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1
00:00:02,101 --> 00:00:04,419
(woody)cheers is filmed beforea live studio audience
2
00:00:04,487 --> 00:00:06,021
well, i've gotta run home
3
00:00:06,088 --> 00:00:07,588
and be a father
for about an hour.
4
00:00:07,690 --> 00:00:09,507
where's lilith?
5
00:00:09,575 --> 00:00:10,959
noted research psychologist
6
00:00:11,027 --> 00:00:13,494
dr. lilith sternin-crane
7
00:00:13,562 --> 00:00:14,762
has a singing lesson.
8
00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:16,531
lilith sings?
9
00:00:16,598 --> 00:00:18,416
well, it seems it's always
bothered my dear heart
10
00:00:18,484 --> 00:00:19,768
that she cannot sing.
11
00:00:19,835 --> 00:00:22,303
as if that were
her only character flaw.
12
00:00:22,371 --> 00:00:25,089
and now with the baby,
she'd like to be able
to sing him a lullaby
13
00:00:25,157 --> 00:00:28,827
without frightening
4 years of growth
out of him.
14
00:00:28,894 --> 00:00:30,829
don't put lilith down
for wanting to sing.
15
00:00:30,896 --> 00:00:31,930
i think it's cool.
16
00:00:31,997 --> 00:00:33,297
you do?
yeah.
17
00:00:33,365 --> 00:00:35,399
i remember when i was 14,
18
00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:37,201
i sang the lead
in my school choir.
19
00:00:37,269 --> 00:00:39,437
it was one of the
happiest times of my life.
20
00:00:39,505 --> 00:00:41,756
yeah, it made me
the most popular girl
in school.
21
00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:43,258
really?
22
00:00:43,325 --> 00:00:45,677
of course, i never
wore anything under my robe.
23
00:00:52,484 --> 00:00:54,536
� sometimes you want to go
24
00:00:54,604 --> 00:00:58,039
� where everybodyknows your name �
25
00:01:00,175 --> 00:01:04,646
� and they're alwaysglad you came �
26
00:01:04,714 --> 00:01:07,148
� you wanna bewhere you can see �
27
00:01:07,216 --> 00:01:09,884
� our troublesare all the same �
28
00:01:09,952 --> 00:01:13,722
� you wanna gowhere everybodyknows your name �
29
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,884
[seagulls cawing]
30
00:01:34,026 --> 00:01:35,460
(sam)
yo, woody!
31
00:01:35,528 --> 00:01:38,613
hey, rebecca left a message
for you about some
32
00:01:38,681 --> 00:01:40,132
terry who wants
to meet with you
33
00:01:40,199 --> 00:01:41,699
about an ad
in the paper.
34
00:01:41,767 --> 00:01:43,901
oh, yeah, i'm advertising
for a roommate.
35
00:01:43,969 --> 00:01:46,270
my landlord
just raised my rent.
36
00:01:46,338 --> 00:01:47,872
well, why don't you just move?
37
00:01:47,939 --> 00:01:49,574
are you kiddin'?
i love my neighborhood.
38
00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:51,342
it's so quiet there.
39
00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:53,961
especially since the gangs
started using silencers.
40
00:01:54,029 --> 00:01:55,380
huh?
41
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:59,383
hey, well,
a great neighborhood
just got even greater, huh?
42
00:01:59,451 --> 00:02:01,820
and you be careful
when you pick roommates now.
43
00:02:01,887 --> 00:02:03,521
being an old ballplayer,
44
00:02:03,589 --> 00:02:05,423
i'm kind of an expert
on this subject.
45
00:02:05,491 --> 00:02:08,192
the guys out there
who just wanna
stay up all night,
46
00:02:08,260 --> 00:02:10,428
play loud music,
bring the girls in
at all hours...
47
00:02:10,496 --> 00:02:14,065
now, these are the fun guys,
these are the guys you want.
48
00:02:16,869 --> 00:02:18,803
hi, is there
a woody boyd here?
49
00:02:18,871 --> 00:02:20,338
yes, ma'am.
what can i do for you?
50
00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:22,874
oh, woody. i'm terry gardner.
51
00:02:22,941 --> 00:02:25,326
i'm responding to your ad
for a roommate.
52
00:02:25,393 --> 00:02:27,462
oh, w-when i heard
the name terry,
53
00:02:27,530 --> 00:02:29,531
i automatically assumed
it was a guy.
54
00:02:29,598 --> 00:02:32,233
oh, well, if it bothers you
that i'm not a guy,
you know--
55
00:02:32,301 --> 00:02:36,438
no, no, no, no, no, don't go
having some big expensive
operation for me.
56
00:02:39,141 --> 00:02:41,609
no, i meant that
i would understand.
57
00:02:41,677 --> 00:02:42,710
oh, right.
58
00:02:42,778 --> 00:02:44,278
well, listen,
you came all this way,
59
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:45,513
why don't
you just sit down?
60
00:02:45,580 --> 00:02:48,549
i'd better hear you out.
ok.
61
00:02:48,617 --> 00:02:50,651
all right, well,
let me tell you
about myself.
62
00:02:50,719 --> 00:02:51,869
ok.
63
00:02:51,937 --> 00:02:53,538
i'm originally from indiana.
64
00:02:53,605 --> 00:02:56,241
i'm a dental assistant,
i love to cook.
65
00:02:56,308 --> 00:02:57,542
what else can i tell you?
66
00:02:57,609 --> 00:02:59,827
my daddy is a minister.
67
00:02:59,895 --> 00:03:01,312
will you excuse me
for a moment?
68
00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:02,480
sure.
69
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:06,150
hey, guys.
70
00:03:06,218 --> 00:03:07,218
yeah, yeah, yeah?
71
00:03:07,286 --> 00:03:09,487
she seems like
the perfect roommate.
72
00:03:09,555 --> 00:03:12,740
but i don't know, i mean,
the thought of havin'
a girl for a roommate...
73
00:03:12,808 --> 00:03:15,743
well, i got a real problem
with that.
74
00:03:15,811 --> 00:03:17,745
girlfriend wouldn't
understand, huh?
75
00:03:17,813 --> 00:03:19,564
hmm.
now i got 2 problems.
76
00:03:21,350 --> 00:03:24,169
oh, i get it, i get it.
your mom would disapprove.
77
00:03:24,236 --> 00:03:26,987
make that 3 problems.
78
00:03:27,055 --> 00:03:29,323
what, do you have
religious scruples?
79
00:03:29,391 --> 00:03:31,259
oh, great. 4 problems.
80
00:03:33,779 --> 00:03:35,847
what was your original
problem, woody?
81
00:03:35,914 --> 00:03:37,282
well, i like to
sit on the couch
82
00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:39,217
and leave the top button
of my pants undone
83
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:42,353
after a good frozen meal.
84
00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:44,572
(woody)
i mean, i--i don't think
kelly would mind.
85
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:45,674
if i'm not sleeping
with her,
86
00:03:45,741 --> 00:03:47,458
why would i be sleeping
with someone else?
87
00:03:47,526 --> 00:03:49,761
whoa, wait a minute.
88
00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:52,664
you've been goin' out
with kelly for over a year,
89
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,532
and you're not
sleeping with her?
90
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,868
of course not.
that's the sort of thing
you wait to do
91
00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:59,253
after you're married.
right, mr. peterson?
92
00:03:59,321 --> 00:04:01,539
oh, you keep
believing that, woody.
93
00:04:04,793 --> 00:04:06,827
all right,
i made up my mind.
94
00:04:09,314 --> 00:04:10,982
terry, you can move in.
95
00:04:11,049 --> 00:04:12,116
oh, great.
96
00:04:12,184 --> 00:04:14,486
all right,
here's an envelope.
97
00:04:14,553 --> 00:04:17,671
it has my address
and 3 keys in it.
98
00:04:17,673 --> 00:04:19,974
all right, one of the keys
is for the doorknob,
99
00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:21,543
one is
for the security bolt,
100
00:04:21,610 --> 00:04:22,944
and one is
for the deadbolt.
101
00:04:23,011 --> 00:04:24,379
you can never be
too careful.
102
00:04:24,447 --> 00:04:25,997
won't you need a key?
103
00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:27,314
no, i left the window open.
104
00:04:27,382 --> 00:04:28,382
oh.
105
00:04:30,285 --> 00:04:31,652
[gasps]
106
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:32,754
oh.
107
00:04:33,822 --> 00:04:35,690
oh. oh.
108
00:04:35,757 --> 00:04:37,959
what? what?
what are you looking at?
109
00:04:38,026 --> 00:04:41,096
it's robin colcord
and that little tramp
he's been seeing.
110
00:04:41,163 --> 00:04:43,098
oh, there's a picture
of you in the paper?
111
00:04:46,034 --> 00:04:47,519
no.
112
00:04:47,586 --> 00:04:49,854
it's that little
charge d'affaires from the french consulate.
113
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:52,924
rebecca, i must tell you,
this is not healthy
relationship you're in.
114
00:04:52,941 --> 00:04:55,009
i mean, stuck in a runoff
with another woman
115
00:04:55,011 --> 00:04:57,662
for robin colcord's
affections.
it's demeaning.
116
00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:59,597
although it's nothing
117
00:04:59,665 --> 00:05:01,131
compared to what i'd do
to have
this exquisite creature
118
00:05:01,199 --> 00:05:02,467
grind her heel
into my forehead.
119
00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:03,868
my god!
120
00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:06,937
wow, look at that.
121
00:05:07,005 --> 00:05:09,040
boy, i've never seen
anything quite like that.
122
00:05:09,107 --> 00:05:11,559
come on, now.
how hot could she be?
123
00:05:12,861 --> 00:05:14,962
[sobbing]
124
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:17,332
oh, give me that.
125
00:05:17,399 --> 00:05:19,667
you guys, she's not
that good-lookin'.
126
00:05:19,735 --> 00:05:21,736
oh, no. i'll show you
how good-lookin' she is.
127
00:05:21,803 --> 00:05:24,689
barry. barry,
what do you think
of this babe?
128
00:05:25,490 --> 00:05:26,858
i'd switch.
129
00:05:31,363 --> 00:05:32,897
i hate her.
130
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,165
i wish she was dead.
131
00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,367
what is she doing here?
this is my town.
132
00:05:36,435 --> 00:05:39,670
jean-marie is here
for some franco-american
trade celebration.
133
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:42,107
all of boston's elite
is gonna be there.
134
00:05:42,174 --> 00:05:44,109
plus one frog slut.
135
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:47,912
jean-marie.
136
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:51,816
oh, the name just glides
off the tongue.
137
00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,685
of course, i hope
it doesn't do that tonight
138
00:05:53,752 --> 00:05:55,603
when i'm in the rack
with lilith.
139
00:05:59,307 --> 00:06:01,592
jean-marie. i don't think
that's such a hot name.
140
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:02,760
i think it's stupid.
141
00:06:02,828 --> 00:06:05,029
it sounds like it's french
for jan murray.
142
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:09,467
well, the french,
they consider jan murray
143
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:12,437
the greatest comic genius
of the 20th century.
144
00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:15,589
no, they say that
about jerry lewis.
145
00:06:15,657 --> 00:06:18,193
well, they're wrong.
it's jan murray.
146
00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:21,562
i wish i could go
to that ball tonight
147
00:06:21,630 --> 00:06:23,281
and see her in action.
148
00:06:23,348 --> 00:06:27,085
see what robin thinks
is so damn special about her.
149
00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:29,087
i'd love to be
a fly on the wall.
150
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,455
love to be a fly
on the ceiling.
151
00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:33,858
what's the difference?
152
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,393
better view
of those cha-chas.
153
00:06:38,513 --> 00:06:40,030
wait a minute.
154
00:06:40,098 --> 00:06:41,699
why don't you go
to that ball tonight?
155
00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:42,834
no, i--
yes, yes, yes, yes.
156
00:06:42,901 --> 00:06:44,034
you go to the ball tonight,
157
00:06:44,102 --> 00:06:46,020
and then you come back
and you report to me.
158
00:06:46,088 --> 00:06:47,105
here, wait. here, wait.
159
00:06:47,172 --> 00:06:48,572
[cash register rings]
you take this money,
160
00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:50,108
and you buy yourself
a ticket,
161
00:06:50,175 --> 00:06:52,176
and then you come back here
and you report to me
162
00:06:52,244 --> 00:06:53,645
and tell me everything
about her.
163
00:06:53,712 --> 00:06:55,146
no, i don't think
i should do that.
164
00:06:55,213 --> 00:06:57,515
look, i am not asking you
to sacrifice anything.
165
00:06:57,582 --> 00:07:00,118
you get to go out,
dress up,
have a great meal,
166
00:07:00,185 --> 00:07:02,586
and meet a beautiful
french tramp.
167
00:07:04,289 --> 00:07:05,890
all right, all right,
i'm gonna do it.
168
00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:09,093
but i'm just doin' this
purely out of friendship.
169
00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:11,362
you know somethin'?
170
00:07:11,429 --> 00:07:13,798
it doesn't feel half bad.
171
00:07:13,866 --> 00:07:15,933
you know, for once,
i think i'm doing something
172
00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:18,236
that's not just for
my own selfish pleasure.
173
00:07:18,303 --> 00:07:19,737
it's kind of like, uh...
174
00:07:19,804 --> 00:07:22,106
it's like i'm doin' it
for a higher purpose.
175
00:07:22,174 --> 00:07:24,308
yeah, i'm kind of like that,
uh, that old nun.
176
00:07:24,376 --> 00:07:26,344
what's that babe's name?
177
00:07:27,596 --> 00:07:29,664
mother teresa?
yeah, right.
178
00:07:35,838 --> 00:07:37,021
hey, guys.
179
00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:38,790
(man)
hey, sammo.
sam.
180
00:07:38,857 --> 00:07:40,325
sam, uh, did you see,
did you see
jean-marie last night?
181
00:07:40,392 --> 00:07:41,859
what was she like?
182
00:07:41,927 --> 00:07:43,394
[chuckles]
oh, rebecca,
183
00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:47,164
thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you,
thank you.
184
00:07:47,232 --> 00:07:49,400
quit thanking me
and just give me details.
185
00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:52,153
uh, there are no details.
186
00:07:52,220 --> 00:07:55,189
well, she did kind of
detail me, i guess.
187
00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:56,291
(rebecca)
what?
188
00:07:56,358 --> 00:07:57,858
[all exclaiming]
189
00:07:57,926 --> 00:07:59,877
you slept with her?
190
00:07:59,944 --> 00:08:01,996
oh, get real.
who could sleep
with all that sex going on?
191
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,864
[all cheering]
192
00:08:03,933 --> 00:08:05,967
(rebecca)
you pig!
193
00:08:06,035 --> 00:08:07,635
how was she?
194
00:08:07,703 --> 00:08:09,771
was she good
or was she bad?
195
00:08:09,838 --> 00:08:11,038
please tell me
she was bad.
196
00:08:11,106 --> 00:08:12,607
well, let me put it
to you this way.
197
00:08:12,675 --> 00:08:14,642
imagine all
the nuclear warheads
in the world
198
00:08:14,710 --> 00:08:16,010
goin' off
all at the same time,
199
00:08:16,077 --> 00:08:18,279
exactly when
the sun explodes.
200
00:08:19,848 --> 00:08:21,499
yeah?
201
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:22,550
big deal.
202
00:08:22,618 --> 00:08:24,702
oh, oh.
203
00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:27,521
so what did she do with--
that was so special?
204
00:08:27,589 --> 00:08:30,558
i mean,
i know a lot of things.
205
00:08:30,625 --> 00:08:32,126
honey,
she's a little beyond
206
00:08:32,194 --> 00:08:33,928
the ann landers'
petting guide.
207
00:08:36,165 --> 00:08:37,765
so what was it
that she did?
208
00:08:37,833 --> 00:08:39,767
um, i don't--
i don't think i can,
209
00:08:39,835 --> 00:08:42,403
you know,
tell you exactly
what she did
210
00:08:42,504 --> 00:08:44,889
or how or when
211
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:46,925
you know, i suppose
i could show you.
212
00:08:46,992 --> 00:08:48,175
oh, god.
what?
213
00:08:48,243 --> 00:08:49,344
forget it.
214
00:08:49,411 --> 00:08:51,078
i am sure i'm going
to go to bed with you
215
00:08:51,146 --> 00:08:53,881
so i can see how
some stupid french girl
makes love.
216
00:08:53,949 --> 00:08:55,716
hey, i was just thinking
about you, you know.
217
00:08:55,783 --> 00:08:57,818
or maybe i could pass on
a few secrets of
218
00:08:57,886 --> 00:09:00,287
what made it
the most incredible night
of sex i've ever had.
219
00:09:00,355 --> 00:09:02,423
and remember,
i was a ball player.
220
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:05,893
oh, sammy, come on,
now, come on.
221
00:09:05,961 --> 00:09:07,628
tell us the rest
of the stuff, huh?
222
00:09:07,695 --> 00:09:08,562
oh, i-- i'm sorry, guys.
223
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:10,064
actually
i never met jean-marie.
224
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:12,233
the water main broke
in the grand ballroom.
225
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,701
they canceled
the whole party.
226
00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:17,738
wait a second now.
227
00:09:17,806 --> 00:09:19,340
you--you just made up
all that sex stuff?
228
00:09:19,408 --> 00:09:20,324
[chuckling]
yeah.
229
00:09:20,392 --> 00:09:22,510
(cliff)
sam.
230
00:09:22,577 --> 00:09:25,396
sam, all the other sex stuff
that you told us all,
you know, through the years,
231
00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:27,431
that's all true, right?
oh, sure, sure, sure.
232
00:09:30,902 --> 00:09:35,673
because our--our lives
pretty much revolve
around those stories.
233
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:37,191
i--i know that, fellas.
i know.
234
00:09:37,258 --> 00:09:39,193
(carla)
you know, i just
wanna know one thing.
235
00:09:39,261 --> 00:09:41,929
if none of this
hot sex stuff
with jean-marie
236
00:09:41,997 --> 00:09:43,097
ever really happened,
237
00:09:43,164 --> 00:09:45,867
then why are you torturing
rebecca with it?
238
00:09:45,934 --> 00:09:48,403
gee, knowing me,
there must be some reason.
239
00:09:48,470 --> 00:09:49,970
oh, he's got a reason.
240
00:09:50,038 --> 00:09:51,338
[cheering]
241
00:09:51,407 --> 00:09:52,956
here it comes,
here it comes, here it--
242
00:09:53,024 --> 00:09:54,391
i don't suppose
it could be
243
00:09:54,459 --> 00:09:57,762
that i know
how insecure rebecca feels
about her sexuality,
244
00:09:57,829 --> 00:10:01,165
or--or how inferior she feels
to this jean-marie girl,
245
00:10:01,232 --> 00:10:05,536
or--or to what lengths
she might go to acquire,
246
00:10:05,603 --> 00:10:09,339
how shall i say this,
uh, french lessons
from monsieur sammy?
247
00:10:10,341 --> 00:10:12,442
[norm and cliff exclaiming]
248
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,348
you know, sam,
i've seen you try
some pretty inane things
249
00:10:17,415 --> 00:10:19,217
to seduce rebecca.
250
00:10:19,284 --> 00:10:20,985
but this one
doesn't even have
a toehold on reality.
251
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:23,504
i mean, do you really think
she's that insecure
about robin's affections
252
00:10:23,572 --> 00:10:25,406
that she would actually
go to bed with you
253
00:10:25,474 --> 00:10:28,743
just to learn jean-marie's
erotic secrets, hmm?
254
00:10:28,811 --> 00:10:30,244
sam.
(sam)
hmm.
255
00:10:30,312 --> 00:10:33,114
could i see you
in my office privately?
256
00:10:33,181 --> 00:10:34,599
sure, honey.
257
00:10:34,666 --> 00:10:36,117
[people chattering]
258
00:10:39,822 --> 00:10:41,906
oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
way off base.
259
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,176
gentlemen,
260
00:10:45,243 --> 00:10:48,813
i think sammy company
is about to invade france.
261
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:53,383
�[all singing
la marseillaise]
262
00:11:13,521 --> 00:11:14,689
hi.
hi.
263
00:11:17,592 --> 00:11:20,561
sam, i never thought
it would come to this.
264
00:11:20,628 --> 00:11:23,931
now i see that i'm gonna
have to eat crow
265
00:11:23,998 --> 00:11:27,000
and ask something
that i never thought
i'd have to ask.
266
00:11:27,068 --> 00:11:29,002
especially of you.
267
00:11:29,070 --> 00:11:30,955
don't say another word,
rebecca.
268
00:11:31,022 --> 00:11:32,656
i'll order more vermouth
right away.
269
00:11:32,724 --> 00:11:33,958
no, sam,
it's not that.
270
00:11:34,025 --> 00:11:35,326
oh, something else?
271
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:38,129
something of a more
personal nature, perhaps?
272
00:11:38,847 --> 00:11:40,231
mmm-hmm.
273
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,932
you're gonna make me
ask you this, aren't you?
274
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,133
yeah.
275
00:11:44,469 --> 00:11:45,536
all right, fine.
276
00:11:45,603 --> 00:11:46,837
i, um...
277
00:11:48,606 --> 00:11:51,309
i want to be as good
in bed as jean-marie.
278
00:11:51,376 --> 00:11:52,476
are we out of vermouth?
279
00:11:52,544 --> 00:11:53,627
no.
280
00:11:55,229 --> 00:11:56,847
all right, class,
so you want to learn
281
00:11:56,915 --> 00:12:00,017
all about the wonderful
art of love, eh?
282
00:12:00,085 --> 00:12:01,185
[clears throat]
283
00:12:01,253 --> 00:12:04,154
now, you're gonna need
lab partners for this. hmm?
284
00:12:04,222 --> 00:12:05,672
there's an odd number
of you.
285
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:07,674
i guess the professor's
gonna have to participate.
286
00:12:07,742 --> 00:12:10,378
sam, be serious.
come on, this means
a lot to me.
287
00:12:10,445 --> 00:12:12,380
all right, all right,
all right.
288
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:14,131
just tell me.
289
00:12:14,199 --> 00:12:15,482
what was the first thing
she did
290
00:12:15,550 --> 00:12:17,551
when you got
into her bedroom?
291
00:12:17,619 --> 00:12:19,603
actually, we never
got to the bedroom.
292
00:12:19,671 --> 00:12:22,306
you did it in the hall?
293
00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:24,324
no. what kind of woman
do you think she is?
294
00:12:24,392 --> 00:12:26,244
we did it in the elevator.
295
00:12:26,311 --> 00:12:27,711
the elevator?
296
00:12:27,779 --> 00:12:31,315
yeah. i mean,
i was afraid at first, myself,
297
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:33,817
being in a public place
like that, but she was--
298
00:12:33,885 --> 00:12:35,753
but she was so insistent.
299
00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:38,138
she said the danger
would heighten
the excitement of it all.
300
00:12:38,206 --> 00:12:39,906
she kept
whispering in my ear
301
00:12:39,974 --> 00:12:41,875
and saying
we could be discovered
at any second.
302
00:12:41,943 --> 00:12:42,909
[sighing]
303
00:12:42,977 --> 00:12:44,278
amazing stuff.
304
00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:47,013
i mean, at first,
you know, i was against it.
305
00:12:47,081 --> 00:12:48,849
"it" being the rail.
306
00:12:53,571 --> 00:12:54,771
but then, uh,
307
00:12:54,839 --> 00:12:57,308
then, before i knew
what was happening, she, uh,
308
00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:59,310
she took this scarf
from around her hair,
309
00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:01,778
and she--she, uh,
wrapped it around my wrist
310
00:13:01,846 --> 00:13:03,381
[chuckling]
and tied me to the rail.
311
00:13:03,448 --> 00:13:05,016
oh.
312
00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:08,252
i said,
"hey, what are you doin'?"
she just-- she just laughed.
313
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,588
i tell you. i've never felt
so powerless and in control
314
00:13:11,656 --> 00:13:13,624
at the same time.
315
00:13:13,691 --> 00:13:14,958
wow.
yeah.
316
00:13:15,727 --> 00:13:18,029
then she leaned in closer
317
00:13:18,796 --> 00:13:19,830
and we started to--
318
00:13:19,898 --> 00:13:22,332
miss howe,
we're out of vermouth.
319
00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:27,221
no, we're not, woody.
get out of here, man.
320
00:13:27,289 --> 00:13:28,856
well, where is it, sam?
321
00:13:28,924 --> 00:13:30,825
the matinee just let out,
and there's a busload
of old ladies
322
00:13:30,892 --> 00:13:33,110
screaming for martinis.
323
00:13:33,177 --> 00:13:34,929
wood, there's a--
there's a case of it
324
00:13:34,996 --> 00:13:38,015
on the 2nd shelf
in the storeroom, all right?
325
00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:41,469
ladies, put the mailman down.
326
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:44,288
sam, you were right.
this isn't gonna work.
yes, no--
327
00:13:44,355 --> 00:13:46,073
no, you have to show me.
328
00:13:47,075 --> 00:13:48,942
what?
329
00:13:49,010 --> 00:13:51,011
i love robin and i need him.
330
00:13:51,079 --> 00:13:52,746
and i'll do anything
to keep him.
331
00:13:52,814 --> 00:13:55,649
oh, yeah.
i need to be as good in bed
as that french girl or better.
332
00:13:55,717 --> 00:13:56,984
i need to experience
everything
333
00:13:57,051 --> 00:13:58,486
just the way you
and jean-marie did.
334
00:13:58,553 --> 00:14:00,220
in the hotel, the scarf,
335
00:14:00,288 --> 00:14:01,655
the elevator.
the elevator?
336
00:14:01,723 --> 00:14:04,992
yes! that's the only way
i'm gonna learn, i guess.
337
00:14:05,059 --> 00:14:07,260
i am going to get my car.
now?
338
00:14:07,328 --> 00:14:08,996
ok, maybe we should
think this over.
339
00:14:09,063 --> 00:14:11,481
no, no, no. thinking is bad.
go, go, go, go.
340
00:14:12,417 --> 00:14:13,784
thank you, sam. thank you.
341
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:15,419
you're welcome.
you're welcome.
342
00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:17,905
ooh. oh, god--
343
00:14:17,973 --> 00:14:19,306
[exclaims]
344
00:14:21,326 --> 00:14:22,460
did she fall for it?
345
00:14:22,527 --> 00:14:23,543
hook, line, and
346
00:14:23,611 --> 00:14:26,564
[clicking tongue]
sammy.
347
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:28,766
i don't know.
do you believe this?
348
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,618
did you ever think
this day would come?
349
00:14:30,685 --> 00:14:33,053
as a matter of fact,
i, uh, never had
any doubt here, carla.
350
00:14:33,121 --> 00:14:35,188
behold this sealed envelope.
351
00:14:35,256 --> 00:14:38,258
will you please open it
and read the contents?
352
00:14:38,326 --> 00:14:39,560
mmm-hmm.
353
00:14:41,596 --> 00:14:44,532
"i, sam malone,
will sleep with rebecca howe
354
00:14:44,599 --> 00:14:47,635
on the night
of april 19th, 1990."
355
00:14:47,702 --> 00:14:49,503
when did you write this?
356
00:14:49,505 --> 00:14:51,722
this morning.
i write a new one every day.
357
00:14:57,912 --> 00:14:59,229
[people chattering]
358
00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:02,099
woody, i'll have
a cup of java
359
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,001
and an iced tea for--
360
00:15:04,068 --> 00:15:08,639
what did you say
your name was again?
uh, liza minnelli?
361
00:15:08,707 --> 00:15:11,175
(lilith)
why all this resentment
over my singing lessons?
362
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,026
is it jealousy
over my desire
363
00:15:13,094 --> 00:15:15,262
to strengthen
the mother-child bond?
true.
364
00:15:15,329 --> 00:15:17,581
reluctance to part
with even a few hours
365
00:15:17,649 --> 00:15:20,551
of your precious freedom,
or is it merely
that you're a jerk?
366
00:15:22,387 --> 00:15:23,553
(cliff)
hey, look at this, normie.
367
00:15:23,621 --> 00:15:26,323
yes.
it's the, uh, nightingale.
368
00:15:26,391 --> 00:15:28,959
you told them
about my singing?
369
00:15:29,027 --> 00:15:33,830
well, everyone was asking
why my hair was falling out
in clumps. yes.
370
00:15:33,898 --> 00:15:37,434
so, uh, ahem, how are
the, uh, singing lessons
coming, huh?
371
00:15:37,502 --> 00:15:39,203
just fine, thank you.
oh, yeah?
372
00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:41,038
oh, now, lilith,
you're being too modest.
373
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,073
they're going
splendidly.
374
00:15:43,141 --> 00:15:45,042
why just this afternoon
lilith received
375
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:47,011
a romantic proposition
from a young moose.
376
00:15:47,078 --> 00:15:49,380
oh.
yeah.
377
00:15:49,447 --> 00:15:51,648
from, uh, northern quebec,
wasn't it, dear?
378
00:15:51,716 --> 00:15:53,950
i mean, you were
pointed in that direction,
weren't you?
379
00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:55,052
[cliff braying]
380
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,686
jest if you will,
381
00:15:56,754 --> 00:15:58,622
but it takes a certain
amount of courage
382
00:15:58,689 --> 00:16:01,158
to expose one's inner soul
through vocalization.
383
00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:03,427
especially
with that ahooga horn
you call a voice.
384
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:06,263
[all laughing]
oh, now, stop it,
all of you!
385
00:16:06,331 --> 00:16:07,464
i've had enough of this.
386
00:16:07,532 --> 00:16:09,033
you don't know
how well i sing.
387
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,867
you've never
even heard me.
388
00:16:10,935 --> 00:16:12,936
well, you should give us
a little demonstration there,
lilith.
389
00:16:13,004 --> 00:16:15,005
[laughing]
do you think
i am ashamed?
390
00:16:15,073 --> 00:16:17,240
you want this opportunity
to make more fun of me?
391
00:16:17,308 --> 00:16:19,877
we were hoping, yeah.
392
00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:21,879
well,
i rise to your challenge.
393
00:16:21,947 --> 00:16:23,547
what's with the...
394
00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:26,349
i'm going to sing
frederick's favorite song
395
00:16:26,417 --> 00:16:28,552
hmm.
made famous by al jolson.
396
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:29,720
we ain't heard
nothin' yet.
397
00:16:29,788 --> 00:16:31,288
[all laughing]
398
00:16:32,874 --> 00:16:36,093
� when there are
gray skies �
399
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,663
� i don't mind
the gray skies �
400
00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:43,500
� you make them blue,
sonny boy �
401
00:16:46,003 --> 00:16:49,506
� friends may forsake me
402
00:16:49,574 --> 00:16:52,943
� let them all
forsake me �
403
00:16:53,010 --> 00:16:57,281
� you'll pull us through,
sonny boy �
404
00:16:59,117 --> 00:17:02,269
� you're sent
from heaven �
405
00:17:02,337 --> 00:17:05,572
� and i know your worth
i'm gonna go
give my ma a call.
406
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,258
� you've made a heaven
407
00:17:08,326 --> 00:17:11,979
� for me
right here on earth �
408
00:17:12,047 --> 00:17:13,080
yeah, i think i...
409
00:17:13,148 --> 00:17:16,616
� when i'm old
and gray, dear �
410
00:17:16,684 --> 00:17:20,087
this is beautiful.
� promise you won't
stray, dear �
411
00:17:20,155 --> 00:17:21,872
i'm gonna send my ma
some flowers.
412
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:23,741
� i love you so
413
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:27,377
� sonny boy
i'm going to go rent
the jazz singer.
414
00:17:31,399 --> 00:17:35,269
lilith, i apologize.
that was just lovely.
415
00:17:35,337 --> 00:17:39,106
i've never heard your voice
filled with such tenderness
and emotion.
416
00:17:39,174 --> 00:17:42,442
why--
why have you never
sung to me like that?
417
00:17:42,510 --> 00:17:45,579
because your breath
doesn't smell like cookies.
418
00:17:48,516 --> 00:17:50,768
no, ma, cliff--
cliff clavin.
419
00:17:51,703 --> 00:17:52,770
hey, woody.
420
00:17:52,837 --> 00:17:54,538
hey, terry,
what are you doin' here?
421
00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:57,407
i just wanted
to give you back your keys.
i'm moving out.
422
00:17:57,475 --> 00:17:59,126
what's the matter?
what did i do?
423
00:17:59,193 --> 00:18:01,194
nothing. you couldn't have
been a better roommate.
424
00:18:01,262 --> 00:18:04,298
you left me alone,
which is just what i needed.
i had time to think.
425
00:18:04,365 --> 00:18:07,267
i've decided i am going
back to my husband.
426
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:08,568
husband?
427
00:18:08,636 --> 00:18:10,137
yeah, we had a big fight
yesterday.
428
00:18:10,204 --> 00:18:11,604
i needed someplace to stay.
429
00:18:11,672 --> 00:18:14,107
see, we were arguing again
over his over his awful temper
430
00:18:14,175 --> 00:18:17,244
and his fits of crazy,
jealous rage.
431
00:18:17,312 --> 00:18:19,712
but we worked it all out.
432
00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:24,267
by the way, woody,
he wants to meet the guy
i spent the night with.
433
00:18:24,335 --> 00:18:27,170
oh, well,
god, i'd love to,
but i, uh...
434
00:18:27,238 --> 00:18:28,639
you know, this is my break,
435
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:30,608
and i usually like to
spend this time
436
00:18:30,675 --> 00:18:32,676
running as fast as i can.
437
00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:36,881
woody?
438
00:18:36,948 --> 00:18:38,315
woody boyd.
439
00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:39,800
cutter gardner.
440
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:43,904
oh, you know my husband.
i'll go wait in the truck.
441
00:18:43,972 --> 00:18:46,539
hey, woody, i heard
you moved out here
and became a bartender.
442
00:18:46,608 --> 00:18:48,041
is that true?
yeah.
443
00:18:48,109 --> 00:18:49,910
[chuckles]
we didn't believe it.
yeah.
444
00:18:49,978 --> 00:18:52,212
somebody's daddy
owes me $5.
445
00:18:52,279 --> 00:18:54,280
oh, you're in great shape.
you still workin' out?
446
00:18:54,348 --> 00:18:55,916
oh, yeah.
447
00:18:55,984 --> 00:18:58,969
you know, this guy
once lifted a tractor
off a guy's leg.
448
00:18:59,037 --> 00:18:59,970
wow.
449
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,088
and put it on his throat.
450
00:19:01,155 --> 00:19:02,923
[chuckles]
451
00:19:02,991 --> 00:19:06,243
well, uh, i'd like to spend
all day here
chewing the fat with you,
452
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:09,146
but, uh, i gotta find
the guy who spent
last night with my wife.
453
00:19:09,213 --> 00:19:11,515
just bash in his brains.
454
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:13,467
do you know who it is?
455
00:19:15,503 --> 00:19:17,904
mr. clavin,
we're still friends and all
but run.
456
00:19:17,973 --> 00:19:19,006
what?
that's him!
457
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,507
no! no! no!
458
00:19:20,575 --> 00:19:22,676
no! no! no!!
459
00:19:30,151 --> 00:19:32,302
[elevator bell dings]
460
00:19:32,369 --> 00:19:34,104
[people chattering]
461
00:19:43,114 --> 00:19:44,315
so this is the elevator?
462
00:19:44,382 --> 00:19:47,918
oh, yeah. yeah,
the ecstasy express.
463
00:19:47,986 --> 00:19:51,388
so, uh,
what floor you want to be
stranded between here?
464
00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:52,789
where were you
with jean-marie?
465
00:19:52,857 --> 00:19:54,224
who? oh. uh...
466
00:19:54,292 --> 00:19:57,127
we were, uh, somewhere
by the, uh, penthouse area.
467
00:19:57,195 --> 00:19:59,330
and we worked our way down.
well.
468
00:19:59,797 --> 00:20:01,131
penthouse.
469
00:20:02,233 --> 00:20:03,400
what'd you do on the way up?
470
00:20:03,468 --> 00:20:04,768
oh.
471
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,337
a lot of this.
472
00:20:08,706 --> 00:20:10,507
[elevator bell dings]
473
00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:16,613
[elevator bell dings]
474
00:20:26,607 --> 00:20:27,658
hi.
475
00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:31,862
hey, kid.
476
00:20:31,996 --> 00:20:33,113
what floor you going to?
477
00:20:33,181 --> 00:20:34,681
the penthouse.
478
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:36,516
oh, yeah?
479
00:20:36,584 --> 00:20:38,135
[elevator bell dings]
480
00:20:38,203 --> 00:20:40,754
yeah, look, here's $5.
walk up, will you?
481
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:42,122
but it's 40 floors.
482
00:20:42,189 --> 00:20:43,557
yeah, you're young.
go on.
483
00:20:45,176 --> 00:20:46,226
[sighing]
484
00:20:46,293 --> 00:20:47,293
so, where were we?
485
00:20:47,361 --> 00:20:48,361
[chuckling]
486
00:20:48,429 --> 00:20:50,463
boy, you're really are
into this, aren't you?
487
00:20:50,531 --> 00:20:53,433
what do you say
i make sure we don't get
interrupted again, here?
488
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:55,035
ok.
489
00:20:55,103 --> 00:20:57,771
so, uh, when do you want me
to do that thing
where i tie your wrists up?
490
00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:59,773
oh, we--we don't have to do
that scarf thing.
491
00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:01,775
why don't we just,
uh, pretend?
492
00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:04,244
well, if you wanna pretend,
why don't i just go home?
493
00:21:04,311 --> 00:21:05,779
no, no.
here. here. oh.
494
00:21:07,215 --> 00:21:09,182
all right, i hope
i can remember this, ok.
495
00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:10,516
right, over left,
496
00:21:10,584 --> 00:21:12,986
and under and around.
497
00:21:13,054 --> 00:21:15,255
actually, the under
and around part comes later.
498
00:21:15,322 --> 00:21:16,890
ah.
499
00:21:16,958 --> 00:21:18,491
all right,
i put it back here.
500
00:21:18,559 --> 00:21:20,593
i've never done
anything like this before.
501
00:21:20,661 --> 00:21:22,729
uh, a little snug there, eh?
502
00:21:22,797 --> 00:21:24,798
oh, i'm sorry.
503
00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,800
i'm never going to be
as good as jean-marie.
504
00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:30,270
no, no. oh, shh,
don't--don't say that.
snug is good.
505
00:21:30,337 --> 00:21:31,437
ok.
yeah.
506
00:21:31,505 --> 00:21:33,106
oh, snug's very good.
507
00:21:33,174 --> 00:21:34,775
oh, good.
ok, then what did she do?
what did she do?
508
00:21:34,842 --> 00:21:35,909
loosen up some clothes?
509
00:21:35,977 --> 00:21:37,610
yeah, lots of that.
lots of that.
510
00:21:37,678 --> 00:21:39,679
ok, then you go first,
all right?
511
00:21:39,747 --> 00:21:40,814
[muttering]
512
00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:42,249
[chuckling]
513
00:21:42,984 --> 00:21:45,152
oh!
oh.
514
00:21:45,219 --> 00:21:47,720
oh, i see how this
could be exciting.
515
00:21:47,789 --> 00:21:48,855
oh.
516
00:21:48,923 --> 00:21:51,124
ok, i've got it.
i've got it.
wait, the pants.
517
00:21:51,192 --> 00:21:52,292
that's good.
518
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:53,393
all right.
519
00:21:53,460 --> 00:21:55,528
oh, yes. this is good.
520
00:21:56,563 --> 00:21:57,630
yeah!
521
00:21:57,698 --> 00:21:59,933
now, this is
just fantastic.
522
00:22:00,001 --> 00:22:02,568
now, you go, you go.
523
00:22:02,636 --> 00:22:03,970
you want me to go?
524
00:22:04,038 --> 00:22:06,206
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
ok, bye.
525
00:22:06,274 --> 00:22:07,240
see you tomorrow.
526
00:22:07,308 --> 00:22:08,408
wait.
527
00:22:09,610 --> 00:22:11,311
what--what do you mean?
what are you doin'?
528
00:22:11,378 --> 00:22:14,098
i mean that i know
about the water pipe.
529
00:22:14,165 --> 00:22:16,166
and i know about jean-marie.
530
00:22:16,234 --> 00:22:18,501
and i know
that the only reason
you asked me here
531
00:22:18,569 --> 00:22:20,971
was so that you could
play elevator.
532
00:22:21,422 --> 00:22:22,689
[sighing]
533
00:22:26,427 --> 00:22:28,544
how did you find out
about the water pipe?
534
00:22:28,612 --> 00:22:29,780
it was in the newspaper.
535
00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:31,181
oh, shoot!
536
00:22:33,568 --> 00:22:35,268
just when i thought
you were being my friend,
537
00:22:35,336 --> 00:22:36,936
you go and do something
sleazy like this.
538
00:22:37,004 --> 00:22:38,488
aren't you ashamed
of yourself?
539
00:22:38,556 --> 00:22:40,173
oh, yeah, honey. i'm...
540
00:22:40,241 --> 00:22:43,326
oh, i'm so very ashamed. i...
541
00:22:43,394 --> 00:22:45,779
i've learned my lesson.
i really have.
542
00:22:45,847 --> 00:22:47,581
could you untie me, please?
543
00:22:48,449 --> 00:22:49,482
please?
544
00:22:49,551 --> 00:22:50,584
the knot's too tight.
545
00:22:50,652 --> 00:22:52,252
[elevator bell dings]
546
00:22:52,319 --> 00:22:54,971
maybe there's some sailor
in the lobby
who can untie it for you.
547
00:22:55,039 --> 00:22:56,089
reb...
548
00:22:56,157 --> 00:22:57,657
hey, hey, hey!
549
00:23:04,181 --> 00:23:05,898
[elevator bell dings]
550
00:23:13,858 --> 00:23:16,476
hey. that's the man
who pushed me.
551
00:23:19,196 --> 00:23:21,364
give me my $5 back,
will you?
40346
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