --> 01:58:29,851
in the really poor turnout at
this morning's community sing.
2010
01:58:29,920 --> 01:58:34,756
I mean, where's all that
old camp chikawatame spirit?
2011
01:58:34,825 --> 01:58:40,628
I'm sure I speak for all of us
here when I say that I...
2012
01:58:40,697 --> 01:58:45,033
And I'd like to say right now that...
2013
01:58:45,102 --> 01:58:47,769
That...
2014
01:58:50,674 --> 01:58:56,645
Campers, I can't think
of anything to say.
2015
01:58:59,645 --> 01:59:03,645
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