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1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,570
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:07,806
(phone rings)
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,777
Cheers.
4
00:00:11,811 --> 00:00:14,580
Uh, hang on a second,
I'll check.
5
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:18,884
Yeah, the refrigerator's
running.
6
00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:21,320
Thank you for asking.
7
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,157
What?
8
00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:26,158
(chuckles)
9
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,394
How could it possibly get away?
10
00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:33,699
No, a refrigerator doesn't have
the power of movement.
11
00:00:35,301 --> 00:00:38,070
Well, yeah, sure, I get it,
but see,
12
00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:42,041
running-- the way you're using
it-- c-can only mean working.
13
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:44,076
See, it's a--
it's what we call a homonym.
14
00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:48,547
I'm sorry, too.
15
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:52,718
Boy, Mr. Peterson,
some people.
16
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:54,453
(whistles)
17
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:56,889
Well, you tried to
explain the joke.
18
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,991
That's the problem.
19
00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:00,959
(theme song begins)
20
00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:07,399
# Making your way
in the world today #
21
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:10,602
# Takes everything you've got #
22
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:13,272
# Taking a break
from all your worries #
23
00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:16,742
# Sure would help a lot #
24
00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:20,612
# Wouldn't you like
to get away? #
25
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,183
# Sometimes you want to go #
26
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:28,654
# Where everybody
knows your name #
27
00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:34,593
# And they're always
glad you came #
28
00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:36,862
# You wanna be
where you can see #
29
00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:39,431
# Our troubles
are all the same #
30
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:43,669
# You wanna be where
everybody knows your name #
31
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,905
# You wanna go
where people know #
32
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:50,142
# People are all the same #
33
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:54,747
# You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. #
34
00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:14,299
Hey, uh, Dr. Crane,
35
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,335
after you're done with
that paper, can I have it?
36
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:18,070
Well, actually, I planned
on saving it, Woody.
37
00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:19,138
See, there's an article here
38
00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:20,739
on the ins and out
of buying diamonds
39
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,775
and I was thinking
of buying Lilith a brooch.
40
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:26,078
Oh, okay, uh... see, I was
wanting to clip the coupons
41
00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:28,147
'cause I'm trying to make
it to my next paycheck,
42
00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:29,715
but, uh, I don't want
to cut up your article
43
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:32,885
on jewels
and diamonds.
44
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,054
Here's the paper,
Woody.
45
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,822
You know, Lilith and I
are actually making
46
00:02:36,856 --> 00:02:38,757
some economic concessions
as well.
47
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:41,527
Well, for instance, I decided
not to buy that new BMW.
48
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:42,561
Really?
49
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:43,629
That's right.
50
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,364
So, uh,
what are the coupons for?
51
00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:48,200
Food.
52
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:50,069
You know what?
53
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,637
I'm going to stop talking now.
54
00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:55,674
Top of the morning to you.
55
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:59,778
So, uh, how do you like
my outfit there, Norm?
56
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:00,779
Cliff,
57
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,314
you're my friend.
58
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:05,651
I haven't judged you in the past
and I'm not going to start now.
59
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,986
Hey, uh, listen
up, everybody.
60
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,321
I've got an announcement
to make here.
61
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,925
Yours truly has been selected
by the USPS for a reenactment
62
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:16,795
of the first mail delivery down
the venerable Boston Post Road.
63
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,931
Yeah, I'm going to be,
uh, riding a horse
64
00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:21,834
on the last leg
from Hingham to the Central P.O.
65
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,069
(chuckling):
Yeah, that's why I'm dressed
this way.
66
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,771
What way?
67
00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:30,476
Oh, you know, this,
this crazy looking outfit.
68
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:33,512
Boy, are you
splitting hairs today.
69
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,381
Cliffie, Cliff, you
can't ride a horse.
70
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:36,615
You're afraid
of horses.
71
00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:37,850
How do you know?
72
00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:39,284
I know you're afraid
of that little carousel
73
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:42,621
in front of
the market.
74
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:44,623
That was
a safety concern, Norm.
75
00:03:44,657 --> 00:03:45,758
Is that why you
were screaming,
76
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,560
"Stop, stop, we're
all going to die"?
77
00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,963
I was concerned
about the kids, Norm.
78
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:52,598
Is that so wrong?
79
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:56,135
Boy, Cliff, I am so jealous.
80
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,703
I used to love horses.
81
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,004
You know,
when I was a little girl,
82
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:02,041
every weekend
I would ride my pony,
83
00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:04,510
an-an-and I would feed my pony
sugar cubes
84
00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:07,179
and little bits of chocolate
and, and Snickers.
85
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:08,380
They really like that.
86
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:11,350
And sometimes I would give
my pony some Snickers,
87
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:14,019
and then I would eat
some Snickers.
88
00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:17,022
And then other times
I would eat all the sugar cubes
89
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,458
and the chocolate
and the Snickers
90
00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:22,394
before I ever got
to the stable.
91
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,530
And then one time
my riding instructor told me
92
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:27,032
I couldn't ride my pony anymore.
93
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:29,935
Why, Miss Howe?
94
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:34,373
Well, he said that I
had... outgrown it.
95
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:38,077
I don't want to talk
about this anymore.
96
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,312
CLIFF:
Well, I hope you'll all,
uh, tune in tonight.
97
00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:42,414
Uh, the, uh, local news
98
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,949
is going to show
my triumphant ride
99
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:45,150
to the post office.
100
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,385
(chuckling):
Yeah, it's a big moment
101
00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:48,020
for me.
102
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:50,456
Yeah, it's, it's a high point
of my career.
103
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:53,692
No, it's a high point
of my entire life.
104
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:58,397
Hey, why's Cliffie dressed
like that?
105
00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:01,533
I forget.
106
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:04,470
(sing-songy):
Sa-am.
107
00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:06,238
What are you doing
down here, Hill?
108
00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:09,108
Hair Club For
Men meeting?
109
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:12,411
Oh, I didn't see you
down there, Miss Tortelli.
110
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:13,679
Although frankly you do...
111
00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:14,680
(sniffs)
112
00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:17,216
...announce your presence.
113
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,551
So, have you
decided what color
114
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:22,187
you're going to dye
your head for Easter?
115
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:25,457
Why don't you just scuttle
under the office door
116
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,825
and get Sam?
117
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,828
Sam, Hill's here!
118
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,663
Don't tell me.
119
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,232
Pizza for lunch?
120
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:36,301
Hi, John.
121
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,336
What's up?
122
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:38,737
Sa-am, we have a problem.
123
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:39,805
You know,
124
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,106
I got to be honest
with you, John.
125
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,442
The way you pronounce
my name really bugs me.
126
00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:45,110
How would you like me
to pronounce it?
127
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:47,212
Sam, just Sam.
128
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,247
You try it.
129
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,582
Sa-am...
130
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:53,652
All right,
John, uh...
131
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,488
what would you say if you were
going to order a ham sandwich?
132
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:59,124
I don't eat ha-am.
133
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,926
Never mind.
134
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,895
What, what
do you want?
135
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,964
My busboy informs me
that the Dumpsters are full.
136
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,499
Our Dumpsters
are full.
137
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,634
What's the
big problem?
138
00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:09,601
Aha!
139
00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,136
They are not our Dumpsters.
140
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,005
They are my Dumpsters.
141
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,740
If that's confusing,
142
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,542
perhaps I'll have
a likeness of your face
143
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:20,045
painted on the Dumpster with
a bold line drawn through it.
144
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:24,817
In fact, I'll do that anyway...
just for a giggle.
145
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:27,186
Perhaps
I'll have buttons made up.
146
00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:29,154
I'll make it a whole thing.
147
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:32,658
Hey, Hill, you can't order us
around like that.
148
00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:34,893
Sammy can do anything he wants
with his trash.
149
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,996
Yes, I see today he's
dressed it up in an apron.
150
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,701
I guess you know all about
dressing up, huh, Hill?
151
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,873
Sam, if any more
of your refuse
152
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,175
is deposited in my Dumpsters,
I'll have them emptied
153
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,443
in the center
of this bar,
154
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:52,878
and if it happens
again,
155
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:55,647
I'll do something
your customers will notice.
156
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,420
Can you believe that guy?
157
00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:04,323
Him and his niggling
little nit-picking details.
158
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:05,357
I mean, who cares
159
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:06,859
if I stick stuff
in his Dumpster?
160
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,027
Actually,
Sammy,
161
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,428
you know, Dumpsters
are kind of expensive
162
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:11,397
to maintain and empty.
163
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:14,066
He's been kind of generous to
let you use them for so long.
164
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,435
After all, the guy's
running a business.
165
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:18,237
Good point, Norm, good point.
166
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:20,973
Speaking of business,
167
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:24,243
w-w-what do you think
we ought to do about, uh,
168
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,345
your bar tab here, hmm?
169
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,482
We could throw it
in our Dumpsters.
170
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,560
Hey, Miss Howe, Mr. Hill put
a lock on the Dumpster.
171
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:43,228
What should I do with this?
172
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,630
Well, just set it
down someplace.
173
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,699
All right.
174
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:52,404
Cliffie, you want to, uh, pass
me the sports page, please?
175
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:54,506
Mr. Peterson,
that's just a bag of garbage
176
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:55,974
you're talking to.
177
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:58,243
Come here, Woody.
178
00:07:58,278 --> 00:07:59,645
Maybe if we all cut
Cliff a little bit
179
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,914
of slack, he wouldn't be
such a "bag of garbage,"
180
00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:03,882
as you put it, okay?
181
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,420
Do you believe
that guy?
182
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:11,123
He stuck a padlock
on our Dumpsters.
183
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:12,391
You know, just once, just once
184
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:15,494
I would like to do something
to really stick it to him.
185
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:16,862
Sammy, forget
about it.
186
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:18,997
You'll never
beat that guy.
187
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,766
Hmm, you're right.
188
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,034
Who am I kidding?
189
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:23,268
I'm no match
for that guy.
190
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,737
He's too evil.
191
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:29,041
What am I thinking? Wha...?!
192
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:30,976
All this time,
there's somebody in this bar
193
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,979
who's so mean, so nasty,
so full of hate
194
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,448
that they could take on Hill
in one second.
195
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:39,184
Well, I don't know, Sam,
I'm kind of busy right now.
196
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:43,088
What about Carla?
She can be pretty mean.
197
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,557
Good idea, Woody, good idea.
198
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,459
Carla, come here,
I got a job for you.
199
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,194
Yeah, what do you want me to do?
200
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,996
I want you to
get even for me.
201
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,266
I want you to take all your
meanness, all your nastiness,
202
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,668
and unleash
it on that...
203
00:08:55,702 --> 00:09:00,172
knobby-headed weasel
John Allen Hill.
204
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,274
You want
I should make him cry?
205
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,242
Yeah.
206
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,979
That's perfect.
207
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:09,348
Yeah, make the
little man cry.
208
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,382
Yeah!
209
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,584
Consider it done.
210
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:14,653
Yeah, right, now, how are you
going to make him cry?
211
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:17,556
You don't think
I can make somebody cry?
212
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,391
No, actually, I don't.
213
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:25,964
Maybe you're right.
214
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:30,636
Uh, say, Rebecca.
215
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,037
Mm-hmm?
When you were
216
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,507
a little girl, why did you
stop riding that pony?
217
00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:40,913
Was it because
you got too fat?
218
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:44,183
Just too damned fat?
219
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:48,687
So damned fat you broke
the back of a horse?
220
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:51,857
What's the matter, Becks?
221
00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:54,360
Your eyes seem a little shiny.
222
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,462
(quavering): It's just an
allergy or something.
223
00:09:57,997 --> 00:10:01,166
(sobbing):
If anybody needs me,
I'll be in my office.
224
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,777
You know, I really like
Cheetos, but, uh...
225
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:13,345
Orange fingers?
226
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,549
I hate that, too.
227
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,052
At home I use a great big spoon.
228
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,987
I'll try that.
229
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:26,692
What's this?
230
00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:28,494
Oh, that's a flier
that Mr. Clavin wanted me
231
00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:30,195
to pass around to the customers.
232
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,730
Well, why didn't you?
233
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,599
Because it's a flier
that Mr. Clavin wanted me
234
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,501
to pass around to the customers.
235
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:38,170
We've had trouble
in that area before.
236
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:39,338
"Tune in tonight
237
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:42,074
"to catch letter carrier
Cliff Clavin recreate
238
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,542
"the historic first
mail delivery
239
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:44,576
on the Boston
Post Road."
240
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:45,611
(chuckles)
241
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,845
"This is a proud moment
242
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,981
for Cliff Clavin
and every American."
243
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,716
Hey, it's right now.
244
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:51,917
Let's tune in.
245
00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:53,752
Oh, this is a great
Barnaby Jones, though.
246
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,921
This is the one where he goes
undercover as a swinger
247
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:58,023
to solve a jewel heist.
248
00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,291
Well, we'll, uh,
flip back and forth.
249
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,360
All right.
250
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,762
ANNOUNCER:
The crowd here at the
Central Post Office is waiting
251
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,065
for letter carrier
Clifford Clavin,
252
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:08,934
who we understand
is an award-winning equestrian.
253
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,038
Mr. Clavin seems
to be running late
254
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:15,808
and his whereabouts
are currently unknown.
255
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:16,942
In other news...
256
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:19,011
Ooh, I hope everything's okay
with Cliffie.
257
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:21,313
So, uh, Barnaby's a swinger?
Ha, wait till
258
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:25,417
you see him. He wears
hip-huggers, gold
chains, platform shoes.
259
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:29,855
(phone ringing)
260
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:31,890
Cheers.
261
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,792
Oh, yeah, hang on,
just a second.
262
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,427
Hey, Mr. Peterson,
it's Mr. Clavin.
263
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:39,999
Cliffie, where are you?
264
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,468
I don't know, Norm,
somewhere in the combat zone.
265
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,770
Naked! Naked! Naked!
266
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,605
Hey, Norm, you got
to come and get me.
267
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,207
This horse has got
a mind of its own.
268
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,975
(horn honks, horse neighs)
Whoa!
269
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,844
(tires screech)
270
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:55,814
Man... Cliffie's in trouble.
271
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,983
I better go look for him.
272
00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:01,286
Shoot, they never
rerun this episode.
273
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,523
I don't think I've seen
the ending of this one.
274
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,658
The jewels are
in the dog's collar.
275
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,627
Oh. Thank you, Phil.
276
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:11,930
Gee, Carla, you were up there
with Hill
277
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,032
a long time. What happened?
278
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,867
I don't want to
talk about it.
279
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,101
Hey, what did you
say to him?
280
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,170
Just shut up and get
out of my way, you stupid,
281
00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:20,239
dirt-eating farm boy!
282
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:25,177
Ouch! I'd hate to be
on the receiving end of that.
283
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:33,318
(sighs)
284
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,720
What is going on?
285
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:37,089
In this bar?
I don't ask.
286
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,526
(grunts)
287
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,796
Now, apparently you're upset
over something.
288
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,499
(grunts)
289
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:50,903
Or not, I don't know
you that well.
290
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,871
Carla, now just, just relax
and try to breathe.
291
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:53,939
Just breathe.
292
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:55,941
(deep breaths)
293
00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,145
All right, now is it
out of your system?
294
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,581
All right,
now talk to us.
295
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,183
(screams)
No, Carla!
296
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,151
Carla!
(grunting)
297
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,555
Carla, what has
gotten into you?
298
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:12,191
First of all,
you have to promise
299
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:13,926
to never repeat this to anybody.
300
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:15,761
I swear.
That goes without saying.
301
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:19,698
Okay. I just did a really,
really, really bad thing.
302
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:21,567
When I was up there with Hill,
303
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,302
I just kind
of lost control.
304
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,404
(gasps):
You didn't break something
really expensive, did you?
305
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:26,472
Oh, no, worse than that.
306
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,007
Did you hurt him?
Worse.
307
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,075
Oh, no, did he have
a heart attack?
No, worse.
308
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,276
Oh, he's dead?!
309
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,245
Oh, you guys!
You don't get it!
310
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:35,180
I didn't kill him.
311
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,849
I slept with him.
312
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:38,784
Yikes.
313
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,263
You had sex with Hill?
314
00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:55,134
John Allen Hill?
315
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,469
Upstairs John Allen Hill?
316
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,638
It was so crazy.
317
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,306
I marched into his office
318
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,209
and I started calling him
bald and wrinkled.
319
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:07,012
And he started calling
me short and ugly.
320
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,682
And before I knew it,
our clothes were off
321
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:11,283
and we were
insulting each other
322
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:13,352
against the filing cabinet.
323
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,489
But Carla, I mean he is,
he's a...
324
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:18,991
You know what I call him?
325
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,427
The Bullet.
326
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:28,734
Carla, I, I believe
I understand what happened.
327
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,202
You two have a classic
328
00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:32,471
attraction/repulsion
relationship.
329
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,773
It's really a fairly common
phenomenon.
330
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:37,209
People who are constantly
at odds with one another
331
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:40,713
very often have rivers
of passion raging between them
332
00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:42,815
until one day
the banks overflow
333
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:45,818
in a torrent of unthinking,
unreasonable emotion.
334
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:49,822
Plus the guy's practically
a contortionist.
335
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:57,329
I can't believe I did this.
336
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,664
I betrayed Sam.
337
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,065
I went up there
338
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,601
to take on his worst enemy,
339
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,970
and I ended up having
a nooner with him.
340
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:14,713
Oh, I just hope Sammy
doesn't find out about this.
341
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,682
Oh, Carla,
you're going
342
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,283
to have to face
Sam sooner or later.
343
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,651
He's bound to find out.
344
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:20,853
Yeah, Lilith's right.
345
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:23,188
Yeah, I guess you're right.
346
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:27,659
Okay. Well, I'll just
catch Sam tonight
347
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:30,662
when nobody else is around
and I'll tell him the truth.
348
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:34,433
I'll tell him that what happened
with Hill was a one-time thing
349
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,335
and it'll never happen again.
350
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:37,903
Unless...
351
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,139
I accidentally
catch a glimpse of those
352
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,441
wiry, bantam legs of his.
353
00:15:51,685 --> 00:15:53,052
Evening, everybody.
354
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,253
ALL:
Norm!
355
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,320
Hey, Mr. P.
356
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:56,789
How goes the search
for Mr. Clavin?
357
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,724
Not as well as the search
for Mr. Doughnut.
358
00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:01,660
I found him every
couple of blocks.
359
00:16:02,896 --> 00:16:04,830
(sighs)
360
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,031
Poor Mr. Clavin.
361
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:07,466
Who knows what
happened to him.
362
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,034
I'm kind of worried
about him, really.
363
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,469
Why don't you give me the phone?
364
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,771
I'll check the hospitals
or something, shouldn't I?
365
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:15,140
Uh, Mass General?
366
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,575
Hey, Normie, I got dish.
367
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,444
I'll call you back.
368
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,446
It's about Carla
and that Hill upstairs.
369
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,547
Yeah? Spill it. What?
370
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,049
(whispers)
371
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,551
Eeww!
372
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:26,785
Frasier, Frasier,
373
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,153
did you hear about
Carla and Hill?
374
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:30,222
Did I hear?
Who do you think told Paul?
375
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,992
Wow, Carla and Hill.
376
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:35,627
I saw it coming.
377
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,696
You didn't have
to be Kreskin.
378
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,267
Frasier, I cannot believe
that you revealed
379
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,870
what is essentially
a professional confidence.
380
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,772
Sweetheart,
did she pay you a dime?
381
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,707
No.
382
00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:50,476
Then why are we having
this discussion?
383
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,879
What's everybody talking about?
384
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:56,515
Woody, when, uh,
Carla went upstairs
385
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:58,350
to, to see Hill today,
she, uh...
386
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,719
well, they...
387
00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:02,688
did the deed,
you know what I mean?
388
00:17:02,756 --> 00:17:05,157
I'm not following
you, Dr. Crane.
389
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,092
Carla and Hill,
390
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,194
they rocked
each other's world.
391
00:17:10,764 --> 00:17:12,064
They thumped.
392
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,932
What?
393
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:15,668
They had sex.
394
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,436
Carla and Hill had sex.
395
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:18,837
What?
396
00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:19,938
Come on, Sam.
397
00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:21,473
Even I got it that time.
398
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,576
Carla?
399
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,147
Wh...
400
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:29,882
Are you all happy now?
401
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:32,618
Your gossiping
and rumor-mongering
402
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,353
is resulting
in a possible rift
403
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,121
between Carla and Sam.
404
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,222
Rather than allow her
405
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,158
the time and space
to open up to Sam
406
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,260
in her own good time,
you all have been behaving
407
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:42,861
like a gaggle of fishwives.
408
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,563
Well, hey, you
blabbed first, girl.
409
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:49,668
Sammy, I don't know
what to tell you.
410
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:55,140
I guess... all the insults
and the venom,
411
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:56,742
and the blood hatred just
412
00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:58,143
kind of turned us on.
413
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,779
It's the old story.
414
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,216
Guess so.
415
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,919
Oh, Sammy, I let you down.
416
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:08,721
I slept with the enemy.
417
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:10,989
Please forgive me.
418
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:12,057
Please don't be angry.
419
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,592
No, I'm not angry.
420
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:17,496
It's just... well, the
way I see it, uh...
421
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,831
you let down the whole team.
422
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,868
It's like, you know,
bottom of the ninth,
423
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:25,471
one out, runner on first,
424
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:26,939
you're up at bat.
425
00:18:27,007 --> 00:18:29,274
Coach tells you to bunt.
426
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:32,144
Team expects you to bunt,
427
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:34,580
the runner on first
expects you to bunt,
428
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,915
fans expect you to bunt.
429
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,951
But instead of bunting...
430
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:42,621
you sleep with John Allen Hill!
431
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:44,456
No! No!
Hey!
432
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:45,758
Take it easy!
433
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,593
You're supposed to forgive me.
434
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:48,694
How can I forgive you?!
435
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:51,563
You slept with that
evil, little dwarf!
436
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:54,767
Is it my fault the guy
is such a turn-on?
437
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,502
Oh, stop-- oh, yuck,
yuck! Oh, God!
438
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:57,936
Stop it! Stop!
439
00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,438
I have never once
said anything
440
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:00,973
about anyone you have
ever slept with!
441
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,841
Oh, right!
What about Diane?!
442
00:19:02,876 --> 00:19:04,309
Every morning you
threatened to stick
443
00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:06,378
a hand grenade in her
mouth and pull the pin!
444
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:07,446
You hated her!
445
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,915
I disapproved of her.
446
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,217
Oh, come on, Carla,
you hated her!
447
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,252
You hate everyone!
448
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,486
That's not fair!
449
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:15,888
Oh, right!
I'm sorry, I forgot.
450
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:18,323
You don't hate
John Allen Hill!
451
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,627
That's it!
452
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,996
That's it, thanks a lot
for your forgiveness!
453
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,364
I'm out of here!
454
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,467
(groaning)
455
00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:31,036
Oh, dear.
(faucet running)
456
00:19:31,071 --> 00:19:32,471
Sam.
457
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:33,639
What, Woody?!
458
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,307
You're angry, aren't you?
459
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,943
Yeah! I am!
460
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:40,112
You're hurt.
You're down.
461
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:41,313
You're confused, aren't you?
462
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:43,982
Yeah. Yeah, I am.
463
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,651
Yeah. I was, too,
464
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,453
the first time
I made this mistake.
465
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:50,322
Just remember,
the men's room
466
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,291
is the second door
on the left.
467
00:19:57,997 --> 00:19:59,231
Hey, everybody.
468
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,532
PAUL:
Hey, Cliffie, you're back.
469
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:01,900
You deliver that
letter all right?
470
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,168
Yeah, it took a little doing.
471
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,270
But I, uh, finally delivered it.
472
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,072
It was three hours late.
473
00:20:07,107 --> 00:20:08,874
You know, but it turns
out, that the, uh,
474
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,843
original letter was
three weeks late, so, uh,
475
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:13,379
I was able to shave
a little time off.
476
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:16,615
Where's Norm, Woods?
477
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,017
He's out looking for you.
478
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,418
Oh, boy.
(TV switches on)
479
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,286
All right, I guess I'd
better go find him.
480
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:22,654
(channels switching)
481
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,123
Hey, look, it's
that Cannon episode
482
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:26,125
where he dresses up as
a pimp to save the runaway.
483
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:29,995
Norm's a big boy.
484
00:20:30,030 --> 00:20:31,397
He can take care
of himself.
485
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:37,403
Naked! Naked! Naked!
486
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,138
Excuse me, I'm, uh,
looking for a guy
487
00:20:39,172 --> 00:20:42,007
wearing a funny costume,
riding a horse.
488
00:20:42,042 --> 00:20:43,909
Try the place two doors down.
489
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:44,877
Okay.
490
00:20:46,146 --> 00:20:47,813
Freak.
491
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,315
Naked! Naked! Naked!
492
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,316
(doorbell rings)
493
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:52,718
CARLA:
Coming.
494
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,687
Coming.
495
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:57,222
Who is it?
496
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,258
Sam.
497
00:21:01,795 --> 00:21:03,462
Hey.
Hey.
498
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:05,964
How're you doing?
499
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:08,834
Fine, and you?
500
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,769
Fine.
501
00:21:10,804 --> 00:21:12,971
So, uh, where are the kids?
502
00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:14,039
How should I know?
503
00:21:14,074 --> 00:21:16,141
It's only 1:30.
504
00:21:20,213 --> 00:21:23,048
I, uh... I came
to apologize.
505
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:25,584
I blew up.
506
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,486
You know, you've got to know
I didn't mean any
507
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,254
of that stuff.
It's just...
508
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,889
ah, that Hill guy, man.
509
00:21:30,924 --> 00:21:33,525
Something about him just
makes me act crazy.
510
00:21:35,762 --> 00:21:37,162
Nah, forget it.
511
00:21:37,197 --> 00:21:38,263
I forgive you.
512
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:39,965
I know you didn't
mean that stuff.
513
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,834
Oh, honey...
514
00:21:41,868 --> 00:21:43,602
I just hope you can forgive me.
515
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,337
Oh, of course I can.
Come on, you don't think
516
00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:47,206
I'd let that stuff
get in between us, do you?
517
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,374
You're my best friend.
518
00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:51,110
Oh, Sammy, you're
my best friend, too.
519
00:21:52,746 --> 00:21:54,146
Oh, I know what it's like.
520
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:57,282
It's probably just...
one of those things, right?
521
00:21:57,317 --> 00:22:00,019
Exactly, it was just one
of those things.
Yeah.
522
00:22:00,053 --> 00:22:01,286
I've been thinking
about this.
523
00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:02,554
I'll tell you what
I'm going to do.
524
00:22:02,589 --> 00:22:04,289
Tomorrow morning,
I'm going to go up,
525
00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:06,225
I'm gonna talk to Hill
calmly, you know,
526
00:22:06,259 --> 00:22:08,794
and ask him nicely, maybe I
could use the Dumpster
527
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:10,129
until I can buy
one for myself.
528
00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,398
I swear to God I'll do it
bright and early.
529
00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:14,800
Well, not too early, Sam.
530
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:22,808
I have a feeling I may
be in a little late.
531
00:22:24,377 --> 00:22:28,447
Okay, so it was just
two of those things.
37396
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