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Imagine you had a nightmare
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00:01:06,770 --> 00:01:11,010
where you had to relive
your adolescence.
3
00:01:18,550 --> 00:01:23,280
My memories shine
almost like a diamond.
4
00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:33,920
But not because I love them.
5
00:01:36,210 --> 00:01:39,970
My memories shine
because I hate them.
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00:01:43,380 --> 00:01:47,270
I remember the way my body felt.
7
00:01:49,270 --> 00:01:51,860
The way they looked at me.
8
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,070
A ponytail.
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00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:02,490
I was wondering if you wanted to
go to homecoming with, with me?
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00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,290
An invitation.
11
00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:09,120
A school dance.
12
00:02:09,620 --> 00:02:12,650
The presidential
physical fitness exam.
13
00:02:12,850 --> 00:02:15,590
Faster. You got one
minute. One minute.
14
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,570
A lunch table.
15
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:27,290
This is all waiting
for me at home.
16
00:02:27,490 --> 00:02:30,520
So, why on earth
would I go back?
17
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:02,860
I was raised in
Winter Park, Florida.
18
00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:06,180
People like to say,
19
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:09,450
"This is such a nice
place to grow up."
20
00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:17,330
But it's always felt like
a foreign country to me.
21
00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:20,700
So, what you have
to tell me is...
22
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:22,820
- Uh-huh?
- What, what is Winter Park
23
00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:24,300
to you, okay?
24
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:27,350
- Is this Winter Park?
- Mm, yeah. Mm-hmm.
25
00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:29,480
- Is this Winter Park?
- Uh-huh.
26
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,250
The guy organizing the
reunion posted this, okay?
27
00:04:32,450 --> 00:04:33,930
So, read this.
28
00:04:34,390 --> 00:04:39,730
Blah, blah, blah, more
details. "Dress Winter Park."
29
00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:41,470
I don't know what that means.
30
00:04:41,670 --> 00:04:43,706
- Look at the comments.
- Okay, okay, okay.
31
00:04:43,730 --> 00:04:46,200
"LOL. Okay, so, for those of
us that no longer live there,
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00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,430
what exactly is 'Winter
Park Dress'? LOL."
33
00:04:49,630 --> 00:04:50,750
"Not like flip flops casual,
34
00:04:50,930 --> 00:04:52,656
"but I don't think there's
any need to dress up
35
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,450
unless you really want to."
36
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:56,060
"LOL. Okay, just making sure."
37
00:04:56,260 --> 00:04:58,700
I think that's exactly... I think
that's exactly what it means.
38
00:04:58,870 --> 00:05:00,990
Winter Park does
not mean stilettos.
39
00:05:01,190 --> 00:05:02,460
- Really?
- Yeah, no.
40
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,516
- So, what is Winter Park dress code?
- Not stilettos.
41
00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:06,026
- Stilettos is like Miami.
- I feel like I just need
42
00:05:06,050 --> 00:05:08,296
- to, like, go get, like, a skin bleaching...
- That's Miami.
43
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,330
And get blonde highlights, and,
like, have my skin... my...
44
00:05:11,530 --> 00:05:13,026
- N...
- Do you know what I'm saying?
45
00:05:13,050 --> 00:05:15,670
Like, have my hair, like,
ya know, ironed out.
46
00:05:15,870 --> 00:05:19,090
Maybe I need, like, a very,
like, neutral, delicate color.
47
00:05:19,290 --> 00:05:21,400
- Ugh.
- Oh, God! Ugh!
48
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,800
I think you should just wear
whatever the fuck you want.
49
00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:25,430
I don't know what
I want anymore.
50
00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:28,370
Look, this is like, "Blood
red, I'm gonna kill them all."
51
00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:30,470
- Alright, let's go with this one.
- Okay.
52
00:05:30,670 --> 00:05:33,440
- Revenge color.
- Revenge red.
53
00:05:33,630 --> 00:05:36,270
Murderous red.
54
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:39,420
- Resentment red.
- Resentment red!
55
00:05:59,690 --> 00:06:01,280
I feel like I'm returning
56
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:04,860
to the scene of an
invisible crime.
57
00:06:12,780 --> 00:06:18,060
Yet the masochist in me
says... "You must go."
58
00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:27,920
I just feel like this
is a huge mistake.
59
00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:33,910
And I'm lost!
60
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:35,810
I'm totally lost, I
don't think this is...
61
00:06:36,010 --> 00:06:37,546
I think we're goin'...
62
00:06:37,570 --> 00:06:38,886
- Are we on Via Tuscany?
- Yeah.
63
00:06:38,910 --> 00:06:40,386
Then we're gonna run into it.
64
00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:41,770
Okay.
65
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,880
Oh, yeah. Look, there it is.
66
00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:49,070
Oh, God.
67
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,070
A country club.
68
00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:55,740
Members only.
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00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,250
There are people here.
70
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:03,300
Oh, dear God, oh, my
God. Do you see this?
71
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:06,280
Brennan... Brennan, I'm serious.
72
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,300
I need you to tell
me what to do.
73
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:09,950
Talk to me!
74
00:07:10,150 --> 00:07:12,126
I think you need to
go park further away.
75
00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:13,150
Right.
76
00:07:16,350 --> 00:07:18,120
Oh, my God, look at
these tennis courts.
77
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,680
I don't like tennis!
78
00:07:25,230 --> 00:07:29,190
I'm serious, Brennan.
Don't make me go in there.
79
00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:33,990
Okay, can we go and do this now?
80
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:49,490
To me, the paradox of going back
81
00:07:49,690 --> 00:07:53,050
is to have to
succumb, once again,
82
00:07:53,970 --> 00:07:56,760
to that sense of yourself as
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00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,180
totally inconsequential.
84
00:08:00,470 --> 00:08:01,796
- Hi.
- Hey, how are you?
85
00:08:01,820 --> 00:08:03,036
- Doin' alright.
- First name?
86
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:04,860
Cecilia. Aldarondo.
87
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:08,260
Awesome. Thank you.
88
00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:51,230
I'm an adult now!
I'm an adult now!
89
00:08:56,050 --> 00:08:59,700
"Remember when you told
me the prom limo was full?
90
00:09:00,490 --> 00:09:02,060
"Remember when you
called me 'burrito'
91
00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:05,250
"and told me to go
back to my grass hut?
92
00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:08,300
"Remember when I cried
at the lunch table
93
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,290
and you did nothing?"
94
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,880
But I just clutched my drink
and tried to look interested.
95
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,430
Your hair is amazing.
96
00:09:38,630 --> 00:09:40,160
Thank you.
97
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:49,300
If reunions are the chance to
see how much we've all changed,
98
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:53,130
then why do I have this
horrible case of deja vu?
99
00:09:53,330 --> 00:09:56,070
Is there an after-party,
or is that, like...
100
00:10:23,630 --> 00:10:25,330
I pledge myself.
101
00:10:25,530 --> 00:10:26,770
I pledge myself.
102
00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:29,310
To uphold the high
purpose of this society.
103
00:10:29,510 --> 00:10:32,150
To uphold the high
purpose of this society.
104
00:10:32,350 --> 00:10:34,110
For which I have
been selected.
105
00:10:34,310 --> 00:10:36,280
For which I have
been selected.
106
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:37,990
Striving in every way.
107
00:10:38,190 --> 00:10:40,220
Striving in every way.
108
00:10:40,420 --> 00:10:41,890
By word and deed.
109
00:10:42,090 --> 00:10:43,660
By word and deed.
110
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,620
To make its ideals.
111
00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:47,060
To make its ideals.
112
00:10:47,260 --> 00:10:50,090
The ideals of my
school and my life.
113
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:53,400
The ideals of my
school and my life.
114
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,610
Now blow out your candle.
115
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:09,770
Woo! Woo!
116
00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:25,600
Okay, on your mark, get set.
117
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,890
- I know what it is.
- I know what it is, too!
118
00:11:44,090 --> 00:11:45,520
What you got, Ceci?
119
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,580
I got a journal
with a lock on it!
120
00:11:47,780 --> 00:11:49,480
Oh, that's awesome.
121
00:11:53,210 --> 00:11:55,630
I was thinking today
122
00:11:55,830 --> 00:11:57,970
not just why I keep things,
123
00:11:58,170 --> 00:12:01,200
but why I keep the
things that hurt me.
124
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,930
Like, I don't throw out
pictures of ex-boyfriends.
125
00:12:05,130 --> 00:12:10,250
I keep love letters of
very weird relationships.
126
00:12:10,450 --> 00:12:13,310
And I keep this journal.
127
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,550
"We're going to the beach
tomorrow and I don't wanna go.
128
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:21,260
"With my luck,
I'm gonna run into
129
00:12:21,460 --> 00:12:23,510
"Megan and Erin in
their little bikinis.
130
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:25,060
"Won't that be nice?
131
00:12:25,250 --> 00:12:27,290
"I'm not even wearing
a bathing suit.
132
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:29,000
"I hate the way I look.
133
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,850
"I try so hard to put
all that behind me,
134
00:12:32,050 --> 00:12:34,860
"but whenever I see Kelly,
or Ashley, or Natalie,
135
00:12:35,060 --> 00:12:37,730
"or any of those people,
it all comes back.
136
00:12:37,930 --> 00:12:39,920
"It's like a curse.
137
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:43,530
"I can never act normal
when one of them is around.
138
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:46,310
"Especially when Joel is around.
139
00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:48,680
"I'm just crazy about him.
140
00:12:49,140 --> 00:12:55,420
"Joel, Joel, Joel, Joel.
I love Joel. I love Joel.
141
00:12:55,620 --> 00:12:58,880
"God, I love him. I love
him, I love him, I love him.
142
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,150
"I wonder if he thinks about me.
143
00:13:01,350 --> 00:13:04,090
"And if he does, what he thinks.
144
00:13:04,290 --> 00:13:06,560
"I think about him every day.
145
00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:08,160
"I know it's so hopeless,
146
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,440
"but I can't stop
torturing myself hoping.
147
00:13:11,630 --> 00:13:13,870
"A single word would be enough.
148
00:13:14,070 --> 00:13:16,150
"But I can't even have that.
149
00:13:16,350 --> 00:13:18,820
"We come from different
worlds, he and I.
150
00:13:19,020 --> 00:13:21,610
"My crossing those barriers
with one solitary word
151
00:13:21,810 --> 00:13:23,550
"would hurt me more.
152
00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:25,050
"I'm just gonna have to sit here
153
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:28,640
"with my treasured, preciously
few memories of him.
154
00:13:29,180 --> 00:13:30,500
"I feel like
Michelle Pfeiffer did
155
00:13:30,550 --> 00:13:33,080
"in 'The Age of
Innocence' when he said,
156
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,080
"'This is no life for you.'
157
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:39,980
"And she responded, 'It is, as
long as it's a part of yours.'
158
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,170
"As long as I can
see his golden hair
159
00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:46,180
and his dusty eyes...
I can hold up."
160
00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:50,100
I just... Okay,
okay, we'll stop.
161
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,220
My partner, Gabe, he's
never had a problem
162
00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:09,630
hearing about my old loves,
fictional or otherwise.
163
00:14:11,510 --> 00:14:14,460
So, you know how you said
you weren't jealous of Joel?
164
00:14:14,660 --> 00:14:15,660
Okay.
165
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:16,906
Do you remember that?
166
00:14:16,930 --> 00:14:18,140
Yeah.
167
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:24,170
So, I've had a number
of dreams about him.
168
00:14:24,370 --> 00:14:26,110
- Really?
- Yes.
169
00:14:26,310 --> 00:14:27,970
Some of them sexual in nature.
170
00:14:28,170 --> 00:14:29,510
- Oh, my God. Really?
- Yes.
171
00:14:29,710 --> 00:14:32,080
With this version of Joel
or the younger version?
172
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,330
- This version.
- Okay.
173
00:14:35,660 --> 00:14:37,310
Did you feel guilty
in your dream?
174
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:40,630
- Little bit.
- Good. You should have.
175
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:43,380
Well, what do you
think of that?
176
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:45,920
Hm.
177
00:14:47,710 --> 00:14:51,370
I mean, I had a crush
on Joel from sixth grade
178
00:14:51,570 --> 00:14:54,760
all the way until he
graduated high school,
179
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:59,350
even though we only
spoke maybe once.
180
00:15:01,140 --> 00:15:03,940
And I didn't just pine
for him passively.
181
00:15:04,610 --> 00:15:09,890
I pined for him actively...
in my own weird way.
182
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,370
"October 24, 1994.
183
00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:22,370
"I sent the lyrics to
'Yellow Ledbetter' to Joel,
184
00:15:23,460 --> 00:15:25,190
"nothing else.
185
00:15:25,390 --> 00:15:30,070
"No letter, no return
address. Just the lyrics.
186
00:15:30,270 --> 00:15:32,010
"I don't know why I did it.
187
00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:34,870
"I was just acting like
a robot when I did it.
188
00:15:35,070 --> 00:15:37,260
"It was so mechanical.
189
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:41,810
"As I write this, I think
back to that notebook
190
00:15:42,010 --> 00:15:44,730
"I found of his
in seventh grade.
191
00:15:45,270 --> 00:15:49,230
"That wasn't a shallow person
written on those pages.
192
00:15:49,980 --> 00:15:52,990
"If only I could
remember those words.
193
00:15:53,190 --> 00:15:56,220
"But I still remember
how they sounded.
194
00:15:57,700 --> 00:15:59,240
"Like rain.
195
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,460
"Like an empty room.
196
00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:06,540
"Like footsteps.
197
00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:09,340
"This is getting desperate.
198
00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:12,490
"I know I should
stop, but I can't.
199
00:16:12,690 --> 00:16:14,830
"Nor do I want to.
200
00:16:15,030 --> 00:16:16,830
"But what am I supposed to do?
201
00:16:17,030 --> 00:16:18,370
I can't call him."
202
00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:19,850
Hey, um, is Joel there?
203
00:16:20,050 --> 00:16:22,860
"I've tried that before,
that does not work."
204
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:24,290
Oh, hi, Joel.
205
00:16:24,490 --> 00:16:26,136
Uh, who's this?
206
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,900
Oh, um, this is
Sh... uh, Sheila?
207
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:30,680
Sheila who?
208
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,180
Uh, Sheila E.?
209
00:16:33,380 --> 00:16:35,280
Let's cut!
210
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,440
I was not allowed to have
a phone in my bedroom.
211
00:16:38,550 --> 00:16:39,270
Are you kidding?
212
00:16:39,470 --> 00:16:40,586
You think my Catholic mother
213
00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:42,150
would've allowed
me to talk to boys?
214
00:16:42,350 --> 00:16:43,716
She would've thought
I could get pregnant.
215
00:16:43,740 --> 00:16:45,980
Yeah. You probably could've.
216
00:16:46,180 --> 00:16:48,780
Okay, and so then,
talk to Joel over here.
217
00:16:48,890 --> 00:16:50,840
Sarah's gonna be Joel.
218
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,050
Okay, let's start here.
219
00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:55,050
And, action.
220
00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:57,930
W-What, what school
do you go to?
221
00:16:58,130 --> 00:17:01,670
Um, I go to, um, St. Mary Mag.
222
00:17:01,860 --> 00:17:02,960
Oh, that's cool.
223
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,056
- Yeah, I got some friends there.
- Yeah?
224
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,960
- Yeah. Yeah, like Brody...
- Cool. What do you like to do for...
225
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,860
and, like, uh, Phillip, Zack.
226
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,890
Well, um, what do you
like to do for fun?
227
00:17:16,090 --> 00:17:19,810
Uh, I write poetry.
228
00:17:20,010 --> 00:17:21,850
- Really?
- Yeah.
229
00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:24,980
Wow. I mean, that's cool.
230
00:17:25,180 --> 00:17:26,730
What do you write about?
231
00:17:26,930 --> 00:17:29,760
My dad.
232
00:17:37,510 --> 00:17:39,930
- You wanna cut?
- Yeah, sorry.
233
00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:45,350
Alright, gang.
234
00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:48,480
Maybe now Joel will
know why I loved him.
235
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,326
- He'll be like, "Oh, I see it."
- "Oh, I see it. I was awesome."
236
00:17:51,350 --> 00:17:53,230
I was awesome.
237
00:17:54,730 --> 00:17:59,100
If a relationship never leaves
your bedroom, or your head,
238
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:01,490
or your diary,
239
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:04,740
can you even call
it a relationship?
240
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:08,790
Joel is real, after all.
241
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:15,800
But I have absolutely zero
clue if I was real to him.
242
00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:21,290
"Her tawny fruit holds
a dear, sweet beauty,
243
00:18:21,490 --> 00:18:23,470
"unknown and unloved.
244
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,310
"She twists and writhes,
245
00:18:25,510 --> 00:18:28,690
"trying to get a taste
of his golden beauty.
246
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:32,590
"The older, flashier ones crowd
around her, looking enticing,
247
00:18:32,790 --> 00:18:35,130
"but their fruits,
beautiful as they appear,
248
00:18:35,330 --> 00:18:38,860
bear only worms
and empty lies."
249
00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:46,450
Yeah, um, so, okay,
this poem is about you.
250
00:18:47,620 --> 00:18:50,580
I swear to God.
251
00:18:53,210 --> 00:18:55,820
I, I mean, I don't
really have much of a...
252
00:18:56,020 --> 00:18:59,550
I mean, it's...
definitely, um,
253
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,160
- surprising.
- You can read it if you want.
254
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,720
- No, that's okay.
- Okay.
255
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,080
It's really
uncomfortable, but, um...
256
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,770
The, uh, um...
257
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:13,560
- So, you had no idea I had a crush on you?
- No idea.
258
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:20,360
How'd it go?
259
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:23,490
It was... I-I don't
know. I'm very confused.
260
00:19:23,690 --> 00:19:26,580
What'd he... What was his reaction
when you gave the great reveal,
261
00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:27,780
the big reveal?
262
00:19:27,950 --> 00:19:29,710
He didn't know!
263
00:19:29,910 --> 00:19:31,480
He didn't know?
264
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,386
He... 'Cause... So,
so here's the thing.
265
00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:36,110
I read him this poem that
I wrote about him, okay...
266
00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:38,220
Oh, my... Oh, my
God. How, how aw...
267
00:19:38,420 --> 00:19:39,870
Like, that's painful.
268
00:19:40,060 --> 00:19:41,220
Oh, Jesus. Okay.
269
00:19:41,420 --> 00:19:42,736
And so, I read him this poem,
270
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,890
and then I said, "This
poem is about you."
271
00:19:47,090 --> 00:19:51,640
And he was like... "Uhhhhh."
272
00:19:52,810 --> 00:19:54,350
Oh, my God.
273
00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:58,610
- Exactly, exactly.
- Oh, my God.
274
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:00,530
Yup.
275
00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:02,240
There was this one
thing Joel said
276
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,310
that kept rattling me.
277
00:20:04,510 --> 00:20:06,560
I remember, like...
I-I do remember...
278
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,080
'Cause I was
thinkin', like, we...
279
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,240
I think, like, you asked me
280
00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:10,380
to dance or somethin' once
281
00:20:10,430 --> 00:20:11,190
at one of the dances.
282
00:20:11,390 --> 00:20:12,420
I remember that.
283
00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:13,980
I don't remember
the context of it.
284
00:20:14,020 --> 00:20:15,260
I remember something like that,
285
00:20:15,450 --> 00:20:16,760
and I don't remember...
286
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,530
So, okay... that's really funny.
287
00:20:19,730 --> 00:20:21,640
So, you remember me
asking you to dance?
288
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:22,530
Yes.
289
00:20:22,730 --> 00:20:24,470
- Do you know what I remember?
- No.
290
00:20:24,670 --> 00:20:27,200
Your girlfriend at the time
coming up to me and going,
291
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,640
"Joel wants to dance with you."
292
00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:31,250
And that, basically,
they were, like,
293
00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:33,310
- doing a thing...
- Mm-hmm.
294
00:20:33,510 --> 00:20:35,340
'cause they knew I
had a crush on you.
295
00:20:35,540 --> 00:20:38,880
- That wasn't a nice thing?
- It was like a fake nice thing.
296
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,220
Like, it was like a joke.
297
00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:43,740
I mean, that sounds awful.
298
00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:45,260
The dancing part was great.
299
00:20:49,660 --> 00:20:51,910
Alright, why don't you come in.
300
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,340
That's really good.
301
00:20:57,540 --> 00:21:00,250
I love your, like,
little side smile.
302
00:21:00,590 --> 00:21:03,410
You're just unapologetically
perfect, ya know?
303
00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:05,160
He doesn't pick on anybody.
304
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:08,520
He's kind, generally tries
to be kind to everyone.
305
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,750
And so, you're gonna catch my
gaze, like, really briefly.
306
00:21:12,950 --> 00:21:15,630
- But you're gonna pick up on this.
- Mm-hmm.
307
00:21:15,830 --> 00:21:17,650
And you, basically, in
the middle of the song,
308
00:21:17,850 --> 00:21:21,430
say something to him like,
"I'm gonna be right back."
309
00:21:21,620 --> 00:21:24,530
- Okay.
- And then, you go to your friends,
310
00:21:24,730 --> 00:21:27,930
- and you whisper to them, looking at my direction.
- Okay.
311
00:21:28,130 --> 00:21:29,430
Ya know, this is a power move
312
00:21:29,630 --> 00:21:30,990
- that you're making.
- Yeah.
313
00:21:32,950 --> 00:21:34,880
Joel wants to dance with you.
314
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:36,080
What?
315
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:37,240
Joel. You know...
316
00:21:37,310 --> 00:21:38,496
I think of these recreations
317
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:40,510
as, like, an emotional exorcism.
318
00:21:40,710 --> 00:21:43,680
So, um, what I mean by that
319
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,450
is that, like, I am,
I am truly haunted
320
00:21:46,650 --> 00:21:49,010
- by these things that happened...
- Okay. Wow.
321
00:21:49,220 --> 00:21:50,820
- To me when I was your age.
- Mm-hmm.
322
00:21:50,990 --> 00:21:53,250
And one of the things
that I can't get past
323
00:21:53,450 --> 00:21:55,460
- is why they still bother me.
- Yeah.
324
00:21:55,660 --> 00:21:59,590
So, you guys are, like,
stand-ins for these people.
325
00:21:59,790 --> 00:22:03,400
Like a pretty elaborate version
of psychotherapy, right?
326
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,520
Ya know what, as
you're talking,
327
00:22:05,610 --> 00:22:06,650
I'm realizing... I'm like,
328
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,680
"You're my fantasy and
you're my nightmare."
329
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,100
Yeah.
330
00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:47,450
Over the years,
331
00:22:47,650 --> 00:22:51,950
this one night has
deposited itself on my soul.
332
00:23:00,540 --> 00:23:03,960
Something about pleasure
laced with pain.
333
00:23:08,630 --> 00:23:11,590
For years, I've
doubted that night.
334
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,560
It seemed impossible
that I spoke to him.
335
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,730
Touched him.
336
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:32,110
Smelled him.
337
00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:37,950
But he remembered.
338
00:23:43,930 --> 00:23:46,630
He was wrong about one thing.
339
00:23:46,830 --> 00:23:49,510
I did not ask him to dance.
340
00:23:55,550 --> 00:23:57,140
It was her.
341
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:12,430
She singled me out.
342
00:24:23,870 --> 00:24:26,990
Joel wants to dance with you.
343
00:24:27,190 --> 00:24:29,720
And she smiled
while she did it.
344
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,800
Natalie Really. He does.
345
00:24:35,510 --> 00:24:38,300
Don't be shy.
346
00:24:40,810 --> 00:24:44,270
Maybe she was
doing me a favor.
347
00:24:45,850 --> 00:24:50,650
Because for five, excruciating,
delicious minutes,
348
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:56,110
it was the most erotic
moment of my young life.
349
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,540
And yet... everyone could see
350
00:25:01,740 --> 00:25:03,540
he was on loan.
351
00:25:12,170 --> 00:25:14,700
For the next seven years,
352
00:25:14,900 --> 00:25:18,800
I tried to get back
to that moment.
353
00:25:19,470 --> 00:25:21,710
Because when you
don't know any better,
354
00:25:21,910 --> 00:25:26,380
humiliation can feel
a lot like love.
355
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,130
I've never told
anyone about this,
356
00:25:54,340 --> 00:25:58,100
but when I was a teenager,
I would help myself to sleep
357
00:25:58,300 --> 00:26:02,720
by imagining myself
falling in love with men.
358
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,850
Newland Archer.
359
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,770
Count Laszlo de Almásy.
360
00:26:13,020 --> 00:26:15,070
George Emerson.
361
00:26:17,650 --> 00:26:20,330
These period pieces
gave my heartache
362
00:26:20,530 --> 00:26:23,910
a kind of exquisite purpose.
363
00:26:25,450 --> 00:26:28,920
A refuge for my doomed love.
364
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,570
Maybe you should call Joel.
365
00:26:37,770 --> 00:26:39,530
I told you what he
said to me, right?
366
00:26:39,730 --> 00:26:43,760
Why, why did he... He said
you don't even know him.
367
00:26:44,260 --> 00:26:47,520
He said, "How could you have
a crush on me like that?
368
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,940
I mean, you didn't
even know me."
369
00:26:51,150 --> 00:26:55,630
I would say to him,
"Didn't you ever, like...
370
00:26:55,830 --> 00:26:58,100
"Didn't you ever see
Uma Thurman in a movie
371
00:26:58,290 --> 00:27:02,700
and imagine yourself that, like,
you could be her boyfriend?"
372
00:27:04,620 --> 00:27:06,370
That's what it is.
373
00:27:07,620 --> 00:27:08,900
Because I sure did.
374
00:27:09,100 --> 00:27:13,630
Winona Ryder? Woo, Winona!
375
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,380
Remember when she got
busted for shoplifting?
376
00:27:16,580 --> 00:27:19,010
And I was like, "Oh, yes!"
377
00:27:19,210 --> 00:27:21,220
I felt like she just
needed me to, like,
378
00:27:21,420 --> 00:27:23,236
provide some stability
and really understanding
379
00:27:23,260 --> 00:27:26,970
that she wouldn't have
to shoplift anymore.
380
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,250
My screen loves
usually existed
381
00:27:30,450 --> 00:27:33,300
in far-flung places and times,
382
00:27:33,500 --> 00:27:36,150
worlds away from my real life.
383
00:27:37,900 --> 00:27:39,970
But there was one
closer to home.
384
00:27:46,330 --> 00:27:47,710
Jordan Catalano.
385
00:27:47,910 --> 00:27:51,820
♪ I close my door at night ♪
386
00:27:52,010 --> 00:27:56,110
The indelible object of
Angela Chase's affections
387
00:27:56,310 --> 00:27:58,990
in "My So-Called Life."
388
00:27:59,190 --> 00:28:02,550
Angela lived in
her head, like me.
389
00:28:03,300 --> 00:28:07,260
She watched him
from afar, like me.
390
00:28:09,180 --> 00:28:12,380
But eventually, in her own way,
391
00:28:12,580 --> 00:28:15,270
she got what I wanted.
392
00:28:16,020 --> 00:28:18,800
♪ Me, I'm closer ♪
393
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,140
- What did we all see in Jordan?
- ♪ To the door ♪
394
00:28:21,340 --> 00:28:24,560
- ♪ I don't get scared no
more ♪ - A sheepskin collar?
395
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,520
- A haircut?
- ♪ But I don't know the score ♪
396
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,580
A leather choker?
397
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,900
Jordan Catalano
is an open wound.
398
00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:37,340
Horny, selfish, tragically cool.
399
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:42,130
And to be honest, more
than a little bit dumb.
400
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,970
So, why pine for the
Jordans of the world?
401
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,420
- Jordan Catalano, "Where Are They Now?"
- "Where Are They Now?"
402
00:28:52,620 --> 00:28:58,670
Jordan Catalano is probably
still in a shitty band, right?
403
00:28:58,870 --> 00:29:00,950
He's definitely got,
like, one or two STDs.
404
00:29:01,150 --> 00:29:02,890
- Lifelong, ya know?
- Lifelong.
405
00:29:03,090 --> 00:29:05,180
He's not paying the child
support that he owes.
406
00:29:05,380 --> 00:29:06,776
Definitely not. There's
definitely, like,
407
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,040
- a court case.
- Yeah.
408
00:29:08,090 --> 00:29:09,566
Like an active court case.
409
00:29:09,590 --> 00:29:10,710
What's paradoxical about him
410
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:12,026
is that he doesn't give a shit.
411
00:29:12,050 --> 00:29:13,210
He's emotionally unavailable,
412
00:29:13,260 --> 00:29:15,370
- but he seems emotional.
- Yeah.
413
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:19,110
- This is the Jordan Catalano question.
- Right.
414
00:29:19,310 --> 00:29:24,240
Do still waters run deep or
do still waters just run?
415
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,520
Alright, come on,
guys. Thank you.
416
00:29:26,570 --> 00:29:28,410
Alright. Standby, ready?
417
00:29:28,610 --> 00:29:31,600
And let's roll, please.
418
00:29:32,220 --> 00:29:35,810
- Rolling.
- And action!
419
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:02,880
What is that?
420
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:04,246
I think that was the
best one, for me.
421
00:30:04,270 --> 00:30:05,450
Gabe, you rolled your eyes.
422
00:30:05,650 --> 00:30:07,280
Did you see that?
423
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:09,720
- I like that joke.
- Just keep it neutral.
424
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:10,930
Okay.
425
00:30:11,220 --> 00:30:13,330
Think about it, Gabe.
Like, listen to me.
426
00:30:13,530 --> 00:30:15,670
I'm serious, hold on a
second, pay attention.
427
00:30:15,870 --> 00:30:17,840
What kind of acting
style do you...
428
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:19,530
Are you, like, method?
429
00:30:19,730 --> 00:30:22,260
Because if you're method,
you can't break character.
430
00:30:22,460 --> 00:30:23,800
I'm not a method guy.
431
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:29,660
Oh, my gosh.
432
00:30:29,990 --> 00:30:31,150
Why were you anxious?
433
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:32,926
I was just... Because
I was like, oh, I'm...
434
00:30:32,950 --> 00:30:35,156
Uh, 'cause I'm, I'm getting all these
things and I'm, like, overthinking.
435
00:30:35,180 --> 00:30:36,256
I'm like, "Okay,
and I gotta do this,
436
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:37,486
"I gotta, like, make him, like,
437
00:30:37,510 --> 00:30:38,270
"a, a hopeful thing,
438
00:30:38,470 --> 00:30:40,030
"and I gotta, like,
not be too serious,
439
00:30:40,220 --> 00:30:42,036
and I gotta be..." Ya know,
it's just a lot of things
440
00:30:42,060 --> 00:30:43,700
that I'm havin' to
cling onto at one time.
441
00:30:43,750 --> 00:30:45,626
- Ya know what I think is happening?
- What?
442
00:30:45,650 --> 00:30:47,120
I think maybe it would help
443
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:51,040
if we worried less about whether
you seem like Jordan Catalano...
444
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,890
- Uh-huh.
- and more if you seem like a man in love.
445
00:30:55,090 --> 00:30:57,830
Okay. Am I supposed
to be in love?
446
00:30:58,030 --> 00:30:59,340
I mean, kind of.
447
00:30:59,540 --> 00:31:01,880
I mean, as much as Jordan
Catalano was able to be in love.
448
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,136
Hair & makeup
artist: Young love.
449
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:04,510
Like, he's into her.
450
00:31:04,710 --> 00:31:05,896
But he's also really insecure,
451
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,220
and he's afraid to
admit that he likes her.
452
00:31:08,420 --> 00:31:10,450
I think this is part
of the reason why
453
00:31:10,650 --> 00:31:12,390
girls loved him is that, like,
454
00:31:12,590 --> 00:31:17,020
sensitive girls like me and Angela
Chase wanted boys that we could reform.
455
00:31:17,220 --> 00:31:20,920
Ya know, where we could tell them
everything was gonna be okay.
456
00:31:21,210 --> 00:31:23,570
Baby, don't date the
potential, date the person.
457
00:31:23,770 --> 00:31:26,030
- Date the person, not the potential.
- Yeah.
458
00:31:26,230 --> 00:31:28,840
- You think I learned that when I was 15?
- No.
459
00:31:29,170 --> 00:31:33,200
I'm not the only one revisiting
my adolescence, babe.
460
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,830
There was a time
in your life when
461
00:31:36,030 --> 00:31:38,390
people pegged you as a bad kid.
462
00:31:38,930 --> 00:31:40,390
Mm-hmm.
463
00:31:40,890 --> 00:31:42,710
- That fair to say?
- Yeah.
464
00:31:42,910 --> 00:31:46,170
You and Jordan Catalano kind
of have a lot in common.
465
00:31:46,370 --> 00:31:48,820
That's true.
466
00:31:49,020 --> 00:31:51,560
You're gonna save me
from high school, okay?
467
00:31:51,750 --> 00:31:53,950
- Yeah.
- That's all you gotta do.
468
00:31:56,450 --> 00:31:58,170
You just tell the truth.
469
00:31:58,370 --> 00:32:00,910
The truth is I love you.
470
00:32:01,290 --> 00:32:03,500
- And...
- That's the truth.
471
00:32:05,590 --> 00:32:07,950
That's it, right there. I
just saw it in your face.
472
00:32:08,150 --> 00:32:11,030
- What? You mean caring a lot?
- Mm-hmm.
473
00:32:11,230 --> 00:32:13,640
- We care a lot.
- Yes!
474
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:17,520
Yes! Here he is.
I love him! Yay!
475
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:19,600
Okay, you're ready.
476
00:32:23,490 --> 00:32:28,070
♪ I'm not a thoughtless kind ♪
477
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:30,440
Can we...
478
00:32:30,500 --> 00:32:33,870
♪ If I could put
them in a jar ♪
479
00:32:34,070 --> 00:32:37,810
- ♪ I know they wouldn't scar ♪
- Can we go somewhere?
480
00:32:38,010 --> 00:32:41,120
- ♪ I'd do it if i could ♪
- Sure.
481
00:32:41,410 --> 00:32:45,670
♪ I hope you know I would ♪
482
00:32:48,710 --> 00:32:52,160
♪ I'd do it if I could ♪
483
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:56,890
♪ I hope you know I would ♪
484
00:33:03,980 --> 00:33:06,130
When you're young,
485
00:33:06,330 --> 00:33:11,150
any crush can actually become
a massive disappointment.
486
00:33:13,490 --> 00:33:19,620
For all my crushes... I
was always just acting.
487
00:33:21,410 --> 00:33:24,660
I mean, I was trying
to be somebody,
488
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,260
whatever they wanted me to be.
489
00:33:34,220 --> 00:33:40,510
But with my friend Caroline,
I was just this weird kid.
490
00:33:42,390 --> 00:33:45,480
Caroline and I were
both pretty dorky.
491
00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:49,130
But while I obsessed over
what other people thought,
492
00:33:49,330 --> 00:33:52,880
Caroline truly
didn't give a fuck.
493
00:33:58,340 --> 00:34:00,580
She didn't like
wearing shoes, ever.
494
00:34:00,780 --> 00:34:03,520
She'd walk to my house
with no shoes on.
495
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,750
She'd walk to the
store with no shoes on.
496
00:34:09,380 --> 00:34:12,380
She just didn't care that
people thought she was a nerd.
497
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:18,390
Who's got my money? Who, who?!
498
00:34:22,860 --> 00:34:25,006
- If you're gonna spew...
- If you're gonna spew...
499
00:34:25,030 --> 00:34:27,096
- spew into this.
- Spew into this.
500
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,786
One Halloween, she
dressed up like Garth -
501
00:34:29,810 --> 00:34:30,810
from "Wayne's World,"
502
00:34:30,980 --> 00:34:34,400
and I dressed up like
Slash from Guns N' Roses.
503
00:34:36,190 --> 00:34:39,560
Movies mattered a
lot to both of us.
504
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:41,740
The weirder, the better.
505
00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:44,870
Feeling... a heartbeat.
506
00:34:50,500 --> 00:34:53,400
I mean, I'm only crushing
your heads. Crrk, crrk.
507
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:54,800
Crush you!
508
00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:58,026
- Just a flesh wound.- It's just a...
509
00:35:02,450 --> 00:35:05,620
Mm, mm. Mm, there's a penis.
510
00:35:05,820 --> 00:35:07,630
Penis. Penis!
511
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,400
I remember we saw the
movie "A Room With A View,"
512
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,940
which has, like,
frontal, male nudity.
513
00:35:15,730 --> 00:35:18,890
And we would just watch the
frontal, male nudity on repeat,
514
00:35:19,090 --> 00:35:21,720
over and over and over again.
515
00:35:23,860 --> 00:35:25,640
I just spit popcorn everywhere!
516
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,670
I think Caroline was
more amused by penises
517
00:35:28,870 --> 00:35:30,580
than into them.
518
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,010
But she certainly
loved to meddle
519
00:35:33,210 --> 00:35:35,750
in my budding love life.
520
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,490
I think this was summer
after sophomore year.
521
00:35:40,690 --> 00:35:43,350
Her mom arranged a trip
for Caroline and I to visit
522
00:35:43,550 --> 00:35:46,560
Caroline's aunt and
uncle outside of DC.
523
00:35:46,850 --> 00:35:50,360
We were allowed to fly,
just the two of us.
524
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,360
Welcome to our nation's capital!
525
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,260
We had a day, like, on our own
526
00:35:55,460 --> 00:35:58,590
around the Washington
Mall with no grown-ups.
527
00:35:58,790 --> 00:36:00,700
And we went to the
Air and Space Museum,
528
00:36:00,900 --> 00:36:02,510
which I have no idea why.
529
00:36:02,710 --> 00:36:04,540
And we're hangin'
out in the gift shop.
530
00:36:04,740 --> 00:36:07,446
- Wow, I understand.
- Okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Look, it's very cute.
531
00:36:07,470 --> 00:36:08,886
- No, I got it from that guy over there.
- It's very cute.
532
00:36:08,910 --> 00:36:11,940
There was this boy who
was working as a cashier.
533
00:36:12,140 --> 00:36:13,650
Yes, that guy.
534
00:36:13,850 --> 00:36:16,420
He's fucking cute, do
you not think he's fine?
535
00:36:16,620 --> 00:36:18,990
Ooh, heart throb!
536
00:36:19,190 --> 00:36:21,880
- Shut up!
- You should go talk to him.
537
00:36:31,230 --> 00:36:34,130
So, she's like, "Well, you
want me to go talk to him?"
538
00:36:34,330 --> 00:36:37,880
And I'm like, "No, no, no. I
don't want you to go talk to him."
539
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:40,800
And Caroline says, "I'm
gonna go talk to him.
540
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,080
Write him a note and
I'll give it to him."
541
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:45,970
Give it a kiss.
542
00:36:47,610 --> 00:36:49,130
She comes back and she's like,
543
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,310
"He wants to hang out with
us when he finishes work."
544
00:36:51,510 --> 00:36:54,400
And I'm like, "Oh, my God, oh, my
God, oh, my God, oh, my God, okay!"
545
00:37:03,170 --> 00:37:05,300
Get a room.
546
00:37:07,470 --> 00:37:09,370
I love you, darling.
547
00:37:09,570 --> 00:37:10,970
Over the course of the day,
548
00:37:11,030 --> 00:37:13,040
Caroline just kind of
gets further and further
549
00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:14,940
out of the dynamic.
550
00:37:15,140 --> 00:37:16,340
Walk like this?
551
00:37:16,540 --> 00:37:19,320
And then he kinda
grabs my... hand
552
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,840
and sort of pulls me and
she kind of falls back.
553
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:23,280
Until we get to this fountain,
554
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:27,790
and that was when the
first kiss happened.
555
00:37:27,990 --> 00:37:29,160
And,
556
00:37:29,530 --> 00:37:33,230
I will tell you that the,
the most "accurate memory"...
557
00:37:33,430 --> 00:37:36,190
- Mm-hmm.
- Involves really bad kissing.
558
00:37:36,390 --> 00:37:37,960
Okay.
559
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,170
And if you want any
pointers on that,
560
00:37:40,370 --> 00:37:41,700
it definitely involves, like,
561
00:37:41,900 --> 00:37:43,500
the mouth is open more
than it should be.
562
00:37:43,670 --> 00:37:45,530
- Right.
- There's a lotta tongue.
563
00:37:45,730 --> 00:37:48,850
I guess we're goin' in, um...
564
00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:54,250
I think I'm the most
nervous one here.
565
00:37:54,450 --> 00:37:57,320
I, I don't know
about that one,
566
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,090
I don't know about that one.
567
00:37:59,290 --> 00:38:01,050
Roll, please!
568
00:38:01,250 --> 00:38:02,570
Rolling!
569
00:38:03,070 --> 00:38:05,660
And, action.
570
00:38:23,270 --> 00:38:25,990
Oh, no!
571
00:38:31,810 --> 00:38:33,690
God.
572
00:38:33,890 --> 00:38:36,730
This will forever be judged.
573
00:38:37,270 --> 00:38:38,690
Yikes.
574
00:38:48,860 --> 00:38:52,580
I see the actress playing
Caroline watching me,
575
00:38:52,780 --> 00:38:57,000
and I can feel time
folding into itself.
576
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,190
Hey, is Ceci home?
577
00:39:28,650 --> 00:39:31,140
After I got back from DC,
578
00:39:31,340 --> 00:39:33,890
I stopped taking
Caroline's calls.
579
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:39,860
"June 25, 1994.
580
00:39:40,060 --> 00:39:43,360
"Caroline referred to me
today as her 'best friend'.
581
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:44,760
"It really caught me off guard
582
00:39:44,830 --> 00:39:46,430
"because I never really supposed
583
00:39:46,630 --> 00:39:48,370
"I was her best friend.
584
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:51,080
"I guess I am, but
really, she doesn't seem
585
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:52,930
"like a typical best friend.
586
00:39:53,130 --> 00:39:55,830
"We don't gossip. We
don't giggle over guys.
587
00:39:56,030 --> 00:39:58,540
"All we do is sit around
watching 'Monty Python',
588
00:39:58,740 --> 00:40:01,640
eating, and quoting movies."
589
00:40:03,730 --> 00:40:06,480
So, this is the thing,
590
00:40:06,730 --> 00:40:08,930
I was socially striving
591
00:40:09,130 --> 00:40:12,320
and trying to change
my friend group.
592
00:40:13,030 --> 00:40:16,850
I just felt like I
wasn't gonna be popular,
593
00:40:17,050 --> 00:40:20,960
or be that kind of
girl I was idealizing,
594
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:25,010
who's going to parties
and meeting boys.
595
00:40:25,210 --> 00:40:29,760
And I felt like Caroline
was a liability.
596
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,930
I didn't wanna watch
teen movies anymore.
597
00:40:39,390 --> 00:40:41,290
I wanted to be in one.
598
00:40:54,490 --> 00:40:57,560
It seems like every
March in Florida,
599
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:00,450
the high school kids
with the lax parents
600
00:41:00,700 --> 00:41:02,670
have this unique privilege
601
00:41:02,870 --> 00:41:05,670
of piling into beachfront condos
602
00:41:05,870 --> 00:41:09,960
for a week of
unsupervised debauchery.
603
00:41:11,460 --> 00:41:15,350
My parents never understood
these very American rituals
604
00:41:15,550 --> 00:41:18,180
of getting wasted at parties.
605
00:41:18,380 --> 00:41:22,900
I mean, they drank booze at
Senior Prom with their parents,
606
00:41:23,100 --> 00:41:26,810
so Spring Break
just didn't compute.
607
00:41:28,570 --> 00:41:31,260
One year, by some
fateful combination
608
00:41:31,460 --> 00:41:34,740
of magic and parental ignorance,
609
00:41:34,940 --> 00:41:36,770
I found myself on the beach.
610
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:38,720
Have you never tried
alcohol before?
611
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,250
But you can find
it everywhere.
612
00:41:45,330 --> 00:41:48,280
I mean, there was always
this core group of girls
613
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,500
that I felt like I was chasing.
614
00:41:52,090 --> 00:41:55,530
These girls who were
sporty, and smart,
615
00:41:55,730 --> 00:41:57,240
and they had boyfriends,
616
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,970
and everybody knew
who they were.
617
00:42:00,260 --> 00:42:03,040
And this is, like, the
first time I ever got drunk.
618
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:05,136
Do you want one? Oh, my
God, wait. Okay, yeah.
619
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:07,210
And somebody said,
"Oh, you wanna learn
620
00:42:07,410 --> 00:42:09,230
how to smoke a cigarette?"
621
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,240
And I was like, "Yes, yes, I do!
622
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,280
Yes, I do very much wanna learn
how to smoke a cigarette!"
623
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:17,350
- Oh, okay. Oh, Jesus.
- Breathe in.
624
00:42:20,220 --> 00:42:23,120
I don't even remember exactly
what happened that night.
625
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:27,230
I just remember the Zima,
the cigarette, and, like,
626
00:42:27,430 --> 00:42:29,630
I felt like I was hanging
out with famous people.
627
00:42:29,830 --> 00:42:31,360
Oh, my!
628
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:32,820
- Ohh!
- Ew!
629
00:42:33,020 --> 00:42:35,030
Like, oh, my God,
sooner or later
630
00:42:35,230 --> 00:42:39,300
somebody's gonna figure out
I'm not supposed to be here.
631
00:42:44,270 --> 00:42:49,060
This photograph is the only
proof I have that I was there.
632
00:42:50,270 --> 00:42:52,990
When I got back to school,
I asked one of the girls
633
00:42:53,190 --> 00:42:56,600
if I could have her
doubles from the trip.
634
00:42:56,790 --> 00:42:58,010
She barely knew me,
635
00:42:58,210 --> 00:43:00,700
but she handed them over anyway.
636
00:43:06,620 --> 00:43:09,690
I put all these
photos in my album,
637
00:43:09,890 --> 00:43:14,070
even though, I was
in only one of them.
638
00:43:19,630 --> 00:43:20,710
And cut!
639
00:43:20,900 --> 00:43:22,700
It was kind of like my own
640
00:43:22,900 --> 00:43:25,810
private fan magazine.
641
00:43:26,010 --> 00:43:31,230
Like an almost-memory of a
trip I didn't quite take.
642
00:43:32,690 --> 00:43:34,760
Bikinis I'd never wear.
643
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:39,100
Okay, so that's... those
are your positions.
644
00:43:39,300 --> 00:43:42,700
Inside jokes I
didn't understand.
645
00:43:43,620 --> 00:43:45,040
Uh, so, I wanna have her...
646
00:43:45,240 --> 00:43:46,600
I told myself,
647
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:50,000
I may have a bit
part in this movie,
648
00:43:50,830 --> 00:43:52,440
but at least I'm on set.
649
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:53,880
And you've got kind of a smile,
650
00:43:53,940 --> 00:43:55,516
but, like, you're,
you're not s... you're...
651
00:43:55,540 --> 00:43:57,720
- Exactly.
- Okay. Alright, let's do it.
652
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:02,120
Alright, and standby, ready?
653
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,240
- You look uncomfortable.
- I look uncomfortable?
654
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:05,580
You don't look...
655
00:44:05,780 --> 00:44:07,026
Do I look... I
look uncomfortable?
656
00:44:07,050 --> 00:44:08,060
- A little.
- Like what?
657
00:44:08,260 --> 00:44:10,840
'Cause you're really
reserved, and,
658
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:12,840
- pulling to yourself.
- Yeah, y-you look like
659
00:44:12,890 --> 00:44:14,070
you go to a Catholic school.
660
00:44:14,270 --> 00:44:16,150
They all go to
Catholic school, dude!
661
00:44:16,330 --> 00:44:18,611
Yeah, but you're the only one
that looks like that you do.
662
00:44:23,910 --> 00:44:26,520
Have you ever had a
friend where it's, like,
663
00:44:26,720 --> 00:44:28,750
very hot and cold?
664
00:44:29,330 --> 00:44:32,400
But when she blew
hot, it was, like,
665
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:34,760
very, very exciting
to be around?
666
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:38,550
- She said, "I wanna be your friend."
- What?!
667
00:44:38,750 --> 00:44:40,390
These girls were like that.
668
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:45,390
That's a gross name.
669
00:44:45,590 --> 00:44:48,520
- That's a red flag.
- Are you on a diet?
670
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:53,340
At any given moment,
671
00:44:53,540 --> 00:44:55,710
they could turn on a dime.
672
00:45:02,070 --> 00:45:04,510
I mean, I would ask
them all the time, like,
673
00:45:04,710 --> 00:45:07,370
"Do you really like me?"
674
00:45:08,870 --> 00:45:12,330
Like, "Check yes or
no, are we friends?"
675
00:45:14,460 --> 00:45:18,150
And they'd be like, "Of
course, we're friends!
676
00:45:18,350 --> 00:45:19,820
What a stupid question!"
677
00:45:24,470 --> 00:45:26,620
But I could never tell
if they wanted me around
678
00:45:26,820 --> 00:45:31,060
because I was genuinely
somebody they liked...
679
00:45:31,890 --> 00:45:33,480
Are you lost?
680
00:45:34,060 --> 00:45:34,770
What?
681
00:45:34,970 --> 00:45:36,650
Silly, I sit there.
682
00:45:36,850 --> 00:45:38,610
Like, what?
683
00:45:38,810 --> 00:45:41,690
Oh, my God, Ceci,
that is so mean!
684
00:45:42,190 --> 00:45:46,010
or if they just
wanted a dog to kick.
685
00:45:51,470 --> 00:45:53,190
What made you think
that you could sit there
686
00:45:53,390 --> 00:45:54,910
in the first place?
687
00:45:55,420 --> 00:45:57,030
Take your soup!
688
00:45:58,810 --> 00:46:01,450
You always do this.
689
00:46:01,650 --> 00:46:03,340
- Get out!
- I'm so sorry.
690
00:46:03,540 --> 00:46:05,180
Are you okay?
691
00:46:05,380 --> 00:46:08,700
- Yeah, she always does that.
- You look amazing.
692
00:46:08,900 --> 00:46:12,310
- Can't believe her.
- I know, right?
693
00:46:25,780 --> 00:46:29,020
It's really messed up to
hate yourself as a teenager
694
00:46:29,220 --> 00:46:33,450
because you think it's your fault
that you look the way you do.
695
00:46:39,750 --> 00:46:43,000
And if you have
two older sisters,
696
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:50,220
and people are always telling
you, "Oh, they're so lovely,"
697
00:46:52,470 --> 00:46:54,520
what does that make you?
698
00:47:02,110 --> 00:47:06,030
♪ I learned the
truth at seventeen ♪
699
00:47:06,230 --> 00:47:10,580
♪ That love was meant
for beauty queens ♪
700
00:47:10,780 --> 00:47:15,040
♪ And high school girls
with clear-skinned smiles ♪
701
00:47:15,240 --> 00:47:18,620
♪ Who married young
and then retired ♪
702
00:47:21,790 --> 00:47:25,800
♪ The valentines
I never knew ♪
703
00:47:26,010 --> 00:47:30,090
♪ The Friday night
charades of youth ♪
704
00:47:30,510 --> 00:47:34,260
♪ Were spent on one
more beautiful ♪
705
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:36,440
I think I was around
10 when I watched
706
00:47:36,490 --> 00:47:39,340
my oldest sister and her
friends get ready for prom.
707
00:47:39,540 --> 00:47:43,050
♪ Remember those
who win the game ♪
708
00:47:43,250 --> 00:47:44,800
I remember that night.
709
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,140
♪ Lose the love they
sought to gain ♪
710
00:47:47,340 --> 00:47:51,010
The dress, the
date, the corsage.
711
00:47:51,210 --> 00:47:54,350
♪ And dubious integrity ♪
712
00:47:54,550 --> 00:47:56,020
The limo.
713
00:47:56,220 --> 00:47:59,020
♪ Their small town
eyes will gape at you ♪
714
00:47:59,220 --> 00:48:01,650
I don't know how to
explain it, it was, like,
715
00:48:01,850 --> 00:48:04,190
Princess Diana's
wedding or something.
716
00:48:04,390 --> 00:48:06,430
♪ Exceeds accounts received ♪
717
00:48:06,630 --> 00:48:08,320
♪ At seventeen ♪
718
00:48:24,150 --> 00:48:26,840
Give us your Lady Diana wave.
719
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:29,220
Ya know, when it
came to my own prom,
720
00:48:29,420 --> 00:48:33,320
it's like I already knew
how it was supposed to go.
721
00:48:39,910 --> 00:48:43,030
And then when my time came,
722
00:48:43,220 --> 00:48:45,290
I just kept waiting.
723
00:48:47,670 --> 00:48:52,450
♪ And those of us
with ravaged faces ♪
724
00:48:52,650 --> 00:48:56,020
♪ Lacking in the
social graces ♪
725
00:48:56,220 --> 00:48:59,520
♪ Desperately
remained at home ♪
726
00:48:59,720 --> 00:49:03,460
♪ Inventing lovers
on the phone ♪
727
00:49:03,660 --> 00:49:07,610
♪ Who called to say,
"Come dance with me" ♪
728
00:49:08,230 --> 00:49:12,140
♪ And murmured
vague obscenities ♪
729
00:49:12,340 --> 00:49:14,420
Ya know, at a certain
age, I started spending
730
00:49:14,510 --> 00:49:16,870
a lot of time in the bathroom.
731
00:49:20,740 --> 00:49:24,270
My grandmother would catch me
looking at myself in the mirror,
732
00:49:24,470 --> 00:49:26,710
and she'd say to my
mother, "Ay, esa nena!"
733
00:49:26,910 --> 00:49:29,130
"She's getting vain."
734
00:49:32,470 --> 00:49:34,850
My other grandmother would say,
735
00:49:35,050 --> 00:49:37,250
"If that girl
doesn't lose weight,
736
00:49:37,450 --> 00:49:39,670
she'll never get a boyfriend."
737
00:50:01,660 --> 00:50:03,750
♪ I wanna spit
in their faces ♪
738
00:50:03,950 --> 00:50:06,650
♪ Then I get afraid of
what that could bring ♪
739
00:50:06,850 --> 00:50:09,440
♪ I got a bowling
ball in my stomach ♪
740
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:12,670
♪ I got a desert in my mouth ♪
741
00:50:13,170 --> 00:50:17,870
♪ Figures that my courage
would choose to sell out now ♪
742
00:50:18,070 --> 00:50:23,170
♪ I've been looking for a
savior in these dirty streets ♪
743
00:50:23,370 --> 00:50:24,840
When I was in middle school,
744
00:50:25,030 --> 00:50:29,020
I fell in love with Tori Amos.
745
00:50:29,230 --> 00:50:31,240
At night, alone in my bed,
746
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:33,510
I would give myself a makeover.
747
00:50:33,710 --> 00:50:36,450
I turned my dark
hair flaming red,
748
00:50:36,650 --> 00:50:40,810
my brown eyes, green,
my skin, alabaster.
749
00:50:41,010 --> 00:50:48,210
♪ Why do we, crucify
ourselves, every day? ♪
750
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:52,650
Sure, she was pretty,
but she was also sad
751
00:50:52,850 --> 00:50:54,800
in all the right ways.
752
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:57,760
♪ I crucify myself ♪
753
00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:00,260
♪ Oh, every day ♪
754
00:51:04,770 --> 00:51:06,390
Yeah.
755
00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:11,110
♪ Bum, bum, bum ♪
756
00:51:14,230 --> 00:51:15,930
- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
757
00:51:16,130 --> 00:51:18,200
'Kay, I can do that part.
758
00:51:24,580 --> 00:51:25,790
Terrible.
759
00:51:26,830 --> 00:51:27,830
Well...
760
00:51:28,460 --> 00:51:31,440
Why can't Tori Amos just
show up and help us?
761
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:34,340
Wouldn't that be amazing?
Like, fairy godmother.
762
00:51:39,590 --> 00:51:42,020
I shared her with
my sister, Laura.
763
00:51:42,220 --> 00:51:46,040
♪ Looking for a savior
beneath these dirty sheets ♪
764
00:51:46,240 --> 00:51:48,250
We didn't just
memorize her lyrics,
765
00:51:48,450 --> 00:51:51,630
we scrutinized her videos.
766
00:51:51,830 --> 00:51:53,650
Her body language,
767
00:51:54,730 --> 00:51:56,640
her facial expressions,
768
00:51:56,830 --> 00:51:58,700
her posture.
769
00:51:59,820 --> 00:52:02,600
♪ I crucify myself ♪
770
00:52:05,740 --> 00:52:07,730
- We should totally do...
- do....
771
00:52:07,930 --> 00:52:10,230
But the whole thing is that
she's really feeling herself.
772
00:52:10,430 --> 00:52:12,840
- She's, like... She's just, like...
- Yes.
773
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:16,010
- Oh.- So, this is gonna be you over and over again.
774
00:52:16,210 --> 00:52:17,740
My God.
775
00:52:17,940 --> 00:52:21,390
- What I would like, is for it to feel...
- Mm-hmm.
776
00:52:21,590 --> 00:52:24,160
Almost exactly the same.
777
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:27,720
- Mm-hmm.
- Right? For us to be convincing...
778
00:52:28,270 --> 00:52:31,070
- Uh-huh. But?
- enough.
779
00:52:31,270 --> 00:52:35,300
Like, I don't want us... Because a,
I don't want us to look terrible.
780
00:52:35,500 --> 00:52:37,680
- Right, but it's also not funny then.
- But...
781
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:40,970
We're just gonna look like
we're trying to look like her.
782
00:52:41,170 --> 00:52:43,080
Okay, I hate to break
it to you, Laura...
783
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,816
but, like, we're not...
no matter what we do,
784
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:47,640
- we're not gonna look like her.
- Right.
785
00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:49,656
What I'm trying to say
is, like, how do we summon
786
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:51,920
the feminine power
of Tori Amos...
787
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:55,110
- Mm-hmm.
- such that it's like we're possessed by her.
788
00:52:55,310 --> 00:52:56,880
Perhaps that's what I mean.
789
00:52:57,080 --> 00:52:59,110
Show some respect...
790
00:52:59,310 --> 00:53:02,870
- Okay.
- To the goddess, within!
791
00:53:06,850 --> 00:53:10,270
How's that for a pep talk?
792
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:14,780
I just know that I have
attempted to learn this song
793
00:53:14,980 --> 00:53:18,130
- since I was in high school.
- I'm fixing your necklace.
794
00:53:18,330 --> 00:53:19,840
- So...
- Yeah.
795
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:22,550
- So, you're just gonna keep attempting.
- Okay.
796
00:53:22,750 --> 00:53:28,960
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
797
00:53:32,100 --> 00:53:34,080
I really feel sick.
798
00:53:34,870 --> 00:53:40,200
This is... Look, it's the same
shit we did when we were kids.
799
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:42,600
- Laura...
- Why'd they put a camera up so...
800
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:45,830
there's a reason I didn't
make the cheerleading squad,
801
00:53:46,030 --> 00:53:47,550
- okay?
- Listen!
802
00:53:48,810 --> 00:53:50,560
Oh, my God.
803
00:53:52,020 --> 00:53:54,610
I have sta... I have
stage fright now.
804
00:53:54,810 --> 00:53:59,020
- Why? It's gonna be hilarious.
- I'm gonna look s...
805
00:54:00,110 --> 00:54:01,610
I'm gonna look so stupid.
806
00:54:01,810 --> 00:54:04,510
Listen, the whole thing
is gonna be funny.
807
00:54:04,710 --> 00:54:08,430
- They're all gonna laugh at me.
- No, they're not.
808
00:54:08,630 --> 00:54:11,830
It's gonna be so good.
809
00:54:12,250 --> 00:54:13,360
When I was little,
810
00:54:13,550 --> 00:54:16,650
everybody thought
Laura and I were twins.
811
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:22,840
My mom often dressed
us in the same clothes.
812
00:54:26,220 --> 00:54:31,390
Laura's only 15 months older
than me, so we were close.
813
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:40,550
We had inside
jokes, we had games.
814
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:48,370
And, yeah, something happened
when we got to high school.
815
00:54:48,570 --> 00:54:52,700
Laura Aldarondo.
816
00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:03,220
I just remember being really
angry... all the time.
817
00:55:09,530 --> 00:55:13,580
All: ♪ Qué fue de ti ♪
818
00:55:13,780 --> 00:55:19,420
♪ Nada soy sin Laura ♪
819
00:55:19,620 --> 00:55:26,820
- ♪ Solo estoy sin su amor ♪
820
00:55:28,490 --> 00:55:35,750
♪ Nada soy, sin
Laura, sin Laura ♪
821
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:46,530
Do you remember when,
like, Abuela or Tía Mina,
822
00:55:46,730 --> 00:55:48,126
- or somebody would come visit...
- Mm-hmm.
823
00:55:48,150 --> 00:55:50,336
- and they wouldn't have seen us for a while.
- Mm-hmm.
824
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:52,566
- Oh, they had stuff to say...
- Do you remember what they would say?
825
00:55:52,590 --> 00:55:54,270
For all of us! "Que gorda!"
826
00:55:54,470 --> 00:55:55,736
But they didn't
say that to you.
827
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:57,236
- They didn't call you gorda.
- Oh, no, they would
828
00:55:57,260 --> 00:55:58,560
pinch me and say,
"Está fofita!"
829
00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:01,050
- Oh, that's Papi, Papi would do that.
- Yeah, "fofita."
830
00:56:01,250 --> 00:56:03,476
I don't remember them ever
saying stuff like that to you.
831
00:56:03,500 --> 00:56:04,680
I remember them saying,
832
00:56:04,870 --> 00:56:07,640
"Ay, qué linda se
está poniendo!"
833
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:11,220
But, dude, I'm telling
you, I was so hyper-aware
834
00:56:11,420 --> 00:56:14,620
of every chicho, every, like...
835
00:56:14,820 --> 00:56:18,900
Oh, my God, my pipa is
showing, my, ya know...
836
00:56:19,100 --> 00:56:20,870
But you were skinny.
837
00:56:21,580 --> 00:56:28,160
- You were the skinny one.
- I never and have not ever perceived that.
838
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:29,870
I-I could lose 10 pounds.
839
00:56:30,070 --> 00:56:32,240
- You're still saying that?!
- Totally!
840
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:34,600
- Oh, my God.
- Absolutely.
841
00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:36,836
- I'm super self-conscious about it.
- I am gonna go to my grave
842
00:56:36,860 --> 00:56:38,446
- saying...
- Super self-conscious about it.
843
00:56:38,470 --> 00:56:40,480
You are the pretty one.
844
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:45,070
Oh, my God. Barf.
845
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:47,450
But here's the
problem. It's, like,
846
00:56:47,650 --> 00:56:50,120
sometimes I feel like
I made it all up.
847
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:52,350
Like, nobody else
saw that, like...
848
00:56:52,550 --> 00:56:55,026
- Like, I'm like, "No, people did say these things to me."
- Yeah.
849
00:56:55,050 --> 00:56:57,830
- Mm-hmm.
- People did say, "You're fat."
850
00:56:58,030 --> 00:57:01,250
- And they did say, "You're pretty," to you.
- Yeah.
851
00:57:02,960 --> 00:57:05,210
I know. It's not fair.
852
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:09,420
I can't even imagine what
that was like for you.
853
00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:13,800
Like, this is who
I know you to be,
854
00:57:15,300 --> 00:57:19,100
just completely unafraid, and...
855
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:25,770
I know. Like, next
to you, I'm vanilla.
856
00:57:27,940 --> 00:57:31,190
Well, that's bullshit.
857
00:57:37,300 --> 00:57:41,150
It's totally working.
Is the piano in place?
858
00:57:41,350 --> 00:57:44,040
I'm wondering if you can sit
in at the piano and... Hold on.
859
00:57:44,250 --> 00:57:48,280
- My heart...
- Heart. ♪ Heart ♪
860
00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:51,666
- Watch, her hands completely come away.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah. Come away.
861
00:57:51,690 --> 00:57:54,180
Is sick of bein',
is sick of bein'...
862
00:57:54,380 --> 00:57:56,460
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- See that?
863
00:57:57,890 --> 00:58:00,170
I mean, what's the
point of wishing
864
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:01,366
that you were somebody else
865
00:58:01,390 --> 00:58:03,560
if you don't get
to finally be them?
866
00:58:04,190 --> 00:58:06,690
Okay, gang, standby, ready?
867
00:58:06,890 --> 00:58:10,430
And we are rolling. Let
me know when you're set.
868
00:58:10,630 --> 00:58:11,746
Camera's set.
869
00:58:11,770 --> 00:58:13,470
And playback!
870
00:58:13,670 --> 00:58:18,600
- Why do we, crucify ourselves.
- Yes!
871
00:58:18,800 --> 00:58:21,040
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Why do we...
872
00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:22,240
- Foot, yeah.
- Yeah.
873
00:58:22,300 --> 00:58:23,696
- "Cruc" and then "ify"...
- And then you'd go...
874
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:25,266
- and then she's like, "Ahh!"
- "Ahh!"
875
00:58:26,310 --> 00:58:27,310
Okay, I'm gonna try it.
876
00:58:27,390 --> 00:58:29,700
- ♪ Why do we ♪
- Okay. Yes.
877
00:58:29,890 --> 00:58:31,330
♪ Crucify ♪
Oh, wait, but I stay put.
878
00:58:31,460 --> 00:58:33,456
- I don't move?
- So, I think for the "crucify"
879
00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:35,950
- part you stay, you stay put.
- I don't, I don't "crucify."
880
00:58:36,150 --> 00:58:37,770
You take a step
into "crucify."
881
00:58:37,970 --> 00:58:39,370
- Okay, hold on.
- So.
882
00:58:39,570 --> 00:58:40,926
Cecilia/Laura
(sing): ♪ Why do we ♪
883
00:58:40,950 --> 00:58:41,600
Step again.
884
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:44,630
Why do we...
885
00:58:44,830 --> 00:58:48,550
- Bam!
- Crucify ourselves.
886
00:58:48,750 --> 00:58:51,740
- Down.
- Why do we...
887
00:58:51,940 --> 00:58:54,740
- Boom!
- Crucify ourselves.
888
00:58:54,940 --> 00:58:57,280
My God, this is really good.
889
00:58:57,480 --> 00:58:59,761
She's got it. Look at that.
890
00:58:59,880 --> 00:59:04,250
She practiced, she practiced.
I'm gonna fuck this up.
891
00:59:10,250 --> 00:59:11,590
Why am I doing this to myself?
892
00:59:11,790 --> 00:59:13,146
Honestly, this is,
like, how I feel.
893
00:59:13,170 --> 00:59:15,640
- I'm like, I have spent my whole life...
- Mm-hmm.
894
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:19,470
- comparing myself to the wrong people.
- Mm-hmm.
895
00:59:19,670 --> 00:59:22,600
And it's, like, I'm
literally forcing myself
896
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:25,730
to do that all over again.
897
00:59:26,730 --> 00:59:28,216
I look at her
and I look at me,
898
00:59:28,240 --> 00:59:30,760
and I look at her and I
look at me, and I'm like,
899
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:32,286
"Why'd I have to fall
in love with her?
900
00:59:32,310 --> 00:59:33,786
"Why couldn't I have fallen
in love with somebody
901
00:59:33,810 --> 00:59:35,720
who looks like me? You know?"
902
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:37,280
There was nobody.
903
00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:39,686
There was nobody who looked
like us back in the day.
904
00:59:39,710 --> 00:59:41,620
I know, but this is
what's so fucked.
905
00:59:41,820 --> 00:59:44,620
'Cause I'm like, "Is this
an homage or is this, like,
906
00:59:44,820 --> 00:59:46,000
a trauma exercise?"
907
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:51,750
The thing is, like...
you are... gorgeous.
908
00:59:52,250 --> 00:59:56,340
- I'm just the wrong kind of pretty.
- Like, who cares...
909
00:59:56,540 --> 00:59:58,030
Who cares if your
size is different?
910
00:59:58,230 --> 01:00:02,040
- You're... gorgeous, and you're, like...
- I do. I mean,
911
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:05,810
Laura, they called
me fat for a reason.
912
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:08,690
I can understand
being traumatized
913
01:00:08,890 --> 01:00:10,980
by fuckers back in the day,
914
01:00:11,180 --> 01:00:14,090
but why you continue,
all these years later,
915
01:00:14,290 --> 01:00:18,140
to allow them to have
all this power over you,
916
01:00:18,340 --> 01:00:20,200
blows my mind.
917
01:00:21,070 --> 01:00:24,870
- Like...
- 'Cause they made me who I am.
918
01:00:26,450 --> 01:00:27,870
Look,
919
01:00:29,870 --> 01:00:36,320
you have this beauty...
and brilliance.
920
01:00:36,520 --> 01:00:38,450
And I mean brilliance, like,
921
01:00:38,650 --> 01:00:41,790
not just, like...
intellectual brilliance,
922
01:00:41,980 --> 01:00:43,790
which, of course, you have,
923
01:00:43,990 --> 01:00:49,180
but also this spirit
that is brilliant.
924
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:57,480
And... there are so many just
fucking vapid, thin people
925
01:00:57,730 --> 01:00:59,140
and who the fuck cares?
926
01:00:59,340 --> 01:01:01,350
When you're that thin,
where does the soul go?
927
01:01:01,550 --> 01:01:03,370
Right? There's no room!
928
01:01:12,790 --> 01:01:14,130
I'm serious!
929
01:01:14,500 --> 01:01:17,180
Are you saying there's, like, plenty
of room for brilliance in there?
930
01:01:17,230 --> 01:01:18,766
- Is that what you're saying?
- I got more room.
931
01:01:18,790 --> 01:01:21,276
- You have plenty of room for brilliance.
- There... It's all in here.
932
01:01:21,300 --> 01:01:22,890
It's right up here.
933
01:01:23,090 --> 01:01:27,140
She's got brains, people!
934
01:01:39,330 --> 01:01:41,410
♪ I wanna spit
in their faces ♪
935
01:01:41,610 --> 01:01:44,220
♪ Then I get afraid of
what that could bring ♪
936
01:01:44,420 --> 01:01:47,120
♪ I got a bowling
ball in my stomach ♪
937
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:50,500
♪ I got a desert in my mouth ♪
938
01:01:50,830 --> 01:01:55,480
♪ Figures that my courage
would choose to sell out now ♪
939
01:01:55,680 --> 01:01:58,630
- (Laura lip-syncing) - ♪ I've
been looking for a savior ♪
940
01:01:58,830 --> 01:02:01,630
♪ In these dirty streets ♪
941
01:02:02,220 --> 01:02:07,140
♪ Looking for a savior
beneath these dirty sheets ♪
942
01:02:07,340 --> 01:02:12,880
♪ I've been raising up my
hands, drive another nail in ♪
943
01:02:13,080 --> 01:02:18,310
♪ Just what God needs,
one more victim ♪
944
01:02:18,570 --> 01:02:25,570
♪ Why do we, crucify
ourselves, every day? ♪
945
01:02:26,740 --> 01:02:29,730
♪ I crucify myself ♪
946
01:02:29,930 --> 01:02:32,630
♪ And nothin' I do is
good enough for you ♪
947
01:02:32,830 --> 01:02:38,300
♪ I crucify
myself, every day ♪
948
01:02:38,500 --> 01:02:40,610
♪ I crucify myself ♪
949
01:02:40,810 --> 01:02:43,120
♪ My heart is sick of bein' ♪
950
01:02:43,310 --> 01:02:46,950
♪ I said my heart is
sick of bein' in ♪
951
01:02:47,150 --> 01:02:52,680
♪ Chains, oh, oh, oh ♪
952
01:02:52,930 --> 01:02:58,880
♪ Chains, oh, oh, oh ♪
953
01:02:59,080 --> 01:03:03,640
♪ Got a kick for a
dog, beggin' for love ♪
954
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:09,470
♪ I gotta have myself a ring
so that I can have my cross ♪
955
01:03:09,670 --> 01:03:15,270
♪ I know a cat named Easter,
he says, will you ever learn ♪
956
01:03:15,470 --> 01:03:20,570
♪ You're just an empty cage,
girl, if you kill the bird ♪
957
01:03:20,770 --> 01:03:27,720
♪ Why do we, crucify
ourselves, every day? ♪
958
01:03:28,890 --> 01:03:31,230
♪ I crucify myself ♪
959
01:03:31,430 --> 01:03:34,670
♪ And nothin' I do is
good enough for you ♪
960
01:03:34,870 --> 01:03:40,310
♪ Crucify myself,
oh, every day ♪
961
01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:42,760
♪ I crucify myself ♪
962
01:03:42,960 --> 01:03:45,760
♪ My heart is sick of bein' ♪
963
01:03:45,960 --> 01:03:48,970
♪ I said my heart is
sick of bein' in ♪
964
01:03:49,170 --> 01:03:54,810
♪ Chains, oh, oh, oh ♪
965
01:03:55,010 --> 01:04:00,750
♪ Chains, oh, oh, oh ♪
966
01:04:00,960 --> 01:04:04,170
♪ Please be ♪
967
01:04:06,550 --> 01:04:09,630
♪ Save me ♪
968
01:04:12,300 --> 01:04:17,520
♪ Looking for a savior
in these dirty streets ♪
969
01:04:17,890 --> 01:04:23,070
♪ Looking for a savior
beneath these dirty sheets ♪
970
01:04:23,270 --> 01:04:26,070
♪ I've been raising
up my hands ♪
971
01:04:26,270 --> 01:04:28,950
♪ Drive another nail in ♪
972
01:04:29,150 --> 01:04:34,410
♪ Where are those angels
when you need them? ♪
973
01:04:34,610 --> 01:04:41,540
♪ Why do we, crucify
ourselves, every day? ♪
974
01:04:42,670 --> 01:04:45,200
♪ I crucify myself ♪
975
01:04:45,390 --> 01:04:48,140
♪ And nothin' I do is
good enough for you ♪
976
01:04:48,340 --> 01:04:54,000
♪ I crucify myself,
oh, every day ♪
977
01:04:54,200 --> 01:04:56,420
♪ I crucify myself ♪
978
01:04:56,610 --> 01:04:59,270
♪ And my heart is
sick of bein' ♪
979
01:04:59,470 --> 01:05:02,750
♪ I said my heart is
sick of bein' in ♪
980
01:05:02,950 --> 01:05:08,400
♪ Chains, oh, oh, oh ♪
981
01:05:08,740 --> 01:05:14,530
♪ Chains, why do we ♪
982
01:05:14,870 --> 01:05:16,790
♪ Chains ♪
983
01:05:16,990 --> 01:05:18,830
♪ Crucify ourselves ♪
984
01:05:19,030 --> 01:05:21,960
♪ Every day ♪
985
01:05:22,160 --> 01:05:25,380
♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
986
01:05:25,840 --> 01:05:31,300
♪ Oh, chains, oh, yeah ♪
987
01:05:31,500 --> 01:05:36,790
♪ Yeah, chains,
ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
988
01:05:36,990 --> 01:05:39,420
♪ Never going back again, oh ♪
989
01:05:39,620 --> 01:05:43,250
♪ Crucify myself
again, you know ♪
990
01:05:43,450 --> 01:05:50,650
♪ Never going back again to
crucify myself, every day ♪
991
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:23,090
If all the freaks run away,
992
01:06:23,280 --> 01:06:25,600
then how do we take
care of one another?
993
01:06:26,980 --> 01:06:30,150
If we all slip into the cracks,
994
01:06:30,610 --> 01:06:34,740
if we all fade into
the dustbin of history,
995
01:06:35,070 --> 01:06:37,820
then how do we find one another?
996
01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:40,830
That, to me, is the tragedy.
997
01:06:41,910 --> 01:06:46,710
It's not about who's there.
It's about who's not there.
998
01:07:07,690 --> 01:07:09,440
I spent years of my life
999
01:07:09,640 --> 01:07:13,680
fixating on girls who
weren't that kind to me.
1000
01:07:16,530 --> 01:07:22,120
And yet, I edited out the
girl they treated the worst...
1001
01:07:27,540 --> 01:07:29,130
Jo Anne.
1002
01:07:41,220 --> 01:07:43,670
You know who needs a hairbrush?
1003
01:07:43,870 --> 01:07:46,810
- You?
- No.
1004
01:07:47,010 --> 01:07:48,400
- Oh.
- I think she needs...
1005
01:07:53,540 --> 01:07:57,740
In 8th grade, our class
went on this overnight trip.
1006
01:07:58,570 --> 01:08:02,580
I was in the same cabin
as all these girls.
1007
01:08:06,790 --> 01:08:08,750
So was Jo Anne.
1008
01:08:53,630 --> 01:08:57,380
Delanie What is that?
1009
01:08:57,590 --> 01:09:00,300
That's disgusting.
1010
01:09:23,660 --> 01:09:26,370
This is gonna be disgusting.
1011
01:09:26,570 --> 01:09:28,770
It's gonna be hard to get out.
1012
01:09:32,830 --> 01:09:34,630
Shh.
1013
01:09:46,680 --> 01:09:51,640
I'm gonna wake her up.
I'm gonna wake her up.
1014
01:09:53,350 --> 01:09:59,150
Jo Anne, Jo Anne... Jo Anne.
1015
01:09:59,440 --> 01:10:02,700
Jo Anne.
1016
01:10:04,490 --> 01:10:07,910
Jo Anne... Jo Anne.
1017
01:10:10,660 --> 01:10:13,150
And cut, cut, cut.
1018
01:10:13,350 --> 01:10:14,996
I think we're good like this.
1019
01:10:15,020 --> 01:10:17,900
- So, it feels, it feels accurate?
- Yeah, I was sleeping,
1020
01:10:18,100 --> 01:10:21,340
but, like, just
the feeling of it.
1021
01:10:21,550 --> 01:10:25,330
- Like, this is the vibe?
- Oh, yeah!
1022
01:10:25,530 --> 01:10:28,600
I can see them snickering
and stuff like that.
1023
01:10:28,890 --> 01:10:31,770
I mean, if we want, like,
a jarring light effect,
1024
01:10:31,950 --> 01:10:34,650
- they can try to wake you up with the flashlight.
- Yeah, yeah.
1025
01:10:34,850 --> 01:10:36,266
This feels great to
me. How 'bout you?
1026
01:10:36,290 --> 01:10:39,590
I mean, I love horror, so
I really like this setup.
1027
01:10:39,790 --> 01:10:41,890
The girls, oh, my
gosh, they are perfect.
1028
01:10:42,080 --> 01:10:45,060
- I mean, like, woo.
- Right? It's a little uncanny?
1029
01:10:45,250 --> 01:10:46,430
It is, it is.
1030
01:10:46,630 --> 01:10:48,520
And it's so funny
'cause they're so nice.
1031
01:10:48,720 --> 01:10:52,460
Like, they're such sweet
girls in real life, ya know?
1032
01:10:52,660 --> 01:10:54,610
- Yeah.
- How are you guys doin'?
1033
01:10:54,810 --> 01:10:56,570
When the flashlight,
like, came in my face,
1034
01:10:56,770 --> 01:10:58,690
I was trying, like, to
make, like, a reflex.
1035
01:10:58,890 --> 01:11:01,070
Like, you t... Obviously,
you turn your head.
1036
01:11:01,270 --> 01:11:04,800
But then I was trying to, like,
look away so I didn't laugh.
1037
01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:10,180
And you're, like, talking
about John Stamos!
1038
01:11:10,380 --> 01:11:13,220
Are you, like,
stroking his face now?
1039
01:11:13,600 --> 01:11:16,900
Metal!
1040
01:11:18,100 --> 01:11:20,690
That's fuckin' amazing.
1041
01:11:21,980 --> 01:11:23,050
I'm glad you found me.
1042
01:11:23,250 --> 01:11:25,370
I was dreading it at first.
I didn't know what to say.
1043
01:11:25,500 --> 01:11:29,770
I was like, "Do I let someone
from that time come in?"
1044
01:11:29,970 --> 01:11:33,730
But then I was like, "If she
makes fun of me, so be it.
1045
01:11:33,930 --> 01:11:37,380
I know who I am, I even
more know who I am now."
1046
01:11:37,580 --> 01:11:40,570
I have, ya know... That I'm
like, "This is not gonna...
1047
01:11:40,770 --> 01:11:42,320
"I can walk out,
I can drive away,
1048
01:11:42,520 --> 01:11:44,610
I can do whatever, I don't
have to stick around."
1049
01:11:44,810 --> 01:11:46,186
In 8th grade, I had
to stick around.
1050
01:11:46,210 --> 01:11:47,570
I couldn't... There
was no choices.
1051
01:11:47,760 --> 01:11:50,550
I have choices now, and I'm
not gonna put up with it now.
1052
01:11:51,220 --> 01:11:53,020
I get it, I totally get it.
1053
01:11:53,220 --> 01:11:55,900
- I wanted to be friends with those girls, too.
- I know. I know.
1054
01:11:56,060 --> 01:11:58,840
I know, and that's why I don't
lump you in with them in a way.
1055
01:11:59,040 --> 01:12:01,280
Because we all wanted to be
friends with the same people.
1056
01:12:01,330 --> 01:12:03,030
And that's what happens
with popular people
1057
01:12:03,230 --> 01:12:05,640
and just people
we think we like.
1058
01:12:05,840 --> 01:12:08,356
But there's a part of me that's
like, "Did I laugh along?
1059
01:12:08,380 --> 01:12:12,580
"Did I sit... Did I s-stay quiet and
just, ya know, hunker in my bunk?
1060
01:12:12,780 --> 01:12:15,770
Did I help? By...
With my laughter?"
1061
01:12:15,970 --> 01:12:18,190
- It's all fun and games until it's not.
- Yeah.
1062
01:12:18,390 --> 01:12:19,920
And I feel like
there was this moment
1063
01:12:20,120 --> 01:12:22,190
when I realized, "This is bad."
1064
01:12:22,390 --> 01:12:24,910
Like, why would I
remember this for 25 years
1065
01:12:25,100 --> 01:12:28,760
- if I didn't know then that it was that bad?
- Yeah.
1066
01:12:30,090 --> 01:12:33,560
Hannah, I'm wondering
what you're thinking?
1067
01:12:34,930 --> 01:12:36,170
There was this girl,
1068
01:12:36,370 --> 01:12:38,500
she was the
principal's daughter,
1069
01:12:38,700 --> 01:12:41,510
so she kinda had,
like, this authority,
1070
01:12:41,700 --> 01:12:46,070
despite her being,
like... 7, um...
1071
01:12:46,940 --> 01:12:51,850
And everyone loved her, but
she had a group of three.
1072
01:12:52,050 --> 01:12:55,690
And they loved to look
at me and snicker.
1073
01:12:55,890 --> 01:12:58,690
And I'd be like, "Can you
please not say something?"
1074
01:12:58,890 --> 01:13:03,190
They would be like, "We're
not talking about you.
1075
01:13:03,390 --> 01:13:05,740
We're not doing
this. You're insane."
1076
01:13:05,940 --> 01:13:08,780
And then, like, everyone
around us would be like,
1077
01:13:08,980 --> 01:13:11,370
"Yeah, Hannah's insane.
1078
01:13:11,570 --> 01:13:13,640
They wouldn't do anything,
they're perfect."
1079
01:13:13,840 --> 01:13:16,920
And, like, no one
really stood up for me,
1080
01:13:17,120 --> 01:13:19,040
- because people were afraid to.
- Yeah.
1081
01:13:19,140 --> 01:13:20,840
Because of that power
and that authority,
1082
01:13:21,040 --> 01:13:24,440
- they were afraid they would be next.
- Yeah.
1083
01:13:25,860 --> 01:13:28,610
Jo Anne. Jo Anne.
1084
01:13:28,810 --> 01:13:30,660
I can't wake her up.
1085
01:13:30,860 --> 01:13:33,680
Jo Anne. Jo Anne. Jo Anne.
1086
01:13:41,710 --> 01:13:44,960
Jo Anne. Jo Anne. Jo Anne.
1087
01:13:46,420 --> 01:13:48,910
Jo Anne, Jo Anne, are you okay?
1088
01:13:49,110 --> 01:13:51,070
I think you threw up
all over yourself.
1089
01:13:51,270 --> 01:13:53,740
Oh, my gosh, are you okay?
1090
01:13:53,940 --> 01:13:56,870
- Do you need anything?
- It's everywhere.
1091
01:13:57,070 --> 01:13:59,690
I don't know how you
got it everywhere.
1092
01:13:59,890 --> 01:14:02,210
Yeah, it really is everywhere.
1093
01:14:02,410 --> 01:14:03,650
Do you need anything?
1094
01:14:03,850 --> 01:14:06,760
I don't know how
you got it all over.
1095
01:14:06,960 --> 01:14:08,990
There's just vomit.
1096
01:14:12,740 --> 01:14:15,640
Jo Anne. Jo Anne.
1097
01:14:15,840 --> 01:14:19,370
Jo Anne.
1098
01:14:19,570 --> 01:14:21,330
- Cut.
- Cut.
1099
01:14:24,470 --> 01:14:25,950
What do you think?
1100
01:14:26,100 --> 01:14:27,460
It was good.
1101
01:14:33,170 --> 01:14:34,890
Do you think we
need another take?
1102
01:14:35,090 --> 01:14:38,300
I don't think so. I feel it.
1103
01:14:45,150 --> 01:14:49,420
You have pain, too.
You do. We both do.
1104
01:14:49,620 --> 01:14:51,640
This was not easy.
1105
01:14:51,830 --> 01:14:54,510
- I'm just so mad.
- Mm-hmm.
1106
01:14:54,710 --> 01:14:56,930
And that was me this morning,
I didn't want to show
1107
01:14:57,130 --> 01:14:59,020
as much as, uh...
ya know, that's why.
1108
01:14:59,220 --> 01:15:01,790
I was mad at myself for
being this upset about it.
1109
01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:04,520
And I didn't wanna feel that
'cause I never felt that before.
1110
01:15:04,720 --> 01:15:05,720
I didn't feel mad.
1111
01:15:05,790 --> 01:15:07,210
I just put it off,
and I was like,
1112
01:15:07,410 --> 01:15:08,410
"It is what it is,"
1113
01:15:08,460 --> 01:15:09,786
and I don't have to
see these people,
1114
01:15:09,810 --> 01:15:12,550
and I didn't get angry,
I didn't get anything.
1115
01:15:12,750 --> 01:15:15,620
Even once I was home,
I never did any of it.
1116
01:15:15,820 --> 01:15:17,626
- It's not about them anymore.
- No, it isn't.
1117
01:15:17,650 --> 01:15:20,940
It's about healing
and this'll heal us.
1118
01:15:21,140 --> 01:15:22,680
Mm-hmm.
1119
01:15:38,530 --> 01:15:40,330
Ceci!
1120
01:15:44,580 --> 01:15:47,590
I look through these home
movies that my mom found,
1121
01:15:47,790 --> 01:15:50,000
and I look pretty free.
1122
01:15:54,630 --> 01:15:57,760
I wasn't always an unhappy kid.
1123
01:15:59,340 --> 01:16:02,970
And that's part of what I'm
trying to figure out for myself.
1124
01:16:04,390 --> 01:16:06,850
When did I begin to crack?
1125
01:16:18,660 --> 01:16:22,160
When I see this footage,
it makes me so happy
1126
01:16:22,360 --> 01:16:23,940
because I see this house
1127
01:16:24,140 --> 01:16:29,120
full of people and
life, and music and joy.
1128
01:16:42,260 --> 01:16:43,370
At the same time,
1129
01:16:43,570 --> 01:16:46,350
I'm kind of overwhelmed
with regret.
1130
01:16:47,180 --> 01:16:50,460
Because I was too
confused to participate.
1131
01:16:55,190 --> 01:16:59,450
I didn't know the words,
my Spanish sucked.
1132
01:16:59,780 --> 01:17:03,780
So, I would always just
hide in the background.
1133
01:17:06,750 --> 01:17:09,610
And yet, outside the house,
1134
01:17:09,810 --> 01:17:13,650
it was like I was
always on display.
1135
01:17:18,550 --> 01:17:21,160
If anyone was ever interested
in my being Puerto Rican,
1136
01:17:21,360 --> 01:17:24,830
it was like, "Tell me
about your culture, ooh!"
1137
01:17:25,030 --> 01:17:28,930
and, "What kind of
food do you guys eat?"
1138
01:17:38,990 --> 01:17:40,740
And so, I always liked having
1139
01:17:40,940 --> 01:17:42,430
Caroline and her sister, Sarah,
1140
01:17:42,630 --> 01:17:45,330
come over on Christmas.
1141
01:17:47,990 --> 01:17:49,860
They really truly just
enjoyed being there
1142
01:17:50,050 --> 01:17:55,250
and... I didn't feel like
we were performing for them.
1143
01:17:57,710 --> 01:18:00,550
We had all always been close:
1144
01:18:00,750 --> 01:18:04,200
me, Caroline, her sister, Sarah,
1145
01:18:04,400 --> 01:18:06,550
and my sister, Laura.
1146
01:18:07,060 --> 01:18:11,020
You can see that
we were a foursome,
1147
01:18:12,230 --> 01:18:14,480
until we weren't.
1148
01:18:15,980 --> 01:18:17,670
My senior year of high school,
1149
01:18:17,870 --> 01:18:21,140
Caroline went away to
Russia for the whole year.
1150
01:18:23,880 --> 01:18:25,720
Ya know, I think that's
part of the reason
1151
01:18:25,920 --> 01:18:27,910
we didn't stay in touch.
1152
01:18:28,540 --> 01:18:32,540
But I don't know that I would've
written her back anyway.
1153
01:18:35,790 --> 01:18:39,210
I mean, I was,
like, chasing fame.
1154
01:18:48,220 --> 01:18:51,600
There was a period in my
life where I avoided everyone
1155
01:18:51,800 --> 01:18:53,710
I knew from high school,
1156
01:18:53,910 --> 01:18:57,420
particularly the people
who knew me best.
1157
01:18:59,710 --> 01:19:03,400
Sarah, Caroline, her family.
1158
01:19:04,650 --> 01:19:06,170
Ceci grew up in my
parents' neighbor...
1159
01:19:06,260 --> 01:19:08,320
- Yeah.
- Like, I've known her forever.
1160
01:19:08,740 --> 01:19:12,000
When my reunion rolled around,
1161
01:19:12,200 --> 01:19:14,580
I knew Sarah would be there.
1162
01:19:15,920 --> 01:19:19,170
And that Sarah was
one of the people
1163
01:19:19,370 --> 01:19:23,050
I would really need
to touch base with.
1164
01:20:16,430 --> 01:20:18,000
Jen! How are you?
1165
01:20:18,200 --> 01:20:19,960
- How are you?
- You look great.
1166
01:20:20,160 --> 01:20:22,200
- And you do, too.
- Hello.
1167
01:20:22,230 --> 01:20:24,016
I'm literally... I hope
they're not leaving me
1168
01:20:24,040 --> 01:20:25,430
and they probably are, but...
1169
01:20:38,670 --> 01:20:42,780
After this talk with
Sarah, I swore to myself,
1170
01:20:42,980 --> 01:20:45,340
"I will reach
out to Caroline."
1171
01:20:48,800 --> 01:20:50,930
But I put it off.
1172
01:20:54,220 --> 01:20:56,730
And a week later to the day,
1173
01:20:56,930 --> 01:20:59,140
I got a text from Sarah:
1174
01:21:00,060 --> 01:21:02,360
"Caroline is gone."
1175
01:21:04,570 --> 01:21:09,030
That's how I learned that
Caroline had committed suicide.
1176
01:21:16,410 --> 01:21:18,460
This is the last
home movie footage
1177
01:21:18,660 --> 01:21:21,040
of Caroline that I can find.
1178
01:21:22,420 --> 01:21:25,490
Sitting in the
corner next to me,
1179
01:21:25,690 --> 01:21:28,880
perfectly natural at
a table of sisters.
1180
01:21:29,510 --> 01:21:32,770
We're never gonna watch
this. Why are you filming it?
1181
01:21:38,140 --> 01:21:40,560
I don't remember
much about being 6.
1182
01:21:41,350 --> 01:21:45,170
But I do remember meeting
Caroline for the first time.
1183
01:21:45,370 --> 01:21:47,780
I may have it wrong in my head,
1184
01:21:47,980 --> 01:21:50,510
but this is what I picture:
1185
01:21:50,710 --> 01:21:52,330
two little girls,
1186
01:21:52,530 --> 01:21:55,560
one with strawberry blonde hair,
1187
01:21:55,760 --> 01:21:58,440
the other dark brown.
1188
01:21:58,640 --> 01:22:00,330
The Baker girls.
1189
01:22:02,170 --> 01:22:04,070
Give it to me! I didn't
finish reading it!
1190
01:22:04,270 --> 01:22:06,450
The word had gotten out
that there were two sisters
1191
01:22:06,640 --> 01:22:08,840
about their age in
the neighborhood.
1192
01:22:09,040 --> 01:22:11,200
And they'd come
knocking on our door
1193
01:22:11,400 --> 01:22:14,300
to see if we would
come out and play.
1194
01:22:15,600 --> 01:22:19,880
And so, we clocked days,
probably weeks, months
1195
01:22:20,070 --> 01:22:21,980
of our upbringing
at their house.
1196
01:22:22,180 --> 01:22:25,380
Do you wanna do two,
three, or four? Just two?
1197
01:22:27,610 --> 01:22:29,726
We had so much fun
gettin' this together...
1198
01:22:29,750 --> 01:22:32,990
When you're a kid,
it's hard to recognize
1199
01:22:33,190 --> 01:22:34,700
a mother figure in your life.
1200
01:22:34,900 --> 01:22:37,156
She was such a cool kid. She
was not embarrassed by...
1201
01:22:37,180 --> 01:22:38,870
Caroline's mom was like that.
1202
01:22:39,070 --> 01:22:41,790
That's me, wearin' the
washboard. Playin' the washboard.
1203
01:22:42,460 --> 01:22:45,340
It's taken me 25
years to remember
1204
01:22:45,540 --> 01:22:47,650
how I was always
welcome at her house...
1205
01:22:47,850 --> 01:22:50,450
That's me? Oh, I
remember that swimsuit.
1206
01:22:50,650 --> 01:22:52,680
like I was one of her girls.
1207
01:22:57,470 --> 01:22:59,960
There's a point when you,
when you go, "Caroline!"
1208
01:23:00,160 --> 01:23:03,420
I bet I did.
1209
01:23:03,620 --> 01:23:07,400
It's been four years
since we lost Caroline.
1210
01:23:07,600 --> 01:23:09,800
- Yeah.
- Oh, she can see.
1211
01:23:10,000 --> 01:23:14,200
Is she gonna tell? No!
1212
01:23:14,530 --> 01:23:15,930
Yeah, she can see!
1213
01:23:18,450 --> 01:23:20,050
I asked Caroline's
mother, Missy,
1214
01:23:20,220 --> 01:23:22,080
and sister, Sarah, to join me.
1215
01:23:22,280 --> 01:23:26,360
It's not so much... an actor
as it is a personality.
1216
01:23:26,560 --> 01:23:29,440
We're trying to
do the impossible:
1217
01:23:29,640 --> 01:23:30,860
find another Caroline.
1218
01:23:31,060 --> 01:23:32,380
Are we looking
for looks? Like...
1219
01:23:32,590 --> 01:23:35,330
Yeah, this is what's so
different about Caroline.
1220
01:23:35,530 --> 01:23:38,620
She was just an old soul.
She just... She wasn't
1221
01:23:38,820 --> 01:23:40,540
of our, like, teenage world.
1222
01:23:40,740 --> 01:23:44,730
That's part of what's so hard to
capture about her, is just that...
1223
01:23:44,930 --> 01:23:48,110
'Cause if you don't have that
old soul, that perspective,
1224
01:23:48,310 --> 01:23:51,340
that sardonic way of
looking at everything,
1225
01:23:51,540 --> 01:23:54,780
you, you can't fake that,
you can't pretend it.
1226
01:23:54,980 --> 01:23:55,980
Yeah.
1227
01:23:59,950 --> 01:24:01,790
How would I ever do her justice?
1228
01:24:01,990 --> 01:24:03,960
There is a black X on the stage.
1229
01:24:04,160 --> 01:24:07,290
- You can stand there. Yeah, great. Thanks.
- Thank you.
1230
01:24:07,500 --> 01:24:09,860
- Oh.
- Hi. Hi, I'm Cecilia. I'm the director.
1231
01:24:10,060 --> 01:24:12,570
This is Sarah and this is Missy.
1232
01:24:12,770 --> 01:24:15,250
The first thing is, can you do
your "Wayne's World" impression?
1233
01:24:15,440 --> 01:24:16,920
Actually, can you
tell us about, um...
1234
01:24:17,110 --> 01:24:19,486
- Have you seen the film?
- I have. I watched it this morning.
1235
01:24:19,510 --> 01:24:22,080
I remember when Caroline
dressed up as Garth,
1236
01:24:22,280 --> 01:24:24,210
it was uncanny.
1237
01:24:24,410 --> 01:24:27,730
It was actually terrifying
how effective she was.
1238
01:24:28,350 --> 01:24:31,050
She kept walking around
with this little paper cup,
1239
01:24:31,250 --> 01:24:33,110
and she would walk up
to people and say...
1240
01:24:33,310 --> 01:24:35,680
If you're gonna
spew, spew into this.
1241
01:24:36,980 --> 01:24:38,860
Oh, God, okay.
1242
01:24:43,530 --> 01:24:46,540
If you're gonna
spew, spew into this.
1243
01:24:47,160 --> 01:24:48,940
Hey, man, if you're
gonna spew...
1244
01:24:49,140 --> 01:24:51,510
If you're gonna spew,
1245
01:24:51,710 --> 01:24:52,710
spew in this.
1246
01:24:52,810 --> 01:24:54,110
Spew into this.
1247
01:24:54,310 --> 01:24:55,130
Spew into this.
1248
01:24:55,330 --> 01:24:56,700
Hey, if you're gonna spew,
1249
01:24:56,900 --> 01:24:58,780
spew into this.
1250
01:24:58,980 --> 01:25:00,140
Thank you.
1251
01:25:00,340 --> 01:25:02,310
Um, and the other
line that we asked you
1252
01:25:02,510 --> 01:25:04,526
- to prepare, the f... the farewell line.
- Mm-hmm.
1253
01:25:04,550 --> 01:25:05,960
Give us your best farewell.
1254
01:25:06,160 --> 01:25:07,380
Okay. Farewell!
1255
01:25:07,580 --> 01:25:08,866
So, her mom would
say, ya know,
1256
01:25:08,890 --> 01:25:10,960
"Caroline, you've gotta
come home for dinner,"
1257
01:25:11,160 --> 01:25:12,300
or whatever.
1258
01:25:12,500 --> 01:25:15,320
And we'd be in the middle
of a movie or something,
1259
01:25:15,520 --> 01:25:17,660
and she'd stand up and say,
1260
01:25:17,860 --> 01:25:21,320
"Farewell. Life will never
be the same without you.
1261
01:25:21,740 --> 01:25:23,140
It'll be better."
1262
01:25:23,340 --> 01:25:24,660
And then she would leave.
1263
01:25:24,860 --> 01:25:29,170
Farewell. Life will never
be the same without you.
1264
01:25:29,370 --> 01:25:30,900
It'll be better.
1265
01:25:38,050 --> 01:25:41,840
That's what I mean. I think you
could bring the tough out in her.
1266
01:25:46,770 --> 01:25:51,520
Yeah... I mean, not one
of them has that, um...
1267
01:25:51,720 --> 01:25:53,096
- They're too nice.
- That edge.
1268
01:25:53,120 --> 01:25:55,670
Yeah. They're
too nice. I know!
1269
01:25:55,870 --> 01:25:59,430
The right actress is gonna have
to be willing to let go more.
1270
01:25:59,630 --> 01:26:00,820
Yeah.
1271
01:26:01,780 --> 01:26:03,350
Yeah, fearless.
1272
01:26:03,550 --> 01:26:04,310
Yeah.
1273
01:26:04,510 --> 01:26:06,370
I think it's the
question of, like,
1274
01:26:06,570 --> 01:26:09,350
is it somebody who can be like
Caroline or somebody who can...
1275
01:26:09,550 --> 01:26:11,190
- who I can...
- Direct...
1276
01:26:11,390 --> 01:26:14,550
O-Or even, like, that
I can connect with
1277
01:26:14,750 --> 01:26:17,670
that can help me
understand this friendship.
1278
01:26:18,460 --> 01:26:19,870
Maybe it's not about...
1279
01:26:20,060 --> 01:26:22,220
- You wanna know what I think?
- Yeah, of course.
1280
01:26:22,300 --> 01:26:24,340
You need the connection.
1281
01:26:26,050 --> 01:26:27,370
- The connection.
- Yeah.
1282
01:26:27,570 --> 01:26:29,770
It can come in different
shapes and form.
1283
01:26:33,440 --> 01:26:36,690
I honestly didn't think
we would find her.
1284
01:26:43,030 --> 01:26:44,990
Trick or treat!
1285
01:26:45,660 --> 01:26:49,080
If you're gonna
spew, spew into this!
1286
01:26:49,280 --> 01:26:51,810
Trick or treat!
1287
01:26:55,460 --> 01:26:58,700
- Aw.
- You can have it. I don't want it.
1288
01:26:58,900 --> 01:27:02,630
I don't want it. Next house!
1289
01:27:03,930 --> 01:27:05,240
And cut!
1290
01:27:05,440 --> 01:27:08,100
This, this was
actually Caroline's.
1291
01:27:08,300 --> 01:27:09,656
And look at how large it is.
1292
01:27:09,680 --> 01:27:11,216
- It's really oversized.
- Yeah.
1293
01:27:11,240 --> 01:27:13,310
Yeah. Can we see
how this would be?
1294
01:27:13,510 --> 01:27:15,216
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I mean, do you think...
1295
01:27:15,240 --> 01:27:18,320
- Does this feel, does this feel accurate?
- Yeah, it's good.
1296
01:27:18,520 --> 01:27:21,890
We filmed it all at
the house I grew up in,
1297
01:27:22,080 --> 01:27:24,070
down the street from Caroline's.
1298
01:27:24,570 --> 01:27:26,330
And Laura came by to meet her.
1299
01:27:26,530 --> 01:27:27,660
Very bizarre.
1300
01:27:27,860 --> 01:27:29,180
- Hi.
- Hi!
1301
01:27:29,380 --> 01:27:30,560
Oh, my God.
1302
01:27:30,760 --> 01:27:32,960
- Hi.
- You're Caroline, it's really crazy.
1303
01:27:33,160 --> 01:27:37,540
- What do you think? Did we do a good job?
- It's wild. Yes! Oh, my God.
1304
01:27:38,460 --> 01:27:40,360
- It's uncanny.
- Hi. I'm Trinity.
1305
01:27:40,560 --> 01:27:43,450
- Hi, Trinity. I'm Laura.
- Hi! Hi, Laura.
1306
01:27:43,650 --> 01:27:45,490
I feel like I've known
you since I was a child.
1307
01:27:45,650 --> 01:27:46,810
You, you have...
1308
01:27:47,010 --> 01:27:49,640
We... I've been possessed
by the ghost of Caroline.
1309
01:27:49,840 --> 01:27:51,750
- Fantastic!
- So...
1310
01:27:53,410 --> 01:27:55,420
Guys, this robe
has shoulder pads!
1311
01:27:55,620 --> 01:27:58,030
Very nice.
1312
01:27:58,230 --> 01:27:59,230
Speeding.
1313
01:27:59,410 --> 01:28:02,030
- And Laura?
- Ready?
1314
01:28:02,230 --> 01:28:03,660
One!
1315
01:28:05,570 --> 01:28:07,530
Okay!
1316
01:28:07,860 --> 01:28:10,770
False start! Still rolling,
guys, still rolling!
1317
01:28:10,970 --> 01:28:13,566
Still rolling. Come on out,
come on out, come on out.
1318
01:28:13,590 --> 01:28:14,870
Did Caroline ever
read in voices?
1319
01:28:15,030 --> 01:28:17,230
Oh, yeah. You should
do voices for sure.
1320
01:28:17,430 --> 01:28:19,150
Give it your all.
1321
01:28:19,270 --> 01:28:21,496
Alright, blanket over
the heads, please.
1322
01:28:21,520 --> 01:28:23,710
Thank you.
1323
01:28:39,310 --> 01:28:40,400
It's fun.
1324
01:28:53,840 --> 01:28:55,716
- How was that? How was that?
- That was great.
1325
01:28:55,740 --> 01:28:58,290
- Was that funny?
- Yeah, yeah.
1326
01:28:58,500 --> 01:29:01,540
That was real, is what
that was, that was real.
1327
01:29:01,750 --> 01:29:04,550
Look at you go.
1328
01:29:11,140 --> 01:29:13,290
She makes the same faces I do.
1329
01:29:13,490 --> 01:29:14,490
- Who?
- You.
1330
01:29:14,590 --> 01:29:15,970
- Me?
- Yeah.
1331
01:29:21,020 --> 01:29:23,770
Yeah.
1332
01:29:26,440 --> 01:29:29,200
Isn't this cute?
1333
01:29:29,990 --> 01:29:33,580
If life is finite,
and time is finite,
1334
01:29:33,780 --> 01:29:36,540
whether it's in high
school or adulthood,
1335
01:29:36,740 --> 01:29:39,960
and you spend your time on
people who don't care about you,
1336
01:29:40,160 --> 01:29:43,690
you spend your time in places
where you do not belong,
1337
01:29:43,890 --> 01:29:46,820
surrounding yourself
with the wrong people,
1338
01:29:47,020 --> 01:29:48,570
or not leaving,
1339
01:29:48,770 --> 01:29:50,470
you run out of time.
1340
01:29:50,720 --> 01:29:52,490
- Hi, Caroline.
- Oh, no.
1341
01:29:52,690 --> 01:29:54,080
Oh, no.
1342
01:30:01,020 --> 01:30:03,660
I shouldn't have bothered trying
to get into their parties,
1343
01:30:03,810 --> 01:30:06,880
or make them my friends,
or ride in their cars,
1344
01:30:07,080 --> 01:30:11,220
or, ya know, go to
prom in their limo.
1345
01:30:11,420 --> 01:30:13,180
What's the point of
caring about boys,
1346
01:30:13,380 --> 01:30:14,620
or getting your first kiss,
1347
01:30:14,820 --> 01:30:16,600
or meeting these milestones
1348
01:30:16,800 --> 01:30:18,620
if they happen at the expense
1349
01:30:18,820 --> 01:30:21,920
of everything else that's
real in friendship?
1350
01:30:24,560 --> 01:30:26,970
It felt like I had
to make a choice.
1351
01:30:27,170 --> 01:30:29,340
I couldn't be friends
with this person.
1352
01:30:29,540 --> 01:30:32,450
And this goes back to this
thing about time being finite.
1353
01:30:32,650 --> 01:30:35,850
I mean, come on, she's dead.
1354
01:30:36,050 --> 01:30:37,960
I ran outta time.
1355
01:30:38,160 --> 01:30:41,350
She was there. She
was always there.
1356
01:30:42,060 --> 01:30:44,420
I clocked 10 years
with this person.
1357
01:30:44,620 --> 01:30:46,420
This album should
be full of pictures
1358
01:30:46,620 --> 01:30:48,980
from everything we did together.
1359
01:30:49,860 --> 01:30:53,100
You know, it's like I have
these memories of my adolescence
1360
01:30:53,300 --> 01:30:56,600
that are crystallized
hard, like a diamond,
1361
01:30:56,800 --> 01:30:58,580
and those are the bad memories.
1362
01:30:58,830 --> 01:31:02,440
I can tell you specific details
about what I was wearing,
1363
01:31:02,640 --> 01:31:04,080
what somebody said to me.
1364
01:31:04,500 --> 01:31:10,820
My memories, my bad memories,
get marked with these details.
1365
01:31:11,020 --> 01:31:14,380
And yet, with Caroline,
it's just a blur.
1366
01:31:14,680 --> 01:31:16,290
Because there's so much,
1367
01:31:16,490 --> 01:31:19,890
that it's a mood,
it's a montage.
1368
01:31:20,520 --> 01:31:23,590
My 10 years of
friendship with Caroline,
1369
01:31:23,790 --> 01:31:25,630
it's so monumental
1370
01:31:25,830 --> 01:31:28,570
that the only way to look at it,
1371
01:31:29,480 --> 01:31:31,200
it's a movie montage.
1372
01:31:31,400 --> 01:31:34,740
Caroline, Caroline!
1373
01:31:34,940 --> 01:31:37,140
Caroline! Caroline, watch!
1374
01:31:46,330 --> 01:31:51,130
She comes to me in fragments,
a few broken traits.
1375
01:31:54,470 --> 01:31:59,100
Strawberry blonde
hair. Trifocal glasses.
1376
01:32:02,470 --> 01:32:03,900
A joke.
1377
01:32:06,520 --> 01:32:08,800
A pair of shoeless feet.
1378
01:32:11,210 --> 01:32:14,860
She didn't have a
mean bone in her body.
1379
01:32:18,410 --> 01:32:23,870
Caroline taught me it was okay
to be what I feared the most,
1380
01:32:25,120 --> 01:32:29,080
a thinking person, a
questioning person,
1381
01:32:30,380 --> 01:32:32,200
an outsider.
1382
01:32:53,730 --> 01:32:54,950
Hey, is Ceci home?
1383
01:32:55,150 --> 01:32:56,686
Yeah, she's... I'll
go get her for you.
1384
01:32:56,710 --> 01:32:58,910
Okay, thank you.
1385
01:33:01,370 --> 01:33:03,660
Let's do it, let's bust
this Popsicle stand.
1386
01:33:03,860 --> 01:33:05,770
Now, listen, I
was just thinking.
1387
01:33:05,970 --> 01:33:07,960
What if we, like,
went over there,
1388
01:33:08,160 --> 01:33:10,460
and egged that house,
like, later tonight?
1389
01:33:10,660 --> 01:33:12,570
- Yes. Yes!
- Toilet paper?
1390
01:33:12,770 --> 01:33:14,330
I have plenty of toilet paper.
1391
01:33:14,400 --> 01:33:16,146
- Alright.
- Don't ask why.
1392
01:33:16,170 --> 01:33:18,970
Why? 'Cause you're a butt?
1393
01:33:19,170 --> 01:33:21,540
I'm an av-avid pooper.
1394
01:33:23,610 --> 01:33:25,460
- Avid.
- Is that a word?
1395
01:33:25,660 --> 01:33:26,480
Yeah, it's a great word.
1396
01:33:26,680 --> 01:33:28,000
That was an excellent
use of avid.
1397
01:33:28,060 --> 01:33:29,690
- Yes.
- Yeah, yeah.
1398
01:33:29,890 --> 01:33:31,690
You can use it in
your... on a vocab test.
1399
01:33:31,890 --> 01:33:34,806
- I will, I will.
- You would pass. You... Flying colors.
1400
01:33:34,830 --> 01:33:36,710
- A-plus-plus.
- Thank you.
1401
01:33:36,750 --> 01:33:38,106
- Yeah.
- Farewell,
1402
01:33:38,130 --> 01:33:40,470
life will never be
the same without you.
1403
01:33:40,670 --> 01:33:42,200
It will be better!
1404
01:34:01,470 --> 01:34:03,720
And cut!
1405
01:34:06,100 --> 01:34:08,220
What'd you think?
1406
01:34:12,650 --> 01:34:13,900
What'd you think?
1407
01:34:14,100 --> 01:34:15,806
I like it. I really
like that ending.
1408
01:34:15,830 --> 01:34:17,010
Good, I love the...
1409
01:34:17,210 --> 01:34:19,700
I wonder if they get the
real sounds from the birds.
1410
01:34:19,900 --> 01:34:21,910
'Cause that would
be so lovely.
1411
01:34:28,750 --> 01:34:32,290
- That's pretty cool.
- Thank you! My ghost....
1412
01:34:35,590 --> 01:34:37,840
Is that real human hair?
1413
01:34:39,960 --> 01:34:42,220
Nobody's hair is
really that shiny.
1414
01:34:47,220 --> 01:34:49,000
I'm coming, I'm
coming, I'm coming.
1415
01:34:49,200 --> 01:34:51,290
Don't run.
1416
01:34:51,490 --> 01:34:53,946
That's how people get hurt.
That's how people get hurt.
1417
01:34:53,970 --> 01:34:55,686
- I don't get hurt.
- You're running.
1418
01:35:08,330 --> 01:35:10,276
Do you, do you think
you guys look good?
1419
01:35:10,300 --> 01:35:11,300
Do you like your butts?
1420
01:35:11,330 --> 01:35:13,360
Oh, look, Brennan's
in the shot now.
1421
01:35:15,100 --> 01:35:16,530
Did we tail slate already?
1422
01:35:16,730 --> 01:35:18,420
I did, yeah.
1423
01:35:31,930 --> 01:35:33,540
What do you think?
1424
01:35:33,740 --> 01:35:35,440
How was my butt that time?
1425
01:35:38,120 --> 01:35:40,480
I know, I just suddenly
got a better butt.
1426
01:35:47,260 --> 01:35:50,700
Actually, it's,
like, pretty good.
1427
01:35:51,080 --> 01:35:53,330
What do you think of my new do?
1428
01:35:53,830 --> 01:35:55,016
Do you like the ending?
1429
01:35:55,040 --> 01:35:56,136
I think it's a great ending.
1430
01:35:56,160 --> 01:35:57,610
It's kind of sweet, right?
1431
01:35:57,810 --> 01:35:59,150
And you know what,
it's an homage
1432
01:35:59,350 --> 01:36:00,530
to two movies, actually,
1433
01:36:00,730 --> 01:36:02,680
"Big" and "Postcards
from the Edge."
1434
01:36:11,890 --> 01:36:13,580
You guys, you
could all watch it.
1435
01:36:13,780 --> 01:36:18,210
It's so good. Meryl Streep, I
mean, Shirley MacLaine, uh...
1436
01:37:04,980 --> 01:37:07,240
Okay, guys. I
think we got that!
112470
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