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00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,570
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
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00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:06,939
MAN:
If you look on your left,you'll see the historic
3
00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:09,575
public garden,which in colonial days was used
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00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:12,177
as a public grazing area
for privately owned livestock.
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00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:15,080
On your right are some
of the historic brownstones.
6
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:17,716
Oh, my God, step on it, Harry!
He doesn't know what he's
talking about!
7
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:18,917
It's that
know-it-all mailman!
8
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:21,320
You wanna know the real...
I'll tell you the real story!
9
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,188
The Clavins got here
before the pilgrims!
10
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,523
(theme song begins)
11
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:31,063
# Making your way
in the world today #
12
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,599
# Takes everything you've got #
13
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:37,036
# Taking a break
from all your worries #
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00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:40,472
# Sure would help a lot #
15
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:44,243
# Wouldn't you like
to get away? #
16
00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:48,280
# Sometimes you want to go #
17
00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:52,051
# Where everybody
knows your name #
18
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:58,390
# And they're always
glad you came #
19
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:00,392
# You wanna be
where you can see #
20
00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:03,495
# Our troubles
are all the same #
21
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:06,732
# You wanna be where
everybody knows your name #
22
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,069
# You wanna go
where people know #
23
00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:13,539
# People are all the same #
24
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:17,543
# You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. #
25
00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:38,230
This damned headache.
26
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,699
I've had it all day.
I can't seem to shake it.
27
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,868
Oh, you know, those
dilated veins there
28
00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:45,604
will just add to your
discomfort there, Doc.
29
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:47,306
On the other hand,
there is a possibility
30
00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:49,241
that what you have
is not a headache at all
31
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,276
but rather an earwig
that's crawled
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00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:53,846
into your auditory canal
while you were asleep
33
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,148
and who is
at this very moment,
34
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:59,184
uh, chewing its way
through your cerebral cortex.
35
00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:02,988
Sam, may I have a glass
of water, please?
36
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,224
I... I'll just take
another aspirin.
37
00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:06,592
That ought to do it.
38
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,427
Frasier, hold it, I
know just the thing.
39
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,162
I'm really good
at massage.
40
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,831
Just sit down,
relax...
41
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,339
There--
how is that?
42
00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:21,640
(hoarse):
I didn't get any water.
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00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:25,477
Carla, can I ask you
a favor?
44
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:26,545
No, Woody, I'm
not going
45
00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:27,913
to work for you
this afternoon.
46
00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:29,314
I've already taken
over your schedule
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00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,583
for the past couple of
days, and I'm sick of it.
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00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:32,785
You can just tell
your girlfriend
49
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:33,852
you'll see her
after work.
50
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:34,987
Well, actually,
I was gonna ask
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00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:36,422
if you could get
off my foot.
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00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,091
Oh.
53
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:43,362
Speaking of shifts, Sam, uh,
can I leave early?
54
00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:45,230
Kelly hates it when
I'm late for a date.
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00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:46,732
Henri doesn't care
for it much, either.
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00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:49,134
Henri?
That slick French
57
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,770
make-out artist always trying to
grab other people's women
58
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,005
with some phony line?
59
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:54,506
Yeah, that's the guy.
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00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:58,143
I always
liked that guy.
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00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,478
Yeah, well, Kelly
likes him, too.
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00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,313
He goes on every
date with us.
63
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,015
Yeah, well, just
as long as he's stopped
64
00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:05,217
making those jokes
about stealing Kelly from you.
65
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,618
He has?
66
00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:08,487
Why didn't you
tell me sooner, Sam?
No, no.
67
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:09,822
I hate those jokes.
No...
68
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,690
Woody, I don't know that
he has, I was just asking.
69
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,059
Oh.
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00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:17,162
Hey, Sam, I hear you're getting
a big refund from the IRS.
71
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,364
I am?
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00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:20,733
Two can play
that little game, Sam.
73
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:25,137
Oh, there you are,
my poor darling.
74
00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:27,473
And you've still got
your headache, haven't you?
75
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:29,708
Oh, I can see
it's gotten worse
76
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,745
by those tiny little pressure
wrinkles around your eyes.
77
00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:35,948
Maybe that's just
fatty tissue.
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00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:38,150
It'll go away.
79
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,152
Oh, no, no, once you
get those fat bags,
80
00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:41,353
they're there to stay.
81
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,356
Describe the pain
to me.
82
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,225
Is it a sharp,
stabbing pain?
83
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:47,793
Is it a dull ache?
84
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:49,528
Is it a
pressure headache?
85
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:50,896
Or is it a
throbbing headache,
86
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:52,598
one that just pounds
and pounds
87
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:54,233
and pounds
and pounds...
88
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,701
Lilith, if you don't
stop it, my head
89
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,336
is going to explode
all over this bar!
90
00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:58,504
All right!
91
00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:00,773
Hey, Paul,
get out here!
92
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:03,008
Frasier,
I'm concerned.
93
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:05,177
I think it's time we
tried alternative medicine.
94
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:07,212
No, no, I am not going
to wear a crystal
95
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,580
or dissolve herbs
under my tongue
96
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:10,816
or listen to some aging hippie
playing the whale flute.
97
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,084
That's not why
98
00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:13,352
I went to college,
although,
99
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,487
when I went to college,
I did all those things.
100
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,623
I'm talking about acupuncture.
101
00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:18,657
No, never!
102
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,859
It's worked for thousands
of years.
103
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,828
The Chinese people
have been practicing it
104
00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:24,630
since the Stone Age.
105
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:26,532
Why do you insist
on closing your mind
106
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:27,766
to such a
time-honored remedy?
107
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,668
'Cause it'll hurt!
108
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,170
I'm calling Dr. Lee.
109
00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:33,939
How's your
headache, Frasier?
110
00:04:33,973 --> 00:04:35,574
Oh, fine.
111
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,843
She's into alternative
medicines these days.
112
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:41,447
WOODY:
Hey, Henri.
113
00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:42,715
Kelly.
114
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:45,017
Woody, I have a
riddle for you.
115
00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:46,919
How long
will it take
116
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,854
for me to steal
your girlfriend?
117
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:50,789
I give up.
118
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,692
Then it won't
take long at all.
119
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,227
Such an operator,
it makes me sick.
120
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:57,363
Yeah, it makes me mad
just to look at him.
121
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,530
Hello, fellows!
122
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,833
ALL:
Hey, Henri, how you doing?
123
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,668
Hey, Henri, how are you doing?
124
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:05,871
Sam, how is my favorite
American chaser of women?
125
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:08,007
No, I'm not doing
that anymore, Henri.
126
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,975
You know, I... I've reached
that point in my life
127
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:12,711
where my priorities are
beginning to shift.
128
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,381
I think I want to settle
down and raise a family.
129
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:18,751
Ooh, that's a good line.
Does it work?
130
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,019
No, no, no, I'm...
131
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,820
I'm really serious
about this, Henri.
132
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,355
I... I'm gonna go
through with this.
133
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:24,323
Sammy, don't worry,
134
00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:25,958
I will not steal
your precious line.
135
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:26,959
No.
136
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,494
You... you gotta
understand...
137
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:29,862
Hey, Henri.
138
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,764
I've got a letter here
for you-- looks important.
139
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,699
I even had to sign for
it and everything.
140
00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:36,101
Henri, why are you getting
your mail here?
141
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,437
Because I feel this
is my second home,
142
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:42,541
and sometimes I
get letters postage due.
143
00:05:42,575 --> 00:05:44,109
Oh, mon dieu.
144
00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:46,945
KELLY:
Oh, no.
145
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:47,913
What is it?
146
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:49,715
Oh, this is terrible.
147
00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:51,050
Henri's visa
has expired,
148
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,452
and he has to leave the
country in two days.
149
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:55,621
Help me out with
the "terrible" part.
150
00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:59,591
I am being kicked out,
just because I
151
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,960
am not a citizen
and I have no job
152
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,762
and I have no prospect
for a job
153
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:06,131
and I have no wish
for a job.
154
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,132
Wait a minute,
they can kick
155
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,233
you out of the
country for that?
156
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,136
No, no, relax, you...
you were born here.
157
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,972
God bless America.
Hey, amen.
158
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:18,010
Oh, I will miss
this great country.
159
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,645
I have been in love with it
160
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:21,780
ever since I
got my first glimpse
161
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:24,283
of that big, beautiful woman
in the harbor.
162
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:25,284
Ah, yeah,
163
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,985
Lady Liberty.
164
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,722
She told me her
name was Kiki.
165
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,994
Oh, Woody, isn't this
the worst news ever?
166
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:37,629
Aren't you
gonna miss Henri?
167
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:42,134
Yeah, it's the worst
news I've ever heard.
168
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:43,369
Hey, Henri,
169
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,437
sorry to see you go--
don't be a stranger.
170
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:46,972
Woody Boyd,
171
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,241
why are your hands
behind your back?
172
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:50,976
Are you
making crossies?
173
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,047
Well, if I was
making crossies,
174
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,615
then I could tell
you that I wasn't,
175
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:57,983
and I still
wouldn't be lying,
176
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:01,487
so, Kelly, no, I'm
not making crossies.
177
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,290
Oh, Woody.
178
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:08,227
Stop it, Kelly, I hate it
when you yell at me.
179
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,561
I don't think you
know how much
180
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,797
Henri loves this country,
and for you
181
00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:15,501
to stand there and act happy
that poor Henri is leaving.
182
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:17,136
Well,
183
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,237
that's just...
184
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:21,106
Kelly,
185
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:23,976
try to control yourself,
this is a public place.
186
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:27,446
Oh, Kelly, do not
be angry with Woody.
187
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,682
I have not always
played fair with him.
188
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,150
Ah, well,
189
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:34,086
maybe in another time,
in another place,
190
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,621
we could have
been friends.
191
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,990
Oh, gee, Henri.
192
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,260
Yes, I will miss America,
but you know, Woody,
193
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,128
I will miss you
most of all,
194
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:46,965
because to me,
you are America.
195
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,702
You are what this
country is all about,
196
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:53,138
and now I will never
see it or you again.
197
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,074
Adieu.
198
00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:00,245
What kind of a country is it
that kicks a guy
199
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,115
like him out
and lets a guy like me stay?
200
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,718
I'll tell you what country...
201
00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:08,420
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
202
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:11,357
ALL:
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
203
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:17,262
Hey, Woody,
what you doing?
204
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,932
Well, now that Henri's
going back to Europe...
Yeah?
205
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,800
I can finally be
alone with Kelly.
206
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,669
I can look her
in the eyes
207
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,771
and let all my feelings
pour out spontaneously.
208
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:26,839
Yeah.
209
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,708
I have them written
down on these cards.
210
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:30,809
When I ask Kelly
to marry me,
211
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,044
I want to
get it right.
212
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,146
I better put these
in my hiding place.
213
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,714
Well, how come you
have to hide them?
214
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:36,915
Carla got a hold
of them once.
215
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,550
You should have seen
what she had me saying
216
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,052
on card nine--
I couldn't even pronounce it.
217
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:41,754
Oh.
Give me a boost, Sam.
218
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,288
Oh, hold on.
219
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,223
Here we go.
All right.
220
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:45,824
(grunting)
221
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,059
All right.
222
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:48,527
Okay, I got it.
223
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:51,063
Hey, look,
here's my wallet.
224
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,403
I left this thing up here
six months ago.
225
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,805
See, I never even thought
to look up there.
226
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:04,910
All right,
I can drive again!
227
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:07,046
Oh, God.
228
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,882
Ah, that headache's still
bothering you, huh, Fras?
229
00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:11,550
Oh, yes.
Yep.
230
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:13,419
What do those things
feel like, anyway?
231
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:15,554
You've never
had a headache, Norm?
232
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:16,955
I don't think so.
233
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,223
How... how do you get one?
234
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,927
Oh, it's a variety of reasons.
235
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:23,562
Usually stress or tension.
236
00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:24,563
Hmm?
237
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:29,234
Job-related anxieties,
day-to-day pressures.
238
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,170
Come again?
239
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,705
It's like, um...
240
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,640
when you eat ice cream too fast.
241
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,675
Oh, I hate that.
242
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:42,247
Frasier, I've got
Dr. Lee outside.
243
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:43,849
Lilith, I thought I
made it perfectly clear
244
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,684
that I will not
submit to acupuncture!
245
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,619
Well, then, perhaps you'll
allow the doctor
246
00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:50,089
to practice acupressure,
a simple massage
247
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,657
using the body's
pressure points.
248
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,058
No, I'm not having
some spooky quack
249
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,793
practice the mysteries
of the Orient on my body!
250
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,697
FRASIER:
Well...
251
00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:02,401
you know, Lilith, perhaps I'm
being a bit too Eurocentric.
252
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,069
Right this way, Dr. Lee.
253
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:08,073
So, I understand you're having
a little problem with headaches?
254
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,141
Oh, yes.
255
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:11,276
You are going to, um...
256
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,212
warm the oil, aren't you?
257
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,351
Hello, Woody.
258
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:22,354
Woody, you are so sweet
to see Henri off.
259
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,456
Well, that's just the
way I was raised.
260
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,158
So, Henri, what time
does your plane
261
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,726
leave American
airspace?
262
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,696
Yeah, personally,
I say good riddance.
263
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:32,398
Yeah?
Yeah, then the charms
of the French
264
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:33,499
have always
been lost on me.
265
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:34,900
I mean, when W.W. Three
rolls around,
266
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,902
they'd better not come
to old Cliff Clavin
267
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:39,171
to pull their fromage out
of the fire, no, siree!
268
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,407
I've got plans.
269
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,275
Yeah, when those
missiles start flying,
270
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,177
I'll be in a
fully stocked-up,
271
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,880
juiced-up Winnebago,
heading at 65 per,
272
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:50,315
armed to the teeth, right
to the border of Mexico.
273
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,184
Yes, sir.
274
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,852
Those cockroaches
and Cliff Clavin
275
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,654
are gonna do just
fine, thank you.
276
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:59,958
What a wonderful
civilization you'll build.
277
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,527
Amen.
278
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:02,728
Gee, Henri
looks so sad.
279
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,263
Oh, he's been
like this all day.
280
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:05,898
I've tried to snap him
out of it,
281
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:07,099
but nothing worked.
282
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,101
We even played that game
he invented:
283
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,936
"Shower Rescue."
284
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,142
It is no use.
285
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,344
Oh, Henri,
286
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,079
I wish there was some way
287
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:21,814
we could fix things
so you could stay.
288
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,082
WOODY:
Well, there's not.
289
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,684
It's too bad-- let's
get going, Henri.
290
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,887
Well, there is one way,
but it's...
291
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,389
it's too much to ask.
292
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:31,423
Oh, come on,
Henri, tell me.
293
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:32,491
Oh, no, no, no, no.
294
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,326
It would require
some individual
295
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,695
to make a great
sacrifice.
296
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:37,930
Well, we'd better get
to the airport.
297
00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:38,964
You only got six hours.
298
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,234
Stop it, Woody.
299
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:43,669
Henri is trying
to tell me something.
300
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,937
Hey, you know
what they say,
301
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:47,339
"first luggage on,
first luggage off."
302
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,942
It was nothing.
303
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,977
Uh, just a crazy idea
304
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:54,213
that I could find some
American citizen
305
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,148
to marry me
and thereby allow me
306
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:58,250
to remain
in your beautiful country.
307
00:11:58,284 --> 00:12:00,619
What a foolish dreamer
I am.
308
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,688
Okay, we better get Henri
to the airport.
309
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,490
Let's bring
the car around.
310
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:12,231
Un, deux, trois...
311
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:15,300
Henri, I just had
a great idea!
312
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:16,368
Really?
313
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,469
You could marry me!
314
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,505
Oh!
315
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,381
Kelly, how can
you do this?
316
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,883
How can you
marry Henri?
317
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:34,353
Woody, it's just a little trick
so he can stay in the country.
318
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,188
It's nothing
serious.
Exactly.
319
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:38,524
We'll get married,
go on our honeymoon,
320
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:39,825
come back
and get divorced.
321
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:41,326
We're going
on a honeymoon?!
322
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,662
Oh, goody!
323
00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:45,597
Oh, yes,
we have to.
324
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:48,567
The immigration people
are very thorough.
325
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,569
Sometimes they even bug
the honeymoon suite
326
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,137
to see if you are faking.
327
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:55,774
Only you will
not be faking.
328
00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:57,843
Kelly, I'm
telling you,
329
00:12:57,877 --> 00:12:59,378
I don't like this idea.
330
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:00,612
Really?
331
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:01,947
No, not one bit.
332
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:04,950
Sorry, Henri, but I
guess I can't marry you
333
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:08,087
because my boyfriend
won't let me.
334
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,221
Very well.
335
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:10,656
I... I understand.
336
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,858
Woody loves you very, very much.
337
00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:14,793
So much that
he is willing
338
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,428
to snatch away
my one chance
339
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,530
to remain
in my adopted homeland.
340
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,534
# Oh, beautiful #
341
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:27,239
(voice breaking):
# For spacious skies... #
342
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,642
They really are spacious,
you know!
343
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:34,079
Look at
him, Woody.
344
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:35,981
Please let me
marry him!
345
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,850
Please,
please, please!
346
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:39,151
Forget it.
347
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:40,552
Kelly,
348
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:43,922
I-I love you, and I don't want
to see you with another man.
349
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:46,658
I-I forbid you
to marry Henri.
350
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:48,794
Well, Mr. Woody Boyd,
351
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:52,064
the mask has
certainly come off.
352
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,034
If you're so
small-minded that
353
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:58,170
my marrying another
man makes you take a
rude tone of voice...
354
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,473
...maybe you're not
the man I want to marry
355
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,709
right after
I marry this man.
356
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:05,377
Come on, Henri,
we're leaving.
357
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:06,845
WOODY:
Kelly,
358
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,248
if you open that door,
that's it, it's over.
359
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,151
All right,
Kelly,
360
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,720
if you go up those
steps, it is really over.
361
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,225
Kelly, if you keep walking
down Beacon Street
362
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:23,328
and take the left
on Charles, it's over!
363
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,998
(loud groaning)
364
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,000
What the hell
was that?
365
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:31,737
You've never heard
your husband groan?
366
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,706
Oh, what a shock!
367
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,511
I'm sure Frasier
is benefiting
368
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,714
from an especially
thorough massage.
369
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:44,249
FRASIER:
Oh! Oh. Oh! Oh!
370
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,854
Sam, could
I ask you a favor?
371
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,155
Sure.
372
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:53,125
Would you discreetly pop
your head into your office
373
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:56,061
and casually determine
what's taking them so long?
374
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,396
I would do it myself,
375
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,398
but Frasier always says
I'm so smothering.
376
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,266
Yeah. No
problem, honey.
377
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,668
(clears throat)
378
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,272
Relax, Lilith.
Everything's fine.
379
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:09,241
Norm, Cliff,
get in here.
380
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,486
I wonder
what that was all about.
381
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,653
Uh, Paul?
382
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,063
I got 50
bucks says
383
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,465
he passes out before
she gets to 100.
384
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,167
Oh. I got, uh, ten
that'll cover that.
385
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,468
NORM:
All right.
386
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,337
I'm in.
LILITH:
Excuse me.
387
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,706
That's my husband
you're wagering over.
388
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:42,675
Put me down for 20.
389
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,748
So, what'll
you have, Kelly?
390
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,016
Oh, nothing.
391
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,718
I'm just here
waiting for Woody.
392
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,820
I really have to
make up with him.
393
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,388
I just feel like
394
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:59,191
my whole life has come
crashing down around my ears.
395
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:01,694
Uh-huh.
There's a five dollar minimum.
396
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,501
Kelly.
397
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,003
Woody, I'm so sorry.
398
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:13,272
Well, I'm sorry, too, Kelly.
399
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,441
We should have never
had that terrible fight.
400
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,509
It was all
my fault.
401
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:19,078
Well, at least
we're back together.
402
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,046
Now let's never fight again,
403
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:23,015
even if we have
genuine disagreements.
404
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:25,784
Woody, I
don't think
405
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,152
you and I will
ever disagree
406
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,221
on anything again.
407
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:30,856
Well, I've got to go.
408
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:32,291
Where are you going?
409
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,625
To City Hall
410
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,728
to marry Henri,
Mr. Forgetful.
411
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,330
I'll call you
after the wedding.
412
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:40,299
Love you.
413
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,904
You okay?
414
00:16:45,939 --> 00:16:47,639
Sam, have you ever loved a woman
415
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,975
who was on her way
to marry someone else?
416
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:52,578
Well, once in the
back of a limo,
417
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,713
but I'm not
proud of it.
418
00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:56,515
What am I supposed to do?
419
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:59,885
Aren't you tired of letting
that guy walk all over you?
420
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:01,787
Well, yeah, but...
Well, then,
421
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,088
go stop the
wedding, man.
422
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,890
Give her that speech
you've been practicing.
423
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,792
You're right, Sam.
424
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,327
Out of my way, everybody.
425
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,863
I'm going to bust up
a wedding.
All right, Wood.
426
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,598
And ask Kelly
to marry me instead.
427
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,133
(whooping, applause
& chatter)
There you go...
428
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,467
Give me a boost, Sam.
429
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:17,069
Yeah, all right,
there you go.
430
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:18,637
WOODY:
Okay.
431
00:17:18,672 --> 00:17:20,472
Just a little
higher, Sam.
432
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:21,674
Okay, I got 'em.
433
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:22,875
Let me down.
434
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,410
Okay. Here we go.
435
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,945
Let me down, Sam.
436
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,247
I did.
437
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:29,615
What-What are you doing, man?
438
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,849
You holding on there?
439
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,184
No, I must be stuck.
440
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,519
Well...
441
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,120
don't panic here.
We-We'll get you down.
442
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,222
(yelling)
443
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:38,991
All right.
Uh, let me...
444
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:40,926
let me climb up there
and see what's going on.
445
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,494
No, no, Sam,
there's no time!
446
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:43,829
Go break up
that wedding!
447
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,230
Go-Go ahead!
448
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,398
Uh, Carla?
Yeah?
449
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,367
Just help him
out there, will you?
450
00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:54,039
WOODY:
Aah!
451
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,108
Oh! Ow!
452
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:58,844
I'm telling you, Paul,
you got to get out here!
453
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,353
And so, by the authority
vested in me,
454
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,088
by the Commonwealth
of Massachusetts...
455
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,122
SAM:
Wait, wait,
wait, wait!
456
00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:11,690
I here...
Stop, stop!
457
00:18:11,725 --> 00:18:13,258
Hey, they don't love each other.
458
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,426
This wedding's a sham!
459
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,529
Oh, I-I'm sorry.
460
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,164
It's the wrong wedding.
461
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,800
No, it's the
right wedding.
462
00:18:21,835 --> 00:18:24,136
I don't
love you.
463
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:25,404
I never have,
464
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,405
and I never will.
465
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,913
Anyhoo...
466
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:38,317
And so, Kelly and Henri,
by the authority
467
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:39,651
vested in me by the
468
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,620
Commonwealth of Massachusetts,
I now pronounce you...
469
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:44,089
Whoa! All right, all right,
all right, hey, whoa.
470
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,724
Sam, what are
you doing here?
471
00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:48,494
I-I... Well, I'm here,
because there's a certain guy
472
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:50,162
who loves you
very much, honey,
473
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:52,097
a lot more
than Henri ever could,
474
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,833
and someone I think
that you have overlooked.
475
00:18:54,868 --> 00:18:56,368
Well, sure, Sam,
476
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:59,538
there's always been a
spark between you and me.
477
00:19:04,044 --> 00:19:06,011
It's understandable, honey.
478
00:19:06,046 --> 00:19:07,646
Just pre-wedding jitters.
479
00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:09,715
It happens
to everybody.
480
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,684
Now, you ready
to go on?
481
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,585
I think so.
482
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,587
Very well, then.
483
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:18,390
Friends, we are gathered
here today
484
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:19,692
to...
Stop this wedding!
485
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,026
She doesn't love him!
486
00:19:21,061 --> 00:19:22,361
It's a disgrace!
487
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,697
Aw, now, come on!
488
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,566
He's right.
489
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:28,901
They're all right.
490
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:30,469
Let's face it--
it won't work,
491
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,037
and the whole
world knows it!
492
00:19:32,072 --> 00:19:34,006
(crying)
493
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,444
Sorry.
494
00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:41,914
So, you see, Kelly,
when I said
495
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,916
that someone was
in love with you,
496
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,851
see, I wasn't referring to me.
497
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,786
Woody is the person
I'm talking about.
498
00:19:47,821 --> 00:19:49,988
You see, he's the guy
who loves you.
499
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:52,324
Oh, I get it.
500
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,626
Yeah.
501
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,061
I love him, too, Sam.
502
00:19:56,096 --> 00:19:57,329
Oh, there you go.
503
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:59,231
Thanks, Sam.
504
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,933
Well, Henri,
505
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:02,901
you ready
to marry me?
506
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:08,240
Friends, we are gathered here
today to join this man...
507
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:10,776
Would the bride and groom
please turn around?!
508
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,479
All right, stop
this wedding!
509
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:14,480
Woody!
510
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,715
Kelly, you can't go
through with this.
511
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:18,417
I can't let you
marry Henri.
512
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:20,953
Woody, we've been through this
a million times.
513
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,988
It's just so Henri
won't get deported.
514
00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:26,125
Oops!
515
00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:27,626
You're wrong, Kelly.
516
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:28,927
He's using you.
517
00:20:28,962 --> 00:20:30,362
He-He wrote that
letter himself.
518
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,997
He's not going
to be deported.
519
00:20:32,032 --> 00:20:34,600
He-He's just trying to
steal you away from me.
520
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,669
How did you
figure that out?
521
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:37,670
You mean, I'm right?
522
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:41,473
Wow! Score one
for the Indiana school system.
523
00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:44,343
HENRI:
I am sorry, Kelly.
524
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,945
I was trying
to take you away from Woody
525
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:50,082
and have my way with you
and divorce you and take
526
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,383
half your money.
527
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:54,353
Can you ever forgive me?
528
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:57,723
Oh, I can't stay mad at you,
you silly.
529
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:01,493
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
530
00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:03,195
Wait a second
here, wait a second.
531
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:05,164
You telling me this
whole thing was just
532
00:21:05,198 --> 00:21:07,366
so you could steal
somebody's girl
away from him?
533
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,701
Yes.
534
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:09,935
Oh, man, that's
beautiful.
535
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:13,072
That's beautiful.
Ah, oh, that's
great, man.
536
00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,707
Let me ask
you something
here, you know.
537
00:21:14,741 --> 00:21:16,809
When you're in the middle
of a trick like this,
538
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,444
now is there just
one part of you
539
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,312
that-that feels a
little bit guilty?
540
00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:21,714
Oh!
541
00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:22,881
(both laughing)
542
00:21:22,916 --> 00:21:24,383
I thought
you'd like that.
543
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:26,385
You know, I have
to tell you, man,
544
00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:27,886
it's nice to be
around somebody
545
00:21:27,921 --> 00:21:29,888
who finally gets
this kind of stuff.
546
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:32,191
I hope you're not upset
with me, Woody.
547
00:21:32,225 --> 00:21:34,126
Heck, no, Kelly.
548
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:37,629
In fact, I got something
I want to say to you.
549
00:21:42,335 --> 00:21:44,303
How do you pronounce this?
550
00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:46,171
Oh, darn that Carla.
551
00:21:46,206 --> 00:21:49,241
All right, well, I'll
just have to wing it.
552
00:21:49,275 --> 00:21:51,310
Kelly,
553
00:21:51,344 --> 00:21:53,312
uh...
554
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:58,751
We've been going out
for a lot of years now,
555
00:21:58,785 --> 00:22:01,487
and I love you,
and you love me, and
556
00:22:01,521 --> 00:22:04,089
I want to spend the
rest of my life with you.
557
00:22:04,124 --> 00:22:07,526
What I'm trying
to say is...
558
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,428
will you marry me?
559
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:12,498
Of course I'll marry you, Woody.
560
00:22:12,532 --> 00:22:15,634
Oh, Kelly, you've made this
the happiest day of my life!
561
00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:17,569
Mine, too.
562
00:22:17,604 --> 00:22:20,072
I know I forgave Henri
and everything,
563
00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:22,174
but I'm still
a little miffed at him.
564
00:22:22,208 --> 00:22:24,810
I can't believe anybody would
pull such a dirty trick
565
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:26,345
just to get a girl.
566
00:22:26,379 --> 00:22:28,781
MAN:
So two complete
strangers break in
567
00:22:28,815 --> 00:22:30,649
and tell us not
to get married!
568
00:22:30,684 --> 00:22:32,618
Why should we care?
569
00:22:32,652 --> 00:22:35,287
Honey, c-could we
at least go steady?
570
00:22:35,321 --> 00:22:37,289
MAN #2:
It happened
to you, too?
571
00:22:37,323 --> 00:22:38,957
MAN #3:
Yeah, twice.
572
00:22:38,992 --> 00:22:41,360
We've got to get locks
for those doors.
573
00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:44,897
Uh, so you see,
our visas have just expired,
574
00:22:44,931 --> 00:22:48,000
and, uh, we are going
to be deported.
575
00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:48,967
Oui.
40651
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