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1
00:00:01,317 --> 00:00:04,119
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,153 --> 00:00:05,820
Hey, Cliffie.
What you doing?
3
00:00:05,854 --> 00:00:09,074
Uh, writing a letter
of application for the Eco pod.
4
00:00:09,108 --> 00:00:10,542
What the heck's the Eco pod?
5
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:12,744
It's a totally
self-contained environment
6
00:00:12,745 --> 00:00:15,881
located in a mile-wide bubble
underneath the desert floor.
7
00:00:15,915 --> 00:00:17,716
Yeah.
8
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:20,134
It's gonna be inhabited
by the best and the brightest
9
00:00:20,135 --> 00:00:24,372
of the, uh, human species,
so I-I thought I'd apply.
10
00:00:24,374 --> 00:00:26,558
They're gonna have a zoo
in there, too?
11
00:00:26,592 --> 00:00:28,760
Yeah. Yeah, very
funny, Carla.
12
00:00:28,761 --> 00:00:30,679
You'll be laughing out of
the other side of your face
13
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,181
when they make me Postmaster
General of the Eco pod.
14
00:00:33,182 --> 00:00:37,018
Actually, the Eco pod
does have some scientific merit.
15
00:00:37,019 --> 00:00:39,187
It was designed
by a colleague of Lilith's,
16
00:00:39,188 --> 00:00:40,455
Dr. Louis Pascal.
17
00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:41,940
It will serve as a prototype
18
00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:43,775
for the colonization of space.
19
00:00:43,776 --> 00:00:45,676
Plus which,
the grant money is incredible.
20
00:00:45,677 --> 00:00:47,612
I hear
Pascal's driving a Lexus.
21
00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:51,132
Boy, I sure hope I get a shot
22
00:00:51,167 --> 00:00:53,034
at being sealed
up in that thing.
23
00:00:53,036 --> 00:00:54,886
Say, would a petition help?
24
00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:57,188
It might.
25
00:00:57,189 --> 00:00:58,172
Hey, I'll sign that.
26
00:00:58,173 --> 00:00:59,307
No! I'm first!
27
00:00:59,341 --> 00:01:01,159
Okay...
Boy.
28
00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:04,178
(weepy): You guys are the best
friends a fellow ever had.
29
00:01:05,965 --> 00:01:07,732
(theme song begins)
30
00:01:09,635 --> 00:01:11,970
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
31
00:01:12,004 --> 00:01:16,441
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
32
00:01:17,743 --> 00:01:22,380
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
33
00:01:22,414 --> 00:01:24,649
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
34
00:01:24,684 --> 00:01:27,218
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
35
00:01:27,252 --> 00:01:31,523
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
36
00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:53,411
Sammy, when is Woody getting
back from his honeymoon?
37
00:01:53,445 --> 00:01:55,946
I've been working
a double shift for two weeks,
38
00:01:55,981 --> 00:01:57,582
and I'm exhausted.
39
00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,467
Oh, thank you. Come again.
40
00:02:00,937 --> 00:02:02,904
Oh, my God, who am I?
41
00:02:06,325 --> 00:02:07,875
Uh-oh. Isn't that Henri,
42
00:02:07,876 --> 00:02:10,511
that jerk who's always trying
to steal Kelly from Woody?
43
00:02:10,512 --> 00:02:12,580
You know, I just
don't like that guy.
44
00:02:12,615 --> 00:02:13,848
Con artist.
45
00:02:13,849 --> 00:02:15,167
Yeah, Mister Frenchie
Two-Face.
46
00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:17,002
Hello, fellows!
47
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,471
Hey, Henri!
How's it going?
48
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,889
Hey, Henri,
what can I do for you?
49
00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:23,708
Uh, I need a favour, Sam.
50
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,994
I need you to tell
the Unemployment Office
51
00:02:26,028 --> 00:02:29,463
that I applied for a job,
and you turned me down.
52
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,265
(laughs) Sammy, come here.
53
00:02:31,266 --> 00:02:32,867
What?
Listen, why don't we hire the guy?
54
00:02:32,868 --> 00:02:34,368
That would help me out a lot.
55
00:02:34,402 --> 00:02:35,912
Oh, I-I don't know
about that.
56
00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:37,589
Henri, did you ever tend bar?
57
00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:38,890
Well, yes, but...
CARLA: You're hired.
58
00:02:38,891 --> 00:02:40,825
No, no,
but you are missing the point.
59
00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:42,527
You are to turn me down
60
00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:44,512
and send me on my way so that
61
00:02:44,547 --> 00:02:47,732
I might spend my afternoon
watching television.
62
00:02:47,783 --> 00:02:49,917
I'm sorry, man,
but I need the help.
63
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:51,636
Thanks.
(speaks French)
64
00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:54,488
Okay, give me an apron.
65
00:02:54,523 --> 00:02:56,157
Oh, mon dieu.
66
00:02:56,191 --> 00:02:58,026
I am filling Woody's shoes.
67
00:02:58,077 --> 00:02:59,961
Oh, the pressure.
68
00:03:01,303 --> 00:03:05,800
Well, Henri, let me be
your first customer, okay?
69
00:03:05,801 --> 00:03:09,304
I would like a beer, please,
and put it on my tab.
70
00:03:09,306 --> 00:03:12,107
Aren't you supposed
to pay when served?
71
00:03:12,141 --> 00:03:13,441
Well, as long
72
00:03:13,442 --> 00:03:15,978
as we're bringing up the matter
of debt, Frenchie,
73
00:03:15,979 --> 00:03:17,279
let me bring up a
couple little things
74
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,198
called World War I
and World War II, okay?
75
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,484
Now, why don't we
subtract the cost of my puny little beer
76
00:03:23,518 --> 00:03:25,987
from the enormous
debt that you owe us?
77
00:03:25,989 --> 00:03:28,255
Okay, okay.
78
00:03:28,256 --> 00:03:30,842
Hey, uh, you came down pretty
hard on him, didn't you, Norm?
79
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:32,060
Damn it, Cliffie.
80
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:35,330
My dad was almost in the army.
81
00:03:37,199 --> 00:03:39,016
(whistling)
82
00:03:43,789 --> 00:03:45,923
(indistinct crowd chatter)
83
00:04:00,956 --> 00:04:02,924
Say, can I bum a cigarette?
84
00:04:02,958 --> 00:04:04,358
Yeah, I got one right...
85
00:04:04,393 --> 00:04:06,428
Oh, God! Sam,
I swear, I swear.
86
00:04:06,462 --> 00:04:07,595
I can't believe you...
87
00:04:07,629 --> 00:04:09,997
No, this is the only
one that I've had!
88
00:04:10,032 --> 00:04:12,550
You promised me you would
not smoke in the office.
89
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,886
We had a little problem
with that, remember?
90
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,120
Ding-a-ling-a-ling.
91
00:04:16,154 --> 00:04:17,822
Whoo! Whoosh!
92
00:04:17,823 --> 00:04:19,673
I know, I know, and
I've tried to quit,
93
00:04:19,674 --> 00:04:21,109
but it's too hard-
I just can't!
94
00:04:21,110 --> 00:04:23,111
Yeah, well, you need
some professional help.
95
00:04:23,112 --> 00:04:24,445
Oh, wait a minute.
96
00:04:24,479 --> 00:04:26,013
Yeah, here we go.
97
00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:28,950
"Smokers Anonymous,"
"Smoke Beaters."
98
00:04:28,984 --> 00:04:31,285
Oh, yeah, yeah.
99
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,188
"Doctor Kluger's
No-Mercy Clinic."
100
00:04:34,189 --> 00:04:35,489
Wait a minute.
Let me see that.
101
00:04:35,490 --> 00:04:36,924
Here we are.
102
00:04:36,925 --> 00:04:38,692
Sam, he doesn't even have
an ad; it's just his name.
103
00:04:38,693 --> 00:04:39,961
How about going with this one
104
00:04:39,962 --> 00:04:42,329
with the cute
little smoking kitty?
105
00:04:42,364 --> 00:04:44,698
Yeah, uh, is this,
uh, Dr. Kluger?
106
00:04:44,733 --> 00:04:47,635
Well, my name's Sam Malone,
and I have an employee
107
00:04:47,669 --> 00:04:50,238
that needs to stop smoking
right this very minute.
108
00:04:50,272 --> 00:04:51,739
Can you help me out?
109
00:04:51,774 --> 00:04:55,109
Yeah, tell me
about your program.
110
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:56,360
Oh! Ow!
111
00:04:56,395 --> 00:04:58,262
Boy, I bet that hurts, huh?
112
00:04:58,331 --> 00:05:02,183
Wow, I bet you really
have to be a doctor to do that, don't you?
113
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:05,086
Uh, no, no.
It sounds terrific.
114
00:05:05,121 --> 00:05:06,821
Yes, I can.
All right, great!
115
00:05:06,855 --> 00:05:08,289
Thank you very much.
116
00:05:08,324 --> 00:05:09,624
Sounds good.
Oh, yeah.
117
00:05:09,658 --> 00:05:11,726
I'll fit it in
in my spare time.
118
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,228
Maybe I'll stop by next week.
119
00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:14,496
No, you don't understand, hon.
120
00:05:14,497 --> 00:05:16,664
We got to get you up
to the sidewalk right now.
121
00:05:16,665 --> 00:05:18,666
They're sending
the, uh, Kluger van.
122
00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:19,834
Oh, yeah.
Van?
123
00:05:19,868 --> 00:05:21,318
Oh, yeah. Come on.
Kluger van?
124
00:05:21,337 --> 00:05:22,504
It'll be good for you.
125
00:05:22,538 --> 00:05:23,904
You'll be all right.
126
00:05:28,144 --> 00:05:30,077
(distant phones ringing)
127
00:05:32,047 --> 00:05:34,081
So,
128
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:37,335
you're the girl
who likes to smoke.
129
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,620
You don't intimidate me.
130
00:05:38,654 --> 00:05:40,855
I've been to a million
of these places,
131
00:05:40,889 --> 00:05:42,056
and they don't work.
132
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:43,241
I'm out of here.
133
00:05:43,275 --> 00:05:44,475
Oh, well, fine. Go.
134
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,876
You're free to leave.
135
00:05:45,911 --> 00:05:47,211
No doorknob.
136
00:05:47,246 --> 00:05:49,447
(laughs)
137
00:05:49,481 --> 00:05:51,516
Yeah, that's right, Miss Howe.
138
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:55,269
Because you have the key,
and the key is discipline.
139
00:05:55,337 --> 00:05:56,638
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
140
00:05:56,672 --> 00:05:58,840
I'm scared.
141
00:05:58,841 --> 00:06:02,110
Why don't you just save
yourself some time
142
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:03,344
and unlock the door?
143
00:06:03,379 --> 00:06:05,313
Uh... all right,
Miss Howe.
144
00:06:05,347 --> 00:06:07,982
Relax. Have a seat.
145
00:06:08,017 --> 00:06:09,817
(chuckles)
146
00:06:09,851 --> 00:06:11,652
Why don't you have a cigarette?
147
00:06:11,686 --> 00:06:15,123
In fact...
148
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:19,994
why don't you have,
a thousand cigarettes?
149
00:06:25,267 --> 00:06:27,335
Now...
150
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:30,521
you are going to smoke
151
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,690
until you can smoke no more.
152
00:06:32,708 --> 00:06:35,559
But I predict you will
not get past 50.
153
00:06:35,594 --> 00:06:38,496
No one has ever gotten past 50.
154
00:06:38,597 --> 00:06:42,349
I had 50 in the van.
155
00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:45,069
Oh, well,
156
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:49,357
I can see this is going
to be a challenge.
157
00:06:49,391 --> 00:06:52,026
All right, hold my calls.
158
00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:03,971
And so you can
imagine my embarrassment
159
00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:07,241
when I made two dates
for the same night.
160
00:07:07,242 --> 00:07:08,993
Uh, what happened when
your two lovelies arrived?
161
00:07:08,994 --> 00:07:10,128
Was there a cat fight?
162
00:07:10,162 --> 00:07:13,064
Oh please, tell me
there was a cat fight.
163
00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:15,149
Of course.
164
00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:16,750
There was a big cat fight.
165
00:07:16,785 --> 00:07:18,386
They were very, very naughty.
166
00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:21,789
I don't even know why I kept
letting them up on the bed.
167
00:07:21,921 --> 00:07:26,177
Henri, where was the strangest
place that you ever...
168
00:07:26,178 --> 00:07:29,263
Oh, that would have to be, uh,
ah, during a performance
169
00:07:29,298 --> 00:07:31,466
in the balcony
at the Paris Opera.
170
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,401
And believe me,
171
00:07:33,403 --> 00:07:36,737
it wasn't over
until the fat lady sang.
172
00:07:36,822 --> 00:07:38,989
Very impressive.
173
00:07:39,074 --> 00:07:40,308
(chuckles)
174
00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:42,059
And what about you, Sam?
175
00:07:42,093 --> 00:07:44,263
You're supposed to be
a great ladies' man?
176
00:07:44,296 --> 00:07:46,564
All right, let's see,
the strangest place,
177
00:07:46,598 --> 00:07:48,899
that'd have to be,
uh, the back of a car.
178
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:51,018
Well, that's not so strange.
179
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,688
The car's on an
assembly line, Henri.
180
00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:57,625
You played with me, Sam.
181
00:07:57,676 --> 00:07:59,126
Hey, I like you.
182
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,394
It's nothing personal.
183
00:08:00,395 --> 00:08:02,029
As a matter of fact,
I think of you
184
00:08:02,030 --> 00:08:04,431
as kind of a...
young Sam Malone.
185
00:08:04,433 --> 00:08:08,102
Uh, don't you mean, you're
kind of, uh, an old Henri?
186
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:10,855
No, I don't.
187
00:08:10,856 --> 00:08:14,225
Well, but why should
we argue the point
188
00:08:14,226 --> 00:08:15,894
when we can settle it in battle?
189
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,645
(chuckling):
What do you mean?
190
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:20,831
I suggest a little competition.
191
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,466
All right, here's what we do.
192
00:08:22,484 --> 00:08:26,220
We shall collect phone numbers
from beautiful women.
193
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:28,990
Whoever has the most phone
numbers at midnight
194
00:08:29,024 --> 00:08:32,593
will be acknowledged as the
world's greatest ladies' man.
195
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:33,844
That's a great idea.
196
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,096
Hey, take him, Sammy!
197
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,381
Yeah, put him in his place.
198
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:38,582
Don't listen to this.
It's a stupid idea.
199
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:39,733
HENRI:
Oh...
200
00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:42,319
Do I hear a scaredy-cat's tune?
201
00:08:42,338 --> 00:08:45,072
Would you grow up, Henri?
202
00:08:45,090 --> 00:08:47,959
Scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat,
scaredy-cat.
203
00:08:47,993 --> 00:08:49,193
Hey, hey, stop that.
204
00:08:49,227 --> 00:08:50,828
Hey, please, will ya?
205
00:08:50,846 --> 00:08:54,015
Maybe ten years ago I would
have taken this silly bet.
206
00:08:54,016 --> 00:08:56,150
But I'm, I'm older,
and I'm a little wiser.
207
00:08:56,151 --> 00:08:57,918
Oh, well, maybe
you're right, Sam.
208
00:08:57,953 --> 00:09:00,187
Maybe we don't need to compete.
209
00:09:00,221 --> 00:09:03,658
(sighs)
I'll simply be king of ladies' men
210
00:09:03,692 --> 00:09:06,393
and you'd be the mayor
of Scaredy-Cat Town.
211
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:09,613
You'd better hurry.
212
00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:12,250
I am about to get
my first number.
213
00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:14,618
Yeah, well, he can get
all the numbers he wants.
214
00:09:14,619 --> 00:09:16,369
I'm not going to
stoop to his level.
215
00:09:16,388 --> 00:09:17,554
Bravo, Sam.
216
00:09:17,589 --> 00:09:19,123
You handled that very well.
217
00:09:19,124 --> 00:09:20,825
It's good to see that
you've evolved
218
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:23,261
beyond the playboy mentality
of bedding every woman you meet.
219
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:25,362
Times have changed and you've
wisely changed with them.
220
00:09:25,363 --> 00:09:26,597
I applaud that.
221
00:09:26,631 --> 00:09:29,281
Oh, well, I appreciate that.
Thanks. Thanks very much.
222
00:09:31,953 --> 00:09:35,523
Well, the king
of babes is dead.
223
00:09:35,557 --> 00:09:39,327
What the hell are
we supposed to do now?
224
00:09:48,570 --> 00:09:50,287
Norm.
Yeah.
225
00:09:50,288 --> 00:09:52,323
Tell the bartender
I need a vodka-rocks.
226
00:09:52,324 --> 00:09:55,509
Sammy, Carla needs a
vodka-rocks and a beer.
227
00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:02,049
Carla, will you cut it out with
this "tell the bartender" stuff?
228
00:10:02,117 --> 00:10:03,451
It's me, Sam.
229
00:10:03,535 --> 00:10:05,085
Sam is dead.
230
00:10:05,086 --> 00:10:07,839
He died, when he wouldn't take
the challenge from Henri.
231
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:11,309
You know, that's just childish.
232
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:13,110
Can we please just talk
about anything
233
00:10:13,111 --> 00:10:14,978
besides this damned bet?
234
00:10:14,980 --> 00:10:17,197
Yeah. Okay, how about this?
235
00:10:17,232 --> 00:10:21,034
What would, uh, Metropolis
be like if Superman retired?
236
00:10:22,521 --> 00:10:25,406
Oops! One thing wrong
with that scenario.
237
00:10:25,441 --> 00:10:28,242
Superman gives a damn.
238
00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:32,446
I've got two more numbers, Sam.
239
00:10:32,481 --> 00:10:34,649
Yeah, well, I'm not
playing, Henri.
240
00:10:34,733 --> 00:10:36,851
You will, Sam, you will.
241
00:10:36,852 --> 00:10:38,385
Yeah? What makes
you think so?
242
00:10:38,386 --> 00:10:40,121
Because I know you, Sam.
243
00:10:40,155 --> 00:10:43,658
Deep down you're a, uh-uh,
babe-hound just as I am.
244
00:10:43,692 --> 00:10:45,392
Admit it.
245
00:10:45,426 --> 00:10:50,230
With every phone
number I catch, you die a little inside.
246
00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:56,971
You can deny what you are to
the others, but not to me.
247
00:10:57,005 --> 00:11:01,942
Come, Sam, come over
to the dark side!
248
00:11:05,564 --> 00:11:09,333
Just go fill
a pretzel bowl, will you?
249
00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:10,768
Okay. Okay.
250
00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:15,172
But after they're filled-
come to the dark side!
251
00:11:18,026 --> 00:11:20,227
Normie, now that Sammy's dead,
252
00:11:20,228 --> 00:11:22,596
you realize we're gonna
have to live vicariously
253
00:11:22,597 --> 00:11:23,831
through Henri?
254
00:11:23,866 --> 00:11:26,500
No, Cliffie.
255
00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:29,970
Just say we stopped living
vicariously through others, huh?
256
00:11:30,005 --> 00:11:33,424
What do you say we get
off our duffs for once,
257
00:11:33,425 --> 00:11:35,893
and live ourselves, so
that some other poor slubs
258
00:11:35,894 --> 00:11:37,662
can live vicariously
through us? Huh?
259
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:39,129
What do you say we...
260
00:11:39,164 --> 00:11:41,131
(laughs) Oh, shoot!
261
00:11:41,166 --> 00:11:43,467
Damn, I nearly got
through it, too!
262
00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:45,169
You were good.
Yeah.
263
00:11:45,203 --> 00:11:47,104
I thought you were gonna do it!
264
00:11:48,590 --> 00:11:50,358
You are the most
beautiful woman
265
00:11:50,392 --> 00:11:51,776
I have ever seen.
266
00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:53,560
It would make
my life worth living
267
00:11:53,561 --> 00:11:55,262
if only I could have
your phone number.
268
00:11:55,263 --> 00:11:56,647
WOMAN:
Sorry.
269
00:11:56,681 --> 00:11:57,998
Nothing personal.
270
00:11:58,033 --> 00:11:59,543
I just don't like French guys.
271
00:12:01,536 --> 00:12:02,636
Oh...
(coughs)
272
00:12:02,637 --> 00:12:03,971
(with American accent):
Well, uh, that's, uh,
273
00:12:03,972 --> 00:12:05,172
that's just an affectation.
274
00:12:05,173 --> 00:12:06,406
I'm Chuck from Portland.
275
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:12,796
I-I just figured
you're so sophisticated
276
00:12:12,797 --> 00:12:14,999
that you-you wouldn't
have anything to do
277
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,834
with plain old me.
278
00:12:16,868 --> 00:12:19,637
You should have more
confidence, Chuck.
279
00:12:19,671 --> 00:12:22,556
Maybe this will help
your self-esteem.
280
00:12:22,557 --> 00:12:26,560
(with French accent):
I got another one.
281
00:12:26,561 --> 00:12:28,395
Thank you.
282
00:12:30,215 --> 00:12:31,498
Sammy!
283
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:33,100
I am thrashing you soundly.
284
00:12:33,101 --> 00:12:34,168
You better hurry!
285
00:12:34,169 --> 00:12:36,270
You'll never catch up!
286
00:12:36,304 --> 00:12:38,105
Look at Sammy
just standing there.
287
00:12:38,139 --> 00:12:40,158
Maybe Henri's right.
288
00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:43,027
Maybe he is a...
(French accent): scaredy-cat.
289
00:12:44,145 --> 00:12:46,446
You guys don't get it, do you?
290
00:12:46,481 --> 00:12:48,281
You know, it's...
291
00:12:48,316 --> 00:12:50,918
I've done all this
babe-chasing stuff.
292
00:12:50,919 --> 00:12:52,453
All right, here-here's
what it is.
293
00:12:52,454 --> 00:12:54,788
It's like- it's like watching
The Three Stooges.
294
00:12:54,789 --> 00:12:55,922
You know?
295
00:12:55,923 --> 00:12:57,625
You watch the early ones
with Curly,
296
00:12:57,626 --> 00:12:58,946
and they-they were magic!
297
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,595
And then- then you watch
the later ones, you know,
298
00:13:01,596 --> 00:13:04,131
where they're using the same
jokes with Curly Joe,
299
00:13:04,132 --> 00:13:06,199
and it just breaks your heart!
300
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:09,937
See, what I'm saying is...
301
00:13:09,971 --> 00:13:11,271
I guess, you know,
302
00:13:11,272 --> 00:13:13,006
you-you've got to move
with the times.
303
00:13:13,007 --> 00:13:14,392
That's all.
304
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:18,078
Well, listen to the scaredy-cat
knocking Curly Joe.
305
00:13:19,481 --> 00:13:21,732
I got another one, Sam!
306
00:13:21,733 --> 00:13:23,601
Hey! Hey! The whole issue
is closed, Henri.
307
00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:25,036
I'm not taking the bet.
308
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:27,321
Oh, very well, I give up.
309
00:13:27,356 --> 00:13:29,790
I won't bother you again.
310
00:13:29,825 --> 00:13:33,327
After all, what can I expect
from an American?
311
00:13:33,361 --> 00:13:35,913
You are all fat, lazy,
312
00:13:35,947 --> 00:13:37,248
stupid.
313
00:13:37,282 --> 00:13:40,501
All you want to do is watch TV,
eat fast food
314
00:13:40,535 --> 00:13:42,587
while your easy women
are scooped up
315
00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:45,139
by handsome foreigners
like myself.
316
00:13:45,173 --> 00:13:48,009
That tears it!
317
00:13:48,043 --> 00:13:50,844
You've just drawn blood
on the US of A, pal!
318
00:13:50,845 --> 00:13:54,265
Cliff, calm down.
Calm down, nothing!
319
00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:56,851
Sammy might be missing
in action,
320
00:13:56,885 --> 00:13:58,819
but on behalf of
this great nation,
321
00:13:58,853 --> 00:14:00,487
I'm gonna go out there
322
00:14:00,488 --> 00:14:01,972
and collect more
telephone numbers
323
00:14:01,973 --> 00:14:03,590
than that sleazy Frenchman!
324
00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:07,745
What about it, men?
Are you with me?
325
00:14:07,779 --> 00:14:10,330
You know,
I'm usually afraid of girls,
326
00:14:10,364 --> 00:14:13,000
but it's for America!
327
00:14:14,452 --> 00:14:15,703
Me, too!
328
00:14:15,704 --> 00:14:16,637
Then let's go!!
329
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:18,873
Hey, fellows, fellows, fellows!
330
00:14:18,907 --> 00:14:21,408
All right, please,
take your seats.
331
00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:26,881
Okay, Henri, you're on.
332
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:29,817
Carla, get the babe kit.
333
00:14:29,851 --> 00:14:31,085
(gasps)
334
00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:35,806
Not the babe kit!
Sam, are you sure?!
335
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,108
Yeah.
336
00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:39,310
Oh, but, Sammy,
he's just a kid!
337
00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:40,844
He didn't know!
338
00:14:43,765 --> 00:14:46,400
Maybe it's time
he grew up, Carla.
339
00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:49,103
Oh, but Sammy,
you told me never to get the babe kit!
340
00:14:51,289 --> 00:14:56,727
Henri, you shouldn't have
brought America into this.
341
00:14:58,179 --> 00:15:00,480
Ooh! The babe kit!
342
00:15:00,515 --> 00:15:01,832
I'm shaking!
343
00:15:01,866 --> 00:15:03,584
(laughs)
344
00:15:03,618 --> 00:15:07,004
What is this babe kit?
345
00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:08,171
Tell me.
346
00:15:09,307 --> 00:15:10,925
Tell me!
347
00:15:10,959 --> 00:15:15,646
ALL: Scaredy-cat, scaredy-
cat, scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat!
348
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,431
Okay, Carla, I'm ready.
349
00:15:17,465 --> 00:15:19,633
Bring in the kit.
350
00:15:26,707 --> 00:15:28,475
Before you open this thing,
351
00:15:28,476 --> 00:15:30,610
I want you to know
this is a one-shot deal,
352
00:15:30,611 --> 00:15:31,779
tonight only.
353
00:15:31,813 --> 00:15:36,584
In this box
is the Sam Malone I used to be.
354
00:15:36,618 --> 00:15:39,720
Sammy, if you've outgrown
all this stuff,
355
00:15:39,754 --> 00:15:40,871
why do you keep it?
356
00:15:40,905 --> 00:15:44,591
I thought maybe one day
I'd have a son.
357
00:15:53,117 --> 00:15:56,820
(gasps)
358
00:15:56,855 --> 00:16:00,441
Sam! Oh!
359
00:16:00,475 --> 00:16:02,810
Sam!
360
00:16:02,844 --> 00:16:05,578
The first edition of your
little black book.
361
00:16:05,613 --> 00:16:08,081
Yeah.
Oh!
362
00:16:08,116 --> 00:16:09,883
(gasps)
363
00:16:09,918 --> 00:16:12,452
Your Members Only jacket!
364
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:20,327
Oh, Sammy, a picture
of you and Elvis!
365
00:16:20,362 --> 00:16:22,496
Yeah, yeah.
The chicks really love that.
366
00:16:23,999 --> 00:16:25,632
What kind of cologne is that?
367
00:16:25,666 --> 00:16:27,634
It's a special blend;
368
00:16:27,668 --> 00:16:31,538
Old Spice, Hai Karate
and something that takes spots out.
369
00:16:31,572 --> 00:16:33,940
I'm not really sure.
370
00:16:33,975 --> 00:16:36,477
Well, I'll leave
you to prepare.
371
00:16:36,511 --> 00:16:37,561
Yeah.
372
00:16:43,017 --> 00:16:46,720
Every time I think I'm out,
they pull me back in!
373
00:16:56,764 --> 00:17:00,033
So, I wanted to be an artist.
374
00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:02,970
The old man wouldn't have it.
375
00:17:03,004 --> 00:17:04,705
Off to medical school.
376
00:17:04,739 --> 00:17:07,508
I could never please him.
377
00:17:07,542 --> 00:17:11,011
Aw. Not you, with all
the important work you do?
378
00:17:11,045 --> 00:17:16,316
Well, it was never enough.
379
00:17:18,886 --> 00:17:20,354
You poor, poor man.
380
00:17:20,388 --> 00:17:21,755
Mm.
381
00:17:21,756 --> 00:17:23,724
Oh, watch it.
Don't get ashes on my diploma.
382
00:17:23,725 --> 00:17:24,775
Oh.
383
00:17:31,182 --> 00:17:33,033
Hey, guys!
384
00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:34,819
Hey.
All right, Fras.
385
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:36,587
Say what's the, uh,
tote board for?
386
00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:38,522
I thought Sam wasn't gonna take
that bet.
387
00:17:38,523 --> 00:17:39,739
Well, he wasn't,
388
00:17:39,774 --> 00:17:42,509
but then Henri turned it
into a big grudge match...
389
00:17:42,543 --> 00:17:44,744
France versus the USA.
390
00:17:44,779 --> 00:17:47,331
At the last hour,
Sam stepped in for our side.
391
00:17:47,365 --> 00:17:48,582
Damn, and I missed it!
392
00:17:48,617 --> 00:17:50,417
I was home teaching
my kid to read!
393
00:17:50,452 --> 00:17:52,186
I could kick myself!
394
00:17:54,205 --> 00:17:55,956
Thanks a lot, sweetheart.
395
00:17:55,957 --> 00:17:57,558
I-I'll give you a
call next week.
396
00:17:57,559 --> 00:17:59,593
You know, I think
the two of us could be
397
00:17:59,594 --> 00:18:00,827
very special
together, Michelle!
398
00:18:00,828 --> 00:18:03,197
Or should I say,
uh, number eight? Yeah!
399
00:18:03,231 --> 00:18:04,281
(bell dings)
400
00:18:04,299 --> 00:18:07,485
ALL (chanting):
USA! USA! USA! USA!
401
00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:08,602
Wait-wait-wait.
402
00:18:08,636 --> 00:18:11,005
Oh, my God!
Is it really you?
403
00:18:11,039 --> 00:18:12,907
Uh, yeah.
404
00:18:12,941 --> 00:18:14,341
Hi.
How long has it been?
405
00:18:14,342 --> 00:18:16,643
Oh I love what you did
with your hair! It's great!
406
00:18:16,644 --> 00:18:17,778
Thank you.
407
00:18:17,779 --> 00:18:19,563
Are you still going
with, uh... Oh, shoot.
408
00:18:19,564 --> 00:18:20,915
Steve?
Yeah. Steve, right.
409
00:18:20,949 --> 00:18:22,249
No, no,
410
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:24,718
apparently, he wasn't ready
to make a commitment.
411
00:18:24,719 --> 00:18:26,086
Is that Steve or what?
412
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,253
(both laugh)
413
00:18:27,288 --> 00:18:28,488
That's right.
414
00:18:28,489 --> 00:18:29,656
God, you look wonderful!
415
00:18:29,657 --> 00:18:31,926
Hey, give me a hug.
It's great to see you.
416
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,544
Great to see you.
417
00:18:33,545 --> 00:18:34,879
Wait, this is crazy!
This is crazy!
418
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,413
Here, look, give
me your number.
419
00:18:36,414 --> 00:18:38,799
I don't want to lose
touch with you again.
420
00:18:38,833 --> 00:18:43,137
You know, I really meant
to call you a couple of times.
421
00:18:43,138 --> 00:18:44,171
Here.
422
00:18:44,172 --> 00:18:45,472
Well, shame on you for not.
423
00:18:45,473 --> 00:18:48,108
Give me another hug.
424
00:18:48,109 --> 00:18:49,042
All right.
425
00:18:49,043 --> 00:18:51,812
Bye.
Bye-bye. See you later.
426
00:18:51,846 --> 00:18:53,030
Sammy, who was that?
427
00:18:53,064 --> 00:18:56,817
How the hell should I know?
428
00:18:56,851 --> 00:18:59,537
ALL:
USA! USA! USA!
429
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,972
So how many orphans
did you save?
430
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:07,477
Oh, 15, 16 if you include
their little puppy.
431
00:19:07,512 --> 00:19:10,014
You went back in
to save a puppy?
432
00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:11,815
Well, he was an orphan, too.
433
00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:13,801
Oh!
434
00:19:13,835 --> 00:19:15,553
My card.
HENRI: Oh, thank you.
435
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:17,120
Uh, could you push
that down for me?
436
00:19:17,121 --> 00:19:18,455
Oh, sure.
437
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:26,931
How am I doing, Carla?
438
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:29,817
Well, it's all tied up
with, uh, two minutes left.
439
00:19:29,851 --> 00:19:30,950
No sweat.
440
00:19:30,951 --> 00:19:32,419
Oh, that's what I like to hear.
441
00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,605
The old Sammy's back!
442
00:19:34,639 --> 00:19:36,407
Oh!
443
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:37,407
I can't believe it!
444
00:19:37,408 --> 00:19:41,245
Excuse me, miss, have you seen
a, an Olympic gold medal
445
00:19:41,279 --> 00:19:44,081
from the decathlon?
446
00:19:44,115 --> 00:19:45,265
I hate to lose it.
447
00:19:45,299 --> 00:19:47,334
It was part of a set.
448
00:19:47,335 --> 00:19:48,652
But I'll tell you something,
449
00:19:48,653 --> 00:19:52,706
I would give them all up
for a shot at your phone number.
450
00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:55,025
Look, I find you very amusing
451
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:57,628
and, uh, I appreciate
all this flattery,
452
00:19:57,662 --> 00:20:00,547
but if this is just some bar
pick-up, I wish you wouldn't.
453
00:20:00,581 --> 00:20:02,933
I'm just coming off
a bad relationship
454
00:20:02,967 --> 00:20:05,552
and I'm very vulnerable
right now.
455
00:20:05,586 --> 00:20:08,772
Oh, well, I'm, uh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know that.
456
00:20:08,806 --> 00:20:12,926
Uh, actually, I'm, I'm
not an Olympic athlete.
457
00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:15,696
(softly):
Sam, hurry!
458
00:20:15,730 --> 00:20:19,999
Uh, I'm a secret agent.
459
00:20:20,034 --> 00:20:21,701
Uh... I'm sorry.
460
00:20:21,735 --> 00:20:23,336
You were right the first time.
461
00:20:23,371 --> 00:20:24,604
It's a sleazy bar pick-up.
462
00:20:24,638 --> 00:20:26,073
Yeah.
Forgive me.
463
00:20:26,107 --> 00:20:29,076
It was very childish.
464
00:20:29,110 --> 00:20:30,410
Good luck to you.
465
00:20:30,445 --> 00:20:31,879
Thanks.
Yeah. Sorry.
466
00:20:31,913 --> 00:20:34,131
(clock rings)
467
00:20:34,165 --> 00:20:35,916
Aw, shoot.
468
00:20:35,950 --> 00:20:37,284
I guess Henri wins.
469
00:20:37,318 --> 00:20:39,920
I win! I win!
470
00:20:39,954 --> 00:20:42,673
France has won!
France has won!
471
00:20:42,707 --> 00:20:44,608
There's something
you never hear.
472
00:20:49,430 --> 00:20:51,431
Well, Henri, you won
fair and square.
473
00:20:51,465 --> 00:20:52,683
Congratulations.
474
00:20:52,717 --> 00:20:55,768
Yes, I did, Sam,
and on behalf of Frenchmen everywhere,
475
00:20:55,803 --> 00:20:57,904
let me just say...
(blows raspberry)
476
00:20:57,938 --> 00:20:59,106
(laughs)
477
00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:02,209
Well, thank you.
How very gracious of you.
478
00:21:03,177 --> 00:21:05,112
Shame on you, Sam.
Shame on you!
479
00:21:05,146 --> 00:21:06,779
You threw back the tying babe
480
00:21:06,814 --> 00:21:09,616
just because she
was vulnerable.
481
00:21:09,617 --> 00:21:12,619
The old Sammy would have kept on
pushing till he got the number.
482
00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:14,871
Well, maybe I'm just
not the old Sammy anymore.
483
00:21:14,872 --> 00:21:16,173
No, I guess you're not.
484
00:21:16,207 --> 00:21:17,591
Uh, excuse me.
485
00:21:17,625 --> 00:21:18,758
Yeah?
486
00:21:18,793 --> 00:21:21,011
Listen, I just wanted
to tell you that
487
00:21:21,012 --> 00:21:22,712
I, uh, appreciate you being
such a gentleman back there.
488
00:21:22,713 --> 00:21:23,747
Oh, well...
489
00:21:23,748 --> 00:21:26,266
You know, I don't meet
many men who are like that.
490
00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:27,967
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
491
00:21:28,002 --> 00:21:30,770
Good luck to you.
492
00:21:30,771 --> 00:21:32,839
Hey, what are you doing
later on tonight?
493
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:36,610
Uh, I thought you wanted
to be alone.
494
00:21:36,611 --> 00:21:38,311
What about all that
vulnerable stuff?
495
00:21:38,312 --> 00:21:40,147
Oh, that was just a line I use
496
00:21:40,181 --> 00:21:42,516
to find out
what kind of man I'm dealing with.
497
00:21:42,550 --> 00:21:46,153
(laughs) Good for you!
498
00:21:46,154 --> 00:21:47,820
Hey, you guys, you
have to meet this guy.
499
00:21:47,821 --> 00:21:49,222
He is such a gentleman.
500
00:21:49,257 --> 00:21:50,657
Oh, hi.
Nice to meet you.
501
00:21:50,691 --> 00:21:52,225
Oh, yeah, and he's cute too.
502
00:21:52,260 --> 00:21:53,494
Oh.
503
00:21:53,495 --> 00:21:54,795
Listen, we're gonna go out.
504
00:21:54,796 --> 00:21:56,246
Do you want to come along?
505
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,415
It's a lot more fun with four.
506
00:21:58,449 --> 00:22:00,083
Yeah.
507
00:22:00,084 --> 00:22:02,202
Look, there's one thing
that you should know.
508
00:22:02,203 --> 00:22:06,223
We do everything together.
509
00:22:06,257 --> 00:22:07,891
Everything?
510
00:22:09,811 --> 00:22:11,178
Everything.
511
00:22:11,212 --> 00:22:13,046
Yeah.
Well!
512
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,115
Ladies, ladies.
513
00:22:15,149 --> 00:22:19,436
Uh, Carla, uh, would you close
the bar for me?
514
00:22:19,470 --> 00:22:22,356
Uh, oh, Henri, uh,
congratulations on that, uh,
515
00:22:22,390 --> 00:22:24,658
that, uh, phone number
thing we were doing.
516
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:27,360
Okay, ladies,
517
00:22:27,394 --> 00:22:30,247
right foot!
(laughs)
518
00:22:32,433 --> 00:22:34,201
ALL:
USA! USA!
519
00:22:34,235 --> 00:22:35,935
USA!
36398
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