All language subtitles for cheers.s11e24.dvdrip.xvid-remax

Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

Well, where the hell
is this guy?

He said he'd be here
in 15 minutes.

It's been nearly 20.

Doesn't he realize
this is an emergency?

Hey, calm down, will you Norm?
He'll be here.

Well, it's a hell
of a world we live in, Sam.

We can put a man
on the moon okay,

but we can't get a beer tap
repairman here

in a reasonable amount of time.

Norm, sit down!

Just relax.

Why, why don't you have a,
have a bottle of beer?

Yeah, right, a bottle.

It's just not the same, Sam.

Well, I'm sure Mr. Clavin would
let you have some of his beer.

Well, I'm afraid not, Woody.

No, no, you see, we,
we knew that the taps

were gonna be out
of service for a while,

Sam made an announcement.

So I took a moment to figure out
that if I take just a little sip

every now and again,

it would last until the
repairman fixes yon tap.

But, when I suggested

the strategy to Mr. Peterson,

he called me... well, what was
it you called me again, Norm?

Bozo.

Right.

I'm a bozo.

I'm, uh, gonna go to
the men's room now, okay.

Excuse me.

Oh, right, and you're gonna
take your beer with you?

Come on, Cliff.

We've been friends
for 15 years.

I'm so pathetic,

you think I'm gonna steal
my best friend's beer, huh?

Yeah, you're right, Normie.

I trust you.

Bozo.

(theme song begins)

♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪

♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪

♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪

Yo, someone call for
a beer tap repair?

Yeah...
About an hour ago!

Hey, hey, Norm...
Where in the hell have you been?

Hey, hey, sit!
Whoops.

Sit!

Excuse me.

Yeah, right over here.

Hi.

My name is Carla.

Hi. Don.
Yeah, I know,

I read it off your left pec.

If you, uh,

have anything else
written on your body,

I'm looking for
something to read in bed.

Will you let the man
do his job please, Carla?

I know Braille.

No, no, no, go on.

Oh, hey, look who's back
from vacation.- Miss Howe!

Hi, Rebecca. How
was your cruise?

Well, I can honestly say
that it was the most painful,

excruciating, depressing
experience of my life.

There was not one single

eligible bachelor
on that whole trip.

You know what?

The very first day
I stepped on a poison blowfish,

my leg swelled up like
a bloated corpse.

A bloated corpse without
unsightly stubble I hope.

Oh shut up, Cliff.

FRASIER:
Oh, say, Rebecca,

maybe I misunderstood
you earlier.

I thought the purpose of your
trip wasn't to snare a husband.

Well, of course it wasn't.

Why'd you go?

Woody, I was very clear about
why I went before I left.

Don't you remember?

No.

I said that I went
to find myself,

to look myself
square in the eye

and find out who I really
was, yada, yada, yada.

Oh, yeah. I remember
the yada, yada, yada part.

Half way through the trip,

I realized something-
that my life is doo-doo.

WOODY:
Please, Miss Howe.

You may have used that
kind of language at sea,

but we're not in the
boiler rooms among sailors.

You know, the problem is
that I'm always looking

for some, for some

rich, powerful man,
but not anymore.

Now I want a sweet,
honest guy...

excuse me...

you know,
a nice, hard-working,

decent kind of fellow,
with a great smile...

Excuse me.

But I mean, where are you
gonna find a guy like that?

It's not like they just
pop up out of thin air.

Hey, lady, your
problem's solved.

Good. Bill me.

I'm talking to my friends here.

Thank you so much, Don.

If only we lived in a culture

where men could kiss
other men without shame.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, I'm Don.

I'm happy for you, Don.

You know, I'm really sorry
about your vacation

and, uh, while I was
working down there,

I couldn't help but notice how
nicely your leg has recovered.

Anyway, I was wondering

if, uh, maybe you'd
want to go out

and have a cup of coffee,
maybe a movie, something.

(laughing)

Excuse me.

Aren't you a plumber?

Well, a service technician.

Oh, can you ever forgive me?

Rebecca, excuse me
for interrupting,

but may I ask you a question?

Do you listen to yourself?

Well, sometimes.

All right, not two minutes ago,

you announced to the bar that
you were opening yourself up

to men from any walk of life.

Now, that man seems
attractive, decent,

and most of all,
interested in you.

You're lonely, desperate,

and if the bloom isn't
off the rose just yet,

you can certainly hear
pruning shears approaching.

He is kind of cute, isn't he?

Actually, he's just
what I was describing.

Can you belie... Is that
just like me or what?

It's like, I'm
just standing here

blathering on and on
and on and on and on,

while opportunity
is just passing

me by- it's like
life is a parade.

Rebecca! Rebecca, fetch!

Oh, sorry, yoo-hoo,
Mr. Burley Working Type Guy,

Hold up a second.

I had a great time.

So did I.

I'll see you
tonight at 7:00? 7:00.

And, uh, oh, I almost forgot.

I, I, I got a little
something for you,

um, just so you
wouldn't be late.

What is it?

(gasps)

Don!

Oh, what a beautiful
antique watch!

Yeah.
Oh, I can't accept this, Don.

It's much too expensive.

No, no, I want you to have it.

It was my mother's.

Oh, when did she die?

She didn't.

She just dozes off a lot.

(both laughing)

Oh, Don, you're so goofy!

REBECCA:
And this is so sweet.

No, Rebecca, nothing's
too good for you.

Maybe you are.

Look at her,
throwing herself at him.

No class.

No class at all.

I just went on a
service call with Don.

He was unplugging a drain.

We got to... we got to... we got
to eat out of his lunch pail,

and then I got to hand him his
tools out of his tool belt.

He wears a tool belt?

Oh, man, why don't you
just spit on my grave.

Well, it's nice seeing you
guys have fun like that.

Oh, yeah.

And you know what's
different about Don?

It's like I'm not always
thinking about my next move.

You know, the less I work at it,
the better it seems to get.

So I'm just gonna take
it nice and easy, nice and slow,

you know, one step at a time,

I'm not gonna fall
too hard or too fast.

God, I love him!

I love him so much!

Do you know what I'm saying?

(falsetto):
Yes, you love him! Yes!

There's even talk of marriage.

Marriage?!
REBECCA: Yeah.

He, he talked about marriage?

Well, he says it with his eyes.

And you know what, I, I
just have to say that

if, if he did ask me
to marry him right now,

I think that I would
have to say yes.

Honey, don't...

You want to step into my
office just for a second? Sure, Sam.

Looky! Looky! Looky! Looky!

You know the idea
of romantic love

is a relatively
new phenomenon. Yeah.

In olden cultures, wives
were no more than chattel.

They'd parade the women
through the marketplace

dressed in nothing but flimsy,
tight-fitting animal skins

with their breasts heaving
and undulating in the...

Cliff, I don't want to hear
anymore of this, okay?

Anybody who wants to hear
the rest of the story,

uh, follow me in the pool room,
please.

Go ahead, Paul.
You know you want to.

I think you're
rushing into this.

You know, I mean,
it's been two weeks.

What do you know about the guy?

I know he's good, he's decent,

and he thinks that I'm the best
thing that ever happened to him.

He said that?

He says it with his eyes.

Does this guy's eyes
shut up long enough

for his mouth
to ever say anything?

Now, Sam, I appreciate
this but I'm a big girl.

And you know what?

I think I'm gonna go for it.

All right, okay, but
you're settling.

Settling?

No way.

Honey, come on.

Look, you've had bad luck
with men all your life.

You're afraid you're never
gonna get married,

so you're latching
onto the first guy

that gives you the time of day.

That is absolutely,
categorically not true!

Yes, it is.

So what?

Is it not better

that I settle and I have someone

than stick to my high standards

and have no one
and end up an old maid?

Honey, that smells
of desperation.

You don't... you
don't need that.

You deserve the
greatest guy in the world.

Oh, God. Oh, God.
I don't believe I'm about to say this.

Sit down, sit down.

Listen, I've been doing a...
doing a lot of thinking recently

about marriage and
settling down and stuff.

Yeah?

(chuckles)

I can't believe this-
my hands are sweating.

Come on, Sam, go on
with what you were saying.

Oh... I, I just think
that... you and I...

Whoa-whoa-whoa,
wait a minute.

You're not saying what I think
you're saying, are you?

You know, I think there's a
chance for you and me if...

If, if what?

All right, all right,
here goes...

If, in the next
couple of years,

the right woman
doesn't come along,

you're on the top of
a very short list.

I know, I can't believe
I'm saying this, either!

God, this is incredible.

This... y-you are saying that

you will marry me if someone
better doesn't come along?

Is it mind-blowing or what?

Oh, just wait, just one second.

I-I-I just want to be
crystal clear on this.

Y-You, you sort of, look at me
like your safety net?

Okay...

You stupid jackass!

What?
How...? What, what?!

How can you be so insensitive?

Oh, oh, now,
now, wait a second.

Listen, all right, maybe the
words didn't come out right,

but all I'm saying is
that you don't have to

settle for this...
this plumber.

Settle? Me?!

Wait a minute, I will
tell you something!

The woman that
marries you will be

the all-time
four-star settler.

What's that
supposed to mean? What does it mean?

Take a look at yourself.
Look at you, I mean,

the only thing you ever
think about is sex.

You think you're going to
make some woman feel special

just because she's
just another notch

in your sliver of a headboard?

Sam, I mean wise up!

Do you ever hear women
talk about you anymore?

You're a cliché.
You are pathetic!

Women talk about you
out there and they,

they laugh at you
like you're a joke!

I have work to do.

God, Sam, I'm-I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to
hurt your feelings.

I-I-I think that I just
was upset because you were

just so inconsiderate and I...

So, the, uh, part
about me being a joke.

You were just making up
that stuff, right?

Oh, yeah, 'cause, you know, you
hurt me, so I wanted to hurt you

and... no, I mean, in fact,
you would, you would make

any woman a real good husband.

You're a catch.

Oh, yeah, that's better.

Have you noticed that,
uh, someone in this bar

is getting a little looney?

Sam...

everyone in this bar
is on a connecting flight

to beyond looney.

Yeah, I'm talking
about Rebecca.

You know, I'm a little
worried about her.

Well, how so?
Well...

She made up this
weird story about how

no one would want to
marry me because, you know,

I've had a lot of
women in my day.

What exactly do you
find weird about that?

Don't say you agree with her?

Well, she has a point, Sam.

Having a prolific sexual past
can be very intimidating

and even unattractive
to a potential mate.

Well, you're as crazy
as she is, Frasier!

Come on, man, you know,
the woman I choose

is going to feel very special.

You know, like when a great chef
picks the perfect pork chop?

That's beautiful, Sam.

But listen, if this is
really bothering you...

I didn't say it
was bothering me.

Well, all right, okay, okay.

But if it does bother you, you're
perfectly capable of making a change.

You can reinvent Sam Malone.

You know, this could be
a turning point for you in your life.

Listen, I'm going to write
down the number of a man.

His name is Dr. Robert Sutton.

And he has a therapy group
for sexual compulsives.

Well, what are-
what are you saying?

I'm hooked on sex?

(chuckling):
Well, let's face it Sam. It consumes you.

Look, be honest.
How long do you think

you could go without
thinking about sex?

As long as I want.

Fine, go ahead.
Time me.

All right, start now.

How long was that?

About a second.

Well, is, is that normal?

For a rabbit!

You know something, I don't,
I don't care what you think.

You know, I am leading
the life that I want to lead.

And if I, if I choose
to settle down someday,

I won't have any problem
finding someone to do it with.

Okay, okay.
I'll tell you what.

Let's get a woman's opinion.
Carla will suffice.

Carla...

What...?

Sam here has a question
he'd like to pop.

Shoot.

Yeah, all right, fine.

Carla, strictly hypothetically,
would you marry me?

Sammy, that's a
stupid question.

Well, I know it is.

Not in a million years!

What?
Oh, Sammy.

Nobody loves you
as much as I do.

But I know you!

You know, we'd be
taking our wedding vows,

and you'd be checking out
the bridesmaids.

You're a hound.
I can't marry a hound.

Hey, I thought we had something
special going on between us.

Definitely, we do.

I just always thought
that I'd be the woman

you cheated on your wife with.

Call me a hopeless romantic.

Well, Sam, uh,
when you're ready.

Norman.
Hey, Fras.

Oh, hey, hey, Norm.

Hmm? Yeah?

Can I talk to you a second?

Sure.

I've been doing a lot of
thinking about my life.

You know, and I think
I need a little advice.

Well, well, hold on a second.

Is this going to be
one of those conversations

where you're feeling
sort of vulnerable

and you really need a
good friend to talk to

'cause you're thinking
about changing the direction of your life?

Yeah.

Could you just hang on
a second, then? Just...

Norm said you
wanted to talk to me?

So, that's when I gave
Dr. Sutton a call.

SAM:
Uh, excuse me.

Is this the meeting
for the... sex thing?

Yes...

the sexual compulsives group.

Yes, I'm Doctor Sutton.

Hi.

Have a seat.
Thank you.

We've just been going
around the room,

telling a little bit
about ourselves.

And why don't we
continue with you?

Let's start with your name.
First name only, please.

All right, uh, (clears throat)

My name is...

Steve.

ALL:
Hi, Steve.

Uh, well, uh,

I'm, I'm starting off
on the wrong foot, here.

Uh, my real name is not Steve.

It's... Bob.

ALL:
Hi, Bob.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I, uh, I'm really embarrassed.

My name isn't Bob, either.

It's, uh, it's Sam.

No, really, it is.
It's Sam.

ALL:
Hi...Sam.

Well, uh, where to begin?

See, I-I don't, I don't really
have a problem, you know.

It's just that, uh,
my friends think I do.

Uh, see, I've, I've, had
a lot of sex in my life.

We all have.

No, No.

You see, I-I mean a lot.

So do I.

Yeah, all right, wise guy.

I'm writing down a number here.

Sam, I think you're
missing the point.

Sorry.

Uh, well, you know, I don't,

I don't know why they
think I have a problem.

You know, so I have a healthy
sex drive. Big deal.

I mean, what's, what's the big
deal about that, huh?

I mean, uh, you know, granted
it's a big part of my life.

You know, when I'm not having
sex, I'm-I'm thinking about it.

I-I don't want you
to think that I'm, uh,

you know, that I'm, uh,
(clears throat) you know,

that I'm shallow, 'cause I
have other interests, too.

You know, like,
like, like my hair.

The, uh... the babes
really love my hair.

Yeah, I don't know
what the big deal is.

You know, when I was growing up,

it was a sign of-of manhood
how many women you shagged.

I guess I just, uh,
missed the announcement

when they changed the rule.

So, I just kept on doing it.

I- I suppose if
I'm really honest,

that I...

I'm not that happy anymore.

Um, I suppose I'm, I'm, you
know, beginning to realize

that, uh, all that
skirt chasing kept me from

experiencing some of the
good things in life.

Some of the... important things.

Phew. Uh, maybe, uh...

Maybe I'm not here
for my friends.

M-Maybe I am here for myself.

Thank you, Sam. I know
that was difficult for you,

but we're glad you're here.

Uh, who's next?

How about you?

Uh, well, I guess I've had
this problem for a long time.

Excuse me, your name?

Oh, sorry. Rachel.

ALL:
Hi, Rachel.

I guess the root
of my behaviour,

like everybody's, is
my low self-esteem.

I never thought
I was very pretty

or had any particular talent.

The only time I felt
special was when

men were attracted
to me sexually.

And it started out
innocently enough, you know.

I would sleep with a guy on the
first date, every now and then.

But it wasn't long before I was
having a first date every night.

And soon, sex was all
I could think about.

Morning, noon and night.
Seven days a week.

It wasn't enough

as far as quantity,
it had to be dangerous, too.

I would duck into an alleyway
with a guy on the way to work.

Or I'd stop an elevator
between floors.

Sneak a guy into a department
store dressing room.

I would love to put a stop to
this,

because I... I feel like my
appetites are out of control.

I mean, I hunger
for it constantly.

And there is no limit
to how low I'll go.

There's no chance I won't take.

No fantasy I won't fulfill.

My lust controls me
and that's why I'm here.

So, you like Chinese food?