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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:04,536
Cheers is filmed beforea live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:06,205
Quite a night,
huh, Norm?
3
00:00:06,272 --> 00:00:08,640
Yep.
Yeah.
4
00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:12,077
I can't believe
old Sammy wants to be a dad.
5
00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:14,213
Yep.
6
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,548
He's got to be real careful
about choosing a mother.
7
00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,817
A lot of things
to consider.
8
00:00:18,885 --> 00:00:21,387
Like, for example,
how the genes match up.
9
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,155
Yeah.
10
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:26,759
Wish my parents had given that
a little bit more thought.
11
00:00:26,826 --> 00:00:28,861
Yeah.
12
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:31,263
Maybe I'd be able
to jump a little higher,
13
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:32,598
run a little faster.
14
00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:37,069
You know, there's
a jumping gene in my ma.
15
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,605
It's called the "J" gene.
16
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,273
It's... it's recessive.
17
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:42,541
You know, so, if
18
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,309
my ma had gotten matched up
19
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,680
with a guy
with a dominant jumping gene...
20
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:50,015
You know, let's see.
21
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:52,584
Like, uh... Carl Lewis.
22
00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:56,755
I'm telling you, Norm,
23
00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:58,323
it could have been
a whole different playground
24
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,626
for little Cliffie Lewis.
25
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:03,962
Cliffie, I hate to interrupt,
but, uh, we're here.
26
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,066
Normie, how come
27
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:09,401
you always drop me off at least
six blocks away from my house?
28
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:10,703
Well, this time it's a mile.
29
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,106
Get out.
30
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:19,578
(theme song begins)
31
00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:24,350
# Making your way
in the world today #
32
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,519
# Takes everything you've got #
33
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,189
# Taking a break
from all your worries #
34
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:33,659
# Sure would help a lot #
35
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:37,563
# Wouldn't you like
to get away? #
36
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:41,033
# Sometimes you want to go #
37
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:45,537
# Where everybody
knows your name #
38
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:51,443
# And they're always
glad you came #
39
00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:53,712
# You wanna be
where you can see #
40
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,281
# Our troubles
are all the same #
41
00:01:56,349 --> 00:02:00,552
# You wanna be where
everybody knows your name #
42
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:03,756
# You wanna go
where people know #
43
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:06,992
# People are all the same #
44
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:11,630
# You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. #
45
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,481
CARLA:
Previously on Cheers...
46
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,417
No more "Rebecca the jerk."
47
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,619
No more "Rebecca the goonball."
48
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,554
"Rebecca the loser."
49
00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,823
"Rebecca the mother"!
50
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,892
I'm going to have
a brand-new human baby!
51
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:43,896
I can't wait!
52
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:45,931
You know, a new life!
53
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,134
A new life that depends
completely on me.
54
00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:51,770
(fabric ripping)
55
00:02:58,144 --> 00:03:00,279
Can you believe it?
I forgot my coat.
56
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:03,649
Oh, I'm just so
excited about this!
57
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:07,486
I don't know.
I'm going to be a mommy!
58
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:09,421
I'm going to be a mommy!
59
00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:10,756
Rebecca, honey?
Honey?
60
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:11,957
What, Sam?
61
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,225
Are you sure you're
ready for this?
62
00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:14,727
Well, don't I
look ready?
63
00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:17,463
Maybe I'm thrown off
by the coatrack.
64
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,031
Oh, I hate it
when I do that.
Careful, careful.
65
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,133
Well, you think
we're ready, don't you?
66
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,801
I mean, you don't
think that we're
rushing this, do you?
67
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,536
Do you need a little time
to think it over?
68
00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:26,271
No... sweetheart, sweetheart,
come on, turn around.
69
00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:28,440
I think we're both
very excited by this.
70
00:03:28,508 --> 00:03:30,309
You want to be a mommy, right?
71
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:31,977
And I want to be a daddy.
72
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,846
I think that the decision
has been made here.
73
00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:35,180
Sam, just give it a yank.
74
00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:37,316
Ow! Ooh!
75
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,918
Are you hurt?
76
00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:42,221
No, no. I'm fine.
77
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:43,922
Okay, what do you think?
78
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:45,224
You want to give it
till tomorrow?
79
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:46,625
(high voice):
Please.
80
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:54,299
Hey, everybody, guess what.
81
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,969
My buddy just
bowled a 300!
82
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,371
Great. Like
anybody cares, huh?
83
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:00,973
A round of drinks on me!
84
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,274
All right! Way to roll
85
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:03,308
that melon, buddy!
86
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:04,977
MAN:
There you go.
87
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,479
Here you go, bud.
88
00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:09,114
Oh, sorry, missy.
89
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,717
What for? You think
I won't enjoy a cigar
90
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,385
because I'm a woman?
91
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:16,488
I'll save it for the
George Sand Film Festival.
92
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,457
(Frasier chuckling)
93
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,059
You see, what
you don't understand
94
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:21,326
is that my wife
just made a...
95
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:23,896
a very funny
literary reference
96
00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:25,431
to a woman that
97
00:04:25,498 --> 00:04:28,434
used to dress as a man,
and lived in France.
98
00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:29,668
Was he a bowler?
99
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:33,739
Sure. What the hell?
100
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:36,875
Hey, uh... why don't
you have the, uh...
101
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,510
smokers sitting in
the smoking section?
102
00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:41,447
Oh, of course.
Where's my head?
103
00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:42,915
Probably in the pumpkin patch
104
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,184
wondering when
the mix-up occurred.
105
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:49,421
Sammy, we have
a smoking section?
106
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:50,956
Yeah. Over by the piano.
107
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:53,258
We have a piano?
108
00:04:57,097 --> 00:05:00,366
Oh. I gotta turn my head more.
109
00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:07,606
Hi, Sam.
110
00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:10,242
Hi. Sorry about last night.
111
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,410
Oh, no. Don't
worry about it.
112
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:12,644
You feeling better?
113
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,013
You didn't
bruise, did you?
114
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,415
Sweetheart,
it's not a peach.
115
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,050
So...
116
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,785
you, uh... still
want to be a mommy?
117
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,420
Do you still
want to be a daddy?
118
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:22,588
I do if you do.
119
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:23,922
I do.
120
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,090
Great. All right. Great.
121
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,225
I'll... I'll be
right back.
122
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:27,559
Hold it. Hold it.
Wait. Wait.
123
00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:29,428
We have to
sit a second.
What?
124
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:33,932
Look, I don't
want this to be
that we just do it.
125
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,901
I want this to be special.
126
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,236
I mean,
what's going to happen
127
00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:38,971
when our child asks us
about the night we conceived?
128
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:40,005
What are we going to say?
129
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,607
How about, "Mind
your own business"?
130
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,777
Sam, be serious.
131
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,312
I know. I know.
132
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:49,214
Let's do something that
133
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,450
you have never done
before with a woman.
134
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,318
All right, all right.
135
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,026
Okay, okay, okay.
136
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,094
Let... let... let's do something
137
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,095
that you've only done once.
138
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,430
Okay. All right.
139
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,965
You got, uh...
You've got, uh...
140
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,805
Let's just have a nice,
simple, romantic evening.
141
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:13,939
All right. Now,
that I can do.
142
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:14,940
That I can do.
Tell you what.
143
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:15,974
You got a
fireplace, right?
144
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,776
Yeah.
Well, there you go.
145
00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:19,211
It's a perfect evening.
146
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,580
Dinner, fire,
a little Jiffy Pop.
147
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,449
Sam, don't be crass.
No, no, no.
148
00:06:23,516 --> 00:06:25,617
I was talking
about popcorn.
Oh!
149
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,653
That was funny.
150
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,954
Oh, you've got a date!
151
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,222
All right.
Wait a minute.
152
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,490
Woody, we're out of here.
153
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,825
You're in charge of the bar.
154
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,027
Well, why bother, Sam?
155
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,295
Whenever you
put me in charge,
156
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,063
nobody ever
listens to me.
157
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,465
I just get laughed at,
158
00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:40,866
and get drinks
poured over my head.
159
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,968
If anyone does that to you,
you just sic Carla on them.
160
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,570
I'm talking
about Carla.
161
00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:46,372
Oh.
162
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:48,173
All right,
listen up, everybody!
163
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,042
Whenever Rebecca and I
aren't in the bar, uh...
164
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,810
Woody's in charge.
165
00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:54,013
(everyone laughing)
166
00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:01,387
That better?
167
00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:03,956
Kind of. At least
it's not a margarita.
168
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:06,759
Those get salt in my eyes.
169
00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:09,328
Listen, I'm...
I'm out of here, guys.
170
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,796
I'll be back
in a couple of hours
171
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,231
depending on
how things go here.
172
00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:13,399
Where're you going, Sam?
173
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:16,201
It... it's kind of personal,
Norm.
174
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,771
Ah! Uh, let me
get that for you.
Oh.
175
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:20,339
Here we go.
176
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,309
Sammy's acting
kind of weird, huh?
177
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,444
Yeah.
178
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:28,113
Can't you beer butts
figure it out?
179
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,448
Sam's been searching
for weeks
180
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,650
to find a perfect woman
to have his baby.
181
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:34,319
Obviously, he's given up
and asked Rebecca.
182
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,323
No way. Something that big,
Sammy would have told us.
183
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:41,427
Why do you assume
the rest of the
world lives by
184
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:44,229
your outdated code
of male bonding?
185
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,931
Do you think
that every man
186
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,466
goes around
telling his buddies
187
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,468
when he decides to
sire an offspring?
188
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:52,071
Frasier did.
189
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,045
Anyhoo...
190
00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,585
(coughing)
191
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,754
Woody, can you do something
about that smoke?
192
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,290
Don't worry, Mr. Clavin,
I'll take care of it.
193
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:12,691
(coughs)
194
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,961
Excuse me, sir.
My name
195
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,496
is Woody Boyd,
and I'm kind of
196
00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:18,697
in charge
here tonight.
197
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,032
Well, my friend
over there
198
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,401
is kind of bothered
by your smoke,
199
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,169
and so I was hoping you
could move to the back
200
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,771
to the smoking section.
201
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,840
I think that would really be
the considerate thing to do.
202
00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:30,676
You can tell
your friend this.
203
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,711
(coughing)
204
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,817
So, Woody, what
did he say?
205
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:39,485
(coughs)
206
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,727
Wow. I'm impressed.
207
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:51,430
Where did you learn
how to cook?
208
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:52,931
When I was a kid,
my mom thought that
209
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:56,135
all boys should do
a little bit of cooking.
210
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,703
I never knew that.
211
00:08:57,837 --> 00:08:59,438
Oh, yeah. I have
a sensitive side.
212
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:02,574
Matter of fact, why don't
we put on some music
213
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:05,110
and see how long it
takes you to find it.
214
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:09,515
Where do you keep
your Johnny Mathis?
215
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:10,683
I don't think
I have any.
216
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,652
Oh. Well, who needs music?
217
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,387
Allow me.
218
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:21,960
# Look at me... #
219
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:24,096
I didn't know you
could sing that high.
220
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,732
I couldn't
before the coatrack.
221
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:31,770
(humming "Misty")
222
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,073
(giggling)
223
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,607
What?
224
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:37,109
Nothing.
225
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,410
I'm just nervous.
226
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,479
Oh, come on. Nothing
to be nervous about.
227
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:41,814
Oh, no. I mean,
we're going to make
228
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:43,949
the biggest decision
of our lives.
229
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,418
I mean, don't you think
that's a little bit scary?
230
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:50,489
Come on. You can't...
can't pressure yourself
like that.
231
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,124
I mean, you know,
once we do this,
232
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,559
there's no turning back.
233
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:54,993
No, no, no, no. Come on.
234
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:57,029
That's just the thing
you can't think about here.
235
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:01,166
"After tonight, everything
will be different for life."
236
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,602
Or, uh... "I may have done
this a million times,
237
00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:07,806
but this is the
one that counts."
238
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:10,809
I mean, you, uh...
you start doing that,
239
00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:13,612
you're not going
to be able to do it.
240
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,981
Sam, you're not thinking
about it, are you?
241
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,751
No, no. Don't be silly.
242
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:22,988
Oh, you're right, Sam.
243
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,456
Let's just go for it.
244
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:26,925
Uh... Right now?
245
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:28,527
It's now or never, Sam.
Uh...
246
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,030
Let's make a baby.
247
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,699
No, you know...
but... but right now?
248
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,267
What's the matter?
249
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:36,568
Nothing's the matter.
Don't be silly.
250
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,770
Nothing's the matter.
251
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:39,538
It's just that,
uh... you know,
252
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:40,973
not everything's right
right now, you know?
253
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,375
Uh... we don't
have Johnny Mathis.
Yeah, that's it.
254
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,310
Uh... tell you what.
Why don't I, uh...
255
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:46,945
Why don't I go
to the record store?
256
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,148
I'll be right back.
No! Sam...
257
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:52,418
If we're going to make a baby,
I'm going to need my Johnny!
258
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,635
What's wrong, Sam?
259
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:18,644
Sam, what is it?
260
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:20,346
I... I... I...
261
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:21,347
What? What?
262
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,315
Is it an accident?
A fire?
263
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,983
Do you want us
to follow you?
264
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:31,423
Sam, look. Just pull
yourself together
265
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:32,725
and tell me what it is.
266
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:37,062
I... can't.
267
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,964
Yes, you can.
268
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,599
Look. Just organize
your thoughts,
269
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,267
form the words,
and tell me.
270
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,770
I can't.
Sam, if you want
me to help you,
271
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,872
you're going to have to
tell me what the problem is.
272
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:47,940
I am!
273
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:49,141
Well, then, what is it?
274
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,542
I can't!
275
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:51,677
You can't what?
276
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,815
Oh, dear Lord.
277
00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:58,484
Am I to assume
that Sam Malone
278
00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,718
is unable to...?
279
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,192
You gotta help me, man.
280
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,695
All right, Sam.
Let's, uh...
281
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:10,829
Let's examine
this problem. Uh...
282
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:11,997
Okay.
283
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:13,632
What is the difference
284
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,334
between this experience
285
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,070
and the thousands of times
that have gone before?
286
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,005
All right. Well, uh...
287
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,074
It was with Rebecca.
288
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,676
You've been intimate
with Rebecca before?
289
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,044
Yeah. No. It...
290
00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:28,013
It's not sex. I mean,
we want to have a baby.
291
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,548
We...
292
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,016
What we're trying to do is, is
293
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,018
wholesome and natural
and beautiful,
294
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,020
and it's turning me off.
295
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,024
(door opens)
296
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,694
Sam, your whole life,
297
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:46,198
has been a string of
meaningless, albeit enjoyable,
298
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,033
sexual encounters. Now,
299
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:50,002
for the first time,
you're engaging
300
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,371
in a meaningful,
productive pursuit
301
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,707
See, it's a common conflict
between what we call
302
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,210
recreational sex and
procreational sex.
303
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,311
What?
304
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,213
Well, dirty sex
and clean sex.
305
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:02,681
Oh.
306
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:06,885
Now, it is this conflict that is
making you unable to function.
307
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,987
Oh. Oh, yeah.
That's good.
308
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:10,189
All right. Wow.
309
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:11,857
For a minute there,
I thought maybe
310
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:14,960
there was something wrong
with the seal on my microwave.
311
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:19,064
Now, Sam,
312
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,001
what you're gonna
have to do is, is
313
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:26,705
keep your mind thinking
of dirty things.
314
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,340
You see what I mean.
315
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,010
Skip everything about a baby.
316
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:33,345
Forget that Rebecca's
gonna be a mother.
317
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,014
Forget that you're
gonna be a father.
318
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:38,784
Instead, concentrate on the
heat, the passion you generate.
319
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:41,020
Trick your body into
thinking of this
320
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:43,522
as just another tawdry
one-night stand.
321
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:44,790
Come with me.
322
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,594
You can do it, Sam.
323
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:49,862
You have to.
324
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,864
You owe it to
men everywhere.
325
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:54,700
Yeah. All right,
all right, all right.
326
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:55,834
Think heat.
327
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:58,470
Think heat. Think heat.
328
00:13:58,538 --> 00:13:59,672
Think heat, think heat.
329
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,707
Think heat, think heat.
330
00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:03,175
Not yet, not yet.
331
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:06,712
Hey, Woodrot.
332
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:09,248
What's with the cigar
party back there?
333
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,183
Well, the smoking section
wasn't big enough,
334
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,318
so exercising
my powers as a manager,
335
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:14,987
I moved everybody
back into the pool room
336
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,088
Yeah, well, if
you'd exercise
337
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,456
your brain,
you'd realize
338
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,525
there are no vents, and the
windows are painted shut.
339
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:22,561
It's like Clavin in the
middle of July back there.
340
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,663
Well, what do
you expect?
341
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,333
There's no vents and the
windows are painted shut.
342
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,936
Don't worry, Carla,
I've installed a fan.
343
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:31,970
CARLA:
Oh.
344
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:35,274
All I gotta do is
some simple wiring.
345
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,243
(phone ringing)
346
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:39,378
Cheers.
347
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:40,512
It's nice to see
348
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:41,880
Woody in charge, huh?
349
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,549
Seems like only
yesterday he, uh,
350
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,017
couldn't find his
way around the bar,
351
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,553
and he got lost
in the storeroom.
352
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,887
That was yesterday.
353
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:53,859
Phone call for you,
Chalk Face.
354
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,327
Thank you...
355
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,196
Velcro Top.
356
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:00,866
I've been waiting
to use that.
357
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:04,903
Hello?
358
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:06,472
REBECCA:
Lilith.
Yeah?
359
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,440
Ha-Has Sam been there?
360
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:10,175
Uh, he was, but he just left.
361
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,643
Did he say anything?
362
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:12,745
Not to me. Why?
363
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:14,513
Can I trust you?
364
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,682
Of course
you can trust me.
365
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:17,950
I'm a professional.
366
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,785
If you have a problem,
I'm more than equipped
367
00:15:19,853 --> 00:15:21,820
to help you work through it
in a rational manner.
368
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:22,821
Woody, two beers.
369
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,490
Shut up. This is juicy.
370
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,163
I'm sorry. Please continue.
371
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:34,333
You know, Sam and I
are trying to have a baby.
372
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:37,670
All right, tonight
when we were...
373
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,538
Just when things got all...
374
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:40,639
you know, heated
375
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,574
and involved, well...
376
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:45,210
he left for no
apparent reason. I mean...
377
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,012
I don't think Sam
was turned on.
378
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,983
Oh, my God. The seventh sign.
379
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:53,018
Now, look, what
am I doing wrong?
380
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,687
A-am I, am I not hot enough?
381
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,021
Am I not sexy enough?
382
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,524
Actually, Rebecca,
perhaps you're too sexy.
383
00:15:58,591 --> 00:15:59,525
What do you mean?
384
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,494
And thank you.
385
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:03,529
Well,
386
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:04,963
Sam is the type of person
387
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:07,566
for whom sex has always
been down and dirty.
388
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,835
Now that he's trying
to father a child,
389
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:12,438
dirty sex is the furthest
thing from his mind.
390
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:13,806
He wants it clean.
391
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,841
So what do I do?
392
00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:19,078
Well, don't act hot
and sexy, that's for sure.
393
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:22,481
Just keep reminding him
that he's making a baby.
394
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:25,984
The evening should be
sacred and holy.
395
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:28,721
That'll get his engine running.
396
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,923
I got it, Lilith.
Thank you so much.
397
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,658
All right.
398
00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:34,193
Who was that on
the phone, dear?
399
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:35,828
I was just
counseling Rebecca.
400
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,529
And I was counseling Sam.
401
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,999
Recreational versus
procreational sex?
402
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:41,166
Exactly.
403
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,435
They're so lucky to have us.
404
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,037
CARLA:
Woody!
405
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:46,338
We can't
breathe in here.
406
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:48,841
We need you to turn
on that stupid fan.
407
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,676
All right.
It's all ready to go.
408
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:52,945
All I gotta do
is throw a switch.
409
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:53,912
(switch clicks)
410
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,280
(fan running)
411
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,316
(yelling)
412
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,454
Woody!
413
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,690
(yelling)
414
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:06,358
Woody!
415
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,697
(knocking on door)
416
00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:13,098
Honey? Oh...
417
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,466
Thank God you're still here.
418
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,368
I'm sorry I ran out like that.
419
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:17,970
Sam, don't say
another word.
420
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,805
Everything's going
to be just fine.
421
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,978
Oh, yeah. Oh, this is hot.
422
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,980
Mmm...
423
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:32,351
With heat like this, you'll
fertilize my egg in no time.
424
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:34,653
Yeah, uh...
425
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:35,654
Anyway, anyway, uh...
426
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:36,922
Just... Why, I tell you,
427
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:40,025
you are looking
so sexy tonight.
Yeah...
428
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:43,028
I'm about to grow your
child inside my womb.
429
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,831
Hotcha, hotcha, hotcha.
430
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:49,001
And then I'll give
birth to a new life,
431
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:53,472
and you'll be there
to cut that cord.
432
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:56,275
Are you gonna be talking
like this all night?
You...
433
00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:59,645
You ain't heard nothing yet,
O, giver of life.
434
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,014
Giver....
Excuse. excuse me
just a second.
435
00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:03,315
Hang on.
What...
436
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,317
(mutters)
437
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:11,290
REBECCA:
What's going on
in there... Daddy?
438
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:12,624
Uh, I'll be right out, Mommy.
439
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,626
Uh, I mean... Mama.
440
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:16,495
Hello.
441
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:17,496
Norm.
Yeah.
442
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:18,897
Uh, what are you
doing there, man?
443
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,032
Uh, where's Woody?
444
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,634
(gagging)
He's otherwise engaged.
445
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:27,106
Well, uh, Norm, Norm,
let me, let me talk
446
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:28,107
to Frasier, will you?
447
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:29,808
Yeah... Frasier.
448
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:31,210
Sammy.
449
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:35,781
What is it, Sam?
450
00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:37,449
Listen. This is
not working, man.
451
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,118
(water running)
I'm thinking hot,
and all she keeps doing
452
00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:40,386
is talking
about mother and stuff.
453
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,388
You must keep it hot,
Sam. Trust me.
454
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:43,822
I'm trying. I'm trying.
455
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,991
Sam, where are you now?
456
00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:47,393
Uh, I'm in
the kitchen,
457
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,527
but don't worry.
She can't hear me.
458
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,562
I'm, uh, I'm running
the water here,
459
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,197
You can do that?
460
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:53,666
Whenever I hear water running,
461
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,868
it gives me the urge
to go to the bathroom.
462
00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,704
Well, thanks a lot, man.
463
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,806
In fact, just hearing it
now, over the phone...
464
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:03,942
Lilith, would you...?
465
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,613
Frasier!
466
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:08,981
Sam?
467
00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:11,383
Lilith.
468
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,618
Is everything all right?
469
00:19:12,686 --> 00:19:14,887
Uh, Yeah, sure. No, it's fine.
470
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,089
Let me talk to Rebecca.
471
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,891
Um, all right. Okay. Hold,
472
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,192
hold on a second, will you?
473
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:23,429
Yeah, it's for
you. It's Lilith.
474
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,697
Excuse me.
475
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:29,168
Lilith?
476
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,169
Yes?
477
00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:31,503
It's not working.
478
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,305
I've done everything
you've told me to do,
479
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:34,873
an-and he still has a problem.
480
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,743
Sounds to me like you're
still being too sexy.
481
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,111
Well, I don't know how...
482
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:42,214
You know, you are so kind.
483
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,183
Redouble your efforts.
484
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,518
You must remain wholesome,
no matter what.
485
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:47,720
Trust me.
486
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,021
I'll do my best.
487
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:50,689
All right.
488
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:56,428
All right, Rebecca,
489
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,731
That's it. No,
no more talking.
490
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,833
Just down and dirty
from here on out.
491
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,939
(both moaning passionately)
492
00:20:07,007 --> 00:20:08,340
Oh, Sam...
493
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,542
as long as we're down
here on our knees,
494
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:11,744
Yes?
495
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,013
I think we ought to
take this chance to...
496
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,682
thank God for the great gift
He's about to give us.
497
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:19,018
Oh... that's it.
498
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:20,152
I give up.
499
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,320
What's the matter?
500
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,355
How do you expect me
to get in the mood
501
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:25,024
when you're talking
about babies and cords
502
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,291
and God and stuff?
503
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,460
Well, I thought that's
what you wanted to hear.
504
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:30,696
Where did you get that idea?
Lilith.
505
00:20:30,764 --> 00:20:32,064
Lilith!
506
00:20:32,132 --> 00:20:33,699
You talked to
Lilith about us?
507
00:20:33,767 --> 00:20:35,034
Oh, come on,
I thought
508
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,036
this was just supposed
to be between you and me.
509
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,937
I can't believe you shared
this with somebody else.
510
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,507
Besides, Frasier said
we're supposed to act hot.
511
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,711
Sam...
512
00:20:45,779 --> 00:20:49,281
if you were having a problem,
why didn't you just tell me?
513
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:50,616
Well, no. Wait, wait.
514
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:52,284
Who said I was
having a problem?
515
00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:54,420
Well, weren't you?
516
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:55,621
Maybe.
517
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:58,090
Sam.
518
00:20:58,158 --> 00:20:59,224
Oh...
519
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:00,926
You could've done
both of us a favor
520
00:21:00,994 --> 00:21:02,661
if you had just told me
what I was doing wrong.
521
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,663
No. Oh, come on, you
weren't doing anything wrong.
522
00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:06,432
It wasn't you.
It was me.
523
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:08,667
I mean, I've had sex
millions of times,
524
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:11,003
but it's, it's never
had a purpose before.
525
00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:13,672
Well, that's not true.
526
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,808
It had a purpose, but, uh...
527
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,677
It didn't...
it didn't have a goal.
528
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,479
No, it had a goal.
It just...
529
00:21:20,547 --> 00:21:21,714
It's complicated.
530
00:21:21,815 --> 00:21:24,350
Sam, Sam, look. You
don't have to explain.
531
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:26,852
I just wish you'd been able
to talk to me, that's all.
532
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,787
Yeah, you're probably right.
533
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:30,656
I mean, if we can't
even talk to each other,
534
00:21:30,724 --> 00:21:32,157
what kind of parents
are we gonna make?
535
00:21:32,225 --> 00:21:34,259
Not very good ones.
536
00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:37,029
Sam, maybe we're
not ready for this.
537
00:21:38,031 --> 00:21:39,965
Maybe.
538
00:21:43,303 --> 00:21:44,837
Shoot.
539
00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:51,210
Well, uh... I guess
I'd better go, huh?
Okay.
540
00:21:52,946 --> 00:21:54,046
Are you sure you're okay?
541
00:21:54,114 --> 00:21:55,047
Yeah, I'm fine.
542
00:21:55,115 --> 00:21:56,248
You okay?
543
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:57,583
Oh, yeah.
544
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:02,488
# I am as helpless as a kitten
up a tree... #
545
00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:03,522
(both chuckle)
546
00:22:03,590 --> 00:22:04,790
How about that?
547
00:22:04,858 --> 00:22:06,191
Johnny Mathis.
548
00:22:06,259 --> 00:22:08,660
Say, I don't suppose your
neighbor is single, huh?
549
00:22:08,728 --> 00:22:11,363
Yes, he is.
Oh.
550
00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:12,664
# I can't understand #
551
00:22:12,732 --> 00:22:14,333
# I get misty... #
552
00:22:14,401 --> 00:22:15,668
Bye-bye.
553
00:22:15,735 --> 00:22:22,341
# Just holding your hand... #
554
00:22:22,409 --> 00:22:28,180
# Walk my way #
555
00:22:28,248 --> 00:22:34,019
# And a thousand violins
begin to play #
556
00:22:34,087 --> 00:22:36,021
# Or it might be the sound... #
557
00:22:45,098 --> 00:22:47,032
(moaning):
Oh, baby...
558
00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:49,368
Would you stop
saying that!
38394
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