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1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,503
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,538 --> 00:00:06,772
CLIFF:
Hey, Doc.
3
00:00:06,806 --> 00:00:08,107
What's with the getup?
4
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:11,343
As of this day,
I am changing my ways.
5
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:12,845
You know, not too long ago,
6
00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:14,880
I used to be a healthy,
robust individual.
7
00:00:14,914 --> 00:00:17,016
Then I set foot in this bar.
8
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:20,085
Started sitting around for hours
when I should have been jogging.
9
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,154
Started to gorge myself
on snacks and sweets
10
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:23,689
instead of health food.
11
00:00:23,723 --> 00:00:25,290
Well, now that I'm
back on the road
12
00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:27,226
to better health, I'm
taking you with me.
13
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:30,496
What, uh... what
do you mean, Doc?
14
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,797
Well, I've
signed us up
15
00:00:31,831 --> 00:00:33,332
for a physical
fitness program.
16
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,733
Geez, I don't
know, Doc.
17
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,435
Sounds like an awful,
awful lot of work.
18
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:37,703
Yeah, I already took
into account
19
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:39,038
your legendary sloth,
20
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,706
and to make it
easier for you,
21
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,574
I've hired a trainer
to come here in person
22
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:43,742
to help you exercise.
23
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:45,511
We tried that once.
24
00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:47,179
What, you had
a trained athlete
25
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,180
who came here and...
26
00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:49,214
and helped you
work out?
27
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:50,215
Yeah.
28
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:51,650
Well, what happened?
29
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,218
Uh, hey, I don't
know, ask him.
30
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:54,987
Uh, Paul?
31
00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:59,258
Any you guys read
Andy Capp today?
32
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:00,459
(laughing)
33
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:01,760
(coughing)
34
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:04,863
(theme song begins)
35
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:11,337
# Making your way
in the world today #
36
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,939
# Takes everything you've got #
37
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:17,376
# Taking a break
from all your worries #
38
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,813
# Sure would help a lot #
39
00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:24,583
# Wouldn't you like
to get away? #
40
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,587
# Sometimes you want to go #
41
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:32,391
# Where everybody
knows your name #
42
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:38,731
# And they're always
glad you came #
43
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,733
# You wanna be
where you can see #
44
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,836
# Our troubles
are all the same #
45
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:47,072
# You wanna be where
everybody knows your name #
46
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,642
# You wanna go
where people know #
47
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,879
# People are all the same #
48
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:57,983
# You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. #
49
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,504
Okay, guys, hurry up
50
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:20,139
and get your lunch orders in.
51
00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:22,474
Dip 'n Fry closes in 20 minutes.
52
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:25,511
Yeah, if we don't hurry,
they'll change the grease.
53
00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:28,180
So, I... I can't seem
to make up my mind here.
54
00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:29,948
Cliffie, every day you
stare at that damn menu,
55
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,817
and every day you
order the wing dings.
56
00:02:31,851 --> 00:02:33,218
Well, maybe I
would like
57
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:34,553
something different
today, Norm.
58
00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:35,554
Yeah, okay.
59
00:02:35,588 --> 00:02:37,189
Sammy, I'm gonna
have the, uh,
60
00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:38,357
baked potato, please,
61
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:40,626
with, uh, sour cream
and butter,
62
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:44,129
and, um, put some cheddar
on there, please.
63
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,231
Oh, and, uh, some jack cheese.
64
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:47,499
Bacon bits?
65
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:49,468
No, no, I'm watching
my cholesterol.
66
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:53,205
Cliffie?
67
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:55,140
I'll have the, uh...
68
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,775
wing dings.
69
00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:01,914
(gasps)
70
00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:04,216
Oh...
71
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,919
Isn't that precious?
72
00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:08,120
I can hardly wait
73
00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:10,656
till Sam and I
have our baby.
74
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:11,690
Carla, do you
think I'm
75
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:12,791
gonna make a
good mother?
76
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,426
Nope.
77
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:17,629
What do you mean?
78
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:20,032
You asked me a question,
I gave you an answer.
79
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:21,734
Yeah, but
I'm serious.
80
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,602
Well, I'm sorry,
I'm just being honest.
81
00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:24,837
No, you're not
being honest.
82
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,405
You're being mean.
83
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,107
Sometimes you
get a two-fer.
84
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,910
So you are saying
that you don't think
85
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,545
that I can take
care of a baby?
86
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,680
You kidding?
I don't think you
87
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:35,781
could take care
of an egg.
88
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:38,083
Oh, come on.
No, really,
really.
89
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:39,351
I'll bet you five bucks
90
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:40,953
you can't take care
of this egg
91
00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:42,388
until Friday night
at closing time.
92
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:45,090
Five bucks?
93
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,026
Yeah.
You're on--
thanks.
94
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,495
(splatters)
95
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,633
Okay, I was
practicing.
96
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,402
Now, start!
97
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,607
Norm, are you busy?
98
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,976
Oh, good one.
(giggles)
99
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,277
Thanks, I thought
of it last night
100
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:06,378
in the shower.
101
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,446
(laughs)
102
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,547
Norm?
Yeah.
103
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:09,715
Frasier and I were wondering
104
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,817
if you would paint
our living room today.
105
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,619
Today?
What's the rush?
106
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,487
Well, yesterday,
little Frederick
107
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:16,922
was playing fireman...
Mm-hmm.
108
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:18,657
...with the mustard
and ketchup squeeze bottles
109
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:21,694
and, uh, he put out
our living room wall.
110
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,663
He is a dickens.
111
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,865
I found it difficult to
keep a straight face.
112
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:32,738
Well, I'm really
kind of taking this week off.
113
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:35,374
From what?
114
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,676
From Vera--
she's visiting her mother.
115
00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:39,244
Ooh, nothing serious,
I hope.
116
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,113
No, no, no, no,
they're just changing that tire
117
00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:42,348
that hangs from her ceiling.
118
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:43,916
(laughing)
119
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,050
I can take care of you guys.
120
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,652
I can use the work.
121
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,921
Let's go check it out.
122
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,189
Tell you what, I...
123
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:52,091
I think I can swing
the whole thing today
124
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,093
for, uh...
125
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,761
what do you say, $400?
126
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,430
Uh, that's a little pricey,
isn't it?
127
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,466
Uh, right, well,
say $200 and, uh,
128
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,934
you supply the food
and the beer?
129
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,902
$400, it is.
130
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:14,713
Say, Norm, what kind
of roller is that?
131
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,582
I don't know, Fras.
132
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:19,351
They have, uh, different
kinds of rollers?
133
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:20,352
Uh...
134
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:22,688
yeah, probably do.
135
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:24,423
Suppose, uh,
some of them
136
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:25,958
are better than
the others?
137
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,060
Uh, yeah, yeah,
I suppose.
138
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:30,496
This one's okay, though,
Fras, trust me.
139
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,097
Oh, oh, yeah, no.
140
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:35,134
I was just wondering
about rollers.
141
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:38,270
Don't you have anything to do,
you know, like work or anything?
142
00:05:38,304 --> 00:05:40,072
No, no, don't have
to work today.
143
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:42,041
And, Lilith doesn't
let me watch TV
144
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:45,144
during the
daytime, so...
145
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,812
Say, is... can I help
you with anything?
146
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,480
I mean, stir the
paint, maybe?
147
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,582
No, uh, they, uh...
they shook it up
148
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:51,917
over at the, uh,
paint store.
149
00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:53,652
Yeah, right, those,
uh, those machines
150
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,387
that, yeah, shake
the paint, yeah.
Yeah.
151
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:56,588
Say, you know,
that's...
152
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:58,223
I wonder who invented
that-- that's...
153
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,659
There's a guy that really made
154
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,561
a worthwhile contribution,
you know?
155
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:04,163
I mean,
156
00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:05,397
if he was a guy.
157
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:07,232
I mean, he could have been
a woman, I guess.
158
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:08,834
Isn't that interesting?
Oh, why would I assume
159
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,903
just right off
that that would be a man?
160
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,173
Frasier, I'm starting
to miss Cliff.
161
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,343
Right, right,
right.
162
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,977
How's Norm doing?
163
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,446
Oh, fine, I guess.
164
00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:22,581
(awkward laughter):
Oh, say,
165
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:24,483
you know, Norm, the...
the guy on This Old House
166
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:25,684
says that you
should apply paint
167
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,920
with, uh, vertical strokes.
168
00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,688
Yeah,
what's This Old House?
169
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:30,989
Well, it's a show on PBS.
170
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:32,825
What's PBS?
171
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:38,163
Tell me you didn't see that
coming a mile away.
172
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,698
Well, you know, I...
I was just
173
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,201
trying to point out that, uh,
it seemed a little silly
174
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,904
for a... a television show
to waste all that, uh, air time,
175
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,606
um, explaining to
paint a certain way
176
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,508
when you can just slap it on
willy-nilly.
177
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:52,244
Look, I'd love
to stay here all day
178
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,013
and defend myself,
but I can't reach
179
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,481
that top spot
so I'm gonna go home
180
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:56,415
and get my big ladder.
181
00:06:56,449 --> 00:06:57,483
Well, you could
reach it
182
00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:58,584
from the top
of the ladder.
183
00:06:58,618 --> 00:06:59,918
Oh, no, no, you see
that, uh,
184
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,220
sticker on the ladder there?
185
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,721
You're not supposed to go
above that step.
186
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,523
Oh, come on, you're
just being a big baby.
187
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:05,858
Look, you're almost done,
and, uh,
188
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:07,993
you know, you don't want it
to dry two different colors.
189
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,962
Oh, don't tell me-- the
guy from This Old House?
190
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,196
Well, look, if he
wasn't a professional,
191
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:12,631
he wouldn't be the guy
from This Old House,
192
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:14,867
he'd just be some guy,
all right?
193
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:16,502
Now, come on,
get up there.
No, what, I'm...
194
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:18,270
I'm gonna get hurt,
fall down? No way!
195
00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:20,372
Oh, all right, you big baby,
I'll do it myself.
196
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:21,540
Frasier, come on now.
197
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:22,941
Hand me that roller.
198
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,376
Frasier, relax,
will you?
Whoa!
199
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:24,943
Aah!
200
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,652
Okay, so maybe it is
a little hazardous.
201
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:41,927
Norm, I'm sorry.
202
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,962
I'm so sorry.
203
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:46,331
All I can say is I
am so, so sorry.
204
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:47,733
What else can I say?
205
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,768
I know something you
can stop saying.
206
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:50,803
Here you are, Norm.
207
00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:53,238
Oh, thank you.
208
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:55,607
FRASIER:
Now, Norm,
Norm, here,
209
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,942
don't lift up your neck
like that.
210
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,310
Remember what Dr. Feld said.
211
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,678
You've got a bruised disk
212
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:00,879
and you don't want
to aggravate it
213
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,548
by moving
in any way.
214
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:05,918
Well, at least it won't
affect my lifestyle much.
215
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:08,787
Can you just drop me off
at home, Frasier?
216
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,489
Okay, Norm,
just be careful.
217
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:12,358
No, no, we... we
can't take him home.
218
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:13,559
Vera's out of town.
219
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:14,927
Can you imagine Norm
just sitting there
220
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:15,928
all alone in
his house,
221
00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:17,629
helpless in front
of the TV?
222
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,965
Hang onto your hat,
but yes.
223
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:23,369
Look, Lilith,
224
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,204
the least I
owe Norm is...
225
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,705
is the comfort
of our home.
226
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,774
I mean, at least until
Vera comes back.
227
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:30,409
I see what this is.
228
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,945
You want your little friend
to stay over.
229
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,649
Well, he doesn't
move much.
230
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,487
All right, if you clean up after
him, you can keep him,
231
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,889
but the first time
I have to do it, out he goes.
232
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,724
Do you hear that, Norm?
You can stay!
233
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:49,361
Say, listen, tell her you want
234
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,497
to watch some television.
235
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,271
800.
236
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,974
Literature.
237
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:06,045
808.83.
238
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,347
Short monologues.
239
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:12,251
Boy, Mr. Clavin, you sure know
your Dewey Decimal System.
240
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,952
(phone ringing)
241
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,290
Cheers.
242
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:19,591
Hey, guys, it's Norm.
243
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:21,060
ALL:
Norm!
244
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,830
Hey, what's
shaking, man?
245
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:25,931
(laughing)
246
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:28,200
Where's he come up
with these things?
247
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,035
That's great.
248
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,403
So how
are you doing, huh?
249
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,072
Ooh, ouch.
250
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,940
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
251
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:37,509
Well, uh, we're gonna
miss you around here.
252
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,144
Take it easy.
253
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,379
Yeah, all right,
bye-bye.
254
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,815
Poor guy-- whoa.
What?
255
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:45,250
Threw his back out over
at, uh, Frasier's house.
256
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,453
Can't move--
Lilith's taking care of him.
257
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,854
Ooh, poor Norm.
Yeah.
258
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:50,289
Oh, boy.
259
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,591
Oh, I hope... hope
it's not serious.
260
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:53,892
I mean, if anything,
uh, happened
261
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,661
to the big guy, I don't
know what I'd do.
262
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,229
Yeah, it's too bad
it takes something bad
263
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,931
to happen for us
to really appreciate him.
264
00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:00,065
Yeah, yeah,
265
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,234
it really makes you
stop and think, huh?
266
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,836
Flip you for his stool.
267
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,404
Heads.
268
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,440
Hey!
269
00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:14,980
Lilith, um,
270
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,448
could you put a head
on this, please?
271
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,052
Norm, for two days now,
272
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,820
I've been seeing
to your every need.
273
00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:24,223
I think it's time we
had a little talk.
274
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,158
Oh, great,
could I go first?
275
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,360
'Cause there's something I've
been really wanting to say.
276
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:29,528
(takes deep breath)
277
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,997
Lilith, you and I
are very different people.
278
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,066
I mean, look
at you.
279
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:37,036
You're successful,
ambitious,
280
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:38,303
you've got a...
281
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,005
a great career,
lovely family.
282
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,273
Me, I'm just a guy
283
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,308
who sits on a barstool
284
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:46,311
and hangs out all day
with his dorky friends.
285
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:50,215
I don't know, I guess I've
always sort of felt...
286
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,117
sorry for you.
287
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,956
The point I'm tryin'
to make here, Lilith,
288
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,959
is that even though
I don't understand
289
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,961
half the stuff
you guys talk about,
290
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,296
quantum physics
and stuff...
Oh.
291
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,764
Oh, quantum, that,
that's easy.
292
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,966
Once you accept the duality
of light
293
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,302
as both a particle and a wave...
Yeah,
294
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,470
yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, whatever.
295
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,038
Who, who cares, really?
296
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:15,874
The point is, Lilith,
297
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:17,976
that I realize that you've
been trying to help me.
298
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,412
And I appreciate
that.
299
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,947
And in the future,
300
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:25,751
I, for one, will not be so quick
to just blow you off.
301
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,055
Sadly, Norm, that's one
of the nicest things
302
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,724
anyone's ever said to me.
303
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,328
Thank you for that gift.
304
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,097
(doorbell rings)
Oh, uh,
could you get that?
305
00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:39,698
That's probably the pizza
that I ordered.
306
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,333
I had to put it
on your MasterCard.
307
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,135
Uh, thank you for that gift.
308
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,872
Yoo-hoo!
Anybody home?
309
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:48,207
Hey, Lilith,
how're ya doin'?
310
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,009
Normie!
Cliffy!
311
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,677
Hey, how's
it goin'?
312
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:52,911
Well, I was in the
neighborhood,
313
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,146
so I thought
I'd stop in.
314
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:55,214
Yeah? You finished
your route?
315
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:56,882
Well, no,
they can wait.
316
00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:59,385
Heck, there's, uh,
317
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,053
nothin' happenin' today.
318
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:03,022
Well, I, uh, the biggest
thing today is, uh,
319
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,057
some old lady wrote
some guy sayin'
320
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:06,592
that she was
his natural mother.
321
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:09,962
It's a soap opera
out there, Norm.
322
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:11,030
Really?
Yeah.
323
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,031
Well, well,
324
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:15,034
Norm and Cliff in my home.
325
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,003
Usually at this point
I wake up drenched in sweat.
326
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:22,141
Oh, now
there's an image, huh?
327
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:23,542
Now, now, Cliffy.
328
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:24,977
Back off now, Cliff.
329
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,645
Lilith and I have
been talking.
330
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,447
Turns out she's just
regular folks.
331
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:29,715
Sure. Sure she is.
332
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,116
Yeah, so, uh,
333
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,218
what's a guy gotta do
to get a drink around here?
334
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,620
(doorbell rings)
Cliff,
335
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,722
this is not a tavern.
336
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,324
This is my home.
Do you see a bartender?
337
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:40,592
Do you see any beer?
338
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:43,429
Ho, there he is!
339
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:44,596
Sammy!
All right!
340
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,131
Normie can't come
to the beer,
341
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,466
then the beer comes
to Normie!
342
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:48,634
All right!
Hey, Lilith,
343
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:51,003
want to get us some
glasses there?
344
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,916
You know, Norm,
it's a little bit strange
345
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,484
watchin' TV
at eye level.
346
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,689
You get used to
it, though.
347
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:13,926
No, actually, you probably won't
get used to it, Cliff.
348
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,961
Remember,
you're just stopping by.
349
00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,996
Oh, I don't know
there, Lilith.
350
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:21,166
I mean, uh, Sam's pourin',
you got ESPN.
351
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,469
It's just like Cheers.
352
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,571
Yes, but it's not Cheers.
353
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:28,040
This is a private home, and
comfortable though it may be,
354
00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:30,042
I'm sure you have
other things to do.
355
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,011
You know, Cliff, Lilith's right.
356
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:33,879
You've got your route to finish.
357
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:35,447
We'll be here when you get back.
358
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,953
Uh, gentlemen,
I'm afraid the party is over.
359
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,121
As enjoyable
360
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,722
as this has been,
361
00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:45,657
I'm going to have
to ask you to leave.
362
00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:50,662
Well, this must
be the place.
363
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,731
He drives
like a maniac.
364
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:53,766
How would you know?
You were playing
365
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,000
with my radio
the whole way.
366
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,835
How can you listen
to that crap?
Oh.
367
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,837
SAM:
Hey, guys, huh?
368
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:00,339
What'll you have
here?
369
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:01,573
How about a beer?
Oh, listen, everyone,
370
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:03,509
Norm needs peace and quiet.
371
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,344
For that matter,
so do Frasier and I.
372
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:06,745
So if you don't mind...
373
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:07,713
Wing dings!
374
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:09,381
Get 'em while they're hot!
375
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:11,050
Paul! Phil!
376
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:12,718
Good to see you.
Say, listen,
377
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,386
those directions weren't too
complicated, were they?
378
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:15,554
Oh, no.
Look, honey,
379
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,823
it's Phil and Paul!
380
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,659
May I see you in the kitchen,
darling?
381
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,035
(crash)
382
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,942
I'll just, uh,
383
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,044
I'll put in another batch.
384
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:48,987
(soul music playing)
385
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,962
Frasier.
386
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:59,932
Frasier.
387
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:03,402
Doctor, are you listening to me?
388
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,404
Yes, yes.
389
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,739
Now please continue.
390
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:10,809
I hate it
when you do that.
391
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:12,811
Say, what time is it?
392
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:14,146
It's 1:00 in
the morning,
393
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:16,248
and your friends are
still downstairs.
394
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:17,683
Oh, just try to ignore it,
Lilith.
395
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,585
It's only for a couple more
days.
I will
396
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:20,652
not ignore it!
397
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,221
Now go down there
and get rid of them.
398
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,455
I can't, dear.
399
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:24,456
I'm the one that hurt Norm.
400
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:25,824
I feel responsible.
401
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:28,827
But you're not responsible
for the others.
402
00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:32,064
Yeah, but, you don't
understand, dear.
403
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,900
You get one,
you get them all.
404
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:38,404
It's like a hive
mentality.
405
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:41,607
Norm must
be their queen.
406
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:43,575
Get rid of
them, now!
407
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,077
And if I don't?
408
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:48,047
Would you like to ever see me
naked again in the '90s?
409
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,919
You know, that would
be more effective
410
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,155
if you didn't use it
every time
411
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:59,158
you ever want me
to do something.
412
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:02,027
# #
413
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,163
FRASIER:
All right, people,
enough is enough.
414
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,131
(music stops)
SAM:
Oh, come on, man.
415
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:12,171
(music resumes)
416
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,577
Stop it right now!
(music stops)
417
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,813
I want you people out
of my house!
418
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:23,582
Gee, Lilith,
what's wrong?
419
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:24,783
You've taken
420
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:26,385
advantage of our
hospitality.
421
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,187
You should be ashamed
of yourselves.
422
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,689
Lilith, don't you think you're
overreacting a little bit?
423
00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:32,191
(phone rings)
424
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,425
Cheers.
425
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:36,695
This is not Cheers.
426
00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:38,530
Call back, huh?
427
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:40,032
And you!
428
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:41,700
I thought you were
getting rid of them.
429
00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:43,769
Well, I asked them to leave,
and they said no.
430
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,604
You never asked us
to leave, Fras.
431
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,573
Shut up, Cliff, I'm
in a little pickle here.
432
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:50,409
I will not have my home
turned into a circus.
433
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,844
There is only
one person
434
00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,412
who has any right
to be here.
435
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,747
Is it me?
436
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,749
Fat chance, mister!
437
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,117
I'm talking
about Nor...
438
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,019
Where the hell is
Norm?
439
00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:01,720
Well, he said his back
was feelin' better
440
00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:02,988
so he, uh, hit
the bricks.
441
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:05,524
Yeah.
I think he went
to Cheers.
442
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:09,595
And you people are still here?
443
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:12,431
If you're not gone
by the time I get back,
444
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,433
Frasier, you're a dead man!
445
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,669
Do you hear me?
446
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:20,839
(door slams)
447
00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:28,447
Carla...
448
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,115
I did it.
449
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:33,452
It's almost closing time,
and here's my little egg.
450
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,953
Safe and sound.
451
00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:35,988
Pay up.
452
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:38,991
Darn the luck!
453
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:40,993
(sighs)
454
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,696
Say, uh, you don't have
change for a 20, do you?
455
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,364
Where did you get
all that money?
456
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,965
Well, I bet some
of the guys
457
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,600
that I could make you
carry an egg
458
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,202
around the bar
for three days running.
459
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,707
I won 150 bucks.
460
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,475
Here's your five.
461
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,677
Go crazy.
462
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,646
The important thing
to remember here is
463
00:18:00,714 --> 00:18:02,181
that I proved my point.
464
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,449
What did you prove?
465
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,517
That you could take care
of an egg?
466
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,419
(chuckles)
467
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:10,122
You know, babies are a lot
bigger and heavier.
468
00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:12,958
Now, if you could,
say, uh,
469
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,427
carry a watermelon...
470
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:19,398
say,
between your legs,
471
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:21,367
from one end of the bar
to the other,
472
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,802
and cluck like a chicken,
now, that would prove
473
00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:25,104
that you're ready
for motherhood.
474
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:28,574
Good night, Carla.
475
00:18:33,747 --> 00:18:35,714
Here's your 20,
Carla.
476
00:18:35,749 --> 00:18:37,683
I thought
she'd do it.
477
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:43,722
Norm!
478
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,891
Oh, no,
Dr. Sternin-Crane,
479
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,259
you're supposed
to yell "Norm"
480
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:48,894
when he comes
in the door.
481
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:49,895
Don't worry.
482
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:52,564
It took me a little while
to get used to it, too.
483
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,233
What's wrong, Lilith?
484
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,068
What the hell are
you doing here?
485
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:58,170
Well, my back started feelin'
a lot better, and, uh,
486
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,339
I was really getting
kinda tired of those guys.
487
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,741
Norm, perhaps you'll
understand an analogy.
488
00:19:02,776 --> 00:19:04,176
Have you ever
had a dog
489
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,477
and the dog
had fleas?
490
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,712
But then when
the dog left,
491
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,547
your house was
still infested?
492
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:10,549
Oh, yeah,
that happened to me.
493
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,884
Only it wasn't a dog.
494
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:13,218
It was a pig.
495
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,721
And we had fleas the size
of golf balls.
496
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,389
Woody, I'm not
interested.
497
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,191
I'm trying to have a
conversation with Norm.
498
00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:22,294
Whoa, golf balls, huh?
499
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,863
It got so bad we had to bomb
the whole house.
500
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:25,931
Wow.
501
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,766
Those flea bombs
are great, huh?
502
00:19:27,801 --> 00:19:29,435
What's a flea bomb?
503
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,936
Stop it!
504
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,905
Just stop it!
505
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:37,676
I came by to tell you
506
00:19:37,711 --> 00:19:40,479
that your behavior has been
unconscionably rude.
507
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,314
You let your friends
overrun my home,
508
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:43,582
and then when
you leave,
509
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:44,817
you don't even have
the decency
510
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:45,984
to take them
with you.
511
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,821
That's all I
have to say.
512
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,456
Good night.
513
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,324
Wait, wait, Lilith,
Lilith, wait a minute.
514
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,460
Now, look, you're
absolutely right,
515
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,495
and I'm sorry.
516
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,596
(sighs)
517
00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:58,931
Well, you're
up already.
518
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,366
You know, why don't
you just relax
519
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,500
and have a drink?
520
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,635
Well, come on.
You-you took
521
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:04,903
care of me for two days.
522
00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:07,006
The least I can do is
buy you a drink.
523
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:08,807
Come on, come on.
524
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,443
Look, you can sit on my stool.
525
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,479
Huh?
526
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,414
Yeah.
527
00:20:17,117 --> 00:20:19,018
Woods, scotch.
528
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,488
I may as well.
529
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:25,524
My house is filled with people
who hate me.
530
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,560
They're all angry at me
because I spoiled the big party.
531
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:30,229
I'm the wet blanket.
532
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,663
I'm the drudge.
533
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:34,633
I'm the big party pooper.
534
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:36,802
Stop me when you disagree.
535
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,771
I will.
536
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,342
You know, Norm,
you may find this surprising,
537
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:46,712
but I'm somewhat off-putting
to most people.
538
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:50,282
No, no, it's,
it's true.
539
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:51,984
I don't have many
friends.
540
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:54,920
I've never been very good
at making friends.
541
00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:57,389
I think it's easy,
Lilith.
542
00:20:57,424 --> 00:21:00,392
Um, you just have to relax
a bit, you know?
543
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,861
Just sort
of loosen up.
544
00:21:02,896 --> 00:21:04,563
You mean just be myself?
545
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,598
No.
546
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:08,600
Uh, you weren't
listening.
547
00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:10,269
Just relax.
548
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:11,970
Loosen up.
549
00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:14,940
Okay, I'll try it.
550
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:16,909
(sighs)
551
00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:21,447
Oh, wow, this feels much better.
552
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,248
See?
553
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:25,417
I've been looking at
this all wrong.
554
00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:27,152
I'm going to go back
to my house,
555
00:21:27,187 --> 00:21:29,221
and I'm going to be the life
of that party.
556
00:21:29,255 --> 00:21:30,789
And it won't be
that disorganized,
557
00:21:30,824 --> 00:21:32,691
carousing fun they've
been having.
558
00:21:32,726 --> 00:21:35,194
It's going to be good,
clean, organized fun.
559
00:21:35,228 --> 00:21:37,696
We'll play Pictionary,
then Boticelli,
560
00:21:37,731 --> 00:21:39,365
then it's Charades
till dawn.
561
00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:41,867
I'll rush home
and type up a party schedule.
562
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:43,402
I'll make copies.
563
00:21:43,436 --> 00:21:47,072
Oh, I wonder if they have a copy
center open at this hour.
564
00:21:47,107 --> 00:21:48,340
I know.
565
00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:51,310
Why not make a game out
of trying to find one?
566
00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:57,983
Frasier, it's Norm.
567
00:21:58,018 --> 00:22:00,319
Get out of the house
while you still can.
39260
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