All language subtitles for Cheers.S10E06.DVDRiP.XViD-MACRO

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

(jukebox buzzing)

# #

# Got no diamonds,
got no pearls #

# Still I think
I'm a lucky girl #

# I got the sun in the morning
and the moon at night #

(in high pitched voice):
# Da, da, da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da, da #

# Got no mansions,
got no yacht #

# Still I'm happy
with what I got #

# I got the sun in the morning
and the moon at night #

# I got the sun in the morning
and the moon at night #

# Sunshine gives me
a lovely day #

# Moonlight gives me
the Milky Way #

# Got no checkbooks,
got no banks #

# Still I'd like
to express my thanks #

# I got the sun in the morning
and the moon at night #

# And with the sun
in the morning #

# And the moon in the evening #

# I'm all... #

Good morning,
Carla.

What's so good about it?

(theme song begins)

# Making your way
in the world today #

# Takes everything you've got #

# Taking a break
from all your worries #

# Sure would help a lot #

# Wouldn't you like
to get away? #

# Sometimes you want to go #

# Where everybody
knows your name #

# And they're always
glad you came #

# You wanna be
where you can see #

# Our troubles
are all the same #

# You wanna be where
everybody knows your name #

# You wanna go
where people know #

# People are all the same #

# You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. #

# #

Oh, hey, Woody,

here's my video
camera.

WOODY: Oh,

wow!

Looks kinda
complicated.

That's, that's just
the case, Woody.

Uh-oh.

No, Woody, it's not
as complicated as it looks.

I'll, uh, I'll talk ya
through it.

Uh-oh.

Whatcha doin', Wood?

Oh, well, uh, I want Kelly
to meet my parents,

and, uh, I can't afford
to fly her out there,

so I figured what better
way to introduce her

to my parents in person
than on tape?

Don't forget, Woody, you gotta
set your white balance.

What's that?

Well, the tape might
be a little tinted,

so you gotta balance it
out by, uh,

pointing the lens
at a flat white surface.

Hey, Lilith,

we were just talking
about you.

Carla, I'm long
past caring

what anyone in this bar
has to say about me.

What did they say?

I am the one who's gonna
be all bloated.

I'm the one who's gonna gain
all the weight,

be up all night eating ice cream
and pickles,

and I'm gonna be the one
who's vomiting all morning.

Yeah? Try
doing that

with Vera standing
over you saying,

"You gotta clean up your act,
mister."

Can you believe this?

I'm not even pregnant,
yet he is insisting

that the child have
his last name.

Just give me
one good reason

why its last name
can't be Howe.
How about this?

Howe's a stupid name.

Excuse me?

Come on. It's not even a name.

It's more of a, of a question.

Rebecca Howe.

Rebecca why.

Rebecca who, what, where.

You know, I can make fun
of your name, too.

Oh, yeah?

Malone.

Malone.

Oh, all right, I'm not
very good at it yet.

Oh, really?

Howe surprising.

Howe remarkable.

Knock it off!

Come on, when you were
a kid, admit it,

didn't-didn't people
make fun of your name?

Yes, but that was
in the context

of making fun of
many other things.

And what makes your
name so special?

I'll tell you why.

Because Malone is a very
proud old Irish name.

When my great
grandfather came

from County Cork
to this city,

they actually had signs
in some of the windows

that said "No Irish
need apply".

His friends told him
to change his name

to Smith or something,
but he wouldn't do it.

He was proud
of his name.

And when we have a kid,
I want,

want him to be proud
of his name, too.

There.

Is that reason enough
for you?

No.

Sam, you know, you wouldn't
have these problems

if you just made an honest
woman out of Miss Howe.

Ooh, what're you talking about,
Woody?

Well, back in Hanover we have
this little tradition.

It's called marriage.

It's to avoid

another little tradition
called hellfire.

Woody,
come on, man.

This is the '90s.
You know,

plenty of people have babies
without being married.

Oh, what? You got a
problem with that?

Well, if you want the truth,

I do think it's
a little irresponsible.

And remember, this is coming
from Norm Peterson.

I can't believe this.

You guys feel
the same way?

I kind of do.
Me, too.

Move to California, you freaks.

Guys, guys,

come on. I mean, look at me.
I'm not getting any younger

and neither is...

well, it's true.

I mean, look at how many
years we've been wasting

looking for the perfect
relationship.

And what'd it get us?
Nothing.

At least you
and I are friends.

You know, we care
for each other.

And right about now,
that's looking good.
Based on that,

we-we want to

hang out together and
have a family.
Yeah.

Sam, if you feel that way,

why don't you just go ahead
and get married?

Ooh, that's an awful
big step, Woody.

Hey, Sammy,

if you want my two cents,

I think that you and Rebecca

having a kid together
is very immoral.

Oh...
Now,

you and me havin' a kid
outta wedlock...

that'd be a blast.

People, people,

we cannot impose our own moral
belief systems on these two.

Yes, thank you
very much.

The real question is:

Will they make
responsible parents?

That's right!

And the answer
is an emphatic "no!"

Hey!

Sam, up until now, you
and Rebecca have not taken

into account the years
of sacrifice

involved in the raising
of a child.

You have not reckoned
with the fact

that as soon as you have one,

your lives will be
irrevocably altered.

An infant demands
constant attention.

24 hours a day.

Seven days a week.

It never says "please"
or "may I?"

It just demands.

Let me have a scotch.

And say good-bye
to vacations.

Say good-bye to ski weekends

because your life is
baby, baby, baby.

Can I get a drink, please?!

SAM:
You know something?

I-I'm really hurt.

I've got to admit

that you guys don't have
enough faith in me

to see that I'm really serious
about this thing.

Anyway, the
whole point is

Rebecca and I believe
in what we're doing.

Am I right?

Can we still get
out of it, Sam?

Well...
What.

come here.

Look, those guys have
some good points.

I mean, how do we know
we're gonna be good parents?

How does
anybody know?

Maybe a little practice
would help ease your nerves.

Would the two of you like

to take care of Frederick
for an evening?

It may provide you
with some

confidence in your
parenting skills

as well as give us
a break

from that 16-year-old
bundle of breasts

Frasier insists is God's
gift to babysitting.

Would that make
you feel better?

Yeah, I think
it's a good idea.

I think it's good.
When can we do that?

Well, let me see.

Uh, tonight,

oh, well, Frederick has
his story hour

at the library tonight.

Tomorrow is our Mommy
and Me class.

Friday is Aqua Tots.

Let me look at next month.

Oh, well, listen, don't
worry about it.

All we have to do is
find somebody else

and take care
of their kids.

Nobody else in this
bar has any kids.

Carla does.

No!

Forget it! No!

Sam, wait a minute.
No!

No, look, I am not
gonna have a baby

until I know I'll
be a good parent.

Taking care of
Carla's kids

is not gonna prove that
you're a good parent.

It just proves that
you can survive
in the wild.

Carla, Sam and I want
to take care of your kids.

Is that okay with you?

All of 'em?

For how long?

The whole night.

And I don't have
to be there?

No.

Oh, bless you!

Come on, no,
no, stop it!

Listen, stop it!
Come on, get...

Ow!

We'll be there
at 7:00.

Now, hey, come on, honey.

It's not too late.

May-may-maybe Freddie
can squeeze us in.

A whole night

without my kids.

Thank you, Saint Jude,

patron saint of lost causes.

I have prayed for this day
for 18 years.

First you freed me from Diane.

And now this!

I am blessed!

I am truly blessed.

Carla, do you realize

that you're the same height
kneeling down

as you are standing up?

Hi, Mom and Dad.

Uh, I want you to meet
Kelly, my girlfriend.

She's holding
the camera.

She's a beautiful girl.

Blond hair, great smile,

sparkling personality.

I wish you could see her.

Kelly, say hi to my parents.

Now!

Hi.

Now!

Well, what'd
you think?

Pretty special, huh?

Kelly, say good-bye
to my parents.

Now!

Bye.

That was great.

Let's turn this baby on

and shoot it before
we get stale.

Hey, excuse me, Wood.

Don't you think maybe your
parents would like a shot

with the two of you in it?

Huh? Yeah.

What do you say we sit down
and chat about it?

Get a few ideas

cookin' here, you know--
a little percolatin'.

You know, maybe a...
maybe a nice two shot.

You know, widen out to a master

with a little background
lighting for a nice halo effect.

WOODY:
Wow!

Mr. Clavin, you're
a real expert.

Oh, yeah, I'm a bit
of a film buff there, Woody.

I, uh, I admire the works
of all the greats.

You know, Kurosawa,
Fellini, Hitch.

That's, uh,
Hitchcock, Woody.

I just had
an idea.

Whatta you say we, uh,

have Woody start
this thing off?

I mean, he's
an actor.

He can just warm the
whole thing up, huh?

All right,
Wood?
Yeah.

Okay.

Ready and...

action!

Hi, Mom and Dad.

Oh, Woody, I, uh,
thought you were an actor.

Let's try this again, okay?

And remember,

you haven't seen your
parents for years.

You hunger for their
love and affection.

You want them to know just
how badly you miss them.

You left Indiana all
those many years ago

to come to the
big city.

You're practically
a stranger, pal.

Action.

I love you, Mom and Dad.

I know I should've stayed
on the farm.

I don't know why I left.

Uh, I guess I was just selfish.

You know, everybody

always leaves the farm.

That's why America's
in the condition it is.

I'm sorry.

Can you ever forgive me?

Please don't die
before I come home again.

Oh, Woody,
that was wonderful.

What do you say we turn this
thing on and shoot this baby?

Hey, Carla's still
rounding up the kids.

We could run for it.

Sam, no, don't worry.

Carla's always exaggerating
about her kids.

We'll be just fine.

Okay, the kids will be
out in a minute.

Just sign this.

What is it?

It's your standard release form.

The insurance company
requires it.

Just sign here
and initial the spots.

Okay, kids, come on in!

Oh... aren't
they adorable?

Look, they're
all lined up.

Bet it's not
the first time, either.

Look at you.
You look so cute.

It's like The Sound of Music.

Oh, I wish I had a whistle.

Here, Miss Howe.

Oh, thank you.

I always wanted
to do this.

Okay.

Now, when I blow the whistle,
you say your name.

(whistle trills)

Serafina.

And I'm spending the night
with my boyfriend.

(gags)

Now isn't it more fun having
this time with your family

than going on
some silly old date?

You better let me go.

My boyfriend's a retired cop.

No, no, no, no,
you'll, you'll want to stay.

You'll miss the games.

I'm missing them now.

All right, everybody fed?

KIDS:
Yes, Mr. Malone.

SAM:
Fine.

Now may I please have
my pants back?

Check the oven.

(crying)

Oh, what's the matter, Lud?

I can't find
Mr. Tibbington.

Oh, honey, don't cry.

Who is Mr. Tibbington?
Is that your kitty cat?

No. He's my eight-foot
boa constrictor.

Well, we'll certainly keep
our eyes out for him.

Wait, wait... hold up...
(muttering)

There's only seven of us.
Where's Anthony?

He's out doing something.

What's he doing?

Time.

Wait. Stop eating for a minute.
Stop eating.

Here we are,
at the head of the table

just like real parents.

I think we should say grace.

Now I know we're
not the real parents, but...

Sam, don't play footsie with me
when I'm saying grace.

I'm not playing footsie.

Oh, it's Mr. Tibbing...
(screams)...ton!

(boys cheering)

You know, now that Sam's busy
with this baby thing,

you guys are either going
to have to live vicariously

through somebody else,

or get your own lives.

(scoffs)

She's right, you know.

NORM:
Wood?

Thank you.

Listen, when you and, uh,
Kelly go out on a date,

what do you
guys do, huh?

(chuckles)

Well...

last night we played three games
of miniature golf

and stopped for ice cream
at the Freeze 'n' Frost.

Ooh!

A little miniature
golf there, huh?

A little ice cream
action, huh?

Huh?

Yeah, that Woody.
Yeah.

He's an ice-cream-eating,
miniature-golfing guy.

Look at us trying to sponge off
other people's lives.

We're pathetic.

Hey, Phil,
new pants there, huh?

Yep.

That Phil...

he's a pants-wearing, guy.

So, Carla, how do you intend
to spend your night of freedom?

Ah, nothing special.

I'm going to check into the, uh,
Ritz for a night of R & R.

Oh. Sounds nice.

Yeah, I think so.

I know Roy and Ralph
are looking forward to it.

Oh...

remember the Ritz-
Carlton, darling?

A night of
unbridled passion

that remains unmatched
to this day.

We've never been
to the Ritz-Carlton, Frasier.

Did I say
the Ritz-Carlton?

I meant
the Four Seasons.

Strike two.

So, did you get a load
of Phil's new pants?

You know, an older fellow
like that, you know,

you wouldn't think he'd
be able to get away with,

you know, still looking good
in a pair of slacks.

But, uh, darn if
he doesn't pull it off.

Lilith, please blink.

Okay, I hope you all enjoyed
the dinner

as much as the wall did.

And I also want
you to know

that Rebecca really enjoyed
the dead-rat-in-the-bun joke.

That's very funny.

(sobbing)

Come on, honey, just pull
yourself together.

You're going to frighten
the kids.

I don't think
I can take any more.

Oh, come on,
of course you can.

You can't quit now.
We've onl...

Okay, who-who
took my watch?

(mutters)

REBECCA:
You see that?

This is not a home.

This is a house of horrors.

No, you're just...

I mean, my God,

they Crazy-glued
the dryer door shut.

Yeah, I know, but we got
you out, didn't we?

But I'm still dizzy.

I'm going to leave!

No, no, come on, we can't quit.
Now, what are you going to do...

listen,
when we have kids of our own?

Are you going to quit
when the going gets tough?
I don't know.

Well, no! Honey, listen.

We're almost up to bath time,
then we'll be home free.

Okay?
Okay.

All right, now, uh, who's first?

I'm ready for my bath,
Miss Howe.

And I'm a dirty,
dirty boy.

(shrieking, sobbing):
Ah, Sam!

Would you get
over there!

Okay, kids, now let's
just get a shot of you

in front of the whole
bar, all right?

Yeah, okay.

Cliffy, you want
I should take off?

No, no, no, you stay right
where you are, Norm.

Uh, you're what we call
atmosphere.

Wait a minute.
What's that?

Atmosphere, that's, uh,

you know, people
in the background.

You're sitting around,
drinking your beer.

You know, it looks
like you belong there.

All right!

Hey, everybody,
I'm atmosphere!

Hey, Cliff, could I
be atmosphere, too?

Pauly, Pauly, Pauly, uh...

Personally I love you, Paul,
but, uh, the camera doesn't.

Scoot!

All right now, everybody,

57th take is a charm.

Right?

Now...
The Message Home, scene one.

Action.

Hello,
Mr. and Mrs. Boyd.

Cut!

(clears throat)

Kelly, Kelly,
Kelly, come here.

What I'm looking for is
the energy of take 36

and the innocence
of take 11.

Do you think you
can do that for me?

I'm awfully tired,
Mr. Clavin.

That a girl!

Okay.

Scene one, take 58.

Action!

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Boyd.

Cut!

Kelly, uh, you, you
mind explaining to me

just what you think
you're doing here?

Cliffy, lighten up, guy.

You're just getting a little
serious about this, aren't you?

All right, who told
the atmosphere to talk?!

Go on, you're
out of here!

Pauly, your ship
just came in.

Come in here, buddy.

WOODY:
Hey, uh,

Mr. Clavin, I don't think
I want to make this tape.

Me neither.

All right, fine!

Both of you,
get out of here!

Everybody get out!

I can do the whole
project myself!

Cliff, please!
What?!

Now you'll never get what you
want by badgering these kids.

You've got to make
them feel safe.

After all, it's
just a videotape.

Now listen, why don't you
pull up a chair here,

try to calm yourself down.

Have a beer...
I'm all right.

We'll see if we can, uh,
get this thing done, huh? Okay?

All right, all right.
I'm all right.

Kelly, Woody.

Now, Kelly, just do whatever
comes naturally to you.

Relax, be yourself.

No pressure.

And simply say "hello"
to Woody's parents.

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Boyd.

I'm Kelly Gaines.

FRASIER:
Kelly, you...

you just don't have a clue,
do you?

That's a wrap.

Boy, I'll tell you
one thing.

Anybody who thinks
parenthood is easy,

should try giving baths
to those monsters.

I learned a lot.

Yeah, yeah, I learned I can hold
my breath for over a minute.

Although, I can't quite
remember my telephone number.

(sputters)

You know something?

Carla's kids aren't that bad.

Yeah, they're
really not.

They're sort of rambunctious
and high-spirited,

but, you know, all in all,
I think they mean well.

You know, I was pretty much
a scamp when I was a kid, too.

Yeah, yeah...
(chuckles)

I used to, uh,

empty out the salt shakers
and put in sugar.

Boy, what a prank.

Well, Sam, we did it.

Yeah, hey, that's right.

We passed your test,
didn't we?

We took care
of Carla's kids.

If we can do that,
we can do anything.

You know something?

We're going to be
just fine.
Mmm.

(light switch clicks)
MALE VOICE:
Be afraid. Be very afraid.

SAM:
Uh-oh. Is that a prowler,
or is that the kids?

REBECCA (whimpering):
Oh, I hope it's a prowler!